← More Than Reality with Adam and Danielle
More Than Reality with Adam and Danielle
EP 58 - Why We Leave Our 6 Kids—And How It Actually Saves Our Marriage
00:49:33
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- [00:00]
A
Foreign. This is More Than Reality podcast where we dive into all things faith, family, and marriage and share that there is so much more than the reality that you see on the surface. Welcome to More Than Reality with Adam and Danielle Busby.
- [00:22]
B
What's up, guys?
- [00:23]
A
Hello.
- [00:24]
B
This is More Than Reality podcast with Adam and Danielle Busby. This is episode 58.
- [00:31]
A
Man, we are just getting up there.
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B
We're getting up there.
- [00:34]
A
We've kind of like your age.
- [00:36]
B
Oh, I'm not even in my 50s.
- [00:39]
A
Joking. It just felt like it fit, right?
- [00:45]
B
Haha.
- [00:46]
A
I'm funny. Cracking joke.
- [00:48]
B
So this week I've been. I don't know, like, I feel like I've been, like, off my game. Like the last two days, I've been, like, kind of flustered and, like, in this, like, weird funk because Danielle's been away.
- [01:03]
A
That's kind of what we're going to talk about today. Just parenting, travel. So you parent.
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B
Yeah.
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A
All right. And we're going to take a little break and shout out to our sponsor. And it's Poncho outdoors. And for every man who doesn't ask for much but deserves a lot, this is what you want to get them this holiday season, because we love us some Poncho outdoors and get them Poncho. If you are actually watching this on YouTube right now, you can actually see what Adam has on right now. And actually he has a nickname, Poncho, because he actually wears poncho all the time. And so we're actually very grateful for Poncho sponsoring this podcast because Adam's been wearing poncho literally, like, all the time these days. So thank you, Poncho, for sponsoring us because Adam actually has been wearing poncho for months and months and months.
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B
Yeah. I think anytime we have a date night or like a friend get together, I'm in Poncho.
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A
Yeah. So they're like, hey, Poncho. Because that's now his nickname instead of Buzz.
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B
Today, I'm wearing the corduroy.
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A
Yeah, I like this one. It's a good winter fit.
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B
And it's like a really soft corduroy. It's actually. They had. It's funny, they name all of their shirts and so this one, it's like a black, but they call it the dusty burro.
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A
Yeah, I like it. Pearl snaps.
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B
Yeah, I love it. Super comfortable. It's like the slim fit.
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A
Yeah, it's corduroy, but it. I feel like it has like, that, like a soft suede feel on it, but it's corduroy, so it feels nice.
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B
Yeah. It's like a, it's like a real tight weave, corduroy, not like the real wide weave.
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A
But it's great for the holiday season too because they have like the flannels. They also have like polos too. And so. But I would say most of the time I like when you wear like these button ups because obviously you made.
- [02:44]
B
A comment you freaking still them.
- [02:46]
A
I know. And funny story today is that I actually went in your closet and I was like, where's that green one he wore the other day? So I love those button up ponchos because I like to like throw them on. You know, it's like you want to wear like, it's like that thing like oh, your boyfriend or your husband's shirt. Like I love those button. Yeah, no, I want the button up poncho shirt. Be sure to check out poncho outdoors.com and if you use code more than you can get $10 off plus free shipping and make sure.
- [03:20]
B
Yeah, we actually have a landing pages www. Poncho outdoors.com More than.
- [03:27]
A
Yeah. And that's P O n c h o outdoors.com More than.
- [03:34]
B
Yep.
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A
Just in case you didn't know how to spell.
- [03:37]
B
And so everything on Poncho, it's like guaranteed free shipping and free returns, free exchanges to make sure you have the absolute right fit. And poncho stands by every shirt. If it's not his favorite, they'll make it right.
- [03:53]
A
Yeah. Get the fit ladies for that husband or that man because guess what? They look good in it. So be sure to visit ponchooutdoors.com more than $10 off with free shipping. So make sure sure to get that for their husband's holiday season.
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B
All right, thanks, Poncho. I mean like the last what you left on last Thursday? I don't know.
- [04:16]
A
Thursday?
- [04:16]
B
Yeah, I think it was Thursday. So from like Thursday through Monday, Danielle was away on a French trip. One of our best, her best friend from Louisiana, Katie was Katie's 40th birthday. And so they took a girls trip down to Playa Mujeres, Mexico. But it was just like solo parenting from like Thursday all the way through Monday, you know, and it like disrupts like my normal routine of like, you know, going to the office, getting stuff done, like, and you know, just different things going on in the day. And it like, I don't know, just like whenever I'm like, like whenever I'M like pulled off of my like normal routine, it takes me, I swear it takes me a good week to get back on it. And I just feel like off.
