MFM Minisode 485

Summary

My Favorite Murder Minisode 485 Summary

Podcast: My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
Episode: Minisode 485
Date: April 27, 2026
Duration of main content: 02:00 to 39:01 (excluding ads, intro, outro)

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Episode Overview

This MFM minisode features Karen and Georgia reading listener-submitted "hometown" stories that blend true crime, dark humor, and offbeat family tales. Stories include a ferry captain's disastrous flirtation, a brush with the Golden State Killer, a mischievous childhood séance, a hidden criminal past revealed through a posthumous treasure hunt, bizarre body orifice discoveries, and an embarrassing car accident cover-up. Throughout, Karen and Georgia riff, laugh, commiserate over victim-blaming, and encourage listeners to share their wildest family secrets—reminding everyone to "stay sexy and don't get murdered."

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Key Stories and Discussion Points

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1. Ferry Disaster: The 'Siren of the San Juans'

[02:25 - 09:13]

• Listener Kelly recounts a 1983 incident where a Washington State ferry captain, trying to impress a female passenger, steered the massive ferry off-course to perform a "sail-by salute" at her home, crashing into a submerged reef.
• Damage: $250,000 (over $700,000 in today's money).
• Aftermath: No one hurt, but the female passenger was labeled the "Siren of the San Juans" as if she had lured the captain, spurring a conversation on victim-blaming even in weird, maritime ways.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Georgia: “Because nothing is more impressively flirtatious than, would you like to see your home from a dangerously questionable distance.” [04:24]
  • Karen: “It's always the woman. Siren. As if this woman was just out there luring this dumbass. Little more to the left, Captain.” [06:22]
  • Kelly's sign-off (read by Georgia): “Stay sexy and don’t let a man blame you for crashing a ferry.” [08:50]

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2. Golden State Killer Close Call

[09:17 - 14:13]

• Emma writes about realizing Joseph D'Angelo (the Golden State Killer) may have burgled her family's Woodland Hills home in 1983, targeting symbolic items and leaving ominous clues like a chef's knife placed in her closet.
• Retrospective horror: Hang-up calls, missing wedding rings, and a $20 bill that didn’t fit the usual profile of a random burglary.
• **DAUGHTER WHOLE FAM COULD HAVE BEEN VICTIMS but ultimately weren’t, thanks possibly to the family labrador, Oreo.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Karen: “Today, following standard MFM advice, I called my dad. I laid out my case... He said, ‘Well, it is true there was a rash of similar break-ins all over the neighborhood at the time.’” [11:43]
  • Georgia: “Oreo Cookie!” [13:11]
• An extra chilling postscript that D'Angelo bought a second home in Long Beach at the time the SoCal killings started.

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3. The Child Witch & Midnight Showers

[17:01 - 20:47]

• Marissa tells of her mom and uncle in the 1960s Milwaukee suburbs, bored and unsupervised, pulling a “witch” prank by hosting a séance and convincing neighborhood kids to shower at midnight or else their families would die.
• The prank worked—parents were woken by eleven post-midnight phone calls from frightened, freshly-showered children.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Georgia: “At 12:15 in the morning... awoke to 11 phone calls by neighbors with freshly showered and scared little kids. My mom and uncle were promptly grounded and probably whacked with a wooden spoon.” [19:49]
  • Karen: “My mom grew up to be an OG Murderino who still checks her for perps and pervs on a nightly basis. And my uncle joined a biker gang.” [20:12]

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4. Deathbed Treasure Hunt & The Cocaine-Running Carpenter

[21:27 - 29:10]

• Listener recounts discovering her father-in-law's double life after his death. He lived modestly as a carpenter but was previously the co-pilot for a drug-running baseball player, didn’t flaunt a pilot's license, and ran a “typewriter ribbon re-inking” company as a front for cocaine runs along the East Coast.
• After his death, family finds $10,000 hidden in the house and a locked file cabinet containing documents revealing his criminal past, including a letter from the Bahamas declaring him persona non grata.
• Discussion on how older generations hold onto shame for past misdeeds, and encouragement for listeners to share their wild stories.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Karen: “In reality, he was a legit drug mule running cocaine from Florida to Massachusetts. He kept a newspaper clipping from a trial where he turned state's evidence and testified to taping bags of cocaine to his body.” [26:57]
  • Georgia: “If your dad has a boring job or mom has a boring job, ask them what they did. Ask them to please finally be honest with you.” [29:19]

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5. Orifice Origin Stories: The Bead in the Ear

[32:33 - 34:44]

• Georgia (not Hardstark) recounts how as a child, her younger brother lost his hearing due to a bead lodged in his ear for four years—to prevent his sister from using it!
• Karen and Georgia riff on kids putting random objects in their noses/ears and the childhood urge to hide prized treasures this way.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Georgia: “It had been in there for four fucking years.” [34:11]
  • Karen: “They truly like the man looking for the diamond... that little kid found that thing on the floor, thought it was beautiful and was like, mine.” [34:30]

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6. Ran Over By My Own Car

[36:08 - 37:43]

• Megan shares how she ran over her own leg with her first car after forgetting to put it in park, then blamed it on the car’s gear shift when explaining the injury at school.
• Leads to both hosts requesting more stories about embarrassing mishaps that required inventive cover-ups.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Karen: “I mean you could have died. Don’t drink and drive, is what I was trying to tell you.” [36:56]
  • Georgia: “I want to hear the best stories of people who did a really dumb thing and then blamed it on something totally... that had nothing to do with it.” [37:43]

