Georgia Hardstark (1:44)

Oh come on.

Karen Kilgariff (1:45)

Due to my dad's job, my family and I moved around a lot while I was growing up. When I was in high school, we were living in Columbia. Like many 15 year olds, I was a babysitter at that time for a couple kids that lived in my building. One night I was babysitting three kids and my two younger sisters. One of the kids asked me if we could do something fun. The little girl who asked. Nine years old. So classic. Can we do something fun?

Georgia Hardstark (2:07)

And fun.

Karen Kilgariff (2:08)

Then asked me in her cute little kid voice if we could call the Jonas Brothers. I let her know that I did not personally know the Jonas Brothers and could not call them. But she insisted. What was I to do? So the kids and I started googling the Jonas Brothers phone numbers. While I didn't actually expect their numbers to be on the Internet. I did think at best we would run into a phone number that fans could call into which I knew some bands had at one point in time. At the worst, we would prank call somebody, which is also fun. That's when you're getting your babysitter hat on. Yeah, but no Karen and Georgia. Neither of these scenarios was what happened next. After 10 to 15 minutes of googling and finding a fan page with no phone number, we finally found a thread of fan discussions on what I know now to be good old Reddit. There was a listed number where fans call in and leave messages. So I dialed the 10 digit phone number ending in 91 1. No, it did not ring alarm bells to me. Pun intended that the last three digits were 91 1. However, when the woman on the other end answered the phone saying 91 1- what's your emergency? I knew I made a mistake. So like any kid would, I hung up and told the little girl it was a wrong number and we should go watch a movie instead.

Georgia Hardstark (3:19)

Oops.

Karen Kilgariff (3:19)

Yep, don't take care of it. Run away. But then the phone started ringing. I yelled to my sisters in the other room not to answer it, but it went off again.

Georgia Hardstark (3:28)

Oh my God.

Karen Kilgariff (3:29)

I looked at the 11 year old brother who, unlike the little ones, knew the mistake we had made. Now it's we. I had no other choice but to run around the house and unplug each landline Skype drive.

Georgia Hardstark (3:41)

You're just compounding it.

Karen Kilgariff (3:43)

I had no other choice.

Georgia Hardstark (3:44)

I had no other choice.

Karen Kilgariff (3:45)

I had no other choice is the beginning of everybody's autobiography of fucked up shit they did or just like you had liter, a million other choices. Karen. After that we watched a movie and pretended the events of the evening never happened. My parents and the kids parents came home shortly after and everything was fine. No one said anything about our night's activities and I plugged the phones back in before going to bed. I want to note that while living overseas, we did in fact have a phone with a US number. It was a Skype phone with a US number attached to it. Now in order to have a US based number, it has to be connected to a US address. So the next morning, my mother sat down at the dining room table after getting off the phone and turned to my dad and sisters and I saying the most wild thing happened when grandma got home from ballet last night. The police were surrounding her house.

Georgia Hardstark (4:31)

Oh no. Back in the U.S. oh no.

Karen Kilgariff (4:35)

I had forgotten that the address attached to our phone was my grandmother's the police asked if she was all right, saying a 911 call had been tracked back to her address. Luckily, my grandma had been out all evening, so they just chalked it up to a misunderstanding.

Georgia Hardstark (4:47)

Hold on. Grandma was at ballet?

Karen Kilgariff (4:50)

Grandma was at at ballet. If not teaching ballet class, she's probably a young grandma.

Georgia Hardstark (4:55)

A young hip grandma. A young hip hop. I bet she has hip hop on Tuesdays, ballet on Wednesdays, Modern jazz. Modern jazz Thursdays, Zumba, Zumba Fridays, and

Karen Kilgariff (5:06)

then it's church all weekend. I bet you're wondering if in that moment, I confessed to the call. No, of course I didn't. It was only many years later, as an adult drinking wine with my parents, that I told them the real story of what happened. They took it well, but that could have been the wine. Thank you for all that you and the Exactly Right team do. And shout out to my friend Leah, who I got hooked on to the podcast.

Georgia Hardstark (5:29)

Yay.

Karen Kilgariff (5:29)

It's not a thank you to Leah for getting them podcasted, so you're welcome.

Georgia Hardstark (5:32)

Thank you. You're welcome, Leah.

Karen Kilgariff (5:34)

Stay sexy. And don't Google celebrity phone numbers. They're almost always wrong. Kendall.

