Cloning Celebrities (with Nicole Byer)

Summary

---

My Momma Told Me: “Cloning Celebrities” (with Nicole Byer)

Podcast: My Momma Told Me by Big Money Players Network & iHeartPodcasts
Date: April 7, 2026
Hosts: Langston Kerman & David Gborie
Guest: Nicole Byer

---

Episode Overview

This episode of My Momma Told Me dives into the eccentric, hilarious, and sometimes uncomfortably plausible Black conspiracy theory that celebrities are being cloned. Langston Kerman, David Gborie, and special guest Nicole Byer unpack the now infamous Avril Lavigne “clone” theory, explore similar allegations within pop culture, and riff on the philosophical, political, and personal implications of celebrity replacement. Sprinkled with personal stories about fashion, body image, and identity, the conversation balances playful banter, absurd hypotheticals, and moments of thoughtful insight.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Fashion, Identity, and the Art of Being “Fresh”

Timestamps: 05:05 – 16:00

• Langston discusses his personal struggle to dress “fresh” as an adult Black man
  He recounts situations where his clothing choices made him feel insecure or out-of-place, like being outshined by his brother at a fashion show or feeling like a little boy at the gym.

  • “I struggle with the day to day in and out mechanics of being fresh. And that's tough for me.” – Langston (05:09)

• Nicole and David offer practical advice and commiseration

  • Nicole suggests finding a uniform and experimenting with silhouettes:
    • “You gotta just treat yourself. Go shopping, try on a bunch of shit and figure out what silhouettes look good on you.” – Nicole (10:48)
  • They joke about male and female brands' sizing and lament the challenges of updating a wardrobe during body changes.

• Fashion hot takes:

  • The reality of classic pieces versus trend-chasing.
  • Uniform dressing as both aspiration and safe haven.
  • “Polo, Ralph Lauren, shout out to what they’ve done. Give me some money for the big guy community.” – Langston (12:47)

---

2. Intro to the Celebrity Cloning Conspiracy

Timestamps: 17:47 – 26:55

• Nicole lays out the Avril Lavigne/Melissa Vandella theory

  • Avril allegedly died in 2015 and was replaced by a lookalike named Melissa, who had trained to act like her. Nicole supplies remarkable detail.
    • “Avril Lavigne was replaced, I believe, in 2015 by a woman named Melissa.” – Nicole (18:08)
    • “The theory is that Avril Lavigne killed herself in, like, 2015… and then Avril taught her how to perform like her.” – Nicole (18:40)

• Debate over clone vs. body double

  • David and Langston clarify: is it a clone or just a swap?
  • Evidence cited: “Melissa” written on Avril’s hand in a 2004 photo—Nicole muses the body double might’ve tried to “let people know.”

• Comparison to 'The Talented Mr. Ripley'

  • They reference movie plots and real-life doppelgängers to question the plausibility and mechanics of the theory.

Notable Moment:

• “She was a body double for Avril Lavigne. She would go over there… TMZ would be like, 'Avril, Avril!' and she’d run. And then Avril could have a normal afternoon.” – David (22:06)

---

3. Is Celebrity Cloning a Pattern?

Timestamps: 25:57 – 36:00

• Other possible clones & celebrity lookalikes

  • Discussion expands: Gucci Mane’s buff transformation, Jim Carrey’s recent changes, and rumors about Pharrell, Gabrielle Union, Keanu Reeves, and Beyoncé never aging.
  • Examples of non-celeb, lookalike situations: Forest Whitaker’s almost-identical brother, the hosts’ own supposed doppelgängers.
    • “Forest Whitaker has a brother who is almost indistinguishable.” – David (26:26)

• Hilarious riff: what would you do if you could swap places with your celebrity lookalike?

  • “What if you just abandon your career and assume his identity?” – Nicole (28:38)
  • The group riffs on the risk of sending stand-ins to red carpet events (ex: Hannibal Buress at Spiderman).

---

4. The Motive Behind Celebrity Cloning

Timestamps: 45:52 – 47:00

• Why would “the powers that be” clone celebrities? Nicole and the crew theorize:
  • Capitalism as the root motive:
    • “I think the point of the clones is to continue to make money.” – Nicole (45:52)
    • Langston and David cite how Prince fought to keep control of his image and work, yet was posthumously commodified.
    • “Let people be dead. Let people go away.” – Nicole (46:56)

---

5. Exploring the Societal & Political Ramifications

Timestamps: 54:48 – 56:46

• Could clones be exploited as workers?

  • Nicole raises the concern clone technology could enable modern slavery.
    • “I see a world where there are clones and they’re little worker bees. Cause they’re not people.” – Nicole (54:48)
    • David points out “slave exists more today” and society justifies it in new ways (55:23)

• Ethics and slippery slopes:

  • Joking anxiety arises about making slave clones black:
    • “If they start cloning people and then the slave clones are still black… that’s who I’m killing, bro.” – Langston (56:16)

---

6. Personal Fears: Would You Want or Expect to Be Cloned?

Timestamps: 54:05 – 54:48

• Humorous humility
  • All agree, “I don’t think I’m that important.” – Nicole (54:05)
  • “Nobody’s ever gonna be like, you know what we really need more of? Whammul and blammul jokes.” – Langston (54:12)

---

7. Hilarious Hypotheticals & Memorable Moments

Timestamps: 57:00 – 63:02

• Who would you want cloned?

  • Bernie Mac, Biggie, Robin Harris, and even Langston’s grandma get nominated for cloning, sparking philosophical questions about identity, memory, and free will.
    • “Would you really want your grandma to be cloned? Because … that’s not your grandma anymore. That’s just a woman who looks like your grandma.” – Nicole (59:19)
    • “What if your grandma came back as a clone and was like, ‘I don’t like you’?” – Nicole (59:58)
    • Jokes about “MAGA Bernie Mac” – Langston (60:48)

• Dangers of improving a clone too much

  • “Part of what made Bernie Mac funny was that that eye could float away at any time… if you start making Bernie Mac with two straight eyes, it's not the real Bernie Mac.” – David (61:34)

---

8. Listener Voicemail: Drunk Couple vs. the Monks

Timestamps: 67:08 – 75:08

• A very drunk couple leaves a voicemail theorizing that monks have journeyed through their city, but instead of bringing peace, have brought “more drama than the Real Housewives of Atlanta.”

  • The hosts and Nicole delight in dissecting the wild logic, marital dynamics, and probable scenario behind the call—complete with loving mockery and a breakdown of drunken couple etiquette.
    • “You ever get drunk with your girl and wanna make prank calls?” – Langston (69:57)
    • “It’s just so funny to be like, monks came over and they didn’t make it more peaceful. What do they think monks do?” – Nicole (71:17)

• The trio affirms the value of partner “drunk time” and shares their own stories.

---

Notable Quotes

• On capitalist motives for cloning:

  • “I think the point of the clones is to continue to make money.” – Nicole Byer (45:52)

• On Avril Lavigne theory:

  • “Melissa was like, sad or like upset about the ruse and was like trying to tell people.” – Nicole Byer (21:53)

• On fashion discomfort:

  • “Fashion at its core is putting on something…that makes me a little bit uncomfortable.” – David Gborie (11:49)

• On ethical cloning:

  • “If they start cloning people and then the slave clones are still Black… that's who I'm killing, bro.” – Langston Kerman (56:16)

• On not fearing personal cloning:

  • “I don’t think I’m that important.” – Nicole Byer (54:05)

• On ‘MAGA Bernie Mac’:

  • “Just cloned MAGA Bernie Mac as a concept is the funniest thing in the world.” – Langston Kerman (62:08)

---

Episode Highlights by Timestamp

• 05:05 – Langston opens up about his “being fresh” struggles.
• 10:48 – Nicole’s advice on finding your “silhouette.”
• 18:08 – Nicole introduces the Avril Lavigne replacement theory.
• 22:06 – On the use of body doubles to distract paparazzi.
• 25:00 – Nicole, David, and Langston compare celeb doppelgängers.
• 45:52 – Discussion on the real purpose of cloning: keep money machines running.
• 54:48 – Nicole's dystopian vision: clones as ethical loopholes for slavery.
• 59:19 – Nicole questions if you’d really want your grandma cloned.
• 67:08 – 75:08 – Extended riff responding to a drunk couple’s voicemail about “problematic monks.”
• 62:08 – Langston riffs on the absurdity of right-wing “MAGA Bernie Mac” as a cloned version.

---

Tone & Style

The conversation is comedic, fast-paced, and irreverent, yet peppered with genuine curiosity and occasional sincere reflection. The hosts and guest expertly blend absurd hypothetical situations with social critique, drawing comedy from both pop culture minutiae and big, existential “what-ifs.”

---

Conclusion

This episode is a quintessential installment of My Momma Told Me, perfectly balancing a deep-dive into a wild Black conspiracy theory (celebrity cloning) with personal anecdotes, pop culture analysis, and long, hilarious tangents. It’s a rollicking ride through the absurd, the plausible, and the thought-provoking, guaranteeing laughter and at least a seed of doubt about who’s really performing on the red carpet … or in your favorite sitcom.

---

Transcript

[Nicole Byer]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying, no judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment

[Rasmussen University / Mint Mobile Advertiser]

of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month. Required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan, taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail] when it comes to advancing your education, you have more options than you think. At Rasmussen University, we find ways to remove barriers, not build them. Like a new laptop if you're eligible and enroll in select online or on campus programs. That means flexible and engaging online courses and resources, tuition savings options if you qualify, exceptional student support and much more online nationally. Or check out their 20 campuses across six states. Start when you're ready and get the support you need. Visit Rasmussen. Edu.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

Liberty Mutual customizes your car and home insurance. And now we're customizing this rush hour ad to keep you calm, which could help your driving. And science says therapy is great for a healthy mindset. So enjoy this 14 second session on us. I think you've done everything right and absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, anything that hasn't gone your way could probably be blamed on your father not being emotionally available because his father wasn't emotionally available and. And so on. And now that you're calm and healing, you're probably driving better too.

[Nicole Byer]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Peace to the planet. Charlamagne Tha God here. And listen, we are back. The Black Effect Podcast Festival is back in Atlanta on April 25th at Pullman Yard. Yeah, and the full lineup is nuts. We got the Grits and Age Podcast, Deontay Kyle and Big Ice Cup Cat. We got Club 520 with Jeff Teague and the gang. Don't call me White Girl. Mona will be there. Keep it positive, sweetie. With Crystal Renee. We got Reality with the King with Carlos King. And yes, drink champs will be in the building.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Plus, you know we going to have a lot of guests, so you need to join us. And we got the Black Effect Marketplace, the picture podcast and everything you expect from the Black Effect Podcast Festival. Tickets are on sale right now. Go get yours@black effect.com podcast festival. Don't play yourself. Okay, pull up.

[Nicole Byer]

I especially love that doctor kid.

[David Burie]

He's the best.

[Nicole Byer]

He. He's doing it.

[David Burie]

Dr. Malachi, love will not be stopped.

[Nicole Byer]

And I love it.

[Langston Kerman]

He's habitual.

[Nicole Byer]

He's so funny.

[David Burie]

Yeah. He reminds us. And each person here holds a special value, but he reminds us of the importance of persistence.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[David Burie]

Of fighting for what you believe in.

[Nicole Byer]

Do you know about the nurse in Florida?

[David Burie]

No. Tell us more.

[Nicole Byer]

She pretended to be a nurse for 10 years. And the only reason why she got caught is because she got a promotion and they found out she faked her registration or her nurse's license or whatever. Yeah. But then they fired her. But I was like, but no complaints. She went above and beyond facts.

[Langston Kerman]

She got a promotion.

[Nicole Byer]

Let her be a nurse.

[Langston Kerman]

Facts.

[Nicole Byer]

She's better than some nurses.

[Langston Kerman]

I think maybe street smarts is as good as book smarts. That's what I've been saying.

[David Burie]

You've already acknowledged that she is.

