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Langston Kerman
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Lauren Vogelbaum
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David Bory
The way she said it was so casual. You really like drinking blue stuff, huh? It's like, all right, now I'm picturing.
Langston Kerman
You in the mirror with just a blue mustache, being like, david, you're sick. You swore you would stop.
David Bory
I just punched the mirror.
Langston Kerman
You're bleeding blue. Oh, you just hear your girl packing up in the front. I'm leaving you, you piece of.
David Bory
Leave me. Leave me with my blue drink.
Langston Kerman
Fine, Go.
David Bory
That. Who needs you? I gotta tell her to listen to this episode. The government growing babies, microchips in your anus. All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money. Martians invented turkey stuffing. Y' all can't tell me nothing.
Langston Kerman
You're once, twice, three times a lady. There it is. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Gentiles and little mamas alike, welcome to another phenomenal episode of.
David Bory
My Mama Told Me the podcast, where we dive deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories, and we.
Langston Kerman
And we finally work to prove that everybody's always talking about Beyonce's fine ass cousins. But ain't nobody talking about Beyonce's fine ass uncles. That bitch got the most beautiful uncles that's ever walked this planet Earth. And they're hiding the uncles from us because they don't want the patriarchy to flip, making men be overly sexualized and women to gain the real power in the fucking country. This is all a big ruse, I'd say.
David Bory
Let's go.
Langston Kerman
Those gorgeous Beyonce uncles and cousins she got.
David Bory
Bring back our boys.
Langston Kerman
Bring back our boys. I'm Langston Kerman.
David Bory
I'm David Boy. And we have something to talk about. That hashtag just realized it made me. I do want to bring this up. We didn't even talk about this pre. But this has come up in my recent life.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bory
Remember how fast that hashtag blackboy joy got smashed? Smashed? It never took off. Nobody wanted it. We didn't get any time with it.
Langston Kerman
No, we didn't get a lot of time with it. I will say I never felt confident posting it. I would have felt you want to. I think I would have felt deeply embarrassed at the idea of, you know, showing myself happy and putting BlackBoyJoy under it. So I can't be the best advocate because I was too much of a coward to even fully invest.
David Bory
Here's what I'm saying. That's the problem, brother. Why didn't you feel confident sharing your joy with the world of all the trash we spew on social media? You don't feel comfortable being like, here's me with a snow cone enjoying My day or whatever you do to make you happy. It's not. The activity is not the point.
Langston Kerman
I'm not so much laughing at your choice of it being a snow cone, more laughing at the idea of that being the thing where I'm like, finally, I can express myself to the world. Finally the world can see what my happiness really looks like. It's me away from my family, eating a snow cone.
David Bory
Hey, low bar is easy to walk over. You know what I mean?
Langston Kerman
I feel it. I definitely feel it. Did you. Did you ever. Were you ever helping to promote black boy joy?
David Bory
That's what happened. That's what we were talking about, is I also was a pussy and did not. But I liked the. I did like the spirit of it. I did appreciate the spirit of it. I think maybe it felt coded in that it was buoyed up and that wasn't great, but the idea of a hashtag for black dudes being happy, Yeah, I was for that, I think.
Langston Kerman
I think the unfortunate part of the job that we do is that it creates a natural cynicism that the beautiful people who listen to us never have to fully live with. They can dip in and out of, like, whatever this game is that we're playing. But, like, the reality is, like, I'm never going to get to enjoy hashtags. I'm never going to get to enjoy sort of like, even the most, like, joyous moments that, like, we all collectively stand behind and cheer, yes, finally, justice or happiness or whatever it is. There's a part of my brain that's constantly trying to think of bits and critique it and make it worse than it is.
David Bory
Oh, that's my problem with trends. I feel like I miss out on so many great trends because, listen, everything is stupid. Besides four things.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, that's real.
David Bory
That's real. There's, like, four things that aren't stupid. Everything else is stupid.
Langston Kerman
And then the window for them not being stupid is so small.
David Bory
Tiny. Tiny. And the problem with getting good at this job is even the good stuff you can make stupid.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. No, you'll find a way you can.
David Bory
Fuck that shit up. And I take that burden on for you to listen.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. You remember when. And it had a hot, like, fucking six months where everybody was going and getting the Sears photos taken, but they were doing them silly.
David Bory
Awesome.
Langston Kerman
It was so funny.
David Bory
It's so funny.
Langston Kerman
I love that regular people were, like, being adventurous and silly and trying things outside of the scope of what they would normally want to do in their instinct. All of it was beautiful and There was something in me. The deep, ugly hater in me was always like, n. Y' all ain't funny.
David Bory
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
You don't even know what you doing, bro.
David Bory
I've wanted to get glamour shots with the homies many times.
Langston Kerman
It's so cool. It's so funny.
David Bory
It's really cool. I just.
Langston Kerman
Once it becomes popular, you can't, bro.
David Bory
Last year, I was thinking it would be funny if we somehow got addresses and we sent out a Christmas card with Sears glamour shots. And I didn't bring it up. Cause it's embarrassing, bro.
Langston Kerman
I think that's so funny. And I wish. I wish either of us had the capacity to be able to be that in. You know what I mean?
David Bory
You wanna know what the fits were in my head?
Langston Kerman
Hell, go crazy.
David Bory
You're sitting down. Red turtleneck.
Langston Kerman
Okay.
David Bory
Festive Christmas vest. I'm standing behind you, hand on your shoulder. It goes further. Yeah, I'm listening. Green turtleneck. One of those reindeer headbands.
Langston Kerman
Okay.
David Bory
From our family to yours. It would have gone crazy.
Langston Kerman
Season's greetings.
David Bory
Yeah, it would have gone crazy.
Langston Kerman
I'd like it if we wrote, like, kind of a long message on it. You know what I mean?
David Bory
Like, what we've been doing, too.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. What we've been doing. How all those cards, they kind of have, like, where they really take the season serious. And they're going to teach you a little bit of a. You know, these complicated times. We really here at the My Mama Told Me podcast, Cherish.
