MFM Minisode 478

Summary

My Favorite Murder Minisode 478 (March 9, 2026)

Hosts: Karen Kilgariff & Georgia Hardstark
Network: Exactly Right / iHeartPodcasts

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Episode Overview

This minisode embodies classic “My Favorite Murder” energy: Karen and Georgia read and react to listener-submitted hometown true crime and close-call stories, blending dark themes with humor and warmth. The episode's casual, banter-rich tone is set from the start—this is one of the lighter, chill “read your letters” shows. Fans get everything from brushes with serial killers and tales of badass grandmas to generational gangster drama, photo lab crime-busting, and comedically dark family fables.

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Key Discussion Points & Listener Stories

1. Hometown Hero & The Confession Killer

[03:22]

• Listener Amy shares that her Grandpa Ray grew up alongside Henry Lee Lucas (the "Confession Killer") in Blacksburg, VA.
• Grandpa casually mentioned knowing Lucas as a kid with a glass eye whose mother was a sex worker, and only later admitted "the fellow went on to kill women out west..."
• Amy’s skepticism is shut down when her mom confirms it’s all true.

Notable Quotes:

• Karen: “Stay sexy and don't be too quick to call bullshit on Grandpa.” [04:43]
• Georgia: “I love immediate bullshit on Grandpa. Like I would never have the gall to call bullshit on a grandpa.” [04:48]

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2. Heroic Photo Lab Boss Busts a Predator

[05:00–10:14]

• Listener Heather recalls working at a one-hour photo lab in Texas in 1989, where a regular customer would ask for undeveloped film—raising suspicions.
• Her boss, Lisa, inspects a roll and discovers child exploitation photos; she calls the FBI, leading to the arrest of the man (a teacher) and his wife.
• The story highlights the critical, immediate action by a young woman who ignored local authorities and went straight to federal agents.

Notable Quotes:

• Karen: “Lisa was like, I'm not messing with the local cops. This is a federal case.” [09:45]
• Georgia: “I've never seen that kind of calm. Get-this-shit-dealt-with self confidence before.” [09:53]

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3. Grandma’s Guns & Cemented Secrets

[13:31–19:14]

• Listener Faith grew up in a family home built by her Italian immigrant ancestors. Over time, dozens of illegal firearms are found hidden in the attic.
• The truly chilling revelation: during a remodel, Faith’s straight-arrow dad was instructed by her grandmother to hand a bundle (containing a gun) to construction workers, who then embedded it in the new concrete foundation—possibly to hide evidence tied to a serious crime.
• The family realizes the ominous nature of a handgun that had to remain buried, joking about “Mafia murder” potential.

Notable Quotes:

• Faith (via Karen): “If my grandmother had been cool with hiding some dozen guns in the attic, this particular gun must have been responsible for some atrocious shit if it needed to be hidden forever in a foundation.” [18:43]
• Georgia: “Wow, Faith, that's a very Sopranos email.” [19:14]

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4. "Fuck Politeness" at the Laundromat

[19:17–21:42]

• Listener Ambria remembers when, as a teen, her mother refused a man’s request for a ride at a laundromat. The man flashed a gun in his waistband under the guise of “keeping them safe.”
• Ambria, annoyed, delayed following her mom’s urgent directions until understanding the true danger later.
• The story is a vivid reminder to trust gut instincts and parental intuition.

Notable Quotes:

• Ambria (via Georgia): “Her name is Tara. Pronounced Tara. Stay sexy and shut the car door when your mom asks.” [21:36]
• Karen: “If the person that knows more than you and is smarter...tells you to do a thing, shut the fucking door. With a certain kind of energy, maybe focus on that.” [21:42]

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5. Dramamine Disaster at Alcatraz

[25:27–29:09]

• Listener Lizzy recounts her dad (a firefighter) accidentally giving her three Dramamine pills instead of a child's dose before an Alcatraz boat tour, rendering her unconscious for most of the trip.
• Dad carried her “fireman-style” around the island while mom documented the absurdity for the family album.
• Now, Lizzy is pursuing a forensic science career partly inspired by MFM.

