New Year, New Black-Eyed Peas (with Monét X Change)

Summary

Podcast Summary: "My Momma Told Me" Episode: New Year, New Black-Eyed Peas (with Monét X Change)
Release Date: January 14, 2025
Host/Author: Big Money Players Network and iHeartPodcasts

---

Introduction

In this lively episode of My Momma Told Me, comedians Langston Kerman and David Borey dive deep into the intriguing world of Black conspiracy theories, blending humor with cultural insights. Joined by special guest Monét X Change, the trio explores everything from traditional New Year's practices to high-profile celebrity conspiracies, all while keeping the conversation both engaging and thought-provoking.

---

Tyrese Gibson: A Collective Hallucination?

Timestamp: [04:15] – [06:18]

The episode kicks off with Langston Kerman presenting a wild conspiracy theory: Tyrese Gibson—the renowned actor and singer—might not be a real person. Langston posits, “I think we're all experiencing, and I don't think it's like magic. I want to be clear. I'm not. This isn't whimsy.” David Borey quickly counters, emphasizing that Tyrese is indeed a real individual, albeit with a charismatic public persona.

Monét X Change adds fuel to the fire, humorously questioning the authenticity of Tyrese’s charm and success: “If I was making him in a pot, I'd be like, alright, we're going to get an Asian guy.” The hosts engage in a back-and-forth banter, blending skepticism with playful jabs, ultimately agreeing that while Tyrese's influence is undeniable, the notion of his non-existence remains firmly in the realm of comedy.

---

Black-Eyed Peas: Tradition or Manipulation?

Timestamp: [15:26] – [18:38]

Transitioning to New Year's traditions, Monét X Change questions the widespread practice of eating Black-Eyed Peas for good fortune: “I just don't understand what is the correlation? Why do the peas have to be black-eyed? Why can't they be kidney?” Langston provides a historical perspective, tracing the origins of Black-Eyed Peas back to West Africa and their introduction through the transatlantic slave trade.

David Borey humorously critiques the modern preparation of the dish, noting, “Black Eyed peas by themselves are ass.” Monét reflects on her personal experiences, sharing, “The two years after college were probably my worst. I was job hopping. I couldn't get a good job and I was making no money.” The hosts collectively analyze whether the tradition genuinely brings prosperity or if it’s a cultural manipulation, blending historical facts with lighthearted commentary.

---

Cultural Significance of Soul Food and Beyond

Timestamp: [36:18] – [44:04]

Delving deeper, the conversation shifts to the broader context of soul food and its place in Black culture. Langston highlights the resilience embedded in dishes like Black-Eyed Peas: “It's a beautiful metaphor for sort of starting back.” Monét and David discuss how these food traditions serve as symbols of survival and perseverance within the community.

The hosts also explore the evolution of Black culinary traditions, debating the authenticity and modern adaptations. Monét muses, “I think they've tried, but they couldn't harness the supercalifragilistic power. It's too deep in us.” This segment underscores the intricate relationship between food, culture, and identity, emphasizing how traditional dishes carry profound meanings beyond their flavors.

---

Michael Jackson: Voice and Legacy

Timestamp: [45:00] – [48:25]

A particularly intriguing segment focuses on Michael Jackson, where Langston and David entertain conspiracy theories about his voice and personal struggles. Langston questions the authenticity of Jackson’s voice changes, proposing, “A lot of people who knew him personally say he spoke in a very deep voice and it was completely fabricated.” Monet adds, “He literally became a different color, like, over the span of however many years.”

David Borey reflects on Jackson’s complex legacy, stating, “He can be a dirtbag and not also the worst guy in every circumstance.” The conversation acknowledges Jackson’s monumental impact on music and culture while dissecting the myths and realities surrounding his personal life and public persona.

---

Dance, Culture, and Identity

Timestamp: [55:42] – [65:37]

The hosts transition into a discussion about the evolution of dance within Black culture. Langston reminisces about the rich history of Black dance forms, lamenting the loss of authentic expression: “True, like African dance at its essence. These are people expressing for the pure, like, love of the game.” David questions the decline of dance as a cultural pillar, noting, “I feel like this country started going to shit when they stopped dancing because they had their own dances and they liked it.”

Monét and David delve into the importance of dance in cultural identity, debating how modern influences and stereotypes have impacted traditional dance forms. The conversation highlights the tension between preserving heritage and adapting to contemporary societal changes, emphasizing the role of dance as both an art form and a means of communal expression.

---

Guest Spotlight: Monét X Change's Journey

Timestamp: [11:17] – [14:21]

Throughout the episode, Monét X Change shares personal anecdotes and insights, enriching the discussion with her unique perspective. She recounts her experiences with cooking Black-Eyed Peas and the familial expectations tied to this tradition: “I put too much salt on the black-eyed peas, so it's a little salty.” Monét’s humor and candidness provide a relatable and entertaining layer to the conversation, showcasing her ability to blend personal stories with broader cultural themes.

Additionally, Monét discusses her ongoing projects and social media presence, inviting listeners to engage with her upcoming tour and comedy specials: “Go to Monet, Xchange.com... And you can find me on all social media at the same Monet Xchange.” This segment not only promotes her work but also underscores the collaborative and supportive nature of the podcast community.

---

Concluding Thoughts and Final Banter

Timestamp: [71:00] – [75:33]

As the episode wraps up, Langston, David, and Monét engage in playful and humorous exchanges, maintaining the show’s signature blend of humor and candid conversation. They touch upon various lighthearted topics, from first date experiences at restaurants like Chili’s and Cheesecake Factory to personal quirks and online interactions.

The trio emphasizes the importance of community and shared experiences, encouraging listeners to participate by sending in their own conspiracy theories and traditions: “Send it all to mymamapodmail.com, we would love to hear from you and buy the merch.” The episode concludes with upbeat promotions for Monét’s tour and a final round of witty exchanges, leaving listeners entertained and eager for the next installment.

