Almost Every MLB Player I Work With Has the Same Wound — And It's Their Dad - Most Valuable Agent with Matt Hannaford

Transcript

A (0:12)

All right, you guys, we are going to get started here. I'll introduce myself. My name is Sonny Merlo. I am the FCA baseball director here in San Diego. So shout out to all my. All my peeps that are here right now. I'm also the head coach at Carlsbad High, too. So I got that going for me. Before we get into it, I do want to just talk a little bit about what God was putting on my heart this morning. And it's not a coincidence. Matt was actually here for our service today. And I'm going to whip out my phone because I can't remember, but the. The whole message today was it started out with Proverbs 18:21. And so I'm going to read that to you guys. The tongue can bring death or life. For those who love to talk will reap the consequences. So I don't think that was a coincidence that we started off with that verse today. And as. As parents and as coaches, you know, we have two choices. We can either bring life or we can bring death when we speak into kids. And so that's what this is all about today. And that's our heart behind this. So before we get started, I'd just like to go ahead and just say a quick prayer and if everybody could just bow their heads really quick. Father, we're just so grateful and thankful for the opportunity just to be in this room and to just talk about you and what the impact that. That we can all have on our athletes with each other when we. When we put you in the center of our life. Father. So, Father, we just ask that your Holy Spirit be present. We ask that. That you would give wisdom and discernment to Joe and to Matt and to anybody else who is speaking today. Father, that, that we would just glorify you in our words and our actions. And Father, we just love you so much. And again, we're just so grateful and thankful to be here. We love you. We pray this in Jesus name. I do want to just a quick shout out. Jordan Dietz is in the back from fca, who is my boss, and he's got a table set out up there. So if any of you guys want athlete Bibles or coaches Bibles, the coaches Bibles too, if you guys are coaches. They're amazing. The devotionals on the back there are in the back of that Bible. If you're not sure what you're supposed to do on a daily basis, it's a great resource. We also have wristbands back there. And then for those of you guys that have or know of incoming 8th graders all the way to seniors. We have our Point Loma camp this year from June 29th to July 3rd, so we've also got some flyers there for you guys as well to find out a little bit more about what we do at FCA and. And that camp. And then lastly, I do want to thank Dave Hicks in the back, who's doing all of our tech for us today. Yeah, big round of applause. And Coastline Church for allowing us to be out here and be to. To use this incredible venue to. To share what we're going to share. So right now, I'm going to turn it over to Mr. Drew Davis.

B (3:18)

Good afternoon, everyone. I'm Drew. I'm the dad of two youth athletes, and I have the privilege of serving on the San Diego Fellowship of Christian Athletes board. And before we start, would you guys just all move forward? It'll be a lot easier for us to see you and to engage with you. So if you're in the back, but everybody just move forward a few rows, that'll help us a ton. Thank you. Yeah, the front row guys ready for business. Love it. Appreciate you guys doing that. A couple years ago, I was coaching my son Wyatt's basketball team, and I walked into a local gym here on a Sunday morning, and I saw a friend's dad, and I said good morning to him, and he said, good morning. Sports has become the devil's foothold. I said, what? What do you mean? And he said, sports. Youth sports has become a mess. And I said, well, tell me more about that. And he said, all these families are in here on a Sunday morning. They're not in church. This dad's screaming at his kid, his kid's crying. They're leveraging themselves financially. They don't take vacations together except to play sports. It's a mess. And so as that stuff was kind of percolating in my mind and heart, at the same time, Joe and Matt were having conversations with some of the athletes that they're involved with about the outsized impact that parents have and particularly fathers have on their kids. And in some cases, these are adults playing professional baseball that are still having an impact. Their fathers are still having an impact on them. And as I talked about this, especially on Matt's podcast, which you're going to hear more about, they realized that they were really onto something that there's a huge need here. The engagement, the comments, parents asking for help and support. Because me, like you, we're all navigating this together. And trying to learn and trying to do it well. But we all mess up from time to time. And so it became clear that we were onto something that we wanted to speak into, wanted to come alongside and wanted to help in one quick thing before I get into these guys intros. Who knows which country had the most gold medals in this Winter Olympics that

