MBMBaM 751: Face 2 Face: Tragic Mike Tour

Summary

Podcast Summary: MBMBaM 751 – Face 2 Face: Tragic Mike Tour

Title: My Brother, My Brother And Me
Episode: MBMBaM 751: Face 2 Face: Tragic Mike Tour
Release Date: February 24, 2025
Hosts: Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy

---

1. Announcing the 20 Thunder Drive Tour

The episode kicks off with the McElroy brothers sharing exciting news about their upcoming 20 Thunder Drive Tour. Following a successful stint in Florida, they're set to expand their live performances to Virginia, North Carolina, Michigan, Minnesota, and Ohio. Justin McElroy mentions the ticket sale details:

"[00:09] We are coming back to the road thanks to those who came to see us in Florida..."

They engage the live audience in Tampa to gauge their excitement, blending humor with promotional content.

2. Costume Challenges and Live Show Antics

Dressed in elaborate Lightning McQueen-inspired pit crew uniforms, the brothers delve into the challenges of their costumes. Travis McElroy humorously critiques the restrictive nature of his outfit:

"[03:37] ...my race carpet crew costume, specifically."

They discuss pre-show rituals, such as the difficulty of using the bathroom due to their costumes, adding a layer of relatable humor for performers.

3. Listener Questions and Advice Segments

Transitioning into the core of the episode, the brothers tackle listener-submitted questions with their signature blend of wit and earnestness.

a. Dealing with Celebrity Customers

A listener from St. Pete inquires about avoiding serving Hulk Hogan in Justin's restaurant job. The brothers brainstorm creative (and comedic) strategies, including hiring Brutus Beefcake as a server to deter Hogan.

"[06:21] How do I stay true to my tummy while also becoming faster than fear?"
"[07:09] Yeah, cause Brutus Beefcake will kick his ass."

b. Beach Etiquette and Personal Space

Justin shares a personal struggle with maintaining personal space at the beach, offering humorous yet practical life hacks to prevent others from encroaching on his spot.

"[09:44] ...I realized what my problem is. It's about what I stopped doing."
"[13:56] ...set up a perimeter around yourself."

c. Overcoming Nut Allergies

A listener from St. Pete seeks advice on overcoming a nut allergy. The brothers entertain the question with exaggerated and humorous suggestions, balancing absurdity with empathy.

"[21:34] ...how to stay true to my tummy while also becoming faster than fear."
"[24:42] Maybe start with those circus peanuts..."

4. Seagrass and Marine Biology Banter

A segment dedicated to seagrass reveals the brothers' playful banter and deep dive into topics outside their expertise. Justin, who works as a marine biologist, attempts to make seagrass interesting to listeners, receiving comical resistance from his brothers.

"[15:10] You need to set up some grain, some sorghum, some wheat."
"[17:24] They wear really? Can I ask?"

Notable Quote:

"[16:54] A couple fun facts about seagrass. One, bigger than land grass. Two, slimmer significantly than land grass." – Travis McElroy
(Timestamp: 16:42)

5. Sponsor Interactions and Live Sponsors Guessing Game

The brothers engage in a live guessing game to identify their sponsors, adding an interactive element to the episode. Their attempts at guessing, particularly for Squarespace, are met with self-deprecating humor.

"[30:31] Squarespace. Squarespace." – Travis McElroy
(Timestamp: 30:31)

Following the sponsor segment, they promote their tour dates and merchandise, emphasizing their commitment to charitable causes.

6. Shamrock Shake and McDonald's Collaboration

A humorous and elaborate skit unfolds as the brothers parody a McDonald's Shamrock Shake advertisement, introducing a fictional character, Uncle O. Grimacey. The segment is filled with absurd dialogue and playful mockery of corporate advertising.

"[39:07] This shamrock season celebration came to life when Grimace stumbled upon his family's original Shamrock Shake recipe." – Justin McElroy
(Timestamp: 39:07)

7. Audience Interaction and Live Q&A

The live audience participates in a Q&A session, submitting questions that range from mundane workplace mishaps to quirky personal anecdotes.

a. Ripped Pants at Work

An audience member named Persephone asks about returning to work after accidentally ripping pants on her first day. The brothers respond with exaggerated advice, blending sincerity with humor.

"[48:34] When I worked at Best Buy, I was counting money and ripped my pants open and stapled them back together." – Griffin McElroy
(Timestamp: 48:34)

b. Pheasant Mating Displays

Another listener, Rosie, inquires about her father's interest in Tragopan pheasants and their unusual mating displays. The brothers engage in a comical discussion, complete with fictional lore and playful insults.

"[71:57] How do I kill it?" – Audience Member: Rosie
(Timestamp: 73:53)

8. Closing Remarks and Charity Promotions

As the episode concludes, the brothers reiterate their tour dates, promote their merchandise with a focus on charity donations, and share heartfelt thanks to their fans for attending the live show.

"[35:15] ...50% of the proceeds from that beauty are going to be donated to the World Central Kitchen." – Justin McElroy
(Timestamp: 35:15)

Conclusion

MBMBaM 751: Face 2 Face: Tragic Mike Tour is a quintessential episode of "My Brother, My Brother And Me," blending live audience interaction, humorous advice, playful skits, and genuine camaraderie among the McElroy brothers. From tackling bizarre listener questions to parodying corporate ads, the episode showcases their unique ability to entertain while engaging with their audience meaningfully.

Notable Quotes:

• "The McElroy brothers are not experts." – Justin McElroy
  (Timestamp: 00:58)

• "You cool, baby? 1, 2, 3, 4." – Travis McElroy
  (Timestamp: 01:22)

• "If you start like the tide, it's a really good." – Justin McElroy
  (Timestamp: 10:02)

• "Oh, I can't believe it. The McElroy brothers talked about you." – Justin McElroy
  (Timestamp: 63:15)

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Final Notes: This episode highlights the brothers' ability to maintain engagement through a mix of structured segments and spontaneous humor, ensuring that listeners—whether long-time fans or newcomers—find the content both entertaining and relatable.

Transcript

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, we know you're chomping at the bit to get at this next little dollop of McElroy content, but we've got some big news that we can't get.

[Travis McElroy]

Enough of it on Nasty, Nasty Hungry Dogs.

[Justin McElroy]

We are coming back to the road thanks to those who came to see us in Florida. We are getting right back out there though, with this leg of the 20 Thunder Drive tour. We're coming to Virginia, North Carolina, Michigan, Minnesota and Ohio. Tickets are going to go on sale this Friday, February 28th at 10:00am in the local time at those venues. We got more info and ticket links available at bit ly McElroytours.

[Travis McElroy]

Let's grab someone here at this live show we're at now in Tampa. See how they feel about it. Hey, what's up, buddy? How do you feel about the live show you went to tonight? That was the greatest night of my life. Oh my God. Seven out of ten. Why is your pants wet? Ok, well, come see us.

[Justin McElroy]

Annoyed me.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. Come see us.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'll never laugh again.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, so bit ly McRoytours, come see us. Enjoy the episode.

[Justin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts.

[Griffin McElroy]

And their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if.

[Travis McElroy]

There'S a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mention only so the babies out there know how cool they are for listening. What's up?

[Travis McElroy]

You cool, baby? 1, 2, 3, 4.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's the start of something beautiful A.

[Audience Member]

Small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into.

[Griffin McElroy]

A precious friendship.

[Justin McElroy]

I could have never.

[Griffin McElroy]

Seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park Hangs by.

[Justin McElroy]

The beach My life, it feels like.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'S better it's better with you My.

[Justin McElroy]

Life.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'S better it's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

This is true.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'S better it's better.

[Justin McElroy]

With two My life, it's better with you hello everybody. Welcome to My Brother, My Brother, Me and Advice show for the Modron era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin Tyler McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's up, Trav Nation? Vroom, vroom. I'm your middlest brother, Travis Big dog.

[Justin McElroy]

Woof woof.

[Griffin McElroy]

McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

What's up? It's me, your youngest, sweet babiest brother, 30 under 30 media luminary Griffin Bill Ford, tough McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

Now, as everyone in the theater can see, we have left the five best seats open for the five original Power Rangers. And once again, as we do it. As we do it, every show they have declined the invite. I have to take the helmet off. I can't hear anything to do jokes for you that you paid for.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can you take it off with the gloves on? Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

It is nice. I will say it is nice after pretty much every year since we've been doing live shows to have a theme where I don't look like a fucking clown and I look cool as shit. Instead they thought I was some sort of human avatar of Lightning McQueen when clearly I'm a human member of Lightning McQueen's pit crew.

[Griffin McElroy]

I thought, are you imagining the only human member?

[Travis McElroy]

If you've seen the cars movies, you know that cars aren't allowed to do work on other cars. That's sex for them. They obviously can't do that at a public event like the Daytona 500 or whatever happens in the car. So yes, there's human human men present.

[Griffin McElroy]

That they keep around just to service them.

[Travis McElroy]

If they had other cars touching lightning McQueen you would have to hear Owen Wilson like, oh yeah, it is weird.

[Griffin McElroy]

At that point when he's doing the race and we've only seen cars at that point. And then the kind of little bit blood stained kind of gate opens up and the humans rush out quickly fix the tires and then run back cowering. They never addressed that in the story.

[Travis McElroy]

I will say this, not my most mobile costume, ironically enough. Yeah, not a lot of freedom of movement ironically enough. In my race carpet crew costume, specifically.

[Justin McElroy]

Your movement to the bathroom before the show was impeded. You were mentioning to me Griffin to access pocket. Let's just say it won't come as a surprise to you that the three of us share a pre show ritual is that we have to pee as we're walking on stage basically. And Griffin could not get in last minute be because of the constrictions of his uniform.

[Travis McElroy]

It is extra sad seeing a lightning McQueen pit crew uniform crumpled on the ground at the foot of the toilet.

[Justin McElroy]

I've seen it at so many Comic Con hotel rooms I can't tell you.

[Griffin McElroy]

You should have just done what they did in the movie and give you a bucket to use as the only human.

[Travis McElroy]

This costume gap starts at my navel. There's no access to anything down there.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, that's where cars comes from.