Notable Quotes:

• Karen: “Cheers to the dads that keep our lives interesting and create great memories, even if they're only remembered in photographs.” [28:01]
• Lizzy (via Karen): “Stay sexy and always remember to buy the non-drowsy mengr and then call your dad.” [29:03]

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6. Inherited Machete Threats: Trash Parenting Traditions

[29:22–32:23]

• Listener Kel shares how, after her own dad said a man with machetes lived in their basement (“to keep her from being scared”), she took the tradition up a notch.
• Kel tells her own kids art gallery owners would cut off the hands of children who touch art. The result? Her four-year-old asks a stunned shopkeeper if she has a machete and demonstrates the threat.
• It’s a hilarious but pointed look at how spooky humorous threats get absurdly passed down.

Notable Quotes:

• Kel (via Georgia): “Stay sexy and don't resort to baseless machete threats to get your children to act right. Or do.” [31:57]

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Memorable Moments & Quotes

• Generational wisdom & skepticism:

  • Georgia: “That's how these kids are these days, these gen zers. They yearn for justice.” [04:55]
  • Karen: “Tell us your stories about the older kid that you knew that was a fucking badass that gave you the courage to also be a badass.” [10:40]

• On dark humor and parenting:

  • Georgia: “Teens have no clue. They're like, equally the best people in the world and the worst people in the world at the same time.” [22:05]

• On fighting for justice:

  • Karen: “Cheers to unique career paths and thank you guys for being such great advocates for these victims and their families.” [28:01]

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Episode Structure & Segment Timestamps

• [02:48] Episode intro, mini “hometown" story premise
• [03:22] Classic Hometown & Badass Grandpa (Confession Killer Henry Lee Lucas story)
• [05:00] One Hour Photo for Good (Photo lab predator catch)
• [13:31] The Gun in the Foundation (Family secrets & illegal firearms)
• [19:17] "Fuck Politeness" at the Laundromat (Mother/daughter close call)
• [25:27] Dramamine at Alcatraz (Sleepy fireman's carry adventure)
• [29:22] Inheritance of Trash Parenting (Machete jokes through generations)
• [32:23] Closing comments, call for listener stories

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Overall Tone & Takeaways

• Warm, irreverent, and empathetic — Karen and Georgia keep dark true crime themes accessible through mutual support, wit, and personal vulnerability.
• The stories range from harrowing (child exploitation, family secrets) to comedic (parental over-medication, machete-themed parenting) but always receive a gentle, funny, and affirming treatment.
• The closing reminder: send your own wild, weird, or meaningful hometown stories to the show, emphasizing community and solidarity in the face of horror and absurdity.

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Stay sexy, and don’t get murdered!

Transcript

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My savior.

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Hello, and welcome to my favorite Murder Diminisode.

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We read you the stories that you

[A]

send us and I keep air drying my hair. So what you're hearing now, it sounds so smooth and silky, but what you're

[B]

seeing, we're a mess. But this is the chill episode. I feel like this is the easy like light lift episode.

[A]

Is this the clean girl makeup episode?

[B]

No, I mean like hometowns just feel

[A]

like, do we have to be so perfect all the time?

[B]

Not like in the regular episodes where we're fucking on it, snatch curling it.

[A]

This is a nice concise one to kick it off. The subject line is classic hometown and badass grandpa. And it says. It just goes right into it. My Grandpa Ray was and always will be a total badass and my hero.

[B]

Boom.

[A]

I could write stories for days, but my favorite was the time that he casually told me he spent part of his childhood alongside an infamous killer. Grandpa grew up in the holler of Brush Mountain in Blacksburg, Virginia, where I was born and raised. He once told me about a boy who lived up the same road in quotes. A different fella, he said, who had a glass eye. The boy's mama was a sex worker and his daddy. I bet that's not how her grandpa said it, right?

[B]

He did not use those words.

[A]

The boy's mama was a sex worker and his daddy didn't have any. Grandpa added, almost as an afterthought, that the fellow went on to kill women out west and confessed to many other murders. I immediately called bullshit on Grandpa. That's when my mom chimed in, no, it's true. That's right. Grandpa grew up alongside Henry Lee Lucas, the Confession Killer.

