MBMBaM 822: Cheddars Never Win

Summary

My Brother, My Brother and Me — Episode 822: “Cheddars Never Win”

Release Date: July 13, 2026
Hosts: Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy

---

Episode Overview

In this classic MBMBaM installment, the McElroy brothers serve up another lively half-to-three-quarters-of-an-hour of unconventional, comedic life advice. This episode is peppered with wild business ideas, musings on bodily pain comedy, cheese mysteries, awkward workplace situations, the existential challenges of AI-generated Christian music, and the ever-present agony and utility of household plungers. As always, the brothers lean into their irreverent, affectionate banter and audience rapport, keeping things fast, funny, and (un)helpful.

---

Key Discussion Points & Notable Moments

1. Filling the “Jackass Power Vacuum” (01:22–04:14)

The episode opens with Griffin pitching a new show concept where the McElroys would become the next “pain-comedy guys” following the supposed Jackass retirement.

• Griffin: “The only thing we’ve been missing is pain and hurt and hurting and making funny stuff happen by jumping off of things or into things with our bodies… Putting a scorpion on our butts.” (01:58)
• Justin: “There’s CGI, though. I want the real.” (03:32)
• The trio reflect on the appeal of Jackass, the likability of the participants, and speculate about their own pain thresholds.
• Quickly, the brothers retreat from this idea. “Let’s just do advice and stuff. Yeah, just like usual. No problem.” —Justin (07:30)

---

2. Christian Contemporary AI-Generated Music & Office Etiquette (07:42–18:18)

A listener writes in about a co-worker foisting AI-generated Christian songs upon them at work and asks how to escape gracefully.

• The brothers riff hard on branding, grammar, and the rise of AI-generated art, inventing possible record label names:
  • Travis: “AI Christian Music Co. Called God in the Machine. But I’m gonna trademark that—Holy Ghost in the Machine was right there, but you didn’t want that.” (09:21)
  • Justin/Griffin: “Christ-centric and AI generated. That’s the new tagline of this podcast.” (09:04)
• Travis (Schmanners reference) proposes a universal rule: when someone wants to share a song, “you get one verse and one chorus, and then you have to pause the song.” (11:00)
• Griffin: “I don’t want to listen to a song I like with you for four minutes, let alone your AI generated concept.” (11:54)
• They brainstorm strategies (some absurd) for deflecting unwanted AI music presentations, including generating “devil-centric” AI songs or deploying an AI listener.
• Travis: “The type of person who… has the least amount of awareness of what they’re doing to the other person.” (16:49)
• Griffin’s solution: “You should have an AI listener who can… say, ‘What’s a nice thing I can say to get this person off my fucking back?’” (16:05)
• They end with comedic escalation: making AI songs longer and louder, using the workplace as a place to endlessly listen to AI-generated music.

---

3. Cheese Mysteries & The Ethics of Cheesemonging (18:27–25:20)

Another question: a listener wants to bring a leftover, unidentified cheese to a specialty shop in hopes of identification. The brothers debate the etiquette and logistics:

• Justin: “If you bring a block of food to any store and you say, try this block of food, I don’t know what it is, they will say, no.” (20:11)
• Travis (optimist): “There is a set of people for whom this sort of mystery… is going to light… There's going to be a light in their eyes.” (20:18)
• Griffin: “Every cheese maniac is waiting for you to ask for their cheese help because they need a place to use those skills…” (20:52)
• Elaborate TV show pitches: FBI detective and cheesemonger solving cheese-based crimes (“Cheddar’s never win”—the episode title emerges at 21:41).
• Ends with advice to ration samples, use bloodhounds (“Bloodhound. Hire a bloodhound to sniff the cheese real good…” —Griffin, 25:40), and hope for an answer before running out of research material.

---

4. Cat Food, Finances, and the Value of Subscription Management

(Skipped for summary: This segment includes mid-show ads and Racket Money/smalls promotions—per instructions, not covered here.)

---

5. Munch Squad: The Infamy of the BK Original Chicken Sandwich (32:50–43:07)

Justin launches into Munch Squad—a recurring segment analyzing wild fast-food press releases—targeting Burger King’s “dusty old” original chicken sandwich.

• Justin: “It’s the famous dusty long one… I think the one that I tend to gravitate towards is the original chicken sandwich at BK… because it’s bad.” (32:59)
• They ridicule the sandwich’s unchanging, uninspired “unmistakable long shape, lightly breaded white meat chicken, shredded lettuce, and tangy mayonnaise.” (33:51)
• Travis: “We ordered so many of those frozen patties at the beginning, thinking these things were gonna sell so fast. And here we are 47 years later…” (33:55)
• They riff on BK’s “Guest Listening Initiative”: allegedly, the president of BK fields customer calls and texts directly.
  • Justin prank-calls the “Burger King President.” (40:21–43:07)
  • Griffin: “Keep ‘em long, bitch.” (43:39)
  • Justin: “Make it, make it a perfect manhole cover. One to one manhole cover.” (43:21)

---

6. The Plunger Dilemma: Social Etiquette and Business Opportunities (44:50–53:32)

A listener asks for plunger protocol after repeatedly DoorDashing plungers to unclog toilets at residences lacking one.

• They affirm keeping a plunger in the house is, in fact, common.
• Griffin: “Travis makes small pellets like a rabbit. Easily square-shaped, hugely flushable, no prop.” (45:37)
• Envision John Wick/Supernatural-style trunk full of plungers, and brush/plunger sanitation woes:
  • Justin: “The only option is to put it in the toilet water to rinse it off. That’s…the dirtiest thing that exists.” (48:17)
  • Travis: “You need a second, like, just a bucket full of bleach like they have in barbershops.” (48:40)
• Real-life logistics for plunger delivery and avoidance of embarrassment (great hypothetical):
  • Griffin: “Put in the DoorDash notes: Bring it to the first floor, west window. You will see me waving outside and I’m going like this with my finger—shh.” (49:52)
• Travis pitches a business (“Instafart”) for discreet plunger delivery and for an extra fee, “the delivery driver will pose as a party guest and take the blame for the clog.” (53:07)
  • Critiqued as not innovative, and ends with “We all cooked up this nugget in the kitchen.” (54:12)

---

7. Odds and Ends, Wrap-Up, and Signature Moments (54:31–58:03)

• Promotion of the new Adventure Zone Graphic Novel Story and Song and associated live event. (54:31–55:15)
• Various shoutouts, new merch, and charity support for Asian Pacific Environmental Network. (55:37)
• The “throwing things” segment, featuring the fabled Shure SM58 microphone (“Dude, careful what you throw it at because that thing is—Amanda, we’re going to throw a Shure SM58.” —Griffin, 56:50–57:09)
• Sign-off: “Kiss your dad square on the lips.” (57:27)

---

Standout Quotes & Timestamps

• “So when the scorpion climbs in our butt, maybe even two scorpions. I’ve been talking with the team.” —Griffin (03:18)
• “AI Christian Music Co. Called God in the Machine. But I’m gonna trademark that.” —Travis (09:21)
• “You should have an AI listener who can…say, ‘What’s a nice thing I can say to get this person off my fucking back?’” —Griffin (16:05)
• “Every cheese maniac is waiting for you to ask for their cheese help because they need a place to use those skills.” —Griffin (20:52)
• “We ordered so many of those frozen patties at the beginning…47 years later, and we’re still working through that original order…” —Travis (33:55)
• "Keep ‘em long, bitch." —Griffin (43:39)
• “If you bring a block of food to any store and you say, try this block of food, I don’t know what it is, they will say, no.” —Justin (20:11)
• "You need a second, like, just a bucket full of bleach like they have in barbershops with barbicide—but something like that for your toilet." —Travis (48:40)
• “For an extra fee, the delivery driver will pose as a party guest and take the blame for the clog.” —Travis (53:57)
• “Kiss your dad square on the lips.” (57:27, standard sign-off)

---

Important Segment Timestamps

• Opening and Jackass/Dickhead Parody Concept: 01:22–04:14
• AI Christian Music Dilemma: 07:42–18:18
• Cheese Mystery Question: 18:27–25:20
• Munch Squad (BK Chicken Sandwich): 32:50–43:07
• Plunger & Social Embarrassment: 44:50–53:32
• Endorsements/Wind-down/Banter: 54:31–End

---

Tone & Style

The episode’s tone is playful, goofy, and irreverent — the McElroys bounce between broad comedy, niche references, and sympathetic advice with a rapid conversational style. Subversive riffs (“Bible suck!”), wild metaphors, and sudden business pitches are signature; advice is more about solidarity, creative coping mechanisms, and the joy of laughing at the absurdities of life than it is about literal problem-solving.

