MBMBaM 758: Ostrichhood

Summary

Episode Summary: MBMBaM 758: Ostrichhood

In episode 758 of My Brother, My Brother and Me titled "Ostrichhood", hosts Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy navigate a series of unconventional questions and humorous topics. From the feasibility of humans riding ostriches to the ethical dilemmas surrounding the resurrection of dire wolves, the brothers deliver their trademark blend of witty banter and offbeat advice. This detailed summary captures the essence of their discussions, notable insights, and concluding thoughts.

---

1. Can Humans Ride Ostriches?

[02:00 - 05:00]

The episode kicks off with Travis posing a whimsical yet earnest question: "Can human beings ride ostriches?" The brothers explore the practicality and ethics of such an endeavor.

• Travis McElroy contemplates the concept, sharing his sleepless night pondering over ostrich riding:
  "It doesn't seem like a human being should be able to ride it."
  [02:46]

• Justin McElroy humorously references pop culture, debating whether a cowboy from a cartoon rides an ostrich:
  "I think Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I mean, I think it's a cowboy."
  [02:09]

• Griffin McElroy adds to the skepticism, highlighting the physical limitations and ethical concerns:
  "No one's gonna let their kid in there with that giant bird of prey. No way."
  [04:32]

The discussion culminates in the idea of creating a "boyhood style movie" featuring ostrich riding, blending their creative impulses with the ongoing banter.

• Travis McElroy proposes a movie concept:
  "Where they start with like a 30 pound kid... riding the ostrich."
  [05:38]

2. Resurrecting Dire Wolves: Ethical Implications

[08:00 - 12:00]

Shifting gears, the brothers delve into a hypothetical scenario where a company claims to have resurrected dire wolves. They dissect the feasibility and ethical ramifications of such an endeavor.

• Justin McElroy introduces the topic with skepticism:
  "That's fucked, right?"
  [09:05]

• Travis McElroy questions the authenticity and scientific backing:
  "Outside experts are more cautious... We're gluing things onto them to make them worse?"
  [09:24]

• Griffin McElroy emphasizes the potential dangers and ethical concerns:
  "Wolves are killer, right? We love wolves... why are we gluing things onto them to make them worse?"
  [10:28]

The brothers humorously critique the press release's language and the absurdity of genetically modifying wolves to resemble fictional dire wolves.

• Justin McElroy sarcastically paraphrases the company's claims:
  "We painted them and we're calling this a W in our book."
  [09:59]

3. Listener Question: Scriptwriting Beyond He-Man

[15:00 - 21:00]

A listener, Scripty from SC, seeks advice on encouraging a co-worker to diversify their scriptwriting beyond fan scripts about He-Man. The brothers brainstorm creative alternatives.

• Travis McElroy suggests reimagining characters with inclusive names:
  "Boy Guy muscle chant muscle... Prince Muscleton."
  [16:20]

• Justin McElroy emphasizes originality while acknowledging the challenge of moving away from established characters:
  "Maybe it would be nice to create our own Creative Commons characters."
  [16:17]

• Griffin McElroy offers humorous takeaways, poking fun at He-Man's legacy:
  "It seems pretty busted. It seems like a semi nude royal man who transforms with a magic sword."
  [21:03]

The discussion highlights the importance of creative freedom while navigating the constraints of copyright and fan expectations.

4. Advice on Building a Website

[32:00 - 35:00]

Travis seeks guidance on establishing a personal website, expressing his dreamy ideas but lacking the technical know-how.

• Travis McElroy shares his vision:
  "I'm an idea man... I'm willing to offer you guys each $500 to build me a website."
  [32:31]

• Justin McElroy provides practical advice, recommending user-friendly platforms:
  "Squarespace does make that really easy... they'll give you the templates to make it look great."
  [33:10]

• Griffin McElroy humorously downplays the offer:
  "Do you know how tight money is for me, Juice?"
  [33:39]

The brothers balance Travis's lofty aspirations with Justin's grounded suggestions, advocating for accessible solutions like Squarespace to turn ideas into reality.

5. Cooking and Meal Promotions: Marley Spoon

[34:00 - 37:00]

Addressing another listener concern about meal preparation, the brothers discuss the challenges of cooking amidst busy schedules and promote a meal kit service, Marley Spoon.

• Justin McElroy shares his positive experiences with Marley Spoon:
  "They've got recipes you can make in 15 minutes... something with a lot of nutrition."
  [35:00]

• Griffin McElroy humorously claims exclusive taste preferences:
  "I'm only eating... Martha Stewart's best bean and cheese enchiladas."
  [35:43]

• Justin McElroy promotes the service with a special offer:
  "Head to MarleySpoon.com... use code MYBROTHER for up to 27 free meals."
  [36:47]

This segment blends genuine advice on meal prep with promotional content, highlighting convenient solutions for listeners' everyday problems.

6. Conversing with an Olympian at a Wedding

[24:00 - 28:00]

A listener, Admire from Apple Apalachicola, asks for tips on engaging with a semi-famous Olympian attending their wedding. The brothers explore imaginative and humorous scenarios.

• Justin McElroy expresses concern over competitive instincts:
  "How am I going to beat these people to the buffet?"
  [23:46]

• Griffin McElroy speculates on the Olympian's competitive nature, referencing Michael Phelps:
  "If you didn't know, Michael Phelps... he saved your bride."
  [25:57]

• Travis McElroy humorously envisions awkward interactions:
  "It's no problem... And it's like, Phelps, I didn't lead."
  [26:09]

The discussion playfully navigates the tension between admiration and competitiveness, offering light-hearted advice on managing interactions with high-achieving individuals.

7. Humorous Product Analysis: Pizza Caviar

[38:00 - 49:00]

In a satirical review, the brothers dissect a fictional Pizza Hut product called "Pizza Caviar," blending absurdity with sharp wit.

• Griffin McElroy questions the product's appeal and practicality:
  "Pepperoni flavored water and agar agar based caviar style pearls... That's like tapioca."
  [39:29]

• Justin McElroy mocks the press release's language:
  "This is a specific craze, Travis. Caviar bumps refer to putting caviar in your hand... similar to a joke press release."
  [40:10]

• Travis McElroy and Griffin McElroy continue to lampoon the concept, highlighting the over-the-top nature of the product:
  “Caviar bumps are out. Tinned fish is in. Now it's caviar lines...”
  [40:23]
  "I want pizza pills and pepperoni sprays."
  [49:07]

This segment exemplifies the brothers' ability to transform mundane topics into hilariously critical examinations, entertaining listeners with their creative mockery.

8. Conclusion and Promotions

[50:00 - 52:22]

Wrapping up the episode, the brothers promote upcoming events, merchandise, and acknowledge contributors.

