MFM Minisode 463

Summary

My Favorite Murder – Minisode 463 Summary

Podcast: My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
Episode: Minisode 463
Date: November 24, 2025

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Overview: Thanksgiving Stories with Heart, Humor, and A Little Cat Chaos

In this Thanksgiving-themed minisode, Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark dive into listener-submitted stories that blend the warmth, chaos, and sometimes the dark hilarity of holiday dinners. This episode is a tapestry of celebrity surprises, perilous Thanksgivings, home accidents, beloved pets, and heartfelt memories—each layered with the hosts' signature banter. The tone oscillates between laugh-out-loud funny and touching, with both hosts relishing the absurdities and sentimentality the holiday brings.

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Key Discussion Points & Listener Stories

The Comfort Food Chat (01:46)

• Karen and Georgia warm up with their favorite Thanksgiving dishes, debating mashed potatoes versus crispy paprika toppings.
  • Karen: "Oh, my sister’s mashed potatoes... just half butter, half butter. Insane." (01:56)
  • Georgia: “My aunt does...a crispy paprika crust on top.” (02:12)

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1. A Surprise Thanksgiving Guest: Guy Pearce Edition (02:29–06:44)

• Listener Emma recounts a childhood Thanksgiving in Toronto where Australian actor Guy Pearce unexpectedly attends their family dinner.
• The family hosts friends and their guests, with Pearce in town filming (possibly “Traitor”).
• Memorable incidents: Dad making Guy Pearce “show them what he was working with” (read: washboard abs), “turkey fondue” created from leftovers, and the awkward reality of not knowing his wife was vegan.
  • Quote: "Who is at the door...other than motherfucking Guy Pearce." (04:45)
  • Hosts’ reaction: Shock, delight, and nostalgia about impromptu guest traditions.

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2. Stealth Thanksgiving: Refusing to Evacuate After an Explosion (08:44–12:32)

• Listener Cooper details the chaos of Thanksgiving 2019 in Port Neches, Texas, when a butane refinery explodes nearby.
• Despite a mandatory evacuation, her father refuses to leave, leading to a “stealth Thanksgiving” amid toxic fumes and a second explosion mid-dinner.
• Reflection on local industry’s hazards and the pressure against speaking out due to jobs.
  • Cooper: “We closed all the curtains, moved the cars into the garage, and began our first stealth Thanksgiving.” (10:31)
  • The family bakery’s tradition of listening to MFM is briefly mentioned as a source of camaraderie.
  • Georgia: “Stay sexy and don’t get exploded by evil energy companies this Thanksgiving.” (12:32)

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3. The Accidental Knife Stabbing & ER Road Trip (15:23–19:08)

• Tessa shares a family legend: At age nine, while setting the Thanksgiving table in New Jersey, she slips on socks, falls, and accidentally stabs herself in the armpit with a knife.
• The family’s chaotic rush to the hospital gets sidetracked—they end up at a nursing home instead of the ER.
  • Quote: "Sir, this is a nursing home." (18:30)
  • Tessa: "Not a bad deal...my Albanian grandmother gave me $100 cash. Not a bad deal." (18:50)
• The hosts riff on their own childhood accidents with silverware.

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4. The Cat Funeral That Wasn’t: A Floating Coffin in Baltimore (20:11–25:27)

• Listener Rachel recounts the bittersweet Thanksgiving loss of her beloved cat, Jaffe. Unable to cremate her on the holiday, she settles for a rooftop “cooling off,” then tries for a poetic harbor burial in Baltimore.
• The makeshift cat coffin doesn’t sink and is fished out by the harbor police, prompting Rachel to flee the scene.
  • Rachel: “As I watched the lovingly inscribed box bob out into the open water, I had another realization, which was that the box wouldn’t sink...” (23:47)
• The story pivots to accidental dark humor, typical of MFM’s approach.

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5. The Thanksgiving of the Lost Glasses & Burnt Feast (28:06–30:49)

• Listener Kelsey shares how her mother, perpetually losing her glasses, drops them in the oven while checking the turkey, unknowingly melting them and ruining the meal. The biggest concern is the family parakeet surviving the smoke.
• The story ends with sentiment—her mother is gone, and holiday anecdotes help keep her memory alive.
  • Kelsey: “As the years go on, I struggle to remember her laugh. So telling these stories are what keep her memory alive for me.” (30:21)

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6. Grandma’s Secret Jack Daniels Method (31:07–32:39)