David Bory
I want it to be a full recap. Like, it's been a great season in our house. Olivia's been getting into baking. Lysis discovered burpees as a form of exercise. And David bought a bicycle.
Langston Kerman
That's so funny.
David Bory
I can't even. Bro. This is how fucked up I am. I can't even dress up for real.
Langston Kerman
Nah, that's real fuck up.
David Bory
I can dress up for a wedding or something. That's fine. But like, a costume party, Halloween, all that. I can't even, bro.
Langston Kerman
I can't even do it every single year. My wife, before the job, was here, and now my wife, especially after our child is here, is constantly trying to get us to do joint costumes that, like, somehow we wear all the same thing. And what a cute thing to do.
David Bory
It is adorable.
Langston Kerman
And I destroy it every time, every time. And now the only negotiation I've been willing to make, and this is 100% true, is that I told her, I will do a joint costume with you and our child, so long as I get to Dress up as something that kills or imprisons you. I will do it.
David Bory
Like, they have to be the horses and you're a trainer or something.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, I have to be something sort of like not completely on board with whatever they are in order to do the joint costume, bro.
David Bory
I hate it. I wish I had. Cause I feel you. I did. Do you remember when we all did that? The black show for Comedy Central?
Langston Kerman
Yeah. New Negroes.
David Bory
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You remember that? On my night afterwards, we took a picture, and if you remember, that was right around when Black Panther came out, and everybody in the picture was like, do the Wakanda Forever. And I did it with middle fingers.
Langston Kerman
Hell, yeah.
David Bory
But it's just because I can't have anything nice.
Langston Kerman
No, I've never done that thing, the X shit. I've never done that sincerely, once.
David Bory
It sucks.
Langston Kerman
It stinks.
David Bory
But I want to like it.
Langston Kerman
I was happy that people were happy. Like, I saw all those. Those pictures of people showing up to theaters dressed like Hayley Selassie and fucking doing the Wakanda Forever thing. And I was like, yeah, that's. Hell, yeah. That's good. But in the back of my mind, I was like, you're fucking losers.
David Bory
Yeah. I was like.
Langston Kerman
And I'm making fun of you.
David Bory
I was mad.
Langston Kerman
You have big issues with. With that franchise. I would say.
David Bory
I don't want to. I don't want to be like this.
Langston Kerman
Sure.
David Bory
I would rather not. I just. Man, it's not even a real country, bro.
Langston Kerman
It's also not that good of a movie, but. Hey, hey, hey. Where's a family restaurant? Enjoy.
David Bory
If you want to hear my thoughts on Wakanda forever, go to patreon.com davidbouri Purchase my special Birth of a Nation a bit about it. Also have a bit about hooking up with an African woman.
Langston Kerman
Oh, nice.
David Bory
Yeah. After Wakanda Forever.
Langston Kerman
Nah, I never did it as a result of African filmography. It was more.
David Bory
To be honest, it almost felt like. In spite of. Because I was really tanking the date in the car. Oh, I was just. Cause I was so angry about it.
Langston Kerman
Oh, you were shitting on a thing that she enjoyed to the point that you almost fumbled. Beautiful. Damn.
David Bory
Exactly. Because I was like, you're. You're not pissed? And she was from Sierra Leone, too, so I should have been minding my. Because it was like, oh, this was.
Langston Kerman
Supposed to be your wife. And you. You really. You really fucked that up.
David Bory
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
Damn.
David Bory
You know, two Sierra Leone women I fumbled the bag with.
Langston Kerman
Damn. Heartbreaking.
David Bory
I know. My Mom. I mean, if I had talked to her about stuff like that, she would be upset. But she ain't gotta know.
Langston Kerman
She has no clue. Great.
David Bory
Yeah, you gotta have one that you've taken out in the daytime for a while.
Langston Kerman
Well, we can't dilly or dally any further on this.
David Bory
We.
Langston Kerman
And I say we. But mostly I came across a conspiracy that I guess it's easiest to just share the story of how this happened. A few weeks ago, I was in a Uber. I got in an Uber. I think I was in Atlanta at the time, and the driver was already playing a YouTube video over the speakers very loudly. He showed no evidence of being concerned whether or not I would enjoy said YouTube video. It was just. It was on as I got in. I said hello. He may not have spoken back. I truly don't know because of how loud the video was playing. But either way, I got in this Uber and the man driving was watching a YouTube video where two podcasters were arguing about whether or not bbls stink, whether or not there is a stench associated with bbls, and one gentleman.
David Bory
I'd rather check myself before I wreck myself.
Langston Kerman
One gentleman was pro and one gentleman was con. And I'll let you decide which is which in the case of stinky bbls. But they were arguing very intensely about it, and I never really could make sense of it. And I thought, what a perfect conversation to bring back to my man from the Congo so that we can unpack this thing together.
David Bory
I love it. Because, I mean. Okay, so first of all, I think we start here. Have you ever dealt with a bbl?
Langston Kerman
Personally, I have felt some, but I have never smashed any.
David Bory
Same.
Langston Kerman
I've never had the pleasure. I've talked about this before on the podcast. I met my wife immediately after filming Insecure and have remained faithful the entire time. So a lot of the beautiful things that I could have had access to, I have not. And that is my burden to bear, and I continue to bear it.
David Bory
That's like, you missed the whole technology, you know what I mean? It's like you got married to the Nokia. You didn't know the iPhone was around the corner. Yeah.
Langston Kerman
And I keep being like, yeah, but the battery life is better. And everybody's like, I guess, bro.
David Bory
Yeah. You're like, no, I really just love playing Snake vintage now.
Langston Kerman
So neither of us have ever smashed a bbl.
David Bory
Never got behind it in a meaningful way.
Langston Kerman
Damn.
David Bory
No. And now I feel it could happen. It's not like a bucket list thing or anything.
Langston Kerman
I got you. It's Just. It's a possibility still for you. And that gives me hope, if that makes you feel anything.
David Bory
Thank you. I mean, I will say. And this is. I know this is gonna sound crazy.
Langston Kerman
Yep.