• Justin McElroy announces appearances at conventions:
  "We're going to be at Dragon Con in Atlanta... Harmony House, Ren Faire."
  [50:34]

• Travis McElroy highlights merchandise and charitable contributions:
  "Including a Mickey Mackerel spinner pin. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the National Immigration Project."
  [50:50]

• Griffin McElroy thanks Montaigne for the theme song and wraps up with humorous fear declarations:
  "Maximum fun. A worker-owned network of artist-owned... journey."
  [52:22]

The episode concludes with the brothers reinforcing their community engagement and maintaining their characteristic humorous tone.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Travis McElroy on ostrich riding feasibility:
  "It doesn't seem like a human being should be able to ride it."
  [02:46]

• Justin McElroy on resurrecting dire wolves:
  "That's fucked, right?"
  [09:05]

• Griffin McElroy on creative scriptwriting:
  "Boy Guy... Prince Muscleton."
  [16:20]

• Justin McElroy promoting Marley Spoon:
  "Head to MarleySpoon.com... use code MYBROTHER for up to 27 free meals."
  [36:47]

• Griffin McElroy on Pizza Caviar:
  "Pepperoni flavored water and agar agar based caviar style pearls... That's like tapioca."
  [39:29]

This episode of My Brother, My Brother and Me continues to deliver the McElroy brothers' unique mix of humor, creativity, and unconventional advice, ensuring listeners are both entertained and thoughtfully engaged.

Transcript

[Justin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

[Montaigne]

It's the start of something beautiful A small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into a precious friends I could have never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels like it's better it's better with you My life, it's better it's better with you this is who you are it's better it's better with two it's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, what up, Trav nation? It's me, your middlest brother, Travis. Vroom, vroom, McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

And hey, it's me, your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30 guy, Griffin. Built for tough McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

I want to ask you guys a question. Gave me up last night a little bit. Not a super long time. Now I want an honest answer. Clear your minds. And this is not.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's not. Travis. If that was the thing you just said to do, if I could do it, do you realize how much better my life would be?

[Travis McElroy]

And I want to make this clear. This is not should or would, but could. Can human beings ride ostriches?

[Griffin McElroy]

This kept you up?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, because I realized my only point of reference for it was like I've seen it like in movies or cartoons or something.

[Justin McElroy]

I think Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I mean, I think it's a cowboy.

[Travis McElroy]

Who rides an ostrich.

[Justin McElroy]

Cowboy rider rides an ostrich, which I.

[Travis McElroy]

Assume, by the way, it's not seasonal. But that cowboy just doesn't know where to get a horse that's not real.

[Justin McElroy]

Can I clarify? Ostriches are real?

[Griffin McElroy]

They are?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Big, big, big, big, big, big.

[Justin McElroy]

I get confused with them.

[Griffin McElroy]

And pegasi and emus, those are the same animal and they should be reclassified as dodos.

[Travis McElroy]

They're gone.

[Justin McElroy]

They're gone.

[Griffin McElroy]

Not as big. So this kept you up?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, because like when I picture an ostrich and I think about the whole design.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

It doesn't seem like a human being should be able to write it.

[Griffin McElroy]

I guess that's not my. I guess that's I guess my issue is like, when my. When my thoughts keep me up, they're usually more me centric and less focused on the load bearing capacity of flightless birds.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, I have those too, Griffin. But I'm okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Cool.

[Travis McElroy]

Like those are normal human thoughts.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And then I have the ADHD brain thoughts. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes my brain's like, how did fountains work before electricity? And that'll keep me up for like four days now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can I say something, Trav? That's a good one.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

The ostrich thing is like easily googleable. The analog fountain thing is medium Googleable.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, I'm 41 years old, Griffin, and I've processed through a lot of the good ones already. Now I'm down to the snickle Fritz of Is it possible for our ostrich to support the weight of a grandfather?

[Justin McElroy]

A kid.

[Griffin McElroy]

A kid.

[Travis McElroy]

A kid, sure.

[Griffin McElroy]

No one's gonna let their kid in there with that giant bird of prey. No way. It's a good question though, Trev.

[Travis McElroy]

I looked it up.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, what's the answer?

[Travis McElroy]

Apparently one. This isn't gonna surprise you guys. A lot of ethical concerns about it.

[Griffin McElroy]

What do you mean?

[Travis McElroy]

That ostriches, like I said, are not unlike a horse, which has. Everything about it seems built to convey.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I mean with. We've. To be more accurate, Trav, we've built horses.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, Built horse tough.

[Justin McElroy]

Built horse tough.

[Travis McElroy]

But ostriches are not built for that. But apparently up to. And this is the most specific weight I've ever heard.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's gonna be so much. So much lower than I wanted to say 163 pounds. Okay. Actually. Mm. That may be. It would be tough. There would be some lifestyle changes that I frankly am not yet.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't wanna be out with the girls and have to think like, do I have that next piece of cheesecake or do I wanna ride a ostrich? You know what I mean? I don't need to be riding.

[Travis McElroy]

Especially if you're right on the border. Cause this isn't 163.

[Justin McElroy]

That's so sick.

[Travis McElroy]

Like, that means they put 164 pound person on there. And the ostrich crawl.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, Travis. And ostrich's like, fuck you.

[Justin McElroy]

No, no, no, no. Off, off, off. It's wearing like a heavy coat or something.

[Travis McElroy]

This isn't.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's funny.

[Justin McElroy]

Keys out of your pocket, Dan.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's funny that it's funny that you think that they started with 164 and didn't have to walk it down from like 215 and then they, they flew a lot of flags. Half mast in ostrich land.

[Justin McElroy]

I think they just John proctored it from 30 up. You know what I mean? Like they just kept adding one pound.

[Travis McElroy]

More weight.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, more weight.

[Griffin McElroy]

I like, I do like.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, well let's make a boyhood style movie.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Where they start with like a 30 pound kid. And every day as the child grows, they put it back on the ostrich.

[Griffin McElroy]

Back on the ostrich.

[Travis McElroy]

And they're like, are we cool with this one? Weigh the kid. Okay, great.

[Justin McElroy]

I do like that one. There's like a four minute long sequence in Curious Tale of Benjamin Button where he is de aged enough where he has the physical capability to ride the ostrich and the mental capability to rise the ostrich. Right. They line up and there's like a week where it's just him riding the ostrich. Like four minutes of the movie is like finally those two. I stopped everything else I was doing in the story.

[Travis McElroy]

And that happens at exactly the midway point of the movie.

[Justin McElroy]

That's where you can go get. It says intermission at the bottom of the screen.

[Travis McElroy]

Go get snacks if you want. You just see the shot of him on the ostrich and it's a wide shot. He's far back there just going back and forth.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think we're overdue for a glow up on these big flightless birds of the ostrich. I think that we don't think about these guys a lot because they're played but also because they're so gross and weird looking. Like their neck and head looks like a worm. And the way it goes in their body is like fucked up. Like it goes. Your neck goes into your side.

[Travis McElroy]

Why do their feathers.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's awesome. Why do the feathers stop there? A lot of great questions now. If we could give him a cute little beak and cover him in bright yellow feathers. Give him two big bright wings, long legs, a cuter sound that he makes. And we have chocobos and we have them be, you know, boutique. This is a boutique mount. All of a sudden I think ostriches are gonna be back on top. Still gonna have the ethical concerns of.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Riding. Riding on them. Which if you didn't know every Final Fantasy character is under 163 pounds.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's just the way it works. Fucked up that that's part of it.

