MFM Minisode 426 - My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark

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[00:17]
Karen Kilgariff
Hello and welcome to my favorite murder, the Minisode, where we read you your stories. They're mini.
[00:23]
Georgia Hardstark
Would you like to go first?
[00:24]
Karen Kilgariff
Sure. I'm not going to read you the title of this one. I'm just going to start telling you.
[00:29]
Georgia Hardstark
Okay.
[00:29]
Karen Kilgariff
Hey. All in the late 1970s, 76 or 77, my mother in law and father in law were on a long drive going down the coast of California when they decided to pull over at night in the Santa Barbara area to sleep in their car. My father in law, a tall man, slept sitting up in the driver's seat while my mother in law laid on the front bench with her head on his lap. My mother in law woke up to a loud sound. Disoriented and not able to see because her contact lenses were out, she eventually realized my father in law was holding his neck and running around in a state of shock. She started to panic when my father in law eventually grabbed her and told her she needed to remain calm and flag someone down for help because all caps. He had been shot in the neck.
[01:13]
Georgia Hardstark
What?
[01:14]
Karen Kilgariff
Thankfully, he was a Navy vet and he was able to stabilize the situation, according to her. How? He was shot in the neck though, by a stranger who came up to their lonesome parked car and shot him from the outside with where they were sleeping.
[01:27]
Georgia Hardstark
Oh my God.
[01:28]
Karen Kilgariff
My mother in law said she flagged down a semi and told him they needed to get to the hospital because her boyfriend had been shot. Apparently the truck driver suspiciously asked, how do I know it wasn't you who did it?
[01:39]
Georgia Hardstark
A valid question. Look, valid.
[01:41]
Karen Kilgariff
It says like. Okay man, good question. But clearly they need help. Anywho, he called for help over his radio and my father in law ended up surviving. They never caught the person or even had an idea of who did it. My mother in law says she highly doubts it was the Zodiac, but seems pretty zodiac, wouldn't you say?
[02:01]
Georgia Hardstark
Was it in California?
[02:02]
Karen Kilgariff
Fucking Santa Barbara on the coast. Which in the most recent Zodiac documentary about the one guy that they. Arthur Leigh Allen. It's like there's a case in Santa Barbara.
[02:11]
Georgia Hardstark
It's where he started, right? It's the early early.
[02:14]
Karen Kilgariff
And yeah, it 100% fits. Well, the story is short.
[02:16]
Georgia Hardstark
Not gonna solve the Zodiac on this show. Let's do it through minisodes, through someone else's work. Yes.
[02:22]
Karen Kilgariff
Well, this story is shocking and fascinating to hear. I'd like to add that has made me realize in the grand scheme of things, when it's your time, it's truly your time. I never got the honor of Meeting my father in law because he passed away unexpectedly when my husband was a baby. I like to imagine he was a smart and interesting man who was an amazing dad and husband and would be the best grandpa to our kids today. Just finding out that my dad has primary colon cancer that has spread to his liver. I'll appreciate all the time I've been able to spend with him. Unlike my sweet husband who lost his dad way too soon. Sorry to end on a bummer note. You two are a safe space and I am eternally grateful for this community you two have created. Ssdgm. And hug your dad. Em. She her.
[03:04]
Georgia Hardstark
Em, you're so right.
[03:05]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah.
[03:07]
Georgia Hardstark
And also, it's just, it was my Aunt Sheen's 90th birthday this weekend.
[03:10]
Karen Kilgariff
Wow.
[03:11]
Georgia Hardstark
And she looks great and is great. But my cousin gave a little speech, you know, before we, you know, sang her happy birthday. And I never knew this about her. Her mom died when she was 12. Wow. And her dad sent her to live with like family friend.
[03:27]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh, my God.
[03:28]
Georgia Hardstark
And that's like, it's just that kind of thing where it's like that primary thing. It's so easy to take your parents for granted. And the upbringing you got, especially if you have complaints about it totally. Where you're just kind of like this old thing. And it's like there's a lot of alternatives that are much worse than.
[03:46]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh, I've said it to Vince a million times, whose mom died when he was very young. Like, I'm sorry I keep complaining about my mom because I'm sure, like you didn't get any of those experiences.
[03:55]
Georgia Hardstark
Yeah, yeah. That's very sweet. Thank you, Em, for that lovely email. Okay. They wrote out a funny subject line for this email, but then in parentheses at the end it says, may not want to read the subject first.
[04:08]
Karen Kilgariff
Okay. Read it to me after. Let's not forget.
[04:10]
Georgia Hardstark
So it says, hello, MFMPossy. You guys are great. My mom attended St. Mary's of Notre Dame in the 60s and my dad attended Notre Dame. My mom is a hoot and was a bit of a wild child. She got the nickname in eighth grade. Nuts. That was her nickname.
[04:27]
Karen Kilgariff
That's fun. Just straight up. Nuts.
[04:29]
Georgia Hardstark
Nuts. Another time I'll tell you the many pranks that she and her friends pulled on the nuns. However, this time I will tell you something a little less mischievous, but no less awesome. That she did.
[04:40]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah.
[04:41]
Georgia Hardstark
As she tells it, my mom used to go out drinking with the priests from Notre Dame.
[04:45]
Karen Kilgariff
Fuck yeah.
[04:46]
Georgia Hardstark
She used to love to argue theology and philosophy. With them while having a cold brew.
[04:50]
Karen Kilgariff
Love her.
[04:51]
Georgia Hardstark
So good. She had to check in her dorm every few hours though. It was strict in those days.
[04:55]
Karen Kilgariff
You're with the priest though, like you could stay out all night.
[04:58]
Georgia Hardstark
They can do whatever they want. The priest would take turns driving her there and back so she could sign in at the dorm.
[05:03]
Karen Kilgariff
What is happening?
[05:05]
Georgia Hardstark
Yeah, because they want to have a good time. It's like some of the few, few things, kind of lightly sinful things they can do is like drink and play cards, a little hang out and chat. Yeah, love it. And it's very important to like build those relationships, communities, spiritually. Yeah. My mom really wanted to take a theology class with one of the priests she partied with. Problem? Notre Dame at the time was an all boys school. This would not be a problem for Nuts, though. She struck up a deal with the priest. She told him she would make him homemade spaghetti and meatballs every week if she could unofficially take his class. Needless to say, he agreed. Thus, as far as we know, my mom is the first woman to take a class at Notre Dame.
[05:44]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh my God.
[05:45]
Georgia Hardstark
Unofficially, that is. Stay sexy. And never underestimate the power a homemade spaghetti and meatball dinner has over a priest. Molly, she, her.
[05:54]
Karen Kilgariff
Those are words to live by.
[05:56]
Georgia Hardstark
But also Nuts doesn't get the credit for being the first woman at fucking Notre Dame.
[06:00]
Karen Kilgariff
Bullshit. But we fucking know here on mfm.
[06:03]
Georgia Hardstark
And now all of you know listeners.
[06:05]
Karen Kilgariff
I love her.
[06:06]
Georgia Hardstark
I love Nuts.
[06:06]
Karen Kilgariff
That's what we call chutzpah. I know she wouldn't. But we call it chutzpah. And I fucking like it. And we should all be like that.
[06:13]
Georgia Hardstark
It's so good. Wait, so we only got the name Nuts? She didn't tell us her mom's real.
[06:17]
Karen Kilgariff
Did she tell us in the beginning? I mean, what more do you need?
[06:21]
Georgia Hardstark
I guess it is all I need. That is her government name to be now this podcast is brought to you in part by Squarespace.
[06:29]
Karen Kilgariff
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[06:34]
Georgia Hardstark
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[06:35]
Karen Kilgariff
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[06:46]
Georgia Hardstark
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[06:55]
Karen Kilgariff
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[07:03]
Georgia Hardstark
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[07:12]
Karen Kilgariff
That's so brilliant. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial.
[07:15]
Georgia Hardstark
And when you're ready to Launch, go to squarespace.com murder to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.
[07:21]
Karen Kilgariff
That's squarespace.com murder.
[07:23]
Georgia Hardstark
Goodbye.
[07:24]
Karen Kilgariff
There are a lot of things that help you feel at peace. A cup of tea, a great playlist.
[07:29]
Georgia Hardstark
Roasting a troll on the Internet.
[07:31]
Karen Kilgariff
Ooh. But the best thing for your peace of mind is knowing that your home is protected with SimpliSafe.
[07:36]
Georgia Hardstark
With SimpliSafe, millions of Americans enjoy greater security and peace of mind every time they arm their system.
[07:41]
Karen Kilgariff
Traditional security systems only take action after someone has broken in. That's too late.
[07:46]
Georgia Hardstark
But with active guard outdoor protection, Simplisafe's monitoring agents close, watch your property and stop crimes before they happen.
[07:53]
Karen Kilgariff
The cameras use advanced AI to distinguish between friendly faces like family and neighbors, and potential threats, alerting agents to suspicious individuals before they get close to your home.
[08:02]
Georgia Hardstark
I mean, now SimpliSafe is offering AI technology that can read faces. So your alarm isn't going to be going off because you know a raccoon walked by and sat on your front porch for a little while.
[08:14]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah, I turn mine on even when I go to walk. Cookie like mine is always on, right?
[08:18]
Georgia Hardstark
Will they know about your neighbor that you don't want to talk to, though? I don't. I don't think that's something we can ask for. But in this day and age, that's the kind of technology that for a dollar a day you're getting a bargain.
[08:28]
Karen Kilgariff
Visit simplisafe.com fave to claim 50% off a new system with a professional monitoring plan and get your first month free. That's simplisafe.com fav. There's no safe like Simplisafe.
[08:39]
Georgia Hardstark
Goodbye.
[08:42]
Karen Kilgariff
This is called Former Banker Self Deposit Box Treasures Anonymous. Please.
[08:47]
Georgia Hardstark
Yes, please.
[08:49]
Karen Kilgariff
Hello, lovelies. I'm currently months behind on episodes, so binge listening in episode 441 from August 2024, you asked for safe deposit box stories. Then she says, so I hope this isn't too late. As if we've ever been like, stop writing the thing we asked.
[09:03]
Georgia Hardstark
Stop it. That's from six months ago.
[09:06]
Karen Kilgariff
More matrix glitch in the Matrix story than meh. Then it says, let's get into it.
[09:12]
Georgia Hardstark
Never too late for. That's just under the headline of Treasure. Which will always be valid.
[09:16]
Karen Kilgariff
Totally. All of it. I spent almost 15 years in retail banking. She wrote in two stories, but they're really long, so I'm just gonna read the second one.
[09:23]
Georgia Hardstark
Okay.
[09:24]
Karen Kilgariff
Because it says story two is much more scandalous. Okay, here we go. A man rented a safe deposit box at my bank. I helped him with the rental, and he was charming and smooth. Think Miami Vice. Total player. He visited the bank a few times a month, dressed to the nines to visit his safe deposit box. I love, like, a date that he got dressed up for. Yeah, the safe deposit fox.
[09:45]
Georgia Hardstark
And I'm imagining if they said think Miami Vice, then it was, what, like, kind of a pink linen suit?
[09:51]
Karen Kilgariff
Yep. White suit jacket, pink tie. All the things.
[09:55]
Georgia Hardstark
Yeah. Everything's kind of open and chest hairy.
[09:57]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah, but, like, so high end.
[09:59]
Georgia Hardstark
And tons of coke.
[10:00]
Karen Kilgariff
Okay, well, one day his wife shows up and wants entry to the box. No, ma'am, that is not how this works. Your marital status does not give you ownership of a safe deposit box. So we turned her away.
[10:12]
Georgia Hardstark
That's good to know.
[10:12]
Karen Kilgariff
I know, right?
[10:13]
Georgia Hardstark
I didn't know that.
[10:14]
Karen Kilgariff
She showed up about once a week, always approaching a different member of the staff. She knows what she's doing. Trying to access the box and always getting the same response. You aren't an owner of the box. You cannot access it. After weeks of this, she shows up in a state of desperation, screaming at us that her husband can't open the box because he's in prison awaiting bail, and we have to let her in. We didn't. We couldn't. That's not how the law works. But now that we had this tidbit about prison, the online sleuthing began. Keep in mind that this is the late 90s, so the Internet is not what it is today. But with a determination and burning through several work hours, we found the arrest records. Several counts of manufacturing and selling fraudulent tickets to concerts and sporting events all over the state. Oh, so random, right?
[11:02]
Georgia Hardstark
It's so specific.
[11:03]
Karen Kilgariff
