All Famous Black People Know Each Other (with Jay Jurden)

Summary

---

My Momma Told Me: "All Famous Black People Know Each Other"

Episode Date: Nov 18, 2025
Host(s): Langston Kerman, David Gborie
Guest: Jay Jurden

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Main Theme

This episode dives into the hilarious and endearing Black conspiracy theory that “all famous Black people know each other.” Comedians Langston Kerman and David Gborie, joined by the witty Jay Jurden, unravel this myth—sharing personal stories, dissecting the roots of the stereotype, and spiraling into delightful tangents about Black culture, fame, and community. Along the way, they reflect on the dynamics of celebrity, community, barbershops, and the shifting nature of Black spaces in entertainment.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage & Opening Bits

• (01:47–03:15)
  • The hosts and Jay riff about Black manhood and material success (“I’m a Black man who came into some money, so I got a bunch of hats.” — Jay Jurden, 01:53)
  • Playful teasing around fashion and sneaker habits.
• (02:21–02:56, 03:05–04:45)
  • Show intro with comedic takes on outlandish conspiracy theories (“The government growing babies. Microchips in your anus. All koala bears are racist.” – David Gborie).
  • Early nerd-outs over Beast Wars, pugs, and the fine line between earnestness and teasing.

---

2. Nerd Culture, Childhood TV, and Subtle Blackness

• (04:08–09:26)
  • A nostalgic, tongue-in-cheek deep dive into ‘90s television (Barney & Friends, Peanuts) and coded Blackness in children’s shows.
  • Jokes about which dinosaure characters might be struggling economically (“You thought Baby Bop would be affected by the SNAP benefits being cut?” – David, 06:49)
  • Questions of representation, subtle social class distinctions, and who gets to feel “seen” on TV (concern for Franklin in Peanuts, 09:09).

---

3. Barbershop Realness & Black Men’s Grooming

• (11:15–13:12)
  • Jay and the hosts lament the rise of hair enhancements and barbers implementing “upgrades” without asking.
  • The absurdity and vulnerability of being “improved” without your consent (“They be filling in my eyebrows. I go, what? Are you okay?” – Jay, 12:58)
  • The comfort and ritual of Black barbershops, plus anxieties over changing styles and expectations.

---

4. Black Celebrities and Community—The Central Conspiracy

• (54:30–58:13; 66:12–68:10)
  • Jay Jurden introduces his mom’s cherished belief: all famous Black people know each other.
    • “She thinks being a Black celebrity is like going to the big church in town.” (54:35)
    • “She thinks I’m close to getting the Black celebrity... I just want her to know that’s not happening...” (56:27)
  • The hosts agree that at a certain level of success, Black celebrities do orbit each other, partly out of necessity and social dynamics.
  • “There is a need for community at all times... Once you reach a certain level of selection, there's only like, eight people you can even vibe with.” — Langston, 58:45
  • Further, the overlap of communities can be even more specific for certain identities—such as Black queer male comics—which does lead to “everyone knowing each other” (67:18–67:38).
• Performative familiarity:
  • “There’s a level when people get successful... they pretend to know each other anyways.” – David, 57:15
  • The social currency of association and performative closeness in show business.

---

5. Stories from Black Cultural Spaces & Family

• (38:43–44:09)
  • Jay shares a touching, funny family story about his mother encountering James Brown on a plane:
    • “James Brown sees my mom, she’s kind of sad, but she has a box with her. And James Brown goes, ‘Hey, gotta have...’” (39:08)
    • The blend of grief, Southern culture, and Black hospitality.
• (79:21–81:04)
  • The “blacker than thou” Olympics—what’s the “blackest” thing you’ve done lately? Black parties, food, and “cookout” energy in entertainment.

---

6. Community, Representation, and the Evolution of Black Fame

• (74:18–76:48)
  • Reflection that many people consume comedy and art for personalities or identity representation rather than the art form itself.
  • “I think the true fan base of comedy are people who do comedy.” – Langston, 76:26
  • Acknowledgement that young audiences, too, often aspire to be performers themselves.
• (80:54–81:10)
  • Jay admits his mom might be more right than he wants to admit about the tight-knit nature of Black creative circles:
    • “I think your mom was closer than you wanted to. And I get it... you don’t want her to have insight.” – David

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7. Notable Sidebar Moments

• (31:12)
  • Reflecting on the morality of humor: “The funny thing is not--that’s why these fucking comics are fucking idiots. Where all I care about is what’s funny. Well, you idiot, then go kill yourself... Humor isn’t morality.” — David
• (41:14)
  • Jay’s mom with braids: “My mom got braids and black and blonde braids in her 60s. My first thought was, I love it. I said, who is my mama dating?”
• (46:45–47:12, 84:28–89:20)
  • Hilarious voicemail from a listener theorizing “good barbers gotta be a little gay,” sparking a warm debate on the intimacy of barbershop care and the nuances of Black masculinity.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On “The Conspiracy”:
  “She thinks being a Black celebrity is like going to the big church in town.”
  — Jay Jurden, 54:35

• On Finding Community at the Top: “Once you reach a certain level of selection, there’s only, like, eight people you can even vibe with... it’s why Michelle Obama gives George Bush the mints at the funeral.”
  — Langston, 58:45

• On the Reality of Celebrity: “There’s a level... people pretend to know each other... if somebody’s hot, they’ll always attest to it.”
  — David, 58:15

• On the Blackest Thing Done Recently: “We put out a whole fucking... cookout of sorts. And then here comes my white friend. And we don’t have anything for them.”
  — Langston, 79:55

• On Black Male Grooming: “They be filling in my eyebrows. I go, what? Are you okay?”
  — Jay, 12:58

• On Barbers and Intimacy: “If you a barber and you are this invested in men’s looks, I need you to be a little gay to care about your profession.”
  — Jay quoting Voicemail, 89:25

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [15:07] Guest Jay Jurden formally introduced
• [38:43] Jay tells the James Brown and hats story
• [54:30] Introduction of the "All Black Celebrities Know Each Other" conspiracy
• [57:15] Performing familiarity in celebrity circles
• [58:45] Community at the highest levels of celebrity: Michelle Obama & George Bush mints story
• [66:12] Celebrity events and performative knowing—all celebrities in the same rooms
• [79:21] What’s the blackest thing you’ve done recently?
• [84:28] Listener voicemail about barbers "being a little gay"
• [89:25] Debrief on the voicemail—ally logic in disguise

---

Tone & Style

The episode is rambunctious, raucous, and filled with the familiar blend of insightful banter and irreverence the podcast is known for. The hosts and guest shift easily from hilarious personal anecdotes to sharp cultural critique—from joking about Black hats to unfiltered reflections on who belongs in Black celebrity circles—always centering love for community and Blackness, but never taking themselves too seriously.

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Summary Takeaways

• The conspiracy that “all famous Black people know each other” is rooted in the very real, sometimes necessary sense of Black community—especially in industries where representation is limited.
• Fame and community overlap, but the realities are both performative and practical; there may be only a handful of people who “get it” at the top.
• Black barbershops, cookouts, and family traditions remain central, persistent sites of culture, transformation, and hilarity.
• Ultimately, Jay's mom might be more right than not: while not a literal family reunion, Black celebrity circles can be small, interconnected, and intimate—especially as social networks and shared experiences reinforce them.

---

Listen If...

You love smart, unvarnished, and playfully subversive takes on Black culture, identity, community, and the hilarious myths that persist within it.

Transcript

[Announcer]

This is an Iheart podcast.

[J. Jordan]

Hey, Ryan Reynolds here wishing you a very happy half off holiday. Because right now Mint Mobile is offering you the gift of 50% off unlimited. To be clear, that's half price, not half the service. Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price. So that means a half day.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[J. Jordan]

Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment.

[David Bore]

Of $45 for three month plan equivalent.

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[Announcer]

I turned off news altogether.

[J. Jordan]

I hate to say it, but I.

[Langston Kerman]

Don'T trust much of anything.

[David Bore]

It's the rage bait.

[Announcer]

It feels like it's trying to divide people.

[J. Jordan]

We got clear facts. Maybe we could calm down a little. NBC News brings you clear reporting.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's meet at the Facts. Let's move forward from there.

[J. Jordan]

NBC News, reporting for America.

[David Bore]

You're a black man who came into some money. I know you have some hats.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Bore]

I know you have some hats.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm not even a hat guy. I got some hats.

[David Bore]

Yeah, of course. That's funny.

[J. Jordan]

You understand how hard it was for me not to wear a bomber and some sneakers during my special? I'm a black man who came into some money, so I got a bunch of hats. My husband, he bought me.

[David Bore]

Take so many Timbs in and out of the cart.

[J. Jordan]

They're in the cart all the time. You wake up, they in the cart. I remember doing this. David, we talked about this.

[Langston Kerman]

David, David, David. You're a sick man.

[David Bore]

The government growing babies. Microchips in your anus. All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money. Washington, Ben and turkey stuff. Y' all can't tell me nothing. Last night. I was inside of you. Last night while Making love to you I saw the sun, the moon, the mountains and the rivers. I saw heaven when I made sweet love to you. Welcome, little mamas and gentiles alike, to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me.

[J. Jordan]

God damn.

[Langston Kerman]

The podcast where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories.

[David Bore]

And we finally. We don't actually. We're not proving anything.

[Langston Kerman]

We're not proving shit.

[David Bore]

This isn't that kind of podcast.

[Langston Kerman]

If you came here for proof.

[J. Jordan]

Oh, boy, do I got bad news to you.

[David Bore]

It's the one thing I'm fresh out of.

[Langston Kerman]

Y' all keep. You know what? They keep asking for proof of the things that we're saying, as if every time we don't tell them ahead of time. Hey, we don't have proof of the things we're saying.

[David Bore]

I mean, I think that nerds have been coming at our head for the last couple weeks.

[Langston Kerman]

They're really mad at us, and we're feeling that.

[David Bore]

And what I have to say, you nerds, is sorry.

[Langston Kerman]

My bad, bro.

[David Bore]

Sorry.

[J. Jordan]

I didn't.

[David Bore]

I only seen the Matrix once.

[Langston Kerman]

I'll be honest, my only memory of Transformers is that is him running with Shia LaBeouf back when he was a white child. I have no other framing for it. I was just saying stuff.

[David Bore]

Yep. I like the ones where they're animals. So I didn't even. I wasn't even in on that.

[Langston Kerman]

Absolutely.

[David Bore]

That's what I like.

[Langston Kerman]

I remember a raptor in there, and I thought the raptor was cool, but I couldn't tell you his name.

[David Bore]

I like it. Yeah, I like. They used to have it before school.

[Langston Kerman]

Jay, you can jump in. By the way, I know you are a nerd.

[J. Jordan]

The Beast wars aficionado. You talking about Air Razor? Yeah, that was a girl. She fell in love with the white tiger. They died together, had a baby, which was this, like. No, with Timberwolf. It's actually. She fell in love with the wolf and then they had like a combined form robot, where it was like a wolf with wings. Yeah, robot baby.

[David Bore]

I hate that robot.

[Langston Kerman]

I was talking and than for pointing that out. The powers that be.

[J. Jordan]

You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

I was talking about the one that was a traitor to the Decepticons.

[J. Jordan]

Ooh, Dinobot.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, Dinobot was the one. He, like, joined the.

[J. Jordan]

The Maximals.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, the Predacons and the Maximals and the Danimals.

[J. Jordan]

The Danimal.

[David Bore]

You guys remember Danim? You gotta get some flavor. Come on, man. That's it. That's it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[J. Jordan]

You know, a previous episode Langston did diagnose me with a little bit of the tears. I'm teased up. Just.

[Langston Kerman]

That's ok. That's ok. And I stand on it.

[J. Jordan]

And he's not wrong. Me correcting him on Maximals and predacons. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You have a rich nerd memory.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

That has to be diagnosed.

[J. Jordan]

That came to me early. My husband, he's like, anniversary. I was like, it's coming July 10th.

[Langston Kerman]

You want me to remember I just met you.

[J. Jordan]

I go way back with Megatron as a T. Rex. As a purple T. Rex. He was Barney. Megatron was a purple T. Rex. And no one made a Barney joke.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Barney was a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

[Voicemail Caller]

Yes.

[David Bore]

That feels like a terrible move in hindsight.

[J. Jordan]

He got the veneers. That's why he didn't know.

[David Bore]

He does got tears out.

[J. Jordan]

He took his original teeth out. Barney got the nene leaks.

[Langston Kerman]

It's like.

[J. Jordan]

Barney got the nene leak. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

He got the consequences.

[J. Jordan]

Barney in the back like Michael Chase. Stop yelling at Kanye. Hey, brother, this ain't the time or the place. Hey, man. Hey.

[Langston Kerman]

I love you. You love me.

[David Bore]

Was Barney the only one who had good teeth on that show? Baby Bop had. Those were bad.

[J. Jordan]

Baby Bop. I didn't think Baby Bop had.

[Langston Kerman]

I think Baby Bop had no tea.

[David Bore]

Cause they were.

[J. Jordan]

Well, they're.

[David Bore]

They were disadvantaged. Well, Baby Bop was a baby.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, but also, I think they were herbivores.

[David Bore]

They were bebe babies.

[J. Jordan]

Baby babies.

[David Bore]

Bebe babies.

[J. Jordan]

Bebe babies.

[David Bore]

Bebe Baby Bop. Nah, you were babies.

[J. Jordan]

Right, right.

[David Bore]

You didn't feel.

[Langston Kerman]

I like the idea.

[David Bore]

You don't feel like they were a poorer dinosaur than Barney was.

[J. Jordan]

Wait, I thought you meant younger. You thought Baby Bop. You thought Baby Bop would be affected by the SNAP benefits being cut?

[David Bore]

Yes.

[J. Jordan]

Oh, okay.

[David Bore]

Did you guys not feel that way?

[J. Jordan]

No, but now I get why you say that.