David Bory
And also. And listen, I'm not. I'm not. I love ass. Sometimes they look crazy, the bbls. Yeah. Sometimes it's like really, like nuts.
Langston Kerman
A lot of times. Not.
David Bory
I wouldn't.
Langston Kerman
I'm not gonna say most because I've seen some spectacular ones. I know some folks who have gotten them and they look great. But there are quite a few bbls that are stopping traffic for the wrong reasons.
David Bory
Right.
Langston Kerman
Truly devastating work has been done to what otherwise could have been pretty gorgeous women.
David Bory
That's. I mean, I seen one at LaGuardia one time and I was just like. Just the nature that you got one and then you're still working at LaGuardia. Probably means it was done out of the country. And it just like. Just the legs to butt ratio was so crazy.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. That's when it's the worst, is when them legs be little and that butt be big. Like, oh, no, this is a tragedy.
David Bory
You got a little booty. And that's cool. Cause, I mean, I love those. All this shit. I also. I hate this. All this shit is for social media. If you like any person who has some type of a type where they're like, I can't have anything else, but I am inclined to not believe you.
Langston Kerman
Not only do I not believe you, I also don't believe you've had sex with that many people. When you're that. That picky about the shit.
David Bory
Right. Like, you don't think anybody with a little ass is doing stuff you like. That's crazy.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. And like, part of not. And this isn't a pride statement, but it is a fact. One part of getting numbers up is taking them numbers as they come. You know what I mean?
David Bory
Come on. Everybody shoots ugly shots.
Langston Kerman
You gotta be Lucy and Ethel fucking putting chocolates in your mouth. Discerning.
David Bory
I'm just trying to get full good food.
Langston Kerman
This is Chili's, baby. What you talking about?
David Bory
And it's like the difference is like, that's for all. It is. It is. It does speak to, like a materialism type thing, I think, where it's like, that is a lot for other people. Right. Because it's like, if you're being. That being said, I mean, when, like a woman is a size queen, I do think the effects are different. Does that make sense?
Langston Kerman
Say more.
David Bory
I think the difference between a small penis and a Large penis is a greater distance between the difference between a small booty and a big booty. Mm.
Langston Kerman
Meaning the results.
David Bory
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
Or the experience for the person and like realized pleasure. Oh, yeah. I could see that. Although I will say that the difference between like wanting, you know, a nine inch hog and.
David Bory
Yo, relax.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. What else do you call 9 inches? That's gotta be a hog.
David Bory
I don't like you. I don't like you in the outside house. I feel like you need to maybe start recording back near your wife and child.
Langston Kerman
Guess what? I can say hog as much as I want out here.
David Bory
In the back house. Going crazy in the house.
Langston Kerman
I got a three hog limit. But here. Hog, hog, hog, hog, hog. No, but what I'm saying is like the. The difference between somebody desiring nine inches of. Of meat versus like somebody who's showing up with, you know, whatever standard is. The five and a half to seven scenario of it all is not. You're not doing that person a disservice. You're just knocking against their preference. Right. But if you're showing up with a micro penis. Now we got a different conversation.
David Bory
That's just what I mean.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bory
Still acting at the hog thing.
Langston Kerman
So neither of us have really had true experiences with bbls, but I will say that I've been around enough women with bbls that I've never. It's never once felt like there was an odor protruding through their.
David Bory
That's what I was gonna say too. And I.
Langston Kerman
Not to take your time. Don't let it scare you. You'll get it.
David Bory
I'm saying the ones that I have been around.
Langston Kerman
Yep.
David Bory
The ones that I've been the closest to, I've been like, you know, whatever. The ones I've been the closest to are in a strip club. And that is where if I was gonna get a whiff of something, that's where it would. That would be the situation. Yeah.
Langston Kerman
I've been around nude bbls. It's not. There's never been a stink.
David Bory
That's. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I just didn't want to make it. I'm not innocent. Of all the.
Langston Kerman
But I mean, no, but, you know, holidays.
David Bory
Were you there that night that a bunch of us went? You weren't there, huh?
Langston Kerman
No, I don't think so. Where'd you go?
David Bory
This is like before I left from la, but it was like. I think this is when Jack was there. It was like Sam, Jack and a bunch. Jordan was there. A bunch of people were there. Because I remember it was right after I got the Comedy Central job and dearly departed Jack whispered in my ear. He was like, I know you got that Comedy Central job if you spend less than $1,000 tonight. I'm telling everybody, like, whispered it to me at the atm.
Langston Kerman
Oh, you mean like a psychopath?
David Bory
Yeah, yeah.
Langston Kerman
You mean the way a crazy person would.
David Bory
Yeah, that makes sense.
Langston Kerman
You mean the way a crazy child would force you to spend money you haven't made yet in Los Angeles, Notoriously bad strip clubs, bro.
David Bory
We were at Deja Vu, and then they ran out of money.
Langston Kerman
Whoa.
David Bory
And they ran out of money. Like, the ATM wasn't working and we had to go to another one.
Langston Kerman
The facility ran out of money.
David Bory
The facility ran out of money. And not, like, in a cool way, you know, like. Like, three of us tried to get $300. And then the funniest part was, I remember Sam got on the chair and said, I'm sorry, strippers, we're leaving. This is their fault. They did not put. They didn't put you in a position to win.
Langston Kerman
Oh, man. They didn't put you in a position to win. It's such a. Like, they're gonna have a conference afterwards to discuss how we, as an organization can better strategize towards a championship.
David Bory
I mean, do strippers have shift meetings?
Langston Kerman
I would hope so. I don't.
David Bory
I think so.
Langston Kerman
I don't.
David Bory
You don't think they have a roundup?
Langston Kerman
Like, I think the unfortunate thing with strip clubs is that it's literally capitalism in. In your fucking face. And so it encourages probably an individualism that isn't necessarily good for the community as a whole. You know what I mean? Like, those strippers should be talking to each other and unionizing and shit.
David Bory
I mean, man, a dream of mine has always been to run an ethical strip club.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, no, it sounds. It sounds cool. It does sound like, like, respectfully, the pussy would be trash. But I hope.
