EP 47 - When Our Kids Struggle With Change: What We’ve Learned as Parents

Summary

Podcast Summary: More Than Reality with Adam and Danielle — EP 47

Title: When Our Kids Struggle With Change: What We’ve Learned as Parents
Date: August 28, 2025
Hosts: Adam and Danielle Busby

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Episode Overview

In this heartfelt episode, Adam and Danielle Busby open up about the challenges their family faces when navigating seasons of change—especially as parents helping their six daughters, including quintuplets, deal with transitions like moving homes and starting new schools. The couple share personal stories, strategies for supporting children through anxiety, and reflect on lessons learned as both individuals and as a team. The episode is rich with advice for parenting through tough times, emphasizing empathy, adaptability, and faith.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Life in Transition: Moving Houses, New Schools, and Daily Chaos

• The Busbys are in the midst of moving, living out of boxes, and juggling arranging two homes (03:35).
• Danielle describes the ongoing struggle to stay organized amid the move:

  "Literally, like one day at a time, like, trying to slowly, like, tackle a section of the house… then the kids are like at school now and so it's a little easier during the day..." (02:43)

• The start of a new school year brings new routines and challenges for the kids, particularly Riley, who is sensitive to changes (07:21).

2. Kids and Their Varied Responses to Change

• The quintuplets, despite being born moments apart, each react to situations in completely different ways:

  "We see on a broad span one action that we might do in six different feelings in six different ways." (12:45)

• Riley is highlighted as the child who finds change particularly difficult. Danielle notes how her anxiety manifested as physical symptoms:

  "She just had these major, like, stomach pains... she's clearly experiencing some anxiety." (09:32)

• Riley needs reassurance and clear, thorough answers about the future:

  "She's that kid that has to have everything figured out. She's gonna have a million questions…and you got to make sure you answer them right." (34:54)

3. Parental Emotional Struggles & Growth

• Danielle reflects on not having grown up talking about feelings, making it harder to comfort her children:

  "I don't talk about feelings or emotions…so it was kind of like a breakthrough for me and her." (11:11)

• Adam discusses the parental instinct to "fix" things, versus equipping children to handle struggles themselves:

  "Your instinct is…want to get in there and just fix it. But that's not necessarily the right thing to do. It's how do you equip your kid in order to be able to overcome that on their own?" (11:51)

• They emphasize teaching emotional tools and self-sufficiency:

  "We're raising kids to be able to do things on their own because…we can't just keep putting band aids [on] and just telling them that that doesn't matter..." (16:42)

4. Faith as Foundation

• The Busbys root their family life, coping mechanisms, and decision-making in their Christian faith:

  "We're a Jesus family…our foundation is Jesus. And that is what keeps everything together, no matter what fights, arguments, whatever is going to come in between." (50:29)

• Adam reads from 1 Corinthians to explain how their faith informs decisions outsiders may not understand:

  "People that haven't got God's spirit can never understand…But the Holy Spirit is in us, so we can think the same way that Jesus Christ thinks." (41:47)

• They express hope that their openness might spark curiosity and faith in others:

  "My hope would be…you don't bash it, but you say, I wonder what they're talking about and go look it up and go seek the Bible." (44:57)

5. Modeling Vulnerability & Healthy Relationships

• The couple discusses the importance of being real with their kids—owning mistakes, apologizing, and showing that disagreements happen, but are resolved with love and faith:

  "Telling your kids like you mess up and when you mess up, that you apologize…being perfect is a lie." (22:31)

• They recall specific incidents where Riley overheard arguments, and how they used those moments to reassure her and model conflict resolution:

  "Just because you hear that…and you hear, you know, we're having a disagreement doesn't mean…you have to worry about that." (26:50)

6. Present Parenting & Supporting Through Milestones

• As the children near pre-teen years, Danielle acknowledges the increased need for parental presence:

  "Presentness is needed more than anything…they need us more present as they're going through…the big phase of life change." (38:44)

• Danielle shares a touching story of simply sitting and crying with a daughter who couldn’t articulate her feelings:

  "I just said, what's wrong? She's like, I don't know. And I said, okay, well, that's okay. Like, do we just want to cry? And she says, yes. And I was like, then let's just cry." (39:04)

• They reiterate the importance of daily quality time with each child, even if it’s just a few minutes:

  "You’ve got to give your kids some quality time every day... it's important because…giving your child quality time is going to really build security in their little comfort zone of, you know, the house." (30:09)

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On Parenting Through Change:

  "You want your kids to feel safe...but you also want to prepare them for situations and set them up for success." (14:00, Adam)

• On Not Having All the Answers:

  "We don't have to have it figured out right now...No matter what, this family will always be enough." (36:00, Danielle)

• On Honest Parenting:

  "Being perfect is a lie. And I think that we have to do better at being more real." (23:41, Danielle)

