Find the Epstein Files, Cancel Love Island (with Langston Kerman and David Gborie) RE-RELEASE

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Find the Epstein Files, Cancel Love Island"

Podcast: My Momma Told Me (Big Money Players Network & iHeartPodcasts)
Hosts: Langston Kerman & David Gborie
Release Date: February 5, 2026
Episode Theme:
Langston and David, two sharp-witted comedians, dig into Black conspiracy theories—ranging from silly to poignant. This episode is a RE-RELEASE featuring their unique, often irreverent breakdown of pop culture, Blackness, generational topics, and listener-submitted conspiracy theories. They combine nostalgic TV deep-dives, personal anecdotes, and playful audience engagement.

---

Main Themes & Episode Structure

• Satirical, unfiltered exploration of topics rooted in Black culture, history, and community
• Juxtaposition of nostalgic reminiscences and social observations (90s TV, family cookouts)
• Call-ins from listeners, sparking improvisational, comedic conversations about "Black conspiracies"
• Candid discussion about colorism, modern television, and societal shifts

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Black Sitcom Nostalgia & Representation

Timestamp: 04:46–08:54

• The hosts riff off of 90s sitcoms like Living Single and Martin, breaking down the evolution of the "dark-skinned, vaguely British" archetype (e.g., Kyle Barker).

• Debate on whether characters’ charm was Britishness, queerness, or just aura.

• Commentary on accessorizing: hats from Black sitcoms in the 90s, and how audacious hat-wearing has changed.

  Notable Quotes:

  • (Langston) "What happened to that genre of dark skinned dude who spoke almost vaguely British? Where did those guys go?" [05:00]
  • (David) "He was gay, though. He was very gay." [05:38]
  • (Langston) "That's a mistake I've made with a lot of foreigners. Gay or Italian, who knows?" [05:22]

2. Pan-African Festivals and Cultural Commerce

Timestamp: 09:05–11:18

• Amusing retelling of buying hats from an African street festival—contrasting genuine African goods with "Pan African" merch for Black Americans.

• The tension between authenticity and hustle, the commercialization of culture.

  Notable Moment:
  Langston buys an oversized, impractical hat, then regrets the purchase, realizing his partner got a better deal and style.

3. Generational Names and Legacy

Timestamp: 13:09–16:10

• A tongue-in-cheek debate about naming children after oneself and the "curse" of generational baggage.
• Playful take on legacy:
  • (Langston) "If my daughter was like, I want to be named Anvil, I'd be like, you got it." [14:34]
  • (David) "I'm just honored to be here, dog." [14:50]

4. "Love Island" Critique & Disabilities Discourse

Timestamp: 17:26–23:41

• Langston delivers a satirical "statement": Love Island exploits "sexy special needs people," arguing its casting is problematic.

• The hosts dissect the show's contestants’ lack of depth, repetitive, vapid conversations, and the show’s “nasty” challenges.

• Parallels drawn between Love Island and Love on the Spectrum, with acknowledgment that both involve vulnerability—but with vastly different spirits.

  Notable Quotes:

  • (Langston, reading prepared statement) "They are poaching special needs people and making them finger each other for our entertainment. It's criminal. It should be illegal." [17:27]
  • "As a society, we've behaved like differently abled people mean something ugly. That is not the case. Some of the most beautiful people on earth had to take classes in a separate part of the school." [18:13]

  Memorable Exchange:

  • (Langston) "There's not that big of a difference between Love Island and Love on the Spectrum." [20:35]
  • (David) "Love on the Spectrum is far more charming." [20:47]

5. Listener Voicemails & Community Conspiracies

Beginning at 29:02 and recurring through the end

Segment A: The Burnt Hot Dog Phenomenon

Timestamp: 31:23–35:06

• Listener asks: "Why do Black people love the burnt hot dog at the cookout?"
• The hosts dissect cultural food norms, compare household cooking tactics, and joke about the universal love for "cuisine" burnt links.
  • (David) "It turns a hot dog into a steak for me." [32:07]
  • Insight: Some food preferences, assumed universal, are actually deeply cultural.

Segment B: R&B and the "Hairy Coochie" Theory

Timestamp: 35:46–46:46

• Listener posits: R&B music changed when pubic hair maintenance changed—suggesting "hairy coochie" music died after 2004.

• Discussion about the era, R&B’s evolution from rough rawness to commercial sheen, and how "hairy coochie" is a metaphor for authenticity.

  • (Langston) "I think it's sort of a raw R&B that doesn't... want abs and titty meat as much as having like your belly hanging over your belt." [38:52]

• Cultural Connection: Hard times and "letting loose" are linked to returns to form—"When times is hard, coochies get hairy." [45:26]

Segment C: Immigration, ICE, and Black Vulnerability

Timestamp: 49:30–54:06

• A Black-Mexican listener warns: "ICE is coming after Black folks next."
• Langston and David reflect on shared vulnerability across marginalized groups and mock those who smugly say "that's what you get" politically.
• Emphasis: Stakes are high, solidarity matters.

6. Colorism, Sports, and The "Color Gradient"

Timestamp: 58:04–65:20

• A caller asks if there’s a definitive "color gradient," recounting being called "too light-skinned to play wide receiver."

• Hosts joke about the impossibility of standardizing light-skinned/dark-skinned categories in the Black community. Suggest a tongue-in-cheek "draft" to set the standards.

• Insight into the persistent, fluid boundaries of colorism, and the subjectivity of Blackness within Black spaces.

  Notable Quotes:

  • (Langston) "We would all benefit from a little standardizing of our conversations around light skin versus dark skin." [60:04]
  • (David) "We know where we’re at... it’s really for the people in the middle spectrum." [64:18]

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Memorable Moments & Tone

• The show balances heavy topics with slapstick and clever cultural references, never veering into mean-spiritedness.
• Running jokes: hats, burnt food, and the perils of public transit (the "get the bus off you" segment [56:13]).
• Repeated acknowledgments of vulnerability—both in personal stories and as a theme in culture.
• Listener participation is both playfully mocked and warmly embraced.

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Important Timestamps

• [05:00] — The "dark-skinned British" sitcom archetype
• [17:27] — Satirical statement on Love Island and disabilities
• [31:23] — The burnt hot dog cookout debate
• [35:46] — R&B’s evolution, "hairy coochie" theory
• [49:30] — ICE and Black immigrant solidarity
• [58:04] — The caller’s question about color gradients and colorism in sports

---

Quotes Hall of Fame

• Langston: "If my daughter was like, I want to be named Anvil, I’d be like, you got it." [14:34]
• Langston (onLove Island): "They are poaching special needs people and making them finger each other for our entertainment." [17:27]
• David: "It turns a hot dog into a steak for me." [32:07]
• Langston: "When times is hard, coochies get hairy." [45:26]
• Langston: "We would all benefit from a little standardizing of our conversations around light skin versus dark skin." [60:04]

---

Tone and Style

• Conversational, loose, and often veers toward improvised riffing.
• Language mirrors the Black barbershop/kitchen table tradition: affectionate roast, community insight, cultural inside jokes.
• Topics shift rapidly, following tangents ignited by nostalgia, pop culture, or wild listener voicemails.

---

Conclusion

This episode is a fast-moving, laughter-filled journey through Black pop culture, community quirks, and social theories—equal parts roasting and earnest. The hosts affirm the absurdity and beauty of Black experiences, from the cookout to the R&B slow jam, all while inviting listeners to participate, reflect, and laugh at both the world and themselves.

For listeners new and old: expect hearty laughs, heartfelt nostalgia, sharp cultural observation, and an unapologetically Black, conspiratorial lens on everyday life.

