Ep. 32 -I Cut Ties with My Mom for 4 Years… Walking Through Forgiveness

Summary

More Than Reality with Adam and Danielle Busby
Episode 32: "I Cut Ties with My Mom for 4 Years… Walking Through Forgiveness"
Release Date: May 8, 2025

---

In Episode 32 of "More Than Reality", hosts Adam and Danielle Busby delve deep into the profound journey of forgiveness, particularly focusing on Danielle's personal experience of severing ties with her mother for four years. This heartfelt episode not only explores the complexities of familial relationships but also offers listeners valuable insights into the transformative power of forgiveness.

1. Setting the Stage

The episode begins with Danielle opening up about unspoken pain and the burden she carried due to her strained relationship with her mother. She candidly shares,

"I've never spoken about this ever, ever. But because this has been weighing on me for like, last couple weeks, I feel like it's okay to really, like, open up about this and be real." ([01:01])

2. Navigating a Busy Family Life

Adam and Danielle discuss the challenges of maintaining personal relationships amidst their hectic family life, especially with Adam's frequent travels. They highlight the importance of balancing "girl time" and "guy time," emphasizing that maintaining individual friendships is crucial for personal growth and marital harmony.

"If there's something that he does with guys, like, the water went down the wrong hole, if there's something that your husband enjoys doing, I think it's important that they have time at least monthly to do that." ([20:26])

3. The Central Theme: Forgiveness

The core of the episode revolves around forgiveness. Danielle introduces the topic by reflecting on her attendance at a women’s retreat, where forgiveness became a pivotal theme for her.

"I'm going to talk about forgiveness and not just like, I'm sorry, like a true peaceful forgiveness with you and the Lord, like what, how different that is, what that means and what it can do for you to truly allow yourself to forgive." ([28:22])

3.1 Understanding True Forgiveness

Danielle shares her personal struggle with forgiving her mother, acknowledging the complexity and depth of her emotions. She explains how unresolved issues can fester and affect other relationships, including her marriage and interactions with her sisters.

"When you are hurting from unforgiveness, it doesn't just affect maybe a relationship. If you're in some state of unforgiveness, it's probably with someone, and that's going to disrupt or bring a level of change within the relationship." ([29:16])

3.2 Steps to Achieve Forgiveness

Adam and Danielle outline a five-step process to effective forgiveness:

1. Naming the Pain: Acknowledge and identify the hurtful experiences.

   "It's a process and you got to work on it daily." ([60:54])

2. Honesty About Hurt: Be truthful about what caused the pain without minimizing it.

   "Things are hurtful, things were never addressed, and we just didn't deal with it." ([38:20])

3. Praying for the Other Person: Seek spiritual guidance and pray for the well-being of the person who caused the hurt, independent of their acknowledgment or apology.

   "The third step is just. Just constantly praying for that. Pray for that person. Not because they deserve it, but because your heart does." ([61:36])

4. Setting Boundaries: Establish healthy boundaries to protect oneself while still forgiving.

   "Forgiveness doesn't mean that, like, oh, you know, in this scenario, I've forgiven, like, let's let her come over tomorrow." ([61:48])

5. Speaking it Out Loud: Vocalize the act of forgiveness to reinforce the commitment to let go of resentment.

   "Just to hear yourself say it as well. I mean, I mean, even just like, whenever, you know, I'm struggling with something, and sometimes you just need to get things out and hear yourself say it." ([62:10])

4. Danielle’s Personal Journey

Danielle recounts her decision to distance herself from her mother four years ago, a move that was essential for her emotional and spiritual healing. She explains how therapy sessions with her sisters unveiled the depth of their dysfunctional relationships, which she previously hadn't fully comprehended.

"Growing up and all the relationships with my mom, like, it never really realized how dysfunctional things were until I've overcome forgiveness." ([38:22])

She emphasizes that forgiveness was not about excusing her mother's behavior but about freeing herself from the lingering pain and bitterness that hindered her personal growth.

"I just let God come into that space of, like, healing. That's where I stopped expecting my mom to fix the hurt that she's caused me. And I just went to Jesus with it, you know, and it's like, freedom." ([58:27])

5. The Impact on Relationships and Mental Health

Adam adds that holding onto unforgiveness can have far-reaching effects beyond the immediate relationship, impacting one's overall mental and emotional well-being.

"Forgiveness is freedom. I mean, it's not a sign of weakness, honestly. Like, forgiveness is a sign of strength, being able to do that and own it and not let resentment and bitterness define you and own you." ([64:32])

6. Encouraging Community and Sharing

Throughout the episode, Adam and Danielle encourage their listeners to engage with the podcast community by sharing their own stories of forgiveness. They highlight the therapeutic value of sharing and hearing others' experiences, fostering a supportive environment for healing.

"If you have gone through something and have a powerful story or meaningful story about forgiveness, leave it in the comments." ([66:33])

7. Conclusion

In wrapping up, Danielle reiterates the importance of not harboring anger, fear, or resentment. She encourages listeners to lean into prayer, seek support from their communities, and embrace the transformational journey of forgiveness.

"Forgiveness doesn't have to be the person to person. Those hurts can never be. There's a lot of things that human cannot understand or not repair, but Christ can because he forgives us daily." ([64:32])

Adam closes the episode by reinforcing that forgiveness is a journey toward personal freedom and emotional liberation.

"Forgiveness is freedom. It’s not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength." ([64:32])

Key Takeaways

• Forgiveness is a Journey: True forgiveness involves recognizing and naming the pain, seeking spiritual healing, and setting healthy boundaries.
• Personal Growth: Letting go of resentment leads to emotional freedom and better relationships.
• Community Support: Sharing and listening to others' experiences can aid in the healing process.
• Spiritual Guidance: Incorporating faith and prayer can provide strength and clarity in the path to forgiveness.

Notable Quotes

• "I've never spoken about this ever, ever. But because this has been weighing on me for like, last couple weeks, I feel like it's okay to really, like, open up about this and be real." — Danielle Busby ([01:01])

• "Forgiveness is freedom. It’s not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength." — Adam Busby ([64:32])

• "If you have gone through something and have a powerful story or meaningful story about forgiveness, leave it in the comments." — Danielle Busby ([66:33])

---

This episode serves as a profound exploration of forgiveness, illustrating how confronting and healing from past hurts can lead to personal peace and stronger, healthier relationships. Adam and Danielle provide both a personal narrative and practical steps, offering listeners a roadmap to navigate their own journeys of forgiveness.

Transcript

[Regain Couples Therapy]

This is an ad by Regain couples therapy. Let's be honest, loving your partner doesn't mean you always like them. And guess what? That's normal. Regain offers couples therapy that's flexible, affordable, and 100% online. Whether you're reconnecting or working through conflict, Regain is here to support you both. See why people wish they'd try couples therapy sooner? Visit regain.com couplespod to get 10% off your first month. That's regain.com couplespod this is an ad by Regain Couples Therapy and features real testimonials.

[Testimonial Speaker 1]

This was our first time trying therapy, and honestly, it was long overdue. Looking back, we just wish we had started sooner.

[Regain Couples Therapy]

Regain's qualified therapists help couples when they can't get there on their own.

[Andrea]

We thought it was intimacy issues, but Andrea helped us uncover a deeper root cause we hadn't even realized was there.

[Regain Couples Therapy]

Visit regain.com couplespod to get 10% off your first month couples therapy. That works.