David Bory
Respectfully.
Langston Kerman
I hope that you have a vision that somehow can move past that.
David Bory
Why? Okay. Cause this is. I had a long argument in a strip club with a friend about that.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bory
Why do you think? Because he was like, the same thing. He's like, nah, you gotta loosely. Something along the lines of, nah, you gotta be able to keep these hoes in check. I think if everybody. I think. I don't know. I just. Maybe I see this is like my version of communism.
Langston Kerman
And again, I'm not rooting against you. I just think part of what makes a strip club attractive to strip club guys, right? And that Is the industry that maintains strip clubs is, like, the motherfuckers who truly love that shit, they're there on Tuesday. Part of what they need is sort of a. A chance for this to go further than it's supposed to go. Do you know what I mean? Like, they need to be able to. Like, I bet. I bet if I tip her enough, I could stick my thumb in her butt. Or, like, I bet if, you know, if I tell her enough stories, maybe I can get some head in the back room. It's all the icky shit that makes this thing not actually ethical. And as soon as you lay it out on the table, being like, we're ethical, we ain't never gonna have none of that shit. Motherfuckers are gonna be like, I don't want to be here. And then the bad bitches are gonna go where the money is.
David Bory
But in the world that I'm trying to set up is like, but what if we lower the bar? Like, I want it to be a place of celebration more than it's allowed to be now. I want to take all the seediness about it so me and you could just be like, hey, we're going to have a business meeting. Strip club.
Langston Kerman
You know what I mean?
David Bory
I want to open it up. But I see what you're saying.
Langston Kerman
I like what you're saying, but I'm saying that businessmen are vile and they want vile shit.
David Bory
They want it to be bad.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. And I think, frankly.
David Bory
And the model's not broken.
Langston Kerman
The model is not broken.
David Bory
And that's getting money off that shit right now.
Langston Kerman
Why am I choosing you over the place where I get to do the most vile shit and see the light leave these ladies eyes? You know what I mean?
David Bory
I mean, I think we bring in really high class chefs. What was that restaurant we went to in New York, you remember, where they had the Doucet cocktails?
Langston Kerman
Oh, damn.
David Bory
Now imagine that with big ass everywhere.
Langston Kerman
No, I get it. Look, one of my dreams. While we're talking about strippers and strip club dreams, one of my dreams for my birthday or. No, it was for my bachelor party. This is what I asked for. And I think we were gonna have it, but it ended up getting. We were going to New Orleans, and it ended up fucking having a hurricane that weekend. And so I had to cancel the bachelor party. It never really happened. But my ask was, I wanted to do stripper karaoke. I wanted to do karaoke with just bad bitches naked, enjoying the karaoke dancing. They could do some karaoke too. We Just all hanging out, doing karaoke with Babbage.
David Bory
Langston. If we do a live, my mama told me in Portland, I know a place we could go do that.
Langston Kerman
I want to do that so bad. Sounds so fun.
David Bory
It's very fun. It is a good time.
Langston Kerman
It's great. That sounds. In my head. It's fucking awesome. And I can't. I desperately want to do it. So please, Portland. Hook it up. That my mama told me. Comes there this year. Because that's.
David Bory
Yeah, Devil's Point. Tell the girls we're coming.
Langston Kerman
Tell the girls.
David Bory
Tell the girls. I've always wanted to be that guy. Oh, David's in the house. I went to a strip club with a person who will not be named, and we went to a Mexican one, and he got a shout out. And it was out to the table from the dj. Like, we were at the table and the DJ was like, shout out to.
Langston Kerman
Okay. And I'm. We have to throw to a break. But before we do, I want to know was this person being shouted out because of fame or being shouted out because they are a frequent.
David Bory
Fame.
Langston Kerman
Fame. Oh, that's the same thing.
David Bory
It was really cool.
Langston Kerman
It's sad if they're getting shouted out. Cause they're there.
David Bory
No, he's back again. Well, no, because I also. Okay, we do have to go. But I also will say I. For a couple years in San Francisco, I would do this. Strip clubs carry their holiday party. I would perform at their holiday party, and it would always be just the strippers, their boyfriends, and then the hardcore regulars. And that was the party. And then. But the comics would get on stage and we would tell jokes, and the girls would throw money at us. And then they had crazy buffet also. Really, really good.
Langston Kerman
Were they good? Good laughers.
David Bory
Good laughers. Good tippers. Smoked us up a gang. It was. And then the food was so good. It was one of the best gigs I ever. It was like a gig. I was sad when I left San Francisco and I had to give it up.
Langston Kerman
Damn.
David Bory
Yeah, it was. And you made way more money because, like, if you made a dirty joke.
Langston Kerman
Holy shit. And like, that's. That's. That's what we do. All right.
David Bory
Yeah. Oh, yeah. This one. The lady. There was a lady who would do it with me, too, sometimes also not to be named. She would strip a little bit and she made a gang of money. I didn't have, quite frankly, the confidence in my body at that point.
Langston Kerman
No, that's fair. I. I wouldn't take my shirt off now. And there Might be money for it, but I know. Can't take the risk. Can't take the possibility of somebody being like, damn, look at his nipples.
David Bory
And I'm like, I was not going to. I was not going to say nipples because I knew that you are sensitive about it. That would hurt with a few nips. There you go. Big nipples. She look like Hershey Kisses.
Langston Kerman
And then I'm just on stage getting mad for real. Get him out of here.
David Bory
Get him out of here. You got your arms crossed.
Langston Kerman
This is supposed to be body positive.
David Bory
Get him out of here.
Langston Kerman
I was told this was a kind, ethical strip club.
David Bory
Oh, all right.
Langston Kerman
We need to take a break. We're gonna be back with more links and more David and more. My mama told me.
David Bory
How we say it.
Langston Kerman
Take a village to raise a child.
David Bory
But what if the village is what you think? It's going to produce some stank ass bbls. Langston and I are back talking about the possibility of stanking ass Brazilian butlers.
