MBMBaM 793: Fruit of the Loam

Summary

My Brother, My Brother And Me #793: Fruit of the Loam
Date: December 15, 2025
Hosts: Justin McElroy, Travis McElroy, Griffin McElroy

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Episode Overview

In this lively and meandering episode, the McElroy brothers gather for their patented brand of comedic advice, veering from Hollywood controversies and the defense of Paul Dano to the weird cultural spaces of gift-giving, underwear reclamation, and the existential horror of “realistic” Grinches. This episode is full of the brothers’ signature improvisational riffs and running inside jokes, with memorable detours into the social taboos of underwear, strategies for dealing with surplus Skittles, breakup etiquette for lost property, and an extended (and unsettling) meditation on why nobody needs to see a real-life Grinch ever again.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Paul Dano Defense League (00:10–08:15)

• The episode opens with spirited banter about recent comments by Quentin Tarantino purportedly disparaging Paul Dano (and, oddly, Matthew Lillard and Owen Wilson).
• Griffin draws a “line in the sand” to support Paul Dano, lampooning the arbitrary venom slung at various actors:
  • “You can’t talk shit about Paul Dano unless it’s in kind of a funny way... but to say he can’t hang in There Will Be Blood? He acts the roof off that motherfucker.” (Griffin, 02:57)
• The brothers riff on how Dano achieved “real guy” status in their minds, with Justin joking about the effort it took to remember his name.
• Hypotheticals abound—what if Tarantino backtracked with, “I guess I was speaking from a place of jealousy. I wanted to be the Riddler”? (Travis, 05:20)

Memorable Quote:

“Paul Dano acts the roof off that motherfucker.” — Griffin (02:57)

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2. Underwear in the Wild: How to Reclaim Your Drawers (08:08–14:10)

• A listener’s dilemma: What do you do if you see a pair of underwear in the gym parking lot that looks just like your missing favorite pair?
• The brothers parse the risks and social etiquette of retrieving “parking lot underwear.” Travis suggests letting them go, noting, “They’ve been outside for some time... I think it’s time to let them go.” (10:32)
• Griffin pushes back, minimizing the taboo: “It’s just clothes. It’s inside pants. There’s nothing bad or wrong about them...” (12:44)
• They riff on the embarrassment factor, nature’s claim over lost underwear ("That’s nature’s underwear! Let them return to the loam," Justin, 11:18), and the possibility of being spotted in the act.

Memorable Quote:

“That’s nature’s underwear! Let them return to the loam.” — Justin (11:18)

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3. Too Many Skittles: A Gift Dilemma (15:39–24:11)

• A listener shares that after once offhandedly naming Skittles as their favorite candy to an office manager, they now receive Skittles as gifts constantly.
• The brothers debate how to get off the Skittle train. Justin suggests using bad PR: “Did you hear, with the food dye stuff, they say you’re not supposed to be eating Skittles anymore...” (20:13)
• The conversation derails delightfully into the ethics of favorite-candy declarations, the specificity of jelly bean preference, and Travis’s confession: “I like a minty jelly bean... I don’t like jelly beans.” (19:57)
• Stories of giving Skittles to teachers and absurdly cutting them in half for “manageable” sweetness.

Memorable Quote:

“Imagine this woman... got a knife and cut Skittles in half because the rush of a single Skittle was too much.” — Justin (22:40)

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4. Heirlooms, Breakups, and the Poster Problem (35:37–41:00)

• A listener discovers their mom has hung up a poster originally owned by their ex, left behind after a breakup. Must it be returned?
• The consensus: “Scot free. Don’t even worry about it.” (36:24)
• The brothers formalize the “Savanto Principle”—each breakup entitles both parties to one “fine steal,” something of sentimental but negligible value.
  • “Every breakup, I think you should get one little gift. Both teams in the breakup gets savanto... It’s a fine steal.”—Griffin (38:08–39:43)
• They explore what’s off-limits (“don’t steal a social security number…that’s bad, Trav,” 39:34) and when property is legally “forgotten.”

Memorable Quote:

“It’s a fine steal.” — Griffin (39:44)

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5. The Horror of Real-Life Grinches (41:52–50:00)

• Justin shares his dread of the “Grinch Meal” at McDonald’s, leading to a wider cultural critique of hyper-realistic Grinch costumes in ads and entertainment.
• The brothers agree: “I don’t want to see a real Grinch ever again.” (44:44)
• Comparing various Grinch incarnations (Jim Carrey, Matthew Morrison, animated Cumberbatch), they analyze why seeing the Grinch outside cartoon form is so viscerally wrong.
• They extend this aversion to other Seussian characters (“same rules for Cat in the Hat!”), and ironically pitch Paul Dano as a theoretical “real life Lorax.”
• The bit climaxes with Griffin labeling the cartoon Grinch “a little sinner guy,” emphasizing that safety comes from his unrealness.

Memorable Quotes:

“Anytime you see the Grinch as a real man... it's terrible.” — Justin (49:51)
“He’s scary because he’s not supposed to be real.” — Griffin (45:59)

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Notable Bits & Banter

• Candy Museum Heists—The brothers imagine a dystopian “KenDtobia” where Skittle art costs $42,000 and children are scammed by docents. (24:00)
• Sponsor Bits with Sauce—Their ad transitions are comedic in themselves, debating the folksy charm of fake company names (“Three Folksy Guys") and bemoaning lost podcast titles. (31:01)
• Banksy Home Invasions—The trio riff on pranks from the fictitious “Banksy,” ranging from giant butt murals to painting a moving GIF on the wall. (25:12–28:38)

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Selected Timestamps for Key Segments

• Defending Paul Dano from Tarantino: 01:39–08:15
• Underwear in the Parking Lot - To Reclaim or Not: 08:08–14:10
• Drowning in Skittles at Work: 15:39–24:11
• Ownership after Breakups—The Poster Problem: 35:37–41:00
• The Very Real (and Horrible) Grinch: 41:52–50:00

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Tone & Style

The episode is as irreverent and loose as ever, the brothers riding their comedic tangent train from pop culture nonsense to genuine listener dilemmas. It’s full of good-natured exasperation, gentle social heresy, and a refusal to treat the minor embarrassments of adulthood with too much seriousness. Signature bits—Griffin’s playful antagonizing, Travis’s offbeat hypotheticals, and Justin’s dry final word—make for an episode that’s equal parts silly, surreal, and sneakily wise.

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Concluding Thoughts

“Fruit of the Loam” is a classic MBMBaM episode: bizarre yet relatable, brimming with inside jokes, and underscored by the brothers’ ironic sense of life’s small dramas. If you want to know how to gracefully lose a pair of underwear, eat Skittles in moderation, or why humanity must never again attempt to realize the Grinch in flesh and blood, this episode is a must-listen.

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Final Memorable Quote

“Don't ever show me the real Grinch again. That's the lesson of the holidays this season. I don't want to see the Grinch.”—Justin (49:56)

Transcript

[Justin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and.

[Griffin McElroy]

Their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

[Justin McElroy]

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out.

[Griffin McElroy]

There will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

[Montaigne]

It's the start of something beautiful A.

[Justin McElroy]

Small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into.

[Montaigne]

A precious friends I could have never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels like. It's better it's better with you My.

[Griffin McElroy]

Life.

[Montaigne]

It'S better it's better with you this is true it's better it's better with two. What's better with you?

[Justin McElroy]

Hello, everybody. Welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the Modron era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. No glasses for me.

