MFM Minisode 488

Summary

My Favorite Murder Minisode 488 – Summary

Podcast: My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
Release Date: May 18, 2026
Episode: Minisode 488
Theme: Listener Hometown Stories – Survival, True Crime, Cults, Childhood Trauma, and Near Misses
Tone: Comedic, empathetic, supportive, conversational

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Episode Overview

This minisode of My Favorite Murder features Karen and Georgia reading listener-submitted stories, ranging from harrowing survivor tales and brushes with cults to comedic tales of childhood mishaps and babysitting gone awry. The episode highlights the enduring connection between the podcast and its audience, with stories emphasizing resilience, survival instinct, childhood chaos, and classic MFM humor.

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Key Stories and Discussion Points

1. Surviving a Gunpoint Mugging in Chicago

(Story starts [01:58])

• Listener, Hannah, recounts her experience living in a high-crime area of Chicago while in nursing school, just after leaving an abusive relationship.
• She describes hauling a massive box home from Target and being offered help by a stranger on the train, ultimately accepting in exhaustion.
• The man forcibly shoves her into the entryway of her apartment building, holds her at gunpoint, and demands her valuables.
• Hannah credits Karen and Georgia’s podcast for helping her stay calm:

  “Instead of panicking, I just started laughing… I told him I'm a broke nursing student... He takes my train card, rip to the hundred dollars I just loaded onto it, rips off my necklace... and then tells me to take off my ring... says, ‘if you don’t take it off, I’ll get it off’ like he was going to—ALL CAPS—shoot my hand and take my finger. So yeah, I got the ring off. Skin, dignity, everything included. He leaves. I collapse on the floor, crying, shaking.” ([03:56])

• Hannah realizes the podcast is still playing in her headphones, grounding her and reminding her to do “exactly what you always say: stay calm, don’t escalate, and stay sexy and don’t get murdered.”
• She shares that she was mugged three more times in that building, broke her lease, and now, after moving away, is graduating as a forensic nurse planning to advocate for classifying violence against women as a hate crime.
• Memorable moment:

  “God, Hannah, I'm sorry that happened to you.” (Karen, [06:08])
  “That's, like, one of the most intense ones we've ever gotten.” (Georgia, [06:10])

• Hosts reflect on survivor bravery, the importance of staying calm, and affirm Chicago’s positive aspects. ([06:16])

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2. Brush with the FLDS (Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints)

(Story starts [06:36])

• Anonymous listener recounts working as a Grand Canyon park ranger and annually encountering large groups from the FLDS—a fundamentalist Mormon sect—doing the grueling 24-mile rim-to-rim hike.
• The group would skirt park rules by splitting into smaller groups (usually of young teens and children, led by a 14-year-old posing as an adult).
• The girls hiked in heavy, traditional dresses; adults (too few for the number of children) rode forbidden horses.
• The listener observed the girls’ impressive endurance:

  “I always thought the young girls who were doing the hike were pretty badass... I would constantly see fully grown, fit adult males cry on and beg to be helicoptered out.” ([09:32])

• The listener also mentions a co-worker raised in the Unification Church ("Moonies")—a well-known cult.

  “Apparently knowing about the Moonies is not common knowledge. Untrue.” ([10:13], Karen and Georgia joke “Murderinos know!”)

• Hosts reflect on generational cult knowledge and refer to the new Netflix documentary “Trust Me: The False Prophet”. ([10:43])

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3. Panic with Purpose: Saving a House from Fire

(Story starts [13:11])

• Carrie tells of college life in a “shitty house in a rowdy college neighborhood” with constant parties, questionable decisions, and legendary hangovers.
• One night, after fighting with her boyfriend, she stays at her own house. Fire alarms wake her up in the night.
• She finds the hallway filled with black smoke; her roommate’s friend is unconscious on the couch while her roommate has passed out making noodles with the stove ablaze.
• Carrie uses the fire extinguisher, recalling the PASS method (Pull-Aim-Squeeze-Sweep), and puts out the fire, then opens windows and doors to vent the smoke.
• Roommates survive, but the first thing the saved roommate asks is, “Where’s my noodles?”
• “If I were not there that night, I don’t know what would have happened because they weren’t responding to a fucking fire alarm.” ([16:31])
• Carrie is now a traveling speech therapist and thanks the podcast for being her “emotional support” during work.
• Karen’s reaction:

  “It doesn’t sound like you panicked at all. It sounded like you woke up and handled.” ([17:34])

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4. The Forgotten Child: Hide and Seek Disaster

(Story starts [17:41])