Georgia Hardstark (5:38)

Some fucker put that number in Reddit and was like, call this number.

Karen Kilgariff (5:41)

Try here. 9, 1, 1.

Georgia Hardstark (5:43)

I definitely called New Kids on the block, you know, 900 line when I was a kid and definitely got in trouble for.

Karen Kilgariff (5:50)

What did you think you wanted to talk about or say?

Georgia Hardstark (5:53)

I thought they'd fall in love with me if they knew. They didn't know about me yet, so they hadn't fallen in love with me. But if they finally knew about me, then they'd be in love with me.

Karen Kilgariff (6:00)

They would finally know the personality that they were waiting for.

Georgia Hardstark (6:03)

Right? And it's like this whole time you've been writing songs about me and you didn't even know it. You know, I let them know.

Karen Kilgariff (6:09)

Let me solve your yearning issue. The songs won't even be necessary anymore.

Georgia Hardstark (6:13)

Surprise. It's me. I'm wearing fucking bicycle shorts and a fucking.

Karen Kilgariff (6:18)

And a choker and a.

Georgia Hardstark (6:19)

No, no, this is little Georgia.

Karen Kilgariff (6:21)

Oversized water park shirt.

Georgia Hardstark (6:23)

What was that one shirt called? Hypercolor shirt.

Karen Kilgariff (6:25)

Oh, yes.

Georgia Hardstark (6:26)

Okay. For the first time ever in my life, actually, I have reading glasses. I'm the last of my family, the last Jewish person.

Karen Kilgariff (6:37)

Let's build it up a little bit. Ladies and gentlemen. Georgia Hardstark is going from 2020 vision to now. What is it? 2035. Does it go higher or lower?

Georgia Hardstark (6:48)

I think it was higher. It's still really good, but it's Just not good enough.

Karen Kilgariff (6:52)

20, 40.

Georgia Hardstark (6:53)

Yeah. So here we go.

Karen Kilgariff (6:55)

If you just work on it, maybe you can get back.

Georgia Hardstark (6:57)

How do you clean these?

Karen Kilgariff (6:58)

Just you wipe them on your T shirt is what I would say, but that any optometrist would be furious that I would be saying, if I look

Georgia Hardstark (7:04)

stupid, I won't wear them because that's what I care about. Whoa. I can see right. Holy glasses Work. I'm not gonna read you the subject line, but it's fucked up. Oh, don't look. Podcast besties. I've never really considered writing in, but when this happened, I needed to tell you. My dad, Leroy, died a few weeks ago. He was 87. We weren't close.

Karen Kilgariff (7:35)

Oh, okay.

Georgia Hardstark (7:36)

This person doesn't care. My parents divorced when I was eight and he'd been remarried to my stepmom for over 20 years. And while I would see them once or twice a year, we didn't impact each other's d. Well, best case scenario

Karen Kilgariff (7:47)

for a grief situation, right?

Georgia Hardstark (7:49)

Anyone can be a parent. Cut. To my dad's funeral, I had barely walked in and signed the guestbook when an older gentleman just behind me reading my name boomed, you're Adam. And shook my hand to introduce himself and his wife. I'm Fred. I was a co worker and friend of your dad's. I could hardly get a word in. He enthusiastically told me work stories and how the two couples had traveled to the British Virgin Islands and sailed at catamaran together.

Karen Kilgariff (8:13)

Wow.

Georgia Hardstark (8:14)

Fred was excited to send me his photos once he got home, so he typed in his email address into my phone and I push send. I excused myself to visit with a parade of long unseen relatives making my way into the chapel, my dad's open casket at the head of the room. As the service began, I settled into the front row seat next to my siblings. The chaplain called for anyone who'd like to speak, and Fred stepped forward. This is a celebration, he proclaimed, followed by his work and catamaran stories. Fred mentioned how he and my dad would often meet up for lunch to one up each other's travel stories. His speech closed with, godspeed, Leroy, and hold the door open for the rest of us. Fred walked back to his seat a few rows behind me. My stepmom followed and had only taken the podium for a few minutes when a series of loud and terrible noises echoed. Then it says, yak, yak, yack. The service halted and everyone's head turned towards the sound. Is Fred okay? My stepmom asked to the bewildered room. Fred had slumped forward in his pew and the noises had stopped. Subdued panic ensued. Two men lifted and carried Fred to the central aisle between the pews, laid him on the floor, and started cpr. As we waited for paramedics to arrive.