[Travis McElroy]

No glasses for me either. What's up, Trav Nation? I'm your Middle east brother, Travis. Big dog.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wolf.

[John Hodgman]

Wolf.

[Travis McElroy]

Ring from McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's up, travnation? It's me, your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30 media luminary, Griffin McRoy. Oh, wait, did I say Griffin McRoy? Because I am Paul Dano.

[Travis McElroy]

Huh?

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, man, go on.

[Griffin McElroy]

I am Paul Dano.

[Travis McElroy]

I am thrilled.

[Griffin McElroy]

We're recording this one.

[Travis McElroy]

Decided to talk about this.

[Griffin McElroy]

We're recording this one like two weeks in advance. So I don't know which way this Paul Dano thing's gonna break, but the episode that just came out with Quentin Tarantino where he was talking shit about Paul Dano, I said, no one else in this whole fucking industry is going to stand up for this guy. So I'm gonna. I'm gonna draw a line in the sand right in here and say, I don't care if it cost me a roll in one of Quentin Tarantino's future products.

[Travis McElroy]

I quit. I quit.

[Justin McElroy]

I quit.

[Travis McElroy]

I was casting a Quentin Tarantino movie and I said, I, Quentin Taran, quit. I quit. Quit. I quit.

[Griffin McElroy]

Quintino.

[Travis McElroy]

Jesus Christ, Travis.

[Griffin McElroy]

In Quentin Tarantino, you decided to put quit, quitted.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, I started. I started it, Griffin. And I knew there was a Q in there somewhere and I couldn't remember where. Cause I was already halfway through saying his name right at the time. Hey, he also talks shit about Matthew Lillard. And I was like, yeah, that guy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Doesn'T have anything after Matthew Lillard. He went out after Owen Wilson. I think, obviously we won't stand for that either.

[Travis McElroy]

All our guys.

[Justin McElroy]

I've just.

[Griffin McElroy]

All our guys. All our best guys. And I've chosen to rep Paul Dano. You can't talk shit about Paul Dano unless it's in kind of a funny way. Like Whedon. We talked about how he said when he played the Riddler, it made his head get super hot.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, that's fine.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's fine. Because it's, like, fun and having funny.

[Justin McElroy]

That's funny.

[Travis McElroy]

And he would appreciate. He would appreciate that.

[Justin McElroy]

He would appreciate how crazy it was. He was Riddler.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like, you would think that's super funny if you're still with us today. And I do. But to say he's the, quote, weak sister, first of all, you've chosen even a rough way to insult. Like, to come up with a bad insult, but to say that he can't hang and there will be blood, or he acts the roof off that motherfucker.

[Travis McElroy]

Are you kidding me?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Sometimes I gotta stop and think about, which one's Spaldano, which one's Miles Teller. And I don't know why that is, but in my head, I have to. I know. Listen, I know, but do you know how.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm 45. Do you know how hard Paul Dano had to fight to get into my head? He was like the last celebrity. He was like the last famous person. I learned. And I had to hear that motherfucker's name 150 times before it was like, okay, it's not there. Okay, I'll learn who you are. He works.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fine.

[Justin McElroy]

Fine. I will learn. I will accept that Paul Dano is a real name and not someone making fun of Bowser from Shawna. Like, fine, Paul Dano.

[Travis McElroy]

You're a real guy. You read Quinn Quentino, known for his wonderful acting, his super superb acting.

[Griffin McElroy]

Brave.

[Travis McElroy]

The fuck does he get off?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, man. Yeah, man. I'm glad my boy DDL came down from the rafters where he had retired himself from being sort of a figure in the public consciousness and was like, actually, fuck you, Quentin. Paul Dano rules.

[Travis McElroy]

Shitty.

[Griffin McElroy]

Back up. Yeah, he came down from the clouds and he was like, actually, we're not actually recording this two weeks in advance. Everyone has become united by this one issue.

[Travis McElroy]

And I guess also I loved Matthew Lillard in the Scooby Doo movies and the Scream franchise, Huff My Fart.

[Griffin McElroy]

And he just seems like kind of a cool hang. Owen Wilson. I don't know personally, but he's been in some bangers too. Daniel Day Out.

[Justin McElroy]

A lot of times, celebrities have beef and they can come together and be like, listen, we love each other. Like, professionally, this got out of hand for this to be okay. Quentin Tarantina. I don't think he can come back and be like, I was wrong. Paul Dano rules. Like, I don't think he.

[Travis McElroy]

I hadn't seen.

[Justin McElroy]

I wouldn't be.

[Travis McElroy]

The Riddler goes away.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. The only way he gets better for him, he's like, yeah, actually, Paul. Paul Daniel kick's ass.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm so sorry.

[Travis McElroy]

I guess I was speaking from a place of jealousy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I wanted to be the Riddler.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm kidding.

[Travis McElroy]

And I wanted to be in the Beach Boys movie. And I wasn't. And I was so mad.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm sorry.

[Griffin McElroy]

I can't even imagine that man Skunk making the pose of like, his hands together. Like, actually, actually thought about it. And I like Paul Dano. I was wrong. I was wrong everyone about just sort of an artistic opinion. I was wrong.

[Travis McElroy]

And then I went and watched the whole Cars franc. And Owen Wilson delivers just an absolute just baller performance. And I hadn't seen any of Matthew Lillard movies. I would be in them with him if he wants. Like, I would play Shaggy's Catch a. Shaggy's evil twin.

[Justin McElroy]

Matt Lillard. He was Matt Lillard. This is what happened to good guy Conversation.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, Conversation went like this. Best movie of all time.

[Travis McElroy]

That's There Will Be Blood.

[Griffin McElroy]

Too bad about Paul Dano, though. He sucks. You know who else sucks? Owen Wilson and Matt Lillard. Anyway, next question.

[Justin McElroy]

Catching strays.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like, what the fuck are you doing, dude?

[Justin McElroy]

It is catching strays. But, like, honestly, in terms of the Paul Dano brand, it probably hasn't been a terrible week, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Incredibly. Are you kidding me?

[Justin McElroy]

In terms of the Dano brand, maybe Matthew Lillard can find a way to piggyback off of this. We hope, you know, we hope that he has it brought down by this random drive by.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you think that he was just running through names, watching the face of the interviewer for them to be like, oh, yeah. And like, the next on his list was Jared Leto. And he just didn't get to it in time.

[Griffin McElroy]

And you almost.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, maybe he.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, God. This is how he gets out of it. He comes out and he says, actually, guys, I was thinking of Jared Leto. I said.

[Justin McElroy]

I said the confusion angle. I wonder if he has at some point checked IMDb to see if there is a Dan Paulo that he could act like he was maybe switching him within his head. Like, oh, I love Paul Dano.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, he's Cool. I was thinking Paulo, Paolo. Dan. Paulo.

[Justin McElroy]

Dan.

[Travis McElroy]

That guy sucks.

[Griffin McElroy]

That guy.

[Justin McElroy]

That guy sucks. Not Paul Dano.

[Travis McElroy]

How are we feeling about Luke Wilson? Can I. Is everybody on board with Luke Wilson? I bet this is really, really driven Luke Warmson.

[Justin McElroy]

Is that anything? Luke Warmson?

[Griffin McElroy]

I think this has probably really driven a wedge between Luke and Owen. I worry because Luke can't come out because he, you know, he could get cast in the Hateful Nine or whatever. The next one, the sequel, the Squeak.