[Langston Kerman]

It makes a lot of sense.

[J. Jordan]

She didn't have no clothes on.

[David Bore]

No, she didn't have clothes on.

[Langston Kerman]

She was unwatched.

[David Bore]

She was too old to be talking like that.

[Langston Kerman]

That's true.

[David Bore]

She was, like, older than a baby. But she was talking like a baby, which makes me feel like.

[J. Jordan]

And we called bj. Bj, her brother. And they had different daddies because they were different colors.

[Langston Kerman]

They weren't even the same species.

[David Bore]

High yellow.

[J. Jordan]

High yellow.

[Langston Kerman]

Didn't like how you pointed at me.

[David Bore]

You're wearing a yellow shirt. Really don't still.

[Langston Kerman]

Really don't love the associations with bj. A third tier dinosaur in a.

[J. Jordan]

It was showing three dinosaurs.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm not particularly cool on what's happening here, but I do respect the joke.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. I think Baby Bop was probably going through some stuff at home.

[Langston Kerman]

She was never invited there.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

She always just showed up and they'd.

[J. Jordan]

Be like, oh, shit. Baby Bop. You know what it is? You know the house that always has kids in it? That was that house. Yeah, yeah. Cause all the kids that were with Barney, he was telling them to clean up. So Barney was running a daycare center. Baby Bop, she just had to be there. Cause you know, her mama wasn't picking her up all the time.

[David Bore]

Yeah, yeah.

[J. Jordan]

BJ would sometimes come. Cause he's an older brother. He said, hey, we gotta walk home. Here's a honey bun. Is that dinner? That's dinner.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Yeah. Cause home is hard.

[J. Jordan]

Home is hard.

[David Bore]

A bunch of other dads you wanna hang out with.

[J. Jordan]

Marnie. Yeah.

[David Bore]

He's got a bunch of like. He's got a bunch of velociraptors trying to make him go bodies in the back in his house. They try to teach him how to gang hunt.

[Langston Kerman]

Ye.

[David Bore]

He goes over there testing the walls.

[J. Jordan]

Clever girl. Clever girl. Clever girl.

[David Bore]

Oh, man, that's really sad.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. It's a tragic story. When you unpack most of these programs.

[David Bore]

I would say, Yeah, I always. Cause like any kids program, I always am like that. Dirty kids going through it.

[J. Jordan]

Oh, okay.

[David Bore]

Pig Pen too, right? That's not good.

[Langston Kerman]

No, that's a sad one for.

[J. Jordan]

That's a problem with the peanuts. It was injur that even though they had a dirty child, you still were like, well, I'm checking on Franklin. Everything okay with Franklin? Franklin, he's at the table by him. He's on the side of the table by himself. They chose to sit next to Pigpen rather than sit next to Franklin on the other side of the table.

[David Bore]

Well, you know, nobody talks about. They bust Franklin in.

[J. Jordan]

Whoa. Is this real?

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[J. Jordan]

Okay. I thought the Schultz camp told me.

[David Bore]

Oh, no. They called it its integration. Charlie Brown.

[Langston Kerman]

Charlie mad about that one.

[David Bore]

Don't even get Lucy started. She was pulling more than a football.

[Langston Kerman]

She changing the sound on that therapy stand.

[David Bore]

No.

[Langston Kerman]

If you need help about some of the changes that are happening around here.

[David Bore]

Five cents.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, yeah. No, Lucy does just become a Tim Dillon esque podcaster.

[David Bore]

Yeah, Lucy. Lucy makes you feel like it's the end of the world.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

The way she likes. The same way that he makes me feel that way. Like, Lucy is just like. She flies. No fly. There's nothing.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

You know what I mean? I see that she just keeps taking that football.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Like, that's nuts.

[Langston Kerman]

She takes the football, and I think what really is the most.

[David Bore]

He's not even a football kicker. Like that.

[J. Jordan]

No. And she also calls him blockhead.

[Langston Kerman]

She calls him Blockhead. But then she spends the entire show pretending as if she is the moral compass for the group.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Like her whole shit is being like, I'm clearly the best leader here and yet.

[J. Jordan]

Why.

[David Bore]

Which is where we're at right now. We've been talking about. She just saying shit. That's Trumpism.

[J. Jordan]

Lucy is a demigod.

[Langston Kerman]

Lucy Trump.

[J. Jordan]

Oh, my God. She also is the therapist. So imagine if your therapist behaved that way.

[Langston Kerman]

Why are you being bullied by your therapist?

[David Bore]

Why are you playing football with your therapist?

[J. Jordan]

Your co pay ain't but five cents, though. Yeah.

[David Bore]

But you gotta scale that. It was the 70s. He was a child.

[Langston Kerman]

He couldn't even understand his parents, much less know how to make money.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, he had parents.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[J. Jordan]

That was.

[Langston Kerman]

He was mumbling all the time.

[David Bore]

Am I crazy for thinking this was his dad a barber? Why do I think that if Charlie.

[J. Jordan]

Brown's dad was a barber. That's fucked up.

[David Bore]

I think it was the most depressing because he was so.

[J. Jordan]

That's fucked up.

[David Bore]

Maybe I'm putting shit on there.

[Langston Kerman]

Charlie Brown's barber just spreading nasty conspiracies.

[J. Jordan]

Charlie Brown's barber just would be like.

[David Bore]

I'm gonna move these three. I mean, Charlie would have really. It would have been good if he had had Beijing or enhancements.

[J. Jordan]

That's a new Charlie Brown enhancements.

[Langston Kerman]

He definitely needed something.

[J. Jordan]

Okay. When I was in Tuscaloosa, that's when the enhancements, like, dropped around, like, 2013, 12 enhancements. Cause that's when they were doing it without asking you, they'd be like, I'mma just. And you go, whoa, what's that?

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[J. Jordan]

They go, I'mma just.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I'm gonna give you that. They start pulling that card out and you like, hold on, playboy. Wait a minute.

[David Bore]

You ever seen when they have the visor and the gun, it's like the whole visor, and then they airbrush it.

[Langston Kerman]

That's the one that hurts my feelings the most.

[David Bore]

Yeah, that one is bad.

[Langston Kerman]

And they're like, bro, I'm gonna need a whole system to fix what this.

[J. Jordan]

Is at that point. Get the roller. Yeah, well.

[David Bore]

And it's like, something I'd like to do at home away from other people.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I don't want you to show everybody eyes.

[J. Jordan]

No. But, I mean, everyone is like, I mean, everyone is doing.

[David Bore]

I'm still all natural.

[J. Jordan]

I'm not doing it. But I see so many people that have kind of like. They do the enhancements. They do the chalk, they do the outline.

[Langston Kerman]

I will say that on sets, they do it, and you don't really get.

[J. Jordan]

A say in it.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I mean?

[David Bore]

That's the one time I've done it.

[J. Jordan]

They be filling in my eyebrows. I go, what? Are you okay? Yeah. All right. I don't like that.

[David Bore]

Cause they're showing you problems. You didn't feel like you had.

[J. Jordan]

I didn't come in thinking about this. I didn't roll up the set and go to crafty think my eyebrows.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[J. Jordan]

But now I'm in the makeup chair, and she goes, you want me to do this? I went, you started already?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[J. Jordan]

You did one?

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[J. Jordan]

I can't just. I can't look inquisitive, though.

[Langston Kerman]

You've already snatched half my soul.

[David Bore]

Go ahead, finish off now. You're out here looking like a Latina.

[J. Jordan]

Teen just making out on public transportation. Is that what you're talking about?

[David Bore]

I went through penciled in eyebrows.

[J. Jordan]

They are loving people.

[David Bore]

Yeah. So musical.

[J. Jordan]

So musical. Imagine it.

[Langston Kerman]

Our guest today. I don't know. We have to intro.

[David Bore]

Yeah, we have to do an intro.

[Langston Kerman]

Our guest today, we couldn't be more excited. He's here. It was a tight squeeze.

[J. Jordan]

Yes.

[Langston Kerman]

This motherfucker's busy. Pretty much. He got shit going on today.

[J. Jordan]

I did podcasts before this. I'm probably gonna do one afterwards.

[Langston Kerman]

Hell, yeah.

[J. Jordan]

I had to come through.

[David Bore]

Well, brother, tell Theo Vaughn about us.

[J. Jordan]

Listen, brother, me and him are gonna get to the bottom of all of this. He keeps saying y', all, I don't know, but I think the government's bad. And it breaks my heart.

[David Bore]

Brother, those are just your friends. Yeah, I know, man.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Sometimes that happens. People hurt you.

[J. Jordan]

That man said, who's. Listen, I'm gonna find out who's killing all these Palestinian children. After my dinner with Ivanka, after I get done eating with Jared and Ivanka, I'm gonna find out who's been killing these precious brown babies.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm gonna have a fine meal.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And then I'm gonna start doing some independent Googling.

[J. Jordan]

That man said, I think there's someone behind all this. And then posted up. That's crazy.

[David Bore]

Yeah, man.

[Langston Kerman]

Our guest today is not crazy.

[David Bore]

He's not crazy.

[J. Jordan]

I'm a little bit.

[Langston Kerman]

He might be a little crazy.

[David Bore]

A dash of tears.

[Langston Kerman]

We're excited that he's here. He has a Brand new Hulu Special available for you now. We could not be more excited. Go watch this. Yes, ma'. Am. On Hulu. Give it up, Jerdan.

[J. Jordan]

Y', all. Would you say that you're racist?

[David Bore]

Not at all. No. Look at my dog. He's as black as can be.

[Langston Kerman]

That's what you asked us to play, right?

[David Bore]

That came with that.

[J. Jordan]

That's exactly what.

[Langston Kerman]

We never played that.

[J. Jordan]

My dog is as black as can be. Yeah. Yes, ma'. Am. I think it ties into My mama Told Me. Cause whenever my mama told me something, I said, yes, ma'. Am. Happy to do the pod. I love it.

[David Bore]

Thanks for having us.

[J. Jordan]

We act up every time we're together.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

I said, thank you for having us. I'm nervous. He don't work here. Yeah. You know what it is, is all I had was that intro.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

And then I had no other plans for today.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, the intro was great.

[J. Jordan]

The intro. I love dogs.

[David Bore]

Oh, okay, good.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, I love dogs.

[David Bore]

Me, too.

[J. Jordan]

I love dogs. You want to offer some pushback? A lot of people, they think black folks don't love their dogs.

[David Bore]

Brother, my DMs are filled.

[J. Jordan]

It's insane.

[David Bore]

I think it's because. And this is. And you. Okay. You can attest to this. You talk to me on the telephone. We're willing to talk to them like they're not. I talk to a dog like. I talk like a person. Maybe even a little worse sometimes.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? There it is. Yeah. It's that second.

[David Bore]

Oh, he got me.

[Langston Kerman]

He got me.

[David Bore]

Okay.

[J. Jordan]

He got me. It's that second sentence that's really the key to this.

[Langston Kerman]

It's not that you talk to your dog. You do talk to her like a person.

[David Bore]

Yes.

[Langston Kerman]

You just talk to her like a person you don't respect very much at all.

[J. Jordan]

A child.

[David Bore]

Do you respect people who don't pay bills? I do not. Do you respect people who poop in the house? I do not can do that.

[J. Jordan]

I'm blaming her. I'm going to be honest. This is also the unification of David Bore. Because you went straight to. Do you pay bills?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[J. Jordan]

You got there fast.

[David Bore]

She's in there. I'm just saying she's in there.

[J. Jordan]

I think the same thoughts, but when they come out, I do go. Wait a second. Does that thought come with a pair of linen pants? Okay, here's you paying some bills.

[David Bore]

Here's my issue. I think, too now that I'm really. If I'm really, like, putting my brain to it, it is because in being an unk.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

My love language is acts of service.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

So, bitch, you ever missed a meal?

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, well, maybe.

[David Bore]

Maybe I talk to you how I want in here. Maybe I talk to you how you get sick. You go to the doctor. Right, right, right. Okay. Yeah, so maybe I talk a little crazy. I'm there every day.

[J. Jordan]

A lot of dogs don't go to the vet.

[David Bore]

My dogs don't go to the vet.

[J. Jordan]

You know, where they go outside, they.

[David Bore]

Get worms and then they die.

[Langston Kerman]

This whole thing feels like the speech from fences.

[J. Jordan]

Like you.

[David Bore]

Like you.

[Langston Kerman]

Why I gotta like you?

[J. Jordan]

Where you say I gotta like you? Roof over your head, food in your belly. Like you.

[David Bore]

I'm just saying I like the dog.

[J. Jordan]

You're Troy Max.

[David Bore]

I'm doing this stuff.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Take her out. All this well walked dog.

[Langston Kerman]

Well walked dog.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody sees the neighborhood.

[David Bore]

She's freaking out. Cause they're doing the. The bitch is sitting on my lap.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

I'm trying to send emails. Whatever. She's on my lap. Big ass, full grown.

[Langston Kerman]

She's a big dog.

[David Bore]

Big dog. I think people just, like, want to be like, ooh, I hate that dog. And it's like, I'm with the dog all the time.

[Langston Kerman]

And I will say to your credit, I've done some nasty propaganda on the podcast.

[David Bore]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Langston Kerman]

I think I have only seen you treat your dog kindly.

[David Bore]

Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

You have done nothing in my presence that would suggest you are unkind to your dog.

[David Bore]

Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

But the way you speak to her.

[David Bore]

She can't speak English.

[Langston Kerman]

Does give me pause sometimes.

[David Bore]

She doesn't speak.

[J. Jordan]

It gives him pause.

[David Bore]

Okay.

[J. Jordan]

It gives him pause.

[Langston Kerman]

And now y' all see why I accused the man of autism.

[David Bore]

That was good.

[J. Jordan]

I liked it.

[David Bore]

Cause it got it off of me.

[J. Jordan]

Right?

[David Bore]

And I will say I could say I could speak softer to. Sometimes I do. It is crazy sometimes.