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Contact & Engagement:
Listeners are encouraged to call in, send in their own conspiracy theories, and follow/subscribe on podcast platforms and YouTube.

Langston Kerman: @langstonkerman — Watch "Bad Poetry" on Netflix
David Gborie: @guyjokes87 — Patreon available

Listener line: 844-LIL-MOMS

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Transcript

[A]

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[F]

If McDonald's doesn't oxtail, are you going to try it?

[E]

If McDonald's doesn't oxtrail, it's going to tear my family apart is going to ruin us.

[F]

Baby, I'm sick.

[E]

What do you want from me? It tastes too damn good.

[F]

The sauce is different than the way they make sauce in other places.

[E]

The government growing babies, microchips in your babies. All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money. Marching to bending turkey stuffing. Y' all can't tell me nothing.

[F]

Zach a Zow Ziggy Zow Zack Azza.

[E]

Batman.

[F]

Now there it is. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentiles alike, welcome to another phenomenal episode of My.

[E]

Mama Told Me the podcast where we dive deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories.

[F]

And come on, you know what we've proven. Not a goddamn thing.

[E]

Nothing. When you're not here to learn.

[F]

What could we prove? We didn't read about it before we started talking?

[E]

And also, I think we're here to zig when they zag. Every podcast is trying to teach you something. Trying to give you some type of political insight, some answers. Hey, you know who's not gonna tell you how to be an Alpha? Oh, Langston and David.

[F]

Beta boy.

[E]

Betta boy. Come on, baby. Come on. You don't wanna look your stepdad in the eye.

[F]

Hey, if you want to talk shit about him once he out the room. Now you're talking to the boys.

[E]

Is your favorite part of the cookout? Kikiing with the ladies?

[F]

Was your best friend at church? Sister Redmond? She had the best hats. There was no disagreement.

[E]

Do you relate more to living single than Fresh Prince of Bel Air?

[F]

Are you a Sinclair or a Regine? You're not Max. You're not Max. That is a confident person.

[E]

You're not Max. You're not Kyle.

[F]

Nope. Do we.

[E]

Can we talk about this before we get. I know you have a statement. I just want to say.

[F]

Oh, yes, yes, please.

[E]

Before you. Okay. You remember living single.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Right. You remember Kyle.

[F]

Of course.

[G]

Do we.

[E]

What happened to that genre of dark skinned dude who spoke almost vaguely British? Where did those guys go?

[F]

See, and I don't mean to step on what you said.

[E]

You're about to get mean. You're about to say something so nasty. Look at your face. Look at.

[F]

I worry that what you were considering British was just homosexual.

[E]

No, no, no. And that is a mistake I've made with a lot of foreigners. I'm not here to say I'm better than anyone. I've done it. You know what I mean? Gay or Italian, who knows? That's not what. That's not. That's not. No, that's not right.

[F]

He was gay, though. He was very gay. It was.

[E]

He.

[F]

He was a.

[E]

He was fucking Maxine like crazy.

[F]

Yes, of course. But he moved like. That's.

[E]

That's wrong.

[F]

No, I think we. I think we wanted that to be a type of like swaggy, cool shit.

[E]

And I think it was cool. Cause gay is cool.

[F]

I. I'm not saying it's not.

[E]

Maybe you were born this way.

[F]

I'm not saying it's not cool. It's fucking awesome. It's really cool. Hell yeah. In fact, I'm a big fan, I'm a big fan of what you got going on. I, I personally wish there were more of you that said, that said he was very much in the community that I'm speaking of.

[E]

That's, I can't go with you on that. No, no, that's. And I, you remember there was a genre, but you understand what the guy.

[F]

I'm talking about and I agree with the genre.

[E]

There was a genre. They had like big wooden canes, ornate canes sometimes.

[F]

Yeah, they were like, like the guy.

[E]

From Boyz II Men, the dark skinned guy. All the Philly steaks you can eat.

[F]

Yeah, they were British, but also you could tell by way of Africa.

[E]

And it, yeah, like some kind of a Idris Elba prototype.

[F]

It was like a very tailored suit with a kente cloth accent. And you're like, short dread. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

Short, short lineup.

[F]

Absolutely.

[E]

Short, short dread.

[F]

Yeah, yeah. No, I, I, I agree with the man.

[E]

Okay, okay.

[F]

I remember the man. I wish there were more of the.

[E]

Man before you had this disrespectful detour. What I was saying was what happened to that man is all. Because you don't see that anymore. You don't see that guy. No, I tried to bring it back. I brought this at the African American Arts Festival.

[F]

Oh, it's beautiful.

[E]

Brim too big.

[F]

Oh, no.

[E]

Brim too big.

[F]

Oh, you can't see.

[E]

Yeah, it sucks. Like, I bought it and it was too expensive and I was even telling my girl, I was like, no, I.

[F]

Wear it at the beach. I wear it, I wear it all the time.

[E]

And then I got it and I was gonna wear it on here, but then when you, it's like too much.

[F]

Yeah, you're, you're, it is, it is a style for sure. But you're like making a choice for your day.

[E]

Cause here's the thing is, like, I don't, I don't have a complexion that lends itself to looking like a farmer.

[F]

Well, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.

[E]

Say what you will. Draw whatever you want. Yeah, I just don't have like the type of face that should be looking up under a hat. Right address.

[F]

If ICE is looking for people actively, you have now labeled yourself a target.

[E]

But the problem is then you flip it up and it's like, now I look like Queen Latifah. It's like you and I t. Yeah.

[F]

I don't know why it reminded me of Gordon's fish. You know what I mean? But there is a sort of fisherman quality. He obviously is not wearing the hat, but.

[E]

And now I got this $30 hat I don't really know what to do with.

[F]

Yeah, well, I'm sorry it happened to you. And. And I think you'll find the exact fold to make that gorgeous. Yeah.

[E]

Shout out to the African American Arts Festival in Denver, though.

[F]

We had a shout out to them, all eight of them that gathered together.

[E]

No, there was a lot. There was a lot. I am worried a little bit.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Like, have you ever noticed? So, okay, I don't want to step on any toes here. Have you been to like an African street festival put on by Africans versus an African type street festival put on by African Americans?

[F]

I wouldn't. I don't think that I have been to the former.

[E]

The one by African.

[F]

By Africans.

[E]

Okay.

[F]

I think I've almost exclusively been. Been to once with Pan African sort of like leadership.

[E]

Cause I went, so this was the Pan African type.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

And I was there and I was like, man, the hustle of being an African person selling to black Americans is good. Cause it's like every stall had the same country cloth. It's all this. It was not like. And I know because like when my mom gets shit directly from Sierra Leone, it's like different, but they had like the same 10 patterns. And I was like, this is. You just go to. You just go to black arts festivals every weekend. And then one was so disrespectful. It was a Mexican lady. So, bro, this is what's fucked up. She's selling country cloth and kente cloth next to a labubu poncho. Fuck. And now we're so upside down. Yeah, it's fucked up, man.

[F]

The idea that somebody would buy from a place that sells both of those things, presuming that they do both of those things well, is crazy.

[E]

I think it's all. It all comes off the same truck though. I think.

[F]

Yeah, I think that's the unfortunate reality. But like, when you are buying these things to some extent, you're going like, well, I want to believe there's a quality to this. Right?

[E]

Yeah. I got fleece too. The lady, like, when we bought it, she took our picture. Cause my girl got a hat, reasonable size brim on hers, which sucks worse kinda that she didn't get shammed, that hers worked well. Oh, and then mine is like, I'm gonna wear it this whole time and maybe it'll grow on me by the End of this.

[F]

Yeah. I think if you just forget that it's there, you might find yourself becoming comfortable with it.