[Danielle Busby]

You know, kind of shared a little bit about relationship or like what life was with my mom. There was a lot of unspoken pain that I did not realize that I was holding on to. I've never spoken about this ever, ever. But. But because this has been weighing on me for like, last couple things, last couple weeks, I feel like it's okay to really, like, open up about this and be real. I hate to use the word abuse because it's so. It's. It's. It's a hard, hard word.

[Andrea]

This is more. More Than Reality podcast, where we dive into all things faith, family, and marriage and share that there is so much more than the reality that you see on the surface. Welcome to More Than Reality with Adam and Danielle Busby.

[Danielle Busby]

Hey, y'.

[Adam Busby]

All. Oh, my gosh.

[Danielle Busby]

That's kind of a joke. Do you hear that, like, little. What do you call that intro jingle. It's a jingle I hear and I'm just like, yes, we're gonna have therapy. That's how I feel when I hear.

[Adam Busby]

I'm like, how it's gonna feel today.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah, man.

[Adam Busby]

This is episode 32.

[Danielle Busby]

Is it really imperative that we say.

[Adam Busby]

The number more than reality podcast? Yeah.

[Danielle Busby]

Okay. Just asking.

[Adam Busby]

I mean, cuz some like, on podcast platforms and stuff, somebody, someone may just like get fed a podcast.

[Danielle Busby]

This is the first one they're listening to. They'll be like, oh, 30. There's 32 more amazing episodes.

[Adam Busby]

I'm gonna go back and binge.

[Danielle Busby]

Okay.

[Adam Busby]

O the bus piece.

[Danielle Busby]

I like it.

[Adam Busby]

You gotta, you gotta mention, hey, remember this is.

[Danielle Busby]

We're doing connect Card this week because we did it last week, and I'm just. We're doing it.

[Adam Busby]

This was. This was week one of May.

[Danielle Busby]

Adam's also known as whirlwind single parenting.

[Adam Busby]

Whirlwind IndyCar month. And I don't know, for me, it's. It's a blast. But yes, I know. It's so difficult for the ladies who.

[Danielle Busby]

Are listening out there. Basically, ladies, no, you don't have to be single. You just have to actually. If you're not single, it's actually more. More valuable because if you're a mom, you'll relate to this. That I. The husband's traveling a lot, which I'm excited for him. He loves it. He needs guy time. It's work, it's play. It's all the things that I love to do when I go out with my girl times. But it's like, what, once a year, Something like this. He packs it all in one month, and it's a lot of fun. But. But I'm becoming this. I like this month. I'm more like the solo parenting.

[Adam Busby]

But half the time, I'm taking you with me.

[Danielle Busby]

Oh, I said it stays clean whenever.

[Adam Busby]

I'm here by myself, too, though.

[Danielle Busby]

That's because when you don't come out.

[Adam Busby]

To dinner, stay out of the house, girls. Let's stay out of the house.

[Danielle Busby]

You're, like, out of school. We go to a park. I don't care if it's rain. And we're going to eat at a restaurant, and then we're going to come and take a bath and go to bed.

[Adam Busby]

Yeah. House stays clean that way.

[Danielle Busby]

It does stay. It does. It does stay clean.

[Adam Busby]

But this. This month, it's a little bit different than previous years. Danielle's actually going to come with me for half the time.

[Danielle Busby]

What?

[Adam Busby]

Yeah, I was gone this week, but then next week, you and all the.

[Danielle Busby]

Kids are coming up for this weekend. Yeah.

[Adam Busby]

And then I go back for a week.

[Danielle Busby]

I'm already exhausted.

[Adam Busby]

And then you come back with me for the Indy 500, so you get to experience, like.

[Danielle Busby]

What am I going to experience?

[Adam Busby]

It's the freaking Indy 500.

[Danielle Busby]

Is that like going to Justin Timberlake concert single?

[Adam Busby]

I mean, you got to think about this guy.

[Danielle Busby]

This is.

[Adam Busby]

It's the single largest sporting event in the world. I mean, there's like 400,000 people in this one place.

[Danielle Busby]

Can we get Manny Rob to come that weekend? Forgot we're recording, but they're just a couple hours away. Do it.

[Adam Busby]

Let's see.

[Danielle Busby]

It's the biggest sporting event in the world.

[Adam Busby]

Yeah, I mean there's nothing like it. I mean all the people basically like the just patriotism they have. Especially like the pre race like whenever all the cars are down on the grid, I mean they have it tuned to like an art and it just gives you chills.

[Danielle Busby]

Why?

[Adam Busby]

Just because like all like the patriotic stuff that goes on and the national anthem, it's usually sung by somebody really famous.

[Danielle Busby]

And then I'm just gonna do it this year.

[Adam Busby]

I don't know yet. We honestly we usually don't know until like the week before if it's someone.

[Danielle Busby]

Named Timberlake or Bieber probably like but they should get beaver there.

[Adam Busby]

And then they got the flyover and stuff and they just get you. Just get you. It's.

[Danielle Busby]

And that is different.

[Adam Busby]

So we get there especially on the day which you're going to Love this on Indy 500 race.

[Danielle Busby]

I will not be getting up at 5am to go anywhere. Well not.

[Adam Busby]

You have to.

[Danielle Busby]

No.

[Adam Busby]

So we get to the track pre dawn and we get to the.

[Danielle Busby]

There's no way Cory's getting there that early too.

[Adam Busby]

Then maybe you and Cory can ride together. But we will. I will be there pre dawn.

[Danielle Busby]

I'm not going.

[Adam Busby]

Cuz it's the coolest thing because there's all these people that like they stay there in RVs and stuff around the campgrounds, around the track and at 6am they start shooting off cannons and fireworks to wake everybody up. And then it just comes over the loudspeaker.

[Danielle Busby]

Wake up. It's race day for like the people staying like in campus.

[Adam Busby]

It's like their wake up call. It's cool.

[Regain Couples Therapy]

This is an ad by Regain Couples Therapy. Let's be honest, loving your partner doesn't mean you always like them. And guess what? They that's normal. Regain, powered by BetterHelp, offers couples therapy that's flexible, affordable and 100% online. Whether you're reconnecting or working through conflict, Regain is here to support you both. See why people wish they'd tried couples therapy sooner? Visit regain.com couplespod to get 10% off your first month. That's regain.com couplespod this is an ad by Regain Couples Therapy and features real testimonials.

[Testimonial Speaker 1]

This was our first time trying therapy and honestly, it was long overdue. Looking back, we just wish we had started sooner.

[Regain Couples Therapy]

Regain's qualified therapists help couples when they can't get there on their own.

[Andrea]

We thought it was intimacy issues, but Andrea helped us uncover a deeper root cause we hadn't even realized was there.

[Regain Couples Therapy]

Visit regain.com couplespod to get 10% off your first month. Regain powered by betterhelp that's a long.

[Adam Busby]

It's an experience.

[Danielle Busby]

I mean, usually if it's like 4:35, I wake up to pee and then I'm like, yes, I can have time to go back to bed. But if it's at closer to six.

[Adam Busby]

I'm like, race day, dude.

[Danielle Busby]

I need to write that out.

[Adam Busby]

You need to work that out.

[Danielle Busby]

What time?

[Adam Busby]

So I actually just had a conversation.

[Danielle Busby]

I did order me a cute shirt though.

[Adam Busby]

Jeremy Vulo. I invited him and Ginger to come. He's very interested. He was looking at flights, so hopefully that'll work. Don't know yet. But they would be flying in. It would be flying. They're taking the flight that he found. They'd be taking a flight out at 11:00pm in LA.