[J. Jordan]

Well, do you. I mean, and this is a bigger question. You want him yelling at that dog or yelling at a baby?

[Langston Kerman]

I would prefer the dog for sure. See, I just don't think we have to be one or the other.

[J. Jordan]

Okay, all right.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm here to inspire as much as you can.

[J. Jordan]

Gentle new parenting.

[David Bore]

I can't talk to the dog the way that white people talk to their dogs.

[Langston Kerman]

That's fair.

[David Bore]

I can't do that.

[Langston Kerman]

That's fair.

[David Bore]

I can't be in my house and be like, it's just not. It's just not gonna happen. But we're cool. And sometimes I do. Sometimes I talk nice to her, too. I'll be like, hey, you trying to. Oh, I'm about to go walk. I'm about to go walk. Put your vest on.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, Vest, yeah. Oh, clothes.

[David Bore]

Look at.

[J. Jordan]

Yes.

[David Bore]

The bitch had sneakers for a minute.

[J. Jordan]

Yes, she lives.

[David Bore]

Great. Whoa.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, you're.

[Langston Kerman]

No. You're doing more than I've ever done.

[David Bore]

We're walking out. I'm worried about the concrete being too hot on her paws. Like, I'm taking care of this dog, bro.

[Langston Kerman]

I had a pet pug in Michigan. Like, Ann Arbor, Michigan. I ain't put a coat on her once.

[J. Jordan]

Oh, my God.

[David Bore]

I mean, she doesn't wear the coat, but she got one.

[Langston Kerman]

And that was what I realized is, like, this is. This is so much.

[J. Jordan]

I mean, that's gonna get you in trouble. The pug community. I used to. I have a couple of jokes about pugs, and they go, hey, the jokes. Funny, but like, Jay, I've said wild shit. The pug people went, hey, Jay, we really like pugs.

[David Bore]

I do like that. Because if you didn't, they would have died off a long time ago. It's an abomination.

[J. Jordan]

Bioengineered and didn't do a great job.

[Langston Kerman]

No, actually, they did. Do you know what they were trying to do?

[David Bore]

Kill the pugs.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know if that was the original plan, but in ancient China, they were engineered because the emperor wanted a dog that looked like a monkey.

[David Bore]

Oh, man. That's a level of power that I.

[J. Jordan]

Could not for the sake of balance. Are we gonna give him a little bit of the tears now?

[David Bore]

Because this. These is mentally easy.

[J. Jordan]

Anytime a black man starts off a sentence, well, we know what it is, right? Because in ancient China, the emperor wanted the dog that looked like a monkey.

[Langston Kerman]

We've all read our pug history, right? I don't want none of you brothers.

[J. Jordan]

Not caught up on your pug history.

[David Bore]

Also, Damn. I didn't ever realize that emperors carried that kind of power. That would corrupt me.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, yeah.

[David Bore]

If I was powerful enough to, say, make this animal look like this animal.

[J. Jordan]

They do that with multiple breeds of Chinese originated dogs.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[J. Jordan]

They had breed standards. Well, the. I mean, it's hard to have.

[Langston Kerman]

There's some other ones.

[J. Jordan]

There's some other ones. But there are a bunch of dogs that come from China that were like, breed standards based on what the emperor wanted.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I don't want you to think this is like, all dogs go to China.

[David Bore]

This is. Here's the ending of that movie.

[J. Jordan]

The restraint that you're showing. The restraint.

[David Bore]

I know. That's the strongest I've ever been on this podcast. And I'd like to think that that's growth.

[J. Jordan]

That is.

[David Bore]

He did that. And I sat here and I took it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, you chill.

[David Bore]

You saw it. I'm an ally. It's. Cause I'm going to Asia.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Okay. Yeah.

[J. Jordan]

What part?

[David Bore]

Japan. Me and my little brother's going to Japan. Okay.

[J. Jordan]

Have you seen that? People now are doing this. They're kind of telling Americans on TikTok, they're saying, I know. Everyone loves Japan. Everyone loves Tokyo. Everyone loves the future. Everyone love anime. And every. Every, like, person on TikTok is like, yeah. And then people go, you know, Japan used to do bad stuff. And everyone's like, yeah, we know. Yeah, I'm going, though.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Japan's really getting the. The Tyler, the creator treatment.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Well said. That's exactly right.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it's getting that Tyler treatment.

[David Bore]

And you're like, I don't give a. I'm listening to Chroma Cop.

[J. Jordan]

The Tyler situation, whenever it kind of was reaching critical mass, there was this weird. I don't know. I'm a millennial. So I was like, yeah, I remember the cockroaches. Did y' all not remember the cockroaches? There were so many babies on the Internet. They were like. And then he used to do. I was like, yeah, yeah. Wait a second. I was laughing and enjoying the music then and now. Is this a deal breaker for everyone?

[Langston Kerman]

For me, it took me a minute to come around because I remembered that.

[David Bore]

Yeah, same.

[Langston Kerman]

I was like, oh, man, he's dope. He's clearly, like, a good rapper. But I'm not on board with the human yet.

[David Bore]

Because I could. Yeah, because I could drink when On Future came out. So it was too young for me.

[J. Jordan]

I went to Kids doing crazy shit. My little brother loved Odd Future in Lord Squad. And I had to be like, let me check on Mark.

[David Bore]

Yeah, yeah. Cause it was like, bro. I went to. I got free tickets to an Odd Future show in San Francisco. And I remember I went and there was no line at the bar.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

And I was like, oh, this is not for me. Yeah, these are for kids. And then he grew up. And I was like, oh, that's a cool.

[Langston Kerman]

No, this motherfucker cool as shit.

[David Bore]

And also allow some space for growth. It happens. Everybody grows, man. I used to have credit at the liquor store. Look at me now. Nice to dogs going to Asia.

[J. Jordan]

Well, what happened is we got. You know who we got to do that shit for us. And then we never had to worry about. And tell me if y' all disagree. We had Eminem and more specifically, we had all of D12. So we got bizarre. We got OB trice. We had like, fucked up, crazy, weird black dudes doing fucked up, crazy, weird shit with Eminem. And then we just never had to deal with it. Like, we got them and we like, listen to them do that shit. And then we were like, oh, well, actually, I'm cool now.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Can I say also, if we're talking about this, we're bringing it out now.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

What's in the water in Detroit? Cause they started that whole horrorcore rap movement. That was Detroit, right?

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Isham and all that crazy. That rap music that is hard, scary to listen to.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

You're from there. What's going on?

[Langston Kerman]

I'm not from there.

[J. Jordan]

He was just walking a plug outside at the University of Michigan. He ain't from there.

[David Bore]

Yeah, be careful. But your people are from there.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, my mom. But like, it would be like asking a person who never returned to the.

[David Bore]

Island, what's up with the island?

[J. Jordan]

I'm sorry, why are you dipping the mango and the water? Water, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And you're like. I don't know.

[J. Jordan]

You, like, it's a fo. I don't know what you want me to say.

[David Bore]

See, some of us believe in petagenetics. I think he was just like. It was just in him to watch the makeup.

[J. Jordan]

It's in. It's something in you.

[Langston Kerman]

You think there's something in the. In my core that just understands Detroit movement.

[David Bore]

Yeah. More than I do.

[Langston Kerman]

I will say that Detroit is very weirdly a arts city. And it doesn't get a lot of credit as an art city because it's a bummer to like, it is legitimately a city with like a strong ass grassroots arts community. And I think that blossoms out into trying a lot of weird shit in their music and in their, like, culture. Like they have there. There's this. This project that's on the. I'm going to fuck Butcher the name. But there's this arts project on, like, the west side of Detroit that like, this dude just basically turned his entire block into like a found art exhibit. Right. Because all the houses are abandoned, he could just like, decorate the whole fucking block with whatever he wanted. And so it's like, weird shit. It's like skull, baby, skull with a stick in it. And then it's like wrapped with barbed wire. It really is him just being like, I'm not. I'm just gonna do what I want with this.

[David Bore]

I think that's cool. I Mean, it's also like, there are a lot of different types of black. Like, am I wrong about. There was a lot of black techno that came out of Detroit as well.

[Langston Kerman]

That's where house music was technically born.

[J. Jordan]

Right.

[David Bore]

So it's like, I get that. That it's just a city trying a lot of stuff.

[Langston Kerman]

The Heidelberg Project.

[David Bore]

Okay. And when you get that, you also get dudes rapping about eating stuff.

[Langston Kerman]

I think so. I think if you go visit the Heidelberg Project as a young person and you see a baby with a fucking stick stabbed through its skull, you go, I think I could rap about whatever I want.

[David Bore]

I like that. I like that.

[J. Jordan]

And now the Detroit and the Milwaukee sound is just kind of a. A rhythmic, offbeat, syncopated, sort of very specific cadence. When growing up, there were rappers where you like. This shit's scary as fuck.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[J. Jordan]

And I don't. I'm not mad that Tyler was kind of that early on. I mean, you know, pictures in, like, whiteface also at the time.

[David Bore]

I think it's coming back.

[J. Jordan]

It was. I think it's coming back. Okay.

[David Bore]

I've been talking to people.

[J. Jordan]

That's what I'm saying.

[David Bore]

I dropped a dream. I'm sorry. I dropped a joke about. I was talking to Rob on the Internet the other day. I dropped a joke about being Langston for Halloween. And he laughed. And I was like, I think this might. I think this shit might be. I think whiteface. I think we could get in early.

[Langston Kerman]

First I'm hearing of it.

[David Bore]

I soft played it. Well, I was thinking it would be funny if we were each other for Halloween.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Nah, that's not funny for me.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, that's the problem. That's actually.

[David Bore]

That's the problem.

[Langston Kerman]

It's actually not funny for me.

[David Bore]

You in a bad place.

[J. Jordan]

Cause then. Cause you go into the shades and you got.

[Langston Kerman]

Brother, no thing I can put on is a compliment to you.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, it would be fun. You know what you could do?

[David Bore]

It would be funny if I showed up as you and you were.

[Langston Kerman]

You. Okay.

[David Bore]

That's okay, right?

[Langston Kerman]

That might.

[David Bore]

We can get away with.

[J. Jordan]

That's what I'm saying. Or you say, oh, let's be. Let's be each other for Halloween. And, Langston, you just come in a bunch of Denver stuff, you go, look at me. I'm David. And he shows up in whiteface, right?

[Langston Kerman]

And you go.

[J. Jordan]

You go, wait, you didn't have no Chicago stuff you wanted to put on, man.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[J. Jordan]

No, I thought this was how. This is what I thought we were. I thought we Were having fun.

[Langston Kerman]

You know, Ernest Hemingway went to my high school. You could have worn something about that.

[J. Jordan]

You in a Nuggets jersey.

[David Bore]

That's true. I think you can.

[J. Jordan]

That's funny. That's comedy of error.

[David Bore]

Yeah, I think that would probably be better. But I've just been thinking. Not for me, but. Yeah. No, no, no, not for you. There would be.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

There's just no world. I get that.

[J. Jordan]

Do you ever want.

[David Bore]

I also do think, though, this guy's diabolical. I think if we let it go and we were just like, you be Langston, you be David. I think he might show up in a gorilla costume.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, my costume.

[David Bore]

It would be fun.

[Langston Kerman]

If ever you thought for a moment I would lose the competition.

[David Bore]

That's ex. Okay, you see what I'm saying? And this is why we have rules.

[J. Jordan]

Why do you have a bone through your nose? You came with a spear. What?

[David Bore]

Yeah, I just got, like, a little bit of white face on and, like, a brighter shirt than I usually would. He's dragging his knuckles.

[J. Jordan]

I walk in the room like, you, Wayne. Buffalo Bills Super Bowls champ shirt that you think they shipped over there? Yeah. That's an oddly specific, mean thing about African kids.

[Langston Kerman]

Man, you really dug deep.

[David Bore]

Oh, man.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. No, I'm gonna win the competition.

[David Bore]

Well, some Halloween. Some Halloween, we'll be able to join each other.

[J. Jordan]

Oh, my God.

[Langston Kerman]

I think when this country has righted the ship, when we're finally back to what we used to be.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[J. Jordan]

Isn't it wild now? America doesn't say, don't make it perfect. Can we get back to old age?

[David Bore]

Oh, yes. We're pining for blackface.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

If that was our biggest problem was white people wearing blackface, I'd be so happy.

[David Bore]

That was much better. Oh, man.

[Langston Kerman]

That was so simple.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. Megyn Kelly, Put it back on.

[Langston Kerman]

Put it back on.

[J. Jordan]

Put it back on.

[Langston Kerman]

You deserve it.

[David Bore]

Yeah. That's so funny. Cause Today, my homie DMed me, and it was like, there's a video of some white girls doing blackface for Halloween. And he was like.

[J. Jordan]

He was like, this ain't even important.

[David Bore]

No, he said the funny thing. He said the funniest thing. He was like. Like, not gonna lie. I kind of look forward to these every year.

[Langston Kerman]

They are legitimately funny. And I know you guys are gonna be mad at us for saying it, but they're legitimately funny.

[J. Jordan]

Well, because.

[David Bore]

They're funny because of context, though.

[Langston Kerman]

That's it.

[David Bore]

It's not like, I don't. If I saw that. If that walks into my Halloween party. I'm not laughing.

[Langston Kerman]

I would not think that's funny.

[David Bore]

Like, fuck this, bitch. It's just like. But like, when you take everything. That's why it's funny.

[J. Jordan]

If it's on a phone and I have the aesthetic distance to be like, ha, ha, you stepped in. Yeah, I liked it out of awareness and humor, not out of liking it. I. I also.

[David Bore]

And that's. People need to realize humor isn't morality, I think is what needs to happen. David, that shit is not. The funny thing. Is not. That's why these fucking comics are fucking idiots. Where all I care about is what's funny. Well, you idiot, then go kill yourself. What are you talking about? All you care about is what's funny. It's not a religion, you fucking ding dong. Yeah, bad stuff is funny. It's funny when bad stuff happens to people, but you can't live by that.