[Nicole Byer]

That she did a good job.

[David Burie]

She's the best in your department. Certainly you promoted her to the head of it.

[Nicole Byer]

There was also a pilot who I think was flying for 10 years. No license.

[David Burie]

That's.

[Nicole Byer]

And I don't remember how they figured that out.

[David Burie]

I bet he did a flip.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. He's a little tumble. He's a little tumble. Oopsie daisy. He landed it upside down.

[David Burie]

I bet he tried to do some cool shit and was feeling a little high, you know, feeling high on the.

[Langston Kerman]

He said, I'm whipping this bitch.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm going crazy up here. Niggas can't catch me.

[Rasmussen University / Mint Mobile Advertiser]

And then.

[Langston Kerman]

And then. That's how you get caught.

[Nicole Byer]

And then.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, I can see that. I can see that. That would happen to me.

[David Burie]

He's like, I bet we could get to New York in about three and a half.

[Langston Kerman]

Hey, we push this thing.

[David Burie]

Sarah good.

[Langston Kerman]

To Dallas by noon. Sarah, don't get to Dallas fight. Because we've been growing bab microchips in your anus. All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money. Marshy's invented dirty stuff. Y' all can't tell me nothing. It was a stormy night. You know, the kind where a lightning strikes. And I was hanging out with some of my artsy friends. Ooey. Oo. Welcome, little mamas and gentiles alike, to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told

[David Burie]

Me the podcast where we. We dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theory and we work to prove nothing.

[Langston Kerman]

You will not learn anything from us. We have nothing for you.

[David Burie]

Honestly. We checked recently and no one has gained anything from this experience.

[Langston Kerman]

In fact, a lot of people actively losing.

[David Burie]

We are hoping to do A census survey this year just to see if anybody accidentally bumps into a learning moment from this podcast. And I cannot imagine that will be true.

[Langston Kerman]

And we'd rather you did it. Yeah. I have something I'd like to bring up.

[David Burie]

Yes, please.

[Langston Kerman]

Right, Everybody's here. It's not a conspiracy. It's just something that I've been thinking about a lot lately. I think as a 38 year old black man, I have to acknowledge this. And it's been difficult, but I think it's real. And I think these are. You are two good people to bring it up. I struggle with the day to day in and out mechanics of being fresh. And that's tough for me.

[David Burie]

Like dressing. Well, getting dressed up.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Burie]

Is hard for you.

[Langston Kerman]

I've had three things recently that have told me this is a problem you need to confront.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Three different things in the past, like, probably two weeks.

[David Burie]

And do you think that that is rooted in some. Something in you or, like, what's happening? That's.

[Langston Kerman]

I think it's just a skill I never acquired in a real way. And I think that when you're a kid, like a teen tween, you just dress like Lloyd Banks and you'll be fine.

[David Burie]

That's true.

[Nicole Byer]

Sure.

[Langston Kerman]

But then, as you become a man now, they're not even making three XLG units anywhere.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[David Burie]

We don't know how to store a store.

[Nicole Byer]

But can I ask, how much time are you giving yourself to get dressed today? Just in general, like, in a rough

[Langston Kerman]

estimate, if, like, if me and my wife are going on a date, I'm planning it all day and I'm still blowing it. I'm, like, thinking about it and, like, thinking about combinations and things. The problem is I just don't know what. I buy a lot of stuff that doesn't work. And then I feel like I gotta do. Cause. Can I tell you the things that happen?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

First thing, I was in New Orleans. I thought it would be funny to wear a short set as a joke. I was like, oh, look at me. I'm such a zany comedian.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

And then Langston was like, I think this actually might be the look for you. But then I got.

[David Burie]

He looked really handsome.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm sure you did.

[Langston Kerman]

But then I got scared because I was like, no, this is a lark. I don't know what I'm doing here.

[Nicole Byer]

So you don't wanna be looked at?

[Langston Kerman]

Not always. And then the second thing that happened, my brother kind of hoed me out fashion wise. I was in San Francisco. I did a show I called my brother, who also lives in San Francisco. He says, I can't hang out with you right now. I'm in a fashion show.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay, okay.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's meet up after the fashion show. We meet up after his fashion show. He showed up, and this nigga looked like Esmeralda from the Hunchback of Notre Dame. In a cool way. He looked like he was in the past and the future at the same fucking time.

[Nicole Byer]

And this is.

[Langston Kerman]

We have the same family.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And I'm wearing a hoodie. He has a scarf. He looked like Sam Kinison. It was fucked. And then the third thing, I was in the gym, feeling good about my body, but dressed dumb because I got all these bigger shirts. And then I tuck them in.

[Nicole Byer]

So then it makes me tuck them in at the gym.

[Langston Kerman]

I know, man. It just. I need to.

[David Burie]

The gym's a complicated place.

[Langston Kerman]

I need to move back.

[David Burie]

A lot of people tuck in in ways that you wouldn't expect.

[Langston Kerman]

I need to move better, right? So I'm tucked in, and then I think I might look like a little boy. I'm tucked in. My beard is shaved. I go up to try to. Nicky, this is. You know how hard it is? No, this. Cause I'm trying to come open.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm listening. I'm here for you.

[David Burie]

I'm here.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm trying to understand this. Thank you. Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm tucked in. So I look crazy. But I'm feeling good about my body. Cause I'm pushing weight that day. And I go to try to work in with this kid. Child boy, 17 at most. And I try to work in with it. Skinny kid, too. Not even a buff kid. I'm just like. I got. I want to hit triceps, too. I want to get out of here. I asked to work out with him. I go in. My tendonitis is flaring up my tennis elbow. I can't do it. I'm like, oh, man.

[David Burie]

Ow.

[Langston Kerman]

I can't do it. I tell him I'm just going to go. I can't even do it. He starts talking to me as if we're peers, as if I'm a. Another boy. He's like, oh, well, what are you doing? Maybe you should try the ropes. And I'm like, does this Nigga think I'm 18? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I look and I look like a little boy. I'm scared like a little boy.

[Nicole Byer]

You look young.

[Langston Kerman]

That's what was happening. He said, I see a novice just like myself. He said, I'm weak in this environment. And I'm trying to make the next weakest friend.

[David Burie]

He said, this little boy needs a

[Langston Kerman]

mentor so we could have a weak man alliance.

[Nicole Byer]

A weak man alliance. I wanted to take over LA Fitness.

[Langston Kerman]

How'd you know? How'd you know? How'd you know what gym it was?

[Nicole Byer]

Why don't you buy gym clothes? Like, why don't you buy, like, clothes?

[Langston Kerman]

I have gym bottoms. I'm yelling. He, that's not fair.

[David Burie]

He's lost a lot of weight recently.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Langston Kerman]

Over. Over a year, though. Not like that recently.

[David Burie]

And has. Yeah, but that's refused recently, as they refused to.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't like, I don't like how this is coming out.

[David Burie]

He is not actively updating his wardrobe. He sort of is waiting for checkpoints.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm trying, I'm trying. I just got these shorts. They're great.

[David Burie]

You look handsome.

[Langston Kerman]

Give us some money.

[Nicole Byer]

Give me some money. Old Navy pays you to take their clothes.

[Langston Kerman]

But I do think, well, I need my $12 back.

[Nicole Byer]

I think. Cause I've also lost weight. And you hit a point where you're like, I don't know what size I am. I don't know what looks good on me.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't even know what to do.

[Nicole Byer]

Should I buy new stuff? What if I gain it back? So I think you gotta just treat yourself. Go shopping, try on a bunch of shit and figure out what silhouettes look good on you.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't even know what you mean by that. I almost signed up for Thread Beast this morning.

[Nicole Byer]

For what?

[Langston Kerman]

For money?

[David Burie]

Yeah, don't do that.

[Langston Kerman]

I, that's. I, I, I didn't pull the trigger of what I got to.

[Nicole Byer]

What's Thread Beast?

[Langston Kerman]

They're like, hey, do you look stupid? We'll send you a box of shit every month.

[David Burie]

Yeah. They're like, we'll pick your outfit for you.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, no, don't do that.

[Langston Kerman]

No, I didn't, I didn't. I got, I got clo. And it's also because my wife looks great, but she is too nice. So she's always just like, I just want you to feel comfortable with yourself. And whatever makes you feel com. Like we'll be going somewhere. I'm like, does this look cool? And she's like, I just want you to feel comfortable. And I'm like, no, bitch, you're gonna have me out here.

[David Burie]

And that's why I think.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't mean bitch. I was just very anxious now with you.

[Nicole Byer]

I know.

[David Burie]

No, we know what you meant.

[Langston Kerman]

Don't do that. Don't do that.

[David Burie]

We all Get Dale.

[Langston Kerman]

He's mad because he can't drive the X4. You remember that?

[David Burie]

But I do think ultimately part of what I saw in you in New Orleans was you exploring outside of your comfort zone in a way that is important for fashion. I think fashion at its core is putting on something that you're like, well, this actually makes me a little bit uncomfortable. And I'm going to challenge myself to make that silhouette or that feeling, that texture, whatever the fuck it is, feel natural in a way that I didn't feel before. That is what trends.

[Langston Kerman]

That's scary. That sounds scary.

[David Burie]

Yeah, it sucks. It's a God coming down and being like, this year, mesh is in. And then you just gotta be like, mesh on.

[Nicole Byer]

All right, how do I figure out mesh?

[David Burie]

Fuck, I wear mesh.

[Langston Kerman]

Now you guys know who you're talking to. Mesh is not the hard thing.

[David Burie]

Yeah, but the way you wear mesh and the way they mean it ain't the same thing. And that's the.

[Langston Kerman]

See, I know that you're helping. That hurt. It hurt the way he said that.

[Nicole Byer]

You don't have to follow trends. You can find like, classic pieces that you like.

[Langston Kerman]

Polo, Ralph Lauren, shout out to what they've done. Give me some money for the big guy community. If you're a fat guy and you got some polo.

[David Burie]

They really did.

[Langston Kerman]

They helped us out a lot.

[David Burie]

For a high end brand, they really stayed loyal by keeping that 3xL.

[Nicole Byer]

A lot of men's brands go up to a 3, 4xL. Women, though, Gucci goes up to a 4xL or 3xL or something like that.

[David Burie]

That feels like a recent, I just bought a car.

[Langston Kerman]

I can't also get some Gucci.

[Nicole Byer]

That's okay. All right.

[Langston Kerman]

Not until we get acquired by whoever we need to get acquired by.

[David Burie]

Yeah, not until that chip gets in me.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

You also could go on Pinterest and look at things that you like and pin them and then go find outfits that look like that. But that's a lot of work.

[Langston Kerman]

In the same way that I would go to get like a fruit punch recipe. A punch recipe?

[Nicole Byer]

Mm, sure. Yeah. If that's what you're looking. You're looking for fruit punch recipes.

[Langston Kerman]

Punch. Punch it. Punch.

[Nicole Byer]

How often are you making fruit punch?

[Langston Kerman]

I fantasize a lot more than I go and practice.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, summer's coming. I think you can make some punch.

[Langston Kerman]

No, it's so.

[David Burie]

I think you can make a lot of calories in a short set.

[Nicole Byer]

You could make it less calorie dense.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh. Like maybe have like a zero soda base.

[David Burie]

Hey, don't run from this.

[Langston Kerman]

Do they have a sugar free shirt?

[David Burie]

Don't run from this. You can put on a short set. Well, you could look beautiful.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, you could bring the fruit punch in your short set.

[Langston Kerman]

I wanted to wear the short set today. I was looking at it.

[Nicole Byer]

Why didn't you?

[David Burie]

Blew me out.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, he already saw me in it.

[David Burie]

It's not a great day for a short set.

[Langston Kerman]

It's not a great. I'm wearing shorts. Don't please.

[David Burie]

You like what you see?

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, I'm so horny.

[David Burie]

Just know there's more of that where that comes from.

[Langston Kerman]

That's the one thing. There's enough of his shorts. There's more shorts.