[Travis McElroy]

This is a big suit shaped chastity belt in more ways than one.

[Justin McElroy]

Griffin and I were standing backstage and next to the crew here gave their first look at our costumes and I told them don't worry, no matter how much this may look like a strip show, it is not a sort of Magic Mike tribute act.

[Travis McElroy]

To which I responded Tragic Mike, which is what the name of the film would be.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, that's our tour. This is the tragic mic. No, it's not. It's an advice show.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

And that.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah. What we do is we take your questions and we turn them alchemy, like into wisdom. And I think we should get started.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you think that there was a small time stage magician who called himself Magic Mike? And then the movie came out and.

[Travis McElroy]

He was like, oh man, everyone's going to expect me to be cut and nude.

[Justin McElroy]

Speaking of cut, local celebrity Hulk Hogan is a regular at the restaurant where I work. I really don't want to wait on him. What can I do to ensure I never have to be his server? Thanks, brothers. They don't leave a name. I find if.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are you here?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

All right. Hell yeah. Woo.

[Justin McElroy]

I find if I don't want to wait on Hulk, I just tell him we got to be there 30 minutes before we actually do and then he'll be ready in time.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, he'll fall for anything.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know. That you want to even ingest. Talk about hanging out with Hulk Hogan.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, that's true.

[Travis McElroy]

I think we're allude to you could hire also as a server, Brutus Beefcake. And then Hulk Hogan's not gonna come sniffing around there anymore.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Cause Brutus Beefcake will kick his ass.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, so sorry, you mean Brutus the.

[Griffin McElroy]

Barber Beefcake or Brutus the baker Beefcake? Or Brutus?

[Travis McElroy]

Cause Brutus the candlestick maker Beefcake.

[Justin McElroy]

Brutus Beefcake. Sounds like he tried to leave wrestling behind him. He's like, no, I'm no longer Brutus the barber Beefcake. Now I'm just Brutus Beefcake, attorney of law.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, when you become a pediatric dentist, you have to change your name so that it's not scary anymore.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now he's Brutus the dentist. Toothache.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, that's good.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is there a level of excited to wait on Hulk Hogan you could pretend to be that would ensure you were never allowed to wait on Hulk Hogan.

[Justin McElroy]

Speak.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, please let me run wild on him.

[Justin McElroy]

Please. Like you would shape yourself as such a massive Hulk Hogan. Now, Travis, I do think that that would probably keep you off Hulk Hogan duty. Is it worth. I wonder, I'm wondering myself now. Is it worth all your co workers thinking you're an absolute Hulkamaniac?

[Griffin McElroy]

Now, Justin, I'm glad you asked. Part of the fiction would have to be that you're a huge fan who hasn't been able to get any updates in the last, like, 15 years? Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Right.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm so excited to check in with him finally. What have you been up to?

[Justin McElroy]

My AOL free trial ran out, brother. I haven't gotten any updates. What are you into charity? What kind of good stuff you doing, man? You're an American hero. I can't wait to hear what cool things in the last 15 years you.

[Travis McElroy]

And Bubba love still palling around or what?

[Justin McElroy]

You guys still best buds? Oh, man, it would be really hard if I ran into him. Not to tell him about the giant cookie I promised Dwight. I'm gonna buy him the day he dies. Yeah, but I bet he doesn't wanna hear that anecdote at all.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, there's a giant cookie on the line, brother. I need to start living life more recklessly.

[Justin McElroy]

I enjoy taking trips to the beach by myself.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't see what that has to do with Hulk Hogan.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, but whenever I do, other people always set up way too close to me. Like, way too close within a few feet of me. Even when there's plenty of space elsewhere. It seems like no matter where I set up to enjoy some sun and see other people go out of their way to invade my space, how do I stake out my territory at the beach and keep others from getting all up in it? That's from beach bummed in Orlando.

[Travis McElroy]

Are you here? Hello?

[Justin McElroy]

Hi.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is there a level of Hulk fan you could act like?

[Travis McElroy]

I'm wondering now, actually, Travis, if vociferously talking about how much you fucking love Hulk Hogan in 2025, if it was.

[Justin McElroy]

A boombox busting out. I'm a real American, I would probably sit many, many beach lengths away. Like several towns, even seven, eight towels away.

[Griffin McElroy]

You would do that. But someone who would sit close to someone else on the beach when there's plenty of beach is probably like, hell yeah, brother.

[Travis McElroy]

A lot of people are too afraid to sit where it's wet, but not.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just at the beach. In life.

[Travis McElroy]

That'S a good. On dry land, you shouldn't actually sit where it's. There's not a good wet. In dry land, there's not a good.

[Justin McElroy]

Wet seat in the house.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'll say yes by the end of the night for this.

[Justin McElroy]

This is a. This is a really good point though, Griffin, about the wet seat.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you for ignoring what I said.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, it's not so much ignore as move through by force. I think that at the beach, I'm not a big beach guy. And this whole thing about sometimes the ocean can come up to where you are doing. Your day is so hard for me to calculate. If I see somebody else has already posted up, I'm gonna assume they know what they're doing. You know what I mean? Why would I be so presumptuous as to think that I know better than them? Vis a vis distance from ocean.

[Travis McElroy]

It must be the part of the beach without sand fleas, because someone's there.

[Griffin McElroy]

It is interesting that tide doesn't sneak up on you. Yeah, right. I've never been sitting there and be like, the water's all the way over there. And then, like, two minutes later, be.

[Justin McElroy]

Like, ah, hey, Travis, I should say you should drink more at the beach. Cause that happens. That happens to me all the time.

[Griffin McElroy]

What you should do is set up at the edge of the ocean and just every two minutes, inch backwards.

[Travis McElroy]

Or don't.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just slowly move. And don't worry if there's anyone seated behind you, they'll move.

[Travis McElroy]

Just sit in the. Sit in a wet hole at the beach. It's.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wait, it's a hole now?

[Travis McElroy]

Yes. It's primarily a body of water. What are you doing there if you're not getting wet?

[Griffin McElroy]

The problem is, if you get there early and it's already wet by, like, the end of the day, you've drowned.

[Travis McElroy]

Find a tight little sandbar, get out there and yell at anybody who swims too close about all the eating.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is my island.

[Justin McElroy]

I can. I tell you guys, and this is going to come as a surprise to you, I think, but I used to have this exact problem.

[Griffin McElroy]

People sitting too close to you. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

At the beach, I was like a person magnet. Like, people would roll up to me and they would like. It's just. I realized what my problem is. I'm going to share it with you. Because once I adjusted this behavior, the problem fixed itself. What I. It was not about what I was doing. It's about what I stopped doing. What I stopped doing was every time someone was in 50ft of me, I stopped shouting, hey, I got suds for my buds. Let's do this thing. And I would shout every time anybody adult would get within, like, 30ft, like, hey, I got suds for my buds. Let's do this thing. And then they would inevitably come over.

[Griffin McElroy]

And you'd be like, why did they come over?

[Justin McElroy]

Why are they coming over? And I don't know if you ever yell, I got suds for my buds. Let's do this thing at passersby repeatedly.

[Griffin McElroy]

Until they come over.

[Justin McElroy]

Adult passersby.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Cause I have children. He has milk duds. And he yells duds for my butts. I like those are kids.

[Justin McElroy]

If you ever yell at kids. Cause you don't. Cause you're here. And I appreciate you not yelling at kids. Thank you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Here's what I do. It's a simple trick. This is a little life hack that you guys can have. It's two things you need. You just need some, like, big wooden sticks, right? And you're gonna set those up in corners. However big you want. And then some police tape. And you're just gonna set up a perimeter around yourself. And you sit in the middle. And I promise you, people will leave you alone.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, here's a question for you folks. This is something to think about. No matter how close you set up somebody, it's weird at the beach, right? But if you move even 3 inches closer to them, that's way weirder. Why is that? If I say four feet away, but I move a little bit closer, people get weird, you know? But if you start like the tide.

[Travis McElroy]

Like the tide.

[Griffin McElroy]

Exactly, Travis.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a really good.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're a human tide.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm a the human tide. That's what they call me when you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wrestle against Hulk Hogan. It's all gonna be about Hulk Hogan tonight.

[Justin McElroy]

Please Christ not. I'd rather that not be the case. I'm a marine biologist, and a couple of times a year, I'm asked to speak to children about my job. The problem is I work with sea grasses, and the kids find this incredibly boring.

[Griffin McElroy]

Huh.

[Justin McElroy]

They prefer cool stuff like sharks and manatees. Hey, thanks for examples of things that are cooler than seagrass.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I was gonna strip.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would have been.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I would've been flailing up here.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like grass in the waves.

[Justin McElroy]

Seagrasses are super important habitat. All right, brothers, how do I get children interested?

[Griffin McElroy]

You know what else is dirt and.

[Justin McElroy]

My extremely exciting underwater plants. That's from super seagrass savvy in St. Pete. Are you here? Wow, there's so many of you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wait, how many marine biologists are here?

[Justin McElroy]

That's cool.

[Griffin McElroy]

You know what? Actually, I bet Tampa Bay has a lot of marine biologists.

[Travis McElroy]

I will say for your sales pitch in the future, the leading bullet point shouldn't be cool stuff lives there. To me, that feels like I would rather hear about the cool stuff living in the house of the seagrass. I already don't care a lot about the ocean, but I recognize there's some cool stuff down there.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's true. People don't focus on the Fortress of Solitude as the main character in Superman.

[Travis McElroy]

True.

[Justin McElroy]

It's tough when you have things that we already have up top.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

Never gonna get the billing. It's never gonna get the hype as the things that are unique to water. I'll give. And if you are something that already exists up on land, you got to come with some surface heat. I'll give you guys an example. Sponges underwater are alive. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's what it takes.

[Justin McElroy]

Because otherwise I'd be like, I got sponge. You know what I mean?

[Griffin McElroy]

Like.

[Justin McElroy]

But then they're like, this one, J man, it's alive.

[Travis McElroy]

If just one representative from the marine biology community who asked this question could answer this scale of 1 to 10, how many fun facts are there about seagrass?

[Justin McElroy]

Four.

