Crockpot Salmonella Soup, White People Still Can't Cook (with Dulce Sloan)

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: My Momma Told Me
Episode: Crockpot Salmonella Soup, White People Still Can't Cook (with Dulce Sloan)
Release Date: February 10, 2026
Host(s): Langston Kerman, David Gborie
Guest: Dulce Sloan

---

Episode Overview

In this hilarious and irreverent episode, comedians Langston Kerman and David Gborie are joined by Dulce Sloan for a deep dive into the age-old Black conspiracy: "White people can't cook." The trio explores culinary traditions, food safety fears, racial and regional food lore, and the broader social and historical context. Their discussion meanders through personal stories, observations about cultural expression, and plenty of roasting—creating an episode rich in both comedy and cultural commentary.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. "White People Can't Cook" – The Conspiracy Explored

(08:22 – 12:05)

• Dulce's Claim: Dulce opens the main topic with conviction, arguing from personal and historical experience that white people, culturally, can't cook, especially when compared to Black culinary traditions.
• European Food History:
  • "If you look at, like, the foods of Europe. A lot of boiling of things." (Dulce, 08:31)
• Cooking Methods:
  • The panel critiques methods like over-boiling, double-boiling, and the use of crock pots. Dulce jokes, "They love a crock pot. That is just a slow boil. Or for me, just a long walk to food poisoning." (Dulce, 09:19)

2. Food Prep, Safety, and Regional Differences

(09:46 – 13:45)

• Dulce sees crock pot culture as dangerous, especially with chicken and concerns about undercooking and sanitation.
• She draws a line between Southern white people (who "learned how to cook from us") and mainstream white American cooking.
• Notable Quote:
  • "How do you take over multiple countries, steal their spices, and then not use them?" (Dulce, 12:15)

3. Black Culinary Pride and Spice Rack Debates

(13:00 – 14:15)

• The group discusses the typical "spice rack" found in new apartments and the mystery of never-used herbs ("majora").
• Dulce and Langston express pride about the completeness of Black spice collections ("If it comes up, we got it." Langston, 13:33).

4. Culinary Crossovers and Southern Traditions

(40:21 – 42:22)

• Dulce points out the overlap of Southern Black and Southern white cooking—collard greens, chitlins, grits—food “of the poor” across color lines.
• Notable Quote:
  • "Poor people food is poor people food." (Dulce, 41:32)

5. Barbecues, Food Memories, and Debates Over Who Paid

(31:02 – 32:50)

• Dulce remembers refusing to attend a barbecue with only hot dogs ("don’t invite me to a barbecue when there’s one pack of hot dogs").
• The group debates what actually happened at the event, with much teasing about "poor barbecues" and mystery fish called "swai."

6. Representation, Media, and Emotional Expression

(48:01 – 51:12)

• Dulce contrasts American TV's portrayals of romance (men as action, women as emotion) with Korean dramas (both genders’ feelings portrayed), tying this to broader cultural issues about teaching men emotional expression.
• Notable Quote:
  • "If we stop teaching men so early to stop expressing themselves... That's not beneficial to anybody." (Dulce, 49:49)

7. Race, Colorism, and Michael Jackson's Skin Debate

(58:41 – 76:47)

• The crew spends an extended, comedic segment fielding a listener’s question: "What color do y’all think Michael Jackson’s dick was?" They approach it with humor, curiosity, and real observations about Vitiligo and skin bleaching, with asides to Sammy Sosa and broader colorism.
• Dulce draws on personal experiences with skin markings and discusses differences between Vitiligo and other pigmentation.
• Notable (and hilarious) exploration:
  • “When this motherfucker get hard, that Black come back out. And Michael Jackson was a real nigga all the way to the end.” (Langston, 75:35)
• Cultural Commentary: The group briefly examines the Jehovah’s Witness faith, debates about circumcision, and jokes about cults vs. organized religion.

8. The Politics of ICE, Deportation, and Community Trauma

(24:25 – 28:00)

• Dulce shares a harrowing account of a massive ICE raid in her Gwinnett County apartment complex post-9/11, highlighting the trauma of entire buildings emptying overnight.
• Notable Quote:
  • "There was multiple—like, there was whole buildings in my complex that were empty." (Dulce, 26:01)
• The hosts talk about family separation, deportation logistics, and the lingering pain it caused in immigrant communities.

9. Blackness, Colorism, and Loving Dark Skin

(20:02 – 20:36)

• Dulce decries colorism and celebrates the beauty of dark skin, lamenting societal pressures to think otherwise.
• Notable Quote:
  • "We've been told to think that dark skin is not gorgeous. Right. ... Why would that not be beautiful?" (Dulce, 20:12)

10. Crackheads vs. Cops & Unlikely Dispute Resolution

(54:19 – 55:09)

• In true “My Momma Told Me” fashion, the group riffs on a viral trope: calling a crackhead instead of police.
• Notable Quote:
  • "The crackhead is going to know where your stuff went. ... They know who took it." (Dulce, 54:25)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “They love a crock pot. That is just a slow boil. Or for me, just a long walk to food poisoning.” (Dulce, 09:19)
• “How do you take over multiple countries, steal their spices, and then not use them?” (Dulce, 12:15)
• "Poor people food is poor people food." (Dulce, 41:32)
• "No, no, no, no. First of all, there's a knife in my purse. Don't play with me." (Dulce, 10:16)
• "If we stop teaching men so early to stop expressing themselves... That's not beneficial to anybody." (Dulce, 49:49)
• “When this motherfucker get hard, that Black come back out. And Michael Jackson was a real nigga all the way to the end.” (Langston, 75:35)
• "We've been told to think that dark skin is not gorgeous. Right. ... Why would that not be beautiful?" (Dulce, 20:12)
• "There was multiple... whole buildings in my complex that were empty [after ICE raided]." (Dulce, 26:01)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

| Segment | Timestamps | |-------------------------------------------------|--------------| | Opening banter & conspiracy premise | 06:09–08:22 | | Boiling vs. seasoning – what’s wrong with how white folks cook | 08:22–13:50 | | Spice rack struggles & black culinary pride | 13:00–14:15 | | Southern culinary crossovers | 40:21–42:22 | | Barbecue memories and argument | 31:02–32:50 | | Emotional expression and Korean Dramas | 48:01–51:12 | | ICE, deportations, and community impacts | 24:25–28:00 | | Race, colorism, and Michael Jackson’s skin | 58:41–76:47 | | Crackheads vs. cops segment | 54:19–55:06 | | Outro and plugs | 78:28–84:42 |

---

Flow, Tone, and Energy

• Language & Tone: The episode is fast-paced, comedic, and occasionally raunchy. The hosts and guest are irreverent, highly self-aware, and blend historical/contextual knowledge with joking personal anecdotes.
• Flow: The conversation moves organically between tightly focused cultural conspiracies and tangential riffs—rarely staying on one track for long, but always circling back to the episode’s food theme or broader cultural critique.
• Dynamic: The chemistry is excellent, especially as Dulce takes center stage with strong opinions and stories, while Langston and David lob jokes and play the foil. There are recurring in-jokes about barbecues, emotional men, and Michael Jackson’s anatomy—proving that “My Momma Told Me” thrives in unfiltered speculation, laughter, and community wisdom.

---

Final Thoughts

This episode blends food anthropology, Black American humor, and unvarnished group chat-style banter. The “white people can’t cook” conspiracy is dissected, mocked, and traced—from the roots of European food history to the dynamics of Southern kitchens and the persistence of racist rumors. The tangential journeys into race, colorism, deportation trauma, and even pop culture (Michael Jackson, Cat Williams) make for some of the show’s sharpest, funniest, and most culturally insightful podcasting.

---

Where to Find the Hosts & Guest

• Dulce Sloan: @dulcesloan on social media; Podcast: Chasing K Dramas; merch/ministry: nomorebrokedick.com; tour dates at dulcesloan.com/tour
• Langston Kerman: @langstonkerman on all platforms; “Aspiring Deadbeat Tour”
• David Gborie: Instagram @coolguyjokes87

---

Listen For:

• Spicy (and hilarious) food opinions
• Living Black Southern foodways
• Teachable moments about colorism and immigrant hardship
• The wildest Michael Jackson speculation you’ll hear all year
• Gut-busting, unfiltered laughter and truth-telling

---

For fans and new listeners alike, this episode is a perfect encapsulation of ‘My Momma Told Me’: smart, rowdy, culturally insightful, and relentlessly funny.

Transcript

[Narrator/Advertiser]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed human.

[David Boring]

At Lowe's get up to 35% off select major appliances plus members get free delivery, install and more. When you spend $2,500 on select major appliances Lowes we help you save valid through 225 while supplies last selection varies by location. Excludes Massachusetts, Maryland, Wisconsin, New Jersey, Florida. Loyalty programs subject to terms and conditions. Visit lowe's.com terms for details. Subject to change.

[Tara Davis Woodhull]

Visit your nearby Lowe's on Colorad street in Kennewick. Hey, this is U.S. olympic gold medalist Tara Davis Woodhull.

[Hunter Woodhull]

And I'm U.S. paralympic gold medalist Hunter Woodhull.

[Tara Davis Woodhull]

As athletes, our lives are about having.

[Hunter Woodhull]

A clear path and a team that you can absolutely trust.

[Tara Davis Woodhull]

So when it came to getting the.

[Hunter Woodhull]

Best mortgage, we chose PennyMac.

[Tara Davis Woodhull]

PennyMac is proud to be the official mortgage provider of Team USA and you.

[Hunter Woodhull]

Learn more at pennymac.com pennymac loan services llc/housing lender nmls id 35953 licensed by the Department of Financial Protection and Innovation under the California Residential Mortgage Lending Act Conditions and apply well, the holidays have come and gone once again, but if you've forgotten to get that special someone in your life a gift, well, Mint Mobile is extending their holiday offer of half off unlimited wireless. So here's the idea. You get it now, you call it an early present for next year. What do you have to lose? Give it a [e-mail] Switch limited time.

[Tara Davis Woodhull]

50% off regular price for new customers. Upfront payment required $45 for three months, $90 for six months or $180 for 12 month plan taxes and fees. Extra speeds may slow after 50 gigabytes per month when network is busy see Terms.

[Angela Yee]

This is Angela Yee from Way up with Angela Yee, y'.

[Dulce Sloan]

All.

[Angela Yee]

Black Girl Vitamins is completely changing the wellness game for us. You know our bodies don't move the same as we get older and health becomes even more important. BGV Black Girl Vitamins is giving us all the supplements we need to stay healthy. I've seen hundreds of ladies online raving about their tasteless collagen powder that made their joint pain practically disappear. I had to try it myself. And y', all, it is the truth. If your body needs help bouncing back, go ahead and check their products out on blackgirlvitamins co and get 20% off using code ANGELAYEE stop everything.

[Dulce Sloan]

Put that shit down.

[David Boring]

Stop making love to your significant others. We're talking.

[Langston Kerman]

Get your penis out of your wife.

[David Boring]

And get that pussy out of your side piece yeah, out of it. Into yourself. I've never had sex before.

[Langston Kerman]

We have big news.

[David Boring]

Big, huge news.

[Langston Kerman]

Unbelievable news for all of you who.

[David Boring]

Want to see us get filthy rich.

[Langston Kerman]

We are. We are offering up a new opportunity. A bag of beans, if you will, that we're hopeful you believe is gonna grow into a giant beanstalk.

[Dulce Sloan]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Magical beans. And those magical beans are the My mama Told Me Patreon.

[Dulce Sloan]

I actually am 1.4% Nigerian. African.

[Tara Davis Woodhull]

I'm a sister.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay. Why is that the button you press?

[David Boring]

I shouldn't have smoked.

[Langston Kerman]

We're starting a Patreon.

[David Boring]

We're starting a Patreon. It's gonna be. So we're gonna have, what, four extra episodes a month?

[Langston Kerman]

It's four extra episodes. It's all kinds of games. It's watch alongs, it's grab bags, it's.

[David Boring]

Gonna be all mailbags, livestreams, all this stuff. Langston's nudes.

[Langston Kerman]

This is the first I'm hearing of it. But I'm not in a space to contradict. I'm desperate for you to join. So if that is what will entice you to come see us over at Patreon, please do that.

[David Boring]

Yeah. So you can go ahead and go online to ww.patreon backslash. It's on the bottom.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[David Boring]

We'll have it flashing on the screen.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, we don't need likely, but. Yeah, but we'll figure it out. It's coming. Bye, bitch.

[Dulce Sloan]

But here's the thing. Men only think quantity. They never think quantity.

[Langston Kerman]

That's what the game is about, Dulce. And I apologize if you don't understand the rules.

[Dulce Sloan]

I'm going to punch you in the.

[Langston Kerman]

That's why I got in the game.

[Dulce Sloan]

Of course I know the rul. I had to start a whole ministry because I know the rules. I know all of the rules. Stop playing with the kids.

[Langston Kerman]

I got in the game to hoop the most.

[Dulce Sloan]

Come on, man. If I got in the game, to not let one of these niggas tearing.

[David Boring]

Me up scored is the number one stat.

[Langston Kerman]

We all want to be LeBron, baby.

[Dulce Sloan]

I just want to get invited to the game. Like, I just want to go. I mean, I'll sit on the side. I just want to be able to come to the game. But the problem is you don't feel.

[David Boring]

Like you're in the game.

[Dulce Sloan]

I keep getting injured players talking to me.

[David Boring]

Yeah, that's cause you're recruiting them from hallways.

[Dulce Sloan]

No, no, no. Stop. Recruit. I just needed further information.

[Langston Kerman]

You don't. He's in a Hallway.

[Dulce Sloan]

You don't need to know more. All I saw was a man. What do you want from me?

[Langston Kerman]

And when that man is in a regular room.

[Dulce Sloan]

Inquire further.

[Langston Kerman]

He's in the hallway.

[Dulce Sloan]

You never talked to somebody up as they was walking. You never been in. You never walked outside.

[Langston Kerman]

And let me say, no disrespect to this studio.

[Dulce Sloan]

It's not a good hallway. It's not like we're in a. I had sunglasses on. I didn't have enough information. And that's crazy for me. I was trying to get to my friend's podcast on time.

[David Boring]

I bet you put those sunglasses down. Look better, Listen.

[Dulce Sloan]

Yeah, you think I went, oh, hello.

[David Boring]

Doolcey said, boy.

