Almost Every MLB Player I Work With Has the Same Wound — And It's Their Dad

Summary

Podcast Episode Summary

Most Valuable Agent with Matt Hannaford

Episode: Almost Every MLB Player I Work With Has the Same Wound — And It's Their Dad
Date: April 29, 2026

---

Episode Overview

This episode—recorded live at a San Diego FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) event—dives deep into the unseen emotional dynamics behind youth and professional baseball. Host Matt Hannaford (Major League agent) and high-performance coach Johan Martinez-Kalilian engage a room full of parents, coaches, and youth athletes. The core question at the heart of the episode: Why do so many MLB players wrestle with unresolved wounds related to their fathers, and how does this shape their journey as athletes and humans? The conversation unpacks generational wounds, the costs of high-pressure parenting, empowered communication, and practical frameworks for creating healthier parent/athlete dynamics.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Power (and Wound) of Parental Influence

• The “Dad Effect”: Both hosts share that almost every elite male athlete they work with is shaped—often pained—by their father’s approach. Many wrestle with approval, criticism, and feeling their worth is performance-dependent.
  • Quote: “Almost every male athlete that I work with has had this dynamic with their dad where they kind of resent them and they can’t talk about things anymore.” — Johan (25:09)
• Personal Stories:
  • Matt shares a vivid childhood memory of avoiding his yelling father at hockey games—a wound felt even 35 years later.
  • Johan tells of his relationship with his father, a professional soccer player who pushed his athletic dreams on Johan, ultimately harming their bond.
    • Quote: “It was his dream, not mine. …What he wanted from me, not for me. There’s a big difference there.” — Johan (21:34)

2. Why Overbearing Parenting Still Persists

• Many parents believe a “tough” approach is necessary for success at the highest levels—a belief both speakers challenge with real-world examples.
  • Quote: “Even if it were true that to create a professional athlete you’ve got to drive them into the ground…is that worth the cost of the relationship?” — Johan (28:53)
• Many well-intentioned parents simply lack the tools for healthier support.

3. Vision, Identity, and Motivation

• Vision-First Parenting: Both guests stress the need for parent/child alignment on “vision” instead of expectations and obligations.
  • What does the child want? How can the parent be an advocate, not a dictator?
• Agency & Motivation: Children have innate motivation—especially around play and sports—but it often withers under overbearing adult involvement. The goal is to support, not co-opt, their drive.
  • Quote: “One thing I never have to convince them to do is play. …it changes when it’s no longer fun.” — Johan (32:54)

4. The Complaint as a Window to Vision

• Practice: Rather than shaming or dismissing complaints, use them to clarify desires and turn them into actionable vision.
  • Quote: “A complaint is a latent vision. Underneath the complaint is something you want.” — Johan (57:25)
• Example framework: Parent says, “You’re not working hard enough.” Reframe to, “If you want to reach this goal, what would help you bring consistent effort?”

5. Empowered vs. Disempowered Language

• Everyday language shapes reality.
  • Disempowered: “I have to,” “I should,” “I can’t,” “It’s not my fault.”
  • Empowered: “I choose to,” “I commit,” “I will,” “I get to,” “I don’t know yet, but I’ll figure it out.”
  • Quote: “Language is a tool that can help or hurt…Vision is language. The way that you speak about your vision is directly connected to how you’re going to actually experience that vision.” — Matt (112:31)
• Practical exercise: Attendees practice reframing complaints (disempowered) into empowered, collaborative requests.

6. Expectations vs. Agreements

• Expectations are unspoken, one-sided, and predict disappointment and resentment.
• Agreements are mutual, clearly articulated, and foster partnership.
  • Quote: “An expectation is something that I want that I think other people should want too…it’s a pathway to resentment.” — Johan (88:13)
  • Example: Instead of “I expect you to work out every morning,” agree on a routine, consequences, and check-ins.

7. Navigating Coach/Parent/Athlete Dynamics

• How to voice complaints and needs with coaches constructively, seek alignment, and recognize when a coaching relationship is not a fit.
• Vulnerable, vision-driven communication invites respect (even if you don’t get the answer you want).

8. Faith, Identity & Baseball as a False God

• The episode advocates rooting identity in faith and lasting values—not performance or transient success.
  • Quote [Player, video segment]: “Baseball does not make a good God. It’s an amazing game, but it’s not a good God. And if you worship the game, it will turn its back on you.”
• Less than 0.14% of high school seniors make it to the MLB. Building identity solely on baseball is setting up for disappointment.

9. Practical Tools and Takeaways

• Visioning exercises: Regularly discuss dreams, wants, and the steps/character needed to pursue them.
• Empowered language: Notice “should” and “have to”—reframe as choice/commitment.
• Complaint-to-vision practice: Regular, honest conversations in families.
• Agreements over expectations: “How real is this agreement, 1–10?” Continually check in on, and renegotiate, mutual commitments.
• Accountability: Partnership (peer, spouse, family) is essential for keeping these principles alive.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Every word that you said in this episode was like a sniper shot to the deepest corners of my heart. It genuinely brought me to tears for an hour.” — a parent, reflecting on “The Dad Effect” episode (11:46)
• “The more our kids experience our love, crazy enough, they’ll continue to get better at whatever their craft is.” — Johan (15:41)
• “You stole his growth. The question was his weight to lift.” — Johan, on the danger of parents (or coaches) solving problems for their kids (52:01)
• “Where there is no vision, the people perish. …If you don’t have a vision, what are we even doing?” — Johan (39:18, paraphrased)
• “The most powerful motivating force, especially when it’s connected to God…is that you really do believe in me, you really advocate for me. And they can feel it.” — Johan (105:19)
• “Success is kind of poisonous as well. I think this is what we don’t understand. …Why not move through both situations powerfully?” — Johan (37:36)
• “Most of the world wants to shape their identity around results. …What if your vision tells you who you are?” — Johan (129:24)
• “Sports is just a conduit. …I do relate to the business world. This is exactly what we fight against there, too.” — Audience member (137:53)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |---------------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:12 | Opening prayer, introduction—setting up the parent/athlete dynamic | | 03:18 | Norway youth sports model vs. U.S. hyper-competition | | 10:47 | Why address the “dad effect”—personal stories and audience poll | | 14:24 | The core question: Do kids feel their parent’s love, or just pressure? | | 21:34 | Johan shares his father/son soccer story—when the dream is not your own | | 24:51 | Framework: Vision, identity, and agency for athletes and parents | | 25:03 | Audience skepticism: “Don’t you need the hard parent?” | | 28:53 | Counting the cost—relationship vs. performance | | 37:36 | Client story: Michael Taylor, reframing the “secret sauce” of improvement | | 39:18 | Ancient wisdom: “Where there is no vision, the people perish” | | 55:04 | Complaints as vision—using negativity as an access point for growth | | 65:32 | Addressing the player’s role—are kids allowed to voice complaints? | | 81:03 | Non-vision vs. true vision; the “hardest out in baseball” story | | 87:35 | Expectations vs. Agreements—practical frameworks | | 112:31 | Power of language—empowered vs. disempowered language | | 132:55 | Building identity beyond baseball—“Baseball does not make a good God” | | 137:48 | Application beyond sports—audience participation | | 139:09 | Practical next steps—accountability, ongoing partnership |

---

Actionable Takeaways

• Parents: Focus on your child’s experience of love and advocacy, not just outcomes.
• Coaches: Invite collaboration, real agreements, and mutual vision; avoid relying on control or unspoken expectations.
• Athletes: Voice your dreams and your complaints; participate in co-creating agreements with your parents/coaches.
• Everyone: Practice visioning. Voice complaints as a pathway to building a better shared future. Shift language to empowerment—model it in every conversation.

---

Final Thoughts

The episode closes with a reminder: sports will end for almost all players. The wounds and wisdom from this journey, the parent/child relationships, and the identity formed—these are what truly endure. The work addressed here is not merely for sports but for life, family, faith, and generational legacy.

---

For full insights, exercises, and further episodes, subscribe to Most Valuable Agent with Matt Hannaford on YouTube and podcast platforms.

Transcript

[A]

All right, you guys, we are going to get started here. I'll introduce myself. My name is Sonny Merlo. I am the FCA baseball director here in San Diego. So shout out to all my. All my peeps that are here right now. I'm also the head coach at Carlsbad High, too. So I got that going for me. Before we get into it, I do want to just talk a little bit about what God was putting on my heart this morning. And it's not a coincidence. Matt was actually here for our service today. And I'm going to whip out my phone because I can't remember, but the. The whole message today was it started out with Proverbs 18:21. And so I'm going to read that to you guys. The tongue can bring death or life. For those who love to talk will reap the consequences. So I don't think that was a coincidence that we started off with that verse today. And as. As parents and as coaches, you know, we have two choices. We can either bring life or we can bring death when we speak into kids. And so that's what this is all about today. And that's our heart behind this. So before we get started, I'd just like to go ahead and just say a quick prayer and if everybody could just bow their heads really quick. Father, we're just so grateful and thankful for the opportunity just to be in this room and to just talk about you and what the impact that. That we can all have on our athletes with each other when we. When we put you in the center of our life. Father. So, Father, we just ask that your Holy Spirit be present. We ask that. That you would give wisdom and discernment to Joe and to Matt and to anybody else who is speaking today. Father, that, that we would just glorify you in our words and our actions. And Father, we just love you so much. And again, we're just so grateful and thankful to be here. We love you. We pray this in Jesus name. I do want to just a quick shout out. Jordan Dietz is in the back from fca, who is my boss, and he's got a table set out up there. So if any of you guys want athlete Bibles or coaches Bibles, the coaches Bibles too, if you guys are coaches. They're amazing. The devotionals on the back there are in the back of that Bible. If you're not sure what you're supposed to do on a daily basis, it's a great resource. We also have wristbands back there. And then for those of you guys that have or know of incoming 8th graders all the way to seniors. We have our Point Loma camp this year from June 29th to July 3rd, so we've also got some flyers there for you guys as well to find out a little bit more about what we do at FCA and. And that camp. And then lastly, I do want to thank Dave Hicks in the back, who's doing all of our tech for us today. Yeah, big round of applause. And Coastline Church for allowing us to be out here and be to. To use this incredible venue to. To share what we're going to share. So right now, I'm going to turn it over to Mr. Drew Davis.

[B]

Good afternoon, everyone. I'm Drew. I'm the dad of two youth athletes, and I have the privilege of serving on the San Diego Fellowship of Christian Athletes board. And before we start, would you guys just all move forward? It'll be a lot easier for us to see you and to engage with you. So if you're in the back, but everybody just move forward a few rows, that'll help us a ton. Thank you. Yeah, the front row guys ready for business. Love it. Appreciate you guys doing that. A couple years ago, I was coaching my son Wyatt's basketball team, and I walked into a local gym here on a Sunday morning, and I saw a friend's dad, and I said good morning to him, and he said, good morning. Sports has become the devil's foothold. I said, what? What do you mean? And he said, sports. Youth sports has become a mess. And I said, well, tell me more about that. And he said, all these families are in here on a Sunday morning. They're not in church. This dad's screaming at his kid, his kid's crying. They're leveraging themselves financially. They don't take vacations together except to play sports. It's a mess. And so as that stuff was kind of percolating in my mind and heart, at the same time, Joe and Matt were having conversations with some of the athletes that they're involved with about the outsized impact that parents have and particularly fathers have on their kids. And in some cases, these are adults playing professional baseball that are still having an impact. Their fathers are still having an impact on them. And as I talked about this, especially on Matt's podcast, which you're going to hear more about, they realized that they were really onto something that there's a huge need here. The engagement, the comments, parents asking for help and support. Because me, like you, we're all navigating this together. And trying to learn and trying to do it well. But we all mess up from time to time. And so it became clear that we were onto something that we wanted to speak into, wanted to come alongside and wanted to help in one quick thing before I get into these guys intros. Who knows which country had the most gold medals in this Winter Olympics that

[C]

anybody know?