[E]

I do worry, and this has happened to me a lot of times. I worry that this is a hat that Cole on Martin would wear. Right. And that's not a man you want to be.

[F]

No, he's not a man you want to be. And that's such a funny thing because he was my favorite character.

[E]

He was a kid when we were big Shirley. It was all very funny.

[F]

I thought he was the funniest guy. But, yeah, you knew from the beginning where you're like, oh, we're laughing at him.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

He's not, like, in on this.

[E]

He's got. Cause the 90s had so many hats that. Just a lot of buffoon hats.

[F]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

In that, like, five, six year period. Tall.

[F]

Tall furs.

[E]

Tall furs.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Stovepipe, Cat in the Hat joints.

[F]

Yep, yep.

[E]

Where your mama at? She laughed, bro. And they had cool. They didn't even. They would have cool in the Cat in the Hat and the circle glasses. And it's like, that's too much for one man. No one man can bear the weight of all those accessories.

[F]

It also was, like, accessories. And then he'd just be wearing a black T shirt, and it's like, hey, this ain't. Yeah, you gotta at least, like, make him, like, a weirdo. Top to bottom.

[E]

It's gotta be all lime green.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

You'll get to just like, you.

[F]

He just puts a funky hat on, and then you ain't gonna dress it. Nobody's gonna be like, man, what are you doing today?

[E]

Oh, man, he was always wearing. Wore those hats that look like uncircumcised penises. You know what I'm talking about? Like the drawstring at the top.

[F]

Oh, I do know what you're talking about.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

He had a lot of those. Them little.

[F]

The net.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Like a. Just like a canvas skull cap.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[F]

He loved that shit. Yeah.

[E]

Anyways, what you got?

[F]

Shout out to Cole, man.

[E]

Yeah, shout out to Cole. More important, Carl Thomas Paine.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Is that right?

[F]

I don't know. I know it's something. Thomas Paine. Carl Thomas Paine. Makes me worried that it's Carl Thomas and is it Karl Anthony?

[E]

I've never seen them in the same room together.

[F]

Let's look at that.

[E]

That's all I'm saying. I've never seen Carl Thomas and Cole in the same room.

[F]

Carl Anthony Payne.

[E]

Carl Anthony Payne.

[F]

The second.

[E]

The second.

[F]

Yeah. There's been a few of them.

[E]

Would you ever give your kid one of those?

[F]

Absolutely not.

[E]

No.

[F]

Not even for a moment would I consider it?

[E]

I think I would do it.

[F]

I think. I think we offer so many curses to our children just by. By proxy, just by our presence. Being there is already, like, tainting them in a way that makes me feel.

[E]

Embarrassed about, like, generational curses.

[F]

Yeah. Just shit that I carry that is in some way affecting my children in a way that their purity doesn't deserve. But I can't help, because I am what I am, and I very much don't need my name to be attached to who you become.

[E]

Oh, see, I like my name. I'd give it up.

[F]

Oh, man. If my daughter was like, I want to be named Anvil, I'd be like, you got it.

[E]

Hey, Anvil. Anvil. Anvil Kerman.

[F]

Yeah. No, no, drop that, too.

[E]

Oh, you just let her.

[F]

You're just Anvil.

[H]

Whoa. Cool.

[F]

You got it.

[E]

Whoa.

[F]

Create whatever legacy you want.

[E]

You don't want to push the name forward at all.

[F]

I'm just honored to be here, dog.

[E]

Damn, that's really beautiful.

[F]

Yeah, I just. I.

[E]

Does your wife have your last name?

[F]

Uh, yeah, but she wanted that. I didn't ask her to. The fuck do I need that for? You know what I mean?

[E]

That's fair.

[F]

Yeah. I don't. All right.

[E]

It dies with you. You would be fine if it died with you.

[F]

Shoot Kerman in the head. I don't give a shit.

[E]

Golly. All right, but you got. Do you have any other siblings to carry it on?

[F]

My brother has last name, and he has kids. No, he doesn't have.

[E]

No.

[F]

So it's no kids, no family. Yeah, but he's 26, so.

[E]

Okay, so he could.

[F]

Yeah, he's not past his prime. He'll figure his life out. So maybe he'll carry on the name in a way that, you know, part.

[E]

Of you doesn't want. Like, some, like. Oh, them Kerman boys or something like that.

[F]

No. Sometimes my daughter will say her last name, and I'd be like, ugh, you're keeping that, like, in the way that.

[E]

Little kids say their whole name sometimes.

[F]

She always introduces herself with her full name, middle name included.

[E]

That's adorable.

[F]

And then she'll say, my name's, you know, blank, blank, blank. Kerman. Yeah. And then she'll. And then she'll be like, what's your name?

[E]

Oh, you know what? She did introduce herself to me like that. Yeah, it was very cute. Cause it was one sentence.

[F]

Yeah. She doesn't know where it stops.

[E]

That was yours.

[F]

And it's mumbly, so you're not even really sure that she's saying stuff.

[E]

Your daughter. Your daughter talks like stupid people. Text.

[F]

Yeah. Yeah, you should read our text. They're shit. They're absolute shit.

[E]

Oh, man.

[F]

I'm glad we're having fun. But in the light of some recent events, I prepared a statement that I'd like to read. I know this isn't traditional, it's not our usual banter, but we're gonna. I would like to be able to say some things.

[E]

Let me take this off before you say something funny.

[F]

Oh, you don't want to keep that on, man.

[E]

I saw it. I'm gonna be completely honest. I saw a glimpse of it in the mirror and it sucked.

[F]

Okay, well, I'm sorry that that happened.

[E]

That's kind of Ghanaian Paddington.

[F]

I'm also sorry for the weird jumps that this is gonna cause throughout this episode.

[E]

This will be good.

[F]

It'll be fine.

[E]

They like us.

[F]

Here we go. I prepared a statement that I'm gonna read to you now. At some point, we are going to have to unpack how Love island is just taking advantage of sexy special needs people. I'll hold for applause. I'll repeat. They are poaching special needs people and making them finger each other for our entertainment. It's criminal. It should be illegal. They are abusing these students with IEPs, and frankly, that's on us for being so bigoted and not realizing that special needs people can be bad bitches too. As a society, we've behaved like differently abled people mean something ugly. And that is not the case. Some of the most beautiful people on earth had to take classes in a separate part of the school. I like turtles. The kings and queens of Onlyfans could only leave the classroom if a helper was with them.

[E]

And.

[F]

And I know, I know all of this sounds a little empowering, but I assure you, those Love island producers are pure evil. I open the floor to your thoughts. I begin to touch, and I think.

[E]

You begin to touch to the heart of the matter is that I. There's.

[F]

No.

[E]

It needed to be said. Yeah, it needed to be said because I think we talked about it on the phone a little bit. I watched an episode of Love island and for a second you're like, this is the best entertainment I've ever seen.

[F]

Absolutely.

[E]

This is, like, incredible. Oh, my God.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

And then you watch a second one and you're like, oh, they got the hottest idiots.

[F]

Oh, they're still there.

[E]

What do you Mean.

[F]

That's what I mean. You're watching. You're like, oh, you're still doing this?

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Oh, okay. You're.

[E]

You're like, very. There's so, like. There's a lot of, like. Like, I made this joke.

[F]

I like turtles.

[E]

But there's, like, a lot of. There's a lot of those statements.

[F]

What? I'm. That's what I'm. That's what I'm seeing as well.

[E]

Like, me and my girl watched it, and now she gets so mad because she watched one episode and two of these idiots were breaking up. And one of the guys, he, like, goes. He, like, grabs her face and he goes, everything you said to me was amazing. Or everything you ever said to me was amazing. It doesn't matter. I say that shit to her in the dark. Or like, when we wake up now, everything you've ever said to me was amazing. It's like a bummer how stupid they are.

