MBMBaM 791: A Safe Space to Hurt Travis's Feelings

Summary

My Brother, My Brother and Me (MBMBaM) Episode 791: "A Safe Space to Hurt Travis's Feelings"

Release Date: December 1, 2025
Hosts: Justin McElroy, Travis McElroy, Griffin McElroy

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Episode Overview

This episode is classic MBMBaM: part goofs, part sibling therapy, and part bad ideas hotline. The McElroy brothers tackle hypothetical trust in cryptid sightings among themselves, creative solutions for returning stolen traffic cones, the philosophy of repairing a broken family heirloom, and a truly unhinged deep dive into Wicked tie-in products. The ongoing thread is questioning credibility, belief, and why anyone would trust any of the brothers with a story about Bigfoot.

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Key Segments & Insights

1. Would You Believe In Bigfoot? (03:04–13:05)

Discussion:

• Travis poses the question: If he claimed with total sincerity to have seen Bigfoot while camping, how much would his brothers actually believe?
• The ensuing conversation becomes a hilarious exploration of trust, credulity, and sibling dynamics.

Highlights:

• Griffin and Justin agree that given Travis’s prior cryptid enthusiasm, they’d believe him less.
  • Griffin: “...the fact that you are doing it and so serious about it has in my mind assured me that it's a bit.” (05:42)
  • Justin: “If someone was gonna find him, it would be you. But if you come to me and say you found Bigfoot, that is my last little glimpse of hope going out.” (06:02)
• Travis’s wife gave him a 35% belief score, which the brothers call shockingly high.
• The conversation turns to who does inspire genuine belief—Pete Buttigieg, apparently, would be far more credible.
  • Justin: “If [Pete Buttigieg] comes out and he's like... with 100% certainty Bigfoot's real. You've got one true believer in 90 West Virginia.” (09:33)
• The brothers discuss degrees of belief if each other reported a Bigfoot sighting, landing on Griffin as the most likely to be believed because he’s least likely to rationalize it away.
• Establishes the episode’s subtitle: “A Safe Space to Hurt Travis’s Feelings” (04:14)

2. How Many Reports Before You Believe? (13:06–16:28)

Discussion:

• Travis wonders how many independent, unconnected reports of Bigfoot it would take before someone would actually start to believe.

Takeaways:

• Travis: “Three for me. Cause now we've got a triangle. Right Now I've got quantifiable data.” (13:36)
• Griffin wants a control group and evidence, wary of a flash mob if too many people claim sightings.

3. Life Goals and Puzzles (14:09–18:46)

Conversation:

• Justin fantasizes about plotting mysterious points on a map, drawing connecting lines, and discovering a hidden secret—just once, for the cinematic drama of it.
• The brothers riff about assembling adventure puzzle tropes in real life (e.g., focusing moonlight through a citrine staff, arranging gemstone skeletons, ancient Indiana Jones-style riddles).
  • Griffin: “I would love to focus a beam of light through a staff...” (16:40)
• There’s nostalgia and a bit of wistfulness in wanting life to feel this magical, even if it’s fake.

4. Advice Question: Returning Stolen Traffic Cones (18:54–24:56)

Question:
A listener’s friend drunkenly stole traffic cones, now wants to return them—how?

Advice:

• Griffin: Just put them back on the street; traffic cones are “flowers humans make” and are everywhere (19:16).
• Travis: Make it an art project by arranging them in a triangle or drawing faces (19:45, 20:29).
• Justin: Use them to block off a random road or intersection, or just keep them in your trunk to deploy in weird places (21:08, 21:45).
• The “throw it in a river” solution (noting that's not environmentally sound), becomes a running gag about making problems someone else’s, culminating in a riff on the unknown final destination of rivers. (22:57–23:49)

Memorable Quote:
Griffin:
“Traffic cones are like flowers that humans make.” (19:16)

5. Advice Question: Accidentally Breaking a Family Heirloom Bed (25:05–32:23)

Question:
A listener broke an “ancient” bed in their partner’s grandparents’ home. What should they do?

Advice:

• Travis and Justin joke about sleeping on broken beds in youth versus adulthood’s fragility.
• Justin: “Wood glue is stronger than wood.” (28:13)
• The brothers advise a stealth repair as a “living document,” referencing wabi-sabi (embracing flaws).
• Griffin shares relief at discovering a major past home repair himself, not a contractor, to deflect blame.
• Justin: Suggests the bed may have been poorly repaired before; you’re just another hand in the lineage.

Philosophy:
Heirloom repairs are “a living document. First, the hands who took the wood, then the hands who made it, then those who repair it...” (29:27)

6. Wicked Product Collabs Deep Dive (40:02–62:40)

Justin’s Showcase:

• Justin brings a gargantuan list of bonkers Wicked (musical/movie) tie-in products for the others’ amazement.
• The riff covers pink-and-green protein bars, singing toothbrushes, deodorants with in-universe scents (Fantabulous Floral/Wonderfulest Woods), dish detergent, Hostess cupcakes, Hovis “Best of Both” bread, and more.
• The brothers critique lazy branding (“just make it pink and green”) and start inventing Wicked-branded products themselves—spaghetti sauce, Crocs, tumblers, rugs, Dutch ovens, and even caboodles (tackle boxes full of makeup).
• They ridicule overly poetic or unhinged brand copy.
  • Justin: “Nobody touched Oz harder than the copywriters at Foster Grant.” (61:44)
• The recurring gag: whether collaborators “touched Oz”—i.e. made something magical, or phoned it in.

Memorable Exchanges:

• Griffin: “I think a really powerful mantra for when someone isn't being fun and magical enough is to tell them to touch Oz.” (44:50)
• About Hostess cupcakes with Ariana Grande:
  Justin: “The facial expression is gobble it up, piggy. That's like what she's saying with her face.” (47:33)
  Griffin: “She is staring at you like she is some sort of war goddess...” (47:41)
• Fully collapses into goofs about “giblet chalices” and how some products barely tried (“just says Wicked.”) (54:34–55:29)

Riff on Product Philosophy:

• Griffin: “If one of us isn’t playing enough in the space... tell them to touch Oz.” (44:50)
• On rug: Travis: “If I sit on that rug and it does not lift me off the ground, I would like my money will [sic].” (58:10)
• On soap shaped like Jonathan Bailey: Griffin: “Do you rub the Jonathan Bailey face soap on your body face first, or do you leave that sort of for last?” (59:30–60:04)

7. Sibling & Community Updates (64:36–68:01)

Announcements:

• New TAZ: Balance dice tray and merch; Candle Nights (charity live show for Harmony House) December 6th; details at bit.ly/candlenights2025
• Champions Grove game event info at championsgrove.com
• Family Clubhouse live stream finale (Nick Arcade episode); more gaming content planned for 2026.
• Mention of “Til Death Do Us Blart” annual podcast returning.

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “This is a safe space to hurt Travis’s feelings.” – Justin (04:14)
• “Traffic cones are like flowers that humans make.” – Griffin (19:16)
• “Wood glue is stronger than wood.” – Justin (28:13)
• “If someone was gonna find [Bigfoot], it would be you. But if you come...that is my last little glimpse of hope going out.” – Justin (06:02)
• “If [Pete Buttigieg] comes out...with 100% certainty Bigfoot's real. You've got one true believer in 90 West Virginia.” – Justin (09:33)
• "If one of us isn’t playing enough in the space with the others...try to set it up...tell them to touch Oz." – Griffin (44:50)
• "[Ariana Grande] is staring at you like she is some sort of war goddess..." – Griffin (47:41)
• “Nobody touched Oz harder than the copywriters at Foster Grant.” – Justin (61:44)

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Thematic Wrap-Up

This episode is pure McElroy charm: a mixture of absurd sibling logic tests, making even the most mundane advice irreverently delightful, and descending into world-class riffs on pop culture branding. It’s full of inventive metaphors for trust (“flowers that humans make,” “living documents”), and the persistent question of how much you’d believe someone you love... especially if they have a proven record of magical thinking.

If you want to know how to return traffic cones, repair heirloom beds, or simply want to mainline straight goof energy about the business of Oz, this episode is a must-listen.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Bigfoot Sincerity Test: 03:04–13:05
• Evidence for Believing in Cryptids: 13:05–16:28
• Secret Maps & Life Goals: 14:09–18:46
• Stolen Traffic Cones Question: 18:54–24:56
• Broken Heirloom Bed Question: 25:05–32:23
• Wicked Product Rundown: 40:02–62:40
• Announcements & Plugs: 64:36–68:01

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Tone: Goofy, earnest, self-mocking, sincerely ridiculous
For Fans Of: Unfiltered sibling banter, creative problem solving, and people who wish their lives were slightly more like a point-and-click adventure game.

Transcript

[Griffin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

[Justin McElroy]

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out.

[Griffin McElroy]

There will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

[Montagne (musician)]

It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed. It's ripened into a precious friends. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park. Hangs by the beach My life. It feels like life is.

[Justin McElroy]

Ah.

[Montagne (musician)]

It's better. It's better with you. My life is. It's better. It's better with you. This is true. It's better. It's better with two.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother, Me and Advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

What's up, Trav Nation? I'm your middlest brother, Travis. Big Dog, wolf. Vroom, vroom, McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I'm your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30 media luminary, Griffin McElroy. I wasn't just doing like a cool librarian thing with my glasses. They were covered in boy smudges. They were covered.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't think anybody thought you were covered in boy smudges again.