[Danielle Busby]

Oh, like the.

[Adam Busby]

And it gets. It gets to Indianapolis at 3:00am so.

[Danielle Busby]

They'Re just going to the track.

[Adam Busby]

Just come straight to the track, meet you there. I'll come pick you up in a golf cart.

[Danielle Busby]

They're so nice.

[Adam Busby]

I mean, what else are they gonna do?

[Danielle Busby]

So hold up, hold up. You're gonna go pick up someone who's flying in, but you won't.

[Adam Busby]

You can't. No, you. You just. 400, 000 people converging on one spot. You can't leave.

[Danielle Busby]

Seems like a lot of people.

[Adam Busby]

You can't leave and come back in. It's just, it's. It's too hard to get in.

[Danielle Busby]

Can you like drone me over?

[Adam Busby]

There are helicopters.

[Danielle Busby]

Okay.

[Adam Busby]

We need to talk to a bit about.

[Danielle Busby]

I'll take it.

[Adam Busby]

The last three years, we're like, next year we're taking the helicopter. Helicopter. We're renting a helicopter right in, but I doubt it. It's pretty pricey.

[Danielle Busby]

Well, I know. We'll see that pin go.

[Adam Busby]

Hey, remember. Remember last year you missed helicopter. But there is a lot of people that helicopter in the.

[Danielle Busby]

Cool people.

[Adam Busby]

Kyle Larson is doing the double header. So he's doing the IndyCar race and the NASCAR race on the same day. Last year the weather was crappy and the race kept getting pushed back and there was like red flag where all the cars had to stop because they can't run this track. The cars are running so fast that you can't run. It's not like a street course where you can run like shredded tires and like rain tires because this track, it's an oval, so the cars are pretty much running wide open as fast as they can around this thing. They barely let off the gas the whole time. Like, way faster than F1. And any F1 people out there, it's faster. And so they're. They're traveling like 230ish miles an hour.

[Danielle Busby]

Whoa.

[Adam Busby]

So you just can't. You can't. You can't. You can't drive in the rain, dude.

[Danielle Busby]

You wouldn't be able to see.

[Adam Busby]

So. But last year, he. He almost missed NASCAR race because the indie race ended so late. And so he flew on a helicopter out just to make it.

[Danielle Busby]

But it's cool.

[Adam Busby]

Crazy. Yeah. Last weekend we. We were in Barber Motorsports park and Our driver, Scott McLaughlin took third place. The last two years. The last two years he's won that race. And so high expectations. I mean, obviously it's pretty hard to win three races in a row. He was on the podium. It was super fun experience. We had a blast. Weather was a little iffy. Qualifying day rainy, like all day. It was hard. They had to. They had to qualify on.

[Danielle Busby]

I don't understand all these races. And actually, actually, I'm so confused because, like, if you get to the Indy 500 and you win, you don't win the whole.

[Adam Busby]

So it's like a lot of the drivers, A lot of the drivers, it's like, it's twofold. Like, there's. There's the. There's the season championship, which is all the races combined. They add up your points and you win the championship. But the Indy 500 is its own animal, and it pretty much carries every bit as much weight as, like, winning the championship. So it's a big deal to win the Indy 500. Just.

[Danielle Busby]

Is that a Levi shirt you're wearing? No, because I'm not listening. Because I was like, we both have your shirt on.

[Adam Busby]

And this has my shirt.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah, this is poncho. Oh, this one has pearl snaps on it. I was like, oh, we have the same shirt on.

[Adam Busby]

You have Miley Rice.

[Danielle Busby]

I know it's now mine, though, because I wear it all the time.

[Adam Busby]

And I'm like, oh, I wanted to wear that. Whatever you have, like, but it's in the dirty clothes. It's like girls that wear their boyfriend or husband's hoodie all the time. Daniel takes my blue jean shirt. Yeah, it's like her jacket.

[Danielle Busby]

You have too many.

[Adam Busby]

All right, let's do some connect cards and then we'll get started into a fun conversation.

[Danielle Busby]

So I always think Adam, like, pre looks at these cards. So I have no idea what these questions because I just took some new ones out the box. I discarded what was Left. And I. And I picked out some new ones, so.

[Adam Busby]

Okay.

[Danielle Busby]

Pick one. Not the top one. I don't know what it is. I promise. Spicy. Come on.

[Adam Busby]

Is. Is there a side of you that you think I haven't experienced yet?

[Danielle Busby]

Are you asking me, Is there a side of me you haven't experienced yet? I mean, it's 20 years. Like, what? I don't think so.

[Adam Busby]

Pretty much seen it all.

[Danielle Busby]

Like. Yeah. I mean, I don't. That's kind of a boring question for people who've been together for a long time. I feel like you've seen it all. I don't think there's a different side of me that you don't know. That would be weird.

[Adam Busby]

I would hope. Yeah. I'd hope there wouldn't be, like, some other Daniel that I haven't experienced yet.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah. After half of our life together, is there.

[Adam Busby]

Are you living a double life?

[Danielle Busby]

Not that I know of. Do you want me to have something. Experience that? Something that. What was it? Whatever. The question was, why did she take something right now? Yeah, that was that. Like, that question was kind of. I'll do this one for you. What do you value most in friendship? I want to do a friendship podcast, too. Like a topic. What do you value most in friendships? What do you value most about our friendship? So it's a twofer.

[Adam Busby]

Wow.

[Danielle Busby]

What do you value most in friendship?

[Adam Busby]

Value most in friendship is just somebody that's just real that you can. I don't know, you just can be real with, like, somebody. I feel like the. The sign of a true friend is, like, somebody that doesn't care about either coming into your house when it's messy or, I mean, because, like, we have friends that are, like, all walks of life. I mean, some friends that are, like, insanely wealthy, and then, you know, others that are more like us and. And so. But. But all of, like, our, you know, close friends, there's just people that you can just act and be normal with and. And just be open and real and honest and just not have to worry about, like, oh, what are they gonna think if I bring this up? Or whatever.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah.

[Adam Busby]

And, you know, that's just truly the sign of a. A good friend.

[Danielle Busby]

So you.

[Adam Busby]

Somebody. Somebody that, like, reaches. Reaches out to me because I'm not that great about that, is just, like, reaching out, and I'll just get, like, sidetracked with, like, life and work and everything going on, and then, you know, have really awesome friends that just, like, will just randomly text me and. And stuff like that. And so that's great.

[Danielle Busby]

What do you value most about our friendship?

[Adam Busby]

I think just that we share so much, like, interest, like, stuff that we enjoy together. You know, it's not hard to, you know, to go and have a good time. Like, we're both, like, ultra competitive. We're both. We both, like, love to go outdoors and, like, we love nature and stuff. And so. And we. We just share so many of those common interests that, you know, it just makes things fun and easy and relaxed and. Yeah, I mean, I think that's what I mean. Even. Even back whenever we were dating. I mean, whenever we first started dating, Daniel was, like, the guy's girl, and she just, like, enjoyed other than, like, all the car stuff. But.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah. Which is ironic that we're back in the car stuff. Like, it's a different car stuff.

[Adam Busby]

Yeah. I mean, even just, like, Daniel, like, was so, like, easy, easily adaptable to just, like, hanging out doing guy stuff. Or, like, we would just, like, hang out and, like, watch movies or hang out and just like. Or play video games. Like, was that because I never came.