- [05:05]
A
Well, this is what we're going to talk, we're going to talk about this today. Parenting, like when there's travel involved, when we're together on a trip, and when one or the other is going on a trip. So I feel like we get a lot of these questions because we do travel a lot, whether it's for work or for, for, for just play or break time or marriage or like just getaways. And we do take family trips too as well. But today we're going to talk about how we deal with things when the parents are out of the house and kids are at home, when both parents are out or one parent is out and the other parents at home. And Adam started off with, he gets off of his routine. And I think it's interesting because he's. He. You don't do, you don't do well with any form of change and you don't do well with adjusting. Even though you've been well prepared for this probably about five months in advance, you haven't prepared for being adjusted to five days by yourself. You just get in a routine and don't know how to adjust. And I am the opposite. I can get thrown something and just be like yolo, like, just do it. Just like I can roll like that.
- [06:26]
B
But also like while. But like in the middle of that, like just some weird stuff happened like work wise and like I had some issues with like storage devices and stuff with like media storage and. And so that also like further disrupted my stuff so that like during the day I was like spent like trying to do like data recovery stuff, which is completely outside of like what I normally do. And so it's like that plus that it was just like, yeah, it was like the perfect.
- [06:58]
A
But we've always been, we've always been like that I can, I can bounce. And you just like, you get bought. Like if there's something that's changing in your rhythm, you get like bundled and you just like start stressing and like.
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B
And you don't move.
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A
And you don't move because you're like, what do I do? What do I do? What do, what do I do? What do I do? You're waiting for me to make a change or make a, like a decision, but I'm not there. So then you're left with like, what do I do? But that's interesting how, you know, we've talked about this a lot. Like we're so opposite in all the things, but that's kind of how we balance Each other out in the oppositeness.
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B
Is that a word?
- [07:43]
A
That's why I did this. So let's start from the top. Like, traveling. We get hit a lot on. Let's just talk about traveling together first. Okay, so why do we travel together?
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B
Because, I mean, typically, like, we have multiple, like, businesses and stuff. I mean, like. I mean, like, our personal, like, brand is, like, us for the most part. And so, like, a lot of stuff that we do, you know, it's whether it's, like, outreach, working with brands, working with organizations, fundraising type stuff, podcast stuff or whatever. I mean, we work together. And so, you know, we have to travel together for work, but also, like, if we want to just go do something, I mean, we are married. Come on, get to go have fun sometimes. Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's work, sometimes it's both.
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A
Yeah. I would say even prior to before marriage, Adam and I always loved to just like, go and do things and travel. I used to travel a lot for my previous job, like, around the world, which gave me a joy of adventure and seeing the world and seeing different cultures and seeing what else is around. I mean, I didn't grow up being able to, you know, tour the States. I mean, we didn't have money, so we didn't go on vacations. We would go to Houston and maybe Florida every once in a while, but to, like, a real beach. But I didn't grow up going on vacations. And so when I had the opportunity, like, as an adult and, like, go to places, especially within, like, a career in a business, like, it became such a joy to be like, whoa. Like, there's so much, like, so many different things around, and it just made me enjoy and see the world differently. Right. And so whenever we got married and he would, like, meet me on trips or we start to, like, travel together, it just was fun. Like, you get to experience things and see things together. And then when we started to have Blake, and then I still had to, you know, I went back to work and that still happened. And then when I'm speeding all this up, then we had Quince and the TV show, and obviously life changed for quite a while, but our traveling changed quite drastically. But we still had to.
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B
It was like a cough and a hiccup at the same time, but we still had to do that time that weird. You die. I think I heard that.
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A
What if you cough and hiccup or.
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B
Sneeze and sneeze, and that's not real sneeze and hiccup. That's what I Was told when I was in school, if you do those two at the same time, you die.
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A
Okay.
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B
So I've always been scared of it. You know, it's most terrifying thing is sneezing while you're driving.
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A
Squirrel.
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B
Oh, my gosh.
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A
No, that's because you hold it in and then you snot everywhere.
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B
Because I can't sneeze without, like closing my eyes.
- [10:58]
A
Okay. Squirrel. But we. We found, especially in this season of being a family of eight TV show, all the things that we were kind of like, wow, we're just in this 24 hour period of like Groundhog Day. Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat. So we would find like a night away, like staycations, like one night away. And it was just like, we had to. We just had to do it because, like, it was like, hey, yeah.
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B
Because it wasn't just. It wasn't just us, like, managing, you know, baby Quince and Blake. It was managing baby Quince and Blake and filming a TV show.
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A
Like, all life was new all around.
- [11:43]
B
Like five to six days a week sometimes. And so you just need that, like, break that release to, like. So we would plan, you know, once a month we would, you know, or no, once a week we'd have like a date night. And then once a. Once every quarter, we would try at the very least, like a little staycation.