[F]

If somebody said that to me, I would shoot them.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

I mean, what are you talking about?

[E]

Also, have you seen the challenges?

[F]

Yeah, they're insane.

[E]

The milk was. Cause here's the thing. We have too much porno for you to be beaten around the bush on network television.

[F]

And that's what's stressing me out. That's the part of it where it starts to become like, oh, okay. It's not just like, there's not that big of a difference between Love island and Love on the Spectrum. It is people.

[E]

I will get you there. Love on the Spectrum is far more charming.

[F]

No, I'm saying that this is watching people make choices. Where I go, I wouldn't do that, but I hope it works out for you. That is. It's the same vibe, but then they add these nasty challenges where they make them take every item of clothing off, and then they make them spit in each other's mouths just repeatedly over and over again. And that's where it becomes a violence.

[E]

They got him eating popsicles covered in olive oil, bro. It's crazy.

[F]

And then they wake him up early and they go get in the gym.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Work out.

[E]

Do the one thing you're good at.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

The one place the world makes sense to you.

[F]

I better not catch you reading a book.

[E]

They make a lot of breakfast.

[F]

They make a lot of breakfast. Don't nobody read. This is. They're taking advantage of people.

[E]

Yeah, but, I mean, wasn't that always television?

[F]

Of course, but we gotta call it out. That's the whole point of the show, David.

[E]

Okay. It does feel like we're at the worst point. Like, some of these people need, like, assistance shopping at the grocery store.

[F]

Buddy, I showed up when I showed up. You know what I mean? I didn't choose the timeline that I live in, but I have to hold myself accountable for trying to change it.

[E]

You're like a whistleblower.

[F]

Come on, man. I'm ready to sit in front of Congress on this one.

[E]

They are fine as hell, though. Everybody on that show is fine as hell.

[F]

It's the most stressed I've ever watched, I've ever had watching a television show because of how sexy everybody is.

[E]

Oh, yeah, with your. With your partner.

[F]

I don't like watching it with my wife. And now I'm watching it with my wife and her sister.

[E]

That's. You can't win.

[F]

It sucks.

[E]

There's no. Because the problem is they're so fine and they have such little personality that you can't even be like, oh, I think Chella's really. You know what I mean?

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

It's just like, we're all seeing the finest person we've ever seen.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Alandria is the finest person I've seen. In real life.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Not in real life, but, like, look.

[F]

I was washed your brain.

[E]

Hell no to the. No, no, no. Hell to. No. They're too fine. That show's tough for me, too, man.

[F]

It's a tough watch. And I hope Congress, while I don't support you ever, I do hope that you and I can come to terms here and we can figure out a way to get this resolved.

[E]

Find the Epstein files. Cancel Love Island.

[F]

Come on.

[E]

Olivia says it's time for a break. Cause maybe we got too hot. Maybe we just touched a motherfucking nerve.

[F]

And just to be clear, when he says fine, he just means print them out. You got him?

[E]

Yeah. You got them.

[F]

They're still open on the top window of your computer.

[E]

You kept talking about how they were on your desk. He said, oh, I got him.

[F]

He said, oh, yeah.

[E]

Thick old piece of paper, too. Remember Menace when he had that tape? Cause he killed that guy. That's what the Republicans are doing. I got the tape. No, I got the tape.

[F]

They were like, it's in Times New Roman 12 font. It was written in 1998. No, they're silly billies for doing that. But we are going to take a break. Let's take a break, and then we're going to do some voicemails from the listeners.

[E]

So.

[F]

More, David, more. Langston, more. My mama told me.

[B]

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[H]

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[E]

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[H]

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[I]

But we're going to do this respectfully. Otherwise will end in a duel. And I mean a duel. Real life duel where only one person walks away. We can meet with guns, bottles, knives or books and equations. But we're gonna do this like men. So get ready.

[E]

We're about to have a hook book duel. Bring your best bell hooks. I'll bring mine. I'LL give you a hint. It's not feminist theory. I tried to read that, but I didn't get too far.

[F]

Can I tell you that when you played that, I'm high enough that I had voicemail in my head, and I thought that that was a voicemail from Terrence Howard.

[E]

That must be hard for you to have realized that. It's not, though.

[F]

Yeah, it was a real, like, holy moly journey. You know what I mean? I really went through the full spectrum of feelings where I was like, it's a miracle. And then I was like, oh, no, I'm a fool.

[E]

I still think he's open to us, though. I don't think we played ourselves.

[F]

I haven't given up at all.

[E]

Yeah, me either. I really think we could get him.

[F]

I think we continue to grow. We're continuing to evolve as a podcast, and I think, frankly, if there are people out there who have the means to be able to connect us directly with Terrence Howard, we welcome your contact.

[E]

Yeah. Or any assist, really, at this point.

[F]

Yeah. If you.

[E]

You got a good assist, just call us.

[F]

Yeah. If you, you know, if you happen to be in his DMs, and he does, in fact, respond, we'll take it.

[E]

Yeah. Come on, man. So if you want to tell us about it, get you a glass of Arbor mist, put it on ice.

[F]

Give us a call.

[E]

Give us a call, because we know you're drunk.

[F]

You're drunk.

[E]

I bet at least two of these voicemails, we're about to listen to drunk people.

[F]

I think that's an underestimation right there.

[E]

Okay.

[F]

We got a lot of great ones here.

[E]

Pick the most salacious title I feel like or just the most exciting title to you.

[F]

Okay.

[E]

I'm excited.

[F]

All right.

[I]

My mama told me.

[F]

Yeah. Okay.

[I]

David Langston, brother Charles calling from Durham, North Carolina.

[E]

Okay.

[F]

I knew he was from the south because his second name was Charles.

[E]

Oh. Do you think the first name, Charles, is more of a Midwestern thing?

[F]

I think anytime Charles is in that name, you are of the south. And I think Charles being the second name means you still in the South.

[E]

Okay. Yeah. It's not like a Yankee ass name. No, Charles.

[F]

Charles.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

That's a working man.

[E]

It's a Mr. Charles.

[H]

Yeah.

[F]

You put a Mr. On my char.

[E]

Yeah. I'm fucking your granny.

[F]

Can I tell you, I literally knew a Mr. Charles growing up.

[E]

Was he.

[F]

Yeah, well, he was fucking. This was in college. My best friend's mom, it was like her boyfriend, and his name was Mr. Charles. And we rode around in his van, like, big old conversion van.

[E]

He was just telling you about life.

[F]

Mr. Charles didn't talk a lot, but.

[E]

No, but when he did, you listen.

[F]

Your ears perk up. Uh oh. Uh oh. Fellas, gather round. He's ready to give us another gym.

[E]

Yeah, I feel like Mr. Charles, if your name is Mr. Char, really can't be knocking down, like, bachelorettes. You gotta really.

[F]

Nah, he's looking for women.

[E]

Yeah, you're the father that stepped up every time.

[F]

Nah, he's looking for real women with real women problems. Yeah. And I respected that hair, Mr. Charles.

[E]

Harry.

[F]

Oh, yeah. He didn't need a haircut.

[E]

No, no, no. I mean, I'm talking about. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Mr. Charles. Like, it's hairy.

[F]

No, I think the haircut applies to both ends.

[E]

Okay. Yeah, yeah.

[F]

I think top and bottom. He was like, I don't put no clippers in my head.

[E]

Yeah, yeah. Whose clippers? The man's clippers.

[F]

I like when men use scissors, and then they're like, well, we don't do that here. So he was like, well, then I'll take my business elsewhere.

[E]

He puts back on his hard hat.

[I]

Yeah.

[F]

And then he puts another fedora on top of that.

