MBMBaM 806: Ad Daddies

Summary

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My Brother, My Brother and Me – Episode 806: "Ad Daddies" (March 23, 2026)

Episode Overview

This installment features the McElroy brothers—Justin, Travis, and Griffin—riding high on their recent win for "Best Podcast Ad Reads" at the iHeartMedia Podcast Awards. The episode oscillates between sincere reflection on their achievement, playful deconstruction of awards culture, signature absurdist goofs (including a "Work of Fart" game), and classic advice-plus-bits content. Listeners get deep McElroy sibling chemistry: playful jabs, looping tangents, and bursts of genuine introspection wrapped in the show’s hallmark self-awareness.

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Major Themes and Segments

1. Celebrating the iHeartMedia Podcast Awards Win

• Opening Banter: The brothers riff on being the "best ad readers," with fake celebrity calls (Bill Belichick, Bill Bellamy, Marshawn Lynch, and Biv DeVoe), and the “transitive property” of being able to best Gronk at football since they bested him at ads. (01:16–02:43)
  • “Because we're so good at ads and we beat Gronk at it by the transitive property, we could beat him at football. I don't know.” – Griffin (02:21)
• Reflections on Recognition: They joke about never being given “Local Boys Make Good” headlines (03:03–03:43), with Clint and Travis particularly rueful about their lack of hometown acclaim.
  • “Turns out the best ad reader in the world lives in Huntington, West Virginia.” – Clint (03:49)
• Award Ceremony Experience: Travis shares the undignified, confusing awards show experience—being left standing instead of seated, finding out they won unexpectedly, and then being told their trophy would be mailed. (04:09–08:16)
  • “It's actually worse. It's worse that you won. It's worse. How could it be worse to win?” – Justin (08:29)
• On Awards and Categories: The brothers joke about chasing more podcast awards, including "Best Advice Podcast" and "Best Travis Podcast." (09:09–10:28)
  • “Why is there not a Best Travis in the awards?” – Justin (10:25)

2. Meta-Ad Read Bit ("Ad Daddies")

• Riffing on Their Reputation: The brothers parody the idea of putting all ads up-front and adopt the moniker “Ad Daddies,” riffing on the culture of podcast advertising. (12:48–13:29)
  • “People keep saying put the ads first.” – Justin (12:48)
  • “45 minutes of ads, 15 minutes of bits. Switch it up.” – Travis (12:55)
  • “Earl me with the URL.” – Justin (13:10)

3. The Advice Segment: Winning Over Theater Kids at the Playground

• Listener Question: How to endear oneself to a group of theater kids at a playground hangout? (14:32–21:30)
• Discussion Highlights:
  • Doing playground tricks "for you" is the coolest approach.
    • “He wasn't doing it for anybody else...He was just having fun.” – Travis (16:43)
  • Providing alcohol, drugs, or "big messy outdoor activities" can be a social shortcut (with jokes about how those times have changed).
    • “The answer to your question, since time immemorial...is you produce alcohol and drugs and perhaps tobacco.” – Justin (17:18)
  • Blowing bubbles is suggested as an innocent, universally-liked activity.
  • Most theater kids hunger for an audience; being the supportive hype person is valuable.
    • “What if you were just there being like...that was a great. You hung on the monkey bars for a really long time, and I thought that was awesome.” – Travis (19:53)
  • Parody: Give notes like a director for extra social sway.
    • “You're an audience. You're the audience for them." – Travis (20:08)
    • “If instead of applause and cheering, you gave them some notes … now you're the director of the Theater Kids Group.” – Griffin (20:24)

4. Advice: The Cartographer with No Sense of Direction

• Listener Question: How to deal with the irony of being a geographer with no innate sense of direction? (21:34–28:14)
• Discussion Highlights:
  • Everyone has an "innate superpower:" time, temperature, direction, or speed.
    • “I usually know to about a three minute margin of error what the time currently is.” – Griffin (22:38)
  • It's normal (even among the McElroys) to lack a sense of direction; don't feel bad.
    • “There are many incredible things that I am impressed by, by my wife on a regular basis. But her innate sense of direction might as well be the power of an Olympian God to me.” – Travis (25:38)
  • Jokes about the futility and arbitrariness of maps, and the idea of labeling house walls as "N/S/E/W" for learning.

5. Easter Candy vs. Other Holiday Candy

• Justin's Thesis: Easter candy is the best candy, beating out other holiday treats. (34:41–40:42)
• Debate Points:
  • Cadbury Mini Eggs, Creme Eggs, Robin’s Eggs, and wildly colored marshmallow eggs put Easter at the top.
  • Halloween’s candies are “universally dog shit,” and Christmas’s iconic sweets are subject to “theft” year round.
    • “Halloween's standalone candy is almost universally dog shit.” – Griffin (36:25)
  • Peeps divide the panel.
    • “Peeps...disgusting.” – Travis (39:39)
    • “No, it's peeps. You can. All right, peeps, fine. I don't agree with you on peeps, especially once they're stale. But I agree with you.” – Justin (38:19)

6. Work of Fart: CW-Themed Game

• Premise: Travis hosts a game where CW show titles are changed to include bathroom humor. (40:56–45:12)
  • Highlights:
    • "Pooper Natural" for "Supernatural"
    • "Go Piss Girl" for "Gossip Girl" (43:31)
    • "Shitty Little Liars" for "Pretty Little Liars"
    • "Vampire Diarrheas" for "Vampire Diaries"
  • “I’m calling this one CW themed… but I don’t know if all these shows were on the CW, but they feel like they were.” – Travis (41:19)

7. Munch Squad: Pizza Hut’s New “Hut Crust” and the Crust Guardian

• Justin profiles Pizza Hut’s new “Hut Crust” platform and contest to become the ‘Hut Crust Connoisseur’. (45:57–55:59)
  • Jokes about Pizza Hut’s admission that their crust was bad, now “crust is the main event.”
    • “When it comes to pizza, crust isn’t just a detail. It’s the main event… Pizza Hut is saying the most important thing and we’ve been fucked up and we’re so sorry.” – Justin (47:00)
  • The “Crust Guardian” role is mocked as a Lord of the Rings-esque quest.
    • “Will you take up the sword to defend the crust, traveler?” – Travis (49:09)
  • Real contest prize: $31,415.92 and a year of free pizza.
  • “That means literally getting paid to eat pizza crust and a $31,415.92 payment plus free pizza for a year.” – Justin (52:12)
  • Brothers entertain entering the contest and joke about the legacy and burden of the role.
    • “It takes generations...the Hut Crust connoisseur job.” – Travis (52:58)

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On their awards show experience:

  • “I had to spell our last name twice, too.” – Travis, discussing indignities post-victory (08:37)
  • “There was a pretty good gag there, running five years running, that we would continue to be nominated for the best podcast ad read ... and we will be beaten out by someone who was actually genuinely much, much more famous than we are. That was, like, a fun gag.” – Griffin (08:43)

• On playground/advice for theater kids:

  • “I have seen countless people try to dance funny... I've only ever seen one man dance in a humorous way that made me happy. His name was Christopher Stoker. Do you know why? Cause he was having fun. He wasn't doing it for anybody else.” – Travis (16:28–16:46)

• On everyone’s innate “sense”:

  • “We are all attuned to different sort of vibrations, frequencies of the universe.” – Griffin (22:12)
  • “Are you a temperature guy?” – Griffin (23:10)

• On the need for an audience:

  • “What if you were just there being like... that was a great. You hung on the monkey bars for a really long time, and I thought that was awesome.” – Travis (19:53)
  • “Being the one person in this crew that is not trying to pull focus will eventually make you the king of the hill.” – Justin (20:11)

• Best CW Bathroom Pun:

  • “Go piss girl.” – Griffin (43:31)

• On Pizza Hut’s contest:

  • “A way to get paid for tasting and loving crust every day and then dying promptly afterwards in a fashion you will find desirable.” – Clint (56:49)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Time | |---------------------------------------|-------------| | Opening Awards Banter | 01:16–04:09 | | Travis at the Awards Show | 04:09–08:16 | | Ad Daddies/Meta-Ad Riffing | 12:48–13:29 | | Playground Advice for Theater Kids | 14:32–21:30 | | Cartographer/Direction Sense Advice | 21:34–28:14 | | Easter Candy Debate | 34:41–40:42 | | Work of Fart: CW Themed | 40:56–45:12 | | Munch Squad: Pizza Hut Crust Guardian | 45:57–55:59 |

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Tone & Style

The episode is loose, irreverent, and meta. There’s a gleeful self-awareness about their place in podcasting, a playful skepticism about awards, and a recurring theme of “the bit is also the truth” throughout. The episode is a good encapsulation of MBMBaM’s comfort zone: blending genuine advice, surreal roleplaying, competitive goofing, and bantering about the trivial and profound in equal measure.