[Danielle Busby]

Across somebody who could chug a beer? What do you call that shot? What do you call that?

[Adam Busby]

Shotgun.

[Danielle Busby]

Shotgun. A beer. I not always win. You're like, that's sexy.

[Adam Busby]

I can't even do that. I don't even know if I've ever tried to shotgun a beer.

[Danielle Busby]

Speaking of that, that was at the 8th grade dance after thing. It. Not beers. Sprite. Oh, my God, that burns.

[Adam Busby]

I was out of town and what happened?

[Danielle Busby]

No, no. After the eighth grade dance and we were all at the neighbors down the street, they're like, all the cans of Sprite are getting shot. It's like, that burns. Like, I could feel that burning inside all that carp.

[Adam Busby]

I can just feel the burp combination.

[Danielle Busby]

I'm like, yeah, you're about to burp real loud, but don't do beer.

[Adam Busby]

That's why I've never even, like, been interested in shotgunning anything.

[Danielle Busby]

Dude, that's.

[Adam Busby]

I'm kind of gassy. I meant, like, out my mouth gassy.

[Danielle Busby]

Wow. Wow.

[Adam Busby]

I did. Like, I have acid reflux and, like, so, like, I just.

[Regain Couples Therapy]

This is an ad by Regain Couples Therapy and features real testimonials.

[Testimonial Speaker 1]

This was our first time trying therapy, and honestly, it was long overdue. Looking back, we just wish we had started sooner.

[Regain Couples Therapy]

Regain's qualified therapists help couples when they can't get there on their own.

[Andrea]

We thought it was intimacy issues, but Andrea helped us uncover a deeper root cause we hadn't even realized was there.

[Regain Couples Therapy]

Visit regain.com couplespod to get 10% off your first month Regain powered by BetterHelp this is an ad by Regain couples therapy and features real testimonials.

[Testimonial Speaker 1]

This was our first time trying therapy, and honestly, it was long overdue. Looking back, we just wish we had started sooner.

[Regain Couples Therapy]

Regain's qualified therapists help couples when they can't get there on their own.

[Andrea]

We thought it was intimacy issues, but Andrea helped us uncover a deeper root cause we hadn't even realized was there.

[Regain Couples Therapy]

Visit regain.com couplespod to get 10% off your first month regain couples therapy. That works.

[Adam Busby]

It made me burp. I feel like a lot.

[Danielle Busby]

You're. You're really giving your old age.

[Adam Busby]

Like, yeah, I'm real gassy.

[Danielle Busby]

I can't shotgun a beer.

[Adam Busby]

Gassy and lactose intolerant snores. Yeah, guys, I've peaked. It's on downhill from here.

[Danielle Busby]

I'm a lot of fun. And you like realness with friendships and being real. And I need to ask Corley if we can have the helicopter.

[Adam Busby]

That's gonna happen, Daniel, so you're gonna have to wake up.

[Danielle Busby]

Okay. So let's see. Like, yeah. So Adam, his travel is traveling a lot this week. There's days. It's really weird. Like, it's really weird. Like, I know, like, something that fulfills me or, like, replenishes me is when I am. I just had this conversation, too. Like, girl time, guy time. How valuable and important it is to remember that we, too, are friends and, like, a woman and, like, a friend, like the girlfriends and you are a man, and you have man friends. So the man friends. And that it's important to still hold on to those friendships and to make time for those friendships, because doing life together with couples is amazing and great, but it's different when you do guys together and girls together. And so, really, lately, I've been getting a lot of brain fog and, like, what was I talking about? I have no idea. So that's exactly what just happened. Now. What was I talking about?

[Adam Busby]

Importance of, like, friendships and girl girlfriends and guy friends.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah.

[Adam Busby]

And getting away and having that time because it's different.

[Danielle Busby]

Glad you're here and listening. So this month, obviously, I know, like, the month of May, like, Adam's gone a lot, and there's part of me that's, like, it's a lot. It's a lot because it's consistent.

[Adam Busby]

It's a lot for me, too. I mean, like, I was just talking to Blake about that earlier whenever I picked her up from school, and I was like, man, Because I'm home for, like three or four days, having to pack in, like, so much stuff like, each day of, like, stuff that I gotta get done. Appointments, meetings, functions, like, work functions and stuff like that. And I got to pack them all in for the week in like, three days. And then it's just like, boop, on a plane, off again. So it's just. It's a lot.

[Danielle Busby]

It is a lot on the other side, too. But that's what I was saying is that, like, I know that. I know that Adam enjoys doing this. In this month, though, it's a little bit different than our regular monthly schedule. It's a lot of fun. He has a lot of joy doing it, and it's a lot of guy time, which he kind of. Almost all that kind of, like, flows in at one month versus me. I'm like, I need something every quarter. Like, I'll take it four times a year, and you take it four times in one month. But it's good. I mean, like, it's. It makes a different dynamic at home, which is a little bit weird, but also enjoyable for, like, a little bit of change. But then it's not reality. And then you don't want it to stay like that because then you're like, wow, this sucks. Doing this alone. Or like, all those. All those things. But more than anything, I think it's important to allow your spouse to find joy and to still maintain joys that he has without you being in every single thing. So, like, if there's something that he does with guys, like, the water went down the wrong hole, if there's something that your husband enjoys doing, I think it's important that they have time at least monthly to do that. Just like I would. I mean, it's. We don't always get what we want. Did you know that, guys, what you want? Did you know that you don't always get what you want? No matter what, how old you are, you don't always get what you want. But you know, it. I would love to have girlfriend. Dinner time or ladies over tea, huh?

[Adam Busby]

You did while I was gone when, like, Corey was over here almost every night.

[Danielle Busby]

That's not the same thing. That was. We're getting our kids together because our solo parenting. So we're like, our kids will entertain each other and you. We sit down for five seconds and then sit something, and then five and then something. You can't really carry on a conversation and, like, really make it end. But anyways. So it is a weird, like, long month of, like, Adam Traveling and stuff. But it's good. Like, I know it's. This isn't normal. Like, we do this. It's, like, once a year. And he owes me a lot of date nights and a lot of, like, spa times and a lot of, like, all the things vacation I know he's planning and, like, amazing Mother's Day and, like, amazing anniversary. He's already thinking about my birthday in December. Were you not listening?

[Adam Busby]

No. Spaced out. Sorry.

[Danielle Busby]

Go figure. Anyways, we're gonna talk about forgiveness. We're talking about forgiveness this episode. I'm gonna forgive Adam for ignoring me just in the last 40 seconds of me telling him about all the things he's going to plan for me because he loves me so much. And to our sponsor for this episode, Cozy Earth. There is no better sheets and pajamas than Cozy Earth in this Mother's Day. Spoil that mother. Spoil your wife if she's a mom. Actually spoil your mom.

[Adam Busby]

That mom.

[Danielle Busby]

What do you mean, that mom? If you're here, you have a mom. You have mom. But these materials are just downright amazing. I don't know any way to describe. I'm. I'm literally. I know I've already talked about this before. Like, with my hormones and sweat. I have not woken up one time sweating in these sheets, guys. They're so cooling and amazing. It's worth every day daggone penny that you spend on it. But thankfully, we at least have a 40 off code with more than at checkout.

[Adam Busby]

40 is pretty dang good discount.

[Danielle Busby]

I mean, yeah, in my retail mine, it's kind of.