[E]

I can't be talking about hats the way I came out.

[F]

Nah, you were acting crazy. And we will always have that memory.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Anyways, here we go from right outside.

[I]

D.C. alexandria, Virginia. Quick conspiracy for y'. All. Why the niggas love the burnt hot dog at the cookout more than any other hot dog.

[F]

All right.

[I]

Keep doing what y' all doing.

[F]

Okay.

[E]

It was short.

[F]

It was short.

[E]

I've thought about. I thought about this a lot.

[F]

Oh, you have thought about it?

[E]

Yeah. Well, I mean, first of all, do you like a burnt hot dog?

[F]

It's my favorite kind of hot dog. Yeah.

[E]

Or like a burnt link.

[F]

Come on, man.

[E]

It's like, I think that there's something when it. I think the heat does something to it where it's like. When it overcooks it, like, something about the juices in there, it becomes, like, a different flavor profile. Like, it changes the whole.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

It changes the whole texture of the thing.

[F]

It turns a hot dog into a steak for me.

[E]

Exactly.

[F]

Where I'm like, oh, I didn't know this was a classy event.

[E]

No, this is cuisine.

[F]

Yeah. This is fine dining.

[E]

Now let me set down my paper cup.

[F]

I didn't know there was a chef. I thought you would do what I do and just grill it until you got scared.

[E]

My question is, is it Only a black person thing to like the burnt one.

[F]

I think that's where I didn't feel confident is that I consider this to be just a thing for any human ever. And as it turns out, maybe it is just a black thing.

[E]

There's a lot of things like that. The washcloth debate. There's a lot of times that we've thought things were common sense.

[F]

That's true.

[E]

And you come to find out, I.

[F]

Wonder if we could look this up.

[E]

The history of the burnt link.

[F]

I wonder if we looked up. Do white people.

[E]

Yeah, you don't have any of my Google searches.

[F]

Do white people like burnt hot dogs?

[E]

I don't feel like white people like burnt stuff.

[F]

Hmm. I put do white people like burnt?

[E]

It'll auto populate. People have been here before.

[F]

Mm. Some people, regardless of their racial background. This is the AI overview.

[E]

Boo.

[F]

Enjoy a certain level of char or crispiness in certain foods. This can be due. Blah, blah, blah. Are there people who like burnt food? That's a quora. This is why some people purposely burn their food. Okay. I'm willing to make a leap based off of what I'm reading. I think the amount of times that they're saying why some people burn their food and treating it like a study tells me that white people do not like the burnt hot dogs the way that I think we do.

[E]

Yeah. I feel like they like them like on the commercial.

[F]

It's like sweaty little lines. Maybe a little line of char, but you don't want the whole thing all blackened up. No.

[E]

My shit needs to look like Nat King Cole.

[F]

Lil suit. Yeah.

[E]

I like it. I like it so. Because it just. It works better even like. Yeah. With hot dogs in the crib. If I'm making hot dogs in the house, I'll put them in the microwave so that the ends split like they're burnt.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Like that's how I like when people boil it. It's like.

[F]

Yeah, you gotta. You gotta put it in a cup with a little water in it.

[E]

Put the water away or make it meat. There's juice in there. There's juice in there.

[F]

You don't have to disagree with you.

[E]

It's crazy.

[F]

It really allows the oils to cook itself, you know what I mean? To like really like just contain themselves in the hot dog.

[E]

It's almost like it starts to cannibalize itself. Like the grease starts to eat itself.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

And then that's where the flavor comes in.

[F]

I like the way you put that. It's not the way I would have ever thought to put it. But it was.

[E]

That's probably. Cause it's wrong.

[F]

No, it was beautiful. I really liked it.

[E]

All right, let's hear another voiceover.

[F]

Yeah, we should do another.

[E]

Problem solved. That was a good one.

[F]

Yeah. I think this person nailed it. You called. You were healthy, sober.

[E]

Yeah. You sound. I mean, he's singing.

[F]

He sang. But that was. That was like.

[E]

I think that was a happy thing.

[F]

I think that was just confidence.

[E]

Okay. Maybe when you start calling, tell us what time of day it is too from now on.

[F]

What you're doing after that.

[E]

Yeah, yeah. Where are you going? Is this your pregame or your post game? Yeah.

[F]

Is this the end of the night for you or you just. You just getting yourself together? Okay, I see another one that we should do. Here we go.

[I]

It's more of a conspiracy theory and observation. R B music died around 19 or 2004. 2005, when Coochie stopped being hairy.

[E]

Okay. So that's a tough start already. I don't know when cushy stopped being hairy. Oh, I know. When I got into the game.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

But I don't know. I don't have the numbers.

[F]

When you got into the game, was coochie, Harry, or not hairy?

[E]

I'd say it was like 70, 30, not. Yeah, yeah.

[F]

That's about where I was. Where it was like. It's been primarily balls my whole life.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But in my life, it stops being bald when that comfort grows. Like the first time.

[F]

Nah.

[E]

And then.

[F]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

Now you get to know each other.

[F]

It comes back. It finds its way back into your home.

[E]

Like. I like that. It's like a familiar old sweater on a nippy winter day.

[F]

Come on back home, Dan.

[E]

Come on.

[F]

You've had a long journey out there.

[E]

It's the August. Let me pull out my butter.

[F]

Yeah. No, I. As far as I knew it. But I do like this. This does track, at least logically, that like 2004, I was probably had been having sex for a year at tops by the time.

[E]

Yeah. Me to a year. Whole calendar year at that point.

[F]

Either way, tons. We were Both close to 2004, I assume, in our start game. And I would say that the music that predates that did feel a lot more like what I knew to be R and B. And then everything that is postdate that excluding confessions and a few sort of.

[E]

Like confessions is Harry Kuchi music.

[F]

It is.

[E]

That's a really good point.

[F]

But I think there's a few examples. But they become less and less after that point.

[E]

When did Get It Shorty come out? I think that was.

[F]

You think that was the breaking point.

[E]

That was the end of Harry Coochie.

[F]

You're saying that we shouldn't be measuring by the millennium. We should be measuring by pre and post by Lloyd. Get it shouty.

[E]

Yeah. Cause that was like, that's. I think everybody can agree that's bald coochie music.

[F]

Right. But see, I think Lloyd had some Harry Coochie music, which songs like that south side. That song felt like that's just meeting up to be nasty.

[E]

You know what it is is that it used to be.

[F]

And this is.

[E]

I hope people understand what we're saying when we say Harry Kuchi music.

[F]

Yeah. I think. I think it's because my heart understands.

[E]

It, but I can't verbalize it in a good way.

[F]

I think it's sort of a raw R and B that doesn't. That isn't sort of wanting to have abs and titty meat as much as having like your. Your belly hanging over your belt.

[E]

Yeah. And you're going through it.

[F]

Yeah. And you.

[E]

It's real life.

[F]

You put your whole heart into this and we're worried about you. Do you know what I mean?

[E]

Is d' Angelo hairy coochie music?

[F]

Absolutely. Some of the hairiest, I would say.

[E]

Yeah, yeah. Like braids coming out a little bit.

[F]

Come on, man.

[B]

Come on.

[E]

Yeah, man.

[F]

We should go back to that. D' Angelo looked good for a year and a half.

[E]

Come on, man.

[F]

You know what I mean? He had like a year and a half of abs. And then that man turned into a ghoul.

[E]

I like him better. I like fat d'. Angelo.

[F]

And that's what I'm saying is like, we were still like. Nah, that's still sex embodied.

[E]

Yeah, I do. I do. Like, man, this was a good. This is a good. I do. Because now if I think about it, I want all the Harry Coochie music. I don't really.