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Takeaways for New Listeners

• Expect advice content interwoven with elaborate, absurd, and often self-deprecating tangents.
• The McElroys treat both their successes and embarrassments as fodder for comedy.
• Meta-commentary on podcasting and advertising culture is abundant.
• Each brother brings a unique energy—Travis the theater-of-the-absurd gamesmaster, Griffin the fast-banter surrealist, and Justin the heartfelt goofball.

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Closing Note

Episode 806 is quintessential MBMBaM: searching for the punchline in an awards show slight, advocating blowing bubbles over cigarettes, and pontificating about the existential loneliness of being the “Hut Crust Guardian.” If you’re new, the blend of sincerity, grotesquery, and unsnobbish pop culture riffing is exactly what the McElroys intend you to find.

Transcript

[Justin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

[Montagne]

It's the start of something beautiful A small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into a precious friends I could have never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels like. It's better it's better with you My life ah, it's better it's better with you this is true it's better it's better with two.

[Justin McElroy]

It's better with you hello and welcome to My Brother, My Brother main advice show for the Modron era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, all right, hold on real quick. Yeah, hey, Joel. Yeah, no, you tell Conan if he wants us to sub in and do his ads, he's gonna have to add a zero to that offer.

[Justin McElroy]

Insufferable. Yeah, I'm already suffering twice.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, I love you too. Okay, bye, Joel. Sorry about that, guys. Yeah, hi. What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middle is brother Travis. Big dog. Wolf over him. Vroom. The heater McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hold on one second, guys. I am also getting a phone call. What's that, Joel? Bill Belichick wants me to play for the New England Patriots to replace Gronk. Yeah, that shouldn't be an issue at all. I beat him at ads, so I don't.

[Justin McElroy]

Is that Joel? Bill Bellamy wants.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know why I couldn't take

[Justin McElroy]

over his hosting jobs. All of them.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's that? Hold on, Joel, I'm getting a call from Bel.

[Justin McElroy]

Biv DeVoe wants to make it Bell. Biv DeVoe and Justin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, shit. Guys, I'm getting the call up. The Seahawks want me to. Guys, Marshawn lynch called for the Seahawks. He said join my you guys fight it out chat.

[Justin McElroy]

Did you hear?

[Clint McElroy]

Hey, did you hear?

[Griffin McElroy]

Sorry, guys, because we beat Rob Gronkowski for best Podcast Ad reads at the iHeartRadio podcast awards. I've been getting nonstop calls from NFL coaches like Bill Belichick and the guy who does the Seahawks to come and play for them. I guess the rumor went around that because we're so good at ads and we beat Gronk at it by the transitive property, we could beat him at football. I don't know.

[Justin McElroy]

I just want to ask. Listen, we won the I Heart Media Podcast award for best ad reads. Okay, listen, it's. Yeah. And yeah, we are going to talk about it. We're so desperate for recognition. Here's what I want to say. Harold, Dispatch.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. Wait.

[Clint McElroy]

Are you a Boys Make Good?

[Griffin McElroy]

Did they tell you that we're going to be good?

[Clint McElroy]

Local Boys Make Good is a headline

[Travis McElroy]

I've waited to see my whole life.

[Justin McElroy]

And I know maybe you couldn't give

[Clint McElroy]

it to me when we did the TV show there. Maybe we couldn't give it to me after our failed podcasting book. I get that.

[Justin McElroy]

That's fair. Although, you know what I recently discovered

[Clint McElroy]

on a very obscure New York Times bestseller list.

[Travis McElroy]

It did appear at number nine.

[Clint McElroy]

Hell yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

But anyway, yeah, dude. Yeah, it's actually a hit. But Chuck Norris dies. It's breaking news. Top banner. I can't even get a mensch. I get illusionist Rick Thomas performing at the Boyd County Public Library, Ashland, bro.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, shit, he is.

[Clint McElroy]

You can't get Local Boys Make Good.

[Justin McElroy]

You can't bust me off. Turns out the best ad reader in

[Clint McElroy]

the world lives in Huntington, West Virginia.

[Justin McElroy]

There's some mental parenthetical.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, there's some context. Yeah. Some context that is missing from that headline. I would say I am surprised Chuck Norris took top billing. That man has literally no connection to West Virginia whatsoever. He was not a West Virginia.

[Travis McElroy]

Having been there in person, they. I'll just say it. I think I heart Radio Media Podcast Awards were being very coy with me. Were really slow, burning it.

[Justin McElroy]

Right.

[Travis McElroy]

Making me feel like there's no chance. Oh, we don't even know if you're on the list. Oh, wait, here you are. Oh, you had a plus one. We don't even know that. We might not be able to let you on the floor. We didn't put you in the reserved couch seats. And all the other winners walked up.

[Clint McElroy]

Yeah, we really were playing it close to the vest.

[Travis McElroy]

And I was like, well, there's no way we won. Right? Cause they don't even act like they wanted me here.

[Justin McElroy]

They always do that to the people who are gonna be winning the biggest awards. They treat them the worst so that

[Griffin McElroy]

they look, we've got a mind Michael J. Jordan on the list. I'm so sorry. We just can't leave.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm looking around. They're naming, you know, best podcast ensemble and they're the guys from Basement Yard. Go from a very comfortable looking couch like that, they got to sit on inside a cordoned off area. And I'm standing like three people deep behind the robes.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's so sick.

[Travis McElroy]

Standing for the whole hour and 20 minutes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis, you had been up on that swing, I would have been uncomfortable about what that meant for our. Kind of like our profile, our options.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, they didn't let me up there. They did a. And here's some other awards, right, for anyone who didn't watch. You can watch the highlights on the McRoy family Instagram. I just had a gut feeling when they were like, here's some other pre selected awards or whatever, where I was like, ad reads is gonna be in there.

[Griffin McElroy]

I was gonna ask how you knew to record that montage because of your certainty that they.

[Justin McElroy]

The writing was on the wall.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, Grif.

[Griffin McElroy]

Quite literally on a big screen. And it said best and then us. And then it had us up on there.

[Travis McElroy]

And I wasn't looking at the screen, as you can see in the shot. So I didn't see our logo come up. I did not know we had one until they said, my brother. My brother and me. And the deep shock I felt I had to stop filming.

[Griffin McElroy]

It felt like it was quite a long TikTok Long Vine. One of those vertical videos that you shot of you sitting there as all the other award winners in that montage were announced. And I was like, I bet this is building up to, like a killer. Like a killer gag at the end. But instead, you actually got surprised out of your reverie by our success in this.

[Justin McElroy]

What I loved about that moment, Trav of Glory, is that how you didn't film yourself, like, reacting to it or anything. Like, I like how it's like 30 minutes of other podcasts that we don't know about. One second of us, and then you're like, cut the feed.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like, you don't, like.

[Justin McElroy]

You don't, like, ask people. You don't look around at people and like, say, that's us. Like, that was your moment to, like, draw focus.

[Clint McElroy]

You know what I mean? Or like, Yelp or something.

[Griffin McElroy]

You just said. You said what?

[Clint McElroy]

Like, we don't stay with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, in an angry way. Like you were mad about it. Let me just. I'll play. Takes five seconds. Let's just hear Travis's reaction. My brother. My brother and me.

[Clint McElroy]

What? What the.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you, Rachel.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, that sentence sound mad. You sound mad. You sound angry. That was mad.

[Clint McElroy]

I was so confused.

[Justin McElroy]

What the fuck?

[Clint McElroy]

Cause I was there.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, right. And they were like, this guy won. So I had to go. Then I went back to the table that had told me I might not be able to even stand on the floor. I might have to sit in the bleachers or whatever.

[Griffin McElroy]

Did you have to ask for your award?

[Justin McElroy]

Hey.

[Travis McElroy]

And I was like, hey, so do I need to go somewhere to get it?

[Clint McElroy]

Fuck.

[Travis McElroy]

And then I had to stand there for five seconds. Come on, Travis. Fuck.

[Clint McElroy]

Give me just a second to fucking suck.

[Justin McElroy]

Give me a second.

[Clint McElroy]

You lived it already.

[Travis McElroy]

You've been sleeping with me.

[Justin McElroy]

Give me a second.

[Griffin McElroy]

This moment, vicariously. And we need to process it. If you could just give us a second before adding any more information to the pile.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just a quick breathing. Exit.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. So.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And I want everyone to know I was so uncomfortable, but all I was thinking was, if I can get a shot of me holding this award, it'll be the culmination of this whole trip

[Griffin McElroy]

of a lifetime's work.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

So I stood there for, like, five minutes while someone was texting with someone else until they looked up and said, oh, they'll mail it to you. And then I was like, oh. And then I had to slink away from the table, like, well, I guess that ends this interaction.

[Justin McElroy]

It's actually worse. It's worse that you want. It's worse. How could it be worse to win?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I'll say.

[Clint McElroy]

How could that be more humiliating?

[Griffin McElroy]

I will say this in this one.

[Travis McElroy]

I had to spell our last name twice, too.

[Clint McElroy]

Sucks, dude. Fuck.