[Langston Kerman]

It isn't just the distance for me. Also, there's this small piece of it where it's like, bro, you did something everybody else is afraid of. And you had no idea that.

[David Bore]

That Langston likes the bravery of blackface.

[Langston Kerman]

I genuinely am like, bro, I wouldn't.

[David Bore]

I couldn't do it.

[J. Jordan]

Or maybe Langston enjoys the incongruity of. Of those people doing that. And you're going, wait a second, wait a second. Wait a second. Wait a second. Everyone else's software has been updated.

[Langston Kerman]

Everybody else.

[J. Jordan]

You still do it. This is crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

It's crazy.

[David Bore]

And that's funny. It's funny that it's crazy.

[J. Jordan]

It's so funny. We passed the memo around the office.

[David Bore]

Did you not everybody knew you live in the same place I do.

[Langston Kerman]

It's so frowned upon. Y' all stop doing it in your entertainment. It's not even like we got it out of ours. You stopped entertaining each other with the shit. And you're still. That's good for you. That's very funny.

[David Bore]

It is funny.

[Langston Kerman]

That's not a good person. That is a soulless devil. That is a funny motherfucker.

[J. Jordan]

They always do choose. I mean, they always choose Doo doo brown, too.

[David Bore]

No, this one I saw black.

[J. Jordan]

Oh, straight up black.

[David Bore]

This microphone aspect.

[J. Jordan]

Okay.

[David Bore]

It was. Cause it was these white girls, I guess, being WNBA players. What? And you're like, wait, you seen it? It was like, they're wearing, like, pink jerseys and it was crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

No, that's true.

[J. Jordan]

Okay, because here's something. You are being a feminist because you are celebrating women's sports.

[David Bore]

Are you celebrating? No.

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[David Bore]

Give him.

[Langston Kerman]

Give him some space.

[David Bore]

Keep going, keep going, keep going.

[J. Jordan]

You know, you play ball. You could just be. There are wide. Ywnba. Famously, recently there are a lot of white Paige Beckers, Cameron Bring and Caitlin Clark. There are three easy names that are white NBA players that if you want to be a WNBA player, you can be. Caitlin Clark is controversial for so many other. If you. I mean, my hot take is that Timothee Chalamet should go as Caitlin Clark because it's very close. It's close enough. It's close enough. They coming. They coming.

[David Bore]

No, that was a good one. That was.

[J. Jordan]

Cause I liked it. Okay.

[David Bore]

I've never seen them in the same room together. That's my hot take.

[Langston Kerman]

You going to good jail. There's fun jail and then there's sad jail. You going to fun jail.

[J. Jordan]

Fun jail. Yeah, baby.

[David Bore]

White facing that.

[J. Jordan]

One time I did a white person. One time I did post a story on Instagram where I was wearing like some sort of mask and it was white. And I did post it on one of my Instagram and one of my friends who is white, she said, jay, this isn't funny.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[J. Jordan]

And I did have to be like, oh, I thought you were cool.

[David Bore]

Yeah. Cause it is funny.

[J. Jordan]

I didn't post it on the. I didn't post it on the grid. It's on the story. Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm just acknowledging a thing.

[J. Jordan]

I'm just doing my skincare routine and I look, I was like, this is kind of fun. Let me just.

[David Bore]

Yeah, that is funny.

[J. Jordan]

It's gonna be gone tomorrow.

[David Bore]

The story and repost. That don't even count to right.

[Langston Kerman]

No. That's where I'm at my most reckless.

[David Bore]

You just taught me about reposting. And then I was. The other day, I was going through reposting shit and then I was like, oh, maybe the order of what I'm doing, I need to put like some social.

[Langston Kerman]

You gotta curate it.

[David Bore]

Yeah. Otherwise you think I'm just like.

[J. Jordan]

But Instagram is also just back to telling on people now. Because every time I see a big booty across the gender expanse, my friends faces are very small now in the left hand corner and they're floating and kind of smiling.

[David Bore]

That's the worst.

[J. Jordan]

My friends are like, join us.

[David Bore]

Really? Like this?

[J. Jordan]

Join us. Yeah.

[David Bore]

And it's always the people. It's always the people you don't want it to be, man. And old guys, I find that old guys who still think that she sees the heart that he says, okay.

[J. Jordan]

I'm gonna say, okay, guess what, guess what, guess what. I'm gonna tell y' all something, and it does not leave this room, even though this is being recorded. I'm kidding. I don't give a fuck. Okay, this. Okay, so there is an older comic in New York, and every time I get on threads, there'll be, like, a woman in an orange bikini, and underneath, he'll put, like, orange hearts, and I'll be like, whoa, that's it. Oh, he coordinated that, brother.

[Langston Kerman]

Putting hearts that match the bikini. That's beautiful.

[David Bore]

That sucks.

[Langston Kerman]

He's like, baby, I'm paying attention.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, let him.

[David Bore]

Is that his computer with an orange fitted on?

[J. Jordan]

He's in bed with the fitted, like, Aries Spears.

[Langston Kerman]

If I never take it off, I'm not bought. That's just how that works.

[J. Jordan]

Imagine how that thing smells. My goodness.

[David Bore]

Nah, you gotta.

[J. Jordan]

You shirtless in bed with the Yankee fitted on.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't even think he has that many hats. Do you know what I mean? Like, I think he's. I think he's. It's like the same.

[J. Jordan]

He did a podcast with Bobby Lee where he said Matt TV paid him in hats a little bit.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, man.

[David Bore]

That is a old timey, devilish version of show business. They came in there.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay? You could have a salary or you could have what we know you gonna spend it on.

[J. Jordan]

What we know you gonna spend.

[David Bore]

Spin.

[J. Jordan]

Look, man, you. You see? You see Aries spear on the street with a sign and you go, hey, I'm gonna give you some money. You ain't gonna spend on hats, are you? You a spend on. Man, I swear to God, this my last hat.

[Langston Kerman]

This my last one.

[J. Jordan]

I can take you to McDonald's. I can buy you something. I ain't get the money, cuz. I know you just gonna buy a hat.

[David Bore]

You can't go to the L. You can't take it.

[Langston Kerman]

You said, brother, I'll take you to the L. Just don't buy no hats.

[David Bore]

I laugh, but I also worry that's how I am gonna end up.

[Langston Kerman]

That's all right.

[David Bore]

My biggest fear. My biggest fear is I think you.

[Langston Kerman]

Can wear hats all the time. You just can't have bad opinions.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. Me and my husband.

[David Bore]

What if you do both?

[J. Jordan]

My husband bought me, like, a hat. This is actually connected. Oh, my goodness. Y' all putting stuff together for me. So my husband, he bought me, like, a container for, like, I got a bunch of hats. I said, what? I don't got that many hats. I don't need a container for these hats. I needed it.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, yeah.

[J. Jordan]

And this connected to my mom My mom, she had a lot of hats, church hats. When she went to my granddad's funeral.

[David Bore]

It's the same thing, though.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. When she went. Thank you.

[David Bore]

It's the same time as.

[J. Jordan]

They are our fascinators.

[David Bore]

Yeah, it's the same thing.

[J. Jordan]

She got a bunch of church hats. My mom, she was going to my granddad's, her dad's funeral in Atlanta. She got on a plane with a hat box. James Brown is on the plane.

[David Bore]

James Crown flew commercial.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, well, this was. He was in the front, but this was. This was like.

[David Bore]

He has to be in the front, otherwise my world crumble.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, yeah, he's in the front. They're going to Atlanta.

[Langston Kerman]

They let him fly it.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Okay.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, man.

[David Bore]

He is like our Charlie Sheen, I would say, you know, they let Charlie Sheen fly the plane, and then I'm like, james Brown is kind of like our Charlie Sheen.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I would say so.

[J. Jordan]

And this is that. We've seen multiple interviews where you high. Yeah. Don't lie to me. But he's in the. He sees my mom with the hat box. This is a story my mom told me, and I literally tell it every time someone brings up hats or James Brown. My mom was grieving her father, and the thing she sees when she gets on this plane is a bunch of smiling, happy people about James Brown. She don't wanna see James Brown. She gets James Brown. James Brown sees my mom, she's kind of sad, but she has a box with her. And J. Brown goes, hey, gotta have. He sees this wonderful Southern woman getting on a plane. Kind of sad. And he thinks he's gonna cheer up. He don't know my granddaddy died. She's sad. He go, gotta have back. Yeah, that's amazing.

[Langston Kerman]

He just was giving her a little something.

[J. Jordan]

I'm here for you, baby. Yeah. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

That's really sweet.

[David Bore]

That's really crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

That's a really.

[J. Jordan]

No, James Brown. Stop trying to fuck my mama. She grieving.

[David Bore]

You don't know. Listen, don't put that. It could have been altruistic.

[Langston Kerman]

That's true.

[David Bore]

I like. I think it was altruistic.

[Langston Kerman]

I think James Brown was giving a little bit of his soul to your mom in that moment.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. Okay. But it's like. And that was like, when the first time I was like, mom, that's funny. That's funny.

[David Bore]

Do you think you have more hats than your mom? Sorry, we can.

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[J. Jordan]

Well, now, you know. Now I think she has different types of hats. Cause she be switching it up. My mom, she switches up now. Cause my sister in law, she do hair. So my. My mom, she. My mom can jump the line. We talking about barber etiquette before the pod started. But my mom, I'm not always talking about. She be jumping the line when it comes to crystal. My sister in law, she do hair. My mama will take your spot. Yeah, my mama, you know, there's grandbabies now.

[Langston Kerman]

She gets to say, yeah, wow.

[David Bore]

And she earned it.

[J. Jordan]

She be switching her hair up a lot now. My mama will send me a selfie.

[Langston Kerman]

I'll be like, okay, you're really being loose out in society.

[J. Jordan]

Braids on my mama.

[David Bore]

Cause.

[J. Jordan]

Because.

[David Bore]

Did you not have braids young?

[J. Jordan]

No, not so for your mom. For my mom to get braids and black and blonde braids in her 60s. My first thought was, I love it. I said, who is my mama dating? Who is my mama sneaking out to sea?

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Are your parents together?

[J. Jordan]

No, my dad, he passed away. He passed away when I was 15, so. And they got divorced, so he never.

[Langston Kerman]

Got seen black anymore.

[J. Jordan]

He never got to see.

[David Bore]

Talk about out to sea. Your mama's going on a carnival.

[J. Jordan]

Tom Joyner.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, that's a classic.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, my mama is going on a voyage to Atlantis.

[David Bore]

Okay, okay.

[J. Jordan]

The island brothers.

[Langston Kerman]

Brothers got a tour.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, the Isaac brothers. They taking turns hitting on my mama. I know what's. I used to. I couldn't really sexualize my mother until I got into my 30s. My mom went to the super bowl one time in. I want to say in Jacksonville.

[David Bore]

She went to the Super Bowl.

[J. Jordan]

She went to the super bowl with this man. His name is Dr. Trulli at one point.

[David Bore]

Not Mr. Trulley?

[J. Jordan]

No, no, no. He was a doctor.

[David Bore]

Did you call him Dr. Trulli?

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, I called him doct. I was gonna call him William.

[David Bore]

You didn't call him Mr. William?

[J. Jordan]

No, I called him Dr. Trulley.

[David Bore]

Okay.

[J. Jordan]

That's right. And then my mama only called him William when she was mad. And so I was like, oh, y' all date.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, she called him Dr. Truly.

[J. Jordan]

And she called him Dr. Trulli in front of us. But then on the phone, she'd be saying stuff like, well, William. I'd be like, okay.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, they mad.

[J. Jordan]

So he took her to the Super Bowl. It was Eagles versus Patriots. Cause I remember being like, my mom was going to the Super Bowl. And at the time, I was like, she's going to the Super Bowl. That's crazy. Now, looking back on it, my mama got flew out.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah. No, she got flew out.

[J. Jordan]

My mama got flew out on the.

[David Bore]

Highest stage, My mama got flew out.

[J. Jordan]

On the highest stage, he said, to the Super Bowl.

[David Bore]

Flew out to the Super Bowl. That's way different than, like, a carnival event.

[Langston Kerman]

He said, on the most important day of the year, I choose your mama.

[David Bore]

The biggest media event in America.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. And he's a good man for doing that. It didn't work out, but looking back on it, I ain't flying nobody else's Super Bowl.

[David Bore]

No, you have a husband.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. I mean, I still could if I want to, but that's.

[David Bore]

No, but, I mean, you don't fly him out.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, I don't fly him out. He ain't here. Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, we asked about him. You were like, yeah.

[David Bore]

You said I couldn't fly him.

[J. Jordan]

I said, no, no, no. He ain't coming to this.

[Langston Kerman]

I wouldn't fly him.

[J. Jordan]

He'll listen at home.

[Langston Kerman]

Jay, we need to take a break.

[David Bore]

Oh, yes.

[Langston Kerman]

We have not even begun to address the conspiracy you showed up with today. Yes. So what we're gonna do is we're gonna take a break, we're gonna come back, we're gonna chat about your conspiracy, then we'll do a voicemail if we have time.

[David Bore]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[J. Jordan]

Well, y' all are cooking. We have fun.

[Langston Kerman]

No, it's great. This is an awesome episode.

[J. Jordan]

We talked about my. My mama. Hoenn, I'm not. Oh, this is why I say this.

[David Bore]

Dating.

[J. Jordan]

No, I'll say this. So dating. Yes. But because my mom was on this plane to the Super Bowl. She was on it with some sex workers, and we love sex work. Oh.

[David Bore]

Cause it was a Super Bowl.

[Langston Kerman]

Super Bowl.

[J. Jordan]

My mom. I cannot make this up. She got on the plane, it was a bunch of girls in dresses with, like, tiny suitcases, and they all on the plane. They all going down Jacksonville. My mom says, I'm so excited.