• Jeremy writes in with a brief story: Grandma Julia Ann Oliver, matriarch of a packed farmhouse Thanksgiving, secretly loathes hosting but endures it with a hidden fifth of Jack Daniels in the flour bin; when it’s empty, dinner is done.
  • Quote: "Grandma would start with a bit of it in her coffee, and when the fifth was empty, the food was done.” (31:59)
  • Family’s posthumous decision: “If they don’t care to check on you alive, they don’t deserve to know that you died.” (32:33)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Guy Pearce’s Abs:
  Karen: "And made Guy unbutton his shirt to, quote, show them what he was working with. Yes, dad, yes, show us. And the answer was washboard abs." (05:01)
• Thanksgiving Amidst Danger:
  Cooper: “We made it out just fine, but did experience a second explosion halfway through our meal that had our heavily laden dinner table shaking.” (11:02)
• Slapstick on the Holidays:
  Tessa: "Sir, this is a nursing home." (18:30)
• Baltimore Cat Goodbye:
  Rachel: “It seemed to make perfect sense as a more meaningful alternative to her anonymous cremation... and dropped Jaffe’s wooden coffin into the harbor...that box wasn’t going to sink.” (23:34)
• On Family Memory:
  Kelsey: “So telling these stories are what keep her memory alive for me.” (30:21)
• Grandma’s Secret:
  Jeremy: “After her death...my aunt told us Grandma hated everyone visiting...would go buy a fifth of Jack, and it was hidden in the flour bin.” (31:25)

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Host Commentary & Running Themes

• Karen and Georgia consistently bounce between empathy and irreverence, gently teasing each other's holiday traditions and reacting with big, familial energy to each listener email.
• Recurring advice: Go easy on yourself during the holidays; it’s okay to set boundaries and find your own (sometimes introverted) way through family events.
• The episode closes with a toast to the listeners, a salute to grandmas everywhere, and a reminder to "stay sexy and don’t get murdered."

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Thanksgiving Food Chat: 01:46–02:19
• Guy Pearce Guest Story: 02:29–06:44
• Explosion & Stealth Thanksgiving: 08:44–12:32
• Knife Accident & Nursing Home: 15:23–19:08
• Cat Burial in Baltimore Harbor: 20:11–25:27
• Lost Glasses/Burnt Dinner: 28:06–30:49
• Secretly Hammered Grandma: 31:07–32:39

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Final Thoughts

This episode is full of stories that epitomize the My Favorite Murder ethos: finding the humor in disaster, the sweetness in memory, and the community in sharing both. If you need a quick shot of nostalgia, relatable family chaos, or just a good laugh with a side of feels, this minisode is a perfect holiday companion.

Stay sexy, and don’t get murdered—and happy Thanksgiving!

Transcript

[A]

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[A]

My fav. Hello and welcome to my favorite murder the minisode for Thanksgiving.

[B]

The Thanksgiving episode. You love Thanksgiving.

[A]

You love a special Thanksgiving episode. This is like Charlie Brown kind of.

[B]

What's the one dish that you have to have at Thanksgiving that like it has to be made your favorite?

[A]

Oh, my sister's mashed potatoes, which used to be my mom's mashed potatoes, which are the most calorically dense. Just half butter, half butter. Insane. Yeah. Half butter. She does. A little bit of mayonnaise, a bunch of butter. Sour cream. Sour cream. They're just insane.

[B]

You know what my aunt does is she puts paprika on top of them and puts it in the oven for a minute to get a crispy paprika crust on top.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay, you go first.

[A]

I'm so hungry. Okay. I love this goddamn story. Surprise Thanksgiving guest. Celebrity edition.

[B]

What?

[A]

And I feel like we could do this for any holiday.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Even for no holiday.

[B]

What celebrity came to your.

[A]

Came to your house for some weird reason?

[B]

Yes. Yes, love.

[A]

One of my favorite standup comics who I've known my whole life, basically had an amazing story where he went to Thanksgiving with his wife at her families. And Neil diamond was one of the guests. He does a whole chunk about it, but it was like he was dating a person. That was crazy.

[B]

Holy shit.

[A]

Okay, okay. And this starts, hello, MFM fam. Thank you for the countless hours of entertainment. And then in parentheses, it says, I discovered you in early 2021 and spent most of the pandemic trying to get through the backlog. Let's call it the back catalog since it's different than the backlog. You're not Mariska Hargitay. Come on.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

You're advocacy and the community you have built. We didn't build it. You guys built it. We didn't do it.

[B]

We appreciate it though.

[A]

Yeah. Your voices took me through a cross country move, Edmonton to Ottawa, and now a major career change. And for that I am grateful. Now let's get after it. When I was in elementary school, my family became good friends with another family who'd moved to Toronto for the dad's work. My younger sister became close friends with the twin girls who were her age. And I had not a moment's peace at any family gathering from then on. And then in parentheses, it says, all I wanted to do was read.