[Griffin McElroy]

I will say this. I'm glad we won. It's exciting. It does kill the joke. There was a pretty good gag there, running five years running, that we would continue to be nominated for the best podcast ad read with the iHeartMedia Podcast Awards. And we will be beaten out by someone who was actually genuinely much, much more famous than we are. That was, like, a fun gag.

[Justin McElroy]

Maybe we will have. Maybe with this win, we've established enough critical credibility. And I will say the iHeartMedia podcasting awards have bought themselves some credibility by recognizing one of the old dogs and one of the best to ever do it. We invented the game in 2010.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

After like, four to five years after it was invented by other people.

[Justin McElroy]

Five years after the game was invented. We invented the game. And now maybe they're going to start recognizing us in some other more prestigious, more on stage categories.

[Travis McElroy]

You know what I mean?

[Justin McElroy]

Maybe the Lifetime Achievement Awards.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, dude.

[Clint McElroy]

If not us, who?

[Justin McElroy]

Kevin Pereira?

[Clint McElroy]

Fuck off.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, it was.

[Clint McElroy]

Don't take.

[Travis McElroy]

It was Perry Gross.

[Clint McElroy]

I like Kevin Pereira.

[Montagne]

I know.

[Clint McElroy]

I don't know why you said that.

[Griffin McElroy]

That was so mean to Kevin Pereira.

[Travis McElroy]

They gave it to Terry Gross.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Clint McElroy]

No, no radio people.

[Justin McElroy]

I'll be furious, dude.

[Clint McElroy]

Zack Shepard.

[Travis McElroy]

No, I think we need to make a campaign for Best Advice Podcast. Cause I think that would be Best Comedy Podcast. We might even be in consideration. Best Advice Podcast. Podcast.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, dude. Cause I need my kid asking me why I lose Best Advice pod every year.

[Griffin McElroy]

That will take some of my power away in the homestead.

[Travis McElroy]

Best Travel Podcast.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't even think that.

[Justin McElroy]

Best Travis Podcast.

[Travis McElroy]

Best Travis Podcast.

[Justin McElroy]

Why is there not a Best Travis in the awards?

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's a lot of big heavy hitters named Travis and I can think of three off the top of my head.

[Travis McElroy]

I wouldn't have felt so bad about having to spell my last name twice if there were a bunch of other Travis's for the. No McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now wait a minute. For this award, did you tell them to put your first name on it also?

[Travis McElroy]

I don't think they. I think they'll just put my brother. My. I don't think they'll put Trav. I don't think they were recognizing my personal excellence. I did call dibs on the trophy though. You did?

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, you went to the thing. I think that's only fair. I thought Travis would be a really fun bit because you have like the YouTube play buttons.

[Travis McElroy]

Correct.

[Griffin McElroy]

How many of those do we have to.

[Travis McElroy]

And the 100 million.

[Griffin McElroy]

100 million streams. I would love maybe photographs of all those that I can frame and put in my background. Like photographs of the awards. Do you think that would be okay? Would that be fun? Can you send me some high res glossy JPEGs of our awards?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, maybe I'll do like a glamour shots of it. You know what I mean?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. I'll set up a whole display with my fucking senior pictures in my senior pictures.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Folded.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's a cool look. I found that.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel so bad about what I said about Kevin Perrer.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Like he's not even that much of a podcasting guy. Like a classic media personality. He's got a great name. It was just like a pull in the moment. And I'm sitting here like, I can't. I can't stand by it.

[Griffin McElroy]

No.

[Clint McElroy]

You know what I mean?

[Justin McElroy]

But it's too long in the past for me to like not Kevin Perrebus will be like, it's done. You know what I mean?

[Griffin McElroy]

It's clipped.

[Justin McElroy]

And I don't know how I'm gonna make it up to Kevin Pereira.

[Travis McElroy]

I have no problem with you know,

[Justin McElroy]

like, I have no. Nothing with. I just. It was like a. A quick pull in the moment, and I feel really bad about it.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you think, Justin, that Best ad read award has gone to your head and you're trying to start some beef now that they're going to cover in the tabloids?

[Justin McElroy]

No, Trav, I think I'm the same as always.

[Griffin McElroy]

He put sunglasses on.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

I can't say something that felt not.

[Clint McElroy]

They could tell from the tone.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Hey, this is an advice show, and we will get to the ads because I know.

[Travis McElroy]

That's why you're all fucking third wishes. We'll start Conan in the next.

[Clint McElroy]

Let's put your game here before I

[Travis McElroy]

know an ad, vice versa. Let us get some of this bullshit out of the way, and then we'll

[Clint McElroy]

fire it up and get paid.

[Travis McElroy]

This is an ad versus the best of the vids.

[Clint McElroy]

You want to see how we do

[Travis McElroy]

it where we do ads and vice? That's what it is, baby. Ad vice.

[Justin McElroy]

People keep saying put the ads first.

[Clint McElroy]

Daddy. Yeah, you gotta pre Roll me, Papa.

[Travis McElroy]

45 minutes of ads, 15 minutes of bits. Switch it up.

[Clint McElroy]

Just one little audio stinger, Daddy.

[Travis McElroy]

Just one stinger.

[Griffin McElroy]

Inserted dynamic code.

[Clint McElroy]

Just a promo code. Just a promo code or something. Earl me. Earl me, Papa.

[Justin McElroy]

Earl me with the URL.

[Clint McElroy]

Earl me. Do terms and conditions apply, Daddy.

[Griffin McElroy]

All right.

[Travis McElroy]

Too far, too far, too far.

[Griffin McElroy]

Too many times. You felt it.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm a father. I'm a freshman. I'm a freshman.

[Travis McElroy]

Give me an ad, father.

[Clint McElroy]

I'm a freshman.

[Travis McElroy]

We're ad daddies.

[Justin McElroy]

So I go on freshman in my university's small theater department. And frequently the group goes to a drive in after rehearsals, events, and the like. They go here for the large playground it contains. I figured these nights would be a good time to.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm gonna burp.

[Clint McElroy]

Holy shit, man.

[Travis McElroy]

Podcast award winning.

[Griffin McElroy]

I need to shut my door. I'm cussing a lot.

[Travis McElroy]

Professionals take notice. Other award shows, BAFTAs, Golden Globes.

[Griffin McElroy]

We deserve one of those. Now you didn't do it into the microphone. And I'm like, glad for that. Like, that means a. I still have.

[Justin McElroy]

Here's what's hard. Is it still.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's still in there, man. Yeah.

[Clint McElroy]

It's gonna become a fart. I'm not a science guy, but I think that's why we didn't win best science Podcast. Now I'm gonna fart on the podcast. It'll be the second half.

[Justin McElroy]

Damn it.

[Clint McElroy]

They go on.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry.

[Travis McElroy]

The question continues.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm a freshman in my university Small theater department. And frequently the group goes to a drive in after rehearsals, events and the like, they go here for the large playground it contains. I figured these nights would be a good time to endear myself to these kind folks. Trouble is, I'm a bit of an introvert, so I need your help, brothers. What is the most interesting slash most kick ass way to interface with a playground to make about two dozen theater kids in their 20s like you? That's from sweating on the swing set in West Texas.

[Griffin McElroy]

All right, this question confused me for a bit, but now I. Now I understand it. You quite all right, brother?

[Clint McElroy]

I don't know who that was. I think the videotape will reveal I was quite still through all of that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, you have your hands up on your knees like you're in Masterpiece Theater.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes. That gentleman such as myself as a wooden burp.

[Griffin McElroy]

I got wooden freeboard. Yeah, man, but you're ripping hoagies back there like you're on the man show, dude.

[Clint McElroy]

I apologized in advance, Griffin. I tried to stop.

[Travis McElroy]

What more do you want from him?

[Clint McElroy]

He is but a man. Holy shit. Full out. You know, it can be tempting once people win an award.

[Justin McElroy]

Once again, superlatives are tossed out to

[Clint McElroy]

think of them as gods. But I'm still.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, flesh and blood.

[Clint McElroy]

I see blood, you know.

[Griffin McElroy]

So what are some cool playground tricks you can do to impress people in their 20s? I will say that this is a tall order. I will say looking cool. Looking cool. Looking cool as an adult on playground. This isn't to shame anyone who has a playful spirit and the heart of a child's mind. Like, that's beautiful. And I love that. And that's good. I don't know how to do it in a way where someone will be like, damn, did you see the way they jumped over the monkey bars? Like, it would need to be pretty crazy like that.

[Travis McElroy]

You know, I. In my life, I have seen countless people try to dance funny.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

In a way to like, make people laugh. Right. Because how funny they're dancing a thing. I've only ever seen one man dance in a humorous way. That made me happy. His name was Christopher Stoker. Do you know why?

[Griffin McElroy]

Why?

[Travis McElroy]

Cause he was having fun. He wasn't doing it for anybody else.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

He was just having fun. It wasn't for the audience.