[Dulce Sloan]

Boom boom started playing.

[Langston Kerman]

Good looking.

[Dulce Sloan]

Oh, once again, the horny wolf is back. Once again, the zoo suit wolf is.

[Langston Kerman]

You is or is you ain't my hallway.

[Dulce Sloan]

The government growing babies.

[David Boring]

Microchips in your 80s. All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money.

[Langston Kerman]

Marching to ven and turkey stuff.

[David Boring]

Y' all can't tell me how.

[Langston Kerman]

Can we talk for a minute? I just. Girl, I want to know your name. There it is. There it is. Little mamas and gentiles alike. Welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me, the podcast where we.

[David Boring]

Dive deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories.

[Langston Kerman]

And you thought we were going to teach you something we not. That's not. That's not what you came here for. If you thought this was a TED Talk, you are mistaken.

[David Boring]

You are a foolish bitch.

[Langston Kerman]

A foolish bitch.

[Dulce Sloan]

It's an Andre talk.

[Langston Kerman]

It's an Andre talk. Sure. Absolutely.

[Dulce Sloan]

Tadarius. You niggas is doing tadarius.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is unhealthy conversation from two unhealthy men inviting their unhealthy friends to join the experience.

[David Boring]

You know what's funny to me?

[Langston Kerman]

And yes, you are unhealthy. We've discussed it at length so far.

[David Boring]

I was trying to get everybody out the hallway. It's too, say, slowing everybody. That was dulce to the random in the hallway five minutes ago.

[Dulce Sloan]

I said was hello. He said hello. And I want my black ass in here because I need to put my purse down. I need to put my purse down. See, this is the thing. Y'. All. Y' all all right.

[Langston Kerman]

We ain't right. We ain't right.

[David Boring]

No. And we know that because y' all don't.

[Dulce Sloan]

Y' all don't get. Y'. All. It's not the same. It's not the same. So you had the nerve to tell Me that I'm the horniest person you know? That is not true. That is not true.

[Langston Kerman]

Who's the horniest person I know?

[Dulce Sloan]

I don't know all the n. You know, I'm just saying I'm not. It.

[Langston Kerman]

You're saying. You're saying just based off of how much horny you're putting out, it couldn't possibly be the most I've seen.

[Dulce Sloan]

No. Also, it's not horny. That's the thing. It's not about horny.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay? Cut that shit out. Because you came to us. We're not gonna do that. You came to us with a conspiracy theory that I. That I think has probably been one we've covered variations of, but never taken on fully directly on this podcast. But you said, my mama told me white people can't cook.

[Dulce Sloan]

No, they can't. And you have to, because if you look at the history we're in it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Dulce Sloan]

And you look at, like, the foods of Europe. A lot of boiling of things.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes, absolutely.

[Dulce Sloan]

A lot of boiling.

[David Boring]

They'll double boil shit.

[Dulce Sloan]

Double boil. They will put. Not only do they boil shit, even in the process of putting something in the oven, they will still put it in water in the oven. Like a bain marine.

[Langston Kerman]

They'll cook it to cook it.

[Dulce Sloan]

Right. So they'll put something in the oven and then put. Take a pan, pour water in said pan, then put the things in that. And then. So even will boil something in an oven.

[David Boring]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

Which is incorrect.

[Dulce Sloan]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

As far as I've experienced with food, that's not how you make it taste good.

[David Boring]

Except for sous vide.

[Dulce Sloan]

Well. Oh, you talking about the food hot tub.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, but that's in juices.

[David Boring]

Food koozie. That's.

[Dulce Sloan]

That's food koozie. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

That's not just straight water.

[Dulce Sloan]

But what you. But so what they did was they were like, hey, what if we still boil shit but then don't let the water touch the food directly? Because to sous vide, you have to put food in a plastic bag and then put it in the water and then the same thing. Think of, like a crock pot. They love a crock pot. That is just a slow boil. Or for me, just a long walk to food poisoning.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[David Boring]

You don't like crock pots.

[Langston Kerman]

You don't fuck with crock pots.

[Dulce Sloan]

Here's the thing.

[David Boring]

I don't know why I said it like that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, you hit that accent mark. Odd.

[David Boring]

Yeah, I don't really have a.

[Dulce Sloan]

Cause it's Colorado. That's all it is.

[David Boring]

No, no, that's not how they say it there either. It's not like everybody'.

[Dulce Sloan]

I'm not talking about the pronunciation. I'm talking about like the ugh. You see what I'm saying? Because you have accustomed to the crock pot lifestyle, right?

[David Boring]

Okay, watch your mouth. Hey, you're coming at me crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

You live a very crock pot lifestyle.

[David Boring]

I'mma kill both of you. I'll kill a Saul in here.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't give a fuck.

[Dulce Sloan]

No, no, no. First of all, there's a knife in my purse. Don't play with me. And you know me well enough to know there's a knife in my purse. Who are you talking to? You know how many planes I got? I want a box cutter.

[David Boring]

You talking about that's a crazy step.

[Langston Kerman]

That is a crazy stuff. That's a crazy step.

[David Boring]

You maybe are.

[Dulce Sloan]

And you see the shit who's at fault here.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay?

[Dulce Sloan]

I'm just trying to be safe when I get to my destination. Right. So what I'm saying is that when I was a kid, we also lived in Colorado. So my mama knew. We learned about the Caucasian lifestyle, the.

[David Boring]

Crock pots, how they cook.

[Dulce Sloan]

And so they love to put some raw chicken in a pot.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[Dulce Sloan]

Little water, little, you know, little whatever the fuck else. Little canned corn and then go to work.

[Langston Kerman]

That was a crazy last addition because you were starting a pretty water.

[Dulce Sloan]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

A little salt.

[Dulce Sloan]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Little can of corn.

[Dulce Sloan]

But this they recipe, they do like.

[David Boring]

A can of corn.

[Dulce Sloan]

They love a can of corn. A can of green beans. You see what I'm saying?

[David Boring]

They got a can of corn.

[Dulce Sloan]

Dump that in there. Little rotel. Now they think it's a southwest situation.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[Dulce Sloan]

Little beans. And then they go to work for hours and come back to their salmonella soup.

[Langston Kerman]

Got you.

[Dulce Sloan]

There's no way if we have all of this food safety issues, especially around chicken.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[Dulce Sloan]

You're telling me. Cooking chicken on its lowest setting, submerged in its own juices. With chicken you didn't wash. What about.

[David Boring]

When you make like a stew, though?

[Dulce Sloan]

It's direct. The heat is higher. You see what I'm saying?

[Langston Kerman]

You're saying it's the low simmer.

[David Boring]

It's the eight, nine hours.

[Dulce Sloan]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

That makes it dangerous because when you.

[Dulce Sloan]

So say like when you barbecue something, like you're putting a brisket in, like, so you're slow cooking a brisket. The temperature you're smoking it, the temperature's still high.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[Dulce Sloan]

So the issue with that, like a lot of times you get sick from food is because it's been maintained at Room temperature.

[Langston Kerman]

So if I'm hearing you correctly, your judgment of their cooking is not even as much about the taste as it is about the preparation.

[Dulce Sloan]

I haven't even gotten the taste yet.

[David Boring]

Okay, okay. This is.

[Langston Kerman]

You take issues with their preparation all day, but that doesn't limit the issues you have with your cooking.

[David Boring]

Absolutely.

[Dulce Sloan]

How do you.

[David Boring]

Yep.

[Dulce Sloan]

Take over multiple countries.

[Langston Kerman]

Absolutely.

[Dulce Sloan]

Steal they spices.

[Langston Kerman]

They did that.

[Dulce Sloan]

And then not use them.

[Langston Kerman]

They do have them stored up somewhere.

[David Boring]

Well, they can't pick, so they can.

[Dulce Sloan]

Sell them to other people.

[David Boring]

I think they keep the spices down the street. They're like, we'll go have spice every now and again.

[Dulce Sloan]

What's majora?

[David Boring]

What is majora exactly?

[Dulce Sloan]

Have you used? Comes in that. Do you know that spice thing that they get?

[Langston Kerman]

That was a crazy face off.

[Dulce Sloan]

You see what I'm saying?

[Langston Kerman]

Cause I didn't know the answer. So when you said red and then she didn't have a retaliation, I was like, oh, shit, he's right.

[Dulce Sloan]

It's not right. It's a spice that no one uses.

[David Boring]

Is it not red?

[Dulce Sloan]

What do you mean red? It's a.

[David Boring]

It's the color red.

[Dulce Sloan]

No, nigga, it's a herb.

[David Boring]

N. What are you saying?

[Langston Kerman]

It's still a color.

[Dulce Sloan]

It's not red.

[Langston Kerman]

It's green.

[Dulce Sloan]

It's a herb. It's a plant.

[David Boring]

I'm looking at that.

[Dulce Sloan]

So you know when, like when somebody gets their first apartment.

[Langston Kerman]

Absolutely.

[Dulce Sloan]

They get that whole little spice rack thing that you would get from the Bed, Bath and Beyond.

[David Boring]

It is green as shit.

[Dulce Sloan]

This come from the beyond section, Right?

[Langston Kerman]

Beyond.

[Dulce Sloan]

So you would go over there to the beyond, My cousin's favorite part. And you would get your first apartment. Little spice rack shit. And some of this stuff I had never fucking heard of. Every other spice I was fine with.

[Langston Kerman]

That were standard listed that were just.

[Dulce Sloan]

It was like 20 something little things. And then they had a little labels. You put it on the thing.

[Langston Kerman]

That is crazy if you've never heard of it. Because black people kind of take pride.

[Dulce Sloan]

In having all kinds of shit.

[David Boring]

All the spices.

[Langston Kerman]

If it comes up, we got it.

[Dulce Sloan]

Absolutely.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Dulce Sloan]

Because think about the fact that so many people don't know that.

[David Boring]

How many times have you bought bay leaves?

[Langston Kerman]

More than I can count.

[David Boring]

Too many times.

[Langston Kerman]

I got a fuck ton of celery salt in the.

[David Boring]

Man.

[Dulce Sloan]

I never use celery salt.

[Langston Kerman]

Exactly.

[Dulce Sloan]

I don't even.

[Langston Kerman]

Potato salad.

[Dulce Sloan]

Interesting. It hits, I think about paprika. It was deviled eggs.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Dulce Sloan]

And then what else was I using?

[David Boring]

You know what paprika Is just red pepper stripes. Red.

[Langston Kerman]

Press yourself a button, you deserve it. My man.

[Dulce Sloan]

I blow your goddamn head smooth off. Bring it, bring it. Let's go, let's go.

[David Boring]

No, I.

[Dulce Sloan]

You gonna need that young nigga behind you. Come on, come on.

[David Boring]

We go together.

[Dulce Sloan]

I'm sure I can get his ass.

[Langston Kerman]

He ain't no killer, but don't push him.

[Dulce Sloan]

Yeah, he's stable. Up to me, bro. You don't need assistance. You understand coming over here. Yeah, I have no qualms with that mask.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I bet you don't. I bet you don't.

[Dulce Sloan]

Anybody that's coming at mass, Anybody that is actively attacking math, Let me tell you something my mama told me when I was a very. She said, some niggas you gotta shoot in the chest. Some niggas you gotta shoot in the head. Right? That's a nigga you gotta shoot in the head. You cannot get. It's like a zombie situation. If he's coming at you, if you.

[Langston Kerman]

Come for the king, don't miss.

[Dulce Sloan]

No, that's what I'm saying.

[David Boring]

That's who they wrote it out of.

[Langston Kerman]

That's the king.

[Dulce Sloan]

Wanna keep coming. Logic don't stop him.

[Langston Kerman]

Nope.

[Dulce Sloan]

Bullets can't stop him.

[Langston Kerman]

And he's not scared of you.

[Dulce Sloan]

No.

[David Boring]

And he's not encumbered by the laws of math.

[Dulce Sloan]

And that's the thing. If you can sit up as a grown adult and be like, I know more then everybody. He's just my brother. He's unstoppable.

[Langston Kerman]

Unstoppable. That is part of my appreciation. And we've never really had like an in depth conversation about why he matters so much. At least to me. But like he came from the bottom, right?

[Dulce Sloan]

And it is nice to see a green eyed nigga. That's not. Cause the thing is, green eyed niggas get a lot of flack.

[David Boring]

Green eyed niggas get a lot of flak.

[Langston Kerman]

He went through all of it, right? He grew up fatherless and had to watch his dad get killed. Like it wasn't like his dad kill Santa Claus.

[Dulce Sloan]

No.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh yeah, that's right. He watched his dad kill a dude in line for Santa Claus.

[David Boring]

Which now Christmas is fucked up forever.

[Langston Kerman]

You lose your dad, his dad doesn't get killed. He loses his dad in his home. And then still figures out a way to not only become one of the greatest actors to ever touch a fucking set, but then on top of that, to rethink math. Even if he's wrong, who cares? He fucking figured it out.

[Dulce Sloan]

But think about the fact that Every couple of years. So when we were taking math, I remember sitting at the kitchen table with my mother being very frustrated.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Dulce Sloan]

And then my mother, when she was learning math, was sitting at the kitchen table with her mother being very frustrated.

[Langston Kerman]

Absolutely.

[Dulce Sloan]

And so I have friends that are teachers, and they say every couple years, they're like, oh, well, maybe we didn't. And I was like, so you want to terrorize families every 20 years over and over again? So you want somebody getting a whooping on a Thursday because they don't understand pemdas or the fucking order operations?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Dulce Sloan]

So the.

[David Boring]

Cause the thing is. Excuse my dear Aunt Sally.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's go.

[Dulce Sloan]

So there's no reason. Y' all done got rid of Pluto. So now you see what I'm saying? Y' all getting rid of Pluto.

[Langston Kerman]

And we do miss you. We miss you, Pluto.

[Dulce Sloan]

So now my very eager mother just served us nachos. What happened to the pizzas? Pizza's gone. Cause Pluto's gone.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Dulce Sloan]

All I'm saying is that.

[David Boring]

Wait, no, I didn't.

[Dulce Sloan]

I didn't make the choice to get all the. To remember the thing for the planets. So you just said your thing to remember things.

[Langston Kerman]

The P and pemdas.

[David Boring]

Oh, okay.

[Dulce Sloan]

Yeah. So.

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[Dulce Sloan]

So all the names of the planet. My very ecomogest. Right. So they are actively changing math every couple years.