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A
Like a weekend away.
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B
Like just a weekend away. Like, even if it's just like up in the city, just like get a hotel room, like just spend a couple days in the city just to like.
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A
Yeah. And I mean, this was. Thankfully, we were very blessed with people in our lives that were. That came into our lives, because when you have quintuplet babies and toddlers, let you know, it took. It took a lot of people to be able to do this so that we could have a night or two away. And it was very hard. So those days, it was a lot of prep to leave. You're almost thinking, is this even worth it to leave for the amount of prep it takes to just to get away for one night. But it was, it really was. Because you almost go through this phase of like, you. You kind of forget who you are and where it all began, and there's phases of that, but it's always meaningful and you need to be reminded that that's where it all began and that's what you need to remember. So even in the midst of the craziness, you just have to be reminded and. And constantly say, we have to make a point. And so, you know, whether it is Once a week, once a month, you know, once a quarter where we could have a staycation. It took. I mean, I wish I could pull up my schedule and show you it was color coded. It was lining up, you know, two to three people a day on a schedule. Like having two people at a time, you know, who was going to stay overnight, who was going to help. I always had two people a day, rotating shifts. I mean, it literally was. It was a mad house and then, you know, getting all the bottles and the formula and the milk and the like, whatever, however, however old they were, you know, and then the food lined up, prepping what meals were going to be made, all the clothes and like all the things. All the things. And especially when they were in the bottle feeding phase every three hours. And this is what they needed. Every, every. It was literally six different schedules and every baby had their own schedule. And it was like, if Deb came in, Deb would do these two, and if Lee came in, Lee would do these. If Kathy came in, she would handle these. And if. And then it would switch and then, you know, she would take over these. You. I mean, it literally was insane and very thankful that, that these people came back and they still are involved in our lives today. But it was important and they knew it was important. They knew it was important for us to be able to get away, and they wanted that for us too. And so they knew marriage was important and they knew that we needed to have a moment to rekindle and to reconnect, and that was of value for us to remember the marriage and do that. And so ultra thankful for people in our lives that wanted to remind us that, hey, y' all need to get away. We got. We. You tell us what we need to do and we're going to take care of it. And I don't think honestly as many people that walk away and have like this mom guilt or this dad guilt. I am not quite sure if I ever felt the word guilty for leaving. I. I felt like even. I only felt that when it was like NICU days and stuff, but when they were old enough and we finally left them for like a one overnight, I had like full trust in like.
- [15:50]
B
I mean, we wouldn't leave them within with anyone that we didn't trust.
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A
Oh, yeah. I mean, this was. They were like family people, you know, I. I had full trust and capability that these people were capable.
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B
Yeah.
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A
And I never, I never had a doubt that they would, I think, not follow the routine.
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B
Yeah, for sure. I mean, I think one of the big, you know, pieces of advice that we got early on, you know, especially, like, being in the position we were in, you know, high order multiple parents of high order multiples. That's like one strike against you. Also being on reality tv, that's another strike against you. And just like, the high stress of just like the household, like, you have these cards stacked against you of, you know, people telling you, like, look like, you know, especially like, from the outside, people that don't really know us very well, and, you know, they're like, this marriage is gonna fail. Like y'.
- [16:54]
A
All. Yeah.
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B
And. And so you just. But you. You get, like, really great advice from people that have either been in our shoes somewhat. It's hard to really be in our shoes to the extent, but to just make that time for ourselves. And, you know, I mean, we would catch flack from other parents, obviously, that weren't in our situation. They're like, man, you'll always go. And, you know, you're always going off and doing something or you're. You're getting away from your kids so much and stuff. But, like, you really don't understand the magnitude of, like, the situation that we were in. And, you know, we had to 100% make this a priority, make our marriage a priority, because if we weren't okay, our family wasn't going to be okay, our kids weren't going to be okay. And, you know, whenever it's like security to your kids, whenever your kids know that you're good, you're okay. Mom and dad love each other. They're affectionate toward. Towards each other in front of them and everything like that. Then, you know, they feel secure. And so, you know, we always took. We always saw it as like, we're working on this to, to have a better home and to show security to our kids.