---

Summary Takeaway

Episode 822, “Cheddars Never Win,” is vintage MBMBaM—full of running gags, wild digressions, and wry acknowledgment that, even with free advice, life is rarely as tidy or as serious as it seems.

Transcript

[Griffin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

[Chorus/Singers]

It's the start of something beautiful A

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into

[Chorus/Singers]

a precious friends I could have never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels like. It's better it's better with you My life, it's better it's better with you this is true it's better it's better with two.

[Justin McElroy]

It's better with you hello everybody. Welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the Modron era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

What up Trav Nation? It's me, your middle is brother Travis. Big dog. Wolf. Woof. Vroom vroom. The heater Award winning McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, welcome to Dickhead. I'm Griffin and I'm about to pour this whole thing of hot coffee right on my. Right on my crotch and wiener. Here I go.

[Justin McElroy]

Wait, what's Dickhead?

[Griffin McElroy]

So you guys know how the Jackass Guys are done now? Yes, the Jackass guys.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

As they say, they're doing their final movie. Cause they're all. It's too dangerous for them to like keep doing it.

[Travis McElroy]

I will say, man, I know they're older than me and my body is so brittle that sitting in a desk chair has given me back problems.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, they've got hardened bones from the preceding stunts and tricks.

[Travis McElroy]

The weapon act stuff. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

But I'm thinking now there's a power vacuum and we fill it in. The three of us have been doing rowdy boy comedy for a while now. The only thing we've been missing is pushing the envelope. The only thing we've been missing is pain and hurt and hurting and making funny stuff happen by jumping off of things or into things with our bodies. Putting a scorpion on our butts.

[Justin McElroy]

We've bumped up against it by playing video games incorrectly. For us, that kind of passes as like, like no struggle or like difficulty.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you remember we went on that hike and my knee started to hurt? Does that count?

[Justin McElroy]

Did that Trav. Yeah, I mean, I still wake up in cold sweats thinking about when your knees hurt that one time for sure.

[Travis McElroy]

Is that comedy though? Is that pain comedy? Did People comedy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Some people liked it in the comments. It wasn't our biggest YouTube video, but people. People seem to enjoy it.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, but that seemed like kind of a schadenfreude kind of enjoyment. Not like a ha.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's the secret to dickhead. And it's honestly something I think we can iterate on that. The J. A, as we used to call them in church guys do, which is that you like them for the most part. They're pretty likable dudes. And so when Steve. Oh, when Steve O. Puts a scorpion on Chris Pontius butt and it climbs in his butthole and pokes him from the inside out, you're laughing, but you're also feeling kind of bad because it's like, these are nice guys.

[Justin McElroy]

These are my friends.

[Griffin McElroy]

We can be fucking unlikable jags. And then when the scorpion climbs in our butt, maybe even two scorpions. I've been talking with the team.

[Justin McElroy]

They think it's doable.

[Griffin McElroy]

People will be fucking stoned.

[Justin McElroy]

There's cgi, though. I want the real.

[Griffin McElroy]

I want the real stuff.

[Travis McElroy]

What you need is a funnel that can handle that kind of action. You know what I mean?

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, sure, dude. Dude. My sphincter would destroy a scorpion if it did not have some sort of protective passage. Passageway.

[Travis McElroy]

So what you're saying is what we will deliver with D Head is the ability to laugh and feel no remorse at what happens to us because we're terrible people.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's what other people will have. We will feel remorse because of the terrible pain, and there will be a bad transition period, probably for the first 3 or 4D head movies until our bones get strong. Like the Jack A guys.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I saw the Jack A guys. Or one of the old. The wizard who's in charge of everything. That's our impresario of the Jackass, John Knoxville there.

[Griffin McElroy]

Jesus. Johnny Knoxville, the.

[Justin McElroy]

You know, the boss of the Sound.

[Travis McElroy]

Like that would be a great name for a dirtbag wizard for a D and D campaign. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

As he ages, I feel like he looks like a cool modern wizard. That's.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't know.

[Justin McElroy]

That's the association I made in my head. I saw him on an interview, and he was talking about how incredible it was that Steve O. Has, like, sobered up for as long as he has. And. And they were like, you know, you guys used to go in the paint really hard doing the show. And John Ox was like, let me stop you. Just to clarify something. We never. When we were filming and doing stunts, the rule was nobody could. You couldn't be on any substances while you're doing stunts. You couldn't be under any influence at all. Cause you know, it's dangerous enough doing that stuff without your senses being told. And I would just. I was watching that and I thought, I don't think that's right.

[Griffin McElroy]

Were you watching Drug Test?

[Justin McElroy]

I watched that show a lot growing up and I saw the gentleman on it and sort of how they were comporting themselves in their day to day like adventures as they did the. I'm not sure. Mr. Knoxville is maybe legally speaking and for insurance purposes, he has had to tow this line for quite some time.

[Travis McElroy]

I can't imagine.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't think.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't think.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I don't think that's exactly right.

[Travis McElroy]

I can't imagine what the insurance obtaining process for Jackass was.

[Justin McElroy]

Right.

[Travis McElroy]

Like when they would go to like, we're gonna get a new movie, we need to get insurance. And they'd go into somebody's office and they would probably have to do hours of research and be like, who's the least in touch with pop culture insurance adjuster we could find?

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Sure.

[Travis McElroy]

And then they go in their office and be like, hello, we're going to make a movie where we will.

[Justin McElroy]

If they don't say the title, they just say it's the new film from Dick House.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes. And we'll be doing untitled project.

[Griffin McElroy]

And you know, they bring. He would probably bring in calling it

[Justin McElroy]

JA5, but there's no reason. Do you. I think they don't.

[Travis McElroy]

No, no, no, please.

[Griffin McElroy]

Johnny would probably bring in one of the sweeter, more straight edge members of the crew to meet the loan officer to get to. To get the movie funded. I think he probably would not bring in a Steve O. He would probably bring in a. Like a Preston Lacey or. Or perhaps a Woodman.

[Travis McElroy]

Indeed. I also think J man, to your point, I bet that there was like a secret unspoken line of like these pranks and stunts are okay to do on a substance. We're going to cross that line. And we don't exactly know what it is, but we know when we see it. Of this one, we need to go this one clear up and I would surprise you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Animal stuff. You can be high as a fucking kite. Need to be. But if you're. If you're swimming in a public place, if they're jumping into the LA Canal, for instance. No, you can't be. You mustn't be.

[Travis McElroy]

It's a weird. We have a whole. Here's your handbook. Welcome to the team. It's A case by case when you can have substance.

[Griffin McElroy]

Here on Dickhead, we can be as faded and fucked up as we want to.

[Travis McElroy]

Guys gonna need to Percocets, any kind of painkillers.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't want to do it.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't want to get hurt. Travis and I came the same. I thought about getting hurt in my body, and I don't. I don't actually.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's just do advice and stuff. Yeah, just like usual. No problem.

[Travis McElroy]

It made my kidneys throb thinking about it. I don't know if that's anything.

[Justin McElroy]

Don't ever say that word on this show.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't ever want to hear it again.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay?

[Justin McElroy]

End of sentence.

[Travis McElroy]

Kidneys.