[B]

Holy shit.

[A]

Henry Lee Lucas was his neighborhood kid? No, Grandpa Ray passed away 10 years ago, but I treasure the 26 years I got to spend with him and the many stories he shared. I would love to hear grandp Grandpa Holler stories.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Especially that one in particular.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Stay sexy and don't be too quick to call bullshit on Grandpa. Amy.

[B]

I love immediate bullshit on Grandpa. Like I would never have the gall to call bullshit on a grandpa.

[A]

That's how these kids are these days, these gen zers.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

They yearn for justice.

[B]

Okay, this is called One Hour photo for Good. If you're actually reading this, I am so grateful to this podcast and everyone who makes it happen. I have been a listener since 2016. Hey, your podcast talked me off the ledge the morning after the election that year. Can you believe we thought that was the worst that could happen?

[A]

Damn.

[B]

You've been my friends and traveling companions through so much, giving me laughter through breast cancer, divorce, pet loss, an empty nest, and so much more. I appreciate you ladies and count you as sisters.

[A]

Oh, my God. I know.

[B]

But I want to tell you about something that happened when I was 19. It was 1989 and I had dropped out of college. Concerned about my well being, my older brother invited me to move from my home state of Kentucky down to League City, Texas.

[A]

Big baseball town.

[B]

A lot of baseball leagues.

[A]

A lot of leagues. Measurements under the sea.

[B]

I don't know. That is a whole nother story. I quickly got a job at a one hour photo lab in Friendswood, Texas. Just up the interstate on one exit. My sister worked at a one hour photo place when she was in high school. And it was.

[A]

She saw some shit.

[B]

Awesome. Yeah, we all saw. We all got to see some shit.

[A]

I bet.

[B]

It was a busy one hour lab in a big mall. There were regulars with rolls of film chronicling their lives. Do you remember disc cameras, Instamatics. These took terrible pictures.

[A]

Yeah, they did.

[B]

Did they?

[A]

Me and my sister got them for Christmas one year from Aunt Man Ann. And they came in this big. It was almost like an unboxing box. It came in this big box and it was such a big deal presentation, but it felt like they were cameras made for to give kids a camera and be like, here, go take some pictures. And that's what all. Everything was like from a down here perspective, like downward going up.

[B]

Right. These took terrible pictures. But then There was the 35 millimeter film in 12, 24 or 36 frame rolls. I should know that. My sister is now a photographer.

[A]

I was going to say, did Leigh learn it at the photo development lab?

[B]

No, she. Since high school she's been doing it.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

She's dedicated. Okay. Most people got single or double prints, except for a regular customer who came in about once a week, dropped off a roll for film processing only he would be back on the hour to pick up the film. He asked us to keep the whole roll intact, placed in a special clear plastic sleeve, then rolled and then put back into the paper bag. So I feel like we need to explain to some children that are listening.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

That instead of getting the film developed into actual photos, you would just get them turned into film so you could go home in your own D and Develop them yourself.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Meaning no one would see the film at the one hour photo store.

[A]

See, I didn't know that. I'm learning with the children.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I didn't realize that was an option.

[B]

It's like getting a thing to then go home and do it himself instead of.

[A]

He's like, you have to take the first two steps for me. Cause I don't have like the chemicals or something.

[B]

Sure. I don't know. That's all I know.

[A]

All he's saying is, what's happening on this film is illegal.

[B]

Totally. And I don't want you to look at it. Yeah, totally. My boss, a no nonsense native Texan, a year older than me, named Lisa, stopped me the first time I processed a roll of his. She took the roll, looked at it on the light table, quickly printed a few frames. The date was automatically printed on the back of each print. The pictures would go through the machine in a long strip coming down a conveyor belt to be packaged. The people in the mall could watch the stream of images. She covered the conveyor when his went through. Oh, so she's going clandestine.

[A]

Lisa knows exactly what's happening here, right? And she's gonna do something about it.