[Langston Kerman]

Absolutely.

[Dulce Sloan]

And they're like, okay, well, what about this order operation? What if they move this? So not just. I'm not saying whether the man is right or wrong. What I'm saying is if a bunch of white people can sit in a room to terrorize families and mess with the order operation of man.

[Langston Kerman]

Absolutely.

[Dulce Sloan]

Then how is anything he's saying not completely. Son of a bitch.

[Langston Kerman]

You're on the side of it. I think I like his ambition.

[Dulce Sloan]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

I like a man who looks at a thing and says, maybe it ain't right.

[Dulce Sloan]

He had a whole press conference.

[Langston Kerman]

That's all this is about, is just sitting and being like, maybe it's not all the way true. And in that way, he is living the life I think we should all be living, which is just questioning the institutions in front of us, because that.

[Dulce Sloan]

Lets you know how successful he is as an actor. Because he started saying this, and we were like, yeah, sure, absolutely.

[David Boring]

I heard him out more than I would hear out anybody else saying that.

[Langston Kerman]

I still think he played a great role in Fight night.

[David Boring]

Yeah. And Mr. Owens. Opus.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's go.

[Dulce Sloan]

Listen. He was. Oh, brothers.

[David Boring]

All the best man stuff.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Boring]

TV show and film.

[Langston Kerman]

He's the funniest part of it for me, 100%.

[Dulce Sloan]

And also, he's done a lot for green eyed niggas. We have to acknowledge that.

[Langston Kerman]

And I have a son that's. I don't personally do. So that means a lot to me. He's got light eyes and sometimes we gotta comb his hair backwards. That's gonna be a God to him someday. I gotta.

[David Boring]

Basically, him and Ray.

[Dulce Sloan]

Yeah, same Ray. What do you mean, comb his hair backwards?

[Langston Kerman]

It's wavy in a way that.

[Dulce Sloan]

It's a loose curl.

[Langston Kerman]

It does better backwards than forwards.

[Dulce Sloan]

I hear what you're saying.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I mean? Like, you gotta do that Billy Dee shit.

[Dulce Sloan]

I hear you. Because the curl goes.

[Langston Kerman]

It's too big.

[Dulce Sloan]

I hear what you're saying.

[Langston Kerman]

Too loose, too.

[Dulce Sloan]

There's a lot of Costa. Yeah, I got you.

[Langston Kerman]

I didn't want to say that. I didn't appreciate hearing you.

[Dulce Sloan]

No, no, no, listen, it's a three. It's a three. It's not a four. It's a three.

[Langston Kerman]

What she's saying that devil is up in him. And it's true. He is lighter than me. He has light eyes. He has sort of like a blondish temple.

[Dulce Sloan]

Like, how old is he?

[Langston Kerman]

He's one and a half.

[Dulce Sloan]

He could lose that because remember, they're mutants.

[Langston Kerman]

I pray. And you are calling my son half mutant?

[Dulce Sloan]

Listen, I'm descended from slaves. We all have white ancestry. What are you talking about?

[David Boring]

Well, not maybe everyone. No, no, no, no.

[Dulce Sloan]

You fresh off the continent. We ain't talking about you.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, but even on the continent, they didn't fuck with his family.

[Dulce Sloan]

I don't know the history.

[David Boring]

How did this turn double nasty?

[Langston Kerman]

I just mean.

[David Boring]

I just mean you're a rival rouser.

[Langston Kerman]

There's not.

[Dulce Sloan]

Do you. This is the. See, this is what people don't talk about. And I hate the fact that we have been made to think that dark skin is not beautiful. It is beautiful.

[David Boring]

Nobody said that. Nobody in here said that.

[Langston Kerman]

David, you gotta be.

[Dulce Sloan]

You think? We mean why? This is crazy.

[David Boring]

This is crazy. Sound off in the comments. I'm being attacked. No one said that, sir.

[Dulce Sloan]

We're talking about. As a society, we're talking about people who are victims of racism on a regular basis. We've been told to think that dark skin is not gorgeous. Right. We've been taught to think that you literally absorb the fucking sun. Why would that not be beautiful? My thing is that one of the things that will just. Ugh. I have never seen a pimple on someone with dark skin.

[David Boring]

It doesn't happen very often.

[Dulce Sloan]

That's my fucking point. You n is just so gorgeous that.

[David Boring]

They can't touch you.

[Dulce Sloan]

Do you understand? Because those of us that just run around diluted. All right.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Dulce Sloan]

Catch it. You know, my mama grabbed me.

[David Boring]

Who probably doesn't have a pimple? You man in the hall.

[Dulce Sloan]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

That nigga in the shadows.

[Dulce Sloan]

He was in a direct light.

[David Boring]

He was wearing a jacket.

[Dulce Sloan]

He was. Man, what do you want from me?

[Langston Kerman]

That brother that dipped out of that shadowland. He was it to make a nefarious phone call.

[Dulce Sloan]

I forgot who I was talking to. I forgot. I shouldn't have came in here. It wouldn't matter. It wouldn't have mattered. No matter what would have happened if I'd have came in here, if I'd have got married in the fucking hallway. It had been like, where'd you get this n from?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dulce Sloan]

Cause I ain't even mentioning the fact that Bori got a ring on. And I know I wasn't invited to wedding.

[David Boring]

Oh, it was at a courthouse.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. None of us were invited. No.

[Dulce Sloan]

Interesting.

[David Boring]

You want to see a picture?

[Dulce Sloan]

I definitely remember yelling at you and being like, if I'm not invited.

[David Boring]

My mom wasn't there.

[Langston Kerman]

Nobody was there.

[David Boring]

Nobody wasn't there.

[Dulce Sloan]

Did she have there.

[David Boring]

There was some Mexican people.

[Dulce Sloan]

Well, I mean, they're always there. We gotta keep em.

[David Boring]

And we don't have to unpack that at all.

[Dulce Sloan]

No, no, it's la.

[Langston Kerman]

And I hope they always there.

[David Boring]

I hope they're always in the comments.

[Langston Kerman]

I think fuck Ice. I think anybody who is asking them to leave, fuck you. You're a bad person. I want Mexicans at every wedding. Every single wedding.

[Dulce Sloan]

They are the best weddings.

[Langston Kerman]

You better be there.

[Dulce Sloan]

My sister's wedding was great.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Dulce Sloan]

Best food ever had.

[David Boring]

They throw good graduation parties as well.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's go.

[Dulce Sloan]

No, their best where they really hit quince first birthdays.

[David Boring]

Oh, unses.

[Dulce Sloan]

Nigga, that's 11. Could be a crackhead got hold to the wrong stuff.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's how I feel about you, bro.

[Dulce Sloan]

But her first birthday, they fit it. Listen, all my. Whenever my cousins. Whenever babies had a first birthday, bro, we was outside.

[Langston Kerman]

You know why it's funny? Because onse is not even the right.

[David Boring]

No, that's 11.

[Langston Kerman]

That's 11.

[Dulce Sloan]

11.

[Langston Kerman]

But it's so funny though.

[Dulce Sloan]

But I hear you. I hear you. That's why I want my. My sister got me a necklace that says Gwenexico.

[David Boring]

Okay, what does that mean?

[Dulce Sloan]

So where I grew up in Atlanta is Gwinnett county. And so it has a very large Mexican population.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dulce Sloan]

So the white people would call it Gwenexico.

[David Boring]

That's a cool name.

[Dulce Sloan]

So. And there was, like, a lot of Asian people in shambly, so they called it Shambodia. Sometimes they have their moments when the race. When they're. When they get into their racism bag is when they can be funny.

[David Boring]

The only bummer about it is good, right?

[Langston Kerman]

The only bummer about it is that they don't keep it going as a bid.

[Dulce Sloan]

No, it's not.

[Langston Kerman]

They start treating it very seriously.

[Dulce Sloan]

Very seriously.

[Langston Kerman]

Building laws around it.

[Dulce Sloan]

Yes.

[Langston Kerman]

And then you go, well, now, that sucks. But to just call it Gwenexico. You're being fun. I don't care.

[David Boring]

And there's Mexicans over there.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's funny.

[Dulce Sloan]

That's who I grew up with. I live Mexican. You know what I mean, baby? All of this. I grew up with them.

[Langston Kerman]

It just sucks to then, like, be like, oh, also, we're not gonna give them books.

[David Boring]

Yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, give them fucking books.

[Dulce Sloan]

Or. I remember. Cause when people talk about us.

[David Boring]

Libros.

[Dulce Sloan]

Libros. Libra is a astrological sign, but a libro is a book.

[David Boring]

And I can read them like a book.

[Dulce Sloan]

See how he brought it back? See how he brought it back? But we are talking about ice, people. Don't people act like ice has been around for a long time? It hasn't. I remember when ice started brand new. So ice started in, like, 2002. And I remember me and my brother were making fun of a cop that was coming out of a Dunkin Donuts. And because it was like 11 o', clock, we were like, ah. He was like, no, it's the only place that's open. We're like, ha, ha. And so I started talking to this cop. And because he had nothing to do. He's walking out of a Dunkin Donuts.

[Langston Kerman]

Y' all were so busy. You had time.

[Dulce Sloan]

I was 19. It was walking around me and my brother doing absolutely nothing on a fucking Saturday night. I was home from college looking for.

[David Boring]

Guys in the hallway, looking for cops.

[Dulce Sloan]

To terrorize outside of Dunkin Donuts. Cause the older cop didn't give a shit, but the young one was trying to prove something.

[David Boring]

He didn't want y'. All.

[Dulce Sloan]

Oh, man. It's not. We were like, mm. And so he was the one that.

[David Boring]

I just like their coffee.

[Dulce Sloan]

Just like their coffee. And, you know, hanging out with Mr. Patel. So that's who owned the place. It was in my neighborhood, Dunkin Donuts. And so he was Telling me that when ICE first started, so ICE had recruited 60 Gwinnett County Police officers to get. This is. So people like. This is part of Homeland Security and all that other shit. Because this was like a year after 9, 11, and they start ICE and then. And so they recruited 60 officers. They train everybody. A year later, 8, 20 passenger vans showed up in our apartment complex on a Sunday morning. And so you come on a Sunday. Cause that's when the men are home. And so they. They hit on a Sunday. It was like 9am Saturday nights for the women.

[Langston Kerman]

And Fridays, of course, is for the goomars.

[Dulce Sloan]

Next day, they got no goomars. They got a girlfriend in one of them.

[David Boring]

I believe the term is sancho. So they call it. That's what they call them.

[Langston Kerman]

I believe you.

[Dulce Sloan]

We don't talk to them about the same stuff. You see what I'm saying?

[David Boring]

Okay.

[Dulce Sloan]

A man not gonna talk to me about his side pants.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[Dulce Sloan]

He's trying to make me one, sure. But he gonna tell me about the other ones. You see what I'm saying?

[David Boring]

Okay.

[Dulce Sloan]

So they roll through on a Sunday morning, and I hear all this noise and commotion. Cause it's like 8 o' clock in the morning on Sunday.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Dulce Sloan]

So I look out the window, everybody better up. Everybody's up. Because there's people screaming.

[David Boring]

No, I understand.

[Dulce Sloan]

Right. And so I look out the window and all these cops are walking by. And one of them looks me in the face and goes, oh, not her. And then hits my neighbors.

[David Boring]

Fuck.

[Dulce Sloan]

And then hits the other neighbors. And so they left. All the vans were full. And so there was multiple. Like, there was whole buildings in my complex that were empty.

[David Boring]

Yeah.

[Dulce Sloan]

Because people don't realize when they take. When you take the men. The reason you hit when the men are there is because you can take a whole family. So, like, say, so one of my neighbors, they had five kids. Two of them were born in Mexico, the other three. And she had a fresh baby, like, fresh out. And so they take first day out. First day out, I have a free lunch. And so because you take. You hit to get the men. So you can send the whole family back. So then when the men are there. So because either if the men aren't there, you try to take them, the kids are born here.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, you're also taking income out of a household. You're taking resources that are, like, kind of untenable without this person.

[Dulce Sloan]

And also, the thing is, if you don't take the whole family and you. So they're like, oh, the kids were Born here, but then you create foster children, so you can't take. So if you take the parents, you can't leave the kids because then you create foster children, and then you're putting somebody into a system and it's like, well, why break up a whole family when they can just send them back? Cause my homeboy, when he got deported, he had to sit in the. Cause here's the other thing. He was from Guatemala. They don't just send you back. They have to wait till the plane was full. So he had to sit and holding till they had enough Guatemalans, God damn. To send to Guatemala.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what also sucks is that they always are dropping people back off, but they're not dropping you off near your house.

[David Boring]

I always wonder about that. It's like, if you're provincial, they'll take you to the city, right?

[Langston Kerman]

Like, if.

[Dulce Sloan]

No, if you get. So say you go to France and do some dumb shit and they send you back to America. They don't give a fuck where you're from. They can drop you off in any American city, nigga. They can drop you off in Buffalo. And you live in la.

[Langston Kerman]

They're like fully gonna be like, you live in Rochester.

[Dulce Sloan]

It doesn't matter. You just have to get the up out this country.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dulce Sloan]

That's why I'm looking forward to Gullah.

[Langston Kerman]

Gullah island, bro.

[Dulce Sloan]

I'm telling from it. I'm from the Bahamas. Drop me home. I'm not from here, baby. I am from Jamaica. Drop me off. But I'm looking forward to these pickpockets trying to come and America's fucking them up. That's what I'm looking forward to.

[David Boring]

What? Which pickpockets, bro?

[Dulce Sloan]

You remember the pickpockets that they had in France? And America's whooping in the jets?

[David Boring]

Well, there's some kinds. There's different kinds of people. Pickpocket in France. I'm not picking one out.

[Dulce Sloan]

All I'm saying is the pickpockets. Americans was whooping so much ass in France on these pickpockets that all the pickpockets got together and said, we can't rob Americans no more.

[Langston Kerman]

Whoa.

[Dulce Sloan]

Because there was a man in Texas. You heard about this shit. There was a man in Texas who would come to the fuck.

[Langston Kerman]

You're not even supposed to be there.