I know. And then it says in parentheses, this might be a good time to inform the young MFM listeners that in the 90s, there was such thing as a QR code. Cell phones only made phone calls, and event tickets were all paper. I used to go to the Hollywood and Vine ticket store. They, like, buy paper tickets with cash because they charged you less and didn't have a credit card. Never had a credit card.
[11:24]
Georgia Hardstark
Right, exactly. Or, like, didn't they also sell them at like tower records and stuff. There were certain places you could go to get concert tickets. They had like a little machine totally.
[11:33]
Karen Kilgariff
That you had to go to them.
[11:34]
Georgia Hardstark
Yeah. God, that's how it all was back then.
[11:36]
Karen Kilgariff
Everything was harder. Tickets were physical. And fraud was much easier than it is today. Fast forward a few months. Multiple vehicles pull into the bank parking lot at the same time. This is just like the movies. And here comes the wife again. This time being escorted by local sheriffs, state police and no less than five U.S. marshals. She's in handcuffs and I'm served a warrant for access to the safe deposit box. Everyone threw all the hoops. And then the warrant was valid and required the bank to allow U.S. marshals to access and inventory the box. A locksmith was called. I observed the drilling of the lock and then handed over the closed box to the US Marshals and left the privacy room. While sweet Jesus curiosity was killing the cat. When a U.S. marshal came out of the privacy booth and said to me, here's the inventory list. I need you to make three copies, please. You better believe I went to the copy room to make those copies and absolutely took a quick peek at the inventory.
[12:32]
Georgia Hardstark
What human being would not.
[12:34]
Karen Kilgariff
The fact that they didn't make an extra copy for themselves is like, that means you're a saint. You know what I mean?
[12:38]
Georgia Hardstark
No, what do you mean?
[12:39]
Karen Kilgariff
Like, I would have made myself an extra copy to like take, put it in my pocket, you know. But all anonymous did was take a peek.
[12:45]
Georgia Hardstark
Do you think you would do that? Because you're like, you won't tell me to not read this thing. I'll keep it for myself.
[12:50]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah, like, I need this for later. I need to show my friends this.
[12:53]
Georgia Hardstark
I need this for my personal records, right?
[12:54]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah. You can't take a screenshot of it because phones were just for phone calls.
[12:58]
Georgia Hardstark
But also, I think this was a time where it was easier to keep all that separate. Where it's like if you're the person at the bank, you're like, sorry, I can't ever put my eyes toward your very private thing where it's like that was their one and only chance to find out.
[13:12]
Karen Kilgariff
Totally. Yeah, absolutely. Because, yeah, you can't get into like, they don't have the keys. The inventory is tens of thousands of dollars in cash and hundreds of diamonds, emeralds, sapphires and rubies. As it turns out, my customer was part of a large scale operation across state lines and one of multiple defendants tried in a RICO case. My customer. What's RICO again? Racketeer Influenced and corrupt organizations.
[13:39]
Georgia Hardstark
So it's mafia stuff?
[13:39]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh, it's like mafia stuff.
[13:40]
Georgia Hardstark
Yeah.
[13:41]
Karen Kilgariff
Cool. Okay. My customer, charming and smooth, was responsible for cleaning the dirty cash by converting it to expensive gems and stones and then selling those gems. Stones to a different jeweler to get clean cash in return.
[13:53]
Georgia Hardstark
But you'd have to know the. The jeweler that would be just dealing in gems like that. It's not just any place you go into.
[14:01]
Karen Kilgariff
I'm sure there's enough around town.
[14:02]
Georgia Hardstark
Think so?
[14:03]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah.
[14:03]
Georgia Hardstark
Because I think we should get into this. It sounds like a great business for us.
[14:08]
Karen Kilgariff
I followed the case in the news for a few years. And even all these years later, my palms get sweaty thinking about the day a crew of U.S. marshals rolled in and the criminal who'd been utilizing our bank to stash his dirty earnings. Hope this story makes the cut for a minisode sometime. Stay sexy. And if you're thinking about committing fraud, just don't. Anonymous Murderino.
[14:28]
Georgia Hardstark
Anonymous. You made it. You made the cut. Your name can't be involved, but we know at heart.
[14:34]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah, we know who you are.
[14:36]
Georgia Hardstark
God, just. It stresses me out because all I can do is focus on the fact that you did all this work to make these fake tickets and rip these people off. You made your money. You had to turn it into jewels.
[14:49]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah, how?
[14:51]
Georgia Hardstark
Like, where's those contacts? And then you have to sell those jewels.
[14:54]
Karen Kilgariff
Totally. But I love the wife who just kept trying to get in to get rid of all the evidence.
[14:58]
Georgia Hardstark
She gotta get those jewels or like line her pockets. Totally.
[15:01]
Karen Kilgariff
Move the fuck out of town.
[15:04]
Georgia Hardstark
I love learning that it's just the person who. Yeah, like safe deposit box. The concept of them were set up for people to have secrets that no one finds out about.
[15:16]
Karen Kilgariff
Illegal secrets too. Because like, you can't put this in a bank. You can't have this at home.
[15:21]
Georgia Hardstark
You can have it in the bank, it's just not deposited. But it's safe.
[15:25]
Karen Kilgariff
It's a secret. In a bank.
[15:27]
Georgia Hardstark
Where did safety deposit boxes come from? I ask myself as I decide to do this as an episode, not the future Nazis.
[15:33]
Karen Kilgariff
Promise it was Nazis.
[15:35]
Georgia Hardstark
My dad saw the fucking movie the Woman in Gold, which is about. Starring Helen Mirren. About that Klimt portrait that the Nazis stole from the Jewish family and she had to go fight for it. He talked about it all weekend.
[15:46]
Karen Kilgariff
I haven't seen it. I'll watch it.
[15:47]
Georgia Hardstark
It's really. Well, it's good, but I mean that all of that stuff, you're just like.
[15:51]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh, yeah, completely.
[15:52]
Georgia Hardstark
Okay. The subject Line of this is fellow finders unite. And then in parentheses, it says, hold on. Why isn't mine money?
[15:58]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh, got it.
[15:59]
Georgia Hardstark
What does it mean?
[16:00]
Karen Kilgariff
People who just find shit all the time. And why isn't the thing I find all the time money? That's what I'm guessing.
[16:05]
Georgia Hardstark
I think you're right. Cause I've read this. Hello, fuckword murder mystery hosts. My eternal compliments to the dad who coined this, that alternative podcast name. It's my favorite piece of historical fiction.
[16:18]
Karen Kilgariff
I love it.
[16:19]
Georgia Hardstark
Yes, ours too.
[16:20]
Karen Kilgariff
We just did a rewind episode with that when that first came out.
[16:24]
Georgia Hardstark
Okay, so it says, I just wanted to say to the recent listener who wrote in about their Chicago street money finding talent.
[16:30]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh, yeah, girl.
[16:31]
Georgia Hardstark
What? You two. And then a parentheses, it says, girl is meant to be gender neutral here for exclamation purposes. So it says, I also have a weird knack for finding lost things. Not cash money, unfortunately. So hats off to that incredible look, but I have found the following.
[16:49]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh, my God, was this written by a crow? And it's just gonna be a bunch of like. Like weird shiny junk.
[16:54]
Georgia Hardstark
Yes. Things listing out a soda can, tab, a quarter.
[16:58]
Karen Kilgariff
I gave them all to a little girl.
[17:00]
Georgia Hardstark
A piece of corn. Okay, so it says, I have found so many sets of lost keys. My own keys, when they're lost. Almost never. But keys strangers have lost at the park, on a hiking trail, in parking lots, at grocery stores, or on a riverbed. Absolutely, yes. Sometimes, even if I'm not looking, I just happen across them and see someone looking nearby, and I get to be a hero for a few minutes. That's hilarious. My favorite key finding story happened about three years ago when I went to the dog park a bit late one day after work. And while leaving, as the sky had just fully darkened, I noticed someone frantically looking around with a flashlight. They seemed really stressed, so I asked if everything was okay. This person was on the verge of tears and told me they had been looking for their keys for almost two hours and they were already late for work. No joke. I found their keys in less than a minute.
[17:50]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh, my God. I love that skill.
[17:52]
Georgia Hardstark
It's such a good skill.
[17:53]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah.
[17:54]
Georgia Hardstark
Almost immediately after I started to look, they were just right in front of me, and I was drawn to them right away, even in the dark.
[18:01]
Karen Kilgariff
Wow.
[18:01]
Georgia Hardstark
We both were shocked, and they insisted that they had looked there several times before already. 2. I also find random lost items that are still in perfect condition all the time. Like Burt's Bees Chapstick with the plastic wrap still on.
[18:14]
Karen Kilgariff
I Still wouldn't touch it.
[18:16]
Georgia Hardstark
Yeah. Because why did the person just go like no thanks. Unopened candy mints or packages of gum. Perfectly intact glasses and jewelry. And once again, a favorite recent story. Just last week I found an unopened package of weed from a local dispensary on the ground, still fully sealed and childproofed. Three credit cards, debit cards and IDs.
[18:38]
Karen Kilgariff
Wow.
[18:39]
Georgia Hardstark
At least four times a year I find these items someone lost in my path. I try to return them when I can, but I can't always find the person. Once I even found what looked to be someone's entire wallet. Everything but cash dumped out on the ground. I can't wait to see what I find next. And I would love to know why isn't it also street cash? I guess I'll have to take my random weed gifts and acts of kindness. Finding strangers keys. For now, stay sexy and keep your eyes on the potential prizes in front of you. Kendra, she her.
[19:09]
Karen Kilgariff
That's amazing.
[19:10]
Georgia Hardstark
Isn't that so good?
[19:11]
Karen Kilgariff
That reminds me of. So you know I'm obsessed with mudlarking, which is like finding stuff in the Thames and all that stuff. And the thing I read about people who are really good at it, at just finding treasure among trash is that our brains immediately want to spot man made shapes. So not natural shapes. It just like makes sense that your brain just goes to like a button among rocks because it's circular and it's not supposed to be in nature. So if you just kind of think like that.
[19:36]
Georgia Hardstark
Yeah.
[19:36]
Karen Kilgariff
That you're looking for not natural shapes. Your brain will find whatever's there.
[19:42]
Georgia Hardstark
Yeah.
[19:42]
Karen Kilgariff
Isn't that cool?
[19:43]
Georgia Hardstark
Yes, for sure. I follow a couple mudlarking accounts on TikTok and there's a woman who does it and I'm almost positive she does this on purpose. And it's so brilliant because she puts this thing down into the water so the camera is clear. So you can see from her point of view looking at the river. Right. You've seen it.
[20:00]
Karen Kilgariff
I butt love her. Yes.
[20:01]
Georgia Hardstark
So it's almost like I was looking here and this is interesting and then.
[20:04]
Karen Kilgariff
Did you see it?
[20:05]
Georgia Hardstark
Yes. But then there's always something when she goes and picks up say like the button, there's always something else in the shot.
[20:12]
Karen Kilgariff
Totally.
[20:13]
Georgia Hardstark
Where I'm like why aren't you touching that over there? And I think that's potentially intentional so that it, it is a little more addictive. Yeah, maybe. Or it's my suggestion hide a little, hide a little bird in there.
[20:26]
Karen Kilgariff
A little piece of Like China.
[20:28]
Georgia Hardstark
Yeah, that's my favorite. My favorite one was the bird that time.
[20:31]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah.
[20:32]
Georgia Hardstark
Where someone found like it was a bird whistle or something.
[20:34]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Yeah, it's amazing.
[20:35]
Georgia Hardstark
So good.
[20:38]
Karen Kilgariff
There are probably a billion furniture options out there. We didn't count but that number feels right.
[20:43]
Georgia Hardstark
So how do you find the perfect piece?
[20:45]
Karen Kilgariff
Easy. You go to Article.
[20:46]
Georgia Hardstark
Article believes in delightful design for every home. And thanks to their online only model, they have some really delightful prices too.
[20:53]
Karen Kilgariff
Article makes furniture shopping a breeze with its carefully selected styles from mid century modern to boho and everything in between.
[21:00]
Georgia Hardstark
Check out their near addresser. It's beautiful and practical, which is a deadly combination.
[21:05]
Karen Kilgariff
You know we're hard stands of article on this podcast. Everyone knows that we're like bff.
[21:11]
Georgia Hardstark
I mean we couldn't rave more.
[21:13]
Karen Kilgariff
And it's because everything is so classy, so beautifully made, affordable and so user friendly. Like you don't have to have style to like get stylish stuff from article. They do it for you. So like there's no worry there.
[21:26]
Georgia Hardstark