• Janice (with an E) shares her story of large-family chaos as one of eight children.
• During post-church hide and seek, 5-year-old Janice hides so well her family leaves her behind at an isolated church on a highway.
• She is eventually discovered—crying—by another pastor’s wife, who brings her home.
• Her family only realizes she’s missing after a quiet hour-long drive home.
• Her father, after being pulled over for speeding, tells the trooper, “I forgot my 5-year-old daughter at church and she’s all alone.” The trooper tells him to hurry.
• When Janice is reunited with her dad, she says, “Hi Dad, thanks for coming, but I think I want to live here now.”
• Georgia’s observation:

  “That’s so young. Little baby.” ([19:51])
  “Can you imagine?… She feels so guilty.” ([20:47])

• Story ends with a rule: always count the kids before leaving anywhere.
• Janice’s child later scores a trivia-night point on a My Favorite Murder question:

  “That's like to me the highest. That's success if you're on fucking quiz nights.” (Georgia, [22:37])

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5. Babysitting Gone Wrong: The Zoo Jail Incident

(Story starts [25:07])

• A 17-year-old babysitter shares her disastrous day at the zoo with two young charges.
• When the 3-year-old is denied a second ice pop, he has a meltdown and starts running away, screaming, “Someone help me. That’s not my mommy.”
• Zoo security detains the babysitter in an office, gives the children ice pops, and waits for the mother to verify her.
• The incident has no lasting consequences, and the mother finds it hilarious, but the listener advises:

  “Don’t task a 17-year-old with watching your kids somewhere other than their own home.” ([27:37])

• Karen and Georgia swap stories about kids exploiting substitute authority figures.

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6. Wild Child Labor: My Childhood Job at the Zoo

(Story starts [28:05])

• Aaron writes about being a “feral ADHD child” whose parents dropped her off at the zoo as a volunteer in the 90s.
• Duties included cleaning animal enclosures (with alligators still present), wrangling wallabies, feeding lemurs, and hand-raising a baby tiger called Tigger (“I named her Tigger because I was 10 and working with what I had.” [31:10])
• Her “zoo career” ends after getting peed on by a full-grown Siberian tiger.
• The story is punctuated by a photo shared on the podcast's Instagram.
• Karen and Georgia revel in the chaos and nostalgia:

  “That’s so many people’s dream come true, dude.” (Karen, [32:30])

• Aaron says:

  “Stay sexy and let your kids make wildly unsafe zoo memories.” ([32:18])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I stayed calm, I didn’t escalate, and I stayed sexy and didn’t get murdered.” – Hannah ([05:05])
• “What a heroic thing to do.” – Georgia ([06:31]) on Hannah’s composure during her mugging.
• “I secretly wish that they had the same strength to live the life they want when they're older, whatever that may be.” – Park ranger, about FLDS girls ([09:33])
• “I’m proud I was able to panic with purpose.” – Carrie, after saving her house from burning down ([16:34])
• “I want to live here now. Don’t worry, I’ll visit you often.” – Janice, after being left at church and welcomed by another family ([21:03])
• “Kyle fucking is like, this is how I get what I want… He’s been to the zoo before.” – Hosts on the manipulative 3-year-old ([27:05])
• “That’s not volunteering. That’s babysitting. That’s abandonment in a public place.” – Georgia, on being left at the zoo as a child ([29:21])
• “Stay sexy and let your kids make wildly unsafe zoo memories.” – Aaron ([32:18])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:58] – Chicago Mugging Story (Hannah)
• [06:36] – FLDS and Moonies Cult Encounter
• [13:11] – Panic with Purpose (House Fire Survival)
• [17:41] – Forgotten at Church (Hide and Seek)
• [25:07] – Babysitting Disaster at the Zoo
• [28:05] – Child Labor at the Zoo

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Takeaways and Host Reflections

• Resilience and Survival: Many listener stories revolve around harrowing or frightening experiences met with courage, calm, and quick thinking.
• MFM Community: Several storytellers cite the podcast as a source of comfort and guidance during traumatic moments, reinforcing the show’s positive impact.
• Humor and Humanity: The show’s trademark blend of humor and sincere empathy is present throughout. Karen and Georgia alternate between incredulous laughter and heartfelt reactions, particularly when reflecting on childhood blunders and traumatic events.
• Signature Advice: Listeners put the podcast’s oft-repeated credos—“stay calm,” “trust your gut,” and, of course, “stay sexy and don’t get murdered”—into action, often with real-life consequences.

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Listener Engagement

The hosts encourage listeners to send more stories—any and all “hometown” tales, childhood job mishaps, or lawsuit-related stories to myfavoritemurdermail.com, emphasizing their continued connection with their audience.

