MBMBaM 774: Bear No Skyver

Summary

Podcast Summary: My Brother, My Brother and Me (MBMBaM) - Episode 774: "Bear No Skyver"

Release Date: August 4, 2025
Hosts: Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy
Description: Free advice from three of the world's most qualified, yet most relatable experts: Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy. Every Monday, they navigate life's dilemmas with humor and sibling camaraderie.

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1. Exploring New Storylines and Plot Innovations [02:00 – 07:00]

Justin, Travis, and Griffin delve into brainstorming fresh narrative ideas to rejuvenate their show’s content. The primary focus centers on introducing a new character, Skyver, a teenage cousin of Travis, aiming to infuse youthful energy into the podcast.

• Griffin: "We introduce a cool teenage cousin character named Skyver." [03:33]

• Travis: "Skyver is definitely one of the cool ones. He skateboards and he's like a bassist in a high school band." [04:44]

The proposed storyline involves a body-swap scenario where Travis and Skyver inadvertently exchange bodies after interacting with a mysterious artifact at a museum. This twist aims to create humorous and chaotic interactions as each brother navigates life in a different body.

• Justin: "So then, like, Skiver, as Travis has to do the podcast, and Travis as Skyver has to learn to skateboard and sell drugs." [05:25]

Despite the enthusiasm, Griffin expresses reservations about the complexity of incorporating such a plot into the podcast format, highlighting potential challenges in maintaining the show's signature flow.

2. Reflecting on Past Plotline Challenges [07:00 – 09:00]

The brothers reflect on previous attempts at extended storylines, acknowledging that ventures like the BAM 2.0 era—which introduced more sponsorships—didn't resonate well with their audience.

• Justin: "Our dalliances with extended plot lines in the past have been some of our most Notorious whoopsies." [07:03]

• Griffin: "It was, like, way more sponsored. Nobody liked that." [07:36]

They discuss the importance of keeping plot elements cost-effective and in line with their comedic style, emphasizing that successful storylines often emerge naturally rather than being heavily scripted.

3. Introducing Griffin’s Allergy Storyline [16:00 – 19:00]

Griffin shares a personal and humorous anecdote about his struggle with skin sensitivities, which leads to a mock role-play scenario involving 78 allergy-testing stickers placed on his back.

• Griffin: "I've got 78 goddamn stickers on my back right now." [16:38]

• Justin: "I can't turn my body like this. And I knew it was gonna come up." [17:17]

This segment serves as both a comedic interlude and a satirical take on medical procedures, highlighting the brothers' talent for blending personal stories with humor.

4. Advice Segment: Navigating the Charcuterie Dilemma [20:00 – 26:00]

The trio tackles a listener's dilemma about ordering at a charcuterie board restaurant, balancing professionalism with personal preferences without appearing exploitative.

• Listener's Question: "How can I find a perfect balance between seeming grateful of them paying while also being professional and cool?" [20:21]

• Justin: "Maybe it could even be about me or Justin, I guess." [04:46]

• Griffin: "It's definitely tricky balancing gratitude with self-expression." [Referencing the advice] [21:31]

They provide practical yet humorous strategies, such as subtly guiding the server towards specific selections while maintaining an air of casual restraint.

5. Interactive Game: Munch Squad [40:00 – 51:00]

The Munch Squad segment introduces a game where the brothers evaluate emotional and physical responses to hypothetical scenarios. This interactive portion engages both hosts and listeners in playful yet thoughtful discussions.

• Justin: "How would you describe the shake that you're looking at right now?" [41:07]

• Griffin: "I would describe it colossal as a grimace shake that has been whipped to stiff peaks." [41:29]

This segment showcases their improvisational skills and ability to create humor from mundane topics, keeping listeners entertained while subtly offering life reflections.

6. Product Placements and Sponsorships [29:00 – 35:00]

While maintaining their comedic tone, the brothers seamlessly integrate sponsorship segments without disrupting the episode's flow.

• Squarespace Ad Read:

  • Justin: "They make it really easy to build a website... head to squarespace.com/mybrother for a free trial." [30:27]

• Rocket Money Ad Read:

  • Travis: "Rocket Money is a bionic enhancement for fiscal responsibility... cancel unwanted subscriptions." [31:53]

These sponsorships are cleverly woven into the conversation, ensuring they remain relevant and unobtrusive to the main content.

7. Upcoming Shows and Merchandise Promotions [54:00 – 56:13]

In the closing segments, the brothers promote upcoming live shows in various locations and highlight their merchandise offerings.

• Griffin: "We have merch up at the merch store [e-mail]... flaming, not poisoning raging tea of doom is back in stock." [54:22]

• Justin: "Check out Montaigne's new album, It's Hard to Be a Fish." [55:22]

They engage listeners with enthusiastic endorsements of their products and events, reinforcing a sense of community and shared excitement.

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Notable Quotes

• Griffin on Skyver's Introduction: "Skyver is definitely one of the cool ones. He skateboards and he's like a bassist in a high school band." [04:44]

• Justin on Past Plotlines: "Our dalliances with extended plot lines in the past have been some of our most Notorious whoopsies." [07:03]

• Griffin’s Allergy Humor: "I've got 78 goddamn stickers on my back right now." [16:38]

• Justin on Charcuterie Advice: "Maybe it could even be about me or Justin, I guess." [04:46]

• Griffin on Rocket Money: "Rocket Money is a bionic enhancement for fiscal responsibility... stop paying for stuff you don't use." [31:53]

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Conclusion

In Episode 774, "Bear No Skyver," the McElroy brothers effectively blend creative brainstorming, personal anecdotes, interactive games, and seamless sponsorship integrations. Their commitment to humor and relatability shines through, providing listeners with both entertainment and practical advice. Whether discussing potential new storylines, tackling everyday dilemmas, or promoting their beloved merchandise, Justin, Travis, and Griffin maintain the charming and witty dynamic that fans have come to love.

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Note: This summary excludes advertisement segments, intros, outros, and non-content sections as per the provided guidelines.

Transcript

[Griffin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

[Travis McElroy]

It's the start of something beautiful.

[Griffin McElroy]

A small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened.

[Travis McElroy]

Into a precious friends I could have never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels like it's better it's better with you My life, it's better it's better with you this is who you are it's better it's better with two.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello, everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Unknown]

Yeah. What's up, Trav Nation? Miller's brother, Travis. Big dog. Wolf. Wolf McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wonder what that's all about.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Trying to meet. Hopefully there's a story there.

[Griffin McElroy]

I can't wait to crack that nut. And I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy. And I've got the old magnifying lens out looking for clues.

[Justin McElroy]

I think we've got a. I think Griffin. I think my old trick knees acting up. I think we got 60% something spit.

[Griffin McElroy]

Biff found in the state of Denmark.

[Unknown]

You guys might not have noticed, but.

[Justin McElroy]

I smell a bit of foot.

[Unknown]

My energy's a little bit off.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know who that is. Speak on this, Travis.

[Unknown]

Well, I've been thinking about it a lot and listen, I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm so grateful when you guys cast me in the role of Travis.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Like my career was not doing great at the time and ever since I got caught.

[Griffin McElroy]

We saved you.

[Unknown]

Yeah. It's done wonders for my career, but.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel us him. It's easy.

[Unknown]

It's obvious.

[Justin McElroy]

Check the legal documentation. We saved him.

[Unknown]

I'm worried that at this point the storylines have gotten a little worried. Not paid to worry.

[Justin McElroy]

Paid to act like Travis. Not paid to worry.

[Griffin McElroy]

Real Travis is worried.