[Griffin McElroy]

They were covered in lab grease because their hands are just always touching the glasses and.

[Travis McElroy]

And they're always greasy.

[Griffin McElroy]

And they are always. They are always greasy.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Dot has the amazing ability to get stuff under her fingernails a millisecond after washing her hands.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's really crazy how like I'll wash the boy hands and then the boy will play with model magic or some shit. Kinetic, kinetic, kinetic sand. And then they'll be right under there. They'll say, shit, wash the hands again. There's sand under it again. You didn't even touch the goddamn sand.

[Travis McElroy]

Guys thought about it.

[Justin McElroy]

I'll tell you what is huge for this is food coloring.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

They don't tell you that's kid coloring too.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's on there for good fingers that.

[Justin McElroy]

You have dyed your child.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes. Travis, you had a pressing question? Yes. I'd love to talk about dirty kid hands more, but you did have the damn juice. That was the coolest shit I've ever seen, man. Hold on, let me try.

[Justin McElroy]

Thanks, dude.

[Travis McElroy]

I got a vanilla bean cooler here.

[Griffin McElroy]

No one did. I didn't get one for me. Oh, you.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm on the other side. Charlie didn't bring you one.

[Griffin McElroy]

Charlie.

[Justin McElroy]

What the heck, dude. Sorry. Bye, dude.

[Griffin McElroy]

Bye, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

Thanks for the podcast, Juice.

[Travis McElroy]

So here's my question.

[Griffin McElroy]

My kids never bring me Dunkin or anything.

[Travis McElroy]

My kids bring me germs and stuff under their fingernails.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay? So close the door, Charlie. I'm making a podcast. Come on, babe.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is when he works, Chuck.

[Justin McElroy]

This is when I do my job.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, Travis, your question.

[Travis McElroy]

This is after watching, like, a lot of, like, stories about weird things happening to people, you know, And I like hearing those stories. And here's my question for you boys.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I. In this hypothetical situation, I returned from a camping trip in the Pacific Northwest. Why was I camping? It's not important. And I tell you that while I was camping, I saw Bigfoot.

[Griffin McElroy]

Would I believe you?

[Travis McElroy]

Hear me out. He was 10, 15ft away from me. Right. I didn't have my phone on me, but I saw him, and I am clearly 100% sincere and confident.

[Griffin McElroy]

Not a bit.

[Travis McElroy]

Not a bit. I'm not joking. I'm not exaggerating. For the story. To what percentage do you now believe in Bigfoot?

[Griffin McElroy]

I have to ask you a question.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

And it's going to hurt your feelings.

[Travis McElroy]

Fair enough.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I don't want to do that on the podcast. I believe.

[Justin McElroy]

Can I just say, Trav Grif, if I may. Yeah, Griffin. This is a safe space. I promise you're not gonna hurt Travis's feelings with what you say. I'm saying that nothing you say is gonna hurt Travis's feelings. Wow.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is a safe space. This is a safe space to hurt Travis's feelings.

[Travis McElroy]

No, hold it. No, I don't. Listen, I have.

[Justin McElroy]

You know what?

[Travis McElroy]

I asked the question.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm strong enough to hear this, Griffin. I'm strong enough to hear this, whatever it is.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay? So if my. Let me tell you a story. To answer your question, if my friend Reggie comes to me and they said, you're never gonna believe this, but they now serve buffalo wings at Taco Bell. And I say, that's fun, Reggie, but show me your inner thigh. And he rolls up his pant leg, and there's a tattoo of buffalo wings there. I'm going to say, well, Buffalo wing Reggie, or whatever your name was, I already forgot. I am less inclined to believe you because clearly you are interested in the subject matter that you are weaving this sort of tale about now. So Travis, if you went to the Pacific Northwest, came back, said, I believe in Bigfoot, and I know you're telling the truth. Your truth.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you. But then I remember, what do you do have tattooed on your Ribs.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, I have Loch Ness monster tattooed on my ribs. Not Bigfoot.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, I know that, but you can understand.

[Travis McElroy]

And listen, all of this isn't gonna hurt my feelings. This is why I said it as a percentage. Not yes or no. Because I'm not asking. Someone comes to you. I'm asking. I come to you.

[Justin McElroy]

Negative one.

[Travis McElroy]

One percent you believe in because.

[Griffin McElroy]

Negative one.

[Travis McElroy]

Negative one.

[Justin McElroy]

A negative one. Because the fact that you are doing it and so serious about it has in my mind assured me that it's a bit.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

So it's now 100% a bit. You understand? I can't.

[Griffin McElroy]

I wanna.

[Justin McElroy]

It's like 100% a bit. So that makes me believe even less. Because if someone was gonna find him, it would be you. But if you come to me and say you found Bigfoot, that is my last little glimpse of hope going out.

[Travis McElroy]

Because it is a bit.

[Griffin McElroy]

I. First of all, we went on one hike once for a video and Travis said that sucks shit. I'm never doing it again.

[Travis McElroy]

So I do think that's why I said the hypothetical. It doesn't matter why I do it.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can't. You can't let us not weigh in. Evidence based. I want this to be an evidence based sort of process.

[Travis McElroy]

Fair enough.

[Griffin McElroy]

You don't like being outside. I don't think you would be first on my list of likely Bigfoot locators.

[Travis McElroy]

Fair enough.

[Justin McElroy]

I think I would assume it's a buildup to a 50th birthday party. For me, that would be where my.

[Travis McElroy]

Five year run up.

[Justin McElroy]

Not as long as I like, but still a pretty long drift getting to 50.

[Griffin McElroy]

Damn, dude. If you want to go traipsing about a caldera or something up in Oregon for your 50th birthday, I'm absolutely there, dude. You know that. I'm listening.

[Justin McElroy]

If that is me at 50, do not let me make it to 51. Please. Just shove me into a big ravine or something. Cause I'm getting my jollies at nature like some pervert.

[Travis McElroy]

I still am gonna need a percentage from Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. My instinct is 0%. However, if you put an apple in a box for eternity, it will turn into anything. You guys know I'm all about that shit. Do I think there's a chance that in this big beautiful planet Earth covered in verdant nature and exciting diversity biology, so many. Is there maybe a big, big hairy man who lives in the woods and walks around and he has large. And he has super big feet? May. Yeah, maybe there could be aliens out there. We don't know, because it's infinity, which means that logically, there's something out there. That's what mold is.

[Travis McElroy]

Actually, this is making me feel a lot better because my wife, who loves me and has been like, we've committed ourselves to each other and she's chosen to spend her life with me, said 35%. And I thought that was awful low. But now you're. That's super high.

[Justin McElroy]

That's super high.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now I'm realizing that's a 35% chance you're gonna make me believe in magic. Do you know what I mean? Like, that's a 35%.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. But, like, I saw it.

[Justin McElroy]

That's a reorganization of. Do you understand? If you open the door to Bigfoot, that's the whole gateway drug.

[Griffin McElroy]

A gateway drop.

[Justin McElroy]

That's a gateway.

[Travis McElroy]

I guess it's just that I'm willing to believe.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I know, Travis. That's why you got a negative one.

[Travis McElroy]

Fair enough. I appreciate that.

[Griffin McElroy]

What I said just now about aliens maybe existing because space is infinite. Even that to me, feels like cracking the door a little bit and be like, are you in here? Magic? Anything special and wondrous and inexplicable happening in here? And it feels risky to me.

[Travis McElroy]

This led me to then posit that there is one person in everybody's life that is the highest on the ranking of person who said they saw Bigfoot. Now I believe the most.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, oh, oh.

[Travis McElroy]

Pete Buttigieg.

[Griffin McElroy]

If Pete. Yeah, if. Judge.

[Justin McElroy]

You're 1%, dude, that's easy. You're 1%. Pete Buttigieg comes out. He's got 100% confidence rating from me, Dustin McElroy. If he comes out and he's like, y'. All. I know, I know, I know.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's so out of his. Like, his political career is. I get it at that point.

[Justin McElroy]

I know it's. I know it's going to be rough going for me. President Pete is maybe a pipe dream, but I am going to tell you with 100% certainty Bigfoot's real. You've got one true believer in 90 West Virginia. Because I'm like, well, Pete said, there's Bigfoot.

[Griffin McElroy]

Here's your. Here's your October surprise. Bigfoot's real.

[Travis McElroy]

I saw him, and I have his endorsement.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm dropping out of the race. Of course, naturally. I don't wanna make a joke out of this whole process. I did see Bigfoot. I'm Pete Buttigieg. I approve this message, but I'm not running for Bigfoot.

[Justin McElroy]

I know I can't be president anymore. But honestly, that has started to mean less to me.

[Travis McElroy]

I've got a lot to figure out.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I'm actually thinking less about infrastructure than I used to, which is weird for me, Pete Buttigieg. I'm just really focused on payfooting.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cause like, my considerations of infrastructure have been made more difficult by my now gentle belief in magic and magical things.

[Travis McElroy]

Sure, I got a lot. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Must we shift the roads around the. Must we shift the roads around the rivers? I don't know. I must consort with nature to find out the answers.