[Adam Busby]

That's like a mom math or mom girl math.

[Danielle Busby]

And we'll say mom math. Because Mother's Day. Get your wife if she's a mom, and get that mother something from Cozy Earth. They will not complain, and they will thank you again and again and again. Okay. It's literally sanctuary in the sheets. It is.

[Adam Busby]

Now. You want me to go to bed?

[Danielle Busby]

I love going to bed. I love going to bed. I actually have a problem of not wanting to get out of bed because our Cozy Go sheets are just. I never thought that sheets would make a difference.

[Adam Busby]

They do make a big difference.

[Danielle Busby]

I mean, you still snore. Like, outrageous. But I know the difference. I know the difference that I have had. And it's worth. It's worth the not sweating. I hate it. I hated. I hate waking up in the middle of the night and being like, oh, my God, did someone pour water on me? You're like, what's going on? I didn't know I'M snoring. Check them out. Cozy earth dot com. Use code more. More than for more than reality. So more than just one word together for 40% off. So mother's Day is literally in a couple days. So if you order them now, hopefully you can get them in time. If not, just put a little Guess what's coming. Cozy Earth.

[Adam Busby]

Oh, yep. Get your cozy's on.

[Danielle Busby]

Get your cozy time on sheets, PJs.

[Adam Busby]

They got it all.

[Danielle Busby]

They got it.

[Adam Busby]

Clothing.

[Danielle Busby]

Yes. 10 year warranty. They have the 100 night sleep trial. So you literally could try your shoes out for 100 days and if they don't make you sanctuary in your sleep, then you could get hassle free returns. Okay, that's amazing.

[Adam Busby]

So I put, I'd put a more than more than reality guarantee on that that you're going to keep them though.

[Danielle Busby]

I, I mean it's hard to say guarantee, but like my opinion is guaranteed.

[Adam Busby]

Yeah.

[Danielle Busby]

Does that count? Thank you, Cozier. Thank you Cozier, sponsoring this podcast and I will take all the sheets and all the PJs and I really could use some Cozy Earth socks. So yeah, socks is life to me. So.

[Adam Busby]

Oh, I got a place of order.

[Danielle Busby]

All right.

[Adam Busby]

So thank you, Cozy Earth for sponsoring this episode.

[Danielle Busby]

Don't forget cozyearth.com and use code more than for 40 off. Happy Mother's Day.

[Adam Busby]

All right, let's get back to the episode every week.

[Danielle Busby]

Really. We don't really have like this like full on agenda. Kind of really like to like feed the room and like, like really? Is that what you say, feel, feel the room, fill the room or just like what's been happening recently, like what's been weighing on your heart and like what are we going to talk about in the beginning of episodes? And I think structure will get better, but right now we're still in like this season one and just kind of like going with the flow, I guess. And I don't know, I feel like since women's retreat two weekends ago or whatnot, two weeks ago, I don't know, the word forgiveness has just kind of been something I've been thinking about and how much I feel like people need to learn how to forgive. So I thought let's talk about that. Let's talk about forgiveness and not just like, I'm sorry, like a true peaceful forgiveness with you and the Lord, like what, how different that is, what that means and what it can do for you to like truly allow yourself to forgive. So yeah, we're going to talk about.

[Adam Busby]

That because forgiveness doesn't always mean that you're, like, inviting that person back in your life. It's. Yeah, it's. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna harbor this in my.

[Danielle Busby]

Heart anymore and let it take over my heart.

[Adam Busby]

Yeah.

[Danielle Busby]

My mind.

[Adam Busby]

Yeah. Because that leads to, like, hardness and just resentment and bitterness and stuff. And to, like, just give that up and say, okay, I'm not gonna hold on to this. I'm not gonna dwell on this. It's in the past, but it may not be. I'm inviting that person back into my life.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah. And that's something that I'm hoping you can get out of this episode, is that, you know, on the level of forgiveness. So Adam hurts my feelings, or my friend hurts my feelings, and they say, I'm sorry. And it's like, okay, thank you for acknowledging that I forgive you. Move on. Right. And then there's another level of forgiveness where it's like, I can't accept you're sorry that many times. Like, you keep doing the same thing. You're sorry, doesn't mean anything. Change your actions. And that's where you can see full forgiveness. Okay. And then we have. How do we forgive? How do we forgive something that is truly overtaking our heart, understanding what that forgiveness is? And Matthew 6, 14:15 says that if we forgive others, our heavenly Father will forgive us. That's a big deal. God is showing us forgiveness is not optional. It's transformational, guys. And that's the purpose of this episode we're talking about, is I'm going to share a story about, like, something I walk through with, like, Trudeau. Trudeau.

[Adam Busby]

What is that? I don't know.

[Danielle Busby]

Trudeau, but I kind of like it.

[Adam Busby]

Add that to the book.

[Danielle Busby]

Wait, I'll write that word down. I'm gonna give it a definition. Trudeau.

[Adam Busby]

Danielle. Isms, guys. Daniel has isms. Daniel makes up words dull. Danielle will use words that don't necessarily fit.

[Danielle Busby]

That's going to be the name of this.

[Adam Busby]

She makes it her own.

[Danielle Busby]

Trudeau. Danielle speaks Trudeau. I feel like there's, like, something to there. Okay.

[Adam Busby]

Daniel likes to use the word rem instead of realm quite often.

[Danielle Busby]

Feed instead of fill.

[Adam Busby]

And it's just become her vocabulary.

[Danielle Busby]

Whatever. It's the braces.

[Adam Busby]

It's not the braces.

[Danielle Busby]

So I will share a story about walking through and understanding what true forgiveness is. And I want to talk about this, because when I went to the women's retreat, it was kind of something that we talked about on the level of, like, scars and representation of, like, scars and how scars, like, we try to hide our scars, but honestly, what scars show you is, like, your life and, like, what you've gone through. And, like, if you can fully open this wound of hurt, whatever's hurt you, and really clean out this, like, nasty, yucky infection and in the wound and really heal properly from that, you will have peace. And then that scar will be beautiful, and you will want to share what this scar has done for your life. And so that is what I'm hoping we can talk about here. And. And, I mean, I didn't really, like, ask Adam before this. Like, do you have any story and, like, relative conversation of, like, where you've truly walked through forgiveness? Like, I don't know. I'm gonna put that on a connect card and say, like, what's. What's. What's something you've. Or someone you've had to forgive. But I really will say that I. I probably would not have understood what forgiveness was until I really experienced this type of forgiveness and understanding of, like, what real forgiveness is and how it can really, really transform your heart. Because when you are hurting from unforgiveness, it doesn't. It doesn't just affect maybe a relationship. So if you're in some state of unforgiveness, it's probably with someone, and that's going to disrupt or bring a level of change within the relationship, whether it be someone as close as your spouse, someone as a best friend, a family member. Like, I could go on, but, like, if you're holding some form of resentment, resentment, your heart is hardened to them. Like, you don't see a change. Like, you're just going to. That pain of that unforgiveness can really take you down.

[Adam Busby]

It also, like, festers in other relationships.

[Danielle Busby]

Yes.

[Adam Busby]

And. And even just, like, your mindset in the day, like, you may say, like, oh, like, forgive and forget and, like, move on. And it looks like it's healed from. On the surface, just like, you know, like, distressing a wound. On the surface, it looks like it's healed, but, like, under, underneath.

[Regain Couples Therapy]

This is an ad by Regain Couples therapy and features real testimonials.