[Travis McElroy]

Four.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now, what's interesting is Griffin did say, on a scale of 1 to 10, how many does that mean? On a scale from 1 to 10, there's a four level amount or there are four.

[Travis McElroy]

A couple fun facts about seagrass. One, bigger than land grass. Two, slimier significantly than land grass.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wetter, wetter, wetter.

[Travis McElroy]

Habitat for all kinds of cool shit that I do not have time to go into right now.

[Griffin McElroy]

To Justin's point, these kids aren't gonna study this. And if they do, by the time they get to that point, they're jaded adults. Tell em it can talk, but only underwater. They won't know. They don't know. Oh, the seagrass dances when you're not looking at it.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, it's the hair of dead mermaids.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wish well, now, hold on. That might not play the way you want it to.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, good point, Travis.

[Griffin McElroy]

What? Yeah, that's right. Mermaids are real, but they are all dead.

[Travis McElroy]

Their lifespan is four weeks.

[Justin McElroy]

We trick. We trick kids into pillaging turkey carcasses because we told them there's a special bone that grants wishes.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

So I feel like we could get this going for seagrass. Like, it needs a rebrand. I think if we could call. I mean, it's wet.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can call it wet weed.

[Travis McElroy]

Is seagrass different from seaweed? Okay, you two have a long time to answer that. I'm not so sure.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, seagrass you want to grow seaweed grows in the sea grass. And you're like, I got to pull this out now.

[Travis McElroy]

Get out of here.

[Justin McElroy]

We're doing. I got a problem right now. Sometimes this happens on the show where we talk about something that I know nothing about for long enough that I start to think. Think, like, I should really learn more about seagrass. That's the age I am now.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know about earth grass. And I deal with that shit all the time.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wait a minute.

[Travis McElroy]

You just need to change your audience. I don't want to hear any more shark facts. I've been fed those against my will for, like, two decades now. I don't know shit about seagrass. If seagrass showed up in my TikTok algo, I'd be like, can I just say, let's check in here on seagrass.

[Griffin McElroy]

You need to start grass week. Grass week is like a week long. All special things where, like, maybe the mythbusters are covering episodes about seagrass, and Terry Crews is there for some reason talking about seagrass.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, everybody loves seagrass. And it's a rebrand. Right? We call it.

[Griffin McElroy]

We gave you so long. You had so long to think about it.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, nothing there. I thought there would be, but I didn't think about it in the interim. I know I looked like I was.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thinking about it, but I was Seagrass by Fortnite.

[Justin McElroy]

That's right, guys. We finally did it. We went and put seagrass in fortnite. We partnered with seagrass to put it in.

[Travis McElroy]

What's the. What's the. I'm sorry to keep asking you questions. This isn't usually the format of the show. But just like, what's the coolest animal that calls seagrass its habitat? Seahorse. Yeah. All right. What you gotta do is be like, you kids like seahorse? They may or may not. I was hoping it would be something fucking rad, like barracuda or something. But, like, you hold up a seahorse and you say, pretty cool, huh? You say, Mr. Seahorse, how do you feel about seagrass? To get the seahorse to vouch for how cool seagrass is.

[Griffin McElroy]

And it says whatever you want. So you'll put it back in the water. Whatever you want, Please.

[Justin McElroy]

I love seagrass. This is a great home.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you think that the problem isn't that the kids don't think it's cool, but that when you say a seahorse that lives in seagrass, that they're like, you need to come up with better terms because you're just putting sea in front of things. I have.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. You also wouldn't say a horse lives in grass, wouldn't you? No. I guess horse has his own home. Nobody's down there building sea house barns, are they?

[Griffin McElroy]

No.

[Travis McElroy]

It'd be pretty cool if they were, though.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, horses spend a lot of time around grass. They love that shit.

[Travis McElroy]

They do.

[Justin McElroy]

You got to go into. Talk to the kids about seagrass when they're looking at the seahorses already. Because they're interested in something.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, that's the time.

[Travis McElroy]

Like those guys. They'd all be dead as disco without this sweet green stuff.

[Justin McElroy]

Are you guys enjoying the seahorses? Huh? I'd like to talk to you about the glue that's holding this whole thing together. Hi, I'm Justin McElroy, paid endorser for seagrass.

[Travis McElroy]

A lot of ecosystems in danger of collapsing right now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Not seagrass.

[Justin McElroy]

Seagrass, baby.

[Travis McElroy]

We can't get enough of this slimy leaf.

[Griffin McElroy]

We haven't figured out how to mow it, but someday we will.

[Travis McElroy]

Someday we'll get down there and master the seagrass.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm a proud tummy buddy for life. We recently did some testing and learned that I have grown out of a deadly allergy to nuts.

[Griffin McElroy]

Allergies for nuts is for babies. Whoa, hey, whoa.

[Justin McElroy]

No, we don't mean that.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, no, no, no.

[Justin McElroy]

This is great news. But I'm still afraid to eat the food that is meant certain death for my entire life thus far. How do I stay true to my tummy while also becoming faster than fear? That's from potential pecan eater in St. Pete. Are you here?

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Wow. You're excited to eat nuts. And who can blame you? There's a lot of great nut stuff.

[Griffin McElroy]

Before we discuss this. Three dummies in these outfits. Your doctor told you it was cool to eat them.

[Travis McElroy]

Sure.

[Justin McElroy]

Right. I promise.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can I get a clear legal. Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

And you agree that if anything were to, like, maybe there's one nut like macadamia or something way off the map that you eat and that at your funeral they played a video of us on stage? Right now you're clearing us of any legal obligation.

[Justin McElroy]

And they have. Your family's lawyer has to let the tape play. Pass to this part, right? They can't. Or. We should have said this earlier. But they could have just cut off the beginning, too. God, your family's lawyers are good.

[Griffin McElroy]

Your doctor didn't say, like. Your doctor wasn't like, it's probably cool. He didn't say like that. Right? He was like, it's 100. Not like there's a 99% chance you're cool if you eat pecans.

[Travis McElroy]

Did you ask? Hey, so have I grown out of my nut allergy yet? And that doctor just said, go nuts, and laughed.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then he laughed so hard he passed out and you left.

[Travis McElroy]

But maybe he didn't mean it. He just had a killer joke. Okay, assuming that you are truly over your nut allergy, what's like the Least nut.

[Justin McElroy]

Nut.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, no. Oh, is that the way you're going? Cause I'm saying, buy a thousand planners, mix nut and Scrooge McDuck right into it.

[Travis McElroy]

No.

[Justin McElroy]

No fucking way, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's fine. A doctor said so.

[Justin McElroy]

No, Travis, you have to ease in, because the problem is not with the. It's the fear. You have to ease in so you have the least nuts, which is, of course, the Tootsie Roll, because nobody's quite sure.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Is it chocolate? Is it nuts? Is it caramel?

[Griffin McElroy]

Is it gum?

[Justin McElroy]

Is it gum?

[Griffin McElroy]

We don't know.

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe start at baked beans to get used to the shape.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wait, no. Like actual baked beans or Boston baked beans. Like the crunchy.

[Justin McElroy]

You start with a regular, you get Boston baked beans wet.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

So an unbaked bean.

[Justin McElroy]

An unbaked bean, a raw bean.

[Travis McElroy]

You have Bush's baked beans. You start cutting in Boston baked beans. 10%, 20%, 30%. If you start with a big vault of peanuts, the ple. There. Dude, they're so fucking good.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like, you're gonna love them.

[Justin McElroy]

If you start out.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you go and you eat a.

[Travis McElroy]

Reese's Peanut Butter cup right now, you'll fall down dead from the Ecstasy oven.

[Griffin McElroy]

You know what I'm gonna say? Start with those circus peanuts that are like, the orange thing. No. Because that's not a peanut. But it's gonna get you. It's gonna get you into the form. Yeah, you're gonna get used to the form.

[Travis McElroy]

It's like, I'm sorry, is anyone looking at circus peanuts and being, like, a fat, free candy? Huh? Well, that swayed me. I'll go for it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Free of major allergens. What's that?

[Travis McElroy]

There's. We do have ragweed.

[Justin McElroy]

That's how we get the color. Sorry, folks.

[Travis McElroy]

We got some real underground shit happening in here.

[Griffin McElroy]

The Marshalls are made from chinchilla fur. Is that okay?

[Travis McElroy]

We got a little bit of tungsten.

[Griffin McElroy]

Let's say.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's put it this way, it's illegal, but only because they don't know to make it illegal. They haven't heard about it yet.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's why.

[Justin McElroy]

It's okay. My sister is on farmersonly.com despite having only four chickens. How many. How many chickens would you say you should have to be on farmers only. That's from Lily L. Lily R. Lily.

[Travis McElroy]

R. Are you here? Is Lily L here?

[Griffin McElroy]

I heard the quietest sound. That's right.

[Travis McElroy]

It's okay. You don't have to identify yourself.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, maybe you're here with your sister. I get it.

[Griffin McElroy]

What this question presupposes, and I love, is that Farmers Only isn't just a clever name, that it is a strict policy that if you were to go on a date with a farmer and you started talking about your chickens and then let slip you had four, they would stand up and be like, this date's done. They would probably.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I think they would be well within their rights. Because you will have lied to be on Farmers Only because four chickens does not a farmer make. Now, here's what I'll say to you. Thousand chickens does.

[Griffin McElroy]

But then, Justin, somewhere between. There must be a number betwixt the two. I don't know what it is, but.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm saying foraying it. And a thousand is.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now I will start. Here, let me.

[Justin McElroy]

5,000. You're a farmer, right?

[Travis McElroy]

Well, you're a. You're a.

[Justin McElroy]

You're a computer.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

5,000. You're a conglomerate. Like, you're a big major ag. Like, huge farmer.

[Travis McElroy]

You're not on Farmers Only. You're on like CEOs.

[Griffin McElroy]

Please. You're the owner of Tyson's Chicken, blackrockfans.com and I'm gonna slide forward this offer to you, Justin, and you tell me a metaphorical number written on a paper with 12 chickens. No, I could. Oh, hear me out. I could fill a dozen container every day and sell that dozen container one time a day to someone farmer.

