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Langston Kearney
This is an iHeart podcast.
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Langston Kearney
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David Bore
Stop everything.
Langston Kearney
Put that shit down.
David Bore
Stop making Love to your significant others.
Langston Kearney
Get your.
David Bore
We're talking.
Langston Kearney
Get your penis out of your wife
David Bore
and get that pussy out of your side piece.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, out of it.
David Bore
Into your. I've never had sex before.
Langston Kearney
We have big news.
David Bore
Big, huge news.
Langston Kearney
Unbelievable news.
David Bore
For all of you who want to see us get filthy rich.
Langston Kearney
We are offering up a new opportunity. A bag of beans, if you will, that we're hopeful you believe is going to grow into a giant beanstalk.
Bowen Yang
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
Magical beans. And those magical beans are the. My mama told me Patreon. I actually am 1.4% Nigerian. African.
Cindy Crawford
I'm a sister.
Langston Kearney
Okay. Why is that the button you press?
David Bore
I shouldn't have smoked.
Langston Kearney
We're starting a Patreon.
David Bore
We're starting a Patreon. It's going to be so much fun. We're going to have, what, four extra episodes a month?
Langston Kearney
It's four extra episodes. It's all kinds of games. It's watch alongs, it's grab bags. It's going to be all mailbags, live
David Bore
streams, all this stuff. Langston's nudes.
Langston Kearney
This is the first I'm hearing of it. But I'm not in a space to contradict. I'm desperate for you to join. So if that is what will entice you to come see us over at Patreon, please do that.
David Bore
Yeah. So you can go ahead and go online to www.patreon. it's on the bottom.
Langston Kearney
Yep.
David Bore
We'll have it flashing on the screen.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, we don't. It's all me. Likely. But.
David Bore
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
But we'll figure it out. It's coming. Bye, bitch. You're ugly.
David Bore
You are disgusting. I'm gonna kill you.
Bruce Bruce
Give me $200.
Langston Kearney
There it is.
Bruce Bruce
Was that Barack?
Langston Kearney
No, quite the opposite. Dr. Phil.
Bruce Bruce
Dr. Phil. Oh, yeah, Dr. Phil.
David Bore
The Barack of the other side.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, they're Barack Obama.
Bruce Bruce
Dr. Phil. I heard he's not even a real doctor.
Langston Kearney
He can't be.
David Bore
He can't be.
Langston Kearney
No, he isn't.
Bruce Bruce
Are you stupid? That's his favorite word.
David Bore
St. It's like, I want to go on TV to get yelled at by somebody who went to medical school. I want to go on TV and get yelled at by a guy.
Langston Kearney
Bro, you're just a man.
David Bore
That could just happen to me in a parking lot.
Langston Kearney
You don't even look like somebody that I respect.
David Bore
You're too big to be a doctor. He like six five.
Langston Kearney
I don't want this. No. Is he six five?
David Bore
He's huge. Whoa.
Bruce Bruce
Dr. Phil.
David Bore
Yeah, he's big.
Bruce Bruce
I'd Slap the shit out. That's cold cocking you.
David Bore
Slap Dr. Phil. That becomes my favorite video on the Internet.
Bruce Bruce
It will.
Langston Kearney
If that video ever comes to exist, it is what I'm gonna play at my daughter's wedding. I'm gonna be like, hey, y', all, I know this is an important evening for you, but I just want to remind you. Bruce. Bruce slapped the shit out of doctor
David Bore
that would be crazy.
Bruce Bruce
He'd be crying like Michael. Microchips in your anus.
David Bore
All koala bears are racist. The ozone lair owes me money.
Matt Rogers
Marshy.
David Bore
To vending turkey stuff. Y' all can't tell me about that.
Langston Kearney
Well, well, it's the big show. There it is. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, little mamas and gentiles alike, welcome to another phenomenal episode of
David Bore
My Mama Toys, the podcast where we dive deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories.
Langston Kearney
And you already know what it is. We ain't proving nothing.
David Bore
Nothing for you. This is edutainment.
Langston Kearney
We are.
David Bore
It's not even edu. This is. This is. There's no nutritional value over here.
Langston Kearney
Don't get your vitamins here, folks. We ain't got them. But. But what we do have, and I cannot believe that we have.
David Bore
This is crazy.
Langston Kearney
This is nuts.
David Bore
This is really exciting.
Langston Kearney
God damn. One of my favorite comedians to ever walk planet Earth. If he ain't your favorite comic View host.
David Bore
That's true. Bitch, you're wrong.
Langston Kearney
Bitch. You're wrong. Grow up. Grow up. He's touring now. He's touring always. He's actor, icon. Bruce. Bruce, y'. All.
David Bore
City boy.
Bowen Yang
CD Boy. Yeah.
Bruce Bruce
What's happening? What's happening? What's happening?
David Bore
Come on. This is crazy for us, man.
Bruce Bruce
Everything cool, man. You know I'm cool as a mug. You know what I'm saying, man?
David Bore
We appreciate you, man.
Bruce Bruce
Thank you, man. I know y' all probably Northern boy. I'm a Southern boy. You know, I'm straight. Atl.
Langston Kearney
Okay.