---

Notable Quotes

• Langston Kerman: “I think we're all experiencing, and I don't think it's like magic. I want to be clear. I'm not. This isn't whimsy.” ([04:19])

• Monét X Change: “Why do the peas have to be black-eyed? Why can't they be kidney?” ([16:03])

• David Borey: “I think you might be right. I think you might be right.” ([19:20])

• Monét X Change: “It was just me and just a bunch of like 95-year-old white women.” ([32:11])

• Langston Kerman: “They were psychopaths. They didn't know what to do with it.” ([42:46])

• Monét X Change: “I just don't want to say any more fucking posts in the shade room about him. I am over Tyrese.” ([07:25])

• David Borey: “I've been having a great time.” ([44:25])

---

Conclusion

This episode of My Momma Told Me masterfully blends humor with cultural commentary, offering listeners a unique exploration of Black conspiracy theories and traditions. Through engaging dialogues and personal anecdotes, Langston Kerman, David Borey, and Monét X Change create a vibrant tapestry of stories and speculations that both entertain and provoke thought. Whether dissecting the origins of Black-Eyed Peas or unraveling the myths surrounding iconic figures like Tyrese Gibson and Michael Jackson, the hosts deliver a captivating narrative that resonates with a diverse audience.

For those interested in the intersection of comedy, culture, and conspiracy, this episode is a must-listen, offering a rich and entertaining experience that highlights the resilience and creativity within the Black community.

Transcript

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[Tim Allen]

Tim Allen and Kat Dennings star in the new family comedy Shifting Gears.

[Kenya Barris]

Dad, I'm broke and I need a place to stay until I figure out what the rest of my life looks like.

[Langston Kerman]

So a couple of days when his.

[Tim Allen]

Daughter moves back in. The last time you walked out that.

[Langston Kerman]

Door, you looked back at me and gave me a double bird.

[Kenya Barris]

I was 18. The double bird was how I ended all our conversations.

[Monet X Change]

The wheels come off.

[Kenya Barris]

Can we try to talk to each other like rational adults?

[Tim Allen]

Have you watched the news lately?

[Langston Kerman]

That's not a thing.

[Tim Allen]

New Wednesdays, 87 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu.

[Langston Kerman]

Look how crazy it is that at some point two people decided to introduce Superman. And Superman has now become ubiquitous in Sort of our lexicon in the. In the human experience. Right. You don't think there's any possibility that there's some imagineers sitting somewhere going, what if he's Superman but can't fly? What if he's just a black dude that kind of is Superman but can't fly?

[David Borey]

That's what you think.

[Monet X Change]

That's.

[David Borey]

That's. That's not what they said about Tyson Beckman. If I was making him in a pot, I'd be like, all right, we're going to get an Asian guy.

[Monet X Change]

A little jerk chicken.

[David Borey]

They were going to flip the whole. Cuz he's really going to secretly be Jamaican and make him bump as hell.

[Langston Kerman]

Imagine an Asian flambe.

[Monet X Change]

Inside the back Burn.

[Langston Kerman]

Baby microchips in your anus all koala bears are racist the ozone layer owes me money Martians abandoned turkey stuffing.

[David Borey]

Y'all can't tell me nothing.

[Langston Kerman]

Whistle while you twerk Da da da da da da da Go ahead and start make that pussy fart Whistle while you twerk. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Gentiles and Lil Mama, welcome to another phenomenal episode of My.

[David Borey]

Mama Told Me the podcast, where we dive deep into black conspiracy theories, and.

[Langston Kerman]

We finally work to prove whatever stupid shit you already believe. Come on.

[David Borey]

Come on, dumbass.

[Langston Kerman]

We making you believe in your own garbage.

[Monet X Change]

Ain't that cool?

[David Borey]

We're just trying to feed the slop back to the piggies.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, man, it's sad when you really break down what we do here.

[David Borey]

No, it's not a great job.

[Langston Kerman]

No. Shame on us.

[David Borey]

But. But in the car wash, though.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I've been thinking about?

[David Borey]

What?

[Langston Kerman]

I. I don't think Tyrese is real.

[David Borey]

Go on.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, I. I don't. I don't think Tyrese. Tyrese Gibson is a real person.

[David Borey]

That's called bars. You know nothing about that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

I think he's a figment of our imagination.

[David Borey]

Like, collectively, like a collective hallucination.

[Langston Kerman]

I think we're all experiencing, and I don't think it's like magic. I want to be clear. I'm not. This isn't whimsy.

[David Borey]

It's like the Mandela effect.

[Langston Kerman]

I think that there is an active effort on the side of a power that be that is probably bigger than the US Government to maintain the illusion of Tyrese Gibson so that he can continue to spread his oddities and sort of, like, weird. It's like a constant reset of humanity because of his behavior. And in that way, it allows us to never progress past where we are.

[David Borey]

I love that here's my only comeback.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[David Borey]

It's been a long journey for Tyrese. I'm talking about from sweet lady to Shayla. My Shayla. That's a long. That's a long con. Even before, when he was in the Coca Cola commercials and in the My Way video. My favorite. Tyrese, Come on. But I like that he's definitely holding us back.

[Langston Kerman]

And I say that for humanity, not just.

[David Borey]

No, no.

[Langston Kerman]

It's not a black, white thing.

[David Borey]

At that point, he does make me sad because I do love Tyre.

[Langston Kerman]

He's so good, man.

[David Borey]

He's so charming.

[Langston Kerman]

He's the best dark skinned king. Come on.

[David Borey]

Top tier. I thought that was gonna be like a Wesley Snipes thing. And then it got no because I.

[Langston Kerman]

Think the algorithm took over. I don't think that Tyrese has never existed. I think he's.

[David Borey]

You think there always was a Tyrese.

[Langston Kerman]

I think his. I think he's like Neo in some ways, but almost an anti Neo.

[David Borey]

This is the fifth Tyrese.

[Langston Kerman]

This is. I guess today remained so quiet during that.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, I thought I was supposed to be.

[David Borey]

No, you can come in. Well, you say.

[Monet X Change]

Cause you didn't intro me. So that was.

[Langston Kerman]

I was fucked up for us. I set you up poorly, and that's on me.

[Monet X Change]

Wow.

[Langston Kerman]

We run such a loose operation over here. And I should have said that from the beginning. We don't abide by any traditional rules, that we've got no professional coaching.

[Monet X Change]

Okay. Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I mean?

[Monet X Change]

I had so much to say, but I was on the lock and key over here, and I felt that.

[Langston Kerman]

And I just felt it would have been irresponsible to not acknowledge.

[Monet X Change]

Thank you.

[Langston Kerman]

The discomfort you were made left in. And that's on me.