[B]

Aww.

[A]

Hi. This is not about that. Every year my family hosts Thanksgiving dinner, and because we had no family in town, we always dubbed it that. This is for the family. We choose the best. So naturally my parents invited this family, along with a few others in our friend group. The response back from the mom was that they could not make it as her childhood friend from was in town and they were spending the holiday with him and his wife. My parents have always been the throw more potatoes in the pot types, and of course insisted that they still come and bring their friends. No more thoughts about it. The day comes, the turkey is roasting in the oven, stuffing is made, the table is set, and my mother has made a soup for the starter. Guests start arriving and eventually everyone is there except for our Aussie's childhood friend. The doorbell suddenly rings. My mom goes over to answer it and who is at the door? I, other than motherfucking Guy Pierce.

[B]

What?

[A]

He apparently looked up his old pal while he was in town filming. And then it says in parentheses, likely traitor with Don Cheadle, based on my Wikipedia sleuthing. Oh my God. By all accounts, my parents played it cool until my dad was well in his cups and made Guy unbutton his shirt to, quote, show them what he was working with. Yes, dad, yes, show us. And the answer was washboard abs. And guy was absolutely lovely. Even participating in an after dinner, what they called turkey fondue, which is when you take the leftover turkey and dip it in the gravy left in the pan. So basically, just as people probably are washing the dishes and stuff, they call it turkey fondue. Oh, I love it. Just like dip the turkey in the gravy. And it says, unfortunately, no one had given us a heads up that his wife was vegan, so my mom may have had to stretch the truth on the broth used in the soup.

[B]

You gotta give people a heads up.

[A]

I know that's a little specific.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In parentheses it says, is this vegetable based?

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

Asked Mrs. Pierce. Yes, said my mom, cringing internally knowing it was chicken broth.

[B]

Holy shit. You can't do that.

[A]

Well, she did it. I do not remember this as I was nine and I did not care for any celebrity that wasn't a Jonas Brother. Sure, it became a lot more exciting when bedtime stories came out a year later and I could tell my friends that the mean hotel manager had been to my house for dinner. Sadly, our friends moved back to Australia after only five years in Canada. But I'll always look back at our time as kids fondly. And those twins and their sisters have grown up to be badasses in their own right. My sister has also grown into a young woman I'm so proud of and is the coolest person I know. And then in parentheses it says, I keep trying to get her into the pod. Don't. Don't do it.

[B]

She doesn't wanna.

[A]

Don't. Don't force anybody. It ends by saying, remember, family isn't always about blood. It's who you choose. And always throw another pot into the pot. You never know who will come for dinner. Ssdgm Emma.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

So good Guy Pearce. They just how nice like that idea that they could just go to a family Thanksgiving. I mean. Cause they probably don't have Thanksgiving in Australia.

[B]

So last year we had these friends, Carlis and Melissa, and Melissa's like super French and her parents came into town that weekend just happened from France. And Vince was like, I'm giving them their first Thanksgiving. And made the whole Thanksgiving thing made them try it. They were really sweet and pretended to be blown away. I think they were. But it was like so exciting to be like, this is what Thanksgiving's like.

[A]

No, I think that's so sweet. I think it's also that thing makes me think of we when we got to go to Italy we were in Lake Como, and Janet's husband's family lived there, so they had us come and have, like, a traditional Italian lunch with them, which I think dinner. We literally were, at one point were just all crying because, like, the grandma made us this incredible lasagna that seemed like it had 25 layers to it.

[B]

Grandma food.

[A]

Everything was homemade. They had all this food, and it was like they were like, we're here to treat you.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Like, that idea is so generous and lovely.

[B]

I love it. Send us your stories. Whatever.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Whatever that is, send us your story.

[A]

It's some sort of a dinner story.

[B]

Dinner. Yeah. The best dinner. The crying. Okay. The Thanksgiving where we almost died and. Or got arrested as a family. Warm hearted. Yes, warm hearted instead of lighthearted. Okay. Season's greetings, y'. All. So my family infamously loves to prepare way too much food for any holiday. Everyone needs to have their favorite dishes, so this often leads to several varieties of stuffing. Green beans, pies. You get the picture. Unfortunately, since my parents hit retirement age, they inevitably do too much and end up throwing their backs out or exhausting themselves into a stupor trying to recreate these feasts. This usually results in me finishing half prepared meals and getting frustrated at trying to jump into a crazy, messy kitchen where I'm blankly staring at a salad spinner. It's like, that would be hard. Like, you're up. Get in, like, whatever. Knives down. Get in there, get in there.

[A]

Do something.