Summary

Podcast Episode Summary

Most Valuable Agent with Matt Hannaford

Episode: Almost Every MLB Player I Work With Has the Same Wound — And It's Their Dad
Date: April 29, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode—recorded live at a San Diego FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) event—dives deep into the unseen emotional dynamics behind youth and professional baseball. Host Matt Hannaford (Major League agent) and high-performance coach Johan Martinez-Kalilian engage a room full of parents, coaches, and youth athletes. The core question at the heart of the episode: Why do so many MLB players wrestle with unresolved wounds related to their fathers, and how does this shape their journey as athletes and humans? The conversation unpacks generational wounds, the costs of high-pressure parenting, empowered communication, and practical frameworks for creating healthier parent/athlete dynamics.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Power (and Wound) of Parental Influence

The “Dad Effect”: Both hosts share that almost every elite male athlete they work with is shaped—often pained—by their father’s approach. Many wrestle with approval, criticism, and feeling their worth is performance-dependent.
- Quote: “Almost every male athlete that I work with has had this dynamic with their dad where they kind of resent them and they can’t talk about things anymore.” — Johan (25:09)
Personal Stories:
- Matt shares a vivid childhood memory of avoiding his yelling father at hockey games—a wound felt even 35 years later.
- Johan tells of his relationship with his father, a professional soccer player who pushed his athletic dreams on Johan, ultimately harming their bond.
  - Quote: “It was his dream, not mine. …What he wanted from me, not for me. There’s a big difference there.” — Johan (21:34)

2. Why Overbearing Parenting Still Persists

Many parents believe a “tough” approach is necessary for success at the highest levels—a belief both speakers challenge with real-world examples.
- Quote: “Even if it were true that to create a professional athlete you’ve got to drive them into the ground…is that worth the cost of the relationship?” — Johan (28:53)
Many well-intentioned parents simply lack the tools for healthier support.

3. Vision, Identity, and Motivation

Vision-First Parenting: Both guests stress the need for parent/child alignment on “vision” instead of expectations and obligations.
- What does the child want? How can the parent be an advocate, not a dictator?
Agency & Motivation: Children have innate motivation—especially around play and sports—but it often withers under overbearing adult involvement. The goal is to support, not co-opt, their drive.
- Quote: “One thing I never have to convince them to do is play. …it changes when it’s no longer fun.” — Johan (32:54)

4. The Complaint as a Window to Vision

Practice: Rather than shaming or dismissing complaints, use them to clarify desires and turn them into actionable vision.
- Quote: “A complaint is a latent vision. Underneath the complaint is something you want.” — Johan (57:25)
Example framework: Parent says, “You’re not working hard enough.” Reframe to, “If you want to reach this goal, what would help you bring consistent effort?”

5. Empowered vs. Disempowered Language

Everyday language shapes reality.
- Disempowered: “I have to,” “I should,” “I can’t,” “It’s not my fault.”
- Empowered: “I choose to,” “I commit,” “I will,” “I get to,” “I don’t know yet, but I’ll figure it out.”
- Quote: “Language is a tool that can help or hurt…Vision is language. The way that you speak about your vision is directly connected to how you’re going to actually experience that vision.” — Matt (112:31)
Practical exercise: Attendees practice reframing complaints (disempowered) into empowered, collaborative requests.

6. Expectations vs. Agreements

Expectations are unspoken, one-sided, and predict disappointment and resentment.
Agreements are mutual, clearly articulated, and foster partnership.
- Quote: “An expectation is something that I want that I think other people should want too…it’s a pathway to resentment.” — Johan (88:13)
- Example: Instead of “I expect you to work out every morning,” agree on a routine, consequences, and check-ins.

7. Navigating Coach/Parent/Athlete Dynamics

How to voice complaints and needs with coaches constructively, seek alignment, and recognize when a coaching relationship is not a fit.
Vulnerable, vision-driven communication invites respect (even if you don’t get the answer you want).