[F]

It's my preference for sure. Damn. Yeah. This. They continue.

[I]

Because if you go back and listen to R and B From like the 50s up until like the late 90s, Coochie was hairy. And I'm my early 40s. But you would just had to have been around to understand that it was a different type of situation when coochie was hairy like you. It's just. It's just stop begging because coochie stopped being here. I'm sorry. I'm high as shit playing Call of Duty.

[E]

No, don't be sorry. First of all, we love you.

[F]

Yes.

[E]

And also, here's. Go with me on this.

[F]

Yep.

[E]

Here's. Here's what I think. Yeah. This is just what popped into my head.

[F]

Oh, no.

[E]

Harry Kuchi. It's like. I feel like there's more maintenance to be done. There's hair you gotta wash. There's. You know what I mean? It's just like. It's just like. There's more attention that needs to be paid where bald coochie is just like, set it and forget it.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

You know what I'm saying? We're bald now. We don't have to take care of anything. You don't have to tend to your garden. And that's why the music is a lot less involved and a lot more fun partying. You gotta invest in hairy pussy.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

You don't really gotta invest in bald coocci.

[F]

Yeah. You like it because, you know, it's quality. And that takes work. That takes love, that takes maintenance. To your point.

[E]

You know what it is, Harry? Coochie is a stew ball. Coocci. That's McDonald's. You can just go get it.

[F]

I'm not gonna call any coochie McDonald's. I'm too big a fan.

[E]

Don't act like McDonald's isn't delicious in the right context.

[F]

It's my favorite restaurant.

[E]

Yeah. Yeah.

[F]

Come on, man. I struggle to think of a restaurant I love more than McDonald's.

[E]

That's what I'm saying. But you can't get the homemade classics at McDonald's.

[F]

No, no, no. Absolutely not.

[E]

There's no stew.

[F]

Everybody has one order they like, and then they just ride that for the. Until the end of time.

[E]

And I love a McChicken and cheese. There's no oxtails there.

[F]

Right, right, right.

[E]

You know what I mean? Yo, they were trying to charge me $20 to get some goat in the park there.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

I was like, I'm the only one out here who wants this. You have a Haitian truck in Denver, Colorado. You're lucky I'm here. You know how lucky you are that I happened past a jazz in the park to eat your goat? None of these people want it. $20.

[F]

I think it's so funny because they had so little business that day that they were in the back like, all right, how far can we push this?

[E]

Yeah. How?

[F]

Because we gotta make up for lost time.

[E]

Nobody was even standing over there. It was just me. I was so mad, bro. I was so mad.

[F]

But that's on you. I didn't buy it, but that's what I'm saying. Is that the signs were there that this wasn't quality on some level. On some level of the experience, Somebody was unhappy because somebody should have wanted to be at least adventurous and be like, well, that's different than all the other ones. Sure.

[E]

Right, right, right, right. I don't think people think goat is good, though.

[F]

I really fuck with goat.

[E]

Yeah, of course. It's amazing.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

But I don't think, like, the general public eats goat.

[F]

Oh, that's crazy.

[E]

Do white people eat goat? I don't think white people eat goat.

[F]

I know them.

[E]

Have you ever seen one?

[F]

A white person needing a goat?

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Not the way I think. You're making me think about it in my head. Well, I.

[E]

Let's parse this out. First of all, you came at me in a way. What are you standing up?

[F]

That made me think that the goat was still alive and they're just biting into it. Come on, don't do that.

[E]

To me. It was fright.

[F]

And my answer was no. But my dad maybe, like, Indian restaurant type situation.

[E]

Your dad also seems like he eats plantain.

[F]

Yeah, my dad's an adventurous dude.

[E]

Yeah. I feel like that's not the typical. Yeah, yeah.

[F]

I think I often assume it is because that's my blind spot, is I go, that's white people's shit. And sometimes it's just my dad I.

[E]

Was thinking about when I was at the park. I don't even know if I've ever paid for goat.

[F]

Wow. Yeah. Oh, man.

[E]

Yeah. I think I've only ever had it. So one time, my mom and this Ethiopian guy went hats on, like, a side of goat years ago. So he had so much goat, my mom and this guy owed the ano.

[F]

It's so funny.

[E]

I didn't.

[F]

It never occurred to me that you could split the goat with somebody else.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[F]

That's so funny.

[E]

But they split, like, a half of it.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

So it was like a size.

[F]

A quarter goat each.

[E]

Yeah, they split it. Yeah. Yeah.

[F]

That's a lot of goat. Goats are big as fuck.

[E]

Goats are big enough.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Was just me and you in this apartment.

[F]

Mom. Third day this week with goat sandwiches. I'm starting to get a little tired.

[E]

It's always stupid, but that's a good fried goat aside. Haitian food truck aside. Yeah. Harry Kuchi music. I think he's right on the money with his timeline.

[F]

I don't disagree with it at all. It feels very accurate to me. It feels very true. And I do think that there are some people out there trying to push back into that wave I think currently we're heading, I think, in a direction where Harry Coochie music could find its way back. So don't give up hope.

[E]

Oh, I think the whole shit's about to get flipped.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Cause I also think when times is hard, coochie's get hairy. I think when this country is going through strife.

[F]

That's a beautiful statement.

[E]

Coochies get hairy.

[F]

Yeah. You know what I mean?

[E]

The civil rights bush.

[F]

Yup.

[E]

Women's suffrage movement, I assume the LA riots. The LA riots, Yo, that shit was going crazy. Pussy hair was going crazy in the LA riots.

[F]

The amount of pussy that grew through that OJ trial went unshaved in protest through oj. It's innumerable Selma. That's how they kept them skirts from sweating. Moisture absorbing.

[E]

But I do believe that when this country is going through a difficult time, Coochie's will, because we need to get back to ourselves. We need to get back to our roots, you know, you've seen the politics. Shit's going nuts.

[F]

Absolutely.

[E]

We got tariffs.

[H]

Come on.

[F]

We got tariffs.

[E]

Grow em out, baby.

[F]

We absolutely got tariffs. What we also need is a break. We're gonna take one more break and then when we come back, we'll do a couple more voicemails, we'll get out of here. All right? More David, more Langston. More. My mama told me.

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[F]

Yeah, somebody got dick in the face. Craig, see if he's okay.

[E]

And I want to see if you're okay. We both do. Welcome back to My Mama Told Me.

[F]

Welcome back to My Mama Told Me. We're, we're, we're still being rascals. We're just around talking, talking. Listen to you all. Listening to your voices at least. And here we go. We're going to listen to a few more voicemails. Oh, this one's provocative. I'm going to play this. Here we go.

[E]

Don't even tell me the titles.

[F]

Here we come.

[I]

Hey, what's going on? I don't call you the dual freakies. That's fucking bullshit. Black Mexican dude. Yeah, again. So had the Jehovah's Witness shit, whatever. Otherwise my mama told me the ice coming after black people next.

[E]

Pause. Abso fucking lutely. Watch out, y'.

[F]

All.

[E]

This is a problem. I'm with him. I have nothing else to say.

[F]

Yeah, I didn't like that.

[E]

And you should be upset when they're coming after the other people too.

[F]

I didn't like how hard he laughed. That, that rubbed me a little wrong. But I think he doesn't disagree with him.

[E]

I think he just feels double affected. Cause he said he's black and Mexican. Yeah, I think he's just realizing he's like the world's crashing down. He's like telling his wife, you gotta grow it out. I need it now more than ever.

[F]

Yeah, it's getting nasty. And I Will say that before we continue. I've seen a lot of weird shit where people are going like, ah, y' all voted for him. Ah. That's what you get. And it's like, if you don't shut your dumb ass up, bro.