Look at that near a dresser on their website. Just go and take a look at that one piece and you will see what we are talking about. It is as mid century as you could get.
[21:34]
Karen Kilgariff
Seriously. Article is offering our listeners 50 off your first purchase of a hundred dollars or more.
[21:39]
Georgia Hardstark
To claim, visit article.com murder and the discount will be automatically appl applied at checkout.
[21:43]
Karen Kilgariff
That's a R-T-I C L E.com murder to get 50 off your first purchase of a hundred dollars or more.
[21:50]
Georgia Hardstark
Goodbye.
[21:52]
Karen Kilgariff
You may love the finer things in life like soft cashmere silk and effortlessly.
[21:56]
Georgia Hardstark
Chic fashion, but your bank account probably doesn't always agree.
[21:59]
Karen Kilgariff
Fortunately we have quince.
[22:01]
Georgia Hardstark
With quince you can get quality luxury essentials without the hefty price tag like their Mongolian cashmere sweaters starting at $50.
[22:09]
Karen Kilgariff
When you're looking at a piece on the quince website, you can scroll down to see how other people have styled it and if they thought the fit was true to size or not.
[22:16]
Georgia Hardstark
I feel like I need to apologize to people because I have one of those quince Mongolian sweaters in the dark gray and I think I wear it every day or every other day. It's just like such a simple, perfect looking piece. But then it is the coziest sweater, especially through winter where you're like this is the layer I want to have on me at all times. And I feel like that level of quality and being able to get it for $50. Quince cares about us. Feels like it's like they want us to be dressed nice and look cool and not go broke.
[22:46]
Karen Kilgariff
We should get seven of the same color for you so you can wear different ones every day of the week.
[22:49]
Georgia Hardstark
I mean, I absolutely will.
[22:51]
Karen Kilgariff
Give yourself the luxury you deserve with quince.
[22:53]
Georgia Hardstark
Go to quince.com mfm for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns.
[22:59]
Karen Kilgariff
That's Q U I N C E.com mfm to get free shipping and 365.
[23:04]
Georgia Hardstark
Day return quints.com mfm goodbye.
[23:10]
Karen Kilgariff
Okay, here's my last one. I'm not gonna read you the tile. I'm gonna read you the tile. Is it moron? Doesn't make any sense. Hello. I've been listening since I came out of the womb. Maybe a bit dramatic, but it really feels like that. I love you guys so much and sometimes forget how much the podcast has grown. I recently had a job interview and someone I met told me they were from Petaluma. I said, oh my God. This tiny underground podcast that I listened to one of the from there. And she said, yeah, people always say that when I tell them where I'm from. Imagine my surprise. Anyway, never intended to write in, but I just listened to Minisode 423 and was inspired by the story about the falling priest, Remember at the funeral? And the priest fucking fell face down just like, like a timber. And just like made everyone at the funeral laugh. Okay, yes.
[24:01]
Georgia Hardstark
But also there have been. So we've done so many of these, it's kind of like, yep, they're somewhere in there.
[24:07]
Karen Kilgariff
Totally. Yeah. So that, that one was about laughing, needing a good laugh at a horrible time.
[24:14]
Georgia Hardstark
Right.
[24:14]
Karen Kilgariff
And how important that is. And so this. Then it goes on to say, in 2017, I had spinal fusion surgery for my scoliosis. And being 16 at the time, I was treated at the children's hospital. In the waiting room full of kids much sicker than I and loads of worrying parents, we anxiously wait to hear our last names so we can go over final paperwork. Before the surgery, one of the nurses calls out for a family saying, is it moron? That annoyed mom says, it's Monroe. And then there's an emoji, like just this flat line of like, emoji in a way that sounded like that mistake happens pretty frequently.
[24:54]
Georgia Hardstark
Yeah.
[24:54]
Karen Kilgariff
In a completely silent room, my parents and I lock eyes and burst out laughing. A nearby family joined in and we shared a much needed cackle before hours of surgery slash waiting. This is a classic story in our Family. And you guys feel like family, so I wanted to share. Stay sexy and don't yell moron in a room full of sick kids. Emma, is it Moron? Not moron.
[25:21]
Georgia Hardstark
Our name isn't like Dan and Jean Moron. And we're here with our child. What are you talking about?
[25:27]
Karen Kilgariff
There's nobody named Moron. Probably.
[25:31]
Georgia Hardstark
I think they would change their name.
[25:32]
Karen Kilgariff
I think so too.
[25:34]
Georgia Hardstark
Okay, here's my last one. The subject line is bumper boats. Trauma. Light hearted. Hi. I've been listening since 2016. Love you all.
[25:43]
Karen Kilgariff
Wow. I haven't.
[25:46]
Georgia Hardstark
When I was eight, my family went to the fair. My older siblings and I really wanted to go on the bumper boat attraction. Basically, bumper cars on water. Have you ever done that?
[25:55]
Karen Kilgariff
No, but it doesn't sound crazy, right?
[25:57]
Georgia Hardstark
Seems familiar, but I haven't done it. Each boat was equipped with rubber edges so you could crash into other boats without causing damage. Sure. When we got in line, we could see the rules said ages 8 and up could ride alone. I was elated. I felt so grown up, ready to captain my own tiny vessel. I remember seeing a younger boy riding with his mom and thinking he's not even old enough to drive his own boat. When they released us, I realized the steering was a lot harder than I'd imagined. The wheel was very sensitive. As everyone else was having fun driving around, I was desperately trying to control my boat. I was zigzagging all over the place. When the whistle blew to end the ride, everyone smoothly navigated back to the dock. Meanwhile, I couldn't figure out how to steer my boat that way. Full panic set in. The pool itself was not very big, but to me it felt like the ocean. I thought to myself, I'll never make it back to the dock. Every time I came close to the dock and the ride attendant tried to catch me, I'd unintentionally zip away.
[26:56]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh, no, I'm not doing it on purpose.
[27:01]
Georgia Hardstark
This went on so long that the attendant started to put waders on to get into the water to grab me.
[27:07]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh, are you cr. And you're probably crying.
[27:10]
Georgia Hardstark
Humiliating.
[27:11]
Karen Kilgariff
So humiliating.
[27:12]
Georgia Hardstark
Just trying to have fun at the fucking fair. However, before he stepped into the pool, an older gentleman who was standing near the edge caught my boat and was able to guide me to the dock.
[27:22]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh, God.
[27:23]
Georgia Hardstark
Relief flooded me as I burst into tears. Yeah. Meanwhile, my mom was laughing hysterically as she watched the whole thing unfold from the sidelines. She had to physically turn away so I couldn't see how hard she was laughing at my terror.
[27:36]
Karen Kilgariff
What's the littlest bit of joy she's had in so fucking long.
[27:40]
Georgia Hardstark
And also it's controlled danger. It's like, sure, you're crying, but nothing's gonna happen from this. This is so hilarious. Once I was back on dry land, she took me in her arms, and we decided that was enough rides for the day.
[27:53]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah, let's go home.
[27:54]
Georgia Hardstark
Since then, I've always wondered if they raised the minimum age after that incident. I'll never know. Ssdgm and always have a pair of waders on hand.
[28:02]
Karen Kilgariff
Kelsey, being a kid sucks so bad.
[28:07]
Georgia Hardstark
It's a series of seeing other kids doing things, going, here's what I'm gonna do when I do that thing. You go to do that thing, not only do none of those things happen, but a series of other totally unprepared for and unimagined things happen. And then you're like, oh, that's how.
[28:25]
Karen Kilgariff
I live my childhood after humiliation.
[28:27]
Georgia Hardstark
Constant.
[28:28]
Karen Kilgariff
It's why I don't want kids, mainly. Cause I don't wanna live through someone else's horrible fuck again, you know, for real. I can't watch someone I love get bullied or humiliated. Like, I just can't do it. I'm done. I'm done with that part of life.
[28:43]
Georgia Hardstark
Or hold their hand through it and be like, it'll be okay. Cause it's like, it's not. It won't.
[28:47]
Karen Kilgariff
By the grace of God, it's fine. Right? You and I are fine.
[28:49]
Georgia Hardstark
But, like, the good news is nothing's okay. So in a way, we do have to keep on remembering. And like, you're saying, we just have to keep remembering and reminding each other always.
[28:59]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah.
[28:59]
Georgia Hardstark
This happens to every single person. It's just a different noun. It's not the bumper boat. It's just a different.
[29:05]
Karen Kilgariff
It's pantsed. Mine is pantsed. It's just always something. Yours is tampons being thrown across.
[29:11]
Georgia Hardstark
Mine's the tampon suitcase. It's also the day I watched a girl who was, I think, in fifth or sixth grade walk in. Cause it was free dress day. I think I've told you this a thousand times, but this one killed my soul. Cause I was in 8th grade, and of course, I went to Catholic school, so it was first through eighth. So the eighth graders, by the time you're in eighth grade, you're like, I'm fine. And I'm just trying to prepare for high school. It was free dress day, which we got like, I think once a month. So it's very special. Everyone wore their Best. And it was a big deal. This little girl who's a lovely girl and I think she was only in like the fourth or fifth grade. And also our. Sorry, I tried to make this fast, but our playground, because it was Catholic school, it was like part gravel, part unpaved, like bad for children to play on. Literally a 45 grade downhill. Like you weren't allowed to run because you would start and you would be able to stop, blah, blah, blah. I'd never noticed this before, but in the entrance there was almost like a little lip of like asphalt where they kept having to pave over it. Cause this is where all the kids walked in. But then it was downhill started and this little girl walked in and immediately slipped and fell because she had brand new like Mary Janes on or hard shoes that she had not scuffed. And she got up and basically fell down like five times in front of the eighth grade girls.
[30:27]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh, no.
[30:28]
Georgia Hardstark
And by the end, I mean, it was multiple four or five by the end, me and my friend almost went to get her and then she finally made it up and like ran away.
[30:36]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh my God.
[30:37]
Georgia Hardstark
But it was one of those things where I was watching going, you'll always remember this.
[30:40]
Karen Kilgariff
You'll never forget this moment.
[30:42]
Georgia Hardstark
You'll always scuff your shoes. This has changed your trajectory.
[30:45]
Karen Kilgariff
Absolutely. It's the kid who pisses themself or calls the teacher mom on accident in third grade. You'll never not be that kid.
[30:52]
Georgia Hardstark
And you'll hold it like you think that's the reason people don't wanna talk to you in a bar or something.
[30:57]
Karen Kilgariff
But everyone's fine. Everyone has that.
[30:59]
Georgia Hardstark
Everyone's barfing and pissed and called people mom that they're not supposed to call mom. We're gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay.
[31:08]
Karen Kilgariff
Stay sexy and don't get murdered. Goodbye, Elvis. Do you want a cookie?
[31:21]
Georgia Hardstark
This has been an exactly right production.
[31:23]
Karen Kilgariff
Our senior producer is Alejandra Keck.
[31:25]
Georgia Hardstark
Our editor is Aristotle Acevedo.
[31:28]
Karen Kilgariff
This episode was mixed by Liana Squalacci.
[31:30]
Georgia Hardstark
Email your hometowns to my favorite murdermail.com.
[31:33]
Karen Kilgariff
And follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at My favorite murder. Goodbye. Why would you do that to me?
[31:46]
Georgia Hardstark
Los Angeles, 2021. A friendly neighbor appears out of nowhere and promises is to make all my dreams come true. Let's not forget that David Bloom was a professional con artist. So you didn't stand a chance. But my dreams soon turned into a Nightmare. I'm Caroline D'Amore. Listen, as I take down my scammer on Once Upon a con on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
[32:14]
C
Do you want to see into the future? Do you want to understand an invisible force that's shaping your life? Do you want to experience the frontiers of what makes us human? On tech stuff we travel from the mines of Congo to the surface of Mars, from conversations with Nobel Prize winners to the depths of TikTok to ask burning questions about technology, from high tech to low culture and everywhere in between. Join us Listen to tech stuff on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
[32:44]
D
Hi, I'm Arturo Castro, and I've been lucky enough to do stuff like Broad City and Narcos and Roadhouse. And now I'm starting a podcast because honestly, guys, I don't feel the space is crowded enough. Get ready for Greatest Escapes, a new comedy podcast about the wildest true escape stories in history. Each week I'll be sitting down with some of the most hilarious actors and writers and comedians. People like Ed Helms, Diane Guerrero, and Joseph Gordon Levitt.
[33:08]
Georgia Hardstark
I love storytelling and I love you, so I can't wait.
[33:10]
D
Listen and subscribe to Greatest escapes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Summary5 min read