[B]

I love this one because I remember every single older like boss or co worker I had from when I was stupid at 19. Sure. Instead of stupid and 45. That like taught me so much about life. They were like, so no nonsense.

[A]

Yes. Well, also because they were the holders and like they were the rule followers as the example. So when they were breaking rules, you were like, wait, what's happening now? Like the waitress that passed my mom the aspirin, where it's like, we don't know why this is the rule. Your child is a headache. I'm going to give you totally.

[B]

And I trust you to make that decision on your own.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. When she handed me the printed pictures, I saw images of him. A dumpy middle aged man in states of getting nude in an empty classroom. The pictures went into a package she kept in her desk. Okay, weird. She instructed me to print samples from his film whenever he came in. Sometimes his wife would drop off the film. Then one fateful day, he brought in a role that included a girl, elementary age, sitting at a school desk, looking down, writing seemingly and I hope honestly unaware that he was several rows back behind her with his pants around his ankles.

[A]

Jesus christ.

[B]

My badass 20 year old boss printed every frame on that roll. Then she called the FBI. And after that, our district manager. Yes, Lisa.

[A]

Lisa was like, I'm not messing with the local cops.

[B]

No.

[A]

This is a federal case.

[B]

I have them on speed dial.

[A]

Fuck you.

[B]

I've never seen that kind of calm. Sure. Get this shit. Dealt with self confidence before. He and his wife. Who held the camera. Who held the camera. So they were doing it together. I didn't even see that. Were arrested and went to jail. He lost his teaching license. I don't know where Lisa is now, but I'm sure she's doing good.

[A]

I bet she is.

[B]

Thank you for reading, Heather.

[A]

Especially in a time like this. We are now just up to our eyeballs in this nightmare Epstein file bullshit, which is like just this kind of stuff that's been like brushed under the carpet and hidden away for years. Yep.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And made smaller or whatever. It's just like Lisa's been fighting the good fight.

[B]

Totally. Since 89.

[A]

I mean, that's.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

Tell us your stories about the older kid that you knew that was a fucking badass that gave you the courage to also be a badass.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Your example. Yes, Your example. Like late teen.

[B]

Yeah. My favorite. Murder at Gmail.

[A]

Yeah, good one.

[B]

Send them in.

[A]

Literally, I thought you were like. Do you have Epstein stories?

[B]

Just send us your Epstein. I'm not. That's not funny.

[A]

That's not funny at all. And that's how we do things over here.

[B]

Send those to the FBI.

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Goodbye. Okay, I'm not going to read you the subject line. It says, hello, Badass MFM podcast family. I grew up in the same house that my mother was raised in, which was built by my great grandfather after they emigrated from Italy in the 1940s. Come on, abundanza. Sorry, Liana.

[B]

Every time you say Italy, you have to touch the Italy thing. Do it.

[A]

Italy.

[B]

Italy.

[A]

Okay. My grandmother purchased it from her parents and eventually sold it to my mother when I was maybe 12. At that point, my grandmother moved upstairs and my parents commissioned Hella Construction to make sure I missed that first time. Hella Construction to make sure that she was comfortable in what would become a finished mother daughter apartment. Because I was 12 and my parents wanted to make me feel better about the whole move, they promised to renovate one of the bedrooms for me too, which involved knocking out a wall and building out the foundation of the house. The whole bedroom ended up being larger than my studio apartment.

[B]

Jesus. Nice.

[A]

Here's the thing. My great grandfather was in cement. His son, my great uncle, followed Suit more or less in. In the cement business.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[A]

I know. Sorry.

[B]

I was like buried under the house in cement.

[A]

I actually wasn't sure.

[B]

I had to in cement.

[A]

Search for those context clues. Okay, okay. My mother said. With quotes around it.

[B]

So. Okay, so here we go.

[A]

My mother said that when she was a kid, Uncle Charlie would come to the house at all sorts of weird hours with weird people and weird things. One of her more memorable stories invol showing up just before their bedtime with a life size statue of St. Jude which he took from a church that was being renovated because they were throwing it out. St. Jude still lives in my parents basement because everyone's afraid it's the only thing bringing good juju into the house at this point. A full size statue, I don't think you can throw away like reliquary unless it.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Right. Sorry. I really had to bust that one out. God, it's so rare that a word comes into my head anymore. That one really was.

