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- [00:07]
Carter Roy
This is Crime House. We've all held a grudge at one point or another. Whether it's a minor spat or a years long feud. Sometimes it's just hard to let things go. Most of the time, the people involved can find a way to avoid one another or at least be civil when they have to interact. But not everyone is willing to put their differences aside and move on. And occasionally even the pettiest disagreements can snowball into something awful. In 1983, a lasting grudge between 27 year old Jerry Lynn Dean and 23 year old Carla Faye Tucker reached a chilling conclusion. Instead of talking things through, Jerry and Carla turned to violence to solve their problems. By the time the dust settled, one of the most savage murders in Texas history had been committed. People's lives are like a story. There's a beginning, a middle, and an end. But you don't always know which part you're on. Sometimes the final chapter arrives far too soon, and we don't always get to know the real ending. I'm Carter Roy and this is True Crime, a Crime House original. Every Tuesday I'll explore the story of a notorious murder or murders. I'll be bringing awareness to stories that need to be heard, with a focus on those who were impacted. And for more true crime stories that all happened this week in history, check out Crime House the show. Each episode covers multiple cases unified by the same theme, so every week you get something a little different. At Crime House, we want to express our gratitude to you, our community, for making this possible. Please support us by rating, reviewing and following Murder True Crime Stories. Wherever you get your podcasts, your feedback truly matters. And for ad free and early access to murder true crime stories plus exciting crime house bonus content subscribe to crime house plus on apple podcasts. This is the first of two episodes on the murders of 27 year old jerry lynn dean and 32 year old deborah thornton who were killed in 1983 after a one night stand. Today I'll introduce you to Jerry and Deborah and explain how their unplanned fling turned into a savage double murder. I'll discuss the initial investigation and explain how detectives followed a trail of violence all the way to a likely suspect. Next time, I'll take you along as detectives narrow in on someone with a vendetta against Jerry and discuss a spiritual transformation on Death row that shocked the nation. All that and more coming up. I've got some exciting news. Crime House Studios is launching a new original show called Killer Minds, hosted by licensed forensic psychologist Dr. Tristan Engels in Crime House's Vanessa Richardson. Each episode features a deep dive into the psychology of a notorious murderer. From serial killers to cult leaders, deadly exes and spree killers, Killer Minds is a Crime House Studios original. New episodes drop every Monday and Thursday. Follow wherever you get your podcasts.
- [04:14]
Jill
I've been working with a Nourish dietitian for the last six months and it's been life changing. I've lost weight, healed my relationship with food, and have way more energy. Working with a dietitian online to create a personalized nutrition plan was so easy thanks to Nourish. The best part? I pay $0 out of pocket. Because Nourish accepts hundreds of insurance plans, 94% of patients pay $0 out of pocket. Find your dietitian@usenourish.com that's usenourish.com I'm Jill, a registered dietitian. When I meet with patients, they usually think I'm going to tell them to throw out their favorite snacks. But don't worry, your Cheetos are safe. That's not how this works. I help my patients build healthier habits based on their lifestyle and goals without guilt or restriction. Nourish connects dietitians like me with people like you who are ready to take control of their health. Your appointments could be fully covered through your insurance, since 94% of Nourish patients pay $0 out of pocket. Find your dietitian@usenourish.com that's usenourished.com In 1974.
