Justice for Melvin! (with Will Miles)

Summary

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My Momma Told Me – “Justice for Melvin!” (with Will Miles)

Release Date: September 9, 2025
Hosts: Langston Kerman and David Gborie
Guest: Will Miles

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Episode Overview

This episode of My Momma Told Me is a freewheeling, hilarious discussion between Langston, David, and guest comedian/writer Will Miles. While the podcast is usually dedicated to exploring Black conspiracy theories, today’s installment—“Justice for Melvin”—leans into comedic banter about Black pop culture, the way society perceives Blackness, and the media narratives around it. The trio riff on everything from nostalgic films like Baby Boy, make a case for Melvin’s side of the story, and jump into theories about SeaWorld and modern “slave narratives.” They also respond to voice messages from listeners, including a spot-on theory about smoke detector beeps in Black people’s videos online.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Opening Banter: Robots, Drawers, and Panties

Timestamp: 02:43–04:28

• The group riffs on the idea that Will.i.am is a robot, poking fun at his futuristic persona.
• The conversation segues into a playful debate about the difference between "drawers" and "panties."
  • Quote: “What's the difference between drawers and panties?” (Langston, 04:07)
  • Quote: “Size.” (Langston, 04:10)
• The hosts joke about masculinity, language, and cultural terminology, imagining scenarios where a tough guy like Ving Rhames (from Baby Boy) would refer to his underwear as "panties."

2. Justice for Melvin: Pitching ‘Baby Boy 2: Melvin’s Story’

Timestamp: 06:43–08:11

• The trio imagines a sequel or spin-off to Baby Boy told from Melvin’s perspective.
• They speculate about Melvin’s backstory, including the actual “three strikes” that landed him in trouble.
• Quote: “We don’t need Baby Boy, too. We need Baby Boy from the perspective of Ving Rhames’s character.” (David, 06:43)
• Discussion turns to the criminal justice system, systemic racism, and how Black men like Melvin are policed for minor infractions rather than real violence.

3. Mental Health & ‘Baby Boy’ Characters

Timestamp: 09:26–10:25

• Analysis of the psychological health of movie characters.
• Langston and Will suggest that “crazy” looks different for Black men due to how society criminalizes instead of seeking to understand them.
• Talk of undiagnosed mental health conditions among Black men in media and real life.
• “They’ll put us in jail before they label us autistic. There’s something to think about.” (David, 09:30)

4. Books, Black Literature, and Social Media Fame

Timestamp: 11:13–13:54

• Will shares his (limited) love for literature, mentioning Fat City and Shakespeare’s Complete Works.
• The hosts joke that Instagram-famous authors like Quan Mills and writers of Black urban fiction deserve shelf space alongside Shakespeare.
• Hilariously discuss classmates who became Walmart-level erotic fiction writers and celebrity alumni from their respective high schools (including Top Chef contestants and Michelle Obama).

5. School Rivalries and R. Kelly’s Victimology

Timestamp: 15:21–16:09

• Langston and David joke about Chicago schools, noting that R. Kelly “only targeted the good schools.”
• Candid reflection on how dangerous men find prestige in status, even in victimizing.

6. Church, Megachurch Pastors, and Double Entendres

Timestamp: 20:19–22:51

• The hosts riff on a viral “meat stretcher” church clip, reading subtext into megachurch sermons.
• Langston launches a conspiracy: megachurch pastors intentionally add sexual double meanings to amuse themselves and their inner circle.
• Quote: “I think that megachurch pastors are trolling.” (Langston, 21:23)
• Will and David contend that they may simply be “evil,” but they all agree on the performative, showbiz nature of big Black churches.

7. Black Elon Musk & Shade Room Ownership Conspiracy

Timestamp: 23:00–24:00

• Brief foray into rumors that T.D. Jakes owns The Shade Room (“the TMZ of Black Instagram”). They quickly fact-check and lampshade the ease of being duped by online conspiracy theories.
• Quote: “We all get got.” (Will, 24:09)

8. Cult Leaders and Building Planes in the Air

Timestamp: 24:26–25:40

• Extended metaphor about cult leaders “building the plane while flying it.”
• Compare 19 Kids & Counting to cult behavior; discuss the danger of legacy obsession and narcissism in large families.

9. SeaWorld Performances, Black Entertainers, and Slavery Conspiracies

Timestamp: 26:36–27:42

• Langston riffs on seeing “cool Black performers” at SeaWorld, suggesting it’s a plot to make Black people comfortable with slavery again.
• Quote: “They are getting all these cool Black performers to do that, to get us comfortable with slavery again.” (Langston, 26:59)
• The group links animal subjugation/entertainment to historical and modern-day social control.

10. Reality TV as Imprisonment: Love Island, Surveillance & Psychological Warfare

Timestamp: 29:43–34:52

• Hosts draw parallels between reality TV (especially Love Island) and imprisonment.
• Unpack the psychological torture and forced interactions, noting how reality TV is engineered for maximum drama—by isolating, depriving, and constantly surveilling participants.
• “Reality TV is set up like torture.” (Will, 30:57)
• Question whether marriage itself, if performed under ‘Love Island’ conditions, could even survive.

11. Listener Voicemail: The Great ‘Smoke Detector Beep’ Black Psyop

Timestamp: 40:39–44:40

• A listener calls in with the theory that beeping smoke detectors in Black people’s viral videos are AI or government edits meant to distract and demean Black voices.
• Quote (Listener): “Someone…is editing in all of these smoke detector beeps in Black people's videos as a psyop. There's no way that every time a Black person gets ready to make a cogent point online that a smoke detector beep just happens to go off.” (40:39)
• The hosts enthusiastically agree, joking about “BlackAnon” (their version of QAnon) and how quickly a smoke detector beep derails comment sections.
• They agree that the “beep” meme is exaggerated and weaponized to undermine Black online credibility.
• Quote: “They're really making us animals in a way that doesn't feel true.” (Langston, 43:38)
• Quote: “It’s beep gate 100%.” (Langston, 44:23)

12. Black Features, AI, and Deepfakes

Timestamp: 44:40–46:26

• Paranoia about how AI and deepfake technology are being used to control narratives, especially when it comes to Black content online.
• Share an example of a completely fabricated viral story about a SeaWorld whale trainer death, which turns out to be a deepfake—increasing existential anxiety over what’s real.

13. The Matrix, Black Creators, and Media Control Conspiracies

Timestamp: 47:06–48:32

• The myth that a Black woman wrote The Matrix and The Terminator is discussed (and debunked).
• The group jokes about how society loves conspiracies that credit Black creators—until the storylines get too elaborate.