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Final Notes

• Podcast Instagram: Episode-related photos (e.g., Aaron and Tigger) are posted on the My Favorite Murder Instagram.
• Running Gags: Karen and Georgia joke about losing track of kids and the wisdom of leaving children at zoos, as well as the absurdities of substitute babysitters.
• Legacy: The impact of the podcast, which just celebrated its 10-year anniversary, is evident through the stories and love from long-time listeners.

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In sum: Minisode 488 is a quintessential MFM episode: poignant, darkly funny, and packed with stories of danger, survival, and listener-community spirit—always with a dose of empathy and laughter.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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Hello and welcome to my favorite murder, the Minisode. Read you your stories.

[A]

You should go first.

[C]

Okay, I will.

[A]

Okay, great.

[C]

This one. I'm not gonna tell you the subject line, but it's serious.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

But it's good. Okay. Hey girl. Hey. Starts Chicago, 2016. I had just left an abusive relationship, moved into a new apartment and I had no idea this was one of the most crime ridden neighborhoods of Chicago. Oh, I was in nursing school, exhausted just trying to survive after class downtown I made the incredibly smart decision to buy a giant heavy over the toilet storage unit from Target and carry onto the packed rush hour train for an hour long commute back home. Yeah, that just sucks.

[A]

Like I need this really bad. I have no storage in this apartment.

[C]

There's nowhere near me that sells this.

[A]

No one's gonna do it for me. I don't have a car.

[C]

I'm in Chicago.

[A]

Just gotta get it Done.

[C]

We hear you.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

The entire time, people kept asking me if I needed help. I had my headphones in listening to mfm, and I was like, nope, I got it. Leave me alone. Finally, I get off at my stop. Train's mostly empty now. I'm hauling this massive box down the stairs when a guy, like the hundredth guy asks if I need help. I say, no, I live right here, and gesture toward my apartment building, and he goes, oh, I live there, too. Cool, great, fine. He comes back and says, my mom would kill me if I didn't help you, and just takes the box. And I'm exhausted. He seems charming enough, and honestly, I wanted the help, so I let him. We get into the courtyard. He points to his entrance on the left, asks which one is mine. I point to the door on the right across the courtyard from his. We walk over for context. Chicago buildings have that double door set up. Outside door, then small vestibule, then an inside door to keep the cold out. I'm unlocking the first door when suddenly he shoves me inside door, slams. My keys with my pepper spray and my stabby thing are still in the lock outside. He pins me against the wall and puts a gun under my chin.

[A]

Oh, no.

[C]

Give me all your cash. And here's where I'd like to thank you both, because instead of panicking, I just started laughing.

[A]

Oh, no.

[C]

Not in a this is funny way, but in a I know better than to fight this way. I told him I'm a broke nursing student. I literally have nothing. I opened my fanny pack, empty wallet, train card, debit car, that's it. He takes my train card, rip to the hundred dollars I just loaded onto it, rips off my necklace. Forever 21. But he didn't need to know that. And then tells me to take off my ring, my grandma's pearl ring that hadn't come off my finger in five years. I'm struggling to get it off, and he puts the gun against my hand and says, if you don't take it off, I'll get it off like he was going to. All caps shoot my hand and take my finger. So, yeah, I got the ring off. Skin, dignity, everything included. He leaves. I collapse on the floor, crying, shaking, fully in shock. And then I hear laughter. Soft at first, then clear. And I genuinely thought, okay, cool, I've lost my mind. But no, it was you two.

[A]

Oh, God. Jesus.

[C]

Still playing in my headphones? No, just chatting, laughing about something, completely unaware that you were actively in my ear during one of the scariest moments. Of my life. And weirdly, it grounded me because I did exactly what you always say. I stayed calm, I didn't escalate, and I stayed sexy and didn't get murdered. Also, for the record, I got mugged three more times in the next four months at that apartment, so four muggings total. So I broke my lease and got the hell out of there.

[A]

Jesus.

[C]

I don't live in Chicago anymore, but I still love that city in a deeply unwell, possibly Stockholm syndrome way. And now I'm about to graduate as a forensic nurse.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

With plans to become a Pediatric Sane Sexual Assault to Collect Evidence examiner, and with the DA's office to help push legislation to classify violence against women as a hate crime.

[A]

Nice.

[C]

Amazing.

[A]

So good.

[C]

So truly, thank you for the laughs, the awareness, and for literally being in my ear when I needed you most. Stay sexy and listen to your gut. And also to Karen in Georgia. Love, Hannah.

[A]

God, Hannah, I'm sorry that happened to you.

[C]

That's, like, one of the most intense ones we've ever gotten.

[A]

I know. Well, we've gotten some horrible ones.

[C]

Yeah. But, like, firsthand.