- [05:19]
Carter Roy
Houston, Texas emerged as the winner of an oil crisis that had wreaked havoc on the United States. Suddenly, the city was a hotspot of economic activity as it produced tens of thousands of barrels of petroleum a day. With the oil industry booming, Houston was thriving and a lot of people wanted in on the action. Over the next few years, the area saw immense growth, and by 1980 the population skyrocketed to 1.6 million. One of the people who made their way to the region was Jerry Lynn Dean. While there isn't much information out there about Jerry, we know he was born on May 31, 1956, in Smith County, Texas, about 200 miles north of Houston. He was the youngest of three boys, and they all spent time serving in different branches of the United States military. Eventually, Jerry moved down to the Houston area and found work as a mechanic and technician. By the early 80s, he was installing burglary alarms for a security company. When he wasn't working, Jerry spent his free time obsessing over motorcycles, riding them, fixing Them, even building them. Jerry loved it all. According to reports, Jerry was involved in the local biker scene and may have been a member of one of the city's motorcycle clubs. But bikes weren't the only thing Jerry fell in love with in H town. Again, the timeline is vague, but at some point after settling down in the city, Jerry met a woman named Shawn Jackson. We don't know her age or what she did for work, but she seemed to have a thing for bikers. And Jerry, with his long brown hair and handlebar mustache, was exactly her type. By 1981, Sean and 25 year old Jerry were hot and heavy and very much together. But things weren't all sunshine and rainbows between them. Jerry was very jealous and possessive of Sean. He wanted to know where she was at all times. If she refused to tell him or he thought she was lying, he'd get abusive. But his violence didn't just extend to Sean. It also affected someone. She spent a lot of time with her roommate and best friend, 21 year old Carla Faye Tucker. From the moment they met, Jerry hated Carla and she felt the same way about him. Apparently, Carla didn't think Jerry deserved to be with her best friend. In her eyes, he was a spineless nobody. But Jerry thought Carla was the one who was pathetic. Soon, Jerry and Carla were at each other's throats, tossing around insults and looking to stir the pot. And Jerry knew exactly how to push Carla's buttons. One day in 1981 or 1982, he decided to fix up his beloved Harley Davidson in the middle of Carla and Sean's living room. Carla came home from work to find the place littered with bike parts and repair equipment. She watched in horror as oil leaked onto the carpet. After that, she chased Jerry out of the apartment. But Jerry's little stunt wasn't enough for Sean to consider leaving him. Their relationship was undeniably toxic. And whenever Jerry acted out, Shawn only looked for ways to appease him. And by 1983, she was ready to show Jerry he was the most important person in her life. That February, Sean and 27 year old Jerry got married. But even tying the knot wasn't enough to quell Jerry Jerry's anger. If Jerry thought getting hitched meant he wouldn't have to see Carla anymore, he was sorely mistaken. Although he and Sean were married, it seems like Sean continued living with Carla, which meant it just wasn't possible for Jerry to avoid her altogether. And soon the tension between him and Carla trickled into his marriage with Shawn. Especially when she and Carla decided to go follow their favorite rock bands around the country, leaving Jerry alone. In Jerry's mind, Sean wasn't the ringleader of these adventures. Carla was. And she wanted to steal Sean away from him. Jerry continued to stew on it, and eventually he came to a decision. It was time to teach Carla a lesson. Jerry wanted to hit Carla where it hurt. One way to do that was to destroy her memories. One day that spring, Jerry went over to Sean and Carla's place and found Carla's photo collection. He took a knife and scratched out the images, including a photo of Carla and her dead mother, supposedly the only one she had of them together. It devastated Carla, but she wasn't ready to fight back just yet, because it seemed like Jerry might not be in her life for that much longer. Every so often, Sean would come to Carla after a fight with Jerry and say she was finally going to leave him. Only she never did. It was a vicious cycle that always ended with Sean going back to Jerry. But one afternoon that May, not long after Jerry destroyed Carla's pictures, something snapped inside Shawn. That month, after another fight, Shawn stole Jerry's debit card and went on a shopping spree with Carla. When Jerry realized Shawn had spent $460 of his money, he was livid. He flew off the handle and hit Sean, breaking her nose and busting her lip. It was the final straw for her. After only five months of marriage, she'd had