[Justin McElroy]

But this actually dovetails into something nicely that I like. Current events that I'd love to take your guys.

[Griffin McElroy]

We're all low now. We all like this low life, you know, we brought.

[Justin McElroy]

No, this is good. This is conversational. Do you know we brought back direwolves? Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Joe Manginiello's pumped about it.

[Justin McElroy]

Joe Manginiello's pumped. A lot of people are pumped about this.

[Travis McElroy]

Let's talk.

[Justin McElroy]

Because I saw George R.R. martin, who, if somebody's gonna know from dire wolves, be this guy. Yeah, I saw. I saw a picture of him. And the story is we brought back dire wolves, which I. I will admit, in my initial ignorance, thought that they. And this is why I had to ask about the ostrich guys, because I have completely lost track of which these guys we made up and which ones we didn't.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a full time job keeping up with that stuff.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. So apparently these guys were real. They were roaming around, man. And this.

[Travis McElroy]

Sorry, but just on that. Justin, my search bar, today it's unicorn day and it pops up and says, unicorn day. Were they real? And I didn't know that was a scientific question. Anyways, go on, Justin. Bringing back direwolves.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. Thank you. So we did it. So the headline is, US Company resurrects the Extinct direwolf. Or some version of it. So here's the thing. That's fucked, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

This company did not bring back these incredible, real ice age predators that roamed across the.

[Griffin McElroy]

Tundra.

[Justin McElroy]

The tundra. Right. What they did was.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. The company is calling them direwolves and is referring to this as the world's first successfully de extincted animal.

[Travis McElroy]

Awesome.

[Justin McElroy]

Outside experts are more cautious.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Describing the pups as genetically modified gray wolves because the process used to create them involved editing the genes of the species to add dire wolf traits.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

So what they say is. What they say is. The thing is that we. This is a quote. We define de extinction success as bringing back the functional ecological traits that made direwolves unique contributors to their ecosystem. And our dire wolves are an example of that. So here's what they are saying.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

We found wolves and we glued some shit to them that makes them a.

[Griffin McElroy]

Lot like dire wolves.

[Justin McElroy]

We painted them and we're calling this a W in our book. And George R.R. martin was like, fucking good enough for me. And Joe Mangel was like, sounds good. So I'd love to get a counterpoint of fucking. Don't do this.

[Travis McElroy]

Are you crazy?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Wolves are killer, right? We love wolves.

[Griffin McElroy]

Love wolves.

[Justin McElroy]

Wolves are so. Do you know how safe wolves are for us as a people? Wolves are so safe that they don't keep statistics on wolf Attacks. That's not because they just.

[Griffin McElroy]

They're chill. Don't like, they get it.

[Justin McElroy]

Why are we gluing things onto them to make them worse?

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, because we won wolves. Like, we beat wolves. We figured out everything about wolves, and they're not a threat to us anymore.

[Justin McElroy]

So we're nastying them up, getting it spicy, while giving them a little mohawk. You know, we're shooting them, like, big. It says in the story. It says that these are bigger than gray wolves would be at this time because of the stuff they did to them.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sure, man.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't know if we want to.

[Justin McElroy]

Make really big wolves.

[Travis McElroy]

This is what I learned.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel like things are on a rough enough trajectory that we don't need to make huge wolves.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, sure.

[Travis McElroy]

This is what I learned from the documentary Jurassic World when they were like, we brought back dinosaurs, but we get that that's not enough. So we fucked with the genetics of this dinosaur to make it better at eating people and hunting you and killing people. And I look at them and I go, you know what would be better? Smaller dinosaurs that I could keep in my office in, like, a fish tank. And they're perfectly happy. So, Justin, to your point, bigger wolf. No, no, no, no. Give me small wolf. And now I'm saying it. That's a dog.

[Justin McElroy]

That's a dog. That's a dog.

[Griffin McElroy]

He did that.

[Justin McElroy]

That's so bad. We don't want to mess with him, right?

[Travis McElroy]

Dogs, wolves, okay?

[Justin McElroy]

They're fine. I don't want them more scary than they are. By the way, on the Facebook post that George R.R. martin put up where he's like, we did it. Mission accomplished. He's in front of the big ban. Dire wolves are real. P.S. not a single comment, by the way, miss the irony of.

[Travis McElroy]

George R.R.

[Justin McElroy]

Martin living to see the unextinction of dire wolves before he's finished publishing his book. Like, the extinct creature beat him to market, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Time has already.

[Justin McElroy]

That was all the comments. Because that is the most important thing about this, is that he has not finished the book series. That's the number one thing.

[Travis McElroy]

I will also say, man, this feels like if I needed to do some, like, serious housework and instead spend an hour, like, reorganizing my 3D printer filament. And then I was like, mission accomplished. And it's like, hey, do you think bringing dire wolves back from extinction was, like, our number one?

[Griffin McElroy]

I will say, you never know which scientific developments lead to the next. If creating these huge, nasty turbo wolves in some way, they're like. And in doing so, cancer gone. Now all of a sudden, now I'm listening.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. These wolves eat cancer.

[Justin McElroy]

These wolves eat cancer out of the air. I used to think I have a generalized anxiety disorder. And now I've learned that I'm just good at worrying about stuff before other people realize they need to.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're a trendsetter, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I'm ahead of the game on this one, guys. Listen, I was right about Trump, and I'm gonna be right about dire wolves. But you still have a chance to do something about the wolves, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Now. What is that, juice? You tell me now. Cause it seems to me like the.

[Justin McElroy]

Horse is out of the barn.

[Griffin McElroy]

And by horse, I mean giant wolf is out of the barn. And if it's us against them, I'm not comfortable with the optics of that.

[Justin McElroy]

What I'm saying is, I'm joining up. What I'm saying is. And this is just us three, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

No one's listening to us three. Maybe it would be nice. Maybe we could use a boost as a people, as a species.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And Re and Re extinct the re extinct the direwolves. Like, victory over the dire. Like, we could use. I said little win, right? It's a Pyrrhic victory for sure.

[Travis McElroy]

If they're not.

[Justin McElroy]

Cause they're not your real direwolves.

[Travis McElroy]

But, like, I understand that we domesticated you guys into dogs. You can domesticate me as a pet. I don't want to die. I will turn. I will turncoat so hard. Oh.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis is firmly on team direwolf.

[Justin McElroy]

Then you flipped. Okay, that's interesting.

[Travis McElroy]

No. If they're listening. If they're not listening. Justin, I'm totally on your side, but I don't know how powerful these bad boys hearing is. So if any direwolf can hear this.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you're in the fucking settings menu of the wolf, genetically speaking, you could probably crank a lot of different kind of heuristics all the way up to top apex.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm just saying, if they can hear this right now. I'm on your side, direwolf.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now, now, now can we genetically modify the dire wolves to make them big enough to ride? I wanna. Dire wolves. That's so 2000 and late. You know, it's so 20, 25. Wargs. Give me a warg any day.