[Nicole Byer]

Do you wear jeans?

[Langston Kerman]

Rarely. And if I do, it's just 501s. And that's only because I thought. I think. I really thought I liked how Doughboy looked. Mm. I always was like. I always wanted a uniform. I always was like, if I could just find four things that are going,

[Nicole Byer]

so why don't you do that?

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, I guess I could. I gotta get some more jeans.

[Nicole Byer]

Cause I got a little uniform. When I travel, I wear a little striped shirt and jeans. And then when I do shows, just

[David Burie]

on stage, for the most part. Yeah, Yeah. I desperately want an on stage uniform.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

It's just easy. Cause, like, when I travel, I go, all right, I got three shows, so let's throw three striped shirts in there and three pairs of jeans and I'm good to go.

[David Burie]

But I want my uniform to be cool enough. And that's the hard part about it, is, like, you can either make it so plain that, like, it's indistinguishable, or you make it so cool that it becomes a little bit of, like, D Ray putting that blue vest on. You know what I mean? I don't want that.

[Nicole Byer]

No, that's not.

[David Burie]

I need something that just. You barely even notice it. But that motherfucker wear them same clothes every time.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I'm okay with that. I've always thought, I love a Doug funny, man.

[David Burie]

I would love a Doug funny.

[Nicole Byer]

A Doug funny.

[Langston Kerman]

It would be so cool. Literally, a Doug funny.

[David Burie]

Our guest today is no Doug funny. She is.

[Langston Kerman]

She's funny.

[David Burie]

She's funny.

[Nicole Byer]

Wow.

[Langston Kerman]

He's no Dougie.

[Nicole Byer]

She's like. So I'm not funny.

[David Burie]

Is Doug the funniest part of Doug?

[Nicole Byer]

I don't.

[Langston Kerman]

No, he's the least funny.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't think he's.

[David Burie]

You never watched Doug?

[Nicole Byer]

I didn't grow up with cable. Did he come on cable.

[Langston Kerman]

Wow.

[David Burie]

No, he was abc. He was Saturday Morning.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, he was on One Big Saturday Morning, but he started on Nickelodeon.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, okay. So maybe I saw it later. I also was not up early enough to watch Saturday morning cartoons.

[Langston Kerman]

Wow. You were a cool kid.

[Nicole Byer]

I love sleeping. I would sleep till noon as a kid.

[Langston Kerman]

Damn, that's amazing.

[David Burie]

Good for you.

[Langston Kerman]

That's new. I never even thought about either good

[David Burie]

for you or you got Lyme disease, but one of the other.

[Nicole Byer]

I hope I don't have Lyme disease.

[David Burie]

Go ahead, press the button.

[Nicole Byer]

Press it.

[David Burie]

We all are waiting.

[Nicole Byer]

No, no, no. I'm waiting.

[David Burie]

We want it to happen.

[Nicole Byer]

It's gonna be really good.

[Langston Kerman]

It's not gonna be good.

[Nicole Byer]

Hold on. I'd rather check myself before I wreck myself.

[Langston Kerman]

Woo.

[Nicole Byer]

Woo.

[David Burie]

Nicole Byer is here, y'.

[Noah Kahan]

All.

[Langston Kerman]

She's so funny.

[David Burie]

She's great. We're excited that she's here.

[Nicole Byer]

Thank you for having me. What a treat.

[Langston Kerman]

Thank you for coming. This is a good time.

[David Burie]

This is gonna be a great time. You came to us with a conspiracy.

[Nicole Byer]

You held your face and said, this is gonna be a great time. Really telegraph at something else.

[Langston Kerman]

Can I say I think that that is the truest expression of Langston.

[David Burie]

I think I'm over here with it a lot.

[Langston Kerman]

And I think he's saying, this is gonna be a great time. But I think that's exactly who I'm making.

[David Burie]

I'm containing myself.

[Langston Kerman]

That's who he is.

[David Burie]

I have to physically do it.

[Nicole Byer]

All right, then I misread it. I'm illiterate.

[David Burie]

Nicole, you came to us with a conspiracy theory that we have certainly talked about on this podcast, but not specifically in the way that you're talking about it. But you said.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[David Burie]

My mama told me celebrities are being cloned.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. Avril Lavigne was replaced, I believe, in 2015 by a woman named Melissa.

[Langston Kerman]

Wait, you know her name?

[Nicole Byer]

Avril Lavigne.

[Langston Kerman]

No, Melissa.

[David Burie]

Wait, you know the girl who made Skater Boy's name?

[Nicole Byer]

I think it's Melissa. I actually might be wrong about that.

[David Burie]

I'm excited either way, but apparently because there's no last name either way.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, yeah, No, I do think she has a last name, but I can't remember it.

[David Burie]

Yeah, I'm gonna look at it.

[Langston Kerman]

Can I say, first of all, so you don't think this is a clone situation? You think this is just replaced by a different person?

[Nicole Byer]

Well, the theory is that Avril Lavigne killed herself in, like, 2015, and then a woman named Melissa became friends with her before that happened. And then Avril taught her how to perform like her. That. I don't know. I don't know why she did that.

[David Burie]

Melissa Vandella.

[Nicole Byer]

There we go. Melissa Vandella replaced Avril Lavigne, referred to

[David Burie]

as a body double.

[Nicole Byer]

And that's who we're seeing now, because Avril Lavigne's gone.

[Langston Kerman]

So who knows? Avril is dead in this scenario. Avril, Avril, Avril, Avril.

[David Burie]

Yeah, we've been saying it. Avril the whole time. Just keep riding on that one, okay?

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[David Burie]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

It's Canadian. I don't know what they do up there.

[David Burie]

I like that you were like, avril. Well, real quick, last minute. Avrah.

[Langston Kerman]

Well. Cause sometimes. You know what I mean? You've been saying it juicy for a long time. And it's Jussie.

[David Burie]

That's fair. That's fair.

[Nicole Byer]

You've been saying juicy, have you not?

[David Burie]

Smollett.

[Nicole Byer]

I know. Oh, I know.

[David Burie]

Say it both ways.

[Langston Kerman]

Smollett. Do you, like, smell Juicy?

[Nicole Byer]

Smollett. Jussie Smollett. Ooh, Juicy Smollett.

[David Burie]

It's nice, right?

[Nicole Byer]

He's funny.

[David Burie]

Yeah, he is funny.

[Nicole Byer]

He's real funny.

[David Burie]

We keep trying to get him here and he keeps saying, no, thank you, but.

[Nicole Byer]

But why? It's not like he's working.

[David Burie]

That's not for us to decide.

[Nicole Byer]

He kind of fucked that one up.

[David Burie]

And, Nicole, you're not gonna burn this bridge.

[Langston Kerman]

Why?

[David Burie]

He means too much to us.

[Langston Kerman]

Who hasn't been tricked by some buff Nigerian dudes?

[David Burie]

Yeah, we think you're the victim of the buff Nigerian dudes.

[Nicole Byer]

The whole thing is so wild, and I love it.

[Langston Kerman]

It's the craziest shit to do.

[Nicole Byer]

And then he's got siblings just out there having to live normal lives and be like, yeah, my brother didn't do something crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, imagine your bro. Whatever. Anyway, Melissa is now Avril.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay. Yeah, that is. And then. And everybody in her life is just on board with it.

[Nicole Byer]

I assume so.

[Langston Kerman]

Or is it, like, the type of thing where she's just so good at it, not many people know. Well, isn't this what the talented Mr. Ripley was about?

[David Burie]

Um, yeah, sort of. He was replacing people, per se, but it was more he was spending time with them, studying them, and then.

[Nicole Byer]

And then, like, becoming part of their lives.

[David Burie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Matt Damon then kills Jude Law. Yeah, but then doesn't, like, assume Jude Law's life. I think he. Wait, I don't remember.

[David Burie]

He does.

[Langston Kerman]

He tells that girl that he's Jude Law, and then they're on the Boat. Oh.

[David Burie]

And you're led to believe that he has never been. We don't know who this guy has

[Nicole Byer]

been the whole time.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think so. They'll tell us in the comments.

[David Burie]

Melissa Vandella apparently was born in 2003. They're saying is when we first become aware of her. And it is during a video shoot under My Skin, 2004. That during the photo shoot in which you can see the name Melissa written on Avril Lavigne's hand, that that is like part of the evidence they're using that this person was cloned. I think if I'm remembering correctly, it came from her being.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Melissa was like, sad or like upset about the ruse and was like trying to tell people.

[David Burie]

Well, she was. She was the hired to distract paparazzi.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh.

[David Burie]

She was a body double for Avril Lavigne. She would go over there. TMZ would be like, avril, Avril. And she'd run. And then Avril could have a normal afternoon.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh.

[David Burie]

Because this girl looked so much like her.

[Langston Kerman]

Just doing Avril stuff.

[David Burie]

Just doing Avril stuff.

[Nicole Byer]

Skating, skating.

[Langston Kerman]

Making stuff complicated.

[David Burie]

Playing guitar, but like moving your hand real far from it.

[Nicole Byer]

Wearing a tie, watching it out.

[Langston Kerman]

You're like washing.

[David Burie]

You know she don't mean business. You know she don't mean business. She putting that tie on, but she

[Nicole Byer]

don't mean no business.

[David Burie]

She is here to disrupt this workplace. She is getting written.

[Langston Kerman]

Having a tie with wristbands is diabolical.

[David Burie]

It's crazy work.

[Nicole Byer]

It's a look. She also likes shorts.

[David Burie]

She did like shorts.

[Nicole Byer]

Don't.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm not the same as Abril. I don't have any wristbands anymore.

[Nicole Byer]

Anymore.

[Langston Kerman]

We all had them during the Little John era.

[David Burie]

You never had wristbands?

[Nicole Byer]

No.

[Langston Kerman]

We all. But every black man, I think, has had wristbands at some point.

[David Burie]

There was a point, I would say in the late 90s, early 2000s, where if you didn't have wristbands, you didn't know how to dress.

[Langston Kerman]

That's what was happening. Ali was on the Kawasaki. Two headbands.

[David Burie]

Yeah. Remember that? I used to put wristbands on my. On my shins.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Like Michael Jordan.

[David Burie]

Yeah, like. And I was like, man, that's. I'm fly today.

[Langston Kerman]

I tried one time at the Aurora Mall, they would sell packs of wristbands and I bought two of the packs. I tried to do a two in one situation.

[Nicole Byer]

Uh huh. How'd that go?

[Langston Kerman]

Ah, it makes your wrist so hot.

[David Burie]

Yeah, yeah. No, it fat. And again, fashion comes with discomfort.

[Langston Kerman]

I was thinking about. Okay, I was thinking about that too. About when you're heavier, it's easier to base your idea of fashion on comfort because nothing fits you. Yeah. And then you start to lose weight and you're like, man, I think I might gotta just get some hard sold shoes.

[David Burie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Everybody's wearing loafers now.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I bought some loafers because Will Miles said they were cool.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Have you worn them?

[Langston Kerman]

No. Oh, no, no.

[David Burie]

And that is where the decision.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm going to. I'm going to.

[David Burie]

And all it's going to take is a few moments of being uncomfortable, and then suddenly you're like, nah, I fuck with loafers.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm just a loafers guy.

[David Burie]

I'm a loafers guy.

[Nicole Byer]

Also, you can get shit tailored. Like if you have a pair of jeans. No, if you have a pair of jeans. Yeah, get them loafers tailored.

[David Burie]

Little Italian man pulling on your shoes.

[Nicole Byer]

No, he's little, teeny, teeny, tiny. No, he's so small.

[Langston Kerman]

He's so small.

[David Burie]

He works on your shoes. He's small.

[Nicole Byer]

He's gotta get in the shoe.

[Langston Kerman]

His name is.

[Nicole Byer]

If you have jeans that you like that are slightly too big. Okay, I'm altered.

