MFM Minisode 415

Summary

Detailed Summary of My Favorite Murder Minisode 415

Podcast Information:

• Title: My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
• Host/Author: Exactly Right Media – the original true crime comedy network
• Episode: MFM Minisode 415
• Release Date: December 23, 2024

Introduction

In Minisode 415 of My Favorite Murder (MFM), hosts Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark delve into personal anecdotes that blend humor with life's unpredictable challenges. This episode, released on December 23, 2024, features compelling stories from both hosts, illustrating how unexpected events can lead to memorable and often humorous experiences. The conversation is rich with relatable moments, insightful reflections, and the trademark wit that MFM is known for.

---

Section 1: Megan's COVID-Era Ruined Picnic

Summary: Megan shares a poignant yet humorous tale of attempting to enjoy a peaceful picnic with her husband during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. Four years prior, amidst the lockdowns, Megan and her husband purchased their first home and sought solace in the local park behind their residence. The park featured a rocky hill topped with a garry oak meadow, providing a picturesque yet slightly eerie backdrop.

One sunny spring day, seizing a rare opportunity for alone time, Megan and her husband ordered takeout Vietnamese subs and made their way to the hill's summit. Their tranquil outing was abruptly disrupted when they stumbled upon a gathering of approximately fifteen people engaged in what initially seemed like an acoustic session. Unperturbed, they sought a more secluded spot under a nearby cliff to enjoy their meal.

Unexpected Turn: Their peaceful picnic took a dark turn when they realized the gathering was, in fact, a COVID-friendly funeral. The attendees began sprinkling cremains onto their picnic blanket, leading Megan and her husband to swiftly and respectfully abandon their meal. The incident left them with discarded subs and a disrupted date night.

Notable Quotes:

• Megan (03:26): “And like, during COVID who, we got up and ran quietly and respectfully and very fast directly all the way home and into the shower. Worst of all, we had to throw out those delicious subs.”
• Karen (03:58): “And what you get is a dead body sprinkled on top of you.”
• Megan (04:37): “You kept me afloat and have kept me company through so many of life's twists and turns in the years that have followed.”

Reflections: Megan reflects on how My Favorite Murder became a source of comfort and sanity during the turbulent pandemic times. She appreciates the podcast for providing companionship through challenging moments, emphasizing the emotional support it offered her as a midwife navigating the complexities of COVID-19.

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Section 2: Karen's Sixth-Grade Receptionist Experience

Summary: Karen recounts a memorable experience from her sixth-grade year when she was unexpectedly tasked with answering phone lines for her school district. Due to a staffing shortfall, Karen, an 11-year-old at the time, was asked to handle phone calls until 10 a.m., causing her to miss her initial classes that morning.

Unexpected Call Challenges: During her tenure as the young receptionist, Karen dealt with two particularly challenging calls within five minutes:

1. First Call: A substitute teacher involved in a car accident called for assistance. Despite her anxiety, Karen managed to assure the caller that she would relay the message to someone else.

   • Karen (07:12): “I ascertained the man was not hurt and I let him know that I'd pass along his message to someone, literally anyone else. They handled it.”

2. Second Call: The same teacher returned, agitated about being underpaid, leading Karen to mistakenly recognize her math teacher attempting to prank her.

   • Karen (08:17): “I blurted out, I'm just Alyssa. I don't even work here.”
   • Megan (08:19): “I'm just Alyssa.”

Resolution and Lessons Learned: The prank call left Karen anxious and reflective about adult interactions. She learned valuable lessons about anxiety and caution when dealing with adults, even those in positions of authority like teachers.

Notable Quotes:

• Karen (07:03): “Unless it was one of those sassy kind of Quinn Cummings 11 year olds that's kind of like, Calls their parents by their first name.”
• Karen (09:30): “I am now 18 years sober.”
• Megan (09:54): “But I learned a few lessons that day, not the least of which is that I'm riddled with anxiety and that you should be wary of adults, Even the ones that are underpaid to teach and mentor you.”