Karen Kilgariff (9:28)

Oh no.

Georgia Hardstark (9:29)

Fred was unresponsive. This is called death at a funeral.

Karen Kilgariff (9:33)

Oh my God. Okay, I'm so sorry. I was confused because when you said yak, yak, yak.

Georgia Hardstark (9:38)

Uh huh.

Karen Kilgariff (9:38)

I thought Fred was like heckling the stepmother where I'm like, that's yak, yak, yak. Yes. Oh my God.

Georgia Hardstark (9:44)

A trio of paramedics assembled a stretcher under Fred and placed a compression over his chest and started an iv. As the medics wheeled Fred down the aisle, his wife yelled, don't stop that machine. And they were all gone, leaving us mourners paralyzed, in shock.

Karen Kilgariff (10:00)

I did. What would you even do, right?

Georgia Hardstark (10:02)

I looked at the funeral home employees for guidance, wondering, do we keep going? Do we reschedule the funeral? How long do we have this place for? Is there a funeral after us? A cousin took the podium and took charge, and the funeral was back on track. Following more speeches, prayers, and songs, my dad's casket was wheeled into the back of a hearse. As the chaplain was giving the final prayer for my father at the grave site, he announced that we would also have a separate prayer for Fred, who didn't make it.

Karen Kilgariff (10:29)

Oh my God.

Georgia Hardstark (10:31)

He followed. He's like, I'm gonna leave the door open for us. And Leroy was like, got you.

Karen Kilgariff (10:35)

And if it was a movie, he would be walking back to his seat and like, sit down and then be like, hey, buddy. And he'd be like, what

Georgia Hardstark (10:44)

you wish for? Yeah, I guess. Fred had pulled the ultimate one up on my dad by all caps. Dying at his funeral.

Karen Kilgariff (10:52)

God damn.

Georgia Hardstark (10:53)

Cause you remember he was saying how they do one up stories about their trips.

Karen Kilgariff (10:56)

Yeah. The ultimate trip.

Georgia Hardstark (10:58)

The ultimate trip. I hope my dad, quote, held the door open for him. The last email in my phone was to Fred, who had promised to send me photos. A somber reminder that time is never guaranteed. Stay sexy and hold the door open. Adam. He. Him, Adam. Like, oh my God, I love that this happened. And the first thing he thought was, I have to tell Karen in Georgia about it. That's my favorite.

Karen Kilgariff (11:21)

I mean, I would say absolutely, that funeral goes on.

Georgia Hardstark (11:25)

Yeah.

Karen Kilgariff (11:26)

Because that isn't the thing that's finalizing and making anything right. It's just an observation. And you're still, you're observing it maybe even more.

Georgia Hardstark (11:34)

And he wasn't dead yet. Like he wasn't fully pronounced Dead. Yes. So you gotta keep going.

Karen Kilgariff (11:39)

You just gotta keep going in the gray.

Georgia Hardstark (11:41)

Adam's dad gave him a gift when he left, which is a story for the minisode story.

Karen Kilgariff (11:46)

But then also, it is a nice idea because I've heard many and like, even in our family stories about people coming to get other people. So, you know, Fred got picked up.

Georgia Hardstark (11:57)

Totally. I love it.

Karen Kilgariff (11:58)

What if he's like, no, I can't go. It's my funeral. I'm sitting over here trying to listen to my compliments. Okay, the subject line of this email is red flags and online dating. Greetings to Frank and only Frank. About six years ago ago, I was engaged in the world of online dating. And then in parentheses it says, Yikes. 99% of the time, I did all the smart things. Only meet in public places, don't tell people my number or address until I get to know them in person, have an escape plan, etc, Then I started talking to this one guy and we hit it off instantly. After only about two days of messaging, I threw all caution to the wind. That's what people do.

Georgia Hardstark (12:39)

Love.

Karen Kilgariff (12:41)

For some reason.

Georgia Hardstark (12:43)

Whoops.

Karen Kilgariff (12:43)

For some reason, I decided that our first date should be at my house. I told him my address. I know. I mean, that's the thing though. It's like, you're positive.

Georgia Hardstark (12:51)

Yeah. Yeah.

Karen Kilgariff (12:53)

I told him my address, we exchanged numbers, and I offered to make a fancy dinner. I mean, in all the playbooks, you're doing this as wrong as you can. It's third date at least, and you don't cook. No relevant information. I live in farm country. Between my house and the paved road are sprawling acres of corn and soybeans on one side of the gravel driveway and dense woods perfect for burying evidence on the other. The cell service is iffy at best.