Langston Kerman
That's right. I will say that clip. One of the things that I enjoyed for the first time hearing it in my headphones is the rumble that goes over the crowd when he asks the question. He's like, what if the village is. And then they go, oh. And some of them are obvious, but some are really thinking about the heavy question he just laid on them. I. Okay, so neither of us have come across a stinky bbl. Neither of us certainly feel like we've, I guess, have had a conversation with somebody. Know some people who are currently having sex with BBL subscribers, and none of them seem to be reporting back that there's a stench related to these bbls. What does the Internet say? I know you looked it up.
David Bory
So in my. In my dog, can I tell you, my tabs are. What is blue raspberry Fruity Pebbles with marshmallows? Beyonce Uncles BBL smell bad.
Langston Kerman
Okay, okay.
David Bory
That was from when we first started talking, though. That wasn't just what was on there.
Langston Kerman
No, we did have a lengthy conversation about. And I don't want to overstep, but you apparently have a deep addiction to already overstepped.
David Bory
Relax, I said. I got a box of the shits.
Langston Kerman
No, no, no. The blue drinks is what we were talking about.
David Bory
Yeah, yeah.
Langston Kerman
You have a nasty little relationship with blue drinks.
David Bory
I love blue drinks. My girl called me out at the movies the other day. I just do, man. I love a blue drink. Going back to even the little jugs. You remember the little jugs?
Langston Kerman
Like the quarter water joints?
David Bory
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Loved, loved the blue ones. I love blue, raspberry lemonade, blue anything. They got that Minute Maid blue. Yeah, I love blue drinks. I went to trick daddy's restaurant, got a big old blue drink.
Langston Kerman
Damn. Is that what it was called?
David Bory
I don't, I, I just pointed at the point.
Langston Kerman
Something tells me you got it right on the nose for what your daddy names his blue drink.
David Bory
Give me the fried rib plate and.
Langston Kerman
The blue shit and blue, please.
David Bory
Yeah, I have a flight to catch.
Langston Kerman
You want a large or a double xl, honey? Yeah. I liked blue a lot when it, because it kind of got introduced as like the new innovative flavor. Eminem brought out a new one. Sour Patch Kids, they started making blue. It all was much later in the game that you got blue introduced to this shit. I will say for the drinks, though, I always knew you had to cut that a little bit.
David Bory
You know what I mean?
Langston Kerman
Like, you could do blue, but then you gotta mix that a little bit with that lemonade. You gotta.
David Bory
Yeah, I understand.
Langston Kerman
You gotta offset all that blue. Cause that's too much pleasure at one time. You don't want.
David Bory
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
You know what I mean?
David Bory
Which is crazy. Cause I cut other drinks. I take my bull, my blue, full strength. But I do cut other drinks. Sometimes I'll cut down. I cut a lot of juices with club soda. I do that pretty common.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, yeah. No, it tastes better. I like, Yeah, I like a juice with a little fizz.
David Bory
I'll cut, I'll cut Sprite a little bit too.
Langston Kerman
I, I, if I can encourage you, I think you got to start cutting your blue a little bit.
David Bory
I, I'm not, I'm not. But here's the thing. This is what, is why it sounds crazy? Because. Yes, okay, I did go see the new Mad Max and I got a blue icy mix with Coke. Icy. But I know it's not even weekly that I'm taking blue. It's like once a month, once every other. It's like, I'm not, It's not that often.
Langston Kerman
There was a time I just worry that. And we talked about this offline. It's the most unnatural of the colors. Like every other color that they assign to ices and drinks and shit, they exist in nature. This yellow, this green, even this specific red sort of exists in parts of nature. But that blue, that ain't nowhere you go outside.
David Bory
No, it's from beyond.
Langston Kerman
And I worry about you putting so much from beyond into your person, even if it is just once a month or every other month.
David Bory
I appreciate that. And now that it's been brought to my attention. I will. I have a crippling.
Langston Kerman
So the Internet had thoughts about the stink, the potential stink of bbls.
David Bory
So the first thing that I found when I Googled it, it basically says a slight odor in the first few days after a Brazilian butt lift is normal and can be described as musty or similar to a damp towel. Funny, I didn't know musty was a real word.
Langston Kerman
Oh, you thought that was just like nigger phrasing?
David Bory
For lack of a better term? Yes.
Langston Kerman
I tried to think of. You heard the pause. I tried to think of an alternative.
David Bory
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Langston Kerman
I was like, nah, nah, that's correct.
David Bory
No, you're like, I'm in the back house. I can say it here.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bory
And it says some causes of this odor include fluid discharge, poor hygiene after defecation, bacteria buildup, and sweat, which to me sort of sounds like the causes of bad odor in general.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, it doesn't sound. Besides the secretions that they're referring to, it all sounds pretty backside related, whether flat or big.
David Bory
Right. Watch your ass. I will. I will say also, if you get a bbl, there should be some barrier to entry. If it stinks for a couple days, I think that's a fair trade off.
Langston Kerman
Well, that was my concern when I was listening to this podcast in the first place. Was like, they. They were having this really impassioned conversation about the stink dangers of bbls and how I. It wasn't clear to me how much of it was whether or not these women stunk because, like, they weren't taking care of themselves or there was something fundamentally wrong inside of the bbl or if it was just that y' all tried to get some booty before it was finished healing. Like, how much of this. You're fucking an open wound, my man. Like, that's not.
David Bory
Let it settle.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bory
N. She just got back from the doctor. Let her rest.
Langston Kerman
She had to sleep backwards on the plane because of how painful it was. Give her a minute.
David Bory
And you're just trying to punish that. Day one. Come on, man. Like, I do. I do think that also, it feels like something that probably just Olivia had said this. It feels like something that just comes with surgery.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, dog. Sometimes if I have too bad of a cold, I think I stink more than normal. You know what I mean? Where I'm just like, damn, you kind of funky, man. Like, your whole aura is off.
David Bory
If I'm on a plane for too long, I feel like I stink.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, you smell like shit.
David Bory
Yeah. If I go outside For a long walk. I stink. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like the idea. Of course it should stink. Quite frankly, if it just came out ready to go, I would trust it even less.