[Monet X Change]

Well, I want to acknowledge the discomfort that Tyrese has. Can I curse on here?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Has fucking did to all of us. I have had it with Tyrese. I don't want to say any more fucking posts in the shade room about him. I am over Tyrese. But I will say, when you first said Tyrese, the first thing that came to mind was Tyson Beckford. And I was like, yeah, nobody that fine is real.

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[Monet X Change]

You know what I mean?

[David Borey]

You don't think Tyson Beckford is real?

[Monet X Change]

No, because he's too beautiful.

[Langston Kerman]

That's.

[Monet X Change]

He has done nothing. Nothing. He is. He's in good standing with everyone.

[David Borey]

Yeah. I think he's just a good guy.

[Monet X Change]

I think so. He's just.

[David Borey]

He's from Brooklyn, right?

[Monet X Change]

Is he from. Oh, he's from New York.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. No, he's like. And that's what's crazy about him too, is like, the claim is that he used to be like a street.

[David Borey]

Yeah, yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Without no street nigga.

[Langston Kerman]

That he's like. He was like a street. That was just like, I'm too fine for this. I gotta go clean it up.

[David Borey]

Which is like kind of the most amazing thing ever.

[Monet X Change]

100%.

[David Borey]

I'm too fine to be thugging.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

That's the top of the mountain.

[Langston Kerman]

But you're still, like, street enough that niggas ain't gonna, like, beat you up.

[Monet X Change]

100%. But here's the thing. I think he's one of these people. You see him on TV and he like, this motherfucker looks like he's like 6 foot 4. And you meet him, he's one of these fucking 4 foot 11 niggas.

[David Borey]

I don't think he's little.

[Monet X Change]

No.

[Langston Kerman]

I think he's like six, three.

[David Borey]

I think he's like a big nigga. I think he's just like. I think sometimes God gives with both hands.

[Langston Kerman]

I think you are right.

[Monet X Change]

Tyson is a figment of our relationship. I think that's.

[Langston Kerman]

We made that up.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. But you know Tyrese, you know, and he has all for a moment. Cause he was making some good fucking music.

[David Borey]

Oh, yeah.

[Monet X Change]

And I said was because past tense. Have I ever heard the new shit?

[Langston Kerman]

No, No, I don't even.

[Monet X Change]

Well, just in case Tyrese comes on this podcast. I don't want to shade.

[Langston Kerman]

Listen, I think it is. This will get him here faster.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I think we should be as messy as possible about Tyrese so that he can come back and defend his good name.

[David Borey]

I want to sing on here.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, you say something nasty about his voice, bro, you're going to get Ray J at the verses. Girl, you know what? That.

[David Borey]

I can't take it. Because I love Tyrese's music too. That debrat song where he opens singing his own to. He's over.

[Langston Kerman]

She said two things.

[David Borey]

He goes, that's the best. He did that before he knew he was going to be on that song.

[Langston Kerman]

He was in it.

[Monet X Change]

We had Baby Boy. He killed that.

[David Borey]

Come on.

[Monet X Change]

Fast and Furious movies, you know what I'm saying?

[David Borey]

And he was okay.

[Monet X Change]

He was okay. Yeah, he's deep.

[Langston Kerman]

He's all punchline after the second one.

[Monet X Change]

100%.

[Langston Kerman]

They made him like a serious guy in the second film where they were like, nah, this is a real street motherfucker that's gonna finally challenge. And then they. Nah, that's a silly Billy. Go ahead. Yeah, we can't even do nothing with you. There's no story here for you 100%.

[David Borey]

And I love that part. I love Tyrese. It makes me sad to see how it's come. That's also why I don't think that it's a tool, because it's just too. It's too random. That couldn't have been prepared. None of us saw that from that Coca Cola commercial where you're like, who is this smiling, dark skinned gentleman to now? It was like, you couldn't have seen that.

[Langston Kerman]

And that's, to me, where it feels fabricated. Where we start to. Okay, now we're saying this just feels like a choose my own adventure, but that they're playing with us, that they're just seeing what we'll respond to. Conditioning the human brain to accept Tyrese as normal, thus driving us closer to insanity. You.

[Monet X Change]

Wow. All right.

[David Borey]

Kind of in your mind, y'all.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, you were really. You're spending some knowledge right here.

[Langston Kerman]

That's why I didn't intro you yet. I needed you to wake the fuck up.

[Monet X Change]

I am paying attention. I'm here to learn today, honey.

[Langston Kerman]

Our guest today. We're so excited she's here. She's a comedian, classically trained opera singer, RuPaul's Drag Race winner and host of two hit podcasts, Sibling Rivalry with Bob the Drag Queen, and her new solo venture, Monet Talks. You can see her on tour this January with our one woman comedy show, Life Be Lifein'sure.

[Monet X Change]

Do.

[Langston Kerman]

Give it up from Monet X Change.

[David Borey]

I don't even have a sound.

[Monet X Change]

What is that?

[David Borey]

I don't have one. Good enough. Anything I have will be disrespectful.

[Monet X Change]

If you play the.

[Langston Kerman]

Give her something. You gotta give her something.

[Monet X Change]

Just give her something good.

[Langston Kerman]

There you go.

[David Borey]

That was the best I could do. That's the best I could.

[Monet X Change]

I appreciate it. I like that. I like that.

[Langston Kerman]

I want you to know that was Steven Seagal singing that.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

It was not what you think it is. No.

[David Borey]

It wasn't some Sean Paul B side.

[Langston Kerman]

No, no. That's a Steven Seagal deep cut where he made a reggae album.

[Monet X Change]

Really?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Was it good?

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, you know what? What surprises us?

[David Borey]

Who surprised you with their reggae album?

[Monet X Change]

With a good reggae album?

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

You know what? Britney Spears has that one reggae song. I'm telling you, Monet, I am from the Caribbean. I'm from St. Lucia, born and raised.

[David Borey]

This is a wild take.

[Monet X Change]

Monet, this is not.

[Langston Kerman]

This is not how you could have.

[Monet X Change]

Britney Spence got that one reggae Song when they gave her just a little too much cocaine. And she sounds good. It's crazy. It's on her third album.

[Langston Kerman]

Damn.

[David Borey]

What's it called?

[Monet X Change]

Wrap it up now or something like that. Something like that.

[David Borey]

But not kidding.

[Monet X Change]

Anything.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm truly. We have to listen to it.

[David Borey]

Yeah, no, afterwards. I'm gonna.

[Langston Kerman]

I think after this episode. We need to listen to it.