[David Bore]

Excited.

[J. Jordan]

And they're like, yeah. And she's like, where you going? She said, I'm going to Super Bowl. We're going to Super Bowl. And my mom, she's a teacher. She's in the union. She was a teacher for 30 years. She said, oh, you know, it's tough for us working girls. And they said, you a working girl?

[David Bore]

What?

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, no, brother.

[David Bore]

That is an episode of Living Single.

[J. Jordan]

You a working girl?

[Langston Kerman]

Suddenly you had a Robert Ory party.

[J. Jordan]

And you're like, wait a minute, Big shot Bob.

[David Bore]

No. Where's Dr. Truly?

[J. Jordan]

Good memory.

[David Bore]

Not usually.

[J. Jordan]

He was the mayor.

[Langston Kerman]

We're gonna take a break. More. J. Jordan.

[David Bore]

More.

[Langston Kerman]

My mama told me.

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[J. Jordan]

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[Langston Kerman]

But we're gonna do this respectfully. Otherwise we'll end in a duel. And I mean a duel. Real life duel where only one person walks away.

[J. Jordan]

We can meet with guns, bottles, knives.

[Voicemail Caller]

Or books and equations, but we're gonna.

[Langston Kerman]

Do this like men.

[Voicemail Caller]

So get ready.

[David Bore]

Get ready.

[J. Jordan]

We're back.

[Langston Kerman]

Get ready.

[J. Jordan]

Are you auditioning? Did you get the side for the Terrence Howard biopic Brother?

[Langston Kerman]

When it is available. When he's finally ready to do some.

[J. Jordan]

Work, you better believe I think his accomplishments are recognized.

[Langston Kerman]

Recognized is what you're saying and what I'll say. And this isn't me, like, in any. I have no idea what my future is. Right. Like, I'm not one of these who pretends that, like, I'm gonna become some big celebrity. Maybe that happens, maybe that doesn't.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

But what I will commit to is that no matter what scale of celebrity I become, I am committed to the Terrence Howard film the second it is available.

[David Bore]

You heard it here first. I would.

[J. Jordan]

I man Deadline exclusive reporters.

[Langston Kerman]

I become the biggest star in the world, which I don't anticip. If by chance I should fall upon a magic that allows me to become a true champion of all men, I will still serve at the Terrence Howard throne.

[David Bore]

Okay, man. Cause I would love to see middle terrance.

[J. Jordan]

Ooh.

[David Bore]

Like Mr. Holland's opus terrance. Where it's like, it's working, but you don't know how big it's gonna get. Like, pre Empire. You know what I'm saying? Cause he was around. Wasn't he, in Sunset park, bro?

[Langston Kerman]

He's been around for many.

[J. Jordan]

Well, he was in every black movie, and then also someh in every white TV show. And then, like, Empire was like a career renaissance. It was like he had already. Hustle and flow had already happened.

[Langston Kerman]

We thought we were done with Terrence Howard.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. Little did we know, one times one.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's two.

[J. Jordan]

That's two.

[Langston Kerman]

Cause check the math.

[J. Jordan]

Where we at?

[Langston Kerman]

Right there.

[J. Jordan]

You got two of them. If I got a one and I got a one, how does that. Where this going?

[David Bore]

He's literally doing that magic trick where you go like this.

[Langston Kerman]

I like that. You can do it better with one hand.

[David Bore]

I'm left handed. He took this to Harvard and he.

[J. Jordan]

Said, wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Time out. Hey, hey, devil, devil. They said, matt Damon, come here. Look at this. How about these apples?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Do you think the Terrence Howard movie. Do you think he. Do you think it gets to real theaters, or do you think it's like a Tubi exclusive?

[Langston Kerman]

Brother, that's not for us to decide.

[David Bore]

That's fair.

[J. Jordan]

No, it's gonna be on the app he owns and creates.

[David Bore]

That's the problem is now I have to give my information to watch the movie.

[Langston Kerman]

And that's what I meant. I didn't mean to be dismissive. I just mean that this is for Terrence Howard to choose what he wants, his future.

[J. Jordan]

Y' all know how, like, listen, everything in the entertainment industry is kind of like, moving towards people being more and more siloed. But there are gonna be celebrities that go, well, I haven't seen. If you download this app, you can have access to me 24 7. Yep. And you go. You mean a phone? You just. You. That's. You giving us your phone number? That's it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[J. Jordan]

You can reach out to me. I'll reach back.

[Langston Kerman]

Everything I post will be available to you.

[J. Jordan]

I'll text you as a phone.

[David Bore]

Can I say that the saddest thing that ever has happened to me in Hollywood is seeing people I used to watch on tv Tell me about an app.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah.

[David Bore]

Like, just, like, in different. It happened to us outside.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah.

[David Bore]

When he was like, no, no, no.

[Langston Kerman]

And we're like, yeah. Really breaking down that.

[J. Jordan]

Listen, before y' doye told this story, I'll tell this story as a Hollywood improv. That particular person looked at me and Yadoye Travis Skulls and said, by the shape of y' all's head, Fredonji, I can tell what part of West Africa you from. I might even can figure out what tribe he guessed twice.

[Langston Kerman]

What?

[J. Jordan]

Eudoye got it wrong both ways, of course.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, absolutely.

[David Bore]

What did he guess? What was the guess?

[J. Jordan]

Well, you know, he guessed the two big Nigerian tribes, and Yadoy was like, Igbo and Yoruba.

[David Bore]

Yeah, yeah.

[J. Jordan]

And then he was like, no. And he was like, well, that's really all I came here with.

[Langston Kerman]

That's interesting.

[J. Jordan]

All right. He said, well, maybe you don't know.

[David Bore]

I like that, though. I do like that. Maybe you don't know.

[Langston Kerman]

Maybe you just haven't done your research.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, maybe you. You're not familiar with that. And then he got to me. He's like, well, gay people is different. You've been corrupted.

[Langston Kerman]

See, brother, you had your skull pounded in.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, that's when I had to be like, nigga, you wore the dress. You was. You was. Oh, man.

[David Bore]

But anyways, get the My Mama Told Me app.

[Langston Kerman]

It's gonna be a good app.

[David Bore]

We're selling all kinds of stuff. You thought Erykah Badu could sell incense that smells like a pussy? Wait till you see the incense we're selling, bro.

[Langston Kerman]

If you want to.

[J. Jordan]

What?

[Langston Kerman]

I'm googly mapping without actually going to.

[J. Jordan]

Places.

[Langston Kerman]

Available on the app.

[David Bore]

If you want to see the last 30 days of my search history. Whoa.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay, that's dangerous.

[David Bore]

It's way weirder. It's like, weird shit.

[J. Jordan]

But that is true bravery.

[David Bore]

No, I wouldn't actually do it. This is a bit. I can't allow anyone to. I wouldn't let my spouse see that.

[Langston Kerman]

It's too vulnerable.

[J. Jordan]

When the likes went away on Twitter. I. I was happy.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

No, I don't need.

[J. Jordan]

I got to it.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

It's too vulnerable. I can't be out there like that.

[David Bore]

No, no. And it's like, you're not. I'm never as stupid as I am in my searches.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

No, that's not.

[J. Jordan]

Cause you're asking. That's privacy. You go, hey, I don't know. Don't tell anyone. I don't know this.

[David Bore]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[J. Jordan]

But I am. I'm looking up this again.

[David Bore]

Or sometimes I'm like, the people I'm trying to prove it to are right next to me.

[Langston Kerman]

And I bet our grandpas wouldn't, like, if we knew every page in the dictionary. You know what I mean?

[Voicemail Caller]

Every.

[David Bore]

Like, every.

[Langston Kerman]

Encyclopedia Britannica. Stop that. They went on, like, a few of those you were a little embarrassed about. Yeah.

[David Bore]

You know what I mean?

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. You do understand that now we have infinitely more access than they did, so we are asking even more because they probably were just like, I need to spell this I before E. What's going on? We're able to be. Be like, rapist. Yeah, I'm on a show with him. Okay.

[David Bore]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[J. Jordan]

All right. It says not guilty. Okay, we can take the picture. That's what comedy is now. Comedy is like, okay, well, like, bad rapists or like, we don't know yet. Rapists, duh.

[David Bore]

Comedy is not fun is what it is. It's fun for us to do.

[Langston Kerman]

But, like, as a whole, yeah, this is a bummer.

[David Bore]

It's as fun as I had working at the gas station.

[J. Jordan]

Okay.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[J. Jordan]

In the sense you be like, hey, man, don't say that about women. They can hear.

[David Bore]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, you're on coke.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they go, I know, David. We're on coke.

[David Bore]

I don't work here.

[Langston Kerman]

Jay, you came to us with a conspiracy today that we're very excited about. You said, my mama told me.

[David Bore]

All.

[J. Jordan]

Black celebrities know each other. Every black celebrity.

[Langston Kerman]

Every black celebrity knows each other.

[J. Jordan]

And she believes this because she'll see things like, Chris Rock will get slapped. And then, like, Denzel and Tyler Perry will go over to Will and pray for him. Samuel Jackson will pray for him, too. Like, she thinks that there is a level of fame where you just lock in with all the famous black people. Whoa. Yeah. She thinks that I'm close to that. And I go, it's not happening. It's never gonna happen. And I've made fun of Tyler Perry too much, if that exists. I excommunicated.

[David Bore]

You're in good company, man.

[J. Jordan]

I have made fun of that, man. But she thinks they be calling each other. She thinks being a black celebrity is like going to the big church in town. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I see.

[David Bore]

Do you think that now it's so disjointed? I think there was a time where it was more like that than we would think, probably. Yeah, I do think that I do, because I think there was like. It's like, have you ever been, I don't know, on like a show or a festival or some shit, and there's two people who are in the same whatever, and they gravitate to each other just cause there's no more of them here or whatever.

[J. Jordan]

Or when all the black comics at a comedy festival take a picture together, you can get the black comics in. And there's one person who comes in, you go, you black. Okay.

[David Bore]

All right.

[J. Jordan]

I was okay.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Glad you're here.

[David Bore]

I thought it was a little more bimbop than hip hop, but, yeah, you know what? That was maybe the point.

[J. Jordan]

Wait, that's funniest. That was maybe the one of the guess what? Fried wings. Either way. Yeah.

[David Bore]

Come on. We all like chicken.

[J. Jordan]

We all like. Yeah, my granddaddy taught you how to do that.

[Langston Kerman]

There's a part of me that I think feels almost closer to your mother in this story than away from her. Like, I do think that it is not as every black celebrity knows each other, but I think after a certain level, they all do kind of know each other.

[J. Jordan]

My mama thinks that I'm close to getting the black celebrity, and I just want her to know that's not happening.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, there's a few ascensions and you are famous and doing well. And we're all very proud of you young people.

[J. Jordan]

Thank you. It means a lot. I spent so many days at this community center, really just not getting picked for basketball. And I'm so happy that I get to come here and do the ribbon cutting now.

[David Bore]

Your name's on the gym.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, Yeah. I didn't play a lick. I was bad.

[David Bore]

We don't remember.

[J. Jordan]

I had asthma.

[Langston Kerman]

Nobody knows how you shoot, man.

[David Bore]

I saw him drop 2:28.

[J. Jordan]

No, my mama, she just thinks that, like, there is, like, this level of black fame that feels like a family reunion. And I just want to be like, no. I don't know if that's because we're fractured now.

[David Bore]

We are fractured now. I also think there's a level. And your mom may not know about this, but this is real. There's also a Level when people get successful to a point where it's like they pretend to know each other anyways. Like, think about, think about. I've had people within my career, which is not huge, where it was. It was like before I was in open mode, and then they saw something or saw. And now it's like, what's up? You know what I mean? So I think there's, like, a ton of that. I think there's a ton of that. Cause that's happened to all of us, right? That's happened to you before.

[J. Jordan]

Like, when an older black comic says your name and you go, how the fuck you know my name?

[David Bore]

Or it's like, I remember when we were in audition together and you wouldn't look me in my eyes.

[Langston Kerman]

And all.

[David Bore]

All of a sudden, now I say something and you're like, that's the most Dave and boring thing to say. And you're like, you don't like me.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You didn't treat me like a man up to this point.

[David Bore]

I'll tell you who it is after this is over.

[J. Jordan]

Oh, my God. Well, now maybe my mom was closer to right than wrong.

[Langston Kerman]

That's how I feel.

[J. Jordan]

It's not exact.

[David Bore]

I think so. And I think because of that, it often comes up. Cause, like, you ever notice celebrities don't. At least from what I've seen in my experience, and entertainment celebrities don't like to admit that they don't know other celebrities. Like, if somebody's hot, they'll always attest.

[J. Jordan]

To it because there's an amount of, like, social currency where it's like, you're not behind the times. I know everybody.

[David Bore]

Yeah. No, that's my best friend.

[J. Jordan]

This is my best friend. We go to. My God. Yeah.

[David Bore]

I love.

[J. Jordan]

Is it Rod Wave? I love Rod Wave.

[David Bore]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[J. Jordan]

That's not Rod Wave. Yeah, Rod Wave.

[David Bore]

He loves to surf. Me and him surf together.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I think there is a need for community at all times and that. And I think once you reach a certain level of selection, there's only, like, eight people you can even vibe with. And so it's why Michelle Obama gives fucking George Bush the mints at the funeral. It's like, oh, bro, we're the only ones that can talk about what we've done.

[David Bore]

You know what it's like? It's like being old people.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

It's like when you hear old people talk about being so old that they're like, I don't even have. I was in all these rooms. There's nobody else around who was even in those rooms, who I can talk to. I think it becomes a similar thing.

[Langston Kerman]

That I. I think the reason birds chirp is because when they wake up in the morning, they just want to scream to everybody. They survive the night.

[David Bore]

Is that what that is?

[Langston Kerman]

That's all it is. That, like, when they wake up and everybody's going crazy, it's just them going, I survived. I survived.