[A]

Firsthand. Yeah, you're right. You're right. But also, I think that thing of, like, it's not Stockholm syndrome. Chicago is an amazing city.

[C]

Totally.

[A]

And there's many, many things happening there. It's like, that's.

[C]

That could happen literally anywhere. But.

[A]

And does. And does. And. Wow.

[C]

But staying calm in that moment, like, what a. What a heroic thing to do.

[A]

Right?

[C]

Not everyone would do that.

[A]

It's a tough thing. I also was so afraid you were gonna say when the laughter came through that it was like a prank. Oh. Or just like, good Lord. Okay. This one got pulled because it's new. Like, we just got it in the last couple days. But it's relevant. The subject line is my brush with flds. And so it says, hello, Karen and Georgia. Your talk with, trust me, made me remember my brush with the flds, which, if you don't know, is the fundamentalist arm of the lds.

[C]

The Church of the Latter Day Saints. The Church of the Latter Day Saints. Mormons.

[A]

We call them Mormons.

[C]

Fundamentalists.

[A]

But the fundamentalist group is an offshoot.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I was working as a park ranger in Grand Canyon, and once a year, the FLDS would come from Colorado City with a bunch of their youth and do a giant rim to rim hike. This is where you. Doesn't say hike, but we're assuming this is where you walk from one side of the canyon to the other. It's about 24 miles and extremely grueling. Have you ever done anything at the Grand Canyon?

[C]

We went camping when I was a kid there and my brother as like a fucking 11 year old and like didn't come back till the middle of the night.

[A]

Oh no.

[C]

I think I wrote about it in the book Stay out of the Forest. That's why. Yeah, I wrote about it.

[A]

Was he by himself? Yeah, Asher.

[C]

He was such a fucking. I was. I'm sure he was dead.

[A]

He was so punk rock. Even in the Grand Canyon. Okay. As they did the trip, they would break countless park rules. First, first rule, you have to be holding a permit if you're gonna do a hike. Over 12 people in the canyon. This group knew this. They would break into smaller groups of about six to seven kids with one 14 year old at the helm and then a bunch of children probably between the ages from 8 to 14. The young teens would always say that they were 18, knowing very well that they should have an adult with them. They were not 18. They would also claim that they weren't with other groups that were walking through the canyon at the exact same time just five or ten minutes ahead. This is a pretty bad lie because they all dress very similarly. The girls would be in standard flds. Boys would be in jeans and slacks and a button up shirt. Not hiking attire. The adults would be on horses which are not allowed at the bottom of the canyon as they were typically very aggressive and would startle the mules that bring necessary food and supplies down to the rangers in the canyon. There's usually only two adults for 50 kids. My favorite part is every time they would do this, there would always be a ranger up top at the rim, just waiting to write the entire group some fines. This really didn't stop the group as they tend to do this every single year. I'm not gonna lie though. I always thought the young girls who were doing the hike were pretty badass. They would be in really heavy dresses, covered neck to toe, and they would do an entire rim to rim. This is a hike I would constantly see fully grown, fit adult males cry on and beg to be helicoptered out.

[C]

Holy shit.

[A]

I would regularly tell the girls they're really strong for doing this hike. I secretly wish that they had the same strength to live the life they want when they're older, whatever that may be. One more story I want to tell you is completely unrelated, but my co worker was raised in the Mooney's cult. He doesn't talk about this and just says he was raised in a Christian group. That would be considered a cult by some. I immediately said like what? The Moonies? And his face turned pale white. He asked me how the heck I knew about them. Apparently knowing about the Moonies is not common knowledge. Untrue. And that was the first person he'd ever encountered who outright guessed it.

[C]

I think it's Murderinos who know about that.

[A]

Thanks Karen and Georgia. Yes, but you know what it is? I think it's Gen X and above and older because the Moonies were like on the 7 o' clock news when

[C]

I was growing up and I knew all about them.

[A]

Yeah, they were. I think they were always being kind of seeded as like there's this problem cult like waiting.

[C]

Look what they're doing now.

[A]

And then it says you guys are the best. Thanks for all you do. But you know that already. Much love kk.

[C]

Oh a kk.

[A]

A kk.

[C]

Another kk.

[A]

That's a very interesting perspective of like. And this was just basically thrown in because Trust Me, the False Prophet is now streaming on Netflix, which our Lola from Trust Me the podcast here on erm, her mother is one of the subjects of that documentary. And apparently it's incredible.

[C]

I haven't watched it yet.

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[C]

This is called Panic with Purpose Divine Intervention Story hi, I've been along for the ride since the beginning and I'm so proud of you. Celebrating 10 years. It's amazing what you have used your voices for. Your authenticity has truly started an evolution for good within the podcasting world through story and advocacy. That's nice. I hope you're proud of yourselves for what you've created. I think they meant that in a nice way. I hope you're proud of yourself.