• On Faith and Outsiders:

  "People that haven't got God's spirit can never understand the people that…have got his spirit." (41:47, Adam)

• On Seeking God’s Direction:

  "If we are obedient to stay on that path, it will be beautiful and better than we can expect on the end. So we're in that walking phase. I don't have it figured out, but we lean on him…for how do we do this?" (41:23, Danielle)

• On Parenting a Child with Anxiety:

  "When she starts to feel calmer…we've talked about this. We've prayed through this. Reminding her, like, maybe, like, no matter what, you are never alone." (19:13, Danielle)

• On Vulnerability With Kids:

  "Leading through vulnerability...unless you become vulnerable and you open up and you tell about your struggles…that's whenever those walls start to come down." (23:45, Adam)

• On Navigating Sibling Differences:

  "We all process differently. Like, you are you…she is she." (25:32, Adam)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:35 — Moving struggles and chaos at home
• 07:21 — Riley’s challenges with change & new school
• 09:32 — Recognizing child anxiety & emotional symptoms
• 11:51 — Instinct to "fix" vs. empowering kids
• 14:00 — Parenting six unique personalities
• 19:13 — Comforting Riley & parenting through faith
• 22:31 — Modeling apologies & real relationships
• 26:50 — Explaining parental conflict & reassurance
• 30:09 — Importance of daily quality time
• 34:54 — Riley’s need to “have it all figured out”
• 36:00 — Letting go of the need for answers, faith in uncertainty
• 38:44–40:00 — Presentness in pre-teen years & emotional support
• 41:47 — Faith, criticism, and following God’s guidance
• 44:57 — Inviting open-mindedness in listeners
• 50:29 — Jesus as family foundation (“But God”)

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a masterclass in transparent, faith-driven parenting during uncertain times. Adam and Danielle Busby don’t shy away from their children’s struggles—or their own. Instead, they share real stories, admit their mistakes, and model how to nurture resilience, self-advocacy, and faith in kids. Their honesty, humility, and humor make their insights as practical as they are inspiring.

For parents facing seasons of change—or anyone seeking encouragement in uncertainty—this episode provides practical wisdom, emotional comfort, and a reminder of the importance of both presence and grace.

Transcript

[A]

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[C]

Whenever you face something like this, especially if it's something new with your children, your instinct is like, want to get in there and just fix it. But that's not necessarily the right thing to do. It's how do you equip your kid in order to be able to overcome that on their own? And, you know, I think that's where probably a lot of parents get it wrong.

[A]

This is More Than Reality podcast, where.

[B]

We dive into all all things faith, family and marriage and share that there is so much more than the reality.

[A]

That you see on the surface. Welcome to More Than Reality with Adam and Danielle Busby.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Hello. Hello. The Busby are present.

[C]

Yep. This is More Than reality podcast episode 47.

[B]

Don't ask me.

[C]

Yeah, Danielle was just right before I hit hit start and she's like, 40. Episode 45. I was like, Babe, it's 47.

[B]

Like, oh, hello. Close. I was close.

[C]

We're rolling through.

[B]

What's the latest? What's. What's the. We still haven't found our little connect cards that we had.

[C]

So they're packed away in some box.

[B]

Literally, like one day at a time, like, trying to slowly, like, tackle a section of the house. And the problem is, is that you still live in the house. And then, yeah, the kids are like at school now and so it's a little bit easier during the day, but there's still Things we're trying to manage with other house and get it on the market and still like, oh, my God, is what's today?

[C]

Yeah. And do I have a school meeting today? I don't know. Yeah, I think, I think, I think those connect cards could possibly be in my box of books.

[B]

But I'll just ask a question.

[C]

Whenever we moved, like, I had a big bookshelf and, like, with glass doors and everything, and I had all my books, like, up on the top shelf.

[B]

I love how you always complain how I give too many details and stuff. And when you start talking, you give like all these unnecessary details. But on the podcast, but not.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, but in this office, in this house, whenever we moved in, we put that bookshelf down in, like the seating area in the foyer. Seating area area of the house. And so I don't have a bookshelf in here. So I haven't even opened that box. And I think they might be in there because I think I've opened every other box.

[B]

I'm not sure it's called a bookshelf, but it's okay.

[C]

I made it a bookshelf. And I had all my camera. Like, I need to get another shelf in here so I can put, like, camera lenses and stuff on because now they're. My desk is once again just like the holding spot of all my lenses. Like, whenever I do a project, like, I have to go and shoot off site or whatever. Like, I pull everything out of my bag pilot on my desk, only take off what I need for that shoot, and then everything else stays on my desk. And right now I don't have a place to organize that and put it away. And so it all just like, stays there. And it annoys me because, like, three weeks ago, my desk was fairly clean.