[Monet X Change]

It's good. It's good. It's good.

[Langston Kerman]

Honestly, we need to play it right now. I really feel like we gotta challenge Ronee on this. Cause this is.

[David Borey]

This is gonna bug YouTube right now. We can, we can like. I do want to hear Brittany was.

[Monet X Change]

In her bag with this song.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm telling you, this is really gonna.

[David Borey]

No.

[Monet X Change]

This is also coming from 13 year old memories. Okay. You don't get to do that.

[David Borey]

You don't get to do that. You don't get to do that.

[Monet X Change]

I don't know. You say Rocky Islands born and raised.

[Langston Kerman]

You said it's in my blood. I never misinterpret my content, my country.

[Monet X Change]

I don't know if this is gonna stand until. It's not. But back when I was 13 year old, 14 year old me. I remember hearing that on MTV Hits.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't think it was Britney Spears. Run the poonting now.

[David Borey]

Don't hang up.

[Monet X Change]

I just have to Britney Spears reggae song. And so many weird things popped up on my phone.

[David Borey]

Yeah, A lot of strange mixes I didn't want to try. Damn. Well.

[Monet X Change]

People listening, are you. Someone found it and they have commented about what this song is. They were like, yeah, it's a bop.

[David Borey]

Is it the hookup?

[Monet X Change]

But the hookup. I think that's it.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[Monet X Change]

I think that's it.

[Langston Kerman]

Here we go. This is gonna be the same as the last one.

[Monet X Change]

I'm sorry, you don't got YouTube, guys. People in the room using it to convert.

[David Borey]

This just happened. This just happened. I was. I'm trying to. Don't worry about it.

[Monet X Change]

Okay. Hey.

[David Borey]

All right. You're very excited.

[Langston Kerman]

You can't a over the music. You gotta let us hear.

[Monet X Change]

Right? The hook is good.

[Langston Kerman]

Made me want to do. Okay.

[Monet X Change]

Middle school dance. You know what I'm saying?

[Langston Kerman]

She like, I am Britney Spears. But a man said me told me to say me wanna do so I'm gonna do that if that's cool with y'all.

[Monet X Change]

People used to bum like just doing dubs in the gym for. I mean, come on.

[Langston Kerman]

That's pretty good.

[Kenya Barris]

It was good.

[Monet X Change]

It was good.

[David Borey]

You got it. You got it.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[David Borey]

Learn something new every Day, Monet.

[Langston Kerman]

We can't talk about Britney Spears. Excellent work all day. You came to us with a conspiracy. It's very apt for the, I think, the time of year.

[David Borey]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

We are celebrating the New Year. This is our first episode back from the new year. We're so excited you're doing it with us. And you said, my mama told me you eat Black Eyed peas on New Year's.

[Monet X Change]

Yes. And I think it's tied into bringing you good fortune and wealth and riches. Black people always trying to get more money. They're like, yeah, whatever, we gotta do, get more money.

[Langston Kerman]

Right?

[Monet X Change]

But I just don't understand what is the. I have cooked Black Eyed peas on many a New Year's Eve.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay, really?

[Monet X Change]

And ain't shit change. It should happen. And I think that. I don't know. What is the correlation? Why do the peas have to be black eyed? Why can't they be kidney? Why can't they be.

[David Borey]

I mean, that's a bee.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, it's a. Oh, yeah. Well, black eyes, I don't know. So what's the difference between a pea and a bean?

[Langston Kerman]

I think Black Eyed Peas is a colloquial name. I think that's like what we call it.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, really?

[Langston Kerman]

It probably is.

[David Borey]

Oh, really?

[Langston Kerman]

It probably has a more traditional name.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, now you're trying to get all Latin. It's called, like a blecubrious.

[Langston Kerman]

No, but IPs. I don't think Henry VIII was like, bring me the Black Eyed Peas. I think they had a different. They probably had, like, a different thing on them.

[David Borey]

Okay, I never thought about that.

[Monet X Change]

I haven't either. In my mind, Jesus was cooking Black Eyed Peas. They called it Black Eyed Peas for the past how many centuries?

[David Borey]

Also, here's my question to you. You've said you've cooked them several times.

[Monet X Change]

Yes.

[David Borey]

What if it's a collective? Like, it's not like, necessarily one year. Specifically, it's a tradition that you continued in. Right. So which brought you to this point, where you are now? That could be it.

[Monet X Change]

Now, what about all the niggas have been doing it for centuries and they worse off than they was?

[David Borey]

I'm just trying to get away. I really fucked up with that YouTube's commercial thing. And I'm honestly just trying to get back. This is me being as open as I can.

[Monet X Change]

The room really turned on you on that episode.

[David Borey]

Do you know how bad my feelings got hurt?

[Monet X Change]

No.

[Langston Kerman]

And you know what made it worse? It sucked as a commercial.

[Monet X Change]

You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

You got a real Shit commercial that came up. It wasn't even like a fun one that we could kind of like giggle through.

[David Borey]

It's just, oh, Shaq's doing it again.

[Langston Kerman]

It was just Expedia and information sucked.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. So I just think, like, the Black Eyed Peas. I just think it's just something we have been duped into doing to make us buy more Black Eyed Peas at the Ralphs and the C Town and the Pathmark.

[David Borey]

Oh, you think this? This is big Black Eyed pee.

[Monet X Change]

Literally, big old black IP is making us buy all these Black Eyed Peas. That ain't changeable.

[David Borey]

And by that she means Will I am.

[Langston Kerman]

Wake up, wake up, wake up. Will I am and Black Eyed Peas. I'm one and the same. There's no difference.

[Monet X Change]

Yes, I'm a fuck it up. Black Eyed Peas. I think that conspiracy theory is just so.

[Langston Kerman]

You obviously bought into it at some point.

[Monet X Change]

I did.

[David Borey]

Several points.

[Langston Kerman]

When did this start for you? Was this introduced in the home from the beginning? Black Eyed Peas all New Year?

[Monet X Change]

Yes, from as far back as I can remember. I think I wanna say six years old. I just remember my grandmother cooking some Black Eyed peas in the kitchen. And I was like, why we always have to eat this fucking shit on New Year's Day? And she said, because we cooked this to bring us wealth and health for the next year. And also, why does it expire at a year? Why doesn't it.

[Langston Kerman]

The bean.

[David Borey]

It's only a vegetable.