[David Burie]

Yeah. So you believe Melissa, I.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay, this is where it gets good.

[Nicole Byer]

So there is something different about Avril Lavigne.

[David Burie]

She definitely looks different. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know if it's like she aged or maybe she. I don't know. You know, the whole Epstein of it all, where all that shit was, like, true and shit, Right? Like, maybe these conspiracy theories are true.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. How'd Gucci mane get so buff?

[David Burie]

Another great question.

[Nicole Byer]

How did you think he's got a clone?

[Langston Kerman]

That's what. That's a. That's a thing. I didn't make that up.

[Nicole Byer]

Maybe. And then Jim Carrey recently, he looked all different. Maybe he's got a clone.

[David Burie]

This is the. The replacement, obviously, and this is the original. They do look a lot alike.

[Nicole Byer]

They look a lot alike.

[Langston Kerman]

That's the same person to me.

[David Burie]

There's no difference for you.

[Nicole Byer]

No, I think the mouth is a little different.

[Langston Kerman]

Maybe she got some tooth work, but

[Nicole Byer]

I feel like the gums. Like, the. Like, one mouth is bigger than the other.

[Langston Kerman]

She doesn't have a happy smile.

[Nicole Byer]

It's a grimace.

[Noah Kahan]

Yeah.

[David Burie]

She looks upset. It looks like.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's exactly it.

[David Burie]

It looks like when your mom yells at you and then sends you out to finish doing what she asked you

[Langston Kerman]

to do, and then you're like, why my mom have to make things so complicated. I've been trying to get that off for, like, 10 minutes.

[Nicole Byer]

I liked it. It was good.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I tried to jump it in before and I couldn't quite get it.

[Nicole Byer]

No, that was good. I liked it.

[Langston Kerman]

It's the only other lyric I got strained.

[David Burie]

I do think, to me, it looks a lot like the same person. But what this also reminds me of is how many of the same person sort of exist in the world already. Like, we talk about this all the time. Fucking. What's his name with the bad eye? Forest Whitaker. Forest Whitaker has a brother who is almost indistinguishable.

[Nicole Byer]

Wait, really?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Burie]

Forest Whitaker, he got a whole brother. Tree Whitaker.

[Langston Kerman]

Jungle Whitaker.

[Nicole Byer]

Woods Whitaker. I didn't know he had a brother.

[David Burie]

Yeah, he's got two brothers. But one of them, they all look a lot alike. But one of them is, like, insane how much they look alike type shit, look at that. That's Forest. And then that's Forest.

[Nicole Byer]

Damn, they do look just alike.

[Langston Kerman]

Damn.

[Nicole Byer]

That is one's just a little smaller.

[David Burie]

Yeah. And so he's apparently been in projects. And you sitting there like, that's Forest Whitaker. And it's just him. It's just his boy.

[Langston Kerman]

That ain't him.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

You know what I mean?

[Nicole Byer]

Wow.

[David Burie]

And I don't know, maybe Avril just has a doppelganger. Maybe that can exist.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. There's a lot of people who look like a lot of people, bro.

[David Burie]

I look like Jussie. I see pictures, I go, damn, I like this motherfucker.

[Nicole Byer]

Don't think so.

[Langston Kerman]

We're going down a complicated road right now. Because I'm trying.

[David Burie]

I think if I start crying,

[Nicole Byer]

I'm a picture of him. Pull up a picture of Juicy.

[David Burie]

I think if I start crying in

[Nicole Byer]

this Let me see Juicy studio. Because I'm, like, seeing it, but also not seeing it.

[Langston Kerman]

Look at the crow face.

[David Burie]

Yeah, No, I think there's. I think it's close. I think there's a few pictures where you go like, oh, wow.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, right?

[David Burie]

Here I go. That's kind of my face. It sucks.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[David Burie]

I'm not happy about that. That one in particular really stands out to. There's an argument to be made. And my point is, what if you

[Nicole Byer]

just abandon your career and assume his identity?

[David Burie]

I would do it in a second.

[Langston Kerman]

You have no idea how bad I

[David Burie]

want to Serpico into this man's life.

[Langston Kerman]

He's the new Juicy.

[David Burie]

Juicy's back and he's different.

[Langston Kerman]

I found you Miss New Jersey, a little different.

[Nicole Byer]

That's so you really. Y' all really do look alike. That's wild.

[David Burie]

Yeah, I think.

[Langston Kerman]

Now pull up Wesley.

[David Burie]

Wesley.

[Langston Kerman]

Do me. Do me before taxes.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Wesley's Knives.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay. Pull it up.

[Langston Kerman]

No, no, no. It wasn't as good of an idea as I thought when you called it.

[David Burie]

No, actually, once you want to look at the pictures, it sucks. I don't want to do that at all.

[Langston Kerman]

Idris is from the same country.

[David Burie]

Yeah. You guys do kind of look alike.

[Langston Kerman]

I've always said that.

[David Burie]

Yeah. I could see how you and Idris share qualities.

[Langston Kerman]

Head shape, similar.

[David Burie]

Bad rapping. Similar.

[Nicole Byer]

Don't do that to me. Is Giselle, but raps.

[Langston Kerman]

Mm. He does.

[David Burie]

He has a very full career as a rapper and a dj.

[Nicole Byer]

I knew he was a dj. I didn't realize he was a rapper.

[David Burie]

It started as rap and then transitioned into dj when the rap didn't really. When it wasn't hitting, it didn't take off the way that we thought it

[Langston Kerman]

would, which is okay.

[Nicole Byer]

That's fun.

[David Burie]

It was post wired. He could do anything he wanted, and he did.

[Langston Kerman]

Dj. DJ does seem like a fun job. Like, if you get famous just to go be a dj, I completely get that. It's a job you don't actually have to be good at for people to be excited that you're there.

[Nicole Byer]

But if you're good, that's good.

[Langston Kerman]

If you're even kind of good.

[Nicole Byer]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

Is Shaq good at it? I don't know. He seems to do it.

[Nicole Byer]

Shaq is also a dj.

[David Burie]

Shaq Beezle DJ is dj. Shaq Diesel is. Or DJ Diesel.

[Nicole Byer]

Does he bring his own table?

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

He has to have him custom built.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, he's too big like a normal table.

[Langston Kerman]

He's too big for music.

[Nicole Byer]

He's too big to hit. Play you standing up. It's all the way down there.

[David Burie]

He just presses all the buttons at once.

[Langston Kerman]

His finger is the size of a regular DJ's fist.

[David Burie]

Yeah. Shaq actually is represented separately by agents by his agency as a DJ and as a, like, personality.

[Nicole Byer]

Wow.

[David Burie]

He tours separately as a dj.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm learning so much.

[David Burie]

He's also a police officer.

[Nicole Byer]

No.

[Langston Kerman]

That maybe don't. Don't look into that. What do you mean, don't look into that?

[David Burie]

He literally, when he retired from the NBA, went down to, I think, Louisiana, and was like, I want to become an official police officer and went through the shit and got fucking sworn in as a cop in Louisiana.

[Langston Kerman]

Do you know how fast you were going, ma'?

[David Burie]

Am?

[Nicole Byer]

That's wild. He'd have to get a custom police Car. He don't fit nowhere.

[David Burie]

Yeah, it sucks.

[Langston Kerman]

I think they got him, like, a Dodge Ram or something.

[Nicole Byer]

This is wild. I'm learning so much.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

No, you can become a cop, too. I guess that's the thing.

[Nicole Byer]

I could just become a cop.

[David Burie]

I don't want you to, but, yeah,

[Nicole Byer]

I don't want to.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, you'd be fun.

[Nicole Byer]

What if I just changed it from the inside out? What if I infiltrate the police and I'm like, guys, let's, like, not kill black people anymore.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what's crazy? I don't think that's what Jacques was doing. Shoot. Shoot, shoot.

[Nicole Byer]

Shoot him.

[Langston Kerman]

Shoot. Put him down like a dog. Oh, my God.

[David Burie]

He was talking back to you.

[Langston Kerman]

You gotta kill him. He loves Kobe over Diesel. All right, that was too far.

[David Burie]

You did take it too far, and

[Nicole Byer]

I didn't mind it.

[Langston Kerman]

Thank you.

[Nicole Byer]

Have you had his gummy snacks?

[David Burie]

No.

[Langston Kerman]

I've had a lot of his products.

[Nicole Byer]

They're not good.

[David Burie]

I refuse to put Shaq in your body. I think so. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And we've talked about this before. He's worried about Shaq dominating him physically. Oh, yeah.

[David Burie]

I don't. I think he's an untrustworthy character, for sure.

[Nicole Byer]

I get that. He's too big.

[David Burie]

And I think he's the new Papa John. I think in that way, we should not be consuming products made by a man who literally never set out to make products. I think at some point, we as humans have to draw a line and go, he didn't want to do that. Somehow he is now doing it.

[Nicole Byer]

That's how I feel about Mr. Beast. One, I don't know who he is. Two, now he's got food for me to eat. He's got food for me. I don't know him. And his name is Mr. Beast. Do you want me to eat your food?

[David Burie]

And have you seen him? He doesn't look like a mister or a beast.

[Nicole Byer]

No, he looks Mr. Sleepy.

[Langston Kerman]

Talk about a white dude who looks like 10 other white dudes. Yeah, I can't place him.

[Nicole Byer]

Me either.

[Langston Kerman]

Pretty sure I had him in calculus.

[David Burie]

He was student and teacher for me.

[Nicole Byer]

Really, truly. He could.

[David Burie]

At some point in my life, he was a student and a teacher.

[Langston Kerman]

I didn't take calculus.

[David Burie]

Yeah, and we're gonna get you that class. We're gonna get you registered. You're gonna.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm not a numbers guy. I'm an English social studies guy.

[Nicole Byer]

But you gotta take calculus, brother.

[David Burie]

You're gonna pass, and you gotta do it.

[Langston Kerman]

I think I quite frankly proved I don't no.

[Nicole Byer]

You do this far, you gotta.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm a licensed driver in the state of California.

[David Burie]

How often are you using calculates calculus in your life?

[Nicole Byer]

Never.

[David Burie]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

That's what I'm saying.

[Nicole Byer]

Never.

[David Burie]

It's never come up.

[Nicole Byer]

Mm, no. The only thing I use is like percents. To do the tip at a restaurant.

[David Burie]

Right.

[Nicole Byer]

Or to figure out how good of a deal this is.

[Langston Kerman]

That's just. You just run it over and double it up. You don't even have to. I'm not technically doing percents. No, no, Yeah, I run it in double.

[David Burie]

No, yeah, we heard you.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I just want you guys to

[Nicole Byer]

know we heard you.

[Langston Kerman]

I just lied. If you guys weren't up on that trick. Yeah, some people are doing it with calculators. I just.

[Nicole Byer]

It is funny to watch someone do it with a calculator. It's like move the decimal point.

[Langston Kerman]

It bums me out.

[Nicole Byer]

Double it. It's easy breezy.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Burie]

I'm happy to say that I've reached this evolution. I was formerly a calculator person and.

[Langston Kerman]

I see. So you made me say it crazy like I was being crazy. No, it was just how we've been flipping and doubling since the 90s, brother.

[David Burie]

It was just how much you were trying to prove that you could do

[Langston Kerman]

the math, say the term. Say flip it and double it. Say it. I.

[David Burie]

But will you run it over and double it?

[Langston Kerman]

Flip it and double it.

[David Burie]

I don't want to say that. Because that's.

[Langston Kerman]

Why not.

[Nicole Byer]

What are you flipping?

[David Burie]

Correct. What are you flipping?

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, flip it over.

[Nicole Byer]

Flip it over. So in your mind, walking on over

[David Burie]

the decimal point is doing a little loopty loos twirl into this new spot. Fancy. Nicole, before we take a break, I have to ask if you believe that this is real, or at least there's some possibility of this being real. Does that leave you disheartened? Do you think that that's a bad thing that Alvin Levine feels?