[J. Jordan]

Okay. I'm okay.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm okay. I'm okay.

[J. Jordan]

Langston, While I believe that is true from a biological standpoint, it is very close to Taraji saying, do you know why we run away when we laugh? Because we couldn't laugh. I am. It was very close to that.

[Langston Kerman]

First of all, you leave her out of this.

[David Bore]

I thought it was funnier that I ran away. It was funnier. I'm sorry.

[J. Jordan]

It was funny.

[David Bore]

It was. I was trying to commit to. I was trying to help you out.

[Langston Kerman]

No, it was great.

[J. Jordan]

Thank you. It was. It was just. You said they survived the night and stuff is out to kill birds all the time. Cats mostly.

[Langston Kerman]

I think they've got mostly predators.

[J. Jordan]

Which, in a way, as a comic, that's kind of. We're dealing with that, too.

[Langston Kerman]

Birds are female comics.

[J. Jordan]

Birds are female comics in the sense that people go kind of shrill, and.

[David Bore]

They keep being like, I survived. I survived.

[Langston Kerman]

And we go, shut the fuck up.

[J. Jordan]

They go, oh, my God. Can you. Can you say that differently?

[Langston Kerman]

I'm trying to sleep, lady.

[J. Jordan]

Hey, stop talking. Let me focus on your breasts.

[David Bore]

I don't.

[J. Jordan]

That's a Jake. I be putting my titties out, too, in solidarity.

[David Bore]

You do get naked on TV or on the Internet.

[J. Jordan]

I got naked on tv.

[David Bore]

Did you really?

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. Hbo. One of the first things I ever got. It was I was basically a sex worker on high maintenance, and my agent was like, they're asking for full frontal. We're gonna settle for rear. I said, why can't we do full frontal? They said, jake. Okay. Your first time on tv, don't show. Cause then you have no place to go.

[David Bore]

That's.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[David Bore]

I mean, you could just turn around.

[J. Jordan]

Well, what do you mean?

[Langston Kerman]

Interesting.

[David Bore]

They seen your dick? They haven't seen your butt.

[J. Jordan]

No, but you gotta show the butt first.

[Langston Kerman]

You usually show both.

[J. Jordan]

You show butt first.

[David Bore]

If you're showing dick, you're showing butt, too?

[Langston Kerman]

Usually, yeah, if you're showing butt.

[David Bore]

What if I'd rather show my dick than my butt?

[J. Jordan]

You are a very specific.

[David Bore]

Well, I'm an oddly proportioned man.

[Langston Kerman]

But congrats on that dick.

[J. Jordan]

Congrats on that. That's what I'm saying.

[David Bore]

What are you talking about? There's two options. You go.

[J. Jordan]

You gotta tell me to put my dick away.

[David Bore]

Actually.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Bore]

I'm gonna try to sneak it into the butt shot.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I'm gonna go butt every time.

[J. Jordan]

I'm going profile.

[David Bore]

If you go butt every time.

[Langston Kerman]

I go butt every time. Well, here's what I got is private. That's for me.

[J. Jordan]

And you don't wanna see your wife.

[David Bore]

Nope.

[Langston Kerman]

She don't gotta look down there.

[J. Jordan]

This man is mine.

[David Bore]

This is my dick.

[Langston Kerman]

It's up here.

[J. Jordan]

Stop looking at it.

[David Bore]

Working.

[J. Jordan]

Connecting.

[David Bore]

Oh, that's. So wait, so you did do full frontal or.

[J. Jordan]

No, I've shown my butt. I haven't shown. I haven't shown my. My dick on camera. I've done, like, scenes in my underwear. So, like, if you get. And then, like, there are enough speedo pictures that if people know trigonometry, they can, like, do the calculation. Well, if we look at this back.

[David Bore]

The sign, the cosine, and the tangent.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Good for you for pulling that back.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, yeah. Someone paid attention.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

No, I just have little things that I remember that I can pull out to trick people who don't know math.

[J. Jordan]

Okay. Cause. Okay. And tell me if y'.

[Langston Kerman]

All.

[J. Jordan]

Did this happen to y'? All? 11th and 12th grade math to me was the performance of math. 10th grade, I was in it. College algebra, a little bit of geometry. I still got you. I understand why radius is important. Area is important. When we got to trig and, like, really were messing around on the Texas industry instrument calculators.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Oh, yeah. It was all just learning how to.

[J. Jordan]

And honestly learning how to pass the test.

[David Bore]

Yeah. Learning how to put stuff into that calculator.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

And then also playing Mario Brothers. Did you guys have computers?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Mario. You get games on your calculator?

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

But then I don't understand what that math was.

[J. Jordan]

I haven't. I know you're supposed to be able to use it to, like, see the sun or something or, like, know that's.

[Langston Kerman]

How you can look at it.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, but I don't.

[Langston Kerman]

If you learn the math, you could stare directly at it. Even during that work. Even during an eclipse, you could just keep staring. Cause, you know, Matt, what happens, though.

[David Bore]

If you stare at a clip? Like you're trying to do a pillar.

[Langston Kerman]

Or something, you're gonna fry your eyeballs.

[J. Jordan]

Wait, you went biblical?

[David Bore]

Who did that happen to?

[J. Jordan]

Lot's wife.

[Langston Kerman]

It's not a literal Lot's wife.

[J. Jordan]

She turned back which one are you asking? Who are you asking?

[David Bore]

Who got their eyeballs pried? Not the pillar of salt. You told the pillar of salt.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, the pillar of salt was Lot's wife.

[J. Jordan]

I went straight to the. Yeah.

[David Bore]

Cause she was. He was like, we don't live there anymore. Yeah.

[J. Jordan]

God firebombed that city. Not for being gay, for trying to rape angels. Everyone who doesn't know about Sodom and Gomorrah.

[David Bore]

You're mispronouncing. It's rape anal.

[J. Jordan]

No, they were trying. No, they were trying to rape angels. Yeah.

[David Bore]

So we're gonna get taken off of YouTube. Well.

[J. Jordan]

Well, okay. Wake it up.

[David Bore]

I'm kidding.

[J. Jordan]

I'm kidding. So Lot welcomed these angels into his home, and then the men of the village were like, them things was cute.

[David Bore]

Hey, she had ass.

[J. Jordan]

Hey, hey, hey, listen. So it was gang rape, but gay.

[Langston Kerman]

I think the gang rape was the priority.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. Yeah. Was it?

[David Bore]

They were boy angels.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Are there a lot of girl angels?

[J. Jordan]

Well, angels, I mean, but I think there was mostly just wings and flames and eyeballs.

[Langston Kerman]

Angel Reese.

[J. Jordan]

Angel Reese. I saw someone do an Angel Reese Halloween costume recently. Can I show y'? All?

[David Bore]

No, no, no, no. It was the white girl. Oh, that's so funny. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't even remember where we were.

[David Bore]

We were talking about girl angels.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, girl angels.

[David Bore]

I don't know any.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know that the Bible is writing about them. We sort of. They are the Harley Quinn of our world.

[David Bore]

Oh.

[Langston Kerman]

We created those afterwards. And everybody was like, yeah.

[J. Jordan]

That's been in here the whole time.

[David Bore]

Yeah. Cause there's none by name, right? No.

[J. Jordan]

All the archangels are boys.

[David Bore]

Yeah. Michael and Gabriel and stuff.

[Langston Kerman]

But I do think the rape was more the prank.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

I didn't. I didn't know that they were coming for that. For that, I guess. Angel butt.

[J. Jordan]

Angel booty.

[David Bore]

And I. I, I didn't know.

[J. Jordan]

Does that mean part of that angel food cake.

[Langston Kerman]

That works on two levels?

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, no, that was.

[David Bore]

That was. That was trigonometry. Yeah. Yeah. That was a Texas instrument show.

[Langston Kerman]

That was a Pharaoh mont. Yeah, I think. What the fuck are we talking about?

[David Bore]

I don't know. I don't really know. I got dizzy.

[Langston Kerman]

I've lost track of my.

[J. Jordan]

You said if you know the trigonometry, you can look at the sun. You said burned retinas. Burned retinas.

[Langston Kerman]

We're talking about the community of celebrities, and one of the things that it reminds me of is how often I. I don't think average people necessarily know this, but how often celebrities are constantly being invited into the same room with each other?

[J. Jordan]

Oh, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Where like event after event after event, you are being asked to, like, share space. Be it like premieres, be it like weird sales events. Your PR works with this other group that also is throwing a party that it'd be cool for y' all to show up to. And so in that way, I think a bunch of celebrities meet each other and then that performative element kicks in and know you, you go, well, I met you already. People are looking all the time.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. Smile for the picture. This one's gonna make it to ebony.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, exactly. This is an opportunity to advance my skills.

[J. Jordan]

I've had that moment.

[David Bore]

I just can't wait. I'll quit. If I get to take a picture with somebody and I know it's going into empathy, that's good enough for me. I'm going to buy a franchise somewhere. That's what I'm trying to do.

[J. Jordan]

It is, I think there, I think they're just. The communities are smaller and more specific. Like, if my mom said that about black out queer male comedians, I'd be like, yeah, I can text Dwayne. I can text Solomon.

[David Bore]

Right, right, right.

[J. Jordan]

I can text Alex.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Bore]

That would be a.

[Langston Kerman]

The fact that y' all don't have a group chat.

[David Bore]

I was gonna say that would be a toxic group chat. From what I know of all of.

[J. Jordan]

You individually, me, Alex and Duane took a picture, I think in Austin together randomly at a club and I posted it and someone was like, yeah, I think that's all of them.

[David Bore]

Yeah. Got em.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. If there would have been a fire that night, we would have lost it.

[Langston Kerman]

It'd be a really fun group.

[David Bore]

It's like if me, Reggie Conquest and Mandel take a picture together. Angel, Mellow brother. I'm telling you, as a fat comic, though, we knew Mandel was coming. Me and Jamel were like, he's going to la.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Bore]

How many funny shirts are there? Yeah, there's not enough funny shirts in this city.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. Well, I as, I'll always sing the praises of Mando. And I remember one time, he's the funniest guy. He's also truly. He is the funniest person who at least up until the always would say, man, I'm about to wrap it up. I don't want to do comedy no more. I'm about to get to cdl. Headlining's for y'.

[Langston Kerman]

All.

[David Bore]

He said he wanted to be the greatest feature of all time. I do get that, though. Because I feel that in my heart all the time.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm calling it out now. And Mandel's a dear friend. I love him with all of my heart. I think he's a goddamn liar. I think he knows that he's the funniest.

[J. Jordan]

Wait, wait. You don't think he could do a backflip?

[Langston Kerman]

I think he knows he's the funniest human being on the planet. And I think this is all a ruse to get us to just let him slide on a bunch of goofy shit till he ascends past everyone.

[David Bore]

Yo, Mandel, not knowing anybody is gonna be. That's gonna be Peak Mandela.

[Langston Kerman]

I think he's gonna put them hats on and mean it.

[David Bore]

Oh, yeah.

[J. Jordan]

You think when he goes, hey, y' all be easy. Yeah. He gets in a truck, he should.

[Langston Kerman]

Be like, we'll see.

[David Bore]

He's gonna be like, make me a dog that looks like a monkey.

[J. Jordan]

With sleeves down the hair walking around. Mandel is funny because Mandel also utilizes the fact that he can say any word funnier than you. So him saying that's like a tough thing.

[David Bore]

Those people are always. You can't even fight it.

[J. Jordan]

Him saying Japan and it not being racist, but Japan. A lot of people would go racial. He just went silly. Pure silly. Silly. Silly is like ethanol. You gotta cut it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah.

[J. Jordan]

You go pure silly.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm what that man lives in a silly that I have not yet found.

[David Bore]

There's a freedom in that, and I.

[Langston Kerman]

Don'T know that I ever will find. And in that way, I'm deeply envious of him.

[J. Jordan]

He's busy trying to be cute.

[Langston Kerman]

And I'll say, I'm not gonna give up on being cute. And I'm also not gonna give up on him so he can cut the ruse. I know you're lying.

[David Bore]

That's. I'm trying to get. Get sillier.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

I'm too grounded.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

I hate whimsy.

[Langston Kerman]

You are anti silly.

[David Bore]

At times, it kind of pisses me off.

[J. Jordan]

And I don't cut that silly shit out. I just listen to. You're silly.

[David Bore]

Yeah, sometimes very silly sometimes. But, like, most of the time, it makes me angry. I get so mad.

[Langston Kerman]

You are silly, but you like to return to straight man.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, you like to get silly than a motherfucker, but then be like, hey, but stop.

[David Bore]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[J. Jordan]

Since we are speaking of, like, being silly and irreverent, are y' all noticing so many comics kind of. They skip silly and go to transgressive when they could be silly about a Thing instead of being, like, angry about it.

[David Bore]

I think it's. Cause they don't have that gear, though. Cause silly, I do think, coincides with actual humor. I think silly is funny. And I think a lot of people. You know what it is? It's all these new cool guys. Cause we talk about. It's all for losers.

[J. Jordan]

This horseshit's for losers.

[David Bore]

All these new cool guys. Cool guys are the least silly.

[J. Jordan]

And guess what? And guess what. It's even more than just guys who think they're cool. It's men who think they're the manliest men. Okay?

[David Bore]

I'm scared of men.

[J. Jordan]

If you.

[David Bore]

That's why I'm over here.

[J. Jordan]

If you think that you're a manly comedian. A manly comedian? Nigga, we both wearing makeup. Yeah.

[David Bore]

What are you talking about?

[J. Jordan]

We're both on stage doing poems, basically.

[Langston Kerman]

I am as desperate as you are. Stop pretending like.

[David Bore]

Yeah, it's like, not. Cause. But you know why they get to do that? Because they get to do that because there's no men over here.

[J. Jordan]

Okay?

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[J. Jordan]

You know what I'm saying?