[Travis McElroy]

My number one is Griffin McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, yeah, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

Guys, trust.

[Griffin McElroy]

If I ever came back from the woods, I was like, hey, I saw Bigfoot. Please, you have to believe that I would not make up shit.

[Travis McElroy]

This is my thing. I think of all the people I know in the world, it's not necessarily that Griffin's the most believable. No offense, Griffin, but rather that if there was a human being who was going to rationalize away, do everything he could to convince himself he did not see Bigfoot, it would be Griffin McElroy. And this is actually. Now I'm seeing completely 100% correct.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. No.

[Travis McElroy]

As you're sitting there going, even talking about the possibility of aliens feels like magic to you.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I stand firm in this belief that if Griffin's like, yeah, guys, I've thought about it, I've looked at it from every direction. There's no way I can't convince myself I didn't see Bigfoot. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I will say, if it's me.

[Travis McElroy]

Where.

[Justin McElroy]

Are you guys at?

[Griffin McElroy]

If you come back saying, I saw Bigfoot. You're my oldest brother. And so there is a slight percentage of. Is it a prank? Is it. Am I being. Cause you told me lots of.

[Travis McElroy]

I know something of a yarn spinner.

[Griffin McElroy]

Justin, you do spin yarn.

[Travis McElroy]

You talk about a bear.

[Griffin McElroy]

Deceitful, nasty liar is what Travis is saying.

[Travis McElroy]

No, no, no, no. I'm saying when Justin talked about a bear in his vicinity, that's true. It's not important if the bear is real or not. We know bears are real, so he's able to add some spice to it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are you saying Justin wasn't accosted by a bear in his.

[Travis McElroy]

No, I'm saying he was just a beautiful story.

[Justin McElroy]

I think that if I come to you guys and I'm like, I saw Bigfoot. Bigfoot's real. You should know that it is true. But it may just be true for me. I've maybe had some sort of a Perspective shift, you understand? Like, the way I'm kind of seeing the big picture. I will say maybe something of an unreliable narrator.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

15% context. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

15% for me.

[Justin McElroy]

Respectable.

[Griffin McElroy]

I. Yeah, I'm. I'm around 15, 20. That's actually about where Travis is, too. I don't know what that means for y'.

[Justin McElroy]

All.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think Bigfoot.

[Travis McElroy]

Basically, what that equates to is I'm with some friends, they bring up Bigfoot, and I go, you know, my older brother saw Bigfoot, and they kind of laugh, and. I know, I know, I know.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can't say my older brother. If you say my younger brother saw Bigfoot and you believe him, it's gotta be true. There's a lot of dynamics, a lot of sibling dynamics.

[Travis McElroy]

This is what I'm saying.

[Justin McElroy]

How many people would need and in what span of time would need to, in casual conversation, say that they had recently seen Bigfoot?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Before you would start to think there's something going on.

[Travis McElroy]

Separate occurrences.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Like, you're in. You're, like, at separate parties, and you're, like, hearing people talk. Right. And then, like, you hear in. In various conversations, completely separate people say they have had a sighting. Three. It's the wrong threes for Travis.

[Travis McElroy]

Three for me. Cause now we've got a triangle. Right Now I've got quantifiable data.

[Justin McElroy]

That data.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Right.

[Travis McElroy]

Where I'm like, okay, in the span of a month, three different people told me they saw Bigfoot.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would need a control group. I would need it to be. First two people telling me this and then a third person walking by that they don't know. Say, are you guys talking about Bigfoot? Because I also. All of a sudden, I do have outside sources. If it's too many, though, I'm thinking flashbombs. It's like five.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm like, okay, flash mob is five.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

You know, this is. Highlights, like a life goal that I have. And I actually wrote this on my. On my. I have a reminders list. My life goals. There's only four right now.

[Griffin McElroy]

You have a bucket list in your reminders app.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Number one is find better ways of storing life goals. So the.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's good.

[Justin McElroy]

But in the. Yeah, thanks. But in there, it's. I want to plot several different points on a map and then connect those points and then have the place where those points overlap be something important. I just want one time to unroll a big map.

[Travis McElroy]

Don't you see?

[Justin McElroy]

Draw the lines.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wait. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And then maybe when I draw the first two, I'm like, okay, I knew they would intersect somewhere. Please, for the love of God, let this third line beside something. I just want that experience once in my life. And then I point to it. It's like, this is the place that I told you about in the dream or something, you know, like, is it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Too much to call them ley lines? Is it too much to triangulate the ley lines? Or does that make it a. Too much of a joke for you if it's like.

[Travis McElroy]

Like Oak Island.

[Justin McElroy]

Oak island or some sort. Any leylines that does get the idea across. But I don't want it to be in a puzzle experience. I've paid hundreds of dollars.

[Travis McElroy]

This would have to be. You've been brought in as like a consulting detective, and you're like, wait, these. They've hit here and here and here. And if we don't.

[Justin McElroy]

You see?

[Travis McElroy]

So their headquarters must be here in the middle where they.

[Justin McElroy]

Right. This is the entrance. And then you go there, and it is a manhole. You know, like.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah. No, it has.

[Travis McElroy]

It's the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. They've done it again.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think it would be hard to do this organically. However, I do think there's nothing stopping literally anyone from triangulating three points of interest on a map, going to the middle of where those things are and then making something cool there for the next person to find or for you.

[Travis McElroy]

To commit the crimes yourself and then triangulate your own house.

[Griffin McElroy]

I guess this is actually.

[Travis McElroy]

Cause there was a similar thing I brought up to Theresa, which is, how many times would people in town have to report vampire activity? Like, you're in a town of like, 5,000.

[Griffin McElroy]

We've addressed this before. We have talked about Vampire Town. You know what I want on my life list? I'm gonna scratch out everything else. Make a difference.

[Justin McElroy]

Do something lifeless is better than bucket list, everybody.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Cause these are the ones I do. Living buckets are for the cows.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would love. I would love to focus a beam of light through a staff to.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's something that, like. And it's become such a. It's Jo. The public consciousness, in a way, appearing in. You know, there's a lot of games and stuff where it happens, but it really all kind of comes from that one scene in Indiana Jones.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know that there was a ton of historical evidence of ancient pharaohs making staves with. With a small citrine in the. In the. In the headpiece. I don't think that there's a lot of. I don't think that's based on much of anything. So I don't know how organically I can harness focus. A beam of pure, full moonlight through a citrine. But.

[Travis McElroy]

I think mine's pretty ambitious because I think. I don't know that this is a thing, but I want to. On a stone pillar that's about waist height, arrange shapes, and then there's a click, and the stone pillar lowers into the ground, and the floor, like, opens up into a staircase down.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, like a spiral staircase down. Oh, God, I'd love that.

[Travis McElroy]

I think we want to play blueprints again. I think.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think we just want to live in the blue Prince Richard Garriott did some of this shit in his castle that he built in Austin with his ultima winnings when he was a pro esports Ultima player, where he would have a. Like a. If you move this drink coaster to this exact spot on the credenza, it'll pop open the spiral staircase down to the wine cooler. And I'm like, that's cool. It's also kind of half of an idea. I do want to have to rebuild a skeleton that has been encrusted with jewels.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Griffin McElroy]

I do want to place gemstones around the room in a certain elemental order, and I do want to focus a beam of pure moonlight through a citrine staff.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm asking too much.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's cool. That. Pull out the book to open the door. That's awesome. Objectively, that's cool. But make it magic.

[Travis McElroy]

I'd like to have to take more rubbings of things.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would like to take a rub.

[Justin McElroy]

You already did yours, chef.

[Travis McElroy]

I know, but I haven't had to rub a thing. We should go off.

[Griffin McElroy]

King goes off king.

[Justin McElroy]

A little over a year ago, my flatmate drunkenly stole three traffic cones. They've been living in our closet ever since. Brothers. I need to rid these cones from my closet and my conscience. How do I return traffic cones? Important. The construction site they were stolen from is no longer there.

[Griffin McElroy]

Awesome.

[Justin McElroy]

That's from embarrassed accomplice thief in Edinburgh.

[Griffin McElroy]

The great news is this is pretty easy. Traffic cones are like flowers that humans make. If you think about it, if you look around and you see a traffic cone and it's not around some sort of accident or construction site, you just think, a human left that there. So I think just dead of night, go outside. You don't even have to go that far from the door of your house and set those Traffic cones outside. No one's going to accuse you of stealing them. They're traffic cones. They're everywhere.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, but why not have a little fun with it? Cause he got three, right? That's a triangle right there. Maybe there's a neighbor's door. You're gonna set em up in a triangle shape right outside their front door. Like, you know, maybe it steps right out on the street or a building, and you've set it up as if to say, watch out for this triangle. Right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

And then in the morning, people get to have a chance to like, but why. But why is that triangle there? Until eventually. Now those cones do need to be removed. But for a second, everybody gets to go, what's happening in this triangle? Why is this triangle here?

[Griffin McElroy]

And that kind of loops back into. We could triangulate a secret artifact or relic or something with these. That wouldn't be remarkable.

[Justin McElroy]

What do the cones mean? That wouldn't be three cones.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

What do they mean?