- [18:12]
A
Yeah. And. And I hate. Always hated the. The fact that a lot of people even, even people close to us would always see that as such a selfish thing that, oh, you're leaving your kids to go on a. On a trip or this. I mean, even people very close to us would give us a lot of flack for. How dare you leave your six kids for you and Adam to go somewhere. And it's like, listen, exactly what Adam said. If we're not good, the household's going to suffer. So this needs to work first. This needs to always be well or the household's going to suffer. And we have constant people around us, which has always been a blessing that had. That God has put around us that has Constantly holding us accountable and building us up and saying, hey, we want y' all to go out on a date night. Hey, we want to come watch the kids. And, hey, such and such. And I want to come over and let us know what weekend we can come. And we want to sit with the kids so that y' all can go on a night away. Y' all go stay in the city tonight. Y' all go. Like, and what a. What a blessing that is. And. And as a parent, as hard as it is to just be like, yes, they would say the answer is not no, it's yes. And you're gonna go do it because that is what is needed. And not that. Like, to have people tell you that that's so healthy for your marriage. Because guess what? Being parents of six kids is a. Is hard. Is a lot. Especially in the new ages, especially under the age of two quintuplets. It was hard. It was very, very hard. I don't think we ever felt. I speak for myself. I never felt guilty for leaving them. I felt.
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B
Thankful.
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A
I felt very thankful and very blessed that we had people that had such. That was bringing them such joy to. So that they could stay with them. It was like, we would love more than anything to stay with them one night so that you and Adam could go stay away and, like, we can stay with them. That it would bless us to stay and spend the night with them. We're going to do movie and popcorn or, like, whatever with Blake and blah, blah, blah, blah. That way y' all can go do something special for y'. All. So that's just. I don't know. I never felt, like, bad for going out away from them, you know?
- [20:47]
B
Yeah.
- [20:48]
A
I always saw it as, like, a positive. A positive going forward. So I think, as, you know, we speed up and as the kids are getting older, you know, they're 10 now. And over the years, they've been very used to. Over the years where Adam and I have gone to places ourselves, and they've never really have asked many questions or they've always had, you know, fun with whoever's going to stay with them. And it's never really bothered them that we are away. They're always like, oh, who's going to stay with us? And. And they enjoy it. They enjoy the funness of who do they get to hang out with? Or what's the. You know, is it going to be Ms. Darby? Is it going to be Deb? Is it going to be Nana, Papa? Or, like, do we get to go stay with Aunt Lila? And Kiki. And sometimes we divide and conquer them with like, my sisters or like, it's fun to them for that, and so they enjoy it. You know, it's a. It's a bit of a change for them. And it's fun to them, I think, as they are hitting this pre teen age and they're starting to experience, like, emotions and, like, you know, different things of emotions. They're starting to, like, question, like, well, when are you leaving? When are you coming back? How long gonna be gone? What time are you gonna be gone? Before I leave or after school? Before school? Like, some of them are starting to get a little bit more, like, wanting to be particular about things, which I think is cute and funny. But so we kind of are like, experience a little bit of difference with that. But they're still like, could care less that we're kind of like, here or there, because every day is still filled with, like, funness to them.
- [22:35]
B
Yeah.
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A
Of whoever's here. And I think a lot of times, too, I still try to. Like, especially when we go away, we have this. We have this rule too, where I'll throw it in here. Like, we get us asked a lot too, when we're on trips. Do you buy your kids gifts when you go on trips? Like, do you come home with a gift for your kids on trips? And what's our rule? Our rule is when we go on trips as parents with no kids, we don't come home with trips. We don't come home with gifts for our kids if our kids are not with us, we would have an overload of junk and. Or T shirts or whatever every time we went somewhere. So. No. Or we don't come home with souvenirs every time Adam and I go somewhere just to bring home to the kids. Our rule is if any of our kids are with us or if we're all somewhere, they get a souvenir wherever we go.
- [23:35]
B
Yeah.
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A
So if they're not with us, we don't come home with souvenirs for them. If they're with us, they get something that saves on a lot of things.
- [23:42]
B
Yeah, for sure. I mean, especially, like, if I'm going on, like, work trips or something like that. I don't. I mean, it's like a chore just to go out and try to, like, find.
- [23:50]
A
And it's like, we don't want to get airplane crap.
- [23:52]
B
I mean, some little travel, like, knickknack just to bring home. Just so you know, I never wanted my kid. I like, I always wanted my kids to Be like, oh, daddy's home. Like, you know, hey, Daddy, not daddy's home. Would you bring me? Yeah, you know, and so, like, we never started that habit of. Of like, training them. Like, oh, whenever we come through the door, it's like, what did you bring me? And you know, that just like that consumerist, like, mindset and your kids of like, oh, you're going. You're going somewhere awesome. I get something.
- [24:26]
A
Yeah. And we never like that, but we do love allowing them to pick. We always say, you get one thing on the trip to take home. And so we always tell them, like, hey, if we're gone five days, you.
- [24:40]
B
Just always stuffed animal.