[Monet X Change]

Is a bean a vegetable?

[David Borey]

Once again, I'm just trying to get right.

[Langston Kerman]

Hey, man, that can't be your only out for this whole conversation.

[Monet X Change]

I think you might be right. I think you might be right.

[David Borey]

I think it's legume, and I think that it's packed with.

[Monet X Change]

With protein.

[David Borey]

And that's what I have on that.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't think they're vegetables. And I think I found this out recently. There are way less vegetables than we think they are.

[Monet X Change]

Really?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that, like, there's only like five or six legit vegetables. And then the rest of this shit is stuff we're calling vegetables that are actually like legumes. And fruits. And fruits. And a lot of shit is just loose.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I think that that blew my mind. With tomatoes. Tomatoes are. We think they're a vegetable, but they're fruit. It's a berry specific.

[David Borey]

Berry.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. A tomato's a berry.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I know that.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, God damn.

[Monet X Change]

Okay.

[David Borey]

Gotta help him, right?

[Langston Kerman]

Baby, baby, look.

[Monet X Change]

Baby, look up. If I can't explain why tomato is a berry, I. I've heard that you Seem like a very trustworthy.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what? What I know for a fact is a berry is bananas are.

[David Borey]

Oh, because we bred the seeds out of them, right?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, but they were supposed to have.

[David Borey]

Seeds inside of them.

[Monet X Change]

Bananas do have seeds inside them sometimes.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, but not the ones that you buy at, like, the store. You know what I mean? Ralph's ain't selling you seeds.

[Monet X Change]

Well, have you seen these new crazy, like, Gen Z bananas that have. No, they're just the solid. There's no black thing in the middle. There's no, like, core. It's just, like, all but, like, the white part.

[Langston Kerman]

Oops, all bananas.

[Monet X Change]

They even taking the black out of bananas.

[David Borey]

That is a problem. She said, oops, all bananas.

[Langston Kerman]

There's been a terrible accident at the banana factory.

[Monet X Change]

They're taking the black out of bananas, so it's just the white part. So you get more potassium. That's what the potassium is.

[David Borey]

How much was the black taken up in there?

[Monet X Change]

It wasn't even a lot of black.

[Langston Kerman]

It's crazy. Yeah, but that's probably what they said about watermelons.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, yeah, Watermelon, too. I know.

[Langston Kerman]

You get them without the seeds or with the seeds. You be kind of like, damn, you could have gotten no seeds.

[David Borey]

No, I'm pro seeds. I'm pro watermelon seeds.

[Monet X Change]

See, I can't believe I'm saying this, Monet. I don't like watermelon. Oh, I know I don't like watermelon. Like, I just feel like it's a waste. It just tastes like water. If I wanted to have too much, I'll just drink a glass of water.

[David Borey]

It's the best melon.

[Monet X Change]

Nah, I don't like melon melons. I don't like cantaloupes, honeydews, watermelons.

[David Borey]

I don't like honeydew either.

[Langston Kerman]

I'll be honest. I love them all. Really?

[David Borey]

Really. You and Melo?

[Langston Kerman]

Sometimes I'll be. I. You know, they package it at the airport. I buy it.

[David Borey]

You're the one.

[Monet X Change]

You're the one. Don't you ever crowd my fruit salad bowl with honeydew and what, like.

[David Borey]

No, that's fruit salad. It's not the best.

[Monet X Change]

It's the worst.

[David Borey]

Because pineapple, I think, is king of the fruit salad.

[Monet X Change]

100%. And blackberries.

[Langston Kerman]

Good mango.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, good mango is hard to come by.

[Langston Kerman]

It's hard to come by. And they are real skimpy with it when they get 100%.

[David Borey]

No, I found that mango usually serves me best in candy form. I'm happy with the mango. Candy more often than I've been happy with the mango fruit.

[Monet X Change]

Mango candy In America. In America, Africa.

[David Borey]

Those mangoes are crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Like, crazy good. If crazy bad.

[David Borey]

So good. It's like a juice box. It doesn't even make sense.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Oh, let me say something. My family's from St. Lucian, Caribbean. You not want to see my family eat mangoes? It looks like it is a murder scene. Girl, mango is on you. In your hair, in your fucking drawers. Like, how did mango get in my panties?

[David Borey]

That's how I want to live. I want to wash the mango off in the ocean.

[Monet X Change]

100%. That's what you got to do, man.

[David Borey]

That's as good as life gets.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

What a good life y'all have had. My family from Detroit.

[David Borey]

That'S the opposite.

[Langston Kerman]

I've never even tasted the luxury you're describing.

[David Borey]

You gotta watch Coney off in the lake.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Hot dogs in my panties. Hot dogs in my panties.

[David Borey]

You don't wanna see my family in a bag of Cody. It's a hard place to live.

[Monet X Change]

Well, also, but in the Midwest, though, like, this is what really drives me crazy about the Detroit, Chicago thing.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Y'all have these big bodies of water, and especially in Chicago, they've dug the thing out there. Sand there. And people have the nerve to go to my Instagram feed and say, having a lovely day at the beach. The beach. That is not a beach.

[Tim Allen]

It is a fucking lake.

[David Borey]

And stop.

[Monet X Change]

Look at that.

[David Borey]

They've never rinsed mango from their bodies on the white, sandy shores. They don't know any better.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know what you want from us. We have nothing.

[Monet X Change]

You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

It's bitter cold for eight months of the year, and then the other, like, three of the other months, it's raining, and you get, like, a month where it's just gorgeous. So, yeah, I'm gonna pretend I'm in St. Lucia. I know. I can see the subway behind us. I know this ain't right.

[David Borey]

You can hear the outro.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, yeah. You know. You know, I get it, and I truly. I empathize with all of those in that area, but, baby, it's not a beach. It's a lake.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay?

[Monet X Change]

And, you know, it's. It's not just a regular lake.

[Langston Kerman]

No, it's a great lake, but it's a nasty lake. Our of it is pretty.

[David Borey]

It's not. I don't love it down. It's like.

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[David Borey]

Every time I've been by the lake in Chicago, when it's hot out, I feel like Some shit's buzzing.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, like, it's rough, man.

[David Borey]

Bug Lake is not good lake.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it's the type of lake where. It's the type of beach where. Where nobody is fully comfortable taking their clothes off.