[Unknown]

I know. Listen, and I know I'm not the writers, but I feel like the storylines have gotten a little stale.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sure.

[Unknown]

We've been doing the show for a while now and I thought maybe I could pitch to you guys some new kind of storylines or plot points that we could.

[Griffin McElroy]

And maybe we could even come up with. Some of our own.

[Unknown]

Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you want to. You want an arp?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, take it back. I know a few weeks ago we pulled you aside and we said that.

[Unknown]

You really weren't nailing the role of.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis, but you are correct.

[Griffin McElroy]

You really stepped into it.

[Unknown]

Thank you.

[Justin McElroy]

I spin it and stepped into it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

I've spent a lot of time with the real Travis trying to get inside his head.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, sure.

[Unknown]

I am so sorry.

[Justin McElroy]

You are receiving the special hazard pay we do often.

[Unknown]

Thank you very much.

[Griffin McElroy]

So what's your first pitch for us, Travis? Because, you know, I like consistency. People like this product and I'm not looking to shake things up just to be a. Just. Just to race to be last to the disruption market.

[Unknown]

No, I think. I think that this is going to be just a really seamless transition. So we introduce like a cool teenage cousin character named Skyver.

[Griffin McElroy]

So this is going to be one of our cousins, because I don't think they're still making those.

[Unknown]

No, he's Travis's cousin.

[Griffin McElroy]

I still don't think. I still don't think. When you're in your mid-40s, I don't think you're getting a lot of new cousins.

[Unknown]

Well, he could be like an illegitimate cousin or something, however we want to do it. Or like a long lost cousin. Something like that.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm just saying, we saw the fam last week while we were. While we were.

[Unknown]

And you're telling me that you could name every single one of them and tell me there's with 100% certainty there's no Skyver among them?

[Griffin McElroy]

That they could barely. And also that they could bare nose Skyver. Yeah, for sure, man.

[Unknown]

Okay, so then I love it.

[Justin McElroy]

That extended family gathering. And my wife looks to me for guidance and I look back at her.

[Unknown]

The void looks back at you.

[Griffin McElroy]

I didn't tell you.

[Justin McElroy]

The void knows less than you do.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, I'll tell you who the cool ones are. I know all the cool uncles.

[Unknown]

Well, Skyver is definitely one of the cool ones. He skateboards and he's like a bassist in a high school band and he's.

[Griffin McElroy]

Gonna be on the show we're splitting process with.

[Unknown]

Well, so what happens is the Travis character and Skyver go to a museum together or something and like touch an old spooky staff and they switch bodies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So then, like, Skiver, as Travis has to do the podcast, and Travis as Skyver has to.

[Griffin McElroy]

And are we gonna follow Travis?

[Unknown]

Are we going? Yeah, we're gonna follow both of them. And then.

[Griffin McElroy]

So hold on, wait. Which you is gonna be on the show? Yeah, which you. Young body, old brain or old body, young brain?

[Unknown]

Well, we're gonna cut between the storylines is like, they weave back together because we'll see Skyver as Travis doing the podcast, and Travis is Skyver learning to skateboard and sell drugs.

[Justin McElroy]

How do we communicate? I don't feel like we've ever tried to communicate, like, mixed, mixed timelines, like Hill Street Blues style in, like, in the podcast form. I don't feel like that happens.

[Griffin McElroy]

We don't do. We don't do Family Guy style cutaways.

[Unknown]

We do a lot of other voicemails. Voicemails and like, yeah. Videos that Skyver suggests sends us that kind of thing.

[Griffin McElroy]

That idea's a real stinker, Trav, what else do you got?

[Unknown]

Well, then you do one. And if it could have a focus on the Travis character, that would be great.

[Griffin McElroy]

Maybe it could even be about me or Justin, I guess.

[Unknown]

Okay, what do you got?

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't actually have.

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, I don't really have anything. That's the problem.

[Unknown]

Okay. We finally.

[Griffin McElroy]

I am going to join the Swedish House Mafia. And that's gonna be my new thing is I'm gonna talk a lot about all of our shows and all of our parties and some of the new tunes we've got coasting over the UK Airways. And obviously there's going to be some pretty big lifestyle changes for me. I don't know anything about Swedish House Mafia except that they're a house music supergroup.

[Justin McElroy]

It's going to be quite a learning curve.

[Griffin McElroy]

There will be a huge learning curve. I have to learn Swedish.

[Unknown]

Yeah, that's fair.

[Griffin McElroy]

Have to learn Swedish. Tough.

[Unknown]

I was thinking of another one where we win a sweepstakes and we think it's to go on a cruise, but we win the whole cruise ship and.

[Griffin McElroy]

Then we own a boat and then it's about us with the cruise.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And then it's like three captains.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's kind of cool. Let me. Let me. Let me just. Can we put a little guard. Can we put some guardrails on this motherfucker? Yes.

[Unknown]

Okay. Okay. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Like what?

[Griffin McElroy]

We can't get a boat, and I don't want to pretend to be on a boat for an extended period of time. So, like, any of your ideas that are like, we hire a teenager to now be on the show. Like, you understand the level of bits we're capable of. I became.

[Justin McElroy]

Our dalliances with extended plot lines in the past have been some of our most Notorious whoopsies. Like, for example, when we were sponsored by gay. Remember the BAM 2.0 era?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Relaunched this show for, like, 10 episodes.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

It was, like, way more sponsored. Nobody liked that. There was the eclipse episode where the whole thing sounded terrible and it looked like a nightmare because we recorded it during the full eclipse, and everyone hated that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

The Star wars incident. Don't need to say, yeah, sure, sure.

[Griffin McElroy]

I became a dog for a while, but that just was. Basically, I said, I'm a dog now. So, like, there was no props or new hiring. There's no overhead effect. So, like, we. I'm on the, you know, financial side of things. I'm always balancing the book.

[Justin McElroy]

Our successes are usually almost accidental, less than planned accidental.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I can't stress this enough. Virtually costless, basically free to implement.

[Unknown]

I hate to resume drop, but as you guys know, I was recurring on Touch by an angel for its run. And as it went on, you played.

[Griffin McElroy]

Gordo the Slime angel. Go on.

[Unknown]

And the budgets increase over time. Have you guys talked to the studio about increasing our budget to a point.

[Griffin McElroy]

Where we could get, like, the studio's the listeners.

[Unknown]

Trav.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's what's so great. That's what's so great about the Max Fund model is that we are directly. It's not a Max fun drive. I'm gonna start speaking in a tone of voice that's gonna.

[Justin McElroy]

If you activate him, we'll have to shoot tranquilizer dart. Or for the next week, 10 days, he'll just be prattling on about all the great boco.

[Griffin McElroy]

A budget increase from the studio is going to have to entail a bunch more people listening to our show and donating specifically so that we can do a whole role play where we are boat captains. Like, that's fun. That doesn't exist.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, let me ask.

[Unknown]

Go ahead, Jason.

[Justin McElroy]

We're talking angels. I was actually thinking, are we wedded to the Justin McElroy character we like?

[Unknown]

Oh, no, listen, this is blue sky.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I guess I was thinking he finally needs a romance, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

He's been. We've been kind of willing to. Will they, won't they?

[Griffin McElroy]

For a long time with his marriage, with.

[Justin McElroy]

What if he had an angel romance? Huh? With an angel.

[Unknown]

Speak on that.

[Justin McElroy]

Angel romance. Angel falls in love with him. No, she is an angel who falls in love with him because he is, like, as close as she has seemed to. Like an angel on Earth, both visually and just sort of like, personality wise and mentally. And she falls so hard that she Is like, I want to make myself real cool, like a real, real person.