- [24:42]
A
It's always a stuffed animal. And so still, yeah, you get five days. If we're on a trip for five days. If you get some the first day, like, you got four more days to think about, like, someone day one, you ain't getting something the rest of the days, you know, but we do. We love. It was kind of one of the other questions, like, what's it like when you come home from a trip? And that's part of it. Like, we like coming home to not wanting to come home to our kids, being like, oh, would you get me? It's like, no, we want to come home to the kids wanting to see us and us wanting to see them and talk about, like, what did you do? I was gone. What did you do? What did you see? How was school? And have conversation not about what did you get me. So just a little insight for you all listening there. Whenever we are gone as a couple, you know, a lot's changed from toddler years until, you know, fifth grade and high school years. As far as when we leave, we definitely still make a schedule. I still make a schedule. I think last time we left somewhere, Nana and Papa were here with them.
- [25:51]
B
And they love Danielle's detailed schedules down to the minute.
- [25:56]
A
I think that they love my schedule the most. They're like, where's the schedule? But I do. I mean, I mean, it's pretty much if you follow it or you shouldn't have a question with what do you need to do today? If you just look at the schedule and I want to make it. It's six kids. I want to make this as easy as possible for anyone.
- [26:17]
B
Well, for. For one thing, I mean, especially, like, if we're out and it's like either a work trip or, I mean, I guess it doesn't matter either or. But, you know, whenever we're out traveling, sometimes we're not accessible on Our phones too. And so, you know, you don't want to have to worry about, oh, shoot. They were trying to get in touch with me because they needed to know this one detail about where to go or what to have for this day or whatever. And so that's like one of the main reasons why Daniel would be so detail oriented with like the list that she would like, taped to the pantry.
- [26:54]
A
But yeah, no, the old house. I had like my roll down thing that I missed.
- [26:59]
B
If you have any questions, just like reference the list so that you don't have to, you know, constantly be calling or asking questions. It's usually always all there.
- [27:08]
A
And I will say, since we're in the new city, the first time that they came and watched them over here and it was like, new school, location, all the things. Like, they came over the night before and like we ran. They were like, okay, let's go pick up the kids together. So they rode with us and we're like, okay, this is where you go. This is where you go with this one. So that kind of was like an extra bonus. But literally it's like addresses, you know, this is what time we get them up in the morning. This is all you have to do. It's like lunch, water bottle. This is what time I set an alarm on my phone. This is what time we get in the van and leave for school. What time you, you know, YOLO timed in the middle of the day for Nan and papa. Like, do whatever you want. And then what time you pick them up from school. And then it's like everything you need after school, who goes where, blah, blah, blah. So it's very detailed. And usually when we're out of town, I usually not now, but I usually recommend or already have, like, hey, these are the things that it can either be cooked, that I have meals ready, or I already have stuff cooked like, or pulled out like in the refrigerator, like, oh, hey, here's stuff for spaghetti, here's stuff for burgers, or like whatever and, or money. Or we leave money for like, go out to eat.
- [28:24]
B
Like, one of the things that we do is like whenever we're like planning on the trip, you know, hopefully, like ideally. And we try our best to like schedule any trips like in the middle of the week, especially if it's like during, while the kids are in school and stuff like that. So then like, yeah, maybe your mornings are, are a little hectic just because you gotta wake up, get them, get them fed, dressed, make sure they're all dressed and stuff and get out the door, get to school. But then you have like an eight hour break in the middle of the day where you don't have to do anything or you can kind of either prep for the evening or, you know, just go around town or do whatever you want. And the kids are at school and so it's really just like morning get them to school and then you have like an eight hour break to just chill before, you know, they get home from school.
- [29:11]
A
Yeah, so we found that.
- [29:13]
B
And we try to make everything in during the week, but every now and then there's something that pops up depending.
- [29:19]
A
On who is coming and watching them. And if it's a short trip and it's on the weekend, we're more than likely hoping to get someone that wants to run around with them and go bring them to play places and like, stuff like that. But you know, it all depends on the schedule and what we're having to go do. But you know, I think when it comes to, you know, traveling separate is where it gets to the fun stuff like where Adam goes on a trip and then I go on a trip. So let's talk about that. So let's talk about when Danielle leaves to go on a trip. So I go on a trip and Adam's in charge.
- [30:02]
B
Okay.
- [30:03]
A
What really happens at the house? So there's, we have, we have a schedule, we have bedtimes, like all the things, like what happens? We have rules, like I'll just go quickly over what our daily rules are. Pick up your plates after you're done eating, put your dirty clothes in the basket, make your bed, brush your teeth, hang your towels up or put them up in the dirty basket. Shoes up, backpacks up when you get home from school. Homework. Yeah, homework and whoever's day it is to feed the dogs. Bedtime. Yeah, bedtime. All the things which, which right now.
- [30:46]
B
It'S like a lot easier because the girls are so much more like self sufficient and like you can literally just tell them, okay, do this, do this, do this.
- [30:52]
A
And like, it's not really that easy. You have to repeat yourself quite a bit.