[Testimonial Speaker 1]

This was our first time trying therapy, and honestly, it was long overdue. Looking back, we just wish we had started sooner.

[Regain Couples Therapy]

Regain's qualified therapists help couples when they can't get there on their own.

[Andrea]

We thought it was intimacy issues, but Andrea helped us uncover a deeper root cause we hadn't even realized was there.

[Regain Couples Therapy]

Visit regain.com couplespod to get 10% off your first month. Regain powered by BetterHelp.

[Adam Busby]

There still may be infection there and. And hurt there and stuff that you just haven't been able to deal with. And it starts to surface in other areas.

[Danielle Busby]

You might not even been aware that it was infected because you're like, oh, it looks good, you know? But when we're talking about forgiveness is. This is not saying that what someone did to you or whatever that scenario was, that it was okay. Okay. That's not what I'm saying. It's not pretending that it didn't hurt. And it's definitely not forgetting, because we'll never forget. Right? But we can forgive. We can forgive. And so I'll share just one of the hardest. This was kind of like this first instance, like, a real forgiveness journey that I went on with. I know I've talked a little bit about in our. You know, this is episode 32. So in earlier episodes, you know, kind of shared a little bit about, you know, relationship or, like, what life was with my mom. There was a lot of unspoken pain that I did not realize that I was holding on to or that it was part of what I was dealing with. I wasn't aware of it until there was a separation between our friends, our relationship, and we needed some boundaries and separation for healing purposes. In a sense, there were a lot of things over. I mean, I'm 41 now, which is, wow, I'm 41. I didn't mind being 40, but 41's like, you're, like, really for. You're, like, really in your 40s. I'm not just 40. Cool. I'm 40. I'm, like, in my 40s now. So this was a lot of my years, a lot of my life. So little backstory for my relationship with my mom for probably the last, like, four years. Has it been four years? Four years, yeah. We'll just say four years has been really not in existence. And through that time, especially early on, this is where I chose, you know, this boundary of, hey, we need. We need some separation. There's a lot of things that are just a constant, repetitive dysfunction, and we need to change something, and this is it. So there's. We just need a break from each other. We need to stop, and we need to separate. And, yes, that's hard. That's weird. Struggled with that. And I would say over about a year, I really was going. I was going through therapy, and I was doing therapy with my sisters and, like, family stuff and, like, walking through things, and I started to realize that there's a lot of things that I didn't realize were hurtful because it wasn't.

[Adam Busby]

It's not just.

[Danielle Busby]

It was just life.

[Adam Busby]

It's not just, like, between Danielle and we're not going to get too deep into, like, talking about your sisters and stuff, but it's like you and your two sisters as a whole decided we need to make a change on that break. It wasn't just like, this is like a Danielle and her mom thing either.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah.

[Adam Busby]

So.

[Danielle Busby]

But where I am now, I can look back and say, growing up and, like, all the, you know, relationships with my mom, like, it never. I didn't really realize how dysfunctional things were until I've overcame forgiveness. Honestly now I think as an adult, there's things that I could look back on, be like, that was like, as a mom, you know, And I honestly will say, like, I'm going to give her all the things that she's. She tried her best and the struggle's real, and she still might struggle. I struggle, too, as myself. But at the time, growing up in these situations, I didn't understand that those were not normal because that's what I was exposed to. And that was my normal right. As an adult, you get married, you have a family, you're a mom. Like, you understand this relationship. Mom, daughter, I have daughters. I'm a daughter. And wow, like, that was just not a healthy relationship. It was not healthy. And so when that separation came for health and healing purposes, I walk through understanding that I needed to forgive her. And I've never spoken about this ever, ever. But because this has been weighing on me for, like, last couple things, last couple weeks, I feel like it's okay to really, like, open up about this and be real. Reality more than. And just kind of say, like, it was like, life was hard. Like, life was not. I felt love, but life with my mother was not motherly and was not nurturing and. Or. I don't know, as a mom, it's just not what I would think I would ever put my kids in situations. So I'll say that there's situations that I won't discuss here, but are now that were just not something I would ever allow my kids to be involved in or around. Okay. So over the years, there was a lot of manipulation and. Or just because I'm your mom, you must do X, Y, Z. And so I would call that a form of. I hate to use the word abuse because it's so. It's. It's. It's a hard, hard word. But take this word and say how it was Used. It was not physically abuse. It was not like. But words hurt, and words can be verbally abusive. And I have had multiple conversations in multiple scenarios growing up and not being verbally spoken to in a proper manner. And so I would say that those have impacted me and impacted me to be more than one who. That I needed to be more defiant and more stronger. I needed to be stronger. I needed to be stronger. And that's kind of where a lot of my personality came from. But I've had to walk this journey. And when I separated, I didn't realize. I thought I had, like, overcome all that. And I remember, like, when I became a mom, like, telling mom, like, man, I'm sorry. Like, there's a lot of things I didn't realize that you feel as a mother. And, like, I. I assume she felt those things for me, and I will still assume that because I am her daughter, but I don't know if they're real.

[Adam Busby]

Yeah.

[Danielle Busby]

You know, because I don't know if I've ever felt how I feel as a mom to my daughters, if I've ever felt that way with my mom. And I know that might be hard for some people to hear, and they won't understand that, and even for family members to hear that, like. But that is. That is. That's truth. Like, that's truth. But things were said verbally, Things are hurtful, things were never addressed, and we just didn't deal with it. And it was just buried and it was buried, and there was never any, like, explanation for a topic or conversation to, like, really walk through it or, like, apologize or any of that. Any of those things that I do as a mom. And I'm not saying I'm better because I struggle every day and feel like I fail as a mom. So just giving my perspective on, like, my relationship with. With my mom and then how I can compare it to how I am as a mom. But a lot of those things are because I wasn't perceived or I didn't have that as within my growing up. But a lot of the pain was buried, but didn't mean it disappeared even if I didn't, like, realize it. A lot of my life growing up, it was a present mom or it was not a present mom. A present mom or not a present mom. And so that was. That's not. That's dysfunctional. It's dysfunctional. But I didn't know that growing up. I didn't know that growing up. And so when we had this separation of. Of a break in life and Just I. Needing to focus on, like, healing in my marriage and my. My. My immediate. My children and what we were going through in life. And then that was Covid. And just, like, so much. So much change and, like, reckoning of the world and my own life. And so I just remember realizing day by day and like, therapy session after therapy session was just like, wow, that was not okay. And that was. That was not okay. That scenario was not okay. And, like, some of those things, like, I never forgot, but I never knew that they were not okay.

[Adam Busby]

Yeah.

[Danielle Busby]

Does that make sense? And to tell myself, like, those were not okay and to know that, like, above all, like, God was ever present and still is ever present. As I look back on all that to now, you know.

[Adam Busby]

Yeah. I think that's why, like, I mean, a lot of people just over the years and, like, seeing clips and stuff and seeing, you know, television, because we were both brought up very differently, like, a stark contrast. And there was a lot of stuff that people don't see, like behind the scenes and behind the camera and stuff, but they see, you know, those wounds and stuff, like, bubble up, but they.

[Danielle Busby]

Don'T understand it because that side's not shown.

[Adam Busby]

And. Yeah, because the relationship on tv, you know, that she was just portrayed, which, because she is, like, this fun, like, she just says off the wall stuff. She's funny, but you don't see the stuff. You don't see the hard stuff behind the scenes and stuff. And so. But. But us personally, you can't forget that. Like, we always carry that. And so, you know, it may just. It may look like even just for me, like, shortness or.