[B]

Does it annoy you?

[C]

It does.

[B]

This is the cleanest you've ever been.

[C]

Well, still annoys me.

[B]

It's good to hear, though.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Stuff in places so last. Don't go there. Get on your nerves.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Really.

[C]

So last week especially, I need you to say that again in my office.

[B]

And let's take a little break and hear from our sponsor.

[C]

Yep. Today's sponsor is Cozy Earth. And we love our cozier sheets. And apparently so do our kids.

[B]

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[C]

Because this week I left for the gym before super early in the morning. I usually wake up and go like 5am but whenever I got home, I was like, what the heck is going on? Because, like, one of the quince is in bed with you in my spot, cuddled up with my, my sheets. And so like I tapped Danielle, I was like, is she sick? Like, what's going on? She's like, no, she just wanted to get in the bed. She wanted.

[B]

It was like seven o'. Clock. It was, it was right before seven. It was like time to get up. And she's like, can I just come lay in these sheets? And I'm like, yeah, sure. So my alarm hasn't come off. Come on in.

[C]

Apparently our cozier sheets are definitely quint approved.

[B]

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[B]

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[C]

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[C]

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[B]

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[B]

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[C]

Yep. Thank you. Cozy Earth. Last week, towards the end of the episode got a little emotional about just like feelings and just like the emotions of starting a new school. Starting like living in a new area.

[B]

And well, and experiencing and walking through like something that you've never experienced with a specific child before.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, and so like if you didn't listen to last episode, we kind of got in the topic of talking about, you know, it was the first week of school and how things were and. And then, you know, Riley doesn't like change but once she like for instance, first day of school. She usually gets worked up for first day of school. But then by the end of school day she's like, what are you talking about?

[C]

Yeah, Riley's just that kid that she has to have everything figured out.

[B]

And she doesn't black and white hair.

[C]

And she doesn't like, you know, you disrupting her schedule, her idea of how the day is going to go. And so whenever she gets put in a new situation, like going to a new school where she. It's just so many unknowns there. New kids, new teacher, new classroom, new school.

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[C]

It disrupts her world.

[B]

Yeah, and this time it was a lot heavier on her. And something I feel like she'd never really fully experienced was trying to understand. I'm nervous about this. I don't know what it's like, but now it's like physically affecting me. And so she just had these major, like, stomach pains and all that. And you know, a course of like two days. It was like, okay, like, she's clearly experiencing some anxiety. And then on that, after the first day. So she was fine the first day of school. It really was like, I think she was holding it in and kind of like secretly maybe struggling, but didn't really express it until like later that night after school and just like prepping for like the next day and so you can go back and listen to episode the episode.

[C]

Just got a little overwhelmed before.

[B]

There's things that, you know, we try to do as parents, but we don't always know what to do. And I think, you know, these, these moments for me specifically are pretty heavy because one, they're emotional and I'm not really an emotional person. And two, being a mom is always a priority. But also when you get into these levels of experiencing things that you've never stepped into with a child and you don't how to help her or him. And I also didn't grow up with that kind of like, mothering type of Care in a sense or.

[C]

Yeah. I don't talk about feelings or emotions or.

[B]

Yeah. Or just kind of that. Yeah. So it was kind of like a breakthrough for, like, me and her kind of, you know, and I know in the past we've had lots of talk about, like, Parker on outdaughter. And so we talk about Parker when she was a lot younger within anxiety and. And stuff. And she's really worked through that and knows how to use tools and really just like, vocalize. Vocalize those things. So doing everything that we normally know how to do, but this case, it was just very different. And I don't know how much I went into detail. I just know that I ended up being emotional.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, whenever you face something like this, especially if it's something new with your children, your instinct is like, the one in there. Want to get in there and just fix it. And, like, want to, you know, just, like, work through it as fast as can as you can to make those feelings or emotions go away. But that's not necessarily the right thing to do. It's, you know, how do. How do you equip your kid in order to be able to overcome that on their own? And, you know, I think that's where probably a lot of parents get it wrong, because they don't want to whenever their kids hurting.

[B]

So they instantly tried to, like, band aid and fix it and.

[C]

Yeah, what's going to be the quick fix to make. Stop feeling this right now. And that's not always the best thing. You know, you. You want your kids to feel safe.

[B]

I think every situation in every. In our world, like, we see different circumstances handled differently by six different children's emotions. Like, so we see on a broad span one action that we might do in six different feelings in six different ways. So we are always seeing a great load of what. How does one deal with this situation? Because it's times six, right.

[C]

So, but it's not necessarily times six. It's. I mean, the. Literally our kids.

[B]

What could be.

[C]

Because they have six kids pretty much. And especially whenever you're talking about the quince. Because, you know, it's very unique circumstance. It's five kids that were born within four minutes of each other. And their emotions, you know, is on every end of the spectrum really, you know, from, you know, super, super anxious in situations.