[David Borey]

That's. I feel like I've seen people swimming with shoes in there.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it's like you see a lot of dudes with like swim trunks but shirts on. It's like the lives ain't right here. We're trying our best.

[David Borey]

Because you can't like picnic down by there.

[Monet X Change]

I wouldn't.

[Langston Kerman]

You can, but then you get accused of being the type of person that picnics on the beach. You know what I mean? It's just. Yeah, it's all you guys need, some.

[David Borey]

Mangoes and some white sandy shores.

[Langston Kerman]

That's all I pray for, for my people. We should take a break. I think we always go into breaks perfectly, by the way.

[David Borey]

Yeah, no transition problems.

[Langston Kerman]

We should take a break. But when we come back, we're gonna continue to talk about the possibility or the necessity rather of eating black eyed peas on New Year's Day. Day. Right. It's not the Eve.

[Monet X Change]

You make them Eve and you eat.

[Langston Kerman]

Them in the day, eat them during the day. So when we come back, we're gonna talk more Black Eyed peas, more Monet Exchange, more my mama.

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[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway this new year. Make sure you take some time to take care of yourself and your family. Now through January 28th, save up to 25% on all your favorite personal care essentials. Shop in store or online and stock up on all your favorite items like Tresemme Shampoo, Axe Deodorant, Dove Bar Soap, Dove Men's Body Wash and Dove Dry Spray and Save up to 25%. Offer ends January 28th. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Tim Allen]

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[David Borey]

She pulls out her breasts and she's juggling them.

[Monet X Change]

Look like she about to fall over.

[David Borey]

Then she bends over and pulls down her pennies spreads her cheeks. I'm not lying, I'm telling what's on the video Spreads her cheeks.

[Monet X Change]

This is madness. Who is that?

[David Borey]

A prophet?

[Langston Kerman]

It's from a It's a lawyer of a lady. Or no, rather the lawyer of the school district, I believe in like St. Louis or some shit where a woman, a teacher, was caught with an only fans and had like video that these students had gotten a hold of.

[Monet X Change]

I remember hearing about that.

[Langston Kerman]

And this was the lawyer accusing her of being a vile, vile woman. All while describing in detail the way she pulled out her panties.

[Monet X Change]

Wow.

[Langston Kerman]

And spreads her butt cheeks.

[Monet X Change]

Cuz he had to watch the video.

[David Borey]

Just watch it a couple times.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm not lying. I'm telling you what's in the video.

[David Borey]

Sometimes you see stuff and you're like, I gotta be a lawyer.

[Langston Kerman]

It's a cool job.

[David Borey]

Like, it doesn't seem that crazy.

[Monet X Change]

I know, I agree.

[David Borey]

Like you. You hear about the bar and the difficulty of the test or whatn. But then you.

[Monet X Change]

He did it. Yeah, he did it.

[Langston Kerman]

He did it.

[Monet X Change]

He did it.

[Langston Kerman]

I think I got it. It can't be that crazy.

[David Borey]

It can't be that crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

And maybe there's loopholes, right? Because like, maybe there are ways to like to not have to take the bar to do certain things in certain places.

[Monet X Change]

Ask Kim fucking Kardashian. This bitch is just. She going to school at DeVry, talking about, I'm a lawyer now.

[Langston Kerman]

Wait eight years.

[David Borey]

DeVry? For real?

[Monet X Change]

No, not DeVry. She has some like.

[David Borey]

University of Phoenix.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, you know, I had to do a math class on there to get my degrees.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh no.

[David Borey]

Are you serious? Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

You know what? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh no.

[Monet X Change]

Cause I had done my whole shit and there was a math class every year I put. I was like, no, I'll do it next year. I'll do the next day. And by the time I got to my graduation year, they were like, yo, we gonna let you walk. But you gotta do this math class within six months of getting your diploma or else it's rescinded. So I had to go to University of Phoenix online. And I did this math class. It was horrible. I hated it.

[David Borey]

That's crazy.

[Monet X Change]

It was just me and just a bunch of like 95 year old white women.

[David Borey]

So the brochure is a lie.

[Monet X Change]

The brochure is a lie.

[David Borey]

They make it seem very multicultural.

[Monet X Change]

It wasn't that. It was me and 85, 95 year old women.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what? What made me sad is, is imagining that you now have a University of Phoenix email.

[Monet X Change]

I do. Yeah.

[David Borey]

You should use that as a burner.

[Langston Kerman]

Edu do.

[Monet X Change]

I do.

[David Borey]

It's adopted.

[Monet X Change]

I do.

[David Borey]

I don't think they can make the clearance.

[Monet X Change]

The accreditation.

[Langston Kerman]

We the government. But we can't do everything.

[Monet X Change]

Oh yeah. I have a Phoenix. Oh, my God. You. You just. Oh, my God. You just reminded me that you got.

[Langston Kerman]

To get your email back.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, get it back for all my business.

[Langston Kerman]

That's a beautiful burner to have out there.

[David Borey]

I would like to go to University of Phoenix graduation, though.

[Langston Kerman]

That does sound dope.

[David Borey]

I went to an automotive college graduation one time.

[Langston Kerman]

Awesome lit.

[David Borey]

They were throwing up sets, Mexican sets, shout out to Aurora, Colorado, yo.

[Monet X Change]

They were going, yeah, I love that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. They were like, this makes our gang proud.

[David Borey]

I was in the back.

[Monet X Change]

I was hella late.

[David Borey]

I was like, oh, they're gang banging in here. This is a good time.

[Monet X Change]

Dope. Dope as fuck.

[David Borey]

Oh, you did research. That's where we're at.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, that's the question. Maybe this is the best way to get back into it. The question I have is, what happened that made you jump off the black eyed ped wagon?

[Monet X Change]

I think the big thing that happened for me was it was right after I had graduated, actually. And I was like, I remember it was like 2000. Oh my God. 2012 graduated. And I was like, oh, that wasn't.

[David Borey]

Even a long time ago.

[Monet X Change]

That is a long time ago.

[David Borey]

How old are you?

[Monet X Change]

I'm 35.

[Langston Kerman]

We're older than you. You're not making us.

[Monet X Change]

That looks so good though. You know what I mean? Actually, I'm 17. This is a hard 17 you're looking at.

[Langston Kerman]

It's moving my ass. 17 junior year is tough.

[Monet X Change]

And I remember, like getting out of school. I was like, okay, I'm gonna make my Black Eyed Peas. Cause I'm really gonna bring some wealth and fortune and some good shit my way.