Reflections: Karen humorously connects her childhood experience with her current professional life as a compensation analyst, suggesting that early interactions with authority figures may have shaped her approach to equitable pay and workplace dynamics. The story underscores the impact of early responsibilities and the importance of resilience in the face of unexpected challenges.

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Section 3: Shared Insights and Emotional Support

Summary: Throughout the minisode, both Megan and Karen express gratitude toward each other for the support they've provided over the years. Megan acknowledges how My Favorite Murder has been a source of laughter and companionship during tough times, emphasizing the podcast's role in her personal growth and coping mechanisms.

Notable Quotes:

• Megan (04:37): “You kept me afloat and have kept me company through so many of life's twists and turns in the years that have followed.”
• Karen (05:08): “Good Lord.”
• Megan (05:19): “And be like, that was my grandma spelled weird. Was my grandma.”

Reflections: The episode highlights the deep bond between the hosts, showcasing how their collaborative efforts have not only entertained but also provided emotional sustenance to their listeners. Their candid discussions about personal experiences foster a sense of community and relatability, reinforcing the podcast's mission to blend true crime with comedy and personal storytelling.

---

Conclusion

Minisode 415 of My Favorite Murder offers listeners an intimate glimpse into the personal lives of Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Through Megan's disrupted picnic and Karen's childhood receptionist duties, the episode humanizes the hosts, presenting them as relatable individuals who navigate life's unpredictabilities with humor and resilience. The shared stories not only entertain but also underscore the therapeutic role of the podcast in addressing both tragic and mundane aspects of life.

Key Takeaways:

• Resilience Through Adversity: Both hosts demonstrate how unexpected challenges can lead to valuable life lessons and personal growth.
• Emotional Support through Storytelling: My Favorite Murder serves as a comforting companion for listeners, offering a blend of humor and heartfelt narratives.
• Authentic Connection: The genuine rapport between Karen and Megan fosters a strong sense of community and relatability among their audience.

Listeners who have yet to experience Minisode 415 will find themselves engaged by the authentic storytelling and the hosts' ability to find humor in life's twists and turns, staying true to the essence of My Favorite Murder.

Transcript

[Karen Kilgariff]

This is exactly right.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Miami Metro catches killers and they say it takes a village to race one.

[Megan]

If anyone knows how powerful urges can be, it's me.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Catch Dexter Morgan in a new serial killer origin story. It's hunger inside of you. It needs a master. Featuring Patrick Gibson Christian Slater Special guest star Sarah Michelle Geller. With Patrick Dempsey and Michael C. Hall as Dexter's inner voice. I wasn't born a killer. I was made. Dexter Original sin New series now stream on the Paramount with Showtime plan. Go to paramountplus.com to try it. Free terms apply.

[Bridget]

You know that feeling when you're at Ross and you find the best gifts for way less. Like brand name sweaters, the coolest kids toys and plush dog beds. Get that feeling with every gift and save 20 to 60% off other retailers prices at Ross. Yes, for less.

[Karen Kilgariff]

My favor. Hello, hello and welcome to my favorite murder, the minisode.

[Megan]

Here it is, all cute and mini.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Oh, you want to go first?

[Megan]

Sure.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Okay.

[Megan]

I'm not going to tell you the name of this one. All right. Hey, team. My husband and I bought our very first house in the middle of COVID lockdown just over four years ago. Now we had a three year old and a new baby. And despite these amazing milestones in our lives, it was a strange time to be alive. One thing that made life slightly less cabin fevery was the park behind our house. By park, I mean biggish rocky hill at the top of which is a beautiful garry oak meadow. Garry oaks are gnarly, scraggly Tim Burton trees, but the creepy factor is offset by the wildflowers that grow between them. Crocuses, daffodils, fawn lily and camas. Pretty spectacular stuff. One day, my husband and I had a rare opportunity to go out alone together. Seizing the moment, we got takeout Vietnamese subs and avoiding the plague, we took them to the summit of our hill. It was a gorgeous spring day. The creepy trees were creeping and crocuses were in full bloom. We walked past a gathering of 15 people or so. Weird to see so many people in one spot in those days who were perched in a circle at the top of a small cliff overlooking the city. They had a bunch of acoustic guitars, so we veered hard to the left, not thinking much about it except that we wanted some alone time. Unsullied by tragic covers of Imagine and Hallelujah, we headed down to a nice lookout spot nestled under the cliff, sort of semi private. We tucked into our banh mi. So delicious. And we're generally feeling pretty happy. The Guitars had started up, but the view is nice, so we didn't mind until black stuff started sprinkling down from the sky all around us.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Oh.