[Travis McElroy]

I'd love a warg.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'd love a warg that I can ride around on. Cause guess where the warg can't bite the guy on his back? And it's not gonna be ethically bad because we're gonna make the Wargs love it to be ridden and they can carry so much more than 160.

[Travis McElroy]

But don't make them love it too much.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't want it to feel weird that I'm doing it.

[Justin McElroy]

Was there ever a dire ostrich?

[Travis McElroy]

Could be. Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm a film student at a local community college and I have a part time job working in a bookstore on the weekends. Recently I've discovered one of my co workers is also interested in film and enjoys writing scripts. I was so excited to hear this as we could use more scriptwriters in the program because most people focus on wanting to direct or operate the camera. Only problem is he only writes fan scripts about he Man. How can I convince my coworker to write other characters or at least the very least switch the character's name to non copyrighted ones? That's from scripty in sc. Yeah, well guys, I think what this person is asking us to do is to create our own right now. To create our own Creative Commons. He Man. Yeah, for the public imagination.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, because you don't want to cut he man out. I think many movies, maybe all would be made better if he man was there. Not necessarily destroying things, smashing through things, punching things. Like think of like most movies are made better by the Rock being in them. A large man with powerful muscles commenting on things. Yeah, the he man could be that.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, what about names? I mean, right off the bat.

[Griffin McElroy]

Boy Guy. Boy Guy Muscle Chant Muscle. What was that?

[Justin McElroy]

Muscle Champ is not as good as Prince.

[Griffin McElroy]

Prince Muscle Chimp is pretty cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Prince Muscleton.

[Griffin McElroy]

But he's not. He's not. That's two different guys is the person he meets.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes, Prince Musselton would be his normal.

[Justin McElroy]

I actually think it's even better if no one guesses that Prince Musselton is actually Boy Guy. Boy Guy? Why is he a boy? That's not like a part of the he man meat.

[Travis McElroy]

You know what inclusivity. They themselves just call him they them.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't know. I don't know about that.

[Griffin McElroy]

But it's not following the convention of he Man.

[Travis McElroy]

They person is.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, but that doesn't sound great. Boy Guy, however, I think drips off the tongue and I think gets you close enough to the sort of original.

[Justin McElroy]

Syntactic, okay, boy guy idea. Prince Musselton becomes boy guy.

[Travis McElroy]

I've heard it too many times now and start to feel like real girls girl kind of deal. Like, oh, he's a real boys guy.

[Griffin McElroy]

When that one lady wrote the 50 Shades books. Those started out as Twilight fan fiction and then they turned into the best selling sex books that have ever been released. And made three bonerific film adaptations out of those. So who's to say that this is not gonna happen? For their he man script, When Griffin.

[Justin McElroy]

Says sexiest book, he's not counting Go Tell a Watchman by Harper Lee. Just wanted to clarify.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, Yeah, I haven't read that one. I do understand. The erotic nature of it is boiling, man. He Scalding hot, man.

[Justin McElroy]

He Manny, Manny, Manny, Manny the Muscle King me He.

[Griffin McElroy]

This was not sort of the question.

[Justin McElroy]

They wanted, I don't think. What is the essential nature of a he man story? It's man hides muscles.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

So what are some other muscle hiders fight skeleton?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I don't really. Can I say something? Lump this dude in with Snoopy. I have no feelings about he Man. What the fuck so ever.

[Justin McElroy]

You missed that generationally.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I did. By about 25 years. That dude is so fucking old.

[Travis McElroy]

That's not it.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

He's pretty old. And he has a bunch of weird friends and a big purple cat. And it's like, you lost me.

[Travis McElroy]

And here's the thing. Here's what I will say that I enjoy about old school. He man and his cat. You had a big muscly prince in a tight, tight fit, making it clear he was a big muscle prince. And the big muscle prince had a pet tiger.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And then he would become he man. And his size did not change at all. And he's tiger got armor. And everyone's like, who the fuck is that guy?

[Griffin McElroy]

Who is that? Who is it?

[Justin McElroy]

This is absolutely.

[Travis McElroy]

I think there needs to be more of that.

[Justin McElroy]

It's absolutely fair. Absolutely. The tiger, Cringer is what you're is the name of the tiger. And the tiger also gets more brave with the armor. But it's like, so would I. Yeah, me too. Like, you know, Cringer is scared. Like, give him the fucking armor so he's not scared.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's fucked up that you take the armor away from him ever.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Prince Musselton has the sword. Like he could at any point be like, lop someone's head off. Like, he has no reason to be afraid.

[Griffin McElroy]

But the tiger can't put the armor on a sniper.

[Justin McElroy]

Assassins from Skeletor could kill Cringer. Like from Assassin's Bullet. A hundred yards, no problem. Grayskull Window shatters. Cringer's dead.

[Travis McElroy]

Cringer is also just wheezing off of he man's power. Yeah. Cringer can't Be like, I'm freaked out by the power of Grayskull. I have the power.

[Justin McElroy]

It's dark. It's 2:00am, right? I'm like, I want to go to CVS, but it's like late and I don't want to get like. I would just like the armor, please. Going out.

[Travis McElroy]

Like Prince Adam, like, hey, could you he man out so that I can get reflective? And Prince Adam was like, no.

[Justin McElroy]

He said, I'm in the shower.

[Travis McElroy]

I know, but I've got to do stuff.

[Justin McElroy]

Griffin, that took you so long to laugh at. You really did miss out on he man.

[Griffin McElroy]

I had. I did. Yeah. I don't know know who he is. And I've been pretending for a really long time.

[Justin McElroy]

Like years.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like years and years and years. I don't know fucking anything about him. I think in the entertainment economy we find ourselves in right now, I cannot comfortably say that writing about he man exclusively is a bad idea. Because it does feel like it's time. Like if I don't know who this fucking dude is, that's a huge market potential for he man. If it maybe it kicks ass. I don't know. It seems pretty busted. It seems like a semi nude royal man who transforms with a magic sword and he has a tiger.

[Travis McElroy]

Like, that's what she's pretty sure we all saw the Masters of the Universe movie together.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I was a zygote. I don't remember it. It's old, Old, old, old, old.

[Travis McElroy]

The only thing I remember is it being the first time I ever saw a post credits scene.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, shit, that.

[Travis McElroy]

Then Skeletor comes back out. Yeah. From that moment on when Clint Macro would take his. So we did not leave in case.

[Griffin McElroy]

Skeletor comes back out. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And can I tell you, Skeletor never came back at the end of other movies.

[Justin McElroy]

No.

[Travis McElroy]

Which I think would have been a wild but breathtakingly artistic choice.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sure, sure, sure, sure.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Into Marley and me.

[Justin McElroy]

Skeletor.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're kidding me. The dog dies. Christ almighty.