[Justin McElroy]

I can't spin up in a day. And I feel like I could. I could buy a chicken house. Buy 12 chickens, get that going in a day.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think the fact that you call it a chicken house means it might be a little harder than you think.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, I'm not trying to be a farmer right now. You'll know when I'm trying to be a farmer. Okay, that's not. Now I'm happy with my 12 foot by 2 foot square sunchokes that my wife lets me grow every year.

[Travis McElroy]

Your wife? The farmer of sunchokes?

[Justin McElroy]

A popular farmer. Zigma.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's true. I grow tomatoes every year. And I've never been like, ah, rain, good for the crops.

[Justin McElroy]

But hold on. But if you grew 20,000 tomatoes, you should be a farmer, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, what I've got, Justin, is a 3 foot by 10.

[Travis McElroy]

I want to talk about your sister's frame of mind here because I'm having trouble resonating spiritually with someone who has four chickens and is like, I can't relate to anyone who is not on this fucking vibe. Griffin, man, these four chickens mean fucking everything to me. And I do not give a shit about anything else in the world.

[Justin McElroy]

I would love a fifth chicken. I don't have room in my heart. I love these 4 idiots so fucking much.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would posit a different possibility, Griffin, that this sister went, man, I want to date a farmer, but where do I find them? I know I'll meet the bare minimum I can think of to register for farmersonly.com. the chicken are but a gateway to the dating website. I also said only farmers, and I think that's a different thing.

[Travis McElroy]

All right, I just finished up my day of work. Who wants to see how muddy my feet got?

[Justin McElroy]

Have you ever.

[Travis McElroy]

No, I don't do teaching stuff anymore.

[Justin McElroy]

Have you ever been more clearly a podcaster than when you said my work? Day of work. That's how people with jobs talk, right? Well, honey, I'm home from the mill of working now.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm home day time.

[Justin McElroy]

Tough day at the time clock. Honey bunches o.

[Griffin McElroy]

My boss a big rat.

[Justin McElroy]

I think it's better. It's better. I want to try something new, Griffin. I don't know what our sponsor is for this week.

[Travis McElroy]

There's two.

[Justin McElroy]

We're out on the road.

[Travis McElroy]

We got two sponsors. We're in the money.

[Justin McElroy]

I want to do something that nobody's ever done before. Griffin. Here in the bowels of the Tampa Theater. I want to try to guess the sponsor this week. You're gonna give me some clues. Give me some clues about our first sponsor, Griffin. Okay, well, give me some hints.

[Travis McElroy]

How about I just start reading the ad now?

[Justin McElroy]

I'll warn you, I'm really bad at this kind of thing.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, but don't say the wrong. Don't get it wrong. Cause they won't work with us again. So stakes are pretty high. I'll just read the. I'll read the ad copy for a little bit, but I'll remove the name of the sponsor.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay?

[Travis McElroy]

They will love that. Okay, Blank.

[Justin McElroy]

My pillow. Nope. Crap.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sorry.

[Justin McElroy]

Let me try. You do it again. Keep going. Sorry. My pillow. It's not my pillow.

[Travis McElroy]

This one's not my pillow. I didn't get up on this particular track.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Blank makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place. All in your term.

[Justin McElroy]

This is embarrassing. It's a shape. It's one of the shape ones.

[Travis McElroy]

It is one of the shape ones.

[Justin McElroy]

Give me another thing. Give me another thing.

[Travis McElroy]

If we don't say the name of the sponsor soon, they legally don't have to pay us, so.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. It sounds like Squarespace, but I feel like that's why you want me to say so. I'm not. That's not my official guess because that's what you want me to say. It is square. I do.

[Griffin McElroy]

Real quick.

[Travis McElroy]

And just to go back for the times I missed it. Squarespace. Squarespace. Squarespace. Squarespace.

[Justin McElroy]

That's very clever, Griffin. Go ahead, you finish your little ruse.

[Travis McElroy]

Squarespace Payments is the easiest way to manage your payments in one place. With Squarespace, get started in just a few clicks and give your customers more ways to pay with popular payment methods like Klarna, Ach and Apple Pay. Get that money on your own damn terms. It doesn't say that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Doesn't say that.

[Justin McElroy]

They would never.

[Travis McElroy]

They would never press flair there. You grow credibility. Engage visitors with an unrivaled suite of visual design effects. We've all used Squarespace. I mean, the three of us have to make a bunch of websites. I don't know if the whole world has used it. If they did, Squarespace probably wouldn't need to advertise with us.

[Justin McElroy]

I would think that's money well wasted, I would think.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

But you can make your own beautiful website. It's so easy. It looks so good. Go to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to Launch, go to squarespace.com mybrother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Now for our second sponsor. I don't know if you want to play the game again.

[Justin McElroy]

No, I'm going to try.

[Travis McElroy]

It's a new sponsor, so I'm going.

[Justin McElroy]

To try to get you to guess. Okay. So you give me your phone and I'll give you the clues and you try to guess. Okay? So we'll flip it. Flip the game.

[Travis McElroy]

Cool. But how are you going to do that if you don't know the cop?

[Justin McElroy]

You give me your phone. I said that, so you give me your phone.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. You ready?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

All right. Now, Griffin.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Have you ever wanted to leave a legacy?

[Travis McElroy]

Sure. Yeah, Absolutely.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, well, can you think of any better way of doing that than planting something?

[Travis McElroy]

Jimmy John's so close actually, is it not?

[Justin McElroy]

No. We were looking for fast growing trees.

[Travis McElroy]

Fast growing trees.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm excited about fast growing trees. Griffin, to let the bit go because I. I have fast growing trees in my backyard from fast growing trees that have been growing there happily for quite some time now. There are two little apple trees that are doing very well. And they're doing very well because fast growing trees makes it Easy to pick plants. They're going to thrive well in your environment. They give you all the tips that you need to grow the plant properly. And if you're having issues, this is. These are real people that you could reach out to and say, hey, I'm having a problem. And they've got amazing support. I've done this. I've made use of it. They have troubleshoot something with one of my beautiful apple trees. And now it's doing better than ever.

[Travis McElroy]

Freaking lemons.

[Justin McElroy]

It made lemons. And I had that. They said, pull it out of the ground, turn it upside down. J, man, you done did it wrong. But that's not what they said. No, they gave me the right. They said probably something about nitrates, but.

[Travis McElroy]

You probably also didn't have lemons come out of the apple tree. That was it. That wasn't. I do want to tell.

[Justin McElroy]

It's not born. That's a joke. Not born fruit yet. But I'm looking forward to it because I got a berry bush too. They're all working together. They even recommended two apple trees that would work nicely together, pollinating each other.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, gross.

[Justin McElroy]

No, I'm sorry.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, it was a little bit forward blasting each other.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't have the details, though. About what.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, listen, this spring, they have the best deals for your yard. We haven't said their name a lot. It's Fast Growing Trees.

[Justin McElroy]

Fast Growing Trees.

[Travis McElroy]

My favorite Radiohead song. But this spring, Fast Growing Trees. Fast Growing Trees season, they have the best deals for your yard. Up to half off on select plants and other deals. And listeners to our show get 15% off their first purchase when using the code. Mybrother at checkout. Now's the perfect time to plant Use My brother to save today. Don't use my. Don't use my brother's body no, don't.

[Justin McElroy]

Use me to save don't make a friend with me Just to help get my discount on fast growing trees. Anybody can.

[Travis McElroy]

Anyone can do it. With the promo code mybrothertosave today offers valid for limited time, terms and conditions may apply. Hey, before you get back to the rest of the episode, we did want to tell you we got some new tour dates on the 20 Thunder Drive tour. We're excited to share. Right now we're coming to Virginia and North Carolina and Michigan and Minnesota and Ohio. So come see us if you live in those places or even nearby states and territories. Tickets go on sale this Friday, February 28th at 10:00am local time. More info and tickets are available at Bitcoin Ly McElroy Tours, come see us. Thanks to everybody who in Florida who came out to see us in Tampa, Tampa and Jacksonville. We had a good time and we, we sure do appreciate you.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Travis McElroy]

We got you. And tell us about the new merch.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh yeah, we got some beautiful stuff, Griffin, Especially the holographic Dare to Care sticker. You know, 50% of the proceeds from that beauty are going to be donated to the World Central kitchen. And 10% of all our merch proceeds this month are going to go to that group which uses the power of food to nourish communities and strengthen economies through times of crisis and beyond.

[Travis McElroy]

We got a list of all the organizations that we have been working with over the years and have been able to donate to over the years over at McElroyFamily. Carrd co. If you're looking for some places to give to help out, that's one spot. You could do it. That's it. Enjoy the rest of this episode, this live episode that you're listening to. We just did it last night and it was a hoot.

[Justin McElroy]

It was a hoot.

[Travis McElroy]

And we'll be back with a new episode next week. All right, later, later.

[Justin McElroy]

Bye.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like Chilean miners. We've returned from the bathroom after the intermission. No, but I assume they went to the bathroom at some point.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm already so uncomfortable with the fact that we have another what seems like Jeb Bush please clap moment as we come out after very obviously using the bathroom.

[Griffin McElroy]

Would you rather come out in complete silence in darkness? Lights come up. We're just sitting there like we've been here the whole time.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't know.

[Griffin McElroy]

Don't worry about it.

[Travis McElroy]

My costume's too small and I can't return it now. And it was $80.

[Griffin McElroy]

I really leaned into the thunder aspect. I didn't lean into the drive aspect as hard as you guys did.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, but mine's driving and a guy named Lightning McQueen.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's two things at once.

[Travis McElroy]

The only problem is that if I flex my neck hard enough, I can fucking bust out of the.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh my God.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'S like when Lightning McQueen gets angry and turns green and then he's Lightning McGreen.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, uh huh. For sure.

[Griffin McElroy]

I keep waiting to be interrupted by our older brother.

[Justin McElroy]

You gotta stop talking for even a half a second for that to be.

[Griffin McElroy]

To be interrupted.