[B]

Yes, Norway. So it's pretty interesting that Norway has the number one elite sport ranking per capita in the world, meaning that when you control for the size of their population, they produce more elite level athletes and international results than any other country in the world. And Norway has what's essentially a sports bill of rights and their sports bill of rights, the main tenants of that is there's no competitive Travel before you're 13 years old. You play locally in low cost leagues also, they don't keep score, they don't keep time, and there's no rankings or trophies for anything before 13 years old. They encourage you to play multiple sports. They don't want you to specialize early. And the focus is on fun, friendship and development. I'll let you guys draw your own conclusions from that as we go through the content today on why they're so successful. And again, please don't hear a holier than thou tone. I'm figuring this out as I go too and have made plenty of mistakes, but it really is my pleasure to introduce these guys. Johan is a good friend and I've had the privilege of going through coaching with him and I can tell you that he's the real deal in every way. His wisdom and intuition is unbelievable and I've benefited huge from that. But Johan Martinez Kalilian is a high performance coach who works with athletes and coaches across the NBA, NHL, MLB and ncaa, helping them master the inner game of mindset, identity and emotional resilience at the highest levels. He's spent years inside elite locker rooms and training environments and what he's learned is powerful. It's not just talent or coaching that shapes an athlete, it's the environment around them, the conversations they hear, the expectations they carry, the support that they feel. Johan is also a talented and in demand speaker, traveling all over the world, speaking to athletes, executives, artists and youth. He's a husband and a dad of two and he's passionate about something bigger than sports that long after the wins and losses fade, the relationship between a parent and child is the legacy that really matters. He's got a pretty mean jumper too. I have the privilege of playing basketball with him from time to time and he can Ball. I'm also excited to introduce Matt Hannaford. And it's kind of weird because I felt like I knew Matt before I actually did. So some of you, I've shared Matt's podcast, the Most Valuable Agent with you and a lot of us who are in this journey. You know that it's not uncommon to be up at 5 in the morning and driving to Orange county or LA or Vegas or Arizona. And so you have a lot of car time with your kid. And so Wyatt and I are regularly listening to Matt's podcast and I can tell you that the content that he covers and have been so valuable for our family. There's so many episodes I would love to share. But before you leave here today, subscribe to the Most valuable agent on YouTube and on Apple Podcasts, and I can tell you that you're going to benefit greatly from it. But Matt is one of the most trusted and accomplished agents in baseball. He's the president and CEO of Aligned Sports Agency, a boutique firm focused not just on representing elite players, but on helping them lead, give back, and leave the game better than they found it. Over the past 20 plus years, he's negotiated more than $2 billion in contracts, including some of the biggest deals in MLB history, representing names like Manny Machado, Albert Pujols, Joey Votto, Austin Riley, and Liam Hendricks. In his former agency roles, he had exposure to working with legends like Barry Bonds, Mike Piazza, and Trevor Hoffman. But what really sets Matt apart is how he approaches the role of. As a former collegiate player himself, he understands the player's journey from both sides of the game. He's hands on, deeply invested, and focused on the whole person, not just the player. As I mentioned, he's also the host of the Most Valuable Agent podcast, where he's helping educate and mentor the next generation of players and families navigating the game. These guys don't want me to get up here and brag about them, but I think it's important for you guys to know who's speaking to today and that these guys are not only exceptional in their respective fields, but they care deeply about loving and serving people well and making an impact beyond just the field and the court. So without further ado, Matt and Joe, excited to get started with you guys.

[D]

Thank you.

[C]

Thank you, bro. Appreciate it. All right, we're live. Hey, what's going on, everybody? All right, just a little pulse check.

[D]

So as we get. As we get started here, there's a couple things that I want to make sure that everybody understands and I'm sure You three are the only ones that care about.

[C]

They're locked in.

[D]

There's a break. Okay, so we're gonna have a break. You guys are going to be able to stretch your legs. We're gonna go for probably 90 minutes before that break, and then we're gonna come back and then reconvene for another 90 minutes. We're gonna cover a lot of stuff, but we want this to be fun and engaging. So by no means is this, like, us talking at you. We really want to hear from you guys. We want to understand what problems you guys are trying to solve. So.

[C]

And let us. I mean, if you need a potty break in the meantime, let us know. You know, this is not like you can't go anywhere.

[D]

So how many of you guys have listened to my podcast at any point? And it's okay if you have.

[C]

Not.

[D]

Wonderful.

[C]

There we go.

[D]

The people that raise your hand. Did you guys listen to the one that I did with Joe? This one right here, where I think it was called. Yeah, The Dad Effect. No. Yes, of course. Drew. Extra credit for Drew.

[C]

Drew.

[D]

So we want to talk a little bit about, like, why are we here? Why. Why did we feel like this was something that we needed to do? And Joe and I, who have, you know, grown close over the last couple years, we actually haven't known each other all that long.

[C]

Five years.

[D]

Yeah. But I feel like since we got to know each other, we're pretty much just on the same page. So if you guys have friends like this, it's like everything that you say, this person is finishing your sentences. Right. And we both have had this view of athletes, and primarily for me, and I believe him, not to speak for him, but it comes from this place of, you know, you see things when you represent these players. And in his case, when you're. When you're coaching these players, you see the highest level, right? You're seeing these guys in the big leagues, all Stars, you know, potentially future hall of Famers one day, and you hear from them about some of the problems that you could honestly say root back to when they were 10, 11, 12 years old. And some of these things are in direct correlation to their relationship with their parents. And so Joe and I are having this conversation on the phone one day, and I'm sharing with him a conversation with a dad that I had, and then he immediately shares with me a conversation that he has with one of our mutual clients. And it was as if both things were happening simultaneously, and it was identical. And so I want to read to you guys, a message that we. Or that I received in regards to our podcast that we did together, and it's from a father. He says in response to this podcast, this is the single most impactful conversation I've ever listened to. I mean, that. I've never felt or heard anything even remotely close to it. Every word that you said in this episode was like a sniper shot to the deepest corners of my heart. It genuinely brought me to tears for an hour. For the last two years, I've tried to just be my son's dad, and it has been absolutely incredible. We've never been closer. Then a month ago, my son, he says, I can't do this with you anymore. All you do is question and criticize everything in my life, and I can't ever relax around you. I know you didn't mean it by the way you raised me, but you've made me obsessed with comparing myself to others and feeling like I'll never be good enough for anyone else. I wasn't a great example, and I just wanted to raise him in a different way. In one. In one way, you could say it worked. He's tough as nails, but my concern now is that the cost was too high. Right now there is a part of me, deep down, that hopes he just walks away from baseball so he can. So he can feel the love that I have for him and how it's not related to performance at all. So that he can feel how much I truly love him and how proud I am just to be his dad. Now you hear that? And here's what's interesting. That player is at a Division 1 program, and his father is saying, there are some times where I wish he would just step away from baseball so he can actually experience the love that I have for him and how it is not related to the game. Now, the kid, he's been, you know, say he's been misunderstanding his dad for a long time, but on some level, all of these things are connected. And so that is why we're here. Right. When we received that message, the first thing I did is I called Joe on the phone and I said, we've got to communicate this message to other parents, because if we can make a fraction of this impact and potentially prevent any. Anything like this to happen in the future, then we're certainly willing to do whatever we can.

[C]

Yeah. And we want to make clear, right. This is not us talking at you. It's with you. Like, how do we actually have a conversation about these things? And, I mean, maybe you've Noticed the same thing more often than not. The areas of life that matter the most, we talk about the least. Have you ever noticed that? Like, what is that thing that for some reason, the most important topics, the most important areas of our existence, we tend to shy away from. And so for us, we're like, hey, what if we. And, you know, this is the first time that we're doing this publicly. So just so you know, there's vulnerability for us in this because we want to see, well, how does this work? Is this just a thing that you could videotape and. And put online and people have an impact? Or, like, what is it like when you have a live audience? So for us, we're experimenting and. And we're stepping into vulnerability. We would love as much participation as possible in the beginning. You know, we'll. We'll share some of our story again and deepen why this matters to us. But I. But I do want to make clear this is about us being with us, not us talking at you. And there's a question that actually I want to kind of frame it. What we're saying is this isn't about this question of, like, do you love your kids? Do we love our kids? Because who wouldn't say yes to that, right? Because how many people love their kids? Yeah, this, again, it's not like a eureka moment. What we want to ask is how often do our kids experience our love, especially when it comes to the areas of performance, right? How often do they experience our love? How often can they feel the love that we have from. From parent to child? And what if some of what we go through today would just upgrade that experience? And this is part of what we believe, right, is actually the more they experience our love, crazy enough, they'll continue to get better at whatever their craft is. I do believe that. Now, whether or not they'll go pro or all those other things, that's another question. But I think we can actually give our best when we feel the love from the people that we love.

[D]

I think it's important. And I'm going to. Again, look at these three right here. This may sound like, oh, this is for parents. And we're just sitting here and we're bored. A lot of this is about you guys, too. Okay? So for all the kids here, we're definitely going to direct some stuff to you guys as well. And I guess the word that comes to mind is this is a partnership, right? Your parents, they're going to take a ton out of today, and we hope that you guys will do the same. So just follow along. So in this podcast episode, Joe and I talked about our relationships with our fathers and the story that comes to mind as I think about. Well, I have many stories and a lot of great memories with my father. But as I was growing up and I was a kid, I ended up. I played multiple sports, but there's this one distinct memory in my mind. I played ice hockey as a kid along with baseball. And when I was like 11 years old, I would go to these travel hockey tournaments and, and my dad, who never played hockey, right, he goes on the board and he is like screaming at me. And I remember as a kid, I would never skate over to that side of the rink, wherever he was. I would like let my teammates go over there and for some reason, and if I were to go back and like plant myself in time, I'm sure, you know, I probably would tell myself, like, he's not even yelling really.

[C]

Right, right.

[D]

But the memory I had was, oh my gosh, I mean, what is my dad doing? I can't even talk to him. It's just like, it's too much.

[C]

Right.

[D]

So think about that. I'm 45 and I literally can feel how I felt when I heard my dad do that. So, like in this episode, we, we get into a lot of that experience. Now one of the things that I will tell you is there was something that was missing from my relationship with my father. At least it felt like there was something that was missing in my relationship with my father.

[C]

Yeah. So I'll give you a little bit of background. So I'm Puerto Rican and Persian. It's a very fascinating time right now to communicate that I'm Iranian publicly because of what the world is. But strangely enough, you know, my parents met when the country of Iran was a very different place. It was in late 70s and my father was actually a professional soccer player. So my parents met in Chicago, they kind of fell in love and my dad went back to play professional soccer. And my mom, being the feisty Puerto Rican woman that she is, she actually flew to Iran to continue their relationship, which is wild. You know, 19 year old Puerto Rican woman from Chicago, she's about five foot one. So just so you know, my mom's a little bit of a firecracker, you know, and flew over there, got married. And one of my father's friends essentially told him, hey, you guys gotta leave, it's about to get really, really bad here. So I don't know if you've seen the movie Argo, but Around that time, that's when my parents actually fled Iran. So they escaped right in the nick of time because a week after that they left. They shut down airports and it was very hard to leave the country. So fast forward. I'm born in Chicago again. My dad, now, he's about to have a little, I mean, he's having, you know, he has a little boy and in his mind, soccer dream is gone. So not a professional soccer player anymore. Just like a blue collar guy working a job. But when I come of age, what do you think is the first thing that he instills in me? Yeah, as soon as I could walk, essentially there's a little soccer ball in front of me, which in the beginning I really, really loved. So it's an opportunity to connect with my father. We're going back and forth, we're playing soccer. But as I get older, I noticed something change. It was this, like, forcefulness behind why I needed to be so good. And whenever I made a mistake, how that wasn't acceptable. Now over time, what do you think that does to me as a kid? Yeah, so I'm, I'm literally, I'm eight years old when I realize, man, like, soccer sucks. Like, I don't, I don't like this sport anymore and I don't even want to be around my dad. But, but something had shifted, right, Because I had noticed this. And again, at the time, I didn't have language for this, but what I felt was it was his dream and not mine. You know what I mean? Like, it's what he wanted from me, not for me. And that's a, that's a very, there's a big difference there.

[D]

Did you even have a chance, like, to love it? That's, that's the question that comes to mind. Like, did he almost, it almost robbed you of the opportunity to love it?

[C]

Yeah, it's, in a way. And the thing is, so that's the thing, right, is like I, I, I love, I did love the sport. And I could sense in me I was very much an athlete. Like, I was the type of kid who, whatever sport I picked up, I figured it out and I was like automatically good at different sports, you know, and my dad, so we'll, if we, if we say some of the stuff that he says later on, but essentially I quit. So I told my dad, I don't want to play this sport anymore. And you know, to give him credit, he didn't continue to try to like, pound it into me. I essentially walked away from soccer. And then I started to play basketball. But it did take a toll on my very young relationship with him. And so what I was going to fast forward to is to this day, my dad looks at me and he'll say, you know, he's 74 years old. He'll say, you could have been a professional soccer player, you know, because I'm six two. And he's like, you're six foot two. But again, it's this thing that never really clicked for him. That was your dream. What about the dream that I had? Right. And so there's a really important piece of the puzzle as we continue to build here, to check in on, is whose dream is this?

[D]

Yeah. So again, and we'll continue to come back to this theme of it, it feels as though in your relationship with your father, there was something missing, right? Like something was. Was lacking, something was changing. For you to draw that conclusion at that age, there was something amiss, we'll say. So if, if, if we could change the slide real fast. Do you want to touch on this? All right, so this gives you guys a sense of what we're calling the. The framework today. Okay? So a lot of what we're going to discuss is rooted in. In some of this stuff. Now, if you. It's interesting because again, Joe, what Joe does for what we'll call for a living. The reason I like saying for a living is because literally, it's in everything that you do. But in every phone conversation that I have with Joe or every meeting that I have with Joe, I literally am like, hold on, say that again. And I'm, like, writing it down. Because a lot of what you're seeing here applies to life, right? So the first thing on here is obviously, what do you want? Now, kids, this applies to you guys, too, right? What is your vision for what you see for yourself in baseball?

[C]

Right.

[D]

Or in other sports, in school, with friends, with your parents? Like, what is your vision for that? Right. And then parents, obviously, what is your vision for your life, for your. Your parenting, your child, for your relationship with your spouse, for your relationship with your kids, for your friends? This applies to all of that stuff. So it's not just solely related to what we're talking about today, although it is something that we're going to touch on.

[C]

Sure. So after we published the podcast episode, do you remember one of the critiques that people, like, gave in the comments section? You know, whenever you post something on

[D]

YouTube, I don't look at it.