[Travis McElroy]

I sat through the whole thing.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm attending a friend's wedding soon and learning that a former Olympian will also be attending. This person is semi famous? Yes. Multiple gold medals and competed in swimming. What are some good ways to strike up a conversation with Michael Phelps? That's from admire. American admirer. No, it doesn't say that. I don't know who it is. American admirer in Apple. Apalachicola.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cool.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, there's no way it's Michael Phelps, right? Cause the only one to describe Michael Phelps as semi famous.

[Griffin McElroy]

Probably not Phelps. Yeah. I'm pretty sure that they would say, like, he was an athlete.

[Travis McElroy]

He won.

[Griffin McElroy]

The famous American, won 90 gold medals. It's like, well, that leaves us just with the one option.

[Justin McElroy]

So we got. There's a lot of options. We're not gonna be able. I'm looking here, multiple golds. Other than Phelps, it could be Mark Spitz, Caleb Dressel, Matt Biondi, Ryan Locke.

[Griffin McElroy]

We don't have to be like some of those.

[Justin McElroy]

It could be Kayla Decke, Jenny Thompson.

[Griffin McElroy]

Amy Van Dyken, some of those.

[Justin McElroy]

Dana Volmer, some of those.

[Griffin McElroy]

Maybe don't brush up too. Maybe some of those, like, you see Lochte, maybe you keep him. You keep him moving.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Keep him locked down.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't think you can be a former Olympian. That's an Olympian. Always Olympian.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Compete at that level. I think that you never can turn the competitive thing off. I'd be worried at a wedding. How am I going to beat these people to the buffet? You know, is there going to be. Is everything going to be a competition? Like, oh, I took the biggest bite of cake. Like, great, Ryan. Very good.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, that's a problem. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Not everything's a competition, Ryan.

[Griffin McElroy]

You will have an advantage based on sort of your cause. I'm assuming it's not an aquatic wedding.

[Travis McElroy]

No, I'm sure they would have mentioned.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'S not a wetting. It's a wedding. And so you will have this sort of terrestrial edge. They may be able to take you in the water. Absolutely. But they have spent so much of their life in the water that their bone density's all fucked up. And you will be stronger and faster than them on land. Pretty much guaranteed.

[Travis McElroy]

If it's one of those things where it plays out like a hilarious America's Funniest Home Video where, like, the bride falls in the water. They're over a lake. Oh, no. Big Wendy or whatever. Oh, it falls. The guy trips.

[Griffin McElroy]

That doesn't sound funny.

[Travis McElroy]

I know, right? But they're always on there. There's whole episodes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Every episode of America's Funniest Home Videos. A bride falls in the water during her wedding.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Christ Jesus.

[Travis McElroy]

And an Olympian has to dump it. The taffeta.

[Justin McElroy]

The many layers of taffeta pull her down to the briny depths.

[Travis McElroy]

Unless the mother is there.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. You watch someone die in every episode of afb.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. I bet if it's your wedding and your spouse, your new spouse falls in the water and starts to drown. That feels pretty bad. And then an Olympian A handsome Olympian jumps in and saves her. You're like, probably 99% like, oh, thank Christ. Oh, thank God. My beloved. My beloved. But then there's also part of you that's like, it would have been cooler if I did that. Yeah, it would have been cooler if I was the one who jumped in the chest.

[Travis McElroy]

I mean, if the rent, it sucks. And I had to take that into account.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm not good swimming. Not good swimming.

[Travis McElroy]

Not good at swimming.

[Griffin McElroy]

And also, I knew that Phelpsy was here, so, like, I kind of figured he got me, and he did, which is great. And I'm again, so stoked.

[Travis McElroy]

Cause it would be more embarrassing if you jumped in first and then Phelps jumped in after you. And Phelps saved your bride. And then you were like, I guess I'll swim back.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, no, no, no. Phelps would save you on the way. And it's like, phelps, I didn't lead. He's like, no, it's fine. I'm already out here saving your new wife. I don't mind to save you, too.

[Travis McElroy]

It's not an extra trip for me.

[Justin McElroy]

It's no problem.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then you start to think, did Phelpsy engineer this situation in some way to cuckold me on my special day?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Classic Phelps. And the answer might surprise you.

[Justin McElroy]

It's no.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's no. He probably did that.

[Travis McElroy]

He doesn't need to.

[Griffin McElroy]

Doesn't want to.

[Justin McElroy]

Probably.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm just saying that if he did want to, I don't think Michael Phelps would have to engineer an elaborate scheme to impress other people.

[Griffin McElroy]

Did you guys ever know an aspiring Olympian growing up?

[Travis McElroy]

Yes, I did, too. I took wrestling classes from Olympic wrestler Ken Certo.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, that's right.

[Justin McElroy]

Fuck, yeah, that's right. I forgot about that man. I haven't heard that name in 20 years. Concerto.

[Griffin McElroy]

That man oversaw a spar that I had with my friend Steven where he busted my nose. Gave me a bloody nose. Thank you for your name.

[Travis McElroy]

Not Concerto. Concerto didn't bust your nose, did he?

[Griffin McElroy]

No, Steven did.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. And all I know about Concerto, as far as, like, bringing up wrestling, to him, seemed like what he was about. But it was in wrestling class, so I think that that tracks.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Yeah. I had a friend who was a swimmer and had Olympic dreams and swam every day for lots of time a day. And, like, had the bleached hair and all the stuff that comes with being a professional. Professional in the water person. And that must be a frustrating set of skills to possess and not be able to do anything with, like, in most of the Earth. In most of the earth that you walk and most of the places that you go in, any day to day, you gotta be thinking the whole time like, gosh dang it, if only this Home Depot was underwater. If this was an underwater, you know, grocery store, then my skills would be like, I would be kicking everyone's ass here, no problem.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, but Griffin, when you're like Usain Bolt and you reach the shore, as you've been running across the entire country and you're like, now I have to stop and turn around, right? Because most of the earth is covered with water. So while the day to day, I agree with you. But as far as getting around, Michael Phelps can hit the ocean and swim to Europe.

[Griffin McElroy]

What is the most practical Olympic sport that's gonna equip you with skills? And obviously you're gonna say running or something that's like, yeah, of course. Cause we all do it. But that's not fun.

[Travis McElroy]

Shot put. Cause you throw stuff. I mean, the ability to throw stuff, that's heavy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I throw more than I just looking at my DD verb set, at my text parser adventure game set. I throw more than I swim. Guaranteed. Yeah, guaranteed.

[Justin McElroy]

This is a real. This is. Okay, so I think there's two viable answers, right? It's the triathlon and the biathlon.

[Griffin McElroy]

And it really cheating?

[Justin McElroy]

No, no, no, it's not cheating. It's about two very different approaches to life. Triathlon is run, swim, bike. Biathlon, by contrast, is ski and shoot. So this is like, which is your approach to yourself? Which are you. Are you the kind of person that shoots someone that skis away from the problem? Are you the sort of person that just keeps running?

[Travis McElroy]

I'm a ski and shoot. If I'm being honest, the downhill is doing a lot of the work.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is. Cross country.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't even.