[Justin McElroy]

That's it.

[Clint McElroy]

He was just having a great time.

[Griffin McElroy]

So there's nothing cooler than like going down a big old swirly slide and enjoying it for you and not worrying about everyone else?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man. I think so.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Authentically Doing monkey bars. Cool shit.

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, if he did it in a fast, elegant way, that looks like you were born there and you're like, yeah, I lived in the jungles for a while. I'm pretty good with like Tarzan kind of stuff. Like, I've trained there.

[Travis McElroy]

No problem. Nonchalantly hang upside down.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm rereading last night. Here, brothers. What is the most interesting, most kick ass way to interface with the playground to make about two dozen theater kids in their 20s like you? I have to imagine this is written from like an alternate dimension where mind altering substances and alcohol do not exist. Because the answer to your question, since time immemorial for how do you get a bunch of 20 something theater kids to like you? Is you produce alcohol and drugs and perhaps tobacco. That is a patented method for a lot of social groups, but definitely for this crew. If you are the one person who's like, hey, I brought this huge bottle of vodka.

[Clint McElroy]

Like comically huge.

[Justin McElroy]

Like, I can't drink all this, you

[Griffin McElroy]

know, I mean, that's.

[Clint McElroy]

And it's not safe.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's been quite a while since any of us have been in our 20s, though. Maybe that's not how it.

[Justin McElroy]

God, man. I'm just saying.

[Travis McElroy]

I never did any of this.

[Justin McElroy]

There was smoke.

[Clint McElroy]

I mean, here's what we all. This is the problem with nobody smoking.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right?

[Clint McElroy]

You know?

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you.

[Clint McElroy]

This is the problem with Justin's right.

[Travis McElroy]

Bring it back.

[Clint McElroy]

No, no.

[Griffin McElroy]

But we need a better outside activity that is only outside. We need sticky.

[Travis McElroy]

Flipping a coin while you lean against a light.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can do that inside. I want it to be big and messy. A big, messy activity that everyone likes to do out in court. Super addicted to doing outside, but you don't get sick from it.

[Justin McElroy]

The truth of it is, we know about vaping nicotine. We know about it, but we can't change the fact that when you see someone smoking a cigarette, you want to go join them and smoke a cigarette with them. And when you see someone vaping, you want to go back to bed. Yeah, that's. You know what I mean?

[Travis McElroy]

Like those.

[Justin McElroy]

It's not a good substitute.

[Griffin McElroy]

And this is. We are only talking to theater kids right now. We are only talking to theater kids right now.

[Travis McElroy]

It's different for you. You gotta live authentically and in your art. We get it. What about blowing bubbles?

[Griffin McElroy]

Blowing bubbles is a really good answer, Travis. Blowing bubbles is a really big one.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, big ones.

[Griffin McElroy]

Big.

[Justin McElroy]

At the Wonderworks, they had this bubble thing that you could stand in and you lift a hoop up around You. And it makes a bubble. You brought the supplies for that?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Clint McElroy]

Oh.

[Travis McElroy]

It's the closest you feel to having magic. I just made a force field bubbles.

[Griffin McElroy]

They got one of them at the National Children's museum here in D.C. and sometimes I go inside and I put a big bubble up around myself, and I feel like that's the only moment of quiet and peace.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

That I know now as an adult, 100% if I'm not inside the bubble, like, everything's safe in the bubble, I guess, is what I'm saying. And I love it. And I wish I was in the bubble all day.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you know what theater kids love?

[Griffin McElroy]

What?

[Travis McElroy]

That there's not enough in a theater kid population. An audience.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Theater kids are always trying to impress each other. What if you were just there being like, that was a great. You hung on the monkey bars for a really long time, and I thought that was awesome.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

You're an audience. You're the audience for them.

[Justin McElroy]

This is race. Being the one person in this crew that is not trying to pull focus will eventually make you the king of the hill. Right? Yes. Like, they will come to you just by.

[Clint McElroy]

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

[Griffin McElroy]

Or unless.

[Travis McElroy]

Unless what?

[Griffin McElroy]

If instead of applause and cheering, you gave him some notes. You just gave him some notes. Now you're the director of the theater Frank Group.

[Travis McElroy]

The most powerful.

[Griffin McElroy]

The most powerful one that there is. Nice work on the monkey bars. But, like, what were you thinking? What was going through your mind when

[Travis McElroy]

you left all that loose change in your pockets?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Just next time, something to think about. Great job. Great work, but I know you have more in you.

[Justin McElroy]

Maybe you could bully people, and then when they get to you, you just be like, huh. Use that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Use that. Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, I like that. Think about how you're feeling right now.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, use that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Climb that slide.

[Justin McElroy]

Think about how when I just pushed you over the bench and you fell and you hurt your knee and you're mad at me and you're crying a little bit.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Use that. When I rubbed your water bottle on my butt and I threw it in the trash can. The feeling you have right now. Put it on the slide. Leave it all on the slide.

[Travis McElroy]

There it is. There it is.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'll apologize later when we've wrapped this sesh.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, but right now it's about growing.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now it's about growing, and you need to. You really need to get your fucking act together.

[Justin McElroy]

I make maps for a living on the computer, and I have a bachelor's degree in geography. Super cool. Only I have a terrible sense of direction. If I didn't have my phone for navigation, I would frequently get lost. All my friends and family poke fun about how funny it is that I'm a geographer with no sense of direction. How do I get them to stop? Or how can I become a better geographer? This is from confused cartographer in California. They have. Let's talk about it.

[Travis McElroy]

They have fundamentally misunderstood your purpose. If you had a perfect innate sense of direction, you wouldn't need maps, Right? That's why you've dedicated your life to this.

[Griffin McElroy]

We are all attuned to different sort of vibrations, frequencies of the universe. Yes. I have a theory that everyone possesses within them an innate and super, super powerful ability to know either the temperature or the time or their bearings or like one of these things.

[Travis McElroy]

The vibe.

[Griffin McElroy]

The vibe. Well, God, that's a. That to me encompasses like a few of these things. But like, I usually know to about a three minute margin of error what the time currently is.

[Justin McElroy]

Me too. I usually know what time.

[Griffin McElroy]

I usually just kind of know it.

[Justin McElroy]

Generally I can tell you within about three.

[Travis McElroy]

No idea whatsoever.

[Griffin McElroy]

I just know it by feeling it.

[Justin McElroy]

That missing a niche or nurture thing though, Grif, because mine comes from retail, okay? Mine comes from retail and thinking about time in every possible permutation and counting every minute mentally, like I just generally know what time it is.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis, are you maybe. Are you a temperature? This is our new enneagram that we've. Our maybe 15th enneagram that we've come up with on this show. Are you a temperature guy?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I would say I'm pretty good at that. I'm pretty within. I would say 3 degrees, 5 degrees.

[Griffin McElroy]

You said you're not a time guy.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't think you're not a time guy. Not a direction guy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Don't think you're a directions guy. For sure.

[Travis McElroy]

Not a direction. So like I got a pretty good. I can sense when people are mad at me. Does that count? I have a good sense of. I can read the room pretty well at this point from years of struggle at it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, can you?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, Griffin, I can.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm just fucking.

[Travis McElroy]

I have a sense of taste. How about that? Sense of taste? I'm a super taster. Did the thing where I put the

[Griffin McElroy]

weird strip on my tongue, man. I'm talking about the axies of the powers.

[Justin McElroy]

Superpowers.

[Griffin McElroy]

Superpowers.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, there's gotta be a fourth one. Cause it's not time direction for me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Time direction.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm okay at temperature.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

What about doing stuff.

[Travis McElroy]

Not good at that. I have adhd. I'm feeling very judged.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, it's not judged. I'm not judging you, Travis, as much as I'm trying to justify my own new, very profitable enneagram.

[Travis McElroy]

But fair enough.

[Justin McElroy]

If he can't find a slot for you to fit in Travel, then it

[Griffin McElroy]

means it's not an Enneagram break. It's just a fucking idea.

[Clint McElroy]

So he's not.

[Justin McElroy]

It's not like a square peg kind of deal. He's like trying to make a new Travis peg.

[Clint McElroy]

You know what I mean?

[Travis McElroy]

Like, you know what? I'll say.

[Griffin McElroy]

Speed.

[Travis McElroy]

Speed is very good. Speed's really good.

[Clint McElroy]

Trap speed.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Clint McElroy]

Is so general.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, man. Like when your body is moving. When your body is moving or when you're driving in a car. You know, sort of the speed that you're at, that's super.

[Clint McElroy]

Oh, speed.

[Justin McElroy]

Not just like the Flash.

[Travis McElroy]

No, you're not listing speed. I'm not in touch with the Speed Force.