[B]

Two, I could care less.

[C]

I could care less, you know, to type A to just super happy. And nothing really phases her to, you know, very emotional, but then also, like, very goofy and just wants to make people Laugh. I mean, so it's just like all over the place. And so, you know, it's a, It's a test for us as parents because, like, you're navigating and you're having to communicate completely different across the board. But, you know, there is similarities and the way that you can, you can prepare your kids for situations and set them up for success and set them up to prepare them for, you know, in the event of anxiety or just fear or whatever. I mean, we want to raise our kids so that they have confidence in situations and, you know, don't let their emotions really get the best of them and teach them how to work through those emotions in the moment instead of just relying on you or running to mom every single time or running to dad every single time. How can they work through that and are equipped and have the tools to work through that?

[B]

Yeah, and I mean, I think one of the, the more, the older and older, you know, especially the quints get any. I mean, even Blake, I think your parenting, it's never going to stay the same. As they mature and as they get older, you have to learn to adapt to their adjustments as well. And like, overall, we are a Jesus family and we have a, a form of discipline in our house and rules in our house. And those family things don't change. But how your child responds to different things, you might have to adjust. You don't change the rules, you adjust. How do I help them understand the role in this situation? Because, you know, one of them is going to receive it and understand it and other one might need it interpreted a different way. So same thing when we talk about like academics and dyslexia and stuff and, you know, don't compare your kids and all this. It goes the same way with like, their emotions, you know, because academic and dyslexia, because we have some of their dyslexic like you, it's basically they. They struggle to read because they don't. Their brain doesn't see it the way that we see it. And so I tell the other girls, like, they just need to learn a different language. They need to learn it the way that they can read it. And once they, they've learned those tools and how they can see it and understand it and read it, then they learn how to read. It's the same thing when it comes to the discipline and the parenting and the, the, the raising and the teaching of the kids. It's like, this is our busby rules right in our house. But this child, I have to maybe Be a little bit more firm on this, or maybe I have to be a little bit more descriptive, or maybe they just need more time. And I think that's the beautiful thing that we get to witness. And it's hard because you're overwhelmed a lot, because you have to adapt. Adapt to all of those levels all day, you know, and we too are also human, who also have heaviness, who also have, you know, weight and anxiety and stressors and stuff. And so it is. It's not an easy life, but it's so rewarding and beautiful to see one. I think if you're yourself and you're working through a trial or a hard season or anxiety and you walk through that and you overcome it, you know what that feels like. You feel a sense of relief. And so to. To teach your kids how to overcome and walk through a trial or a hard situation or something they don't understand or helping them read. And you see that growth step, that is what parenting is all about. Like, it's. It's teaching them how to better their own skills and how to use them and apply for life. For life. We're raising kids to be able to do things on their own because, you know, they're with us for 18 years and then they are adults and go out and it's like, we can't just keep putting band aids in and just telling them that that doesn't matter or don't help them with this or that. It's like, we gotta teach. As a parent, that is a major role of, like, teaching your kids how to handle situations. And, you know, it's hard because I grew up just dealing with things and having to figure things out on my own and not knowing if it was right or wrong. And.

[C]

But that instilled a sense of, like, independence there where, you know, you were. You had no choice but to work through it yourself. Yeah.

[B]

And I think there is a lot.

[C]

Of, you know, baggage that comes with that later in life.

[B]

I mean. Yeah, for sure, there's a lot of baggage. So. Especially when I'm in a moment with. With, you know, Riley and really what she wants, she just wanted me to, like, lay with her. And she's not a cuddler by any means. And like, she just, like, held my hand, like, the whole time. And, like, when I start to feel that, like, sense of, like, relief from her, like, squeeze, I was like, okay. Like, she's, you know, feeling calmer. Like she's soothed. We are soothing this. We've talked about this. We've Prayed through this and reminding her, like, maybe, like, no matter what, you are never alone. Like, God is always with you. And I told her, if you need to, you know, just close your eyes at your desk or just put your head down for a moment and just pray. God, give me courage. I'm super nervous today, or I need help, or if you need to excuse yourself and go to the bathroom or you need to go up to the counselor at school, like. Like, it's okay. Like, teaching our kids to be vocal for themselves and to be able to express those feelings, it's powerful, and it's going to make them stronger in the end, which is rewarding as a parent, to see your child be able to work through something. Now, don't get me wrong, it's not like you do this one time and they're going to remember it. You know, it takes work, and it takes you, as a parent, being mindful of, you know, how can I now help the next time? You know? And so, like, Riley came home after tennis last night and said, mom, so we're gonna move again. And I was like, yeah, baby. I was in Parker's, like, yeah, remember, Riley, we're just in this house for a lease or a rental until we find another house and, well, sell the other house and then buy a house. And she's like, so we're gonna move again. And I was like, yeah, Riley. I was like, but don't worry. It's. We have time to adjust. We're. It's not gonna be right now. We're not going anywhere. We're gonna stay in this house for a year. We're gonna stay in the same school. So sometimes they just need a little bit more of, like, that affirmation, because change is scary and change is hard, and. And I agree with that. And I think what's also beautiful, I had a day with my best friend yesterday, and we were just kind of catching up, and I was sharing these things with her, and she was like. You know, when I was telling her about this, she's like, something that was so good that you are telling me is that you also told your child that you, too, as a mom, struggle at times. You, too, have to know that you can't do it alone. You two have to lean on Jesus to give you comfort and strength and courage. And she's like, that's what we need to be telling our kids. Like, you know, we don't have it figured out. We are not your savior. You know, God is our savior. And more than anything, I have to. And I tell and I've told Riley and Riley, you can have like a higher level conversation. Real, like real conversations with. And real, like lytical and like, it's just, it's, it's so. It's just different. Like she's, it's, it's, it's a different level.

