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If you're really a perfectionist, that means you complete it, you ship it, you get it done. Because you realize you need to perfect it in motion in order for it to be complete. Oh, my job is not to have everything perfect or to meet an exact standard. My job is to put things in motion, progress. Notice that mindset is very different. The mindset is a learning mindset versus it has to be that exact standard or I'm not good enough. Perfectionism, what does it even mean? It means you're somebody who has a global trait. Like, it's your personality to set high expectations. It's just you do that in almost all contexts. It's just who you are. Like, when you think about things, you want high standards, it doesn't mean necessarily they have to be perfect. We'll talk about that. It's just your trait. Your personality is. You set high standards and you want to achieve them. So it's not just like pie in the sky stuff. It's like, it's important for you to achieve or meet a high standard right now. That doesn't mean a bad thing. That's striving for excellence. Almost every high performer has that sense. So perfectionism is not always maladaptive, meaning bad. When it is bad, what happens is when you don't, two things happen. One, you set such high, unfair, unattainable expectations, you're never going to achieve them. It's just so unfair. It's just way out there. And second, you really beat yourself up when you don't meet those or other people don't meet those. Meaning often perfectionism is super high standards and major stress, anxiety disorder, upset that I don't get that. But in general, perfectionism, it's a bigger picture than most people think. You tend to set in lots of different areas, right? And this is very confusing to people because sometimes they say, I'm a perfectionist as an identity. Right? I'm a perfectionist. And the reason they do that is because most areas of their life are like that. Now, if you're somebody who has very high expectations in one area, but low expectations everywhere else, like the kitchen has to be perfect, but the rest of the house can fall to hell, you're probably not a perfectionist. You just have high preference of order in one area. High preference of order in one area is not the same as personality. Does that make sense? There's lots of things like I in the studio right now where I'm filming, I got a very high preference for things. I'm not compulsive about it, but a very high preference about how this has to be flexible and mobile, how fast I can set up this scene, how I can do the lighting here. It's like I have very high preferences. Like in here, it's gotta be just right. If you saw my closet, you'd like, bro. If you saw other areas of my life, like my truck, you'd be like, oh my God, it's a mess. So there's a difference between a personality and just a preference. Does that help? Okay, we're going to be weird about the distinctions at the beginning, so I can catch you up later. So just again, stick with me for a minute here. Also, there's another thing called low self esteem, which is very different. Low self esteem also is a global type of thing. So perfectionism tends to be global, meaning it's your personality trait. You tend to look for that in multiple areas. Low self esteem is also global, but it's tied towards negative self evaluation. Right. I just consistently and globally think of myself in negative terms. As a coach, I can tell you most people are not dealing with perfectionism. They're often dealing with lower self esteem. And that's a very different thing, isn't it? Because you can have high perfectionism and low self esteem. You can have high perfectionism and high self esteem. So these are two different things. But they're often very correlated in that I can, if I feel worse about myself now, think about how bad it gets. I feel terrible about myself in general and I have high expectations. So no matter what, I'm not going to achieve that and then I'm going to not achieve that, feel that, experience that, not have it perfect and then I'm going to beat myself up. And so this is why it's important to understand, like these are big picture things, right? Perfectionism, usually a personality trait. Low self esteem, usually a sense a total negative valuation of self. And I'm going to have to work differently with clients on this based on how they're describing things to me. I'm listening. As we'll talk through here. You might listen to the difference between these. Most people who say I'm a perfectionist, I always make the joke of like, I wish they knew the definition of perfectionism, where it came from. The root of perfectionism is really to complete or to perfect. And what that means is, well, if you're really a perfectionist, that means you complete it, you ship it, you get it done, you test it, you put out the MVP because you realize you need to perfect it in motion. In order for it to be complete. It doesn't ship complete, it ships. Iterates, completes, gets better. Gets better. You're playing an infinite game, not a one time game. But what I want you to get right off the bat is I just want you to get in a mood of like, oh, my job is not to have everything perfect or to meet an exact standard. My job is to put things in motion, progress. I'm putting things in motion so I can iterate them, make them better. Progress, progress. The thing can be similar to perfect the thing, get it better. We're talking about a learning mindset, an iterative mindset. Notice that mindset is very different. The mindset is a learning mindset versus it