[Griffin McElroy]

God knows I tried, but he knows how fast he is at all times.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, that's. I like that a lot. That's good. That's good. That makes sense.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's all. That's four. I think four is all of them. I don't know that there's much else

[Justin McElroy]

to it you probably don't need. But I will say direction. This is a really good one because I'm truly embarrassed, and I mean embarrassed in a real sense of how little an idea I have of this on a day to day basis. It is something I've thought about. I think about a lot. Like when I look out the windows of my house, sometimes I'll think, that's rising right now, so this must be east. And I'll think about it for a second and then it's like gone. So like, I don't know what direction this is. Like I'm at my house. I don't know. I don't know any of it.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's humiliating, right?

[Clint McElroy]

I don't know how to.

[Justin McElroy]

I just.

[Clint McElroy]

I don't know.

[Travis McElroy]

There are many incredible things that I am impressed by, by my wife on a regular basis. But her innate sense of direction might as well be the power of an Olympian God to me. Where I'm like, who even knows where north is? And she's like, she's that way. And I'm like, whaaaat?

[Griffin McElroy]

She got those strong hammer bones in the middle ear.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't know how she does it. She just knows.

[Justin McElroy]

Griffin's telling you it's the Hammer.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's the strong hammer bones inside the middle ear. So, yeah, don't be upset. You just. You're on a different axis. That's fine. And you chose this job. I would say this is a job that is probably more commonly held by people who are more sort of directions folks. But have you guys ever really tried to draw a map? Cause that'll humble you real fucking quick. I have a wonderful, fantastical world. Let me draw a map of it. And then it's like, wow, this looks one just kind of like the United States, because I guess that's like the only. And it looks so shitty. There's like, square borders. Justin's trying to really.

[Travis McElroy]

That's north.

[Griffin McElroy]

He's got his sexton out. That's cool.

[Justin McElroy]

That's north. Is it like. I don't know.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, you use your phone, so. No, I mean, I'm looking for the hammer bones and I don't.

[Travis McElroy]

But I'll actually, if we were more outdoor boys, we would know directions better.

[Griffin McElroy]

Absolutely.

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe.

[Justin McElroy]

But then there's people who are, like, talking about taking a road trip, and then they say the right directions for it. You know what I mean? Like, I went up to this place, and they're like, it is up. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know.

[Travis McElroy]

How did you know that?

[Justin McElroy]

That's crazy. You know, for me, it's just always went over. Over to, I don't know, this place.

[Griffin McElroy]

All maps are kind of bogus anyway, Right. So who's the faults in our stars? Not in ourselves.

[Clint McElroy]

Whoa.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, there are different projections.

[Travis McElroy]

I know.

[Justin McElroy]

That are more accurate.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. And then there's the one that makes America look so virile and powerful and strong.

[Travis McElroy]

So turgid.

[Griffin McElroy]

So turgid and bigger than all the other countries combined.

[Justin McElroy]

If you had a compass all the time, eventually you'd, like, connect facing in different directions with, like, the compass, the direction. Like, eventually you'd think about, like, oh, yeah, that E is always here when

[Clint McElroy]

I'm looking this way.

[Justin McElroy]

This must be kind of easterly.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

I should label walls of my house.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, that's good.

[Travis McElroy]

You are looking E. I'm looking E Now I'm looking at E and C. And then over there. Swah.

[Griffin McElroy]

We know swa.

[Travis McElroy]

That's snow.

[Griffin McElroy]

Look out for Snuh.

[Montagne]

South.

[Griffin McElroy]

North is not in a direction that I'm aware of.

[Travis McElroy]

Fuck, that explains so much. Why did I label that wall Snuh?

[Griffin McElroy]

Should we go to Money Zone?

[Travis McElroy]

We've waited.

[Justin McElroy]

We made him wait long enough, huh? Yeah. Here it Comes.

[Montagne]

It's better. It's better.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, boys, we got the first.

[Clint McElroy]

Do you guys ever think I got the yips. Did you guys ever think about cats?

[Griffin McElroy]

Cats, cats, cats.

[Travis McElroy]

If you eat cat food.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cat, cat, cat.

[Clint McElroy]

I have eaten cat. Do you give.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you also know what cat is? No.

[Travis McElroy]

ALF would love.

[Griffin McElroy]

Guys, take a breath. Take a beat. We gotta come back. We gotta come back. We're. We can do this because we're a family. And you know who else is a part of my family? All your guys. Cats. Oh.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. Listen, it makes the most sense, I think, for me to do this. Hi, I'm Justin McElroy. I have two cats, and my wife likes them better than me sometimes. But the way that I am trying to get into all their good graces is by feeding the cats. Smalls. We used to do dry food, and they kind of graze throughout the day. It's been a lot better for their overall health, for their coats.

[Griffin McElroy]

These cats look so incredible.

[Justin McElroy]

Looking so fit, so, so great. They. They love all the different flavors. Although Smooth Bird is a personal favorite. You can adjust the subscription so you're getting just what you need. We have it dialed in really nicely, so we really never have to think about buying cat food. Just shows up when we need it. So stop guessing which meals will upset their stomach for a limited time because you are a My brother, My brother and me listener. Get 60% off your first order, plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com mybrother one last time. That 60% off your first order, plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com. my brother.

[Clint McElroy]

That's. That, baby. That was good.

[Griffin McElroy]

Justin's back on the horse, man. Did you hear him, Trav? He, like.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, man.

[Travis McElroy]

He nailed it.

[Griffin McElroy]

He got keyed in, and he just, like, surfed the whole way. He closed out the pipe, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's not even do the next one.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, no, wait.

[Griffin McElroy]

We should.

[Travis McElroy]

No, we do now, hold on.

[Clint McElroy]

Dude, we're out. No, let's not even wrap the show.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's, like, wrap the show.

[Travis McElroy]

There.

[Justin McElroy]

Thanks, y'.

[Griffin McElroy]

All.

[Justin McElroy]

That's gonna do it for us.

[Travis McElroy]

I want to say. Ma', am.

[Justin McElroy]

Out.

[Griffin McElroy]

As we say in every episode, a huge thanks to Squarespace. Also, we do actually say that every episode. We are sponsored in part by Squarespace this week. Squarespace is God. A genie. But instead of living in a lamp, Squarespace is God. Squarespace is gone. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Squarespace is life.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's start this one over.

[Travis McElroy]

Squarespace.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wait, start it over like that. Like you want to do It.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis had a good direction. Grif built on it.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm going to do big energy Squarespace, Big energy websites, huge ideas.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

Squarespace websites for you. Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you need it?

[Justin McElroy]

Everything.

[Griffin McElroy]

More. Okay, Zoom out more.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, idea.

[Justin McElroy]

It's not just about websites.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's not just about websites.

[Travis McElroy]

Goods.

[Clint McElroy]

It's event services.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. You can offer them both and get paid with money that you use.

[Griffin McElroy]

I can offer Squarespace. They will trade in services. So I'll say, like Squarespace, if you make me up a beautiful website, I will come and I'll wash your car and do all your chores for a month.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, you can offer goods and services through Squarespace.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

And get paid through Squarespace. And they don't say this, but I'm gonna say if people fall behind on those payments, Squarespace is gonna enforce that for you. They'll send out their bruisers to break some kneecaps.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, they got some huge folks working for them over at Squarespace.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't.

[Griffin McElroy]

I do not mess around with those dudes.

[Travis McElroy]

No. It's like 400 pounds of pure muscle. No bones, no blood, no skin, just 400 pounds of pure muscle. They got agony.

[Griffin McElroy]

They got Crusher with a K over there working for him. And if someone does not pay you the money that you are owed through a Squarespace website, Crusher with a K will come and, well, there's a reason for his namesake, is what I'll say.

[Travis McElroy]

He has a big metal robotic crab claw.

[Griffin McElroy]

He has a huge crab claw and a brain, a visible brain in his stomach. A hindbrain.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man. And the turtles have not been able to stop him, man.

[Justin McElroy]

They've been trying.

[Griffin McElroy]

They can't stop him because they don't know which brain to target. But Squarespace gives you everything you need to make beautiful, functional websites and make them look good with award winning website templates. You don't need to know anything about frickin coding or art or UI or anything. They got you and they'll make you look like you do know what you're doing. So head to squarespace.com mybrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code, my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. I felt him. I felt the Lord moving through me.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man.

[Max Fun Announcer]

Max. Fun meetup day is on Thursday, April 23rd. Maxfunsters from all over are getting together to hang out and celebrate their favorite podcasts. Want to go and meet some friends who like similar stuff and care about the same things as you head to maximumfun.org meetup to see where and when your local meetup is. Don't see one nearby. Host your own and make some new pals. All you need to do is pick a place that can hold a small group. A bar, cafe, park, library, wherever. Then fill out the [e-mail] meetup. We'll add you to the page and help get the word out. So go to maximumfun.org meetup and maybe we'll see you on April 23rd.

[Alden Ford]

Hello, this is Alden Ford and Mujanzo Fagari, two of the creators of Mission to Zix, your favorite improvised, obsessively sound designed sci fi sitcom here on the Max Fun Network. And the news is we're back with

[Mujanzo Fagari]

an all new miniseries set in the six universe, the Young Old Derf Chronicles. Yeah, will Derf find his own killer before it's too late to find out how that question could possibly make sense? Well, you just have to tune in.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Alden Ford]

And as always, it's ambitious and labor intensive to a frankly absurd degree.