Bruce Bruce
Atl. That's me, baby. So if you hear me say something kind of funny, it's a Southern thing, so don't be looking like. What he say?
Langston Kearney
Nah, we'll find out.
Bruce Bruce
Like, fitting. I'm fitting to go. We got that.
David Bore
Oh, yeah.
Langston Kearney
Bruce, I'll be honest. We've studied you.
Bruce Bruce
Thank you, man.
Langston Kearney
We're big fans.
David Bore
Yeah, we're aware, my man.
Langston Kearney
But you know the way people understand E40. I understand.
David Bore
You know what I mean?
Bruce Bruce
E40 say, that's for sugar Dale, baby. You know what I'm saying? I love E40, man.
David Bore
Yeah, he's man, anybody who makes up their own words and it doesn't sound. Cause I sometimes. You ever try to, like, push some slang yourself?
Langston Kearney
I've never tried it. No.
David Bore
You gotta be really brave and it never do it.
Bruce Bruce
But what I respect about E40, man, I like him. I like his style. I like how he respects his wife and his family. He's a family man and he has fun whatever he does.
Langston Kearney
And I think that's why we let the new words happen. Cause that's just a dude being fun, making me have fun.
David Bore
He's so fun.
Langston Kearney
Introduce a new one.
Bruce Bruce
And he's cool, man.
Langston Kearney
Yeah.
David Bore
I heard the greatest story about E40. I tell my wife it all the time. Somebody was at a conference with him, and E40 walks up to the bar and he's like, oh, Nori tells this story. E40 walks up to the bar and he tells the bartender, I'll take two brand or I'll take two Moeshas. And then Nori says, what's Moeshas? He says, straight Brandy pimp. I said, that's maybe for president, that man. Maybe for president.
Bruce Bruce
That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I like that.
Langston Kearney
That's smooth. Because he knows his setup.
David Bore
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Langston Kearney
He knows that you're gonna have to ask a follow up question. And the second you do that, Brandy's sitting right there.
Bruce Bruce
He's gonna get to you.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, he's gonna give it to you.
Bruce Bruce
Yes, sir.
David Bore
We gotta start some slang.
Langston Kearney
We gotta start some slang.
Bruce Bruce
22. You guys stick to podcast? No, no, I'm telling you.
David Bore
You don't think we got it?
Bruce Bruce
No, I know you don't. I know you don't. So just stick with it. You got a great pod. Let E40 do this, let E40 do that.
David Bore
You know, that's probably.
Bruce Bruce
I'm just keeping it real with you.
David Bore
I also don't rap.
Bruce Bruce
I don't want you guys to be walking around, you know, twirling your thumbs, pissed at yourself. We should have stayed on the park.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We concentrated too much of our finances.
David Bore
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I've been trying to think up a drink since I told that Moesha story.
Bruce Bruce
See what's crazy?
David Bore
I got it.
Bruce Bruce
And see what's crazy about that? He's trying to think of it not there. It's got to be naturally. You got to be natural.
Langston Kearney
E40 woke up with him.
David Bore
He saw Moesha, and then he was ready to do that.
Langston Kearney
He just was on that.
David Bore
I was watching Girlfriends at the gym today.
Bruce Bruce
I got nothing whatsoever.
David Bore
I got nothing. I watched an episode and a half on the fucking bike.
Langston Kearney
Damn.
David Bore
Okay.
Bruce Bruce
Oh, he's riding the bike.
Langston Kearney
He's going crazy.
Bruce Bruce
He's doing it.
Langston Kearney
Come on.
David Bore
I'm trying to figure out this new slang. Bruce, Bruce. I gotta put my brain.
Bruce Bruce
Don't do it, man. Think of something for the podcast. Don't do it. Don't hurt yourself.
Langston Kearney
Speaking of the podcast, you came to us with a conspiracy theory that I would say, like is a tale that I knew. It's as long as I've known life. It is a conspiracy I've heard.
David Bore
I live by this one too.
Langston Kearney
Oh, you believe in this? My mama told me, don't split the pole.
Bruce Bruce
Yeah, that's straight. Oh, my God. People. That's superstitious, you know, splitting the pole and all that. I don't believe in it. You believe in that?
David Bore
Yeah, I don't fuck with my cat.
Bruce Bruce
Oh, man. My uncle was superstitious. Don't put your hat on the bed. Don't put your hat on the bed. Don't let a woman touch your wallet. If a black cat.
David Bore
That one also is in my house. Big.
Bruce Bruce
Don't sweep my feet with a broom. If you do, you got to spit on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then if a cat going across the street going to the left, you got to turn around and go the other way.
David Bore
I don't know that one.
Bruce Bruce
A black cat. It's gotta be black cat because you
Langston Kearney
can't let him cross you.
Bruce Bruce
Black cat cross you.
David Bore
And then you gotta double back.
Bruce Bruce
Gotta double back. My uncle, he would do it. He would turn that Cadillac around. Hold it. Did you see that?
David Bore
Turn the car around.
Bruce Bruce
Did you see that cat cross the street going to the left?
Langston Kearney
Holy shit. That must have been so inconvenient for his family.
Bruce Bruce
Oh, my goodness.
David Bore
That's like a 10 point turn in a Cadillac too. That's like residential shoes.