has to be that exact standard or I'm not good enough. So what we need to know is these things are different. But let's come over to this column because most people, they're not dealing with these. I'm just letting you know, most people are not dealing with perfectionism or self esteem. Most people are dealing with procrastination and overwhelm, by and large. And these being a global thing and personality and self evaluation are very different than procrastination. Procrastination means you know you should do something. There's a negative result if you don't do it, but you are purposely delaying doing the thing. You are consciously delaying it, meaning you know you are procrastinating. You know you're supposed to get this chapter done. You don't do it, you will know, you will feel negative by not doing, but you're just delaying it. You're just consciously deciding I'm going to delay it. And so you're making a conscious choice. I just want to make sure you understand why you're making the conscious choice. And then overwhelm. Overwhelm is too much, too many competing interests, meaning I got to do all these things or this thing overwhelms me because my skill set is too low. I just don't know how to handle this specific thing here. And so it freaks me out. And I'm going to talk about some root causes of some of these things generically and we'll move through. And I hope this is getting you excited because most of the time, honestly, most people are just overwhelmed. They wouldn't call it that. No one will defend themselves with their label more than a perfectionist because they're like, oh no, I love striving for excellence. I'm like, good, good, that's adaptive. If you're striving for excellence, you have high standards. That's a wonderful thing. It actually turns out very good in your life unless you freak yourself out all the time. And because you're not meeting a standard, you're harder on yourself and it degrades into lower self esteem. So let me give you some common language and then you can identify where have you been on some certain projects, some things you wanted to achieve. What's really going on here? Stick with me. I think you're going to like this part. These things tend to. Not always, but these things tend to come from a sense when it's negative inadequacy, like when I have maladaptive perfectionism, I feel like I'm inadequate to achieve this high standard. I feel like my skill or my time involvement or the process I'm involved in, I just can't meet this high standard. I'm inadequate for it right now either by skill or personality, right? In low self esteem, I feel inadequate all the time. I have a high negative self evaluation. I just feel inadequate, I feel unworthy, I don't feel deserving. And so I feel bummed on myself all the time. I feel bummed about my life and who I am. This is like big IM stuff, isn't it? This is global, right? So this is all global stuff as we said earlier. And what happens here is I can't attain that, right? I can't attain that. I can't do that. I can't make that happen. So it's a global. That thing I can't do where this one is, I am deficient, I'm inadequate, I'm not good, I am not worthy. So this thing, perfectionism is often about the thing, the standards, right? It's about a high expectation standard I can't feel like I can meet. I'm worried like I have a high standard. I want to go on this stage in front of 30,000 people and I want to crush it. High standard, right? I don't feel like I'm a good enough speaker to do that. I feel inadequate to be able to do that thing. Now I might not feel inadequate in any other area. Just right there, right? So it's specific. So perfectionism tends to be specific to the standard. That's how you know you're in perfectionism. Like, oh, I don't feel like I can meet that specific standard. That's very different then I am inadequate. I am unworthy. If I walk up to go out on that big stage and I'm feeling really bad about myself, I'm not even worried about the Standard of crushing it. I just feel terrible at myself and I don't believe I can crush it where here. I feel like I'm worried I won't meet the need. So when you are a perfectionist, those of you who understand what I'm talking about, you feel this in your bones because you're like, yeah, that's kind of like me. It's like this specific thing. I get really stressed. I'm not gonna do that thing. Well, Brendan, I'm freaking out. I'm not going to do that thing. Well is very different than I'm not a person who's capable of doing things well. I don't deserve it. I'm inadequate. Does it make difference? I'm parsing words for those of you who might be learning from me for the first time. I'm very specific person because I'm literally only paid based on the results I get with people. So as a coach, I have to listen to the words they're using. And often someone starts the conversation like, well, I'm just a perfectionist. But as we talk, I'm really hearing low self esteem. They don't value themselves, sense their worth. They feel inadequate in general, not inadequate for a specific thing. So I need to identify, is this person just feeling like they're not going to meet a standard of a specific thing? Please, you all write that. Meet a standard of a specific thing. Meet a specific high standard, a high expectation. It needs to go this way. And what they're really obsessing about in perfectionism is, can I make it go that way? Will it go this way? They're really worried. It turns out well meaning meets their expectation or standard. But see, that's a global external. Does it meet that standard? Is it being specific