[C]

And so like a teenager.

[B]

Yeah. Because she thinks really deep on, like, what does that mean? And how do I use that? But anyway, telling your kids this goes into a lot of things about parenting. Like telling your kids like, you mess up and when you mess up, that you apologize. Just as you need to teach them when they mess up, they need to apologize. And if they see Adam and I being a tiff or something, it's. It's okay in a sense. I mean, we're not going to like, argue, fight in front of the kids, but we're not going to not show that we disagree on things because that's normal and that's okay. But we also come to a conclusion and make sure the kids are clear on like, hey, I know daddy and I don't agree on this, but we know that we're going to come and talk about this together because we need to be on the same page. And so being perfect is a lie. And I think that we have to do better at being more real.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

In the flesh to our children, to our friends, to our community.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. That carries over through like every relationship that you have and, you know, even just like meeting new friends and stuff. And, you know, I mean, one aspect of it is like, you know, whenever we will start a new small group, everywhere, sorry, whatever, it's all over that pillow. Whenever we, you know, situations like whenever we start a new small group and you're, you're faced with like a group of people that, that you don't really know, that, you know, those barriers are still up because, you know, everybody in the room is wondering, can I trust this person? You know what? One thing that always works is leading through vulnerability. And you know, you're never going to tear those, tear those walls down unless you become vulnerable and you open up and you tell about your struggles and you, you know, you give a relatable moment and that's whenever those walls start to come down. And so, yeah, I mean, your kids always thinking that you never have an issue, you never have a problem. Mommy and daddy never argue, like, that's, that's a lie. Yeah. That's not real.

[B]

There are two different individuals and there is no one that's going to Be just like you.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, there.

[B]

Created you individually differently and you unique and.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, even within, you know, the household of just having siblings and stuff. And it's like. Well, I'm trying to think of example, like, well, how come she can't see that? Or how come she doesn't read that right. Or how come she doesn't know the answer to that math question or how. And it's like, whoa, we all process differently. Like, you are you.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And she. Is she.

[C]

Yeah. Like, just a few weeks ago, Danielle and I were having, like, a. A discussion, a little bit of an argument. Just. I mean, it's natural because we both work from home.

[B]

We told y' all that we are very different processors and communicators and love language.

[C]

We both run our businesses from our home, which I do other stuff outside of home, too, but a lot of my same. I do in home. And, you know, and a lot of that stuff overlaps, and we work together. And so we're trying to navigate schedules and works, you know, home schedules, work schedules, schedules with the kids and their activities. And also, you know, if there's stuff that we have to collaborate on with work, it all has to work, in a sense. And sometimes those schedules get out of whack and. Or whatnot. And, you know, you just assume that the other knows and, you know, if a ball drops or whatever, you know. So a few weeks ago, we had it, like, an argument over just, like, scheduling and wait, the kids. The kids weren't in the room. And. But I know Riley heard it because she was like, right upstairs in the playroom that's just all open to the.

[B]

Is this living room when I told you you're smarter than that.

[C]

I don't know. But, you know, so whenever I was putting Riley to bed that night, she, you know, looked visibly upset. And she's like, I heard you and Mommy fighting. And so I had to, like, sit down with her and, like, kind of talk with her through it about, you know, hey, we're Mommy and Daddy, work together. We're with each other 24 7. Do you think that we will never have a disagreement?

[B]

I was like, that happened, you and your sisters.