Bruce Bruce
He was a short dude, about five' two.
Langston Kearney
So he was up here with it,
David Bore
but he thought he wasn't.
Bruce Bruce
He was more like with it. He didn't turn it. Like they. Oh, hold it, hold it. Let me turn it.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, yeah.
Bruce Bruce
I love a little bit superstitious people believe in it. I never did. You know, I never did believe. But splitting the pole was one of the things that you didn't do.
Langston Kearney
Are you in no way a superstitious person?
Bruce Bruce
No, no, no.
Langston Kearney
So you walk through the world, you ain't looking at none of the signs. Once you're like, no, this is all.
Bruce Bruce
I just watch people.
Langston Kearney
Yeah.
Bruce Bruce
You know what I'm saying? I just watch the people. Cause it's superstitious. Nothing. It's people you got to watch.
Langston Kearney
That's fair.
Bruce Bruce
Whatever they're going to do.
Langston Kearney
Historically, superstitions don't bomb countries.
David Bore
That's true.
Langston Kearney
You know what I mean? Yeah. That's a person thing.
David Bore
Yeah. Walking under the ladder didn't have anything to do with Afghanistan.
Langston Kearney
Yeah.
Bruce Bruce
You remember that? Walking on the ladder?
David Bore
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Bruce Bruce
Oh, yeah.
David Bore
Umbrella in the house.
Bruce Bruce
Yeah. Umbrella in the house.
David Bore
Fly drones.
Langston Kearney
The walking under the ladder one I at least understood of, like, all right, shit be falling.
David Bore
You know what I mean?
Langston Kearney
Like, this makes sense that, like, in theory, walking under someone else doing physical labor is probably not the right instinct. I should go around. But, like, some of them don't even feel like they come from a grounded place. It's just like, if that mirror break, you never be able to sleep again. It's ruined.
David Bore
Oh, you break the mirror.
Bruce Bruce
Seven years bad luck.
David Bore
Yeah, but have you ever broke a mirror? It does. It doesn't feel good.
Langston Kearney
No, it doesn't feel good.
David Bore
It feels bad.
Bruce Bruce
I never broke one, so.
David Bore
Okay. See, you ever walk under a ladder?
Bruce Bruce
That's why you ain't got run up on a ladder. Come on, bro. Full speed. And that's not very fast, but look.
Langston Kearney
But you're getting faster, I heard.
Bruce Bruce
Yeah, but no, the superstition, it just. I mean, I think that's stupid. That's how I think stupid.
David Bore
Here's how I view it, is like, I do think it's stupid, but I have a caution. I'm like, I think it's stupid, but I don't wanna fuck. It's like talking to the devil where you're like, I think I may be that, but I'm not doing it.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bruce Bruce
You know what I mean?
Langston Kearney
Ouija board. Yeah.
David Bore
Yes.
Bruce Bruce
Do you believe in right hand, left hand itching? You're getting money. If your right hand itching, you're getting a letter and your left hand, you're getting money. Did you know that?
David Bore
No.
Bruce Bruce
I gotta tell you something different. That's it.
David Bore
All right.
Langston Kearney
Whoa, wait.
David Bore
Leviticus.
Bruce Bruce
I just feel.
David Bore
But you don't believe in it.
Bruce Bruce
No, I just feel either hand itching. I'm scratching.
Langston Kearney
Yeah.
David Bore
I'll tell you the truth.
Bruce Bruce
I'm a scratching man.
Langston Kearney
There's not a lot more on that.
Bruce Bruce
That's right.
Langston Kearney
Yeah.
David Bore
I was also going to say, with splitting the pool, whatever you're doing, it feels like it fucks up the pace of it. That's another thing about splitting the pool. If we're walking together. We're, you know, we're going this side. It feels like it ruins the flow of a walk as well.
Bruce Bruce
And I can see that.
David Bore
You know what I'm saying?
Bruce Bruce
I can see that.
David Bore
Yeah, yeah.
Bruce Bruce
But not just splitting the pole because you're going to have bad luck. No, you shouldn't even split the pole anyway. If you with a girl, that's.
David Bore
Come on. That's who I walk with the most.
Bruce Bruce
That's right.
Langston Kearney
You too.
David Bore
Yeah, we be walking the most.
Langston Kearney
You turned to me as if I was like longing for reassurance.
David Bore
Yes you did. No, no, no.
Bruce Bruce
Yes you did. She was waiting on you.
Langston Kearney
I wasn't. You got a wife, man. I'm not trying to be her, if that's what you were worried about.
Bruce Bruce
No, no, no, he didn't think like that.
Langston Kearney
No, I know.
Bruce Bruce
How long you been married, man?
David Bore
Man, like six months.
Bruce Bruce
Oh, new. He's still. We don't even have baby. Yeah, yeah, he's still doing all that.
David Bore
It's deeper my voice.
Bruce Bruce
Oh, baby. Oh yeah, you like that, don't ya? Yeah.
Langston Kearney
He's not splitting the pole. Cause they're still holding hands.
Bruce Bruce
You better believe it. You know what I mean? Oh yeah.
David Bore
Well, y' all sound hurt. I don't like that.
Langston Kearney
I've evolved past hands, brother. I've been in this too long.