[B]

You've been holding onto that. I've never even heard. That's how good it was.

[A]

Oh, I'm so proud of my fucked up brain. Okay. Yeah. I don't think they just throw out statues cause they're redoing the place. Yeah, the style's been pretty similar since about 1590 I would guess.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Okay. My parents basement is still a treasure trove of. What the fuck. Because my grandmother was a hoarder and it's taken more than five years to clear out all her stuff. My grandmother's second husband collected guns and they knew my grandmother had held onto an antique pearl handled pistol. But these weren't pretty collectibles. That particular closet backs up to the attic, which is accessible through a creepy little door in the back wall. And something told my parents to investigate further. Well, after a weekend of deep diving through support beams and insulation, they found upwards of a dozen firearms hidden in the attic, including models that are very illegal to own. They have no idea how long they'd been there, who originally owned them, or why my grandmother was hiding them. But that's not the story I'm really emailing about. Yep, sorry, not talking about that. It says several years later I was visiting my parents for a weekend and we were sitting around the table after lunch talking about some weird dreams we'd had. My mother made a reference to the hidden attic guns, saying she felt like there was another gun hidden somewhere and dreamed about it. Often in her dreams, it was buried in the backyard or sometimes the side garden. She said something about the cement used to pour the walkway, and my dad's face went totally white. He was noticeably uncomfortable. And when we asked what was wrong, he just asked, if I break a promise to someone who's dead, will they come back and haunt you? My dad has always been a pretty straightforward guy. My mother's family is old school Italian superstitious, but my dad, not so much. So old school Italian. Ding. So this was kind of a weird question to ask at the lunch table. At this point, all the alarm bells in my mother's head are going off and she demands to know what he's talking about. After a few minutes of sweating and dodging questions, he tells us this story. When my parents were building the addition to the house, they hired a friend of my great uncle's to do the construction. The plan was to build a new living room where the concrete porch used to be. But when they went to dig it up, they found it went down way further than was structurally necessary and decided the best idea was just to use that as the foundation. That meant matching the depth. When they poured the foundation for my new bedroom. The morning they scheduled the concrete pour, My grandmother called my dad upstairs and handled him a bundle of sheets. Give this to the guys, she told him. They'll know what to do with it. And whatever you do, don't tell your wife. My dad did as he was told and handed the bundle to my great uncle's friend, who unwrapped it just enough to see the handgun inside and just gave it a nod before setting it into the cement.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

So aside from finding out that my childhood bedroom was built over a hidden handgun, we also realized that if my grandmother had been cool with hiding some dozen guns in the attic, this particular gun must have been responsible for some atrocious shit if it needed to be hidden forever in a foundation.

[B]

It was hot.

[A]

It was hot. And potentially connected to an international murder.

[B]

Mafia murder.

[A]

Gotta say, if I'm ever in trouble, I'm going to my dad for help. Because he immediately forgot all about the incident and was never even tempted to tell my mother until that exact day when she had had the dream that there was a gun somewhere on the property. If this ends up getting read on a minisot, thanks for sharing in my ruined childhood, stay sexy and don't get murdered face. Wow, Faith, That's a very Sopranos email.

[B]

Meadow. It could be signed Meadow.

[A]

Your friend Meadow.

[B]

Okay, my mom fucked politeness at the laundromat. Hey, y', all, that's all I have in Me. So sorry. That's all I have in me for an intro, so let's jump in.

[A]

Sounds good there.