[C]

I don't look at how many people love to just go in the comments section and figure out what are people saying? How are people trolling? Because essentially, you know, we're telling our story. And I remember one of the main critiques was essentially, but don't these people who perform at the highest level need the hard parent to get them there? How many of us subscribe to that idea, Right? It's like, if you. My guy does. He's like, yeah, you need. He's like, I've been there, you know, I know what it's like. So it was an interesting thing to look at because I would say that was one of the main things that people wanted to highlight is like, oh. Because one of the things that we talked about, right. Is I had seen this pattern as a guy who works one on one with professional athletes, often that more often than not, there was this wound. And it wasn't just one person. And that's part of why I brought it up to Matt. I was like, it's not just one guy. It's not just two guys. It's not just three guys. It's like, pretty much overwhelmingly, almost every male athlete that I work with has had this dynamic with the dad where they kind of resent them and they can't talk about things anymore. So there would be things like at the end of a game, again, a professional athlete playing for, you know, one of the best teams in baseball gets a text after the performance. Wasn't the way it was supposed to be from his father essentially saying, what was that? What do you think you're doing out there? And he's a grown man, and it's this thing, right? Like, it just never changed. Right. Whatever that parent child dynamic was, they kept it going year after year after year.

[D]

Well, I think one of the challenges for a lot of the parents is the dad who sent this text. I would imagine he actually thought that was his role. He thought, my son needs to hear this from me. I don't think he did it intentionally. Like, I'm going to hurt my son. And that's what makes this even harder, I think.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And so something that we've learned as we've navigated this world is it's not that the parents are bad. It's not that they don't mean well. It's that they don't have the tools specifically related to, like, this stuff that we're talking about. And so, like, how many. How many people out here are familiar with, like, Perfect Game, the. The organization, Right. A lot of people. Pbr, same thing. Like, there's a number of them and you know, when you go around to these different events and these showcases and these, these tournaments oftentimes hear the same stuff. Right. If you talk to the parents, people are frustrated, they're stressed. It costs a lot of money. They're never home. They don't take vacations with their family. And it's interesting because I reflect back on a lot of what I've experienced over the last 26 years in this business, and it's like, man, this is supposed to be the greatest time of their life. And they're just trying to, like, wrestle through it. And then very quickly you get to the end of it, and maybe they're tens of thousands of dollars into it now at this point. They haven't given to their retirement in a period of time. They haven't taken a vacation in 15 years. And then their son maybe doesn't get a scholarship. And then it's like, oh, man, that's what we were doing it for. The son doesn't get drafted. That's what we were doing it for. And so then you then see how the relationship then continues from that point, and it's devastating. And so, again, a lot of this framework is created and built around, obviously, truth, but it's to deliver something to you guys, ultimately provide you with some tools that can ultimately support this journey for you.

[C]

Yeah. Because some of it, you know, the scriptures talk about count the cost. So even if it were, let's say it's true, in order to create a professional athlete, got to drive them into the ground, you got to jeopardize your relationship with them. There's got to be a part of them that kind of doesn't like you. But guess what you get. Your child is a professional athlete. Is that worth it? No. Truthfully speaking, right. I mean, in our head, if money is worth it, then we say yes. But if we know, man, there's no amount of money that could do away with the relationship that we have with our kids. So there's a reason why the scriptures say count the cost. Because is it really, really worth it? Now, Lucky, you know, luckily, the good news is, guess what? That's not what it takes. Because so we look at the flip side, and again, I told you, there's plenty of guys that I work with where they. The narrative is, at the cost of my relationship with my father, I made it. So. And what I believe is actually, in spite of the dad or the parent, the kid made it. Now there's flip side. There's an athlete that actually, you know, I was Able to, I'm able to work with now who has an amazing story. Maybe we'll tell you a little bit later. But we did a podcast episode with him and he had this moment where he said, yeah, my father taught me baseball. He invited me in to play the game, and then he said, I had essentially like a really difficult day playing. And he says, my dad took me to the side and he looked at me and he says, hey, bud, how you doing? You know, checks in on him and he's like, they talked through the feeling of it all. And he just looked at him, he's like, hey, do you want to continue to play? And his son said, yes. And I noticed in that moment his father was checking in on what do you want right now? Not what do I want for you. And I'm going to impose it and then you're going to feel how disappointed I am in you if you don't perform well, if you don't keep playing baseball. It was literally, how you feeling, buddy? You want to keep going? Is this what you want? And his son said, yes. And his son kept playing for his own reasons. Now, his story is fascinating because, you know, he just made it to the big leagues last year, not because his dad was pile driving him, but because he actually wanted to. And again, maybe we could share more of his story later, but there's a contrast there and there's a lot of power in just checking in with the human being in front of you. And oftentimes, if it is our child to say, what exactly do you want now? How can I help help you get there?

[D]

Now let me ask you a question, because I'm picturing, you know, maybe sitting in the audience saying, okay, but you don't understand. Yeah, my son, he's looking to me, he needs to hear from me. He doesn't have the, you know, the motivation is the word that's coming to mind. But he's not the one that's going to get up and go do this stuff. I need to be the one that gets him going. And, and my role in this is maybe, you know, if, if I'm not going to be the person who does that maybe is a little difficult every once in a while, then who is?

[C]

How many of us feel that way with our kids, right? It's like, wait a minute, but if I don't do this, they won't have motivation or they won't have drive or they won't have work ethic around it. Is that essentially what you're saying?

[D]

Yeah, or I'M afraid they won't. Yeah, I just have this, this concern that they won't.

[C]

That's interesting, you know, because again, you look at my kids and I. So I have a 5 year old now and a soon to be 3 year old. One thing I never have to convince them to do is play. It's crazy. They seem to have the motivation and the drive every single day to play. Where would it get into my head that I have to convince them to play? But you know, when it changes for them again at 5 and 3, when it's no longer fun. So maybe, oh, I got, I gotta do, I gotta do this thing. Because they don't have the motivation and drive. Or maybe you've stripped the fun from it. Or maybe they literally what you're saying in the text message, I just want to be with my parent. I don't want you to be my coach. Maybe sometimes that is what they want. Great. But I really believe. And again, you know, we could test it. What if our actions as human beings flows from vision? It doesn't flow from obligation. It's this clear alignment when you check in. Because again, we have it, we have it at a young age. We play because play is so fun. And all these games that we've created, man, same thing for me when I started playing soccer, the only reason I started playing soccer was because it was so fun. It stopped being fun when an adult came in and really stripped it because it was no longer about that anymore. It was about something else. And I could feel it as a kid. What do you think I could feel it was about? It was now about my worth. And I think that's the thing that we've probably all felt in some arena of life. Right? Of course we're not going to want to play something. When you tell me this tells me who I am, why would I want to consistently show up for it? And if I think the parent who I really want connection with sees me differently, if I don't perform well, of course I don't want to show up. So I think this is where we got to do some soul searching, you know, for ourselves and just check in. Now, again, there are times as parents where I'm not saying the, the job of a parent at times is, hey, I'm gonna like keep inviting you into something that's uncomfortable. Sports is not life or death. Let's, let's be clear with that. You know, sports should be an opportunity for them to figure out who they are. You use the sport as a tool or a Mechanism to have the most meaningful conversations as human beings, but not to make it the point of everything. And I think that's what we've lost sight of.

[B]

Hold on.

[D]

So this is reminding me of. And we'll talk about who this guy is because he would have no problem with this. So Michael Taylor, if anybody knows who he is, outfielder who recently retired, played in the big leagues for 10 years, and he starts, he's a client of mine, starts to work with Joe a handful of years ago, and Michael starts to work with Joe and basically says to Joe, and you could tell the story better than I could, but basically says to Joe, like, so, Joe, so you're going to teach me the stuff and then I'm going to hit.300. That's how this is going to go?

[C]

Well, essentially. So this is what happened. He started working with me and the first year we started working together, he had the best home rented hitting season of his career. So in his head he's like, oh my gosh, this is magic. You know, I just gotta keep staying around this guy and then I'll just keep hitting home runs like I never did before.

[D]

So, yeah, he essentially, the gist is like, yeah, this is how this is gonna go. And then the next year it doesn't go quite the same. And then you guys end up having a conversation where he realizes, oh, so the point of this is I need to work through this to where, if it doesn't actually give me the results I want, then I could move through that in an empowering way. And that was like, mind blown. Because what athlete wants to be told, no, this secret sauce, it's not going to solve your baseball problem necessarily. It's going to solve your life problem. And then solving your life problem is going to put you in a spot to be the best and most effective player you could be. But it's not going to guarantee that you're just going to hit 30 homers. And that was a moment in time

[C]

where, yeah, he literally. Because when he had that epiphany, right, he's like, oh, hold on a second. So. Because the next year he was struggling in a pretty interesting way and he wasn't getting the same results. So in his mind, he's like, hold on a second. Like, I'm doing the same things that I did last year where things were working and now I'm doing the same things and they're not working. What's going on? So he had this like, come to Jesus moment where he's like, okay, well, if, if this doesn't get me results. What is this essentially about? And part of what I was inviting him into was this idea that the work that we're doing is helping you become the type of person who can move through any situation powerfully. That's the point. Because if you can be that type of person, it doesn't matter. And now this is the thing too, because success is kind of poisonous as well. I think this is what we don't understand, right? Success can distort and poison a person as well as a ton of failure. So why not move through both situations powerfully? Right? Why not figure out who you are when things are going exactly the way that you want it? But what happens a lot of times when things are going the way that we want it, we lose ourselves and we get caught up in it. But then when it's not there anymore, what happens? We're absolutely lost. So we work on identity, we work on vision, we work on the power that you need to have as a human in the midst of the highs and lows. Because guess what? Life is gonna of us those highs and lows. Why not know who you need to be in the midst of that? That's really at the heart and soul of it all.

[D]

Yeah. So you, I mean, you pretty much just summarized this page. So my question then is, I mean, where do we, where do we begin here? Like, what is, how do you tackle that?

[C]

Well, first, you know, there's plenty, plenty arenas if we want to talk about the passage of scripture that really inspires a lot of the work that I do. It's just an ancient piece of wisdom, right? Where there is no vision, the people perish. Where there is no vision, the people perish. Again, if I open it up and kind of lob this to everybody else, what does that passage of scripture have to do with helping parents and athletes have a high level relationship? Like what? Why would that be a relevant passage? Have we heard of that passage before? Where there is no vision, the people perish? Why is that, let's say, foundational to some of what we want to talk about in terms of having a playbook? Go. Yeah, that's a big piece of it, right? It's like, yeah, what do we want? Where are we going? But let's. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, I'm just adding on. You know, it tells me that if you don't have a vision, what are we even doing? You don't, you don't have anywhere to go. What are we doing? Right? It's like, but again, how often is that our dilemma. We don't actually have a vision. We never sat down, parent and child, and said, what do you want? How can I be your greatest advocate for what you want? So let's look at something to me that's really interesting here. Right. Where there is no vision, the people perish. So you know what's a great signal of not having vision? What's perishing? What's that? Yeah. But if we can look at our relationship and say, what's off? What's kind of dying? In my relationship with my kid, what feels like it's not quite right. Oftentimes a sign that we don't have vision is something feels wrong, something feels like it's dying, it smells bad. You can smell the corpse, maybe in the relationship. Because it's just like, you know, we talked about my relationship with my dad. Go ahead.

[D]

Yeah, no, I was just gonna say in this story, I. Or the message that I read from that father, like I would say that that was, it gave you this feeling like, yes, something is in fact dying in that relationship.

[C]

Yeah. And that was my relationship with my dad. Right. There was a piece of the relationship that died when I was 8 years old. And here's the thing, you know, my father at the time did not have the discernment or the wisdom to say something is disconnected between me and my son. Have you ever been around that? So it's a one way conversation. But what was created even when I was a kid. Right. Is what I want is more important than what you want. Now. Again, part of the role of parent. Yeah. I'm gonna keep you safe, I'm gonna protect you. I'm instill values and morals. But that doesn't mean what I want is more important than what you want. I don't know where we pick that up, but it is about, I think we're here to steward a soul, a life, an identity that God has placed in our proximity and basically say, will you till the soil? Will you be a magnificent gardener for this seed so that it blooms? Part of our job is to take the weeds out. I think I mentioned it, you know, in the podcast that we had. I really, really believe that, that my, my job as a parent is to be a next level gardener and allow my beautiful children to bloom with the identity that God has placed in them to help them be who God has made them to be, not help them be who I want them to be. There's a clear distinction there.

[D]

Well, I feel like the word that's coming up for me is awareness.

[C]

Right.

[D]

Having the awareness to. Because we're all human.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And so naturally I don't expect that people are going to be perfect. And so if I'm not a father yet, but my wife is pregnant so very soon I will be.

[C]

But hey, it's not public yet, just so you know. So you know it is.

[D]

But going, just thinking about it, you know, you're going to have these conversations and yeah, there are going to be frustrations and things that happen. But then it's the awareness of recognizing like, oh, wait a minute, am I placing my vision on my child? Rather than asking them specifically.

[C]

Right.

[D]

What do you want?