14. AI, Surveillance, and the Loss of Agency

Timestamp: 48:39–49:22

• Discussion around the idea that AI and social media know so much about us, they can feed us not only specific content, but potentially fake realities.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “We don’t need Baby Boy 2. We need Baby Boy from the perspective of Ving Rhames’s character.” (David, 06:43)
• “They’ll put us in jail before they label us autistic.” (David, 09:30)
• “I think that megachurch pastors are trolling.” (Langston, 21:23)
• “They're really making us animals in a way that doesn't feel true.” (Langston, 43:38)
• “It’s beep gate 100%.” (Langston, 44:23)
• “They're getting all these cool black performers to do [SeaWorld], to get us comfortable with slavery again.” (Langston, 26:59)
• “Reality TV is set up like torture.” (Will, 30:57)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:43 — Will.i.am as robot/futurist, “drawers” vs. “panties” debate
• 06:43 — Pitching Baby Boy: Melvin’s Story, criminal justice system
• 09:26 — Black mental health and autism diagnosis in the system
• 11:13 — Will’s reading habits, Quan Mills, Instagram-famous authors
• 15:21 — Chicago school rivalry and R. Kelly’s victim preferences
• 20:19 — “Meat stretcher” and megachurch trolling theory
• 23:00 — Shade Room/T. D. Jakes conspiracy
• 24:26 — Cult leadership, “building the plane while flying it”
• 26:36 — SeaWorld, Black entertainers, conditioning on subjugation
• 29:43 — Reality TV as psychological punishment
• 40:39 — Listener voicemail: ‘beep’ psyop in Black videos
• 44:40 — Black features, AI bias, deepfakes, fake SeaWorld tragedy
• 47:06 — Black creators and ‘Matrix’ authorship myth
• 48:39 — AI, surveillance, loss of narrative control

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Conclusion

This episode is less a deep dive into a single Black conspiracy theory and more a showcase of comedic chemistry, wild riffs, and collective theorizing on how media, tech, and institutions play psychological games with Black Americans. Will Miles blends seamlessly into the “BlackAnon” improv, and the group’s paranoid sensibilities both lampoon and genuinely interrogate pop culture and society. If you want laughter, sly insights, a little dread about the future, and uncensored takes on Black culture—this one’s a must-listen.

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Where to Find the Comedians

• Will Miles: Instagram @coolguyjokes87, comedy special Birth of a Nation (800 Pound Gorilla, September 9th)
• David Gborie: Instagram @huskyniggafits (“all my AI fits will be bory”)
• Langston Kerman: @langstonkerman; Aspiring Deadbeat Tour in various cities

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Listener Call to Action

• Send conspiracy theories or thoughts to [e-mail] or call 844-LIL-MOMS

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Transcript

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[David Bourie]

It's pretty good because Will I am does seem like he's connected to robots.

[Langston Kearney]

He is aim.

[Will Miles]

He's a futurist. He calls himself a Futurist.

[David Bourie]

Have you seen him talk, like, in his East LA accent?

[Will Miles]

Yes.

[David Bourie]

I love it.

[Langston Kearney]

He seems like the most boring interpretation of robot.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

Where, like, he. He imagined a robot and he was.

[Will Miles]

Like, beep, boop, beep, boop, beep, boop, beep, boop.

[Langston Kearney]

Like, oh, will, I am. That's what you think a robot is? Doop, doop, doop, doop. He's like, corny fucking loser. The government growing babies. Microchips in your anus. All koala bears are rac.

[Will Miles]

Ozone lair owes me money.

[David Bourie]

Marshall's invented turkey stuffing.

[Will Miles]

Y' all can't tell me nothing.

[Langston Kearney]

Ricky Bobby. Ricky Bobby. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, lil mamas and gentiles alike, welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me the podcast, where.

[Will Miles]

We dive deep into the pockets of.

[Langston Kearney]

Black conspiracy theories and we finally work to prove. Whatever you need to hear, sweetheart. We trying to woo you.

[Will Miles]

Yeah, yeah. Woo you.

[Langston Kearney]

Out them draws, out them panties.

[Will Miles]

What's the difference between drawers and panties?

[Langston Kearney]

Size.

[Will Miles]

That's exactly what I was going to say. Okay, that's what I thought.

[Langston Kearney]

Size, scale.

[Will Miles]

Cause draws are like bloomers to me.

[Langston Kearney]

But they don't have to be.

[Will Miles]

Like, Madea wears draws.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, but I think Madea has all kinds of draws.

[Will Miles]

Right? But I think.

[Langston Kearney]

But those are big. They're big either way.

[Will Miles]

Yeah. Silk draw. Well, but silk draws are for men. But there's no silk draws for women, I feel.

[Langston Kearney]

I believe that's lingerie.

[Will Miles]

Yes.

[David Bourie]

Okay, if I could just chime in.

[Voicemail Caller]

Here.

[Langston Kearney]

Brother, please, brother, please.

[David Bourie]

Because I say draws all the time when talking to my daughter, I'm like, don't forget your draws. Because I think it's hilarious.

[Will Miles]

But also. But your daughter's not in Pampers. Because I was going to say diapers. Argue.

[David Bourie]

Diapers are huge.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah.

[David Bourie]

She wears regular draws.

[Langston Kearney]

I like that. You wince as you say it.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, I feel like, like, also, why aren't men's draws called panties, too?

[Will Miles]

What is. What is.

[David Bourie]

What are panties?

[Langston Kearney]

Right.

[Will Miles]

You know, like, I think panties is a coverage issue. Yeah.

[David Bourie]

Okay, okay.

[Will Miles]

I think it's okay. I think panties don't cover legs.

[Langston Kearney]

Sorry, you're reasoning with this too fast for my taste. You're immediately going into this as a mature conversation for me. That's not what just happened.

[Will Miles]

You can't let me have fun with my friends.

[Langston Kearney]

This man just asked us why we don't call men's underwear panties. And then you were like, well, simply because of the geographic region, one would say the origin could not possibly be. No.

[Will Miles]

You played down how smart I sounded, though. Yeah. You were saying how smart I sound culturally.

[David Bourie]

I understand why we don't say it. Because I wouldn't feel comfortable putting panties on.

[Langston Kearney]

You're not even comfortable putting it on your daughter.

[David Bourie]

Correct. I say draws through. Even though they are panties.

[Langston Kearney]

You're still working through that.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

You want to put that on Ving Rhames?

[David Bourie]

Yes. Can you imagine if Ving Rhames was like, someone go get my panties, Then the stigma would be gone. We'd be like, I guess.

[Langston Kearney]

Mama, you just gonna let him choke me out in his panties?

[David Bourie]

He's got his panties in the st. I was trying to give a nigga the third strike.

[Langston Kearney]

That's how you gonna do me, Mama. Leave me for a nigga and panties.

[David Bourie]

Nigga and panties. Growing weed in your backyard. At the end, he's stealing panties. Hey, Joe Day, we don't need Baby Boy, too. We need Baby Boy from the perspective of Ving Rhames character.

[Will Miles]

Okay, here's the pitch. Yes, Baby Boy. Melvin's story.

[David Bourie]

Melvin's story. I need it. How did he get there?

[Will Miles]

Like, how did he tell her dog? Same time period, just Melvin.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah.

[Will Miles]

Focused on their courtship. And then have Jody come in. Jody's okay. Cause here's the thing, Jodie. And was it Yvette, how it pans out in there at lemark park or whatever?

[David Bourie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Will Miles]

But now across town, Melvin and Mom going on a cruise.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah.

[Will Miles]

Cause that's what happens.

[David Bourie]

Yes.

[Langston Kearney]

Carnival.

[Will Miles]

They go on a Carnival cruise.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah.

[Will Miles]

She's the one who got the fans shut down.

[David Bourie]

Cause I also wanted. Wait, what?

[Will Miles]

Jody's mom is the one who got the fans shut down on the Carnival cruise. Right?

[Langston Kearney]

Let's go.

[Will Miles]

Yeah.

[David Bourie]

Cause I also want to know what his first two. I need to know his first two strikes, what were they? Because why was this the third strike? He was losing his mind. I'll tell you this.

[Langston Kearney]

He killed somebody. Yeah.

[Will Miles]

He definitely did. Right? But that's only one strike.

[Langston Kearney]

That's one.

[David Bourie]

That's one strike. Yeah, that's one strike. You got his own strike. There may have been a second. Second one in jail.

[Will Miles]

You know what's crazy? You don't realize it's the second one jaywalking.

[Langston Kearney]

And that's the fucked up part of the system.

[David Bourie]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

Is that Melvin is a crazy person. I think we can all agree that that's a crazy, crazy ass man.

[Will Miles]

Okay, you're not gonna like this.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah.