[Justin McElroy]

I just think it's crazy that Quentin Tarantino, with all the movies that he made, didn't realize that Paul Dano was supposed to be wimpy in the movie. Yeah, it's so wild. He gets beat up by like a real skinny tall guy. Like he's gotta be kind of a baby man. And that's kind of the point of the whole movie. It's so wild that he didn't understand he's supposed to be a baby guy. Kind of what if Quintana, but in a different one, in the Batman one, he's more mysterious and he kills.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you even see that one? Quint?

[Travis McElroy]

I didn't like Quantano. This is the Quentin Tarantino quote. I didn't like Paul Dano and the Batman. Cause he was mean to Batman.

[Justin McElroy]

He was mean to Batman.

[Travis McElroy]

One of my good friends. I like Batman. He's a nighttime defender and I enjoy that. And Paul Dano's out here writing mysteries for him to solve. Let Batman do his job.

[Justin McElroy]

I had to stop working with Samuel Jackson. Did you see how many people he shot in my films? I beg him, stop. Uncalled for, but the murders.

[Travis McElroy]

Christoph Waltz. Oh, man, oh man.

[Justin McElroy]

This guy has some troubling opinions. Nicholas Kristoff, you write this guy really anything but.

[Travis McElroy]

Back to Quentin Tarantino's favorite podcast. Oh, no.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh no. Gosh.

[Justin McElroy]

I recently graduated college and moved to a new city for work. I enjoy going to the gym and found a small community gym that is on my morning commute. I do group glasses in the morning and bring a change of clothes for work. During a warm up lap around the parking lot for a group class this week, my instructor said, oh, looks like the underwear is still there. Pointing to a pair of underwear sitting in the lot. Looks exactly like my favorite pair of underwear that I thought I misplaced recently. How can I inconspicuously investigate the underwear to make sure they're mine? And how do I even take them back if they are? How would I explain the underwear's disappearance? This from Boxer Brief bother in the Bay Area. The one that I want to start with is how would I explain the underwear's disappearance? So what you imagine here is that the underwear that everyone loves is kind of mascara.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

The mascot underwear shows up at.

[Griffin McElroy]

And.

[Justin McElroy]

And they. They show up, and it's not there. And then everyone's like, who do.

[Travis McElroy]

What do you make of this, David?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, like, why are you all gonna.

[Justin McElroy]

Why on earth would you be a suspect in the disappearance of the underwear.

[Griffin McElroy]

Unless you're wearing them outside of your pants, Quailman style, Which, hopefully you have the good sense not to do that irl.

[Travis McElroy]

You can also just say a bird took him.

[Griffin McElroy]

A big bird.

[Justin McElroy]

A big, nasty bird must have taken them.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Nasty old bird must.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, can you. I know they're your favorite, but the still there implies to me they've been outside for some time. I think it's time to let them go.

[Griffin McElroy]

Mm. But what if they're really nice? And, like, that's the point.

[Justin McElroy]

They're not nice anymore. They're not nice anymore. Things aren't supposed to be. Okay. You wash the clothes, right? You wash the clothes.

[Travis McElroy]

Slow down.

[Justin McElroy]

You leave them in there. I'll come back later. I'll remember to put them in the dryer. I don't have time right now. You remember tomorrow you go to open the clothes. The smell. It's a nightmare.

[Travis McElroy]

You know, These ought to be a better way. And Justin's down.

[Justin McElroy]

These have been doing this for a week. They're done. They're done. We can't do these anymore. These are over.

[Travis McElroy]

These underwear are done now.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's just.

[Justin McElroy]

That's nature's underwear that let him return to the loam.

[Travis McElroy]

What if you investigate them? Not yours? The risk is too high.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sorry, you're saying that if the underwear isn't yours, the risk of what? What's the risk? You tell me what the danger is. Guys, these are clothes that sometimes touch your privates and. But I think we're being a little childish about it.

[Travis McElroy]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Griffin, the risk of the embarrassment. Okay, There is an embarrassment factor there. If you're caught scoping out these underwear, and you're like, these were mine. They fell out of my bag. Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed. Versus you're scoping them out. Really getting in there CSI style. You get checked doing that, and they're not yours. But then you're going to.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sorry. Sorry.

[Travis McElroy]

I just wanted to see how cool these loose underpants were.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis, this is. This is insane what you've just said, because how Is you go and you check them out. Someone else realizes they're not yours and is like, hey, get away from those dirty parking lot underwear that's not yours.

[Justin McElroy]

How would they know that?

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe pick them up with a twig or something. And you're looking at them and you're like, these aren't mine. Uh oh, Bobby sees me. Yep, these are mine. I mean, you gotta put them in your pocket.

[Griffin McElroy]

Griffin, no. What are you talking about, man?

[Travis McElroy]

What are you talking about? Trev.

[Justin McElroy]

Trev, I don't. I don't understand. How would you get. Who is the authority? Do you understand? For a crime to occur, someone has to.

[Griffin McElroy]

God. It's clothes that touch your butt, you guys. And I think maybe everyone venerates underwear in a way that I find very peculiar. It's just clothes. It's inside pants. There's nothing bad or wrong about them. Everyone does wear them. Can you not just walk up, pick them up, say, oh, I like these. They fell out of my car. You're gross for looking at them. And you put. Then it's on them. Like, this is fine. It's clothes for. Your butt.

[Justin McElroy]

Goes on your. It goes. Okay, it goes on your. For starter.

[Travis McElroy]

If they're.

[Justin McElroy]

They're. You're like, if they're yours. Okay, that's right, Travis. Like, if they're yours. They've been in dirt for weeks. Sitting in dirt. And you're going to, what, get a little plastic bag and put them in there and take them home and wash them and put them like they're a lost puppy? Like they're like. Like a stray pup.

[Griffin McElroy]

I take them home. I take them home. I wash them until they are. Because they have dirt all up in the stitching wall.

[Justin McElroy]

Why did you get them in the first place?

[Griffin McElroy]

Because they might be mine.

[Justin McElroy]

If you're doing this bad financially, I'm doing this bad financially, and we have to talk.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, dude. I've got all kinds of sweet underwear salvage secrets that are really.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Griffin has one pair of underwear that if he misplaces them, there's no coming back.

[Griffin McElroy]

Not true. I have many pairs of wonderful undergarments, and they're just pants on the inside. They're just.

[Justin McElroy]

From many sponsors throughout the year.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't even know where to buy the ding dang things anymore. It's not for my sponsors.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, Dye opened up the mailbox and undies just flew out. Undies and mattresses, baby. I'm rolling in them. Look at these. I'm buried in digital photo frames, baby.

[Travis McElroy]

Websites.

[Justin McElroy]

That's what my house is.

[Griffin McElroy]

Let's not actually do ones that say, still advertise with us, please.

[Travis McElroy]

No, I love them.

[Justin McElroy]

I love them. I love all of these great sponsors. They just don't get to be mentioned.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes, we can. Frankly, we could be talking about any underwear, Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sure.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

We have so much love for so many products just pinned up, ready to bust. We simply must be paid for.

[Travis McElroy]

Let us shill, Let us shill. Let us shill.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, man, what a God. Of all the times I wish we could transition into the money. Can we get Paul cast? We simply can't. I'm sorry.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can we get Paul Dano to sponsor?

[Travis McElroy]

Could we call Dan out to convince other people to sponsor?

[Griffin McElroy]

Or Matt Lillard? No, I mean, I don't want that.