[Justin McElroy]

I was working in my office at my manufacturing job when an older contractor I've worked with occasionally walked in my office and asked how I was doing. Yeah, fine, I respond, expecting him to ask about any projects he can help with. Instead, he says, I wrote a song out Quit. Baffled, I asked what he meant. He pulls out his phone and placed it on my desk and Christian Contemporary. AI Generated music. Let me think about the order of.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's a cool five words right there.

[Justin McElroy]

Christian. I think we need contemporary. AI Generated.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, good.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes, it's the order. You know what I mean? Like arbitrary order. Listen, I love Christ First. Christ first in all things, obviously. That's a model of this show and has been for seven years.

[Griffin McElroy]

Syntactically, I don't think. Christ first. Syntactically, I don't think. I think. You go color, size, age, quality.

[Travis McElroy]

Red dog, Big red dog. Color for size first, then color.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right.

[Justin McElroy]

Put the AI first in these clauses so I can ignore the rest of the clause. I want it off. You are. I was already so excited about Christian

[Griffin McElroy]

Contemporary that man places on my desk, AI Christian. AI Generated. Generated.

[Justin McElroy]

Christian Christ generated. Christ centric.

[Travis McElroy]

Christ centric.

[Griffin McElroy]

AI Generated. That's the new tagline. That's the new tagline of this podcast. We're making some big fucking changes around here.

[Justin McElroy]

Christ centric and AI Generated. It sucks that AI Generated started first and then it pivoted towards Christ and it was already too late. Yeah, I don't know where it got it.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's crazy, man. It turns out if you let all these cyber brains all work together on an unrestricted Internet sort of platform, they get saved.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm gonna actually. I'm gonna plant a flag thing I just came up with so that people can't actually use it. AI Christian Music Co. Called God in the Machine. But I'm gonna trademark that Holy Ghost

[Griffin McElroy]

in the Machine was right there, but you didn't want that.

[Travis McElroy]

Which one?

[Justin McElroy]

Holy Ghost in the Machine.

[Travis McElroy]

No, I was going with Deus ex Machina.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, I thought you were doing a Ghost in the. Like a.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, but we can do Holy Ghost in the Machine too. We'll take all of them.

[Justin McElroy]

Deus ex Machina means God in the machine. You know that, right?

[Travis McElroy]

Yes, God. Okay, so I said God in the Machine, right? Is AI.

[Griffin McElroy]

But you're.

[Justin McElroy]

You're.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're Descartes adjacent in that place. And I think I'm taking all of

[Travis McElroy]

them and no one else can use.

[Griffin McElroy]

Let's.

[Justin McElroy]

What if we were to do the branding after? I'll finish the question.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

We'll do a bit of comedy for another, I don't know, 50 minutes.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

And then we can figure this out. Is that right?

[Travis McElroy]

Ball it in our business. Meaning where we steal things from other people. Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Justin McElroy]

So. And Christian contemporary. AI generated music blasts out of his phone, full volume. For the next four minutes, I stared at the phone, nodding my head while he stared at me. I had to extricate myself three times with brief questions and anecdotes as signals that I had heard enough, but they were not received. He told me after the song was over that he had two more songs he had written and was working on others. What can I do to take control of the situation next time to make it less comfortable for myself? Sorry. Less uncomfortable for myself. Important distinction while maintaining I'm a glutton for punishment.

[Griffin McElroy]

I love this shit, man.

[Justin McElroy]

When this person. When it happens again. That's from not quite. Hillsong in the hills of Tennessee.

[Travis McElroy]

One of the things we talk about on Schmanners a lot is that etiquette and stuff has gotten a bad rap as being like a judgmental process. But really it was originally seen as like, listen, social situations are so awkward and stuff, and, like, no one knows what they're doing. We have laid out rules. It's like, here's what you need to do, and then you can leave or whatever. And we as a society need to establish a rule that whether it's your song, someone else's, whatever, that you want to play for a friend, you get one verse and one chorus, and then you have to pause the song. They can ask to hear the rest of it.

[Griffin McElroy]

You should be allowed to ask, how much? How much? When your friend's like, you wanna hear the song I wrote? You should be allowed to say, tell me how much of the song. How much? How many? Different sort of Sections of the song. How many stanzas?

[Travis McElroy]

Four minutes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Four minutes is too long.

[Travis McElroy]

Slows down.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't want to listen to a song I like with you for four minutes, let alone your AI generated concept

[Travis McElroy]

being observed and perceived to see if you're enjoying it. Hard pass.

[Justin McElroy]

Hard pass. You what? Okay, I was gonna suggest this Christian

[Travis McElroy]

song has put me in hell. Sorry, go on.

[Justin McElroy]

I was gonna suggest that next time you play some AI generated, like, devil music.

[Griffin McElroy]

Awesome.

[Justin McElroy]

For Satan. But you don't want. You don't. You obviously don't want to AI generate music. So maybe we could, like, generate

[Travis McElroy]

on.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, that they could be like, oh, I wrote a song too, and they played this that we do.

[Griffin McElroy]

And it's like, will you give me the prompt? Will you feed me the prompt? And I'll be the AI voice that's like, yeah, okay.

[Justin McElroy]

So I'd say, hey, Jeeves, please generate. Is that what you say? Does Jeeves generate one death metal song? Hard as fuck and capital devil centric. Devil centric. Don't make it sound. AI. Make it sound like a real song.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, and. Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

And also stuff about, like, burning down convention and kicking over, like, churches and throwing Bibles into garbage disposals. Stuff like that.

[Griffin McElroy]

You have to click send. You have to submit it.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, okay. Oh. Amount of it says it's asking amount of effort.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is that high?

[Justin McElroy]

100%.

[Travis McElroy]

Maximum effort. Yeah. Amazon.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

I love Deadpool, so maximum effort.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, man. Absolutely. Justin, that's a fun idea. We'll get started cooking on your death metal hell song just as soon as you let me know what death is. So they don't know to explain the bit. They don't know there's a lot.

[Justin McElroy]

So that's a really good bit, Griffin. What I was suggesting is that we could just make some music.

[Travis McElroy]

I got you.

[Justin McElroy]

And then they could play the music.

[Griffin McElroy]

I thought that my thing was more achievable than us creating anything that sounded.

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe something that's like this, right? The devil, he likes to eat your soul. And it makes me feel good when he does. Bible suck. Bible suck.

[Griffin McElroy]

Eat the rest.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, okay, okay. I liked Bible suck. I was not.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, that part rules.

[Griffin McElroy]

Don't get me wrong.

[Travis McElroy]

That part rules.

[Griffin McElroy]

The first part.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis. Bibles do suck, dude. They're heavy, the pages are thin, and a lot of times.

[Travis McElroy]

Why is that?

[Griffin McElroy]

Now listen, though. Listen. The first part of the song was very bad. And I'll tell you why is because if you get Reliant K to sing what you just sang, it could also be a Christian Song the devil wants to eat your soul. That's a threat to me.

[Travis McElroy]

But he feels good when he does.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. For him, it should be okay. If you reverse those and be like, it feels good when the devil eats your soul. It's way better than when God eats your soul.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Jesus wants to steal your car. Yeah, that's good.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, that's cool. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't know, it makes it a little bit more timely. Like a lot of stuff in the Bible is kind of like ancient. So if you bring it up to today, like, Jesus wants to steal your car.

[Travis McElroy]

Push a church into a holy ghost. Ruined my credit score.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, a rhyme. That's good, that's good.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, well, I. Scoring card.

[Justin McElroy]

Scoring car. Pretty close. I'm so sorry that you went through this. I've been trying to visualize what it would be like. I was thinking about it and thinking about how many people are gonna be in a similar. I mean, the idea that people are going to. It is sad that it hasn't occurred to me until this point, but the idea that people are gonna be generating art and then foisting it upon others and forcing them to react to it. I mean, like, it's. It's really unkind. And I'm really sorry that you.

[Griffin McElroy]

You should be allowed. You should be allowed to bust out your AI agent when someone presents you with their AI generated Christ centric music.

[Justin McElroy]

Right.

[Griffin McElroy]

You should have an AI listener, an AI listener who can. Then you say, and how did.