[C]

Yeah, now let's be honest. Right. Does that feel scary as a parent, does that feel scary to sit your kid down and be like, okay, I'm going to sit them down, I'm going to ask him, I'll look him in the eye, hey, what do you want? What do you want? And how can I facilitate some of that? Here's where, you know, for me, having a five year old and three year old sometimes why that's scary is if I sit them down, what do you want? I just want sugar all day. Right. I, you know, my son right now, I don't want to go to sleep. I, I, you know, I don't want to eat dinner. So I think our fear is, that's where, that's what we're talking about and that's what we're going to go down. If we sit them down, they're just going to say they want things that are not healthy for them. We're not, we're not talking about that. So again, our job is still to parent, to lead, to create culture. When they're veering off course. From a health standpoint. Yes, we jump in. What we're talking about is these higher level dynamics of there is a dream that God has placed. I believe in each and every one of us. And hear me when I say that, I say with love. Oftentimes I believe that we get in the way of that because I could already see the times where I've gotten in the way from my 5 year old and a 3 year old where I'm like, no, this is what I want for you. Hold on, wait a minute. Is this one of those areas or is it actually. Who are you? Yeah, I was just gonna say my son's right here. But other, other kids around his age too, if you ask them that maybe they're getting good, they might say I want to be in big leagues or I want to do they have very aspirational things. Yeah. And so partnering with that as a dad or as a parent is very complicated.

[D]

And it's overwhelming to think, God, would

[C]

I need to go about that or I need to humble them and say, that's probably not going to happen. There's a lot of. Well, so if we can start with the second piece that you talked about.

[D]

All right. I want to. Let's repeat what he just said. Who's watching? Can you understand it? So what you essentially said is, it's complicated because, well, what happens if your son says, I have these big aspirational goals and you're, like, navigating. Okay, well, how do I either help him do that or tell him, oh, maybe it's not in the cards or we can't do that. Whatever. Is that. Is that more or less even?

[C]

It's simple middle school.

[D]

Maybe he wants to play high school ball.

[C]

And so what are the steps that take together?

[D]

Right. Yeah. What are the steps that you guys can take together to get them there? It reminds me of the second thing that was on our framework.

[C]

Yeah, what's that?

[D]

Who do you need to become?

[C]

Yeah. So I was going to say that's part. So that's the first invitation. Right. The moment our kids say they want something, same thing for us. The moment we say we want something. Instead of being realistic, which, again, is an instinct, because. And our intentions are good. Because what I believe and what I hear is the same thing that people in my life had, which was like, well, I don't want them to get disappointed. So like you said, let me humble you and help you understand. I mean, the odds are it's not going to happen. Right. We want to be cautious of that because what if that is their story? But it was our voice and maybe our fears and insecurities or our disbelief that caused them to shoot lower. So instead. And again, we all got good intentions. Hey, I hear you. That's awesome. Here's what I understand about big dreams. In order to achieve big things, you need to be a certain type of person. And this is why it's great news for us as parents, because now we get to work on the stuff that we want to work on. Which is what your character. If you want to make a big dream happen, it's going to take a ton of work. So you tell me, who do you need to be to be a big leaguer? What do your mornings need to look like? What do you need to eat for lunch? What do your grades need to look like? Right. So now you're inviting them into the vision. It's not just go get the big thing. It's people who create big things are certain types of human beings. So that's what I'm saying. They're putting it on a silver platter for us because now we get to actually have the conversation that we want to have, which is discipleship. We're just using sports as the conduit for that. It's kind of the excuse to say, now we get to work on the nitty gritty, right? Now we get to work on the discipline that it takes, the mindset that it takes, the generosity that it takes, the patience that it takes, the motivation that it takes. And because I tell you what, if you want to be a part of 1%, you got to live like that.

[D]

That feels like, to me, that, like a lot of what you're describing is, well, that's an introduction then into vision and what's to follow.

[C]

Right, Right. Yeah, well. And that's what I'm saying is. So again, correct me if I'm wrong, but part of why we feel pressure is because we. We put the weight on ourselves to get you there. And in reality, if we're the guide and we're like, hey, buddy, you want to get there? I will run with you, but I'm not going to lift the weights for you.

[D]

So let me add something to it, too. So there's something that kind of exists in the agent business, and it's. This is just like kind of the human element of things. And we talked. Joe and I talked about it yesterday, and we'll kind of get into this a little bit. But as humans with, let's just say it's a client. So in my case, it's a major league baseball player who comes to me and says, this is what I want to achieve, I naturally feel like I got to make it happen. Right. He's coming to me telling me he wants to do something, like, I better be the guy that does it for him, or he's just going to go find another agent who will. So there's two ways that I could take that. I could either accept that and then say, okay, I better make this look good and try to make it happen. And if I can't, then maybe he actually is going to fire me and go find somebody else, or I could recognize what is this guy actually saying and how do I wrestle with him to ultimately give him the power to go accomplish the things? Because at the end of the day, if we are coming into this and we're trying to solve the problem for him. What are we ultimately giving the. In this case, what are you giving your child? At that point, they're looking like you did it for them, not them. And so we're trying to empower the people that we're serving. Right. And so in your case, we talked about that yesterday, too. It's like, yeah, I think a lot of people to speak for you, but a lot of people think, oh, Joe, coach me. Like, just, again, the Michael Taylor thing, guarantee that I'm just going to do this.

[C]

Well, I don't know if you want to tell the story, too, which you've shared a few times of. So there was a call that Matt was introducing me to a player, and I was essentially doing what I do, which a lot of times is just asking questions. And sometimes that can feel pretty annoying if you think, well, this person's supposed to give me all the answers and give me all the 10 steps that I need to step into to accomplish the thing. And then Matt kind of jumped in. I don't know. If you want to share that story, you go ahead. Okay. So. So basically, I was just asking questions to the client, you know, and then Matt jumps in, and he gives him the answer, and he's like, hey, he's trying to tell you this. So then, you know, we finished that call, and I looked at him and I said, hey, man, can I. Can I give you a couple, like, ideas of, you know, the depths of my work, and there's a reason why I wasn't telling him the answer. And you kind of stole something from him in that moment by giving him the answer. And what do you think you stole from him? And essentially I was like, you stole his growth. The question was his weight to lift. But so this happens to me all the time, and I think I'm better with it as a coach than I am with my kids. Oftentimes, I don't want to see my kids struggle. I don't want to see them flounder. I don't want to see them uncomfortable. It's really hard for me. I'm really good at it. When I'm, you know, in that situation, I'm like, hey, go ahead, flounder a little bit. Struggle with the question. Say, I don't know, get frustrated with me. Tell me. Just give me the answer already. I can really step into that as a coach. Professionally, it's a lot harder for me as a parent. Why? Because it literally hurts me to see my daughter struggling. Like, I. I feel pain I. I feel like I. I feel it in my body sometimes. Have you ever been there when your kid is struggling right in front of you? How many of us are so tempted to steal their growth in that moment and take their struggle? What if I could tell you that struggle is one of the greatest gifts that you could give them as a parent? The pain of the moment, the discomfort of the moment is actually a gift because it's helping them figure out something about themselves. What do we learn in those moments about us? Sometimes we learn, you know, what we learn? Do I really want this? Because, man, this is super uncomfortable. These early mornings, the extra workouts. That's a good thing to come to grips with if you actually want a big thing, right? Because are you willing to pay the price to get the thing that you want? Now, as we talked about the big leaguer that we talked about, his dad took him to the side and said, do you really want it? What did he say? Yes. And he kept paying the price. We can distinguish the pressure. We can get rid of the fear, because if it's really a thing that God has placed in him. And this dude, if you sit with him, he knows for certain, and he's like, I knew it since I was 10 years old that I was meant for the big leagues. And he paid the price. Not because any parent forced him or took the weight on their shoulders just because they tilled the soil consistently. They watered it, they encouraged him. They loved him along the way, and he's a great, great kid.

[D]

So then what's underneath all of this vision talk?

[C]

Yeah. So easy access point for us. How many of us have ever been told it's not good to complain? Have you ever heard that? Just me. You ever come, you know, do you come from a family who's like, don't complain, or do you come from a family where there's a lot of complaining and then nothing changes? So just for a quick second, what's your perspective on complaints? How do you view them? Are they good or bad things? Just give me, like, your quick little breakdown. I would love to hear from a couple people, like, what do you believe about complaints? Yeah, in the back. Yeah, Complaints. Well, I think you can complain as long as you provide a solution. Great. So you could complain, but eventually we got to solve that thing. Okay, great. Yeah. Most people that complain, they want the solution. Yeah. Okay, great. So then, right, it's like, you know, we have this experience. A lot of times the people, though, complaining, they just kind of want to live in the complaint. Have you Ever been around that type of person? Or have you ever been that type of person who there's a thing that you keep complaining about and you just can't move off of it. That ever happened to you?

[D]

Feels good to complain.

[C]

It feels. Sometimes it feels great to complain. Anybody else, when it comes to, like, what's your perspective on a complaint? Oh, man, get off of it.

[D]

Geez.

[C]

What are you complaining about? You don't know how good you have it. Anybody ever said that when I was growing up, right, Stop complaining. We lived in a cubbyhole when I was growing up. You know, my dad used to say the thing of, like, I walked barefoot for miles to get bread in Iran. And I was like, okay, great, dad, I'm sorry, but we hate the complaint. We hate the complaint. And we actually miss out on something powerful if we spend time hating the complaint. Because in actuality, a complaint is a latent vision. Right. So there's something powerful in the complaint. So when I say complaint is a latent vision, what does that mean? Underneath the complaint is something that you want.

[D]

It's hidden.

[C]

Yeah. So we want to kick to that slide. So what is a complaint? Anybody want to read it for us? Something that isn't happening that we want to see happen or. Something that is happening that we wish wasn't? Right. Okay, so give me a couple of examples as we look at these definitions. What's an example in your dynamic right now? Something that you experience in your relationship? What's a complaint that you have? Maybe parent to child or child to parent. What's a complaint that you have? Because I'll give you a couple before we get into it. Right? So you're not working hard enough. Has that been a complaint ever? Okay, how about your attitude has been terrible lately? You ever had that complaint? You never listened to your coach. Has that ever come. Come out of our mouth at all? So. So that's, again, nothing wrong with the complaint. Right? But the complaint is an access point. So if we can spend more time in the complaint, we can ask ourselves, all right, well, what do I want? So what's underneath? You're not working hard enough? Because that's the easy thing to pinpoint what's underneath it. Yeah. Tell me more. Improve to work hard. Okay. What's the reward for it? Yeah, well, what you want to see as a parent,

[D]

what he said earlier, is this what you want?

[C]

Yeah. Hey, if you want this, here's what I'd love to see. If you want it, I'd love to see some effort. I'd love to see some motivation. I'd love to see some discipline. So now we're getting. It's the complaint is the easy access point, the thing that isn't happening. Right. But we wish something different was happening. So once we can get to, like, what's the actual vision there? Can we reframe that to a vision? What's that get still? How can we get you. So here's what we have, right? I'd love to see you bring consistent effort, even on the days you don't feel like it. What would help you do that? So just the first draft. Again, I'm not saying that's the answer, but even if we go from the difference between you're not working hard enough to. Hey, hey, you know what, buddy? You say you want this and I believe you. What would create consistent effort? Discipline. Like, what would make that happen for you?

[D]

Well, so what's coming to mind too, for me is just a visual, right? A complaint for me feels like a closed fist. Where. When you actually reframe it and even as I'm reading what we have here, what would help you do that is like an open hand. Yeah.

[C]

Right.

[D]

You're asking, you're inviting really the player to be involved in or your son to be involved in this.

[C]

Well, again, so here, this is part of what's really, really tricky, right? Can the complaint turn into fuel for the person that you're talking to? When you say you're not working hard enough, can that kick the person into high gear? Yeah, but again, there's a cost there. So what do you think is happening underneath the surface? What message are they getting? What do you think is one of the main narratives or beliefs that I hear in professional athletes that holds them back on a daily basis? I'm not good enough. Where does that come from? The devil. Absolutely. But guess who passes it on? We do. But we're well intentioned because we keep telling them through our energy and actions, that's not good enough. I need more. I need more. Come on, come on. Let's go, let's go. Right, right. So we push. We push because we want to see performance. We want to see a new level. Well intentioned. But we end up doing is creating a story in their heads about who they are and what they need to experience love. So now it's a tricky situation where we've connected your performance to our affection or to our acceptance. And again, I tell you, I only realized this because I was able to have so many conversations with professional athletes who suffer from the Same lie. It's very tricky. Slippery slope there. So, yeah, we could do that. And hey, I got the result from my kid. We gotta be cautious. We really do need to be cautious with what it creates.

[D]

And it truly never stops. I mean, I was just going back and I was looking at the message from the guy, the parent. I was, I was reading the, the text message from. And I was like, oh, did he say anything like that? And sure enough, he says the exact thing. He says, I'll never be good enough for you or anybody else.

[C]

Right.

[D]

And it, Yeah, I mean, it's. That could happen from some little thing. And in this case, hey, you're not working hard enough.

[C]

Yeah, because so our minds are really, really fascinating places and they're meaning makers. So again, what we're taking from the parent in those moments is the energy and there's a lot of inference happening. Our brains, it is making things up. Because again, that's not our intent. But what the human is experiencing is, oh, your longing and affection for me is connected to my output. That's not what we want. So again, if we can shift it and say, how can I be a motivating force and implement God's word here? Oh, let me utilize vision. Let me keep making invitation to vision. And the more we can own it together and we can have our true north together. And guess what happens when vision, we forget. Right. We can say one vision today. But then, you know, that's where we may get frustrated. It's like, I thought you said you wanted this. Your behavior has changed two weeks from that point. How often do we do that? Do we say we want to lose 15 pounds and then the donuts in front of us and we're like, oh, that donut tastes good. So I'm going to do that. We lose sight of vision. That's why we need community. That's why we need people around us to say, hey, remember you said you wanted this. The donut's not going to get you the six pack. And we usually don't like that person. Right. Just let me eat the donut. That's part of our role. You want this? I want to teach you cause and effect. If you eat donuts, you don't get a six pack. If you don't wake up and do the work, odds are you don't get to the big leagues. I just want to tell you cause and effect. Your choices will dictate your future. Not me. Pressure's off me. I'll do my part 100%. But it's not on me.