[Dulce Sloan]

He's out there. That's what everybody was saying. Like, bro, we're sending the people that can actually lead. Our felons can't leave, right? So dude in Texas, he goes over There to, you know, it's for the Olympics or some shit. He's like, I'm, you know, prepare to represent my country. Gets pickpocketed in the fucking stadium. Grabs the pickpocket and throws him down the stadium. Damn. He didn't die. The man was definitely in the hospital. Then he went to his house, he went to his hotel, checked out immediately, and then flew back to America. He's like, I know what I did.

[David Boring]

He said, get me to God's country.

[Dulce Sloan]

Get me to God's country. But the thing is, they were robbing Americans. And even an average fucking American was whooping so much ass.

[Langston Kerman]

Sure.

[Dulce Sloan]

That at certain points, when the police would show up, the pickpockets were calling the police on the American they just robbed because they would go to rob.

[David Boring]

This sounds like American propaganda.

[Dulce Sloan]

No, no, no, no, no, no. All I'm saying is that I am never patriotic, but if I have enough money to leave the fucking country.

[David Boring]

And you could beat on a Frenchman.

[Dulce Sloan]

No. And you come and rob me. You just see that video? So there was some Karen lady, and she was in Italy, and these teenage girls tried to stole her purse. So she uses find my to find her AirPods to get her purse back. And so she sees a little girl and has her hemmed up. And when I say hemmed up, I mean about a ponytail hemmed up.

[David Boring]

Wow.

[Dulce Sloan]

And so they're waiting for the cops to come, and people are recording, and the little girl starts screaming, and the woman goes, I got eight kids screaming in my face. Ain't gonna do nothing to me. And you saw the girl go like, she just lost all of her shit. But so all of the pickpockets got together and were like, we have to stop robbing Americans, because when we rob them, they fucking assault us Also. If you rob me and I'm still there to catch you, that's your own fault.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know if it's real.

[David Boring]

I had a lovely time in Paris.

[Dulce Sloan]

I have no desire to go.

[David Boring]

I will say that it's really great.

[Dulce Sloan]

I'm good. My mama went. She's like, ugh.

[Langston Kerman]

I will say that, like, one of the best cities in the world, Real or not. I don't expect that the pickpockets are gonna be too fearful of my reaction, and that is upsetting for me.

[Dulce Sloan]

Oh, no, no, no. There's whole articles written about this. They were like. The police were like American Idols.

[Langston Kerman]

I understand.

[David Boring]

I'm saying, you worry that they think that they will think you are.

[Langston Kerman]

I think they'll Be like, we could get him.

[Dulce Sloan]

Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

I know. For old times sake.

[Dulce Sloan]

Let's get that nigga. Why you think they could do that?

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know. Maybe it's. I gotta work on my self esteem.

[Dulce Sloan]

You think they would see you and be like, ah, let's get this nigga, let's get them.

[David Boring]

I think you, you got a French guy.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay, thanks, man.

[Dulce Sloan]

You were telling me if somebody.

[David Boring]

You don't even smoke cigarettes.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't smoke cigarettes.

[Dulce Sloan]

I miss smoking cigarettes. We used to smoke a lot of cigarettes. Oh yeah, we used to be outside. Yeah, I was just thinking about that barbecue that you had. So this nigga had to try to have a barbecue with no money?

[David Boring]

I did not. I did not. Everybody else planned that. And then they were like, uh, that wasn't a great explanation.

[Langston Kerman]

No, I don't understand at all.

[David Boring]

He's so fucking high today, man. It's fucking everything up for me.

[Dulce Sloan]

He invited me.

[Langston Kerman]

I think you're doing great.

[David Boring]

I think he gotta let him.

[Langston Kerman]

He's up off of yourself.

[Dulce Sloan]

He's open for a barbecue and ain't have no meat.

[David Boring]

I don't remember it that way.

[Dulce Sloan]

I had hot dogs and so I said, I'm not going to your poor nigga barbecue.

[David Boring]

That's not what happened.

[Dulce Sloan]

We went to the grocery store.

[David Boring]

I said, put a. I'm so rich.

[Dulce Sloan]

Okay, that's not what I said.

[David Boring]

She said, I have so much money, you can't believe it. She said, david, shut the fuck up. I have more money than I know what to do now. That's not even true. She said, these colleges got me flushed.

[Dulce Sloan]

That's not what happened.

[David Boring]

Pulled out a roll from a titty, threw it on the ground and she said, don't come up till you're numb.

[Langston Kerman]

She said, that came from Dr. Nacker and there's more where that came from.

[Dulce Sloan]

All I was saying was don't invite me to a barbecue when there's one pack of hot dogs.

[David Boring]

I don't think it the way I remember it, I don't even think it was a barbecue. And then I was gonna go get some shit.

[Dulce Sloan]

No, you was talking about you was gonna get. And it wasn't enough food. So that's why I went to the grocery store and I said, put ever you want. Put whatever.

[David Boring]

Who paid for the fish sandwiches?

[Dulce Sloan]

Who paid for the fish sandwiches?

[Langston Kerman]

This took a turn because I wouldn't expect fish sandwiches to even be at this event.

[Dulce Sloan]

That's my fucking point.

[David Boring]

That was a different time.

[Langston Kerman]

Ok, uh huh. Here's what I'LL say if any of.

[David Boring]

Our fish A lot of swe.

[Langston Kerman]

If any of our.

[Dulce Sloan]

He's the one that tell me about swai. I said, I've never heard of this fish.

[Hunter Woodhull]

We eat.

[David Boring]

Fries up just like catfish.

[Dulce Sloan]

And that's exactly what he told me.

[David Boring]

Did it not.

[Dulce Sloan]

That's exactly what he told me. Did it not if you fry it, nigga. Ain't none of my business.

[David Boring]

Come on. If you fry it, they will come.

[Dulce Sloan]

It's none of my business. We was outside.

[Langston Kerman]

If any of our sweet listeners happen to also be at this either sad or respectable barbecue, please call in, write us, let us know who in fact is remembering the story correctly.

[Dulce Sloan]

Is adult Sam not high?

[Langston Kerman]

Or is it my friend David? Now he should tell you he's high on the limitless pill.

[Dulce Sloan]

So what does that mean?

[David Boring]

I'm getting faster?

[Langston Kerman]

His memory is stronger than mine.

[Dulce Sloan]

Is this a movie thing I don't get?

[David Boring]

Yeah, that movie with Bradley Cooper.

[Langston Kerman]

Bradley Cooper? He took a pill.

[David Boring]

You know, Bradley Cooper?

[Dulce Sloan]

I don't know this movie.

[Langston Kerman]

He became a brilliant, almost James Bond.

[Dulce Sloan]

Like, how does brilliant and James Bond go together?

[Langston Kerman]

That is what the limitless pill.

[Dulce Sloan]

I'm not gonna say the nigga wasn't smart. I'm just saying smart pills and I don't know, I mean, I think it gives you everything.

[Langston Kerman]

That's the. That's why it's limitless.

[Dulce Sloan]

I sustained, okay?

[Langston Kerman]

It just gives you all the y.

[Dulce Sloan]

But, yeah, white people can't cook, but they do bake. That's what my point was.

[Langston Kerman]

We.

[LifeLock Advertiser]

We.

[Langston Kerman]

30 minutes later, we're gonna take a break.

[Dulce Sloan]

It's called a wrap up.

[Langston Kerman]

And when we come back, we're gonna talk more about this theory that white people can't cook. More dulce more. My mama told me.

[Dulce Sloan]

Hey.

[Tara Davis Woodhull]

Hey. This is U.S. olympic gold medalist Tara Davis Woodhull.

[Hunter Woodhull]

And I'm U.S. paralympic gold medalist Hunter Woodhull.

[Tara Davis Woodhull]

As athletes, our lives are about having.

[Hunter Woodhull]

A clear path and a team that you can absolutely trust.

[Tara Davis Woodhull]

So when it comes came to getting.

[Hunter Woodhull]

The best mortgage, we chose PennyMac.

[Tara Davis Woodhull]

PennyMac is proud to be the official mortgage provider of Team USA.

[Hunter Woodhull]

And you learn more at pennymac.com PennyMac Loan Services, LLC equal housing lender, NMLS ID 35953 licensed by the Department of Financial Protection and Innovation under the California Residential Mortgage Lending Act. Conditions and restrictions may apply.

[Tara Davis Woodhull]

Hi, I'm Cindy Crawford and I'm the founder of Meaningful Beauty. Well, I don't know about you, but, like, I never liked being told, oh, wow, you, like, look so good for Your age. Like, why even bother saying that? Why don't you just say you look great at any age, Every age. That's what Meaningful Beauty is all about. We create products that make you feel confident in your skin at the age you are now. Meaningful beauty. Beautiful skin at every age. Learn more@meaningful beauty.com.

[Hunter Woodhull]

Well, the holidays have come and gone once again. But if you've forgotten to get that special someone in your life a gift. Well, Mint Mobile is extending their holiday offer of half off unlimited wireless. So here's the idea. You get it now. You call it an early present for next year. What do you have to lose? Give it a [e-mail] switch limited time.

[Tara Davis Woodhull]

50% off regular price for new customers. Upfront payment required. $45 for three months, $90 for six month or $180 for for 12 month plan taxes and fees. Extra speeds may slow after 50 gigabytes per month when network is busy.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

See terms you've never been one to settle. Stand down or stand still. You're a lifelong learner, energized by excellence. There's a fire inside you you can't ignore. You've got competition to outrun, momentum to build on, and your own high standards to meet. Stop now. Not a chance. At Capella University, we help you catch what you're chasing. Because you've always had the drive. Now go earn the degree. Capella University. What can't you do? Visit Capella Edu to learn more.

[David Boring]

I'm short. I'm bald.

[Dulce Sloan]

I can't get any hoes.

[David Boring]

I've been fighting my entire life. You can get hoes. You can. You can also get hoes. We're back.

[Dulce Sloan]

What is that from?

[Langston Kerman]

We scour the Internet for very specific clips. Our fans also. And shout out to the lil mamas. They often send us things that find their way into David's sound pad. We are collectors of sort of the oddities.

[David Boring]

Oh, shout out to Jamar, happy birthday on the 27th.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh yeah, shout out Jamar, Happy birthday, Jamar.

[David Boring]

Your wife, Neely, I believe her name is, DMed me and I actually read it. I didn't respond cause I respect your union, but I'm doing it here.

[Langston Kerman]

He didn't want to be all up in your wife's DMs.

[David Boring]

I'm not doing that to you, Jamar. I know that you're a big fan.

[Langston Kerman]

But she did mention that you're a big fan and that your birthday is coming up and it may have passed.

[David Boring]

It's probably passed.

[Langston Kerman]

It's passed. But that's not the point. It's close enough that we do wish you a happy birthday, and we hope that that means the world to you.

[Dulce Sloan]

Go on.

[David Boring]

You should see what we said about it on the Patreon.

[Langston Kerman]

Which we have.

[David Boring]

Which we have.

[Langston Kerman]

And you need to tap into it.

[Dulce Sloan]

Yeah.

[David Boring]

Www.patreon.com. backslash.

[Dulce Sloan]

Not backslash.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, that's part of it.

[Dulce Sloan]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

We don't own. No, no, no, no.

[David Boring]

This isn't fair. Whatever she's doing.

[Dulce Sloan]

What? That's.

[David Boring]

But she's going great. That's.

[Langston Kerman]

That's part of the deal.

[Dulce Sloan]

You always think I'm coming at your neck, and I love you so much.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, we don't.

[David Boring]

Because I live with my back to the wall. That's how I see the world.

[Dulce Sloan]

The only reason I said not backlash is cause I saw. Only reason I said not was because I saw your brain not know the rest of the website.

[David Boring]

Oh, that was bad. That was bad.

[Dulce Sloan]

In the space of the pause, I was like, let me offer some assistance, because this nigga's brain is.

[David Boring]

Magnified. Yeah. It wasn't even a lot of weed.

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[David Boring]

You gotta be honest. My boss gave it to me.

[Dulce Sloan]

Will Pharrell give you weed?

[Langston Kerman]

No, no, no, no.

[David Boring]

He gives us pills.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh.

[Dulce Sloan]

Sustain him. Hey, let's go.

[Langston Kerman]

Now we're doing business.

[Dulce Sloan]

Comedy. Cut a check.

[David Boring]

Hymns.

[Langston Kerman]

Cut that goddamn check. Come on.

[Dulce Sloan]

Send me a hymn.

[Langston Kerman]

We are still talking about it. We not gonna do that. What we're not going to do is use this podcast to sex traffic. That's not what it was built for. He is on the wall, ironically.

[Dulce Sloan]

Who is that?

[Langston Kerman]

That's Puff Daddy with his pants down.

[Dulce Sloan]

Is it?

[Langston Kerman]

And it is iron more than it is sincere.

[Dulce Sloan]

And I tell you who's trafficking is.

[David Boring]

The craziest thing to have to say about yourself. Who's trafficking?

[Dulce Sloan]

I can tell you I'm moving a.

[Langston Kerman]

Nigga from state to state.

[Dulce Sloan]

Trafficking. Hold on. I'm traveling.

[Langston Kerman]

He travels with me.

[Dulce Sloan]

First of all, I will say, if I ever cross the state line.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Dulce Sloan]

In reference to me, I've never flew. I've never been flew out.

[David Boring]

Have you flew out?

[Dulce Sloan]

I have flew out.

[David Boring]

You flew the man out.

[Dulce Sloan]

No, I flew to the man.

[David Boring]

Oh, that's.

[Dulce Sloan]

You not finna say you flew me out.

[David Boring]

Why?

[Dulce Sloan]

Oh, no, you got to be. Let me tell you something. You got to be dealing with a certain kind of nigga that's gonna fl. If you gonna get flew out. You got to be dealing with a nigga that's not gonna say nothing about him. Flew you out?

[David Boring]

Yeah. That's rule number one to flu it out.

[Dulce Sloan]

So if I'm getting flew out, it'll be like, well, I flew you out, nigga. I will fly back better than you brought me out here.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's go.

[Dulce Sloan]

Okay, so that's the thing. That's the campaign. No, no, no. I get the ticket, okay?

[Langston Kerman]

I get the ticket.

[Dulce Sloan]

I come cause some dick you got to get back on a plane for.

[Langston Kerman]

In this story.

[David Boring]

Hey, where them bitches at? You're supposed to be titties. Where the fucking titties in the bitches.

[Dulce Sloan]

I agree fully.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Boring]

I know you do.

[Dulce Sloan]

I'm a summertime bitch.

[David Boring]

That was a clip of your set.