[B]

So in November 2019, I insisted on taking care of the entire meal myself from start to finish. It was to take place at my great Aunt Polly's house in Port Neches, Texas. Thank you for the phonetic spelling. I arrived several days early to begin brining the turkey, starting the process of making homemade dinner rolls and prepping as many sides as possible. I was really pleased at how well everything was. I was exhausted, but proud that no one would be in physical pain and satisfied with their meals this year. I stayed up late shaping dinner rolls to rise in the pan and didn't get to bed. I know. Like, just buy those guys.

[A]

I mean. And also, everyone loves, like, a crescent roll or something.

[B]

Oh, my God. Hawaiian sweet roll.

[A]

People who are like, homemakers, you know, you can't tell those people anything.

[B]

No, I didn't get to bed until around midnight on Wednesday, November 27, the day before Thanksgiving. About an hour after falling asleep, I awoke to my bed shaking violently and what sounded like someone slamming a door really hard. I got up to investigate, and as I walked through the house, I Could smell cigarette smoke. After not being able to find anything amiss, I went back to bed. I had to get up early to finish cooking dinner. The next day. I was anticipating a crowd of people to arrive, among them my partner that I hadn't seen all week. I was shocked to find out that a butane refinery less than two miles away exploded at 1am oh shit. Hence the cigarette smell. Yes, exploded two miles away. I considered this for a moment, but ultimately decided the show must go on and started my carefully orchestrated symphony of casseroles that would need oven time. At some point, someone came to tell me that the police were sweeping the neighborhoods and ordering a mandatory evacuation. Mandatory? Our area is no stranger to evacuations, having been hit by our fair share of hurricanes. But my father crossed his arms and said no.

[A]

Oh no.

[B]

We closed all the curtains, moved the cars into the garage, and began our first stealth Thanksgiving. I have to interject that my mom was not pleased with our decision and how they were shaping up. She insisted that if my partner really loved me, they would find a way to join us and that I should probably leave since I was the, quote, future of the family so she doesn't die.

[A]

Jesus Christ.

[B]

Needless to say, we made it out just fine, but did experience a second explosion halfway through our meal that had our heavily laden dinner table shaking. I mean, that's why you were supposed to evacuate.

[A]

That was the evacuation. Yeah.

[B]

I swore I'd never do this again. Man plans and God laughs. BTW, thankfully only 5 people were hurt during the explosion, but the fire and billowing smoke lasted for over 24 hours. The factory had been outside of EPA safety requirements and fined consecutively for over five years prior to the explosion, the fine summing up to less than $200,000. It's hard to speak out against these companies since they provide the majority of jobs to the area, but this type of pollution to our air and oceans is upsetting. I know this email is long, but thank you ladies for being a platform for marginalized slash disadvantaged people. Your voices used to fill my female LED bakery. Oh, the rolls.

[A]

Oh, that's why.

[B]

Where I worked prior to the pandemic and we all enjoyed cackling to your voices in the wee hours of the morning while we shaped bread.

[A]

We got to be there. I know. At like a. A middle of the night bakery session at. For all women in a bakery, when.

[B]

People tell us like where they took us, there's like, there was like an Antarctic one recently.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I'm like, we were fucking there. That's where We've been. I love that. Tell us the coolest places you've listened to us, please.

[A]

I mean I want, I feel like I want to join an all female bakery and get up at 4 in the morning. No, you don't help make get up.

[B]

At 4 in the morning anyways.

[A]

You might as well and be over there helping out.

[B]

My first job was a bakery and it's just so much fun. Oh, is it so fun?

[A]

Did you have to go that early?

[B]

No, because I was like behind the counter. But yeah, it's just like you're surrounded by like presents essentially.

[A]

Yeah. And people happy cause they're getting their hot cross buns and whatever.

[B]

Exactly. Stay sexy and don't get exploded by evil energy companies this Thanksgiving. Cooper, she her.

[A]

The dad's just like, you know what? The butane can blow up. I'm not.

[B]

They're not just blowing up. But you're inhaling that shit too.

[A]

Yes. I mean there's a chemical issue outside.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

I love my Aura frame I've given so. But the one I have every year comes out at a big family holiday party. It's got pictures from like the 70s through now of holiday parties. And the past two years of the holiday parties I've had at my house, it's just become a tradition. We put it out in the kitchen, everyone oohs and ahhs over it and like takes pictures to add for next year. It's the fucking perfect gift.

[A]

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[B]

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Before it ends, support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Goodbye. Taking care of our mental health. Usually ends up at the bottom of the to do list.

[A]

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[A]

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[B]

Goodbye.