[David Borey]

You're like, I got all this knowledge from the University of Phoenix.

[Monet X Change]

And those two years after college were probably my worst. I was like, job hopping. I couldn't get a good job and I was making no money. Like, it was the worst. I'm like, why am I like, this ain't bring me no good fortune, riches, wealth, nothing.

[David Borey]

Okay, but here, let me counteract. I feel like it's like the Lord. You can't just call upon the Lord when you need him in downtimes. You gotta call upon him in uptimes to. So you were like, okay, I'm a fresh University of Phoenix grad.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, you were doing it for one day. You should have been eating black Eyed peas all year.

[Monet X Change]

I know.

[David Borey]

Maybe that's what it was.

[Langston Kerman]

And that's where the prosperity is.

[Monet X Change]

Also, I put too much salt on the black Eyed peas, so it's a little salty.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[Monet X Change]

And Then I did try to add hot sauce because I thought the hot sauce would counteract the salt, but it just made it to hot sauce.

[David Borey]

Was it a vinegar base?

[Monet X Change]

It was a vinegar base, yes.

[David Borey]

Yeah, you double down.

[Monet X Change]

See, cooking means some chemistry shit. So if it wasn't vinegar based, it would have helped it.

[David Borey]

Well, you just like. If you put too much salt, you need to cut it with, like a base.

[Monet X Change]

Wow, you're really smart.

[David Borey]

No, like, I appreciate this.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Now you seem smart right now, though.

[David Borey]

Yeah, yeah. Don't forget, I don't have YouTube Premium and I can't afford it. It's just a choice.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. So that really turned me off the Black Eyed Peas. I'm like, I'm really off this.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[David Borey]

Would you ever do it? So did you ever think about. Cause you don't like Black Eyed Peas very much.

[Monet X Change]

I like Black Eyed Peas when it's made by someone who can cook.

[Langston Kerman]

It doesn't feel. If I may, it doesn't feel like a New Year's food, even though it is a traditional food.

[David Borey]

What is New Year's food?

[Monet X Change]

It was New Year's food.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know. But like, New Year's to me comes with like, sparkles and fucking, like a flair to it almost.

[Monet X Change]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

And Black Eyed Peas feel like a real, like, working class ass pedestrian.

[Monet X Change]

So like those like, fajitas and chili's, that's like a new year.

[David Borey]

Yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

That would be a New Year's food. Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on. You get it.

[David Borey]

Can I tell you, I don't really hot plate. I don't ever. I don't know. I'll never get fajitas. I don't like the attention in restaurants.

[Langston Kerman]

It's a lot.

[Monet X Change]

It's a lot.

[Langston Kerman]

It's like.

[David Borey]

It's like I feel like it's pressure to enjoy them. And I never, like, there's so much that you're supposed to be like, Mike, they call for these fajitas and then there's.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't like any food.

[David Borey]

It's just not a great taco.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't like any food. I can't eat right away.

[Monet X Change]

You gotta wait. Yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

That pisses me the fuck off. I'm watching you enjoy your thing. I already betted on fajita. You know what I mean? Like, most places you go, it ain't good fajita. It's just hot on a plate. And so you're like, I'm already betting on fucking fajita. And now I gotta chill for six minutes while this cools down. So I can make a bad taco. Nah, nah.

[David Borey]

You could have had three chicken crispers from Chicken Yo.

[Monet X Change]

Chili's was first. I remember we used to eat at Chili's. Cause right next to my college. We used to eat there all the time. They made the mistake of having a freshman discount my freshman year. That's why I gained a freshman 55. Wait, that's more than tradition fucking Chili's up every day, every nothing.

[Langston Kerman]

That's about 40 more than tradition, Monet, if y'all are keeping track at home. That wasn't. That's not what we all came home with.

[David Borey]

I will say, though, anytime in your life, when you look back, when you were going to Chili's Frequency, you were free. Like, any time you were free of societal pressure, Romantic, like, that's a free person.

[Monet X Change]

100%.

[David Borey]

You just go to Chili's.

[Monet X Change]

You ain't lying.

[David Borey]

And I went to Chili's last week, and it was a big talk, though. I had to talk my girl into it.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, this wasn't just Chili's.

[David Borey]

No. But then we went to Chili's. We saw our first date, and it was beautiful.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, that's nice.

[David Borey]

Yeah, it was. He was smart. He had, like, on. He was very African. He had jeans and dress shoes on.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's go. Could be Caribbean.

[David Borey]

Yeah. Yeah. You guys like that as well?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, we have a lot of crossovers.

[David Borey]

And he was. He was smooth. He went out and met the girl's parents, brought her into the Chili's about two minutes in, SAT side. You know what I mean?

[Monet X Change]

And were the parents there, too?

[David Borey]

No, the parents left.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, okay.

[David Borey]

They left her in his care.

[Langston Kerman]

This is. Is. This is not just a first date of adults. This is the first date.

[Monet X Change]

It better not be adults.

[David Borey]

No, these are like, teen. They were like, teens.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Imagine somebody.

[David Borey]

No, I'm not just watching an adult's first date. I thought this was some weird morning weirdo.

[Monet X Change]

But if you're an adult, you don't go on a first date to a Chili's. I go to a respectable place like Cheesecake Factory. That's okay.

[Langston Kerman]

That menu's too small.

[David Borey]

Go to the Cheesecake Factory.

[Monet X Change]

I have to Bible when I'm ordering my food.

[David Borey]

Honey, honestly, you. You could run Cheesecake Factory up the first three. Realistically, let me tell you something.

[Monet X Change]

I know. There was that whole thing, controversy about that woman who got mad at a man to go to Cheesecake Factory. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Cheesecake Factory, to me, is delay. There are so many options. There's A panoply of different things. You're gonna have to satiate every taste but in your mouth.

[David Borey]

No, it's always a prime location. When you go to cheesecake. Then we can go see a movie. We can go shopping. There's always a bunch of shit to.

[Langston Kerman]

Arrest them in bad neighborhoods. No, Never somewhere you want to be.

[Monet X Change]

I. I was in Beverly Hills this morning. There's a Cheesecake Factory in Beverly Hills.

[David Borey]

Come on.

[Monet X Change]

So do rich folk get in Beverly Hills? No.

[Langston Kerman]

It's too.