[Dulce Sloan]

Thanks so much. Gracias. Referee.

[Langston Kerman]

White people can't cook.

[Hunter Woodhull]

Nah.

[Langston Kerman]

That is a premise that you've introduced to this conversation.

[Dulce Sloan]

I have. And so. But the only caveat I will slightly give.

[David Boring]

Yep.

[Dulce Sloan]

The only caveat I will give is to Southern whites because they learned how to cook from us.

[Langston Kerman]

I will say that I've had a lot of fine meals from white people, but the finest meals that I've had from white people have been some version of mimicking soul food in some way. Southern food, which I think, at its essence, is soul food.

[Dulce Sloan]

It is. But you also have to remember, like, the same thing that. So a lot of the things that. I was trying to explain this to Trevor when we went to Atlanta, me. And we're trying to explain to him that when you get to certain parts of. Just once you get out of, like, a lot of major cities in a Southern state, everybody sounds the same. So we're all cooking the same shit. So you still have. So there's still white folks eating collard greens. There's still white people that eat chitlins. Now, white people don't want you to know they eat like that, but because it's. There is poor people food is poor people food.

[Langston Kerman]

It's the meal of the poor.

[Dulce Sloan]

Right. So there's white people eating grits. Collard. It's like they cook. We all cook the same.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Boring]

Hogshead cheese, all of that.

[Dulce Sloan]

Hogshead cheese. South. All of that. Your chitlins, all of that.

[David Boring]

Shout out to Art Fennell.

[Dulce Sloan]

Yes.

[David Boring]

You guys ever watch Country Style?

[Langston Kerman]

Nah.

[David Boring]

These always make. Man. It's a good. That shit is a good YouTube. Like, if you just want to see some black people just having a good time.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Boring]

Making some kind of fruit wines.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[David Boring]

Some kind of hogshead shit, man. Art Fennell, if you want to. Come on. I wore a Country Style shirt on here one time.

[Dulce Sloan]

Oh, really?

[David Boring]

Bring Jizzle his brother.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know any of this.

[David Boring]

Oh, man. I'll put you down.

[Dulce Sloan]

I want to see this.

[David Boring]

It's like, it's so nice that they have like fishing contests. They're just country as hell sometimes. Sometimes they're making crazy shit. But yeah, it's a good time. No, I want to. I want to see my.

[Dulce Sloan]

If you look at the food, like real country style. So real country black. Like, that's the thing is like. So I like, you know my camo jacket, right. So I have a woodland.

[David Boring]

It's baby fat.

[Langston Kerman]

You have a baby fat jacket?

[Dulce Sloan]

I absolutely don't have a fucking baby fat jacket. Because I never made a whole fucking boat. Baby fat was never for fat baby babies. Baby fat never made plus size shit.

[David Boring]

We're looking at you, Kamara Lee.

[Langston Kerman]

She's been through enough.

[Dulce Sloan]

I'm not throwing no smoking.

[David Boring]

Kamara Lee Simmons. You won't get me.

[Dulce Sloan]

That lady has been through a lot.

[Langston Kerman]

She's been through enough.

[Dulce Sloan]

She's been through so much.

[Langston Kerman]

She want to make little jackets for little people that it may not be nice also.

[David Boring]

You know who was sexy was that cat on the back of the baby.

[Langston Kerman]

It was a sexy cat.

[Dulce Sloan]

But see, the thing is, girl, but I didn't fight enough in school to get a baby fat jacket.

[David Boring]

It is like a varsity jacket for girls who fight and they had it on year round. Getting a baby fat is like lettering.

[Langston Kerman]

If it was in crystals, you was a senior.

[David Boring]

How is Stacy doing? She actually got a baby fat this year.

[Langston Kerman]

You know, she got her crystals only.

[David Boring]

Freshmen with the baby fat.

[Dulce Sloan]

Only freshmen with the baby fat. Because she's pregnant. That's the reason. Because there's.

[Langston Kerman]

She fought to have that baby. Yeah.

[Dulce Sloan]

Cause she had to fight. Everybody did not have. So there's the crystals and then there's the fur liner. And she's gonna have it on a little too warm into the year. Cause her mama bought her a real one.

[David Boring]

Yep.

[Dulce Sloan]

So you gonna have to wear this jacket.

[Langston Kerman]

You also wear it all day. That was my experience was you keep your jacket on all day. Cause it was little and so it looked still like a crop top a little bit.

[Dulce Sloan]

Cause you couldn't wear a crop top shirt.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep. But you could wear a little nasty baby.

[Dulce Sloan]

But you could wear it a little. Yeah. And that girl. And so when she had it on, it was just like a little too warm. You're like, oh, she's dead.

[Langston Kerman]

That's a killer.

[Dulce Sloan]

But, yeah, but them girls always fought it was the hot Cheeto girls. The same thing. So I was never in the ranking.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[David Boring]

What was your jacket?

[Dulce Sloan]

I had a. I did have a Michigan starter jacket.

[Langston Kerman]

That's cool.

[David Boring]

Oh, a starter jacket is for women with large breasts.

[Dulce Sloan]

Yes. And it was a pullover one. So you had to commit.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I don't think I ever thought about it, but yeah. Good. Very astute, observational.

[Dulce Sloan]

I do remember, like, it was a big deal. Like, if you would wear, like, a boys starter jacket, then everybody knew that you were wearing.

[Langston Kerman]

Sure.

[Dulce Sloan]

Everyone had to know that you were wearing his starter jacket. That was a whole big deal.

[Langston Kerman]

Did you go to, like, an art school?

[Dulce Sloan]

No, I just went. I went to a regular high school.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[David Boring]

I might add. You into, like, the school from Fame.

[Dulce Sloan]

No.

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[Dulce Sloan]

Because the county I lived in had enough money.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Dulce Sloan]

That every school had enough money to have an arts program.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[David Boring]

Okay.

[Dulce Sloan]

So a lot of times, because for.

[Langston Kerman]

Us, it was letterman jackets. Not necessarily starter jackets.

[Dulce Sloan]

Oh, those two.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay, I got you.

[Dulce Sloan]

Cause here's the thing.

[David Boring]

Did you ever buy your letterman jacket?

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[David Boring]

Me either. I letter. Never bought the jacket.

[Dulce Sloan]

I got a letter in chorus. I was. I'm not buying a jacket to put a chorus letter on.

[Langston Kerman]

No, I'm not doing that.

[Dulce Sloan]

It also said chorus down the front. Now the date.

[David Boring]

Oh, they put it on the E. You know why?

[Dulce Sloan]

But I did one day have on, you know, a little football player's, you know, jacket one day, you know.

[David Boring]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

And that's weird that he gave it to you like that, but. Yeah, absolutely.

[Dulce Sloan]

I mean, I was up there to.

[Langston Kerman]

Get weird, so I don't want you to have this.

[Dulce Sloan]

You think that's what happened?

[David Boring]

We'll never forget chorus.

[Dulce Sloan]

No, his was actually. He played actual. I was the one that got a letter in chorus. And then when they gave it to me, I was like, why am I getting this? Yeah, why are you giving me a letter in chorus? Who asked for this?

[Langston Kerman]

Of course.

[David Boring]

Yeah. Did you get the little P. That was like the music note or the little pin that was like a music note.

[Dulce Sloan]

No, I had. Well, I had one for the theater honor society. So I like the chords and the thing for that, but they didn't give me the cause. I did chorus for a year, got a letter, and then I kept doing musical theater. So then I just had chords and stuff. And then the Spanish honor society, but I didn't get a.

[David Boring]

You were in Spanish honor society?

[Langston Kerman]

El Society.

[Dulce Sloan]

Yes.

[David Boring]

Yeah, actually.

[Dulce Sloan]

Yes. See, he knows some stuff.

[David Boring]

No, baby, I've been south of the border.

[Dulce Sloan]

Yeah.

[David Boring]

I'VE been north too.

[Langston Kerman]

That's cool.

[David Boring]

Nice shoes there, bud.

[Dulce Sloan]

Everybody on the campaign being like, I can tell you that I am not one of them people that's moving to Canada. It's not gonna happen. It's not finna happen.

[David Boring]

You know what?

[Langston Kerman]

I spent some time in Toronto pretty recently. I could do it.

[Dulce Sloan]

It.

[David Boring]

Oh, it's Canada's way doable.

[Langston Kerman]

No, no, no, no.

[Dulce Sloan]

I won't do it.

[David Boring]

I wouldn't want to go like, way like Edmonton. Like.

[Dulce Sloan]

No, no, no, no. I'm not going where there. Where the land. Just.

[Langston Kerman]

No, no.

[David Boring]

Montreal. There used to be a ton of black people in Nova Scotia.

[Dulce Sloan]

I don't.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't with the French people. French like that.

[Dulce Sloan]

But bro, the way you.

[David Boring]

Yeah, you.

[Langston Kerman]

You been to JFL enough times where.

[Dulce Sloan]

It'S just like, you get in that. I'm. I'm like all that. Why are you. I just came to get ice cream. Why are you. It's. It's 2pm why are you acting like this?

[David Boring]

I feel like the Quebecois are different than French people.

[Langston Kerman]

100%.

[Dulce Sloan]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Because they feel like they have something to prove, but the French have no respect for them. You know what? They.

[David Boring]

Of course they don't. They live in Canada.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what the wild. The people from Quebec are? The are niggas who grew up in the suburbs.

[David Boring]

Oh.

[Langston Kerman]

Do you know what I mean? Like, they have that thing where they feel like they gotta prove something and then they're actually crazier than people who grew up around real dangerous threat.

[Dulce Sloan]

Right. Cause I grew up in the suburbs and I grew up with that. But I also. It's. But add that. Plus I grew up with kids who were first generation. And then where I lived in Gwinnett, so I lived in Norcross. Gwenexico. Gracias. But where I lived was when your parents got a good job and you moved out of the other parts of Atlanta. This was the first city you hit when your parents had a good job. But yeah. So white people can't cook.

[Langston Kerman]

I will say that.

[David Boring]

They can't bake, though.

[Dulce Sloan]

Bake they asses off. Listen, have you watched British bacon show?

[David Boring]

No, I can't get into it.

[Dulce Sloan]

Okay, here's.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't actually turn to TV for positivity.

[Dulce Sloan]

Okay. And I understand that because there's a lot. So I watch.

[David Boring]

That's really fair.

[Langston Kerman]

Well.

[Dulce Sloan]

Cause I watch a lot of Korean dramas and I've been watching them since. Since I was in high school.

[Langston Kerman]

We've talked about this.

[Dulce Sloan]

Right?

[Langston Kerman]

Because of and you have a podcast about it.

[Dulce Sloan]

I do. It's called Chasing K Dramas. And so. And they're actually very big among black women, actually. But I watch them because I don't. There's not a lot of American tv, English language tv that I can watch because it's one extreme. It's very negative. It's extremely predictable because I can watch a show and go, oh, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, boom. And then, you know, exact. I can figure out a whole first five minutes, I'm like, okay, what happened? And then I know it's gonna go down.

[Langston Kerman]

And you feel the Koreans are doing it better.

[Dulce Sloan]

They're doing it. They're doing it in a way, as in when it comes to, like, a love story. Right. So when you watch An American Love Story, you're watching a woman's emotions and a man's actions. You don't watch men fall in love on American television. You don't. You watch a man pursue a thing and then a woman allow herself, and then she's like, all of her feelings. You don't hear about his feelings until it gets to the point where she's like, oh, you haven't done enough, or you did this thing. I'm going to leave. You don't hear about his feelings until he is in a place where, like, she's gonna leave me.

[David Boring]

Oh, you wanna hear about men's feelings?

[Dulce Sloan]

Yes, I wanna see. So when you're. I wanna see a man pursue.

[David Boring]

Dulce's an advocate for men, y'. All.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, she has been the whole time.

[Dulce Sloan]

It's a no.

[Langston Kerman]

I've never doubted that about it.

[Dulce Sloan]

Thank you so much. Here's the thing. If we. Because I always. I was like, if we let. If we let men. If we stop teaching men so early to stop expressing themselves because they're all. There's no reason. Because it's like, I don't like the idea was like, well, you know, men are. Are simple. They don't have the same emotions as us.

[David Boring]

And that's not gonna feel pain.

[Dulce Sloan]

That's a miss. That's not beneficial to anybody. Because if we actually. Like. I always think about this when I see a man too worked up about sports.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Dulce Sloan]

It's like, oh, he's not crying because his team won. He's crying because his dad died. But nobody let him cry at the fucking funeral because he's a man. So you allow him to cry because the team that he's never. He watches this on tv, he's never been to a fucking game in real life.

[Langston Kerman]

And you're saying the Koreans have tapped into that emotional journey.

[Dulce Sloan]

Now what they.

[David Boring]

Now they can't cry.

[Dulce Sloan]

But here's so in the.

[David Boring]

Go ahead and figure out what button.

[Langston Kerman]

You'Re supposed to press after that one. Let me see what button makes the most sense. After that, Bezos can came, Bill Gates came, Mark Zuckerberg came, Many of them came numerous times. The bankers have all come. Everybody's coming.

[Dulce Sloan]

Now here's the thing you have to remember. Stupid.

[David Boring]

So stupid.

[Langston Kerman]

He's really the funniest guy.

[Dulce Sloan]

He is.

[Langston Kerman]

There's nobody funnier on the planet.

[Dulce Sloan]

So on there, the way the shows are written, you're seeing a lot of expressions of emotions from men. But you're also seeing men fall in love. You're seeing men be excited to see a woman that they care about. You're seeing men be excited to express genuine concern, love, care, whatever. Now in society, like. But in Korean society, that's not happening.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay?

[Dulce Sloan]

Because you have to remember most of the shows are written by women.

[David Boring]

Korean women.

[Dulce Sloan]

Korean. So their whole drama industry, 97% of the shows are written by women.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Dulce Sloan]

And so you're seeing like, but for instance, like in American shows, it's, you know, people start dating, third date, they're sleeping together.

[Langston Kerman]

Male dominated film field, all of that.

[Dulce Sloan]

All of that. Not only male dominated field. It's like. Cause I've always said Sex and the City destroyed a generation of dating for women.

[David Boring]

Oh.

[Dulce Sloan]

Made them. Carrie Bradshaw is the worst example. The fucking worst example.

[Langston Kerman]

I've never watched the show.

[David Boring]

Yeah, I could never get into it. I've tried to start it several times actually.