My Favorite Murder Minisode 426 Summary

Release Date: March 10, 2025
Podcast: My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
Network: Exactly Right

Episode Overview

In Minisode 426 of My Favorite Murder, hosts Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark delve into a series of gripping and personal stories submitted by listeners. This episode intertwines true crime narratives with heartfelt personal anecdotes, showcasing the unique blend of humor and seriousness that defines the podcast. The hosts also reflect on their own lives, offering a deeper connection with their audience.

1. The Santa Barbara Shooting Incident

Karen's Family Story
Karen begins the episode by recounting a harrowing tale from the late 1970s involving her parents-in-law. While on a coastal drive in Santa Barbara, California, her father-in-law was violently shot in the neck by an unknown assailant.

Key Details:
- Location & Time: Santa Barbara, late 1970s (00:28)
- Incident: Father-in-law, a Navy veteran, stabilizes himself after being shot, but the perpetrator remains unidentified.
- Possible Connection: Karen muses, “It’s pretty Zodiac, wouldn’t you say?” (01:39) suggesting a potential link to the infamous Zodiac killer, though her mother-in-law doubts it.

Personal Reflections:
Karen shares a poignant moment reflecting on her own life and family:

Karen: “[...] finding out that my dad has primary colon cancer that has spread to his liver. I'll appreciate all the time I've been able to spend with him.” (02:16)

2. Georgia's Family and Personal Stories

Aunt Sheen's 90th Birthday Celebration
Georgia recounts her Aunt Sheen's lively 90th birthday, highlighting her resilience and hidden facets of her family's history.

Key Moments:
- Aunt Sheen’s Background:
  - Georgia's mother, nicknamed "Nuts," was a spirited individual who engaged in spirited debates with priests while enjoying a cold brew (04:07).
  - She struck a unique deal to unofficially attend theology classes at Notre Dame by offering homemade spaghetti and meatballs weekly (05:33).

Emotional Sharing:
Georgia opens up about childhood memories and the impact of witnessing her peers' struggles:

Georgia: “[...] this one killed my soul. Cause I was in 8th grade [...]” detailing a traumatic school incident involving a younger girl’s repeated falls and the ensuing humiliation (25:27).

3. Listener Emails and True Crime Tales

Em's Email: "Nuts' Notre Dame Antics"
Georgia reads an email from a listener named Em, celebrating her mother’s boldness during her time at Notre Dame.

Highlights:
- Nuts' Adventures: Em describes Nuts arguing theology with priests and negotiating her way into classes traditionally restricted to men (04:09).
- Notable Quote:
  - Em: “[...] I also have a weird knack for finding lost things. Not cash money, unfortunately.” (16:00)

"Former Banker Self Deposit Box Treasures Anonymous"
Karen narrates a suspenseful story submitted by a former banker about a fraudulent safe deposit box scheme.