[Megan]

We looked up, confused, to the cliff above. It took us a second before we realized that the gathering was a Covid friendly funeral.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Oh, my God.

[Megan]

And they were shaking someone's cremains onto our picnic. Can you even imagine?

[Karen Kilgariff]

Onto our beautiful Banh mi sandwiches.

[Megan]

And like, during COVID who, we got up and ran quietly and respectfully and very fast directly all the way home and into the shower. Worst of all, we had to throw out those delicious subs. And I mean, you know, Vietnamese subs are everything with that soft white loaf and all that cilantro and mayo and green chilies. Sorry. Writing while hungry. Needless to say, date night was cut short.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Yeah, I bet.

[Megan]

Like just this desperate grab for one moment together alone and.

[Karen Kilgariff]

And what you get is a dead body sprinkled on top of you.

[Megan]

That's right. In any case, I first heard your lovely voices around the same time as the ruined picnic. And binging the episodes in reverse order was another tool I used to keep sane during pandemic times. I am a midwife with a medical degree and not a whiff of patchouli. About me. And I remember at the time having to attend prenatal clinic visits, births and home visits in swimming goggles and homemade trash bag as there was a shortage on ppe on our island and nothing left for us to use to protect ourselves.

[Karen Kilgariff]

So scary.

[Megan]

Yeah. Says what a fucking time.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Yeah.

[Megan]

You kept me afloat and have kept me company through so many of life's twists and turns in the years that have followed. I am grateful, take good care, stay sexy, and don't have a picnic at a funeral. Megan. And then it says just Megan. Spelled weird because it's spelled weird.

[Karen Kilgariff]

She her Megan. That's a story for the ages. I mean, that's. That you're going to be able to pull out at any dinner party when people are like, trading great stories back and forth and you're like, okay, well, everybody sit down because it's my time to shine.

[Megan]

Definitely this is going to be. Her grandchildren are going to write in this hometown to whoever is hosting my favorite murderer in 25 years from now.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Good Lord.

[Megan]

And be like, that was my grandma spelled weird. Was my grandma.

[Karen Kilgariff]

My mom was pregnant with me during that story when she had cremaine sprinkled on her.

[Megan]

Oh, God.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Oh, shit. Okay, amazing kickoff. I think I have a good follow up here.

[Megan]

Okay.

[Karen Kilgariff]

I won't read you, the subject line and the opening is my favorite people. I'm currently at work listening to Minisode 401, which is listener Catherine's story of being a 10 year old bartender. I can't top that, but I remembered my experience as a receptionist for my school district for one morning at 11 years old.

[Megan]

All right.

[Karen Kilgariff]

It would have been a totally banal story had I not received two rather unfortunate calls within the same five minutes. So for some brief background, my middle school and the elementary school where my mom teaches were connected. So when Mrs. West, the receptionist for both schools, was unable to cover the phone lines one morning, the quote unquote logical option was for the 11 year old to do it. As I was already in my mom's classroom waiting for homeroom to start, I was asked to cover the phone lines until 10am Instead of going to my first few classes.

[Megan]

What the fuck? Yeah, that's a job. They have temp agencies so you can call adults in to do that.

[Karen Kilgariff]

It's a professional job where important things happen. It's schools and children and like.

[Megan]

Yeah, there's like training that's done.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Also, who were the other children that were up for the job that she, she got it over them.

[Megan]

I just can't imagine like leaving, getting a voicemail or leaving a MA message wouldn't have been more useful than an 11 year old answering the fucking phones.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Right. You know, unless it was one of those sassy kind of Quinn Cummings 11 year olds that's kind of like.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Calls their parents by their first name.