Bruce Bruce
You know what I mean?
David Bore
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
Hands are not the important thing.
Bruce Bruce
So you a married man?
Langston Kearney
I'm married. Yeah.
David Bore
Okay.
Bruce Bruce
I am too.
Langston Kearney
Okay.
Bruce Bruce
I can't get rid of her. She won't leave.
David Bore
No.
Langston Kearney
Okay.
Bruce Bruce
No. I'm too good to her.
Langston Kearney
Okay.
Bruce Bruce
I'm too good to her.
Langston Kearney
Shame on you.
Bruce Bruce
I've been trying to get a leave.
David Bore
What are you doing to try to get her to leave?
Bruce Bruce
I said would you just leave? She go to the kitchen.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. You know, hard headed.
Bruce Bruce
Of course they are. Women want to run every.
David Bore
That is true.
Bruce Bruce
Do your wife run everything in the house? Oh, period. Yeah. Yep. I don't, I don't play.
Langston Kearney
I don't have.
Bruce Bruce
I don't play the radio.
Langston Kearney
Oh yeah.
Bruce Bruce
I don't play.
David Bore
She lets me. I do pick the music in the car. That's cause I don't drive though. We talked about it.
Bruce Bruce
Well, I know you wear the pants in your house, but she picks them out.
David Bore
Yeah, I'm not getting pants that she doesn't like. Well, I also am not going crazy with pants, so. We talk about that a lot.
Bruce Bruce
Well, the thing is, man, I don't dress like my wife. You know, some people, couples dressed alike,
Langston Kearney
I can't none of that.
Bruce Bruce
And if you have a problem or you have a situation, talk to me. Don't tell me nothing. Talk to me. Say, hey. Or if you got a good idea, why don't you try this. Because if I feel that you're telling me what to do, you're gonna have a problem out of me.
Langston Kearney
Yeah.
Bruce Bruce
You know what I mean? So just talk to me. Cause I'm gonna talk to you.
David Bore
Talk to me about these pants.
Bruce Bruce
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
And if your wife is listening right now. You heard it.
Bruce Bruce
She can listen.
Langston Kearney
You heard it.
Bruce Bruce
She can listen. She know I don't play, bro. I don't play.
Langston Kearney
Now, where does. You are religious, you are not superstitious. Where does conspiracy theory land in that space for you? Is that too close to superstition?
David Bore
Yeah, it is.
Bruce Bruce
I just believe in God and let him do it.
Langston Kearney
Yeah.
Bruce Bruce
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
So you're like, man, I'm not even calculating for what the world is doing.
Bruce Bruce
And I wouldn't say I'm more religious. I just. I believe in God, but I'm more spiritual than anything. I can look at a person and be like, oh, he's not right. You know, that's a spirit. You can pick it up. Or I can look at a person, say, oh, they. They're pretty cool, you know? So I can. When you're spiritual, you pick up on stuff. You can pick it up instantly as soon as you see them. You know that person's not right when you see them. And most women have it and they don't use it because they like this guy. They know this guy is not worth a quarter. And they still say, well, I'm a gonna get with him. He done shot everybody at the church. But she thinks she can change it. You cannot change that.
Langston Kearney
He hasn't shot one, and that's me. And I'm gonna be in love with him.
Bruce Bruce
My man.
Langston Kearney
He didn't shoot me, which means he cares about me. Yeah, no, that makes sense. I am so bought into conspiracy theory.
David Bore
We're deep.
Langston Kearney
They are so separate from me.
Bruce Bruce
I can see it, man, you guys are deep in it.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, we talk about some very silly shit over here, Bruce.
Bruce Bruce
It's all right. I mean, I think I read one that white people can't cook or something like that. That's not true.
Langston Kearney
You don't believe that one?
Bruce Bruce
No, that's not true.
David Bore
I mean, that one wasn't proven on him.
Bruce Bruce
I used to work with a white guy that couldn't really get down with it. His ex neighbor, his name was Jerry Fowler. He's Passed away now, but he's one of the best cooks I've ever seen in my life.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. Now, was he a great cook? Independent of black influence.
Bruce Bruce
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
Like he grew up in a white community, learned white.
Bruce Bruce
He was straight, like one of the Oak Ridge boys, you know. You know, ew bar real, you know, one of them type boys. Half dipped up, use half spray.
Langston Kearney
Let's go.
Bruce Bruce
You know, cowboy boots, Jordan's jeans, Members only jacket. You know what I'm talking about. But can get down with the food.
Langston Kearney
I like that.
Bruce Bruce
Yeah, he was cool. And you know, he was edgy. You know, you didn't know if he was racist or not. You know, he was kind of edgy, but he was cool.
Langston Kearney
You knew. You just didn't want to. Oh, yeah.
David Bore
But if you did your work, if
Bruce Bruce
you did your work, he was cool.
Matt Rogers
Yeah.
Bruce Bruce
And it was with anybody. He didn't care if you black or white.
Langston Kearney
I think anytime you're like, you don't
Bruce Bruce
know, instead of him using the N word, he said, yahoo. Them yahoos out there, you know what I'm saying? I said, you trying not to use the N word.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. You knew you were going to come talk to me.
Bruce Bruce
Absolutely.