enough of Jerry. She left him, this time for good. As for Jerry, well, he thought Carla convinced Shawn to take his debit card and go shopping. Which meant she was the real reason behind his split from Sean. And he wasn't about to let her get away with it. Soon, Jerry came up with a plan. And this time, he did want to hurt her. Whatever it took to make Carla think twice about messing with Jerry Lynn Dean again, his idea was to have someone shoot a flare gun into Carla's face. This way, she'd have to live the rest of her life with a scarred and disfigured face. Rumors began to circulate through the biker community that some people were thinking about doing it for him. Still, tensions between the trio continued to rise. By June, they were all looking to take the edge off through drugs and alcohol. And no one needed to blow off steam more than Shawn, who was still struggling to put her rocky marriage behind her. And Carla knew just how to get Shawn's mind off of Jerry. On the weekend of June 11, 1983, Carla hosted a birthday party, presumably at their house, for her sister Carrie. But this wasn't just a small get together, it was a three day bender. And they weren't the only ones letting their hair down. That weekend, Jerry went to a party of his own, drunk and looking to forget about Shawn. He met a married woman looking for a little fun. But what started out as a way to drown out his problems quickly turned into something much more dangerous. Alright, let's take a step back for a second because today I've got something a little different to share with you. Now look, I know true crime can be intense, dark and pretty heavy. And trust me, I can binge these stories as much as you can. So sometimes you just need something to balance things out, to help clear your mind. And with that in mind, I've invited someone into the studio today. Gemma Spaeg, host of the new open mind podcast, Mantra. Hey Gemma, how you doing?
- [14:50]
Gemma Spaeg
Hey Kart, I'm doing well, how are you?
- [14:52]
Carter Roy
I'm good, thanks. Thanks for being here. Can you tell us a little about your show and for any murder true crime story listeners who haven't tuned in yet, what they might expect from Mantra?
- [15:03]
Gemma Spaeg
Of course, I think that Mantra and Murder true crime stories are actually the unlikely match made in heaven.
- [15:11]
Carter Roy
Okay.
- [15:12]
Gemma Spaeg
Like, if you're going to listen to a lot of true crime, you've got to get something again to balance you out. So essentially, Mantra is a weekly podcast where I share a powerful phrase to kind of ground you and bring you through the week. So whether it is I cultivate peace within, I create space for my inner child to feel loved. I make the best decisions with what I know. Now we have so many. And with that Mantra, we explore the wisdom behind it, the reflections, personal stories, and also practical insights so that you can feel more intentional throughout the week, more connected to yourself. No matter what's going on in your lives, no matter what you're listening to, no matter what you're absorbing, you can come back to Mantra and feel a sense of peace.
- [15:57]
Carter Roy
Totally. And for listeners out there, one of the things I love about Mantra is like I'm pretty attention and all over the place and, and so sometimes I need an anchor. And one of the things I love about Mantra is it's not just the same mantra. Like I might have somebody teach me something about being grounded, but then I get bored with that and then I wander off. And with Mantra, when I listen it's like, oh yeah, it's always something new. So I'm both coming back into myself, but also exploring something new which keeps my intention. And I think you're right, it's such a great match for murder true crime stuff because, you know, I've done a lot of murder podcasts and one of the things you kind of see is obviously these are people who have spun out in really dark way, but it kind of helps me recognize like, oh, we're all capable of spinning out and where can I put the brakes on that in my life? And given the pace of the modern world, I can't get enough.
- [16:45]
Gemma Spaeg
Oh, absolutely. And honestly, I don't share this all the time, but most of the time the mantras I end up choosing are just reminders that I need for myself to like stay mentally stable and grounded because life can be really messy and overwhelming. And I think people don't always want to hear from a self help guru who's like going to claim to have it all together. So we definitely don't do any of that over there. Very vulnerable. But it's also something very simple and practical to lean on that hopefully makes a big difference.
- [17:14]
Carter Roy
Ah, fantastic. Yes. Well, thank you for stopping by and sharing Mantra with our listeners today. It's been great talking with you and for everyone listening, make sure you stick around until the end of the episode. We've got a special clip from Mantra.