[Travis McElroy]

I just want Chiller. We get him to go out there and get people to give us money. He's chilling for us.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

This podcast like boxing sometimes. You guys ever notice that where you'll be, like, you'll say something, and then another person will come up with a better thing faster, and it's like you're trying to bob and weave and keep it moving.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, sorry, Griffin. I thought you didn't want anyone to say anything funny after. You're cool.

[Griffin McElroy]

I made the vibe weird.

[Justin McElroy]

Our office manager just asked everyone I work with what their favorite candy was and if they liked apple cider or eggnog better. I said Skittles, thinking it was just a fun little survey. Since Halloween, I've now received three gift packages of Skittles from her at Halloween, Thanksgiving, and now Christmas. I don't really care for Skittles that much, so. Yeah, like, why do we. Why. Why do we have to fix this one?

[Griffin McElroy]

Just finish it.

[Justin McElroy]

You know? Why do we have to fix this one?

[Travis McElroy]

Because we.

[Griffin McElroy]

I want to know that we can. I need to know that we can. But it's not.

[Justin McElroy]

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it.

[Griffin McElroy]

We get. Yes. It's the whole concept of the show.

[Travis McElroy]

Why do we have to.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. Why didn't you say just finish?

[Justin McElroy]

I don't really care for Skittles that much, but now I'm drowning in them. She gets such joy in bringing them, too. Yeah, probably because you told her it's your favorite candy, you fucking maniac. Sorry. She gets such joy in bringing them, too. I don't have the heart to tell her. Yeah, brothers, how do I suddenly let on that I'd rather have a different candy? That's from Sweet Tooth in Tampa.

[Griffin McElroy]

This Crothers.

[Justin McElroy]

This person. I Work with just absolutely off the chain every single day doing the wildest shit. Unbelievable. Just last week I asked her favorite candy. She mentioned what she didn't even like. Wild Brothers Help. Am I in danger?

[Griffin McElroy]

Depending on what kind of conversation your boss usually trucks in with you, I could see them coming up and asking, what's your favorite candy? If one of my kids came up and said, hey, dad, what's your favorite candy? I wouldn't think I better pick real good because they could be setting me up for nonstop gifts of this one specific.

[Justin McElroy]

Griffin, what's your favorite candy?

[Griffin McElroy]

Skittles.

[Justin McElroy]

Fuck.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, but this isn't. This isn't a tough one, right? This isn't like a deep. Shouldn't you have a.

[Justin McElroy]

What's your favorite candy?

[Travis McElroy]

Heath bars.

[Griffin McElroy]

Heath bars are up there for me. Honestly. That's a top. Top fiverr for sure.

[Travis McElroy]

This is. What I'm saying is like, does everybody not have at least a vague idea of what their favorite candy is? It's not a tough one. That's not like, what's your favorite style of vintage car? Right?

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't.

[Travis McElroy]

Justin, what's your favorite candy?

[Justin McElroy]

Chocolate. Payday. Crazy.

[Travis McElroy]

Griffin, what's your favorite candy?

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't. I mean. Jelly beans.

[Justin McElroy]

Now again, nobody likes jelly beans.

[Griffin McElroy]

I love jelly beans. Like jelly bellies, jelly beans and licorice. Sweets, sweet creams.

[Justin McElroy]

What kind of jelly bean? If you could only have one kind of jelly bean, what kind would it be?

[Griffin McElroy]

There's a super loud truck outside and.

[Justin McElroy]

This is a good time to think about it. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Starburst. Red. Red starburst. Jelly bean. Easter time. Eastertime delight.

[Justin McElroy]

Toasted marshmallow. Jelly belly.

[Griffin McElroy]

Look at you, you fucking stinker. Look at you, spanky ass.

[Justin McElroy]

Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. Kaitra.

[Travis McElroy]

What are we listening for?

[Griffin McElroy]

Your answer.

[Travis McElroy]

You're gonna say your favorite. But.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis, Travis, Travis, Travis, Travis, Travis. The prompt. Travis.

[Justin McElroy]

The brief.

[Griffin McElroy]

You have to be as weird as fucking possible about it for some reason.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay?

[Griffin McElroy]

We've decided to make this like a weird sort of audio wasteland.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Favorite jelly bean?

[Griffin McElroy]

Your favorite.

[Justin McElroy]

What? Jelly bean. You didn't hear me?

[Travis McElroy]

My favorite what jelly bean.

[Justin McElroy]

Jelly bean.

[Griffin McElroy]

Quiet and weird.

[Justin McElroy]

My favorite belly chain.

[Travis McElroy]

My favorite belly chain is Honestly.

[Justin McElroy]

Honestly. Black licorice.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's fucked up. No, we are. We're doing a real one.

[Justin McElroy]

The vibe is.

[Travis McElroy]

That is a real one.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a real one, but it's like. Is it.

[Griffin McElroy]

We destroyed the vibe, thinking it would be built back up by the completion by.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, it's the. And I Don't. Cause she bad. It's bad. But the Bernie Blanc's every flavor bean. The grass one, I like it.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's fucking wild. Travis. What a strange killer. Two things.

[Travis McElroy]

One, I like a minty jelly bean. All right. I don't like jelly beans.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, that's good.

[Justin McElroy]

Could you just.

[Travis McElroy]

Just say you're off Skittles. Three bags of Skittles in a day. No, no.

[Justin McElroy]

You don't have to be off Skittles. Just. They're finding out. Just say that with. Did you hear? With the food dye stuff.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, wow.

[Justin McElroy]

They say you're not supposed to be eating Skittles anymore. Yeah, it's bad for you now. So I guess I'm off Skittles.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Ooh la la.

[Griffin McElroy]

Vegan. Vegan.

[Justin McElroy]

They found out about them. They got carnauba wax and it's made out of beetle chitin.

[Travis McElroy]

No, that's right.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't like either of those things.

[Griffin McElroy]

We got skin bottom. Didn't bother me before. Didn't bother me before.

[Travis McElroy]

Now I befriended a beetle and now I can really see things from their point of view. And hey, can we also just touch into. I don't think eggnog or apple cider is a. Yes or no is a binary question.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is not a cake or pie. Elvis or Beatles. Clear dichotomy situation. These are two pretty niche beverages.

[Travis McElroy]

Wildly different experiences too.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, you just have to have something other than egg. You cannot solely offer eggnog. Even the eggnog fans after eggnog is.

[Travis McElroy]

Not a refreshing beverage.

[Griffin McElroy]

One time I got sent a five pound bag of Swedish fish to our post office box and I. Cause I talked about how much I like Swedish fish on wonderful. And I ate. I've almost certainly told this story on the show before.

[Justin McElroy]

You know what I was looking for? I've been looking. There's some candies that I would buy in.

[Griffin McElroy]

Bulk.

[Justin McElroy]

You could maybe buy some bulk candies to have on offer.

[Griffin McElroy]

How is this gonna get many months?

[Justin McElroy]

Over the course of many months, you would become known for them. I don't actually have a good. I'm sorry, I didn't have a joke.

[Griffin McElroy]

No one has a good joke.

[Travis McElroy]

Find somebody who likes Skittles more, okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

And get them to tell your boss your favorite candy and then you can trade.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I once sold a big bag of Skittles to my Spanish teacher, Signora Barry. And Signora Barry, upon receiving the Skittles the next day, she told me those Skittles were delicious. I had to cut them in half because they were extremely Sweet.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's awesome. That's a cool story, Juice.