[Nicole Byer]

Do I think this is real? No.

[David Burie]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't. But also, it could be.

[David Burie]

Sure.

[Langston Kerman]

There we go.

[Nicole Byer]

You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know, weirder shit has happened. You tell me it's actually real and there's real proof. Okay.

[David Burie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Do I find it disheartening? No. It's pretty cool that she's just as talented.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You could almost argue that maybe Avril wasn't that talented, that they could just watch somebody else.

[David Burie]

Yeah. You know, maybe this wasn't a once in a lifetime talent.

[Nicole Byer]

It's at least twice Twice in a lifetime talent.

[Langston Kerman]

Which is what I thought when I initially saw Skater Boy. I said. I said they could do it again.

[Nicole Byer]

Could do this.

[Langston Kerman]

They could do it again.

[David Burie]

You know a girl from my high school who might be able to pull this off?

[Langston Kerman]

I know 7 off rip.

[David Burie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

But I do like that it. I think it's Hannibal Buress. He. For a premiere or something. Sent another man down the carpet.

[David Burie]

That was very cool.

[Nicole Byer]

And that's very like. That's funny.

[Langston Kerman]

See, that's crazier to me. Cause there's not another one of that guy. No.

[David Burie]

And he didn't.

[Nicole Byer]

He didn't look like him.

[David Burie]

He didn't try to find another guy. He just was like, hey, man, would you like to go to the premiere of a movie?

[Nicole Byer]

I think it was Spider Man.

[David Burie]

It was like a starring vehicle.

[Nicole Byer]

It was something big.

[Langston Kerman]

Was it tagged?

[David Burie]

It might have been tagged.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, maybe it was tag.

[Langston Kerman]

That's so funny.

[Nicole Byer]

What's tag?

[Langston Kerman]

It was this movie about tag.

[Nicole Byer]

He loved that. I was like, maybe it was tag. What is it?

[Langston Kerman]

It was a movie about tag.

[Nicole Byer]

I saw it about the game tag.

[Langston Kerman]

It was like these friends who had had a game of tag their entire lives.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh. Oh, I think I remember this.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

It was for Spider Man.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, Spider Man.

[David Burie]

Thank you.

[Nicole Byer]

Shout out to which one? Which Spider Man?

[Langston Kerman]

Black one.

[David Burie]

Probably the first one. Yeah, yeah, I believe the first one.

[Nicole Byer]

This looks like 2017. Ah, the one with Tobey Maguire.

[David Burie]

The first one with into the Spider verse.

[Nicole Byer]

So wait, we're saying the first Spider man and not talking about Tobey Maguire. Tobey Maguire erasure.

[David Burie]

Well, we meant for Hannibal.

[Langston Kerman]

First black Spider Man.

[Nicole Byer]

He's in more Spider Mans. Wait, which Spider Man? No, there's too many Spider Mans.

[Langston Kerman]

I've been saying far from home.

[David Burie]

And let's stop saying Spider Man. Let's all agree that we've said it

[Langston Kerman]

too much, but this podcast is sponsored by Spider Man.

[Nicole Byer]

Spider Man. Spider Man. Which Spider man is it?

[David Burie]

He's not Jew.

[Langston Kerman]

It's pronounced Speederman.

[David Burie]

It's separated.

[Langston Kerman]

My name is Peter Parker. The Amazing Speederman.

[Nicole Byer]

Who is Peterman?

[Langston Kerman]

Cpa.

[Nicole Byer]

Wait, the cartoon one?

[David Burie]

Yeah, yeah. Well, no, Hannibal is in the Tom Holland one.

[Nicole Byer]

Ah, I have not seen those.

[David Burie]

Those are the newest version of them.

[Nicole Byer]

I see, I see.

[David Burie]

And Hannibal, at the premiere of the Tom Holland one, sent this gentleman to the red carpet.

[Langston Kerman]

Damn, that guy's funny. That's so funny.

[Nicole Byer]

Very funny.

[David Burie]

Again, a really important moment for him. And he was like, nah, I'm doing something silly.

[Langston Kerman]

Who would you Send both of you. Who would you send?

[David Burie]

Oh, if I didn't arrive for myself and wanted.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, and you could send anything, man.

[David Burie]

That's a good question. Mexico.

[Nicole Byer]

The country? Nah.

[David Burie]

A dude.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know who Mexico is.

[Langston Kerman]

Shout out to Mexico.

[Nicole Byer]

Who's Mexico? I'm sorry, I don't know you.

[David Burie]

He's a dude named Sushi Boy Mexico on Instagram.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay.

[David Burie]

He's a dude who's named Mexico because he lived in New Mexico for some of his life. He's one of the more fascinating people I know.

[Nicole Byer]

I love that.

[David Burie]

He could not be funnier and more chaotic. It would be very funny to see him walking down a red carpet.

[Langston Kerman]

That's a good one.

[David Burie]

As my representation.

[Langston Kerman]

That's a good one.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I gotta think about it. Oh, Shaggy.

[Nicole Byer]

Smart, smart.

[David Burie]

Do the accent the whole time.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Burie]

Don't play me. And come. Come and be regular.

[Langston Kerman]

No, no. He'd be Shaggy.

[David Burie]

You talk like Shaggy the whole time.

[Langston Kerman]

I would be like. You can only speak to the press and lyrics for Mr. Bombastic.

[David Burie]

Yeah. And if you don't squeeze a. It wasn't me in there.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Burie]

It better be a fucking. It wasn't me thrown in.

[Langston Kerman]

You need to say butt naked banging on the bathroom floor to the lady at E. It'd be funny if that's

[Nicole Byer]

how he answered every single interview question. It was just lyrics from that song.

[Langston Kerman]

He should. That was.

[Nicole Byer]

I meant.

[Langston Kerman]

Shut it. Wait. Who would you pick before we go to break?

[Nicole Byer]

Probably my friend Meatball, who's a drag queen. We've been mistaken for each other before.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, you want someone who looks like you?

[Nicole Byer]

No, Meatball does not look like Meatball.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, it's racist.

[Nicole Byer]

But we have been mistaken for each other. Meatball was doing a show at a college and they used a picture of me for.

[Langston Kerman]

That's crazy.

[David Burie]

That sucks.

[Langston Kerman]

That's crazy.

[David Burie]

That really sucks. That sucks. It's great that it didn't happen to you. Congratulations on not being the victim of it. That really sucks for Meatball. I feel bad.

[Langston Kerman]

That is tough. Yeah, that is tough.

[David Burie]

But great red carpet opportunity.

[Nicole Byer]

Or Michelle buteau. We've been mistaken for one another.

[Langston Kerman]

Really?

[Nicole Byer]

That makes sense.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't. I make no sense of it.

[David Burie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I bet I could zero in on the one thing that they thought you had in common with each other, which is not nice behavior.

[Langston Kerman]

No, no, no.

[David Burie]

But it is the one thing they're picking.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, that's true. Everybody thought I was Chappelle Lacey on this. My own platform.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Really?

[Langston Kerman]

Our fans were like, Our fans were like, I didn't even know. This wasn't the same nigga, bro.

[David Burie]

People had been. People who had been dedicated to us for years were like, that's wild. We're like, brother, they separated.

[Langston Kerman]

They were like, legs are in the middle. They got lasers in the middle. I wouldn't know what was going on. I don't.

[David Burie]

This podcast got too meta. They put a mirror across from David. What are they even trying to do here? Look, fellas, you jumped the shark. Get back to the old way of doing things. Just talk to each other. Oh, man, we need to take a break.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay.

[David Burie]

It's been God knows how long, but it's more Nicole Byers more. My mama told me.

[Rasmussen University / Mint Mobile Advertiser]

Thank you for calling the Bombas Comfort line. Bombas make socks, slippers, tees, and underwear made with the highest quality materials. Press 1 for comfort, 2 for style, 3 for donation. You chose style. Bombas is styles for whatever you enjoy. You can run in Bombas, lounge in Bombas, dress them up, dress them down, but always give back in Bombas Bombas. Because with every item purchased, another is donated. Bombas Comfort. Worth calling for. Go to bombas.com audio and use code audio for 20% off your first purchase. That's B O-M-B-A-.com and use code audio. When it comes to advancing your education, you have more options than you think. At Rasmussen University, we find ways to remove barriers, not build them like a new laptop if you're eligible and enroll in select online or on campus programs. That means flexible and engaging online online courses and resources, tuition savings options if you qualify, exceptional student support and much more online nationally or check out their 20 campuses across six states. Start when you're ready and get the support you need. Visit Rasmussen. Edu.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

Liberty Mutual customizes your car and home insurance. And now we're customizing this rush hour ad to keep you calm, which could help your driving. And science says therapy is great for a healthy mindset. So enjoy this 14 second session on us. I think you've done everything right and absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, anything that hasn't gone your way could probably be blamed on your father not being emotionally available because his father wasn't emotionally available and so on. And now that you're calm and healing, you're probably driving better too.

[Nicole Byer]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Jay Shetty]

Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, host of the On Purpose podcast. My latest episode is with Noah Khan, the singer songwriter behind the multi platinum global hit Stick season and one of the biggest voices in Music Today Day Noah opens up about the pressure that followed his rapid success, his struggles with mental health and body image, and the fear of starting again after such a defining moment in his career.

[Noah Kahan]

It's easy to look at somebody and be like, your life must be so sick, man. You have no clue. Talking about the mental illness stuff. It used to be this thing that I was ashamed of. I'm just now trying to unwind this idea that I have to be unhealthy physically or in pain, and so in some emotional way in my life to create good music. If someone says that I did a good job, I'm like, yeah, I'm good. Someone says that I suck, I'm like, I suck. Getting to talk about this is not common for me right now. I need it more than ever.

[Jay Shetty]

Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Langston Kerman]

Hey, we're back.

[Nicole Byer]

Would you say that you're racist?

[Langston Kerman]

Not at all. All. No.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Look at my dog. He's as black as can be.

[Nicole Byer]

Who?

[Langston Kerman]

That's that from the news?

[David Burie]

Oh, yeah, that's from the news.

[Nicole Byer]

The news.

[Langston Kerman]

You ever seen that clip? This is the guy they're interviewing.

[David Burie]

He's really racist.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, yeah.

[David Burie]

He. He's being bad to his community. And then they're being like, are you a racist person? He's like, the. Are you talking about I got a black dog?

[Nicole Byer]

Ooh. Eh.

[Langston Kerman]

And then he says, get a moon cricket.

[Nicole Byer]

No, I've never seen this before in my whole life.

[David Burie]

He doesn't say the get a moon cricket photo.

[Nicole Byer]

That'd be very funny if he did.

[Langston Kerman]

It would be really cool.

[David Burie]

It'd be the best part of it, I think. We're still here with Nicole Byer. We're still talking about the possibility that celebrity clones are real. You introduced sort of this question of, like, the Epstein files and how many of the things that we thought were completely untrue or at least lived in, like, a world of fiction that we're now discovering are as close to true as anything has ever been. And I'm curious to know what you think. If the cloning is a thing, what you think is the benefit of the cloning for the public, right? Or even for the powers that be? Because everything that is being revealed in the Epstein files is weird, perverted, sort of like money, wealth, pussy. That is the essence of all of it. What do you think is the point of the clones?

[Nicole Byer]

I think the point of the clones is to continue to make money.

[Langston Kerman]

Right? Even after somebody's not willing anymore. That makes the most sense to me. They put them in this shit, make it eat them up, and then just throw out another one.

[David Burie]

Right? Yeah. I will say, even as you're saying that it makes me think about Prince and how hard he fought to be like, I'm not giving y' all my shit. Like, literally, when he died, he was like, I'm locking it in a vault. I don't want it on Spotify. I don't want it on Apple. You'll listen to it if you bought the records, and if you didn't, you won't. Like, he really drew the line. And then motherfuckers fought.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep. Still got a store in the airport.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You know, I didn't want that fucking airport.

[Nicole Byer]

You got a store in the airport?

