Today's Headlines: Yet another wild weekend of news! A man traveled from San Diego to DC by train with two legally purchased firearms and multiple knives, charged past security at the White House Correspondents Dinner, got shot at by a Secret Service agent who accidentally hit a fellow officer, and was apprehended within seconds. Trump was evacuated, went straight to the briefing room in black tie, and has since used the incident primarily to advocate for his White House ballroom, with the DOJ helpfully filing a motion to drop the lawsuit blocking its construction the very next morning. The suspect, Cole Tomas Allen, sent a manifesto to his family calling himself a "friendly federal assassin" and targeting Trump and his cabinet — his family forwarded it to law enforcement, who apparently didn't get there in time. Acting AG Todd Blanche responded to the shooting by saying tighter gun laws aren't the answer, which is exactly what you'd expect from the president's personal criminal defense attorney. On the Iran front, Trump cancelled the latest round of peace talks at the last minute, posting that it was "too much traveling" and that Iran's leadership is confused — Iran then sent a new proposal he called better but not good enough, while Iran's foreign minister flew to Russia to meet with Putin, so that's fun. The acting Secretary of the Navy is now Hung Cao, the tenth person to hold that role across Trump's two terms, a decorated veteran who has claimed to have been "blown up" in combat without evidence, wants American law based on biblical scripture, and warned during a 2023 campaign interview that witches had taken over Monterey, California. In Israel, centrist Yair Lapid and former PM Naftali Bennett announced a new coalition party that could threaten Netanyahu's grip on power, citing Hungary's ouster of Viktor Orban as their model — notable since Netanyahu has been in office for most of the past 17 years. Two major wildfires are burning in southeastern Georgia, with over 120 homes destroyed and one volunteer firefighter dead, while a tornado in northern Texas killed at least two people and displaced 20 families. Meta and Microsoft each announced layoffs of roughly 8,000 employees, both citing AI investment as the reason they need fewer humans around. And Elon Musk finally admitted on Tesla's earnings call that the full self-driving hardware sold to millions of customers for a decade simply cannot do what he promised — triggering class action lawsuits and a rare moment of honesty from a man who has very few of them.

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