Langston Kearney
You respect me enough not to use that word.
Bruce Bruce
Oh, if he said it right, I'd put them hands on him.
Langston Kearney
Yeah.
Bruce Bruce
Oh, my God. Ooh. These hands are blindfolded.
David Bore
Come on, give him that Dr. Phil.
Bruce Bruce
Oh, I give Dr. Phil. I give to him. He's 6 5. I would jump up and slap B shilla of him.
Langston Kearney
Dr. Phil Keep tuning in.
Bruce Bruce
Listen to me, listen to me.
Langston Kearney
Don't stop being a listener. Just cuz Bruce, Bruce gonna slap you. That ain't got nothing to do with us.
Bruce Bruce
When I see is going down.
Langston Kearney
We're gonna take a break. We're gonna take a break. More, Bruce, Bruce, more. My mama told me.
Ryan Reynolds
Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do@mintmobile.com
Cindy Crawford
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Matt Rogers
this is Matt Rogers from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang.
Bowen Yang
This is Bowen Yang from Lost Culture Research with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. What if your WI fi was more than just WI fi? What if your WI fi made everything in your whole house just work together better?
Matt Rogers
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Bowen Yang
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Langston Kearney
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David Bore
King Kong ain't got on me and we ain't got shit on him. We've King Kong. Free King Kong.
Bruce Bruce
I don't have anything on him.
David Bore
I got nothing on King Kong.
Langston Kearney
Free. Free him.
David Bore
Yeah, he wants to go to the top of that tower with the white woman.
Bruce Bruce
Let him go.
David Bore
Let him go, man.
Langston Kearney
She, in the later tellings of the story, really got in his face yeah, you know what I mean? Like, I think in the original, he just like snatched a lady off the street and like climbed to the top of the tower.
David Bore
Okay.
Langston Kearney
But then like in the new vers, he like builds a pretty meaningful relationship with this woman. Oh, yeah. I was like, yeah, he should be able to take her to the top of a tower.
David Bore
I've always been on King Kong's side.
Langston Kearney
They always now make it seem like this woman kind of is dating King Kong. He didn't.
David Bore
Yeah, you're right. It didn't come out of nowhere.
Langston Kearney
There's like this weird sexual chemistry between her and King Kong.
Bruce Bruce
What's wrong with King Kong? I didn't say what's wrong with the lady? What's wrong with King.
David Bore
Come on.
Langston Kearney
If you want to fuck a lady. That little.
Bruce Bruce
That little.
David Bore
King Kong had a rough life, man. He didn't grow up around other Kongs. He was the only Kong over there.
Langston Kearney
King Kong got body dysmorphia.
Bruce Bruce
Oh, yeah.
Langston Kearney
He got some weird self hating shit.
David Bore
Yeah, it's tough. Cause there's no Mrs. Kong. No, there was never. They never got him. Him and Godzilla, they never got women.
Langston Kearney
He just loves sniffing white ladies and that's.
Bruce Bruce
That's what he did.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, that's not. That's the nasty behavior. King Kong.
David Bore
Yeah, you can't be doing that.
Bruce Bruce
But I still like.
Langston Kearney
You still like him? You still want him free?
David Bore
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
Oh, yeah, of course.
David Bore
Always. I always related more to him than anyone else in that film.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, we were talking about splitting the pole. I wasn't gonna explore that further. It felt irresponsible. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not about to sit here and explore further why the monkey is who you connected with most in a fucking movie. That's not good for me. That's not good for him.
Bruce Bruce
Not good for me either.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, it's not good for any of us.
Bruce Bruce
But he's. You want to tell us?
Langston Kearney
Hey, I'm gonna move on.
Bruce Bruce
Okay, Move on.
David Bore
Who'd you relate to in King Kong?
Langston Kearney
I don't relate to any of them.
Bruce Bruce
Look at these idiots. I like Jack Black.
David Bore
That was your favorite guy.
Bruce Bruce
I like him, period.
David Bore
Oh, yeah. Everybody likes Jack Black.
Bruce Bruce
School of Rock was a good movie.
Langston Kearney
Yeah.
David Bore
An American treasure.
Langston Kearney
He's white, E40. Oh, yeah, that's.
David Bore
Jack Black is white E40.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. Yo, he can just go and be silly and make up words.
Bruce Bruce
Oh, yeah, man.
Langston Kearney
He makes music. But that's. His cultural imprint is more important than the. You know what I mean? Like, that's the bunny Cop movie. I'd like to see Jack Black&E40.
David Bore
Jack Black&E40 back to back reboot Lethal Weapon. Jack's getting too old for this. That's printing money.
Langston Kearney
I was trying to think about how E40 would say, I'm getting too old for this, and I can't think of it. No, it's tough because he was a gift. Yeah.
Bruce Bruce
E40 have something for you.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, that's what I. He has a gift. I don't have.
David Bore
Also, shout out to all his foods.
Bruce Bruce
The goon with the spoon.
David Bore
Mm. He's got a lot of food.
Bruce Bruce
The goon with the spoon.
David Bore
Yeah, he's got a whole food line. He's got sausages and all kinds of stuff.
Langston Kearney
You like it? Yeah, Hell yeah.