[A]

Goodbye. I won't read you the subject line. And it says not to be bossy, but don't read the subject line. Okay, let's jump right in. This is that story, you know, the infamous one that gets repeated in the family over and over. The year was 2002. I was nine years old, it was Thanksgiving, and my family and I were in New Jersey visiting my aunt and uncle and cousins. I was helping set the table for Thanksgiving dinner when I slipped. It was a wood floor and I was wearing socks and holding a bundle of silverware. I need to say this. Some of my worst accidents. Cause my parents, parents have wood floors, too. Is when you're wearing socks without any grip and you think every. You're like, on the stairs.

[B]

On the stairs. I've done that.

[A]

God, be so careful.

[B]

Put slippers on.

[A]

Get little grippers. Yeah. Okay.

[B]

I'm picturing it because I. I've done it.

[A]

Yeah, it sucks. Okay. I did it on Adrian's stairs one time and slipped and then slammed down on my butt on those stairs and then just had like a sore. Oh, it was the worst. When I slipped and fell. I happened to drop the bundle of silverware at the exact moment when I where I landed on the floor. I also landed on top of a knife. The odds here, though I'm not a mathematician and in fact didn't pass freshman year algebra the first time, just seem astronomical.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But anyway, I slipped and fell. And in the, I don't know, one second that the knife I was holding was exactly balanced, I landed on top of it and the knife slid into my armpit as I recall it. And as my mom tells me, though she still 24 years later, hates talking about it because she's a sweet baby angel. I screamed. My sister, who was maybe 17 at the time, ran over, pulled my shirt up, saw the blood, and yelled, hospital now. So someone grabs my uncle to drive us to the hospital. My uncle, who for the record is incredibly Sicilian, like, wears gold chains and white tank tops and looks like a Sopranos Extra amazing. So good. And remember, this was in 2002, which was obviously before iPhones, et cetera. And my family had just moved to New Jersey, so they weren't totally familiar with their neighborhood yet. But anyway, my mom sits in the backseat with me and I lay down and I'm bleeding and my mom's crying and my sister's helping my uncle navigate in the front seat of his blacked out Chevy Suburban, like I told you, incredibly Sicilian. So good. And he's literally driving like driving Miss Daisy, like, like, couldn't be going slower, bro. And my mom is freaking out because I'm sitting back there bleeding. Eventually we make it to the hospital, but it has this weird kind of drive through thing. Remember the old banks where you'd stop in the drive through and be helped that way? It was kind of like that. And my uncle pulls up to it and he's telling the person helping us that I've been stabbed. And then a parenthesis, it says, lol, by myself and needs help. And this person is like, seeming really confused. And it goes on for a minute or so until the person helping us says, sir, this is a nursing home. Oh, my God. Yes, you heard that right. He took me to a nursing home instead of an emergency room. I swear to God, my mom almost had a heart attack. The sweet nursing home staff pointed us toward the hospital, and after another few minutes of painstakingly slow driving, I would assume the exact opposite.

[B]

Yeah, like, there's something in the trunk, maybe.

[A]

Like a body cannot get pulled over. We made it to the ER, where I got 10 stitches. Not only did I survive to tell the tale, but when we got home, my brothers and boy cousins were the nicest they'd ever been to me. And my Albanian grandmother gave me $100 cash. Not a bad deal.

[B]

Yeah. Suddenly the best day. It's just so, like, I love the Albanian grandma. Just kind of sliding her.

[A]

She's just like, I can't say I love you. Yes. That part's too hard, Right? We're an immigrant family. Cash is what love is. Say sexy. And don't go to a nursing home unless you really mean to. For Tessa. She. Her.

[B]

Oh, my God. That's hilarious. Stabbing yourself.

[A]

Stabbing yourself. I actually one time was helping set the table, and I was holding steak knives and forks, and I was kind of running into the living room, and my mom's friend Carolyn Bernardi, was coming into the kitchen, and I almost stabbed her in the abdomen. Like, she stopped and pulled herself back, like, within a half an inch. That's how I learned that you hold them upright and close to yourself.

[B]

When I was like, four or something, I got up on the table like this and hit the edge of the plate and it fucking. I have a scar there. It flew into my eye.

[A]

Holy shit. Blood.

[B]

Stitches. The whole fucking thing.

[A]

Oh, my God. Was it on Thanksgiving?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay, cut that story. Shit.

[B]

Save it for another time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Here's my second one. My favorite party story. Long but funny ending. I think long but funny ending is for Molly. Actually, that 100% is for me. She's like, I would not have fucking put this in. If you're upset that your story hasn't been picked, maybe it's too. Edit it and resubmit it.

[A]

Get in there and get to the facts.

[B]

Yeah, like, take out. It's like two pages, tops.

[A]

Two pages.