[Will Miles]

I think Melvin may be the most sane guy in the movie.

[Langston Kearney]

Well, that's. I think that's the conceit. I think when you walk away from that, you do feel that, like, well, this is also a person of reason. A person who is a healthy guide in Jody's life. That said, for a regular society, that's a crazy person.

[Will Miles]

Yeah, right? Like, you can't have. You can't build up a world with just Melvin.

[Langston Kearney]

He's cooking eggs with his ass out, man.

[Will Miles]

I don't think that, but I bet.

[David Bourie]

They were delicious eggs.

[Langston Kearney]

I bet they were.

[David Bourie]

Side note, I think he's a chef. Like, he must have been a chef. This man knows how to cook naked. He feels protected even when naked.

[Will Miles]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

You all are missing my point. I critiquing Melvin as a fan of Melvin. I am critiquing Melvin for societal standards. But I am also saying that our system is built in a way where we put a crazy person away for the wrong thing. Melvin should be away for the murder. But y' all putting Melvin away for jaywalking.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

And that's because you hate us so fundamentally that you can't even see when we're being crazy. You're trying to kill us all the time.

[David Bourie]

It looks different.

[Langston Kearney]

And I ain't playing nice.

[Will Miles]

You're going crazy. You're going crazy. You really.

[David Bourie]

You're going off crazy. Looks different. We know that because, like, they'll put us in jail before they label us autistic. There's something to think about. They'll put us in jail before a lot of shit.

[Will Miles]

It's like, I don't think Melvin was autistic.

[David Bourie]

No, he was not. But Baby Boy was. Please believe. Baby Boy might have been.

[Will Miles]

You know who I think was autistic in that movie?

[David Bourie]

Omar Gooding.

[Langston Kearney]

Yes.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely.

[Will Miles]

100%.

[David Bourie]

Absolutely.

[Will Miles]

And he couldn't find his way out of it. That's why he was so violent. Yeah.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Will Miles]

And he knew that. He loved Jody.

[David Bourie]

We've seen it in the. In the school system. Like, he loved Jody. Yeah, he did. He just punched a line of niggas or somebody who may have wronged your friend. I would never do that for any friend. I don't know.

[Will Miles]

Yeah. I feel like the way that sweet pea loved Jody was the way that Lenny loved those rabbits in and of Mice and Men.

[Langston Kearney]

Of course.

[Will Miles]

Like, he was just gonna start petting Jody's head harder and harder, and now Jody don't make it.

[Langston Kearney]

Jody not gonn us for too long.

[Will Miles]

Yeah, he's in Echo Park Lake.

[David Bourie]

Damn.

[Will Miles]

Isn't that where Is that where he killed her? That's where he killed that lady in Of Mice and Men. He killed her by the water, right?

[David Bourie]

Oh, I thought you meant Echo Park Lake. I'm like, there was Echo Park Lake and Of Mice and Men.

[Will Miles]

Damn.

[David Bourie]

No, it's.

[Will Miles]

The whole story is about the east side of Los Angeles.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, sure, yeah. Then Cheech was in there.

[Will Miles]

It's actually about, like, Salinas, California, right?

[Langston Kearney]

I don't know.

[Will Miles]

Steinbeck. It's all like, yeah, whatever. That doesn't matter.

[Langston Kearney]

You know what? That's one of the classics I haven't read.

[Will Miles]

Really?

[Langston Kearney]

It never. It never came up once for me.

[Will Miles]

You know what a good classic California book I like Fat City. That's about Stockton. That book is bleak. Hell, yeah.

[David Bourie]

Really? Yeah.

[Will Miles]

Yeah, yeah, it's bleak.

[David Bourie]

Stockton's bleak.

[Langston Kearney]

This motherfucker be reading.

[David Bourie]

I know, right?

[Langston Kearney]

Weak ass.

[David Bourie]

I just really for it.

[Will Miles]

No, the good thing about this.

[Langston Kearney]

This sucks. You suck.

[Will Miles]

I get all 11 books I've read.

[David Bourie]

Off on this podcast. Okay.

[Will Miles]

This is how it work. No, it's good. It's like, I really like, Time it out.

[David Bourie]

I read, like, the big Shakespeare book you get in the Shakespeare class.

[Langston Kearney]

All the little plays, but not the whole.

[Will Miles]

Are you reading that, though?

[David Bourie]

I have it in my house still from when I first bought it.

[Will Miles]

I just bought it today.

[David Bourie]

This whole Shakespeare.

[Will Miles]

Yeah, the complete works of Shakespeare.

[David Bourie]

Yeah. Yeah, it is good.

[Will Miles]

Okay. How long did it take you to read?

[David Bourie]

All semester.

[Will Miles]

Okay. I was thinking I want to give myself, like, the rest of the year.

[David Bourie]

You should. Well, the thing is, it's good if you can pull out the interesting shit, like the emotion behind shit stuff. I don't know if I could do that, but it's like, you just hate people talking like that. Or at least I do. I'm like, just talk regular, like, the way I talk.

[Will Miles]

Yeah.

[David Bourie]

And I know that's, like, what's missing in a lot of literature that I read. Like, what's that guy who puts all them. He's got a ridiculous name.

[Will Miles]

Silverstein.

[David Bourie]

Not at all. All right. You're going the wrong way.

[Langston Kearney]

Maybe he don't be reading like that. That's the problem.

[Will Miles]

We got past my 11. We got past my 11 and now I'm stuck.

[David Bourie]

No, this is an Instagram famous guy who writes about, like, down low niggas and, like. But it's all, oh, Quan Mills. Quan Mills. Genius, genius, genius, Quan Mills. At least his writing is in, like, a language where I'm like, this is fun.

[Will Miles]

I didn't even know those were real. Books, I thought.

[David Bourie]

I didn't either.

[Will Miles]

I thought what Quan Mills does was make funny book covers.

[Langston Kearney]

I thought it was like an AI.

[David Bourie]

I did, too.

[Will Miles]

Yeah, but I think they're real books.

[David Bourie]

I think they're real books.

[Will Miles]

I got to get one of those.

[David Bourie]

But that kind of shit. Like, one actually, like the.

[Langston Kearney]

I like the complete works that should.

[David Bourie]

Be in the same Shakespeare book.

[Will Miles]

Read the complete Works of Quad Mills.

[Langston Kearney]

Look, we got. We got a bookshelf that's going to be for two books. Shakespeare and Quan Mills.

[David Bourie]

There's like. Because I been doing this thing on. On stage about this guy from elementary school who didn't recognize me, even though it's like. Like, you have to have. We went to elementary school together.

[Langston Kearney]

I'm sure.

[David Bourie]

Like, your mom has talked about me, right? Like, I'm famous. We were in third grade together, and I'm on television. There's ridiculous if you don't know who I am.

[Will Miles]

That's a good point.

[David Bourie]

So it's like. But now I'm thinking, like, you're lying. You know who I am? Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was a year above you, and I'm on television every now and then.

[Will Miles]

You know.

[David Bourie]

You know who I am.

[Will Miles]

You know everybody who went to school.

[David Bourie]

Everybody who went to my school, what they're doing. And there's a guy from my high school, though, who writes erotic books.

[Langston Kearney]

Let's go.

[David Bourie]

And I think he's the most famous. I'm like, that's cooler than anything I've ever done.

[Will Miles]

Are they big? Cause I feel like you could be big over there.

[David Bourie]

He's got, like, 12, and they're all doing well. I think he's like, Walmart type. I think they're in Walmart. I think it's like, he was a year ahead of me, but I know him. That's what I'm like.

[Langston Kearney]

What's his name? We can bleep, blur out the.