Story Breakdown:
- Scheme Details: A charming customer used his safe deposit box to launder cash into expensive gems, unknowingly facilitating a larger RICO (Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations) operation (09:23).
- Climactic Arrest: The wife’s persistent attempts to access the box culminate in a dramatic raid by U.S. Marshals, revealing significant illicit contents (10:11).
- Notable Quote:
  - Karen: “I absolutely took a quick peek at the inventory.” (12:31)

"Fellow Finders Unite" Emails
Georgia shares stories from listeners who have a knack for finding lost items, blending light-hearted tales with underlying themes of fate and chance.

Key Stories:
- Lost Keys Heroics: Georgia details a listener who consistently finds lost keys, often returning them just in time to save someone's day (16:48).
- Unexpected Finds: From unopened packages to complete wallets, listeners recount their experiences with lost items, emphasizing the serendipity involved (18:14).

Notable Quote:

Georgia: “Sometimes, even if I'm not looking, I just happen across them and see someone looking nearby, and I get to be a hero for a few minutes.” (17:50)

4. Humorous and Heartfelt Personal Anecdotes

Bumper Boats Trauma Story
Georgia shares a childhood memory of her disastrous attempt at navigating a bumper boat, blending humor with the universal fear of failure.

Story Highlights:
- Incident: Georgia struggled to control her bumper boat at a fair, leading to a prolonged and embarrassing ordeal that ended with intervention from an older gentleman (25:42).
- Emotional Impact: The memory remains vivid, symbolizing the lasting effects of childhood humiliations (27:53).

Notable Quote:

Georgia: “Stay sexy and don't get murdered. Goodbye, Elvis. Do you want a cookie?” (31:08)

School Incident Reflection
The hosts discuss the lasting impact of childhood embarrassments and the importance of understanding that everyone has their own traumatic memories.

Karen: “It's why I don't want kids, mainly. Cause I don't wanna live through someone else's horrible fuck again, you know, for real.” (28:27)

5. Personal Reflections and Community Appreciation

Throughout the minisode, both Karen and Georgia interweave personal stories with their discussions, fostering a sense of community and shared experiences.

Karen’s Appreciation:
- Reflecting on the support system created by the podcast community, Karen shares personal struggles, including her father’s illness, highlighting the importance of cherishing loved ones (02:16).
Georgia’s Family Connection:
- Georgia honors her Aunt Sheen’s vivacious spirit, emphasizing the value of boldness and resilience (06:00).

Notable Quote:

Karen: “[...] you two are a safe space and I am eternally grateful for this community you two have created.” (02:16)

Conclusion

Minisode 426 of My Favorite Murder offers a rich tapestry of true crime stories, personal anecdotes, and listener contributions. Karen and Georgia skillfully navigate between intense narratives and heartfelt reflections, providing listeners with both entertainment and emotional resonance. The episode underscores themes of resilience, community, and the profound impact of personal and shared histories.

Stay Sexy and Don't Get Murdered!

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

Karen Kilgariff: “It’s pretty Zodiac, wouldn’t you say?” (01:39)
Karen Kilgariff: “I never got the honor of Meeting my father in law because he passed away unexpectedly...” (02:16)
Georgia Hardstark: “She knows what she's doing. Trying to access the box and always getting the same response.” (10:12)
Georgia Hardstark: “It's such a good skill.” (17:52)
Karen Kilgariff: “I absolutely took a quick peek at the inventory.” (12:31)
Georgia Hardstark: “Sometimes, even if I'm not looking, I just happen across them and see someone looking nearby, and I get to be a hero for a few minutes.” (17:50)
Karen Kilgariff: “It's why I don't want kids, mainly. Cause I don't wanna live through someone else's horrible fuck again, you know, for real.” (28:27)
Karen Kilgariff: “Stay sexy and don't get murdered. Goodbye, Elvis. Do you want a cookie?” (31:08)

This summary captures the essence of Minisode 426, highlighting the interplay between true crime storytelling and personal narratives that define My Favorite Murder. Through engaging discussions and relatable content, Karen and Georgia continue to foster a dedicated and supportive community.