[Justin McElroy]

What.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's a nice thing I can say to get this person off my fucking back? And then you let them go. Haha, Good one. Absolutely. I'll get started on that.

[Justin McElroy]

Why don't you just say, I'm gonna let my AI listen to your AI song.

[Travis McElroy]

Just plug it right in.

[Justin McElroy]

I'll leave like, you didn't write the song so I shouldn't have to listen to it. Right. I'll let my phone record it and I'll let it. That my AI guy in there.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. And he can probably deliver the song way faster than four minutes to an AI brain. Like there's probably some way of him encoding it so it's just like it sounds like. And then the AIs like, mm, I

[Travis McElroy]

think that's what Silicon Valley was about. I didn't watch it. Sick hook, sick hook.

[Griffin McElroy]

I love the hook. I love.

[Justin McElroy]

Bibles do suck.

[Travis McElroy]

I think that the catch 22 of this whole situation is the type of person that would both generate contemporary Christian AI generated music and make you listen to it is also the Type of person who has the least amount of awareness of what they're doing to the other person.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sure.

[Travis McElroy]

There's nothing within them.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's like in the sentence there, Travis, there's nothing within them. There's a void and oblivion in there.

[Travis McElroy]

So what you do is when they come to play you their next song, you say, yeah, thank God, man. I don't know what it is, but that song you played with me before really makes me want to have premarital sex and do all the drugs I can find.

[Griffin McElroy]

Awesome.

[Justin McElroy]

What if you record the next time they play a song for you? You record the song and then you put it into AI, however that happens. And you say, do this song again, but twice as long. And then you say, hey, I wrote a song, I want to play it for you. That's cool. And then you play it and it's just their same song again. But like a lot more words.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, a lot more verses.

[Griffin McElroy]

Make it get louder over the eight minutes. Make it get louder and louder because your boss is going to start saying things like this sounds a lot like my AI Jesus song. You need to make it get louder and louder and louder to drown out the kind of.

[Justin McElroy]

Could you make. Could your boss. Could you prompt your boss using these same incredible techniques, could you prompt your boss to just keep generating longer and longer songs? Eventually you don't have to work anymore. That is true. Eventually you just full time listen to these jams.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is an emotional labor that. I don't know what their job is, but it sounds more exhausting than any any form of employment.

[Justin McElroy]

Last weekend I attended a small gathering at my friend's sushi restaurant. He was celebrating being voted the top sushi restaurant in the area. And he had some. Let's hope they mean owning it. Because if you are a sushi restaurant and a person that's like very, very painful. It sounds really.

[Travis McElroy]

Living dishes is living dishes.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's like, oh, maybe he serves it off of his nude body like they do in like fancy parties in movies and television.

[Justin McElroy]

One of the items, okay, he had some food catered for the event. One of the items was a large charcuterie board spread that was put together by a friend of his that does it professionally. There was one cheese on there in particular that I really enjoyed. And as the night inevitably ended. That seems unnecessary. Most nights.

[Griffin McElroy]

Most nights end.

[Justin McElroy]

There was plenty of charcuterie to take home for anyone that wanted it. I took home a small bag of this cubed white heavenly cheese. The problem I'm having is how do I identify it. I eat a fair amount of cheese and I haven't been able to put it. Yeah, sorry. I even asked my friend who has charcuterie boards catered and he said he would check with the person that made him, but it has been radio silence. I still have some of the cheese left and we're now four days past the event. Would it be weird for me to bring the cheese into a local cheese counter, specialty store, or someone to know what the cheese is if they taste it? I'm gonna get out in front of this one. Okay, I'm not even gonna finish the question. If you bring a block of food to any store and you say, try this block of food, I don't know what it is, they will say, no, no one will agree to this.

[Travis McElroy]

You are on the wrong side of this, my friend.

[Justin McElroy]

It's the best cheese I've ever had. That's from Brie Wildard in southern Oregon. Continue.

[Travis McElroy]

Listen, Listen. There are people on this earth, not everyone, not every cheesemonger you approach will be down for this. But there is a set of people for whom this sort of mystery, sure it is going to lie. Cheese is their life. They love cheese. And you've just brought them and said, hey, don't just be a cheesemonger today, you're gonna be a mystery monger. And they're gonna help you solve this mystery with cheese science that they've never gotten to utilize before. It is gonna. There's gonna be a light in their eyes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Every cheese maniac is waiting for you to ask for their cheese help because they need a place to use those skills so it feels like it was worthwhile.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you know how many cop not a cop shows I've watched where someone with a specialty area has been brought in by the police to help solve a crime? What if there was a cop show where there's a cheesemonger who helps solve cheese related murders every week?

[Justin McElroy]

There's just no way. I feel like every cheesemonger has been in this situation so many times and then it always ends the same way. Is the person looks at you very smugly and says, it wasn't cheese.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then it's like, okay, it was

[Justin McElroy]

a block of white chocolate again.

[Griffin McElroy]

Again.

[Justin McElroy]

Great. I fell for it again. You win. Okay? It wasn't cheese. Please leave that. Leave. I wasted an afternoon.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cheddar's never win. Now what does that have to do with anything? You just think.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm trying to think of a name for my cop. Not a cop TV show starring an FBI Detective and a cheesemonger.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, Sharp.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

All right.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can we do other stuff, though, while you.

[Justin McElroy]

How about we finish this podcast and

[Travis McElroy]

then we'll save this for the board meeting?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I'll add it to the fucking agenda. But it's really piling up.

[Justin McElroy]

We have our brain slam after. We're always at peak performance after my brother.

[Travis McElroy]

My brother made. That's when we have our weekly Brain Blue Sky Solutioneering session.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. I live my life searching for a mystery every day. I love a mystery. To the point where Dot came home from camp the other day and said, father, as she's been instructed to call me today. We had a mystery at camp and said it exactly like that. And I loved it. And she told me that they were informed that one of their camp counselors was kidnapped by the Flying Dutchman.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh.

[Travis McElroy]

And the whole camp was working together to solve this mystery. And she and I went over the clues for 20 to 30 minutes. And it was the best part of my day.

[Justin McElroy]

Just before we move on, because we are.

[Griffin McElroy]

Who did it?

[Justin McElroy]

Which camp counselor was.

[Travis McElroy]

Was the Flying Dutchman.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, that makes sense. So it wasn't like a false.

[Travis McElroy]

No, it was more about finding the Flying Dutchman than like a Scooby Doo unmasking a counselor and sending that capacity.

[Justin McElroy]

I thought maybe one of the camp counselors was the Flying Dutchman in the end.

[Travis McElroy]

Holy shit, Justin, you cracked it. I gotta go. Yeah, dude.

[Griffin McElroy]

God damn, dude, you're the smartest. You're the smartest nine year old alive.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I gotta get at that camp. They need me.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

What would be bad is if you did take the cheese into the cheesemonger and you're like, I can't stop thinking about this creamy white cube. Please, please help me out. And then they try it and then they're like, it's Swiss. Or like, that's Brie. Like, they. It's such a cheese. I mean, of course it could not be cheese. That would obviously be a crouton. What would be worse if it's some rookie cheese and then they're like, you don't know Brie. Like, that would be humiliating. I don't know that I can recover from that.

[Travis McElroy]

It would be humiliating. But you could also look at that as a gift you've just given that cheesemonger to make them feel so superior in a way that maybe they don't get every day. Right. Like, that's nice. Right? Your humiliation is someone else's elevation.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I appreciate that. This question asker doesn't Explicitly say, the big problem. The big main issue with this is that we are on a time crunch here. Because every time they open the fridge and see one of those delicious cubes, they pop another one.

[Travis McElroy]

You know, they do.

[Justin McElroy]

And they're like, I'm running out of research material. So the crime scene. There's a few samples left.

[Griffin McElroy]

The crime scene's been thoroughly contaminated.

[Travis McElroy]

They've had to tape their fridge closed to put a lot like. No, you don't understand. This is the lockup now. You got fill out forms to get the cheese out.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes. I'll eat one cube a day. And now I'm cutting the cubes in half. I'm just eating. I'm down to one quarter cube a day. I gotta figure out what this stuff is. I've rationed myself.