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe knock one of the cones over and then draw two sad faces on the other two cones, like, aw, our friend. Oh, that's cooling him now. It's an art project.

[Justin McElroy]

I think it'd be funny to close your road. Just close your road. Get a cone. Put it at one end, take the other two, the other end.

[Griffin McElroy]

One cone's not gonna stop me and my friends.

[Justin McElroy]

You only got three Again, if I have four in a holocaust cloak, that might be something. But I only have three cones to work with, so I'm doing my best.

[Griffin McElroy]

If I. I'm driving down the road and I see one cone, I'm gonna think some human just left that there. That is not. That's one cone. They're not trying to block off the whole street with one cone. That's crazy. I got places to go.

[Justin McElroy]

So you block off one intersection with three cones. So there's like one street where you're.

[Travis McElroy]

Just like, ugh, you're right. Hey, question, Oscar. You need to steal more cones. You gotta steal cones to leave cones. Yeah, yeah, that's okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Three cones. I think that's. There's a big pothole. I gotta go around that. I'm still going to go around three cones. Five. Now we're talking. I'm not going to fuck around with five.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, get more cones, knock one cone over, and then surround it with other cones as if to say, like, hey, we're working on getting this cone stood back up. And until then, you got to stay away from this one cone.

[Justin McElroy]

I love this cone.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool.

[Justin McElroy]

If you started putting out, keeping the cones in your trunk. And then when you pull out of a parking space, just put in the codes there until you get home.

[Griffin McElroy]

The worst.

[Justin McElroy]

I think this problem would resolve itself really quickly. Like something would happen.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, we didn't finish. Sorry. We didn't finish reading the question. I also want to become the most despised person in my neighborhood. It says here that they want to be absolutely, thoroughly and completely despised. Could you hire two other people? And you hold up the cones to your mouth and like, they're old timey megaphones. And you kind of do a little herald thing and say, like, we didn't steal these. We found these.

[Justin McElroy]

You should just return them.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, but in my verse, they'll know.

[Justin McElroy]

Griffin don't know, bud.

[Griffin McElroy]

But in my version, there's like a fun medieval kind of announcement.

[Travis McElroy]

You need to get three large baskets. You're gonna tuck a cone in each basket. Put a blankie over it. Put a little note that says, I can't take care of these anymore. I leave them in your care. Leave those, like on the police station door, fire department door or whatever. Now they've adopted the cones, they have to take care of it. That's cool. You're welcome.

[Justin McElroy]

Sometimes these questions, I read them and I am very confused by them. And then I have to take a moment to remember that not everybody lives so close to so many rivers as I do. Yeah, I really have my pick of rivers. If I have a problem like this, there's a river nearby that I'll probably drive by on my errands. That will solve this problem for me. You know what I mean?

[Travis McElroy]

That will carry it eventually to the ocean.

[Justin McElroy]

Make it Kentucky's problem. You know what I mean?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Make it Ohio's problem. Make it North Carolina. I don't know where the river.

[Travis McElroy]

Make it trash islands problem.

[Justin McElroy]

Just as it joined the fatberg, you.

[Travis McElroy]

Know what I mean? Sending it out to the ocean to kill the coral reefs.

[Justin McElroy]

Like, you don't have a river. Do you not have a river? Obviously, ocean doesn't work because it come back to you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right.

[Justin McElroy]

That's bad. Lake. That's a crime. That's illegal. Because that stuff just floats there in the lake.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And messes up the lake for everybody.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, river.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, take it away.

[Griffin McElroy]

Take it away, River.

[Justin McElroy]

Take away. Take that cone as far as you can until nobody knows.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, hold on. No, finish the thought.

[Travis McElroy]

Actually, I think some people probably know.

[Justin McElroy]

Let me open up a river.

[Travis McElroy]

River goes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Where does river go? We'll just see Downhill.

[Justin McElroy]

That's song for Pocahontas, right? Okay, that's in there.

[Travis McElroy]

So watch around the riverbend.

[Justin McElroy]

Riverbend.

[Travis McElroy]

Nobody knows.

[Griffin McElroy]

Nobody knows. We've never ever gone all the way down to see.

[Travis McElroy]

The problem is there's more river after that. We tried following it, man. And we went around the bend and guess what guys? Another fucking bend. And we gave up.

[Justin McElroy]

Believe it or not.

[Griffin McElroy]

Check this out. I'm reading what I just googled. It says. Well, most rivers eventually reach the sea. And if I stop reading right there, we have plausible deniability.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Also there's worse things that you could throw into trash Ocean island than traffic cones because they make the out there and the fish see those and like Careful guys.

[Travis McElroy]

Whoa.

[Griffin McElroy]

Trash island coming up.

[Travis McElroy]

We gotta go around.

[Griffin McElroy]

We've learned that these conical orange flowers that humans make, they mean don't fuck with this right now.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, that was a hard lesson. That was some like funny like Harold.

[Griffin McElroy]

You know, sometimes they do funny Harold skits to say they've not done a crime.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm visiting my out of state partner and their very kind grandparents have let me sleep in a guest room at their place during my stay. Been sleeping on an antique bed for a week now. Just took a seat and multiple boards under the headrest have fully snapped apart from the frame. The bed is old enough that this room is where my partner's ancient grandpa grew up from childhood. Brothers, how do I break the. What?

[Griffin McElroy]

Didn't need to say ancient. I. Yeah, you've already described the man's.

[Justin McElroy]

Grandma'S grandpas are pretty old. You don't ancient for a grandpa. Cool 30 year old grandpa. This hip, sexy Bradley Cooper looking grandpa. Brothers, how do I break the news that I've shattered a piece of history with my ass? And what do I do for sleeping for the next week? That's from cracked wood criminal in Columbus.

[Travis McElroy]

One of those is more important to you than the other and I can guess which.

[Justin McElroy]

You can't come up with a lie without enough rest. You can't come up with a good way to blame it on somebody else until you've had a good night's sleep.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is there a subconscious worry here with broken bed frame that you smashed it while making whoopi? And so you're embarrassed to say like hey, something's wrong with the bed frame and they'll look and see you smash it and they'll just assume it's from just the incredible inertia of your pelvis going.

[Travis McElroy]

Because I think the second you say yeah, I just sat on it and the board's broke. Ancient grandpa's gonna think I've sat on that thing thousands of times.

[Griffin McElroy]

But what if ancient grandpa looks over at you and winks like. And he's like, he's cool with it, and that means you're in. You've gotten permission to become married, I think.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't know, guys. I don't know about you, but if I've been on a long road trip and I finally get to where I'm staying and I'm gonna be kicking my feet up for the next few days, I don't just sit on the bed, guys. And I'm wondering, question asker, did you just sit on the bed or did you, like, do the full. Throw the arms up, toss your whole body back into the bed. Ah, I've made it shatter.

[Griffin McElroy]

Leap into that.

[Justin McElroy]

Shit hurts. You leaped it.

[Griffin McElroy]

You left me at the end of.

[Travis McElroy]

The how to ski video where he's just like, fwoomp into the bed.

[Griffin McElroy]

He floomped into it, smashed into it like a giant grapefruit and herbal essences commercial, didn't you?

[Travis McElroy]

One time I was staying Cannonball. Staying at a friend's place. This is. Oh, early days, actually, when I went and visited friends at the Cincy shakes company and they had a company house, and there was an extra bed in there, and I laid down on it, and the bed frame was old and bad and it broke. And so the bed was at a tilt where the boards didn't no longer stayed up. And so it tilted from right to left. They're not up and down, mind you, right to left. And by the time I laid down in the mattress, it was late in the evening, and I was like, well, this is my life. And I slept on it that way.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's crazy. What a young man's body you have.

[Travis McElroy]

I know, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

My. My old body would remember the. The scars of that for the rest of my life, probably.

[Justin McElroy]

Question asker, you do have a hail Mary here that is in the world of wood repair, but does not require any certain skills. This is something people don't want to tell you, but wood glue is stronger than wood.

[Travis McElroy]

So if you get bottle water.

[Griffin McElroy]

Why aren't we building. Why aren't we building boats out of wood glue then?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

What. Why aren't we built? A simple question. Why aren't we building boats out of the wood glue then instead of.

[Travis McElroy]

Why are you avoiding?

[Justin McElroy]

All right, so that if you just get the pieces and kind of smoosh them back how they look, right? And then wood glue and it Will be fixed. Yeah, like, it will be fixed.

[Griffin McElroy]

It will be fixed.

[Travis McElroy]

Let it cure from the grandpa's new bed, the ship.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm saying it is gonna stay fixed for exactly as long as you need it to for it not to be your fault. Right. The next time.

[Griffin McElroy]

You are also, though, creating a kind of, like, secret buried treasure for someone else to find in the future. And that is the treasure, though, is your shame at what you have done here. Vis a vis repairs.

[Justin McElroy]

No, no, no, no, no, no. You're along a piece of heirloom furniture. Griffin, you gotta understand, is a living document. Right. And you first had the hands that took the woods from the woods, and then you have the hands that crafted it. Right. And made it. And then other hands will repair it, will give it new life.

[Travis McElroy]

You're gonna put the wood glue on and carefully brush some gold dust into the wood glue as you do so red.

[Justin McElroy]

Actually, if you put some sawdust into a wood glue, you can hide cracks.