to that expectation? The ultimate low self esteem. I am a what? I'm a failure. That's what people worry about. I'm a failure. And I bring this up because, you know, when you hear a lot of podcasters or tiktokers or people who just have not studied this area at all, they'll always tell you, well, perfectionism is just fear. I'm like, no, it's not just fear. There can be a real sense of inadequacy there, which is very different than fear. Fear is a very specific thing and most people aren't experiencing fear. And once you understand that, it's like, oh, wow. Because fear, that's a specific. It's a physical, automatic, impulsive reaction. Like there's real biological measures here of how much adrenaline, cortisol are released. There's a very different fight or flight thing going on. Most people aren't actually experiencing that. They're experiencing a low grade level of worry. And they're worrying about this thing not turning this out, or they're worrying that they're not enough. They feel inadequate to achieve the thing, or they feel inadequate is who they are in life. And that's just a very different thing. I don't have to worry about their fear. That's not what they're experiencing. So sometimes specificity is going to really help us as we move through here, I promise. So if you feel like I'm being a little too specific, or even if you think I'm wrong, stick with me. I want to go into procrastination and overwhelm because it's very different than a sense of inadequacy. When you are procrastinating and you are overwhelmed, why do you think that is happening? What's usually happening there for most people? Well, most people aren't procrastinating because of inadequacy, and most people aren't feeling overwhelmed because of inadequacy. We think they are in popular culture because we like to talk about traits. We just think that's who they are. But these tend to be behaviors, Behaviors, not who people are. Does that make sense? These tend to be behaviors. Procrastination is a conscious behavior. I know what I'm supposed to do. I'm delaying it. Overwhelm doesn't tend to be some big unconscious thing. It's like, you know, what you're overwhelmed about and why you have a lot going on. That's what overwhelmed people say, right? There's just so much going on. Right. They might say, I don't know if I can handle it. But overwhelm and progression tend to be more specific. And here's what they tend to come from. For the dorks in the room, really what we're looking for is to understand that they're just in a place of uncertainty. That's very different than inadequacy. Very different. Now, I think it's important to share. If it's not super obvious, these things all blend, right? That's why I put them all on one side. These things can all be going on. This is why life can really suck. All these things can be going on at once. Okay, I thought that was funny. That probably was really sad for some people. I know. But I think it's true. I think all these things can be going on. It feels terrible. It really does. But when overwhelm or procrastination happens. What's happened is they're just uncertainty. I'm procrastinating, doing the thing because I'm really uncertain of how to start, or I'm uncertain of the payoff, or I'm uncertain of the payoff window. Meaning a lot of procrastination has to do with timelines of gratification. Okay, If I do the thing, it's not going to feel good now. It's going to take too long to turn out anyway. Why start the chapter? I don't have the time to complete the chapter anyway. I don't have the time to complete the chapter well, anyway. So I'm just going to wait until the perfect time when I have more time to complete the thing perfectly. So again, these mix, but really it's uncertainty. I don't know if I have the time. A lot of procrastination is honestly a time management issue, not a global trait. Does that make sense? It's like, I don't know if I have the time or I don't know what to do. So that's clarity and time management. And clarity and time management are very different than your personality trait. I hope that helps. So sometimes I just don't know what to do first, and I don't know if I have the time. So right now isn't the time. I have other things to do first. I'm going to do those. Those will feel better, and they'll feel better faster than doing this one. So you're really just in a procrastination mindset. You have lack of clarity, your time expectation, and those two things are just not compelling enough. The clarity of what you want, the conviction for it, what you should do first, and the time in which gratification, satisfaction, completion is going to happen. Both these are not good. So I'm going to delay it. If I give you high clarity and conviction, and I tell you, if you get at this in 30 days, you can accomplish this. You can achieve this. You can make it happen. When you have high clarity, high conviction, and high sense of what we call delay time or gratification, like, oh, wait, if I get at this right now, in a week, I can be done in two hours, I can be done. High clarity, high convection, and a low or a short time window of benefit, people get into it. The longer you think the outcome is going to be, the more you're going to procrastinate. It's why most people, at least here in the American public, like 83% of Americans, say They want to write a book and it's very important to them. Not only do they say, I want to write a book, they say it's very important I write a book. And they never do. Why? It takes super long to write a book. It takes super long to publish a book. It takes super long to keep