Langston Kerman
You gotta let it cook.
David Bory
You gotta let it breathe.
Langston Kerman
BBL is like chitlins. The beginning stinky.
David Bory
And your mama makes the best.
Langston Kerman
But some sick niggas like them, so.
David Bory
Yeah, go ahead. I. Are you. Where do you stand on the whole idea of bbls? Like, as a whole? Are you pro. Anti. Indifferent?
Langston Kerman
I will not go so far as to say I'm anti because I'm so cool with people doing whatever they want to do to their person. Like, that's not my business. And I ain't trying to be one of them dudes. I don't desire that of a person that I'm with. And a lot of times I like the way women are shaped as they are enough that like, the idea that it becomes like sort of this manipulated form, it doesn't hit the same. You know what I mean? It's like almost too perfect, too sleek where you're like, that's. But then, you know, what about.
David Bory
That's not beauty to me.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bory
Perfection is not what I'm seeking in another person or in just beauty in the world in general.
Langston Kerman
I like the little holes in your butt and.
David Bory
Yeah. Little debts.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. Nicks and nooks and crannies and shit.
David Bory
I have a hard time with elective surgery in general. I think coming from a place where surgery is difficult, it feels like the resources to make you feel like a better version of yourself feels wasteful to me sometimes. That being said, we're here and you can do it. So I'm like. I'm not trying to down it, but I think on the whole, it's like what I love about people is using their flaws. I love people making up for deficits. I think it's like one thing that makes humanity great. It makes people truly interesting and shit like that. So it feels like sometimes it makes me sad when people feel like they have to have a surgery to be themselves.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. And I also. We were talking about the trends of it all earlier, and I also worry about that side of it. Like, all these women who got bbls are now suddenly taking the, like, the bbls out. Like they're. There's, you know, recarving themselves into sort of like thinner, sleeker women, whatever. And I don't say thin to, you know, make it that. But that's essentially what's happening. And that worries me of like, oh, you're doing this because the Internet told you to. That's fucking crazy.
David Bory
Internet's never gonna. You're never gonna win that game either. You might fur a little bit, but.
Langston Kerman
And we don't know how long BBL's last. You know what I mean? Like, we ain't never seen no old BBL. These bitches might be dying at 55. And so you took all that from your lifespan just to satiate the likes. That worries me more than the act itself. Motivation and cause the actual reasoning for it is more the concern than the decision.
David Bory
I also. Because I am on the fence about it a lot because it's also like, it is your body. I should have no say in what you do physically that makes you feel good. You know what I mean? As long as you're not harming others. It's really not up to me.
Langston Kerman
No, not at all. But I do worry for myself about. I don't think that I could see myself with a partner who needed that. I don't know that to your point that that necessarily is going to match socially with like my character.
David Bory
Right?
Langston Kerman
Because I like to talk shit. I like to pick out people's insecurities.
David Bory
You're smiling one day saying it.
Langston Kerman
And I don't know that, you know, I'm gonna be able to like, tease you the way that I want to tease you when we got this big old secret that we both like holding onto.
David Bory
Is it a. Do people keep it secret? I feel like the people that I've known who have had them are fairly open about it. But is it like some people are?
Langston Kerman
I think it kind of depends on the community and class of it all. You know what I mean? That, like, I think there are some people I know who are super open about it. And there are some people who like, will never say a word unless somehow it becomes a very private conversation about what they've had done to themselves. And so like the comedy community, I feel like, skews everything, right? Because our whole thing is being too open about shit.
David Bory
Yeah, yeah, that's. That's very true. That's very true. Are there a lot of comics with bbl, though?
Langston Kerman
I don't know any.
David Bory
Yeah, that's what I was just thinking. I don't. I don't.
Langston Kerman
But I know a bunch of.
David Bory
It is a hilarious thing for a comedian to do.
Langston Kerman
That'd be hilarious if Chris Rock gets a bbl. The nigga already showing us his abs. Show us that big old butt.
David Bory
Do a360.
Langston Kerman
Honestly, if Chappelle got a BBL. It would really change this obsession with trans people in a very interesting way.
David Bory
I'd be back into it if Chappelle just got a big old fake ass. I'd be like, all right, that's pretty cool.
Langston Kerman
I'd be like, this nigga's got a lot more wrestling in his head than he's been able to acknowledge so far in these specials. Give him time. He might land on something.
David Bory
I think we were just scratching the surface of the trance. A lot of shit going on.
Langston Kerman
We're watching the stages of grief. He's at anger right now. Let's wait till he gets to acceptance. I got a good feeling about this.
David Bory
But no. Yeah. It's such a complicated issue because now that I think about it even more in my head, it is like, even with the resources things, it's like, that's such an idealist. You know what I mean? Yeah.
Langston Kerman
Nobody has anything.
David Bory
Yeah, whatever.
Langston Kerman
But honestly, you know, and this is.
David Bory
Part of what cars use. Cobalt from the drc. Where are we? You know?
Langston Kerman
That's what I mean. It's like part of what. What America does to people is. It tricks you into thinking you have all the opportunities in the world. And the reality is we're all going broke spending money on shit we don't need. It just so happens that some people are. Are choosing. Don't need that. They. You can physically see. And some of us are doing it with fucking blue drinks. Blue drinks and weird couches and shit. You know what I mean?
David Bory
Don't put the drink on the couch, though.
Langston Kerman
Hey, you better keep your blue away from my couch.
David Bory
Here's my big question in the argument.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bory
Did the men did seem like they were. Did it feel like they were talking out of their ass or did they seem, no pun intended, talking to the side of their necks? Did it feel like, was there merit or were they just yelling about women?
Langston Kerman
No, these were. These were. Let me be clear. This was a podcast of two men who had no educational background relating to this subject and certainly no real insights. They were just speaking from not even as much personal experience, but like a motherfucker told them who told another motherfucker that his girl BBL stink. And they were arguing emotionally about it.