- [17:29]
Jill
Hey, it's me, Paige desorbo, and I'm so excited to share my new shoe collection at dswell, filled with my favorite styles and trends for spring. Because if you know me, you know I'm kind of obsessed with shoes. And by kind of obsessed, I mean head over heels. You're going to love these shoes. So snag super cute styles like cute flats, fun heels and cool sneakers from the Paige to Sorbo collection right now at your DSW store or dsw.com hey everyone, it's Carter.
- [18:01]
Carter Roy
With an exciting update, Crime House Studios is launching a new original show called Killer Minds. Hosted by licensed forensic psychologist Dr. Tristan Engels and Crime House's Vanessa Richardson. Each episode of Killer Minds features a deep dive into the psychology of a notorious murderer. From infamous serial killers to ruthless cult leaders, deadly exes and terrifying spree killers. Along with Vanessa's immersive storytelling full of high stakes twists and turns, Dr. Engels will be providing expert analysis of the people involved, not just how they killed, but why. Killer Minds is a Crime House Studios original. New episodes drop every Monday and Thursday. Follow wherever you get your podcasts. Foreign.
- [19:01]
Gemma Spaeg
Nordstrom brings you the season's most wanted brands, Skims, Mango Free People and Princess polly, all under $100. From trending Sneakers to beauty must haves, we've curated the styles you'll wear on repeat this spring. Free shipping, free returns and in store pickup make it easier than ever. Shop now in stores and@nordstrom.com throughout the.
- [19:28]
Carter Roy
First half of 1983, 27 year old mechanic and biker Jerry Lynn Dean was in a tumultuous and abusive relationship with his wife Shawn. Things continued to unravel and in early June, Sean broke things off with Jerry after he left her battered and bruised. They didn't officially get divorced, but they definitely weren't together anymore and it wasn't long before they were both looking to forget about their toxic relationship and cut loose. Shawn headed to a party with her roommate and best friend, 23 year old Carla Faye Tucker. Meanwhile, Jerry attended a different party that same day, June 12th. As he made his way through the crowd, Jerry spotted a gorgeous blonde woman. He approached her and introduced himself. He learned her name was Deborah Ruth Thornton. Unlike Jerry, 32 year old Deborah wasn't a Texas native. She was born in Columbus, Ohio in May 1951 to parents William Gerald List and Harriet Bailey. And sadly, Deborah's childhood was anything but happy. In 1959, when she was 8, William was convicted of molesting several young boys. With William behind bars for something so awful, Harriet decided to divorce him. Before long, she met and fell in love with a Korean War vet named Homer Carlson. Homer seemed like a pretty good father figure and adopted Deborah and her brother as his own. She even took his last name. But the world was a cruel place. Deborah only enjoyed a few years of stability before her mother passed away in 1963. Deborah was 12. For a little while, she remained in her adoptive father's career. Soon she got curious about her biological dad, William. By then he was paroled and had moved to the Houston area. It's not clear who reached out first, but eventually Deborah reconnected with William. She was pleasantly surprised to learn he'd really turned his life around. After landing in Houston, William had created a successful trailer manufacturing company. It was doing so well. William was making millions. He used the money to build himself a huge mansion. When Deborah found out how William was living, she told her brother Ron. After thinking it over, they decided to follow their dad to Houston and he seemed pretty receptive to being reunited with his children. Before long, Deborah and Ron were both working for William and carving out their own lives in the city. Deborah started to make friends and meet people. Soon she was dating a man named Louis Davis III. In 1970, when she was 18, they got married and had a son together. But just when it seemed like things were looking up for Deborah, her family's past came back to haunt her. Rumors swirled about her father. People around town whispered that William was picking up teenage boys and taking them back to his mansion to sexually abuse them. It's not clear if there was any truth to these allegations, but the thought alone was upsetting enough for Deborah and Ron to cut William out of their lives again. Sadly, life didn't get any easier for Deborah after that. The rest of the 1970s ebbed and flowed. Although she was able to find work as a bookkeeper for a mortgage company, her personal life was going up in flames. Sometime in the late 1970s, she