[Unknown]

So I can be with him.

[Justin McElroy]

That I can be with him.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are you imagining Sidney's face listening?

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, that's great.

[Unknown]

Question, casting. Do you have casting in mind?

[Justin McElroy]

So this is important. This is important. The Justin character is unaware of any of this taking place.

[Unknown]

Oh, wow.

[Justin McElroy]

The angel storyline is completely. It's just a very relatable plot. This is good. See, Travis?

[Unknown]

This is good because it's free.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, it's free to say there's a horny, invisible angel behind Justin at all times, just waiting.

[Unknown]

Oh, so not cgi. Cause I was picturing on cgi.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, Travis, Free. No casting. No voice acting. No, no.

[Justin McElroy]

Any initials. If you do any initials, we probably can't. You're like cgi.

[Griffin McElroy]

SAG now, we gotta be careful here.

[Justin McElroy]

SAG Trav. That's a good one. S, A G. No, no, Aftra.

[Griffin McElroy]

We can't SAG Say that, though, because, like, as fired up as people are about AI taking over creative jobs, no.

[Justin McElroy]

AI can't afford it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, yeah, but I think it may be worse to say it's not AI but it's invisible and it's imaginary. Imagine using Wonka can do it.

[Unknown]

You know, that's true. That's a good point. Wonka herald, Wonka storyline. We could incorporate.

[Griffin McElroy]

Not for free.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Not for free. Not for no cost whatsoever.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

I could say. I could say. I mean, here's the extent of it. Travis, do you want to see and you let me know if this would be satisfying. Okay.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'd be like, Justin, be like. And you'd be like. And I'd be like, salutations, welcome into my candy factory. And I would gesture behind me to just, like, my office, and I would say stuff, but it wouldn't be timely and I wouldn't do a good job with it. So, like, a free Wonka is not even worth the attempt.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm.

[Unknown]

I'm not going to say no to it.

[Griffin McElroy]

To free Wonka.

[Unknown]

Just think about it. I think it works. I think it plays. The last thing I want to ask.

[Griffin McElroy]

You guys, but what if he's just all about nuts? Oh, yeah. What if he's Willy Wonka, but instead about, like, chocolate and candy? He's only about different kinds of food.

[Unknown]

Billy Tonka, what do you think?

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm thinking of Nutty Wonka, and that doesn't give me that.

[Justin McElroy]

It doesn't even.

[Griffin McElroy]

Give me two. Give me two business days, okay? Give me two business days and I'll come back with something. Okay.

[Unknown]

Okay. Would you guys be. Would you guys be okay if I, you know, pilot season's coming up. If I submitted my resumes to some other things?

[Justin McElroy]

Chase, look around.

[Unknown]

I mean, I'm just. I'm not saying I want to leave.

[Justin McElroy]

You think that. You think the grass is greener?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Good luck, pal. We've been Good luck, pal 19 years.

[Unknown]

Okay, I refuse.

[Griffin McElroy]

But go for it. I will say I refuse to be the bushel under which you hide your candle.

[Unknown]

Okay. Because if the Hank. If Hank and John want like a third brother, you should do a switch.

[Griffin McElroy]

We should do a switch.

[Justin McElroy]

Hold on, hold on now, hold on. Wait, hold on, hold on. This is interesting.

[Unknown]

If you guys wanted to offer me more money, I'd say is what I was gonna. Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, was this just.

[Justin McElroy]

You were just trying to flex on us? This is interesting. Now what do we have that the greens don't have? It occurs to me, one more brother.

[Unknown]

You know what I mean?

[Justin McElroy]

What do they have that we don't have?

[Unknown]

Well, where do I start?

[Justin McElroy]

You know.

[Griffin McElroy]

Respect from their colleagues.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, man. I mean, where do I start? So here's what I'm saying.

[Unknown]

Uh huh.

[Justin McElroy]

Green brothers, make us an offer.

[Griffin McElroy]

One for one.

[Justin McElroy]

One.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, I don't want to therapy for money.

[Justin McElroy]

No. Something.

[Unknown]

Wait, I'm being traded now, wait, hold on.

[Justin McElroy]

It's not a trade. It's not a trade yet.

[Unknown]

Just don't do it for like a second round draft pick.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's what I'm saying.

[Unknown]

It's huge.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's actually Travis, can I tell you we've hit our budget cap. Fuck. And yeah, we missed the trade deadline. So like we gotta, we gotta. It'll be a sweet, a sweetheart deal for those greens.

[Justin McElroy]

Honestly, we didn't know how to broach it with you. But when you were like, pilot season's coming up, I was like, thank Ding, ding, ding, ding.

[Travis McElroy]

Well now, hold on.

[Unknown]

Cause the troutation might get.

[Justin McElroy]

You know.

[Unknown]

May we consider just upping the budget?

[Justin McElroy]

I'll take the tea business and leave them the coffee. You know, what about that? How about this? The tea will still be for charity.

[Unknown]

That's even.

[Justin McElroy]

They can use that if they want. And then the coffee side, pure profits.

[Unknown]

Oh, this is a literal thing about their thing. I thought that this was an extended metaphor about me that I wasn't.

[Justin McElroy]

No, I say we have the additional power of a third brother. Right? That's huge for us. And it's really all we have to offer. Right? So like if they've got something that. Where they feel. If they want to cut us in on. Not even cut us in, but, like, I would really love, like, the merch biz or whatever.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like, maybe they can drop all the lawsuits that they have against us and that.

[Unknown]

Because that would be awesome.

[Griffin McElroy]

All those lawsuits, the ones where they're like, where are the brothers doing show. Doing podcast shows.

[Unknown]

They tried copyright brothers.

[Griffin McElroy]

They tried to copyright brothers doing podcast shows like. Like, last year. It's like, come on, guys. So, like, drop that.

[Unknown]

I could guest on the. I don't have to leave this show to do a crossover guest. Right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Can you imagine how disruptive you would be to the finely tuned machinery of those brothers and the way that they.

[Justin McElroy]

That could be the third heat they need, though.

[Griffin McElroy]

You could also be the sloppy wet rag thrown into the gears of the grandfather clock that is the Green brothers. You could be the sloppy wet rag that gets all the gears all sloppy and gross and rusty.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I love the. We love the sloppy rag here, Travis. I'm saying I love getting sloppy with the dogs.

[Justin McElroy]

Powdered coffee creamer cast onto the campfire. That starts the forest fire.

[Unknown]

That burns the fire.

[Griffin McElroy]

We're all sloppy dogs here, and I love it. I'm saying, if you went over there, man. Yeah, you could.

[Justin McElroy]

Mustard on the Pope's jacket.

[Unknown]

Yeah. As they say. Maybe I could go over there and just do some, like, insider. Like, bring them down from the inside to up our level.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hell yes.

[Unknown]

That could be good.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hell, yeah, dude.

[Unknown]

Any one of us storylines. Now we're talking now.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's good shit, actually. Yeah.

[Unknown]

You could be a Nage brother v.

[Justin McElroy]

Brother if you do that, Trav, we are perfectly willing to be like, that was the plan all along. Yeah, Like, I'll play along with that if you want.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can we do advice?

[Justin McElroy]

I've been invited by a company.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sorry, I do need to stop. I need to share this with you, because it's going to be relevant if you see me on video trying to move over where my back is covered with stickers right now for an allergy test.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, I've got.

[Griffin McElroy]

Guys, I've got.

[Unknown]

Seeing how allergic this thing is.

[Griffin McElroy]

I've got 78 goddamn stickers on my back right now.

[Justin McElroy]

Is that an exaggeration?

[Griffin McElroy]

No, 78. 78 big ones.