[A]

I hope you're proud of yourself.

[C]

Back in 2010, I was living in a shitty house in a rowdy college neighborhood. Almost every night of the week, one of the houses on our cul de sac was throwing a rager with kegs, beer pong, DJs, fog machine. Like any classy shindig. I've never been to a frat party. Have you?

[A]

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Have I never been to a frat? Well, I guess it makes sense. I mean I didn't go to college.

[A]

I think if my sister and I weren't like friends the way that we we were. And I also had a bunch of cousins that we all went to Sac State together. Okay, so it was like we went to. I remember going to a gigantic frat party in Davis and my cousin Johnny was there. I went with my sister. There were cousins in town. Like it was a whole thing. So it wasn't like me and my friend walking into a frat party.

[C]

Okay, I've never been. We all went to community college so like my siblings and I and I

[A]

don't think normally I would have gone cause I a bit more on the gothy side and it's not like they want to be there, but we Were all like, hey, party.

[C]

All right. Yeah, amazing. So someone invite me to their kegger, please. On our hosted party nights, we would take hours prepping the house, removing valuables, pushing furniture against the walls, and preparing for the nightly rage. We proudly lined the top of our cabinets with our empty Burnett bottles, got the shittiest beer kegs, and stocked the fridge with Original Recipe four Locos. Remember those? The following day was always a bad hangover while cleaning from the walls, vomit and sticky substances from all surfaces. Why so disgusting? I tell you these details because it reflects our poor judgment and priorities.

[A]

That's right.

[C]

On a night off from hosting, I went out to bars and had a bad fight with my boyfriend. Instead of sleeping at his house like most nights, I opted to stay at my own house and mope since all my roommates were gone. In the middle of the night, I was awoken to the shrill of fire alarms. Opening my bedroom door, I was immediately engulfed in black smoke. I couldn't see an inch in front of my face. I made my way through the smoke to the living room where my roommate's friend was passed out on the couch and completely unresponsive to my yelling. I ran to the kitchen and my roommate was sitting on our futon. Yes, very classy kitchen futon. And appeared to be hunched over texting. I was screaming his name as I saw our stove engulfed in flames right next to him. He had completely passed out while texting and making his post bar noodles. In my underwear and braless state, I panicked with purpose. I found the fire extinguisher and remembered pass P A S s pull, aim, squeeze, sweep and put out the flames. I then ran around the house and opened every window and door to air out the smoke. I was eventually able to shake him awake and the first thing he said to me was was not thanks for saving my life, but what? Very annoyed, then asked where his noodles were. His friend was also okay and not dead. If I were not there that night, I don't know what would have happened because they weren't responding to a fucking fire alarm.

[A]

Yeah, they were passed out.

[C]

Yeah, it would have lit the whole goddamn place down.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Not surprisingly, we did not get our deposit back when we moved out due to quote, burn marks and smoke damage. But I am grateful for whatever divine intervention helped me be there that night. I also can't believe how quickly my fight or flight kicked in post sleep and I'm proud I was able to panic with purpose. Sorry for the lengthy story, but sharing these stories makes me amazed I survived Those years. Now I can barely stay awake past 9pm and I'm raising three smart, kind kids. I'm sure they'll make many mistakes like I did, but I try my best to remind them to be humble and kind. In this world, we need that more than ever. I am a traveling speech therapist and you're with me daily as I visit patients in their homes. Thank you for all your love and humor. Keeps us all going. Love, Carrie. Pronounced care E Carrie.

[A]

How do we pronounce this crazy name? I love that she's like, I wonder what would have happened. It's like, yeah, the house would have burned down.

[C]

Yeah, you saved their lives.

[A]

Yeah, you did it. Full credit. It doesn't sound like you panicked at all. It sounded like you woke up and handled.

[C]

Totally.

[A]

Congratulations. Okay, this is a trash parent story. And it starts. Hi all. I was introduced to your podcast during a job interview in 2017.

[C]

Cool.

[A]

Spread the word, right? It says, didn't get the job but found you two win. For me, that job would have been awful. You've asked for pretty much any story at this point, so I felt I needed to write in. I am one of eight children and yes, my parents believed in birth control, but wanted a big family. My dad was a pastor and we spent a lot of time at church. One Wednesday evening after service, the adults were chatting about God or something. And all the kids decided to play hide and seek. Being the competitive middle child that I am, I was determined to win. I squeezed my tiny 5 year old body into a thick set of bushes.

[C]

No, not bushes.