- [30:55]
B
You do have to repeat yourself, but it's not necessarily like wrangling babies, you know, and having to do like every little thing for them and you know, and like hover and like make sure like, you know, and you're just like hurting, hurting.
- [31:09]
A
Give us a glimpse of like maybe you know, five, eight years ago to like today, like last week.
- [31:18]
B
I mean, five, eight years ago today, like, I mean typically whenever Danielle would have to go out of Town, she would, like, set somebody up, like, during the day to come in and, like, assist, because, I mean, at the same time, I'm still working, too. And so you kind of need, like, it's hard to do it all, especially whenever I'm having to be at work or whatever. And so she'd have somebody come in to, like, help it, either in the evenings, just kind of evening routine, and then they would leave.
- [31:44]
A
I forgot about that.
- [31:45]
B
Yeah, But I mean, like, now, you know, it's a lot different. I mean, like, our kids are really good about, like, waking up in the morning. They. They set their clothes out the night before.
- [31:59]
A
But what did I used to do for you? Go back, Way back.
- [32:03]
B
What? Like, lay out their clothes for the week.
- [32:05]
A
Even before that, what? Everyone was like, here's Monday through Friday clothes, every one of them.
- [32:13]
B
Yeah. Lay out the clothes for the week.
- [32:14]
A
Yeah.
- [32:15]
B
I just said, oh, I'm.
- [32:17]
A
I think I thought you're just saying, like, the next day. I used to be like, Adam. Adam's biggest stress was if you can just make sure that their clothes set for the week or however many days you're going, I just need you to make sure their clothes are done.
- [32:31]
B
That was, like, always my biggest ask was before you leave. I do not want to freaking think about, like, all their freaking outfits for the entire week. Like, okay, if you're gonna leave, like, organize and, like, lay out their clothes for the week. Either pile them up and, like, okay, this is Ava pile, Olivia pile, or whatever.
- [32:53]
A
I was like, babe, they all match. When they were little, they all match. Just get one outfit and get all five of them.
- [32:59]
B
Whenever they weren't able to, like, pick out their own outfit for the day, which they are now, obviously. But that was, like. That was, like, the biggest stress point for me is, like, worrying about, like, okay, going and digging through all their freaking closets, finding, like, everything goes together or whatever.
- [33:17]
A
That's kind of like what we were talking about this morning. When you're like. You're like, oh, and my plan changed up, and then I get all, like, flustered and whatever. I can see you.
- [33:25]
B
That's the one thing that makes me the most flustered.
- [33:29]
A
What do I do? What do I do?
- [33:32]
B
Combing through multiple closets, trying to find clothes and matching everything up for a bunch of little girls. That was, like, my biggest stress point.
- [33:43]
A
Yeah, I used to do all the clothes. I used to, like.
- [33:45]
B
Like, dinner time, breakfast, like that. That didn't bother me. It was like, no, but I used.
- [33:52]
A
To do all that. I used to make all the pre meals I would put Monday, I used to label those until that day on outdaughtered. Remember that? Remember when you're making fun of me and you said, I don't ever do nothing at the house when I was doing laundry, and you're like, you don't ever do laundry. And I was like. And I didn't. From that point on. That was real, guys. That was real. I straight up left, and I was like, I'm not. I'm not setting up anything anymore. You remember that? And you're like, I was joking.
- [34:20]
B
It was a joke.
- [34:21]
A
It was a joke. But I took it to heart. And I was like, I'm leaving. When I went to Dallas, I said.
- [34:26]
B
That just for the sake of the scene, getting under your skin, on. In front of cameras.
- [34:31]
A
Well, you screwed yourself. That was fun. That was great for me. So what happens? So what happens? Like. Like, when they're home? Do y' all follow the schedule? Do you, like, follow the rules? Or do you, like, not follow the rules? And, like, you're like, oh, crap, today mom comes home. She's gonna be home in an hour.
- [34:53]
B
No, I mean, we follow the schedule.
- [34:56]
A
For real?
- [34:57]
B
Yeah.
- [34:58]
A
Come on.
- [34:58]
B
I mean, for the most part, we do especially, like, nighttime routine. Just because, like, I don't feel like.
- [35:03]
A
You follow the rules.
- [35:04]
B
Even when I'm home, I want to get to bed. So, like, the quicker y' all get to bed, the quicker, because whenever the quints are in bed, I'm making a beeline to my bed. So I'm like, shoot, y' all are going to bed at the same time. Like, just because mom's mom's not here doesn't mean y' all get to stay up. So, like, especially in the evening times, like, after dinner, and whether we go out to eat or we eat at home, typically, like, whenever Daniel's gone, we do eat out more. Just because, like, okay, that's just one more thing. I don't want to. Like, I want. I want to keep the house as clean as possible, and, like, I don't want to have to keep going back around.