[Travis McElroy]

My think about, like, wabi sabi. The cracks are what makes us beautiful. It's not practical. I'm not trying to help.

[Justin McElroy]

Just glue it all together. Wood's easy.

[Griffin McElroy]

We weren't glued. We were having some H vac issues. And I went up in our attic to figure out what the heck was going on. It turned out the vent that or the ductwork that takes the dryer leavings out of the roof had gotten disconnected from the roof hole and fallen down. And I noticed that I don't know if it was the previous owner. Somewhere down the chain of possession, they had formed a sort of duct tape barrier, sort of a wraparound sort of plug sort of solution that had been covered in lint and then fell off. And then the pipe was just giving me that good dryer juice right back into my house. And do you guys know how jubilant I was that I discovered that and not a contractor that I had brought into a professional who had brought into my home. Yeah, that's huge. And I'd been like, yeah, my family keeps coughing, and they go upstairs and see that there's a pipe just pumping hot fucking laundry juice into my family's noses. And that had been taped up. There's no way I could have been like, I didn't tape that up there.

[Travis McElroy]

Once they found it and relayed that information to you, any amount of. I didn't do it. I never would fall on deaf ears.

[Justin McElroy]

How do you know, question asker, that this was not poorly repaired by someone moments before you arrived?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yep.

[Justin McElroy]

You know what I mean? Maybe some other jabroni broke it and they did a bad job fixing it. Now you're going to get in there with some type bond too and fix it for. For real? Yeah, I get in there and really fix it.

[Griffin McElroy]

You could just kind of put the pieces back together, set a sort of trap and then get to ancient grandpa and say like, hey, can you show me how this bed works? Or whatever. He sits on it. Snapper ring.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, you have this living. No. Griffith.

[Griffin McElroy]

Griffith.

[Justin McElroy]

Griffith. Will you show me how this living document works as it evolves from new to non functional? Right? And then they journey to journey.

[Griffin McElroy]

They sit on it and you say, damn, grandpa, what'd you do, dude? Did you do that from smashing ass? And he'd be like, no, I just. You saw me sit on tissues.

[Justin McElroy]

Did you. Did you fart so bad? Holy shit, peeps.

[Griffin McElroy]

Did you rip such a fart that it broke the bedwood? Dude.

[Travis McElroy]

So embarrassed.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, you watched me just now. Sit.

[Travis McElroy]

Tell you what that will be.

[Justin McElroy]

I was whittling for you.

[Travis McElroy]

Sent me a crisp Honda dollar bill. I'm gonna keep this between us. And now it's a profit game.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, man. You say, oh, no, Grandpa, what do we do now?

[Justin McElroy]

He's in a fucking. I love that. Hey, this is a duo now. We're a criminal duo. We gotta get outta here. You can drive. Let's go.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, should we go to the money Zone?

[Justin McElroy]

I was about to say that.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, man, I'm already there.

[Montagne (musician)]

It's better. It's better.

[Travis McElroy]

Lukewarm Squarespace in my house. It's more likely than you think. Hi, I'm Travis McElroy, spokesman for Squarespace.

[Justin McElroy]

Wait, hold on. What is the context of this ad? Ready? Like Squarespace. Beware of hidden space.

[Griffin McElroy]

Look out for Squarespace.

[Travis McElroy]

No, guys, Squarespace is all around us.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

In fact, I would say I've been learning a lot about tesseracts lately in multiple dimensions. And maybe squarespace is a dimension higher than the dimension we live in because it's where the way. Just quick update.

[Justin McElroy]

Travel with that reveal.

[Griffin McElroy]

You've been negative five in my rank.

[Travis McElroy]

That's real science, boys. It's fourth dimensional shape. Read a book. Carl Sagan talked about it. If Carl Sagan saw Bigfoot, you guys would be like, oh, negative five. Carl Sagan.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't think he's with us anymore, Jeff.

[Travis McElroy]

No, of course he's not, Griffin. He's in the 8th dimension now during our Squarespace. Squarespace is a website that lets you.

[Justin McElroy]

Build websites It's a website site that builds websites. It's terrifying to think.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, it's like a test rack. It's a fourth dimensional website experience where it's a website within a website within a website. What if you built a website through Squarespace that let you build even smaller websites?

[Justin McElroy]

How cute.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you were a young professional who needed a way to sell your goods and services and get paid through any damn way you please online.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, that would work too.

[Griffin McElroy]

I thought it would be a good time to pivot into the things that squarespace. Oh, okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

I love that they have this library of templates that are just award winning, gorgeous, beautiful templates that are gonna make it look like you know what you're doing on the web and you can customize them to your purposes. There's intuitive drag and drop editing. Wysiwyg, I think is what they call it.

[Travis McElroy]

Wysiwyg.

[Griffin McElroy]

WYSIWYG and wysiwyg.

[Travis McElroy]

Wysiwyg. Beautiful style guy from Chris's Carol.

[Griffin McElroy]

Whatever.

[Travis McElroy]

You're just old boss.

[Griffin McElroy]

This shit to do. Squarespace helps you do it. We're not just talking out of our asses. We've all used Squarespace to build websites that look remarkable. They look very, very good and make us seem professional enough that people started to really take us seriously once we had our suite of Squarespace websites.

[Travis McElroy]

So head to squarespace.com mybrother for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code mybrother all one word to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Boys, I know that I have to take these off the rails, but I'm gonna send Joke's out of the room for a second. Whoa. I know because I'm gonna tell you about Aura frames, which I believe to be the best present that one can give. Wow. To grandparents in laws family that you don't see that often. You can get it for yourself too. Don't get me wrong, I have one and it's one of our favorite things. The kids love it because we can upload pictures directly to it as soon as they get back from a thing. And then those pictures show up and they're like, where was that? And I was like, that was 10 minutes ago, baby.

[Griffin McElroy]

I just love that stuff, man.

[Travis McElroy]

They fucking do. But what I love is we got my mother in law one and it's sitting right in our living room. We see it every time we go over to the house and I know that when we get back from an outing with the kids or something like that, we can immediately from my phone, upload pictures to her aura and know that now those are in the rotation, we can post those pictures of the grandkids right there. So it's a gift that we got her once that just every so often it's like we updated it to be a new gift. It's amazing. She adores it. Everyone we've ever given one to absolutely loves it. It's so easy to use, so easy to put new pictures onto, so easy to set up. I highly, highly recommend it, especially as we head into the holiday season. If there's someone in your life that you're like, I want to get something for, but I can't think of something that feels, you know, that feels personal or a frame. So, man, it's perfect.

[Griffin McElroy]

It really is great. I echo everything Travis said. We've gotten them as gifts before and they really have streamlined a process that before this point there was not really a good solution for.

[Travis McElroy]

So for a limited time, save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com to get $35 off Aura's best selling Carver mat frames named number one by Wirecutter by using promo code mybrother at checkout. That's a U R A frames.com promo code mybrother. The deal is exclusive to listeners and frames sell out fast. So order yours now to get it in time for the holidays. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Do you guys think that if Squarespace is listening right now and they heard like what a serious and like straightforward like to the point job I did with aura Frames, they're like, what the fuck, man? Why are you talking about us sitting in your house? It's more likely than you think. Why'd you do that for us?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, hold on. Well then let me balance it out. Aura frames is. I mean, do you guys want to get into auras? Aura Frames. Aura Frames recharges all of my magic energy when I touch it.

[Travis McElroy]

Your lack of skill in discussing auras actually just bumped you up to 105% where I would believe you more that you saw Bigfoot than you would believe yourself.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cool. Hello? Hello, I'm calling on behalf of the.

[Caller / Guest]

Beef and Dairy Network podcast. No, I'm sorry, no sales calls. Goodbye. It's a multi award winning podcast featuring.

[Griffin McElroy]

Guests such as Ted Danson, Nick Offerman, Josie Long.

[Caller / Guest]

I don't know what a Josie Long is. And anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time. And even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old. She's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopaedic ones. I don't want to have to carry you home again, do I?

[Griffin McElroy]

Right, well, if you were looking for a podcast.

[Caller / Guest]

Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing. Mother. This is a musical theatre, not a Parisian bordello. Simply go to maximumfun.org I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother. Mother, not that hat.

[Montagne (musician)]

Have you been looking for a new podcast all about nerdy pop culture? Well, I have just the thing for you. Secret Histories of Nerd Mysteries.

[Griffin McElroy]

Secret Histories of Nerd Mysteries is a weekly pop culture history podcast hosted by.

[Montagne (musician)]

Me host Austin and me host Brenda. We've already tackled mysteries such as what happened to the puppets from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer? Is Snoopy Mexican? And why do people hate Barney so much?

[Griffin McElroy]

From theme parks to cartoons to 80s, 90s and 2000s nostalgia, we tackle it all.

[Montagne (musician)]

Check us out Every Tuesday on MaximumFun.org and wherever you get podcasts.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, I don't know if you guys knew, but Wicked fever is spreading across the nation.

[Travis McElroy]

God, no. Not again.

[Justin McElroy]

I went and saw Wicked for good and what I thought of it couldn't matter less to anybody on the planet. Except, I will say this, a lot of great products, you know, there's a lot of great products to enjoy with the Wicked franchise.