[B]

When I was in middle school, my parents were remodeling our house and we didn't have a laundry room for over a year and had to do all of our laundry at the local laundromats. I always went with my mom to hang out for a few hours while the clothes washed and dried. All the other customers were always kind, usually women and kids hanging out. One day while we were loading up the laundry and supplies into the back of the vehicle, a man stopped my mom. He had been sitting outside in the Alabama heat the whole time we were there. I didn't stop and went to sit in the car, but I heard him ask her for a ride to a local motel. I heard my mom say, sir, you know I can't do that and shot her eyes over to me. Next I knew, my mom was at my door telling me to shut it and lock it. I was being a bratty teen and said no because it was hot and she hadn't started the car yet. Just like leaning with the door open, she said through gritted teeth, shut the door now. I probably rolled my eyes and crossed my arms after shutting the door because I was and then dramatic. She was a little upset with me when she got in, but then we drove home like normal. When we got home, my mom told my dad about the conversation with the man, including the parts I didn't see. The man had lifted his shirt to show a gun in his waistband and told her that he would keep us safe. So I can't drive you. I'm scared. I'll keep you safe.

[A]

I'll keep you safe.

[B]

Don't worry. I have a gun. I'll keep you safe.

[A]

It's me, the strange man with the gun. I'll keep you safe.

[B]

In my waistband, yeah. After she told the man no again, he threw his flip phone at the brick wall of the laundromat in anger. She also told my dad about how I wouldn't shut the door and he got upset with me too. But as a parent myself now, I understand their reactions were evident out of fear. Safe to say our washer dryer were installed that week and we never went back to the laundromat again. I'll never know what intentions that man had, but I'm glad my mom fucked politeness and kept us safe. She is such a strong woman and I hope I am showing my kids a fraction of the strength and determination she has. Her name is Tara. Pronounced Tara. Stay sexy and shut the car door when your mom asks. Ambria. Pronounced Ambria.

[A]

Oh, nice.

[B]

I've heard that name before. It's pretty. Feel free to use my name. Love you guys and all that you do.

[A]

Ambria. Here's what I love that you're like, I understand that she was saying that to me out of fear. It's like, do you understand that you need to be a team player? And if the person that knows more than you and is smarter than you and has been around so much longer than you comes up and tells you to do a thing, shut the fucking door. With a certain kind of energy, maybe focus on that.

[B]

Teens have no clue. They're like, equally the best people in the world and the worst people in the world at the same time.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, it's not fair in a lot of ways because you're the youngest old person, so you're the dumbest old person. Usually, yeah. But in those days, situations where it's just like, I just wish she had done a full. Like, I should have listened to my mom the first time and had some spatial awareness. Instead, it's like, I understand she was working out of fear. Like, there was a guy, a guy with a gun.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I love yelling. In the new HBO Original Series DTF St. Louis, everyone looks normal from across the street.

[B]

But who wouldn't kill to spice things up?

[A]

Jason Bateman, David Harbour and Linda Cardellini star as three suburbanites experiencing midlife malaise.

[B]

When two of them attempt to spice up their love lives on a dating app called DTF St. Louis, an unexpected love triangle ends with one of them dead.

[A]

Don't miss the new HBO Original Series DTF St. Louis, premiering March 1st on HBO Max. Goodbye.

[B]

There is nothing worse than buying furniture online and being disappointed when it shows up.

[A]

With Article. The quality is clear right away from the materials to the craftsmanship.

[B]

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[A]

With Article's 30 day satisfaction guarantee, you can shop with confidence, knowing that if you're not completely in love with your new furniture, you can easily return it. This peace of mind ensures that you can invest in your home without hesitation.

[B]

You know what I hate is posts that tell you what is out in the coming year when it comes to design and it's like if you have a classic style and you love, love beautiful pieces, you never have to look at those ads. It's not true. It's like not trendy. I love that Article pieces will never be on those lists. It's timeless when you shop with article.

[A]

That's right. And also instead of being influenced by trends, when you look at article's website, you see it's things that like, they're always popular, they always look beautiful.

[B]

If you're in the market for a beautiful new sofa, dining table or bed, head over to article.com goodbye. You know, there are so many kinds of love.

[A]

There's romantic, platonic, familial, whatever love happens between you and a great bowl of pasta, the list goes on.

[B]

Let Pandora help you celebrate your love with personalized jewelry designed to tell your unique story.