[Megan]

You know, no nonsense. Yeah, okay.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Yeah. Old soul.

[Megan]

Yeah. Big sister kind of a thing. Yeah.

[Karen Kilgariff]

I'm in charge. Okay. So about 7:30am I got a call from a substitute teacher who had just gotten in a car accident and wouldn't be able to make it in. I remember floundering immediately. There being no protocol for how to do any components of the job, let alone handle a fairly serious issue. I ascertained the man was not hurt and I let him know that I'd pass along his message to someone, literally anyone else. They handled it.

[Megan]

Yeah, that's handling it. I will let an older person know.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Yeah. What more do you want me to do?

[Megan]

Literally.

[Karen Kilgariff]

We can't turn back the hands of time.

[Megan]

Do you have insurance? That's all I can ask.

[Karen Kilgariff]

That's. Well then you've done your part. Right? Nerves abuzz and getting sweaty. I tried to calm myself down in prepar for the next couple hours. Then the phone rang again. This time the man on the other end immediately Launched into a tirade about being underpaid. I'm a teacher there, and I need more money. What are you going to do about it? He demanded.

[Megan]

What?

[Karen Kilgariff]

Nearly in tears, I blurted out, I'm just Alyssa. I don't even work here.

[Megan]

I'm just Alyssa.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Oh. Had I not been in such a state of anxiety, I might have recognized the voice of my math teacher calling to play a prank on me.

[Megan]

You adult.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Oh. Within a few more seconds, he realized I was not recognizing the joke and said, Alyssa, it's Mr. Bridger. Friends. I think I hung up on him. To this day, I don't remember. Thankfully, nothing bad actually happened, and I returned to my normal 6th grade scholarly pursuits. I have to say, I very clearly remember being in sixth grade, because that was when I realized, like, oh, I love to read aloud in class. Oh, yeah, here's what I like. Here's what I like. So, like, if somebody came down and was like, you answer the phone for the day? I would have been seventh heaven.

[Megan]

You're like, here I am. And I'm gonna get the job, too.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Yeah.

[Megan]

This is your new job.

[Karen Kilgariff]

I got.

[Megan]

I was also thinking about prankster teachers and what they were like, too.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Oh, yeah, that was.

[Megan]

That was a type.

[Karen Kilgariff]

That was a type that no one questioned at the time.

[Megan]

Exactly. I don't think you can do that anymore.

[Karen Kilgariff]

I don't either.

[Megan]

I don't think they want adults pranking children anymore.

[Karen Kilgariff]

I think Mr. Bridger would have been sued to high heaven.

[Megan]

Fucking lootly.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Rightfully so. So Alyssa goes on to say, but I learned a few lessons that day, not the least of which is that I'm riddled with anxiety and that you should be wary of adults, Even the ones that are underpaid to teach and mentor you. More so, probably.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Anyway, thanks for being the source of many laughs and my companions through some tears. Oh, and what am I even doing right now? Reconciling spreadsheets as a compensation analyst, trying to determine equitable pay rates for new hires at my local university. Oh, maybe Mr. Bridger's mild harangue was more impactful than I thought. SSDGM Alyssa. How awesome is that?

[Megan]

Wow. Yeah. That is a good little button.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Every thing that happens to us affects us somehow. Yeah. The Butterfly Effect by Alyssa.

[Megan]

Oh, my God.

[Karen Kilgariff]

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[Megan]

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[Karen Kilgariff]

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[Megan]

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[Karen Kilgariff]

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[Megan]

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[Karen Kilgariff]

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[Megan]

I love the idea of like going on a lunch break or sitting in a doctor's office waiting room. Instead of scrolling mindlessly through like social media, you open up Masterclass on your phone and instead you take a behavioral science lesson from none other than FBI criminal profiler John Douglas. Or like, I don't know, successfully negotiate any situation with FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss.

[Karen Kilgariff]

What is your life that you need these lessons? I don't know, but get it. Figure it out. You need it. Masterclass always has great offers during the holidays, sometimes up to as much as 50% off.

[Megan]

Head over to masterclass.com mfm for the current offer.