[Justin McElroy]

Griffith important distinction because for my life, it is about shooting at something and then slowly inching away while everyone watches me. It's not a fast thrilling.

[Griffin McElroy]

As sick as it would be to turn it into sort of a rifle based downhill jam, that would be fucking sick. Actually. Get the skis out of there. We snowboard. We snowboard.

[Justin McElroy]

Shot in midair. All shots are mid air.

[Travis McElroy]

Snowboarding, paintball would be wicked awesome. I'd be so into that. Oh, now I'm picturing it.

[Griffin McElroy]

So don't talk to them about swimming.

[Travis McElroy]

They probably don't want to talk about swimming. Not talk to them. If they bring up swimming.

[Griffin McElroy]

If they bring it up, fine. But they're not going to fucking bring it up, man. There's no way they're going to bring it up. Unless it's like a swimming pool wedding. Which is cool. That I don't know why those don't exist.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, but Griffin, what if it's a gray area where like you're getting some punch with them and they're like, man, this is a pretty deep punch bowl. And you're like, are they hinting at. They want me to say something about, I bet you could swim in there? Oh, no, there's no way they want me to say that. But they're looking at me. They're still waiting for me to respond. And their eyebrows are getting higher on their forehead and they, uh. Should I say something?

[Griffin McElroy]

They'd be like, hey, do you think that this wedding venue has a floor like the gymnasium and It's a Wonderful Life that it splits open and turns? Like if you're a professional swimmer, you gotta be keeping your head on a swivel. Like, I wonder if this floor of this building splits open to reveal a pool underneath that we can all jump into and have the time of our lives. Until our dad had a stroke. Oh no, we gotta get out of here.

[Travis McElroy]

But that was a very unique experience to kinda one person in It's a Wonderful Life. It wasn't like a third of those people swimming in the pool had to scramble out.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would say George Bailey's dad having a stroke affected that whole damn town. Travis.

[Justin McElroy]

Fuck.

[Travis McElroy]

Griffin. You're right.

[Griffin McElroy]

I understand that he missed the point of it.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, do you think that the kid who opened the floor faced jail time, criminal charges for.

[Justin McElroy]

No, it was a fucking prank, dude.

[Griffin McElroy]

Calm down now.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm tired of you trying to.

[Griffin McElroy]

When he closed the floor and gooshed all those people, that was a fucked up part of the movie. But you know, Capra's got a sick mind. I don't need to see a picture of Coach Concerto. Jeff, I don't know why you thought.

[Justin McElroy]

I will say it. It is unfortunate that Concerto's website lists some of the wrestlers he has coached and Travis is not listed. So that is. I will say that is unfortunate.

[Travis McElroy]

Probably because I was very bad.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

But that's not your fault system, though.

[Griffin McElroy]

Think of all the practical skills you got from the Certo system, Travis.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, that's true.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's take a break. Okay. Let's go.

[Montaigne]

Isabella. It's better with you.

[Travis McElroy]

Justin. Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I want to start a website.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

And listen, I know I have big dreams. I know I do. And my dream for A website is that it would be beautiful. That it would let me maybe sell products and my time. That it would be very user friendly. That it would have cutting edge design. But here's the thing. You guys know this. I'm an idea man. I'm kind of a blue sky kind of guy.

[Justin McElroy]

I barely think.

[Travis McElroy]

I barely think. I only dream, right? I don't know.

[Justin McElroy]

No thoughts, only dreams.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, no thoughts, only dreams.

[Griffin McElroy]

No dreams, only two.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm willing to offer you guys each $500 to build me a website.

[Justin McElroy]

Wow, Travis, that's unnecessary. Yeah, I'll take it.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, no, no, Justin, shut. Justin, shush.

[Travis McElroy]

No, I am curious as to what Justin was saying.

[Justin McElroy]

I was just gonna say this. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have blown up the spot. But Squarespace does make that really easy. Like, you don't need to pay a bunch of money. Squarespace can help you make a world class website because they got templates. So you can. They'll give you the templates to make it look great. And you put in your photos, you sell your stuff. But it's gonna look good. Cause they already had designers make it look good. You understand?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you know how tight money is for me, Juice? Do you know how big a change $500 would make in my life?

[Justin McElroy]

I do. I do, Griffin. But you're gonna earn that the honest way. Because you can set up a business with a Squarespace website. Sell stuff. Get your business going with this website so you don't need to steal.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'll tell the boys that the reason that Easter is canceled this year is because I had to earn the $500 I so desperately need. The honest way. Because Uncle Justin said I had to. And I bet they'll understand.

[Justin McElroy]

This is good news for you then. Griff. I got a free trial offer. Head to squarespace.com mybrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code mybrother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Travis McElroy]

See, now that I find myself with 1,000 extra dollars. Griffin, I'll pay you $1,000 to ruin Justin's credit.

[Griffin McElroy]

That should not be too difficult if I'm being completely honest. Awesome. Hey, how am I supposed to cook a meal? How am I supposed to cook a meal? Because there's so much happening all of the time and sometimes hit a meal. Yeah, exactly, Travis. Thank you so much. Certainly can't cook it because.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, that's actually. That's weird that you guys are saying that, because I recently have really been enjoying a lot of great dishes, like Mediterranean sheet pan chicken or roasted salmon. Maybe even a low carb chicken and zucchini noodle salad.

[Travis McElroy]

You know, Justin, it's that kind of attitude that makes me want Griffin to ruin your credit.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I don't know why you keep bringing up my credit.

[Travis McElroy]

Today Griffin and I are talking about how hard it is for us to, like, prep and cook a meal, and you're like, I can do it.

[Griffin McElroy]

I do it all the time.

[Travis McElroy]

I can do it.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, no, no, no. It's Marley Spoon, guys. I use Marley Spoon.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, you don't know about this.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, they got over 100 recipes, so you can choose the stuff that looks good to you, the things that you actually want to eat, and they make it really easy to make it. So you can make it at home. Right?

[Travis McElroy]

Delicious.

[Justin McElroy]

In my home. In your own house.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't have to go to someone else's house.

[Justin McElroy]

The same place where you shower and sleep. That house.

[Travis McElroy]

Someone else's house, you mean.

[Griffin McElroy]

I appreciate that juice. I have a pretty refined palate, as you know, and the sort of foods that I require are maybe a little bit more elevated. So, like, these days, I'm only eating, like, Martha Stewart's best bean and cheese enchiladas.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah. That's Marley Spoon. This is.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, you're kidding me.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Martha's DNA is all over this thing she is shepherding.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, I don't know about that, Justin. I don't know about all that, Justin.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't think you should say that.

[Travis McElroy]

There's fingerprints everywhere. Yeah, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, you can make a.

[Travis McElroy]

She's not getting away with this one.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can make.

[Justin McElroy]

This is not in the podcast.