[Justin McElroy]

I want a Munch Squad. I want to munch. Welcome to Munch Squad. It's a podcast within podcast profile and the latest grace of brand evening. This is like a podcast you came for one podcast. Well, you're getting two, because this is another one inside of that one, which a lot of people don't talk about. That's a huge value. So, man. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's up?

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you. Because he's back. Grimace is back, and he's bringing. Grimace is back, and he's bringing his uncle. That's right, guys, it's happening. Uncle.

[Griffin McElroy]

Please. Yes, Uncle O. Grimace is back. No, no. Now, can I just say real quick, for the people at home listening, you can't see this, but they chose to put a green Grimace with a green hat and a green vest in front of a green screen.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. They didn't choose to do that. God made him green.

[Griffin McElroy]

But the green. The screen could have been any color, Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a heat. But then they could pretend that they're in Gladiator 2 or whatever they're going to do with this image.

[Travis McElroy]

This is the first time this has ever happened to me, but I feel culturally offended. It doesn't feel very good.

[Justin McElroy]

Right? Yeah. Well, let's talk about the history here. You're in luck. Shamrock Shake is back. Starting February 10th, 25 cents from every Shamrock Shake show.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh. Cause luck.

[Travis McElroy]

Jesus, Travis.

[Justin McElroy]

A special.

[Travis McElroy]

Let him cook, Chef.

[Justin McElroy]

This shamrock season celebration came to life when Grimace stumbled upon his family's original Shamrock Shake recipe. That discovery sparked Grimace to reconnect with his vibrant, joyful, and generous uncle. Uncle O Grimacey.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now, wait.

[Travis McElroy]

Fuck, man. Wait, what's that pouch in his mid. What's that lump in his thorax?

[Griffin McElroy]

Griffin, you know exactly what that is. That's an opening, my friend, where the luck comes out.

[Travis McElroy]

I didn't need to see Uncle O Grimace. He's cloaca.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can I just say, actually, with that cleft, he looks so much like a ball sack.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. You climb in there to hide your mom's sword.

[Griffin McElroy]

So, Justin, what you're telling me.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is that Grimace found a recipe for the Shamrock Shake, a thing that's been at McDonald's many times, and he said, huh, I've never thought about who I'm related to before.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, right.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then maybe did a swab for 23andMe.

[Justin McElroy]

Right.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then said, oh, I'm related to this green Grimace. I should have noticed the similarities.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Especially since his name is O Grimacey.

[Travis McElroy]

His name has mine in it in a sort of wild Irish pastiche.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Uncle O Grimacey has been in the mix for quite some time, but he's been off of the. Off the radar for a while. We haven't heard from Uncle O'Grimisy recovery. He used to bring the shamrock shakes. He needed time while McDonald's tried to figure out, is this okay?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, Is this fine?

[Justin McElroy]

And then they looked around, they're like, I guess it's fine. Whatever. So he reconnected, Grimace had his Eat, Pray, Love journey through Ireland and reawakened. Inspired. Fuck off.

[Travis McElroy]

Jesus Christ.

[Justin McElroy]

Whatever is the problem? That's just a regular man named Uncle O Grimacey with regular eyeballs just like yours or mine.

[Griffin McElroy]

But the human being that those eyeballs are connected to shifted 3 inches to the left.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Is that AI or is that a stock photo?

[Travis McElroy]

The shillelagh in his hand gives it a five Nights at Freddy's vibe.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's not the only thing giving it a five nights at Freddy's vibe. I also like that they make it very clear in this ad that it's mint flavored. So you wouldn't think it's shamrock flavored, right?

[Justin McElroy]

That would be gross. Yeah. Gross. Inspired to reunite with Grimace and support his favorite charity's 50th milestone, Uncle O. Grimacey packed his bags and embarked on a journey from Shamrock Ireland.

[Griffin McElroy]

What?

[Justin McElroy]

Why? I mean, why guys?

[Travis McElroy]

Why?

[Griffin McElroy]

Why not just name a real place?

[Travis McElroy]

Why not name a real Irish city?

[Justin McElroy]

Because then people would go looking for him, you know? That's the problem.

[Travis McElroy]

I bet he's not hard to find.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you kiss the shame of so Grimsey. Grimsey, you get a gift of the.

[Justin McElroy]

Lint in your mouth now that he's here. Uncle O Grimace.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, he. This image right now tells me that Uncle O. Grimace has seen some shit.

[Justin McElroy]

Our fans eagerly await the Shamrock Shake.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is that Grimace talking?

[Justin McElroy]

Our fans eagerly await the Shamrock Shake each year. We're thrilled that proceeds from this minty flavored treat will aid RMHC in keeping families together. Said Joy Sillman, a second generation McDonald's franchisee. Cool. Family is core value McDonald's. And we live this every day. And then the person was like, joy, could you not say that in the article? Because it's kind of weird.

[Travis McElroy]

It's wild.

[Griffin McElroy]

And my son will be a franchisee owner and his children will be a franchisee owner.

[Travis McElroy]

We've also never met, like, Ronald McDonald's wife. Like family.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is.

[Travis McElroy]

That's a gambit you all have pulled exactly one time, if I'm not mistaken.

[Griffin McElroy]

And can I also say, I love the way that they say we're thrilled, as if it wasn't their decision to partner with Ronald McDonald House. As if McDonald's and Ronald McDonald House weren't going to get together until Uncle O. Grimacey stepped in and said, let's get these two kids together.

[Travis McElroy]

Uncle O. Grimacey really got us over our beef with the Ronald McDonald House. We used to fucking hate those guys.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, be real. Excuse me.

[Justin McElroy]

Together with our crew, customers, and iconic McDonaldland character Uncle O. Grimacey, we're helping RMHC make families feel at home, even when they can't be. And then there's another couple paragraphs about the Philadelphia Eagles. And then it says, oh, wait, is.

[Griffin McElroy]

That because they've realized gritty is related to Grimace?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, they're best friends. Our long set.

[Travis McElroy]

Not the Eagles mascot, but close. Close.

[Justin McElroy]

Ish.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sorry, I was doing my. Be real. I wasn't paying attention.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, great.

[Justin McElroy]

Our long. Imagine how terrifying that feels to be on stage with that kind of energy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just like if I'm not gonna be real.

[Travis McElroy]

It is.

[Justin McElroy]

It's fucking real, though. It is as real as it gets that you want him to be real.

[Travis McElroy]

If I could pull my phone out of my pocket without having to reach deep into my crotch to do so.

[Griffin McElroy]

I actually saw you for a minute. I saw you do a move. I was like, ah, fuck.

[Justin McElroy]

Griffin texted Paul to bring the seam ripper out.

[Griffin McElroy]

It would be the same as if you needed to put a Bereal on your appendix.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. Our long standing tradition of the Shamrock Shake is a testament to the joy we bring our customers this year. We're getting back to the first fundraiser that started our incredible partnership with RMHC, said a guy at McDonald's this Shamrock Shake season, with a little extra cheer from the Grimace family, we're reminded that the most precious gift is being close to those you love. Hey. Hey, it's me, Justin McElroy. If you ever have to be reminded what the most precious gift is by Grimace, you should probably pack it in. That's probably it. For reali recognizing joy in your life, you should probably give up on joy. As an idea, if you need Grimace to remind you about your family being good.

[Griffin McElroy]

Especially since what they're kind of overriding here is that clearly there was some kind of family falling out. Because Uncle O'Grimisy has been in the canon before.

[Travis McElroy]

Right?

[Griffin McElroy]

So it's as if there were. They should be saying. And we're very thankful to Grimace for reminding us that, like, yeah, man, some shit's definitely gone down in the past.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, it should be Uncle O Grimacey. Like, I just climbed out of the.

[Griffin McElroy]

Mine hole with a bing bong. I'm back.

[Justin McElroy]

I've been nothing for 20 years.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's happening them talking about re establishing their first charity once again. As if the Ronald McDonald in Ronald McDonald House was a different Ronald McDonald. Unrelated, not like Grimace and Uncle O. Grimacey.

[Travis McElroy]

Can you imagine what a bummer it would be if the the only other member of your whole species was your Uncle O. Grimaceyou're not bringing him, by the way.

[Griffin McElroy]

He's my only living relative.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, Griffin, just real quick. Grimmabeth, Grimace's mom, Louie. Grimace, Grimace's dad, Winky, Grimace's grandma, Jenny. Grimace, Grimace's great, great grandma, King Gunga, Grimace's brother, who rules over all Grimaces.

[Griffin McElroy]

Whoa, whoa, hold on, hold on.

[Travis McElroy]

Does he rule over the Irish Grimaces too? It's not like they all live together in Grimace land.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wait, hold on. Can we jump back? His mom's name is.

[Justin McElroy]

So his mom's name is Grimabeth, and.

[Griffin McElroy]

Then his dad's name is Louis Grimace.

[Travis McElroy]

That's fucked up.

[Griffin McElroy]

So that would make his name Grimace. Grimace, named after Grimma Beth, Grimmabeth. Her last name would then be Grimmabeth. Grimace.

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, she's a strong, independent Grimace.

[Griffin McElroy]

She kept her own last name. Grimabeth Johnson.

[Justin McElroy]

She kept her own last name. Na, not applicable.

[Travis McElroy]

Are there any Grimaces that aren't related to Grimace?

[Justin McElroy]

That's the real big one, Griffin. That's the big one. That's really gonna rules over his dad. Yeah, that's the.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm king. My dad is like, I'm not dead.

[Justin McElroy]

We are going to now help you. We've helped Grimace.

[Travis McElroy]

Here's. Here is how this is going to work. We're going to call down people by their names, and if they've been provided seat numbers. When it's your turn, give us your name, your pronouns, if you'd like. Please don't come to the microphone if we don't call you, because we'll have three synchronized panic attacks, but at different.

[Griffin McElroy]

Pitches, which could be lovely.

[Travis McElroy]

It could be cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Come on down to the mic, my friend. Hello. Hi, I'm Tanner. I also go by Persephone. Any pronouns?

[Griffin McElroy]

Hello.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello.

[Travis McElroy]

What is your question?

[Justin McElroy]

My question is. So I worked at a clothing store. Yeah. And on the first day, I ripped my pants. How do I go back now?