[D]

So I want to talk also about. Let's, for a second, talk to the player, because the player, too, I'm sure, has complaints, and maybe he's not comfortable enough to acknowledge it, or he or she isn't comfortable enough to admit it now, but how do they navigate this?

[C]

Well, so for all of my kids in the room, do you have any complaints about your parents?

[D]

Now's the time.

[C]

Wait, wait.

[D]

They're all ears.

[C]

Why did we snicker? Because we know it's there. Right? But usually, even. Even when it comes to this, do they have the freedom to share the complaint with you? Yeah, if. Yes, awesome. Like, that's a very progressive household. But for the most part, no. Don't tell me you have a complaint about me. But again, why could the complaint be good news? Into what conversation? One to a part of your relationship that may be perishing and you don't even know it? What if I told you that the complaints that your kids have towards you are gold and you will be grateful years down the line when they said, yeah, you know what it feels like? Something that's happening that I wish wasn't happening is I really feel like you're hard on me, and I wish it wasn't happening. Okay, what would you like? How do we want to build this relationship? What's the vision here? What do we both want and have the faith to trust that something good will come from that conversation?

[D]

So this feels a little bit like it requires both sides. Yeah, right.

[C]

Absolutely.

[D]

But what happens when you have. Let's just say the parent wants to have a conversation with a coach.

[C]

Great.

[D]

And the parent is willing to have that conversation with the coach, but the coach isn't in this room. They're. You know, they're not trying to do work on themselves. They're not having an open mind. There's no awareness. Yeah, right. They have this guard up.

[C]

You know what? Let's kick that out here. Are there any complaints for the coaches of. Of your kids? What would be. We got some. I hear the Snickers.

[D]

Don't worry, they won't.

[C]

Yeah. What would be a. A complaint that you have for the coach? What's that? Okay, you have a coach. He's here, y' all. Tell him. Yeah. What's that? Daddy ball. Coaches are here. Great. Do you guys want to hear some complaints? You're like, we hear them all the time. Play my kid more, and let's not have it. That's. I would say let's not have that complaint. But what would be A legit complaint that you have when you see somebody coaching your kid and you're like, man, what's that? Great. Okay, let's make it legit. Yeah. So I think my son or daughter needs to play more. I would love to see your kid play more.

[D]

Let's talk about what they need to

[C]

do to get there. There you go. Right. So if you just did it right, if you just align with the person to say, I want that too. Here's what I need to see from them so that they can play more. So now let's align on a vision. But you see how the. If we just stay in complaint zone. And thanks for calling that out. I didn't want it to turn into something else, but that's perfect. That's a perfect shift. Hey, I want that, too. But now, guess what just happened. There's an alignment. We are on the same team. We don't have to be enemies. Now. That's usually why we want to stick in the complaint, because just bringing up the conversation is very vulnerable. And you know what? Oftentimes we hate as human beings being vulnerable. Coming up and asking for something, coming up and sharing what's in your heart, but from a real place, like, I want to get to the bottom of it. And then when we hear somebody say, man, I would love that, too. How do we make that happen for your kid? That's exactly it. That's the work. You don't stay in the complaint. You have the courage to voice it, and then you have the courage to pinpoint what you actually want, which is vision. So a complaint, my friends, I'm telling you right now, it's one of the greatest gifts on earth. If we treat it for what it is, which is underneath it is a vision. Underneath it is something that we want. And the things that we want require advocacy. You got to be willing to pay a price for the thing that you want, even if it means. Well, I'm willing to get rejected by saying it.

[D]

So I think it also requires, you know, it could. It could feel. If I'm. If you're a coach and I'm coming up to talk to you, it could feel before I have that conversation, like, oh, man, what's this guy going to say to me? Okay, I'm going to say this, and he's going to say that, and it's going to turn into this whole thing. And we can go down rabbit holes all day long and get really frustrated before we even approach the person.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

But if we can just show up and say it Is not my responsibility to understand or know what he's going to say. I just need to convey what is in my heart in the. And I'm going to say the right way, but in a way that I know comes from truly, like, wanting what's best for my son. Yeah, right.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And I feel like you can do that to where that coach, maybe he doesn't fully give you the answer that you want, but you're. You're going to experience somebody who is less closed off and abrasive than if you would have otherwise, you know, walked up to him and said, let me tell you something, buddy, you need to play my kid.

[C]

Or like, we're out of here right now. Again, this is a principle that. Do you think this just works in what we're talking about, like, sports world? No. Right. If you're talking to your spouse and you have a complaint, but you come with the energy of you need to do this or you need to stop doing that, are things going to change? Probably not. And if they do, probably some resentment underneath the surface. But instead, if what we just talked about, if there's a collaborative energy, it's like, hey, I learned this thing in this weird little workshop with these two dudes where they talked about complaints are good news. So I just want to bring a complaint not to separate us, but actually to bring us together. Because there's something that's happening that I wish wasn't happening. And I want to. I want us to collaborate on a vision for how things could go. Right. So even if it is like, I wish you would throw out the garbage more or it's you don't throw out the garbage enough would be the complaint to like, I would love our house to be cleaner. Okay. I would love for us to participate together in the cleanliness of our home. What does it look like when we both care about that at a high level? How could we help each other win? Do you notice how that's just vastly different if we're talking from that place? More often than not, the person is going to want to show up for that. Especially if love is at the core.

[B]

It's possible that you could go into that conversation with the coach very thoughtfully and very vulnerably and not get the response that you. You want, which is going to give you important information. And this is in true how he coach message is incredible.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But that's going to give you important information of is this the right place for us? If this person's incapable of having a

[C]

respectful absolutely partner with me.

[B]

And have a line, right? So better to get to that knowledge sooner, to find a place where you can have those kind.

[C]

Does that make sense to everybody? Did everybody hear what Drew said? Because that's some good wisdom there. Did everybody hear that? Do you want to say that again or do you want to? Well, essentially, it's this, right? So let's say you muster up the courage to talk to the coach and you say, hey, I would really love it if we could talk about. I feel like, you know, my son doesn't play enough, and I would really love to figure out, like, what's the way where that could happen. And the coach says, you know what? Get out of my face. Who do you think you are? I hear this all the time. I don't need another parent coming up to me telling me this. So please think twice before you talk to me again about that. Okay? What just happened?

[D]

You got information?

[C]

You got some information, right? So before you think to yourself, I'm a punch this guy in the face, right? Like, before it. Before it goes there. Oh, wow. I didn't know that's how you respond to this type of inquiry or request. Is that the type of leader I want my son or daughter to be around because he's, you know, my kids with this person six hours a week, whatever it is. Of course that's going to rub off, because what we're hunting for now is this thing called alignment. Are we aligned in the culture that we're creating for our kids? And. And sometimes it's going to be a hard decision to be like, I think we got to find another team or place. And that may be the move, which, again, is another very vulnerable conversation. So sometimes the alignment conversation, you get the data, you get the information that you need, and now, based on where you want to go, the values are really important. You can. You can say it's probably not the best dynamic, but again, there's probably more routes that you could take before you make that decision. But just to say what you're saying,

[D]

well, I think an important call out, too, is how all of this just kind of continues to come back to God. Because I can see somebody having that conversation being very frustrated and feeling like, oh, man, should I have not have said that? Now my kid, who wants to play for this team, now I have this whole thing that I have to deal with because I have this information, right? I can visualize that happening. And that's where, again, like, the thing that's coming to mind, but this is where you need to lean on Him. And you need to have faith, and you need to know, like, look, this is this information. I had to go through this to experience this, but I need to trust that God wants us then somewhere else, and then actually leaning on that, not wanting to control it.

[C]

Right?

[D]

Surrender.

[C]

Surrender. Well, this is where. So this would be the part where it's like, okay, take a couple minutes, write down three complaints. Three things right? Now, if it's like, hey, parent to kid, just. There's a complaint. You don't have to say it yet, but just write down three complaints. Kid to parent, parent to coach, kid to coach. Just this one's for you. This part is for you. Couple minutes, just write down a couple of complaints. Two to three complaints, which is something that isn't happening, that you wish was happening, right? I want more playing time. I'm not getting enough playing time. It starts off with, I'm not getting enough playing time, or you have a bad attitude. You're bad. You know, the. The attitude isn't what it should be. So just a couple of complaints. And don't judge them. You don't have to fix them yet. Could be you never listen to your coach. The coach doesn't listen to me. Nobody listens to me.

[D]

Slow down, Drew. Not that many complaints.

[C]

We're good. So just quick question. How did you feel as you were writing down the complaints? What do you got? Yeah. Why? Well, I look at it other ways. Parent way, coach way. But you're. You're kind of dealing that gristle like, hey, what. Think about this. Right? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, have you ever done that before? Let me just sit down and write down some things that I'm complaining about. Not without being told to do it by some conference or some other. Sure. Great. Great. Yeah. Well, just think about that, right? It's like, why do we need to be invited into the practice?

[D]

Because it doesn't feel good.

[C]

It doesn't feel good usually. Right. We don't like the vulnerability. We don't like feeling like a complainer. But there is something powerful about. Let me just get it so that I could see it. Right? And again, now it's not. We're not going to keep it there forever, but we do want to find a way to articulate it and put it out in the open. Do you. Is there one you want to share, by any chance, that you feel okay with sharing publicly or. Oh, my favorite one. Why is the coach's kid always playing shortstop? Great. Yeah. Awesome. It's like, oh, my goodness. Why in the world does this Persist. So if we could work that. Actually, I think that's a pretty fun one. What's the vision there? 1. Just fun complaint seeing. Yeah. Coach and as a parent,

[A]

you know,

[C]

and one thing kind of adding to this is trying to empower the kids. Yeah.

[D]

Players to understand it.

[C]

Right. So the complaint is that you feel if I'm looking at from coach, the parent or the kid feels I should

[D]

be playing that position.

[C]

So why is your kid earning it? And like you said, you're trying to understand, well, yes, this might be the coach's kid, but are they playing at a level or earning the position more than other kids on the team or what attitude or what are you asking for? You know, sometimes what you want to say, what do I need to do to play that position instead of my

[D]

kids should be in the position.

[C]

Change the wording of the question. Yeah. So if you notice. Yeah. It's as hard when you are a coach most times if your kid is playing position because you know the target on your back and we all know it, but the parents come at it the same way. Great. So you go like you have to say, see it from both sides. Well, do you notice what just happened? Because I asked you what the vision was and what you kick into. I gave you personal side, but also different perspective. I think a lot of us here are on different side. Yeah. So you gave me more of your story. Right. More of why you believe what you believe, why you feel the way that you feel, essentially. But if we, if we say, hey, all of that is. Is granted, it's warranted and we get to the heart of what you're asking for here is like vision wise. I would love my kid to be a part of a culture where your hard work is the center, not favoritism. So again, that'd be my first draft and we would probably keep sharpening that. But it sounds like that's the vision that you have is like, I would feel good as a parent if I knew that my kid was a part of a meritocracy as opposed to. Yeah. Favoritism culture. What's that? Nepotism. Right, Exactly. That's the word that I was looking for. Right. Instead of a nepotistic culture. And again, we still have some of the negative, some of what we don't want. But if we're just working on what do we want to see, I would love my child to be a part of a meritocracy where your hard work earns what you get.

[D]

That was a good call out real fast. You Just brought something up that I think is important to mention. Non vision.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Right. Because I think sometimes we're so prone to think about what we don't want, because that's so easy to talk about, that we kind of shed ourselves or shy away from talking about what we actually do want.

[C]

Yeah. So. And again, as a coach, what I'm mindful of is I'm looking at the language and I'm curious about what's behind the language. Usually as people, we're, you know, we're more in tune with the complaint or we're more in tune with what we don't want to see. Why do you think that's so easy for us? Why is it so easy to pinpoint what we don't want? Yeah, it's so easy access because you're experiencing the thing that you don't want. And sometimes what it requires is for you to move past what you don't want and sit in what's possible here. Like allow your imagination to have its course. So actually talking about one of the big leaguers that we were talking about earlier, he, you know, I started working with him and he would traditionally go, hot, cold streak, hot, cold streak, hot, cold streak. So when we started working together, he actually went on a bit of a cold streak. And I started to ask him questions. And one of the things that he brought up was, you know, somebody in the organization told him, you need to stop striking out. Which is like, great advice for a baseball player. Right. It's like, you need to cut down your strikeouts. So when he's in his cold zone, what do you think he's thinking in his head? I gotta stop striking out. I can't strike out. I don't want to strike out. What do you think that does to the brain? Yeah, it's right. The person gets stiff and fear takes over. Because the mind, when you give it something to avoid, it doesn't have a clear objective. It's hard to pinpoint what not to do. Because if you tell somebody not to do something, they're actually going to put more energy in what not to do. So I did this work with him. I said, hey, I hear what you don't want. You don't want to strike out. That's great. That's awesome. What do you want in those moments? And we did the same thing, right? He gave me some of his story. Well, it's because of this. And this person told me, and this is why they told me. And I got it. I got it. What do you want in those moments. And he came up with something brilliant. The more we worked on it, and we worked for about 15 minutes, just so you know, it's not easy. We worked on about 15 minutes just on that little vision to have in those moments. And he came up with, my vision is, I want to be the hardest out in baseball. Which is when you hear that, that's like, man, okay. And I'm like, we got it. No lie. This kid went on a streak, and part of his dilemma was he was kind of relegated to Double A for quite some time. He went on a streak. This was the first year where he went from aa. He got promoted to aaa. He was AAA Player of the Month again, just from a new vision from AAA Player of the Month. He finally got promoted to the big leagues for the first time in his life. Now, if I told you the next part, you'd probably think I was lying. And I made this up just for the story. So he literally facetimes me, you know, when he gets the news. And he's like, joe, I can't believe it. We're here. We did it. And. And I was like, obviously, I'm like, you did it. You know, I'm. I'm just here as the guide, right? And he goes, I got called up to the big leagues. I'm playing in two days. But he's like, I don't even know if I'm going to play. You know, we'll see if I do play. Sure enough, he found out he was playing, he was starting, and he text me, and he's like, oh, my God, I'm starting, right? First pitch, this kid gets in his first at bat as a big leaguer, and what does he do?