Georgia Hardstark (13:18)

This is a fucking horror movie.

Karen Kilgariff (13:19)

My date arrived just before dusk, called nervously from my driveway, and I literally said, ha, ha. This is creepy. Please don't be a murderer. He pulled up and I cheerfully invited him inside. At that exact moment, as though we were in the opening act of a horror movie, the power on the entire property went out. A sane person would have gotten right the fuck out of there, but instead, we stood outside, awkwardly and until it got too dark to see. He was clearly about to leave. When the power came back on, I casually said, great, come on in and we'll have dinner.

Georgia Hardstark (13:53)

No, just.

Karen Kilgariff (13:54)

Just rolling with whatever the electricity wants you to do. He agreed, but as I recall, it was a very quiet meal. To this day, I still don't know what was wrong with either of us? And of course I would never do this in a post MFM world. Yeah. I mean, hey, that feels good. Anyway, we got married this past January and just so perfectly done.

Georgia Hardstark (14:13)

I love it.

Karen Kilgariff (14:14)

Just well done. And despite our many bizarre hobbies, neither of us has turned out to be a catfishing murderer yet. Thanks for everything you do. I finally started going to therapy a year ago, thanks in part to your show Stay Sexy. And if you're going to lure a stranger into a dark cornfield, make sure it's your soulmate, Casey Norton. Thank you for a beautiful email, Casey Norton.

Georgia Hardstark (14:34)

Casey, you still don't know if it's a long con.

Karen Kilgariff (14:37)

You know, you SAP, you fell for it. You're in the five year scheme.

Georgia Hardstark (14:42)

That's right, the five year serial killer. Okay, I'm not gon do the light of this one. This feels good. I feel smart.

Karen Kilgariff (14:50)

You're going to start finessing how you take them off and put them back on.

Georgia Hardstark (14:53)

I'm going to rip them off.

Karen Kilgariff (14:54)

Yep.

Georgia Hardstark (14:55)

If there's any glasses companies who want to sponsor us. Hi mfm. Longtime listener, full time lover of the pod. Six years ago, I moved from rural Massachusetts to New Orleans to escape my abusive ex and start over. One night after a lovely evening with friends, it was time to head home. I got in my car but hadn't locked the doors. I turned up my music pretty loud and was in my own world, unaware someone had been watching me. A moment later, a man in a face mask opened my passenger door, jumped in, held a gun to my side and demanded everything I had. I guess I was pretty fed up with brazen men that year. So I began screaming profanities at him with an intensity and volume neither of us expected. This is called what not to do during a carjacking. That's right is the subject line of this one. He began screaming back, demanding my cell phone. It was a crappy old Android, but I was so broke and had just paid it off. So I yelled, fuck you. No. I need this phone. After more yelling, he gave up on the phone and demanded my wallet. I yelled that I had no cash and I was just going to cancel my credit cards anyway. We both continued screaming at each other.

Karen Kilgariff (16:05)

We were married this past January

Georgia Hardstark (16:09)

and now I was nearly blacked out on adrenaline and Taylor Swift's I Think He Knows was still blasting full volume.

Karen Kilgariff (16:17)

Oh, that's very creepy.

Georgia Hardstark (16:19)

It was all pretty overstimulating to say the least when I got not carjacked, but like harassed by this, like this driver it was like a road rage thing where he came at me. I hadn't, like, turned down what I was listening to, so. Tina Fey's memoir, bossy Pants blasting on the. I'm taking video of him because I'm terrified and all you hear is Tina Fey's bossy pants just blasting.

Karen Kilgariff (16:43)

She was like, no crying in the workplace. Yeah.

Georgia Hardstark (16:47)

My brain finally engaged and I thought, girl, what are you doing arguing with this man? Just get out of the car. So I pushed open my door and ran about 30ft before I realized he wasn't following me. He just wanted my car. I stopped and watched him slide into the driver's seat, ready to see my beloved old Honda peel away. But nothing happened. I heard the grinding of gears and realized he can't drive a stick shift. Do you think you'd check that first? A carjacker would.

Karen Kilgariff (17:13)

I think it's like this assumed thing, like they're so rare anymore.

Georgia Hardstark (17:16)

Maybe carjackers write in and let us know what your tips and tricks are.