[Griffin McElroy]

This is a great question. I worked in a clothing store. I would like deposit if it were to happen again, which, God willing, in the creation.

[Justin McElroy]

You can't pause it. If you tear your pants at work, you can try it. Everybody pause, pause.

[Travis McElroy]

No, one look.

[Justin McElroy]

Pause. Everybody pause it. Pause it. Hold on.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can I tell you, this actually did happen to me, it's actually unrelated to what I was about to say. When I worked at Best Buy, I was counting money in my counter.

[Justin McElroy]

I was like, scrooge.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, I was in. I was supposed to count money and I ripped my pants and I stapled them back together.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, you did too.

[Travis McElroy]

I tried.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now I'm gonna tell you that when I say I ripped my pants open and I stapled them together and then you say, I tried, it does bring to mind that there might have been an injury associated. No. Thank God. Okay, great, Great. But here's what you do. If it happens again, you say, don't you hate it when this happens to you?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

If only I had stronger, better pants. The first words, like these over here.

[Justin McElroy]

The first words out of your mouth have to be, I bought these somewhere else.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, darn it, Persephone. That'll teach you to shop at Brand X.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

Why did I ever go anywhere else for my great pants?

[Travis McElroy]

They weren't pants from the store, were they?

[Justin McElroy]

I was.

[Travis McElroy]

They replaced them for me.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. Can I just say, then you're wrong question. How do you ensure that it happens every time? So you get free pants from work?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Free new pants.

[Justin McElroy]

Or you could even play it off like, oh, you know, with other pants, I might worry, but here they'll replace them if you tear them at work. So it's not even a problem.

[Travis McElroy]

It's like anytime I'm in the parking lot of a hospital, my mind just sort of without any sort of reason will offer up the thought it's the best place to get in a terrible car accident. They'll fix you up right here.

[Griffin McElroy]

If I had worked at Best Buy in day one, for whatever reason, I brought in my TV from home and dropped it and they gave me a new one. You best believe I'm bringing in every electronic I own from that. Oh, no. And doing it every time.

[Travis McElroy]

Were the pants. You got nicer pants?

[Justin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

Did you have to pay for them or was it.

[Justin McElroy]

No, my manager did.

[Travis McElroy]

The manager paid for the pants.

[Justin McElroy]

Persephone, this is a good place. I would stick with this place. It sounds all right.

[Travis McElroy]

It is crazy.

[Justin McElroy]

I quit because of.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now. Persephone, can I ask you a question?

[Travis McElroy]

Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

And it fixed my collar.

[Justin McElroy]

Persephone, did you quit?

[Griffin McElroy]

Did you quit between the time you sent this question in and now? So you had already quit before you asked us. How do I go back?

[Justin McElroy]

That was a while back. Okay. Persephone, did you quit while you were wearing the pants that were gifted to. I might have. Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Did you say? These new bands are giving me such confidence.

[Justin McElroy]

I realize I don't need this job anymore.

[Travis McElroy]

I came here to pull off one very specific short run grift. I don't need the paycheck.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you.

[Travis McElroy]

These pants cost $340.

[Griffin McElroy]

Everybody here can learn something.

[Justin McElroy]

Absolutely. Persephone, does that help?

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, what a riot.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hi.

[Travis McElroy]

How's it going? Hello.

[Audience Member]

I'm good. How are you?

[Travis McElroy]

Very good.

[Griffin McElroy]

So good. Thank you.

[Audience Member]

Hello, Tampa audience.

[Travis McElroy]

Hello.

[Griffin McElroy]

Everyone say hello.

[Audience Member]

I am truly going faster than fear right now because this is a little intimidating.

[Justin McElroy]

I appreciate you taking the time to hype up the audience. No one ever does.

[Travis McElroy]

Literally. It's never been done before.

[Justin McElroy]

It's never been done before. So I appreciate that. No one ever says hi to everybody. Just basic manners.

[Griffin McElroy]

Who are you?

[Audience Member]

Oh, I'm Mackie.

[Travis McElroy]

Hello, Mackie. Hi.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, Griffin. Can I just say real quick, when they say that they're moving faster than fear and then you ask, who are you? It's maybe not who are you? Justify yourself.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't think I asked it in a way that made you feel nervous, did I?

[Audience Member]

It's okay. That should have been the first thing I said.

[Travis McElroy]

But no, it's. I mean, yeah, but. But other than that, you're doing great so far. Maggie, I'm sorry. I really don't want to project this energy. It's the fucking jumpsuit. I look so cool right now.

[Justin McElroy]

Griffin, why does this energy never fucking stick to your brand? That's what I want to know. Why is this brand all like rainbows and eating bananas? You forget he's a dick like 80% of the time. He just like gives you this like a nice stinker look like, I guess.

[Griffin McElroy]

You are water off a dick's back.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Mackie, I'm so excited for your question.

[Justin McElroy]

Maybe when he hits 40, the gravy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Train will finally run out, right?

[Justin McElroy]

Everybody then will get onto his fucking act.

[Travis McElroy]

So I'm so sorry. I'm really curious to hear your question, but my brother is just chatty.

[Audience Member]

It's okay. It's okay.

[Travis McElroy]

What's your question?

[Audience Member]

I had a couple of questions.

[Travis McElroy]

You had one about being a NASA employee and a certain factor of your job.

[Audience Member]

Yes, I am a NASA employee.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Audience Member]

Space program. I love my job. How can I be more interested in the very frequent launches that happen while I'm there?

[Griffin McElroy]

Ok.

[Travis McElroy]

Interesting, Mackie, because there was a sort of syntactical debate between us on stage.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. A discrepancy as to what your intention in the question was. So when you ask that, when you say, how can I be more interested? My read was, and I'm feeling very confident now that you were like, these launches are so frequent, I've lost interest.

[Travis McElroy]

In them versus how do I sneak out to go to these kick ass rocket ship launches. Which is what me and Justin and thought the question was.

[Justin McElroy]

But you're saying, yeah, where are you at?

[Travis McElroy]

You're saying these launches are so frequent you need, you need something to rekindle the fire. Perhaps.

[Audience Member]

So yeah, they happen a lot and.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wait, not a lot though, right? Wait, how frequent?

[Justin McElroy]

Like more than you guys are telling people.

[Griffin McElroy]

A lot. Don't just say a lot. How many times a day?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, how frequently? It's a lot.

[Audience Member]

Like they have a counter before you get in through the gate. I think we're at 15 somebody.

[Travis McElroy]

15 launches for the year so far.

[Justin McElroy]

For this year so far. Here's one thing I would do. You could see that from a lot of different places. I would probably try to sell tickets. Like if you set up a cool little theater someplace or maybe just some.

[Travis McElroy]

Lawn chairs, open a Burger King franchise nearby.

[Justin McElroy]

How close can you open a Burger King?

[Griffin McElroy]

Good question.

[Travis McElroy]

And then sell tickets for parking at the parking lot.

[Justin McElroy]

Actually, it would be interesting to record for history how far away you have to build a Burger King from a rocket launch place in case that number changes.

[Griffin McElroy]

But you're not a Johnny Rockets, right?

[Justin McElroy]

You could just remember that. You know, it used to be illegal to build Burger Kings near rocket place.

[Griffin McElroy]

All I'm saying is if I'm an astronaut, I'm on my way to the launch and I see a window where I could order a burger on my way. That's a good market that no one's capitalizing on.

[Justin McElroy]

Explosion. Does it scare you if you don't know it's about to happen?

[Audience Member]

It does. Actually.

[Griffin McElroy]

They don't tell you they do, but.

[Audience Member]

I, I delete the emails.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. I can't blame you. Yeah. If I.

[Griffin McElroy]

So they tell you big fire, explosion happening nearby and you're like, seen it.

[Audience Member]

The windows just start shaking and you hear a noise and I'm in the middle of a meeting trying to like, oh, is this planned? Everybody, Is this planned?

[Griffin McElroy]

Is this planned? This plan?

[Justin McElroy]

Is this planned?

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, as opposed to what?

[Justin McElroy]

It's really good that I'm not a rocket person because I think that I would probably try to get you fired if I heard that. If I was like, if I saw you like freak out one time about a rocket launch set with everybody around was like, hell yeah. 3:37 today, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Mike Mackie.

[Travis McElroy]

They did the countdown and everything.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can you not assume that if it was not planned? Like, here's the thing, if you've ever flown in an airplane and you start to panic about plane travel, look to the flight attendants and see if they're freaking out or not. Right?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Hey, hold on, hold on. You sure?

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, but now, just saying. Okay, so two years ago, what I just said is true, but what I'm saying now is this is as if I'm on the plane and I look out the window and the plane starts to leave the ground and the flight attendants go, what the fuck is happening?

[Travis McElroy]

Is there someone in the office who goes around like, oh, boy. Is there someone in the office sort of monitoring enthusiasm from the employee?

[Griffin McElroy]

No, there's obviously something like, oh, shit, again.

[Travis McElroy]

Is there someone who's, like, looking.

[Justin McElroy]

That was today.

[Travis McElroy]

There's someone who's like, did you see the launch, Mackie? Like, is anyone making sure that you're as fired up about this as you're supposed to be?

[Justin McElroy]

Does that help?

[Audience Member]

It does.

[Justin McElroy]

I do.

[Travis McElroy]

Just, I want to let you know, Mackie, before you go, that there is a little bit of perspective I'd like to offer, which is that our jobs do not offer us any kind of exclusive rocket launch access.

[Griffin McElroy]

Not exclusive, no.

[Travis McElroy]

We get to see it with everyone else, basically.

[Audience Member]

So until I sell tickets.

[Travis McElroy]

Until you sell tickets to your Burger.

[Griffin McElroy]

King drive in, Mackie, I'll switch places with you. We'll switch places any day.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I love that. Does that help, Mackie?

[Audience Member]

It does.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you so much for coming. You did an amazing job. Hello. Hi there.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Benjamin. Hello, Benjamin.

[Travis McElroy]

Did I say your name weird? You said it perfectly fine. Thank you so much. Benjamin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Benjamin, do not. Do not suck up to my brother, Benjamin.

[Travis McElroy]

Hello, Benjamin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Benjamin. My father and I've learned that your.