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[A]

Shop in store or [e-mail] goodbye. So you know we're talking about, hey, sometimes it's the kid's fault. Hey, sometimes it's the parents fault. Okay, as we well know, I'm not going to read you the subject line. It just says, hi fellow. Murder loving people again. We don't love murder. It was summer of 2005 and I was 8 years old when we took a family vacation to Yosemite and San Francisco. While in San Fran, we got a boat tour that took us past Alcatraz and to some other island close by.

[B]

What is that?

[A]

Marin Treasure Island? Yeah, well, it depends on where they were going. I don't remember there being a two island stop for the Alcatraz tour, but

[B]

I haven't been there since Alcatraz 2.

[A]

It's smaller and hipper and there's a disco. Disco. There's an amazing nightlife on Alcatraz too. Okay. My dad was really nervous that I was gonna get seasick, so he gave me three Dramamine and we boarded the boat. Turns out that the serving size of Dramamine for an eight year old is half a pill. So I was knocked the fuck out.

[B]

Hell yeah.

[A]

My dad happens to be a fireman.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

And it Says he's retired now. This is so classic. So he walked around the island, Alcatraz, with my sleeping 8 year old body thrown over his shoulder in a fireman's carry. So can I just stop here to tell you this, and this is the most privileged dad life thing I will ever tell you, which is that at night when we were little, my dad, you could do the fireman's carry. You could do sack of potatoes, or you could ride a horse to bed. Those are the three ways we got carried to bed.

[B]

And you gotta pick which one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's so cute.

[A]

So fireman's ear just bent over his shoulder. Sure.

[B]

That kind of hurts your stomach a little bit.

[A]

Yeah, it's not that fun. Sack of potatoes, he's holding you by

[B]

your ankles and you're behind. Oh, my God.

[A]

But then the horse, you got on back and you put your hand over his mouth to feed the horse and he ran down the hallway and threw you on the bed.

[B]

Can he do it now? Can I have that, please?

[A]

I mean, no, he can only do it verbally sometimes.

[B]

That's hilarious.

[A]

The physical isn't there with him anymore, but it was. Laura and I talk about it sometimes. We're like, that might be the greatest privilege.

[B]

Yeah. Having a firefighter dad. Oh, my God.

[A]

So that's. I think this one gets me especially because he just basically like every fireman's like, we're just gonna solve this problem just fucking. Here, I'll sign.

[B]

Next time Vince's brother is in town, I'm ask him to carry me like a sack of potatoes.

[A]

You could do. I'll take sack of potatoes or a horse.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Okay. So he would occasionally stop and wake me up to eat ice cream and drink water with my eyes closed. My mom and brother took normal pictures and occasionally included me. Weekend at bir.

[B]

You have a picture. I can see you have a picture. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[A]

It's the best picture too. The only thing that I actually remember about that day is waking up on a park bench next to a dog wearing sunglasses.

[B]

Oh, she's awakened. Oh, my God.

[A]

That's her way. She woke up at the end of all that. Was like, hey, that is the cutest

[B]

thing I've ever seen.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Also, my dad swears he didn't accidentally drug me and that I was just super tired from camping in Yosemite the week prior. Like, yeah. Cheers to the dads that keep our lives interesting and create great memories, even if they're only remembered in photographs. Also, I just completed My advanced certificate in crime analysis. Oh, I also. That girl, that youngster from the park bench. I also have my bachelor's degree in textile science, and I'm hoping to end up in some sort of crime scene analysis textile forensic science situation. Someone once told me that at the FBI, it is someone's job to go up to crime scenes and analyze duct tape and plastic bags that were used in crime. So maybe that Cheers to unique career paths and thank you guys for being such great advocates for these victims and their families. You're both part of the reason why I decided to go back to school. In the hopes of using my niche knowledge on textiles and other materials in order to help find evidence and build a case. And then advocate and fight for those who no longer can and bring justice to them and their loved ones.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Stay sexy and always remember to buy the non drowsy men and then call your dad. X.O.X.O. lizzie.

[B]

Aw, Lizzy.

[A]

Isn't that the best?

[B]

That's the best. How am I gonna fall? Okay, I have one more.

[A]

Do you have a dog in sunglasses at the end?

[B]

No. And that dog, you can tell he's a private investigator too, right?