[Langston Kerman]

In the Minneapolis airport. There's a French store.

[Nicole Byer]

Interesting.

[David Burie]

Sucks.

[Langston Kerman]

It's a bummer. It's a bum. Cause you're just like.

[David Burie]

It's purple.

[Nicole Byer]

It's just purple. Purple T shirts.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And you're just like, bro, you know, he would be so mad.

[David Burie]

It's just album covers mass produced.

[Nicole Byer]

Ugh.

[David Burie]

It's keychains.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Let people. Let people be dead. Let people go away.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Maybe even kill people.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, all right. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. What you want to say about that?

[Langston Kerman]

Too much.

[David Burie]

We're listening. If we're fine.

[Nicole Byer]

Who do you want to kill?

[Langston Kerman]

I was looking for a drop to save me. I don't have one.

[David Burie]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, my God. Wow.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, my God. One of my favorite videos. Oh, my God. Wow.

[David Burie]

I like it. Because he walks away. He truly can't process how cool this is.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, my God. Wow.

[David Burie]

It's too good. Yeah. It reminds me a lot of how many celebrities You've already talked about this. Of how many celebrities Jim Carrey very recently accused of being a clone. Gucci Mane accused of being a clone. We have that theory that Pharrell is a vampire.

[Nicole Byer]

That he is.

[David Burie]

He has lasted the test of time.

[Nicole Byer]

I mean, he looks good.

[Langston Kerman]

He looks amaz.

[Nicole Byer]

Amaz.

[David Burie]

Keanu Reeves has a similar sort of like, story about him of being like,

[Nicole Byer]

Gabrielle Union is a vampire. She looks good.

[Langston Kerman]

I never even thought she looks.

[Nicole Byer]

She had look at her now and look at her and bring it on.

[David Burie]

She looks.

[Langston Kerman]

And in Bring it on. I'm not saying she looked old, but she looked older than what? Her age. You know what I mean?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Because they had 30 year olds playing 20.

[David Burie]

That's true.

[Nicole Byer]

15 or whatever.

[Langston Kerman]

Beyonce situation.

[David Burie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Absolutely.

[Langston Kerman]

Remember Beyonce on smart guy?

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You were like 17.

[David Burie]

That's a grown woman.

[Langston Kerman]

That's a woman.

[David Burie]

That's a woman.

[Langston Kerman]

She knows the world.

[Nicole Byer]

She knows the world.

[Langston Kerman]

She knows the ways of it.

[David Burie]

Listen, TJ is smart, but he don't know nothing about tj.

[Nicole Byer]

Where's he at?

[Langston Kerman]

Taj.

[David Burie]

Taj.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

He's mirage, Maui.

[David Burie]

Oh, he's buff.

[Langston Kerman]

And he got buff.

[David Burie]

He got buff. Ooh, didn't get taller.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Well, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You only have two options in this life.

[David Burie]

He didn't get taller.

[Nicole Byer]

He didn't get taller. You could break them knees, put stilts in. I don't know. What are they? What is it? When they do what they do, they'll

[Langston Kerman]

say, I don't know what they.

[David Burie]

I 100% agree with them. Breaking his knees. I do think that's part of it. I don't think afterwards they replace those knees with.

[Langston Kerman]

What do they do, though? They got to stretch.

[David Burie]

I don't know.

[Nicole Byer]

They do something to stretch your legs.

[Langston Kerman]

You want to stretch out both parts of the leg. That's the problem is you're going to look crazy and like, you also got

[Nicole Byer]

to stretch out because they don't do the arms either.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Or like the torso.

[Nicole Byer]

The torso. You just have these long legs.

[David Burie]

I think what they do is they break, like, femur and. And shin bones.

[Langston Kerman]

Tibia, amphibia.

[David Burie]

Yeah, amphibia's amphibious, the big ones. And then they sort of like add chunks, you know what I mean?

[Nicole Byer]

They just get them chunks.

[Langston Kerman]

And do they take it from other parts? Like, do they take it from your radius?

[David Burie]

Buffalo bones sitting around and they got other bones. You a little buffalo now.

[Langston Kerman]

I think my body would reject the buffalo.

[David Burie]

I think most people's bodies.

[Nicole Byer]

I think you're strong. I think your body would absorb. You grow real tall.

[David Burie]

I think it takes like a year and a half to recover from that

[Nicole Byer]

or something like that.

[David Burie]

Something dumb where you're like, oh, you never get to, like, jump again.

[Nicole Byer]

You never get to jump again.

[David Burie]

But you tall, Lizzie.

[Nicole Byer]

You're tall. You don't have to jump. Cause you're tall.

[David Burie]

And your torso don't match.

[Nicole Byer]

Nope. Neither do your arms.

[Langston Kerman]

No. You would look nuts. Yeah, I don't. And I don't need to be taller.

[Nicole Byer]

No.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm pretty good.

[Nicole Byer]

Everybody's good the way they are.

[Langston Kerman]

That's what I've been saying.

[David Burie]

It's a beautiful prank, certainly. I wish more people felt that way. But if you feel like you need to break your shins, type in My Mama Told Me at the end in the promo code and see if that works.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, go to Dr. Miami. Tell them we said shit.

[Nicole Byer]

Dr. Miami.

[David Burie]

We actually don't know if we secretly have sponsors that break shins. So if you do have that, if Dr. Miami, you could try it.

[Langston Kerman]

If not Dr. Miami, at least Dr. Detroit.

[David Burie]

Dr. Detroit, I think is your best bet. If you type in my mama told you.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And I'll get you a free quarter.

[David Burie]

And a Kangol hat.

[Nicole Byer]

You miss those?

[David Burie]

You miss Kangol?

[Langston Kerman]

Apparently white guys are bringing them back

[Nicole Byer]

and I'm upset that's not theirs.

[Langston Kerman]

It was my whole retirement plan. Yeah, I was gonna transition smooth after 55 into a Kango guy.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Been planning this since the 90s.

[David Burie]

Backwards or forwards?

[Langston Kerman]

Forwards.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Langston Kerman]

I have children.

[Nicole Byer]

I like that. I have children.

[David Burie]

You're not doing a Samuel L. Jackson style.

[Langston Kerman]

No, no, no, no.

[Nicole Byer]

Does he have kids?

[David Burie]

Yeah, he must. I have to believe that Samuel L. Jackson has children.

[Langston Kerman]

Wamuel and Blamuel L. Jackson. Blamuel.

[Nicole Byer]

Blamiel.

[David Burie]

Blamiel is a girl's name, by the way.

[Langston Kerman]

Uh huh.

[Nicole Byer]

Blamiel. That's a little blue boy. I don't think he has kids.

[David Burie]

Zoe Jackson is his child. How many children?

[Langston Kerman]

He really missed a bit on that one.

[David Burie]

Yeah, he just has one daughter named Zoe. Not even Samuel.

[Langston Kerman]

So Wamuel and Blamuel are over.

[Nicole Byer]

He just hasn't found them yet.

[David Burie]

If you're looking to name your children Blamuel Jackson is available.

[Nicole Byer]

Do. That's a funny name.

[David Burie]

This is a really funny name.

[Nicole Byer]

That's cute.

[David Burie]

And I do think we sometimes don't give enough credit to celebrities naming their kids funny names.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[David Burie]

I think sometimes we really pick on them for like weird ass names that they pick for their kids. And I don't think we should do that.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't think so either.

[Langston Kerman]

I think it's amazing. Cause it's like, what are you gonna do? I'm Will Ferrell. You know what I'm saying? Like, oh, my kid's got a funny name.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

So he's not at Yale. I did the work so I could name him Blame.

[David Burie]

I did it.

[Langston Kerman]

You have to take Blameal seriously. Cause of the work I did in this life, bro.

[David Burie]

I did so much work in this life that your majesty will be fine.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes, your majesty's a perfect name.

[Langston Kerman]

It's a perfect name.

[David Burie]

He's gonna be okay.

[Nicole Byer]

It's a great name. There's a Jafar Jackson. Come on.

[David Burie]

That's the one playing Michael.

[Nicole Byer]

Really?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Burie]

Jafar. A nigga named Jafar gets to be his uncle. Who is Michael Jackson?

[Nicole Byer]

That's so funn.

[David Burie]

He did the impossible with naming his kids.

[Nicole Byer]

I fucking love that.

[David Burie]

We gotta show some love.

[Nicole Byer]

Remember when Gwynneth Paltrow named her child Apple? And everyone was all up in arms. Apple's fine.

[Langston Kerman]

That's not even Paltrow. Sounds like a good guy to me.

[David Burie]

Apple Martin.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, Apple Martin.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't like that as much.

[Nicole Byer]

No, I like Paltrow.

[Langston Kerman]

Apple Paltrow is way better.

[David Burie]

Apple Paltrow is a more would be their stage name. Apple Paltrow. I like that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, you have to.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Apple J. Paltrow. Apple Martin sauce.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Apple J. Apple J. Paltrow.

[David Burie]

Is it Apple Jack.

[Nicole Byer]

Apple Jack Paltrow.

[Langston Kerman]

I like it.

[David Burie]

Apple Jack Paltrow.

[Langston Kerman]

That guy sold me life insurance.

[David Burie]

Are you either of you worried about the possibility of being cloned? Is this something that comes up for you? Is this a concern for your future?

[Nicole Byer]

No, I don't think I'm that important.

[Langston Kerman]

That's what I was gonna say. I never felt like I did anything that way.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. I don't think anyone's gonna be like, oh, we need more Nicole.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Nobody's ever gonna be like, you know what we really need More of? Whammul and blammul jokes.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I think I could be the only one. I'll be all right.

[David Burie]

You think the resources are thin enough at this point that they're not, like, reaching out to where you guys sit in the universe?

[Langston Kerman]

I would go so far as to say I don't think that that will ever be a resource that is far reaching because we are already dealing with. Overcome. I don't think. I don't think that it's ever gonna be a major technology to, like, make more people without the way we make more people. You know what I'm saying? Like, it feels like it just doesn't counter to what's going on.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know. I see a world where there are clones and they're little worker bees. Cause they're not people.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, so you could treat them the

[Nicole Byer]

way like slaves, like.

[Langston Kerman]

But they are people. They are people.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, they are people. But, like, to the clone maker,

[Langston Kerman]

100%. No, keep going, Keep going.

[Nicole Byer]

Makers. They're not real people. They're little entities that are shells. And they do the work. They do the sewing.

[Langston Kerman]

They do. And they don't feel pain like we do. No, they don't.

[Nicole Byer]

Because they're clones, and the clone makers know that.

[David Burie]

I don't think anybody's given up on slavery.

[Nicole Byer]

No. I don't think so either. Which is, like, kind of crazy.

[David Burie]

It's crazy, but they're legit.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, people are still. They're still like, okay, but what if we. If we just move a few things

[Nicole Byer]

around, bro, and it's like, give it up.

[David Burie]

It exists. I mean, you know, this is not a new thought, but, like, slave exists more today. There are more active slaves today than there were during the transatlantic slave trade.

[Nicole Byer]

Really?

[David Burie]

Yeah. That's a real thing.

[Nicole Byer]

I was like, no, you're telling me new information.

[David Burie]

No, that is a really fucked up. But. But we treat slavery now as, you know, a necessary factor of capitalism that we can hide, you know, in. In these nefarious ways. So, like, nah, they'll bring it back. They're just waiting for the right way to really roll it out, that we don't get upset about it.

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[David Burie]

That you don't just make it or robots or motherfuckers that look like the black people we wish were working. But who.

[Langston Kerman]

That's what would piss me off.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

If they start cloning people and then the slave clones are still black. Everybody. That's who I'm killing, bro.

[Nicole Byer]

Everybody getting really fucked up.

[Langston Kerman]

Why is that?

[Nicole Byer]

Why they got to be black?

[Langston Kerman]

Like, they double down. They double down, bro.

[David Burie]

You could have made them orange.