Loading summary

Transcript270 lines

[00:17]
Karen Kilgariff
Hello and welcome to my favorite murder, the Minisode, where we read you your stories. They're mini.
[00:23]
Georgia Hardstark
Would you like to go first?
[00:24]
Karen Kilgariff
Sure. I'm not going to read you the title of this one. I'm just going to start telling you.
[00:29]
Georgia Hardstark
Okay.
[00:29]
Karen Kilgariff
Hey. All in the late 1970s, 76 or 77, my mother in law and father in law were on a long drive going down the coast of California when they decided to pull over at night in the Santa Barbara area to sleep in their car. My father in law, a tall man, slept sitting up in the driver's seat while my mother in law laid on the front bench with her head on his lap. My mother in law woke up to a loud sound. Disoriented and not able to see because her contact lenses were out, she eventually realized my father in law was holding his neck and running around in a state of shock. She started to panic when my father in law eventually grabbed her and told her she needed to remain calm and flag someone down for help because all caps. He had been shot in the neck.
[01:13]
Georgia Hardstark
What?
[01:14]
Karen Kilgariff
Thankfully, he was a Navy vet and he was able to stabilize the situation, according to her. How? He was shot in the neck though, by a stranger who came up to their lonesome parked car and shot him from the outside with where they were sleeping.
[01:27]
Georgia Hardstark
Oh my God.
[01:28]
Karen Kilgariff
My mother in law said she flagged down a semi and told him they needed to get to the hospital because her boyfriend had been shot. Apparently the truck driver suspiciously asked, how do I know it wasn't you who did it?
[01:39]
Georgia Hardstark
A valid question. Look, valid.
[01:41]
Karen Kilgariff
It says like. Okay man, good question. But clearly they need help. Anywho, he called for help over his radio and my father in law ended up surviving. They never caught the person or even had an idea of who did it. My mother in law says she highly doubts it was the Zodiac, but seems pretty zodiac, wouldn't you say?
[02:01]
Georgia Hardstark
Was it in California?
[02:02]
Karen Kilgariff
Fucking Santa Barbara on the coast. Which in the most recent Zodiac documentary about the one guy that they. Arthur Leigh Allen. It's like there's a case in Santa Barbara.
[02:11]
Georgia Hardstark
It's where he started, right? It's the early early.
[02:14]
Karen Kilgariff
And yeah, it 100% fits. Well, the story is short.
[02:16]
Georgia Hardstark
Not gonna solve the Zodiac on this show. Let's do it through minisodes, through someone else's work. Yes.
[02:22]
Karen Kilgariff
Well, this story is shocking and fascinating to hear. I'd like to add that has made me realize in the grand scheme of things, when it's your time, it's truly your time. I never got the honor of Meeting my father in law because he passed away unexpectedly when my husband was a baby. I like to imagine he was a smart and interesting man who was an amazing dad and husband and would be the best grandpa to our kids today. Just finding out that my dad has primary colon cancer that has spread to his liver. I'll appreciate all the time I've been able to spend with him. Unlike my sweet husband who lost his dad way too soon. Sorry to end on a bummer note. You two are a safe space and I am eternally grateful for this community you two have created. Ssdgm. And hug your dad. Em. She her.
[03:04]
Georgia Hardstark
Em, you're so right.
[03:05]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah.
[03:07]
Georgia Hardstark
And also, it's just, it was my Aunt Sheen's 90th birthday this weekend.
[03:10]
Karen Kilgariff
Wow.
[03:11]
Georgia Hardstark
And she looks great and is great. But my cousin gave a little speech, you know, before we, you know, sang her happy birthday. And I never knew this about her. Her mom died when she was 12. Wow. And her dad sent her to live with like family friend.
[03:27]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh, my God.
[03:28]
Georgia Hardstark
And that's like, it's just that kind of thing where it's like that primary thing. It's so easy to take your parents for granted. And the upbringing you got, especially if you have complaints about it totally. Where you're just kind of like this old thing. And it's like there's a lot of alternatives that are much worse than.
[03:46]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh, I've said it to Vince a million times, whose mom died when he was very young. Like, I'm sorry I keep complaining about my mom because I'm sure, like you didn't get any of those experiences.
[03:55]
Georgia Hardstark
Yeah, yeah. That's very sweet. Thank you, Em, for that lovely email. Okay. They wrote out a funny subject line for this email, but then in parentheses at the end it says, may not want to read the subject first.
[04:08]
Karen Kilgariff
Okay. Read it to me after. Let's not forget.
[04:10]
Georgia Hardstark
So it says, hello, MFMPossy. You guys are great. My mom attended St. Mary's of Notre Dame in the 60s and my dad attended Notre Dame. My mom is a hoot and was a bit of a wild child. She got the nickname in eighth grade. Nuts. That was her nickname.
[04:27]
Karen Kilgariff
That's fun. Just straight up. Nuts.
[04:29]
Georgia Hardstark
Nuts. Another time I'll tell you the many pranks that she and her friends pulled on the nuns. However, this time I will tell you something a little less mischievous, but no less awesome. That she did.
[04:40]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah.
[04:41]
Georgia Hardstark
As she tells it, my mom used to go out drinking with the priests from Notre Dame.
[04:45]
Karen Kilgariff
Fuck yeah.
[04:46]
Georgia Hardstark
She used to love to argue theology and philosophy. With them while having a cold brew.
[04:50]
Karen Kilgariff
Love her.
[04:51]
Georgia Hardstark
So good. She had to check in her dorm every few hours though. It was strict in those days.
[04:55]
Karen Kilgariff
You're with the priest though, like you could stay out all night.
[04:58]
Georgia Hardstark
They can do whatever they want. The priest would take turns driving her there and back so she could sign in at the dorm.
[05:03]
Karen Kilgariff
What is happening?
[05:05]
Georgia Hardstark
Yeah, because they want to have a good time. It's like some of the few, few things, kind of lightly sinful things they can do is like drink and play cards, a little hang out and chat. Yeah, love it. And it's very important to like build those relationships, communities, spiritually. Yeah. My mom really wanted to take a theology class with one of the priests she partied with. Problem? Notre Dame at the time was an all boys school. This would not be a problem for Nuts, though. She struck up a deal with the priest. She told him she would make him homemade spaghetti and meatballs every week if she could unofficially take his class. Needless to say, he agreed. Thus, as far as we know, my mom is the first woman to take a class at Notre Dame.
[05:44]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh my God.
[05:45]
Georgia Hardstark
Unofficially, that is. Stay sexy. And never underestimate the power a homemade spaghetti and meatball dinner has over a priest. Molly, she, her.
[05:54]
Karen Kilgariff
Those are words to live by.
[05:56]
Georgia Hardstark
But also Nuts doesn't get the credit for being the first woman at fucking Notre Dame.
[06:00]
Karen Kilgariff
Bullshit. But we fucking know here on mfm.
[06:03]
Georgia Hardstark
And now all of you know listeners.
[06:05]
Karen Kilgariff
I love her.
[06:06]
Georgia Hardstark
I love Nuts.
[06:06]
Karen Kilgariff
That's what we call chutzpah. I know she wouldn't. But we call it chutzpah. And I fucking like it. And we should all be like that.
[06:13]
Georgia Hardstark
It's so good. Wait, so we only got the name Nuts? She didn't tell us her mom's real.
[06:17]
Karen Kilgariff
Did she tell us in the beginning? I mean, what more do you need?
[06:21]
Georgia Hardstark
I guess it is all I need. That is her government name to be now this podcast is brought to you in part by Squarespace.
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Georgia Hardstark
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Karen Kilgariff
That's squarespace.com murder.
[07:23]
Georgia Hardstark
Goodbye.
[07:24]
Karen Kilgariff
There are a lot of things that help you feel at peace. A cup of tea, a great playlist.
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Georgia Hardstark
Roasting a troll on the Internet.
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Karen Kilgariff
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[08:02]
Georgia Hardstark
I mean, now SimpliSafe is offering AI technology that can read faces. So your alarm isn't going to be going off because you know a raccoon walked by and sat on your front porch for a little while.
[08:14]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah, I turn mine on even when I go to walk. Cookie like mine is always on, right?
[08:18]
Georgia Hardstark
Will they know about your neighbor that you don't want to talk to, though? I don't. I don't think that's something we can ask for. But in this day and age, that's the kind of technology that for a dollar a day you're getting a bargain.
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Karen Kilgariff
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[08:39]
Georgia Hardstark
Goodbye.
[08:42]
Karen Kilgariff
This is called Former Banker Self Deposit Box Treasures Anonymous. Please.
[08:47]
Georgia Hardstark
Yes, please.
[08:49]
Karen Kilgariff
Hello, lovelies. I'm currently months behind on episodes, so binge listening in episode 441 from August 2024, you asked for safe deposit box stories. Then she says, so I hope this isn't too late. As if we've ever been like, stop writing the thing we asked.
[09:03]
Georgia Hardstark
Stop it. That's from six months ago.
[09:06]
Karen Kilgariff
More matrix glitch in the Matrix story than meh. Then it says, let's get into it.
[09:12]
Georgia Hardstark
Never too late for. That's just under the headline of Treasure. Which will always be valid.
[09:16]
Karen Kilgariff
Totally. All of it. I spent almost 15 years in retail banking. She wrote in two stories, but they're really long, so I'm just gonna read the second one.
[09:23]
Georgia Hardstark
Okay.
[09:24]
Karen Kilgariff
Because it says story two is much more scandalous. Okay, here we go. A man rented a safe deposit box at my bank. I helped him with the rental, and he was charming and smooth. Think Miami Vice. Total player. He visited the bank a few times a month, dressed to the nines to visit his safe deposit box. I love, like, a date that he got dressed up for. Yeah, the safe deposit fox.
[09:45]
Georgia Hardstark
And I'm imagining if they said think Miami Vice, then it was, what, like, kind of a pink linen suit?
[09:51]
Karen Kilgariff
Yep. White suit jacket, pink tie. All the things.
[09:55]
Georgia Hardstark
Yeah. Everything's kind of open and chest hairy.
[09:57]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah, but, like, so high end.
[09:59]
Georgia Hardstark
And tons of coke.
[10:00]
Karen Kilgariff
Okay, well, one day his wife shows up and wants entry to the box. No, ma'am, that is not how this works. Your marital status does not give you ownership of a safe deposit box. So we turned her away.
[10:12]
Georgia Hardstark
That's good to know.
[10:12]
Karen Kilgariff
I know, right?
[10:13]
Georgia Hardstark
I didn't know that.
[10:14]
Karen Kilgariff
She showed up about once a week, always approaching a different member of the staff. She knows what she's doing. Trying to access the box and always getting the same response. You aren't an owner of the box. You cannot access it. After weeks of this, she shows up in a state of desperation, screaming at us that her husband can't open the box because he's in prison awaiting bail, and we have to let her in. We didn't. We couldn't. That's not how the law works. But now that we had this tidbit about prison, the online sleuthing began. Keep in mind that this is the late 90s, so the Internet is not what it is today. But with a determination and burning through several work hours, we found the arrest records. Several counts of manufacturing and selling fraudulent tickets to concerts and sporting events all over the state. Oh, so random, right?
[11:02]
Georgia Hardstark
It's so specific.
[11:03]
Karen Kilgariff
I know. And then it says in parentheses, this might be a good time to inform the young MFM listeners that in the 90s, there was such thing as a QR code. Cell phones only made phone calls, and event tickets were all paper. I used to go to the Hollywood and Vine ticket store. They, like, buy paper tickets with cash because they charged you less and didn't have a credit card. Never had a credit card.
[11:24]
Georgia Hardstark
Right, exactly. Or, like, didn't they also sell them at like tower records and stuff. There were certain places you could go to get concert tickets. They had like a little machine totally.
[11:33]
Karen Kilgariff
That you had to go to them.
[11:34]
Georgia Hardstark
Yeah. God, that's how it all was back then.
[11:36]
Karen Kilgariff