[Justin McElroy]

Did they apply them individually?

[Griffin McElroy]

No, they came in six big patches.

[Unknown]

How many of them are like, paw patrol And I'll show you if we.

[Griffin McElroy]

Blur out the video, because I don't really want this.

[Unknown]

No, not. Not for those back perverts. Oh, my. It looks like you got a Bunch of tattoos that are now covered up.

[Griffin McElroy]

This feels like I'm in fucking Red Dragon.

[Unknown]

This feels like I'm in. No one made you do this.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, I know.

[Justin McElroy]

Is this what you want?

[Griffin McElroy]

I can't turn my body like this. And I knew it was gonna come up.

[Unknown]

No one would have noticed.

[Justin McElroy]

No one would have asked. You brought it up, dude.

[Unknown]

Oh, my fuck.

[Justin McElroy]

All right, now, I'm so. I'm so excited to talk to you about this, Griffin. Speak on it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. As you know, I have sensitive skin. I have skin sensitivities. And in order to kind of get to the bottom of it, I'm doing a little bit of sort of, like, looking inward and, like, trying to figure out what makes.

[Unknown]

At the outside of your skin.

[Griffin McElroy]

At the outside of my skin to see what I'm allergic to. Each one has a little bit of common household product stuff on them. And then they're going to take it off, they're going to say, that looks fucked up. So number 14, what is that? Oh, no, it's soap. Like any soap.

[Unknown]

Have you thought, Griffin, that maybe one of them is blank and it's a test to see if you're faking it?

[Griffin McElroy]

Maybe. I like the way it feels. If I'm being honest, I might just.

[Unknown]

Stickers.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

I feel like John McClane at the end of Die Hard when he has the gun behind his back. That's basically what I'm working with.

[Unknown]

Huh.

[Griffin McElroy]

It gives a lot more support. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you promise that you are going to tell us the details of this? Like.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, Juice, I promise. On the next episode, I'm going to tell everyone exactly what I'm allergic to so that they can kill me next time they see me. Nice try. No, no.

[Unknown]

Jason Mancukas made that mistake and now he's on the run. He had to go to England to stay safe.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can't step outside without someone throwing an egg at him on the street left and right.

[Justin McElroy]

How did you come by this sheet? Did you just see it at cvs? And you're like, let's go, let's go?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I went to cvs. I said, give me the biggest, stickiest sheet you have. I would love to not.

[Justin McElroy]

What's the sheet? I'm just curious about the sheet. I've never had one, so I'm just curious where you got the sheet.

[Griffin McElroy]

I went to a special sheet doctor. Do you think I'm freestyling?

[Justin McElroy]

Do you think this is a home crotch?

[Unknown]

You had to wait in a waiting.

[Justin McElroy]

Room and everything, Right? You had to drive there and wait in the waiting room. The whole thing, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. For this.

[Justin McElroy]

How bad are the. Like, what is happening to you, Griffin? Like, what is happening?

[Unknown]

Can you feel. Can you feel, like, pen blank grid?

[Justin McElroy]

What has been going on with your skin where you're like, I have to.

[Griffin McElroy]

Go through this whole. Before we can. Before we can take any serious measures, before I can start huffing that fucking Skyrizzy and changing my fucking biochemistry and becoming a stronger, better, more engineered brother. I got to see what makes me fucking tick, dude. They don't just give Skyrizi to anyone.

[Justin McElroy]

These are more storylines. This is great.

[Unknown]

The Skyriz.

[Griffin McElroy]

But the Skyrizi.

[Justin McElroy]

Skyrizi.

[Griffin McElroy]

Skyrizi is too real, dude. I can't bring Skyrizi into the conversation unless they want it. Unless, one, I do end up taking it. Two, it does end up working, and three, they want to sponsor us for a lot of money.

[Unknown]

You start taking the Skyrizi and then you become the Dovah Kizzy. Right? And you can do all of the shouts. Yeah, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fizzy rizzy, dizzy.

[Justin McElroy]

Did you say fizzy rizzy?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Eight people are busting.

[Griffin McElroy]

Eight people are busting right now.

[Justin McElroy]

Eight people are busting up.

[Unknown]

One of them's on this call you got. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I have been invited to buy a company to dinner to discuss a really cool project. It'd be amazing to be a part of. They are paying for the dinner. The thing is, my favorite item on the menu is quite expensive, and I don't want to seem like I'm taking advantage of the free meal. Additionally, I don't want to seem nervous by only ordering the cheap stuff. How can I find a perfect balance between seeming grateful of them paying while also being professional and cool? P.S. this is a charcuterie board restaurant.

[Griffin McElroy]

God, that's a helpful postscript. Thank you so much.

[Justin McElroy]

That's from Troubled and in the Treasured Valley.

[Unknown]

The charcuterie board restaurant edition is great. Cause it gives the context of, like, I'm looking at this board with some meat. But you know what? I think I. Oh, I kind of want the one with a lot of meat on it.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you take someone somewhere where there is a $40 slice of Iberico ham on the menu, I don't think you can get upset when they spend the $40 on the single slice of By Barrick O Ham.

[Justin McElroy]

There is dry. I mean, here's what I'll say. There is no way that you will order the charcuterie board for yourself. And it will stay for yourself.

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

Everybody's gonna want to have A polka do prod.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

So I would maybe lay it out like this. You know, I was thinking about the charcuterie, but do any of you guys like it? Because they bring so much.

[Griffin McElroy]

That is cool.

[Justin McElroy]

You guys are gonna have a little bit. It's not really worth getting. And then everyone will be like, oh, you should go for it. And then as soon as they bring it, you start giving them the looks like, what do you think I don't want.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah. You start scooting, just slowly sectioning off.

[Justin McElroy]

Take all the olives. Putting all the olives at 3 o'. Clock.

[Griffin McElroy]

Take all the olives. Sad apricot.

[Unknown]

You see them reaching for the honeycomb and you swat their hand away. But no, not that.

[Justin McElroy]

Boy, those olives are looking good though, huh?

[Unknown]

Look at that weird spicy jelly. Ooh, wouldn't you love to have some of that weird spicy jelly? Wouldn't you love a thieves?

[Justin McElroy]

What about a fig? Maybe some prosciutt. I don't like any charcuterie.

[Unknown]

So, like, honestly, I could name the whole thing.

[Griffin McElroy]

So wild.

[Justin McElroy]

I'll be like, don't take the one kind of cracker I like, please. That's all I'm eating tonight. Why did we come here?

[Unknown]

You can always do the like, oh, I'm torn between. I want this, but I don't know. And let them tell you to do it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Give them. They give you permission to get right.

[Unknown]

That's the unspoken right. Like if you take someone to dinner and they're like, oh, you know, I immediately, you know, the porterhouse grabbed me. Yeah, but I don't know, man. Maybe I need like a. And they'll be like, oh, you should get it. And then you're out of it saying like open.

[Justin McElroy]

You're saying like, have an opening offer that's higher, then settle back there. Like, have an opening bid that's like.

[Unknown]

Way at the top.

[Griffin McElroy]

He was suggesting, like, I want to get this, but I don't know. And get. Let them give you permission. I do like that move. Justin, though. Of like, I'll. I'll take. Should I get 100 slices of the A5 Wagyu beef? Nah, I'll just get this other still pretty expensive thing instead.

[Justin McElroy]

But they have clarified it is the most expensive thing on the menu. That's tough.

[Unknown]

Oh, you could also point it out. Like it's a rare gift. Like, oh, man, I can't believe they have this. Did you guys see they have this.