David Bory
Okay. Cause that's also the hard thing is, like, all this stuff seems so rooted in being anti woman.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. And I do think at the core of it, it's probably what this BBL stink is.
David Bory
It sounds like some shit some dirty ass dude would say. I don't like bbls. They stink.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, it was like, oh, BBLS don't like you. You mean the two girls you know who have bbls won't fuck you and therefore they must be. And you can't figure out a physical flaw anymore because they've been shaped into perfect. So you're like, yeah, but they stink. Their insides are rotting or, or whatever the fuck.
David Bory
Yeah, because they didn't answer your side eye emoji. You slipped through their DMs at 3am.
Langston Kerman
Right, because they don't reply when you write. You sure have grown underneath their fucking Instagram pictures.
David Bory
Such beautiful eyes.
Langston Kerman
Have a nice day. That's the creepiest one.
David Bory
Man. Man, hot women like, bad bitch. Like, comment section is a cesspool.
Langston Kerman
It's unbelievable the things that women have to deal with on a daily basis, bro.
David Bory
Especially because sometimes as a dude you'd be like, well, it's not all of us. And then you go to the bad bitch comment section and it is just like, nope, that's a school principal. That's a postal work.
Langston Kerman
What the fuck? That's my father.
David Bory
He said he was at work.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, no, it's fucking nuts. Dan Soder has a really funny joke.
David Bory
He does have a good bit about the comment section.
Langston Kerman
About the comment section in his new special. But yeah, it's fucking. Oh my God. I don't. It's insane the things that they've had to deal with and truly and it be over stuff that didn't even require that energy, bro.
David Bory
Men are so bad at the Internet. I don't have an answer for it. No, you'll be like, man, you're going crazy and all. You could be like, yeah, I don't have. I don't have. There's. I don't have any defense. I don't have a solution. I don't have a way out.
Langston Kerman
It's one of the things that I've always felt pretty passionately about as it relates to like my political leanings and socio political position is like, I'm never gonna defend men now. I ain't gonna be one of these dudes that comes out and is like, fuck men. We're vile. Like, that's our business. But I'm never once going to go in some public space and be like, men are getting it wrong or being eroded. Yeah, yeah, like, nope, whatever it is, we probably did it. I can't say it's all of us and I'm not gonna take that kind of responsibility in this, but boy, oh boy, is that probably true.
David Bory
It's not great out here.
Langston Kerman
It's not great out here. And I know a lot of people not being great. What does that say about me? I don't know. That's not my job in this podcast. I do the research.
David Bory
I'm just trying to get to tomorrow, man.
Langston Kerman
All right, we're gonna take one more break. We're gonna be back with more David, more Langston and more. My mama told me.
David Bory
I got a friend in this village and I have no friends with Stinky Nast bbl. We are back. All Booty's good. Booty smells delicious. That's not true. That was. That was.
Langston Kerman
That's crazy.
David Bory
I did that too.
Langston Kerman
Crazy.
David Bory
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
I'm sorry. We're still talking about the possibility that BBL stink. And it does seem as if we've both landed on this being more a product of deep seated hatred for women than a genuine health concern for the women that have taken these procedures.
David Bory
I think so. I think people don't want to see a quick come up or what's perceived as a quick come up.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, I. I guess what I would encourage, and this is actually inspired by something Olivia sent, but what I would encourage for the men who feel this weird hatred where you want to go and. And talk shit about women and their bodies in a way that doesn't make sense for your actual lived experience. What I would encourage you to do is figure out a way to make some money off of this. This hatred. Olivia sent us a very smart idea where she said BBL scented candles. And to me, that's a big business opportunity for you, the man hating woman who. Who's looking for a way to both, like, get attention, but also remind women that they. They hold no value in your life.
David Bory
Yeah. Come on. Put it right next to your Erykah Badu pussy incense.
Langston Kerman
Which you hate. Which you hate.
David Bory
Not me. I tried. It sells out in like two minutes. It is.
Langston Kerman
It's a big profit opportunity. You can serve a community that actually enjoys whatever these women are. You know what I mean? Like, if you tell me there's a BBL scented candle, I only presume it's a good smell.
David Bory
Yeah. Yeah. I want my bathroom to smell like that.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, I assume it is a fantastic smell.
David Bory
I wanna have a dinner party and have people come over and say, is that bbl?
Langston Kerman
It's your boy pulling you aside. Say, man, I want to blow up your spot, but it smell like BBL in here. And you're like, brother, have I got a tip for you.
David Bory
I open the closet.
Langston Kerman
And it always will. My man, you gotta. You have to start finding a way to embrace women, even if it just means a way of lining your pockets. Stop living your life sort of deeply hating 51% of the population.
David Bory
If there's one thing I know is that them bad bitches don't care. They don't give a fuck, man, about your stinking ass.
Langston Kerman
They don't give a fuck about nothing. You ever tried to make eye contact with a bad bitch and she ain't interested?
David Bory
Unfortunately, yes.
Langston Kerman
It don't matter what you do. You be coughing and doing little twists with your body just to see if she'll look up nothing.
David Bory
Have you ever been, like, out in a public. This is the most painful bad bitch I think I've ever had. Is like, we were all out. It was like two groups of people sitting next to each other in a bar. And then kind of. My friends left and her friends left, and I turned and just tried to talk to her. And the look. The look on her face, man. Man. And I wouldn't even. I wasn't even on it. Like, it was just like, we've all been generous, you know, like when you're. There's two groups together and music comes on and you're pointing at each other like we're partying.
Langston Kerman
We were community. We were communing a little bit. This was.
David Bory
It isn't crazy for me to open up a line of dialogue.
Langston Kerman
This wasn't a cold call, baby girl. We had. We had primed for this.
David Bory
Yeah. Oof.
Langston Kerman
Oof.
David Bory
That one. That one. I. Could. I. I'm remembering her face.
Langston Kerman
No, it. It truly. And I guess it. What. What is upsetting as a man in those moments is not. Obviously, you have no reason or. Or you don't owe me anything. But there were never, under any circumstances in the world where a bad bitch walks in the room that I don't attempt to make eye contact. Even if she wasn't. You know what I mean? If she throws even a glance over at me, I'm already looking. Baby girl, don't worry.