Everything was harder. Tickets were physical. And fraud was much easier than it is today. Fast forward a few months. Multiple vehicles pull into the bank parking lot at the same time. This is just like the movies. And here comes the wife again. This time being escorted by local sheriffs, state police and no less than five U.S. marshals. She's in handcuffs and I'm served a warrant for access to the safe deposit box. Everyone threw all the hoops. And then the warrant was valid and required the bank to allow U.S. marshals to access and inventory the box. A locksmith was called. I observed the drilling of the lock and then handed over the closed box to the US Marshals and left the privacy room. While sweet Jesus curiosity was killing the cat. When a U.S. marshal came out of the privacy booth and said to me, here's the inventory list. I need you to make three copies, please. You better believe I went to the copy room to make those copies and absolutely took a quick peek at the inventory.
[12:32]
Georgia Hardstark
What human being would not.
[12:34]
Karen Kilgariff
The fact that they didn't make an extra copy for themselves is like, that means you're a saint. You know what I mean?
[12:38]
Georgia Hardstark
No, what do you mean?
[12:39]
Karen Kilgariff
Like, I would have made myself an extra copy to like take, put it in my pocket, you know. But all anonymous did was take a peek.
[12:45]
Georgia Hardstark
Do you think you would do that? Because you're like, you won't tell me to not read this thing. I'll keep it for myself.
[12:50]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah, like, I need this for later. I need to show my friends this.
[12:53]
Georgia Hardstark
I need this for my personal records, right?
[12:54]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah. You can't take a screenshot of it because phones were just for phone calls.
[12:58]
Georgia Hardstark
But also, I think this was a time where it was easier to keep all that separate. Where it's like if you're the person at the bank, you're like, sorry, I can't ever put my eyes toward your very private thing where it's like that was their one and only chance to find out.
[13:12]
Karen Kilgariff
Totally. Yeah, absolutely. Because, yeah, you can't get into like, they don't have the keys. The inventory is tens of thousands of dollars in cash and hundreds of diamonds, emeralds, sapphires and rubies. As it turns out, my customer was part of a large scale operation across state lines and one of multiple defendants tried in a RICO case. My customer. What's RICO again? Racketeer Influenced and corrupt organizations.
[13:39]
Georgia Hardstark
So it's mafia stuff?
[13:39]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh, it's like mafia stuff.
[13:40]
Georgia Hardstark
Yeah.
[13:41]
Karen Kilgariff
Cool. Okay. My customer, charming and smooth, was responsible for cleaning the dirty cash by converting it to expensive gems and stones and then selling those gems. Stones to a different jeweler to get clean cash in return.
[13:53]
Georgia Hardstark
But you'd have to know the. The jeweler that would be just dealing in gems like that. It's not just any place you go into.
[14:01]
Karen Kilgariff
I'm sure there's enough around town.
[14:02]
Georgia Hardstark
Think so?
[14:03]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah.
[14:03]
Georgia Hardstark
Because I think we should get into this. It sounds like a great business for us.
[14:08]
Karen Kilgariff
I followed the case in the news for a few years. And even all these years later, my palms get sweaty thinking about the day a crew of U.S. marshals rolled in and the criminal who'd been utilizing our bank to stash his dirty earnings. Hope this story makes the cut for a minisode sometime. Stay sexy. And if you're thinking about committing fraud, just don't. Anonymous Murderino.
[14:28]
Georgia Hardstark
Anonymous. You made it. You made the cut. Your name can't be involved, but we know at heart.
[14:34]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah, we know who you are.
[14:36]
Georgia Hardstark
God, just. It stresses me out because all I can do is focus on the fact that you did all this work to make these fake tickets and rip these people off. You made your money. You had to turn it into jewels.
[14:49]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah, how?
[14:51]
Georgia Hardstark
Like, where's those contacts? And then you have to sell those jewels.
[14:54]
Karen Kilgariff
Totally. But I love the wife who just kept trying to get in to get rid of all the evidence.
[14:58]
Georgia Hardstark
She gotta get those jewels or like line her pockets. Totally.
[15:01]
Karen Kilgariff
Move the fuck out of town.
[15:04]
Georgia Hardstark
I love learning that it's just the person who. Yeah, like safe deposit box. The concept of them were set up for people to have secrets that no one finds out about.
[15:16]
Karen Kilgariff
Illegal secrets too. Because like, you can't put this in a bank. You can't have this at home.
[15:21]
Georgia Hardstark
You can have it in the bank, it's just not deposited. But it's safe.
[15:25]
Karen Kilgariff
It's a secret. In a bank.
[15:27]
Georgia Hardstark
Where did safety deposit boxes come from? I ask myself as I decide to do this as an episode, not the future Nazis.
[15:33]
Karen Kilgariff
Promise it was Nazis.
[15:35]
Georgia Hardstark
My dad saw the fucking movie the Woman in Gold, which is about. Starring Helen Mirren. About that Klimt portrait that the Nazis stole from the Jewish family and she had to go fight for it. He talked about it all weekend.
[15:46]
Karen Kilgariff
I haven't seen it. I'll watch it.
[15:47]
Georgia Hardstark
It's really. Well, it's good, but I mean that all of that stuff, you're just like.
[15:51]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh, yeah, completely.
[15:52]
Georgia Hardstark
Okay. The subject Line of this is fellow finders unite. And then in parentheses, it says, hold on. Why isn't mine money?
[15:58]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh, got it.
[15:59]
Georgia Hardstark
What does it mean?
[16:00]
Karen Kilgariff
People who just find shit all the time. And why isn't the thing I find all the time money? That's what I'm guessing.
[16:05]
Georgia Hardstark
I think you're right. Cause I've read this. Hello, fuckword murder mystery hosts. My eternal compliments to the dad who coined this, that alternative podcast name. It's my favorite piece of historical fiction.
[16:18]
Karen Kilgariff
I love it.
[16:19]
Georgia Hardstark
Yes, ours too.
[16:20]
Karen Kilgariff
We just did a rewind episode with that when that first came out.
[16:24]
Georgia Hardstark
Okay, so it says, I just wanted to say to the recent listener who wrote in about their Chicago street money finding talent.
[16:30]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh, yeah, girl.
[16:31]
Georgia Hardstark
What? You two. And then a parentheses, it says, girl is meant to be gender neutral here for exclamation purposes. So it says, I also have a weird knack for finding lost things. Not cash money, unfortunately. So hats off to that incredible look, but I have found the following.
[16:49]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh, my God, was this written by a crow? And it's just gonna be a bunch of like. Like weird shiny junk.
[16:54]
Georgia Hardstark
Yes. Things listing out a soda can, tab, a quarter.
[16:58]
Karen Kilgariff
I gave them all to a little girl.
[17:00]
Georgia Hardstark
A piece of corn. Okay, so it says, I have found so many sets of lost keys. My own keys, when they're lost. Almost never. But keys strangers have lost at the park, on a hiking trail, in parking lots, at grocery stores, or on a riverbed. Absolutely, yes. Sometimes, even if I'm not looking, I just happen across them and see someone looking nearby, and I get to be a hero for a few minutes. That's hilarious. My favorite key finding story happened about three years ago when I went to the dog park a bit late one day after work. And while leaving, as the sky had just fully darkened, I noticed someone frantically looking around with a flashlight. They seemed really stressed, so I asked if everything was okay. This person was on the verge of tears and told me they had been looking for their keys for almost two hours and they were already late for work. No joke. I found their keys in less than a minute.
[17:50]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh, my God. I love that skill.
[17:52]
Georgia Hardstark
It's such a good skill.
[17:53]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah.
[17:54]
Georgia Hardstark
Almost immediately after I started to look, they were just right in front of me, and I was drawn to them right away, even in the dark.
[18:01]
Karen Kilgariff
Wow.
[18:01]
Georgia Hardstark
We both were shocked, and they insisted that they had looked there several times before already. 2. I also find random lost items that are still in perfect condition all the time. Like Burt's Bees Chapstick with the plastic wrap still on.
[18:14]
Karen Kilgariff
I Still wouldn't touch it.
[18:16]
Georgia Hardstark
Yeah. Because why did the person just go like no thanks. Unopened candy mints or packages of gum. Perfectly intact glasses and jewelry. And once again, a favorite recent story. Just last week I found an unopened package of weed from a local dispensary on the ground, still fully sealed and childproofed. Three credit cards, debit cards and IDs.
[18:38]
Karen Kilgariff
Wow.
[18:39]
Georgia Hardstark
At least four times a year I find these items someone lost in my path. I try to return them when I can, but I can't always find the person. Once I even found what looked to be someone's entire wallet. Everything but cash dumped out on the ground. I can't wait to see what I find next. And I would love to know why isn't it also street cash? I guess I'll have to take my random weed gifts and acts of kindness. Finding strangers keys. For now, stay sexy and keep your eyes on the potential prizes in front of you. Kendra, she her.
[19:09]
Karen Kilgariff
That's amazing.
[19:10]
Georgia Hardstark
Isn't that so good?
[19:11]
Karen Kilgariff
That reminds me of. So you know I'm obsessed with mudlarking, which is like finding stuff in the Thames and all that stuff. And the thing I read about people who are really good at it, at just finding treasure among trash is that our brains immediately want to spot man made shapes. So not natural shapes. It just like makes sense that your brain just goes to like a button among rocks because it's circular and it's not supposed to be in nature. So if you just kind of think like that.
[19:36]
Georgia Hardstark
Yeah.
[19:36]
Karen Kilgariff
That you're looking for not natural shapes. Your brain will find whatever's there.
[19:42]
Georgia Hardstark
Yeah.
[19:42]
Karen Kilgariff
Isn't that cool?
[19:43]
Georgia Hardstark
Yes, for sure. I follow a couple mudlarking accounts on TikTok and there's a woman who does it and I'm almost positive she does this on purpose. And it's so brilliant because she puts this thing down into the water so the camera is clear. So you can see from her point of view looking at the river. Right. You've seen it.
[20:00]
Karen Kilgariff
I butt love her. Yes.
[20:01]
Georgia Hardstark
So it's almost like I was looking here and this is interesting and then.
[20:04]
Karen Kilgariff
Did you see it?
[20:05]
Georgia Hardstark
Yes. But then there's always something when she goes and picks up say like the button, there's always something else in the shot.
[20:12]
Karen Kilgariff
Totally.
[20:13]
Georgia Hardstark
Where I'm like why aren't you touching that over there? And I think that's potentially intentional so that it, it is a little more addictive. Yeah, maybe. Or it's my suggestion hide a little, hide a little bird in there.
[20:26]
Karen Kilgariff
A little piece of Like China.
[20:28]
Georgia Hardstark
Yeah, that's my favorite. My favorite one was the bird that time.
[20:31]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah.
[20:32]
Georgia Hardstark
Where someone found like it was a bird whistle or something.
[20:34]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Yeah, it's amazing.
[20:35]
Georgia Hardstark
So good.
[20:38]
Karen Kilgariff
There are probably a billion furniture options out there. We didn't count but that number feels right.
[20:43]
Georgia Hardstark
So how do you find the perfect piece?
[20:45]
Karen Kilgariff
Easy. You go to Article.
[20:46]
Georgia Hardstark
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[20:53]
Karen Kilgariff
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[21:00]
Georgia Hardstark
Check out their near addresser. It's beautiful and practical, which is a deadly combination.
[21:05]
Karen Kilgariff
You know we're hard stands of article on this podcast. Everyone knows that we're like bff.
[21:11]
Georgia Hardstark
I mean we couldn't rave more.
[21:13]
Karen Kilgariff
And it's because everything is so classy, so beautifully made, affordable and so user friendly. Like you don't have to have style to like get stylish stuff from article. They do it for you. So like there's no worry there.
[21:26]
Georgia Hardstark
Look at that near a dresser on their website. Just go and take a look at that one piece and you will see what we are talking about. It is as mid century as you could get.
[21:34]
Karen Kilgariff
Seriously. Article is offering our listeners 50 off your first purchase of a hundred dollars or more.
[21:39]
Georgia Hardstark
To claim, visit article.com murder and the discount will be automatically appl applied at checkout.
[21:43]
Karen Kilgariff