[Langston Kerman]

They better look like Applejack Paltrow. Every single fucking one.

[Nicole Byer]

But then if they make them black, then they could be like, you're a clone. And you're like, actually, I'm not a clone.

[Langston Kerman]

Show us your papers, Tom.

[David Burie]

Clone. That's where it gets nasty.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, I don't like this world I've created now.

[David Burie]

Yeah, it sucks.

[Langston Kerman]

No, this.

[David Burie]

Welcome to our imagination room.

[Langston Kerman]

And this is why he's doing this.

[David Burie]

This is why I'm always stressed out. My brain is always wondering if maybe they gonna turn niggas into slaves because of cloning.

[Nicole Byer]

And I don't want that. But, you know, it's not cloning, but, like, they use AI for, like, weird shit, like audiobooks and stuff. Like, And I'm just like, get someone else to, like, if that person can't read, it doesn't make no sense.

[David Burie]

Yeah, I've listened to the if I did it by O.J.

[Langston Kerman]

simpson, and it's right there.

[David Burie]

Yep, I've listened to that on tape. And they just got a different man.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes, you can just do that.

[David Burie]

And also, because he had lost the book rights to the people that the family that he had murdered.

[Nicole Byer]

Wait, what?

[Langston Kerman]

And also, other men know how to read.

[Nicole Byer]

He lost the rights to his own book.

[David Burie]

It was the only thing that he had left after the civil trial and so the Goldman family got the rights to it. And it's a tough listen.

[Nicole Byer]

I bet it is. I can't believe he wrote a book called if I Did It After. You know, he.

[David Burie]

At one point in the book, he imagines another guy is there and he is attempting to stop the. But Ron Goldman does karate on the other guy and then the other guy losing the fight in the karate murders. Ron Goldman in front of him. And then OJ Helps to clean up the.

[Nicole Byer]

When he died, did they crack his head open? Cvsct.

[David Burie]

I don't even think they needed to check.

[Langston Kerman]

That thing is probably oozing out at that point.

[David Burie]

I think they could see some lumps from the outside. Oj, you got a little CTE rock.

[Nicole Byer]

CTE rocks. It snorted a little bit.

[David Burie]

I think he had the biggest brain they ever saw. That bad boy was swollen. It grew three sizes that day. Oj, oj. I hope they clone OJ I don't. You don't?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. I'm gonna say I hope not.

[Langston Kerman]

There's so many other people on my list.

[David Burie]

I know. It's cool.

[Nicole Byer]

Who do you want to get cloned?

[Langston Kerman]

Bernie Mac.

[David Burie]

That's a good answer.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. First. That would be the first one.

[David Burie]

That's a great answer.

[Langston Kerman]

Biggie. Robin Harris.

[David Burie]

Very good. Very good. Two Chicago Men. I like this.

[Langston Kerman]

My grandma.

[David Burie]

Ok. That's it for that.

[Nicole Byer]

Would you really want your grandma to be cloned? Because when she comes back, she'd have a good time. She probably won't be the same grandma

[David Burie]

that's not your grandma anymore.

[Nicole Byer]

That's just a woman who looks like your grandma. That's a lot with the memories of your grandma. But she might feel differently about you.

[David Burie]

I don't even know how many memories she gets. She might just not.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, no memories. Oh, then I don't want any of those people.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, I think they probably get the memories, but like to.

[Langston Kerman]

When they have free will, the memories till they died.

[Nicole Byer]

Probably.

[Langston Kerman]

I think that.

[David Burie]

Okay, but that doesn't mean they feel how they feel about. Like. The memory doesn't make me love you. It just makes it a. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

They have free will to be. Like, whether they like you or not.

[David Burie]

I. I don't.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm pretty likable. Okay.

[David Burie]

You believe.

[Nicole Byer]

What if your grandma came back as a clone and was like, I don't like you.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Burie]

And that wasn't you.

[Langston Kerman]

That wasn't who I'm gonna. Grandma. You guys are who I'm gonna. That was what? That's why I had to scramble.

[David Burie]

Look, man, I never met your grandma, but it felt like she was in the room.

[Langston Kerman]

I won't make you pop.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't like you.

[Langston Kerman]

Pie.

[David Burie]

Classic Sierra Leone grandma.

[Langston Kerman]

My grandmother ate pie one time.

[David Burie]

Sierra Leone grandmas are always making and eating pie.

[Nicole Byer]

And now she makes pie because that's part of her new personality.

[Langston Kerman]

Windowsills. Yeah.

[David Burie]

No, that's. You know that. You know that about your grandmother. I know that about your grandmother. Certainly Nicole. Nicole, having transferred your grandmother's soul into her body, knows that.

[Langston Kerman]

Will Bertie Mac still be funny?

[David Burie]

I would hope so.

[Nicole Byer]

I hope so, too. But he could also choose to be like, I don't want to live that life.

[Langston Kerman]

What if he's maga?

[David Burie]

And this is where they get nasty.

[Nicole Byer]

The out.

[Langston Kerman]

I believe what a trans is. No, that would be crazy. That was crazy. That was crazy.

[Nicole Byer]

That was crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

That was crazy.

[David Burie]

You in this bathroom. Ain't your bathroom.

[Langston Kerman]

Wow. Yeah, we've really covered a lot of ground.

[David Burie]

I also think where it gets nasty. And we should go to one more break before we. I think the other thing that'll get nasty is if they clone Bernie Mac much in the way that they did with Avril Lavigne. They're gonna fix some things. And part of what made Bernie Mac funny was that that eye could float away at any time. Just right away, just leave the building. And if you start making Bernie Mac.

[Langston Kerman]

Kept you on your toes.

[David Burie]

Kept you on your toes. And then if you start making Bernie Mac with two straight eyes, it's not

[Nicole Byer]

the real Bernie Mac.

[David Burie]

It's not Bernie Mac.

[Langston Kerman]

Now. That's uncanny. Mac Valley.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[David Burie]

We don't like what this is. And that Bernie Mac takes himself seriously in a way that you're not supposed to.

[Langston Kerman]

And that's how they. Because they're trying to make him go maga.

[David Burie]

If they're cloning, that's how they get you.

[Nicole Byer]

You're really stuck on that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. It's, unfortunately, maybe the funniest thing I've thought of this whole. Yeah.

[David Burie]

I do wonder how Avril Lavigne votes, though, also.

[Langston Kerman]

Just. Just, like, just cloned maga. Bernie Mac as a concept is the funniest thing in the world.

[Nicole Byer]

You're just making me so sad.

[Langston Kerman]

But it's just. Think about it in practice. It's very funny.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it's pretty good.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

He's dancing.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm just, like. With a little hat on.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. America.

[David Burie]

Kamala Harris, go get yourself some milk and your night's over.

[Nicole Byer]

That got me. Very good. Yes.

[Langston Kerman]

Very good.

[Nicole Byer]

Milk and cookies. It's one of my favorite shows.

[Langston Kerman]

Him downstairs.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

All right.

[David Burie]

We need to take a break.

[Langston Kerman]

Break. We. We're.

[David Burie]

We'll be back. More, Nicole. More. My mama told me.

[Rasmussen University / Mint Mobile Advertiser]

When it comes to advancing your education, you have more options than you think. At Rasmussen University, we find ways to remove barriers, not build them like a new laptop. If you're eligible and enroll in select online or on campus programs, that means flexible and engaging online courses and resources. Resources, Tuition, savings options if you qualify, exceptional student support and much more online nationally or check out their 20 campuses across six states. Start when you're ready and get the support you need. Visit Rasmussen. Edu.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

Liberty Mutual customizes your car and home insurance. And now we're customizing this rush hour ad to keep you calm, which could help your driving. And science says therapy is great for a healthy mindset. So enjoy this 14 second session on us. I think you've done everything right and absolutely nothing wrong.

[Langston Kerman]

Wrong.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

In fact, anything that hasn't gone your way could probably be blamed on your father not being emotionally available because his father wasn't emotionally available and so on. And now that you're calm and healing, you're probably driving better, too.

[Nicole Byer]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Jay Shetty]

Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, host of the On Purpose podcast. My latest episode is with Noah Khan, the singer songwriter behind the multi platinum global hit Stick season and one of the biggest voices in music today. Noah opens up about the pressure that followed his rapid success, his struggles with mental health and body image, and the fear of starting again after such a defining moment in his career.

[Noah Kahan]

It's easy to look at somebody and be like, your life must be so sick, man. You have no clue. Talking about the mental illness stuff, it used to be this thing that I was ashamed of. I'm just now trying to unwind this idea that I have to be unhealthy physically or in pain in some emotional way in my life to create good music. If someone says that I did a good job, I'm like, yeah, I'm good. Someone says that I suck, I'm like, I suck. Getting to talk about this is not common for me right now. I need it more than ever.

[Jay Shetty]

Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Rasmussen University / Mint Mobile Advertiser]

I'm Lori Siegel and I'm mostly human. I go beyond the headlines with the people building our future future. This week, an interview with one of the most influential figures in Silicon Valley, OpenAI CEO Sam Altman.

[Langston Kerman]

I Think society is going to decide that creators of AI products bear a tremendous amount of responsibility to products we put out in the world.

[Rasmussen University / Mint Mobile Advertiser]

From power to parenthood.

[Langston Kerman]

Kids, teenagers, I think they will need a lot of guardrails around AI. This is such a powerful and such

[Rasmussen University / Mint Mobile Advertiser]

a new thing, from addiction to acceleration.

[Langston Kerman]

The world we live in is a competitive world, and I don't think that's going to stop even if you did a lot of redistribution. You know, we have a deep desire to excel and be competitive and gain status and be useful to others. And it's a multiplayer game.

[Rasmussen University / Mint Mobile Advertiser]

What does the man who has extraordinary influence over our lives have to say about the weight of that responsibility? Find out on Mostly Human.

[Langston Kerman]

My highest order bit is to not destroy the world with AI.

[Rasmussen University / Mint Mobile Advertiser]

Listen to Mostly Human on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[Langston Kerman]

We're back. We're not gonna let Joe Biden and Kamala Harris cut America's meat. That's dead on that. That's dead on that. We're back. I said it before.

[David Burie]

I was supposed to say, yeah, but then say more. You can. You can reintroduce the world that we live in.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, the problem is in my head. It's funnier if I just. And then don't say anything.

[David Burie]

You are being an artiste, and I am the hostess with the mostest.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know where you want me to go.

[David Burie]

You want me to dance for you?

[Langston Kerman]

No. See? And that's why I reacted that way, because I knew that that's not what I want. That's not what I want.

[Nicole Byer]

What did you want?

[Langston Kerman]

I just wanted it to lay flat because it's funnier. Flat is funnier than dimension to me.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay.

[David Burie]

We're still here with Nicole. Fire. We have a voicemail from one of our dear listeners. We get voicemails from a lot of people who are concerned about conspiracy theories in their own lives, often drunk.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, really? Oh, yeah.

[David Burie]

They call.

[Nicole Byer]

Do you encourage that?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, okay.

[David Burie]

It's complicated.

[Langston Kerman]

We have a complicated relationship with our listeners.

[Nicole Byer]

Hey, I like it. Come as you are.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Yeah. One guy did come. Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

Wait, like, ejaculated on a voicemail?

[Langston Kerman]

I think that's. We think so.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay.

[David Burie]

He certainly wasn't calling us with clothes on.

[Nicole Byer]

How do you know?

[David Burie]

You can hear it.

[Langston Kerman]

You can feel it through the phone.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay.

[David Burie]

There's an energy where you go, I

[Nicole Byer]

wanna hear that voicemail.

[David Burie]

Yeah, I'm sorry. We can't play that one again.

[Nicole Byer]

No, I understand. I get it.

[David Burie]

Let's do. We got a lot of great ones here. Let's do Very drunk couple, whatever that is.

[Langston Kerman]

Ooh, that could be good.

[Nicole Byer]

They'll be drunk.

[David Burie]

Yeah, I hope so.