[Travis McElroy]

Is there an electron microscope in town that I could use? I've consumed a lot of the evidence.

[Justin McElroy]

Cheese or fuge. Something.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, yep, yep.

[Griffin McElroy]

Separated into its. Into its. Into its core components. Which I guess is just curds and curds. Whey.

[Justin McElroy]

I suppose, weirdly.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Whole thing.

[Travis McElroy]

Nobody really knows how cheese is made.

[Justin McElroy]

Seeds.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

Few seeds.

[Travis McElroy]

Few seeds.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can throw a seed or two in there.

[Travis McElroy]

Cheese seeds.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel like we didn't really help that person very much. But that's life sometimes. You know what I mean?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Be both. Solve the case.

[Griffin McElroy]

Eat a bunch of cheese. Make your own charcuterie board. And then compare and contrast.

[Justin McElroy]

Wait outside the charcuterie store until they open. And then say, what is this?

[Travis McElroy]

Hound your friend until you get the answer. Don't let this go.

[Griffin McElroy]

Bloodhound. Hire a bloodhound to sniff the cheese real good. And then he'll find the other cheese in the store. Don't let him eat the cheese. He'll get snacks.

[Travis McElroy]

Don't let him eat the cheese.

[Justin McElroy]

Can we. Can we take a quick break?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I'd love to.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's go the money side.

[Chorus/Singers]

It's better. It's better

[Justin McElroy]

if you have cats and you are struggling to monitor their eating. Maybe they don't. You know, you see them eating a bunch of dry food. It's not really great for them, you know? What about trying something that they're gonna love? And that is easy, right? And comes in a lot of great flavors, like smooth bird cheese and smooth pig cheese. No, no, no. What about Smalls?

[Griffin McElroy]

Probably not.

[Justin McElroy]

Smalls is a. Here's what you do with Smalls, okay? You tell them, hey, I got a beautiful kitty. Can you send me some food for it? And they'll say, how Big's your kitty? What kind of size? And they'll help you figure out a plan. So they're gonna ship you a box. Your food comes frozen, it's ready to go. 100% human graded ingredients that you'd find in your fridge, which is where. I mean, that is where I find my cat food is in the fridge, to be fair. But my cats love it. I used to do dry food and water for them, and I feel like I have a lot better control over what they're eating. I think their coats look healthier. They are at a healthy weight, and we're really a lot more in control of what they're eating than when we did with the dry food because.

[Griffin McElroy]

And they like you more.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, they like you more.

[Griffin McElroy]

They respect you way less.

[Travis McElroy]

They respect you more now.

[Justin McElroy]

They appreciate me in ways they never did.

[Griffin McElroy]

And if they could talk, they would say something like, thank you for the wet, daddy. They would say things like, thank you for the wet.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you for the smooth. Wet, wet.

[Justin McElroy]

Give us your. Give us smooth. Give us wet. Smooth, pig. Smooth them up. Your cat's health and longevity starts with what they eat for a limited time. Because you are my brother. My brother. Me, listener. Get 60% off your first order, plus free shipping and free treats for life when you head to smalls.com mybrother that's 60% off your first order, plus free shipping and free treats for free for life when you head to smalls.com mybrother

[Travis McElroy]

this might surprise our listeners and you guys, but this is a big admission for me. I'm not the most responsible person on earth. I mean, I'm. I'm middle. I'm like, I'm the perfect middle. I'm the middlest, most responsible person on earth. And these days, do you know how easy it is to sign up for a thing? And you're like, yeah, I do just need this, like, one thing. I got, like, fill out this thing. I got to do this thing, and then I'll cancel it with, like, the free trials, and then it's like a year later. And you paid like $860 total over the year for this thing. Yeah. Oh, my God. So I signed up for Rocket Money last year, and the amount that I canceled, I was like, I think I'm going to start planning some big vacations. Thank you, Rocket Money.

[Griffin McElroy]

Monthly vacations.

[Travis McElroy]

Because money, yes, money, was just bleeding out. Like, I had a piggy bank that had multiple stab wounds. And Rocket Money sewed them on up for me and fixed that for me. And not only that, another thing I love is Rocket Money gives me updates. One when it's like, hey, you've got X many bills that are going to be paid this week or a big transaction just went through. So you can, like, check and see what it is, make sure you're planning correctly and lets you know, like, when deposits happen and stuff like that. That lets you track everything and be able to, like, really set a rhythm for, like, spending and paying things off. And it has been incredibly helpful for me, making me feel like a financially responsible adult for the first time in my life.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a fun walk down memory lane every time, too. Cause Rocket Money would be like, hey, remember last year when you were like, I'm really gonna take piano lessons? And I'm like, ha, ha ha. Yeah, Rocket Money. I remember. And then Rocket Money.

[Justin McElroy]

It's judgment free, though.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's just weird. It's a reminder and a helpful one. Cause I spent a lot of money on the piano lessons. I did.

[Travis McElroy]

They can also help you cancel subscriptions, which is great. When? I don't know if listeners have picked up on this either, but we can be somewhat socially awkward sometimes. And the idea of having to contact someone, even in written form, to say, I'd no longer like to use their service gives me chills.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's wrong? They ask every time, what'd we do wrong?

[Travis McElroy]

What did we do? And I'm like, I'd actually like two subscriptions. I'm so sorry. It's not you, it's me.

[Griffin McElroy]

But Rocket Money will just tell them. Rocket Money will be like, your shit wasn't good enough. And they don't.

[Travis McElroy]

You let me down.

[Justin McElroy]

You let Travis down.

[Griffin McElroy]

You let Travis down. And he hates your fucking guts and your products. They won't do that.

[Justin McElroy]

They are very nice people.

[Travis McElroy]

He doesn't even want a free subscription to your site. That's how I don't ever talk to

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis ever fucking again. Like, they go hard on him.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. And they do that thing where they, like, crack their knuckles with one hand, you know, and then switch to make it seem like there is a threat there. But, like, what it is is unclear. You know what I mean?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And I love that for them. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. [e-mail] MyBrother that's RocketMoney.com MyBrother RocketMoney.com MyBrother

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

alright, we're over 70 episodes into our show. Let's learn everything. So let's do a quick progress check. Have we learnt about quantum physics? Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

Episode 59.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we? Yes, we have. Same episode, actually. Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

[Justin McElroy]

Episode 64.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

So how close are we to learning everything? Bad news. We still haven't learned everything yet. No, no, no. It's good news as well. There is still a lot to learn. I'm Dr. Ella Hubba.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm regular Tom Lum.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

I'm Caroline Roper. And on let's learn everything. We learn about science and a bit of everything else too. And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

[Justin McElroy]

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun. If you want to know what's going on in the world of movies, you should be listening to Maximum Films so we can tell you all about it. Okay, but what if you already know what's going on in the world of movies? What if you're kind of obsessed with movies? Like maybe you have a problem? Well, then you should definitely be listening to Maximum Film because we too have that problem. And it's important you know you're not alone. We're talking indies. You'll want to seek out blockbusters and blockbusting wannabes. Classics we can't get enough of. I'm comedian and writer Kevin Avery. I'm film critic Alonzo Duraldi. I'm festival programmer and producer Drea Clark. Together we're Maximum Film Smart about movies in Hollywood. So you don't have to be. But if you already are, that's also great. And hey, we see you new episodes Every week on MaximumFun.org. I want a munch. I want to munch.

[Travis McElroy]

Bible suck.

[Griffin McElroy]

Whoa.

[Travis McElroy]

Sorry.

[Justin McElroy]

I got ever that ruled.

[Travis McElroy]

It got stuck.

[Justin McElroy]

If I say what's the most unusual item in the world of fast food? There's probably a lot of different options, but I think the one that I tend to gravitate towards is the original chicken sandwich at bk. Okay, because it's bad. And that's so interesting because they have been doing this bad sandwich for 47 years now. They've been doing this bad sandwich. And it's crazy because sometimes they'll have better sandwiches on the menu and they'll keep doing this wretched, dusty old.