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Memorable Moments & Host Banter

• Victim-Blaming Rant & Pop Culture References: Karen and Georgia decry the continued tendency to blame women for men's reckless or criminal behavior even in minor news stories. [06:22 - 07:40]
• Dog Save: Upon realizing a labrador likely deterred the Golden State Killer, both hosts warmly shout, “Oreo Cookie!” [13:11]
• Encouragement for ‘Secret Past’ Stories: “If you're a boomer... you have some crazy fucking story you're ashamed of. We are not ashamed of you. Please send it to us.” [28:28 - 28:44]
• Obsessed with Internet Mudlarkers: Extended aside about an Instagrammer searching daily for a diamond, tying into the bead-in-ear story. [25:03 - 25:44]
• Light-Hearted Self-Mockery: Confessions from both hosts about childhood mishaps—Karen stuffed foam up her own nose, resulting in an ER visit; Georgia wished she had a doctor's ear-flashlight. [34:44 - 35:07]

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Notable Quotes & Timestamp Highlights

• “Stay sexy and don’t let a man blame you for crashing a ferry.” — Listener Kelly, read by Georgia [08:50]
• “No diamond today.” — Both Karen and Georgia, referencing Instagram mudlark and bead-in-ear [33:52 / 33:53]
• “Ask them why they never want to go to the Bahamas anyway...” — Georgia [29:27]
• “Stay sexy and check your children’s orifices with some regularity.” — Georgia (the listener) [34:37]
• “We are not ashamed of you. Please send it to us.” — Georgia [28:28]

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Episode Flow & Additional Notes

• Segmented and Conversational: Each story is read by one host and bantered about, often sparking personal or topical tangents (always comedic, sometimes darkly reflective).
• Recurring Themes:
  • The absurdity of victim-blaming, especially toward women.
  • The hidden lives and crimes of family members—sometimes shocking, sometimes comic.
  • Childhood mischief: from séances to hiding beads in ears.
  • The catharsis (and humor) in sharing, or discovering, shameful or bizarre family secrets.

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Final Sign-Off

• Call to Listeners: The hosts invite more family secret stories, or "orifice origin stories" (with a caveat: "above the belt, family-friendly please!" [35:29]).
• Classic Outro:
  • “Stay sexy and don’t get murdered.” [38:49]
  • “Goodbye, Elvis. Do you want a cookie?” [38:49]

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In Summary

Minisode 485 brings exactly what fans love: true crime–infused family weirdness, friendly banter, victim advocacy, and a sense of community among listeners who love a good hometown tale—no matter how ridiculous, harrowing, or oddly heartwarming. Whether it’s madness at sea, a near-miss with a serial killer, glitter and pranks, hidden criminal pasts, or the simple agony of living down your own dumb move, Karen and Georgia turn it all into relatable, cathartic comedy.

Transcript

[Karen Kilgariff]

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[Georgia Hardstark]

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[Karen Kilgariff]

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[Karen Kilgariff]

The Miniso.

[Georgia Hardstark]

That's right. We read you your story.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Your stories. I want you to go down like this is a play and I keep forgetting a line. You know this in cartoons where there's a person in like a little half shell that's like whispering lines to people. That's to me what that hand is where you're just like.

[Georgia Hardstark]

It's like not the normal, not the other.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Do this hand.

[Georgia Hardstark]

No. And then this is. Yeah.

[Karen Kilgariff]

And then the end. I think you go first on this one.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Regular old minisode. Let's do this. Doot doot, doot doot. Okay. Sail by Salute. Washington State Fairy edition. Hello, Karen, Georgia and all of my other MFM besties. When I heard episode 524 about the Costa Concordia and how the captain did the sail by salute to impress a woman and then it says sir with this emoji. I immediately thought of the Pacific Northwest version of this exact nonsense and knew I had to share our much less tragic story with you. I live way out on a tiny island in Washington State's San Juan Islands, about 90 minutes north of Seattle. God, it's so beautiful.

[Karen Kilgariff]

The most beautiful. Like, what a place. What a gift to live there.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Yeah, a quiet ferry dependent archipelagio. Is that right?

[Karen Kilgariff]

Yeah, it is.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Where nothing crazy ever happens except deer jumping fences to mow down entire gardens or the occasional trespassing torture. Which is why this story lives on in local legend. Back in 1983, the Washington State ferry Elwha was doing a normal Sunday run through the islands. Think people heading home. Cars packed with island essentials and tourists scanning the horizon of the Salish Sea for our beautiful resident orcas.

[Karen Kilgariff]

I love an orca.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Okay?

[Karen Kilgariff]

Were they trying to kill billionaires? Is that why they were up there?

[Georgia Hardstark]

Beautiful resident orcas. Meanwhile, the 57 year old Captain of the Elwha ferry invites a female passenger up for a tour of the vessel's wheelhouse for the hour or so sailing.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Has a ferry captain ever invited you up into the wheelhouse?

[Georgia Hardstark]

Never been on a fucking ferry. Fucking ship.

[Karen Kilgariff]

And no, we gotta get you a ship.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Get me on a ship, you'd love it. Oh, I got so sick.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Get your own.