[David Bourie]

But it's. Yeah.

[Will Miles]

You think. Is he still living in Chicago?

[David Bourie]

Yeah, I think so. Well, he was at the. They had a reunion for that class, like, last week, and he was there.

[Will Miles]

You didn't go?

[David Bourie]

I didn't go.

[Will Miles]

I didn't go to mine either. Are you 05?

[David Bourie]

I'm 05. Yeah.

[Will Miles]

Yeah. Same.

[David Bourie]

I didn't go. Oh, I'm 05 from college. I'm. 01 from high school. But, like, he's 2000. And they had their 2000 reunion.

[Will Miles]

Yeah.

[David Bourie]

And so he went to that. And I was like, wow, that's cool. Like, we have a chef. We have, like, a Bunch of other people from his class. Yeah, and Adrian's on, like, she won Top Chef or something. She was second place. Maybe on Top Chef. Maybe she won. I can't remember.

[Will Miles]

This is.

[Langston Kearney]

This is a person from your high school?

[David Bourie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

Oh, shit.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

Top Chef.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She even. I know Whitney Young. Michelle Obama went there. It's like, we got a lot of people.

[Langston Kearney]

That shit ain't that good.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, it's the best school in the country.

[Langston Kearney]

This is gonna get too. And then once you're hanging out with a Whitney Young ass nigga, they'll like make it about that. And it's like, it's.

[David Bourie]

It's a good school. It's a good school.

[Langston Kearney]

It's a very good school. And they have a good basketball team and it excels. But they start to make it as.

[David Bourie]

If, like, we always bring up Obama. Like she.

[Langston Kearney]

They pretend.

[Will Miles]

That makes sense, though.

[David Bourie]

They pretend as if she wasn't first lady when she was at Whitney Young. Yeah, yeah, it's true.

[Langston Kearney]

And it's not prophecy. It's just a good school that also has a bunch of scumbags from it for sure.

[Will Miles]

Where'd you go to school?

[Langston Kearney]

Oak Park. River Forest would be a good one. Fine institution.

[David Bourie]

Look, both of our schools had a lot of R. Kelly victims there. And I think that's important.

[Langston Kearney]

That's very true.

[Will Miles]

But I mean, that's the whole land area as well, right?

[David Bourie]

Only the good schools. He did Morgan Park, Kenwood, Oak Park, River Forest. Whitney Young.

[Langston Kearney]

He wasn't slumming it.

[David Bourie]

No, he didn't go to like, you know, I'm not gonna say the school's names, but I won't shit on his school. But I big up the schools that.

[Langston Kearney]

Are good or doesn't exist in war.

[David Bourie]

Doesn't exist.

[Will Miles]

He wasn't going to.

[Langston Kearney]

Or.

[David Bourie]

Or he wasn't going to. Or he was like, let me get these smart light skinned teenagers.

[Langston Kearney]

I wanna see a teenager with potential so I can snatch it away from him. Oh, man, it's no fun. If there was no chance of the future here.

[David Bourie]

There you go.

[Will Miles]

That is true.

[David Bourie]

So anyway, where are we?

[Will Miles]

I got lost.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, we're nowhere. I'll say this, our guest today.

[David Bourie]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

We haven't even introduced our guests. I'm realizing now how much of a waste of time this has been in. A nightmare I've been having. Our guest today is one of our favorite comedians on the planet. He's hilarious. You know him from Southside. You know him from goddamn Sherman Showcase. You know, from grownish you know, I'm from every. He writes on everything. He's hilarious. He's a dear friend of mine. Will Miles, everybody.

[Washable Sofas Advertiser]

Will, I think I'm looking forward to cracking up. I hope I can like, you know, totally crack up.

[Langston Kearney]

So I haven't like totally cracked up.

[Washable Sofas Advertiser]

In a long time.

[David Bourie]

It's one of my biggest fans. Little White Boys.

[Langston Kearney]

Big fans of Will Miles, the Will Miles brand. Will, we are going to take a break soon.

[Will Miles]

Yeah.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[Langston Kearney]

The deal remains that it's now time to take a break. But we're so happy you're here. You didn't come with a conspiracy theory, nor did we ask you to. We are just gonna bullshit. We're gonna hang out.

[David Bourie]

That's so much love.

[Langston Kearney]

And listen to some voicemails.

[David Bourie]

I have like notes of maybe some bullshit.

[Will Miles]

But okay, great, perfect.

[Langston Kearney]

And if they come up, you fire them off. I love that. We're gonna take a break.

[Will Miles]

More Will.

[Langston Kearney]

More David More likes than More. My mama told me.

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[Langston Kearney]

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[Today Show Host]

Good morning. Welcome to Today.

[Today Show Announcer]

From back to school to tackling your to do list, the Today show is your best start to the day.

[Langston Kearney]

It's a new season and every morning we're here to help you take it all on as the forecast calls for.

[Today Show Announcer]

Football all across the country, Blockbuster star live concerts, and so much more. Wake up to where it's all happening.

[Today Show Host]

We're getting back to all of it and the best way to start is together.

[Today Show Announcer]

Watch the Today show weekday mornings at 7am on NBC.

[Will Miles]

Look at your neighbor and say, he's a meat stretcher. He'll stretch your meat. Hallelujah. Well, we're back.

[Langston Kearney]

Well, you're looking at your neighbor. Tell me he's a meat stretcher.

[David Bourie]

Stretcher.

[Will Miles]

Yeah.

[David Bourie]

What was the context?

[Will Miles]

I don't.

[Langston Kearney]

Church.

[Will Miles]

Yeah. Okay, that makes sense.

[Langston Kearney]

It's a sermon being delivered in a mega church and he is, I believe, referring to stretching food.

[David Bourie]

Okay, okay.

[Langston Kearney]

Like making the abundance of your food and wealth and, you know, family and shit richer.

[David Bourie]

It's funny because I feel like maybe he's so homophobic that he doesn't even realize that he needs to say pause. I think it's like if you're, if you actually have gay friends and stuff and you love gay people, you'll some part of you will be like, that's a funny thing that I just said.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Bourie]

But if you're so homophobic that you don't even consider them people or whatever, you're like, yeah, she probably just says a bunch of shit like that all day and doesn't think twice.

[Langston Kearney]

I actually think, and this is a little bit of conspiracy I've been holding onto for a while, I think that mega church pastors are trolling.

[Will Miles]

I would love it's. I think instead of that, they're just really evil.

[Langston Kearney]

Well, I think you can be both of those things.

[Will Miles]

True, but funny more so than evil.

[Langston Kearney]

I think they're being funny a lot of the time. I think when TD Jakes is like falling out and being silly. You gotta remember these dudes do it every week for hundreds of thousands of viewers. You get bored. You can't just be in the grift all the time. Some of it just has to be silly. And so like he's Gonna be like. I'm gonna say meat stretcher. And the six dudes who are on my payroll are gonna laugh like a motherfucker.

[Will Miles]

We gonna talking about at the break.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, exactly.

[Will Miles]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

We gonna go in the back and we are going to giggle.

[Will Miles]

Oh, man. They probably bring it up all the time, too. Remember when you said.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, and they just. They ate it up.

[Langston Kearney]

And then they go. Goes viral and they're like, bro, you ain't gonna believe what happened.

[Will Miles]

Oh, man.

[David Bourie]

Somebody else caught the humor in knee stretcher.

[Will Miles]

I like that. That's pretty funny.

[Langston Kearney]

I think that's how you keep a true, like, secret society of people who are down for what you're doing happy is to be like, no, we're all in on the bit, baby.

[Will Miles]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

I just get the biggest plane you get, but you get to fuck around. You're in T.D. jake's pocket, baby. We're doing great.