[Griffin McElroy]

On the menu, guys? Holy shit. They have pate here. We gotta. They don't just make this anywhere, man.

[Unknown]

They sell it by the pound.

[Justin McElroy]

That's wild.

[Griffin McElroy]

A pound of pate just for me. Damn.

[Unknown]

I've never had it. My grandfather used to talk about it all the time. I've never seen it on Romania. He used to. He said he loved it more than my grandmama. And then let them say it. Let's all try it.

[Griffin McElroy]

We pretty famously have been pretty hot on charcuterie in recent years. And I just want to update sort of my feelings about it publicly.

[Justin McElroy]

And everyone was wondering.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think I really feel like the worm has turned for me on charcuterie. I know I no longer know where it fits into a meal. I no longer know. I don't understand how to effortlessly slide it in between a salad course and, you know, the sandwich that I ordered just in the face. You're making right now.

[Unknown]

No.

[Justin McElroy]

I think it's interesting because we have.

[Unknown]

Had a pivot in my house to.

[Justin McElroy]

Where the only thing Sydney eats is charcuterie.

[Griffin McElroy]

So that's interesting. I noticed that while.

[Justin McElroy]

Did you notice that?

[Griffin McElroy]

I noticed you put out a charcuterie board while we were there. And I was like, that's crazy.

[Justin McElroy]

And I just keep a charcuterie board out for pretty much all the time. She's a lot. A lot happier. I will say, as long as I have some charcute within reach.

[Unknown]

I'll go right down the middle and say that I'm now at a place where the problem is I don't know what's coming. I order. Used to be you order a charcuterie at a restaurant, you're getting a fancy board. Now they say, like charcuterie, and it comes and it's just like a grown up lunchable.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a pizza.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Sometimes you're at a restaurant and your brother orders charcuterie as an appetizer, and then it comes and it's 80 different.

[Unknown]

Types of bad pickles.

[Justin McElroy]

And then everyone's sad.

[Unknown]

Some people like pickles and olives.

[Justin McElroy]

Funky pickles. Okay, the cheese. What are you trying to prove with that funky cheese? Everybody, Come on. That's the part that makes it seem like I'm right. It pairs with things.

[Griffin McElroy]

Pairs with an old jockstrap.

[Justin McElroy]

I know, but, like, you eat the.

[Unknown]

Funky pickle, you eat the sticky cheese with the honeycomb.

[Justin McElroy]

Right. But here's what I'm saying. If you can accept. People give me a hard time for the raw cheese thing. Right. But if you look way down at the other end of the tunnel.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

You see people eating some funky cheese, like some really, truly decrepit shit that, that would really turn a lot of. You know that if you go way down the pipeline, it gets funky and bad.

[Unknown]

Right?

[Justin McElroy]

Can we agree this. Yeah, but Justin, I know what.

[Griffin McElroy]

Stop, Let him finish.

[Justin McElroy]

If we know that the end of the tunnel is sin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Is distance from that sin not a virtue?

[Griffin McElroy]

Wow.

[Unknown]

Wow, Justin.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool, man.

[Unknown]

Powerful. Powerful. Let me tell you how I live my life, Justin. I think that I would be a person who just absolutely went ham for cocaine. But I don't do cocaine. It would be very bad for me, right? Oh, yeah, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

We've all had that thought of like.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, it would be a huge brand shift.

[Unknown]

Yeah. But it would be brush for any of us.

[Griffin McElroy]

It would be so bad.

[Justin McElroy]

A brief golden era for my brother. My brother and me to be sure. But so brief.

[Griffin McElroy]

We would never. The big never must make this clear. We would never. Not our thing, but our brain would be a killer.

[Justin McElroy]

I mean six, like killer material. Yeah. Six episodes. Whoa, whoa.

[Unknown]

But the problem is just that I don't do that.

[Justin McElroy]

It would be unlistenable. No, unlistenable.

[Unknown]

You would have to play it at 75 speed to understand a word we were saying.

[Griffin McElroy]

We would interrupt each other so much that there would be four voices talking at once. Sometimes we would be four Thruvian throat singing to interrupt each other.

[Justin McElroy]

Me and the rest of the ghost hunters have isolated this one. This one man is just yelling about horses. Who is this man?

[Unknown]

But my point being, yeah, I can't live a fully clean lifestyle. I know I don't have that kind of self control. So I must do things like eat funky stinks and cheese. They should let the evil to let your passenger to let that dog out. You know what I mean?

[Griffin McElroy]

I would be less worried about ordering a too expensive charcuterie board and way more stressed out about properly eating it and doing all the right combos and all the right pairings and, you know, not focus. Sometimes you go too hard on like one of the meat types and you fully, fully finish it before anyone's touched the other meats. And you feel so self conscious about that. Yes.

[Unknown]

That's why you have to shuffle it together like a big sandwich like they do in Scooby Doo or Daddy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, make them do that for me. Make the restaurant do bring it to bring me a charcuterie board that you've done like nachos.

[Unknown]

That's nachos though.

[Justin McElroy]

That's nachos.

[Unknown]

What they should do is bring it to you laid out like Candyland where you follow the Path. Adding the pieces together as you go. You get a line of stuff organized in a way of just like. Yeah, just keep going down the line.

[Griffin McElroy]

Eating these together. Give it to me on like a ski. A long.

[Unknown]

Yeah. A luge, a charcuterie luge.

[Griffin McElroy]

A charlougerie. And I want charlougerie. Like I'm at a. Like I'm at a frat party.

[Unknown]

Give me an illusory charcuterie.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, man. Just for me. We need to go to the. Should we go to the Money Zone?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, let's go to the Money Zone.

[Travis McElroy]

Isabelle, Isabella, with you.

[Unknown]

Squarespace is completely unaffiliated with anything we were just talking about. I cannot stress that enough. They have nothing to do with anything that might have happened previously.

[Griffin McElroy]

It actually says here first thing in the end.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry, guys, that was pre recorded. That's a pre recorded thing. We played before every Squarespace ad they've asked us to start. Including that before they asked you guys. Hi, I'm Justin McElroy, a paid professional endorser for Squarespace.

[Griffin McElroy]

They were like, do you guys do pre roll? So we stop coming in hot on the heels of your fully throated cocaine endorsement.

[Justin McElroy]

Here's what I'll say about. Can I say something serious about Squarespace? They are probably our longest advertiser. They've been with us the longest. And here's what I'll say about Squarespace. A lot of companies will tell you what they want you to say, and we've been working with Squarespace so long that I shit you not, it's just a big list of don'ts.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Like we don't. They don't have stuff they want us to do. It's just a big list of things they don't want us to do. And that's great. This might be a fit for.

[Unknown]

It's a bit of a niche reference, but I think they're like the Oliver Platt to our bear restaurant. Like, they're. They're our uncle who shows up like, guys, you know I love you. You know I love you for sure. You got to stop.

[Justin McElroy]

You got. Listen, what they do do is they make it really easy to build a website.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

And you know, I would even say kind of fun if you wanted to make a little project, a little micro thing just to entertain yourself, get a dream going. Just something to noodle with an idea you've had. A website is a great place to start, if only just like to organize your thoughts. I've used Squarespace to build websites for a few different things. And I have had a really enjoyable time making the site. And they have these templates that are made by people who really know what they're doing. You pull those in, you pull in your own photos, your own text, you can sell your own stuff, you can do whatever you would like with the Squarespace website. It's really powerful, even though it's really easy to make. So head to squarespace.com mybrother for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code mybrother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Unknown]

If there's one thing about me that everyone knows, it's that I am financially responsible.

[Griffin McElroy]

You are not. That is why you need to use Rocket Money.