[Georgia Hardstark]

After a while, the captain began joking about taking a little detour in order to sail by the lovely passengers home. As they approached the mouth of the aptly named Grindstone harbor on Orcas island where she resided, she was like, oh, I live over there. And he was like, let's drive by and do a salute.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Even though we're on a ferry where there's all these passengers and commuters.

[Georgia Hardstark]

That's right. That's called common sense, Karen. But I wonder what's in his little flask. You know, at the time, the passenger thinks he's joking, as such a detour would put the Elwha way off course. He is, in fact, not joking. And when she realized he was serious, her daughter later said she began to freak out because suddenly this man is steering an entire 382 foot ferry into a harbor that it absolutely should not be entering at full speed. Because nothing is more impressively flirtatious than would you like to see your home from a dangerously questionable distance. Moments later, the Elwha slammed into a submerged reef in Grindstone Harbor. They hit so hard that people a mile away could hear it. The Fairies hall ripped open, causing around $250,000 in damages. That's over. How much in today's money?

[Karen Kilgariff]

In today's money? This happened in the 90s.

[Georgia Hardstark]

This happened in 83.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Ew. 83.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Say the number got 250,000. And thank you because Kelly put how much it is in today's money.

[Karen Kilgariff]

600,000.

[Georgia Hardstark]

700. But close.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Getting closer.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Yeah, I was like, in the ballpark and because we don't have time for that kind of shit here. The ferry continued on, limping its way to Shaw island, and then to Orcas is where it was patched up before heading to Seattle for more permanent repairs.

[Karen Kilgariff]

So it actually was such a strong ferry, it kind of made it out of there anyway.

[Georgia Hardstark]

It was like, all good. Let's just keep going, get this over with.

[Karen Kilgariff]

What about all the people on the ferry whose teeth hit the window or whatever? Fucking.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Thankfully no one was hurt except for

[Karen Kilgariff]

that one lady in the incident.

[Georgia Hardstark]

But here's the fucked up part. Ready for the fucked up part? The recently widowed passenger, the woman and longtime Orcas island resident who was invited into the wheelhouse that day was dubbed the siren of the San Juans.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Always the woman.

[Georgia Hardstark]

It says always the woman siren. As if this woman was just out there luring this dumbass. Like, little more to the left, Captain. And then there's some, like, music notes. Next, little more to the left, Captain.

[Karen Kilgariff]

That's her song.

[Georgia Hardstark]

She thought this man was joking and then got sucked into a situation she had zero control over. Somehow she got labeled, her reputation was questioned, and she was turned into a main character of this crazy story. Not quite the classic victim blaming, but definitely its weird maritime cousin.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Victim blaming, it is. Victim. How does that happen every time? It's like the same thing where it's like Pam Bondi and Kristi Noem are being brought up on charges. Fucking

[Georgia Hardstark]

pedophiles. The worst of the worst whose names are there and their emails that they sent are there. It's all yet there.

[Karen Kilgariff]

And they're on the news babbling incoherently

[Georgia Hardstark]

and they don't even fucking. They disclose the victims names when they fucking put the documents out, which is like literally illegal.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Literally. That's not what you're supposed to be doing.

[Georgia Hardstark]

I call it when they take the names out and they put in the. They distract from.

[Karen Kilgariff]

The Siren of the seas is the headline under which we have been living.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Yeah.

[Karen Kilgariff]

And 2026 is when this whole thing cracks like that fucking fairy. Because enough already. And everyone has their eyes on it and everyone's paying attention not to say, listen. Send both Kristi Noem and Pam Bondi.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Fuck. Goodbye.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Goodbye.

[Georgia Hardstark]

But let's go from the top instead of the fucking bottom.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Boys first.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Started at the bottom.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Boys first.

[Georgia Hardstark]

And then you got him going up here. Okay. And then it says, of course, the captain lost his job after over 30 years with Washington State Ferries. And then it says, goodbye.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Bye.

[Georgia Hardstark]

And by all accounts, the female passenger's family seems to be able to laugh about it now, although none of them found it funny at the time.

[Karen Kilgariff]

I wonder if when Siren of the San Juan's article came out, her picture was in it, probably.

[Georgia Hardstark]

And her name and address, like from the 80? That's right, from this. Here's her phone number. Yeah, they used to do that, you guys. They used to just give out, like if someone's getting an award or won something. They.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Chris Fairbanks, as a child had his name and address printed in their local

[Georgia Hardstark]

newspaper of like, soccer star Chris Fairbanks. And then they put the child address in there.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Yeah. Go visit him, pervs.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Where are we? Goodbye. Da, da, da, da, da. It's funny. Anyways, stay sexy and don't let a man blame you for crashing a ferry. Question mark xoxo. And thank you eternally for all you do, Kelly. P.S. i celebrated my 27th year as a flight attendant on March 15th. You've been asking for those stories lately. So fasten your seatbelts and expect to hear from me again.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Kelly.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Kelly's good. That was only the first one.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Thank you, Kelly, for sparking and igniting. Yeah.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Our new show, Sirens of San Juan,

[Karen Kilgariff]

the McNeil Lehrer News Hour. Okay, I'm not gonna read you the subject line. It just says, dear Karen in Georgia, longtime listener, devoted acolyte. You recently mentioned parts of the Golden State Killer timeline that snapped a 30 year old memory into focus. A little Googling and some deeply unwelcome pattern recognition later, I'm fairly certain Joseph d' Angelo was in my bedroom closet in the fall of 1983. Fuck.