Karen Kilgariff (17:19)

Let us know how you make these decisions.

Georgia Hardstark (17:21)

He jumped out of the car, screamed, you can have it. And sprinted away into the night. This is so funny, but this is so terrifying and awful. Lock your door the minute you get in. Drive away. Don't start. Don't.

Karen Kilgariff (17:30)

Someone wants your car. Give them your fucking phone.

Georgia Hardstark (17:32)

Give them your car. Your phone. Your phone. Don't fight it.

Karen Kilgariff (17:34)

It's not cute to scream. It's not. But that's a. I like that. This person is like, I did it wrong. And there's other things going on, like an adrenaline rush. Like, this is a situation where you can't always control and make those decisions.

Georgia Hardstark (17:46)

Your subject line is literally what not to do during carjacking. So they know I called 911 because it seemed like the right thing to do. But it's New Orleans, so it rang for quite a while until a nice lady picked up. After I explained what happened, the dispatcher laughed and said, so he didn't take anything and you're not hurt, and he's gone. Okay, My baby. Well, you have a good night. And that was that. That's so New Orleans. A couple days later, I saw an advisory story on the news about how to survive a carjacking. For future reference, you should stay calm and not resist, especially if they have a weapon and a gun. So I can't recommend my method. I know I was lucky to get out unharmed, except for some light trauma to add to my collection. Stay sexy, lock your doors, and if you're going to do Crime. At least learn how to drive a stick. A in New Orleans.

Karen Kilgariff (18:30)

You're so right. And, and you know what sucks about that too, is like, we're correcting it on that side, but we're also not. A's experience is horrifying and not their fault. And you know what I mean, being in that situation, you're not going like, I'm gonna either choose A or B. It's like you just kind of have a reaction.

Georgia Hardstark (18:47)

I mean, it's all on Taylor Swift, really.

Karen Kilgariff (18:50)

It really comes back. And when the lawsuit is served.

Georgia Hardstark (18:53)

Right. To us for saying that. For defamation.

Karen Kilgariff (18:55)

Directly to us. Okay, my last one is a delight. I'm not gonna read you the subject line. It says, hello, chickadees, I love you, but I hope you already know that. Okay, onto the story. Perfect.

Georgia Hardstark (19:08)

Oh, perfect.

Karen Kilgariff (19:09)

When I was nine years old, my brother entered a contest on something called Speaker's Corner in Vancouver, British Columbia. Now, I heard about these from my Canadian friends when they moved to LA in the 80s.

Georgia Hardstark (19:20)

Really? It was an old school thing.

Karen Kilgariff (19:22)

It's an old school thing from the news, but then they also did it on much music, which is. Which is Canada's mtv. Okay, so listen to this Speaker's Corner. We had Speaker's Corner booths all over Vancouver and the surrounding suburbs. They kind of look like ATMs. And you'd put in a toonie, a $2 Canadian coin, and record a message into the booth for 60 seconds. Okay, so you just basically got to go in there and be like, here's how I feel. Highlights from the Speakers Corner booths aired on a TV show on our local news station every Friday night. You'd get a nice mixture of drunk women in BCBG skirts, mediocre guitar, and people passing on messages to their grandmas.

Georgia Hardstark (20:00)

That's cute.

Karen Kilgariff (20:01)

And then it says it was a big deal. I would watch that show all day and night.

Georgia Hardstark (20:05)

Yeah.

Karen Kilgariff (20:06)

The news station announced a contest to celebrate the opening of the Tower of Terror ride at Disneyland. To enter the contest, you had to record a video at Speaker's Corner pretending that you just got off the ride, talking about what the trip was like. The winner would get an all expense paid trip to Disneyland for their family on opening weekend of the ride.

Georgia Hardstark (20:24)

Wow.

Karen Kilgariff (20:25)

Then come on the local morning show following the trip and report back.

Georgia Hardstark (20:29)

That's huge.

Karen Kilgariff (20:30)

Brother decided to enter. So we went to the mall, got ice cream from the food court, and then got down to business. My 12 year old brother approached the booth with chocolate ice cream smeared across his face. He put in his tuni waited for the recording countdown, then proceeded to say, wow, I just got off the Tower of Terror at Disneyland. And man, if your favorite saying is the family that barfs together stays together, you will love this ride. Okay, bye. That was his message. Fast forward a month or so and the news station called my mom to share that my brother had made it to the top 10 and the winner would be announced the next morning. We woke up early, sat right in front of our TV and waited for them to air the 10 best submissions. To our surprise, there was no top 10. They just said, and the winner is. And his video flashed across the screen.