[Mujanzo Fagari]

Indeed.

[Alden Ford]

So if you are looking for a little break from your own galaxy, we would love for you to check it out.

[Mujanzo Fagari]

That's the young ol Durf Kron Chronicles search mission to Zix Zyxx in your podcast app or on maximumfun.org keep it fresh.

[Justin McElroy]

I wanted to have a conversation with you guys. Oh, this is an idea I've been thinking about because we got, we got the Easter holidays are coming up and the shelves are starting to get filled with, with Easter candy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And I wanted to hit you guys with something I've been thinking about and I wanted to see if I can defend it in this sort of like thesis sense. I think Easter candy is the best candy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. Yeah, give me some. Quantify this for me a little bit.

[Justin McElroy]

So if I'm thinking Easter candy, here's what I'm like putting up on the bench, right. I'm looking at Cadbury Mini Eggs all timer Cadbury Creme Eggs. Like smashing it, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Jelly beans I like in a wide variety. But if you don't want to give those to Easter. Yeah, I can get it.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't eat Jolly Rancher flavored jelly beans any other time of year. Only at Easter time.

[Travis McElroy]

Those big old ones that are kind of like a mix between jelly bean and like gumdrop and licorice.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, no, thanks for that.

[Travis McElroy]

I love those. Honestly, I love those.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, so then the other ones that I'm gonna throw in here are one Robin's eggs. Yes, the malted milk. Robin's eggs. That's a perfect size.

[Griffin McElroy]

You like that shatter, you like that.

[Justin McElroy]

I like shattering.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then the.

[Justin McElroy]

And then I think. I don't know if there's a specific name for these things, but like the marshmallow eggs that have, like, enrobed in like a hard candy. And it all tastes very plasticky and fake, but it's like bright blue, Bright pink. Bright yellow candy shell on the outside, marshmallow on the inside, shaped like eggs. You know what I'm talking about?

[Griffin McElroy]

No idea.

[Travis McElroy]

No.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, so anyway, but marshmallow eggs, things wrapped in chocolate. Easter candy is the best candy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Holiday candy. That's all I'm saying. You're saying holiday candy or best overall all candy?

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, it's better than.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'll say it's better than. Halloween's sort of standalone candy is almost universally dog shit. And I love Halloween. I do. But, like, miss me with all that

[Justin McElroy]

for a candy holiday?

[Griffin McElroy]

No way. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

For a candy holiday. It doesn't come to party. Like, it doesn't come with anything.

[Griffin McElroy]

Christmas.

[Travis McElroy]

Now, I do say. Wait, Reese's pumpkins are the best version of Reese's Holiday. Like, shaped things.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, now I will say the egg is very close, but Travis is correct.

[Clint McElroy]

Of course.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Now listen, the tree.

[Clint McElroy]

They're fucking robbing you people.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, look at it.

[Clint McElroy]

Yeah, look at the shape.

[Travis McElroy]

And there's something. Consistency is not right.

[Clint McElroy]

It's a rectangular package with a triangle in it, folks.

[Justin McElroy]

They're robbing you fucking blind every.

[Griffin McElroy]

Every single time. They're robbing you with the trees every time. But it also has candy canes, which are an inedible shape. But it also has chocolate oranges, which almost makes up for the trees and the. And the candy canes, because those.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, look who else is here. It's. Candy corn is here with Halloween.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, No, I mean, this is what I'm saying. Easter is clearly the best holiday. Candy holiday.

[Justin McElroy]

Candy corn, something you can hang on. Can you hang candy corn and malachi and pumpkins on Halloween or is that like a fall punishment?

[Griffin McElroy]

I think of it as a Halloween. I don't know, guy.

[Travis McElroy]

Now, Easter does have peeps, which are disgusting.

[Justin McElroy]

The other one. Thank you, Travis.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a huge Easter foul, dude. They're just. They're just big marshmallows, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

Sickly sweet. Yeah, dude, it's candy. Candy doesn't have to have a point.

[Clint McElroy]

No, candy does have to have a point.

[Travis McElroy]

I forgot that Willy Wonka was here. I'm so Sorry.

[Clint McElroy]

That you, Wonka.

[Justin McElroy]

Now, that's Freddie Highmore from the hit film Charlie Lucas.

[Griffin McElroy]

Freddie Highmore. If I go and I take a marshmallow, a little marshmallow, and I dip it in, eat it with my mouth. You can't just say that's candy. Because it's like. It's conceptually kind of busted.

[Justin McElroy]

No, it's peeps. You can. All right, peeps, fine. I don't agree with you on peeps, especially once they're stale. But I agree with you.

[Clint McElroy]

That's not a ringing endorsement of anything,

[Travis McElroy]

that it's better once it's old and stale.

[Griffin McElroy]

I agree with you that Easter has the best holiday candy. I would not jump to. It is the best candy overall.

[Justin McElroy]

What about Christmas? Cause Christmas candy does have. It's like chocolate orange. Christmas candy is actually chocolate. Orange is good.

[Travis McElroy]

And gel. I like gel. Give me a little shiny coins that I can open.

[Justin McElroy]

I do like to eat the gelt. Yeah, I do like to eat the gel. I actually like the little peppermints with the treat. The gummy. They're like soft peppermints with the pictures of the trees in the middle with the red and white on the outside and the pictures of the trees.

[Travis McElroy]

Sure, sure, sure.

[Griffin McElroy]

I love eating Santa's flossy beard. Do you guys know Santa's flossy beard from the Mars. From the Mars Company?

[Clint McElroy]

You invented it.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you guys?

[Griffin McElroy]

I can't celebrate Christmas without chomping down at least two to three Rudolph knobs. If I don't get my Rudolph knobs,

[Justin McElroy]

there's no Christmas candy. There's no Christmas candy. Okay, so what's better?

[Travis McElroy]

So the candy.

[Justin McElroy]

Candy.

[Travis McElroy]

Red and green M&Ms. Candy cane are my favorite version of. Mm.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. And you know what? Christmas bells are good.

[Griffin McElroy]

Christmas bells are good. Uh. Oh, wait a minute.

[Justin McElroy]

Belle's a good chocolate shape, but, like.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, man.

[Travis McElroy]

You know, those actually got ruined for me because my only memory of eating them as a child was at Granny's house.

[Griffin McElroy]

Granny's house.

[Justin McElroy]

And they tasted like cigarettes.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, she smoked, like, three packs a

[Clint McElroy]

day, but I folded it into the appeal. Oh, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Thanks, Granny.

[Griffin McElroy]

Way to attach those two incredibly similar concepts in my mind.

[Justin McElroy]

Every time I eat eggs, I think,

[Clint McElroy]

God, I wish I was smoking.

[Griffin McElroy]

She was on some Homer Simpson Tomako shit. Just Robin it in.

[Clint McElroy]

Oh, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, but I still think. I mean Christmas candy. I think part of the problem with Easter candy, though, is the best parts of it have been sadly sort of, like, redistributed as, like, Rainbow Cadbury mini eggs. Or, like, peeps get re. You know, repurposed in a lot of really foul permutations, honestly. So they can't keep as much of a lock on it. But. But I don't know. I still feel like Easter candy's the best candy. Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

I thought because of our recent prestigious award, that maybe it would be nice to take a moment and just kind of class things up around here a little bit with a little work of fart.

[Griffin McElroy]

We haven't done it for the home game in a while, and maybe, you know, we might have a ton of new listeners, and this is their first episode.

[Travis McElroy]

Cause after the show. Oh, welcome. Now that we've won the award, we

[Griffin McElroy]

definitely probably have at least a few ad execs listening. And that's. I don't know that we've done particularly

[Travis McElroy]

right by them, but I'm gonna tell you right now.

[Griffin McElroy]

But the fart jokes we're about to do should probably drive home whatever big product placement deals we've been sitting on.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm calling this one CW themed.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

But I don't know if all these shows were on the cw, but they feel like they were.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Up first, Sam and Dean Winchester, aided by Cassiel the Angel, search the world for a good bathroom.

[Griffin McElroy]

Pooper natural.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes, Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

What? Pooper natural.

[Travis McElroy]

That is correct. Pooper natural.

[Griffin McElroy]

Pooper natural.

[Travis McElroy]

One point.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can I raise my hand to, like, buzz in? Cause I'm scared Justin, you're gonna be wrong and think Justin had it first one of these times.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, no, you can. Oh, Justin raised their hand.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, don't raise your hand inside the software. Cause people can't, you know, get it.

[Justin McElroy]

How do we just say bazinga?

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, okay.