[B]

Okay. Karen and Georgia and MFM team, including pets. I am a die hard OG Murderino who adores you all. A few mini episodes back, you asked for party stories, so here is mine. When I was in my early 20s, fresh out of college and living in Baltimore, I adopted a stray orange kitten. Oh, yeah, this is funny. Jaffe, rhymes with Taffy, was a scrappy little street cat who hung out with me for the next 18 years through all the different apartments and relationships and jobs I had across the country. She was still my little sidekick when I moved back to Baltimore in the early 2000s. Needless to say, I loved that cat. Sadly, shortly after I moved back, Jaffe started to slow down and was clearly sick. No definite diagnosis, but probably some form of cancer. My poor cat got skinnier and skinnier until a sad Thanksgiving morning when her back legs gave out and I knew her number was up. Since it was a holiday, I called an emergency vet who said they could take her in to be put to sleep, but that if she went quickly at home it wouldn't make much sense to pay the astronomical holiday they had to charge me. Oh yeah, of course I didn't want her to suffer and would have taken her in, but she faded fast and passed within an hour. I was truly heartbroken and cried into all the Thanksgiving pies I baked that afternoon. I was a little unsure what to do with Jaffe's little corpse until I could take her in the following day to be cremated, but after consulting with friends and family, I wrapped her in her favorite blanket, along with all of her cat toys, of course, and carefully stowed her outside on my city row house's roof deck where it was pleasantly chilly. Oh no, it's not what you think. It's maybe a little worse and my heart is pounding because I think Mimi's gonna be gone soon. It's the same on Thanksgiving too.

[A]

It's so sad.

[B]

I know. I showed up later that day at my family's Thanksgiving dinner in morning and made several that is Too many teary toast in Jaffe's honor throughout the meal.

[A]

Love it.

[B]

Although we never had before, my sister suggested we go Black Friday shopping that night and we ended up at Michael's, the craft store. Walking through the aisles, my sister pointed at a little wooden box and jokingly said, aw, that looks like a little coffin for Jaffe. Of course, I tearfully snatched it up and brought it back home that night, where I gently and kind of stiffly by that point, settled Jaffe in it on the roof deck before I went to bed. The next morning I scheduled Jaffe's cremation, but I felt like a little more ceremony was needed. After all, this cat had been with me for basically all of my adult life so far. So I decided to make a quick stop at my favorite bench by Baltimore's harbor so that Jaffnee and I could say a final goodbye to her city together. That day after Thanksgiving was definitely warmer than it had been the night before, and as I put my little cat coffin on my car's front seat for the short ride to the harbor and then carefully carried it to my favorite bench, I could detect the beginning of a faint smell. But I didn't care. I sat in the sun with the box, which I had stayed up late decorating with a Sharpie. The Night before on my lap for a couple minutes and waited for the few tourists milling around to leave before I could say my last goodbye. I don't know if it was my grief stricken sleep deprivation or what, but as I got up to leave, I suddenly thought, you know what would be so fitting for this Baltimore cat? A burial right here in the harbor. It seemed to make perfect sense as a more meaningful alternative to her anonymous cremation. And before I really knew what I was doing, I walked to the edge of the pier, whispered goodbye, and dropped Jaffe's wooden coffin into the harbor.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

As I watched the lovingly inscribed box bob out into the open water, I had another realization, which was that the box wasn't sink because it wasn't weighed down with anything but a very, very skinny cat body and some cat toys. Are you crying?

[A]

No, I just. It's so like. It's so when you're figuring stuff out by yourself.

[B]

Totally, Maria.

[A]

Like you just want to give the cat your final. Yeah, that's so sad.

[B]

I stood watching it float and then continued watching as around the corner of the pier, a Baltimore City harbor police boat slowly drifted into view. That box wasn't sinking, but my heart sure did as I watched the police boat suddenly change course and head straight for my poor cat's midnight madness. Co I stood a few seconds more, riveted by the sight of a large net being lowered into the harbor to retrieve the box. And then, I'm ashamed to say, I turned around and took off running from that pier.

[A]

Yeah, you did.

[B]

There are a lot of stories about bodies being dumped in Baltimore's harbor, but I was pretty sure that even having to explain a cat body would mean some trouble and probably a fine. I'm still sad about my cat's posthumous fate in the hands of the police. And to this day I always whisper a little hello, Jaffe every time I pass that pier. He's not in there. He's not fucking in there.

[A]

You should do as you pass the police department, because that's right.

[B]

But I will say that it is possibly my greatest party story to tell here in Baltimore, except for the time John Waters picked up a friend of mine at last call, which turned into a truly surreal late night slash early morning at his house during a massive snowstorm.

[A]

Ah, you getting stuck in a snowstorm at John Waters house. I mean, oh, my greatest night of your life, you lucky bastard.