and Lewis divorced. However, Debra wasn't on her own for long before she met someone else. In May 1981, 30 year old Debra married a man named Richard Thornton. But it wasn't the healthiest relationship. Richard and Debra were constantly fighting and in the summer of 1983 things got especially heated. On June 12th they had an explosive argument and Richard asked Deborah to leave for the day. She agreed to go, but Deborah wasn't one to sit around and mope. If Richard wanted her out, well, she'd just go ahead and have fun without him. It's not clear who was hosting the party or how Debra knew them. But somehow she ended up at the same pool party as 27 year old Deborah. Jerry Lynn Dean. Jerry and Deborah clicked instantly. They flirted throughout the afternoon and into the evening. We don't know what they talked about exactly. Maybe they aired out their frustrations about their partners or maybe they kept the conversation light. Whatever they bonded over, the sparks between them were definitely flying. As people trickled out and the party came to an end. Jerry asked Deborah if she wanted to come back to his place. She said yes. Neither of them had any idea what the night had in store. The following morning, June 13th was a Monday and Jerry had an early shift. Usually he gave his friend and coworkers worker, 26 year old Gregory Scott Travers arrived to work that day. Gregory waited in front of his house for Jerry to show up. But by 6:40am Jerry wasn't there, which was unusual. Jerry knew they had to be at work by seven and he was normally on time. But by 6:50, Jerry was still nowhere to be found and Gregory was getting nervous. Jerry's place was just a two minute walk away so Gregory decided to go over there and check on his friend. As soon as he approached Jerry's apartment building, Gregory could tell something was wrong. Jerry's Chevy El Camino was usually parked out front, but today it seemed to be missing. It was strange, but Gregory assumed Jerry had a simple explanation. He continued on into the building and knocked on Jerry's front door. Oddly enough, it creaked open. It had been left unlocked. Gregory slowly stepped inside and called out to Jerry over the blaring rock and roll music that was playing on the radio. He got no response. As he made his way into the living room, Gregory noticed Jerry's Harley Davidson was also missing. The last time he'd been here, various parts had been scattered around the room. Now all Gregory saw was an empty wooden stand where the bike used to be. Again, it was odd, but surely Jerry had a reason for moving the bike. If only Gregory could talk to Jerry and find out what was going on. He continued on, shouting Jerry's name over and over as he walked to the main bedroom. Gregory peeked inside, but again it was empty. Next, Gregory tried the spare bedroom, and that's when he let out a sigh of relief. Jerry was in bed, sleeping. But the closer Gregory looked, the more confused he became. Instead of lying with his head on the pillow, Jerry was turned around with his upper body dangling over the foot of the bed. And that wasn't the only strange thing about him. When Gregory got a better look, he saw Jerry was covered in blood. He wasn't moving, and he wasn't alone. Lying next to Jerry was a woman Gregory had never seen before. Later, he'd learned she was Deborah Ruth Thornton. Gregory's eyes went wide with horror as he took in her lifeless body and the strange object sticking out of her chest. That's when Gregory realized it was a pickaxe lodged directly into her heart. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do@mintmobile.com.
- [29:21]
Jill
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- [30:01]
Paige DeSorbo
Attention all true crime fanatics. Have you ever stopped to wonder just how close you've come to danger without even realizing it? Every single day we encounter countless people on the street, in the grocery store, at the gym, never truly knowing who they are or what they're capable of. But what if one of those seemingly ordinary people was hiding a dark secret? What if they had done something unthinkable? Or were planning to The Minds of Madness is a weekly true crime podcast that dives deep into the criminal psyche, covering the most shocking and disturbing cases you've ever heard of from all over the world. We're talking about ordinary people who do the most unthinkable things. The Minds of Madness examines the psychology of the perpetrators, trying to understand what makes them tick, while interviewing experts in forensic psychology and criminology, as well as survivors who fought for justice. The Minds of Madness is available wherever you get your podcasts or visit mindsofmadnesspodcast.com for more information.