[Travis McElroy]

I recently saw Wicked on a TikTok Wicked themed Porta Potties.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, that, yeah, that's excellent. I wanted to share some of the products with you guys because there's so many really, really good ones.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

And they went hard with the brand collaborations last year, but we're gonna go even harder this year.

[Travis McElroy]

First up, can I tell. Wait, before you show em Justin, I wanna say my bet is gonna be based off of what they did for Wicked. The first Wicked for bad Wicked for now is that they love. This one's pink, this one's green. That's all we gotta do.

[Justin McElroy]

What do you wanna medal?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, dude, that's.

[Justin McElroy]

What do you wanna medal for? That fucking absolute derailment of the energy of the bits to say that there's pink and green ones.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I was saying that in like their painting, in their branding theming. It's not like they had to do comp. The vibe's off. Griffin, can you cleanse the aura, please?

[Griffin McElroy]

Sure.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you guys know how you love protein bars but you wish they were pink and green?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Dude.

[Justin McElroy]

Fuck. Shit. Yeah. Okay. So true. Bar. This is a bad first example.

[Griffin McElroy]

Get through this. The vibe on this one's fast.

[Justin McElroy]

Let me get through this one. This is a bad first example. Cause it makes Travis look right and I don't want that. So Wicked for good. Daydreaming about donuts. And it's meant to be Chip. The pink and green ones they have, it's Chip. They put them in a box. They put them in a box.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's meant to be Chip. It's meant to be Chip suggests someone heard Chip thought, that sounds like hip. It's hip to be square. Is this something it's meant to be.

[Travis McElroy]

Also makes it sound like they failed. It's meant to be Chip. And this is actually as close as we could get.

[Justin McElroy]

They had pink and green protein bars and so they put them in a box.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cool.

[Justin McElroy]

So that's not like a natural one, but after you eat those, you gotta clean your breath. And what better way to do that than with the Sonic Powered Singing Toothbrush? By Equate. Yep, that's right. When you start brushing with this, you're gonna hear popular and defying Gravity two songs, notably not from this movie. Cause every song from Wicked for.

[Griffin McElroy]

Bring.

[Justin McElroy]

The magic of the world of Wicked to your daily routine with the Wicked Sonic Powered Singing Toothbrush. Officially licensed by Universal Studios. Because the alternative would be fucking crazy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Why?

[Travis McElroy]

Imagine if Walmart's like, eat my dick.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm doing an Elphaba toothbrush and you can't stop me.

[Travis McElroy]

These two things are drop shipped directly to Walmart. We put a TEMU on the brush.

[Justin McElroy]

And you can't stop us.

[Griffin McElroy]

This toothbrush plays all of K pop demon hunters start to finish.

[Justin McElroy]

Can the adults.

[Travis McElroy]

That is a good point. Both of those songs are notably longer than the 2 minutes one is meant to brush their teeth. Does it keep going?

[Griffin McElroy]

Also I'm gonna be fucking. That's not proper form.

[Travis McElroy]

It should be defying Cavity.

[Griffin McElroy]

Shit, that's good stuff. Cavity.

[Justin McElroy]

That's really good. It's really good.

[Travis McElroy]

Have you noticed how they're pink and green?

[Justin McElroy]

And also it's the same joke beloved author Richard Osman made on the Rest is Entertainment Travis when they were talking about Wicked collaborations. So you should feel in very good company.

[Griffin McElroy]

I do.

[Justin McElroy]

Very good company. He's a multi bestselling author.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hell yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Then the adults have one too. With the Wicked ordo brush. This is.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh gosh.

[Justin McElroy]

This is a toothbrush for adults. That seemed about Wicked. I don't know what else you need to know.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, I can say to me that it looks like one. It's eldritch and absinthe at the same time.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes, it's a very sexual adult toothbrush.

[Griffin McElroy]

Does it sing songs to me while I brush it?

[Justin McElroy]

This I do not think. No. If it does, it's just Elphaba's personal toothbrush gets sent to Oz with gain Wicked for good laundry add ins. That's right. Gain Febreze and Dawn fans everywhere know what Oz looks like and feels like. And for the first time ever, they'll experience what it smells like.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would say look and feel are not the two senses I would kind of organically attribute to watching a movie. I would say that's a good point. I would say here gets more of a hand on the ball on that one than touch. I do not actually know. I don't know what Oz tastes, smells or feels like. Cause I've never touched Oz.

[Justin McElroy]

It's just those senses that are engaged with the film really.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think a really powerful mantra for when someone isn't being fun and magical enough is to tell them to touch Oz.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

If one of us isn't playing enough in the space with the others to try to set it up and they're being kind of just like dude tell.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

You mean this guy? Da Jaws.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey.

[Justin McElroy]

Detergent flings provide a powerful clean and a vibrant freshness. And it comes in this scent, Fantabulous floral. Guys, there's Fantabulous floral Gain Wicked for good. But don't worry, they also have wonderfulest woods and beautifull blossom.

[Travis McElroy]

Just give us smells like Jonathan Bailey. That's what everybody wants.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, Trav. Hey, Travis. We'll get there.

[Montagne (musician)]

Ho.

[Justin McElroy]

Experience environment freshness against Wicked for good limited edition. Your laundry stays enchanted from wash to wear. There's also Dawn Power wash Wicked for good Fantabulous floral. This is a dish you can wash your dishes.

[Travis McElroy]

I want to talk about this. Did they think about the psychological impact of me doing like drudgery chores while having to smell and think about I could be in Oz dancing through life and instead. That's the point of these scrubbing shit.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, the problem of like. But that's like every scent like tropical breezes. I'm not. It's a toilet, you know. Next up, we got two irresistible limited edition scents from Secret. There's an alpha, the wickedly wonderful Elphaba themed one and couldn't be lovelier for your pits. They're both for your pits.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, can I do one side with one flavor, one side with the other?

[Justin McElroy]

They would ask that you do that. But do purchase both of them and.

[Travis McElroy]

Alternate day by day. You don't want to get too much imbalance. Can you imagine being in a situation where you're wearing these and someone's like, mm, you smell like Elphaba. I don't know how I'd feel.

[Griffin McElroy]

Good Elphaba. Smell good Elphaba.

[Justin McElroy]

Smell good.

[Griffin McElroy]

Smellphaba.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you, Travis. Thank you, Justin. And moving right along.

[Griffin McElroy]

I will not be thankful. I will not be thankful.

[Justin McElroy]

Who's hungry?

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm starved.

[Justin McElroy]

Ho, ho, ho, ho.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's a very severe. Okay, so these are. These are. These are pink Hostess cupcakes. These are pink Hostess cupcakes of Wicked for Good with an extraordinarily stern looking Ariana Grande.

[Justin McElroy]

She's looking at you like, I love these cupcakes and I've eaten them with my mouth.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just not crazy for these things.

[Travis McElroy]

How many of them is it to say, how dare you fucking buy these shirts?

[Justin McElroy]

It looks like she's saying, gobble it up, piggy. And I don't want to say, but that's. The facial expression is gobble it up, piggy. That's like what she's saying with her face.

[Griffin McElroy]

She is staring at you like she is some sort of war goddess who has nothing to do with this product whatsoever. Clearly. Clearly and completely.

[Justin McElroy]

It is a proof of fide by the wizard for a limited time, soft, fluffy cupcakes with osmopolitan pink frosting. Strawberry flavored snack cakes with creamy filling. Perfectly snackable to satisfy your sweet tooth any time of day. And it's a thrillifying way to celebrate the release of Wicked for Good. Only in theaters. Not in cupcakes.

[Travis McElroy]

Not in cupcakes.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel like I've experienced the film if I've eaten the cupcakes. There's also an Elphable one. Don't worry. If I've eaten the cupcakes and eaten the Hovis bread. What?

[Griffin McElroy]

There's Hovis bread.

[Justin McElroy]

What is. It's best.

[Travis McElroy]

Can you.

[Justin McElroy]

Griffin, can you just. I'll just read.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. I'll just read all the words that I'm seeing.

[Justin McElroy]

No, no, no, no, no. What is the. Look at the hook.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, so this. Best of both.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is. This is a. This is a loaf that is 50% white bread and 50% wholemeal flour bread. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And you've got Elphaba and Glinda looking at each other like, this is the.

[Travis McElroy]

Kind of flour I like.

[Justin McElroy]

And the other one says, no, I like this kind of flour.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, but you can also win a trip to Canada, it looks like if you buy the right loaf of homemade.

[Justin McElroy]

No, you can win a wicked trip to Canada. So apparently, maybe there'll be some human trafficking in there or something, some drug muling.

[Travis McElroy]

The bread is labeled as medium. What does that denote in bread form?

[Griffin McElroy]

Give me the. Give me the long Elphaba bread, please.

[Justin McElroy]

Some of these British products, and this is not even British, I think this is just, like, international products that I found. I can't contextualize that for you.

[Travis McElroy]

Can I also just say what I.

[Justin McElroy]

Can'T contextualize is the number I want.

[Travis McElroy]

To talk about, though, real quick, back to the Hovis bread that it says best of both. And it seems like the way they've manifested the best of both is to just use half and half of a thing. So they've in no way attempted to extract the best qualities of each.

[Griffin McElroy]

It should be half of each.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, half of each.