[Karen Kilgariff]

That's up to 50% off [e-mail] mfm masterclass.com mfm Goodbye.

[Megan]

The year is almost over and it's time to take stock. What was good? What was bad?

[Karen Kilgariff]

What left you with a vague sense of ennui?

[Megan]

Oh, thankfully, Audible is here to help you focus on the good.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Their best of 2024 list is packed with top audiobooks, podcasts and originals so you can end the year on a high note.

[Megan]

Kristin Hannah's the Women made the list. Yay. This novel follows a nursing student's journey from sheltered California to the chaos of Vietnam. And I have said, and I'll say it again, I highly recommend this audiobook.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Discover the year's top audiobooks, podcasts and originals in all your favorite genres.

[Megan]

Audible has the best selection of audiobooks along with popular podcasts and exclusive Audible originals. And it's all in one easy to use app.

[Karen Kilgariff]

I want to be well read. I really have the best intentions, but I feel like I'm darting around all day long and I can actually get out ahead of that knowing that there's an audiobook waiting for me on my Audible app.

[Megan]

Right now I'm listening to the audiobook Crossroads by Jonathan Franzen. And if you know anything about Jonathan Franzen, he is so incredible at building stories through telling multiple characters, lives and like all the secrets that they're keeping on their own and then weaving this beautiful story together.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Audible there's more to imagine when you listen.

[Megan]

Go to audible.com murder and discover all the years best Waiting for you. Goodbye committing felonies for the sake of lesbians. This next one just starts when I was in high school in the late 90s. I had a girlfriend who was a couple years older than me. So cool, right?

[Karen Kilgariff]

Right.

[Megan]

We looked similar enough that I could pass using her id. And then it says queer. In case the math ain't mathing, please.

[Karen Kilgariff]

State it loud and proud.

[Megan]

We'd like to know. She ended up giving me a non driver ID so I could buy cigarettes. We broke up shortly after I graduated and I held onto that ID awaiting her upcoming 21st birthday. Unfortunately for me, it expired on that very day. And with it, so did my dream of getting into Tootsie's. The Lesbian Tootsie.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Such a good name.

[Megan]

Well, unless there was another way. Ah, yes, yet another brilliant idea formulated in my underdeveloped prefrontal cortex. What if I just renewed the expired id, it says. Before I continue, I do want to acknowledge that identity theft is a serious and devastating crime. However, stealing her identity was never my intent. My ex also knew about my plan and was fine with it. In today's world, that sounds crazy, but this was just at a time that most people didn't think about protecting their identity.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Disclaimer.

[Megan]

Disclaimer. We're back.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Member fdic.

[Megan]

Clearly, identity protection was not a top priority for the DMV either. At that time, in my state, they didn't require you to bring a birth certificate, provide your Social Security number, or proof of residency. Which is hilarious because I'm trying to get like my new driver's license and I can't bring enough paperwork to prove who I am in, even though I already have a legit driver's license. Yeah, like they do not believe me because my middle name is in some stuff and not in others.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Right?

[Megan]

What the fuck?

[Karen Kilgariff]

They're like, can you bring in three gas bills? And it's like, no, I don't. What are you talking about? I don't get paper gas bills anymore.

[Megan]

Right. Can you bring people that you knew in elementary school? No, I'm not friends with them anymore.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Like, can you bring in your own soul in a jar?

[Megan]

Right.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Prove that you're a human being.

[Megan]

Bring in your inner child, please. Then it says, a vague resemblance to the expired ID was literally the only identification I needed to renew it. What a contrast from today's DMV experience. Within a matter of 20 minutes, I had my photo taken, paid $10, and was handed back the expired ID along with a brand new non driver identification card. With my photo, it Says yes, Gen Z. They used to print them on location. And yes, I went to Tootsies a lot.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Hell yeah.