promoting the book, to make it successful. It's super long. So I got other things to do, homie. That's why most people don't ever write a book. Trust me, I've written nine. I've only reached six. The other three, they just weren't good enough. No. Just teasing. Wrong time, not ready yet. Okay, so I can have fun with myself knowing that I procrastinate on certain things, right? Sometimes you procrastinate. Like, you know, you're supposed to work out in the afternoon, in the morning, but it's three days later and you still haven't worked out three days later. Why? It's not about perfectionism, getting the perfect thing done in the gym. It's not about your self esteem. You don't hate yourself, you've been going to the gym. You're just putting it off because there's other things that have clarity, conviction and a shorter, tighter benefit window for you. So you're choosing them. I tell people a lot of time, procrastination, just like perfectionism, they can be good or bad. These are not good and bad. They're not bad by default. Procrastination is sometimes clear rationality. There's a lot of things I know I should do and I purposely delay even though I feel a little pain for it, because there's something more specific, beneficial and timely. So I always tell people, if you're a procrastinator, just know if you're a procrastinator because you lack clarity and conviction and the time window is wrong. Or you're a procrastinator because you're just hyper rational and it just makes sense to put that thing off right now. Right? You're really doing time management. But because our culture just says, well, you're procrastinating, I guess I'm procrastinating. And guess what? If you think you are a procrastinator, there is a direct line into your low self esteem. If you think you're a perfectionist who never meets your goals, your expectations or your standards, there's a direct line to self esteem. This is where it becomes maladaptive, is when this thing can be positive or negative, goes into self esteem or this thing goes into self esteem when Our esteem of self drops because we don't meet a standard that we set. That's probably unfair. Or we think we're just putting off things forever because we're inadequate. That's where that low self esteem is coming from. Overwhelm is usually a thing also tied to uncertainty, which people don't think it is. But overwhelm is so often tied to uncertainty, not of myself. Like, oh my God, I don't think I can do that. That would be low self esteem. Overwhelm is usually coming from true optionality. It's just like there's too many balls in the air. I don't know if I can successfully juggle all these. Not because I suck, but just as like, it's hard. There's a lot going on. I'm not even sure which one to do it, which ball to catch, when to throw the other one up. It's just like it's really a competing interests challenge. Meaning I don't know which one first. That's uncertainty. I don't know if I have the skill to handle it. That's competency. So I'm uncertain of process and I'm uncertain of skill that makes sense. When I'm uncertain of what to do and there's lots to do and I'm uncertain of skill, like, am I competent in that? I'm tending to feel overwhelmed. Does that make sense so I can feel overwhelmed and not be a perfectionist? A lot of people have so many things going on. You've got kids, you've got projects, you got dreams, you got hobbies, you got partners, you've got a lot of people counting on you. And I'm here to tell you, overwhelm has nothing to do with the number of things. And it took me a long time to realize that. I work with so many billionaires now. They have way more things than most people. And I mean, they deserve way more empathy for how much they are taking on, how many they're employing, how many initiatives they're running and managing. It's like way bigger than most people think. It's like a very difficult reality that could be overwhelming. But the difference is they know how to put their foot on the ground and move progress make sense. So much of these things can be solved by the right pace of progress. When you find the right pace of progress in the areas that are most important to you, you start to feel an alignment with that is growth. You start to feel an alignment that is a different level of not just momentum of getting things done, but things that are actually getting better. That's progress, right? There's momentum and improvement. Listen, lots of people have momentum. This is why words matter, right? Brendan? I just want some momentum. I'm like, well, babe, you got momentum. You are speeding. Train a hurt, right? There's plenty of momentum. Some people are careening off the road. They've got plenty of momentum. Momentum is not the issue. Progress is momentum in the right direction with improvement. It's like, oh, great, okay, I'm moving. That's good. Right direction. That's good. Things are getting better. Okay? Now I got some progress, right? And that's why I always joke with people. It's like, we just don't. If we lack the language, you know, a lot of coaches will tell people to do something and they call it progress. I'm like, what you told them to do is like, step one. Step one is not the same as progress. That's just. It's just a step, right? Progress is going to be a result of a series of steps that puts this person back in the right direction with real momentum and improvement. That's very different than just a new morning habit, right? I'm not saying a morning habit can't give you progress in life. It certainly can. I'm just saying words matter, and they're different.