[Will Miles]

I like that.

[Langston Kearney]

I think that's why he shows up to the fucking Diddy party.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

And, like, hangs out in these odd places that he ain't. He owns the Shade Room.

[David Bourie]

Wait, who does?

[Langston Kearney]

Wait, T.D. jakes.

[David Bourie]

T.D. jakes owns the Shade Room.

[Langston Kearney]

It's one of them. It might be boxing. I swear to God. TD Jakes is like, an owner of founder. Like, probably not.

[David Bourie]

He's like Elon. He's not.

[Will Miles]

Yeah, okay, okay.

[David Bourie]

Fighting off other people.

[Will Miles]

Who is the black Elon Musk?

[David Bourie]

They wouldn't let us be him. I mean. Yeah.

[Will Miles]

Who? They took him out.

[David Bourie]

They took him out. I mean, who's a black dude who just. Nah. Who just takes other people's ideas and profits off them? I can think of people, but I won't work again if I do name them.

[Will Miles]

Yeah, yeah, bro. Bro.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's people for sure, but we just consider them. Whatever.

[Langston Kearney]

All right. The Internet is telling me that he does not, in fact, own the Shade Room, that he was not in any way. He had no stake in the Shade Room. And that's all lies, a conspiracy theory. But, hey, that's also the point of this podcast.

[Will Miles]

Yeah, yeah, Everybody. We all get got. We all get got.

[Langston Kearney]

We all get got.

[Will Miles]

I believe all kinds of shit, and.

[Langston Kearney]

I'm happy to say I don't believe it anymore.

[Will Miles]

I thought Stacey Dash and Damon Dash weren't related for a long time and then found out they were.

[David Bourie]

Oh, yeah, they're cousins, right?

[Will Miles]

Because of the Dash name.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Will Miles]

That wasn't a great example.

[David Bourie]

I will say about that.

[Will Miles]

I'll sit in it.

[David Bourie]

Have you. You watch these cult Things. And they. It does feel like every cult leader, they say something, and then if it gets popular, they're like, oh, shit, that worked, right? And then they just keep going with it. And it's like, oh, yeah, I'm just a nigga with a headband playing volleyball. But y' all listening. Like, I didn't know this was gonna go that far. Like, okay.

[Will Miles]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

I think you just.

[Will Miles]

See him.

[David Bourie]

Yeah. Next to him. It's like, okay, you're gonna.

[Will Miles]

Me, like, yeah.

[David Bourie]

That's never happened before.

[Langston Kearney]

Bro. I thought.

[Will Miles]

I never.

[Langston Kearney]

I thought I was just be the smart guy in the room. I didn't know y' all were gonna give me, like, what.

[Will Miles]

Keep it going.

[Langston Kearney]

I'll take more, please.

[Will Miles]

And after a while, I was like, man, we should fight. We should buy some. Some land.

[Langston Kearney]

We should get.

[Will Miles]

We should get. We should get a house on there.

[Langston Kearney]

You know what? If we had a bigger house, I could all of y' all at once.

[Will Miles]

Here's what we do. We keep you in cabins. I go cabin to cabin.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, I get it. You're.

[Langston Kearney]

You're shy about your body. I. I'll go to a different cabin.

[David Bourie]

You want to listen to me still? Like, all right.

[Will Miles]

Yeah.

[David Bourie]

I don't have anything good to say. I've never had anything.

[Langston Kearney]

You good.

[Will Miles]

No way.

[Langston Kearney]

Bad dick.

[David Bourie]

Nobody ever talks about. Gym is doing that.

[Will Miles]

Nobody ever talks about the cult leader building the plane while it's flying.

[David Bourie]

Yeah. That's what's going on.

[Will Miles]

It's a specific talent.

[David Bourie]

Yep.

[Will Miles]

It's like, that's gotta be really hard.

[David Bourie]

We watched the. Is it something with a lot of kids? 19 kids and counting. That guy was part of a cult. They were part of a cult. That's why you would have 19 kids. Doesn't make any sense. But they're all narcissistic, ego people, so they have, like, you know, my legacy shit, which is a weird reason to have kids kind of legacy. It's like, sure, we all want to have a legacy, but also, these are people.

[Will Miles]

They're their own people.

[David Bourie]

They're their own people. Yeah.

[Will Miles]

You don't know if they're gonna, like, ascribe to your legacy or not, and they shouldn't.

[David Bourie]

And you want them not to almost. Cause you want them to be individuals. But that kind of vibe of 19 kids. And they all listen to me like that. It's like, that's from a cult leader who influenced this guy to have kids.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah.

[David Bourie]

These aren't, like.

[Langston Kearney]

These aren't dogs.

[David Bourie]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

These are human beings.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Will Miles]

These are men.

[Langston Kearney]

We should do some voicemails.

[Will Miles]

All right, let's do it.

[Langston Kearney]

Before we do, I actually had a thought that I wanted to share that's been on my mind for some time. Are we familiar with the SeaWorld performances?

[Will Miles]

Oh, yeah. Been seeing them.

[David Bourie]

Yeah. Their shirts off.

[Langston Kearney]

We're seeing all of that.

[Will Miles]

Maybe we go down there.

[Langston Kearney]

I think. And I'm scared to say this a little bit, so hear me out.

[Will Miles]

Okay.

[Langston Kearney]

I think that they are getting all these cool black performers to do that, to get us comfortable with slavery again.

[David Bourie]

Okay, continue.

[Langston Kearney]

I think that SeaWorld, for the longest time since that blackfish documentary, has been exposed as essentially a slave camp for whales and dolphins.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Will Miles]

Right?

[Langston Kearney]

We all agreed this was wrong. This was vile. We are hoping to do something better. And SeaWorld, simultaneously, is figuring out ways to bring artists in that are going to make people reason with SeaWorld again. Right. Go back and be like, I don't. I'm not mad at y'. All. Y' all brought. Y' all brought fucking Soulja Boy and Bow Wow.

[Will Miles]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

Bow wow together.

[Will Miles]

The Yin Yang twins.

[Langston Kearney]

Genuine was just here.

[David Bourie]

Waka flocka.

[Langston Kearney]

I can't be mad at you. They're doing that.

[Will Miles]

Right.

[Langston Kearney]

But then simultaneously, they're also reminding us. They're reminding us that if they could get away with it with a fucking whale, they're definitely able to get away with it with black people, too. That if we get comfortable with slavery with animals, we'll eventually find our way back to getting comfortable with slavery with people. And who are they gonna subjugate first?

[Will Miles]

It seems like a longer con to slavery than fascism is going to be. As my only thing, I. I don't.

[David Bourie]

Think they're working with the fascists. Maybe I.

[Langston Kearney]

There we go. I think it's shortsighted to separate them.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

I think that this is all a larger play of psychological damage to make us feel, again, comfortable with having an owner that we didn't have a hundred years.

[David Bourie]

I also didn't see that documentary. I just. And I feel like that's a problem. Like, we should all. Let's all watch that documentary.

[Will Miles]

Yeah.

[David Bourie]

We need to be watching these documentaries, y'. All. They're using it against us.

[Will Miles]

I mean, can we just have fun at SeaWorld?

[Langston Kearney]

Man, I almost.

[Will Miles]

Can't I just go see Jason Derulo? Yeah.

[David Bourie]

Yeah. Seriously.

[Will Miles]

Can't catch a dolphin show anymore.

[David Bourie]

Yeah. He was at one, right? Didn't Jason Derulo do one?

[Will Miles]

I don't know.

[Langston Kearney]

I feel like him.

[Will Miles]

I bet they got Craig David.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

I wouldn't be surprised if Jason Derulo performed at SeaWorld. He wore a wetsuit in his performance.