[D]

Hardest ball he's ever hit.

[C]

The hardest ball he's ever hit.

[D]

Homer.

[C]

He hits a home run in his first big league game with the first pitch that he ever sees. And like I told you, right? If I tell you this, it feels like I'm lying about it.

[D]

He also robbed. This is what's funny. In the first inning, he. Before he got his that bad, he robbed a home run with the first ball that was ever hit to him.

[C]

So, again, there's something really potent and powerful about vision. When you can move just from the idea of a negative to a positive, from what you don't want to what you do want, you have new power as a human being. There's a reason why it's in the scriptures, and there's a reason why so many organizations talk about it. Let's talk about vision. Let's talk about vision. Now, here's the thing that I've learned that maybe you can kind of sense now, when a term is overused, it's usually watered down in our head. So vision is such an overused term. It's such an overused word. But guess what? It's an underutilized tool. And it is one of the most powerful tools that we can utilize as parents, as kids, as teammates, as spouses, as brothers, as sisters. There's a reason why the scripture says where there is no vision. I'm telling you right now, something will die. There will be a cost if there's no vision. So follow, follow that. Start to use the tool of vision. Go from the negative to the positive. What you don't want to, what you do want, the complaint to the vision. I guarantee you things will start to change.

[D]

Do we want to share the coaching move?

[C]

Yeah. This is essentially like some of the breakdown we're talking about. Right. It's just. It's just a poorly worded desire. Right. So we're moving from a judgment to an observation, a complaint to a request, and actually control to curiosity, because we're holding it with an open hand. We're inviting people into. Instead of resisting. Let's take ownership. Let's build this thing together.

[D]

All right? So we recognize and we got some good feedback that. And by the way, Joe and I just realized we're blocking the screen, so apologies if you guys haven't been able to fill out the questions. We're going to just kind of dive into some stuff, and we're going to start with expectations. There's going to be two questions that we are going to skip, and we're going to try to address that at the end. So if you guys are somebody who's like, no, we have to follow along the prompt. You can go to the expect or the agreements in the language section.

[C]

Yeah. So I'll start off with this idea, and we're really going to power through expectations and agreements. It'll be really fast because we have a ton of content. And, you know, at this stage in the game, you're like, okay, what am I keeping and what am I shortening? But essentially, how many of us have ever felt as we're a part of a team, like the expectations of the leader? Have you ever felt that? Now, is that. Has that been helpful to you or is that actually at times been a hindrance? Yeah. Why? Yeah. Why?

[B]

Why does it suck?

[C]

Yeah. What's your experience in those moments whatsoever?

[B]

It's. You have the Freedom to make decisions that don't ever make the wrong.

[C]

Yeah, go to work, have fun. Yeah. But nobody knows who you are right now. Don't worry about it. Yeah, it's like, wait a minute. I expect more from you. Yeah, exactly. So again, there's something subtle. It's like there's an energy that you can feel from the person who has expectations of you. And that's part of what we want to talk about. Right. So. So there's this thing that we all feel when someone expects more. And a lot of times we know how to frame it in the best of ways. Right. It's like, I expect more from you because you're better than this or whatever, some version of that. But an expectation goes back to what I was talking about earlier, is usually more about me than it is about we. And sometimes we have expectations that are unspoken. Right. We've never. We never talked about that. But I did. The expectation is there. And in reality, it's a pathway to resentment. So I want to be really clear with that. Right. Is our expectations are a pathway to resentment. So we need to get really clear on this definition. So I want to make sure we're hitting. An expectation is something that I want that I think other people should want too. So that's the key. There is something that I want that I think other people should want too. It's based on me. It's not based on we. It's my preference. But the way that it's framed is it's a shared priority and it's a recipe for disaster. It really is when it comes to building high level partnerships. So this is some of what I work on. You know, I work top of the food chain, high level organizations, and I'll get in there and I'll just notice there's so many people that are living from expectations and leading from expectations, and it becomes toxic. Okay. So now we can apply this in our parenting dynamics in our marriages. It's like, where am I leading from expectation? Because essentially that's more about me than it is about we. So the shift is instead of leading from an expectation, we want to turn things into an agreement. Why do you think that's a powerful shift? Yeah, it's mutual. So what's an agreement? Two people want it. Hey, here's what I. Here's what I'd love. In meetings, you make the request. I'd really love for you to participate more. And you could request that. And if the person says, no, thank you. Okay, now I got the feedback. Or if they Say, yeah, I would love to too. I feel like I'm not really given an opportunity to. Okay, well, now let's. Again, let's make an agreement and we can work on that together. But what may they look like in parenting? Do we think that's a good idea in parenting, making agreements with your kids? Yeah. Yeah. Why not? Yeah. Like give me an example. Yeah. Yeah. So again, right. There's a certain age of reason that we know we're definitely not talking about making agreement with your 5 year old because that more often than not, is not going to work. However, in that age, what we are teaching them. I'm guessing you've done the same thing right. Is teaching consequences. So they can run the show if they want to. But if you teach them, hey, bud, you know, you do this, this is the consequence. And then if you let them feel that sting enough, what happens in their brain. Yeah, but it goes back to what we need to experience as parents, which is we need to be okay with our kid melting down in those moments. Have you ever noticed sometimes that's just the art of parenting is I got to stay regulated as my kid melts down. And they'll be better for it. It's actually not that complex at times. If I can keep my cool when they're melted, melting down, they'll figure it out in their brain eventually. And then now we're both better for it. Right. So that's the consequence dynamic. But when there comes the age of reason, we can actually make agreements. And now we want to just continue to build relationships and partnerships on what agreements can we make so that we're both going after this thing together? Now, this is part of why, again, I say, it's so key. Can you imagine a synchronized swimming team functioning from expectations and not agreements? How would that go?

[D]

Yeah, not well.

[C]

Yeah. Why wouldn't that work?

[D]

They're out of sync, they're not aligned.

[C]

Yeah. Tell me more.

[D]

I mean, they're just on their own pages.

[C]

Yeah. It's not going to be very synchronized. It's not going to be a high level performance. It's not going to be a high level partnership. Now, could they hit the mark from time to time? Yeah, but it's not elite. It's not consistent, it's not dependable. And so this is why, again, it takes more leadership work to slow things down, to say, yeah, I got some expectations. Okay. And to work on the actual agreement of it all, where it's part of what we were talking about. Hey, you want to make it to the Big leagues. What are some agreements that we can make that will get you there? Because it can happen through that art form of agreement. So even if you were to give me a couple of agreements that you can make, if that's the dream, what are some expectations to agreements that you could make with your son? What feels good to you? If you're like, hey, here's an agreement. I'm not going to wake you up in the morning. So what would be the vision? If I want to become that person or he wants to become that person? He knows he's got to work hard. He knows he's probably going to wake up in the morning, get started his

[D]

day in the right way. So the agreement is, how can I help you do that? Won't be set in your lawn for you, wake you up in the morning?

[C]

Yeah, there could be tons of versions, but if we simplify it and say, here's the agreement that I'm going to invite you into in the mornings. I'm going to invite you into waking yourself up. Can we agree? What do you want? Oh, well, then he may say, can you come in and do the first wake up? And then after that I'm good. Okay, I could definitely do that for you. Okay, well, what happens if you don't wake up? That's where we get lost. You see, I can't trust you. I cannot. This is why I don't let you do your thing. Okay, so if we go back to the pain of a consequence, let me. I'm not going to steal the suffering from you. I'm not going to steal the pain from you. Great. Here's our agreement. I'll wake you up first. First one is on me. The agreement is you get up. After that we can make another agreement, which is if you don't wake up, there's a consequence. And then you get to decide what that is. So we can build an ecosystem that we agree on. Because again, you're just saying. I'm advocating for you. I want you to achieve that goal, but I can't drag you there. So the way that you build a world around it is by creating solid agreements that you will abide by. And that'll be the thing that'll hold the system together. Does that make sense? Did you have some?

[D]

No, I'm just looking at. So yeah, agreements are spoken. Expectations are unspoken. Right. Agreements are mutual, not one sided. And agreements are chosen, not imposed.

[C]

Right. Because an agreement is something that we create together. It's based on we, not just me. Clarity, choice, ownership for both People, when

[D]

you can also ask too. All right, so we've spoken, we've discussed this. We've mutually agreed to do this. Right. We collectively as a group have chosen to do this. Are you committed to doing this? Right. Because I think that's the component that a lot of people don't acknowledge. It's like, all right, yeah, we have an agreement.

[C]

Great.

[D]

And then to your point, he doesn't do it the next day, and it's like, oh, wait a second.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And so that's an opportunity to figure out, well, you said you were committed to this, so you're either committed to it, but something happened.

[C]

Right.

[D]

Or you're not committed to it. And do we need to change the agreement then?

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. Because that's when we can sit each other down and say, all right, if we're taking ownership here, you didn't follow through because essentially their feelings dictated their actions. So if your feelings dictate your actions, look at the outcome. But if your commitments and your agreements dictate your actions, there's a different outcome. And if you do that over time, guess what happens? You'll have brand new results. So again, I'm simplifying it. We're short on time, but you are building a system here that actually works. If it's a feelings based system, do I want to wake up? Do I not want to wake up? Do I want to do the work today? That's all feelings. A system based on that will crumble. So now we're doing part of our job as parents, which is we will teach in those moments, right? We will instruct, we will coach, we will lead. We won't force, we won't take the pain from them. We'll say, yeah, I know, it kind of sucks, right? Kind of hurts. That's what happens when you don't show up for the thing that you say that you want. Because the real world has consequences. Why would we withhold that from them? Right? So we make agreements. We build a world that's very real so they can feel some of the pain of their choices. We actually want that. Not because we're masochists, not because we're bad people. But what. We want them to be wise. We want them to own their life. We want them to understand your choices lead to outcomes, your outcome lead to a future. So I'm. I'm here to help you create the best future possible.

[D]

Well, so let's go through the steps then. I think that's important for them to understand.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

What's. What are the Four steps that take us from expectation to agreement. That's slide 27.

[C]

27. Great. So step one. Name the expectation. So what we were initially wanting to do was break into a group here, but I'll just kind of, like, lay it out for you. So even if the expectation is, I expect you to win, I expect you to work harder, I expect you to respect me. Have you ever felt that one? And again, it's not that we're lowering the bar, but we want to get this out in the open. So let's go to step two. When I say I expect this, what do we really want? So we go back to the vision. If it's like, I expect you to respect me, what do we want in that moment?

[B]

A healthy and productive relationship.

[C]

Yeah. So even if it's like, again, try that on for size instead of I expect you to expect me, or even if it's the energy of that, because maybe you don't say that directly, but if you're pinpointing that you're supposed to respect me because I'm your parent, usually that doesn't really work. But instead, if we tweak it a little bit, which is what you said. What was it? I'd love a healthy and productive relationship with you, and I'd love for us to own that together. We could. We could play around with it. I love for both of us to feel, value, and heard whenever we talk to each other. And I know sometimes it's hard because maybe we got, you know, bad day or whatever, but what if you and I agreed that we would value each other, that we would hear each other no matter what, no matter how the game went, no matter how our day went, we would hear each other out, and we would value what we have to say. Can we make that agreement? Because now, what have you set in your home? An actual standard for excellence that both of you buy into. Exactly. Without using the word respect, you've created a culture that invites respect. Now, again, it takes stewardship. It takes checking in. It takes. It takes constant conversation. It takes noticing. But now you've created an agreement that you both said you're all in for. Now, I know, you know, older folks, we're perfect. We never break agreements. Right. So that's. That's part of why we don't want to make agreements, is we don't like the feeling of when they're broken. And actually, that could be conversation for another day. But. So we want to create that agreement, which I just gave you, that dynamic. Right. That's step number Three.

[D]

And let me add something too, because I feel like sometimes it's assumed that they just understand what I want. What do you mean? I have to say it like I've said it a million times.

[C]

Yeah. Again, I've never felt that from, you know, my wife coming to me. Right. Her expecting me to throw out the garbage or whatever, or me coming to her. I expect her to tell me I did a great job throwing out the garbage. We have these expectations that we don't want to say out loud because for the most part it's vulnerable to say these things. And we don't want to deal with the possibility of rejection, which is still about us. So some of the courage is about getting the expectation out in the open, working it out so that it's an agreement. And now we can mutually own the environment, we can mutually own the dynamic together. So step three, just create that agreement. Step four, make it real. So this is what I'm trying. This is what I was touching on. On a scale from 1 to 10, how real is this agreement? So check in with the agreements that you make because you know what's going to happen. A lot of times, especially from, I would say kid to adult, be in tune with this because your, your kid may make an agreement just to what,

[D]

pacify you?