[Georgia Hardstark]

I fucking love these stories. Oh, my. I mean, I hate them. But when you have that realization that, oh, that thing happened. I found the rope that one time under my couch. And there shouldn't have been a rope there, but I couldn't figure out why. Okay, please. Sorry. Go.

[Karen Kilgariff]

No, no. That is. I think of the Golden State Killer's whole story. Him hiding shit in the furniture to come back later is so diabolical and upsetting. Demonic.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Demonic. Like, okay, and then stealing one earring and you're like, where'd that one earring go? That doesn't make any Sense.

[Karen Kilgariff]

It's mind fuckery. Like days before you're gonna do the worst thing.

[Georgia Hardstark]

You're not gonna call the cops and be like, I think someone was in here.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Yeah. No.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Cause what'd they do? You lost an ear? Oh, my God.

[Karen Kilgariff]

No, he just is starting to rip the seam of.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Yeah, you're fucking.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Am I? Okay, okay. Well, okay, and perfect point, because listen to this. We had just moved to Woodland Hills. Foothills, middle class suburbia. Easy access to the one and backyards attached to long corridors of green space. I was 15. And yes, Karen, yes, I was a latchkey kid. Georgia was too. One afternoon I came home to find that we'd been burglarized. But it was a weird one. The expensive stereo still there, valuables untouched. What was missing? My dad's wedding band. My mom's diamondless engagement ring, which had lost its diamond long ago during a diaper change.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Oh, God. Okay.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Resale value zero symbolism. 100 and a single $20 bill from my bedroom. Cue teenage fury. Also missing, my dad's enormous, very sharp chef's knife.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Oh.

[Karen Kilgariff]

But it wasn't stolen. It was placed pointy and out on a shelf in my closet.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Goodbye. Never going in there again. Oh, my God.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Yeah. Just cemented over.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Yeah.

[Karen Kilgariff]

At the time, my parents assumed the rings were taken for gold value. No one was publicly talking yet about a man who targeted wedding symbols and piggy banks and moved through suburban neighborhoods via freeway corridors true to his M.O. we also received a series of hang up calls. Heavy breathing, then a click. I carelessly assumed it was some random creep who kept redialing because I kept answering. Not someone from my closet. Today, following standard MFM advice, I called my dad. I laid out my case. There was a long pause. It was like six O's. Then he said, well, it is true there was a rash of similar break ins all over the neighborhood at the time.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Jesus.

[Karen Kilgariff]

The Golden State Killer was documented in ventura county in 1981 and Orange county in 1986.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Woodland Hills is right in the middle of it. Right.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Woodland Hills sits neatly between them with the 101 running straight through.

[Georgia Hardstark]

If you call Paul Holes and say, I bet they have those two rings still in evidence. Oh, yeah, right, right.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Also, it's so creepy to just go into people's houses and touch the things that are like. This means love. This means family.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Just like I know the confusion and fear I'm going to put in your mind.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Yeah, okay. Back in 83, my dad's response to the incident was to buy a Labrador.

[Georgia Hardstark]

That's Great.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Knowing now that d' Angelo famously avoided homes with dogs, I give full credit to Oreo for saving our lives.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Oreo Cookie.

[Karen Kilgariff]

So thank you for giving me the framework to retroactively terrify myself and then call every member of my family to inform them they survived the Golden State Killer.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Holy.

[Karen Kilgariff]

You're welcome, family. Ssdgm. And maybe check for knives in your closet. EMMA, Long Beach, CA oh my God. And then it says, P.S. turns out the SoCal killing started around the time DeAngelo and his wife bought a second home in Long Beach. Shut up, Emma. You are the forest Gump of the Golden State Killers. Timeline. Oh God, that is so too close for comfort. That is just unbelievable.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Yeah, because he would do it and then he'd have like a couple places that were available. So that night, if he couldn't get into that one, he'd go to this one instead just to make sure he always had one available. So he went back and they had a dog and he was like, well, it's not that one tonight, right?

[Karen Kilgariff]

Or somebody flicks their light on in the backyard and he has to like, go to the. I mean, right?

[Georgia Hardstark]

Dude. Dude and a half.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Yeah.

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[Georgia Hardstark]

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[Karen Kilgariff]

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[Georgia Hardstark]

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[Georgia Hardstark]

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[Karen Kilgariff]

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[Georgia Hardstark]

Yeah.

[Karen Kilgariff]

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[Georgia Hardstark]

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[Karen Kilgariff]

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[Georgia Hardstark]

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[Karen Kilgariff]

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[Georgia Hardstark]

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[Karen Kilgariff]

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[Georgia Hardstark]

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[Georgia Hardstark]

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[Georgia Hardstark]

Acorns Advisors LLC, an SEC registered investment advisor. View important [e-mail] MFM Goodbye. This is about a child witch. That's funny. Hello MFM fam Karen, Georgia, Vince and Patrick when my mom and her siblings were growing up in the Milwaukee suburbs in the 1960s, the summer parenting method was very much go outside until I call you for meals, which was great for neighborhood kick the can, bike races, et cetera. But it also led to power struggles, boredom and of course, witchcraft.