[A]

That line the church. I did this once too. In a big backyard. We played hide and seek at night. A bunch of adults. Most of them were drunk. I was not. And I wedged myself kind of under a hedge and no one found me. And I won like hands down. But everyone got really mad. Cause they were like, where were you? Where I'm like. I thought wasn't the whole idea. It was like I was supposed to just be slightly behind a tree or something. It's really funny. So it says. I sat patiently as others were found, smirking at my brilliance that no one had spotted me. What seemed like hours, probably 15 minutes. Things got quieter and I started to hear doors shutting and cars pulling away.

[C]

Oh no.

[A]

Feeling very proud that no one found my spot, I emerged from the bushes only to see my family's van pull out of the parking lot.

[C]

Cause there's eight of them. That's too many to count. Oh my God.

[A]

The very last car to leave. I yelled. But they didn't see or hear me. I immediately burst into tears.

[C]

Holy shit.

[A]

Now I know what you're thinking. At church, surely someone will come by and see a five year old crying on the front steps. But reader, you are wrong.

[C]

No.

[A]

This church was on a highway in the middle of nowhere. I was sure I was going to die or be eaten by mountain lions.

[C]

Oh my God.

[A]

As luck or God or the universe or whatever would have it, one of the other pastor's wives forgot something in the church and she and her husband turned around to retrieve it. A five year old.

[C]

That's so young.

[A]

A little baby.

[C]

Little baby.

[A]

They found me crying on the front.

[C]

Oh my God. They wouldn't have known until like bedtime, I bet.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

When everyone's in bed and there's an empty bed and it's like, when was the last time you saw it? Uh oh.

[A]

I know I've told this story, but this happened to me in kindergarten. The whole car, watching the carpool, drive away. As a five year old, you're like, this isn't a mistake. They're choosing and I'm alone for the rest of.

[C]

I'm alone forever.

[A]

This sucks. I don't want to eat that weird pizza in the cafeteria again. They found me crying on the front steps, left a note for my parents on the front door. This was, this was before pagers or cell phones. And took me to their house not too far away. Meanwhile, my family had a quiet drive back to their home, an hour away with a van full of sleepy children. When everyone came inside and began the bedtime routine of pajamas and teeth brushing, my mom realized she was missing a kid.

[C]

Can you imagine? The whole way home, she's so exhausted from having eight kids and then she, it's an hour away, she feels so guilty.

[A]

She played all that hide and seek. She had a great time herself. Finally, as a mom, my dad assured her that I probably fell asleep in the van and he'd go get me.

[C]

Oh no.

[A]

A minute later he ran in, face white, grabbed the keys, muttering, we forgot Janice.

[C]

We forgot Janice.

[A]

He began the hour long journey trying to rescue me. Halfway there, a state trooper pulled him over for speeding. When he rolled down his window, he said, I know I was speeding. I promised to come back and receive a ticket, but I forgot my 5 year old daughter at church and she's all alone. The trooper looked at him and said, well, you'd better hurry.

[C]

Aw.

[A]

When my dad, he's no police escort, like the movies.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

When my dad finally arrived, he saw the note and found me at the other pastor's house. I was surrounded by all their grandkids toys and I had every snack from their pantry nearly laid out. See, when he arrived, I said, hi dad, thanks for coming, but I think I want to live here now. Don't worry, I'll visit you often. After some coaxing and bribing me with bringing all the snacks with us, we headed home. On the way home, my dad stopped at where he was pulled over by the state trooper originally, but the guy wasn't there. Maybe the trooper figured out he'd had enough punishment for one night. After that, my parents made it a rule to count each kid before they left. Anywhere. Yeah, stay sexy and please make sure all your kids are in the car before leaving. Janice. Janice with an e. So Janice kind of sounds the same.

[C]

Maybe Janice. Yeah.

[A]

And then it says P.S. my oldest kid was at trivia night and a question came up about a true crime comedy podcast by Karen Kilgari from Georgia Hardstark. He scored a point for his team instantly. Thanks for making me cool for a moment with my kid.

[C]

Love that.

[A]

Right?

[C]

That's like to me the highest. That's success if you're on fucking quiz nights.

[A]

Yes. That's so true.

[C]

And then how many kids do you think at what point you lose track of them because you really knew that one?

[A]

I really believe it. Three is two. Three is too hard.

[C]

Three and you can see three.

[A]

Three is really hard. But they're like in front of you.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

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[C]

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[A]

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[C]

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[A]

The available 14 speaker Bose sound system makes for an immersive ride.

[C]

And the Palisade Hybrid comes with an available class exclusive dash camera feature and available class exclusive blind spot view monitor for extra peace of mind.