[Nicole Byer]

I've got a theory. Okay, so the monks came to America. Do I hang up?

[David Burie]

Sorry, pause it for one second.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, well.

[Langston Kerman]

No, this is awesome. This is great. This is so, so great.

[David Burie]

These niggas aren't even in agreement.

[Nicole Byer]

Nope. Nop. You want to hang up? You want to hang up?

[Langston Kerman]

This is. This is great.

[David Burie]

Yeah, I thought. I thought she was about to tell us about.

[Nicole Byer]

No, this couple is drunk.

[David Burie]

They are drunk, and he is more drunk than she.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Yeah, but I'm into it.

[David Burie]

Yeah, let's keep going.

[Nicole Byer]

I'll just keep going. Hey, guys. Hey, little fre. Hey, little mama. Little.

[Langston Kerman]

Little.

[David Burie]

Whoa.

[Nicole Byer]

Little. Anyway, we gotta. I got a conspiracy theory. So the monks came, right? They've been walking. Does it feel more peaceful around this?

[Langston Kerman]

They're walking for peace.

[Nicole Byer]

They're walking for peace.

[Langston Kerman]

But it hasn't been peaceful around this.

[Nicole Byer]

It don't feel any more peaceful. It doesn't feel peaceful. I don't know. They're bringing the drama. More drama than a Real Housewives of. Of Atlanta show this season. The whole season. It's been awful since they've been let out. Bye, little freak mamas.

[Langston Kerman]

Bye, bitch. Your voicemail is fucking disgusting too.

[David Burie]

Bye, bitch.

[Langston Kerman]

First of all, I love your love. I think it's beautiful.

[David Burie]

You gotta root for Em.

[Langston Kerman]

I love it.

[David Burie]

They're so happy together.

[Nicole Byer]

They were very happy.

[Langston Kerman]

You ever get drunk with your girl and wanna make prank calls?

[David Burie]

Y. And they saw something that night that fucked them up. The monks, they saw a monk and they said, hey, bro, it ain't working. Whatever you doing ain't working. We gotta call. We gotta call David and Langston about this.

[Nicole Byer]

It's just so funny to be like, monks came over and they didn't make it more peaceful. What do they think monks do?

[David Burie]

They not only think they didn't make it, they said they made it worse. They said, since those monks got here, shit has gone downhill.

[Nicole Byer]

Yup.

[Langston Kerman]

Where is here?

[David Burie]

Those bald freaks Just here.

[Nicole Byer]

You don't gotta know what stake just here.

[David Burie]

As soon as they pulled up, things got worse.

[Langston Kerman]

That was kind of awesome.

[David Burie]

They were. And they had no synchronicity.

[Langston Kerman]

They didn't. You know what happened? Yeah, they got home from the Uber. He said, damn, baby, them monks were crazy. She said, yeah.

[David Burie]

No.

[Langston Kerman]

And then they started talking and they got themselves worked up.

[David Burie]

Worked up.

[Langston Kerman]

And then one of them was Like, I gotta call. I'm calling Brett. Because they didn't plan it in there.

[Nicole Byer]

Where do you think they're coming from in the Uber? From the monks.

[Langston Kerman]

I think that they. Okay, can I paint a picture?

[David Burie]

Yeah, please.

[Langston Kerman]

I think that they live in New York City or some other major urban area.

[David Burie]

Fair enough.

[Langston Kerman]

I think that they were leaving a bar and they came across some heart Hare Krishna's. And then they were like, man, this don't do nothing.

[David Burie]

Yep.

[Langston Kerman]

And then they were talking about it, and then, you know, you get it worked up, and then you get home, and then you eat all the pizza rolls.

[Nicole Byer]

Then you see, we gotta make some phone calls.

[Langston Kerman]

And then. Yeah, they went to bed right after.

[David Burie]

I'm still up. You still up?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Burie]

There's no more shows to watch.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. We're probably too drunk for sex.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[David Burie]

Neither one of us can consent.

[Nicole Byer]

Did she say the. The monks have caused more drama than the Real Housewives of Atlanta. Specifically of Atlanta.

[Langston Kerman]

Because they had Peacock on in the background, maybe watching the bus down.

[David Burie]

That, that, that. And there's no the on that. The same way Sierra Leone.

[Langston Kerman]

Excuse your man from the Congo.

[David Burie]

You've got your nation, I've got mine. But, yeah, I think they were. I think. I think they just were in the right kind of space to make a phone call. And I think, unfortunately, to your point, they had had a lot of conversation about the monks that they kept left out of.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. That they didn't include in that voiceover.

[David Burie]

We needed more information from them.

[Nicole Byer]

What happened? Did a monk throw something at you?

[David Burie]

You had to have seen a monk in some sneakers do some slick shit, and that triggered you in a way that you're not explaining to us also.

[Langston Kerman]

What's your name?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Introduce yourself, call back. Get just as drunk and rowdy and call back.

[Langston Kerman]

Maybe give it a couple days. I know that head's pounding today.

[Nicole Byer]

Call today.

[David Burie]

Yeah. We.

[Langston Kerman]

We.

[David Burie]

We are grateful that you all have each other. We're grateful that you would make the phone call to speak to us, and we pray that you get some of this behavior in order.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, but not too much.

[David Burie]

Not too much. Feel free to call us like this anytime. But do know that you all clearly get to a level of drunk that maybe could affect your relationships outside of each other. And that's worth thinking about.

[Langston Kerman]

We don't know how often they do this either, though.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. This might be their yearly drunk.

[David Burie]

Yeah, that's fair.

[Langston Kerman]

And I think once a year, you should be able to get drunk with your partner.

[David Burie]

I think you should be able to get drunk as much as you want. As long as y' all are both in agreement that this is okay.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's fair.

[David Burie]

We used to throw up together.

[Nicole Byer]

Really?

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Me and my wife, I bet you

[David Burie]

get drunk, she be throwing up, I be throwing up. And we both be like, damn, Good night, huh?

[Langston Kerman]

I feel like you and Nikki together, drunk would be real. Cause I've seen, like, you're kind of high and she's drinking a little bit, but, like, I feel like you guys both on 10 would be a lot of fun.

[David Burie]

We really allow the control to be lost.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[David Burie]

When we get to a certain point and we had a run, we had a great run.

[Langston Kerman]

Me and Alana got drunk in San Diego at the hotel. And then we walked around the arena and then we went into the gym and we're on the stretchy machines, shit faced.

[David Burie]

Yeah, that's fun.

[Nicole Byer]

I like that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I was like, baby, look where my Lego

[Nicole Byer]

highlight was. Anyone else in the gym?

[Langston Kerman]

No, it was like one o' clock in the morning.

[Nicole Byer]

I hope you were so shit faced. There was someone trying to quietly walk on the treadmill who was like, what the fuck? The fuck is going on? That's what I truly hope. Someone's telling that story right now. These two drunk motherfuckers came in, they

[Langston Kerman]

didn't even see us.

[David Burie]

And in that way, we're honored to be your stretching machine. Thank you for calling us. Thank you, Nicole. This has been great.

[Nicole Byer]

Hey, we did it.

[Langston Kerman]

This is so fun.

[Nicole Byer]

Thanks for having me.

[David Burie]

Thanks for being here. Can you tell the people where they can find you what cool shit you have going on?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, I got podcasts. Why Won't yout Date Me? Best friends. Let's go, 90 Day Bae. That's on Patreon.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's go.

[Nicole Byer]

And that's it.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

This podcast right now.

[David Burie]

But you're on TV all the time.

[Nicole Byer]

Quite a bit.

[David Burie]

People can see you in a lot of programs.

[Nicole Byer]

They can. Lots of programs. Right now it's a little bit of a drought, but that's okay. You can go look at the backlog.

[David Burie]

It is for all of us. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Nobody's on tv.

[Nicole Byer]

Truly nobody.

[David Burie]

Yeah, but go follow Nicole. Listen, watch all of the podcasts. She's. What you got?

[Langston Kerman]

I got this podcast.

[David Burie]

Hell yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Sign up for our Patreon.

[David Burie]

Sign up for the Patreon so I

[Langston Kerman]

can buy a stretching machine. I may or may not have promised my wife that in the gym one day.

[David Burie]

Baby, when I get home, you gotta

[Nicole Byer]

get a stretching machine. I'mma stretch you out we gonna have a stretch you out.

[David Burie]

We gonna have a whole room full of stretching machines, baby.

[Nicole Byer]

First I'm gonna get a car. I'm gonna stretch you out and I got that car.

[Langston Kerman]

I got that car.

[David Burie]

Then I'm gonna new shirts and then

[Nicole Byer]

I'mma clone my grandma

[David Burie]

and then it's going to be a solid gold stretching machine.

[Langston Kerman]

She won't get in the way of our relationship at all.

[David Burie]

She just going to need to use it to stretch. She likes to do that. You can follow me at Langston Kerman. It really sucks when you bomb at the end. You can follow me at Langston Kerman on all social media platforms and please come see me May 6th at the Allegiant Theater.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's go.

[David Burie]

Netflix is a joke festival and like subscribe rate review. Send us your own [e-mail] we would love to hear from you. Give us a call at 844-LIL-MOMS. Call us drunk, call us high, call us with your loved ones and Real Housewives playing in the background. Whatever you need, make that phone call. And most importantly, bye bitch. I feel like I just snorted cocaine or something.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm so excited and I never did that before.

[Nicole Byer]

For the record, for the record.

[Langston Kerman]

For the record,

[David Burie]

My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money players network and iHeart podcast, created

[Langston Kerman]

and hosted by Langston Kern, co hosted by David Bourie, executive produced by Will Ferrell Hansani and Joel Monique edited and engineered by Justin Kahne.

[David Burie]

Music by Nick Chambers.

[Langston Kerman]

Artwork by Dogon Krieger.

[David Burie]

You can now watch episodes of My Mama told me on YouTube, follow ymama told me and subscribe to our ch. It's tax season and by now we're all a bit tired of numbers. But here's an important one. You need to $16 billion. That's how much money in refunds the IRS flagged for possible identity fraud. But it's not all grim news. LifeLock monitors millions of data points per second and alerts you to threats you could easily miss on your own. If your identity is stolen, they'll fix it, guaranteed. Save up to 40% your first year. Visit lifelock.com iheart Terms apply when it

[Rasmussen University / Mint Mobile Advertiser]

comes to advancing your education, you have more options than you think. At Rasmussen University, we find ways to remove barriers, not build them like a new laptop. If you're eligible and enroll in select online or on campus programs. That means flexible and engaging online courses and resources, tuition, savings options if you qualify, exceptional student support and much more. Online, nationally or check out their 20 campuses across six states. Start when you're ready and get the support you need. Visit Rasmussen. Edu.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

Liberty Mutual customizes your car and home insurance. And now we're customizing this rush hour ad to keep you calm, which could help your driving. And science says therapy is great for a healthy mindset. So enjoy this 14 second session on us. I think you've done everything right and absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, anything that hasn't gone your way could probably be blamed on your father not being emotionally available because his father wasn't emotionally available, and so on. And now that you're calm and healing, you're probably driving better too.

[Nicole Byer]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Peace to the planet. Charlamagne Tha God here. And listen, we are back. The Black Effect Podcast Festival is back in Atlanta on April 25th at Pullman Yard. Yeah, and the full lineup is nuts. We got the Grits and Eggs podcast, Deontay Kyle and Big Ice Cup Cat. We got Club 520 with Jeff Teague and the gang. Don't call Me White Girl Mona will be there. Keep it positive, sweetie. With Crystal Renee. We got Reality with the King with Carlos King. And yes, drink champs will be in the building. Plus, you know we gonna have a lot of guests, so you need to join us. And we got the Black Effect Marketplace, the picture podcast and everything you expect from the Black Effect Podcast Festival. Tickets are on sale right now. Go get yours at blackffect. Com Podcast Festival. Don't play yourself. Okay, pull up.

[Nicole Byer]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.