Today’s Headlines: Congress is having a moment. Eric Swalwell resigned yesterday after the House Ethics Committee announced an investigation into harassment and rape allegations against him, and with an expulsion vote likely incoming. He called the allegations "false" while also admitting he made "mistakes" — a distinction he'll get to work out with the Manhattan DA. Republican Tony Gonzalez followed within the hour, announcing he's leaving Congress early after previously denying, then admitting, an affair with a staffer who later died by suicide. Two more members — Florida Republican Cory Mills and Florida Democrat Sheila Cherfilus-McCormick — are facing potential expulsion for sexual misconduct allegations and stealing $5 million in federal disaster funds, respectively. In Iran war news, The U.S. military launched a blockade of the Strait of Hormuz yesterday with more than 15 warships, and Trump posted that any Iranian ships that come near it will be "immediately ELIMINATED" using the same methods used against drug dealers at sea — "quick and brutal." Peace talks with Iran remain stalled, though Vance spent Monday doing damage control press rounds claiming the U.S. "acquired some knowledge" about Iranian negotiating tactics. The gap between the two sides: Iran offered a 5-year nuclear suspension, the U.S. wants 20 years. Iran also wants the Strait back to what it was before the war — which, to be fair, is exactly what everyone wants. Trump posted an AI-generated image of himself as Jesus healing a man resembling Jeffrey Epstein, called Pope Leo "weak on crime," and accused him of catering to the radical left. The post was deleted Monday after widespread backlash. Trump said he thought the image was of him as a doctor. He refused to apologize. He then ordered DoorDash to the Oval Office to promote his no-tax-on-tips policy, handed a woman in a DoorDash Grandma t-shirt a $100 bill, and called it a day. Tomorrow is Tax Day — the first since the Trump administration eliminated free tax filing, handing the business back to H&R Block and Intuit.

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