This Mother of the Sword podcast unveils the gift of dissociation, a realm where many become ensnared in shame. As a shame slayer, I’m here to illuminate the value of embracing dissociation and how we can harness it.

Scorpio season heightens our ability to alchemize our shit into our service. My friend Nora (double Scorpio bb,) also says it is the frustration of Scorpio too. It’s not always what you want, it’s what your soul wants….”Big gifts/service equals big struggles too, don’t let white colonial capitalism and patriarchy fool you. Vulnerability is our strength.

Amidst the revelations of betrayal and abuse against women, children, and the Earth, our rage and rituals aid in processing these profound wounds. In recovery, the number of times you hit rock bottom matters less than your response when you arrive there, and eventually, your awareness of its approach.

Despair and surges of feeling “not okay” are prevalent, yet solace can be found in fleeting moments. I carry a story and a flickering, unyielding fire in my heart for our rage and grief. I need not possess answers to serve; this is one of the gifts recovery has bestowed upon me. May you embrace this gift as your own, should you need it too.

If you’re feeling it too, my friend Christena Cleveland is hosting a 4 Sunday Winter Vigil in worship of the Black Madonna. She is a n incredibly wise and rooted woman, artist, healer. I’ll be offering dance in the last Sunday.

“We’re in a season of darkness and uncertainty.

As the nights grow longer in the Northern Hemisphere and we move through ongoing global violence, the alienating U.S. presidential election, and the chaotic holiday season – let’s gather together around the Black Madonna, “the dark-skinned Holy Woman who is never afraid of any dark.”

The Black Madonna is a magnificent blacklight. Not only does she lovingly illuminate our next steps precisely when we feel most lost and perplexed; She floods us with Her radiant darkness, transforming our hopeless situations into brilliant and joyful raves. Join us at the Winter Solstice Vigils as we orient this season around the Black Madonna’s wise, loving, miraculous, radiant darkness.

As a weaver of Black liberation and the Divine Feminine, I embrace the archetype of the Black Madonna as I guide people of all races and genders into freedom, wholeness, and embodied justice.” -Christena Cleveland

I was the first girl born into a family of New Jersey Italians. My Scorpio father wept. While I was in the womb, he attempted various methods—bouncing my mother’s belly, driving over train tracks—to “shake off the balls” if I were a boy. He already had a son at a young age, and it was a challenging dynamic.

My entire boisterous Italian family gathered at Clara Maass Hospital in Belleville, New Jersey, anticipating my arrival. After over 48 hours of labor, they used forceps to extract me. My dark brown, hairy head emerged, marked with bruises as I screamed into existence.

Forty years later, I still find myself screaming against injustice, feeling unheard and unseen. In confronting addiction, navigating crises, or engaging with a dissonant government, my rage transforms into a gift. It sustains my humanity, allowing me to be present for others in their depths.

Yet, if I’m not vigilant, this rage can obscure the deeper, guttural pain that catalyzes change. Expressing truth to power is one thing; failing to process that truth burdens me with unresolved trauma.

My father turned to drugs to escape his childhood pain, while I channel my rage toward my body’s inherent capacity to heal.

From ages seven to twenty-seven, I internalized everything. Once it was clear my needs wouldn’t be met, I conformed to societal expectations.

My father died when I was twenty-four, and we buried him on my twenty-fifth birthday. As a Scorpio and Taurus, we shared a tumultuous journey of underworld initiations and healing through enduring pain.

At his funeral, I felt numb. At his deathbed, I dissociated—a protective response when reality becomes overwhelming. A mantra emerged as I stood with family: Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu. I didn’t fully grasp its meaning, yet it resonated deeply.

This mantra became my lifeline. We all need something to cling to when the soul feels separate from the body, or when we recognize our existence but not its fullness. We require a vessel to navigate from the illusion of separation to the shores of our heart’s truth.

For years, my father haunted me. We are all shaped by our pasts, particularly in our relationships, which unearth the patterns we strive to transcend. This journey can be daunting without the support of those who honor the Earth and her children, invoking mythopoetic action. Navigating the subconscious without a lifeline can be perilous—without someone to guide the way as we attentively receive what arises.

Free fire ceremony Thursday 10/31 to tell our own stories of loss and center the Love that transforms us with mantra practice and fire offerings.

Here for you friend. If you are seeking a community of healers and want support with unraveling your relationship to money and reveling in the power of the women - let me know our Dark Goddess Doula coven begins in November.

Photo by Nico Nelson.

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Some "gifts" smell terrible...

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