[Justin McElroy]

You ever heard E. Guys, I was 15 years old when that happened. 30 years. I'm still thinking about this lady saying.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, wait, one whole skittle Woof. Was the implication there that a serving size for her was half a skittle at a sitting? Yes, Half a skittle.

[Justin McElroy]

Imagine this woman. This woman said to me that she got a knife and cut Skittles in half because the rush of a single skittle was too much.

[Travis McElroy]

But what's the span of time between the second half of the series?

[Justin McElroy]

It has to be like the wave has to have passed her.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Her pleasure has crested and is now in its anticlimax. And as the wave of pleasure begins to recede, she puts the other half into her mouth like you were.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, it crests once more like you were a dealer selling her, like, shrooms or something. And she's like, oh, no, no, no. I'm going to need an eighth. I can't take a half.

[Griffin McElroy]

I just swallow my pills.

[Justin McElroy]

If your boss. If your boss saw you cutting one in half, then maybe they would understand the pace at which you are working through them. Like, if you're like, listen, I love this, and I do love skittles. I only allow myself one half skittle a day, so you do not have to keep stocking me up. I am set.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm good for 10 years. Make some Skittle art.

[Griffin McElroy]

Skittle art. Huge. My kids will pay top dollar for that shit.

[Justin McElroy]

Mm.

[Griffin McElroy]

Make a goku with Skittles.

[Travis McElroy]

And that's good in the post apocalypse too, right? Because then there's some Skittles left.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, sure. I mean, I would rather die than eat my Skittle Goku, but yeah, I mean, for sure. I paid $15,000 at Ken Dtopia for that. And I'm not. I'm not. Yeah. I'm not gonna eat it just because I'm hungry.

[Travis McElroy]

Like the ones on the walls. I didn't think they sold those.

[Griffin McElroy]

They sell them for $42,000.

[Justin McElroy]

For a motivated buyer, they will pretty much sell you anything.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Canitobia. That is. That is the rule. If it's not nailed down, bring it to the register. It's like the mansion on Oats Street. You just, anything you want, pick it up, take it to the front, buy it.

[Travis McElroy]

They got a dust.

[Justin McElroy]

That's actually the case most places.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

If you go to the register with anything and you're like, I will give you X amount of dollars for it, there is some number that solves for x. Yeah. At which point you can take it home with you.

[Travis McElroy]

How much to buy that register? But there's money in there. I know. Add that up.

[Justin McElroy]

No.

[Travis McElroy]

And the value of the register. That plus a dollar.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

That's business, baby.

[Griffin McElroy]

They have docents at those candy museums that try to trick the kids into eating. They'll say, like, you see one woman with a hat over there? You see that Matisse. Grab yourself some those Jolly Ranchers. They're waiting for you, Kenneth. He goes for it.

[Justin McElroy]

You bought it, Kenneth.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's $32,500. Kenneth.

[Travis McElroy]

That was a Banksy.

[Griffin McElroy]

That was a Banksy.

[Travis McElroy]

Dude, you can call anything a Banksy. Banksy's not gonna show up to tell you you're wrong.

[Justin McElroy]

He does.

[Griffin McElroy]

He will.

[Justin McElroy]

What he will do, really?

[Griffin McElroy]

He does revenge on you. But it still has to be art based. So he, like. He will trick you into getting into the art world and then investing in one of his paintings that he makes, like, turn into toilet paper that goes in a toilet.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, you see, what he did to me was he painted a huge picture of me. Pooping body.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And he painted on the top of a skyscraper right across my office.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And so every time I look out of my office window, I'm distracted from my. My charts, my spreadsheets. I look outside my window and there's me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

A very unflattering likeness.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Squatted on the potty. And I'm using a. Squatting. I'm using a squatting potty and I say a speech bubble. I need this or I'll die.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Using the bathroom.

[Justin McElroy]

It was. It's like one of the meanest pictures.

[Travis McElroy]

Tell me ever painted. Small picture. Justin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is it a little picture at least?

[Justin McElroy]

It's eight. It's eight stories tall. My pupils are all lit windows to give you a sense of. Yeah. I don't know.

[Griffin McElroy]

Staring down at New York City.

[Justin McElroy]

He. He had to shut. He had to rent out three floors of this building.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Just to do my. Just to do my scrotum.

[John Hodgman]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

It's. It's really. It's a very unflattering. It's inside. It's inside. You have to go. It's a three dimensional shaping.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, no.

[Justin McElroy]

Three dimens shaming. Yeah. It's for helicopter guys. If they fly by, they're gonna see my balls and button everything. Huge. And I'm on the potty. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm sorry that happened, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

You know, he did. He just. He came to my house and he installed in my toilet. I didn't even see It a special machine so that when I sat down on the toilet seat, it shredded up my butt and put it in the garbage. No, my butt and my privates. And. Yeah, it shredded it all up down there. And it put it in the garbage. And then he kicked the door and was like, now you don't have it anymore. And I was like, that's crazy. I'm okay now.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. You healed up.

[Griffin McElroy]

I healed up.

[Travis McElroy]

It turned out when I got home one day, after living in this house for many years, I went to sit on the toilet and just fell straight down. And I was like, what? And that's when I realized the toilet was a painting on the wall. And it had been since I bought the house.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. I hate that. And where has it been going? Right?

[Travis McElroy]

Where has it been going, Right? So I went out to tell Teresa about this, okay. And suddenly she was a painting on the wall, and she had a painting.

[Justin McElroy]

The whole time, fucking classic.

[Travis McElroy]

And, like, I started spinning around and realizing everything was a painting and I was trapped in it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. I'll tell you what. He switched all my shirts with shirts with little sketches of me kissing a pig's ass on it. Every single one of my shirts, guys. He came in my house and he tore it up and he. He just went ahead and he put a picture of me kissing a pig's ass on it every single time.

[Travis McElroy]

Like a real picture that he took?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, no, it was like a. Like a little sketch.

[Justin McElroy]

He scratched up all my burnt mix CDs. I've been saving them in a big binder since I was in college. All my mix CDs that I burnt myself, he scratched them all up. And you know what he scratched into him?

[Griffin McElroy]

Banksy Rules.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, no. He came into my house and painted a GIF on the wall.

[Justin McElroy]

Whoa.

[Griffin McElroy]

What?

[Travis McElroy]

Of me eating a what? Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wow. Jesus Christ.

[Justin McElroy]

Yikes.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's an escalator.

[Justin McElroy]

No, it was tasteful and it was emanated.

[Travis McElroy]

And right now it's worth a billion dollars.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Because it's like new technology. He painted a moving image.

[Justin McElroy]

Incredible.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's awesome.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's go to the Money Zone.

[Montaigne]

It's better. It's better with you.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you guys like the dance? Do you like to sing? Do you like to party?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you like to code?

[Griffin McElroy]

Trying to sneak a little stim in there with that respect, I do like that stuff. Better than the dancing and singing, actually.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, let me try another thing. Do you like bad websites that are ugly and make you feel bad?

[Griffin McElroy]

No, I don't. I don't like that.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you like websites that are well designed and easy to use?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I guess. Prefer it to the other one.

[Travis McElroy]

Sure. Okay, great. Then you guys are gonna love Squarespace. They make good websites by helping you make good websites. It's easy to use. You don't have to dance or sing or code to use the Squarespace. To use the Squarespace to make a website.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm an idiot. What? Is there help for me?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, in a lot of ways, but specifically when it comes to website building. Yeah. They give you everything you need to offer services and get laid. No. Get paid all in one place. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis, Patrick, They've begged us to not do that.