[Dulce Sloan]

I'll say this one show is written by a gay man. Created by a gay man.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[David Boring]

Okay.

[Dulce Sloan]

And so it was very much the. It was. And so all I'm saying is it wasn't a woman who was writing the show. It wasn't a woman who created the show. So when your main character has a dude for years who we don't even identify by name.

[David Boring]

Oh, Mr. Big, right?

[Langston Kerman]

And then does he have, does he have a name?

[Dulce Sloan]

Oh, come to the last episode of the fucking series.

[David Boring]

It's actually Max Bigavel.

[Langston Kerman]

Is that true?

[Dulce Sloan]

You find out the nigga's name is John.

[David Boring]

John.

[Dulce Sloan]

John.

[Langston Kerman]

We've been waiting on John.

[Dulce Sloan]

You waited five seasons. Five, six, seven season. Finally, this motherfucker's name is John.

[Langston Kerman]

Max Bigaville. Would have been better.

[Dulce Sloan]

Would have been way better. But so basically, she's a side piece to this man. He gets married to somebody else, he's cheating with this man, all kinds of shit.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Dulce Sloan]

So it's an awful example. And so you don't get to see examples of a woman who is having a man show her genuine care. It's about, like, Americans. Like, this is another thing to invade, accomplish whatever. Cause on Korean shows, usually it's. It'll be five episodes before they hold hands. Mm. And so there's all these old school. Right? So it's like very old school.

[David Boring]

How many episodes before you hold hands?

[Dulce Sloan]

Depends on the season. You know what I mean? If he's gonna get a second season. Yeah, but sometimes it's like the 80s. You got canceled after three episodes. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, no one watched on a Thursday night.

[David Boring]

No one watched.

[Dulce Sloan]

Shut it down. Shut it down.

[Langston Kerman]

Listen, I hold hands as fast as you let me.

[David Boring]

Yeah, but it's also a couple hours in.

[Dulce Sloan]

I'm down. I'm down. Nice little smooch. But also, sometimes people try to get aggressive with the smooching. Sorry. We knew you weren't gonna smooch. Don't smooch me. Give me some time to know you before we smooch.

[David Boring]

We're in the hallway.

[Langston Kerman]

Mm, mm, mm. You can hear em. Yeah, they're laughing at you. You're the butt of that joke.

[Dulce Sloan]

You know what? I'm so glad we became. We got to be friends. We've known each other. We weren't always friends.

[Langston Kerman]

We weren't always friends.

[Dulce Sloan]

We.

[David Boring]

As enemies, we had.

[Langston Kerman]

We had a period where we were not speaking.

[Dulce Sloan]

We weren't cool.

[Langston Kerman]

We weren't cool.

[Dulce Sloan]

And that was my fault.

[David Boring]

Okay, I'm not gonna bring it up.

[Langston Kerman]

It doesn't. This isn't about placing blame.

[Dulce Sloan]

No, no, no. It was. That was. That was me. I was not.

[Langston Kerman]

We weren't seeing eye to eye for a while, but now we've grown closer. We've. We've mended our bad ways. And that's beautiful, because it was on me.

[Dulce Sloan]

Yeah, I don't.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't feel that way.

[Dulce Sloan]

But, but if it, If. Listen, I, I, I. I'll take it. If it's not. If that's not how you see it, then I'll take it all.

[Langston Kerman]

I think. I think everybody. Everybody had some growing to do.

[Dulce Sloan]

It was the.

[Langston Kerman]

Look, if you hate cops just because.

[David Boring]

They'Re cops, the next time you get.

[Hunter Woodhull]

In trouble, call a crackhead.

[Dulce Sloan]

Honestly, Call a crackhead.

[Langston Kerman]

Call a crackhead.

[Dulce Sloan]

Because first of all, the crackhead is going to know where your stuff went.

[David Boring]

They have it.

[Dulce Sloan]

They have. They have it. They know who Took it.

[David Boring]

Case closed.

[Langston Kerman]

And I do think in a domestic dispute, who is going to have more confidence trying to talk people down than a crackhead to walk into someone else's.

[Dulce Sloan]

Home and be like, y' all gotta cool off. Y' all acting crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

And like, that's a crackhead would help you with that.

[Dulce Sloan]

This is my question.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[Dulce Sloan]

Are there people starting crack today?

[David Boring]

Has to be.

[Langston Kerman]

I think so. I think it's.

[Dulce Sloan]

We're still doing that.

[Langston Kerman]

I think it's still a thriving industry. It's just more boutique than any.

[Dulce Sloan]

Yeah.

[David Boring]

I think things. I think things rise and fall, but I don't think a lot of drugs get pulled back.

[Langston Kerman]

I think Arby's doing quails.

[David Boring]

That. That's. That's like a pharma. Pharmaceuticals. Stop making them.

[Langston Kerman]

I think Arby's is still doing, like, top seven numbers.

[David Boring]

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

[Langston Kerman]

Fucking fast food chains crazy.

[Dulce Sloan]

I've been to Arby's once and was like, I know this wasn't enough beef, and I don't think it's done.

[Langston Kerman]

I actually enjoy it quite a bit.

[David Boring]

Yeah. Did you get the big Montana?

[Dulce Sloan]

There's not a state they can pull out.

[Langston Kerman]

We need to take one more break. I don't know that we need to keep advancing that any further. What a funny response.

[Angela Yee]

More.

[Langston Kerman]

Don't say Sloane. More. My mama told me.

[Tara Davis Woodhull]

Hey, this is U.S. olympic gold medalist.

[Hunter Woodhull]

Tara Davis Woodhull, and I'm U.S. paralympic gold medalist Hunter Woodhull.

[Tara Davis Woodhull]

As athletes, our lives are about having.

[Hunter Woodhull]

A clear path and a team that you can absolutely trust.

[Tara Davis Woodhull]

So when it came to getting the.

[Hunter Woodhull]

Best mortgage, we chose PennyMac.

[Tara Davis Woodhull]

PennyMac is proud to be the official mortgage provider of Team USA and you.

[Hunter Woodhull]

Learn more at pennymac.com pennymac loan services llc/housing lender nmls id 35953 licensed by the Department of Financial Protection and Innovation under the California Residential Mortgage Lending act, conditions and restrictions may apply.

[Tara Davis Woodhull]

Hi, I'm Cindy Crawford, and I'm the founder of Meaningful Beauty. Well, I don't know about you, but, like, I never liked being told, oh, wow, you look so good for your age. Like, why even bother saying that? Why don't you just say you look great at any age? Every age. That's what Meaningful Beauty is all about. We create products that make you feel confident in your skin at the age you are now. Meaningful Beauty. Beautiful skin at every age. Learn [e-mail].

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Youm've never been one to settle, stand down or Stand still. You're a lifelong learner, energized by excellence. There's a fire inside you you can't ignore. You've got competition to outrun, momentum to build on, and your own high standards to meet. Stop now. Not a chance. At Capella University, we help you catch what you're chasing because you've always had the drive. Now go earn the degree. Capella University. What can't you do? Visit Capella. Edu to learn more.

[LifeLock Advertiser]

Are you a fraud paying American? It's a fact that one in four honest, hard working, tax paying Americans has been a victim of identity theft. With Lifelock Identity Theft Protection, though, if your identity is stolen, they fix it, guaranteed, and get you your money back. Last year, the IRS flagged over $16 billion in refunds for identity fraud. That's billions of dollars that could come from your salary, overtime, or second job. But this year, you don't need to stay a victim. LifeLock monitors millions of data points per second for your personal information and alerts you to threats you could easily miss on your own. And if your information does fall into the wrong hands, only Lifelock has us based on restoration specialists who are backed by the million dollar protection package. Because this tax season, fraud paying American is something no American should have to claim. Visit lifelock.com iheart and save up to 40% your first year. That's 40% [e-mail] iheart terms app.

[Dulce Sloan]

Would you say that you're racist?

[David Boring]

Not at all. No. Yeah, look at my dog. He's as black as can be. And we're back as can be. We got Dosay Sloan we're talking about.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[Dulce Sloan]

She started every time.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's do the what color one.

[Dulce Sloan]

Hey, freaky niggas. Pause, pause. What'd she say?

[David Boring]

That was better.

[Langston Kerman]

That was better.

[David Boring]

I will say. That was. That was not.

[Dulce Sloan]

She said. Hey, freaky.

[Langston Kerman]

It's a. We did. We made an unfortunate choice years ago to.

[Dulce Sloan]

How long have I been doing this podcast?

[Langston Kerman]

A long time.

[Dulce Sloan]

A while now.

[David Boring]

Like since COVID Yeah, no, right.

[Langston Kerman]

I started it in Covid and then I got on.

[David Boring]

We were still basically inside, right?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, we. We worked on Zoom for a long time. And then.

[Dulce Sloan]

Okay, that's what I thought.

[Langston Kerman]

And then have now found ourselves.

[David Boring]

I was still in Denver. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Anyway, the voicemail that we asked people to leave messages on contains some audio of us saying apparently some pretty graphic.

[David Boring]

Things we don't really remember.

[Langston Kerman]

We don't remember what we said.

[Dulce Sloan]

But you are not gonna call your own number to figure out What?

[Langston Kerman]

You said I have no interest.

[David Boring]

Come on, baby. I'm not broke.

[Dulce Sloan]

That man got all of me at the barbecue. Now.

[Langston Kerman]

Two packs hot dogs.

[Dulce Sloan]

These are pork ribs.

[David Boring]

Links. None of that bar ass garbage.

[Dulce Sloan]

Not bar ass. Bar ass. Don't need that. That dog bar ass did for you.

[David Boring]

Anyway, it did hold me down through.

[Langston Kerman]

Because of this nasty voicemail our fans have dubbed. Dubbed us Lil Freakies. And they love we call them little mamas. They sometimes identify as little freakies, but they certainly refer to us as little freakies. And then they will sometimes speak to us a little more cavalier than we would like a la freaky niggas.

[David Boring]

This lady, though.

[Dulce Sloan]

I like freaky, freaky niggas. Hey, freaky niggas. Okay, so I just. Listen, I'm late to the party, so I'm going through some back catalog, but what color do y' all think Michael Jackson's dick was?

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[Dulce Sloan]

Cause I just listen. I just listened to the episode with Rob Hayes and I've. I've thought about this before. Like, whatever. Skin.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Like, can you put skin bleaching cream on your dick?

[Langston Kerman]

I think so.

[Dulce Sloan]

That would burn. I mean, I don't have a dick, but I don't feel like that's how. What color do y' all think that nigga's dick was? That's the question.

[Langston Kerman]

That's a good question.

[David Boring]

Yeah, that's a good question.

[Dulce Sloan]

She didn't end it by saying, bye, bitch.

[Langston Kerman]

I said that to them.

[Dulce Sloan]

Okay, got it.

[David Boring]

Yeah, yeah, that was.

[Dulce Sloan]

Make sure, because I see a lot of y' all on the clips, so I comment on the clips all the time.

[Langston Kerman]

Sure.

[Dulce Sloan]

On the Instagrams.

[David Boring]

I don't look because it hurts my feelings.

[Dulce Sloan]

Oh, no, no. The first thing. One of the first things you learn is not to read comments. And I learned that from your other podcast.

[Langston Kerman]

I look forward to learning.

[David Boring]

Oh, was it bad?

[Dulce Sloan]

Oh, I learned not to go on Reddit ever because of.

[David Boring]

Don't go to Reddit. Don't go to Reddit unless you want, like, some weird money management tips or something.

[Dulce Sloan]

No, all that is. They had a whole thing on Reddit about. Yeah, Yalls Reddit anyway. Damn.

[Langston Kerman]

So your thoughts on Michael Jackson's penis?

[Dulce Sloan]

None of my business. I can say. Cause here's the question. Cause we're questioning him, but are we also questioning Sammy Sosa?

[Langston Kerman]

I don't think they have the same issue.

[David Boring]

No, I don't think. I think Sammy.

[Dulce Sloan]

Sammy Sosa looks like a thump, but.

[David Boring]

I think Sammy kept that dick the same color that whole time. So you think I think he said, yo soy Dominicano.

[Dulce Sloan]

Yo. They didn't.

[Langston Kerman]

I think he knows bats are supposed to be brown.

[Dulce Sloan]

You know what I mean? So you're telling me when they dipped him in that skin like the crib, he was like, oh, yeah, they covered him.

[Langston Kerman]

Vaseline. No, I think he laid back. Like.

[David Boring]

I think he said, don't forget that I'm wearing Joanies. I think he has a brown brief one.

[Langston Kerman]

I think it's a little brown at.

[David Boring]

The top, at least the tip.

[Dulce Sloan]

They used to have him in them Braves commercials, and it would be insane. And I was like, why you got this Frankenstein on here? Trying to sell Pete's.

[Langston Kerman]

He was the best.

[Dulce Sloan]

Texas Pete. Hey, man, listen. Texas Pete loved it.

[Langston Kerman]

He was the fucking best.

[Dulce Sloan]

But because it's like, you couldn't be so good that you couldn't break your own brain.

[David Boring]

But wait, we're running away from the important. No, no, no.

[Dulce Sloan]

What I'm saying is that. Is that I can't think about. I can't think. I can't think about these things. Oh, I can't think about them because they're none of my. Like, they're none of my. Here's a think.

[David Boring]

You've never imagined what a man's dick looked like.

[Dulce Sloan]

That's.

[Langston Kerman]

We know that.

[Dulce Sloan]

Don't play that game.

[Langston Kerman]

She's thinking about a man's dick right now.

[David Boring]

Think about that dick in the hall.

[Dulce Sloan]

Why? Think. Say hi. The.

[Langston Kerman]

You mean his dick is holding the phone to his ear, too?

[Dulce Sloan]

So tell her to call me then.

[David Boring]

Hey, how does it work?

[Dulce Sloan]

Why you think I came outside for it? You mean? But I was like, certain things I'm not supposed to say. Certain things I'm not supposed to know. Like, for instance, like when it comes to, like, my male friends, in my mind, you can't pee. You see what I'm saying? Like, there's nut. There's nut.

[Langston Kerman]

I can.

[David Boring]

I can't do it.

[Langston Kerman]

I do it a lot.

[Dulce Sloan]

Every day.

[Langston Kerman]

I actually wish I did it less.

[David Boring]

I do it multiple times a day. Sometimes I wake up at night just to do it.