- [31:13]
Carter Roy
At around 7:00am on June 13, 1983, Gregory Scott Travers made a horrific discovery. His friend and co worker, 27 year old Jerry Lynn Dean, had been brutally murdered alongside 32 year old Deborah Ruth Thornton. After the horror subsided, Gregory ran back to his apartment and called the police. Houston law enforcement rushed to Jerry's apartment. Like Gregory, they were shocked by the bloodbath in his spare bedroom. But something else stuck out to them. Jerry's apartment was a total mess. Police couldn't figure out if this was always how Jerry lived, or if whoever had killed him and Deborah had ransacked the place. Beyond that, the only thing they knew for certain was what had killed them. The pickaxe was removed from Debra's body and placed aside as evidence. Then she and Jerry were transported to the corner for autopsy. As detectives searched the crime scene for more evidence, they started thinking maybe this was a robbery gone wrong. Besides the state of the apartment, Jerry and Debra's wallets were nowhere to be found. Plus, Gregory had explained that both Jerry's car and motorcycle were missing. Officers wondered if one or maybe two people had barged inside to rob Jerry. Then when Jerry realized what they were doing, he tried to fight back and he and Debra were killed. Killed in the process. But the more detectives looked around, the less certain they were. Given how brutal the murders were, this seemed more personal than a simple burglary, and the autopsy report only furthered those suspicions. Along with blunt force trauma to the head, Jerry had been stabbed a staggering 28 times. Deborah also had trauma to the head and several puncture wounds. It's possible she was already dead when she was struck with the pickaxe. Clearly, this was a case of overkill. To investigators, it seemed like the murderer was trying to send a message. The only question was, what were they trying to say? Over the next few days, detectives continued to scour the crime scene for evidence. But nothing they found led them any closer to a suspect or suspects. Which meant it was time to look at the victims personal lives. They decided to start with Deborah's husband, 33 year old Richard Thornton. Detectives theorized that when Richard found out Debra was cheating on him, he flew into a blind rage, killing Debra and Jerry. But when they brought Richard into the station for questioning, he was an open book. He admitted that he and Debra were having their ups and downs and that they'd gotten into a bad fight right before Debra went to the pool party. He said he had no idea who Jerry was or that Debra had even been unfaithful. As for where he was, on the night of June 12, Richard told detectives he was at home with their kids, his daughter and Deborah's son from her previous marriage. Investigators dug into his story and confirmed his alibi. With that, Richard was eliminated as a suspect. But while Richard may not have been a jealous husband, there was someone else in Deborah's life with a questionable past. Her estranged father, William List. Detectives looked into William and learned he was a registered sex offender. More than that, they found out he was in hot water for another crime. He was currently being investigated by the IRS for tax evasion. And his daughter Deborah was supposed to testify against him. To detectives, it was a clear motive for William to have killed Deborah. Maybe he didn't actually murder her, but he was certainly rich enough to hire someone to do it for him. William was brought in for questioning and denied having any involvement in Debra and Jerry's murders. But considering the situation, detectives weren't ready to cross William's name off the suspects list. So for the next several weeks, they kept tabs on him. Of course, they weren't only looking into Deborah's history. Detectives knew the killer or killers could have been someone Jerry knew. After all, Jerry was involved with the Houston motorcycle scene. Maybe he got into a fight with another biker. That would explain why his Harley was missing. But as detectives began questioning Jerry's friends and associates, they noticed a common thread. Everyone they spoke to said Jerry did have one enemy. And it wasn't a fellow biker. It was his ex wife's best friend. 23 year old Carla Faye Tucker. With each passing day, Carla's name continued to pop up and always in the same context that she and Jerry hated each other. Police learned about all the bad blood between them, from the oil stains Jerry left on her carpet to the scratched out photographs. They also found out that once Carla had even punched Jerry in the face and broken his glasses. It was so bad, Jerry had to go to the hospital to get shards removed from his eye. As the evidence against Carla continued to pile up, investigators couldn't deny it. She wasn't above hurting Jerry. But now the question was, could she be capable of murder?