[B]

Love you all and all that you do. Stay sexy and don't ever ask me to dump a body in Baltimore's house because I'm obviously not good at it. Rachel. She her. P.S. karen. As an 80s teen, my first big crush was on See Thomas Howell. I always thought I was the only one.

[A]

Oh, girl. It was all of us. All of us. Outsiders, fans. Wow, that is so hilarious and sad. I was actually thinking of this. We had this cat, Rory, and she was old when we adopted her and she didn't like us or anything and she was like one of those miserable old cats. We kind of brought her around near the end. Then she died. And I'm pretty sure we buried her on the side of the house. And it's like that's just there for the next people. Like if they go, oh, we wanna redo this and put in an edge or something.

[B]

I know that, like, I move so often. I know that my house right now isn't my final house. I'm not burying Elvis there. Cause I know like, in three years I'm gonna change my mind about it and fucking move away and leave Elvis there.

[A]

You have to keep Elvis in whatever urn he's in. Exactly Know.

[B]

Taking care of our mental health usually ends up at the bottom of the to do list.

[A]

It's somewhere between cleaning out the junk drawer and going to the post office. Or basically, it isn't going to happen.

[B]

But Talkspace makes it easy to fit therapy into your life.

[A]

Talkspace is the number one rated online therapy provider, bringing you professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatrists that you can access anytime, anywhere.

[B]

Talkspace is also in network. It's covered by most insurers and most insured members pay a copay of $0.

[A]

Talkspace is affordable even if you pay out of pocket. Part of the mission of Talkspace is to provide quality care that's accessible and affordable. Whether or not you're insured.

[B]

You can switch providers at no extra cost, so you'll be sure to find a licensed provider that fits your needs.

[A]

Here's why I love Talkspace. Because they're making it actually affordable for people in 2025. Very important these days.

[B]

We need it the most now and we can't afford it the most now. So let's fucking do it.

[A]

Yeah, let's get it all covered by our insurance and then let's get some therapy.

[B]

As a listener of this podcast, you'll get $80 off your first month when you go to talkspace.com MFM and enter promo code SPACE80.

[A]

That's S, P A C E 80. To match with the licensed therapist today, go to talkspace.com Mfm and enter promo code SPACE80. Goodbye. This podcast is sponsored by PayPal.

[B]

Okay, let's talk holiday shopping.

[A]

From now through December 8th, you can get 20% cash back when you pay in four with PayPal. No fees, no interest.

[B]

This limited time offer is perfect for the Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals you've been eyeing. Save the offer in the app.

[A]

Whether you're buying tickets to an improv show or a whodunit board game, PayPal helps you make the most of your money.

[B]

This holiday expires December 8th. See paypal.com promoterms subject to approval.

[A]

Learn more at paypal.com payinfor PayPal, Inc. NMLS 910457 Goodbye.

[B]

Goodbye.

[A]

Okay, here's my last one. And the subject line says, I'm a Kelsey, too. And then it says, hi, friends. Longtime listener, multi time writer. Thanksgiving is always my favorite holiday. Growing. Growing up, my mom always cooked for a big chunk of my family. And there are a lot of us. I'm one of eight. My mom was one of eight. And I lost count of how many cousins I have. And when I asked my mom why the hell she would have so many kids, she always replied, ugh, I don't know. I'm a recovering Catholic. I mean, my dad is one of nine. And that's a gigantic family. Imagine it's like eight and eight.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

Okay, so one Thanksgiving, while the turkey and the other deliciousness was cooking, my mom was running around like crazy. As always, I'm sure my constant offers to help were more annoying than anything. As I was just a little kid, she was the type of person that always had 17,000 pairs of reader glasses. You know, those little half glasses. Yet she always managed to constantly lose them. That was like, in the 90s. That's all my parents did, really, was like, did you take my readers? Or it's like, why would we. We don't use them, of course.

[B]

And they got them at, like, the grocery store and shit.

[A]

Yeah. So they're in pockets and they're in the couch and they're on a floor.

[B]

Actually, you're wearing a pair right now, dad. What the fuck?

[A]

You're wearing it as a headband. So it says. During this one fateful holiday, she, to no one's surprise, lost the pair she'd been using. We looked everywhere. It wasn't until the pungent smell of burnt plastic and smoke filled the air that we all realized what had happened. My mom had her glasses on top of her head when she last checked the turkey, and they fell off her damn head into the bottom of the oven where they remained.

[B]

Oh, my God. Okay.

[A]

So many questions. Why didn't she see that happen? Hear it, fucking feel it, see it?