[Langston Kerman]

That is what my frustration is.

[David Boring]

I'm doing it. You should get a sleep study or.

[Dulce Sloan]

Stop drinking water two hours before you go to sleep.

[Langston Kerman]

I've heard that. And I sometimes forget to drink water throughout the day. And then I try to overcompensate at night.

[Dulce Sloan]

At night. And then kitties keep you awake.

[David Boring]

That's the. But not drinking water before bed is impossible. I drink.

[Dulce Sloan]

Although it's impossible to be thirsty, man. Also, la's Dry as shit. So it's hard. But I can say that I think because of the trial and everything, because I was old enough to remember the trial. And I think because they were sitting up talking about his dick for days on the news.

[Langston Kerman]

And that second one, they really talked about it.

[Dulce Sloan]

Right. And then asking children about it, and then we're having this conversation. So for me, I'm just like, this is all. None of us should know any of this information.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[Dulce Sloan]

And I think, like, that part of the. That should have never been on television. I don't think that should have been shared with anybody. And I can't. Cause it's like, I've seen Vitiligo. So it was like I just kind of did on a human.

[David Boring]

That was a valid question.

[Dulce Sloan]

It is a valid question.

[David Boring]

I feel like that was a valid question.

[Langston Kerman]

I am not here to judge as much as I am excited that the pivot happened so quickly.

[Dulce Sloan]

Listen, I have a birthmark that starts here and goes all the way across like that. Right. And so people have asked me if. Cause it comes down like that. My friend Derek calls in my spots, but so I've been asked if this is Vitiligo. It's not. It's just a birthmark. So it starts here and comes all the way across my chest. Right. And so I have gone. Okay, if this splotching kind of could be over a whole. Cause you've seen Winnie Harlow and all of that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Boring]

First thing we wondered.

[Dulce Sloan]

But I do wonder, when you look at the change in pigmentation of a Winnie Harlow, and then you see the change in pigmentation of a Michael Jackson, Those aren't the same things.

[Langston Kerman]

What I think.

[David Boring]

What? I think somebody colored it in.

[Hunter Woodhull]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, that was it. Is that Michael Jackson's argument? What he's always claimed is that he was suffering through Vitiligo and then was using makeup to even everything out. Which we have seen Winnie Harlow do very rarely. But she's done it where she, like, made herself a.

[Dulce Sloan]

All one color. Cause that is hard to blend. Because she's got, you know, the spaceball.

[Langston Kerman]

She got them Thundercats.

[David Boring]

Right.

[Dulce Sloan]

Thank you so much. Yep. The calico.

[David Boring]

I would go crazy if I had that shit. Yeah. What day is it, bro?

[Dulce Sloan]

My makeup's nuts. I'm a nigga. I'm a house cat, bro. I'm a calico in this. I'm out here. I'm a Jellicle Cat. I'm singing memory every time you see me. I'm Rum Tug Tugger. I absolutely.

[David Boring]

You're Definitely. Rum tugger.

[Dulce Sloan]

David. Joseph. Boring.

[Langston Kerman]

Is Joseph the middle one? No. I was gonna be bummed out.

[David Boring]

No, Ezekiel. David's the middle one.

[Dulce Sloan]

Oh. Whoa. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh.

[David Boring]

Our tribe, we're named numerically. So all first boy. All first Kono boys are Sar. So everybody, your name is one. Sar is my first name, and then David's my middle name is. So, like, my family will call me Sar David. And then it's like Sar and then Tamba, and then Ea, and then Komba, and it goes all the way down, and then girls got it, too.

[Langston Kerman]

That's crazy.

[Dulce Sloan]

So, Nikki, your name is one or two?

[David Boring]

It's Sar. I'm the first one. Sar. Firstborn son.

[Dulce Sloan]

So your name is one.

[David Boring]

It's Sar.

[Langston Kerman]

One.

[David Boring]

But like, in Kono, in our language, it doesn't equal one. Ah, no, it's just the name that you give the first boy. It's just like a name.

[Langston Kerman]

It is a title more than it is a. Yeah.

[David Boring]

Cause everybody. Cause everybody. Everybody goes by that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Boring]

So, like, my little brother's Tomba and then Aiden, and, like, women, it's like Sia, I think Finna is the second one. And Bondi, it just goes like that.

[Langston Kerman]

I think I'm gonna start calling you Sar David a lot more.

[David Boring]

Okay, I.

[Dulce Sloan]

It's like you're mispronouncing, sir.

[David Boring]

It's weird because when I hear Sar David, it, like, opens a different part of my. It's like. It's like I'll pay close attention. You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

Okay, then I'd like for you to listen more.

[Dulce Sloan]

Sorry, David. So is it because, like, if you just. Because. Yeah, it's just so, like, if I hear my name pronounced correctly, then I'm like, oh, it's someone who speaks Spanish is talking to me. Say it. So what's funny? The way you pronounced it is actually in Romanian.

[David Boring]

How do you know that?

[Dulce Sloan]

Okay, because I used to work for Romanians.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, I thought you were gonna say I worked in Romania.

[Dulce Sloan]

No, never been.

[Langston Kerman]

Baby girl, you've lived a life.

[Dulce Sloan]

No, no, no, no. So my name is. So my name in Spanish is Dulce.

[Langston Kerman]

Dulce.

[Dulce Sloan]

And Italian is Dolce. Dulce. But in Romanian, it's Dulce.

[David Boring]

Dulce. It's all the same guy I got.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the same dude. He's traveling to different countries to do the VO for those.

[Dulce Sloan]

For romance language.

[David Boring]

I just do it for all the countries in my living room.

[Langston Kerman]

That's cool.

[David Boring]

Yeah, that's nice.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't. Oh, Michael Jackson's penis.

[Dulce Sloan]

Jesus.

[Langston Kerman]

I think he was evening his situation out. And part of his argument was that if he ever lifted up his shirt, you would see a lot more of the vitiligo that he had that we weren't seeing out there.

[Dulce Sloan]

But he's the only person who ever did this this way. That's my thing. It's because the cause, the pigmentation. I don't wanna say coloration the pigmentation. Even the parts where it's like. Where. When you see people with vitiligo that still looks like a person color.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[Dulce Sloan]

He doesn't look people color.

[Langston Kerman]

But I think that's what makes him the greatest.

[David Boring]

It's like, have you ever been sanding some shit and then you just go too far?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Boring]

Where it's just. Now it's tiny because you just over sanded it.

[Dulce Sloan]

But I think I never whittled.

[Langston Kerman]

But I do think vitiligo.

[David Boring]

That's not a crazy thing. That's not a crazy thing. They would have thought that you had done before.

[Dulce Sloan]

I'm sanding stuff down. I crash. Of course I am.

[Langston Kerman]

I do think vitiligo white is different than Caucasian.

[Dulce Sloan]

Absolutely. Because white people can have that alive. And they're a weird color.

[Langston Kerman]

I think that's why he picked that is. He's like, I am absent of color. I am picking a color that then makes me not even white. I am just Michael Jackson colored. He's like a Tiffany box. Do you know what I mean? Like, he branded a color and it's just. That is his.

[Dulce Sloan]

But here's my thing with that. You have to. You have to be able to maintain that. So for instance, like when you think of like a Sammy Sosa. Right.

[Langston Kerman]

Absolutely.

[Dulce Sloan]

Or like skin bleach.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Sammy's getting darker again, by the way.

[Dulce Sloan]

He has to.

[David Boring]

Yeah. I mean, it was. He was looking like a uncircumcised penis. Yeah.

[Dulce Sloan]

I mean those. But actually don't. Those. I hate them.

[David Boring]

But anyway, you relax.

[Dulce Sloan]

Hey, you know how I feel about those. I'm not your wife. None of my business. None of my business.

[David Boring]

Feel wrong about.

[Dulce Sloan]

I'm not rolling a dick down like gym socks. That's not what I came here for.

[Langston Kerman]

Is that how it goes? I'm not familiar. I've never had the experience. Is that what you're doing?

[Dulce Sloan]

It's a burrito to go.

[David Boring]

It's not a burrito to go.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm not familiar. I wish you the best with what you got.

[Dulce Sloan]

Blessed.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Dulce Sloan]

Every time I see one, it's, why do your parents hate me? Every time how many times do you see one? Not enough. No, no, no.

[David Boring]

To have an informed opinion. I've seen one every day for 38 years.

[Dulce Sloan]

Too much.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Dulce Sloan]

And one was too many.

[David Boring]

Okay, what was the size on. Know what? I'm not getting into this with you.

[Dulce Sloan]

You asked me the question, what color.

[David Boring]

Was Michael Jackson's penis?

[Dulce Sloan]

No, no, my father.

[David Boring]

Answer the question.

[Langston Kerman]

Was he circumcised?

[Dulce Sloan]

Yes.

[Langston Kerman]

Jehovah's Witness.

[Dulce Sloan]

Ah. I don't know nothing about them.

[David Boring]

Penis wise.

[Dulce Sloan]

Well, no, I think they're not.

[Langston Kerman]

I wouldn't assume they circumcised.

[David Boring]

But if they don't celebrate birthdays, they're not gonna celebrate the worst day.

[Dulce Sloan]

But they do have a baby shower because all my tias are all Jehovah's Witnesses. And I'm like, oh, we want me to do the birthday party, but they'll do a baby shower like a motherfucker.

[Langston Kerman]

They do not practice circumcision. Michael Jackson, turtleneck.

[David Boring]

Do a lot of cults not practice circumcision?

[Dulce Sloan]

I don't.

[Langston Kerman]

I wouldn't call them a cult.

[David Boring]

Oh, no.

[Langston Kerman]

I would call them maybe the most effective religion in history.

[David Boring]

Oversized.

[Dulce Sloan]

Holy. No, they've been.

[Langston Kerman]

They made nothing. But. I mean, they miss a lot for sure. But as far as, like, the greatness of the motherfuckers, they've made Prince and Michael Jackson alone.

[Dulce Sloan]

You know what I think? I think the reason they don't get cult status is a lot of things with cults is the money thing. And so people talk about when people. Cause now they're starting to call Jehovah's Witnesses a cult. But I think. Because you're not. Because the whole point isn't a grift.

[Langston Kerman]

No, they get it out the mud.

[Dulce Sloan]

They're not trying to. They're not trying to come for your dust. So people are like, oh, this isn't a cult. Because they're not trying to steal from you.

[Langston Kerman]

They're just telling you not to spend your money on a birthday party. They're being like, hey, skip Christmas.

[Dulce Sloan]

Because it's like.

[Langston Kerman]

But it's literally like, it wasn't in the Bible.

[Dulce Sloan]

We're not gonna do it. So since it doesn't celebrate. Celebrate a birthday. Even though when the three wise men came to the name of Jesus, they were definitely celebrating his birthday.

[Langston Kerman]

As long as you stay with that partner, that doesn't make you happy.

[Dulce Sloan]

They're cool, they're chilling, which is just more patriarchal than anything. But I think that. So that's crazy to be un. Uncircumcised. That means at one point they were vitiligoing probably at different rates.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, here's my concern with Michael Jackson now, based off of what you've described of our friend David's penis and you did go into detail.

[David Boring]

That's not what it's.

[Langston Kerman]

That is how I remember it is.

[David Boring]

That that means she said it crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

That means there is a possibility. There is a possibility that Michael Jackson.

[David Boring]

You know what? Gymstrucks are long as hell.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay? Hey, that skin long.

[Dulce Sloan]

But your foot could be smaller. You got on ankle socks. Even the socks are short.

[David Boring]

These are like thirteens.

[Dulce Sloan]

The socks are short.

[Langston Kerman]

That's a big foot.

[David Boring]

That's a big ass foot.

[Dulce Sloan]

Listen. Hey, man. Shout out to you for throwing that leg up.

[Langston Kerman]

There is some possibility that Michael Jackson.

[Dulce Sloan]

That's what we're doing. That's what we're doing.

[David Boring]

You didn't have to do it.

[Langston Kerman]

Just cause he did a thing don't mean you gotta do it. Yes, you were invited here.

[Dulce Sloan]

I'm being a good guest.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know that this is polite guest behavior.

[Dulce Sloan]

Pardon me.

[Langston Kerman]

Where I come from, we don't put our feet on people's tables.

[Dulce Sloan]

I want him to be supported in his.

[Langston Kerman]

Mom, these are fine silk tablecloths.

[Dulce Sloan]

He threw his foot up and I wanted him to know that I support him in what he's doing.

[Langston Kerman]

And I was gonna have a stern talking with him once we. We were done.

[Dulce Sloan]

No, you should have throw your up.

[Langston Kerman]

The same way we were talking about before.

[David Boring]

You can't get in trouble. Put yours up.

[Dulce Sloan]

You got to throw it up, baby. Put numbers on the board, dog.

[David Boring]

Come on, man.

[Dulce Sloan]

Put numbers on the board, dog.

[David Boring]

Everybody's doing that.

[Dulce Sloan]

Laptop.

[Langston Kerman]

Go ahead. Let's go, let's go.

[David Boring]

Put that Tim on top.

[Dulce Sloan]

Throw them big ass Tims on this thing.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on.

[David Boring]

Yeah, baby.

[Langston Kerman]

What is this for?

[Dulce Sloan]

What you mean?

[Langston Kerman]

What do we gain from this nigga?

[Dulce Sloan]

We living it. Be on mic.

[David Boring]

There you go.

[Langston Kerman]

I gained nothing from this.

[David Boring]

We have to end this.

[Langston Kerman]

All I want to say is that there is some possibility that Michael Jackson uncircumcised. That means that his penis was this color, but then when you roll it back, it's dark underneath.

[Dulce Sloan]

That's what I'm saying. Vitiligo went at different rates and I.

[Langston Kerman]

Think that that's awesome.

[Dulce Sloan]

Well, I can say. Now listen.

[Langston Kerman]

Because that means when this motherfucker get hard, that black come back out.

[David Boring]

Oh God.

[Langston Kerman]

And Michael Jackson was a real nigga all the way to the end.

[Dulce Sloan]

Now I can say to his Core to his core.

[David Boring]

Gary, Indiana to the bone.

[Dulce Sloan]

Now, I know. I assume I've seen more.

[David Boring]

Don't you bitch.

[Dulce Sloan]

I assume I've seen more than y'.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

All.