[Griffin McElroy]

That one joke. That one joke. They said we are a clean company. They said, don't say yucky stuff like that about us. We're clean.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. But the word does come up again in the next sentence and I want to say it again. Griffin, you can see.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can because you've already done it once.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. Get laid on time with professional and paid on time. Get paid on time with professional on brand invoices and online payments. Plus streamline your workflow with built in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. They also have just beautiful, professionally designed and award winning website templates. All kinds of options and drag and drop editing. It's really, really good. It's easy to use. Easy editing dummies like us. You can do it. I believe in you. Head to squarespace.com mybrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code mybrother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Did I say trial? Weird. It felt weird. I feel like I could hear myself say trial.

[Justin McElroy]

Kind of weird trial.

[Griffin McElroy]

I love when that shit sleeps in, man. I think people are wild about our sort of folksy sort of charm.

[Travis McElroy]

That's kind of our deal, right? We're just down home simple.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's every like 250th word for me. We'll hit with with some of that and I don't know, I'm such a fan of it.

[Travis McElroy]

We're just three podcast hosts you can have a beer with. That's our deal.

[Justin McElroy]

Folksy Guys.

[Griffin McElroy]

Three Folksy cousins.

[Justin McElroy]

We were gonna call the show three Folksy Guys.

[Travis McElroy]

We thought the brother angle would hook people better.

[Justin McElroy]

So we changed our names and the rest is history.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's the worst mistake we ever made because three Folksy guys was then taken over by Adam and Ricky the Smartless.

[Travis McElroy]

Smartless. That's the whole show that they became smartless.

[Justin McElroy]

There's three folksy guys and they eventually became smartless.

[Griffin McElroy]

So Aura Frames is your holiday hero because there's a lot of people who live lives that make them difficult to buy presents for.

[Travis McElroy]

Now that's sad, Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's a complicated series of words and ideas I just put together, but I think everyone heard them and understood exactly what I meant. Some people are not easy to figure out what to get gifts for them because of their lives and choices. Well, let me tell you this. Aura Frames is the er, gift, the all gift, because it's an incredible, very, very nice looking digital picture frame that is super easy to set up and you sort of manage it remotely with the app and you can just send whatever pictures you want onto it. You can gift it to other people and then keep them updated with galleries of stuff going on in your life. You can. We have one in our house too because it's like constantly rotating between like precious family memories and the kids always get very excited when they see themselves on it.

[Travis McElroy]

And if you've already bought one for a loved one, there's still time to go into their house and break it on accident and then give them a new one.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis, you can just put one in another room and then they have another beautiful frame. Justin, you just have one picture framing in their house. Why have just one aura?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I'm really sorry I broke all of your auras then while I was in town for candle nights. I didn't think about that. Justin, I'm so sorry.

[Justin McElroy]

That's quite right.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now visit auraframes.com and get $55 off Aura's limited edition stone collection frame by using promo code Brother at checkout. That's auraframes.com promo code brother. This deal is exclusive to our listeners and frames sell out fast, so order yours now to get it in time for the holidays. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.

[John Hodgman]

Greetings. I am John Hodgman, co host and co creator of the Judge John Hodgman podcast along with Jesse Thorne here on the Maximum Fund Network. And I am here with Max Fund member of the month, Keith, who has been a Maximum Fund member since when? Keith?

[Keith]

Oh, at least three or four years now. I don't recall exactly when I fell prey to the pledge drive, but it got ahold of me and I've yet to relent.

[John Hodgman]

Oh, and we shall not ever let go. Now you join us telephonically from a different country from ours. Which is which?

[Keith]

I moved to Vera Portugal back in August of this year.

[John Hodgman]

I hear evening birds chirping behind you. What are the names of those birds?

[Keith]

We do have quite a few spoonbills and quite a few flamingos as well.

[John Hodgman]

So what would you say to the birds around you and the people listening who are considering supporting the show?

[Keith]

You know, it's just nice to to have a little bit of investment in the things that I love. Knowing that I'm making sure that those podcasts are still being created makes me feel good.

[John Hodgman]

We're so pleased to have you be our Maximum Fund member of the month. Thank you very much, Keith in Portugal, this month's Maximum fun member of the Month.

[Justin McElroy]

Obrigado. Become a Max Fund member [e-mail] join I'm Emily Fleming. I'm Jordan Morris. And I'm Matt Lieb.

[Griffin McElroy]

We are real comedy writers, real friends, and real cheapsk.

[Justin McElroy]

In every episode of our podcast, free with ads. We ask why pay for expensive streaming services when you can get free movies from apps with weird names? Each week we review the freest movies the Internet has to offer. Classics like Pride and Prejudice, cult classics like Point Break and Holy what did I just watch. Classics like Teen Witch. Tune in every week as we take a deep dive into the Internet's bargain bin. Every Tuesday on MaximumFun.org or or your favorite pod place. How about another question?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah boy.

[Justin McElroy]

I have recently discovered that my mother has quote adopted a poster that used to be my ex's. We used to live at my mother in law's unit and decorated the place with some funky stuff including an old school movie poster from my ex's childhood bedroom. We thought we took everything when we moved out but obviously we missed stuff. I found this out when I stayed at my mom's while visiting for the holidays. And my mom has put up the poster we left like it's hers. She loves old movies so it wouldn't seem out of place. How do I tell my mom I have to confiscate her poster and return it to my ex? My ex had mentioned the poster when we broke up and at the time had assumed it was totally lost. Do I have to return it to her since she's given up on it? That's from poster puzzled in Seattle.

[Travis McElroy]

Scot free. The for sure scott free.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like not the richest jumping off point but 100% true. You're so money. You're so. You don't even know how money you are.

[Justin McElroy]

This is. They will never track this back to you in a hundred thousand years. This secret dies with you and now us and them.

[Travis McElroy]

Everyone.

[Justin McElroy]

But. But until now.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, do you know how 1 million listeners and three podcast hosts keep a secret? How 1 million.

[Justin McElroy]

Smart. Listen.

[Travis McElroy]

Two of them have to die, was what I was going to say. What were you saying, Justin?

[Justin McElroy]

I said, ask Smart. Listen.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, yours is better. Mine involves killing all of our listeners. That's crazy, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, it's crazy.

[Travis McElroy]

Yours is better. Just thinking around my house. I've moved so many times in, like, the last. Just, like, 15 years since, like, graduating college, I could not begin to catalog the things in my house that once belonged to someone else, that I was lent or belonged to a former roommate or whatever that just over the course of so many moves, became katamari damasied into my possessions.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you ever just pick up stuff in your house and say, hey, I'm gonna throw this away. How's everybody feel about that? And then, like, everyone looks at you like, I thought you loved that. Like, no, I hate this. Can we throw this away? No one knows how it got there. Maybe someone put it there as a joke three years ago. Like, it's. It's. Yes. 100% scot free.

[Griffin McElroy]

Scot free. Don't even worry about it. Every breakup, I think you should get one little gift. Both. Both teams in the breakup gets savanto.

[Justin McElroy]

A little savanto.

[Griffin McElroy]

A little savanto.

[Travis McElroy]

A little gift.

[Justin McElroy]

A little savanto for the road.

[Griffin McElroy]

You shared special, precious memories, and you worked hard for that relationship.

[Justin McElroy]

You both did.

[Griffin McElroy]

You put in a lot of work. Something went wrong. Obviously, something soured there. That doesn't mean those memories aren't worth anything. I think they're worth a single steal.