- [38:11]
Gemma Spaeg
Foreign.
- [38:16]
Carter Roy
Thanks so much for listening. I'm Carter Roy and this is True Crime Stories. Come back next week for part two of our series on Jerry Lynn Dean and Deborah Ruth Thornton. True Crime Stories is a Crime House original powered by Pave Studios. Here at Crime House we we want to thank each and every one of you for your support. If you like what you heard today, reach out on social media, Rimehouse on TikTok and Instagram. Don't forget to rate, review and follow True Crime Stories wherever you get your podcasts. Your feedback truly makes a difference. And for ad free and early access to Murder True Crime Stories plus exciting Crime House bonus content, subscribe to Crime House plus on Apple Podcasts. We'll be back next Tuesday. True Crime Stories is hosted by me, Carter Roy and is a Crime House original powered by Pave Studios. This episode was brought to life by the Murder True Crime Stories team. Max Cutler, Ron Shapiro, Alex Benedon, Natalie Pertzofsky, Lori Marinelli, Sarah Camp, Joe Guerra, Beth Johnson and Russell Nash. Thank you for listening. And now we've got a clip from Mantra with Gemma Spaag. If you want to hear the full episode, and trust me, you do, just search for mantra. That's M A N T R A wherever you get your podcasts. Foreign.
- [40:00]
Gemma Spaeg
Let'S get into today's mantra. Today we're talking all about releasing the need to do it all. This mantra has been an important one for me for a while. I would say for at least the past two years. A very similar mantra I often repeat to myself is I can do it all eventually, just not all at once. But to me. This week's mantra I released, the need to do it all has a couple of meanings. The first meaning is being able to accept help and pushing back against perhaps a natural urge for hyper independence. The second meaning is the one I really want to focus on, and it's about being selective, valuing quality experiences over Quantity, valuing the quality of achievements over quantity, allowing yourself to just sink deep into one or two things that you really care about. Rather than being a jack of all trades and a master of none. To use that saying, essentially, when I hear the mantra, I release the need to do it all, I also feel permission to slow down and be happy with what I have and what I am capable of. Let's roll it back though. Where did this idea of having to do it all in order for your life to be worthwhile come from? And how is it hurting us? I believe the notion that we have to do it all has a few origins. The first is that as society has grown and progressed, we can now see more of what's available in the world. We have more flavors to choose from and we just kind of can't bear the idea of restricting ourselves. I always think of Sylvia Plath's very famous fake tree analogy about sitting at the base of a tree, seeing these branches extending above you, each containing a fig or a metaphor for life, for a life that you could choose. One that you might deeply desire to be an artist, to be someone climbing the career ladder, to be a parent, to be a free thinker, to be a traveler. This, that, all these different lives, knowing that in some ways you are not able to live them all. You have to choose one. I think that's a myth. I don't think you have to choose one. But we'll get to why I think that eventually. Essentially, that's the first reason why I feel we need to do it all. We feel like we don't want to miss out. And I think that fear of missing out also has an element of social comparison to it. Of course we see what other people are doing and how successful they are and how they're able to juggle all these things. And we panic. We think, shouldn't I be doing more? Shouldn't I be in more places? Shouldn't I have more to say for myself? Another reason I think this comes down to is our obsession with success and how our achievements have become very much tied and connected to our self worth, often creating very unrealistic standards for what we can and do hope to achieve. Evidence to me of this is like the rise of hustle culture, the rise of the wunderkind. People who are young and successful, Forbes 30 under 30, life achievement awards, all given out to people who seemingly do it all, have it all, balance it all. Let me just say this. Humans were not meant to hustle the way we do now. They were meant to Just experience life and be present. Eat some berries, make some friends, sit around a fire, explore nature. But in, and I would say specifically the last 300 years, society has become a lot more focused on your output, what you can say you've done and how seemingly impressive that is to others, and how this has become almost symbolic of having a deeper meaning in life. Accomplishment is the meaning of life. That's what the need to do it all would tell you. For me, I actually think it's slowing down and being present and really feeling what you have chosen