[Griffin McElroy]

It is in the podcast. You can make a colony of new Marthas with Martha's best Mac and cheese carbonara. Guaranteed lot of DNA on that one.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, there's express recipes that. This has been nice because we've been starting to do more rehearsals at night for summer theater, and there's not a lot of time to cook, but they've got recipes you can make in 15 minutes, and it's like a real, actual dinner, not fast food. It's something with a lot of nutrition in it that you feel really good about.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yummy, yummy, delicious, guys.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. This year, fast track your way to eating well with Marley Spoon. Head to Marley Spoon dot com. Offer MyBrother and use code MYBROTHER for up to 27 free meals. That's right. Up to 27 free meals with Marley Spoon. One last time. MarleySpoon. Dot com offer MyBrother for up to 27 free meals. Make sure you use our promo code, my brother, so they know we sent you.

[Griffin McElroy]

All right. In my hour of need.

[Justin McElroy]

I want a Munch Squad. I want to Munch Squad. Welcome to Munch Squad podcast and podcast profiling, the latest and greatest in brand eating, what have you. And rather than say what we're gonna be talking about, I'm gonna show you guys and the lead off is gonna be how you react to it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, Great, huh? Yeah. Okay, wait. Fuck, yeah. Okay, so my initial Just For Me juice, it was. Yeah, okay. Fuck. So it was.

[Justin McElroy]

That is recorded for all of posterity.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Here's what I love about this image, Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Well, tell me about the image track.

[Travis McElroy]

There's like an upfro hit where it is such a weird consistency on a pizza. Then I see the tin that says Pizza Caviar.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's sort of the print that caught my eye.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes. And then in little print above Pizza Caviar is Pizza Hut logo.

[Justin McElroy]

So that is interesting, Travis. You get hit with the initial feeling of how bad it is to look at this before you know what it is. And then you see that it's Pizza caviar from the tiny. And that feels bad in a different way because then you're despairing that this is the moment in history in which you are alive. And then you see the Pizza Hut on there and you're like, hmm, okay, I'm listening.

[Travis McElroy]

You know what I mean? Like, oh, I'm.

[Griffin McElroy]

It used to be kind of cool. Like I'm alive at the same time as David Bowie and Prince. That's pretty sick. But I also unfortunately lived long enough that now there's Pizza caviar. And the image we are looking at, it does look like a fairly burnt up little personal pan pizza that is covered in what I could only describe as marinara dippin dots.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, that's a really good call.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm not a designer. Like, I'm not. I don't claim to have an especially good, like, grasp on color theory.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

But the fact that they put this very red pizza on a different red.

[Griffin McElroy]

What looks like the COVID Like the red leather bound crocodile skin. Yeah, something like that.

[Travis McElroy]

It's a very aggressive image.

[Griffin McElroy]

Very challenging.

[Justin McElroy]

Pizza Hut is putting an indulgent twist on the caviar craze, sweeping foodie culture with the launch of Pizza Caviar.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, man.

[Justin McElroy]

The first of it. Yeah, man. Caviar bumps.

[Griffin McElroy]

Caviar bumps.

[Travis McElroy]

Here's the thing. Can you call a thing that has existed for, I believe, hundreds of years.

[Justin McElroy]

No, no, no, no, no. This is a specific craze, Travis. Caviar bumps refers to putting caviar in your hand and letting your body warm it and then just eating the caviar like that. They're all the rage. Or at least they were in motherfucking 2022 when the new York Times wrote, caviar bumps are all the rage.

[Griffin McElroy]

So this is coming in a little late.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, a little late. Pizza Hut on this one.

[Travis McElroy]

Also gross.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now it's tinned fish. Caviar bumps are out. Tinned fish is in. In a major.

[Travis McElroy]

Now it's caviar lines. You got to snort the caviar straight up there.

[Justin McElroy]

This is a first of its kind innovation that transforms fine dining trend into something completely unexpected.

[Travis McElroy]

Caviar. I would say on paper that whole sentence is true.

[Griffin McElroy]

I thought you were going to say unacceptable.

[Justin McElroy]

Also, caviar has been elevating some of the world's most beloved comfort foods with the unexpected high low pairings popping up in upscale restaurants and gracing social feeds across the country. In true Pizza Hut fashion, the brand asked, why just place caviar on your pizza when you can reimagine it entirely and create a bold new food category? Inspired by the rise of caviar bumps three years ago. Three years ago. These bite sized pizza caviar pearls are made to taste like pepperoni and designed for dipping, dunking, and bumping.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank God they're bite sized. Can you imagine if they were bigger than bite?

[Justin McElroy]

I would say they're nostril sized. If you want to be honest about it, I'm ready to do these beloved bumps.

[Griffin McElroy]

Also, can you give me, and it's imperative that you give me the exact phraseology of design to taste of pepperoni. What was that again? Hit me with that again.

[Justin McElroy]

Exact. These bite sized pizza caviar pearls. And again, I do want to touch on. It's an edible product. As my brother said, bite size is an insect. They're very tiny. They are in no way bite size. They look like tapioca. Yeah, the. These bite sized pizza caviar pearls are made to taste like pepperoni. They're made to taste. Taste like pepperoni. Pepper may taste to taste like. So they're not pepperoni. They're not made of pepperoni. They don't taste like pepperoni.

[Griffin McElroy]

The intention was there.

[Justin McElroy]

The intent of this product is that the flavor is reminiscent of pepperoni.

[Travis McElroy]

Pepperoni.

[Justin McElroy]

That was our intent at inception.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

Our goals were pure.

[Travis McElroy]

To bring it all back Around. These are to pepperoni as current dire wolves are to dire wolves.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes. Travis.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Direwolves were made to taste of direwolves.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

That is a similar situation. Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

Crafted to replicate the look of and feel of traditional caviar without the fish. Pizza caviar delivers a bold, smoky pepperoni flavor in a fun new form.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And pizza caviar is the star of the brand new Pizza Caviar Bump box.

[Travis McElroy]

The more they explain it and like the process and the outcome, the more like alien it feels when they're like, we intended to replicate this seems like a joke press release.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like a fake press release someone would write in a book written in the year 1990 about how shitty the future was gonna be.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then it's being word for word kind of delivered.

[Justin McElroy]

Let me show you guys. Look at this tab. Can you see this tab? Can you see what I've highlighted here?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. This is an asterisk after the first mention of Pizza Caviar. If you take the asterisk down, here's what it says. Here's what it says.

[Griffin McElroy]

So that's pepperoni flavored water and agar agar based caviar style pearls. That is my favorite Limp Bizkit album.

[Justin McElroy]

Caviar.

[Travis McElroy]

Alright. Pepperoni flavored water and agar agar based caviar style pearls.

[Griffin McElroy]

Also so sick of them to get on the agar agar trend. A Good Fucking maybe 9, 10, 11 years after the fact. And it's so. I mean, I'm more excited about this Pepperoni flavored water. Let me just get that. You don't have to Wily Dufresne it, man. Just let me get it raw and wriggling, you know. Just the juice for me, thanks.