[Megan]

Yeah you did. But just a few months later, I was leaving a liquor store, vodka in hand, and an undercover officer approached me. He looked young and wanted to scan my id. No problem, right? After all, it was valid and it was my photo. Except there was a problem. Apparently my ex had a warrant for her arrest. It was something trivial like unpaid parking tickets. I momentary contemplated going to jail as her. That's like how bad she wanted to keep that id. Yeah, really. Thankfully, I came to my senses and informed the officer that it wasn't my ID and handed over mine. He stood there looking at both IDs, obviously confused at how much we quote, looked alike. In the end, I received a couple tickets and he confiscated the id. Tootsie was so short lived. Unless I'm not even fucking joking. I went and renewed the original expired ID again. Diabolical teenager. I love it.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Cannot be kept away from tootsies in any way, shape or form.

[Megan]

Tootsies must have been epic.

[Karen Kilgariff]

But I mean like, like any bar when you're that age. It's like any bar. Of course. But then if you live in a town, if you're a queer person, you live in a town where it's like, oh no, we'll all be meeting here, right?

[Megan]

And we're in the 90s. Yeah. Yes, you must.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Yes.

[Megan]

I only had one other instant using it. I was unknowingly carded at a liquor store by my ex's ex. She took one look at the name, which wasn't common, and birth date, and immediately knew something was weird. Her co worker got involved and since the photo was actually me, he handed it back and let me leave. I was so confused. But soon after, I got a call from my ex explaining that it was her ex that had just carted me in my late teens and early 20s. I was wild and impulsive, which quickly became reckless and dangerous. Thankfully, my friends and family never gave up on me and carried me to the other side. I am now 18 years sober.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Wow. Wow. Congratulations.

[Megan]

This podcast reminds me that while my struggles and trauma may be unique to me, they are not unique to the human experience. That sentiment helps me find gratitude, have more compassion, and be accountable.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Wow, that's.

[Megan]

That's a lot to get from these.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Two gals from this bullshit.

[Megan]

I'll take it.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Yeah, really.

[Megan]

MFM is a safe place for so many. Thank you for its creation. Keep sharing stories and their truths and as always, stay sexy. And don't grow up too fast. Also, don't commit felonies. Bridget. She. Her.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Bridget. Brilliant, Beautiful. Right on target for what we're looking for. For a story of any kind.

[Megan]

Exactly.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Oh, damn, it's so funny. Yeah, that was great. Okay, this one. The subject line is glory days. The mall. And it says, hi there. I just listened to episode 447 up until Karen got to the utter tragedy that occurred at the Sun Valley Mall. It made me very nostalgic for my mall rat days. Picture it. Des Moines, Iowa, 1985. I'm 11 years old and frequently skulk around the mall in my parachute pants, striped untucked oxford and knit tie that keenly accentuated my amazing mullet and feathered bangs.

[Megan]

Ooh. Time and place.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Top tier. For some reason, they decided to open a water slide in the mall called the Hydro Tube.

[Megan]

Indoor water slide in a middle of a mall in Des Moines.

[Karen Kilgariff]

In Des Moines. It says, I personally know. And then a parenthesis. I had far more pressing things to spend my money on, such as cigarettes, French fries and shitty earrings from Claire's that always caused infections in my delicate lobes. It says, the Hydro Tube didn't last long. It closed only six months after opening. There remain rumors and urban legends that somebody died in the slide. But I think it really closed because one, a water slide in a mall in Iowa is a dumb idea. And two, the maintenance was unwieldy.

[Megan]

Oh, the black mole. My God.

[Karen Kilgariff]

And also, like, if it was 1985, there's a chance that it's like Action park style water slide where maybe the dip was too steep. You know what I mean?

[Megan]

Yep. You just go crashing into like the Precious Moment store or something like that.

[Karen Kilgariff]

I went on to work at Things Remembered. That's right. The kiosk in the mall between Tom McCann shoes and Pet World, famous for engraved ID bracelets and door knockers. And that was in the 90s. By then, having ditched my mullet for massive aqua netted bangs and replaced my parachute pants with rayon hammer pants. And then it just says, the kids today will just never know.

[Megan]

Nope. I had hammer pants.

[Karen Kilgariff]

You did?

[Megan]

Absolutely had him. Like straight up. You know, like elastic waist hammer pants.

[Karen Kilgariff]

And could you do the dance? I tried real hard out on the playground.