[David Bore]

I think they saw it. I think a few kind of tough guys seen it, and they were like, oh, it's sweet over here.

[Langston Kerman]

The toughest comic I know is Sam J.

[David Bore]

That's the.

[Langston Kerman]

That's the. I know that.

[J. Jordan]

Sam J. Comes to the cellar. You go, hey, tuck your chain.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You go, hey, I don't know how.

[J. Jordan]

She gonna feel about Sam J.

[Voicemail Caller]

Coming.

[Langston Kerman]

Hey, hey, hey.

[J. Jordan]

Somebody laughing.

[Langston Kerman]

Sam J Is our Omar, so stop all that laughing.

[J. Jordan]

Sam J. Shows up and everyone goes, hey, hey, hey. How about that giggling.

[David Bore]

I've seen it. I've seen. I. I've seen. Talk about. I've seen people be nice to me. Cause I'm with Sam.

[Langston Kerman]

That's why I like being with her. She makes me feel safe.

[J. Jordan]

Oh, my God.

[Langston Kerman]

I like it. I like feeling safe.

[J. Jordan]

Sam J. Can come.

[David Bore]

Sam J. Makes you feel strong. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Little spoon. She Big spoon.

[J. Jordan]

She can come over to a group of people talking and be like, what's so funny? We'll be like, nothing. Nah, you wouldn't like it. Nothing. Nothing.

[David Bore]

Nah.

[J. Jordan]

What so funny? Nothing. Nothing. Yeah, we. We were talking about basketball. No, y' all weren't.

[Langston Kerman]

I think as far as man strength and manliness. Shut the up. That's not the point of the game that we play.

[David Bore]

It's not even. It's. It's such a. It's such a crazy ruse, and I get it, because there's a lot of men looking for whatever on the Internet.

[J. Jordan]

A daddy. Say it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Bore]

All that. But, like. But, like, that's not. We're dumb over here, man. Like, we gotta, like, chew on.

[J. Jordan]

But they also think. They think. And I can speak on. They think that the end of all of this manly shit is success in a very. I get a convertible and a bunch of money and a bunch of big titty women sort of way, and you go, nigga, this is comedy. You getting drink tickets for most of it. And at the end of it, maybe you get a girl with cool boobs and tattoos. Maybe you are not getting action star shit because you chose comedy.

[David Bore]

Action star. That's what you're doing over here.

[J. Jordan]

You wanted to hoop.

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And you just weren't good enough at sports to do that.

[J. Jordan]

So what do you want?

[David Bore]

Well.

[Langston Kerman]

Cause I knew I wasn't gonna make it. I knew the whole time. That's why I was like, I'll be the funny one on the team.

[David Bore]

Yeah. I was just not gonna get taller. And that's okay.

[Langston Kerman]

That was it. I was scared to go to the basket.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I feel it every time.

[David Bore]

This hurts.

[J. Jordan]

This hurts.

[David Bore]

No.

[Langston Kerman]

And I learned a decent mid range. That got me through a lot of sh.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, let that out.

[Langston Kerman]

But, like, there was a part of my brain that just wasn't strong enough to be able to be, like, a nigga at the rim. And so I was. I knew it wasn't happening.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[J. Jordan]

It just is.

[Langston Kerman]

Y' all can accept.

[J. Jordan]

You wanna have tough. You have to be. To be, like, less than, like, six' three to be good at basketball. You have to be Derrick Rose. You have to be a gang member.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[J. Jordan]

You have to be a gang member.

[Langston Kerman]

Or at least affiliate.

[J. Jordan]

Affiliate. So be careful. He gotta go back.

[Langston Kerman]

Hey, we're not here to decide who in it who isn't. We just know that his brother kept him safe.

[David Bore]

Also, Derrick Rose, you have to be tough enough to achieve your childhood dream and have it not show on your face. Bro, just drop it. And then I couldn't. I would. There are things Derrick Rose has done in his career that would make me cry. I would cry. I would cry.

[J. Jordan]

Much like. Okay. Much like basketball right now, I think also people discuss comedy through an ahistorical lens. So right now, everyone says, oh, basketball's not great. I go, basketball's amazing. I don't know why y' all lying the same way. People go, oh, well, you know, especially. I'm gonna say especially black people when they discuss comedy now. I go, wait a second, nigga, are you watching or are you just remembering what you used to love? Cause I watch comedy, too. But what are you watching currently?

[David Bore]

Yeah, I don't think there. I don't think anybody watches comedy. I think people watch clips. I think they like personalities. I think people listen to.

[J. Jordan]

I don't even know if they watch clips. If there's.

[David Bore]

When they stand up, I think they watch personality.

[J. Jordan]

True, true.

[David Bore]

I think they watch clips that give insight into your personality or give your politics, and they align themselves out.

[Langston Kerman]

I think the. I think the true fan base of comedy are people who do comedy.

[David Bore]

Oh, we've been talking about that a lot.

[J. Jordan]

Like, a handful comments are watching the majority of the comedy, and I think.

[David Bore]

It'S how many your fans want to do it. Wow. They always want to do it.

[J. Jordan]

Some of my fans, they know they can't because they can't because they have trouble making eye contact in the meet and greet. I say, well, baby, you ain't going.

[David Bore]

No, we all do meet and greets. All of us do mean greets after our shows.

[J. Jordan]

It's different for different people.

[David Bore]

Do you guys do mean greets more gays?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[J. Jordan]

Well, because, like, they trying to see some meat. Yeah. How we spelling meat? How we spelling me?

[Langston Kerman]

They trying to greet some meat. You know what I mean?

[J. Jordan]

You know, there's a whole app for meat and greets. I can send snippies. But whenever, you know, like, whenever you plan a place and like, the queer people and the black people show up and they're happy to be there, they do want a picture with a comedian because they did kind of go out of their way to go. That's not necessarily cool. Young, queer, and black. Like, that does happen.

[David Bore]

That doesn't happen in that way for me. It happens like when I'm in Springfield, Missouri, and this guy comes up, he's like, I love the podcast. He was like, I just married a white girl, and I live out here exclusively now. And then the same man says to me, I only eat black foods.

[J. Jordan]

Okay. And then you do have to go, what does that mean?

[David Bore]

Yeah, yeah. And then he tells me macaroni and cheese ri.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, he breaks it down for you.

[David Bore]

Yeah, I got a picture of. I'll show you guys after. I got a picture of him in my phone.

[J. Jordan]

Okay. But those are the people who's cooking these foods for him, though.

[David Bore]

I think he does. I don't think he lets a white lady cook. She didn't even come to the show. She wasn't even at the show.

[Langston Kerman]

We really wanted you to know. He honors the. He recognizes that he made a mistake and he honors.

[David Bore]

Yeah. It was at Springfield, Missouri. It's when I did that Bring David a plate show where people were bringing me plates.

[J. Jordan]

What? He brought a plate?

[David Bore]

Yeah, he brought a plate.

[Langston Kerman]

He's like, look, I do want you to know that. That white hands did touch this plate, but not the food on top of it.

[David Bore]

Exactly.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[David Bore]

She put the foil on it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

And that's because I give her little shorts.

[J. Jordan]

Showed up like, Dirk, Dirk. Now, Dirk Nowitzki used to have the 104 play in the tunnel. That black woman said, baby, put something on your rib. Dirk. Dirk, you gotta put something on your belly. Dirk.

[Langston Kerman]

I baked that chicken. Go ahead, man.

[J. Jordan]

But that. That. Such a German white man thing to do is to have a black woman and be like, don't eat that food. He's like, I'm gonna eat my wife's food. Don't make fun of me, you guys.

[Langston Kerman]

I really want her to be here.

[J. Jordan]

I'm a multimillionaire, but I'm respecting my queen, man.

[David Bore]

I wanna take leftovers places when I'm a multimillionaire.

[Langston Kerman]

That seems cool.

[J. Jordan]

Have you done anything like that? Have you done anything?

[David Bore]

I had a tourist brought me a plate.

[J. Jordan]

No, but I mean, what's the blackest thing you've done in recent years? History that is blacker than where you are. You know what I mean? Or, like, you do something and you look around, you go, oh, that was pretty black of me. A la Dirk bringing a plate.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Damn. We regularly do, like, big. We'll have, like, backyard parties and shit. And I don't always realize how black the party is constructed until some white people show up. And then it becomes they are the only ones there. And everybody's, like, talking very loud, playing Taboo. Like, we. We ordered from Stevie's, which is, like, Creole food. Unbelievable shit. And, like, we. We've just, like. We've put out a whole fucking, you know, a cookout. Yeah. Of sorts. And then here comes my white friend. Yeah. And they don't. We don't have anything for them.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah, yeah, that.

[Langston Kerman]

That's. It's more that energy, but that's a.

[David Bore]

Better story for them. Them, anyways.

[Langston Kerman]

I think so.

[David Bore]

Yeah. They. They're happier that they got there. They're like, I truly feel like Langston called me. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I was. I go like, nah, it's my friend.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And then they show up. I'm like, fuck, I don't know how to. I guess you can meet my neighbor.

[J. Jordan]

I only ask that because the last thing that I did. Where I was like, oh, okay. There. Like, I was treating. I was interviewing people at Sundance for Vulture and I was treating the black. Black cast so different. I was. Their publicist would be like, we have to be like, do y' all want to go? They say y' all gotta go. They'd be like, no.

[David Bore]

But is that not every entertainment space where you try to like. I feel like every entertainment space, though, you. You gravitate towards the black people.

[J. Jordan]

I feel like I'm just proving my mama right when I say stuff like this.

[David Bore]

No, I think you. I don't. No disrespect to you. I think your mom was closer than you wanted to. And I get it. Cause it comes from your mom and you're like, yeah, you don't know nothing about show business.

[J. Jordan]

There's a.

[David Bore]

What I do. And you don't want her to have insight.

[Langston Kerman]

I owe that lady an apology, man. I think.

[David Bore]

I think she kind. I think she's kind of right.

[J. Jordan]

Okay, I'll send it back to Jacksonville.

[Langston Kerman]

She's a good mama. And she told you, right?

[David Bore]

It's cool, man. Send it back to Duval County.

[Langston Kerman]

All right. We need to take one more break. We're going to wrap this thing up. More J. Jordan.

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[Langston Kerman]

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Nigerian. African.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm a sister.

[David Bore]

Okay, we're back. Brothers, sisters. However minimal.

[J. Jordan]

That's what I mean. That's. He looked at me and said, 1.5.

[David Bore]

I can see it on you.

[J. Jordan]

He said, 1.5. It's some stuff.

[Langston Kerman]

He said, now you a little yerba.

[J. Jordan]

He said, I'm smelling the jollof.

[Langston Kerman]

You got that? Yerba mate.

[J. Jordan]

Yerba mate.

[David Bore]

Listen, we could talk about off brand energy drinks all day. We're here. We're here because we got a voicemail.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, we got a voicemail. We're gonna play a really fun voicemail for you now.

[Voicemail Caller]

Yo, what up, DG and Langston? I go bus down RIP Jack. I watch that all the time. This beach out the mountain meal. And I wanted to comment. Bro talk on the subject. I just heard y' all talking about, about barbers. Because I've been thinking about this for like 9 days since I went to this new barber, okay? And I used with my old barber for like 20 years. But this new barber I got in this chair. And like y' all say sometimes you zone out, close your eyes. And I felt this like saving my ear hair. And so I've been thinking, like, nobody ever saved my ear. Like, I said my barber would cut my hair for 20 years. He ain't never did no like that.

[David Bore]

Wow.

[Voicemail Caller]

And I always noticed the ear hair, but.

[Langston Kerman]

Can we bother?

[Voicemail Caller]

Like, you got to be a little gay.

[J. Jordan]

Let him finish. Let him finish. Let him finish. Let him finish.

[David Bore]

You.

[J. Jordan]

You literally not a figurative pause. You said, can we pause that? You could just say pause. He digging. He digging in your ear hole.

[David Bore]

He said, I noticed the ear.

[Langston Kerman]

He said I knew the whole time.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

He said I was never gonna address it, man. And now he's saying, shame on this.

[J. Jordan]

Man for addressing the ear intimacy among young black men. Cause did we hear the top of this? He said, you know, I was fucking with my old barber. It sound like he was gonna say old lady. Nah, I was talking to my old barber for 20. I went to this new barber. I sit in the chair, I close my eyes. He digging in my ear holes.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[J. Jordan]

He flicking my ear wrists.

[Langston Kerman]

He didn't like, he kissed my forehead. Yeah, I'm having a wrist.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. I'm having an eargasm.

[David Bore]

Drip, drip, drop, drip, drip. And he dropped. Oh, wait, let's hear the rest. Though. I do want to hear, and I.

[J. Jordan]

Believe we paused at kind of gay.

[David Bore]

I think he was saying kind of gay, Joel.

[J. Jordan]

I think we can find the kind of gay.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[Voicemail Caller]

He ain't never did no shit like that. And I always noticed the earrings hair. But Barbara's gay. Like these, like you got to be a little gay to be especially a good one, like a hairdresser or something. Because, like, it makes sense. I, I've seen that movie, Good hair with the who smack Will Smith.

[J. Jordan]

He didn't smack Will Smith. That's a who smack Will Smith. That's what, that's what we gonna start saying. You know, this smack Will Smith.

[Langston Kerman]

This motherfucker's coming from a nigger ass dimension.

[J. Jordan]

He said. Cause I thought he was gonna say it felt gay to get the ear hair clip. He said, now I'm thinking about it. To be a barber, you gotta be a little gay to be a good one. Yeah. Like hairdresser.

[David Bore]

I like that the levels are barber and then hairdresser.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. You're saying there's an optimism here.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You're not hearing this as hate speech anymore.

[J. Jordan]

I'm hearing him go, I want a detail oriented man who really cares how good men look. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

He is telling this as a positive. I, I, I think that she ends up experience.

[David Bore]

I think this ends up pro. The new Barbie.