[C]

I was like, but that does not affect you or how much Mommy and daddy love each other or anything like that. Like, you don't have to worry about that. And. And just kind of talking with her through that to. Just to show that, like, okay, it's normal to have disagreements. I was like, but Mommy and Daddy work through that. And we talk. You Know, sometimes the conversations may get a little higher elevated, but we work through it and we're fine afterwards. But, you know, just because you hear that and you hear, you know, we're having a. A disagreement doesn't mean that because they have kids, you know, they have friends or whatever whose parents are divorced and stuff, and, you know, they see that and. And so it strikes a little fear in them. But to constantly reassuring your kids, like, no, like, that's. That doesn't happen in this house. Like, we're a Jesus family, and Jesus is the center of this family and then the center of mom and dad's relationship. And, you know, we're gonna work through that. And, you know, whenever it comes to, like, hearing about your friend's parents divorce or whatever, like, like that is not even in mommy and daddy's vocabulary. And we're gonna work through those problems.

[B]

So all you public tabloid stories, it's not in our vocabulary. It's not in our Busby book.

[C]

Yeah. So much speculation about everything. But yeah, you know, that's just one of those things. I mean, you just gotta talk to your kids and work.

[B]

You gotta give space for that too, man. You gotta just. Like everything else in life, there's never enough time. But when it comes to being a parent, you've got to give time to your kids.

[A]

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[B]

You'll never get it back. And I mean even us as parents. And we've got six kids. Blake's 14 quints are 10. You get these reminders all the time of like old photos or some this or that, and it's time goes by fast. It really does. But you've got every single day. You've got to give your. Your kids some quality time every day. Every day. I don't care if it's 2 minutes or 25 minutes or 2 hours. It's important because whether you get home late from work, I. I don't know what your schedule looks like, but I think giving your child quality time is going to really build security in. In their little comfort zone of, you know, the house. And like, you got to give time to your spouse, you got to give time to your kids, you got to give time to your community, you got to give time to your family and your friends. You know, there's a lot of things on the schedule that you got to give time to. But what you've been gifted with if you have children, is that is the biggest gift, and that is the biggest blessing, but the biggest responsibility that you have as a parent is to raise that child right. And not all families are, you know, the same. And there is brokenness, and we understand that. But I also know that within brokenness, God also brings healing. And so if you were in a walking through of separation, restoration, like whatever that season may be, maybe you're, you know, wanting to have a family or you're looking for your spouse, like God, if you can. If you can take your heart and grasp onto him first, I promise you, the life that you expected is going to be something different because his way is better.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Force Frank.

[C]

You're always better.

[B]

I love Force Frank, man. I just love him.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, Riley started her new season of tennis yesterday, which is a rally topic today, and it was a completely.

[B]

New, I can never wear white.

[C]

Like, three new coaches. And, you know, her. Her other coach that she's been with for the last few years went on to bigger and better things. And. And so she was going into this brand new class with new teachers, new coaches, and obviously, you know, you just wonder how she's going to react to that because it's something new. And so Riley doesn't have this figured out yet because she doesn't know these coaches, but she did great, and she just kind of put herself out there and she had fun and. But.

[B]

But she's not only just had that one coach.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

The last two seasons. So.

[C]

But she's, you know, it left room for, you know, conversation afterwards and stuff. And then she. Yeah, she started asking about the house and are we gonna move again? And, you know, we started having this conversation about, like, you know, she's. She's telling me, but I was like, riley, we're gonna be in this house for at least a year. I said, you don't really have to worry about that. We, we're not even completely settled in this house yet. So don't even, don't worry about that right now. But because she was just talking about, well, I don't know if I want to move again because now we, now I made these friends here and I was like, Riley, this is the exact thing that you were talking about just a few weeks ago whenever we were moving here was you don't want to, you don't want to leave your friends back home. But the second you got here, you made new friends and now you're already talking about, don't want to leave these new friends. And so, you know, you got put in a new situation and you overcame and you made new friends there and that's a big deal. And she, you know, she's thinking about things in a different way and she's like, oh, yeah, okay. She's like, well, what about next year? I'm gonna have to go to a new school. So she goes immediately goes right to another thing. I was like, yeah, but you're gonna go to middle school. So every elementary school in our whole area.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

There's like all those friends and stuff that you made at this elementary school. Everybody's going to go to the other school, so you're going to have the same friends at the other school and stuff. And she's like, okay, but where's that school at? She's just on to the next question. It's just so.

[B]

I love her little brain.

[C]

I know. It's. She keeps you on your toes for sure. She's got to have it all figured out.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And so she's that kid that has to have everything figured out. She's gonna have a million questions like, yeah, and you got to make sure you answer them right because if you don't, she's going to call you out on it.

[B]

She's so much like me. And that's like that answer wasn't good enough because you didn't explain it right.

[C]

Or, you know, like some of the other kids, like you may just give like a very high level answer and they're like, okay, they're fine with it, like, whatever, and just on to the next thing. But Riley, she was going to sit there and she's going to think about it. We're like, and she's going to have a follow up.