[Karen Kilgariff]

That's right, cause you would just be left to your own devices all day.

[Georgia Hardstark]

I think we did all of those things, yeah. One summer morning, my mom and her younger brother Greg, little Greg, were bored with the usual games and decided to set up the garage For a seance as you do. They hung up tarps, lit candles, set up a table, and made a crystal ball from an old round cherry jar. Glitter and food coloring. Next, they needed a witch. As they hadn't been out in the neighborhood yet, they decided it should be Greg. I guess my mom being a girl seemed too obvious a choice to fool the other kids. My mom found an old Halloween costume, painted Greg's face and put on a mop wig.

[Karen Kilgariff]

The smell.

[Georgia Hardstark]

She then went into the neighborhood to gather the neighborhood kids, explaining that Greg had the flu, but that their aunt was in town from far away and that she was a witch. And did they want to meet her. Greg's not here right now.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Greg's very, very busy with his work.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Right. I know you've never seen Greg and the Switch together, but trust me.

[Karen Kilgariff]

But listen, as similar as they look, Greg takes after his aunt.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Does Greg have a fucking mop of hair? No, he does not.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Does he? Gifts from the beyond? I don't think so.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Would they want to meet her? Which of course they did. Especially after my mom said that she could see the future and call dead people that the witch could.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Oh, the mom got into it.

[Georgia Hardstark]

So the mom is the big sister. This is the her story. Sorry.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Got you. I thought, like, there was a true adult coming in from the out with apron on, being like, no, no, it is a witch.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Right. Much fundamental. One by one, the kids came into the garage wanting to know their future. No one cared about the dead, I guess. One by one, my uncle, the witch explained that it was very grim and that the children and their families would die all caps, if they did not shower at midnight. The kids left terrified, and my mom and uncle were delighted by their prank. At 12:15 in the morning, my mom, Uncle Greg and their parents awoke to 11 phone calls by neighbors with freshly showered and scared little kids. My mom and uncle were promptly grounded and probably whacked with a wooden spoon. Yep, had that, too.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Just really quick. So sorry to interrupt, but, like, the first phone call goes down. I'm so sorry. Yes, we'll take care of it.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Yeah.

[Karen Kilgariff]

The second the phone hits, the rest of it.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Eleven phone calls.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Just rolling calls.

[Georgia Hardstark]

They were grounded. Whatever. Probably walked to the wooden spoon. But also extremely proud that their prank worked.

[Karen Kilgariff]

That's right.

[Georgia Hardstark]

My mom grew up to be an OG Murderino who still checks her for perps and pervs on a nightly basis. What the fuck?

[Karen Kilgariff]

Yeah.

[Georgia Hardstark]

And my uncle joined a biker gang.

[Karen Kilgariff]

That's right.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Oh, my God. Everything turned out great for these kids. I Love them. Thank you for all you do. And encouraging people to speak up. Fuck politeness, Discuss mental illness and in General, be wonderful. P.S. karen, my mom's birthday is May 12th and mine is May 10th. We should meet up for cake.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Hey, a week of cake.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Stay sexy and don't tell children to shower at midnight. Best, Marissa.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Those fucking weirded out parents that are just like, uh.

[Georgia Hardstark]

I love that he like the kids. Like Greg, like thought of a way to like control them, but not in a way that was like evil. Just in a like fuck with you kind of way.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Do what I say.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Yeah, like, it wasn't like jump from the roof.

[Karen Kilgariff]

No, exactly. It was. You're gonna be cold and irritated and terrified. But no one can really get me in trouble. Really?

[Georgia Hardstark]

Yeah.

[Karen Kilgariff]

But I mean, they did. I guess.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Yeah. You know, those parents were a little proud.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Well, I mean. Cause it worked.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Yeah.

[Karen Kilgariff]

How many times did you try to like convince neighborhood kids of something? They're all like, what? Shut up.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Is that true? Yeah.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Just never listen to anything. No.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Okay.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Greetings murder mavens and all the furry critters, including Steven's mustache. I've got a secret life hometown that culminates with a deathbed treasure hunt. Yes, when I met my now wife, her father was a trim carpenter living a modest life. But occasional comments hinted at a more storied past. Most puzzling might be the warning that if we were ever in the Bahamas and were asked, we should say we didn't know him. I love that. And definitely were not related to him. My curiosity got the better of me and I did some web sleuthing and discovered a newspaper article from the 80s linking him to a retired major league baseball player who had been arrested for running marijuana.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Oh shit.

[Karen Kilgariff]

My father in law was listed as the co pilot of the private plane they were using.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Dude, he took cocaine. Be

[Karen Kilgariff]

he had never mentioned having a license or knowing how to fly a plane. Oh my God. To secretly discover Marty could fucking fly a Cessna if he wanted to.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Yeah, actually my stepdad John has some like cool secrets that you would not know. Really that I'm not supposed to know that I shouldn't be talking about on this national podcast. I didn't say what they are.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Here's what I'm gonna guess.

[Georgia Hardstark]

What?

[Karen Kilgariff]

He was a sniper in Vietnam.

[Georgia Hardstark]

He was it. He was in Vietnam.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Whoops. We're going back to the email. John, my apologies. It's none of anybody's business.