Georgia Hardstark (21:16)

Oh my God.

Karen Kilgariff (21:17)

My brother won. We couldn't believe it. He was a local celebrity. And then it just says barf kid. We were flown from Vancouver to Anaheim, put up at the Disneyland hotel, which is the best.

Georgia Hardstark (21:29)

Yeah.

Karen Kilgariff (21:30)

And we got to experience the park for the first time. We were camping kids and hadn't stayed at a hotel that wasn't a Best Western before that trip. So this was a big deal. Before the park opened, a little old man walked us up to the front gates, took out a key and let us in. What kind of Willy Wonka fucking bullshit is that? Seriously, have you ever gotten to do that? No. You're a citizen of Anaheim.

Georgia Hardstark (21:53)

I walked out of Disneyland. They escorted me out.

Karen Kilgariff (21:57)

Not in, ma'. Am. The park was completely empty except for us and the camera crew. My brother started to get super nervous. He wasn't sure if he wanted to ride it, especially with a camera in his face and the looming possibility of actual barf. He finally got up the courage to get on the ride and he did not barf. But he didn't ride it again. It is a really good ride.

Georgia Hardstark (22:17)

Yeah, it is.

Karen Kilgariff (22:18)

When we returned from the trip, he was a guest on the morning news show. The anchor asked him what he thought of Tower of Terror, clearly hoping that he'd give it a rave review. He took looked at the camera and said, eh, it wasn't for me. I did a little reenactment.

Georgia Hardstark (22:33)

Holy shit. Yeah, that was great.

Karen Kilgariff (22:35)

It wasn't for me.

Georgia Hardstark (22:37)

A 12 year old boy.

Karen Kilgariff (22:38)

12 year old boy. We went back to Disneyland years later, without the cameras and back at Old Faithful Best Western and we all rode Tower of Terror about six times in a row. We loved it. Maybe it is true that the family that almost barfs together stays together. Stay sexy and don't be afraid to make your TV debut with ice cream on your face. Fiona.

Georgia Hardstark (22:57)

Wow, that's such a great gimmick. I love that.

Karen Kilgariff (23:01)

So Smart.

Georgia Hardstark (23:02)

So smart and so cute.

Karen Kilgariff (23:04)

And it's so like. Yeah, you got. Kids need to remember for stuff like that if they're giving away a trip, get in there. They want to give it to a kid. They do.

Georgia Hardstark (23:12)

Totally. They don't want to give it to some fucking 23 year old drunk guys.

Karen Kilgariff (23:16)

Yeah. Or some mom who's like, I'm gonna choreograph a dance and we'll all do it as a family.

Georgia Hardstark (23:21)

Okay. Not gonna read you this. Dear Karen and Georgia, this is a story about my stepdad, Joe. Joe is a. And then it's in title font. Snack enthusiast.

Karen Kilgariff (23:31)

Mm. Me too.

Georgia Hardstark (23:32)

Me too. Always having a chocolate bar or bag of crisps shoved down the side of the sofa. And it says, one time as a teenager, I got off the couch and had a whole Twix stuck to my thigh.

Karen Kilgariff (23:41)

Sorry.

Georgia Hardstark (23:41)

Stuck to my tights. Gross. He also has.

Karen Kilgariff (23:44)

I disagree.

Georgia Hardstark (23:46)

It's exciting. Be a lot worse than that.

Karen Kilgariff (23:49)

Indeed. Yeah. For real.

Georgia Hardstark (23:50)

He also has a million stories about almost being jumped in Glasgow in the 80s, and this one is my favorite. Glasgow in the 80s was a dangerous fucking place to be.

Karen Kilgariff (24:00)

Listen, there's some of the best people in the world in Glasgow. But they were having a serious heroin problem around that time.

Georgia Hardstark (24:06)

Heroin and British people problem? Yeah. Yeah. They were not happy about either of them. One night when he was in his early 20s, he was walking home through a bad area and bought a Mars bar for the journey. And then it says, I believe UK Mars bar equals US Milky Way.

Karen Kilgariff (24:21)

That's correct.

Georgia Hardstark (24:22)

Right.

Karen Kilgariff (24:22)

I can confirm.