[Travis McElroy]

Father have very similar taste in music.

[Griffin McElroy]

So you're saying we have the same father?

[Travis McElroy]

Whoa, Benjamin.

[Justin McElroy]

A twist I didn't see.

[Travis McElroy]

Am I the fourth? Could it be?

[Justin McElroy]

Or am I the fourth?

[Travis McElroy]

Oh.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, wait. Anyway, it'll be great.

[Justin McElroy]

Please go, sir. Go ahead.

[Travis McElroy]

My dad loves Chicago. The band.

[Justin McElroy]

Right.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you for clarifying.

[Travis McElroy]

I have recently come to discover that your dad loves Chicago, based on the the most recent McElroy family clubhouse. Fantastic episode, by the way.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you.

[Justin McElroy]

Wow. Wow. Thanks. Wow. Thank you. Thank you so much.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you so much. You'll get your money later.

[Travis McElroy]

Like and subscribe? Like and subscribe.

[Justin McElroy]

What a weird place to meet a fan. Wow. Sheesh.

[Travis McElroy]

Anyway, my.

[Griffin McElroy]

My dad lives about an hour north of here. I. I flew down for Vermont just.

[Travis McElroy]

To see you guys. Holy. Thank you, Benjamin.

[Griffin McElroy]

So wait, you flew down from Vermont, but your dad lives an hour north of you?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, we're not, we're not super tight.

[Justin McElroy]

Nice. Okay, you want to.

[Griffin McElroy]

Benjamin, speak on that.

[Justin McElroy]

No, no, no, actually don't, because the stakes of this are already super high and now they're kind of weirdly super duper high.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I don't want to infringe on the.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you so much, Benjamin. Yeah. But, yeah, I. I want to impress him with Deep Cut Chicago, the band factoid. And I know your dad's here, so, like, yeah, dad, are you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Dad, do you want to come out and drop some.

[Justin McElroy]

Hi, Matt.

[Travis McElroy]

I need to talk to you 3.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can I tell you, it would be wild if with your fake family, you also use the name Clint McElroy, and Benjamin was a fan of the podcast and never put that together.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, dad, Benjamin needs a sick ass. Chicago fact.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

How many you need?

[Travis McElroy]

Benjamin also watched the most.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, hey, hey. Can I answer?

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, can I also stress like 3. Got it. I'm also gonna stress when we got this question. I told our dad he was not allowed to do any research about this. This had to be off the top of the dump. So what dad is about to spit is what dad knows.

[Travis McElroy]

Also, Benjamin, watch the most recent McElroy family clubhouse and will burn your ass to the ground if you bring anything that you shared.

[Justin McElroy]

Recycle that old business.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, it's gotta be something new.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

About this. Yeah. A new Chicago fact. In the last 24 hours in the album Chicago 7, if you guys need.

[Travis McElroy]

To go to the bathroom, by the way, this is basically gonna be a little convo between dad and Benjamin.

[Griffin McElroy]

There was an iron on trans of the Chicago logo with a cardinal on it.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

When was the last time you got an album? Wait, hey, dad, can I just tell you, just a quick director's note. You didn't deliver that like it was the end of the fact. You delivered it like it was a question you were asking Benjamin. Maybe next time the inflection should be there was. Okay, a thing with a cardinal on it instead of there was a thing with a cardinal on it.

[Justin McElroy]

I was thinking about how we need to, at our live shows, have less pressure on ourselves to always be joking. Like, we need to leave room. We need to leave room to, like, just talk as people because the energy gets a little like, eh. I am now second guessing that in a major way. I actually think that Impulse is completely wrong.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, sorry, Danielle, I am talking to your brother. So.

[Travis McElroy]

They were once sued by a.

[Griffin McElroy]

Bus company, Chicago Transit Authority. They were sued bought because their original name was Chicago Transit Authority. They were sued by the actual bus company, Chicago Transit Authority, to change their name, which is why they are known as Chicago. It's weird that the city of Chicago never sued them. Like, what if people are confused and they think you're the city of Chicago?

[Travis McElroy]

What if people travel to you, the.

[Griffin McElroy]

Band Chicago, and then try to eat pizza while standing on you?

[Justin McElroy]

Factoid number two, the original seven.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, no, no, you've done two already.

[Griffin McElroy]

Don't try.

[Travis McElroy]

This is three.

[Griffin McElroy]

I said they said three. Yes, but this is three. The cardinal dumb one. Pete's Carroll, Robert Lamb, Terry Cath, Danny.

[Justin McElroy]

Sarah from Lee Loch.

[Griffin McElroy]

Name. Walter Perez. Ada James Pankow. The original seven members at the funky windy City Center.

[Justin McElroy]

Ladies and gentlemen, Chicago. My boring old dad. Y'all begin one more big round of applause.

[Travis McElroy]

Does that help?

[Griffin McElroy]

Benjamin. Thank you, Benjamin.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you, Benjamin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thanks.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you, Clint.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you. Thank you, Mac man.

[Travis McElroy]

Hi.

[Justin McElroy]

Can you imagine how can you imagine how jazzed his dad's gonna be when he plays that bit for him? Like, can you believe it? The McElroy brothers talked about you.

[Travis McElroy]

Sorry that he said he was my dad so much.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Also be weird for you, Benjamin. I'm going to give you the beginning of this and you can finish it. Something about pizza. Dara. There's something about Pet Etc. There's something about like you can move.

[Travis McElroy]

Pet store called Pets, etc.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's something in there you can. When you find it, it's kind of better.

[Travis McElroy]

This isn't funny, but when you find it, it's going to be fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, you're gonna laugh at about two weeks.

[Travis McElroy]

Hello.

[Justin McElroy]

Hi.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, what's up?

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, brothers. I'm Charles, he him. Hi, Charles. Hi, Charles.

[Travis McElroy]

So I just moved to Florida from.

[Griffin McElroy]

Des Moines, Iowa, and I just got a job at a warehouse last month.

[Justin McElroy]

Right.

[Griffin McElroy]

You sound so surprised, Charles.

[Justin McElroy]

No, it's shocking.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, it sounds like they called you and said you're working at a warehouse. No. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Did you apply to this job?

[Griffin McElroy]

I was an independent artist prior to this, so the fact that I got a job at a warehouse is shocking. Okay, cool. You were on Only Farmers. Yes, exactly.

[Justin McElroy]

Right.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. So I work at a coffee roastery and we a few months before I got hired, we got a machine that packages K cups specifically. And everybody at the warehouse is terrified to use this machine except for the one person who's allowed to Use this machine. And they decided that I should be the trainee that learns under them how to use this. All right, so the training that I got was, first you push the start button.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

And now you guys know how to use the kcove machine.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

I could go get my license right now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right now. What's the question?

[Justin McElroy]

What's your.

[Travis McElroy]

The question is, I need to know.

[Griffin McElroy]

How to keep kayfabe. That this is a scary machine that only I should be allowed to touch. Because while I was being trained, the person who trained me said, push the start button, and then started watching Wedding Crashers on their phone.

[Travis McElroy]

Fucking hell, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now, wait. Sorry, Charles. Is that an intrinsic part of the process, Charles?

[Justin McElroy]

Did they look up from their phone and say, charles, if you fuck this up for me, I will kill you? I've been running this grift for 10 years.

[Travis McElroy]

They say you can watch any movie with Vince Vaughn in it, but if you don't, the machine will explode.

[Griffin McElroy]

Also, don't get it twisted. Fred Claus doesn't count.

[Travis McElroy]

Fred Claus is weirdly. Doesn't work.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I get this, Charles, because Kate comes. Wait, wait, wait.

[Justin McElroy]

What is your question, Charles?

[Griffin McElroy]

How do I keep everybody thinking that this machine is very scary, so only I get to use it? Yeah, sure.

[Travis McElroy]

Cool.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. But here's the thing. Because I think K Cups are inherently scary because people are used to tampons and pads, and K Cups are new traffic, and.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a good joke. I mean, it's a good joke. You got.

[Travis McElroy]

It kicks ass. It kicks ass.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a good joke. Charl, does your. How much of a buildup do you think you can sustain before you actually press the button? Like, do you think you can get.

[Travis McElroy]

A good stand back?

[Justin McElroy]

Like, a good 15 minutes of, like, getting close to it?

[Griffin McElroy]

And you're like, no. Okay. No, no, no, no, no, no. Wait, what's the word? Weather outside. Cloudy. No.

[Travis McElroy]

Humanity is too high.

[Justin McElroy]

Everybody. Everybody, just shut up. If everybody just shut up for one second, I could do it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Everybody just shut up.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's check the ph. Close. Paul, you're too close.

[Travis McElroy]

Paul, can you bring a friend into work under the guise of. They now work there, but they only show up one day, and then they never show up. And if anyone asks you what happened to them, you'd be like, yeah, man, he fell in the K Cup machine got turned into K Cup.

[Griffin McElroy]

Got cupped, bro. Got cupped real hard.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, how much of your pinky do you need?

[Travis McElroy]

Cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, I said need.

[Griffin McElroy]

Probably not as much as I think.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, you need one finger for the K Cup machine, but I know that much.

[Griffin McElroy]

One button to start, another one to start wedding grass.

[Justin McElroy]

Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait. This is actually really important.

[Griffin McElroy]

Really?

[Justin McElroy]

Morten, if you press the start button, will it just go forever? Is there some way to stop it? Is there. Is it going right now?

[Griffin McElroy]

So is there a mannequin of you sitting in the seat?

[Justin McElroy]

Is there an off.

[Travis McElroy]

There is an off switch.

[Justin McElroy]

So why are we freaked about AI? This is my thing.

[Griffin McElroy]

The machine will stop itself if the lid is off a little bit. And then you go, oh, I'm sorry.

[Travis McElroy]

Fix the lid now. That sounds scary to me.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then you push the start button again. You have to reach deep into the machine to knock the lid in place. It keeps going.

[Justin McElroy]

So you just have to wait for your opportunity to reach in real quick and grab it out. Charles, does that help?

[Travis McElroy]

That super helps.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you. Thank you, Charles. Thank you. Hello.

