Today's Headlines: Two January 6th police officers — Harry Dunn and Daniel Hodges — filed a lawsuit to block Trump's $1.776 billion slush fund, naming Trump, Todd Blanche, and Scott Bessent, while exactly one Republican congressman, Brian Fitzpatrick, called it out publicly — prompting Trump to immediately shitpost about Fitzpatrick's wife. On the primaries, Tuesday's results confirmed that Trump owns the GOP completely: Mitch McConnell lost his Senate primary to a Trump-endorsed challenger, Georgia has two runoff races next month with no clear Trump favorite in either, and Alabama is in redistricting limbo with a special primary coming in August. The through-line is simple — any hint of dissent costs you your job, even as Trump's approval rating drops and voters are furious about costs. The Ebola outbreak is moving fast, with over 600 suspected cases and 139 deaths — a 30% jump in a single day — a 30-50% fatality rate, no treatment, and a vaccine still months away. The International Rescue Committee says Trump's USAID cuts left the region dangerously unprepared to catch the outbreak early, though the State Department has now pledged to fund 50 treatment clinics, which is good, and also something USAID was already doing before it was gutted. Remember when shitposting about Charlie Kirk was treated like a crime? Well, a retired Tennessee cop spent 37 days in jail and lost his job over a Facebook post quoting Trump after a school shooting — Perry County will now pay him $835,000 for the First Amendment violation, which seems like an expensive lesson. In real life Succession, James Murdoch officially acquired roughly half of Vox Media including New York Magazine and its podcast network for over $300 million, with The Verge and Eater not included in the deal. SpaceX filed for its IPO yesterday at a $1.25 trillion valuation — one day after Elon lost his OpenAI trial — with Musk's compensation package including a billion shares that only vest when there's a permanent Mars colony of at least one million people, so that's his retirement plan. OpenAI is filing for its IPO tomorrow at an $850 billion valuation, Anthropic is raising money at a $900 billion valuation, and Trump endorsed Spencer Pratt for mayor of Los Angeles, calling him "a character" and "a big MAGA person," with Pratt currently polling between second and third ahead of the June 2nd primary.

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