Georgia Hardstark (24:23)

Okay. Unwrapping the Mars bar, he noticed a group of people up ahead, but only realized too late that they were the type to land you in the hospital for literally any reason if you encountered them. Can I. Hooligans. What?

Karen Kilgariff (24:34)

Hooligans. And also just to give a little perspective, and I probably said this already, but I did get to live in Glasgow for three months.

Georgia Hardstark (24:41)

That's right.

Karen Kilgariff (24:42)

And there was a thing there with the young people when they would go out to clubs, you didn't wear a jacket. No matter how cold it was outside, you had to look like hard. You could just withstand the weather. So girls would be standing outside in like 40 degree weather in, you know, just like standing there in their dress, like acting like they weren't cold.

Georgia Hardstark (24:59)

Did you see a lot of fights?

Karen Kilgariff (25:01)

Oh, yeah. I mean the post club scene at like the local Chinese place was incredible. Wow. Incredible viewing. Oh my God.

Georgia Hardstark (25:10)

Amazing. So they became aware of him and started circling and hurling abuse at him. Joe, knowing that he was minutes from having his head kicked in, felt his legs turn to stone and he could not move. They accused Joe of getting with one of their girlfriends so that they had an excuse to jump him. Unable to speak, Joe just kept on eating his Mars bar. Now, Joe has a very specific way of eating a Mars bar that begins with him nibbling the chocolate off all the sides like a beaver, then peeling the caramel off with his teeth before eating the remaining nougat. That's how I eat Twix.

Karen Kilgariff (25:45)

Do you? Yeah, layer by layer, only alone.

Georgia Hardstark (25:47)

I won't do it fucking in front of anyone. So this is what he did while this pack of hounds harassed him. Suddenly, miraculously, the guys backed down and slouched off, probably to go beat up some other sucker. And after finally getting feeling back in his legs, Joe ran straight home. He was just standing there eating this. Martin's bar. The next morning, he was walking through the Barras, a big market in the East End of Glasgow. The Barras Barras bars where he kept passing people who shot him a big thumbs up and nods of respect. He had no idea what they were doing and just shrugged it off. Until he met a friend that exclaimed, you're a mad bastard. When he saw Joe. Confused, Joe asked him what the fuck he was talking about. His friend replied, quote, eating a Mars bar like that when you're about to get jumped. Apparently, when Joe didn't respond to their taunts and kept on eating his chocolate bar like a beaver, the group had decided he was a stone cold psychopath who wasn't worth crossing and bounced before he did them any damage, before going on to tell everyone in town that he was not to be messed with.

Karen Kilgariff (26:53)

Yes, ideal situation.

Georgia Hardstark (26:56)

Joe felt like a local celebrity all morning and he got to keep his kneecaps all around. A great day, I imagine. Good job on the pod. Heart. Ssdgm. Good job on the pod. Martha.

Karen Kilgariff (27:07)

God, Martha. Thank you.

Georgia Hardstark (27:09)

Tell Joe we say good job.

Karen Kilgariff (27:13)

Just. Hi.

Georgia Hardstark (27:14)

Hi, what's up?

Karen Kilgariff (27:15)

Also, if you were from Glasgow and you want to tell us what it was really like in the 80s. Cause we don't really know what we're talking about. That's always a given and we would love to hear, I mean, any stories

Georgia Hardstark (27:26)

of any kind at my favorite murdermail. Send them in to us if you need them, please. This is what happens, this is what

Karen Kilgariff (27:32)

it is and we can't do it without you.

Georgia Hardstark (27:34)

Yeah, good job on the pod. Stay sexy and don't get murdered. Goodbye, Elvis. Do you want a cookie?

Karen Kilgariff (27:47)

This has been an exactly right.

Georgia Hardstark (27:49)

Production. Our senior producer is Molly Smith and our associate producer is Tessa Hughes.

Karen Kilgariff (27:53)

Our editor is Aristotle Acevedo.

Georgia Hardstark (27:55)

This episode was mixed by Liana Squillace.

Karen Kilgariff (27:57)

Email your hometowns to my favorite murdermail.com

Georgia Hardstark (28:00)

follow the show on Instagram at My favorite Murder.

Karen Kilgariff (28:02)

Listen to My favorite murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Georgia Hardstark (28:07)

And now you can watch My favorite Murder on Netflix.

Karen Kilgariff (28:10)

And when you're there, hit the double thumbs up and the Remind me buttons. That's the best way you can support our show. Goodbye.