[Danielle Busby]

Quenta. Shop the Sherwin Williams July summer sale.

[Andrea]

And get 30% off paints and stains. July 18th through the 28th with prices starting at $34.29.

[Danielle Busby]

It's the perfect time to transform your space with color.

[Andrea]

Whether you're looking to revamp your interior.

[Danielle Busby]

Or exterior, we have you covered with bold hues, soothing neutrals, and. And everything in between. Visit your neighborhood Sherwin Williams store or shop the sale online. Delivery available on qualifying orders. Click the banner to learn more. Retail sales only some exclusions apply.

[Adam Busby]

See store for details, backhanded comments and stuff like that on. And they would make those on camera, but they don't. But people would never see the other side.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah.

[Adam Busby]

Of things. And that's what. That's, you know, made things. That's what made things hard for tv. TV and stuff. Because I, you know, for me, you know, I see. I know. I know what, like a. Like Parenting and what a. A healthy, you know, relationship looks like and stuff. And then, you know, as a husband, you want to defend and you want to protect your wife. You know, it doesn't always come out the right way or in the right manner because you're just. You're defensive and you're. You just want to protect and.

[Danielle Busby]

Which, if you follow Adam on Instagram and a lot of comments he makes back towards people.

[Adam Busby]

Yeah. Because it's like he just feels like.

[Danielle Busby]

He has to defend.

[Adam Busby]

Yeah, I do. I do feel like. I mean, like, what? In Touch Weekly used to have a weekly segment called Adam Busby's Clapbox. Put people in their place, but.

[Danielle Busby]

And.

[Adam Busby]

And I don't know. And now that was always hard for me because, like, I would see both sides of it.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah.

[Adam Busby]

But we could never really talk about, like, the other side of it. And. And like, I carried hurt with that.

[Danielle Busby]

Because it's like I. The struggle, like, so take a side note out of this, what I'm sharing, but a side note is if we talk about the perspective of how I was viewed on TV versus how my mom was viewed on tv, it. I hate. It killed me because I am, you know, this mom that I feel like I had. I could do this life and we were capable and we had God as our strength and we could do this. But I was never perceived as a mom who could do it.

[Adam Busby]

Yeah.

[Danielle Busby]

And yet I had a mom who.

[Adam Busby]

Necessarily wanted to portray things, especially like a family that grew from one child to six overnight. They want to make it look like a struggle.

[Danielle Busby]

And life is still a struggle. It still is. It still is. So that was not a lie, and that was not like, it wasn't true. But the narrative around certain characters, quote, unquote, and who I should have been for TV was not who I was. That was hard. But I held onto who I was most of the time until I started to just get over it. But so when you look at someone who's just like, you know, I'm a main character. It's our show, it's our family. This is it. And then my mom is like a third party character that it was like, give her all the things that we need to make her be this person, but yet I can't be who I am truly being. And you want me to be like, that was what started to get at me when I started to really get overwhelmed was in that, like, attacked of like, you know, gosh, what was it like, year four into it of like, wow, this is. Okay, so I shouldn't be this together, like, letting the enemy just really take over my. My emotions and my mannerisms and my thoughts, but also walking through things that were painful and hurtful, even within those days of, like, trying to film with a family member that you haven't talked to in three months and she needs to be in this episode. You're like, this is awkward, but we're doing a pickup, and she was in it three months ago.

[Adam Busby]

Or she just lashed out and was extremely rude to everyone on set in our home, but yet we had to film the scene.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah.

[Adam Busby]

And then you just kind of been through this, like, a moment where you just wanted to hurt, to be removed from the house. Because she shouldn't be disrespecting people like that in our home.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah.

[Adam Busby]

But yet, oh, we have to film this episode. We gotta film this scene. We gotta finish this episode.

[Danielle Busby]

Let's finish dinner.

[Adam Busby]

Let's put on a face. And so that's whenever you end up seeing, like, this snide or backhanded comments, because it's just hard. It's tough. Like, it just bubbles out and.

[Danielle Busby]

But I will say that, you know, a lot of that pain from the years of just feeling like, in a sense, wasn't good enough because I never. I never had this, or my mom never did this for me or whatever it could have been. Those things were buried deep in that I did not know were affecting me. And when those pains are buried deep down, they don't disappear. They continue to grow. They continue to grow. And, like, those wounds just started to get bigger and bigger and bigger. And how I responded was carrying on stress. And. And it affected how I was with Adam. It affected how I was as a mom and how I was as a sister to my sisters. And, you know, being on pins and needles around, like, if there was her coming around and being like, I don't want to, like, set her off. So I'm going to dismiss all the things to, like, be under this childlike demeanor versus my priority goes to Adam, you know, and, like, that distinctiveness between who comes first was a struggle at times. Being like, I have to defend her and be on her side, but I can't do this with my husband. But that's where obtain quattro Telephono, Samsung Galaxy S25 Con Galaxy AI Por Quenta Nuestra y cuatro lineas por solo. God wants me to be like, you're first called to be with, you know, God, then your spouse and your family. And yes, your mom is in there, but it's not once I married Adam, he became the next under God. And so, like, those things, like, were hard. It was hard. And I think when I finally opened up, I've never, like, you know, I've never fully have had, like, a full forgiveness, I forgive you, like, conversation with my mom, because I don't think that it's. I don't need that. I don't need that. Because what God showed me was that, like, you come to me and you have exposed your wound and you're repenting of true forgiveness of God. Like, don't let this overtake my relationships. My, my. The pain, the stresses causing me to stray and, like, not see clearly, like, and truly saying, like, I just want to. I want to be able to forgive her. And it's like a forgiveness that, like, it's like that type of peace I've talked about in the past, like, our previous episodes, like, there was a sense of peace that just literally, if I were to say was, you know, this sickening wound in my gut was just literally ripped out and sealed with no scar. Yes, there's this tiny scar there because it's a part of my journey in my life. But walking through forgiveness with Christ and, like, understanding that, like, he has forgiven me because I. I falter every day, and he still sees me as his child and forgiveness. And I was like, you know, I prayed. I prayed. I had people pray over me. And I have truly forgiven her. And I can truly say that, like, that was the past. It is a part of my experience of life and things God has taught me and brought me. And healing through our relationship is not repaired in a way. But I do know that, like, God wants reconciliation. So I do know that there will be a day to come where. Where that is there. It might not be. It might be tomorrow. It might be in heaven. But I do know that, like, I have walked through full forgiveness in my heart for unsafe and hurtful words and scenarios and situations of manipulate, like, all the things. All the things. And it's been just like, this piece of my heart that has just, like, healed. Healed. And so for someone who is, you know, walking through a scenario of extreme pain or hurt and struggling with forgiveness, what I've learned through this is that you don't necessarily have to go to that specific person. You go to God first and you say, heal my heart and help me forgive this person. I want to forgive them, because that's what you call me to do and that's what yout want me to do, but help me in my heart to Truly forgive her or him. And to see on beyond that. Let the past be the past. And hakuna matata.

[Adam Busby]

I don't know. I always see that behind you.

[Danielle Busby]

It doesn't matter. It's in the past, but you won't forget. But now what I can say, as someone who has, like, walked through forgiveness with that. With Christ, is that, dude, like, I can. I can talk about it, and it be a. A journey of forgiveness. For me, that is the story of how I have understood forgiveness. Like, true, honest, heart, forgiving forgiveness.