That's a R-T-I C L E.com murder to get 50 off your first purchase of a hundred dollars or more.
[21:50]
Georgia Hardstark
Goodbye.
[21:52]
Karen Kilgariff
You may love the finer things in life like soft cashmere silk and effortlessly.
[21:56]
Georgia Hardstark
Chic fashion, but your bank account probably doesn't always agree.
[21:59]
Karen Kilgariff
Fortunately we have quince.
[22:01]
Georgia Hardstark
With quince you can get quality luxury essentials without the hefty price tag like their Mongolian cashmere sweaters starting at $50.
[22:09]
Karen Kilgariff
When you're looking at a piece on the quince website, you can scroll down to see how other people have styled it and if they thought the fit was true to size or not.
[22:16]
Georgia Hardstark
I feel like I need to apologize to people because I have one of those quince Mongolian sweaters in the dark gray and I think I wear it every day or every other day. It's just like such a simple, perfect looking piece. But then it is the coziest sweater, especially through winter where you're like this is the layer I want to have on me at all times. And I feel like that level of quality and being able to get it for $50. Quince cares about us. Feels like it's like they want us to be dressed nice and look cool and not go broke.
[22:46]
Karen Kilgariff
We should get seven of the same color for you so you can wear different ones every day of the week.
[22:49]
Georgia Hardstark
I mean, I absolutely will.
[22:51]
Karen Kilgariff
Give yourself the luxury you deserve with quince.
[22:53]
Georgia Hardstark
Go to quince.com mfm for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns.
[22:59]
Karen Kilgariff
That's Q U I N C E.com mfm to get free shipping and 365.
[23:04]
Georgia Hardstark
Day return quints.com mfm goodbye.
[23:10]
Karen Kilgariff
Okay, here's my last one. I'm not gonna read you the tile. I'm gonna read you the tile. Is it moron? Doesn't make any sense. Hello. I've been listening since I came out of the womb. Maybe a bit dramatic, but it really feels like that. I love you guys so much and sometimes forget how much the podcast has grown. I recently had a job interview and someone I met told me they were from Petaluma. I said, oh my God. This tiny underground podcast that I listened to one of the from there. And she said, yeah, people always say that when I tell them where I'm from. Imagine my surprise. Anyway, never intended to write in, but I just listened to Minisode 423 and was inspired by the story about the falling priest, Remember at the funeral? And the priest fucking fell face down just like, like a timber. And just like made everyone at the funeral laugh. Okay, yes.
[24:01]
Georgia Hardstark
But also there have been. So we've done so many of these, it's kind of like, yep, they're somewhere in there.
[24:07]
Karen Kilgariff
Totally. Yeah. So that, that one was about laughing, needing a good laugh at a horrible time.
[24:14]
Georgia Hardstark
Right.
[24:14]
Karen Kilgariff
And how important that is. And so this. Then it goes on to say, in 2017, I had spinal fusion surgery for my scoliosis. And being 16 at the time, I was treated at the children's hospital. In the waiting room full of kids much sicker than I and loads of worrying parents, we anxiously wait to hear our last names so we can go over final paperwork. Before the surgery, one of the nurses calls out for a family saying, is it moron? That annoyed mom says, it's Monroe. And then there's an emoji, like just this flat line of like, emoji in a way that sounded like that mistake happens pretty frequently.
[24:54]
Georgia Hardstark
Yeah.
[24:54]
Karen Kilgariff
In a completely silent room, my parents and I lock eyes and burst out laughing. A nearby family joined in and we shared a much needed cackle before hours of surgery slash waiting. This is a classic story in our Family. And you guys feel like family, so I wanted to share. Stay sexy and don't yell moron in a room full of sick kids. Emma, is it Moron? Not moron.
[25:21]
Georgia Hardstark
Our name isn't like Dan and Jean Moron. And we're here with our child. What are you talking about?
[25:27]
Karen Kilgariff
There's nobody named Moron. Probably.
[25:31]
Georgia Hardstark
I think they would change their name.
[25:32]
Karen Kilgariff
I think so too.
[25:34]
Georgia Hardstark
Okay, here's my last one. The subject line is bumper boats. Trauma. Light hearted. Hi. I've been listening since 2016. Love you all.
[25:43]
Karen Kilgariff
Wow. I haven't.
[25:46]
Georgia Hardstark
When I was eight, my family went to the fair. My older siblings and I really wanted to go on the bumper boat attraction. Basically, bumper cars on water. Have you ever done that?
[25:55]
Karen Kilgariff
No, but it doesn't sound crazy, right?
[25:57]
Georgia Hardstark
Seems familiar, but I haven't done it. Each boat was equipped with rubber edges so you could crash into other boats without causing damage. Sure. When we got in line, we could see the rules said ages 8 and up could ride alone. I was elated. I felt so grown up, ready to captain my own tiny vessel. I remember seeing a younger boy riding with his mom and thinking he's not even old enough to drive his own boat. When they released us, I realized the steering was a lot harder than I'd imagined. The wheel was very sensitive. As everyone else was having fun driving around, I was desperately trying to control my boat. I was zigzagging all over the place. When the whistle blew to end the ride, everyone smoothly navigated back to the dock. Meanwhile, I couldn't figure out how to steer my boat that way. Full panic set in. The pool itself was not very big, but to me it felt like the ocean. I thought to myself, I'll never make it back to the dock. Every time I came close to the dock and the ride attendant tried to catch me, I'd unintentionally zip away.
[26:56]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh, no, I'm not doing it on purpose.
[27:01]
Georgia Hardstark
This went on so long that the attendant started to put waders on to get into the water to grab me.
[27:07]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh, are you cr. And you're probably crying.
[27:10]
Georgia Hardstark
Humiliating.
[27:11]
Karen Kilgariff
So humiliating.
[27:12]
Georgia Hardstark
Just trying to have fun at the fucking fair. However, before he stepped into the pool, an older gentleman who was standing near the edge caught my boat and was able to guide me to the dock.
[27:22]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh, God.
[27:23]
Georgia Hardstark
Relief flooded me as I burst into tears. Yeah. Meanwhile, my mom was laughing hysterically as she watched the whole thing unfold from the sidelines. She had to physically turn away so I couldn't see how hard she was laughing at my terror.
[27:36]
Karen Kilgariff
What's the littlest bit of joy she's had in so fucking long.
[27:40]
Georgia Hardstark
And also it's controlled danger. It's like, sure, you're crying, but nothing's gonna happen from this. This is so hilarious. Once I was back on dry land, she took me in her arms, and we decided that was enough rides for the day.
[27:53]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah, let's go home.
[27:54]
Georgia Hardstark
Since then, I've always wondered if they raised the minimum age after that incident. I'll never know. Ssdgm and always have a pair of waders on hand.
[28:02]
Karen Kilgariff
Kelsey, being a kid sucks so bad.
[28:07]
Georgia Hardstark
It's a series of seeing other kids doing things, going, here's what I'm gonna do when I do that thing. You go to do that thing, not only do none of those things happen, but a series of other totally unprepared for and unimagined things happen. And then you're like, oh, that's how.
[28:25]
Karen Kilgariff
I live my childhood after humiliation.
[28:27]
Georgia Hardstark
Constant.
[28:28]
Karen Kilgariff
It's why I don't want kids, mainly. Cause I don't wanna live through someone else's horrible fuck again, you know, for real. I can't watch someone I love get bullied or humiliated. Like, I just can't do it. I'm done. I'm done with that part of life.
[28:43]
Georgia Hardstark
Or hold their hand through it and be like, it'll be okay. Cause it's like, it's not. It won't.
[28:47]
Karen Kilgariff
By the grace of God, it's fine. Right? You and I are fine.
[28:49]
Georgia Hardstark
But, like, the good news is nothing's okay. So in a way, we do have to keep on remembering. And like, you're saying, we just have to keep remembering and reminding each other always.
[28:59]
Karen Kilgariff
Yeah.
[28:59]
Georgia Hardstark
This happens to every single person. It's just a different noun. It's not the bumper boat. It's just a different.
[29:05]
Karen Kilgariff
It's pantsed. Mine is pantsed. It's just always something. Yours is tampons being thrown across.
[29:11]
Georgia Hardstark
Mine's the tampon suitcase. It's also the day I watched a girl who was, I think, in fifth or sixth grade walk in. Cause it was free dress day. I think I've told you this a thousand times, but this one killed my soul. Cause I was in 8th grade, and of course, I went to Catholic school, so it was first through eighth. So the eighth graders, by the time you're in eighth grade, you're like, I'm fine. And I'm just trying to prepare for high school. It was free dress day, which we got like, I think once a month. So it's very special. Everyone wore their Best. And it was a big deal. This little girl who's a lovely girl and I think she was only in like the fourth or fifth grade. And also our. Sorry, I tried to make this fast, but our playground, because it was Catholic school, it was like part gravel, part unpaved, like bad for children to play on. Literally a 45 grade downhill. Like you weren't allowed to run because you would start and you would be able to stop, blah, blah, blah. I'd never noticed this before, but in the entrance there was almost like a little lip of like asphalt where they kept having to pave over it. Cause this is where all the kids walked in. But then it was downhill started and this little girl walked in and immediately slipped and fell because she had brand new like Mary Janes on or hard shoes that she had not scuffed. And she got up and basically fell down like five times in front of the eighth grade girls.
[30:27]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh, no.
[30:28]
Georgia Hardstark
And by the end, I mean, it was multiple four or five by the end, me and my friend almost went to get her and then she finally made it up and like ran away.
[30:36]
Karen Kilgariff
Oh my God.
[30:37]
Georgia Hardstark
But it was one of those things where I was watching going, you'll always remember this.
[30:40]
Karen Kilgariff
You'll never forget this moment.
[30:42]
Georgia Hardstark
You'll always scuff your shoes. This has changed your trajectory.
[30:45]
Karen Kilgariff
Absolutely. It's the kid who pisses themself or calls the teacher mom on accident in third grade. You'll never not be that kid.
[30:52]
Georgia Hardstark
And you'll hold it like you think that's the reason people don't wanna talk to you in a bar or something.
[30:57]
Karen Kilgariff
But everyone's fine. Everyone has that.
[30:59]
Georgia Hardstark
Everyone's barfing and pissed and called people mom that they're not supposed to call mom. We're gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay.
[31:08]
Karen Kilgariff
Stay sexy and don't get murdered. Goodbye, Elvis. Do you want a cookie?
[31:21]
Georgia Hardstark
This has been an exactly right production.
[31:23]
Karen Kilgariff
Our senior producer is Alejandra Keck.
[31:25]
Georgia Hardstark
Our editor is Aristotle Acevedo.
[31:28]
Karen Kilgariff
This episode was mixed by Liana Squalacci.
[31:30]
Georgia Hardstark
Email your hometowns to my favorite murdermail.com.
[31:33]
Karen Kilgariff
And follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at My favorite murder. Goodbye. Why would you do that to me?
[31:46]
Georgia Hardstark
Los Angeles, 2021. A friendly neighbor appears out of nowhere and promises is to make all my dreams come true. Let's not forget that David Bloom was a professional con artist. So you didn't stand a chance. But my dreams soon turned into a Nightmare. I'm Caroline D'Amore. Listen, as I take down my scammer on Once Upon a con on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
[32:14]
C
Do you want to see into the future? Do you want to understand an invisible force that's shaping your life? Do you want to experience the frontiers of what makes us human? On tech stuff we travel from the mines of Congo to the surface of Mars, from conversations with Nobel Prize winners to the depths of TikTok to ask burning questions about technology, from high tech to low culture and everywhere in between. Join us Listen to tech stuff on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
[32:44]
D
Hi, I'm Arturo Castro, and I've been lucky enough to do stuff like Broad City and Narcos and Roadhouse. And now I'm starting a podcast because honestly, guys, I don't feel the space is crowded enough. Get ready for Greatest Escapes, a new comedy podcast about the wildest true escape stories in history. Each week I'll be sitting down with some of the most hilarious actors and writers and comedians. People like Ed Helms, Diane Guerrero, and Joseph Gordon Levitt.
[33:08]
Georgia Hardstark
I love storytelling and I love you, so I can't wait.
[33:10]
D
Listen and subscribe to Greatest escapes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.