[A]

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[C]

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[A]

Need more? You've got standard 100 watt USB C ports to keep every device powered and

[C]

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[A]

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[C]

Learn more about the Hyundai [e-mail] Call

[A]

562-314-4603 for complete details. Goodbye.

[B]

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[C]

is my last one. Why I Was Never Allowed to Babysit Again hey all. Well, you asked. At the age of 17, I was watching two boys, ages 3 and 1. That is a baby. Yeah, those are babies.

[A]

That's brand new.

[C]

And you're 17. During their spring break, I had been babysitting these kids for about a year, so I felt pretty comfortable staying with them while their parents were at work. Since the weather was nice, their mom had suggested I take them to the zoo for the day. Again, I'm 17 and very unqualified to be in public with children this young. The day started off well enough. The boys were excited and cooperative.

[A]

Intel well enough is a tough way to be. Like the day started off well enough.

[C]

If you're babysitting and like you're staying home. Yeah, you know, oh my God, everything could go wrong.

[A]

It's like the tv, snacks and like your own house with a bathroom.

[C]

Totally no reason to go anywhere. The three year old, we'll call him Kyle fucking Kyle became overcome with illogical emotion. Kids fucking do that, man. That's another reason I and adults. When I told him he couldn't have a second lemon ice pop, he started crying, which turned into screaming, which turned into me being hauled off to the zoo jail until his mom could come and verify that her children were in my care. Oh, you may be wondering how things went south so quickly. Kyle had become so inconsolable that he started running away from me screaming, someone help me. That's not my mommy, you little shit. Kyle.

[B]

You little shit.

[C]

On repeat. By the time I had caught him and hooked my arm around his waist, he was kicking and screaming, drawing the attention of just about everyone, including zoo security.

[A]

I mean, at least they did something.

[C]

Totally. Totally.

[A]

We gotta be. We gotta upside it a little bit.

[C]

Security took me. Well, wait till you hear this. Then security took me into a separate office and kept the boys in the lobby where they all caps gave them a fucking ice pop. So this little shit, it worked.

[A]

Kyle wins.

[C]

Kyle fucking is like, this is how I get what I want.

[A]

Kyle wins again. He's been to the zoo before.

[C]

That's right. This is his first rodeo.

[A]

No, no, no.

[C]

While we waited for their mom, she showed up about 45 minutes later, took the boys home and never called me again. Just kidding. I loved those kids and continued to babysit them until I graduated from high school. Aw. Their mom thought the above incident was hilarious and still gives me shit about it years later. Nice. That's so cool.

[A]

I do Love that.

[C]

Yeah. SSTGM. And don't task a 17 year old with watching your kids somewhere other than their own home. Yeah, em.

[A]

Yeah. Because I think kids, I babysat the kid. My sister like nannied for one time. Like she had to get me to do it for three hours. And he just immediately, just started. He knew he couldn't push it with my sister.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And with me, he just immediately was like, I think I'm gonna slip under these bleachers and just go get lost over there.

[C]

Same with my nephew Micah. It was just like, I don't have to listen to you.

[A]

No. He's like, wait a second. I'm seeing all soft spots here.

[C]

Totally.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

We're equals. We're having fun.

[A]

We're equals. Bye. Okay, well, this actually perfectly dovetails into my last story. The subject line says, child labor story. It says hello, Karen, Georgia and fur babies in all caps. And then it says Karen. I know it's your favorite. And then there's an emoji of someone laughing so hard until they cry.

[C]

I love that one.

[A]

And here's me just suffering over here. I've been listening since early Covid when my boss recommended MFM as a coping mechanism for being a nurse during that honored. I mean, incredible. You two have been my emotional support podcast ever since you recently asked for slightly inappropriate childhood job stories.

[C]

I love that we did that.

[A]

I love it. And wow, do I have one for you. I was a feral ADHD child with the energy of a caffeinated squirrel. My poor parents, Ann and Rod had no idea what to do with me during the summers until one day they had a truly unhinged idea. She loves animals. We know the zoo director. Let's just drop her off there.

[C]

What the fuck?

[A]

You know Ann and Rod, they're nuts. And that's how in peak 90s parenting fashion, I became a child zoo volunteer with what I can only describe as Zera Osha oversight.

[C]

That's not volunteering. That's babysitting.

[A]

That's abandonment in a public place. You pay the ticket and you're like, see you in eight hours. Three days a week. My mom would drop me off while I. 1. It's a little list, but I'll number it. 1. Cleaned animal enclosures. 2. Fed various creatures. 3. Consumed my body weight in shock tarts. 4. Apparently flirted with death. Question mark, question mark. Some highlights include 1. Cleaning the alligator enclosure while alligators were still in it. With the guidance if they hiss and get puffy, just hop back over the fence.