David Bore
I like it more than the alcohol, of which I've also tried all.
Langston Kearney
Okay.
David Bore
Yeah.
Bruce Bruce
But he likes to cook too.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fire.
David Bore
He sells sluricane now.
Langston Kearney
As in, like, a bottle.
David Bore
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
Whoa.
David Bore
And then Steven's reserve, the winery. We're not. This is just a pro.E40 podcast.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, no, we're big fans.
Bruce Bruce
I keep up on it. You know, I like it.
Langston Kearney
We were talking about splitting the poll earlier.
Bruce Bruce
Okay.
Langston Kearney
One of the things that I've. I learned in research is that part of the reason where this superstition is sort of born is this premise out of essentially, like, slavery. Most things, as we now know, come from slavery in some form or fashion, but it was mostly about, like, luck in not wanting to untether your soul from another person. So, like, you. When you walk with somebody, we are so connected. We are sharing our souls with. With each other. And to split a pole means that our souls are being severed from that connection. And so you're not meant to split a pole because it's bad luck for your relationship and then your greater growth as a human.
Bruce Bruce
That definitely sound like in the slavery days right there.
David Bore
Yeah, it does.
Langston Kearney
Like, please don't leave me even for a second.
David Bore
That's also what happens on this podcast a lot. Somebody comes with something, and then we're like, oh, it's a silly thing, and it's a slave.
Bruce Bruce
Then he gets deep on you.
David Bore
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. It's unfortunate, apparently, the way that you. The way that you. You could fix the splitting the pole if you should. So unfortunately, split poles with somebody, the way you fix it is to, say, bread and butter, because bread and butter, when you apply butter to bread, they are permanently tethered together. You can't, like, unbutter bread. And so bread and Butter means that we are back as one instead.
Bruce Bruce
That's something new to me.
David Bore
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
Yeah.
Bruce Bruce
You just got deep dining.
Langston Kearney
Yeah.
Bruce Bruce
What about peanut butter and jelly
Langston Kearney
again? Slavery. I don't think they had that option.
David Bore
You know what I mean?
Langston Kearney
Like, what the fuck is jelly?
David Bore
Peanut butter came out after jelly.
Langston Kearney
I think peanut butter probably came first.
Bruce Bruce
Yeah.
David Bore
Really?
Langston Kearney
Yeah. African people were doing peanut butter.
David Bore
Oh, that's fair.
Langston Kearney
They always equate it to George Washington Carver, but that wasn't even his thing, peanut butter. He was way more focused on, like, using peanut oils to, like, create, like, real, like, medicines and stuff.
David Bore
Right.
Langston Kearney
And then they discounted, like, he was making machinery oils and. And medicines. He was doing crazy stuff with peanuts. And then they always, like, undermine it by being like, oh, he just made peanut butter.
David Bore
It's also a West African crop.
Langston Kearney
That's what I'm saying.
David Bore
Like, in Sierra Leone, they make, like, groundnut stew. And like, I guess the more I think about it, you. They have, like. I guess it is peanut butter. It's just, like, ground peanuts and sugar. And then it's like, in a block when you.
Langston Kearney
I think peanut butter is ancient.
Bruce Bruce
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
And I think, how old is jelly? Jelly's like 45.
Bruce Bruce
Jelly's older than that.
Langston Kearney
Jelly came out with Atari. You know what I mean? That came out the same day.
Bruce Bruce
No.
David Bore
I feel like jelly's a couple hundred years.
Langston Kearney
Nah, I'm joking. But, yeah, I think comparatively, peanut butter, to me, feels like this is like old, old country sort of stuff. Jelly feels like science, comparatively.
Bruce Bruce
Okay.
David Bore
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
Nobody wants to weigh in. Nobody knows the ancientness of jelly. I don't know.
David Bore
I don't know when gelatin came out.
Langston Kearney
Gelatin, I bet, is probably more ancient than jelly.
David Bore
Yeah. I don't even know what we're talking
Langston Kearney
about anymore because we're just mushing up body parts to make gelatin. And you know what I mean? Like, I think they probably.
Bruce Bruce
I mean, jelly been around for years. You remember your grandmother, them used to make it.
Langston Kearney
Yeah.
Bruce Bruce
You know, they didn't call it jelly. They called it preserve. Preserve, okay. Yeah.
Langston Kearney
Do you remember when there was, like, a shift for calling things jelly versus preserves?
Bruce Bruce
No, but my grandmother used to always say preserves. She used to make lemon jelly.
Langston Kearney
Okay.
Bruce Bruce
Out of lemons. She was a bad girl.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. Just sit in mush and add sugar
Bruce Bruce
and stuff and boil the lemons. Boil them till they couldn't be written. Just. My granddaddy loved it. Damn. Yeah.
Langston Kearney
Damn. I can't even imagine asking my wife to make me some lemon jelly.
Bruce Bruce
Well, you know, Biscuit and piece of country ham.
Langston Kearney
Oh, no, I would love it. I'm not rooting against it happening. I just can't imagine stepping to her and be like, baby, I'm craving a lemon jelly.
Bruce Bruce
Well, the thing is, you probably don't know how to make it.
Langston Kearney
That's true.
Bruce Bruce
You know what I mean?