[Dulce Sloan]

But, you know, you could have played a sport. And I can say that sometimes, a lot of times, especially in black men, it is darker than the rest of the body.

[Langston Kerman]

I think that's true for most.

[Dulce Sloan]

Yeah, Latino men as well. Sometimes white dudes. And that always throws you off.

[Langston Kerman]

I think white dudes most of the time, too, right?

[Dulce Sloan]

Depends.

[Langston Kerman]

There's. It's. I think it's a diff. It's darker. It just pink. A dark pink or a dark.

[Dulce Sloan]

It depends on their background. So if you're dealing with like, the Irish kind of areas, stays more pink. But if you're dealing with like a, you know, Jewish, Italian, kind of like an all.

[David Boring]

Like a. More swarthy, the tanning areas.

[Dulce Sloan]

Swarth is a great word.

[David Boring]

That's the right word.

[Langston Kerman]

It might be the right word. You're. It feels pirate esque to me, and in that way, I got a little nervous, but I'm listening. I'm being a good listener.

[Dulce Sloan]

If they tan, yeah, it'll be darker.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[Dulce Sloan]

If they sunburn, it's all the same color.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay. Tan your dick.

[David Boring]

Any answer?

[Dulce Sloan]

How old are you?

[Langston Kerman]

29.

[David Boring]

Careful, she's coming for you.

[Dulce Sloan]

I don't want to hear. I don't care.

[Langston Kerman]

You don't even care that he has a penis.

[David Boring]

Damn.

[Langston Kerman]

Sorry about that.

[Dulce Sloan]

He couldn't vote for Obama either time.

[Langston Kerman]

That's okay. Okay. Amen.

[Dulce Sloan]

He learned about 911 at school. They told that nigga, you know, never forget because he can't remember.

[David Boring]

Ah, okay, okay.

[Langston Kerman]

You're not trying to hear it.

[David Boring]

911 has a lot to do with your sexual preferences.

[Dulce Sloan]

You could vote for Obama. You see what I'm saying? Like, there's just certain, like, frames of rep. Like, it's like you've never used.

[Langston Kerman]

The house and we needed that vote bad.

[David Boring]

Could have changed everything.

[Dulce Sloan]

Also, I'm looking at the. I already know.

[David Boring]

This is crazy.

[Dulce Sloan]

Y' all needed to die.

[David Boring]

You're going crazy. This man does nothing but work for us.

[Langston Kerman]

He's just doing a. I'm checking the.

[Dulce Sloan]

He tans that boy.

[David Boring]

That's not his science instrument. You just looked at him and you.

[Langston Kerman]

Snapped at him four times.

[Dulce Sloan]

If you burn, do you burn it in tan?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, okay.

[Dulce Sloan]

Fucking told you.

[Langston Kerman]

We didn't disagree as much as we said. Leave him alone.

[Dulce Sloan]

I told the boy not to answer the question. And then y' all said y' all Needed the information.

[Langston Kerman]

We weren't as much.

[Dulce Sloan]

Y' all go fucking try it. You told the boy. He didn't answer. I told him he didn't need an. And now you gonna say something because I told the boy he has to answer.

[Langston Kerman]

We weren't fighting you. We just wanted him to be okay.

[Dulce Sloan]

He's fine.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay. Don't say I. I. I don't know what else we could do together today. I, I think.

[Dulce Sloan]

I got a whole car in. A whole car to come here and this. Just look me in my face.

[Langston Kerman]

I think we've done everything we needed to do.

[Dulce Sloan]

I think we're done.

[Langston Kerman]

Get back on that microphone because you have to tell the people where they can find you.

[Dulce Sloan]

I think we're done.

[Langston Kerman]

I think the cool shit you have going on. Don't walk away before plugging your plugs, but please know our time together is coming to an end.

[Dulce Sloan]

Oh.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm joking. I'm being silly for you.

[Dulce Sloan]

No, I think I heard you.

[Langston Kerman]

Tell the people.

[Dulce Sloan]

No, no, no, no. I heard you. Bori. It is always good to see you. Always.

[David Boring]

It's a pleasure.

[Dulce Sloan]

Langston.

[Langston Kerman]

Ma'. Am.

[Dulce Sloan]

Sir. Sar. Listen.

[David Boring]

Who likes Mike Epstein? Club Shisha.

[Dulce Sloan]

That's what you trying to do. Shannon. Come on, Cat. Listen. Come on, Cat.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, Mike.

[Dulce Sloan]

My mama made me watch that entire. The Cat Williams on the TV in my living room.

[Langston Kerman]

I probably watched it three times.

[David Boring]

That's pretty good.

[Langston Kerman]

In totality.

[Dulce Sloan]

Oh, it was. I didn't know that I was watching that. That was a fucking TED Talk. Yeah. I had no. It was the fucking State of the Union. The Gettysburg Address.

[Langston Kerman]

It's one of the greatest pop culture moments we've ever experienced.

[Dulce Sloan]

I wish he would do it every year.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't. Because I don't think that he can match that every year.

[Dulce Sloan]

You think he needs to build more?

[Langston Kerman]

I think that it was a once in a lifetime thing in a way that like we see with comedy specials, sometimes we see with. With basketball games.

[Dulce Sloan]

Right?

[Langston Kerman]

Kobe left here scoring 60 points.

[Dulce Sloan]

Like a halftime show, bro.

[Langston Kerman]

He gave us. It is Michael Jackson having to stand there for 10 minutes while people pass out just so he can start the Super Bowl. That. That is what we witnessed in that Cat Williams moment. He's not going to replicate that just because he goes on.

[Dulce Sloan]

Sometimes we don't need a sequel.

[Langston Kerman]

More podcast. Yeah, exactly.

[Dulce Sloan]

Sometimes you. You watch the movie and then you watch the movie.

[Langston Kerman]

God. God sometimes gets climbing up inside of us. And that's what happened that day with Cat Williams.

[Dulce Sloan]

God climbed up inside Cat Williams. Yep.

[David Boring]

Cool guy. Jokes87 on Instagram.

[Langston Kerman]

You're not even gonna let her say her thing?

[Dulce Sloan]

No, no, no, no. This is podcast. This is podcast. I'm only here to just yell, go.

[Langston Kerman]

Tell us where they can find you.

[Dulce Sloan]

Hello, friends. I'm in various places on Al Gore's Internet. It is uelsaysloan. D U L C E S L O on all of the platforms. I do have a podcast called Chasing K Dramas that I have with Chrissy Choi. And right now we're talking about the show Dynamite Kiss.

[Langston Kerman]

Dynamite Kiss.

[Dulce Sloan]

If you go to my website, nomorebroke dick.com. that's where I spread my ministry. Me and my mother make merch. So because. Not because. Because no other woman should suffer how I've suffered. Cause this isn't just a broke men. Isn't just a women's issue, okay? It's the issue of anyone who deals with men. Because dealing with a broke man is a great way to have your life destroyed.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't disagree with that.

[Dulce Sloan]

Now the problem is Dick is amazing, but you just can't.

[Langston Kerman]

That I can't speak to as much.

[Dulce Sloan]

Oh, it has to be.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Dulce Sloan]

He has nothing else to offer you.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[David Boring]

Pressure makes diamonds.

[Langston Kerman]

I like that.

[David Boring]

You can find me at more. More broke Dick.

[Dulce Sloan]

You have a whole wife.

[Langston Kerman]

But he's spreading his ministry.

[Dulce Sloan]

No, he's not.

[Langston Kerman]

He's here.

[Dulce Sloan]

He's been stopped.

[David Boring]

No, my ministry has been stopped. He's in the house. My ministry's in the house.

[Dulce Sloan]

That little band of gold has saved us all.

[David Boring]

Okay? It wasn't going crazy. Yo.

[Langston Kerman]

He was an animal before he put that on.

[Dulce Sloan]

Hey, I saw you out here getting numbers on the board, baby.

[David Boring]

Listen, this is over. This is over. This episode is over. Say where you've been and let's go.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, you can follow me.

[David Boring]

I can't have this opportunity.

[Langston Kerman]

You can follow me at Langston Kerman on all social media platforms. You can still see me on my aspiring deadbeat tour. I'm hitting the road, baby. I'm going to a bunch of places.

[Dulce Sloan]

Oh, yeah, I got dates too.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, tell me about your dates.

[Dulce Sloan]

So you can go to dualsaysloan.com tour. See all the dates I got coming out? I'm gonna be in Virginia. Gonna be a bunch of other fucking places. I gotta go to New Orleans tomorrow. Gotta go back to New Orleans tomorrow.

[David Boring]

Are you going Sports Drink?

[Dulce Sloan]

I'm going to sports Drink.

[David Boring]

I'm gonna go NCS at sports Drink too. In March?

[Dulce Sloan]

Yeah. Oh, how do they have a festival so quick? So quick. I Mean, I'm not doing that. Ain't nobody do ask me to do with this one anyway. But yeah, we're trying to be out here doing. Honestly, I wish I could just call this tour paying my mortgage, but keep going home. So, yeah, I'm just trying to make sure my mother never works in Amazon ever again.

[David Boring]

Hey, hey.

[Dulce Sloan]

That's what I'm doing.

[David Boring]

My mom at work. Keep your head up.

[Dulce Sloan]

But yeah, don't say Islam.com tour is my J dates putting dates up. Listen to the podcast. Comes out every Wednesday. We got a fan club called Club Sarangi. We're on the. On the sub stack. I don't know how that works.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[Dulce Sloan]

I know I log in and do something and then leave. I don't understand the website.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's go.

[Dulce Sloan]

But yeah, we have a substack. We have the. For the Sarangi. So that's what our fan club is called, the Sarangi.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay, well, follow, like, subscribe. Do all that shit. Go ahead, see Dulce on tour. Do the shit to make sure her mother never has to go back to Amazon. We would hate that.

[Dulce Sloan]

Hate that.

[David Boring]

But maybe like a nice call center situation.

[Langston Kerman]

That'd be pretty. She'd be comfortable.

[Dulce Sloan]

She worked on the phone for years. Okay, okay. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

So she's familiar.

[Dulce Sloan]

Yeah, she knows how much.

[David Boring]

Nice. Go to a little business park. There's probably a chick fil a nearby.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. They'll yell at you if you talk too much in between phone calls, but.

[David Boring]

They'Ll ask you who you voted for.

[Dulce Sloan]

Yeah, I mean, you know, I used to do. I did bilingual customer service for like 12 years.

[David Boring]

I know.

[Dulce Sloan]

They used to tell people in two languages, we cannot turn your lights back on.

[David Boring]

Damn, that's true.

[Dulce Sloan]

We're not coming to get your trash. I mean, sometimes, like, if you call me and be like, hey, I can't pay my bill, and they want to yell at me, I'm like, senora, no podemos. Are you.

[David Boring]

It's hard to be drug free when Georgia Power won't give a nigga.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, talk about that.

[Dulce Sloan]

It's kind of hard to be drug free when Georgia Power won't give a nigga lights free. You understand? You understand? That's hard.

[David Boring]

Jesus said it.

[Dulce Sloan]

Jesus said it.

[Langston Kerman]

Jesus said that.

[Dulce Sloan]

But, yeah, it was hard. But then I found out that turning people's lights back on had nothing to do with them making a payment. So everybody's last day at work, they was cutting everybody's lights the fuck back on.

[David Boring]

All right? And we leave you with a little bit of game.

[Langston Kerman]

Capitalism is complicated. It's done some nasty things to our community. And you can tell us all about what you think at my my mamapod gmail dot com. We would love to hear from you. Give us a call at 844 Little moms, please speak to us kindly. Don't call us little. And most importantly, get your lights turned on. Bye bitch.

[Dulce Sloan]

Why are you gay?

[Tara Davis Woodhull]

Who says I'm gay?

[Dulce Sloan]

You are gay.

[Langston Kerman]

My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network.

[David Boring]

And iHeart podcast, created and hosted by.

[Langston Kerman]

Langston Kearney, co hosted by David Bore.

[David Boring]

Executive produced by Will Ferrell Hansani and.

[Langston Kerman]

Joel Monique co produced by Bay Wayne.

[David Boring]

Edited and engineered by Justin Kame Music by Nick Chambers Artwork by Dogon Cregan.

[Langston Kerman]

You can now watch episodes of My Mama told me on YouTube, follow ymommamat told me and subscribe to our channel.

[Angela Yee]

This is Angela Yee from Way up with Angela Yee. Y', all, Black Girl Vitamins is completely changing the wellness game for us. You know, our bodies don't move the same as we get older and health becomes even more important. BGV Black Girl Vitamins is giving us all the supplements we need to stay healthy. I've seen hundreds of ladies online raving about their tasteless collagen powder that made their joint pain practically disappear. I had to try it myself. And y', all, it is the truth. If your body needs help bouncing back, go ahead and check their products out on BlackGirlVitamins Co and get 20% off using code Angela Yee Picture chicken nuggets in your head.

[Hunter Woodhull]

Okay, now forget them because Taco Bell's crispy chicken nuggets are here. And they're nothing like the nuggets. You know, all white meat chicken coated in tortilla chips for that signature Taco Bell Crunch Crunch. A nugget like that calls for a sauce that can keep up. Introducing Hidden Valley Diablo Ranch, the iconic ranch you love. Fired up with Taco Bell Diablo Sauce. Bold meets Boulder. Ranch meets Diablo. And it works. Crispy chicken nuggets from Taco Bell. A brand new classic at participating US Taco Bell locations for a limited time only while supplies last.

[Tara Davis Woodhull]

You can't solve every case for your kids, but with green light, they'll have the instincts and the money skills to stay out of trouble.

[Langston Kerman]

Trouble.

[Tara Davis Woodhull]

With a greenlight, debit card and money app, parents can monitor spending and teach financial responsibility.

[Dulce Sloan]

It's an easy way to guide kids as they grow from earning allowance and tracking chores to teaching how to save and even invest.

[Tara Davis Woodhull]

Start your risk free Greenlight trial [e-mail] iheart that's greenlight.com iheart at CVS, it.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Matters that we're not just in your community, but that we're part of it. It matters that we're here for you when you need us, day or night, and we want everyone to feel welcomed and rewarded. It matters that CVS is here to fill your prescriptions and here to fill your craving for a tasty and, yeah, healthy snack. At cvs, we're proud to serve your community because we believe where you get your medicine matters. So Visit [e-mail] or just come by our store. We can't wait to meet you. Store hours vary by location. This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.