[A]

That dog knows more than he's.

[B]

Right?

[A]

He's actually undercover as a stoner.

[B]

Okay, this is an inheritance of trash parenting. Hello. You're all great. Let's go. I sit in a story about the time my dad discovered I was scared of his basement and decided the telling me there was a man with machetes down there would be the best way to make me not scared.

[A]

That's why we didn't read that email, is because that's just child abuse.

[B]

Right? It says it kind of worked. From then on, he signed all of my Christmas and birthday presents in shaky handwriting. From the man in the basement with the machetes. I don't get it. Sounds like it was a joke, but I don't get it.

[A]

It's not that funny.

[B]

It's kind of hilarious.

[A]

It's the horror of, like, there's just so many people loose with children making these independent decisions.

[B]

I'm gonna pretend like he said it in a hilarious way like, oh, don't worry about the basement. It's just a man. Okay.

[A]

Or maybe like, the trying to follow it up with funny jokes is like, I really scared her that one time. And now I'm really trying to lighten the mood.

[B]

Who knows? I bring this up to excuse one of my trash parenting moments. In my early 30s, I took my four young children. Jesus. To Astoria, Oregon, because there was a TARDIS in an arcade and they loved Doctor who. While there, I desperately wanted to look at some of the downtown art galleries. So gathered my children and informed them all that we were going to look with our eyes, not with our hands. Because the shopkeepers have machetes under the counter to chop off the hands of people who touch the art. In her defense, four kids by any

[A]

means necessary, first of all. But I'm so sorry, I just didn't think it was gonna loop around like that.

[B]

We go into the first shop and my four year old walks right up to the older woman working there and asks her if she has a machete. The woman looked confused and asked, why would I have a machete, sweetie? My daughter looked directly into the woman's eyes and made a chopping motion with her hand to her other arm.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

The woman looked horrified.

[A]

A four year old.

[B]

I felt my face go bright red with shame. My 10 year old daughter rushed forward and said, we're okay. Our family just has a dark sense of humor. Then she steered us all out of the gallery. We spent the rest of the time outside until we went home. I asked my children if they remembered this and none of them did. But they all got a good laugh. Stay sexy and don't resort to baseless machete threats to get your children to act right. Or do Kel.

[A]

Cause they work so well. Kel, you gotta admit it. Delightful.

[B]

In 10 years we're gonna get an email from the 10 year old who's a parent who says they used it and it didn't go well.

[A]

That 10 year old is gonna be like a world class artist. Or it's like have you seen my machete sculptures? This was my.

[B]

I just love machetes.

[A]

I love them. And this was an inspirational day for me.

[B]

Okay, everyone. I think that like people who are watching on Netflix maybe don't know what we're doing and we should have maybe said it earlier. But send us any kind of story that you have that you think fits with a true crime comedy weird podcast to my favorite murder at Gmail.

[A]

Yeah, I mean it's kind of explained but it's like it's just mailbag. So we very early on heard back from our audience so much about so many things really. Like let's get this out there.

[B]

Yeah. We need an episode just for your stories. So we did that.

[A]

So join us.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And stay sexy and don't get murdered.

[B]

Goodbye, Elvis. Do you want a cookie?

[A]

This has been an exactly right production.

[B]

Our senior producer is Molly Smith and our Associate producer is Tessa Hughes.

[A]

Our editor is Aristotle Lacvedo.

[B]

This episode was mixed by Liana Scott.

[A]

Email your hometowns to my favorite murder

[B]

gmail.com follow the show on Instagram at

[A]

My Favorite Murder Listen to My Favorite murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[B]

And now you can watch My Favorite Murder on Netflix.

[A]

And when you're there, hit the double thumbs up and the Remind me buttons. That's the best way you can support our show. Goodbye.

[B]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. It's Stock Up Savings time now through March 31st. Bring in for storewide deals and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags to earn uneligible items from Lays, Jack Links, Cheez It Classico, Hidden Valley and Best Foods. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Stack up those rewards to save even more. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go, pickup or delivery restrictions apply. See website for terms and conditions.

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Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you

[A]

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