Morbid Podcast: Episode Revisit — Santa’s Dark Helpers

Hosts: Ash Kelley & Alaina Urquhart
Release Date: December 22, 2025

Episode Overview

In this mischievously festive mini-episode, Ash and Alaina unravel the twisted world of Santa’s sinister sidekicks—creepy figures from European holiday folklore constructed to terrify children into good behavior. Swapping stories, laughs, and a little dark humor, the duo highlights the macabre origins and eccentric traditions surrounding Santa’s “dark helpers”: Krampus, Yule Cat, Frau Perchta, the Yule Lads, and more. The episode delivers a heavy dose of research laced with irreverent banter, showing how the winter holidays are far spookier—and more metal—outside the United States.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Creepy Christmas Traditions Around the World

• Theme: Many European holiday legends are rooted in pagan or early Christian traditions focused on scaring kids into behaving.

• “Europe has some scary ass Christmas traditions…teaching kids to be good or they're gonna be disemboweled or eaten or beaten with branches.”
  — Mike, 03:03

• US traditions protect children from fear, while European ones lean into scaring the naughty into submission.

  • Ash: "That's why American kids are just such assholes. We don't get scared into not being assholes." (03:37)
  • Mike: "We don't have enough demons ... to scare our kids." (03:42)

2. Krampus — The OG Christmas Demon

[05:12–14:10]

• Origins: Stemming from pre-Germanic paganism, Krampus literally means “claw” and is depicted as the son of Hel, the Norse underworld goddess.

  • Banned by the church multiple times for being “basically the devil,” but Krampus persisted.
  • Visually: Half-goat, half-demon, with a forked long tongue, one human foot, one cloven hoof.
  • Gold-painted birch branches (miniature “switches”) are hung in homes to remind kids to behave all year.

• Traditions:

  • Krampusnacht (December 5th): People dress as Krampus and literally beat bystanders with branches.
  • “They mainly go for your legs and your shins, but they literally beat your legs and shins with branches and they will chase you into places...this is legit.” — Mike, 11:39
  • Modern reforms: Krampuses sometimes must wear numbers for identification in case of excessive violence.
  • "Krampus number 612 hit me in the face with that branch." — Ashley, 12:02
  • Day after (December 6th, Nikolaustag): Good kids get gifts, bad kids get twigs.

• Punishment for Naughty Children:

  • Krampus stuffs children in a sack, beats them, and may drown them or take them to hell.
    • “He’s going to take these kids … stuff them in a sack … and either take them to hell or dump them in a body of water along the way to drown their asses.” — Mike, 09:06
    • Ashley, dismayed: "He stuffs them in a sack. Yeah, that's fucked up." (09:57)
  • Iconography: Always appears with chains, a tongue out, and seems to be enjoying himself a bit too much.
    • “He always looks pretty stoked, though.” — Ashley, 13:47

3. Yule Cat (Jólakötturinn) — The Fashion-Conscious Man-Eater

[14:09–22:33, 20:38–22:33]

• Origins: Icelandic lore, relatively new (19th century).
• Legend:
  • Yule Cat eats people who don't get new clothes for Christmas (a motivation for hard work and charity).
  • “Yule cat will eat you. Feral.” — Mike, 14:49
  • A poem about Yule Cat encourages giving clothes to the needy (so they won’t be eaten).
  • “Be nice to the less fortunate or you’ll be eaten by a cat.” — Ashley, 16:47
• Physical Traits:
  • Giant, terrifying, yellow eyes, sharp teeth.
  • “It's like a Dolce & Gabbana fisher cat from hell ... Joan Rivers reincarnated in cat form from hell.” — Ashley & Mike, 21:37–21:58
• Relation: Lives with the ogress Grýla and the Yule Lads (see below).

4. Frau Perchta — The Christmas Butcher

[22:33–30:16]

• Origins & Legends:
  • Eastern European (popularized by the Brothers Grimm).
  • Flies with “an army of lost souls,” often the souls of unbaptized children.
  • Descriptions range from Krampus-like to a crone with an iron beak-nose and mismatched feet (a sign she's a shapeshifter).
• Punishments:
  • She checks your home during the 12 days of Christmas.
  • “If you're not awesome, she will disembowel you and replace your organs with hot garbage … or rocks and straw.” — Mike, 25:26, 29:07
  • Cuts children’s tongues with glass if they lie.
  • If you don’t finish spinning your flax before Twelfth Night or your house is dirty, she’ll burn your loom or gut you.
• Rewards: A silver coin in your shoe if you behave or finish your chores.