[Travis McElroy]

That's buzzing. Okay. The girls field hockey team, lost in the Canadian wilderness, are rescued after months of stink. Lines are seen rising above the trees.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hmm. Smell O jackets. Bazinga. Smell ojackets. Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

Smell o jackets is correct, Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

That one felt a little highlights for kids. Like, sort of family circ. Because that one was, like, pretty clean. And I don't know if it belongs in work of fart Smell. Like that.

[Clint McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Are you saying Travis is losing his edge?

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm saying you.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Maybe the AD award thing maybe has gotten in your head a little bit and you kind of, like, toned it down. Cause usually you'll get, like, jizz or, like, other crazy stuff in this one. And this was just like, what if there were a bunch of aromatic field hockey players? And they.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm not gonna respond. I thought it was a trav.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'LL take the point. Don't get me wrong, Travis. I love that I got a point and I got it right. And I did a good job, the best job. But I just. Don't be afraid to be yourself.

[Travis McElroy]

Upper crust New York teen socialites get into all kinds of scandals which are reported on by an anonymous blogger who also reminds them when it's time to go to the bathroom

[Griffin McElroy]

for. Go. Oh, I got it. I got it. Bazinga. Go piss girl.

[Travis McElroy]

Correct.

[Griffin McElroy]

That one feels good. We're back. We're back on top of it.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you very much.

[Justin McElroy]

If I had come up with the answer, I wouldn't have gotten to laugh at it. So I feel pretty. I'm happy.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. Four teens, each with their own secrets to hide, Are plagued by the terrifying and all knowing A who tells everyone about the time that they pooped their pants. Four teens, uh huh.

[Justin McElroy]

With secrets to hide.

[Travis McElroy]

Uh huh. Are plagued by the terrifying and all knowing a A who tells everyone about the time they pooped their pants

[Griffin McElroy]

this summer I turned shitty. No, I don't know.

[Travis McElroy]

Wrong show.

[Justin McElroy]

I know where you shit last summer. A knows where you shit last summer.

[Travis McElroy]

This is where you guys just don't know enough about quality, groundbreaking Pretty Little Liars.

[Justin McElroy]

Pretty shitty.

[Griffin McElroy]

Shitty Little Liars.

[Travis McElroy]

Correct, Griffin. Shitty Little Liars.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, got it. Justin kind of said it at the same time as me, but he said it in like a.

[Justin McElroy]

It's okay, it's okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, one more.

[Justin McElroy]

You deserve it.

[Travis McElroy]

Blood sucking brothers Stefan and Damon Salvatore battle over the same high school girl they're in love with while also battling loose stool.

[Griffin McElroy]

May I?

[Justin McElroy]

Vampire diarrhea.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm giving it to Justin on that one. Vampire diarrheas.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's good. I was in the wrong zip code. I was thinking, why?

[Justin McElroy]

You mean why did you say I'm giving it to Justin after I said vampire diarrheas?

[Travis McElroy]

Because Griffin said. May I? Before you said anything.

[Griffin McElroy]

I was gonna say poobla. I didn't say I was gonna say pooblood. Is that what I was gonna say?

[Travis McElroy]

I think I've actually done poo blood before. Thank you, Travis.

[Justin McElroy]

That was great. I really grew a lot.

[Griffin McElroy]

Who won, Travis? Who did the best job?

[Travis McElroy]

You did win, Griffin. Four to one.

[Griffin McElroy]

All right. It still feels good.

[Montagne]

What?

[Clint McElroy]

How much show can we put into one show? I want a Munch Squat squad.

[Justin McElroy]

Welcome to Munch Squad's podcast. Within the podcast profile, the latest greatest of brand eating. And this one's a doozy. Pizza Hut launches national campaign updates hand tossed crust recipe. Now this is one of my favorite things. Anytime a restaurant chain has to say one of our staples has this entire time, not, as we've been saying, been the best, but it's actually been so bad that we wanna change it. And I always like to see how people handle this story.

[Travis McElroy]

We've been hiding the truth. We've been suppressing the truth. People have been trying to get the word out. We've had them killed.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sorry. It's been so dusty. Gu. We couldn't figure out why it was so dusty without ruining the.

[Justin McElroy]

So hard. We're giving everything.

[Griffin McElroy]

We're giving everything. But I swear to God, we're doing this thing in a fully, I swear to you, sterile environment.

[Clint McElroy]

I'm getting it together.

[Griffin McElroy]

We're doing our best, Janine. But the dust keeps coming back onto the pizza. It's so hard and granular.

[Clint McElroy]

And if you think it's bad for

[Travis McElroy]

us, imagine what it's like for our employees that are all dusty.

[Justin McElroy]

When it comes to pizza, crust isn't just a detail. It's the main event. Now this is the part. This is where you have, this is where you have to brace yourself, right? Because this is where it gets even worse. Because Pizza Hut is saying like the most important thing and we've been fucking fucked up and we're so, we're so sorry. At Pizza Hut. Crusty. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

In that it's like most of the pizza when you're buying a car, it having like exterior.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Is the main event.

[Justin McElroy]

And it's like.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. It might not be the main thing I look for, but without it. Yeah, it does kind of cease to work.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's bad soup.

[Justin McElroy]

Pizza Hut crust reigns supreme. Pizza Hut is officially introducing Hut Crust. A new platform celebrating the bold recognizable crusts that have defined the brand for generations. At the center of this platform is a crave worthy $10 large three topping pizza. Available on fans choice of three iconic crusts. The new and improved hand tossed tavern style or thin and crispy.

[Travis McElroy]

What's tavern style?

[Justin McElroy]

It's like a flat. I think it's like a New York style. Like a. I don't actually know. I've never gotten it.

[Travis McElroy]

Did you say it was Hut crust?

[Griffin McElroy]

Hut crust. Travison. It's not a crust. It's a platform.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a platform. This PI day, Pizza Hut announces it is on the hunt for a real paid gig. And this is why I want to bring this story to you. Hut Crust Connoisseur. A first of its kind project created to celebrate the people who love pizza crust. Most. The Hut crust connoisseur becomes the official guardian of the hut crust platform.

[Griffin McElroy]

Guardian is awesome.

[Travis McElroy]

Now what

[Clint McElroy]

happens? People who apply must be willing to

[Travis McElroy]

have all kinds of crazy sex once they get the job, for everyone will desire them. Will you take up the sword to

[Clint McElroy]

defend the crust traveler?

[Travis McElroy]

Many have come before you and sworn allegiance to defend the crust this once century. Yes, sir. Sancho the pizza demon will rise from

[Clint McElroy]

hell this date and God.

[Travis McElroy]

You must defeat him.

[Griffin McElroy]

Please. This date is going so well. It's so hard to meet people in the big city. What did you say your job was? What did you say your job was again? You're a pizza crust guardian. Sasago. Well, he sounds terrible.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, only here in the Americas, right across the oceans, there are many pizza grass guardians. And once a millennia, we come together.

[Justin McElroy]

This is why they killed that Buffy

[Clint McElroy]

reboot, because they were like, Sarah Michelle Gellar is like, it's gonna be about pizza crust. It's gonna be about nothing.

[Justin McElroy]

And they're like, okay, Sarah, then it's about nothing. Then you have to go. It's a first of its kind. Okay? The Hut crust connoisseur. The hut crust connoisseur becomes. Well, first of all, becomes the only people whose job is harder to explain to my Grandpa Dan than mine. The Hut crust connoisseur becomes the official guardian of Hut crust platform, responsible for tasting and testing all new crust innovations

[Travis McElroy]

to ensure they're not poisoned for the king.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is he guarding the platform from Pizza Hut?

[Clint McElroy]

You've gotta let me get through this fucking sentence. Listen, we did all this bad job for decades.

[Travis McElroy]

If we start to backslide, it's your job to call us on our bullshit.

[Justin McElroy]

The Hut crust connoisseur becomes the official guardian of the hot crust platform, responsible for tasting and testing all new crust innovations to ensure they meet Pizza Hut's iconic standards.

[Clint McElroy]

So what they're basically saying is they're hiring like CI. They're hiring like internal investigations. They're hiring like the Departed. So it's like an internal bureau that's like extra pizza. Like, they're extra judicial, they're extra saucy,

[Justin McElroy]

they're extra outside the law, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

This just crust arbiter of sorts, if you will.

[Justin McElroy]

An arbiter of the crust that protects it sometimes.

[Clint McElroy]

Which what pizza is saying here is like, we have proven ourselves to be

[Justin McElroy]

a poor steward of this crust.

[Clint McElroy]

We can't be trusted. We can't be trusted.

[Travis McElroy]

The Hut can be crusted.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's hot.

[Travis McElroy]

Welcome to pizza.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is so good. Because then if the pizza is still bad. They can be like, blame fucking Jeremy.

[Travis McElroy]

He's the guardian.

[Justin McElroy]

Jeremy said it. Choice. Here's a video of him saying it was choice. Yes. That means literally getting paid to eat pizza crust and a $31,415.92 payment plus free pizza for a year.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wait, that's not at a job. That's not a job.