[Unknown]

No, I am now because I use Rocket Money.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's. Wow, that's a really.

[Unknown]

Got you.

[Griffin McElroy]

I guess using Rocket Money does make you fiscally responsible, but also Rocket Money is the thing you use when you are not particularly fiscally responsible because they handle a lot of the heavy lifting on.

[Unknown]

Yeah, but if I got a bionic enhancement to make my arms stronger, Griffin, I would say I'm strong now. You wouldn't be like, no, your bionic enhancement is strong.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's a good point, Travis.

[Unknown]

Rocket Money is a bionic enhancement for fiscal responsibility.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a bionic enhancement. It's an implant in your brain that says like, hey, you forgot to unsubscribe to Super Slime Maker 3D Free Lite version. The subscription you did Adults only. Adults only. And it was like three day free trial. And you're like, I'll remember and you don't fucking remember. And then you've been paying 69.99amonth for free. Slime Maker Lite version. Rocket Money is an implant in your brain and says, hey, cut that out. Start saving lots of money. I genuinely have used it so many times. Every time. Genuinely every time it's caught some shit, whether it's an MMORPG I haven't played in a year and a half or most of the time though, it is slime apps for the kids.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And you know the good thing about Rocket Money is they don't tell your friends. They don't tell your friends if you do dumb stuff that's not part of the service.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, very discreet. They've got. They've got 5 million members who've saved over a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all the app's premium features. Cancel your Unwanted subscriptions. Reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com MyBrother today. That's RocketMoney.com MyBrother RocketMoney.com My Brother Rocket Money Elite Discreet.

[Unknown]

So sweet.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's got to be a tagline for something else.

[Unknown]

That's probably true.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that they maybe don't want to take.

[Justin McElroy]

I recently drove past a local barbershop and noticed something cool. The barbershop has an original Donkey Kong arcade machine. A good old classic. I want nothing more than to get my hands on that arcade machine. Just to play a few rounds and maybe even get on that high scoreboard. However, I am bald. I do not need haircuts and I do not need beard management. How does a bald man with a well kept beard get into a barbershop to play some Donkey Kong? That's from Desperate Kong. Well, there's always massage, but what's the problem with that? Maybe a barber done do massage. And if you ask a barber that doesn't do massage for a massage, I think you'll be escorted from the premises.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sometime I'll be on YouTube and the algo will be like, I got some new ASMR stuff for you. It is an elderly man on the streets of Pakistan and he is doing this to a guy. Oh yeah, like fucking slapping the shit out of his head and slapping his head, grabbing his ears and just fucking pulling his ears as hard as he can. And you see it and you're like, that looks chill. Actually I don't know where one can request that particular. I don't think you can go to your normal everyday cutter of hair and say like slap my fucking scalp 20 times and pull my ears till they make noise.

[Unknown]

Well, what you have to do is when the barber says, what are we doing today? You pull up that full video and.

[Griffin McElroy]

Say, pull up a video and you say you're gonna jerk my neck to the side so hard I'm gonna go limp for a minute and a half. That's what you're gonna do. And also I'm thinking like a size 4 guard, clippers around the sides and faded up into the top, please. Thank you.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel like if I'm reading between the lines here, there's something this person is not saying to us. Okay, so they want to go in and look at the Donkey Kong arcade machine. If they were to go in, they want to say, like if they were to go in and say, hey, I'm a big fan, you care if I play a few rounds? They'd Be like, did you bring quarters? Like, absolutely. That's a profit center for us. Thank you so much. That's not what this. It's a part where he says, and maybe get on a high scoreboard. Uh, oh, wait a minute, how long? Maybe you're gonna be there a little while, huh, pal? Maybe it's not just you want to go in and play a few rounds. Maybe they're gonna have to start explaining to people why the ball man in the corner keeps shouting fuck every 30 seconds.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. This is not. You know what I mean? This is not a. You're saying that you're looking for a new home for your.

[Justin McElroy]

This is not. Yes, right. This is not a casual. This is not someone who wants to duck in because you. It is not odd to go in and play a few rounds. It is odd to be like, well, we're closing up shop for the day, sir. Did you need something?

[Unknown]

What time do you open tomorrow? You could get your eyebrows shaped.

[Griffin McElroy]

I love a good eyebrow shaping.

[Unknown]

Say like, hey, they polish.

[Justin McElroy]

You can get polishing services, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

They do polish stuff there, man.

[Unknown]

Maybe start going in with different designs of beards from the Hunger Games movies and just like, give me one of these.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's good. Yeah, could you go in?

[Justin McElroy]

Listen, could you go in when it's busy, really busy, with a toupee.

[Unknown]

Okay. And you put your name in.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And then there's like a long wait, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Uh huh.

[Justin McElroy]

So you're just kicking it, playing all the Kong you want. And then they say your name and you got choice. At that point you can a let them cut your toupee. Yeah, I don't think that's a good idea. They're gonna be that you could throw the toupee on the ground, say never again, and bust out the door.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, but then they got you.

[Unknown]

Or they got you. Grab your toupee like you're really mad at the long wait.

[Justin McElroy]

Pull your own hair out. Oh, you could do that. Get huffy. Be like, I'll come back when you're less busy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that's cool.

[Justin McElroy]

That's the voice you have.

[Griffin McElroy]

And they'll be like, we're ready for. And it's like, it's the principal.

[Unknown]

And then you start throwing barrels. I have to get back to my wife's office.

[Griffin McElroy]

What do you do?

[Justin McElroy]

I was for lunch. In my trunk.

[Griffin McElroy]

I gotta ask. Juice. You're on the run of your life. You're about to hit that fucking Billy Mitchell kill screen. You are about to make history and they call your name you can't be like, shut up, shut up, shut up. I need an hour and a half. I'm getting so close to Billy Mitchell's kill screen.

[Justin McElroy]

Now. Hold on. Wait. If no one clocked you, write your name down. If no one clocked out. And when they call your name, you can just look around like, huh? Nobody?

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, weird.

[Unknown]

It says Mr. Conky Dong. Is there a Mr. Conky Dong here?

[Justin McElroy]

And then about 45 minutes in, maybe you start giving, like, perfunctory, like, oh, man. So weight's really getting out of hand.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Hey, do you guys think on the opposite end of this question? When you own a barbershop and you think about getting a Donkey Kong arcade game, that you have, like, this conversation on the other side with anyone else that you're like, okay, but here's my one concern. If we get the game. Yeah. That someone's gonna come in. They're bald, neatly trimmed beard. They're gonna want to play the game for hours. What do we do then?

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, my bigger concern as a stylist at this salon would be that I don't want to hear every 20 seconds, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

[Justin McElroy]

Boom, boom, boom, boom.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't want to hear. I don't want to hear that fucking a million billion times a day while I'm just trying to do my craft.

[Justin McElroy]

That's a very. That's a good point, actually. It must make a lot of money, because otherwise it's the novelty.

[Griffin McElroy]

I love this, man. I love this big gorilla. I love Mario, and I love the way he jumps. That's not the golden era for hearable sounds. And so I don't want that. Give me a Now listen.

[Justin McElroy]

Daytona, Tona. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Hell, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fucking ripped, man. They had a Daytona USA machine at Huntington High School, and you could hear that shit from the cafeteria. And it was such a cool learning environment.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Yeah. Just when you thought the wait for lunch couldn't be any more intolerable, you had the siren song. And also, speaking of guitar, there was.

[Griffin McElroy]

A loose ground wire on the machine, so if you touched the right bolt on it, it would electrocute you. Which was also a lot of fun when you were bored at lunchtime and you didn't have quarters.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's go away. Let's go away. Oh, that was effortless.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

I wanna Munch Squad.