[Travis McElroy]

It's not the best of both.

[Justin McElroy]

Delicious.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man. They're both in there.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, I'm done. All right, I'm done. I'm full. And I'm gonna reach for my Cascade. Wicked. For good.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, this drives me up. This drives me fucking crazy. This drives me up an absolute wall.

[Justin McElroy]

Now, why is that?

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, Justin, I'm looking at the Cascade detergent pods. We all know what these look like. It's a sort of white, foamy, marbly sort of base. And then the gel packet separating the two different chemicals only. Okay, let me look at the colors of these chemicals. There's green. Elphaba color loves that one. And then. Oh, blue still on the other side. Didn't change a fucking goddamn thing about it.

[Travis McElroy]

Can I also say, they did say.

[Justin McElroy]

It is Emerald City scent.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, but you didn't change. There's. This is a product with famously. With two very bright and vivid colors sort of intertwined in a yin yang, if you will. And you didn't. You couldn't figure out how to change one sort of ingredient to make it pink and green.

[Travis McElroy]

It seems like a huge missed opportunity. I'm glad that you included scent in there, but for me, the dishwashing experience, I would say, is a 99% closed kind of closed door experience.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

I was gonna joke. I was gonna make a joke about this being earlier.

[Justin McElroy]

No, every witch needs a Swiffer. What?

[Griffin McElroy]

It simply doesn't cut the same silhouette when Cast against the full moon in the sky. I do not see it.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm also almost positive they made a joke about this in Hocus Pocus.

[Justin McElroy]

In hocus pocus 2. I'm almost certain they made a joke about it in hocus pocus 2. Travis, I would swear to God they did. Every witch needs a Swiffer. This is a Wicked for Good pink Swiffer.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, that does what? No. Okay, it's swift.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's swift. And there is no green one. Fuck you.

[Justin McElroy]

There is no green one. The green you gotta drop on the floor yourself, then swiff it up.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Next up. Oh, the air. It's in the air tonight. It's Wicked for Good. Mistably decadent ambiance. There's a Wicked for Good for Breeze and a Wicked for Good plugin if you want it just to be a beautiful blossom. Hey, that's the.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I haven't seen Wicked 1 or 2.

[Justin McElroy]

And you smelled it.

[Griffin McElroy]

I haven't touched Oz yet. And I guess I'm wondering if there's this much kind of Jeffy ass Family Circus mispronunciation of words in the movie. Is that like a factor in this.

[Justin McElroy]

Gimmick of the thing?

[Griffin McElroy]

Cool.

[Justin McElroy]

So you should know this is on theme and I think what it is is honestly, a lot of sad copywriters in this nation just wanted to have a little bit of fun for once in their fucking life. You know what I mean? They just wanted to. They wanted to touch Oz for a second. Yeah, yeah. And just not call it Tropical Breeze.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

You know, I love the idea though of someone going to them and saying, you need to have more fun. And they're like, please just let me. It's pink and green. Is that fine? Like, I know make a funny word in there.

[Griffin McElroy]

I am hoping we get to Wicked for Good branded Ragu Paschetti sauce. Somewhere. Somewhere in the lineup. It's green. It's green sauce. Hold on.

[Justin McElroy]

I just need to add one last quick addition here.

[Griffin McElroy]

Griffin, there simply is no way that there's actually Ragu. Okay, so this is. Okay, so we have great value. Wicked mystery color macaroni and cheese. Which will you get, pink or green? This I fuck with. We have. Absolutely devastated.

[Justin McElroy]

I wanted to remind you.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes, this is also fun because. Because my kids hate being surprised by the color of the food they're about to eat. And also Mac and cheese that doesn't look like regular Mac and cheese. So this is fun because like, no matter who wins, we lose.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think there's probably a lot of kids out there who are gonna be devastated if one of the. You are doing a coin flip for whether or not your child's gonna eat that dinner or not. Have fucking fun. No way. Way too high stakes.

[Justin McElroy]

You guys gotta see the Crocs.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, yeah, these are good.

[Griffin McElroy]

I do like these.

[Justin McElroy]

Got the Crocs with the exclusive Jibbitz. Check out this heel.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is that what those are called?

[Justin McElroy]

Let me shrink it. Let me go.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can shrink that heel.

[Travis McElroy]

I love that heel.

[Justin McElroy]

Check out this heel. Look at that. That's fun and funky. Funky cross.

[Travis McElroy]

This makes sense to me.

[Justin McElroy]

They got the brief. They understood the assignment. They touched eyes.

[Travis McElroy]

They touched eyes.

[Justin McElroy]

Now, who else touched eyes? Well, it's. Hey, guys. The drinkware on this movie is fucked, dude.

[Griffin McElroy]

They've run out of. They've run out of realms to conquer and have started to, like, invent entirely new kind of aesthetics.

[Justin McElroy]

This is dragon glassware. This is the official glassware. Right. So we have tumblers. It's all about the accessories. These are big tumblers with some straw jibbets. You can sip wickedly anywhere with this spellbinding.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sip our wicked giblets from the Wicked.

[Justin McElroy]

Giblets Chalice of giblets. Touch Oz and sip the wicked giblets.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm here to sip giblets and touch Oz. And I'm fresh out of giblets.

[Justin McElroy]

Sip the wicked giblets of Oz.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's what Ariana Grande's face was communicating on the Hostess giblets.

[Justin McElroy]

Piggy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sip these giblets.

[Justin McElroy]

Sip Gizzard Piglet. Sip Gizzard Piglet. This is a new sip from REM. It's called Sip Gizzard Piglet. It comes in three ounce and 64 ounce gallon bottles for you fucking dogs. So that's just the glassware. But don't worry, Awala is there. Awala's got the bottle.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And that one just insulated cup with the lid.

[Travis McElroy]

That's a pink cup.

[Griffin McElroy]

That says Wicked.

[Travis McElroy]

Just says Wicked.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Yeah, that's.

[Justin McElroy]

They did not touch Oz the Owala bottles. Fuck. But I can't spend 60 more dollars on frigging Oala bottles.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Yep.

[Justin McElroy]

I want to spend $3 on ready to bake Wicked for good. I put this one in just as a normal one.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's a normal one. Yes, absolutely.

[Travis McElroy]

Gern right.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like.

[Justin McElroy]

Like there's sugar cookies. It's not the terrible. Like normally Pillsbury does the least amount of effort where they make a huge, like 80 mile log with buddy the Elf's face in them and then they cut them into A million segments and ship them out to America. These at least have frosting.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes. That's cool.

[Justin McElroy]

I appreciate that. Oh, yeah. There's an entire goddamn caboodles collection. But I gotta bring. We gotta come back for that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. I don't know what a caboodle is.

[Justin McElroy]

Wait, what?

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know what a caboodood. Caboodle is.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, I switch my tab.

[Justin McElroy]

One second.

[Travis McElroy]

Griffin, you've seen, like, a old man with a fishing tackle box, right? That's a caboodle. Fishing tackle.

[Griffin McElroy]

A fishing tackle box is called a caboodle.

[Justin McElroy]

It's like a tackle box, but it's Pink and costs 80 bucks. Yes. So they've got a caboodle Alphabet essence on the go girl. And then there's a glinda Glam and.

[Griffin McElroy]

Go Girl gumball glam on the Go girl.

[Justin McElroy]

Then there's four piece for good set. Four good compact bundle. I did want to mention.

[Griffin McElroy]

This was.

[Justin McElroy]

Not an actual one because this is not a partnership. But it was the product that made me think about it. Insomnia Cookies, which has a branch locally, had a For Good Cookies pack. And it was four good.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, boy.

[Justin McElroy]

Cookies. And two were pink and two were green. And it's like. It's the. Like, it's the four.

[Griffin McElroy]

You gotta really.

[Justin McElroy]

Four.

[Griffin McElroy]

Good.

[Justin McElroy]

And two were chocolate with green sprinkles. And then there was, like, one with pink sprinkles. It was the four good. Yeah. Anyway.

[Travis McElroy]

Get it.

[Justin McElroy]

Next up, let me switch away from the caboodles. There's so many. Can I just say adult and kid caboodles and caboodle accessories. And truly, truly unhinged level of caboodles. Let me switch back to my normal.

[Travis McElroy]

Tab for the rest of my products, because here's where they get pretty.

[Griffin McElroy]

Still waiting to smell. Jb.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, my God.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, we'll get there.

[Travis McElroy]

There's the owl, though.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's a cool rug.

[Travis McElroy]

Not for 550 goddamn American dollars.

[Justin McElroy]

Not for 550 dollars ruggable. It better be cool. It's Elphaba's lair.

[Travis McElroy]

Emerald rug now promises to defy gravity. And if I sit on that rug and it does not lift me off the ground, I would like my money will.

[Justin McElroy]

That is one notable thing, Trav. I feel like with rugs specifically, you cannot promise gravity defying. Defy gravity in any space. Elphaba's lair. That's what it says. Elphaba's lair. Emerald rug features a flow of color to symbolize Elphaba's transformation. Pops of pink, blue and magenta hinted her bond with Glinda, while hidden motifs her glasses and hat will delight any Wicked fan.

[Griffin McElroy]

That was cool. You became like a different person every 23rd word or so in there. Whoa, that's a little. Now that's a little Jonathan Bailey made out of soap.

