Today's Headlines: The Department of Homeland Security is threatening to cut customs staffing at major international airports in sanctuary cities like New York, LA, Chicago, and DC — which would affect not just tourism but cargo shipments and the broader economy — because DHS Secretary Markwayne Mullin apparently thinks international trade can just reroute to Florida. Trump, meanwhile, said he's "in no hurry" to end the Iran war while also telling reporters he might skip his own son's destination wedding in the Bahamas because of "this thing called Iran," which is either a convenient excuse or the most relatable thing he's ever said. The Traitor Fund — formerly known as Trump's $1.776 billion slush fund — is getting wilder by the day: Proud Boys leader Enrique Tarrio wants $2-5 million, Mike Lindell is asking for $400 million, a January 6th rioter who compared herself to Jesus during sentencing wants $10 million, George Santos might file, and the couple who pointed guns at BLM protesters is reportedly interested. Acting AG Todd Blanche went to Congress to lobby Republicans not to block the fund — and offered to cut them in on it, specifically noting that senators whose records were secretly subpoenaed are eligible to file claims, which is a sentence that exists. The Senate responded by going home for a few weeks rather than dealing with it, which is technically a dereliction of their constitutional duty to approve funding, but here we are. Mortgage rates also hit a nine-month high this week at 6.51%, Trump is claiming he can build his DC arch without congressional approval, and a design commission approved the arch's look, which is one of many steps still required — Congress included, no matter what Donald says. On the Epstein files, Jeffrey Epstein's former personal assistant Sarah Kellen testified before the House Oversight Committee in a session described as deeply informative and genuinely harrowing — revealing she was recruited at 21, sexually and psychologically abused by Epstein for over a decade, and was "being paid in part to be raped." She also told the committee that the federal government included her name in Epstein's 2008 nonprosecution agreement without ever speaking to her, effectively branding her a criminal in a secret deal made with her own abuser. And finally, last night was Stephen Colbert's last show, which aired after this episode was recorded.

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