[Georgia Hardstark]

I'm trying to get him to.

[Karen Kilgariff]

But thank you for your service. Okay, okay. This man's cool points tripled in that moment and I couldn't wait to hear the story firsthand. Unfortunately, my father in law did not see this as his proudest moment and shut down the conversation immediately. Those the old school guys are. They don't want to be. You can't be a criminal, you can't be a bad guy.

[Georgia Hardstark]

No. You can't have done something in your youth that you're in talk about it on a podcast like I do. Right?

[Karen Kilgariff]

But that's. Thank God that we fucked up as much as we did because we have

[Georgia Hardstark]

so much to talk about and zero shame.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Right? And kind of like a need to get a little attention here and there. Sadly, he passed away about a year later. And thus begins the deathbed treasure hunt part of the story he always told my wife. If anything ever happens to me, check my chair. I love this guy. We always suspected he stashed cash around, and now, knowing his past, it made sense why he liked to keep income undocumented.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Oh, shit.

[Karen Kilgariff]

He also had a fear that every time he was ill, it was going to be the end and would write a letter to my wife telling her where to find his stashes. So we had three conflicting treasure maps to work with.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Oh, what a joyous gift to give your child.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Please give this to me when you die. Okay, start planning it now.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Okay. I'm thinking, like, where do I send her?

[Karen Kilgariff]

Where could I? We found envelopes of cash taped to the bottom of his dresser, tucked on top of the kitchen cabinets, in the lining of his chair, et cetera. The grand total was 10k. What I mean, but it wasn't the most valuable find. In the garage was a locked file cabinet with no key. It's like my mouth is water. Just around the house. We considered taking it to the dumpster as is, but something told me if it was worth locking, then there had to be something in there worth finding. Please use that kind of deduction in your life. Why would this be happening? Maybe I don't, maybe I don't.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Just right.

[Karen Kilgariff]

I don't know what I'm so mad at.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Have you seen the Instagrammer of the guy who's just spending every day trying to find a diamond?

[Karen Kilgariff]

Yes. I love him and the shit he's finding.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Day 32 of trying to find a diamond, a kitty cat, a bead.

[Karen Kilgariff]

It's so satisfying.

[Georgia Hardstark]

It's so satisfying.

[Karen Kilgariff]

And then you're like, the bead is the diamond.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Today you're like, yay. Cause I want you to keep doing it.

[Karen Kilgariff]

It's so cute. It makes me feel like that guy was a mudlarker.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Yeah.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Or watches mudlarking videos. And it's like, I'll never get to do that.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Totally.

[Karen Kilgariff]

But I'll do it here in this gutter.

[Georgia Hardstark]

I love him.

[Karen Kilgariff]

It's so good. Yeah, there's like, a little whatever he uses, like a screwdriver. Digging out the cracks in the sidewalk.

[Georgia Hardstark]

He finds the most random shit, but he's, like, so calm and asmr about it.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Yeah, I love it. We love that guy.

[Georgia Hardstark]

No diamond today. A kitty.

[Karen Kilgariff]

No diamond today. Day 32 of searching for a diamond. Okay, we're back in this email.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Sorry.

[Karen Kilgariff]

And we're really gonna focus this time.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Locked thing.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Locked file cabinet.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Okay,

[Karen Kilgariff]

here we go. God damn it. Okay, here it is. So I went to work with a variety of prying and hammering tools. Success. Among the receipts for every prescription he and his wife purchased from 1977 to 1987. I mean, that's what a lot of my junk drawers look like, is things I'm afraid to throw away.

[Georgia Hardstark]

What if I need it? What if I need it?

[Karen Kilgariff]

A receipt for a prescription. Like, stuff like that. When they give you the thing that's all stapled and there's all the information, I'm like, like, better keep it. Okay. So among those items was a folder that told the whole story of his misdeeds. Yes, during this time, he ran a moderately successful typewriter ribbon re inking company. We might. They might as well put his name in. Who else has that company? It's the most specific job of all time. Which provided a great cover. Oh, my God. For all of his travel up and down the east coast. So a typewriter ribbon re inking company is a cover for drug running?

[Georgia Hardstark]

Sure. I don't know. No one knows how that works, so why wouldn't it? Yeah, yeah.

[Karen Kilgariff]

It's so specific. It's like those independent vacuum cleaner stores on Burbank Boulevard where you're like, what

[Georgia Hardstark]

are you talking about? You fix fucking vacuums?

[Karen Kilgariff]

Post Covid.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Yeah.

[Karen Kilgariff]

You still got a brick and mortar post 1989. If you fucking do this, are the good people at mealy sending you thousands, hundreds of thousands of dollars? Okay, so typewriter, ribbon, ring, inking company providing a great cover for all his travel up and down the east coast. In reality, he was a legit drug mule running cocaine from Florida to Massachusetts. He kept a newspaper clipping from a trial where he turned state's evidence and testified to taping bags of cocaine to his body. And then in parentheses, it says, you Know, like you see in the movies. He hand wrote his fine on the clipping. They got it wrong in the article. So he was arrested and fined.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Oh my God. And he hand wrote. He was like, they're wrong.