[C]

Pacify us, make us happy, get us off their back. So we want to check in, scale from 1 to 10, how real is this agreement? Because what are you doing in that moment? Even when you check in like that, what do you think you're doing? Scale from 1 to 10, how real is this agreement? You want to wake up early. You're checking in with the vision. You're creating a dynamic where you're saying, are we being honest with each other? Goes back to the respect thing. Are we actually being honest? Now here's. So again, I can. This is part of why we have like a map here. Because as you can see, my mind, I can go off in different teachings. So I'll just say this really quickly. The human mind is built for survival. And one of the ways that we survive things is this dynamic called fawning. Do you know what that means? Yeah. So it's fight. Flight is the one we know. Right? So when you. When we feel threatened, we kick into fight or flight. We all know that another one is fawning, which is essentially people pleasing. So when the organism or the person feels a threat, what they do is they're like, how do I get you to like me enough? How can I become agreeable enough? So that the threat would minimize. It's wild. We got to be mindful for that as parents, because what we may be doing is essentially pacifying our kids in moments where they say to themselves, I don't have a voice. What's the point of me saying what I really want? So when we check in, we are actually inviting their authenticity to the table, which I would suggest is a big part of our job. Your voice matters. Our agreements matter. I'll keep talking about it until we really feel the energy that my parent. Oh, man. They're not trying to force me to get into things. They want what's best for me. And we have agreements to keep us together.

[D]

One, I can see the parent who. Let's just use the example we were

[C]

talking about over here where, all right,

[D]

I'm going to commit to waking my kid up for the first time, and then my kid's going to wake up himself the second, third, and fourth time. And let's say he doesn't do that, and you remind him, and he still doesn't do that.

[C]

Right?

[D]

And now it's like, okay, I don't want to be a nag. So you just let it go. And one of the things that you talked about is, on a scale of 1 to 10, how real is this agreement?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Is it a legitimate agreement or not? And what. What that experience kind of tells me is how many parents will get to that point where they're like, okay, yeah, it's not a great agreement.

[C]

Well, this is what's fascinating, right? Because how many have felt that? It's like, I've done it five times now. I'm just going to let it go. Have you ever felt that if I told you that's still a state of fight or flight, would you believe me? Because what is that? It's flight. So this is why it's important for us as parents to know what. What's my vision? What's my commitment? How many times will I have the same loving conversation with you? I'll keep coming to the table. Why? Because I love you. So again, we're people of faith. How many times does God keep coming to the table with us? But we say, I'll talk to you five times. If you don't get it, I'm out. How does that work? And God, you know, puts up with us for years, and he keeps knocking on our door, and he keeps waking us up in the morning, and he keeps saying, I love you. I know what you're capable of. I'll keep reminding you. Even when you Forget he's made an agreement with us. So this is why it's important for us as parents to be anchored in our own vision, in our own commitments. Because now I'll keep showing up. And that love that our kids feel from us, the most powerful motivating force, especially when it's connected to God. Right. They're like, man, you really do believe in me. You really advocate for me. And they can feel it. I'm giving you a hard time, and you keep showing up. There's something about that love where now you don't have to wake them up anymore. Do we have that type of belief, that type of love, that type of faith? So this expectations and agreements. And again, we could spend a lot of time working on it so that we have actual agreements. You know, that would be an ideal world, but we do have a limited amount of time. Any questions about that? Yeah. Yeah. You're saying right in the beginning of when we did expectations. So an expectation is something I want, that I think other people should want to. It's based on me, not on we. It's my preference presented as a shared priority. They are unspoken contracts. Why expectations don't work. They are unspoken contracts. They. They create pressure, not partnership. They lead to resentment when unmet. They replace connection with control. So I'll say it again, right? So the breakdown there is why expectations don't work. They're unspoken contracts. Usually they create pressure, not partnership. They lead to resentment when unmet, and they replace connection with control.

[D]

Yeah. Did you get the. What makes an agreement different?

[C]

Okay. Okay, awesome. We're going to kick into a little bit more of the power of language. So a lot of what we're doing is just really talking about how powerful our language is. And just notice, some of it is the spoken word, some of it is our body language. There's a lot happening in our language. But we'll talk literally here about the power of our language. So there's. For this. This next piece, I'm going to propose that there's two types of language that we can use as we live our life. There's disempowered language, and then there's empowered language. How many of us have heard the word disempowered before? What does it mean? A false flag. Oh, false. Flat. So if you're disempowered, you fall flat, weak, and ineffectual. Anybody else? What. What's it. What is disempowered? Yeah. So 100%. If I'm disempowered, I'm not empowered. Now, let's look at it really for what it is, all right? If you're disempowered, there's a belief that you hold in that moment, and it is the resource that I believe that I need to accomplish my goal is outside of me. Okay. And if you wanted to use the power, you could say that the power that I need to accomplish my goal is outside of me. So have you ever said, for example, I don't have enough time? Right. Time is this thing that I don't have control over. It's outside of me. Therefore, I can't accomplish my goal because I just don't have enough time? Or have you ever heard I don't have enough money, I don't have enough resources? This is a very disempowered way of speaking. It's this belief that the power that I need, the resource that I need is outside of me. Okay, so what's empowered then? If that's disempowered? Yeah, I have agency. So it's. Let's just do the flip. What would be the absolute flip? The power that I need to accomplish my goal is where. The resource that I need to accomplish my goal is where. Now, this is why Christians can believe that's true. Why can we believe that's true? And where does he live? Oh, I thought we were temples. So if he lives here and he's like, hey, I'm letting you know. Let me. Let me do what I do. The power of the resource is actually inside of us because he dwells inside of us. Okay? So now we want to pinpoint from a language standpoint, when is our language revealing that we're actually disempowered? And then we can look at how often do we speak in a disempowered way so that we can shift to an empowered way. If you want to. I know if we have, like, a little. I want to make sure that we're hitting those before we get into the activity here. What's on our. That we need to hit?

[D]

Yeah. 33.

[C]

So vision is language, right? Language needs to support our vision. Language is a tool that can help or hurt, and that's what we're talking about here. Our language, the way that we speak can help us or it can hurt us. This is not fufu. This is not feel good. There is power in our words, and it's all over the scriptures, right? The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. There's something about the spoken word. So we're walk. We're walking through this disempowered and empowered dynamic.

[D]

Well, and real fast. I think it's something to kind of like make note on and make mention of is vision is language.

[C]

Right.

[D]

You kind. You said that, but I feel like it was glossed over maybe a little bit.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And the way that you speak about your vision is directly connected to how you're going to actually experience that vision. Yeah, right. Earlier you brought up, well, you know, what happens if he says, I want to be a major league baseball player? Like, how do I. How do we navigate that? Right. And so there's an opportunity there to create language around that experience that is going to make him feel a certain way about that.

[C]

Well, also. And again, how did God create the world? He spoke it. What we're, what we're. What we're saying here is literally with our words, we can create the future. And who is our role model in that? God himself. Okay. If he has led the way to say, your spoken word is so powerful because I created everything that you see but the spoken word. And now I'm actually inviting you into using that same tool to create a new future vision. The word vision is a tool. So let me speak. Let me speak the future. Let me just say, yeah, here's who I am. Here's what I'm committed to creating. This is the future that I want for our family. This is, this is the. The father, son, father, daughter, mother, son, mother, daughter relationship that I would love to experience. And you keep speaking vision. You keep speaking vision. If you keep speaking life, if you keep speaking future, there's something odd that happens. We start to live into it. Our. Our language, our words can create worlds. It's. It's very wild. And again, we only have a limited amount of time here because I could spend a ton of time just diving into this. So let's just look at. Are we using our words at the highest level, or are we just kind of buying into what the culture says and speaking the way that the culture speaks? So if we can throw up on the board.

[D]

Disempowered and empowered language.

[C]

Yeah, the disempowered and empowered language. So very quick here. If you look at the disempowered side, I just want us to do a quick check in. How often are we saying, well, you know, it's not my fault. I can't. I have to. I need to. I should. I want, you know, this always happens. This never happens. They made me well because of this. If only. I wish I don't know, I forgot. I'll try. If they would just. Or even. Sure. That's one of my least favorite text messages to get when I, you know, hey, can we do this? Sure. Like you can just feel you don't want to do this. Sure. So again, without going too deep, this is a list of disempowered language, right? This idea that what I need is outside of me. And I'll give one example here. Why is I should on the disempowered side?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, and again, if you, who told you you should. Expectation. Automatically an expectation. Now there's plenty of should. Sometimes I'll just ask that question in a coaching session. Well, I know I should do this and I'll just ask that simple. Who told you that? And you know what happens more often than not? They don't have a person. So what have they bought into the expectations of the culture? Just like an embedded message. So then what do you think? I ask? It's super simple. Hey, instead of should, what's your vision in that moment? Because what am I inviting them into again? Agency ownership. And you, you'd be surprised how the person shifts just when they're like, hold on a second, I, I have a say or have you ever said, I have to go to work today? Yeah, but there's something about that belief that I don't have a choice, I have to do this. How often does that show up in our language? Every day. Every day. And what are we doing? Without knowing it, we're silently giving away our agency.

[B]

It's a battle between the flesh and the spirit.

[C]

Absolutely. I'm Mr. Always, never, not my fault, whatever.

[D]

But I'm also Mr.

[C]

I commit, I will, I am. Because I'm constantly on a daily basis, minute to minute basis, battling between my flesh and the spirit living God. There you go. This is exactly what we're talking about. And again, you just think about it. I get to bring these tools, you know, to the secular world. Right. But at the core, these are spiritual tools that all of us do have access to because there is a spirit inside of everybody and we could tap into that or we could ignore it. Is it that you have to. Absolutely not. There is a consequence to what you choose. Yes, but you always have a choice. So if we shift it from I have to go to work, do you know what? I. I get to go to work today if I choose. Right. It goes back to the wording here. I choose to, I get to, I commit. And this is on the empowered side. I will I am. Sounds familiar. There, there's conviction. Yes. No, I want. I can't now. There's a reason why I have. I don't know. On both sides. You had brought this up. Why do you think? I don't know is on both sides there's a disempowered. I don't know. And then there's an empowered. I don't know. What would be the disempowered? I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. Have you ever asked somebody a question, what time are you going to be there? I don't know. And they just full stop. You know what's wild about the time that we live in right now? You could Google anything, you could chatgpt anything. So there's really no excuse to not really know anymore. But have you ever been around the person who constantly. I don't know.

[D]

It's like they're choosing. I don't know.

[C]

Yes. And there would be a very solid reason to choose. I don't know. And I don't want to know. I'm going to stop there. I don't want to know. I don't know. Hey, do you want to be here? I don't know. Do you want to put in the work? I don't know. Now this is where it's important to know what's happening in the physiology of the person because they may be in shutdown, they may feel threatened. So this is why we don't have to take it personal. This person may feel threatened and they've shut down because they don't believe they have a choice. So how are they taking a little bit of power back? I don't know. Get off my back. I don't know. Happens all the time. I've seen it happen so many times with players. But there's another type of I don't know. Hey, what time are you going to be be there? I don't know yet. But let me ask, let me ask real quick. I'll be there at seven. I don't know yet. I don't know. I don't know. But I'll figure it out. Have you ever been around that type of person? There's something that they believe that the resource is inside of them to figure it out. Hey, how are we going to make the MLB dream happen? You know what, son? I don't know yet.

[D]

But we're going to listen to the most valuable agent podcast.

[C]

But we're going to figure it out together. We will create vision. We will have conversations. We will make Agreements. And I will be your greatest advocate. I don't know what this adventure has for us, but I guarantee you I won't give up on you because I believe in you. So I don't know yet something different about that. So here's what I'm going to invite us into. Just practice this. Find groups of two. If you have your child here, it would be great to do it with them. I want you to take one of those complaints that we wrote down. Hopefully you have a nice, juicy complaint. And what I'm going to ask you to do is we're going to have a speaker and a listener for one minute. So part one would be, let's say, you know, Matt, what would be your complaint?

[D]

My complaint is you're always late.

[C]

Okay, I'm always late. So now he has 60 seconds to just use disempowered terms to talk about how I'm always late. And we'll give you like 15 if

[D]

you, if you would just show up on time, I feel like we could actually get a lot more accomplished. I wish you were more reliable. I want you to actually do the things that you say you're going to do. Let's stop there.

[C]

You feel the energy, guy? Just awkward. It feels kind of clunky even, like forcing yourself to do it. But for the sake of the exercise, for 60 seconds, we'll give you a 60 second timer. Choose a speaker. And then the person on the other end is just going to listen for 60 seconds. You're not going to interject, you're not going to say anything. You're just going to listen to that person talk about their complaint from a disempowered place. And again, you can also get creative because a lot of times with our complaints, you can just let yourself flow and you'll be surprised what comes out. Okay, and then we're going to switch. So the person who's the listener is going to talk from the disempowered place for 60 seconds. And then we'll come back real quick and we'll talk about that experience. We got it. Any questions?

[D]

And go.