Langston Kearney
And I did marry wrong. I agree.
Bruce Bruce
What you mean?
David Bore
What do you mean? Man, she could learn how to make jelly. Don't throw it out the window.
Bruce Bruce
Wrong. What do you mean?
Langston Kearney
I just mean that I married a person that doesn't know how to make lemon jelly. I was just joking, okay?
Bruce Bruce
Hope she's not listening.
Langston Kearney
No, no, she doesn't. She doesn't listen to me and she doesn't listen to me in general. And in that way, that's how we work.
Bruce Bruce
Okay?
David Bore
And that's why you can't get this jelly across.
Langston Kearney
That's why she can't even hear it. I'm screaming. You know what I mean? It's like a scene from Ghost. She don't know. I'm warning her. We should take a break. We should take one more break.
Bruce Bruce
Take a break.
Langston Kearney
We're going to take one more break and then when we come back. Bruce, Bruce. We're going to do a voicemail. We have a voicemail from a caller that we want you to review with us. We're very excited about this one. I think it'll be fun. Okay. More, Bruce. Bruce, more. My mama told me.
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this is Matt Rogers from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang.
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This is Bowen Yang from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. What if your WI fi was more than just WI fi? What if your WI fi made everything in your whole house just work together better?
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Langston Kearney
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Bruce Bruce
How did you get here, bitch?
Langston Kearney
I called the bus. Nobody supposed to be here.
Bruce Bruce
Well, bitch, I came to fuck.
David Bore
We came to read this voicemail.
Langston Kearney
Listen to this voicemail. Listen.
David Bore
I was still thinking about this song.
Langston Kearney
No, you Were right.
David Bore
That was a great song.
Langston Kearney
That was a beautiful song.
David Bore
Shout out to Deborah Cox.
Langston Kearney
And also this lady.
David Bore
And also this lady who is not
Langston Kearney
Deborah Cox, by the way.
David Bore
Oh, yeah. We are no way affiliated with Deborah Cox. You remember that video?
Langston Kearney
Yeah, man, she was fine. Yeah, she was like.
David Bore
She was like on the. On the farm, like, just, man. Singing it.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, man. 90s fine was unbelievable when it. Like, when you were there in the 90s, the way women were fine. It truly felt phenomenal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, let's play this voicemail.
Bruce Bruce
Let's do it.
Voicemail Caller
First of all, y' all ain't gonna gaslight me with that weird, freaky voicemail voice message and then act like we're the ones who be acting weird, leaving messages. That's y' all asking for it.
Langston Kearney
Okay.
Bruce Bruce
Anyways.
Voicemail Caller
All right, so it's not really a theory, but I got stereotyped. I went in the grocery store, and outside the grocery store, Girl Scout. I was like, yo, Girl Scout cookie time.
Bruce Bruce
Let's go.
Voicemail Caller
As soon as I come outside, I'm gonna have some cash. I'll be right back. I come back outside, okay, give me two boxes. They're like, which ones? I go, 10 minutes. And the mom said, I knew it.
David Bore
Fuck. Damn.
Voicemail Caller
And I kind of laughed it off at first, until as I was walking back to the parking lot with my cookies, and I realized I had been stereotyped.
Ryan Reynolds
Yeah.
Voicemail Caller
Thin mint Girl Scout cookies are the Newport of Girl Scout cookies.
Langston Kearney
I knew it.
Bruce Bruce
I knew it.
Voicemail Caller
And just knew I needed that menthol.
David Bore
He's gonna want that green anyway. Thanks, y'.
Bruce Bruce
All.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. Yeah. You got got, man.
David Bore
Yeah, I got you.
Langston Kearney
I don't know what to tell you.
David Bore
There's not even really anything to expand on. You really.
Langston Kearney
You took a big L there.
David Bore
That was tough.
Bruce Bruce
She did.
David Bore
That was really tough, man.
Langston Kearney
You really. Cause she. It'd be one thing if she under her breath. You know what I mean? If she, like, passively was like.
Bruce Bruce
She said it out loud.
Redfin Announcer
She.
Langston Kearney
She looked you in the eyes and said, I knew it. I knew your black ass was gonna want some Thin Mints. I got three boxes left just for you.
David Bore
Damn.
Langston Kearney
Three boxes. Crazy. A lot.
Bruce Bruce
That's a lot of cookies.
Langston Kearney
I think. I think. I think he found a source. And I think you don't end up buying Girl Scout cookies multiple times.
David Bore
Right? That's good.
Langston Kearney
I think most people, once you find one, you're like, all right, I did it. I got my cookies.
David Bore
You get it once a season. Yeah, it's Girl Scout cookies.
Bruce Bruce
Season.
David Bore
Let me go on and get all the ones for this season.
Langston Kearney
You go ahead and stash up, and then.
David Bore
I don't even find them like that. Do you fuck with girl scout cookies like that?
Langston Kearney
We have them because my wife has a friend whose niece is, like, in it, and so we'll support her by proxy, but, like, nah, we're not Thin mints. Yeah. And that's the thing. The stereotype is fair. We do like them the most, I think, in my house. Thin mints.
Bruce Bruce
I like the peanut butter better.