[Karen Kilgariff]

It's just like. Actually it was 16,000. He ended up doing a year in prison. He sent my wife a handmade Christmas card that year. That was also in the folder. And then we found the official letter from the Republic of the Bahamas informing him he was no longer welcome in their country, ever.

[Georgia Hardstark]

What?

[Karen Kilgariff]

We were just there.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Too bad he's. Yeah. Good thing he's not a podcaster.

[Karen Kilgariff]

I know. Cause it's gorgeous and there's podcasting. I really hate that he was embarrassed by this part of his life, as I'm sure he had some wild stories to tell. Yeah, I agree. He should have felt free and easy. He got through it.

[Georgia Hardstark]

But if you're a boomer and you're listening and you have some crazy fucking story that you're ashamed of. We are not ashamed of you. Please send it to us.

[Karen Kilgariff]

No. This is a time that is very different than pre Internet times where shame and keeping up with the Joneses really controlled most people's lives.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Right?

[Karen Kilgariff]

Not like that anymore.

[Georgia Hardstark]

No, we're fine with it.

[Karen Kilgariff]

And also, everybody loves an anti hero.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Yeah,

[Karen Kilgariff]

but don't do drugs. I really hit. As for my mother in law, it does explain why they got divorced. We haven't told her that we discovered the big family secret. I picture her as a Skyler White type, enjoying the spoils but not wanting to know how they could afford a Corvette. Stay sexy and don't let a locked filing cabinet deter your treasure hunt.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Oh my God. Tea.

[Karen Kilgariff]

God, that's so good.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Yeah.

[Karen Kilgariff]

A secret life as a cocaine runner is pretty incredible.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Yeah.

[Karen Kilgariff]

If your dad has a boring job or mom has a boring job, ask

[Georgia Hardstark]

them what they did.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Ask them to please finally be honest with you.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Ask them why they never want to go to the Bahamas anyway. What do you mean?

[Karen Kilgariff]

Why was that person at TSA giving you that dirty look?

[Georgia Hardstark]

Right. You don't even. You can't go to Canada

[Karen Kilgariff]

for everybody up there.

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[Karen Kilgariff]

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[Georgia Hardstark]

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[Karen Kilgariff]

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[Georgia Hardstark]

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[Georgia Hardstark]

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[Karen Kilgariff]

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[Georgia Hardstark]

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[Georgia Hardstark]

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[Georgia Hardstark]

Learn more about the Hyundai palisade@hyundai USA.com

[Karen Kilgariff]

Call 562-314-4603 for complete details.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Goodbye.

[Karen Kilgariff]

This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace.

[Georgia Hardstark]

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[Karen Kilgariff]

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[Georgia Hardstark]

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[Georgia Hardstark]

Go to squarespace.com murder for a free

[Karen Kilgariff]

trial and when you're ready to launch use offer code murder to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Goodbye.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Okay, this is called finders keepers. This one's gross. Hello, Murder matriarchs and co. Thanks, blah blah. You know the rest. I have a brother who is three years younger than me. But by the time we were 2 and 5, he easily weighed as much as me and could hold his own in any fight. When he was 7 or so, we thought he was partially dead. My dad thought it was selective hearing, but eventually my mom took him to the doctor to get it checked out. The doctor comes into the room and starts testing things and uses that weird flashlight to look inside my little brother's ears.

[Karen Kilgariff]

I wanted one of those really bad.

[Georgia Hardstark]

The lights, the little.

[Karen Kilgariff]

The thing that. Where they're like, hey, how are you today? Da da da.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Vince would fucking hide it from me if I had it. I'd be like chasing around the house.

[Karen Kilgariff]

What's in there?

[Georgia Hardstark]

I love that shit. Okay. When he looks in my brother's right ear, he pauses, keeps the flashlight in the ear and grabs a pair of long thin tweezers. This is what hometowns have become and I'm so happy for it. It's that and it's this and that's okay.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Secret parent drug runners and shoving shit up your nose or ears. Sorry, wherever.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Then he proceeds to slowly extract a wax covered bead from my brother's ear. A bead. No diamond today.

[Karen Kilgariff]

He pulled it out and said, no diamond today.

[Georgia Hardstark]

No diamond today. Oh, but the diamond was in the ring, but it wasn't. My mom's jaw drops to the floor and when my brother sees it, he says, oh, I put that in there to hide from Georgia. And it says me because I didn't want her to use it.

[Karen Kilgariff]

This person's name is Georgia?

[Georgia Hardstark]

Yeah.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Oh, that's crazy.

[Georgia Hardstark]

I know. It had been in there for four fucking years.

[Karen Kilgariff]

And how old was this little brother?

[Georgia Hardstark]

Seven? Nope, not deaf. Just hiding from his siblings using three year old logic. And also, who lets a three year old play with beads? Another bygone time, I would. They're not allowed to.

[Karen Kilgariff]

They truly like the man looking for the diamond. That little kid found that thing on the floor, thought it was beautiful and was like mine.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Y stay sexy and check your children's orifices with some regularity. Georgia.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Such a trip to hear an email from Georgia. Thank you for finally writing in. That's so hilarious. And the reason I said shove it up your nose is because there's an infamous family story where my mom Looked at me one day and I had green shit running out of one nostril. I've told you this one.

[Georgia Hardstark]

I think so. I don't remember.

[Karen Kilgariff]

And I had to go to the emergency room and they just. They pulled out a big piece of foam.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Why'd you put foam in there?