[Megan]

That's right.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Right. It says, the kids today will just never know. Leonie.

[Megan]

Wow. Yes. Time and place. Love it.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Sorry, there's a P.S. oh, p. S. I grew up with a dog named Cookie. In fact, most of our pets were named after snacks.

[Megan]

I love that I know snack names for animals is great.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Yeah. And necessary.

[Megan]

So necessary Noodle. What else is there?

[Karen Kilgariff]

Our first dog was named Pepsi.

[Megan]

Pepsi's Perfect. Pepsi's Perfect. Pepsi Perfect.

[Karen Kilgariff]

And that's why I picked Blossom when I was looking on the dog rescue website. Cause she looked, she had the same vibe as Pepsi. She had like a white wire hair terrier mutt. And we brought her back.

[Megan]

Aw sweet.

[Karen Kilgariff]

I know.

[Megan]

Blossom.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Oh, Blossom.

[Megan]

She an angel.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Tis the season for injuries.

[Megan]

Whether you're slipping on ice or accidentally setting your hand on fire while basting the holiday ham, anything can happen when family is involved.

[Karen Kilgariff]

And when you need a doctor in a hurry, Z Doc has got you covered.

[Megan]

ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors. Choose the right one for your needs and click to instantly book an appointment.

[Karen Kilgariff]

We're talking about in network appointments with more than 100,000 healthcare providers across every specialty from mental health to dental health, eye care to skin care, and much more.

[Megan]

You can filter. The doctors who take your insurance are located nearby and are highly rated by verified patients.

[Karen Kilgariff]

You can also see their actual appointment openings. Choose a time that works for you and click to instantly book a visit.

[Megan]

Plus, Zocdoc appointments happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. You can even score same day appointments.

[Karen Kilgariff]

I mean ZocDoc is such a good service to sign up for because when do you ever need a doctor in three months? It doesn't really work that way. It's like now. Please. Within 72 hours. Please.

[Megan]

Right. Don't make me call the office. They're always on lunch break when you call and then when they get on the phone with them, they want to talk to you for 10 minutes. Like just let me make an appointment. Like, come on.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Yeah. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zox zocdoc.com murder to find an instantly book a top rated doctor today.

[Megan]

That's Z O c d o c.com.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Murder zocdoc.com murder.

[Megan]

My last one's called Children Violence Against Mascots. Hello gals and pals. Once again attempting to share a story I think would be worthy of a minisode. Hey, you were right. As this story does me. It hopefully will make you giggle at the misfortune of my brother. As a teenager he obtained and lost many jobs in ways only a stoner teenager could. But there was one job he actually quit. He was a bear mascot at an indoor water park at a resort.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Another indoor Water park right in a row. Psychic clicking.

[Megan]

Why an indoor water park needs a bear mascot. Beyond me, but a perfect job for a 17 year old to just get high before work and walk around with no one knowing the better.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Except it's fucking summertime.

[Megan]

But you're indoors.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Oh. Oh, thank you. Okay, great.

[Megan]

But also claustrophobia and being high. Don't those things go hand in hand?

[Karen Kilgariff]

I mean, and by hand in hand you mean stabbing you in the neck with one hand and poking you in the eyes with another?

[Megan]

Exactly. One day when headed out, one day when headed on break, he got in the elevator only to be joined by five roughly 10 year old boys. As soon as the door shut, the boys all turned in unison to face him. Him. Already terrifying, then clearly premeditated, they all pounced, taking him down in his fucking barrier. They all seemed to be practicing as many WWE moves as possible before the doors opened again. Then proceeded to get off the floor, running away laughing, evil. They fucking beat up a mascot.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Of course.

[Megan]

Of course the insult to injury arrived when he realized due to the mascot head, he couldn't find the leverage to get off of the ground. So there he lay until kind family boarded the elevator a short time later and helped him up. He promptly walked his fluffy bare ass into the employee locker room, changed into his clothes and walked out. Only to return for his last check. Yeah, apparently being jumped by a bunch of children wasn't something he was willing to risk for 8.50 an hour.