8. Faith, Identity & Baseball as a False God

The episode advocates rooting identity in faith and lasting values—not performance or transient success.
- Quote [Player, video segment]: “Baseball does not make a good God. It’s an amazing game, but it’s not a good God. And if you worship the game, it will turn its back on you.”
Less than 0.14% of high school seniors make it to the MLB. Building identity solely on baseball is setting up for disappointment.

9. Practical Tools and Takeaways

Visioning exercises: Regularly discuss dreams, wants, and the steps/character needed to pursue them.
Empowered language: Notice “should” and “have to”—reframe as choice/commitment.
Complaint-to-vision practice: Regular, honest conversations in families.
Agreements over expectations: “How real is this agreement, 1–10?” Continually check in on, and renegotiate, mutual commitments.
Accountability: Partnership (peer, spouse, family) is essential for keeping these principles alive.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“Every word that you said in this episode was like a sniper shot to the deepest corners of my heart. It genuinely brought me to tears for an hour.” — a parent, reflecting on “The Dad Effect” episode (11:46)
“The more our kids experience our love, crazy enough, they’ll continue to get better at whatever their craft is.” — Johan (15:41)
“You stole his growth. The question was his weight to lift.” — Johan, on the danger of parents (or coaches) solving problems for their kids (52:01)
“Where there is no vision, the people perish. …If you don’t have a vision, what are we even doing?” — Johan (39:18, paraphrased)
“The most powerful motivating force, especially when it’s connected to God…is that you really do believe in me, you really advocate for me. And they can feel it.” — Johan (105:19)
“Success is kind of poisonous as well. I think this is what we don’t understand. …Why not move through both situations powerfully?” — Johan (37:36)
“Most of the world wants to shape their identity around results. …What if your vision tells you who you are?” — Johan (129:24)
“Sports is just a conduit. …I do relate to the business world. This is exactly what we fight against there, too.” — Audience member (137:53)

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------------------ | 00:12 | Opening prayer, introduction—setting up the parent/athlete dynamic | 03:18 | Norway youth sports model vs. U.S. hyper-competition | 10:47 | Why address the “dad effect”—personal stories and audience poll | 14:24 | The core question: Do kids feel their parent’s | 21:34 | Johan shares his father/son soccer story—when the dream is not your own | 24:51 | Framework: Vision, identity, and agency for athletes and parents | 25:03 | Audience skepticism: “Don’t you need the hard parent?” | 28:53 | Counting the cost—relationship vs. performance | 37:36 | Client story: Michael Taylor, reframing the “secret sauce” of improvement | 39:18 | Ancient wisdom: “Where there is no vision, the people perish” | 55:04 | Complaints as vision—using negativity as an access point for growth | 65:32 | Addressing the player’s role—are kids allowed to voice complaints? | 81:03 | Non-vision vs. true vision; the “hardest out in baseball” story | 87:35 | Expectations vs. Agreements—practical frameworks | 112:31 | Power of language—empowered vs. disempowered language | 132:55 | Building identity beyond baseball—“Baseball does not make a good God” | 137:48 | Application beyond sports—audience participation | 139:09 | Practical next steps—accountability, ongoing partnership ----------| | | | love, or just pressure? | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |

Actionable Takeaways

Parents: Focus on your child’s experience of love and advocacy, not just outcomes.
Coaches: Invite collaboration, real agreements, and mutual vision; avoid relying on control or unspoken expectations.
Athletes: Voice your dreams and your complaints; participate in co-creating agreements with your parents/coaches.
Everyone: Practice visioning. Voice complaints as a pathway to building a better shared future. Shift language to empowerment—model it in every conversation.

Final Thoughts

The episode closes with a reminder: sports will end for almost all players. The wounds and wisdom from this journey, the parent/child relationships, and the identity formed—these are what truly endure. The work addressed here is not merely for sports but for life, family, faith, and generational legacy.

For full insights, exercises, and further episodes, subscribe to Most Valuable Agent with Matt Hannaford on YouTube and podcast platforms.