[David Bourie]

That feels good. You know why this also has legs is Cause look at, like, Craig David reminded me that Craig David performed at, like, Love Island. Is it Love Island?

[Will Miles]

Oh, the show.

[David Bourie]

He did the version the way Megan Thee Stallion did on the US One. Megan Thee Stallion didn't perform. Did you notice that she didn't perform bathing suits? Yeah, but. Because it's gotta be strange to perform for seven people who haven't seen another human being in months.

[Will Miles]

Stupid people.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, seven of the dumb. Like, no offense, but, like, Ace is smart.

[Langston Kearney]

Some offense.

[David Bourie]

Ace is smart. I think Ace is smart.

[Will Miles]

Langston did turn me on to Ace.

[David Bourie]

Ace is a good dance.

[Will Miles]

Because I was off of Ace and then you showed me his dancing videos.

[Langston Kearney]

Ace is crazy.

[David Bourie]

Ace is good, but he might be a little crazy. But he's.

[Langston Kearney]

No, no, I mean crazy, like, phenomenal human.

[David Bourie]

I love Ace. I love Ace.

[Will Miles]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

I think he's the best guy, and.

[David Bourie]

I think him and Shelly are gonna make it. But I don't give a fuck about it even saying that it felt weird, like.

[Will Miles]

No, it's okay.

[Langston Kearney]

I think for me, it's a mistake to give a fuck about the longev of these relationships. I don't think that these human beings maybe even have the capacity for meaningful love. But I will say.

[David Bourie]

Not even Nick.

[Langston Kearney]

I will say that Ace is awesome.

[David Bourie]

He's just awesome. I like Ace.

[Only Murders in the Building Advertiser]

I like Ace.

[David Bourie]

Like his freestyles, he dances. Nice shoes. He's a good dude.

[Will Miles]

Yeah, Good guy.

[David Bourie]

Reps LA or wherever. Like, he's very himself.

[Will Miles]

Yeah.

[David Bourie]

In a way that, like, the camera's caught. And also, he's reserved in a way that they didn't catch. I respect everything about him 100%. But I think that. I think Love island in itself is a form of slavery, 100%. Because, like, why are they locked away with no access to anybody else for that long?

[Will Miles]

No. Reality TV is, like, set up like torture.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

Your whole house is outside.

[David Bourie]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Will Miles]

They only wear clothes.

[David Bourie]

They tell you when to sleep and when to wake up, bro.

[Langston Kearney]

They won't even give them gym equipment that works, right? Like, they're using makeshift equipment and this is the biggest show on the planet.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

This is fully prison.

[David Bourie]

Absolutely. It's prison.

[Will Miles]

And it's like they masterminded it to be a bunch of psychos.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Will Miles]

It's not like people watch reality tv. Like, it's like a sample group. They took the craziest, dumbest one and.

[Langston Kearney]

The ones that they could Spot, like, weird ego shit inside of where it's like, oh, you're beautiful. But you also are deeply insecure and also don't really have the ability to articulate your feelings. You're perfect. We'll mush you up against another psychopath and let y' all figure it out every day.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

It's not even like we know y' all.

[David Bourie]

Upside influence.

[Will Miles]

Yeah. And you gotta sleep in the same room.

[David Bourie]

Yeah. Every day.

[Will Miles]

That's humiliating. With, like, the people that you were just supposedly in love. Love with.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Will Miles]

And then we just. It's. It's like. It's nasty.

[David Bourie]

It's Gitmo. It's Guantanamo. It's like, it is. I wouldn't last a second in there. No access to my phone or television.

[Langston Kearney]

They tell them they're in Fiji.

[David Bourie]

Yeah. And they don't know. Yeah, that's true.

[Langston Kearney]

Do you know what I mean?

[Will Miles]

I didn't know that.

[Langston Kearney]

Like, you flew to Fiji. Sure. But, like, you don't know where the. You are.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

You don't get to go outside.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

This is all made up.

[David Bourie]

It's made up.

[Langston Kearney]

It's genuine prison.

[David Bourie]

And it's. Of course, like, when you think about all the beefs they have and all the arguments they get into, it's like, if you really think about taking away access to all other people and information.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah.

[David Bourie]

Why wouldn't I argue with people every day? Of course I'm going nuts. Like, of course I'm doing moves that don't make any sense to the outside world. It's like.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah.

[David Bourie]

Cause you got, like, Twitter, bro.

[Will Miles]

Or you got Instagram, and I've lost all sense of.

[David Bourie]

You got people outside that you could be like. Like, is this crazy?

[Will Miles]

You ask your little brother.

[David Bourie]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

I'm crying because I'm sleep deprived and dehydrated.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Will Miles]

I'm drunk as hell.

[David Bourie]

I'm drunk.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah. You guys, they don't even let him drink.

[David Bourie]

They don't let him drink on that one. That's the crazy love island. They don't let them drink.

[Will Miles]

Oh.

[David Bourie]

In general. All the other daily shows are like.

[Langston Kearney]

One or two drinks a week now because they used to let them drink and shit was too crazy.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Will Miles]

That's. It would be crazier to do it. Not drunk.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, of course.

[Will Miles]

Yeah. It's like. Like.

[David Bourie]

And then you're not even. They don't even let them smoke weed. I'm like, now, you just don't want.

[Langston Kearney]

To see me alone, sober, sitting and having to live with your thoughts. They gotta call that shit Castaway, bro. They're not allowed to have books.

[David Bourie]

No books. That's another thing. You can't read or watch anything.

[Will Miles]

So it's just prison. The days are so long. No, prison lets you read.

[David Bourie]

And you get TV time.

[Will Miles]

Yeah.

[David Bourie]

You get TV time and books and.

[Will Miles]

A table tennis, too.

[Langston Kearney]

All you get to do is watch one bad bitch walk from one side of a playground to the other side.

[Will Miles]

Of the playground, which you think would fill your days.

[David Bourie]

It wouldn't.

[Langston Kearney]

But not after you seen that bad bitch every day for a while.

[David Bourie]

Every day.

[Will Miles]

Yeah. It's tough.

[Langston Kearney]

You're good.

[David Bourie]

No matter what it is, it gets old.

[Will Miles]

Yeah.

[David Bourie]

You know? Yeah. Like, it's crazy. Marriage is last because you in. In between time, you have other people to talk to and because you get TV together and. Cause you, like, are able to go do work and come back home.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah. You bring information back.

[David Bourie]

Marriage was just Love Island. There'd be so many more deaths. Like suicide. Or would not have somebody. No, me either.

[Will Miles]

No way.

[David Bourie]

I'd make, like, for more than a month and even a month. I mean, you need to court somebody. Like, courting somebody in real life. You get to go home.

[Will Miles]

You get to think on your actions.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Will Miles]

You get to plan your next step.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come back the next day with new information.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, yeah.

[Will Miles]

Or a couple days during courtship weeks even.

[David Bourie]

Sometimes if they go out of town.

[Langston Kearney]

Bro, they're never alone.

[David Bourie]

Never.

[Langston Kearney]

There's always a camera there.

[David Bourie]

And you're talking to other dudes in the same experience with you or other people.

[Will Miles]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Bourie]

They're all so stupid.

[Will Miles]

Meant to breed distrust.

[Langston Kearney]

Worst friends, fellas. They don't even give them a wall for their showers.

[David Bourie]

Right, right, right.

[Langston Kearney]

We fog a little bit so that we don't see your meat.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

But everything else we want to, we are looking at the whole time. If you dig in your nose, we catching that shit.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't imagine.

[Langston Kearney]

If you check under your arm to see if there's something. Whatever that weird growth is we got.