[J. Jordan]

It sounds like what he's saying is only a man knows what a man needs.

[David Bore]

Wow.

[J. Jordan]

If we go bring Will Smith back into it.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's find out. I'm very excited if this is true.

[Voicemail Caller]

Here with the who smack Will Smith. And, and the competition that they had at the end was all gay dudes. Gay dudes. And then I used to get my hair cut by this named Deborah.

[David Bore]

Pause, pause.

[Voicemail Caller]

And like, pause.

[David Bore]

Shout out to Deborah.

[J. Jordan]

Shout out to Deborah.

[David Bore]

She's really going through. She's putting up with a lot.

[J. Jordan]

Shout out to Deborah.

[David Bore]

This guy is hilarious.

[Langston Kerman]

Me out the mill, baby. Okay.

[J. Jordan]

And he watched Buzz Down.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. No, this is my fan base for sure.

[David Bore]

I think this is a good.

[Langston Kerman]

I think so, too.

[J. Jordan]

Let's see where this is headed, because we've been. It's a journey to get there.

[Langston Kerman]

It's taking a minute.

[David Bore]

So good.

[J. Jordan]

We found out about three barbers now.

[David Bore]

Which is confusing to me, because 20 years, nine days, he was sneaking off. He was sneaking off with Deborah.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay, let's find out more about Deb.

[Voicemail Caller]

Talking about this named Deborah. Used to have me crispy.

[J. Jordan]

And like.

[Voicemail Caller]

Like, even if they don't. Like, they could be DL. Because why you want to be that close to another man and nuts on their hand? And why you want me to look good? Why you want another man to be looking good? Like, I mean, no, knock to the barbers and keep doing your thing. We need y'.

[David Bore]

All.

[Voicemail Caller]

But I think they gay, though. You gotta be gay a little bit, especially. Be good. Think about all the masculine, like, super hard barbers, like, the motherfucker's trash. They do the bow cuts phase. Don't be good. Your barber gay. You gonna be crispy.

[Langston Kerman]

You gonna be crispy.

[Voicemail Caller]

Fuck with y'. All.

[J. Jordan]

All right, man, listen. We got there.

[David Bore]

Yeah, yeah.

[J. Jordan]

He just said nothing bad about gay people. He just said, if you a barber and you are this invested in men's looks, I need you to be a little gay to care about your profession.

[Langston Kerman]

And I think this is a prime example of when culture, the language is not necessarily in a way where you go like, oh, this is an ally, but that's 100% ally logic. That's a person fully committed to supporting the gay community. They just don't necessarily have all the language that we consider to be lies.

[J. Jordan]

Cause you know where the Venn diagram is for gay men and barbers? A head is ahead.

[Langston Kerman]

A head is ahead.

[J. Jordan]

Ahead is a head. Yeah, yeah, he's there. He's.

[David Bore]

No, I think he's. I like this. I think he's a good guy.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[J. Jordan]

You know, I don't know why Deborah.

[David Bore]

Had to catch his trick.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. Be nice to Deborah. Even though y' all wearing the same south. Be nice. You know, be a little bit more respectful to Deborah. Or maybe not.

[Langston Kerman]

We don't know how Deborah's spoken.

[David Bore]

She could be a bitch.

[J. Jordan]

But Deborah had him crispy.

[Langston Kerman]

Deborah did have him crispy.

[David Bore]

That's all he's worried about. That's all.

[J. Jordan]

What?

[David Bore]

He's a masculine barber.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. He don't want the hard nigga. Well. Cause think about it. Like, the real masculine barbers, like, their hands all big and Clumsy. They supposed to be on the. They're supposed to be on a kid boat somewhere.

[David Bore]

I hate a popular ass barber.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[David Bore]

I hate somebody replaying high school in the barber. I also don't. He's never the best guy.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. I don't like climbing a lot.

[David Bore]

He's talking too much.

[J. Jordan]

He's talking about the big game in 06.

[Langston Kerman]

When they move my head rough.

[David Bore]

Ooh.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, don't be rough with me.

[David Bore]

Yeah. Yeah.

[J. Jordan]

Be nice.

[David Bore]

Be careful with me.

[Langston Kerman]

Be careful. Be careful with me. 100%.

[J. Jordan]

Hey, hey. A little. Hey. Hey. Who you think this is? You gonna be taking me in kind of play. Hey, hey.

[Langston Kerman]

I know we not friends, but we friends right now.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. You being all rough. Yeah, Yeah. I got the cape on.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on, man.

[J. Jordan]

I'm Superman.

[David Bore]

I got the Marathon continuous cape on. That's the mosaic.

[Langston Kerman]

That don't got nothing to do with what happens in this barbershop.

[David Bore]

Nipsey. I have a theory that Nipsey Hussle is represented in every single barbershop from here to the Mississippi. That's one way or another.

[J. Jordan]

In a picture or a mural.

[David Bore]

In a picture, a mural, a cape that says marathon. There is some Nipsey memorial memorabilia of some sort in every single barbershop.

[J. Jordan]

Nipsey kind of touched every barbershop in a way.

[David Bore]

My barber in Denver had hella marathon shit. Jon Jar's from Denver.

[J. Jordan]

But that's not LA To Denver. That's not that crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

It's pretty crazy.

[David Bore]

It's pretty far, really.

[Langston Kerman]

It's pretty far.

[J. Jordan]

But culturally, in a lot of. I mean. Right.

[Langston Kerman]

I think Denver is more, like, rural than we think it is.

[David Bore]

We'll relax now.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. This is what she was saying earlier about how it's just mostly huts.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

See what happens? This is when he gets a bone in his nose. You start here, and then it's gorilla mask.

[Langston Kerman]

Where white people rub sticks together. Yeah.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. It's where white people talk like they're. They're Tulsa. They have a click language for white people.

[David Bore]

That's the funny, funniest thing, because I don't think it would be click. I don't think it would be click if you had, like, a tonal relation. If you had a tonal language for white people, it would be various size.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Like, that would. Instead of clicks, it would be size.

[J. Jordan]

Like.

[David Bore]

Like. Like white liberal.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

With getting an order wrong. You know what I mean? That would be.

[Langston Kerman]

I think that's 100%.

[David Bore]

I think it would be totally wow, that's.

[Langston Kerman]

That's really beautiful.

[David Bore]

That's their click link.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

And why people bring it up to you guys all the time, too. Do you speak psy?

[Langston Kerman]

Do you speak psy? White people, you gotta start speaking psy.

[J. Jordan]

Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

We know you speak psy. You can speak psy alone.

[J. Jordan]

They speak psy at home. They don't speak psy in.

[David Bore]

They don't speak psy. Cause they're embarrassed.

[J. Jordan]

I don't do this in front of.

[David Bore]

People, but I'd like to see a psy renaissance. We get some psy restaurants.

[Langston Kerman]

Stop losing your psy recipes.

[David Bore]

Come on. Take your girl to a psy club.

[J. Jordan]

I haven't asked y', all, and I feel like both of y'. All. What's going on with Yalls girls? Sydney Sweeney.

[David Bore]

That's not my. I don't know.

[J. Jordan]

That was Silter, the one who just.

[David Bore]

Had her titties up.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

That's what I know.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[David Bore]

That's all I know.

[J. Jordan]

In the kind of liquid she was wearing. Like Alex Mack.

[David Bore]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I think childhood celebrity is bad for everybody.

[J. Jordan]

Childhood.

[David Bore]

Was she a child? Is she a child?

[J. Jordan]

Oh, no.

[Langston Kerman]

I think she was young enough that that brain is mush.

[J. Jordan]

Cause euphoria.

[Langston Kerman]

Because. Because you were. You were not only a child, but you were a Babbage. Yeah. As a child. And everybody chose to ignore the fact that you're a child.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Or you were.

[J. Jordan]

At least you were. You were cast as a child, bro.

[Langston Kerman]

18 is a baby.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't. I'm too far past that to think that that's a grown person. That was a baby. And we went. I want to. That baby.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And now that baby is acting up, and I don't think we. We are going to be able to figure that out.

[David Bore]

She's the one with the white jeans.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's right.

[J. Jordan]

Blue.

[David Bore]

But the thing was, like, she got gray white jeans.

[J. Jordan]

Right. Blue.

[David Bore]

Like, look at these. Look at these. Look at these white jeans.

[J. Jordan]

Blue.

[Langston Kerman]

Wink. Yeah.

[David Bore]

She got great, great blue jeans.

[Langston Kerman]

And I don't even think that that was. I think she probably has a lot of malicious people in her corner that were happy for her to do that, but I don't think that's an evolved enough person to know what they were doing.

[J. Jordan]

Yeah. I mean, and now she's dating Scooter Braun, and I.

[Langston Kerman]

My gut part is that, you know what I mean, if that's not a person being preyed upon, I don't know.

[J. Jordan]

He's kind of famous for preying on people and taking Well, I hope she gets Sydney's Way.

[David Bore]

Sydney's version.

[J. Jordan]

Sydney's Way? Sidney's Way. That's a drug heist movie.

[David Bore]

Yeah, well, it's a sequel to Carlito's Way.

[J. Jordan]

A lot of people don't answer.

[David Bore]

Sydney's version. Is that what happened?

[Langston Kerman]

I think it's version. I don't. I don't.

[J. Jordan]

Oh, my God.

[David Bore]

That's honestly not my angle. I don't really know much over there.

[J. Jordan]

I was just. I was noticing that everyone was talking about her titties this week because she had them out, and I wanted to get y'. Alls. I knew it made it to y', all. I knew it made it to y'.

[Langston Kerman]

All, and I'm sure.

[J. Jordan]

Did it make it to you, Langston?

[Langston Kerman]

I'm sure some of my did it.

[J. Jordan]

Make it to you?

[Langston Kerman]

I'm sure some of my humanizers.

[J. Jordan]

Oh, my God. You could drive a truck through that part.

[David Bore]

That was crazy.

[J. Jordan]

Hey, hey, hey, hey. This ain't about me, brother.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm sure some of my humanizing of Sydney Sweeney perhaps comes from things I may have seen. Things that maybe I appreciated more than others can.

[David Bore]

Oh, man. I never seen you run like that. That was kind of what I am.

[Langston Kerman]

I am human just like everyone else. I scroll with one hand just like everyone else.

[J. Jordan]

Oh, my God. I saw as a bisexual. Journey Smollett did it for me this week. She brother, Journey's back, brother. I'm getting him in trouble.

[Langston Kerman]

She got some new things.

[David Bore]

What?

[J. Jordan]

Journey posted. Yeah, I can see him.

[Langston Kerman]

Journey, Journey. Smell.

[J. Jordan]

That was. She looked so good. I went, you know what? Your brother brother was beat up. Somebody beat that boy.

[David Bore]

Ola and Bola did it.

[Langston Kerman]

We're done. We did it. Jay, this is great. Can you tell the people where they can find you?

[J. Jordan]

What cool shit you got me on social mediajurden J Y J U R D E N On all social media, including the Nazi app up Twitter. I'm still there fighting the good fight resistance. Also the special. Yes, ma'. Am. It's on Hulu. You can watch it. It's if you like. Every episode I'm on When it comes to my mama told me you'll love the special.

[David Bore]

There we go.

[Langston Kerman]

Go watch the special, boy.

[David Bore]

What yout got cool guy jokes87 on Instagram. You can find me apparently at Journey Smollett's. DM Gonna have to check that out.

[J. Jordan]

He's trying to go to Eve's Bayou.

[David Bore]

Man. You know, I was thinking about the other day that I always confused with Eve's Bayou is Jason's lyrics.

[Langston Kerman]

Wow. They're very different friends.

[David Bore]

I know, but I think the covers were the same. The covers of the VHS were the same tone.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. No, you're not making a big.

[J. Jordan]

They are black movies.

[David Bore]

No, no, no, no, no. Not just. But like the, like I think they were, weren't they both physically.

[J. Jordan]

Like.

[David Bore]

Both physically and like I'll be confusing.

[J. Jordan]

Holiday Heart and Baby Boy.

[David Bore]

Wow.

[Langston Kerman]

You can follow me at Langston Kerman on all social media platforms. You can see me on tour. I'm still on the Aspiring Deadbeat tour. And you can follow us at My Mama Told Me pod or whatever the fuck it is on Instagram and Twitter and and not Twitter, Instagram and TikTok. And most importantly, send us your drops your emails. If you want to tell us what else you saw in them Sydney Sweeney photos, send it all to mymamapodmail.com Also.

[David Bore]

Deborah, if you want to rebuttal. Yeah, 8, 44 lil moms.

[Langston Kerman]

8, 44 lil moms. Call us back. Deborah. We want to hear from you. Like subscribe Rate Review look at them pictures. Bye, bitch.

[David Bore]

Hey, where them bitches at? It's supposed to be titties. Where the fucking titties and them bitches?

[Langston Kerman]

My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network.

[David Bore]

And I Heart Podcast, created and hosted by Langston Kern, co hosted by David Bore, executive produced by Will Ferrell Ansani and Olivia Aguilar.

[Langston Kerman]

Co produced by Bay Wang.

[David Bore]

Edited and engineered by Justin Cotton.

[Langston Kerman]

Music by Nick Chambers.

[David Bore]

Artwork by Dogon Krieger.

[Langston Kerman]

You can now watch episodes of My Mama told me on YouTube, follow at my Mama Told Me and subscribe to our channel.

[Starbucks/Lowe's Advertiser]

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[Announcer]

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[J. Jordan]

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[David Bore]

From executive producer Ryan Murphy comes a fiery new legal drama.

[Starbucks/Lowe's Advertiser]

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[David Bore]

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[Sponsor Announcer]

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[J. Jordan]

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[Sponsor Announcer]

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[J. Jordan]

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[David Bore]

Hulu Original Series All's Fair now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus for bundle subscribers.

[Langston Kerman]

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[David Bore]

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[Langston Kerman]

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[David Bore]

Com.

[Announcer]

This is an iHeart podcast.