- [35:41]
A
Tell that story. How did that become what? Tell the story about why you started.
- [35:49]
B
To do that just so the house is clean when you get home.
- [35:52]
A
Yeah, because why? Because I'd come home and what? And, like, the last thing I want to do when I come home is come home to a messy house.
- [36:02]
B
Yeah. So I'm like, okay. So every night we would just go out to dinner.
- [36:07]
A
I'll never forget. And people are probably thinking, man, you Expect a lot. You expect him to stay home, watch all your six kids, and keep a.
- [36:16]
B
Clean house and have the house spotless.
- [36:18]
A
Like, hold up, let me back that up. Because when I, when I leave, I set him up with like a helper, a nanny to help with night time, help with all these things. And. Which means, like, she's probably helping clean up dishes, like all this stuff. But, like, like when I come home, it'd still be a messy house or whatever. And I would just say, like, I just don't want to walk through the door and dish it. Like, it'd be a messy house. And so it was like my one ask. Like, I don't care if it's messy everywhere. I just don't want it to be dirty, like, right when I walk in the door to, like, the bedroom, you know? And so I'll never forget, like, that next time I came home and I was like, wow, it's clean. And so he was like, I did it. And then it was like, dude, go out to eat every night.
- [37:06]
B
Crack the code.
- [37:06]
A
Like, hey, I kept the house clean, man. I spent way too much money this week, but I kept the house clean. He's like, I pick him up from school, we go to the park, we go to dinner, we come home, take.
- [37:18]
B
A bath and go to bed. Yeah, as soon as I pick him up from school, we like, we never went home straight to the park. We wouldn't even play in the playroom. Yeah, you're not even pulling out toys. We're going straight to the park, going straight to dinner, coming home, jump in the bathtub, and you're going to bed every night. We never touched the kitchen.
- [37:40]
A
So. So what is, what do you find is the hardest or is something hard or easier when I'm gone? Like, when it's just you?
- [37:51]
B
I mean, I think the hardest thing is just managing work and juggling the parenting stuff while you're gone. Because at least, like, whenever you're home, like, I know I can at least like, kind of lock myself in my office and try to get some specific stuff done. And whenever you're not here, I, I know I can't do that. And that's what's like, the hardest. That's usually what, like, makes me, like, flustered because it, like, gets me out of my work routine, like the parenting stuff. And like, like, especially nowadays, like, where, where the kids are, like, just managing them and stuff like that is. I mean, I don't see that as very hard at all. I mean, I mean, we lived life with you know, quintuplet toddlers. I mean, so now like whenever, now that they're 10 years old and they're like completely, for the most part, completely self sufficient and can just, you can just manage them. It's fairly easy, you know, except for like juggling like, you know, Friday evenings whenever you're, you know, taking sports and one to tennis, one to volleyball, and then they're asking, oh, can I go out, like spend the night with such and such and go do this? And so you're like managing like getting this to this parent and these to this parent. Drop Riley off, come back home, get Hazel squared away. Because Hazel's friend calls while we're on the way and her friend wants to go, like, have a sleepover. So I'm like hurrying up, going back home, getting Hazel squared away, getting her clothes, bringing her back with me, going and meeting another parent. And so, you know, it's just like one thing after another after another after.
- [39:32]
A
Another and you stress out with chaos and I'm like thriving. Chaos.
- [39:36]
B
Yeah. Yeah. I don't like it. I don't like disruption in my routine. It annoy. It annoys me.
- [39:45]
A
Yeah. So whenever Adam's gone, whenever Adam's gone, to me, it's just such a different pace in the house. I feel like. I know. I mean, everybody wants, everybody wants to be both. I mean, in the perfect world, we're both always here. But there's obviously a lot of times where, especially like in race season, like where he's gone literally all the time.
- [40:14]
B
Three weeks out of a month.
- [40:15]
A
And that's like, that's hard. But if he's gone for just like a short trip or like two days or whatever, like, like next week or something, you're going or out of town or something.
- [40:27]
B
I'm going for like two or three days or something, but it's really like two days. But it's like two half days and a whole day.
- [40:33]
A
Sometimes I get in the mode where it's almost like teaching someone a new task. It's almost easier to do it yourself than to teach someone. So when I. It's just me in charge, I sometimes can just handle things better myself than expecting Adam sometimes to be doing it with me. So when he's gone for like a day or two, I'm like, okay, it's just me. And I'm not like expecting him to be helping with this or helping with that or helping with that. I'm just, I just get it done and it's got done quick, you know, and you probably do the same way. And so. But I don't like that for the.
- [41:18]
B
Extended period there's like not that expectation. Are they going to help with this or are they going to help with that? It's just like, oh, they're not here. So like you just do it. Just expect it. Okay, I got to do this.