[Travis McElroy]

Is that the long one?

[Justin McElroy]

That's the long one.

[Chorus/Singers]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

It's the famous dusty long One with the Burger Beef.

[Griffin McElroy]

The Burger Beef, they're so explicit in how much care and time and patience goes into each one of these patties. And with the chicken one, it's just like, I don't know, man. Get it hot. Throw it down.

[Justin McElroy]

This was our first try, and we nailed it right out of the gate.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And we ordered so many of those frozen patties at the beginning, thinking these things were gonna sell so fast. And here we are 47 years later, and we're still working through that original

[Griffin McElroy]

order, digging through the pile of planks.

[Travis McElroy]

We can't change it yet. We still got so many planks.

[Justin McElroy]

Burger King is giving guests even more ways to enjoy its famous original chicken sandwich with the launch of two additions to the lineup. That's right, They've remembered this nasty guy. And they are now giving you the loaded Jalapeno original chicken sandwich and the Club original Chicken Sandwich. Throwing good bacon after bad chicken available at US Restaurants.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sunk a sunk bacon fallacy on that sunk bacon cost.

[Travis McElroy]

The main way to keep enjoying it, though, is by eating it right. Because I thought you were about to say that. They were like, we've got it in powder form now. You can drink it. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

You can get it right in your veins. Listen to your can. You can email it to yourself. First introduced in 1979, the original chicken sandwich has been. This is like, the most damning with faint praise I've ever heard. A fast food place. The chicken sandwich has been a Burger King guest favorite for decades thanks to its unmistakable long shape, lightly breaded white meat chicken, shredded lettuce, and tangy mayonnaise.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is our shit good? Have you seen the shape of it?

[Justin McElroy]

It's long. You cannot.

[Travis McElroy]

I mean, it is the one thing I remembered about it.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, right.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

And the chicken is chicken.

[Chorus/Singers]

It's there.

[Griffin McElroy]

And lettuce. Did we mention it's shredded? It's shredded up to high heavens?

[Travis McElroy]

I mean, the place called Burger King,

[Justin McElroy]

what do you want from us?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, it's a place called Burger King.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, I don't know.

[Travis McElroy]

Why are you coming in here asking for a chicken sandwich? We made it long so we wouldn't confuse it with the burgers.

[Justin McElroy]

So what are they doing? Let me tell you. Guests have continued to show their love for the iconic chicken sandwich, which I would argue if you're at Burger King and don't want a burger, I mean, I guess you do have to show your love for the chicken sandwich, which is why BK is bringing two new, flavorful original chicken sandwich innovations to the menu for A limited time.

[Travis McElroy]

I love it when they use innovations like it's a scientific. We made a chicken club sandwich. We had our boys in R and D working on this one for six years.

[Griffin McElroy]

The chicken war armistice is so tenuous and so fragile to this day. I get real jumpy when someone is just like, we're not in the. This is not. This has nothing to do with the chicken sandwich wars. We're just making two new kick ass chicken sandwiches that are gonna blow your fucking mind. That feels like an aggressive act.

[Justin McElroy]

I think, Griffin, the fact that they are continuing to stick with that dusty old chicken sandwich base is sort of like a Warsaw Pact where it's like, we want go. You know what I mean? Like, we're not going to go.

[Griffin McElroy]

A grandfather clause. Yeah, we can keep making our shitty chicken sandwiches.

[Justin McElroy]

No, don't get in the way of it.

[Travis McElroy]

It's like if in the year 2026, two warring countries were like, we came out with new models of biplanes. Like, we've outdated biplanes because we did need to be working on something to keep the factories going. But this is not a threat.

[Griffin McElroy]

We may not even use them for war stuff. We may just cruise the beach.

[Travis McElroy]

We made biplanes for Pride Month.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm not going to read you the description of the sandwiches, but I will read you how they both end, which is layered on.

[Griffin McElroy]

I like that joke a lot, Travis. I want to hang a lantern on how much I enjoyed your joke just now.

[Justin McElroy]

Layered on the signature long white meat chicken patty and iconic elongated sesame seed bun.

[Travis McElroy]

Do they know how to describe something as food?

[Griffin McElroy]

Have they said delicious yet? Or like, yummy or.

[Justin McElroy]

The Club chicken original sandwich. A familiar but elevated take on the original, featuring crispy bacon, melted Swiss cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, and creamy mayonnaise. Stacked on the signature long white meat chicken patty and iconic elongated sesame seed bun.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is it a good taste? Press releases are usually so quick to be like, we got a new Dunkachino. Fuck, it tastes so good. You're gonna go nuts. Burger King so far is only using the most kind of baseline visual descriptors.

[Justin McElroy]

Not since Christian contemporary AI generated have I seen these words in such a strange order before. That's really burying the lead. Are we sure we want to go with long white meat chicken patty?

[Griffin McElroy]

Long white meat chicken patty? There's no fucking way, dude.

[Travis McElroy]

Listen, Rich, I had to be so careful about the word. The last time we complimented the chicken sandwich, we were sued for lies. So what we've done here is put words that you cannot deny are true.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Mm.

[Justin McElroy]

The original chicken sandwich is a true Burger King icon that's been loved for its signature seasoning taste, and, you guessed it, unmistakable shape since 1979. Do you love it because of the shape? I guess it's just. I don't know. It's more fun. That's from Joel Yashinsky, the CMO over there. Through our ongoing guest listening initiative, we heard just how passionate fans are about this sandwich and how excited they are for new twists on it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, guest listening initiative is.

[Justin McElroy]

Would you like to hear about the guest language initiative, Griffin?

[Travis McElroy]

It sounds very 1984 to me, but

[Griffin McElroy]

it sounds like if you got the BK app on your phone and you check marked, like, share my whatever, BK is like, the King's listening. Oh, here we go.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, boy.

[Justin McElroy]

That's the president of Burger King.

[Griffin McElroy]

It looks like.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you had showed me that.

[Travis McElroy]

You can call him.

[Justin McElroy]

You can call him on the phone. It's been. It's been an ongoing thing, but this is still going. And I'm going to repeat this information because I. I'd like it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Burger King has been. Is. Is taking guest feedback to the next level by putting its president on the line. Guests can call or text the Burger King president, Tom Curtis, at 305-874-0520 to share their thoughts on the Burger King experience. Tom will personally take as many daily calls as possible, and every message received will be reviewed and responded to, helping to inform decisions across the business.

[Travis McElroy]

Does he not do anything else?

[Justin McElroy]

Stands in the lobby.

[Travis McElroy]

This picture looks like every single element of it is from a separate.

[Griffin McElroy]

A different photo shoot. This is a composite. This is a sort of photo mosaic. Cause we see a man.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a composite man. Like, every part of it. Yeah.

[Chorus/Singers]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

I mean, like, the computer monitor and computer arm mount look like that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I don't think that's. He's at a standing desk, and he's got a big dual monitor set up. It's actually, I think, the same exact setup that I have on my desk. And despite the number of monitors he has, he is still doing a FaceTime on the phone. I'm sure he could figure out a way to field those on one of the two computers that he has. But there's also a coffee cup there.

[Justin McElroy]

There's a third device, by the way. Do you see this, Griffin?

[Travis McElroy]

Sorry.

[Justin McElroy]

Behind the coffee cup? That is a third device on a laptop. Four screens pointed at him right now.

[Griffin McElroy]

But he also has a coffee cup here that says Burger King. But it clearly. It doesn't seem to have the same light source as everything else in the photograph and makes me think like that this was maybe a, I don't know, a coffee bean situation. Went to the Java joint.

[Justin McElroy]

So agenda and status. That's what it says. I'm looking at his screen. You can enhance his screen and it says. There you go, agenda and status. And it says the item. PR locked. Media plan locked. TV locked. Organic.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know what that is. An acronym? I don't know.