David Bore
I was gonna say lemons. I like the peanut butter ones. I like the shortbread ones. I even like the Samoans.
Langston Kearney
No, that's what they're called.
David Bore
That can't be what it is.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, Samoas. Samoas, yeah. Not Samoans.
Bruce Bruce
Yeah.
David Bore
The peanut butter ones are crazy. The chocolate cover, those go nuts, too.
Langston Kearney
I like a lot of them, but mint Thin mint stands above the rest for me.
David Bore
You like mint chocolate chip ice cream?
Langston Kearney
It is the one for me. If you mix mint and chocolate, hell yeah.
David Bore
See, I'm like this, too. Toothpastey. Give me some candy.
Langston Kearney
Nah, I'm into it.
David Bore
I get it, though.
Langston Kearney
Yeah.
David Bore
The mints are fire.
Langston Kearney
Make chocolate refreshing. That shit's dope. Yeah. The girl scouts have changed Samoas to caramel delights just so you're.
David Bore
Oh, that's good. I thought you were gonna say to Tongans, This is a general Pacific Islander cookie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got got. That sucks, man. I don't really have. You didn't really ask for advice, but I don't really have much to tell you.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. It's unfortunate that happened to you. If it is still girl Scout season, if you want to go back to that grocery store and confront that woman, I think that's your right.
David Bore
Yeah. Go back with a hundred bucks and be like, give me all the Tongans you got.
Langston Kearney
Bruce. Bruce, this was amazing.
David Bore
This was so good.
Bruce Bruce
Well, thank you. Thank you.
Langston Kearney
Thank you for being here.
Bruce Bruce
No, thank you.
Langston Kearney
Could you tell the people where they can find you?
Bruce Bruce
Well, you know, you can go to www.bruce-bruce.com.
Langston Kearney
let's go.
Bruce Bruce
And you can tell me your likes and your dislikes. And if you want to go to any of my social media, it's my Bruce Bruce. And also March 3rd, my Netflix special drops.
Langston Kearney
Let's go.
Bruce Bruce
So let me let you all know, I'm going to take them through that. Take them through that. You know what I'm saying? It's really good. It's called Aim Play. So make sure you check the Bruce Bruce Netflix special out March 3, 2026.
Langston Kearney
March 3. You better be watching Bruce Bruce.
David Bore
Yes sir.
Langston Kearney
That's cold.
David Bore
Let's go. What you got cool guy jokes 87. I don't have a special coming out. Watch the old one. Come see me in Langston in New Orleans March 19th through 22nd.
Langston Kearney
Yep.
David Bore
And you know, that's it for now.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. You can follow me, Langston, Carmen, on all social media platforms. You can send us your drops, your conspiracy theories. You can send us, I don't know, motherfucking sad stories that have happened with Girl Scout cookie leaders all to mymamapodmail.com call us at 844-LIL-MOMS. Follow the Patreon. Yeah, subscribe to Patreon, subscribe to Patreon, TikTok, all that.
David Bore
I think a lot of people follow us on TikTok. We don't get on there because we're old, but it seems like people like it.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, people are very excited about the TikTok. So keep doing all that stuff. And most importantly, enjoy yourself. Bye.
David Bore
Why you coming home?
Redfin Announcer
Vibing the Something's going on.
Langston Kearney
Can I smell your dick? My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and I Heart Podcast, created and hosted
David Bore
by Langston Kearney, co hosted by David Bore executive executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hansani and Joel Monique co produced by Bay Wayne edited and engineered by Justin Cotton music by Nick Chambers artwork by Dogon Cregan.
Langston Kearney
You can now watch episodes of My Mama told me on YouTube, follow ymama told me and subscribe to our ch.
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Langston Kearney
This is an iHeart podcast.
Cindy Crawford
Guaranteed Human.
Podcast: My Momma Told Me
Hosts: Langston Kerman & David Gborie
Guest: Bruce Bruce
Release Date: March 3, 2026
Main Themes: Black superstitions, cultural conspiracy theories, slang, and Bruce Bruce’s comedic life wisdom
In this lively episode, comedians Langston Kerman and David Gborie are joined by legendary comic Bruce Bruce. The trio explores the deeply-rooted superstition of not "splitting the pole," the origins and endurance of Black superstitions, Bruce Bruce's no-nonsense approach to life, and the unique role of slangmakers like E-40. Together, they dissect how seemingly silly beliefs often have profound historical and cultural backgrounds, all while dropping punchlines and candid insights about relationships, food, and modern Black culture.
The episode is irreverent, playful, and rooted in the hosts' and guest's distinctive Black comedic sensibilities. Bruce Bruce brings breezy humor and old-school wisdom, dropping blunt advice, hilarious asides, and honest reflections on tradition. The conversation feels like a family reunion – full of jokes, life advice, and cultural call-backs, always circling big-picture questions beneath the jokes.
This episode of My Momma Told Me is a quintessential blend of Black cultural commentary, raw comedy, and intergenerational perspective. Whether poking fun at superstition, interrogating stereotypes, or simply appreciating the artistry of both words and foods, Langston, David, and Bruce Bruce offer up a hilarious and surprisingly heartfelt conversation for anyone who loves to laugh and learn. And remember: whatever you're doing, don't split the pole.