[Justin McElroy]

What? To munch. Welcome to Munch Squ podcast. And the podcast profiling, latest and greatest and brand eating. Today I have kind of a. An A B testing thing for you guys. We do a lot of Upbeat feel good stories on the Munch squad. And I would just. Yeah, that's mainly what we do here. It's a feel good thing. And I just wanted to share with you guys two stories. And I would love to know which one makes you feel the worst emotionally, physically, which one makes you feel worse.

[Unknown]

Now, I should. I should warn you, Dustin, this is one of my biggest anxiety triggers. Like when I'm at the optometrist and they're like one or two where I start second guessing myself so hard every time. Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't think this is.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, let me say this. It's a loose structure.

[Unknown]

Yeah. How about that?

[Justin McElroy]

Not really that important, but this isn't.

[Unknown]

Gonna change the way I see forever or whatever.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're not gonna get this question wrong and then have headaches forever.

[Unknown]

Okay, cool, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

It is a high stakes game. Travis as a fellow glass.

[Justin McElroy]

First up, can you guys see?

[Unknown]

Yeah, you can.

[Justin McElroy]

Smoothie King introduces new fiber maxing smoothie.

[Griffin McElroy]

To support wellness goals. Look at this, guys.

[Justin McElroy]

Just see this. How would you describe the shake that.

[Unknown]

You'Re looking at right now?

[Griffin McElroy]

I would describe it colossal as a grimace shake that has been whipped to stiff peaks.

[Unknown]

Yeah, a grimace shake. Who decided to, like, now that Debbie's left me, I'm gonna get back. I'm gonna get a body that makes Debbie sad that she left me.

[Justin McElroy]

There's a measuring cup in front of it with something that's supposed to stand in for, I guess, fiber. Pure psyllium husk.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fiber.

[Justin McElroy]

Fiber. And then if that is at scale, the cup behind it is roughly 2ft tall.

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, you'll be maxing your fiber for sure.

[Unknown]

What's great too is on, on this page. They have in that image four blueberries and what looks to be a gallon of fiber. As if to say, like, we want to let you know what you're gonna be tasting when you drink this drink. It's going to be like a fiber factory that looked at some blueberries earlier. Enjoy.

[Justin McElroy]

Prepare for a really sinister adjective in this opener. Smoothie King announced the launch of its new fiber maxing smoothie. A functional offering designed to support gut health and meet the growing demand for the wellness forward food choices. It's a fun. Hey, guys. This is a functional offering.

[Unknown]

This is an offering that. That's something.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're not getting it for the flavor. You're not getting it for the mouth feel.

[Justin McElroy]

Right. This is a you, this is a use. This is a hardware store. Now you buy this to do something. This has active food.

[Unknown]

Can I ask you Guys, does it bother you as much as it's bothering me that there's only two x's in fiber maxing?

[Griffin McElroy]

It does feel like they've taken a middle.

[Justin McElroy]

If you do three, it's porno.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes, but do one. Why not?

[Unknown]

Would it be amazing at that point? Like, it just feels like it should.

[Justin McElroy]

Be 1x intentionally increase. Inspired by the rising wellness trend of fiber maxing, intentionally increasing daily fiber intake to reach the recommended 25 to 38 grams per day for the powerful fiber. I guess, yeah. The fiber maxing smoothie delivers a powerful 16 grams of fiber in 20 ounce serving, providing over half the recommended daily vibe.

[Griffin McElroy]

You tell me I gotta drink two of these fucking things to eat?

[Justin McElroy]

I was going to say, man. Dude, can you imagine drinking one of these and be like, nope, didn't quite hit my fiber goals for the day.

[Unknown]

Hey, I'm just throwing this out. Do you think it's possible that when people are like, hey, here's the daily goal of fiber, and everyone's like, I have to work so hard to hit that. Yeah, maybe it's not a reasonable goal.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been banging this drum for a while, Trav. If you put the correct amount of Metamucil in there, it becomes a sort of citric oatmeal. And it's no good.

[Unknown]

If in order to get the amount of fiber my body needs, I have to do something called fiber maxing. I have a real issue with the whole process.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Okay, so just lastly, some ingredients. It's crafted with a nutrient blend of wild blueberries, peanut butter, dates, bananas, almonds, organic spinach. And I guess they can afford to use wild blueberries if they're only doing four. They just go out back and grab.

[Unknown]

Them whenever they have to make one of these guys, they do throw in at the end of that list of ingredients, added fiber. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

No kidding, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. The smoothie is lightly sweetened with plant based stevia for a naturally delicious taste. Hey, why don't you go ahead and use a heavy hand on that? Like, you know what I mean? Like, how about you not. We got a lot of fiber to mask, right? How about we go ahead and.

[Unknown]

You gave me a chunky, silty drink. How about you give me plenty of sugar in there? Yeah. Now you've given me like the Mississippi delta of drinks.

[Griffin McElroy]

Purple coal, slurry. Yum, yum, yum, yum.

[Justin McElroy]

And now it's time. Now it's. Next up for the B segment, I have a donut story that was too sad to tell Count Donut about.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, good. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Krispy Kreme invites fans to experience a taste of the sweet life with all new Passport to Italy donuts.

[Unknown]

Huh?

[Griffin McElroy]

Cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Hang in there, guys. Krispy Kreme is helping fans transport to La Dolce Vita this summer. I told myself, oh, I gotta do.

[Unknown]

This cuz I feel I can put.

[Justin McElroy]

My hand on the scale to La Dolce Vita this summer with its all new Passport Italy collection. A sweet escape to Italy's vibrant desserts and culture.

[Griffin McElroy]

And culture, huh? You're getting the culture in there.

[Justin McElroy]

Culture of Italy.

[Griffin McElroy]

So you got the culture up in there.

[Justin McElroy]

Cool, cool, cool. They said culture. That was. They said they wrote it.

[Unknown]

Yeah. You know why did. They should have put that in quotes.

[Justin McElroy]

Culture. Available beginning today for a limited time at participating Krispy Kreme shops across the U.S. krispy Kreme's Passport to Italy collection features three of Italy's most iconic desserts reimagined as irresistible donuts, including the Cannoli Inspired Donut. It's an unglazed ring donut half dipped in chocolate icing and cookie crunch, dusted with powdered coating and topped with cannoli flavored buttercream dollop.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool.

[Unknown]

I'm looking at these. There are places all over.

[Griffin McElroy]

How are you looking at these? Cause Justin didn't give us a picture. Did you search these?

[Unknown]

No, I'm looking at the list of them. I'm saying that there are places all over the US of A where you can buy a cannoli.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, you can.

[Unknown]

Where you can buy a tiramisu.

[Justin McElroy]

Right.

[Unknown]

These are not unreachable. Like these are not unattainable places. Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Maybe those places can give you the cuisine of Italy, Travis.

[Justin McElroy]

Right, but I'm giving you the culture.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's about the culture.

[Unknown]

Holy shit. One of these donuts has a little Italy flag on it. And that's maybe that's not.

[Justin McElroy]

Get ahead of me.

[Unknown]

Okay, thank you. Sorry.

[Justin McElroy]

The Limon Delight Doughnut. An unglazed shell donut filled with lemon delight flavored cream creme dipped in zesty lemon flavored icing and topped with candied lemon fucking wood.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Tiramisu Inspired Donut. It's an unglazed shell donut filled with tiramisu flavored creme topped with sweet buttercream dusted with cocoa.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, these all sound pretty fucking good actually.