[Justin McElroy]

There is no way. Is this a real chart? Are we to believe that this is, this is the level of, of a control this man has over the company? All he knows is what's is what's paid and what isn't paid.

[Griffin McElroy]

Let me peep that man's fucking tabs. Juice, zoom up a little bit because he's got his tabs up.

[Justin McElroy]

Got a lot of tabs for.

[Griffin McElroy]

Got a lot of tabs here, boss. Why are you playing fucking cookie clicker in the background? My dude. What's going on?

[Travis McElroy]

It also appears that he's working in the lobby.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm going to call him real quick. While we're chatting.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, call him up.

[Justin McElroy]

No worries.

[Travis McElroy]

Please don't do this. What if he is?

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, talk to him on the podcast. I mean, that would be a huge gift for us. Are you kidding me?

[Travis McElroy]

That's true.

[Justin McElroy]

And he's almost certainly on the west coast, right?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wake his ass up.

[Justin McElroy]

Wake his ass up.

[Travis McElroy]

Wake his ass up, bitch.

[Justin McElroy]

I heard you're making new sammies for me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Keep him long, bitch.

[Travis McElroy]

Ask if you can get them longer.

[Justin McElroy]

Are you fucking off?

[Griffin McElroy]

6:52 in the morning. California. Well, he's in Florida.

[Justin McElroy]

Wait, did you say it's 6:52 in

[Griffin McElroy]

the morning on the West Coast.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh God. He'll be all right.

[Griffin McElroy]

Don't hang up.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, this is Justin McElroy from my brother, my brother and me. I just wanted to say I would love a co branding partnership with you guys. If you want to kick six figures, seven figures, whatever it is.

[Travis McElroy]

Tom, make the sandwich.

[Justin McElroy]

We're ready for clock.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'll make the sandwich twice as long.

[Justin McElroy]

Justin. Bnbam.com, get at me with that sandwich

[Griffin McElroy]

hack and I will make the sandwich pedals wide. Tell him to make it wider. Actually make it, make it cross shaped.

[Justin McElroy]

Make it, make it a perfect manhole cover. One to one manhole cover. Thank you. Oh, the chicken fries are gross.

[Griffin McElroy]

You guys say he's recording? Oh man, you didn't say he's recording. I don't know if Florida's a One party state.

[Justin McElroy]

West Virginia's one one party.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, cool. Awesome.

[Travis McElroy]

You're all welcome.

[Justin McElroy]

As the home of have it your way guests are our most important advisors. We're grateful as they provide the feedback that is shaping our brand today and in the future. So you this guy, people are calling him up and they must be saying, we love that dusty old joint. We love it. We love it.

[Chorus/Singers]

Prez.

[Justin McElroy]

Don't let them get rid of it. Joel.

[Travis McElroy]

The only thing that will make it better is more of them.

[Justin McElroy]

Make it better with different ingredients, put different stuff on it so people like it better.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you actually think people were blowing up his phone so much that he had to put down an away message? Or do you think maybe that was an easy way out? Because it seems like based on what I know on the half baked sort of promotions that major fast food places do, the amount of participation in those events is actually quite limited. I think you should have been able to get a hold of Tom just now.

[Justin McElroy]

Maybe in Miami. Yeah, he should be able to answer my phone. I mean it's. They should have caller ID if you're a podcaster. You know what I mean? Like this is our big moment for brand stuff. How about another question?

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

I have now on two separate occasions had to doordash a toilet plunger to myself because I clogged the toilet in a residence that does not possess one. Now, I am aware that sometimes it's on me for having said. I'm not going to read this.

[Chorus/Singers]

This.

[Justin McElroy]

It's vulgar big poops. Let's leave it at that.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's better. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

However, it is not a common practice to keep a plunger. However, is it not a common practice to keep a plunger around in case of toilet emergencies? Should I start keeping one in my car? Is it unsanitary to carry a travel plunger? And that's from Travis.

[Travis McElroy]

What?

[Justin McElroy]

McElroy?

[Griffin McElroy]

No, Travis McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, it says from developing a.

[Justin McElroy]

It says it's from developing a complex in Cincinnati, so I just assumed it was from Travis.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Was that wrong?

[Travis McElroy]

I don't poop anywhere but my own house.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis makes small pellets like a rabbit. Easily square shaped, hugely flushable, no prop.

[Travis McElroy]

I. Listen, if it's not a common practice to keep a plunger around in case, why else do they exist?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, no, I mean it's. It is. I don't understand your point. I feel like it's.

[Travis McElroy]

It.

[Griffin McElroy]

It is common practice. Have a plunger around, but everybody makes mistakes. I don't think. Guys, gun to your Head. Do you have a plunger by every toilet in your home? Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

The important ones?

[Justin McElroy]

No. Okay. You know what? I said yes with a lot of confidence. I don't.

[Griffin McElroy]

You did.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't know if I do or not. My kids will do stuff like they'll just take a plunger and I don't. I don't know, throw it down the hill or something. I don't know where these things go.

[Griffin McElroy]

It feels.

[Justin McElroy]

Where they're putting the nail clippers.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think it feels antiquated to me. Cause it feels like toilet technology has advanced to a point where these things can really rip down whatever you're brewing and it doesn't need a whole lot of extra help. One time, my friend Justin was visiting me in Chicago. Not this Justin. And after pooping in our toilet, he knocked over a lady's speed stick deodorant and it fell into the toilet hole and plugged it right up. And then the guy had to come and deal with that. We did not have a plunger in this situation. And it made things considerably worse, I imagine.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't know if a plunger would have helped there, Griff.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

For prying a lady's speeds. The lady's speed stick was perfectly. If you're ever trying to remember how big is a lady speed stick, it's the hole in the bottom of the toilet perfectly. That when it fell in, it went. It made a perfect sort of vacuuming noise. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I think it would be pretty cool if you clogged a toilet and they didn't have a plunger and you went out to your car and you opened the trunk and sort of like in Supernatural, but instead of weapons, it was just different plungers laid out in, like, a case, you know, we were like. I always say, what, What. What's the measurement? What brand of toilet do you have?

[Griffin McElroy]

You pry up a floorboard and you flick a switch and John Wick style, the walls open up.

[Chorus/Singers]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

We're gonna tell you what.

[Chorus/Singers]

I.

[Travis McElroy]

Number 16.

[Griffin McElroy]

I do have by all my toilets one of them old brushes. Because I don't. I don't fucking mess around. Like, leave, leave. Don't even leave footprints. Take nothing, leave nothing. Leave no sign of your presence there or what dirty stuff you did. I gotta have a brush by every commode I do.

[Travis McElroy]

I've always thought that there is a missing, like, see a need, fill a need kind of business innovation thing. A plunger and that scrubby brush the second you use them, it occurs to you, I don't know what the next step again in cleansing.

[Justin McElroy]

The things I used to do.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Right.

[Justin McElroy]

So you have to do. The only option is to put it in the toilet water to rinse it off. That's what the only thing you can do. And then it's like, well, this is the dirtiest thing that exists.

[Travis McElroy]

That can't. There's nothing dirtier than this.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, people say that when you're in the bathroom, your phone's the dirtiest thing in there. Beg to fucking differ. How about my brush, dude, how much

[Justin McElroy]

that shitty brush that we use the shit water to clean this brush. It's crazy.

[Travis McElroy]

Need a second. Like just a bucket full of bleach like they have in barbershops with a barbicide, but something like that for your toilet, for your accessories.

[Griffin McElroy]

Give me a little canteen of blue goo that I can dip that stuff into and then not even worry about it anymore.

[Travis McElroy]

Then I just know whatever's in there is killing every evil thing on that plunger.

[Justin McElroy]

They don't last for very long, but the first like 20 flushes when it's just so blue. God damn, this couldn't be cleaner, man. All my sins are gone. It's like a mini golf course in here. It's beautiful.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

You know, it's like so good at first.

[Travis McElroy]

So good. It feels like the kind of stuff they would have on the Enterprise. Right? That's what they flush with on the Enterprise.