[Justin McElroy]

The Pizza caviar. Okay, so this is the Pizza Caviar Bump box. It's a luxe limited time twist on my Hut box. Pizza Hut's signature combo meal. The box includes one personal pan pizza and a choice of three plain boneless wings or fries all topped with three. Three wings are the number of wings you'll have.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's the correct number of buffalo? What's the correct number of buffalo wings to eat with caviar? Cause I think three actually sounds pretty right to me.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, that's a good number. One little tiny thing that they do want to mention that I want to mention about this is that Pizza Hut's new product innovation, Pizza Caviar Bump Box, will be available exclusively at the Pizza hut located at 932 8th Ave. In New York City from April 10 to April 12 from 4 to 8pm West Pies last.

[Travis McElroy]

I got to go.

[Griffin McElroy]

It must be so fucking annoying to live in New York City all the time and just want to go to Pizza Hut to get a normal pizza one day. And yet they are always like every chain is always doing the wildest shit and you are the lab rats. Because you live in a populated city where all these marketing firms are based, you have to suffer for that and eat these pepperoni pearls that are made of pepperoni water just because you live in the same city as the major marketing firms.

[Travis McElroy]

It also must be such a huge strain on the infrastructure of New York City when something like this happens and there's just this flood of people rushing to New York City for these two days to get their hands on these pizza pearls. It must put such a strain on the city and its economy and everything. It must be so hard.

[Griffin McElroy]

I will say it probably is easier than the average amount of difficulty to obtain pepperoni flavored water in New York City than it is that would be in like D.C. or any other.

[Justin McElroy]

I wanted to draw your guys attention to something else here in this press release. A luxe limited time twist on my Hot Box Pizza Hut's signature combo meal. And we see the double asterisk here, right? So let's get. Will you guys come down with me down the page here and travel at the double asterisk?

[Travis McElroy]

Oh yes, of course. This is available April 10th through 12th. Look, as you said, three boneless naked medium wings only. Availability, pricing and participation varies. Pizza caviar is pepperoni flavored water and agar agar based caviar style pearls.

[Justin McElroy]

I shit you not, it's in there twice under both of the asterisks. They don't even want to take a fucking chance.

[Travis McElroy]

Also, I can't stress enough. There's only one location listed and then participation varies.

[Justin McElroy]

Tell me that this isn't an AI generated thing. Guys. Please tell me it's not. Because there's no way that they have to specify you can only get three wings. And also it's only available at this one restaurant.

[Travis McElroy]

But participation all the way here.

[Justin McElroy]

Give me four wings.

[Travis McElroy]

So I might go to that restaurant and be like, hey, this is the one location where you're doing the pizza bump caviar. And they're like yeah. And I'm like cool, can I have some? And they said yeah, we're not doing that shit.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Or they should also know that we legally have to tell you the pepperoni flavored water and agar Agar based caviar style pearls.

[Griffin McElroy]

That is important for you to know. You can have it. It will cost you $300. It costs that guy like 20. Yeah, the pricing varies. We want more from you.

[Justin McElroy]

Grow up, grow up, grow up. You want the caviar or not? You came all this way. It's pepperoni flavored.

[Travis McElroy]

I'll take it. We knew you would, you nasty dog.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I guess you have to. You can. I mean, I. I still don't understand if pizza caviar is available only at this location or if the pizza caviar bump box.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Here's the other thing, Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

If I were to add, let's say I get wild, I add caviar to a personal pan pizza.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now. Wait, what kind?

[Travis McElroy]

Regular, regular fish based caviar.

[Justin McElroy]

Not a pepperoni flavored butter agar agar based caviar style.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm talking your grandma's caviar.

[Griffin McElroy]

Bog standard fish egg.

[Travis McElroy]

Right. I have added caviar to the experience. Right? Flavor, experience, all that. If I'm adding pepperoni flavored caviar to a pepperoni pizza.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

All I've added is a slight consistency.

[Griffin McElroy]

You've. Yeah. You've turned it into orbits.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

But pizza, yeah, it's like you love pizza, you know, this flat, this, this flat savory cake. It's gonna drive you absolutely insane. But what if we had little jelly balls, little boba pizza for you? Would you like that? Would you like that?

[Justin McElroy]

Perhaps.

[Griffin McElroy]

Probably not.

[Travis McElroy]

Probably not. That's why we only did it at one restaurant. Cause we don't have the strength of our convictions.

[Griffin McElroy]

Give me an aerosolized pepperoni.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Please.

[Travis McElroy]

Give me, give me a pill form of a pizza. It's 20, 25. I want to eat a pizza in a pill.

[Griffin McElroy]

I want pizza pills and pepperoni sprays.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

All day long, caviar dreams. Caviar dreams and pepperoni.

[Justin McElroy]

And by caviar dreams, what I mean specifically is I want pepperoni flavored water and agar agar based caviar style pearl dreams.

[Griffin McElroy]

So important.

[Travis McElroy]

Both my grandparents envisioned when they came to this country, they fuck. Pizza pills, caviar buns. We've been good boys and we deserve, we've earned this.

[Justin McElroy]

That is gonna do it for.

[Travis McElroy]

I get that we don't get jet packs.

[Griffin McElroy]

Give me pepperoni spray, please.

[Justin McElroy]

We really appreciate you listening. We really appreciate you joining us. We hope you enjoyed this episode of our podcast because we tried our, our best.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. This was our best. And I'm sorry that that's true. But I hope you liked it.

[Justin McElroy]

I have a couple of appearances we want to tell you guys about. We're going to be at Dragon Con in Atlanta in late August, so make sure you get the details on that. At bit ly McElroy tours. We're also going to be at the Harmony House, Ren Faire. That is going to be on May 3rd. The exact times and specifics of that are going to be coming up. But you should. If you could be in Huntington on May 3rd, we're going to be there as well as at Origins Game Fair in Columbus in June.

[Travis McElroy]

We're everywhere.

[Griffin McElroy]

We're doing some shows in Michigan, Minnesota and Ohio as well that have been announced. And some of them are Taz, some of them are Bim Bam. All the Taz shows are going to be Taz versus And again, to get tickets and find out more about those shows, bit ly McElroytours.

[Travis McElroy]

We've also got merch at the merch store if you haven't checked it out. Including a Mickey Mackerel spinner pin. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the National Immigration Project.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thanks to Montaigne for the use of a theme song, My Life Is Better with youh. It is an honor to use it and a privilege. It is a privilege. Montaigne's got some new shit popping and it really cranks. And I congratulate them on their creative mastery journey. Journey. Their creative mastery journey.

[Justin McElroy]

There you go.

[Travis McElroy]

As one says, hey, I've got a fear here that I'd like to read.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sure, sure, sure.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. This year I'll be faster than my fear of belly buttons. Just because it happened in Neo doesn't mean it'll happen to me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Absolutely. It could happen to you any day.

[Justin McElroy]

My name's Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Travis McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

They're real and they're coming.

[Justin McElroy]

This has been My brother. My brother me kisses your dad square on the lips.

[Montaigne]

It's about you. My life, it's better, it's better with you. My life it's better it's better with you Cuz it's true it's better, it's better with you. My life it's better with.

[Justin McElroy]

Maximum fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

A worker owned network of artist owned.

[Justin McElroy]

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