to focus on. As a result of this rise in the need to do it all, I think we've also become a lot more individualistic. Our accomplishments are for us and us only. There's less focus on community, on the people who have assisted us in getting there. And there's definitely more shame in asking for help because we are scared that may make us look less capable or more vulnerable. There is one specific kind of person I believe the need to do it all hurts the most. And it is the type A overachievers. The individual who has been taught that accomplishment is the defining part of your personality. Who from an early age has put a lot into good grades and a great resume and extracurriculars. Many overachievers develop this mindset really early on, often as a response to, I would say high parental expectations, a need for validation, or a desire to prove their worth, maybe even low self esteem. They don't like themselves, they don't feel accepted, they don't feel loved. And so they say to themselves, if I just do, more people will admire me and therefore they will like me. Perfectionism as well and a fear of failure also play a major role. Feels like anything but excellence and a massive list of all the things you've done is unacceptable. And I think we're also driven by this internal need for control, believing that if we work hard enough, if we don't ask for help, we can prevent disappointment or rejection. We can feel like our life is worth more. What does this lead to? Well, I think ambition and high standards are amazing things and they can lead to great success and great achievement and maybe yes, a sense of purpose. But it can also come at a cost. The cost being your mental well being, stress, burnout and difficulty enjoying the present moment. Let's focus on this for a second because I think it's an element of doing it all that we don't talk about enough. If your self worth and your concept is tied to how much you can do accomplish, see how much you can push yourself. You're always thinking about the next big thing. And once you're there, it kind of becomes worthless to you because it's just a checkbox. And I've seen this with athletes, people who travel for a living, who just check off the countries to say they've been rather than actually like enjoying the trip, famous musicians, people early on in their careers trying to just do as much as they can to say they did it, to say, look, I'm worthy. And I just feel like in those moments a lot of people will tell you I was living this life of success. I didn't enjoy any of it because it was just a checkbox. There was nothing more. There was no substance to what I was experiencing. And like I said, it leads to burnout, less enjoyment of life for sure. But it can also create a really profound sense of emptiness and a sense of, you know, who am I if I'm not the best or doing the most? What if you get sick? What if you need a day off? If you're someone who needs to do it all and not accept help and have all these accomplishments, those moments of necessary rest are unthinkable. Let me maybe just offer you an alternative. What would happen if we became selective and intentional about what we choose to do? What if we became quality people and ignored as much as we could the pressure of appearances? This is what I would imagine it looks like. It would look like a life lived with purpose rather than pressure. Instead of stretching ourself thin across endless commitments, we would be able to carefully choose where to direct our energy. We would be able to invest deeply in the things that matter. We would be happier. I'm assuming we would be more present. We would be, I think, actually more purposeful because we really care deeply about something rather than being half engaged in a million things. Being a quality person, to put it really simply, means prioritizing depth over breadth, not chasing every opportunity, and most importantly, allowing for rest and reflection and knowing that that is just as valuable as action. Reflecting on this topic, I think it can feel stressful because it goes against a lot of maybe what you've been taught to believe about your worth. And it challenges you to really rethink some deep ingrained beliefs about self worth and self reliance, but recognizing we don't have to do it all. When you fully embrace that philosophy, it's very liberating and I think it's also essential for our well being. Coming up, let's get personal. I'll open up about how releasing the need to do it all has not been a one time decision for me, but an ongoing journey, one of adjusting and learning and repeating to myself I'm worth more than my accomplishments. If I'm being honest, I'm still kind of stumbling along the way. But we will talk about all of that and more. Stay tuned. I'll be right back after this brief pause.
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Carter Roy
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