[Travis McElroy]

That's not a job. That's not.

[Justin McElroy]

I just feel like for a year, money aside, the money doesn't bother me, don't pay me anything, but like, I'm not gonna be able to control the legacy in the way that I need to in 12 months. You know what I mean? There's gonna be executive turnover that I have to be above. Like, I have to be inherited. You know, if the pizza crust guardian isn't part of the furniture, it's not like in the DNA of the place, you're gonna lose track of it. You can't do that in a year. It takes generations.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, Justin, I assume that that is based off of the projection that if you eat, let's say a pizza a day for a year. Cause it's free, you'll die.

[Griffin McElroy]

You will pass.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, so then we'll need to pass the torch to the next one. It's a blessing and a curse. The Hut Crust connoisseur job.

[Justin McElroy]

I need you guys to get ready to do a little bit of social media research for me. I need you to check this hashtag Pizza Hut crust. That's it. Just hashtag, Hashtag Pizza Hut Crust Blue

[Griffin McElroy]

sky do the hashtag.

[Justin McElroy]

To be considered for the gig, pizza lovers must try Pizza Hut's new hand tossed pizza recipe and post an honest review on Instagram using hashtag Pizza hutcrust. My bad on the gram. Thank you. Pizza Hut crust. Hashtag Pizza HutContest and Hut Crust Connoisseur in the social media post, sharing what they thought of the crust. Applicants then head to Pizza Hut Crust to submit a link to their review as their official application. Griffin, how's it going?

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm logging in. What's my password?

[Justin McElroy]

Travis?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, let me see here.

[Justin McElroy]

You were just logged into our account for the takeover, right?

[Clint McElroy]

So you're not logged in either?

[Travis McElroy]

Well, there's fewer than 100 posts, Justin. I know that if someone could just.

[Justin McElroy]

So the odds are like, pretty good, right? Like, yeah, pretty good. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

There's not a lot.

[Justin McElroy]

There's not a lot, but there's people

[Travis McElroy]

having a lot of fun here. Good for them.

[Justin McElroy]

But I'm just saying if we could get some fewer than 100 posts on the. I'm just saying, if we get somebody on the inside, maybe one of y'.

[Griffin McElroy]

All. Oh, no, dude.

[Travis McElroy]

Could be.

[Clint McElroy]

Sorry.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, dude, no.

[Justin McElroy]

What's that? No.

[Clint McElroy]

Why not?

[Griffin McElroy]

That's just the tummy aches for starters.

[Justin McElroy]

No, not you.

[Clint McElroy]

One of them.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, I thought you were talking to me and Travis.

[Justin McElroy]

That's the problem with. No, no, not them. Travis isn't even looking at me.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't know. I'm not. No, I'm just going through other people's applications to see how I would stack up.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm not. You can't have a job. You have a job. We need to get somebody on the inside.

[Griffin McElroy]

I could get it.

[Clint McElroy]

Of course.

[Justin McElroy]

Griffin, you're one of our generation's great stories.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm one of our generation's great addictions.

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, obviously, to bring this. Okay, so the hot crust platform. I can't believe this is as long as it is. The hot crust platform shines a spotlight on Pizza Hut's new and improved hand tossed pizza. The brand's first update to the recipe in over a decade. The refreshed crust delivers a lighter, airier bite with just the right balance of softness and crisp, bringing a modern upgrade to a classic west. I'm gonna order this for lunch right now. I'm fucking starving. To bring Hut crust to life, Pizza Hut is launching a new national campaign set to remake. This is the one where you're gonna be like, holy shit, I can't believe it. They did it. It's a campaign set to a remake of the iconic disco anthem Hot Stuff reimagined as Hut crust.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, I think actually I can imagine it. I think I can imagine it completely start to finish.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, well, you don't have to. The spot opens on an indulgent close up of golden, crispy, hand tossed crust as the meat kicks in. Layering craveable pizza beauty shots with lyrics celebrating the crust fans can't stop singing about. So that's what it's like.

[Clint McElroy]

If you watch it.

[Travis McElroy]

You don't have to watch it now. I described it pretty.

[Justin McElroy]

You don't have to watch it now. Crust is at the heart of a great pizza and fans have been asking for more ways to celebrate it, says Melissa Freeman, chief marketing officer at Pizza Hut. With hot crust, we're not only introducing a new hand tossed recipe that elevates

[Clint McElroy]

a fan favorite, but we're also offering

[Justin McElroy]

a $10 large three topping deal that gives people real value every time they order. And for those who live for crusts, the new hot crust connoisseur is a dream come true.

[Clint McElroy]

A way to get paid for tasting and loving crust every day and then dying promptly afterwards in a fashion you will find desirable.

[Justin McElroy]

Piggy.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, Steve, how you been lately? I don't know, man. You know, my wife left me and I lost my job. But honestly, I still got a lot to live for. Cause of the pizza crust. Yeah, I live for that pizza crust.

[Griffin McElroy]

Because of my views and the way I express them, I've been banned from every social media platform. But I finally found a platform that will happen.

[Justin McElroy]

Have me.

[Griffin McElroy]

And it's the Hut Crust platform. The platform of Hut Crust.

[Justin McElroy]

Y'. All there. This thing closes on the 25th.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, there's still time.

[Clint McElroy]

The odds. The odds are good. The odds are very good. Please, please become our person on the

[Justin McElroy]

inside of the Pizza Hut. I mean, it's a pyramid.

[Griffin McElroy]

It is a pyramid business. I'm glad we can all finally. It all funnels up to the top. No one's making money except for Professor Pizza Hut.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, everybody, that's gonna do it for us. Before we let you go, we did actually win. I don't know, it might have seemed like a bit this whole time, but we did actually win. We have a limited release. It's an Omnir to Win shirt. As a follow up to our Omnar to be nominated T shirt. We've got the Helping is Always a free action T shirt [e-mail] and 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Border Angels. So make sure you go check that out along with everything else we stream

[Griffin McElroy]

almost every day playing video games. If you go to McRoy Entertainment System on Instagram, you can find out when we are gonna do it. On Tuesdays, we all get together for super McElroy brothers. And then on Fridays, I do Trial by Fieri. Juice is playing Myst on Mondays. Travis is up on Obra Dinn on Wednesdays. Just follow McElroy Entertainment System. You'll find out exactly when we're doing all. And thanks to Mont. Thanks to Montaigne. Also thanks to Montaigne for the USTAR theme song My Life is Better with youh. It's a great track. Travis has a little flail. Travis has the little.

[Justin McElroy]

I got a little flail mace here

[Travis McElroy]

that I'm gonna throw.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, you mentioned Conan. I just want to say I am sorry about that because I can't imagine the high he experienced on hosting the Oscars.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And then the next day, to lose Best Ad Read to us. Like that must have been.

[Griffin McElroy]

That must have been tough.

[Justin McElroy]

I would love to talk to if any of you guys know Conan and I can just tell him. I would love to be able to have the. Here's what it is. I would love the opportunity to be able to be classy to everybody in the way that they get to be like, what an honor to be amongst this class of the greats of. You know what I mean? Like, I would like to be able to do that to everybody to their face.

[Clint McElroy]

Like, I would like to be able

[Justin McElroy]

to like say to Conan directly like, hey, what an. Like it's. You should have been like Michael B.

[Griffin McElroy]

Jordan giving me Chalamet the hug. Like, like you give him the sabbatic look next time. Ping pong, ping pong. Got maybe don't talk shit, man.

[Justin McElroy]

I did want to talk about how rough. Damn.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, we don't have time, Travis.

[Justin McElroy]

Damn.

[Clint McElroy]

Next week, next week, next week we

[Travis McElroy]

gotta talk about boy Chimney chuck.

[Griffin McElroy]

That little 3D printed flail. It's gonna make a good sound.

[Clint McElroy]

Timmy Chimmy next week, baby.

[Griffin McElroy]

Boom boom, boom, boom boom.

[Clint McElroy]

Your name's Mud. Nah, you're Timmy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Jimmy, but so thanks for listening. I'm Griffin for the Mac.

[Clint McElroy]

I didn't even hear it. Did he hear it? He did.

[Griffin McElroy]

It was really little.

[Clint McElroy]

Hit something.

[Griffin McElroy]

Not your soft chair, man. It didn't make a good sound.

[Clint McElroy]

Didn't make a. It bounced. Bounce back there, that counts. Mine is Justin McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Griffin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

They never talk about that in the movie Baseball.

[Griffin McElroy]

How the ball sometimes bounces back and. No, it's.

[Clint McElroy]

It's got spikes on it.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis. Say your name earlier.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Travis McRoy. This been my brother.

[Justin McElroy]

My brother me.

[Clint McElroy]

Kiss your dad square on the lips.

[Travis McElroy]

It hurts so bad. I got red marks.

[Montagne]

Life, it's better. It's better with you. It's better. My life, it's better, it's better with you. Is it true? It's better it's better with you. My life, It's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Maximum fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

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