[Adam Busby]

Yeah. Because we can't really do anything about the other side. I mean, like, there's. There's been attempts made on multiple occasions, and you just see that she just wasn't ready. Like, she wouldn't, you know, if. If she truly came with humility and. And accepting the things and. And owning up to the things that she's done. You know, there may have been a way of reconciliation personally and stuff, but, you know, you make an attempt and you. You just realize, you know, it's just defensiveness and not owning up to the things, because it's like. It's like she's lied to herself so many times and have believed the lies that she tells herself that she's not wrong. She's. She believes. She says, you know, the things that she. The things that she says, she believes, and they're not accurate. And she. But she believes those lies and showed she just is entrenched in the lies that she tells herself. And you just realize, like, there's no moving forward whenever one side stays entrenched, you know, and. And so hopefully, like, one day, like, she'll, you know.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah.

[Adam Busby]

And I mean, realize that and, like, come in humility and. And want to truly reconcile, but comes at a cost. It comes at being humble and. And realizing, you know, okay, yeah, I do own up to these things that I was wrong in and. And come in humility, but you can't be responsible for that.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah. And I mean, forgiving my mom was, like, not easy. And even just saying the word forgive, y' all probably, like, what do you have to forgive her for? But, like, it's just not necessarily for me to, like, go into, like, those kind of things and whatnot, but just letting God come into that space of, like, healing. That's where I stopped expecting my mom to fix the hurt that she's caused me. And I just went to Jesus with it, you know, and. And it's like, freedom. Like, it's freedom. I don't. I don't have, like, the same mindset. Because now my heart has been changed over, so my head's like, wow, I see this so differently now. I see this so differently now. So I don't live in bitterness. I just. I feel like I have, like, a sense of freedom over the weight of that. And when the day comes, for whatever day that might be, like, I'm. I'm all in for whatnot. I mean, I still think that there's a journey of things that need to happen and whatnot. But as of today, I know that I've forgiven and I can truly say that. And I want to be able to make sure that people know that, like, forgiveness doesn't have to be the person to person. It just. Those hurts can never be. There's a lot of things that human cannot understand or not repair, but Christ can because he. He forgives us on the daily. He died for us and for our sins when we didn't deserve it. And look at it. Look at us. Look at you. Look at. I mean, we all fall short and we always will because we're human and we live in a sinful temptational world.

[Adam Busby]

But, yeah, so, I mean, there's like five points that you have right here. It's just, you know, a few steps that help is just like naming the pain. Be honest with what hurt, and then give it to God daily. I mean, that's. That's all you can do, is just give it to God daily. You know, whenever you're in the middle of hurt, whenever you're still struggling with it, whenever it still festers up, whenever, you know, things in your day remind you of that and put you in this, like, negative downward space.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah. And trying to see.

[Adam Busby]

Because it's a process and you got. You got to work on it daily.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah. And one of the hardest things for us to see as human is that other person, whoever it might be, not in the view of our own human vision, but in the view of God. So God loves his child. That person just no different than he loves me. Yes, there's pain between these two relationships, but I can now see differently because I have forgiven and I want to pray for her, and I pray differently for her because I want nothing but the best for her.

[Adam Busby]

That's the third step is just. Just constantly praying for that. Pray for that person. Not because they deserve it, but because your heart does.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah. And then.

[Adam Busby]

And then to set boundaries.

[Danielle Busby]

Boundaries are. Boundaries are needed. Boundaries are needed. You know, forgiveness doesn't mean that, like, oh, you know, in this scenario, I've forgiven, like, let's let her come over tomorrow.

[Adam Busby]

She's gonna have free access.

[Danielle Busby]

Like, it's not. It doesn't work like that. Boundaries are still needed for. For. For the next steps of relationship repair and reconciliation.

[Adam Busby]

And then just to speak it out loud, just because forgiveness, like, I choose to forgive it, it carries power. So, yeah, just to hear yourself say it as well. I mean, I mean, even just like, whenever, you know, I'm. I'm struggling with something, and sometimes you just need to get things out and hear yourself say it. It's completely different than it just being in your head.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah.

[Adam Busby]

And I think it holds more weight.

[Danielle Busby]

And I think starting the. The route to forgiveness, you don't have to say right now, like, I forgive you. It's like, it's a journey. It is a journey. Like when I was walking through, like, you know, repairing and, like, healing. I didn't know I was going to end up going into fully forgiving. It didn't start out with, like, God, I want to forgive her. Like, help me forgive. It turned into. To me realizing that, like, there is something deeper in there and I just need to forgive no matter where that pain lied. Like, I need it to forgive her. Within. Within it, it is a peace and a forgiveness that, like, only God can transcend and, like, heal, you know, so we're gonna try to, like, wrap up this podcast if you're, you know, listening right now, and maybe, you know, this resonates with you. I just. I want to say that, like, don't hold on to the anger or the. The fear or the resentment, the bitterness of what could come next. So lean in and pray. You. If you start regularly praying for that other person and going to God with. Reveal to me what I need to do in this relationship, how can I. What are the burdens on my heart? What's overtaking my heart with this relationship? Go to him in humility and then pray for goodness for that person. I feel like you will get to a point where you realize, like, I need to forgive and God can do that for you.

[Adam Busby]

And forgiveness is freedom. I mean, it's not a. Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness, honestly. Like, forgiveness is a sign of strength, being to be able to do that and own it and not let resentment and bitterness define you and own you. Being able to forgive and let that go is a sign of strength. And so, yeah, say it out loud.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, don't, you know, like, go to God and just say, like, you know, I want to. I want to forgive them just as he's forgiven you. Heal my heart. Heal my heart and give me peace with this situation and release the pain that it's put on you, because it can if you, if you live with unforgiveness. It doesn't just affect your, like, emotional and mental, like, even spiritual world. Like, it can start to affect you physically, physically, it can affect you. And so I would say trust in this and, and seek scripture, seek a community of people who can pray for you, open up, speak about it, say it out loud, and go to God, because there's true peace and forgiveness. So if this episode spoke to you, reached, reached you, touched your heart, please share it with someone or someone that, you know, might. Could, you know, have some insight from it. It's why we're here. It's what we're trying to do is share real life scenarios, real stories that we've walked through more than reality and trying to just speak, speak healing, speak truth, speak love in a way that we can more relatable and more personal.

[Adam Busby]

So, and we want this, you know, this podcast to be like a community of people that, you know, can share and can lean on each other. So, like, if you, you know, if you're going through something or if you have gone through something and have a powerful story or meaningful story about forgiveness, you know, leave it in the comments. I mean, I know like, a lot of people share some pretty powerful stuff, like on our YouTube channel in the comments there, even on, like, Instagram, I.

[Danielle Busby]

Get like, people, people sharing their stories on comments within a post or something, to me is so valuable. So valuable.

[Adam Busby]

Keeps us going.

[Danielle Busby]

It keeps us going, but also it keeps. It keeps other readers going. Wow. It's not just what I just posted or you just posted. It's like, look at this other testimony from someone in the comment. Look at this comment. Look at, like, that's. It's powerful. It's powerful.

[Adam Busby]

So thank you guys for commenting and, and just leaving your words of encouragement and your own stories. And so thank you guys for listening to episode 32 of More Than Reality podcast. We'll see you in the next one.

[Danielle Busby]

Thanks, guys.

[Adam Busby]

Love you guys.