[Travis McElroy]

Especially when it ends up being gifted to your emotional support team.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

Right. When you're like, absolutely. It's almost like a rap gift on a movie, you know, where it's like, yeah. After the breakup, here's a little reward for you, Mom. You had to deal with all of this, too.

[Griffin McElroy]

Got me through the hard times. I like it.

[Travis McElroy]

Here's a movie poster.

[Justin McElroy]

Now don't now, don't.

[Griffin McElroy]

Don't steal nothing big. Now, don't go crazy. Like, don't steal nothing. Don't steal nothing.

[Travis McElroy]

Now, my client, Griffin, went through a lot during that breakup. Sure. I think that should come with certain allowances.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can say that. We can't say that. We can't say it's okay to steal anything you want. I want to be on record saying, don't steal nothing big. Now, please, a poster. A jacket. Fine.

[Travis McElroy]

Shoes is their dog.

[Justin McElroy]

Shoes is dog.

[Griffin McElroy]

Definitely not. Thank you for finding a bad example. They're diamonds.

[Travis McElroy]

What about a plant?

[Griffin McElroy]

That's fine. Plant's good.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Plant's nice. A plant's kind of a chore, too.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Their Social Security number.

[Griffin McElroy]

You've got equity. No, don't steal a Social Security number.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, that's bad, Trav.

[Griffin McElroy]

Think about that.

[Justin McElroy]

Think about actually doing that. Right. It's not very nice.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's not nice to do, but you have equity in that plant. It's a fine steal.

[Travis McElroy]

It's a fine steal. Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a fine steal.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a great steal.

[Travis McElroy]

I think it's important quality steal. I think that we as a society need to land on a time frame after which something has been left in somebody's possession. Yeah, that. Then it is like, we all agree you shouldn't be thinking about this item anymore.

[Griffin McElroy]

Statute of limitations on wanting something back. I don't know.

[Travis McElroy]

Because we occasionally get questions where it's like, five years ago, a friend lent me a book. There's no way that friend's still thinking about that book.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yep. My friend Evan's mom stole my Ben Folds hoodie that I got at the very first concert I ever went to when I was in high school. And I went over to his house, like, four years later, and I went to hang up my coat in the closet and saw it in there. His mom had been wearing it, and I was like, game. Game. Recognized game. You got, like.

[Travis McElroy]

Sure.

[Griffin McElroy]

You got me. This has been four years. It's a jacket. It's yours now. That looks cool.

[Justin McElroy]

At that point, Griffin, could you take it back? Could you say, like this? I'm re. You can't, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

No. Because she's had it longer than I had it at that point, so.

[Justin McElroy]

This poster isn't even there. It's not even. It belongs to the mom now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Scott free, Simon.

[Justin McElroy]

Scott free. There's no crime.

[Travis McElroy]

There's no crime.

[Justin McElroy]

It's hers. There's no claim.

[Griffin McElroy]

Case adjourned.

[Justin McElroy]

Case adjourned. The judges out of court.

[Travis McElroy]

Yep. Yep.

[Griffin McElroy]

Guilty. Uh, no.

[Justin McElroy]

Lawyers.

[Travis McElroy]

I decided.

[Griffin McElroy]

Lawyers to your chambers.

[Travis McElroy]

Bailiff, court the lawyers out. Remove these lawyers from my premises.

[Justin McElroy]

Bailiff, court them away. Jury, you're all arrested.

[Griffin McElroy]

Jury, have you dismissed the case?

[Travis McElroy]

Jury, skedaddle.

[Griffin McElroy]

Jury, Objection.

[Travis McElroy]

Unsequestered.

[Griffin McElroy]

And. Hammer.

[Travis McElroy]

I lost it. So I just. Say it out loud now. Hammer. Hammer. Hammer. Pay attention, please.

[Justin McElroy]

You want another question?

[Travis McElroy]

Yes, please.

[Justin McElroy]

I just almost. Guys, I've spent almost two weeks in a row now. I've almost talked about the grinch meal at McDonald's. And I can't. And I don't want to talk about the grinch meal at McDonald's.

[Griffin McElroy]

No.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you know, I don't. This one I don't want to. But they have green salt. Grinch salt. They have Grinch salt in the Grinch meal. There's Grinch salt. It's a special dill salt. It's Grinch salt.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, that sounds good.

[Justin McElroy]

And they have dill pickle McShaker fries that have the extreme salt that the Grinch loves. And it's a very Grinchy kind of thing that's happening.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that's cool. I would way, way, way, way rather talk about Walton Goggins Grinch.

[Justin McElroy]

So this is. So this is what I want to say. This is. There's a. There. I was on what's all this Then? Which is a great podcast about British culture when we were talking about Christmas adverts. And there's. There's one here. You know what? Can I just show you this one? Because it's like such a. Such a treat.

[Travis McElroy]

Please?

[Griffin McElroy]

Absolutely.

[Justin McElroy]

Please hold on one second. Let me share it with you.

[Griffin McElroy]

I love this kind of like.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I just want to. This is not a Munch squad.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, it's just organic sort of munch.

[Travis McElroy]

Just a fun munch. Justin, I know you're looking at a monitor that's in front of you. I just felt like you were judging me so hard in that way.

[Justin McElroy]

You're running directly into your soul. You got to take advantage of that when it happens, Trav. All right, you ready?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

All the prices this year are frightful spending gifts.

[Travis McElroy]

I've seen a sightful.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a no.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a no.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a. This is the Grinch, by the way. Nice cooler. He's flying.

[Travis McElroy]

So you get the idea.

[Justin McElroy]

It's. Yeah, it's the Grinch.

[Travis McElroy]

Is it Asda. Asda.

[Justin McElroy]

Asda. So this is like a Walmart. It's apparently a Walmart owned franchise in the uk, Right. And what we see in this ad is like the Grinch shopping with his family. And then we have watched the.

[Travis McElroy]

Let's say, Justin. His human family.

[Griffin McElroy]

His human family.

[Justin McElroy]

And also his human family.

[Griffin McElroy]

At one point, he likes shopping so much that he starts to fly through the air.

[Justin McElroy]

That is not a power that I.

[Griffin McElroy]

Think the Grinch has in the source material.

[Travis McElroy]

May I scoot over here to the side for a second to make a plea to humanity?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, sure.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Can we stop making me, Travis McElroy, look at close ups of the Grinch of a human Being in Grinch makeup's face.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis, this is exactly what I wanted to speak about. I'm so happy that you are here and you are on the same page as me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Censorship.

[Justin McElroy]

Cause like, here's the thing. I don't want to see a real Grinch ever again.

[Travis McElroy]

It's grotesque.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't want to see a real Grinch ever again. Matthew Morrison in the Broadway Grinch on tv. Hate it. Jim Carrey.

[Griffin McElroy]

Jim obviously.

[Justin McElroy]

Jim obviously hate it. Terrible movie. You gave your all that shit. You gave it your all. But we hate seeing it. That shit. We hate seeing it come back oddly greasy. You're not the worst thing about that movie. That movie completely misses the point of the whole story. But every time you see a real Grinch, it is a hell yeah. I don't ever want to see real Grinch again. And this Christmas season, we're treated to three Walton Goggins Grinch at Walmart. The Walmart Walton Goggins Grinch goggles are fully on over at Walmart. We got this as the Grinch. And then there's a McDonald's Grinch with his Grinch song. I don't want to see the real Grinch ever again. I hate it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Scary.