[E]

That's the stupidest response to that shit. Cause then what? Okay, then what?

[F]

Okay, then what?

[E]

We're still here. Yeah. You're smart on the Internet.

[F]

You won the game that we all lost.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Okay. Congratu. Fucking lations. I hate that shit, bro.

[E]

I guess you're gonna be smarter than everybody at the end of the world. That's a good feeling.

[F]

It's so not, like, at least. If you're gonna be annoying, figure out a way to be fun annoying.

[E]

Yeah, this is like.

[F]

Like, boring annoying.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Like, you're just gonna laugh.

[E]

I hate that shit. I hate that shit because it's like, I get it. I'm scared too, man. Shit's going down is real terrible. You need a win.

[F]

You're feeling so powerless that you just are needing to shoot something on the ground. You gotta stomp it.

[E]

You're also doing it to your echo chamber, which is the craziest thing about the Internet, right?

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

It's like, who you say that to? The people it happened to. Are you saying that to the 20 people who follow you, who think like you do? Like, what are we doing?

[F]

No, it's crazy. Here we go.

[I]

But anyways, I only laugh because it's. It's tragically funny, because, you know, I'm.

[F]

Glad he explained himself.

[E]

Yeah, he's wrong.

[I]

But if we look at history, you know, they are gonna go whittle down the list and go down people and persecute them next or whatever. But also, we. We've. We've heard some ICE agents refer to this, but this.

[F]

And you were doing great.

[E]

He's falling apart.

[F]

He's falling apart.

[E]

All right. Anyway, that Modelo kicked in, and I.

[I]

Know it's not the funniest topic, but. No, you could laugh about it and bring awareness to it, but also, David, bonjour.

[E]

Oh, we were a British colony. We don't speak French. People love really thinking I speak French.

[F]

Sierra Leone does sound like it would have been a French.

[E]

I think it is a French word.

[F]

Yeah. It sounds like it would have been there doing.

[E]

Yeah, no, we're a British colony, but I appreciate that, man. Thank you. I like French. I'm a big fan of English.

[F]

I said, how are you? I don't even know even think he.

[E]

Listen, you're more fresh than I am.

[F]

He gave you a compliment as far.

[E]

As that shit that he was saying. Hell yeah. They're coming for black people. Then they're coming for you stupid fucking poor white people. You think he cares about you? You think that guy likes you? You fucking idiot. It's the club. You're not in it. Bro.

[F]

He's. He's.

[E]

He's gonna kill everybody.

[F]

He's starting with Rosie o' Donnell just to see if we'll let him do it.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Do you know what I mean?

[E]

Which is a lot of people's gateway into things.

[F]

Like. He really just needs this to be like a public shooting. Because if we let him get away with this shit. He's cruising.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

He's about to cruise through everybody else. Yeah.

[E]

You guys fucking voted for. They gave him all that money for isis. You think he's like. It's about to be bad out here.

[F]

He gonna have. That's gonna be his day. Is making a list and checking it twice.

[E]

Yuck. Yuck.

[F]

And black people. You will be a target.

[E]

Nobody is saying no.

[F]

It's real scary shit. Anyway.

[E]

So resistance starts in the home. Start growing that coochie hair.

[F]

Okay. Okay.

[E]

I just. It's really the only way I feel any control over.

[F]

That's why I'm staring at them. Because I'm hoping they're listening. The man said something important. I hope you listen. Anyways. Okay.

[E]

One more.

[F]

I'm gonna play one more. Yeah. Yeah. This one seems like it objectively will end up being lighter than that one.

[I]

Hello, my name is Kev on the Bus. Not really on the bus.

[E]

Listen. I also think Kev on stage is cool.

[F]

I like that in that scenario he was like, kev on bus. No, no, no. Kev on the Bus.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

You gotta put the duh back there. The duh sound make you sound dumb. But he's Kev on the bus. Yeah. I think it sucks that you're calling us on the bus.

[E]

Sucks. This is not you.

[F]

This is just.

[E]

I hate when people are on the phone on the bus in general. And that's been since cell phones came out.

[F]

And I hate that you're drunk on the bus. I hate. You know what I mean? Like, I hate the whole vibe that got you. You know what I mean? That, like, he's deep. He's deep in it. Where he's, like, drunk. But he's on the bus and he's. But he's, like, aware of it.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

He's like. There's too much noise in the background that I can't Address this. So here we go.

[E]

But I mean, we've all gotten. Raise your hand if you haven't gotten drunk on the bus, brother.

[F]

Most of my bus rides I've been drunk.

[E]

Come on. Shout out to the 38, the 49, the 8X.

[F]

Drunk or drinking.

[E]

Yeah, drinking actively on the bus. A lot of times I used to.

[F]

Fill up half a cup bottle with some cracking.

[E]

Oh, that was your cracking days.

[F]

And I'd be riding the bus to the club.

[E]

Yeah, yo, riding the bus to the club sucks. It fucking sucks. Cause you gotta hop on like you, you gotta. You get off the bus in your nice clothes, like you weren't just on the fucking. Like it's like so hard to go from, like, don't wanna get stabbed to get pussy.

[F]

Yeah, that's why I always used to give myself about a block and a half.

[E]

That's smart.

[F]

I'd get off a little early, finish the Kraken, take a take a couple swigs. Do you know what I mean?

[E]

You gotta walk around the club, you.

[F]

Gotta get bust off of you.

[E]

Yeah, that's real.

[F]

Gotta really get that bus off of you.

[E]

Also, when going to meet up with a woman. Same thing.

[F]

Yep. You can't get that bus off of you.

[E]

Yeah. You can't just go from the bus to her door.

[F]

And I think that, that maybe is an important lesson for our listeners. There is nothing wrong with riding the bus. We do not look down on anybody who uses public transportation in any form. I don't give a fuck. If that's what you need, if that's what you want, if that functions for your life, that's fucking awesome. But get that bus off of you.

[E]

Get the bus off you.

[F]

What you're seeing on that bus, that's not good for the spirit.

[E]

Don't take it into the bar.

[F]

That's not good for communication.

[E]

Cuz you also ever notice nobody likes your bus story.

[F]

Nobody wants the bus story.

[E]

When you come in and you're like, yo, I just saw the money get robbed. Nobody's like, oh, cool.

[F]

Damn, that sound like the bus.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, I just saw some guy jerking off. Nobody's like, awesome stories.

[F]

Yeah, truly. If you saw somebody jerking off in this building, you'd be like, oh, that's a good story. But on the bus, I'm like, that's a bus.

[E]

You were on the bus. Okay, you're on your way over here. Hey.

[F]

And now get that off of you.

[E]

Get that bus off.

[F]

Take a lap.

[E]

That's important for kids to know.

[F]

Call a friend. Just something that makes you a little bit more you again.

[E]

Go dip in the corner store, buy some gum, whatever you gotta do.

[F]

Absolutely.

[E]

Yeah, like that.

[F]

I think a beautiful way to. To. To perhaps end this thing. Oh, there's more?

[E]

No, there's more. To Kev on the Bus. We just heard.

[F]

We literally didn't even hear any information from Kev on the bus, but I've.

[I]

Been listening to podcast and, and I just. It's my first time calling the line and now I see why people call you a little freaky. So basically that's all I got.

[E]

Okay.

[I]

But also I had a question when it seems like this is the right place to ask that question. Are there color gradients to light skin versus dark skin? Because I went my entire life thinking that, you know, I was a regular, you know, dark African American until I asked somebody to pass their football and he told me I was too light skinned to play wide receiver.

[E]

I have big thoughts on this.

[F]

Yeah, I do too. But I think it's better if you kick him off. I think I'll come off better if you start.