David Bory
Come on. I'm over here.
Langston Kerman
I'm already posed up for you. I was just waiting for you to come home.
David Bory
And instead you leave the reaction just hating yourself.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bory
You're just like, I wish I wasn't wearing this fucking shirt.
Langston Kerman
But then on the flip, it's like women can just go through their lives and not notice us. That's. That's to me, sounds crazy, but I think.
David Bory
I think many do and have.
Langston Kerman
It's. It's wild to me because that's not how I treat y'. All and that's more importantly. I just want to be treated the way I treat others. And y' all don't do that. It's not right.
David Bory
It's because they're better than us.
Langston Kerman
Fuck. Well, I think we did it.
David Bory
We did. We said a lot of stuff.
Langston Kerman
We said a lot of stuff. It was all documented, podcast successful. Do you want to tell the people where they can find you what cool shit you have going on?
David Bory
Yeah. Cool guy jokes 87 on Instagram patreon.com davidbory Birth of a Nation with the G Very funny title.
Langston Kerman
That's Hell yeah. Follow Bori, subscribe, do all this shit. And as always, if you want to follow me, you can find me at Langston Kerman on all platforms. I'll be there. I'm waiting and I'll be ready. And if you want to send us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories, if you want to tell us that bbls in fact have a special scent that is better than a natural booty, then send it all to mymamapodgmail.com we would love to hear from you. Give us a call at 844-LIL-Moms. My mama told merchtable.com for the merch and like subscribe. Do all the things. Rate, rate, review even. I don't know if that's an option but Reddit thread Do all the stuff that makes that makes this thing keep kicking. And that's the whole shebang. Bye bitch.
David Bory
How is my man supposed to shmeet his meat with this bro?
Langston Kerman
What the.
David Bory
Government growing babies microchips in your anus? All koala babies. Bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money.
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Langston Kerman
This is an iHeart podcast.
Podcast Summary: "BBSmell (with Langston Kerman and David Gborie) RE-RELEASE"
My Momma Told Me is a comedic deep dive into Black conspiracy theories, hosted by Langston Kerman and David Bory. In the episode titled "BBSmell (with Langston Kerman and David Gborie) RE-RELEASE," released on August 7, 2025, the hosts explore the peculiar theory surrounding the alleged odors associated with Brazilian Butt Lifts (BBLs). Through humor and insightful discussion, they dissect the origins, implications, and underlying societal attitudes reflected in this conspiracy theory.
The episode kicks off with Langston and David setting the tone for a humorous exploration of BBL-related conspiracies. They establish their intent to unravel why certain myths, such as BBLs emitting unpleasant smells, persist in public discourse.
Langston Kerman [03:55]: "Welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me podcast, where we dive deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories."
Langston recounts a scenario where he encountered an Uber driver passionately debating the olfactory aftermath of BBL procedures through a loud YouTube video. This sparks their primary discussion on whether BBLs truly produce a noticeable odor.
Langston Kerman [15:21]: "A few weeks ago, I was in an Uber... the driver was arguing about whether or not BBLs stink."
David and Langston delve into their personal experiences, neither having undergone a BBL, yet observing peers who have. They examine online sources to assess the validity of the stink claims, discovering that a slight odor post-surgery is relatively normal and comparable to other minor bodily odors.
David Bory [38:24]: "A slight odor in the first few days after a Brazilian butt lift is normal and can be described as musty or similar to a damp towel."
The hosts share their perspectives on elective surgeries like BBLs, balancing personal freedom with societal pressures. Langston expresses a preference for natural body shapes, fearing that cosmetic enhancements might detract from innate beauty.
Langston Kerman [42:41]: "I like the little holes in your butt... I love people making up for deficits. It makes people truly interesting."
David further articulates his skepticism towards materialism and perfection, questioning the necessity and long-term implications of such surgeries.
David Bory [43:52]: "It feels like something that probably just Olivia had said this. It feels like something that just comes with surgery."
A significant portion of the conversation addresses the hostile online environments women face, particularly in comment sections. They critique the pervasive misogyny that underpins many conspiracy theories, including the notion that BBLs emit bad smells.
Langston Kerman [50:38]: "It's unbelievable the things that women have to deal with on a daily basis, bro."
The hosts lament how such negativity fuels unrealistic beauty standards and fosters a culture of superficial judgments.
Interspersed with their analytical discussions are numerous comedic anecdotes and improvisations. Langston and David engage in playful banter about blue drinks, strip clubs, and absurd business ideas like BBL-scented candles, highlighting their ability to blend humor with critique.
David Bory [54:36]: "Put it right next to your Erykah Badu pussy incense."
These segments serve to lighten the conversation while still underscoring the absurdity of certain societal obsessions.
Langston and David question the ethical dimensions of cosmetic surgeries, contemplating the motivations behind pursuing physical enhancements. They ponder whether such actions stem from personal desire or external societal pressures, emphasizing the importance of self-acceptance over conforming to fleeting trends.
Langston Kerman [45:37]: "Because I like to talk shit. I like to pick out people's insecurities."
In wrapping up, the hosts conclude that the conspiracy theory about BBL smells is less about legitimate health concerns and more a manifestation of deep-seated misogynistic attitudes. They encourage listeners to reflect on their motivations and societal influences behind such beliefs.
David Bory [53:48]: "That was more a product of deep seated hatred for women than a genuine health concern for the women that have taken these procedures."
"BBSmell" blends humor with social commentary, effectively dissecting how conspiracy theories can mask deeper societal issues like misogyny and unrealistic beauty standards. Langston Kerman and David Bory utilize their comedic prowess to challenge listeners to question the origins and implications of such theories, promoting a message of self-acceptance and critical thinking.
Find Out More: For more discussions on Black conspiracy theories and other engaging topics, subscribe to My Momma Told Me on your favorite podcast platform. Share your own conspiracy theories or thoughts by reaching out to mymamapod@gmail.com or joining the conversation on their Reddit thread.