[C]

That's good life advice. Anything ever hissing gets puffy. Get the fuck out of there.

[A]

Either or by two wrangling wallabies. And then in quotes, here's the advice she got. Watch the feet. They kick. Get behind them and grab the tail.

[C]

What is a. I'm thinking of a panda bear. For some reason they're like, I believe a koala bear.

[A]

Wallabies I think are like little kangaroos. Am I wrong about that? You're correct. Oh, I win.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And then it says totally normal 8 year old. And then the last one says hand feeding lemurs. Things called monkey biscuits. Careful the ring tailed. One bites, they said. Of course he does. I loved every second of it. All caps but my crowning achievement. I got to help hand raise a baby tiger. No. One of the zoo's tigers had two cubs. One didn't make it. They pulled the other to hand raise her. I got to bottle feed her every day. I volunteered.

[C]

Oh my God.

[A]

There you go.

[C]

Photo. Oh, go to our Instagram. See the photo. That is a stuffed animal. That's not real.

[A]

Literally looks like a perfectly made stuffed animal.

[C]

Look at those. Toby.

[A]

I named her Tigger because I was 10 and working with what I had. I fed her, played with her, did enrichment. Basically lived my best tiger king but wholesome life. She grew up, thrived, and lived to be 17 years old.

[C]

Oh my God. Did she recognize her when she'd come back to the zoo?

[A]

Let's See? We'll find out. And then my career abruptly ended. One day I came home smelling especially terrible. My dad asked why I smelled worse than usual. And then a parenthesis that says rude but fair. And I casually told him, oh, yeah, A full grown male Siberian tiger peed on me through the chain link fence while I was cleaning. Jesus, y'. All. He did not care that there was a fence. My zoo career ended that day. I pivoted to volunteering at a vet clinic the next summer and stayed there through high school.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

I mean, this is an animal person. This is the one person who can save for a baby to me in all caps. And I accept it. Fully earned. It right. Fully earned. And then it says, thank you for being a constant source of comfort, laughter, and just the right amount of chaos. Stay sexy and let your kids make wildly unsafe zoo memories. Aaron.

[C]

Wow. Aaron.

[A]

And, oh, I think there's a picture of Tigger with.

[C]

Oh, let's see. Little Aaron and Tigger. Oh, that's your friend.

[A]

That's so many people's dream come true, dude.

[C]

Mine as a kid? Yeah. Oh, amazing.

[A]

And what if, like, I wanna know if, like, Aaron ever got that moment where she came back to the zoo? Exactly.

[C]

That's what I wanna know.

[A]

Did she? A haggard old college student and that little Tigger was like, I know you, my friend. Oh, my God.

[C]

All right, send us what you did for a job as a child at my favorite murdermail or whatever else you wanna.

[A]

That's right. Any kind of lawsuit y stuff from childhood. We'd love to hear it.

[C]

That's right.

[A]

And until then, stay sexy and don't get murdered.

[C]

Goodbye, Elvis. Do you want a cookie?

[A]

This has been an exactly right production.

[C]

Our senior producer is Molly Smith and our associate producer is Tessa Hughes.

[A]

Our editor is Aristotle Acevedo.

[C]

This episode was mixed by Liana Squillacci.

[A]

Email your hometowns to my favorite murdermail dot com.

[C]

Follow the show on Instagram at my favorite murder.

[A]

Listen to my favorite murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[C]

And now you can watch my favorite Murder on Netflix.

[A]

And when you're there, hit the double thumbs up and the remind me buttons. That's the best way you can support our show.

[C]

Goodbye.

[A]

The best kind of self care usually involves laying down.

[C]

And if you're in the bathtub, even better.

[A]

And now you can relax in the bath and hydrate your skin with Dr. Teal's skin renewal deep hydration line.

[C]

Karen, you know I'm a bath influencer. Like that's part of my like weekly self care is baths and I got excited when I opened the box they sent us of bath products.

[A]

I mean and it works so well. Like truly your skin will feel great. I have dry skin all the time, especially the the hotter the weather gets outside and just getting it all taken care of at once. Relaxing in the bathtub. It's amazing.

[C]

Find Dr. Teals all dressed in blue in your local bath aisle.

[A]

Dr. Teals. Yep, you needed that. Goodbye Goodbye Vacation planning should feel like a breeze, not a deep dive into countless travel sites searching for the best

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[A]

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[A]

Tips go to cheapcaribbean.com to try out the Budget Beachfinder and see just how stress free vacation planning should be.

[C]

Goodbye. Spring cleaning is all about getting your house in order and the last step

[A]

is making sure it's protected too.

[C]

That's where Simplisafe comes in.

[A]

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[C]

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[A]

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[C]

Goodbye.