[B]

I love it. But also, also what you just said about she always has to have it figured out, which I feel like we all want life figured out and we're never going to have it figured out. And a lot of our motto has been, we'll figure it out, figure it out, figure it out. We figured out as we go, and we do, but it's another one of those parenting things that I think, you know, that we are Christians, so we, we have a place in our heart and like a conviction and something else that we decide to help us make decisions. And it's not just our own self. It is. We pray about things, we read scripture, we look for discernment. We, you know, coincide with like other couples if we have hard decisions that we need to make and stuff. And so being able to express to your kids, like, yeah, you know, I mean, obviously as parents, we are not going to like instill fear all the time in our kids, but in Riley's situation, we're like, we'll move again. And it's like, listen, we don't know what, we don't have to have that figured out right now. You know, we don't have to and we don't know where God's going to place us. And really trying to teach them too, that we don't have it. We don't have to have it figured out. But you also have to make sure that you're, you're, you're still teaching your kids like, like, we are secure and no matter what, this family will always be enough. And like God is enough. And it doesn't matter what the house looks like. It doesn't matter what the aesthetics are. It's not about those things because a lot of like, worldly things and oh, I want a bigger house or I want this or I want a mansion. And you know, all kids go through that. So just really trying to teach them. And I think all this has really been like a humbling experience for, for us and them, big change and, and just really leaning on like going through seasons of like not necessarily knowing the purpose, but we're following the call. And so as our kids and as the quints are getting older and really understanding like more of like what faith is or prayer, it just brings on other levels of questions that once again bring on great conversations. And so, I don't know, it's. We're in a phase too where I, I can see now if I look back from like a year plus ago and thinking, man, God really needed us to adapt and change our life schedules. And we have abided and it hasn't been easy and I think still kind of like struggling through some of this change. But it is evident that as we are approaching these, you know, like Tween preteen age with the quints. Like, presentness is. Is needed more than anything.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Because they just. I don't even know how to explain it. It's just really hard. And I think that they need us more present as they're going through, you know, the big phase of life change. One, we drastically changed home, city, all that stuff. But two, they're going to be approaching, you know, hormones and all that. And that's just a. That's a lot. So. But that, but what that's doing to their bodies internally is, Is confusing them. And then they might be emotional about something and don't know how to explain it, or they might want to cry and don't know why. Like, I remember. I remember this with Blake when one day and. And she just said, I'll never forget this because, like, the first time, that was just like. And I was never emotional or had like a mom say, come cry with me. And I just said, what's wrong? She's like, I don't know. And I said, okay, well, that's okay. Like, do we just want to cry? And she says, yes. And I was like, then let's just cry. Like, let's just, let's cry. It's okay. Like, let's just sit here. I'll sit next to you. I'll hold you, I'll give you a hug, whatever. Let's just cry. And so that's the, that's the phase that we're walking into where they just don't know what they need, but they need. They need mom and they're going to need dad, you know, and so I'm very thankful that we are here. We've walked through a big season of, like, change, and. And we're not even on the other side of that, I don't think. And I think God's still molding something out of this. And I'm. I'm hopeful and, and I know that the way that I don't have it figured out, but what I do know is God has made it.

[A]

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[B]

So evident to me, his calling and his path that I know. And if we are obedient to stay on that path, it will be beautiful and better than we can expect on the end. So we're in that walking phase. I don't have it figured out, but we lean on him for how do we do this?

[C]

Yeah. And, and also, like, kind of communicate. Not just, kind of just communicating that to your kids of like, why we're making these decisions and, and why, you know, we're attentive to God's direction and what that looks like to us and, and stuff like that, just so they understand and, and get it and, and want to know more about that and want to ask questions about that and like, what does that look like? I mean, just even today, like, reading my Bible and just came across this passage and, you know, it's like a revelation of, you know, so many people sending us messages and stuff or making comments and stuff on our, on our social media about, like, why we moved and people just don't understand it. And like, we've had multiple, multiple messages of just like, talking and podcast about just like, talking through, you know, our motives and what we're doing and why we're moving. And a big part of that is stuff that a lot of people just don't understand as far as God, you know, directing this move and stuff. And, you know, I read this passage today and it just like, kind of shines a light on, you know, the criticism that we receive from saying that we're open to God's direction and we're going to move when, you know, God wants us to move and we're going to go in the direction and we're going to, we're going to follow, you know, that light whenever he's saying take a step. You know, we're going to try to be open to take that step. But it's in First Corinthians, it's chapter 2, 14, 16, and it says, you see, if God's spirit is not living inside people, they. They can't believe any message from God. They can't understand what God wants to teach them. They think it's all stupid. You see, the Holy Spirit is the only one that can help people understand the Things of God. People that have God's spirit can think about all these things and understand them. But people that haven't got God's spirit can never understand the people that. That have got his spirit. God says, God says this in his book. Nobody can know what God is thinking. Nobody can try to tell him the right way to think. But the Holy Spirit is in us, so we can think the same way that Jesus Christ thinks. And you know, a lot of people that just don't have that understanding, don't have that same faith that don't, don't believe what we believe, just don't understand it. And so they think that, oh, y' all just talk yourself in circles. And, you know, you haven't explained why you moved. We have explained why we moved. You know, people that just don't have that level of understanding, you know, may not be religious or may not have the Holy Spirit within them just don't understand it. And that's, I mean, that's okay. But, you know, this is what we've tried to explain and this is the direction that we've let God lead us.