Memorable Banter:

• “Would you rather be disemboweled and filled with hot garbage or with rocks and straw?” (29:07)
• “There is no 'please' in Perchta.” — Ashley, 30:16

5. Grýla, the Yule Lads & Iceland's Child-Eating Family

[30:16–41:56]

• Grýla (Mother Ogre):
  • Predates the Yule Lads; described as an ogress who cooks and eats disobedient children.
  • Mother of 13 Yule Lads (and, in legend, as many as 72 children) and owner of the Yule Cat.
  • “You don't need to be eating other people’s kids. You could probably just eat some of your own.” — Ashley, 45:25
• The Yule Lads (Jólasveinarnir):
  • Formerly malicious, now mostly pranksters—one visits each of the 13 nights before Christmas.
  • Children leave shoes on windowsills for treats (good kids) or rotten potatoes (bad kids).
  • Distinct personalities, e.g.:
    • Sheep Cote Clod: Suckles sheep in barns
    • Stubby: Steals food from pans
    • Spoon Licker: Licks spoons
    • Pot Scraper: Steals/licks unwashed pots
    • Door Slammer: Slams doors at night
    • Meat Hook: Snatches smoked meats
    • Candle Beggar: Steals candles
    • “These are all my personality traits.” — Ashley, 41:18
  • Scaring kids with Yule Lads banned in 1746 due to the psychological toll.

6. Other Spooky Christmas Figures

[41:56–54:18]

• Ash’s Picks:
  • Belsnickel: A ragged German figure who carries both candies and a switch; children must choose between a reward and the threat of a beating.
    • “If you’re a little shit, he’s gonna hit you with the switch. And if you want candy, he'll give you some.” — Ashley, 46:48
  • Hans Trapp: In Alsace and Lorraine, a scarecrow-clad excommunicated nobleman who preys on children, struck dead by lightning as he attempts to eat a boy, but still appears as a scarecrow to scare kids into good behavior.
  • Père Fouettard (“Father Whipper”): A butcher who killed children, reanimated by St. Nick, and now serves as his punisher-in-chief—delivering beatings instead of gifts.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On American Christmas vs. European Christmas:

  • “America has kind of made Christmas ... super chill ... and then over in Europe, they're, like, keeping things metal as fuck.” — Mike, 55:23

• When the Krampus run turns real:

  • “They literally beat bystanders … chase you into places … mainly go for your legs and your shins." — Mike, 11:39
  • “Krampus number 53 was the one who struck my shins.” — Ashley, 12:10

• On the Yule Cat’s legacy:

  • “It’s Joan Rivers reincarnated in cat form from hell.” — Ashley, 21:49

• On Frau Perchta’s punishments:

  • “If you're not awesome, she will disembowel you and replace your organs with hot garbage.” — Mike, 25:26
  • "Would you rather be disemboweled and filled with hot garbage or would you rather be disemboweled and filled with rocks and straw?" — Ashley, 29:07

• On the Yule Lads’ quirkiness:

  • “These are all my personality traits.” — Ashley, 41:21

• On Grýla's excessive brood:

  • “You don't need to be eating other people's kids. You could probably just eat some of your own. You have, like, 70 to spare.” — Ashley, 45:33

Timestamps for Important Segments

• (03:00–05:10): Introduction to the episode theme: scary European Christmas traditions
• (05:12–14:10): Krampus origins, practices, and modern celebrations
• (14:33–22:33, 20:38–22:33): The Yule Cat and the importance of new clothes
• (22:33–30:16): Frau Perchta, disemboweling, and house inspections
• (30:16–41:56): The Yule Lads and Grýla—the Icelandic Christmas monster family
• (41:56–54:18): Ash’s contributions—Belsnickel, Hans Trapp, Père Fouettard
• (54:18–end): Reflections, American holiday contrast, calls for international listener stories

Tone & Language

• Informal, irreverent, playful, and decidedly “Morbid.”
• Frequent asides, punning, and inside jokes (e.g., “That’s metal,” “Same,” “These are all my personalities”).
• Hosts engage in relatable, banter-filled debates about which punishment is preferable and how to pronounce Norse/Icelandic names—inviting corrections from listeners.
• Want to connect with international listeners for even more chilling holiday lore.

Conclusion

This mini-episode is a wild ride through the darkest shadows lurking behind yuletide cheer, blending historical research with the hosts’ signature kooky commentary. Ash and Alaina celebrate the metal, macabre side of European Christmas, contrasting it to the sanitized, commercialized US version. If Krampus, Frau Perchta, and the Yule Cat don’t keep you up at night—or at least make you want to buy new socks for Christmas—nothing will.

Listener invitation:
The hosts urge international fans to share their own weird holiday tales.

“We hope you keep it weird…and have a happy New Year!”