[Karen Kilgariff]

No. Go to hell.

[Megan]

Big fan of the show. Stay sexy and don't get beat up by children.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Paige, Paige, you're so right about all of that.

[Megan]

I love sibling horror stories. Cause it's just so much more gleeful than your own where you're just like, yes, they deserved it.

[Karen Kilgariff]

And also, I feel like, Paige, like, you can tell that story and tell us. You can paint the full picture. Like sometimes when something happens to you, you're just like these goddamn kids. But Paige was like, let me set the scene about this indoor water park and the job my brother had and.

[Megan]

What my brother was like. Cause her brother's not gonna be like, I was a bratty stoner who fucking just had a lot of jobs.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Exactly. He's only gonna play the victim.

[Megan]

Exactly. He always fucking does. Do you have one more?

[Karen Kilgariff]

I do.

[Megan]

Okay.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Oh yeah, and it's a goodie.

[Megan]

Okay.

[Karen Kilgariff]

I'm not gonna read you the subject line.

[Megan]

Oh, okay. You seem gleeful.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Hi, everyone. Hearing Megan's money booth story made me wanna write in about my own son's experience in the booth at Chuck E. Cheese. It's a money booth story.

[Megan]

Hell, yeah. We love it. We need him.

[Karen Kilgariff]

My child has always been a little different in his motivations. For his sixth or seventh birthday, we went to Chuck E. Cheese. And part of being the birthday boy is a tun in the wind tunnel full of tickets. His quote twin. And then it says in parentheses, my sister and I had our babies two days apart, went first and got like, 30 tickets. So essentially, I guess, at Chuck E. Cheese, there's a money booth for children, which is instead of money tickets to get those prizes.

[Megan]

Sounds amazing. I could do it as an adult. Like, that. Sounds amazing.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Hell, yes. Also, there's some sort of art installation right now in LA where there's a ball pit for adults.

[Megan]

Okay, I'm in.

[Karen Kilgariff]

And you know, I've never been in a ball pit, remember?

[Megan]

That's right. You have to go.

[Karen Kilgariff]

I know. Okay. So the Cousin got, like, 30 tickets. We had time to think up some strategies, so my partner and I were giving him very good pointers. He was ready and excited as he entered the booth. The wind tunnel starts a little slowly. So my son puts his hands out and down to the floor like he was gonna freehand grab the tickets. He. He very, very slowly raised his hands. Then he started making wind noises with his mouth. Then he concentrated hard. It was 1 minute and 45 seconds in that I realized he wasn't trying to get a single ticket. He was controlling the elements around him. The time ended, and he didn't get a single ticket. I'd never seen him more fulfilled. Sometimes it's just more fun to do what you want and not what the directions say. My son is now 15 and still very easily pleased. I don't know how I got so lucky. Thanks for all of the things, Katie.

[Megan]

Aw.

[Karen Kilgariff]

I know.

[Megan]

Like, if I could be promised one like that, then maybe I would have had kids, you know?

[Karen Kilgariff]

Yes, exactly. I don't. I wonder, though, if those ones, it's just their personality comes out as is. There's kind of not. It's not like. I don't think people can control that.

[Megan]

No, it's not like the wind. Yeah, totally.

[Karen Kilgariff]

That's it. He's a visionary. You can't be magneto and control your child's personality. Personality, like the gravity.

[Megan]

Stand by and cheer them on.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Yeah. Love it.

[Megan]

Cute. Tell us your stories about your unique child's funny moments or something.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Or an actual money booth if you were in one. I don't know if you've heard that. We're obsessed. And we really need those stories.

[Megan]

We do. Someday.

[Karen Kilgariff]

We'll have one someday.

[Megan]

Until then, stay sexy and don't get murdered. Goodbye, Elvis. Do you want a cookie?

[Karen Kilgariff]

This has been an exactly right production.

[Megan]

Our senior producer is Alejandra Keck.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Our editor is Aristotle Acevedo.

[Megan]

This episode was mixed by Liana Squalaci.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Email your hometowns to my favorite murdermail.com.

[Megan]

And follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at my favorite murder. Goodbye, me.