[Will Miles]

That's. Yeah. I listen.

[David Bourie]

I hate it, but it's preparing us for, like, in your head, like, well, if they can do it, I could do it.

[Langston Kearney]

Right.

[David Bourie]

But it's like. But we shouldn't be doing this.

[Will Miles]

Yeah. It's bad for everybody.

[David Bourie]

None of us should be doing it.

[Will Miles]

Everybody.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

This is why SeaWorld is not okay.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Will Miles]

I'm with it. I like it.

[David Bourie]

The whales are on their own. Love Island.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah.

[David Bourie]

And they fuck each other just as much.

[Langston Kearney]

And those are sexy fucking whales.

[Will Miles]

Yeah, they don't fuck each other though, right? And that, the whole thing about whales.

[Langston Kearney]

I know nothing about, they don't fuck.

[Will Miles]

Each other and then their fins get sad. They stop getting reversal.

[Langston Kearney]

Fins get sad.

[Will Miles]

Yeah, yeah. They like, it's like.

[Langston Kearney]

And they die. They die, I think at like a quarter of the age that they live.

[David Bourie]

Wow.

[Langston Kearney]

Like real.

[Will Miles]

It's really terrible.

[Langston Kearney]

They like live to 80 or 100 in real life and then in captivity they die like 21.

[Will Miles]

But don't they also get rejected by pods when they're released back in?

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, you can't even let them back in.

[Will Miles]

You can't let them back in because they'll kill them.

[David Bourie]

I mean, think about when your family gets out of jail. Like, we've all had family members come.

[Will Miles]

Home and they're a little different.

[David Bourie]

It's like, you know, they're a little different.

[Langston Kearney]

It's like, yeah, they're just solving the problem fast. Nah, that motherfuckers fucked up.

[David Bourie]

Kill him. Kill him. They're like, kill him. We're like, no, you stay in the next room.

[Langston Kearney]

No, we think he's cool.

[David Bourie]

He's cool. Come on, we'll bring you. We'll like randomly start bringing you back around, you know, other people. But yeah, damn, not in whale society.

[Langston Kearney]

We should take one more break.

[Will Miles]

We should take a break and then we should.

[Langston Kearney]

And then we'll knock out a voicemail.

[David Bourie]

We'll be done.

[Will Miles]

All right, sounds good.

[Langston Kearney]

All right, one more break. Will Miles David Bore Langston Coming. My mama told me you can make.

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[Langston Kearney]

Come to papa. Welcome bonus.

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[Langston Kearney]

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[David Bourie]

Woo hoo.

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[Langston Kearney]

Void where prohibited by law 21 +.

[Voicemail Caller]

Terms and conditions apply.

[Today Show Host]

Good morning. Welcome to Today.

[Today Show Announcer]

From back to school to tackling your to do list, the Today show is your best start to the day.

[Langston Kearney]

It's a new season, and every morning we're here to help you take it all on. As the forecast calls for football all.

[Today Show Announcer]

Across the country, blockbuster stars, live concerts, and so much more. Wake up to where it's all happening.

[Today Show Host]

We're getting back to all of it, and the best way to start is together.

[Today Show Announcer]

Watch the Today show weekday mornings at 7am on NBC.

[Washable Sofas Advertiser]

Honey, we don't say the N word around 2 year olds.

[Will Miles]

We do.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, we do.

[Will Miles]

Welcome back.

[David Bourie]

Absolutely. I've said nigga around everyone's kid, all the ages. Really? Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, you do.

[David Bourie]

Oh, man, are you pretty good around your daughter. So I hope she.

[Langston Kearney]

She's commented on it.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, yeah, I'm sure.

[Will Miles]

I'm sure.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

Let's come up at home.

[David Bourie]

Stella's dad says a lot.

[Langston Kearney]

Oh, boy. We have a voicemail.

[Will Miles]

Yeah, we got.

[Langston Kearney]

We have a voicemail. And I'm very excited for this one.

[David Bourie]

This is.

[Langston Kearney]

You'll hear it.

[Voicemail Caller]

What's up, Langston? What's up, David? I'm calling in today because I know for a fact that someone or group of people is editing in all of these smoke detector beasts in black people's videos as a psyop.

[Will Miles]

Whoa. Okay.

[David Bourie]

Hell yes.

[Will Miles]

Let's keep going.

[Voicemail Caller]

There's no way that every time a black person gets ready to make a cogent point online that a smoke detector beat just happens to go off. It immediately erases all credibility. And the comments are all just talking about the damn smoke detector instead of the point that the person made.

[Langston Kearney]

Whoa.

[Voicemail Caller]

You'll be watching like a wholesome family video of black people just doing their Thing, and then the smoke detector goes off, and then that's all anybody could talk about. And here come the white bots, whether they be human or AI Just talking about the smoke detector beep. Instead of what a wonderful moment it is. I don't know who is doing it, but we need to get to the bottom of it. By the way, I've started calling y' all black Anon because y' all are the ones that are out here searching for the truth.

[Will Miles]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Langston Kearney]

This guy.

[Will Miles]

This is a perfect call.

[Langston Kearney]

It was a good call.

[Will Miles]

This is a perfect call. Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

He got to the point he ain't say nothing weird, freaky to us.

[David Bourie]

He liked us in some ways. He's saying Qanon is also on the search for the truth. Right.

[Langston Kearney]

I don't know.

[Will Miles]

Okay, you're going too deep.

[David Bourie]

Okay. Yeah, okay. Never mind. Never mind. Yeah. Qanon has nothing to do with Qanon. Okay.

[Langston Kearney]

I think if you're jealous of our compliment, you should just say that.

[Will Miles]

Yeah. We're black and on.

[David Bourie]

Okay, sure.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah. Black compliment. And you should. You should move on with your day. I got.

[Will Miles]

I got a slogan for black and on.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, I'm listening.

[Will Miles]

Where we go one, we go ball. Come on.

[David Bourie]

Okay, Come on.

[Will Miles]

Come on.

[David Bourie]

Now I'm thinking about. You ain't queuing this thing. Hey, where the bitches at? Okay.

[Will Miles]

It's supposed to be titties. Where the fucking titties and the bitches. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

[David Bourie]

Okay.

[Will Miles]

Anyways. Yeah, I got no notes. Yes. I think that that feels completely. Because it is, like, the amount. It would be so easy. It's so easy to do that.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

I also think the ways. And I really like what he said about, like, be they human or AI, the ways in which people pick up on it and have now, like, made it a cultural thing. Feels very fabricated, that, like, I know a lot of black people who, you know, don't change their smoke detectors often, but I also know a lot of responsible motherfuckers who do.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

Also, it's in the white people who.

[David Bourie]

Don'T do it too. Yeah.

[Will Miles]

And also, you just take the smoke detector down.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, yeah. Which I've done. Yeah.

[Will Miles]

Yeah. That. That's the side of the spectrum that I'm on.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Will Miles]

But you take that shit down.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Will Miles]

It beeps for like, a day, and then you're like, damn, let me go get at that.

[Langston Kearney]

I wouldn't live with that beat.

[Will Miles]

That's what I'm saying.

[David Bourie]

That's what I'm saying.

[Will Miles]

It's like, it's crazy.

[Langston Kearney]

No, they're really making us animals in a way that doesn't feel true.

[Will Miles]

Agreed.

[Langston Kearney]

Like, I know motherfuckers whose shit go off, but I don't know people who just live in beeps forever and ever.

[David Bourie]

Make a video with the beep going on, bro.

[Will Miles]

I'm saying you're making that video now. Like, you don't. You're smart enough to have a cogent point about ice or whatever.