[C]

Your mark is set. Go. We got 15 seconds left. I see some people tapping out. All right, that's time. Okay, switch. So speaker is now listener. Listener is now speaker. Ready, set, go. Time. Time. All right, all right, all right. Okay, let's unpack that for a couple minutes. What was it? What did. As a speaker, when you were the person who was the speaker, what was that like? You felt like a complainer, what we were talking about Earlier. Yeah. Even if you could check in on like noticing what you felt in your body, were there any judgments that came up? You know, I noticed. I don't know if you guys wanted to tap out early. It looked like you didn't even, didn't even want to finish the exercise. So anything like that. What did you experience when you were just the speaker? Yeah. Or man, I'm noticing like this is like I talk like this sometimes or people around me talk like this sometimes. This is like everyday language. Anything else? Yeah. So again, just check in. There's our body is giving us signals again. You know, God created our body for a reason. It is communicating to us. And sometimes it's just, why do you think it didn't feel good? Yeah. And maybe the body. Yeah, maybe the body's saying, this is not who we are.

[D]

Very one sided.

[C]

Talking at the person. Yeah, talking at the person. Woe is me. Yeah. Yeah. Anything else? Jordan, you have to be a lot

[D]

more thoughtful to use empowered language.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Why? Why do you think that is? That's so true. Why do you think that is? I think as humans we're just kind

[D]

of like negative, you know, like our

[B]

first instinct is to be negative and to be positive.

[C]

Yes. Yeah. So again, there's a lot of, you know, neuroscience around this, psychology around this. What's stickier is negative. We remember the negative. It's more easy to talk about.

[D]

Why?

[C]

Yeah, absolutely. Because the feet, it's so real what I'm feeling. So it just flows from me. I get to vomit. So this again, it's not that we can't speak in a disempowered way, but we want to, we want to step into consciousness here to say, hey, maybe for two minutes I'm going to just vomit. Because sometimes that's the work that I do. Hey, just talk to me about how you feel. Vent. Great. Now let's shift. Right, because you got it out. You vomited emotionally, mentally speaking, you got that out. What does it look like to shift? Okay, so just really quick, as a listener, does anybody want to say what you experience as a listener? Because the first part was as a speaker. Anybody? As a listener, what'd you experience?

[B]

Yeah,

[C]

Absolutely. You kind of want to. Oh my gosh. How long is this? It's the minute over. Oh, yeah. Something happens. Oh, man. You know what? You're right. It is that way. So now. Yeah, be, be careful what you agree on. And you know, there's a reason that cliche misery loves company. We do love to jump into other people's complaints. And then when we have another person who agrees with us, look out. Now we know we're right. Okay, so let's shift. Now the same complaint, but you got 60 seconds. So we'll do the same thing. You got a speaker, you got a listener. Only choose intentionally, like Jordan was saying, to speak. Now, this complaint, you know, we're turning it into vision. We've done a little bit of that work. How can we reframe it so that we're speaking it from an empowered place? Same thing. We're just choosing to speak about it differently. So I'll give you a beat to just kind of take that in the same thing that you just talked about, but now you're talking about it from an empowered place. Ready? All right. Time, time, time. All right. What was that like? So just first the speaker, as a speaker, as you were speaking from this new place. And again, you know, we're trying on a tool for the first time, so it's probably going to be a little bit clunky, but just the speaker first. What'd you experience? What went through your head? How was that different? Positive. Yeah. Yeah. So the dialogue was positive,

[D]

more alive.

[C]

You felt more alive. Like what you feel in your body. Did you want to keep talking or possibility, or did you want to take action? So just. Yeah, yeah. So some. Right. There's, like, something started to flow from it. An optimism, a belief that maybe good things are to come. What were you gonna say? Yeah. So maybe it's flowed a little bit more for you and everybody's going to be different. Right. Jordan, what about you? Yeah, I was just impressed with the

[D]

way that he was able to turn that language into a different vibe.

[C]

Yeah. Now, here's the thing. You can tell how committed we are to a certain belief. If it's really a heavy lift to start to speak about it in an empowered way. So here's the thing. Our brain wants to be right at all costs. If it really believes it's right about the complaint, it's not going to want to change. So this is why it's a practice. It's literally lifting the weight to say, my mindset, I choose, I control. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by what? The renewing of your mind. You want to renew the mind. It's work. And that's why we want to catch the things that are hard to stop believing, those complaints that are really ingrained in so much experience and part of what's happening. So this is the other part in these moments. We are telling ourselves who we are. I can't. I won't. I don't have this. If that's a part of our programming, if we're actually programming ourself in that moment, what are we telling ourself about who we are in those moments? It's a simple shift, right? It's, I don't have what it takes. How many of us have those beliefs when something difficult comes in our path? Probably can't get through this, don't have what it takes. I'm not good enough. It's not there. And this is why I say it's tricky, because the brain wants to be right. The moment you tell yourself who you are, it will follow. So this is why, especially for those of us that follow Jesus, we know those are lies. We are more than conquerors. No weapon formed against us shall prosper. We are light in this world. I choose. I commit right? I will. I am. There's a reason why we want to shift it to the empowered place, because now we can create a brand new identity, which is essentially what God wants to do for all of us. Most of the world wants to shape their identity around results. So that's one of the biggest things that I talk about with players, is we want to think that our results tell us who we are. But I'm here to say, what if your vision tells you who you are? What if your commitments and your values tell you who you are? What if God tells you who you are? And now it's our job to speak that every day, even when it doesn't feel like it's real. That's a discipline that takes faith, it takes commitment, it takes community. Because sometimes I forget. And then Drew tells me, and sometimes I forget, and Matt tells me, right, hey, remember who you are. I am.

[D]

So it does. It begs the question, yeah. Where do you get your value? Who's your God? And I think for those of you out here who play baseball, and I would imagine on some level, performance does tell you something about who you think you are. I want to show a slide of the percentages. Now, I'm assuming you've probably all seen this a million times, but just to kind of give it to you. Yeah, I'll move, too. So this is. This information is from the NCAA and Major League Baseball. And the percentage chance that a high school senior will get drafted is half a percent, right. Which is not very good. The percentage chance that a high school senior will get to the big leagues is less than that, which is 0.14%. And if you guys don't know what salary arbitration is, that's after a player has reached three years of major league service. The percentage chance that a high school senior will get to salary arbitration is 0.08%. All to say, if you're putting all of your faith and everything that you have into your performance as a baseball player, what are you guys setting yourself up for? Right? And so then where. Where should we put our faith?

[C]

There you go.

[D]

So if we can go to the next slide, I want to share a video. And this was one point. You got to decide who you are as a person. Am I somebody who plays baseball or am I a base player? Baseball does not make a good God. It's an amazing game, but it's not a good God. And if you worship the game, it will turn its back on you. And then all of a sudden, you got something you're worshiping that is not a forgiving God like the one we serve. And every athlete, I feel like regardless of what sports you play, you have to understand that and you have to overcome that. And if you don't, I feel like that's what drives a lot of people away from the games. And it's not just baseball, it's all sports. I mean, failure is a part of every sport, especially in baseball, with how difficult it is. And if you can't handle that failure, if you identify yourself with the player that you are, you're always going to be disappointed. Did you guys see the look on my face when he was talking? Like, I was so excited to hear him say that. That is so rare.

[C]

And, you know, it's funny because when I first started working, we started working in pretty much, like, first couple of months of the season. And I asked him, I could tell you my first question, what's your vision? And he says, well, you know, I've always had the vision to make it to the big leagues. And I said, hey, let's create a vision that's going to invite you into being, that's going to call out the best of who you are, and let's let the results do what they do. But at the very least, you're going to show up for the vision this year as the best version of you. And he's like, okay. He's like, a part of me doesn't believe it could happen, but that is what I want. And it's wild because he achieved the greatest dream up to that point for himself that year. In a moment, like I said in the beginning, where he's like, it's doubting. So there's something powerful when we invite others into the vision that God has placed in their heart. There's. There's power in that. Can we trust in that? Can we have faith in that? And can we walk alongside them as they pursue that

[B]

also?

[C]

The other piece is, are we doing that as parents? Are we going after big, bold, audacious things in front of our kids so that they see, oh, wow, I see who you're becoming for the sake of your dreams. And sometimes, you know, how many of us feel this way is like, my kids are my dreams. I don't know if you feel that, but when I look at them, I'm like, I dreamt the ball about you guys, and I dreamt about the type of father that I'm going to be. And now I get to live that dream and I get to keep creating as I followed Jesus so that hopefully you'll want to follow him too. That's a dream, right? That's a vision. I can't force that. Have you noticed that you cannot force faith on our kids, but what you can do is live such a big, bold, audacious life where they're like, oh, my gosh, whatever magic you have, I want to have that. I want to be like my mom and dad. Whatever they believe, I want to believe that. Trust me when I say there's, again, this is not a. You cannot do this as an equation. Oh, if I do this, I get that. It's just, choose to live by faith. Choose to trust. Choose to let love direct your paths. Allow God to lead the way and let everything else handle itself. That's where the power is. And I say that to you as a human who wants to control quite a bit myself. So I haven't arrived. We're all together in this thing. And again, that's why we need each other to say, hey, you're forgetting a little bit. But I'm with you. I always cry. It's five o'. Clock. I know. We want to honor the time. If there are any questions, we can open it up to that. But also, we want to respect the fact that we said five o' clock so much.

[D]

As a comment, I just really appreciate everything you guys said. As a wife, mother of three boys, I was a girly girl, not into sports at all, but I've been very much. I'm a businesswoman. And everything you said today, I just looked over to my husband, I said, this is everything I do at work. Like, this is what I strive for when I Have bad sales years. My identity's caught up in it. I look for optimistic people to employ because that is something that is hard to teach. And it's just. It's so.

[C]

I just appreciate everything you guys said. Yeah.

[D]

Like you said in the very beginning,

[C]

sports is just a conduit.

[D]

And it's so true, because I don't relate to the sports world whatsoever. Yeah, I do relate to the business world. This is exactly what we fight against there, too.

[C]

Right, I'm sure, absolutely. Yeah. I mean, that you're spot on. This is ancient wisdom, and it stands the test of time and it's. It's visible in every sphere of life. So I, you know, I do this work. Yes. In the sports world. I also do it in the professional world. You know, no matter what, you could see it everywhere. Now that we have eyes to see it, we're going to see it more often. And so it is more about, like, will we have the discipline to practice? But thank you for that because, yes, it's everywhere. It's not just a sports conversation. Any other comments or questions as we wrap up today?

[B]

Yeah, so this is tough stuff, right? Hard conversations.

[C]

We all don't have an equation or a manual.

[B]

If people are like, man, I was drinking from the fire hose today. Yeah, but how do I navigate this going forward as I need wisdom, as

[D]

I need support, or.

[B]

What would you say to people on

[C]

how they did that? Yeah, I'd say good luck. Good luck. Good luck out there. Well, I mean, on a simple level. So, yeah, the, the fire hose dynamic is very real because like I said earlier, we're trying to figure out, like, within a, you know, window of time what fits, what doesn't fit. So we were experimenting a little bit now on a. On a very practical level, you know, if you're going to implement these tools, you do need some sort of partnership or accountability, I think. You know, you don't have to convince most of us that, like, unless you're checking in with people about these things, we're going to forget. So creating some dynamic. Obviously, this is how I make a living, but this is not a pitch to work with me because that's not what I'm saying here. I am saying, find someone. Maybe it's a group. Just work on for a month. What's my language like? And when it doesn't show up that way, talk about it. Just work on vision for another month. Just write down complaints every week and then turn it into a vision. Talk about it with that person that you commit to maybe it's your spouse. Maybe it is. This is the opportunity with your kids to do that work, to, like, create this constant conversation. It's going to be more powerful again when you make commitments and agreements to keep the conversation going. And trust me when I say there will come a time where you no longer want to keep it going. It will be super uncomfortable. And if you can keep going in that window of time and step into discomfort, what will happen? It'll become a part of your identity. You'll start to believe this is who I am, and that's where a lot of the power is going to show up. So, again, just. I mean, again, we can talk about that quite a bit, but that's my 101 answer to that. Good. All right, thank you, everybody. Appreciate y'. All.

[A]

Yeah, let's. Let's give it up for Joe and Matt. Thank you guys so much. My prayer is that. That you all were able to take something away and, you know, just sitting back there and being a baseball guy my entire life, you know, and I talk about this all the time that, you know, a lot of this hits home for me because a lot of the things that I talk about with my parents is not out of, like, this wisdom that I've somehow gained. I actually lived a lot of this in the. In the. From a negative standpoint, being a baseball guy. My. My son grew up under my tutelage, and I have so many bad dad moments that I. I don't care to actually even think about at this point. But, man, if you could take just something that they talked about today and apply it to your.

[D]

Your.

[A]

Your child in this. In this process of, you know, youth sports, man, what an impact it'll make. It'll be generational. So I'm just so grateful for you guys. Thank you so much. Thank you for all. All of you that showed up. And if you guys don't mind, I'm going to pray us out. Heavenly Father, we're just so grateful, man, for this. For again, for this opportunity for Matt and Joe to just speak the life into us, Father, that. That I just pray that. That everybody here today, Father, would just take this information and apply it, Father. And that. That their relationship with their player would just be dramatically altered and changed, Father, that you would just. You would just take this and have it be a radical transformation in. In relationships for parent and child. So, Father, we're just so grateful and thankful for just everybody here. And Father, we ask that you just bless them. We ask that you protect them. And, Father, we just we ask that everybody get home safely. We love you and we pray all this in Jesus name. Thank you all for coming. We appreciate you guys so much.