[Unknown]

Of course they do. They're pre existing desserts that are cremated.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that's a good point.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. This quote this summer, Krispy Kreme is transporting you to Italy. Suite life. No passport required. Said not Dave Skinna, but Allison Holder, Krispy Kreme, chief brand and product officer. They wouldn't even get Dave out of storage for this one.

[Griffin McElroy]

They only get Dave out for the nasty shit. For the nasty, nasty shit.

[Unknown]

Wouldn't it be wild if a passport was required?

[Justin McElroy]

Prove you've been to Italy. Cause otherwise.

[Unknown]

Yeah, of course. Just scan your passport face down right there on the glass. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, you've never been to Italy. Sure. I'll sell you this tiramisu inspired donut if you want to go fucking insane.

[Griffin McElroy]

Your mouth couldn't handle this without the correct documentation.

[Justin McElroy]

You'll spit it on the ground. Oh, sorry. She continues. There's a taste of Italy's sweetest dessert traditions in every bite of our passport to Italy donuts. From tiramisu to cannoli to lemon dipped, dusted and drizzled to perfection.

[Griffin McElroy]

The commercial is this. A customer walks up to the counter, buys a box of these Passport to Italy donuts, goes to lift it to their mouth. Fucking A. Haggard Diane Lane runs up and slaps it out of their hand and says, you're not. You're not fucking ready for this shit. Unless you've walked beneath that Tuscan sun. You. You can't even fathom the depths of these flavors.

[Unknown]

I'm picturing Justin, one of our listeners, who turns out to be like a big head honcho in Italy listening to this segment right now with their hand hovering over a big button that just says war.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, this is. These are out now. You can buy them off Krispy Kreme's Apple website, individually and by the dozen.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. One of the two products that you brought today, juice, would put me in the bathroom for two calendar days.

[Unknown]

Griffin's been fiber minning his whole life. He's not ready.

[Griffin McElroy]

I've actually made a pledge by 2027 to be perfectly fiber neutral, and I hope you two will consider joining me. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Actually, for every amount of fiber I go over the limit, Griffin actually gets a certificate that lets him go under. And it balances out and backwards and.

[Griffin McElroy]

Forwards, I produce 10 times more fiber than I consume.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Guys, do you want to know the worst thing about me? And I know everybody is always too hard on themselves, I guess, and I'm no exception. But the worst thing about me that's top 20 is I'm sitting here thinking, like, maybe not enough fiber is a problem. You know what I mean? Like, I'm sitting here thinking, like, sure, Maybe I should be getting more fiber. That's calm, you know, like, we're all having a lot of fun here, but I'm sitting here, like, in my head, there's like most of it show, and then there's like 10%. That's like.

[Griffin McElroy]

I hate when that 10% is like.

[Justin McElroy]

30 grams of fiber.

[Unknown]

That's called capitalism where you've been programmed. You've been programmed to think that buying something will make you feel better.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think fiber is.

[Justin McElroy]

That's why we do it though, right? That's what the whole.

[Unknown]

That's why they keep upping the fiber to sell us the fiber. Big fibers out here.

[Griffin McElroy]

Juice, can I invite you to come with me on my journey of self discovery? To learn what makes your body tick by covering your back with 78 really annoying little stickers. And then one of them will come off and they'll be like, yeah, man, it's your potassium levels. And then you take a potassium supplement and then you're back at fucking 100%.

[Unknown]

Wait, you could do that? Cause that's all I want. When you see in like a sci fi movie and someone gets scanned and they're like, we've scanned everything.

[Griffin McElroy]

We don't have that technology. You know what we do have? 78 stickers to let you know which detergents you shouldn't use. Don't mind if I do.

[Justin McElroy]

If I get this test done, I assume I am legally required to tell my brothers during a podcast recording a battery.

[Griffin McElroy]

Correct.

[Unknown]

Just like a vasectomy. Vasectomy and stickers.

[Griffin McElroy]

Anytime any of us gets any kind of bio mods, any kind of synth hacks, any kind of. I do think we should be transparent about it with each other and our listeners.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I. Okay, well then fine. Just before we close here, my hemorrhoids got so bad that I went to get medicine. And then when I picked up the medicine, they said, they're a dollar apiece. Do you want all 10? Huh? And I said, yeah, sure. Right. So then I got home and I looked at the shape of the medicine, and then I realized that it wasn't mouth medicine. And. And ever since then, I real. Ever since I got that container, I've spent most of my time just kind of like slowly walking around, looking in the distance, contemplatively trying to weigh the various costs. You know what I mean? Like, thinking about how much relief is worth to me.

[Unknown]

Not the cost of a dollar a pill.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, for the cost of a dollar a pill, we can put a suppository in Justin's butt.

[Unknown]

With your support in the Max fund drive, we could put a suppository in ch for just a dollar a day.

[Justin McElroy]

That's why the thing my kids have heard me say the most this week has been. Ah, nothing, sweetie. Just thinking. Oh, was I crying, babe? Hold on, let me dry those tears, baby. No, it's just allergies. Yeah, Uncle Griffin did all 78 turn red? Babe, that's what they told him.

[Griffin McElroy]

He's allergic to everything.

[Justin McElroy]

Everything.

[Unknown]

It turns out all of his allergies have been like, awkwardly leaning against each other to hold him up this whole time.

[Griffin McElroy]

A mesh of allergies.

[Justin McElroy]

Thanks so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you've enjoyed yourself. We really appreciate you every week come in to listen to us and hang out with us, and we hope you have fun.

[Unknown]

Yeah, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Thanks for doing it. Thanks. Thanks.

[Unknown]

Hey, can I tell you, I'm very excited coming up, we're going to be in Atlanta for Dragon Con, which I'm excited about, because I love Dragon Con. And we're gonna be doing live shows there, doing My brother, My Brother and me and Adventure Zone versus Popeye at our adventurous Zone live show, I predict might be our stupidest Adventure Zone versus live show.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can't even possibly predict that. They've all been pretty silly.

[Unknown]

I'm just saying everyone should be there. Cause it's gonna be something. It's gonna be something.

[Griffin McElroy]

How do I get tickets to that show in mbmbam and also the shows we have coming up in Texas, Utah and California.

[Unknown]

Travis Griffin, you don't have to get tickets.

[Griffin McElroy]

Spit ly McElroytours. You were too slow. We have merch up at the merch store [e-mail] I'm talking about a keep your grades up pin and the flaming, not poisoning raging tea of doom, which are back in stock. That's fucking amazing news. This tea is so fantastic, guys. The pin is wonderful too, but I drank buckets of this stuff and it's a yummy way to wind down at the end of the day.

[Unknown]

Also, I want to let you know we're doing a back to school sale with select items up to 40% off. And we have three different back to school bundles that are on sale, so go check those out. And you get a free mystery pin with purchase of $30 or more, with 10% of all merch proceeds this month going to World Central Kitchen.

[Griffin McElroy]

So again, that's mcilroymerch.com and thanks to Montaigne for these for a theme song My Life Is Better with youh. Check out Montagne's new album, It's Hard to Be a Fish. If you like good music that makes you feel good and feel cool listening to it.

[Unknown]

Hey, Justin, would you read Our Fear this week?

[Justin McElroy]

I'd be happy to. This year I will be faster than my Fear of the Goodyear Blimps.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, to the point.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm Justin McElroy.

[Unknown]

I'm Travis McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Griffin McRoy.

[Justin McElroy]

He's been my brother. My brother, me. Kiss your dad square on the left.

[Travis McElroy]

It's better, it's better with you. My life it's better, it's better with you. Is it who you are? It's better, it's better with you. Do my life better with you?

[Justin McElroy]

Maximum Fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

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