[David Bourie]

Go outside. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

I'm like, go where the beeps are now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Bourie]

And also, you gotta think about who they let get through their points with no beeps. And it's never somebody. I agree with. It's never somebody I'm like, let me.

[Will Miles]

Share this to the group chat. Because one time.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, exactly.

[Langston Kearney]

And those beeps, frankly, I bet are not nearly as loud as they make them in the video.

[Will Miles]

No.

[Langston Kearney]

You know what I mean? Even for the people, the rare few who may have a beeping smoke detector in the background, I bet we barely could hear it. And then the technology is built in a way where it's like, blackface. Beep goes, off we go. Turn that motherfucker up. Nah, it's beep gate 100%. It's beep gate 100%.

[David Bourie]

I mean, I think they even know black features.

[Will Miles]

Oh.

[David Bourie]

Versus, like, just skin. They're like. They're looking at, like, lips. Lips, nose and all this shit. Yeah.

[Will Miles]

You know who's not peeping? Indians.

[David Bourie]

Okay.

[Will Miles]

Oh, no. You guys don't want to come.

[David Bourie]

You know what I'm saying? Like, we didn't do no research. Yeah, I don't. I don't know enough.

[Langston Kearney]

Hey, brother.

[David Bourie]

I'm admittedly not.

[Langston Kearney]

Hey, brother, the floor is yours.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, yeah, you got this.

[Langston Kearney]

Hey, you seem like you got a cliff.

[David Bourie]

No, I'm out.

[Will Miles]

I'm out, I'm out, I'm out, I'm out, I'm out, I'm out, I'm out, I'm out.

[David Bourie]

You know, But I think they, like, I'm gonna say some crazy, but I think there's a picture of a. A car running into a restaurant with some black influencers. And I. It's. Have you seen that?

[Will Miles]

No.

[David Bourie]

There's black food influencers eating. And then a car just runs in, and everybody's like, oh, that's Dr. Umar. Then other people like, nah, she's black. Like, you can tell by the features. And the woman is black. But I'm like, yeah, does AI know the features? And did they send the car in.

[Will Miles]

To Be like, how do they know?

[Langston Kearney]

You know, Like, I'm gonna say this, and then I know we have to go.

[Will Miles]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

I recently read an article about. Well, it was responding to this fucking viral thing that was happening where a lady had supposedly died as a trainer at SeaWorld.

[David Bourie]

Wow.

[Langston Kearney]

This lady had been murdered again, by a whale. Which hasn't happened in a while, but this is trending on TikTok for a while. And people are, like, crying out, oh, my God, this is such a tragedy. This is why we have to get things fixed, resolve, whatever. It's the world, right? Then it turns out the entire thing is fabricated.

[David Bourie]

Wow.

[Langston Kearney]

It's not real. And there are videos of this woman who is, like, petting the whale and, like, doing all the tricks in front of a real crowd. But it's all AI. It's all, like, made up, and this person doesn't exist. And I think that's the type of mind trick that we're living under, where we don't know what's real and what's not real. And we're just being fed AI all the time in a way that it's just gonna kind of slowly sink into our bloodstream and we'll become numb to what is reality?

[Will Miles]

Some type of a simulacrum.

[Langston Kearney]

That's the word I was thinking as well.

[David Bourie]

This is what I was. Before the pod. I was talking about how, like, I know Josh talked about the Matrix and shit we're living in, but I'm like, yo, so the cloud makes me truly believe. There's no doubt that they're doing it. And the fact that Oracle is in charge of so much of the media right now, no offense, I've still got a script over there. Please buy it. But I'm just saying Oracle is in the Matrix. The black woman in the Matrix is the Oracle. The black woman who wrote the Matrix. Matrix is written by a black woman. That's.

[Langston Kearney]

That's. That's not true at all. But.

[David Bourie]

Really, I didn't know that.

[Will Miles]

But I'm in there.

[David Bourie]

Wait, it's not.

[Langston Kearney]

There's a lady who claims that she wrote the Matrix and Terminator. She did not.

[David Bourie]

She. I didn't think Terminator was true.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, she says that James Cameron stole her whole show.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, that's where she lost me.

[Langston Kearney]

And she says two comic book shop.

[David Bourie]

Employees who stole an idea from black women sounded believable, but then she. She went too far with it.

[Langston Kearney]

They say she claims that they're actually all, like, synchronized stories, that Terminator is life after the machines take over and then the matrix is further down the line where the machines have fully taken over and we live inside of the pods where we are being like, mined for.

[David Bourie]

That's a good idea.

[Will Miles]

In general.

[David Bourie]

She should be working anyway. She has good ideas.

[Langston Kearney]

The ability to connect the two. Sounds impressive.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

She didn't actually do anything. Yeah, she's just a crazy person.

[Will Miles]

Okay, well, we'll have her on and she'll defend herself.

[Langston Kearney]

I would love for her to do.

[David Bourie]

But I'm just saying, if they got all her info. They got our porn habits. They know how to make an AI human. They got all of our porn habits, all of our search habits. They know when you linger on somebody's face too long on Instagram and they're like, here's her face. A lot. It's like, wait, that was just one time where I saw her face. I don't know why this person is now the lead of my story.

[Will Miles]

It's the first story. The first story.

[David Bourie]

It's like, no, I don't care about that person that much.

[Langston Kearney]

And because they know now what you like and they can feed you something even if it's not real. That may not even be a real video person.

[David Bourie]

Exactly.

[Langston Kearney]

They're just like, nah, we know what you're into. So here you go again. Damn, Will, this was fucked up, man.

[Will Miles]

I loved it.

[David Bourie]

I loved it.

[Langston Kearney]

I loved up episode. You want to tell the people where they can find you?

[David Bourie]

Oh, you want to see where I'm at? Look, I'm. I'm. If you want to follow me, follow huskynigga Fits.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah.

[David Bourie]

On Instagram.

[Will Miles]

I do love that.

[David Bourie]

And I'm gonna try to surface everything over there. I'm no longer a person. I'm AI. So follow husky nigga fits where all my AI fits will be bory.

[Langston Kearney]

What you got?

[Will Miles]

Cool guy jokes87 on Instagram. My special comes out 800 pound gorilla Birth of a Nation on September 9th. You can watch it for free now, but thank you for the people who paid for it.

[David Bourie]

Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

Follow me, Langston Carmen on all social media platforms. Catch me on the Aspiring Deadbeat tour. I'm in Toronto, Philly, Bloomington, Indiana. A bunch of cool places that I love dearly and like. Subscribe Rate Reviews Send us your own thoughts, your own conspiracy theories. If you want to tell us who else you think it's a psyop, send it all to my mamapodmail.com. give us a call at 84 Little Moms.

[David Bourie]

She's not, you know, they did everything around her. She's like I'm just doing a gene ad supposedly. And then everybody's like, oh no, let's make her something bigger now.

[Langston Kearney]

They really tried to make her an important person. Give us a call 844 lil moms like subscribe Rate Review do all the things that make a podcast popular and call your mama bitch. Bye.

[David Bourie]

Hello, how are you? I am under the water. Please help me hear Too much raining.

[Langston Kearney]

My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players, Nick Network and iHeart podcast, created and hosted.

[Will Miles]

By Langston Kearney, co hosted by David Bourie executive produced by Will Ferrell Hansani.

[Langston Kearney]

And Olivia Aguilar co produced by Bay.

[Will Miles]

Wayne Edited and engineered by Justin Kahman Music by Nick Chambers Artwork by Dogon Kriega.

[Langston Kearney]

You can now watch episodes of My Mama told me on YouTube, follow at my Mama Told Me Me and subscribe to our channel.

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[Langston Kearney]

This is an iHeart podcast.