[B]

I'll tell you. I shouldn't see it. She didn't have her fucking readers on.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's very true. But I'm like. Cause she started drinking. She had some gin fizzes around 11am that's what Thanksgiving is for. To her horror, it did manage to ruin a good chunk of the food. But she was the most worried about getting her beloved parakeet out of the smoke.

[B]

Aww.

[A]

Us kids were on our own. It's now one of the funniest stories we talk about around the holiday in her memory. My mom raised us on her own, and I lost her to suicide when I was a teenager. So hard.

[B]

Funny.

[A]

As the years go on, I struggle to remember her laugh. So telling these stories are what keep her memory alive for me.

[B]

My God.

[A]

Thank you for continuing to be a voice for mental health and all that it involves. We still have a lot of work to do and I am proud of everything you do. Oh, stay sexy and don't let mom lose her glasses. Kelsey. And P.S. my hooray is that being from San Luis Obispo, Paul Flores was finally held accountable for the death of Kristen Smart. Yes.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Oh, such a mom memory. I just love that mom, like, mom Thanksgiving memory, where it's like you're cooking for a million people, you're trying to get all this stuff done.

[B]

Yeah. Everything has different timing. It's such a pain in the ass. And then. Yeah. Someone asking you what they can do to help is almost more annoying sometimes.

[A]

Yes, exactly.

[B]

Because you're like, well, you're going to do it wrong.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, okay, that's beautiful. Okay. This is called Grandma's Kitchen. It's short. My grandparents, Julia Ann and Willard Oliver, had eight children. Each child married and had kids of their own. Me being the youngest of six. For my parents, all of this meaning Thanksgiving would be jam packed with people in their country farmhouse. Grandma always stayed in the kitchen, working away to feed everyone. When food was done, she sat and didn't eat anything. She said she ate by tasting everything while making it. Jesus. After her death, my aunt told us that Grandma hated everyone visiting. Grandpa insisted and she gave in. So my aunt would go buy a fifth of Jack, and it was hidden in the flour bin. Grandma would start with a bit of it in her coffee, and when the fifth was empty, the food was done.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Which Is the fifth the like the little flask looking one?

[A]

I hope so. Cause if grandma was drinking a big boy, I think different things would be happening.

[B]

Sure, she would sit in her chair in the kitchen and everyone would coo over her hard work. I now know she was hammered. I'm happy to know I got my introvert nature from her. I don't cook, but I can make a stiff drink. Yeah, stay sexy and don't host if you don't want to. Jeremy. P.S. one rule when she passed was that we couldn't announce it for a year. If they don't care to check on you alive, they don't deserve to know that you died.

[A]

Hell yeah. Grandma.

[B]

Grandma's vicious.

[A]

Grandma's like, fuck all these kids.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

That's hilarious.

[B]

Oh, my God. Grandma.

[A]

Julia Ann. R.I.P. we'll think of you this Thanksgiving, you badass. Everybody have a fifth of something. If you want to truly get through any kind of family holiday any way you need to.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Especially if you need to just go stand outside and stay sexy and don't get murdered. Goodbye. Happy Thanksgiving.

[B]

Happy Thanksgiving. Elvis. Do you want a cookie?

[A]

This has been an exactly right production.

[B]

Our senior producer is Molly Smith and our associate producer is Tessa Hughes.

[A]

Our editor is Aristotle Lacvedo.

[B]

This episode was mixed by Liana Squalaci.

[A]

Email your hometowns to my favorite murdermail dot com.

[B]

Follow the show on Instagram at my favorite murder.

[A]

Listen to my favorite murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[B]

Or Watch us on YouTube. Search for my favorite murder and then like and subscribe. Goodbye.

[A]

Amazon five Star Theater presents real customer reviews performed by a real serious improv podcaster. Tonight's review.

[B]

Review.

[A]

Spatula for the Stars. When I'm dead and civilization eventually collapses.

[B]

This spatula will remain. It will be the only rune uncovered.

[A]

By some unknown species of the future upon which they base their assumptions of our existence.

[B]

Eggs, they will posit.

[A]

These extinct people like to eat their eggs, and this was their primary tool for cooking them. Let us teleport and put this device in the Milky Way.

[B]

It's exhibit five stars.

[A]

Zachary, find your perfect gift.

[B]

This holiday on Amazon.

[A]

You know what a girl's best friend is? Not diamonds.

[B]

Her lawyers.

[A]

From executive producer Ryan Murphy comes a fiery new legal drama. It's our own boutique. Women representing women you can't afford to miss. Make it rig.

[B]

Showtime, ladies. Stand up straight. Then breeze into the that room like a storm no one saw coming.

[A]

Hulu Original Series All's Fair now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus for bundle subscribers.

[B]

Terms apply.

[C]

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