- [41:28]
A
Yeah.
- [41:28]
B
And it's already like in your mind at the beginning of the day. I got to do this later. And not like I don't know if he's going to be busy doing something or get called into a meeting at work and it's like up in the air and then like, oh, now I have to do it. Like right now it's just like it's already thought out.
- [41:48]
A
Yeah. So. But I don't like that for extended period of time because I mean, I don't want to live that way and I don't want to be a solo parent at any means. So. But in those short instances, it's sometimes easier that way in a shorts, in a short way just because expectations. But you know, I think that everything's harder if you're doing it as a one man team. Because we are a team. Divide and conquer. Obviously all the things when it comes to with six kids with one parent, that's really hard juggling all those, all those things.
- [42:31]
B
But I don't know, I think they're like, there's so much more in this topic on like going like a single, like whenever one of us leaves and whatever, we may end up needing to cover that on a whole nother podcast. I don't know. Just because it's in the outline of like stuff that we have like, I think there's just a lot more there. Whenever you have like one parent that like works or has to take work trips and stuff like that and like what it's like.
- [42:56]
A
And another rule that we've kind of set in our place because that's very, A lot of times we're very overwhelmed and in a little. And something so small, like, I'm gonna go to the grocery store, I picked the kids up from school, I dropped off at home, Adam's at home, I'm gonna go to the grocery store. And within, you know, 15 minutes of me being gone, everybody's calling me like 20 times asking if such and such can come over to play. And Adam's on a work call, they're calling me, blah, blah. And I'm just like all. I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to grab some milk, you know, I'll be home in 15 minutes. But they. It's like all these things. Right. So we kind of made a rule when we are both gone, we will check in once a day, and unless there is something urgently needed, then don't call us.
- [43:57]
B
Yeah.
- [43:58]
A
Obviously by whoever is watching the kids, we will check in once a day. But if there's something that is urgently needed, you call us. But otherwise we will check in. And that allows us to mentally kind of break away and focus on us. I think a lot of people don't like to hear that, but it's very hard for us to break away from the mental load of parenting six kids and then the work stress level. So it's very hard when you work together and parent together to really just have fun and just be Adam and Danielle together.
- [44:44]
B
It's hard to disconnect whenever you keep getting pulled back in.
- [44:47]
A
Yeah.
- [44:48]
B
So little random things that aren't really necessary.
- [44:51]
A
So how can we go out and have fun?
- [44:54]
B
The kids will just call you for the most random thing.
- [44:56]
A
Yeah. So how can we go out and have fun if we're constantly just being pulled back into what we're trying to have a vacation from? Right. So that's one rule that we've kind of set in place years ago, and it works for us. Do we still get, like, text or whatever? We do. And we will occasionally, like, respond, but we really do try as best we can. And sometimes we have to respond and say, hey, Mommy and daddy are having their. Their date. Their date trip. We will con. We will give y' all a call later tonight. You know, and so we try to teach our kids, too. Like, this is very important for us. This is mommy and daddy's time away. Just like we go on dates, this is our date trip. So we will call y' all tonight or.
- [45:43]
B
But also, whoever we're putting them in care of.
- [45:46]
A
Right.
- [45:47]
B
Is capable of making those, like.
- [45:50]
A
Yeah.
- [45:50]
B
Decisions for, like, random questions.
- [45:52]
A
Right. But they, too. They. They. They just get used to it. Used to just nagging.
- [46:02]
B
Yeah.
- [46:02]
A
In a sense. And when you've got quintuplets, one of them might be downstairs and one of them's upstairs, and they don't know that one of them asked us, and so they're just saying it again and they didn't know, you know, so it's. It's just repetitive. And so that's another reason why it's like, we can't constantly be getting asked the same question multiple times a day, you know? So maybe that could be an advice that works for you. Maybe you only have one, two kids. And that's not something you ever get, you know, approached with, but something that does work for us. So just setting those boundaries on what could work for you and your spouse to be able to really break away and whether it's a, a dinner date, how do you, how do you break away from work, home life and really just focus on, like, you two? So something that y' all should discuss, talk about and just really kind of make a little checklist of like, these are the things that would work for us and we should try to start doing to really ground yourselves back into your marriage. So it all started out with a little bit of talking about traveling and stuff, but I feel like we gave a couple little pointers on what we do when we're traveling, but what we also do to kind of like for a marriage and whether we're traveling together or separate, but what we do for just keeping our lives together. Going. Yeah, Sanity. Anyway.
- [47:32]
B
All right, thank you guys for tuning in to episode 58.
- [47:36]
A
Yeah.
- [47:37]
B
Podcast. Peace out and we'll see you in 59. All right, we love you guys.
- [48:04]
A
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