[Audience Member]

Hello.

[Justin McElroy]

How's it going?

[Audience Member]

I'm pretty nervous on living Faster Than fear just being here.

[Travis McElroy]

So, like, I appreciate you living Faster than fear while very clearly wearing a protest shirt for tummy I won't let.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is that why you're nervous? Because of the bootleg merch?

[Audience Member]

I didn't think you'd see this.

[Travis McElroy]

I was like, you didn't think we'd see it?

[Griffin McElroy]

You wrote a question in and then you sat in the spotlight. I'm actually really glad you asked the question, because at the beginning of the show, like, before when we did soundcheck, I said, can we move the light a little bit? Cause it's, like, right on that person's face, and they scooted over a little bit, and then it was right in your face. And then you stood up to ask a question. I went, oh, okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, good. Hello, how can we help? May I please ask your name?

[Audience Member]

My name is Rosie.

[Travis McElroy]

Is that better?

[Justin McElroy]

That was really awesome, actually, Griffin, it was worse. You heard it though, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

I did. I heard that one. Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

But you heard it.

[Travis McElroy]

The vibe was off.

[Justin McElroy]

Like, even in trying to riff on. It's like, yeah, sure. Okay, so go ahead.

[Audience Member]

This is also kind of about my dad, coincidentally.

[Travis McElroy]

Kick ass.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wait, what?

[Audience Member]

I didn't mention it in the question. I didn't think you'd choose it, actually.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a kick ass question, Rosie.

[Audience Member]

So my dad likes to buy pheasants.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, we've been there.

[Audience Member]

He lives in Missouri. This is his second pair of pheasants that he's gotten.

[Travis McElroy]

Hold on, hold on, hold on. You just dropped two things on us really fast. With a tone of voice. Of like, you know, he lives in Missouri pheasant country and bought a pair of them. Like you have to do or they'll kill each other.

[Griffin McElroy]

And can I also say the second pair of pheasants implies that the first pair went out at the same time.

[Audience Member]

No, the first pair is fine. They're still there.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, great.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, so why not his first quadrant pair of Rosies?

[Travis McElroy]

So let's hear Rosie's question.

[Audience Member]

So he got a golden. Picked a pair of golden pheasants originally. And then he got really interested in Tragopan pheasants. I don't know if you've seen their mating displays. They're really weird. I thought.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry, Tragapan. I have not seen their mating displays.

[Travis McElroy]

I've seen a lot of other pheasant materials.

[Justin McElroy]

A lot of other mating displays.

[Griffin McElroy]

I thought you said dragon pan.

[Justin McElroy]

Dragon pan. I've seen there. Try. Go ahead.

[Audience Member]

They're really weird.

[Justin McElroy]

I thought it was even for pheasant mating displays.

[Griffin McElroy]

They wear really? Can I ask?

[Travis McElroy]

Unless it's like, yucky.

[Audience Member]

No, it's really cool. They look kind of like aliens. They've got this, like multicolored flap that like, opens up.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, sorry. Hey, hey, hey, Rosie.

[Travis McElroy]

That's weird.

[Griffin McElroy]

Where's the flap on their, like.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, but hold on. No, hold on.

[Audience Member]

Look at them.

[Travis McElroy]

They do look like an Avatar bird. Yeah. Paul, if you could pull up a picture of a Tragopan pheasant. But no, no, there's better pictures.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, you shot your shot, Paul. It's all good, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, but we can all agree that just saying in a breeding thing, in a mating ritual, they open up their flap, that maybe there might be these guys. Look.

[Justin McElroy]

Fucking.

[Travis McElroy]

This picture does not do credit to how fucking Avatar ass these birds look. Holy shit.

[Justin McElroy]

Can I say something earnestly for a second? I never would have thought that I would have a career that is specifically built to just bring me the world's most fascinating people. But I feel so thrilled to come out here and this is our first show this year. I feel so thrilled to come out here and meet you absolute maniacs. You're the most fascinating humans on the planet.

[Griffin McElroy]

And can I say my favorite thing? We haven't even gotten to the actual question.

[Justin McElroy]

So how can we help one of.

[Audience Member]

Them escape the enclosure?

[Griffin McElroy]

Male or female?

[Audience Member]

The female.

[Travis McElroy]

We have the Tragopan or the golden.

[Audience Member]

The track of pants.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, this all helps.

[Audience Member]

The female's name is. No, the female's name is Winter. The male is Vivaldi.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yep.

[Audience Member]

There's another female that they have not named yet. I.

[Justin McElroy]

We don't know.

[Griffin McElroy]

They didn't want to go spring or fall the other four seasons again.

[Audience Member]

My dad is an interesting guy. He loves Vivaldi.

[Griffin McElroy]

I say way more interesting than our dad. He was just out here. Did you hear him?

[Travis McElroy]

Did you hear me?

[Griffin McElroy]

Just talked about the band. Chicago.

[Travis McElroy]

Not cool bird shit.

[Griffin McElroy]

I bet pheasants make cool bird shit.

[Travis McElroy]

I bet.

[Justin McElroy]

So what if pheasants. So pheasants.

[Audience Member]

Yeah, right.

[Travis McElroy]

That's fucking crazy.

[Griffin McElroy]

They look like. Imagine the stumbling on that shit.

[Travis McElroy]

He looks like the spitter dinosaur that killed Wayne Knight.

[Griffin McElroy]

Or like a cool rave vagina.

[Audience Member]

Travis.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm saying if you saw.

[Justin McElroy]

How dare you say what Griffin was thinking. He's scandalized.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, no, hold on. No, hold on.

[Travis McElroy]

What's a rave vagina?

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis. It's in. What the fuck does that mean? Travis, if you saw a vagina under black light.

[Travis McElroy]

Travis, that's.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, get that gone.

[Travis McElroy]

Get that gone.

[Griffin McElroy]

So my face hurts.

[Travis McElroy]

You need help?

[Audience Member]

What do you want?

[Griffin McElroy]

What do you want?

[Justin McElroy]

Like what do you want?

[Travis McElroy]

You destroyed our family.

[Griffin McElroy]

Look at that shit.

[Travis McElroy]

That's crazy.

[Justin McElroy]

Why do you want this to come back? You just want this to be away from you.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is. Somebody painted this mural on the wall of a laser tag place. And the boss is like, I think I need to fire because I think that's a vagina. I need that.

[Justin McElroy]

I think where it is, it probably got stolen by an insane wizard. Yeah, like, look at it. It's incredible.

[Travis McElroy]

What's the question?

[Griffin McElroy]

How do you kill it?

[Justin McElroy]

No, it's weak spot.

[Travis McElroy]

Just look.

[Justin McElroy]

It's the purple.

[Audience Member]

Need some tips on how to catch it.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

So what is it?

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, can I just say, when I look at that bird, don't look fast.

[Travis McElroy]

Or it looks extremely fucking fast. It's either one of the two.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, you actually don't get to look that stupid and be slow at the same time.

[Travis McElroy]

Can your dad get his hands on some space mushrooms? Cause that's the diet of this guy.

[Justin McElroy]

I bet what you're going to want is a varied environment that'll appeal to a pheasant. So you're gonna wanna put out some grain, some sorghum, some wheat.

[Travis McElroy]

Did you look up pheasant shit backstage?

[Justin McElroy]

So I did, but then. Then I got on TikTok. So I have burnt through. Could you recreate?

[Griffin McElroy]

Justin, could you recreate some. Finish some pheasant calls for. That was him clearing his throat.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey guys, if you laugh during it, you could mess it up.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is something that Josie can Play on their phone.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, play it on your phone. Just record it.

[Travis McElroy]

Pheasants are easily spooked. Please stay absolutely silent while my brother does pheasant calls. He learned on TikTok.

[Justin McElroy]

Quiet. Get ready to record.

[Travis McElroy]

Shut up.

[Justin McElroy]

Shut up. There you go.

[Travis McElroy]

Does that help?

[Audience Member]

Yes. I will play these for my dad.

[Travis McElroy]

Great.

[Griffin McElroy]

Play those for your dad.

[Justin McElroy]

He's gonna love them. Tell your dad that he owes me $20 on OnlyFans.

[Travis McElroy]

Whoa, whoa.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you. You can bring the lights down. Hey, Tampa, you've been such a lot.

[Travis McElroy]

Tampa.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you.

[Travis McElroy]

This is our first show of 20, 25, of course. 20 Thunder Drive.

[Griffin McElroy]

You all have been fucking incredible.

[Justin McElroy]

You're amazing.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you so much.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm waiting an appropriate amount of time for Paul to get back to the table to talk about Maddie's posters. Whenever Paul's ready. Can we go to the poster Paul, when it. There it is.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you so much. There's our poster.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you. Matty Lundqvist.

[Travis McElroy]

Grab one of those if there's any left. We signed a whole bunch of them. There's also coins out there. All proceeds from these coins go to feeding Tampa Bay. It's a beautiful double sided. No matter which theme you've really resonated with this year. Got you.

[Griffin McElroy]

And if you don't already have tickets, we're gonna be here tomorrow night as well doing the Adventure Zone, doing Taz versus Romeo versus Juliet.

[Travis McElroy]

It's gonna be a fun time. Thank you to Montane for the use of our theme song My life is better with you. It is a fantastic track. We're so grateful to be able to use it. And yeah, we have a Faster than fear.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is going to be our first line. Faster than fear. And I think because of the outfit Griffin is wearing and the character disgust in the thing and maybe what he might be if you squint your eyes reminiscent of.

[Travis McElroy]

What are you talking about?

[Griffin McElroy]

That Griffin should read this question. Maybe Justin and I will quietly. Vroom, vroom, vroom. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

That's not what cars. You will practice this, but that's not what cars sound. This year I'm going to be faster than my fear of the Kool Aid Man.

[Griffin McElroy]

My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

McElroy. My brother may kiss your dad square on the lips. My life.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'S better it's better with.

[Justin McElroy]

You My life.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'S better it's better.

[Justin McElroy]

With you Cuz it's true.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'S better.

[Justin McElroy]

It'S better with you My life, it's better with you Maximum fun a worker owned network of artist owned shows supported directly by.