[Justin McElroy]

I think that it is as a, as a host, if there's not a toilet, if there's not a plunger next to the toilet and you need one, I think that's on the homeowner. Agreed. I do wonder what the procedure is like once you realize the toilet is clogged, there is no plunger, and you have placed an order from your local cvs. Are you just like late? Are you just like barricading yourself? You put in the doordash, you put

[Griffin McElroy]

in the doordash notes like delivery instructions. Bring it to the first floor, west window. You will see me waving outside. And I'm going like this with my finger.

[Chorus/Singers]

Shh.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's where you hand it off. Do not ring the fucking doorbell.

[Justin McElroy]

Don't ring the doorbell.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm at my in laws place. They cannot know. And also, also hurry.

[Travis McElroy]

I guarantee you, Griffin, if you're a doordash driver and you get like an order for one plunger and nothing else, the hurry is implied. You don't feel like, I gotta go. I picked the exact color you wanted.

[Justin McElroy]

Are any of these colors okay? Yes. God damn you, yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'd love to see that delivery confirmation picture too. Just through the bathroom. You do shorts around your ankles holding it.

[Justin McElroy]

Just take the picture. They're really not supposed to

[Travis McElroy]

bring me a cyanide pill.

[Justin McElroy]

Do they have us at cvs?

[Travis McElroy]

Just one plunger and a fake tooth I can bite down on.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, man, I love when an order at the drugstore when you're like, checkout is a little short story. And that's a hell of a one right there. One plunger, you know the deal delivered.

[Griffin McElroy]

I've seen so many life hack videos of like don't have a plunger. Here's what you do. Get some Saran Wrap and some tape and you tape it around the bowl and then you push down on the Saran Wrap and with the vacuum force it does fix it up. Now this is not going to be a good solution for you because you can't walk out of the bathroom and say, hey, can I get some Saran Wrap and tape? Cause they're gonna ask you what you need it for. I would assume for toilet hacks. They may or may not know. They may not watch as much YouTube

[Travis McElroy]

as you can say. Like it's a sexual thing. I'd rather not discuss it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sexual. I'm going to.

[Travis McElroy]

Then you don't have to be embarrassed.

[Justin McElroy]

Guard outside the bathroom. Do you say, no, I'm sorry, I can't allow you in here. Or do you stay inside for 20 minutes while you wait for the delivery? Yeah, I'm asking you guys. You're in the situation.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, no, I'm thinking about it. It's a rough hypothetical. I definitely wouldn't stand guard.

[Justin McElroy]

I would probably.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think I'm a good enough actor that I could just walk. And then later when someone comes into the. Comes out to the rest of the party and is like, who did this? I think I'm good enough at those, like werewolf mafia games. I think I could squeak through. I think I could squeeze the eagle

[Justin McElroy]

when the doordash order was like, order for Griffin. I'm looking for a Griffin McElroy. I have his plunger.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, no, that would be a big clue for the other guys for sure.

[Justin McElroy]

I bet even the camp, the camp kids could crack that one.

[Travis McElroy]

This is why. Okay, second business idea of the question. A new delivery service. I'm gonna call it instafart for now. We can brainstorm in the brain slam afterwards.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Jesus Christ.

[Travis McElroy]

And it's just for this scenario. And it will be delivered in A discreet brown box, no labels.

[Griffin McElroy]

Trav, I gotta tell you, man, it feels like the podcast that we do is an idea factory for you. Because what you have just done is this person said, I don't have a plunger. Would it be weird to get a plunger? And your business is, what if there was a place that brought you a plunger?

[Travis McElroy]

Shark tank.

[Griffin McElroy]

It feels to me that this was a vehicle for Shark Tank and instafart, because what we said, the question was, what do I do in this situation? Because I don't have a plunger? And we were like, well, what if you ordered a plunger for delivery from Doordash, and then your business idea was a place that delivers plungers to your door? Do you understand? The mine has.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis is saying, yeah, we all order plungers from Doordash, but should that procedure be a little bit more humane, a little bit kinder, maybe even magical? Hi, this is instafart. Okay, what if you. Our pitch is what if you could love your toilet plunger delivery service?

[Travis McElroy]

And for an extra fee, the delivery driver will pose as a party guest and take the blame for the clog.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, nice. That's good. I like that. They should have people that will come and fix your plumbing for money, you know?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Okay, here's my business idea.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, Jeff,

[Griffin McElroy]

Jeff, don't get me wrong, it's a kick ass business idea. I think I bristle at you calling it your business idea. We all cook. I feel like we cooked up this nugget in the kitchen.

[Travis McElroy]

Are you gonna use it?

[Griffin McElroy]

No, I'm busy. I got other stuff.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm not gonna use it either, but I plant a flag on it and own it so someone else can't do it.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, thank you so much for listening to this podcast right here. It's called My Brother. My brother and me, we do it every week and we're so happy that you're here and listening to it. This is an exciting week for us because the Last Adventure Zone Balance, Graphic Novel, Story and Song is coming out tomorrow. You can still pre order it right now if you listen to this on Monday, but if not, just gotta please go buy it. God, please go buy some copies.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wow. It helps us so much when you buy.

[Justin McElroy]

That's a real one, man. If you could just buy a bunch of copies of it and tell everybody else to. Boy, that would be really helping out.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a huge book. It's quality shit, front to back. I'm so proud of this book. And it's crazy that it's out this week. So stoked.

[Travis McElroy]

And along with that, we have a book release event this Thursday in Boston. There are still tickets on sale if you wanna grab those. July 16, 7pm at the Chevalier Theater. Each ticket includes a signed paperback copy of story and song provided by Brookline BookSmith. It's on McElroy family. You can find it in the events page.

[Griffin McElroy]

And also the book is at theadventurezonecomic.com

[Justin McElroy]

if you just wanna, if you wanna

[Griffin McElroy]

grab a copy of it. We got some new merch in the merch store [e-mail] we got all buts, no government sticker. We got the Tribe Nation centennial celebration, Mount Rushmore design, we got a bunch of other stuff happening over there. And 10% of all of our merch proceeds this month will also be donated to the Asian Pacific Environmental Network, which works to lead a transition away from an extractive economy based on profit and pollution and toward local, healthy and life sustaining economies that benefit everyone. Hey, thanks to Montaigne for the use of our theme song, My life is better with you. The music of Montaigne is so terrific. May I also suggest following Montagne on any social platform that they may be on. It's a good, it's a good follow, gang. A premium follow.

[Travis McElroy]

I have this Champions Grove, this Champions grove shield that Jacob 3D printed at Champions Grove that says, thank you for an awesome weekend. I'm gonna throw that.

[Griffin McElroy]

I do like that a lot of tribute. I do like that a lot. I do worry. I think people enjoy this segment when it's something relatable. When they know like, oh, that's the sound of a big bag of lifesavers

[Travis McElroy]

like a Shure SM58 microphone.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, we talk a lot about how the Shure SM58 can hammer in a nail and keep on ticking, but we've never really put the. Put the.

[Justin McElroy]

I think it's time to throw a fucking Shure SM58.

[Griffin McElroy]

Dude, careful what you throw it at because that thing is.

[Justin McElroy]

Amanda, we're going to throw a Shure SM58.

[Travis McElroy]

It's the.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wait, let's ask Amanda if we can do it. Amanda, can we Throw the Shure SM58? The workhorse?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I said yeah, that's fine.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

Talking about now plug it in.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now plug that.

[Justin McElroy]

Now plug it in to do your

[Griffin McElroy]

outro right now unplug your. Unplug your.

[Justin McElroy]

Unplug your shit. Plug that shit in and say your name. Because my name, well, let me tell you my friends, is Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

And my name is Travis McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Still working, still functioning. I'm Griffin man. Roy.

[Justin McElroy]

This has been My brother. My brother, man. Kiss your dad square on the lips.

[Chorus/Singers]

It's better it's better with you Is it true? It's better it's better with you My life. Better with you

[Griffin McElroy]

Maximum fun A worker owned network of artist owned shows supported directly by you.