[Travis McElroy]

It's unpleasant to a degree of, like, this is haunting. Haunting. It's a nightmare.

[Justin McElroy]

It's every real Grinch.

[Travis McElroy]

It's terrible.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's not that he's ugly. All who's are beautiful. Definitely.

[Justin McElroy]

He's not supposed to be real, but.

[Griffin McElroy]

He'S scary because he's not supposed to be real. Yeah, that's true.

[Travis McElroy]

It's the quality of hair. Green hair. And the smooth. The weird greasy smoothness to the face and everything. There's wrinkles to it. It's that. Here's what I think it is. When a makeup artist or a makeup team gets the chance to do a real life Grinch, they go crazy. They go so deep.

[Justin McElroy]

Their freaking stamp on. Yeah, man. They're so stoked.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, it makes me unhappy. I really.

[Justin McElroy]

It's just seeing the Grinch.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, gosh. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

You know, anytime you see it. Anytime. Anytime you see the Grinch as a real man, as a cartoon. We love this guy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sure.

[Justin McElroy]

Like, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Put him on a cookie.

[Justin McElroy]

Nasty. Put him on a wrapping paper. Yes. Put him on a T shirt.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cause he's like a figment of imagination at that point when he's a cartoon because he's just like a little sinner. But then when you're real, a tiny.

[Travis McElroy]

Little sinner, just a little sinner guy when he's real.

[Griffin McElroy]

And you think, like, could this happen to me? And it's scary and I don't want my kids to see it for sure. I don't want my kids exposed, especially to Walton Gawkins Grinch, because this is a smooth and cool Grinch who likes jazz. And that's going to sort of confuse them. That's gonna make them not understand the very real and very present threat that Grinch's do sort of present to our festivities.

[Travis McElroy]

It's also often amorphous of when we're encountering said Grinch in his particular arc, which I don't enjoy. I'm also just gonna pin real life Cat in the Hat to there too. Don't make human beings.

[Griffin McElroy]

Same rules. Same rules.

[Justin McElroy]

Same basic rules. Ah, man, I really hate it. If I could just show you guys the. The Matthew Morrison one. We always hate seeing a real Grinch around these parts. But if I could just. Huh. It's just. I just. Huh. I hate to see the Grinch. Yeah, I hate it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Let me see him.

[Justin McElroy]

I hate to see the Grinch.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, here's the thing. They gotta for the stage, they've gotta make his. For the stage, they have to make his features big and loud and pronounced. And so like, you're not supposed to see this Grinch this close, obviously.

[Travis McElroy]

And if that Grinch showed up in Cats 2.

[Justin McElroy]

I would.

[Travis McElroy]

I would.

[Justin McElroy]

Dude, that would be such a sick crossover. If they're like, yeah, Grinch now the Grinch loves Cats.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's okay. That's kind of a hot Grinch.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, that's still Matthew Morrison's Grinch. I tricked you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, you tricked me.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, his eyebrow and his hair is all one thing, Griffin.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah. Don't ever show me the real Grinch again. That's the lesson of the holidays this season. I don't want to see the Grinch. I love a cartoon still.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Don't want to see the real Grinch ever again. Thank you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Even. Can I ask you, this is the.

[Justin McElroy]

Benedict we are open to?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes. Is the Benedict Cumberbatch 3D animated Grinch pushing it? Wouldn't you agree that he's pushing it a bit for my taste?

[Justin McElroy]

It is a bit much.

[Travis McElroy]

It's a lot.

[Justin McElroy]

Here's what I will say. It is a lot of time to spend with the Grinch.

[Travis McElroy]

Sure.

[Justin McElroy]

I will say this. He does begin to wear. His presence does begin to wear on one.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Around hour two was the Grinches is sometimes food. You know, I don't need that all 40 minute fable.

[Justin McElroy]

40 minute fable expanded to two hours.

[Travis McElroy]

That's just a lot of personal time with the Grinch.

[Griffin McElroy]

He's soft, isn't he? The Benedict Cumberbatch. Like they did the Illumination Studios. Like kind of cute. Cute. Filter on him, minionized him. He's soft and minionized in this movie. So we have soft Grinch, we have hot Grinch cartoon favorite Grinch. And then like three or four upsetting human visages of Grinch.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah. Every time the Grinch is seen as a real person, it's terrible.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And this is my plea to Hollywood to please don't do it ever again. Thank you.

[Travis McElroy]

Unless it's Paul Dano. If it's Paul Dano, I'd watch it.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, Paul Dano. Lorax. Paul Dano. Real life Lorax for real. Wouldn't you?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Couldn't you?

[John Hodgman]

Would you?

[Griffin McElroy]

Could you? With a Dano?

[Justin McElroy]

The Dano's also the once ler the Dano's also. How good? How good could that be? Very, very good. That's what I think.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes, please. I speak for the Danos.

[Justin McElroy]

I speak for the Danos and they are loving it. I speak for the Mes and we are very pleased. Dan. Oh, you didn't. Okay, listen, thank you so much for listening to our podcast. It's called My Brother, My Brother Me. I want to say a special thank you. If you came out for our candlelight show last weekend or you supported that show or you have already purchased your video on demand ticket for that over at bit ly candlelights2025. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. It was, I don't know, I want to speak for you guys, but Travis and Griffin loved it. Yeah, I did too.

[Travis McElroy]

Wow.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

We all loved it.

[Travis McElroy]

Let me lay this out for you guys. So you know what you're getting first of all, like two and a half hours of show, it's still available.

[Justin McElroy]

You can go get it. You can go get your VOD right now. At December 19th at 9pm it's gonna go live.

[Travis McElroy]

There was a new medicine called Christis in there. There's some things I bought at sheets in there. There was a smell based competition.

[Justin McElroy]

There was a lot of surprises. Cartoons, some swapped bits.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, a lot of good stuff.

[Travis McElroy]

It was, I highly recommend go to bit ly canonlights2025. The video on demand premieres December 19th at 9:00pm Eastern Time. We will be in the chat talking through it. That video on Demand is available through January 4th. There's bonus behind the scenes footage. All the benefits from the sales on that and from the show in general are going to Harmony House, which seeks to end homelessness in Huntington. It's truly, truly a great organization and I think a show you're really gonna enjoy. Bit lycandenlights2025 thank you so much to.

[Griffin McElroy]

Montaigne for the use of our theme song My Life Is Better with youh. It's a really, really kick ass track. Montagne's been crushing lately. The. The new album, it's Hard to Be Official is my number one album according to Spotify.

[Justin McElroy]

Wrapped.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh nice.

[Griffin McElroy]

So it's legit and you're going to groove on it. Thank you also to you, our sweet listener at home. Okay, we never do that, but thank you to our sweet listener at home.

[Justin McElroy]

That's awesome, dude. Yeah, I mean I love that.

[Travis McElroy]

That's cool. If you haven't already, go to Instagram and follow McElroy Entertainment System. Our new we're real gamers now and.

[Griffin McElroy]

We'Re gonna make gaming stuff next year.

[Travis McElroy]

So check that out. Justin, you wanna hit us with that fear?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, man, I'd love to. This year I wanna live faster than my fear of underwater scenes in movies when we all have to hold our breath with the protagonist.

[Travis McElroy]

Mm.

[Justin McElroy]

My name is Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Travis McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Griffin McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

This has been my brother, my brother me. Kiss your dad. Sweet square on the lips.

[Montaigne]

It's better, it's better with you Cuz it's true it's better. It's better with two. It's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Maximum fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

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