[Karen Kilgariff]

I was bored. They used to leave me alone all the time. What am I supposed to do? Not shove shit up my nose. But it was like, she was like, I think she's really sick. It's like green snot coming. Whatever. She goes. He puts tweezers up there. And then it's just like. Is this your child's?

[Georgia Hardstark]

Send your email to my favorite murdermail about orifice origin stories.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Okay. Above the belt, orifice origin stories, please.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Thank you.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Family friendly.

[Georgia Hardstark]

You know that one guy who they like he was dying and they opened up his body and they found a little tree growing in his lung. Cause he had inhaled a seed. That's just one of those stories I think about when I can't sleep at night.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Yeah, because you're like what do I got in there?

[Georgia Hardstark]

Right? Okay.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Bougainvillea. I forgot about that. It was like a sprout in his lung.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Yeah.

[Karen Kilgariff]

So crazy.

[Georgia Hardstark]

He's like. Couldn't breathe and was like dying and

[Karen Kilgariff]

then they're like, he's like drinking theraflu

[Georgia Hardstark]

and like no, actually there's a Christmas tree in your.

[Karen Kilgariff]

You're a tree. You've become a tree.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Okay, come on.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Subject line of this email. Quick one. I ran over myself with my own car. Less than 2 minute read beautiful besties that I've never met. When I was 16, I eagerly got my license like any other teenage girl. The car I was handed down was a 1986 Subaru GL. The car was only a year younger than me so you can guess the safety features were non existent. I've only had my license for about two weeks when I pulled into my driveway after a party one night. My parents house is up a semi steep hill and off the road a little bit. I got out of the car and was standing between my car door and the driver's side when the car starts rolling backwards. For some reason I thought that I could stop the car by simply pushing against the door frame. But before I knew it, the door knocked me down and one of the tires ran over my right leg.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Jesus.

[Karen Kilgariff]

I mean you could have died. Don't drink and drive is what I was trying to tell you. The car rolled into the yard and into a tree. My border collie mix, Cindy Just simply looking at me until the car crashed, then decided to bark and alert my parents. Yeah, Cindy's a narc. What the hell happened, you ask? I forgot to put the car into park, which I still do to this day. But thank goodness for modern safety features. When I showed up to school limping with the gigantic bruise on my leg, I lied and told my friends that something had been wrong with the car and that park had been stripped out of the gear shift. So if any of my high school friends are murderinos and remember this happening. I lied to you out of embarrassment. Sorry. I guess. Stay sexy and don't forget to put your car in park.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Megan, I want to hear the best stories of people who did a really dumb thing and then blamed it on something totally like that had nothing to do with it.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Just covered in lie because it was so embarrassing.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Yeah, and they maybe got caught.

[Karen Kilgariff]

We have family friends who the daughter went to take her driving test and passed. And everyone thought she wasn't going to because she was crazy smart. Like became a surgeon, I think, but was very like not there. Everything else in the other way. So she passed, pulled up in front of her house and was so excited she jumped out of the car to run in to tell her dad and the car kept going. Cause it was not only not in park, it was just. She just got out.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Thank you.

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Is that it?

[Georgia Hardstark]

That's it.

[Karen Kilgariff]

I think that's it.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Thanks for listening, everyone. If you want to hear more, we have one more bonus story on our fan culture. If you feel like it.

[Karen Kilgariff]

That's right. You can join our fan cults@my favoritemurder.com and then you can have all the secret content that we won't. Just give it any old person that swings by.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Who do you think you are?

[Karen Kilgariff]

God damn.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Stay sexy and don't get murdered. Goodbye, Elvis. Do you want a cookie?

[Karen Kilgariff]

This has been an exactly right production.

[Georgia Hardstark]

Our senior producer is Molly Smith and our associate producer is Tessa Hughes.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Our editor is Aristotle Acevedo.

[Georgia Hardstark]

This episode was mixed by Liana Squillace.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Email your hometowns to my favorite murdermail.com

[Georgia Hardstark]

follow the show on Instagram at. My favorite murder.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Listen to my favorite murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Georgia Hardstark]

And now you can watch My favorite Murder on Netflix.

[Karen Kilgariff]

And when you're there, hit the double thumbs up and the remind me buttons. That's the best way you can support our show. Goodbye. Vacation planning should feel like a breeze, not a deep dive. Into countless travel sites searching for The

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[Georgia Hardstark]

Goodbye. Spring cleaning is all about getting your

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house in order and the last step is making sure it's protected too.

[Georgia Hardstark]

That's where SimpliSafe comes in.

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[Georgia Hardstark]

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[Karen Kilgariff]

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[Georgia Hardstark]

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[Karen Kilgariff]

I really love the fact that they make it so clear that you will not be trapped into a contract because how many things do you order these days? And suddenly you realize they signed you up for a subscription or like you're paying fees you never even thought you were agreeing to. And like this is all right there upfront Total.

[Georgia Hardstark]

I know. I love Simply Safe because I know that they won't trap you, but I know that the minute you sign up with them, you're going to want to stay with them forever. So it's kind of a win win.

[Karen Kilgariff]

Everyone deserves that same peace of mind, which is why SimpliSafe is offering an exclusive discount to our listeners right now.

[Georgia Hardstark]

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