[B]

And hopefully, hopefully some. I guess the hope would be if, if things that we are saying bother you because they don't make sense and you don't understand it. My hope would be, is that you don't bash it, but you say, I wonder what they're talking about and go look it up and go seek the Bible. Go read, John, go read. I mean, you can start anywhere in the Bible, but like there are. Yes, we live in a country of freest speech and all the things, and we're going to get bad with good and good with bad. Right. But I think in an easy interpretation of that is saying we as Christians have a faith in the Holy Spirit within us, that dwells within us and it helps us do life. Yeah, it helps us do life. So you who don't understand that, who don't have the Holy Spirit within them, it's like me asking a colorblind person what color is this?

[C]

Or it's like walking in the forest without a compass.

[B]

Yeah. So we understand that you might not understand it, but my hope is that don't necessarily bash it or run from it. But we talked about this a while back. Conversate, conversate. You don't have to agree, have conversations about it, ask. You know, a lot of times we get an abundant amount of messages. We cannot keep up with all of that, but we do see these messages coming in. And I hope that we, we too can Do a better job at, you know, and, and asking God, like, help us to use our words to speak to the people that are listening to this. Because I know I'm not perfect and, and I'm a verbal processor, so I talk and then I hear it.

[C]

Yeah, but it's just, it was actually comforting to read that.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Because. And then hopefully that brings you comfort, like somebody that does walk in faith and let, Let. Lets the Holy Spirit guide you in your decisions and your direction and stuff like that. Because it specifically says here in the Bible, you know, the people that don't have that within, within them, whenever they hear that, they think it's stupid. They think you're stupid because you're doing these things that they don't understand. And I mean, the Bible says that.

[B]

I don't think it says stupid.

[C]

Well, that's my. I, I did a. What, what version of this?

[B]

It doesn't say stupid in the Bible.

[C]

Plain English version or something like that, but it was like, it was like Teen speak referencing today.

[B]

I mean, it's very, It's a simple, it's a simple way to.

[C]

I mean, I, I literally read, read like five different interpretations of it this morning. Five different versions, like translations of the Bible and, but, but like I just kind of stumbled upon this one. I was like, look, I'm gonna, I'm gonna talk about this version because it, it's more in plain English and.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Explains it a little bit easier also.

[B]

It's a great, It's a great way to explain that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And, but we, we too, as Christian also have to understand the other side of it too. They, they who don't believe don't have the Holy Spirit, so don't see as I see. Okay? So therefore I must give them grace. They're not being necessarily mean or hatred or whatever. They just don't see the way that we see.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's okay because my hope is that God will touch your life and that you will see his light one day, whether it's through anything that we say or anything that we reference or something that you see on Instagram. I think it just starts with an interest. Just like if you don't understand something that we say, hopefully you can go look it up or whatnot. And that applies to just all things in life. Like, I don't know how to make this, so I'm going to look up an ingredient. You know, it's not like I'm going to say it's stupid. This banana bread is stupid. I don't know how to. I don't understand it. Well, I'm gonna go look up a recipe. You know, speaking of, because I'm making banana bread today with chocolate chips, so I was just thinking of that anyway. Yeah. So I think lots of good stuff. Yeah, I think we've made a lot of good points today, hopefully. You know, I felt like we were on a parenting. A parenting run and then just kind of talking about adjusting to change and why. Why we do what we do, but also why others don't understand what we do. As a Christian, offering grace to those who don't see the light, but those who don't see the light, praying that you can seek it. And it's not like, oh, this magical. Wow, I'm changed. You know, I can't be. Can be.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But it's been a life that I never would change because faith has carried me through all the things that we've experienced, from trying to have a family to then having quintuplets and going through the NICU and TV show and marriage and I mean, everything. Everything our foundation is. Is Jesus. And that is what keeps everything together, no matter what fights, arguments, whatever is going to come in between. Because the world is nasty and things want to tear everyone, every good thing apart, we always come back to. But God.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So just remember that.

[C]

Yep. All right, guys, thank you for listening to episode 47, More Than Reality Podcast. We'll see you in the next one.

[B]

Bye, guys.

[C]

All right, we love you guys.