[E]

No, that the wide receiver of it all specifically is very interesting because while I think we can agree that in attitude. Basically the second most light skinned position in football.

[F]

Okay, sure.

[E]

Right.

[F]

Yep.

[E]

We defensive backs is first. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[F]

I wouldn't think that at all.

[E]

No, actually it is first. It is first. But a field dominated by a lot of dark skinned heroes.

[F]

Randy Moss, Come on.

[E]

Jerry Rice is not light skinned. You know what I mean? To like dark skinned dudes.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Who's that other guy on Philly? Freddie. Freddie, what's his name? Freddie Jackson.

[F]

It.

[E]

I don't know. The receiver.

[F]

Whatever. No, you know, I knew one name.

[E]

And I, I didn't. I should not have gone any further. I'm sorry.

[F]

You saw me not pitter.

[E]

That's up.

[F]

I didn't serve nothing back.

[E]

We can cut this out. We can cut this out. We can cut this off.

[F]

Here this come. You know Freddie. Freddie from North Street. North Street College, your favorite school.

[E]

The point is. Yeah, wide receiver, I feel like traditionally are divas, but a lot of dark skinned men and it almost. It's almost like wide receiving is the great equalizer in this brutal, brutal color war to which we've all been embroiled.

[F]

Yeah. I think that there are probably. We would all benefit from a little bit of a standardizing of our conversations around light skin versus dark skin. And I think unfortunately, I don't think.

[E]

It'S ever gonna happen.

[F]

I think unfortunately, getting A congress, as it were, together to be able to cover this is almost an impossible for feet.

[E]

I mean, I saw it when we had that clip go big. We had a clip go big, and then somebody else had a clip go big where they were remixing what we said.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Did you see that?

[F]

Yeah. And it hurt my feelings after.

[E]

Yeah, whatever.

[F]

I tried to sort of play it cool, but. No, it deeply cut my.

[E]

Did it? Yeah.

[F]

I think there's a part of me that. That understood exactly the point that I think was important, and it felt like I had failed in communicating that point.

[E]

Nah, that's the Internet, bro. That's what they do is miss the point. That's the whole. The Internet is people listening to what you say being like. Well, actually, and not, like, hearing what you said. That was because you didn't make a bad point, but whatever.

[F]

No, but I do know that what ends up happening is they pull a moment and then they activate that moment. Right. But it made me feel stupid for allowing a space to be the moment.

[E]

Hey, Langston, don't feel bad for trying.

[F]

Thanks. Thanks, David.

[E]

Don't let these stupid people on the Internet. That's how I get through it. I just assume everybody on the Internet is really, really stupid. And then it makes me feel good about myself. And I read their comments. I'm like. Cause there's. I never read a comment where I'm like, he got me.

[F]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

You know what I mean? I always read a comment, I'm like, oh, that's cause you're dumb.

[F]

Yeah, I feel that way, but I still want them to like me, and that's my burden.

[E]

But you don't. Do you want stupid people to like you?

[F]

I think so.

[E]

As much as you want smart people to like you?

[F]

No. But I think I still need them very badly. And until I evolve past whatever that feeling is, then I'm not safe emotionally, socially.

[E]

Man, you really. That's, like, really saying the quiet part out loud. I didn't love that.

[F]

No. I regret it. I regret being vulnerable enough. I'm gonna press play on this. I. I hate that that happened.

[I]

And that was the first time in my life I had ever been called life school. And I never recovered from that. So, like, if y' all could let me know. Is there, like, a color gradient? Is there a chart or something I can refer to? Because I would like to know. Because my mother shot. I've always wanted to be shocked.

[E]

I got a shocker, baby.

[I]

But apparently, I myself am not. So y' all could give me some Insight on that. That would be great. Thank you.

[E]

Here's the tough thing about this.

[F]

Please.

[E]

We're two people who have never been middle spectrum. So to get any sort of like real answer from us is difficult. Nobody was ever right, like, what are you doing? Like I said, chewing on rocks like nobody was ever. You know what I mean?

[F]

I want to propose something. Something right here and right now. I believe that we could do a draft. I believe that we could assemble a team.

[E]

This is a slippery slope, brother.

[F]

I, I, I'm scared of what I'm saying already. I don't feel safe. I mentioned that earlier and now I'm trying something insane. I do believe that we could assemble a team of men and women of various shading ingredients and we could do a true draft of the tent poles by which light skinned and dark skinned are determined.

[E]

Like in this room. You mean we get like 10 people?

[F]

I think we could, I think we 10 past guests. I think we could get a couple past guests. I don't think we can afford 10.

[E]

Because we pay.

[F]

I think our resources are limited.

[E]

That's true, that's true, that's true.

[F]

But I think if we could get a nice group together, we could figure it out. For celebrity sort of tent poles.

[E]

We do need to, it would be nice to have some uniformity. Right? And it's not really for, and I don't think this is, we're really good guys. This is how you know we're good guys. Because this isn't for my benefit, this isn't for your benefit. We know where we're at.

[F]

I know, I know what's light skinned to me.

[E]

I know what's light skinned to me.

[F]

I'm good. Yeah, I'm good. I'm chilling. I'm.

[E]

What I'm curious about is which dark skin do you use?

[F]

Hey, brother, what we're not gonna do is Gotcha media. I'll tell you this, this podcast is a lot of things, but it will never be Gotcha Media. You're not gonna, gonna Tucker Carlson me into something nasty. That's private, brother. That's absolutely private. Was dark skinned to me. And frankly, it should be private to everybody. Make politics private again. That's how I feel.

[E]

I like that. So you wanna draft him?

[F]

I think we should. I think we should.

[E]

I'm with that. I think that would be good.

[F]

And if we don't do it, just know it's because we sobered up from this entire conversation.

[E]

It's cause Will Ferrell step.

[F]

Hey, fellas.

[E]

He said I got elf2 coming out. I'm not trying to.

[F]

I'm hearing something about you drafting niggas.

[E]

Nah, I hate to use it.

[F]

I hate to use the word boys, but.

[E]

But now I gotta say it.

[F]

Cause that's the way you're behaving.

[E]

Oh, man, that's so funny.

[F]

This is a good episode.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

You wanna tell the people where they can find you?

[E]

Oh, are we done?

[F]

Yeah, I think so.

[E]

Oh, shit.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

All right.

[F]

Say bye.

[E]

Cool. Guyjokes87 on Instagram patreon.com davidbory it's probably that. Something like that. Man, come on. You know I'm trying to get back in the game.

[F]

What if it was Backslash Arnold from Different Strokes? And of course it's David Bore.

[E]

That's a good point.

[H]

Yeah.

[E]

There's only one. This is one prominent.

[F]

You can follow me. Langston Carmen, on all social media platforms. Watch my special. It's called Bad Poetry. It's on Netflix now. And send us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories. If you want to tell us what is dark skin to you. I don't want to hear it. Keep it to yourself. But everybody else, contact [e-mail] and give us a call.

[E]

844-Lil-Moms.

[F]

844-Little MOMS. We want to hear from you. Like, subscribe rate review. YouTube.com is where we also have plenty of places for you to see us. And that's the whole shebang. Bye, bitch.

[E]

I don't give a fuck who say what.

[F]

Blood on Crip. My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network.

[E]

And I Heart Podcast. Podcast created and hosted by Langston Kerman.

[F]

Co hosted by David Bore, executive produced.

[E]

By Will Ferrell Hansani and Olivia Aguilar.

[F]

Co produced by Bay Wayne.

[E]

Edited and engineered by Justin Kahman.

[F]

Music by Nick Chambers.

[E]

Artwork by Dogon Krieger.

[F]

You can now watch episodes of My Mama told me on YouTube, follow at my Mama Told Me and subscribe to our channel.

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