[Travis McElroy]

It looks like that's a little Jonathan.

[Justin McElroy]

Bailey made out of soap. It's from Lush. You can take a shower at Jonathan Bailey's head and smell the Jonathan Bailey smell.

[Griffin McElroy]

And you can do this. The vascularity on this soap, man, is crazy. Let's start there.

[Justin McElroy]

Before you should understand there's a twist.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, Griffin.

[Justin McElroy]

You should watch the movies, Griffin.

[Travis McElroy]

You don't need a brain to figure.

[Justin McElroy]

Out you don't need a brain to figure out that our Wicked for good X Lush body scrub will lead you to the dreamiest skin this side of Oz. Enchanted with our let the good times roll fragrance, you'll be on the road to compliments in no time.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you guys think you would rub the Jonathan Bailey face soap on your body face first, or would you leave that sort of for last? If you do it for. No, listen.

[Travis McElroy]

If you do it.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you do it first. If you go in face first and you rub Jonathan Bailey's soapy, sudsy face all over your torso and your gunk and stuff, it's going. You're going to pull it back and the man will. The man won't be there anymore. He will.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

He will have been reduced and you want to leave the lines for last.

[Justin McElroy]

I would boop him on the nose and say, I'm saving you for dessert. And then I'll just wash with every other part.

[Griffin McElroy]

But if you do the backside first, it'll thin it out to a point where his face, I feel like, is going to kind of, like, stretch out. Distort and stretch.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you guys have any money left? Because if you just can spare me $450, I would love to sell you the Wicked collection Elphaba and bottom signature round Dutch oven by La Creuset.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. I mean, quality brand. I'm not quality brand.

[Justin McElroy]

Quality brand. I will say, personally, I think you are paying a huge premium for the name when it comes to a la Croisette.

[Griffin McElroy]

Saw it on Top Chef. It's.

[Justin McElroy]

You can get away with a Cuisinart Dutch oven for about a fourth of the price.

[Travis McElroy]

Or even better, man, go to a fucking thrift store. Go to a thrift store.

[Justin McElroy]

Get one. Thank you, Travis.

[Griffin McElroy]

But this one got Alphabet.

[Travis McElroy]

It does got oval, but I don't often pull out My Dutch oven and think, I hope people are looking at this. I'm gonna show this off to all my friends.

[Griffin McElroy]

Dutch oven is.

[Justin McElroy]

Will you read the text? I've been doing so many of these. They're really fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

Grounded in, strengthened, unapologetically bold, the Elphaba embossed signature round Dutch oven celebrates the beauty of standing apart. Its rich finish, signature black nickel knob and deep matte black interior give this limited edition piece an unforgettable press presence. It's made for cooks who lead with conviction and embrace their own path. And I guess the pink one, the Glinda one, is also cool.

[Justin McElroy]

We just didn't.

[Griffin McElroy]

We didn't get copyrighted.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, you know, standard.

[Justin McElroy]

It's good too. It's awesome.

[Travis McElroy]

Are you a coward chef who doesn't embrace your own path and has no conviction? We made one for you too.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. I wanna say, I wanna give big credit to the people at Foster Grant. Cause nobody touched Oz harder than the copywriters at Foster Grant. You got your Osmopolitan shades, your not your basic witch shades, and the Glinda fied shades. All a very reasonable $40. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, thank you.

[Justin McElroy]

Trav, would you do the honors?

[Travis McElroy]

Does someone need a makeover? Let Glinda take over with these chic oval sunnies. Inspired by the movie Wicked, featuring rose colored lenses and signature Glinda details like custom vented butterfly pattern and textured scroll detailing on the temples. Watch out. You might end up on the COVID of Osmopolitan.

[Justin McElroy]

They just went out way far.

[Travis McElroy]

They're out in space now.

[Justin McElroy]

They're inventing in world publications, man.

[Travis McElroy]

They're gone.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's so sick. If it went on and was like, better watch out, because silly Chamberlain there is the editor in chief. And if you don't get in good with him, it'll be a real smearpiece.

[Justin McElroy]

Watch out. The Wizard's secret brother might show up and take you to Oz 2. What?

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, but don't worry, pal. Croaker the Frog newscaster is there to protect you from the evil.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, click this link to go to my AO3 page where you can read the rest of Solve this Morse code.

[Travis McElroy]

Puzzle to find the next website.

[Griffin McElroy]

The Tin Man's here and he needs a kiss.

[Justin McElroy]

There's so many pumas. Okay, look at all these pumas they did about Wicked.

[Travis McElroy]

Those speed cap, ballet, silver slippers.

[Griffin McElroy]

Those are so. Those. I know.

[Justin McElroy]

That's the problem with them. The problem is they know how to do good stuff that makes us want to buy it. Like, look at this bottle of Robinson's quote.

[Griffin McElroy]

Another issue I have with this product. Same I have with the Hostess box. I do not need Cynthia Erivo looking at me disappointed as I drink my refreshing carbonated beverage. The look that she is giving.

[Justin McElroy]

The look is withering. She's never drank squash, ever. She doesn't know what it is. She doesn't know why she's on this bottle. This. I feel like they took this picture of Cynthia Rio specifically for the bottle of Robinson Squash. Like, Cynthia, here's the picture today. This is for the. The label of Robinson Squash.

[Travis McElroy]

Got it. I got it. Perfect.

[Justin McElroy]

Perfect. I got it. And that is. That is all the products in the Wicked. In the Wicked line for this year, there's probably about 150.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, that's all the ones.

[Justin McElroy]

Those are really just the wilder ones. Like it. It. Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, everybody, Speaking of products, there's a new Taz Balance dice tray available in the McElroy merch store.

[Justin McElroy]

Whoa, whoa.

[Travis McElroy]

The day that this comes out on the first, because it's a new month, new year.

[Justin McElroy]

Jesus Christ.

[Travis McElroy]

And you can get that bundled with the Taz dice and a sticker and everything on our merch store. 10% is gonna go to Harmony House, which is also who we're partnering with for Candle Nights. Justin, tell us about Candle Nights.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, Trav, Candle Nights is gonna be great this year, man. We got so many live acts. That's right. It's in person. It's gonna be the beautiful, newly renovated Keith Albee Theater.

[Griffin McElroy]

We are the first show. We are the first show being put on at this renovated Keith Albee theater. That's right.

[Justin McElroy]

From what I hear. It's astounding in there and you really don't wanna miss it. But if you can't make it, we are gonna do a virtual version of the show, too. We're gonna be filming it and putting it up for vod. You get that, right, like included with your ticket if you come in person, but you can also get that digitally. That is going to go live December 19th and 9pm and we'll be live in the chat. Like watching that. You can go to bit ly candlenights2025 to get in person tickets or to get the live stream tickets. And all the proceeds for that are going to Harmony House also, which seeks to end homelessness in our area. And if you've been following the news about the way funding has recently been changing for housing and transitional services, you should know that it's a pretty dire need. So if you can come or buy a virtual ticket. We would really, really appreciate it. Anything you can do is a big help.

[Griffin McElroy]

The live show is this week. We did not mention it's December 6th.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

So that is when you are hearing this. It's this Friday or this Saturday. Sorry, my apologies. This Saturday, 7pm Keith Alvey Huntington. Come, it'll be fine. Got a bunch of stuff.

[Travis McElroy]

He'll like it. Two other things to know about one Death Bart went up last week. So if you missed that, go listen to that Til death do us.

[Griffin McElroy]

Blark.

[Travis McElroy]

Til Death do us. Blart.

[Griffin McElroy]

You have the full name. We only do the show once a year.

[Justin McElroy]

We only know once a year.

[Travis McElroy]

And Champions Grove packages are on sale www.championsgrove.com. if you haven't checked it out, go check it out now. Get all the information. It's a weekend long gaming event that I host at Ravenwood Castle in Hocking Hills, Ohio. It's incredible and we want to see you there.

[Griffin McElroy]

Also, if you don't watch our livestream that we do the McRoy family clubhouse every Tuesday. Well, it would be a weird time to start because we are on a season break until next year. But our finale was we recreated the old Nickelodeon game show Nick Arcade. And I'm really proud of how that bold, ambitious experience sort of went. So that's over on our YouTube channel.

[Travis McElroy]

Speaking of, follow acelroyentertainmentsystem on Instagram. It's a new account to help you find all the video game stuff that we do.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, we're gonna be doing more gaming stuff next year. It's gonna be a lot of fun. Can I read the Final Fear?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, but you need to thank Montaigne for the use of the theme song My Life Is Better with youh.

[Griffin McElroy]

Dang it, you're right. Trav. Do you wanna do it?

[Travis McElroy]

I just did.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. Well, thanks, Montaigne, for the use for a theme song My Life Is Better with youh. Here's the Fear this year I want to be faster than my fear of the road. Laws changing and having to learn how to drive on the left side of the street.

[Justin McElroy]

My name is Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Travis McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Griffin McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

My brother, my brother me Kiss your dad square on the lips.

[Montagne (musician)]

It's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

My life.

[Montagne (musician)]

It'S better it's better with you My life A It's better, it's better with you yes, it's true it's better, it's better with you. It's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Maximum fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

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