[David Borey]

That was a tough time for us when that came out.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

Cause it's like, I don't think that you're paying attention to what cheesecake is doing. I don't think you respect cheesecake.

[Langston Kerman]

No. It felt attention seeking in a way that really made me feel sad for us, you know what I mean? Where it's just a lady talking.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You don't mean this.

[Monet X Change]

You don't mean this at all.

[Langston Kerman]

You just had a bad date and it didn't work, or you didn't like the way he looked when you showed up, and you made it the excuse, but you're just attention seeking. And we fed into it and argued with her and made it this whole thing. It's like, come on, y'all. Something's gotta be objective. Cheesecake Factory is a delightful meal that anybody can enjoy at any time.

[Monet X Change]

100%.

[David Borey]

I agree.

[Langston Kerman]

We're all lucky to be there.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Yeah.

[David Borey]

And we're all happy to be there.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

Everybody's smiling.

[Monet X Change]

I'm elated to be there today.

[David Borey]

Everybody's smiling.

[Langston Kerman]

There's no theme. It's just nonsense.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Sushi and fajitas. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

It's like, classy nonsense.

[David Borey]

It feels like you're eating in a hotel lobby. That's fun for me, man.

[Langston Kerman]

Play Chugg e Cheese with your guts. Just fucking do it.

[David Borey]

There's weirdly no kids ever in there.

[Monet X Change]

No.

[Langston Kerman]

You don't waste money on Cheesecake Factory. On children.

[David Borey]

How old would. Until you take your children to Cheesecake Factory?

[Langston Kerman]

No, I. Unfortunately, we went to Hawaii for a conference my wife had had, and the one of the only restaurants nearby was a Cheesecake Factory. And so I did have to, like, spend money.

[David Borey]

You sound upset.

[Langston Kerman]

I hated it. I had to spend money getting them Cheesecake Factory quality stuff for my daughter to, like, half eat it and, you know, spit in it and damn. You know what I mean? Where you're like, it's not even salvageable.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I mean?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm you.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Yeah.

[David Borey]

Yeah. That's the tough. Damn.

[Monet X Change]

I Mean, I. I was never that kid. From the time I could. The time I could drink or eat, I was eating every morsel of food that ever came across. My parents did not waste not. They did not waste that thing with me. I was a garbage disposal as a kid. 100%.

[David Borey]

Yeah, that's that freshman 55.

[Monet X Change]

That freshman 55 for sure.

[Langston Kerman]

So one of the things that I found out, which I didn't know, and you asked this question earlier as it pertains to why black IPs. Why not. Why not a pinto, whatever it is. It turns out that this is da da da. Born in slavery.

[Monet X Change]

Slavery.

[Langston Kerman]

Slavery. The black ip, as it turns out, is not native to America. This isn't like an American ass being. It comes from West Africa. Wow.

[David Borey]

They do have a lot of the same shit. And that makes sense to me.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. So it first made its way this way on the transatlantic slave trade.

[David Borey]

Then they let em have peas down there, I guess.

[Langston Kerman]

I think maybe it started as a white meal probably. It was like, oh, we got these new. Got these new beans, y'all. These shit's hitting.

[Monet X Change]

Check these out.

[Langston Kerman]

Check it out. You trying to try something new.

[David Borey]

They're trash about beans, but I don't like white people beans very much.

[Langston Kerman]

My guess is to that point they didn't know what to do with em. Right. Because it's not necessarily like a straightforward me.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Right. It takes sort of a process and there's a specificity to the. To the seasoning of it that makes it delicious. Black Eyed peas by themselves are ass.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, they're trash.

[David Borey]

Right? I've never. Just like a plane.

[Langston Kerman]

You have to be a psychopath.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Which the old white people were. They were psychopaths. They didn't know what to do with it. They handed it over to the slaves. Now, the slaves started after the Civil War ends, start using the Black Eyed Peas as a sign of survival. That, like, this is our perseverance because we've made it. As long as we've gotten our freedom and gotten control of this thing that didn't even originate here, but now lives here with us. It was like a beautiful metaphor for sort of starting back. And that's where the tradition comes from.

[Monet X Change]

Got it. Okay. See, look at.

[David Borey]

Well, see, that's beautiful.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. I may start cooking them black eyed.

[Langston Kerman]

Beans out there now. Unfortunately, it doesn't actually offer prosperity. I think that's just slave talk, frankly.

[David Borey]

God damn it.

[Langston Kerman]

I think that's some silly slave talk. In the same way. Follow the drinking gourd.

[Monet X Change]

You know what I mean, follow the drinking gourd.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, they had to. And it worked, kind of, but it wasn't gonna free us up, just a few of us.

[David Borey]

This always ends feeling like this. We always feel like this at the end.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I think this has been our most uplifting episode yet.

[David Borey]

I've been having a great time.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, David. Yet.

[David Borey]

Excuse me. I'm sorry.

[Langston Kerman]

It was due to a feces thrown.

[Monet X Change]

All over the walls, the floor, the.

[Langston Kerman]

Cell, and it stunk so bad.

[Monet X Change]

Is this someone talking about a chimpanzee?

[David Borey]

It was Michael Jackson.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes, it was Michael Jackson, but he wasn't talking about a chimpanzee. He was talking about, if I'm not mistaken, a assault that happened on him when he went to prison. Remember, he had, like, to spend time in jail and he redescribed his having to strip for the police and all of it. Michael Jackson, he made the King of Pop. He went to jail, he had to get strip searched. He was abused, he claimed. And when he was in jail, they put him in a cell that was covered in doo doo and feces and it stunk so bad.

[Monet X Change]

What? Wow.

[David Borey]

I didn't know that.

[Monet X Change]

I've never heard of this ever in my life.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, he's been arrested multiple times. I think you know why.

[Monet X Change]

Right, Crippy.

[Langston Kerman]

Wow, they finally found out what gang he's in.

[Monet X Change]

Well, he also had so much bass in his voice in this interview, like, I was.

[David Borey]

Oh, well, I mean, this is another. That's another conspiracy theory. A lot of people.

[Langston Kerman]

Have you heard that conspiracy.

[Monet X Change]

That wasn't his real voice.

[David Borey]

He had a. He had a Gary, Indiana voice.

[Langston Kerman]

Ah.

[Monet X Change]

A lot of people went on the other one.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

A lot of people who knew him personally say he spoke in a very deep voice and it was completely fabricated. And I go, that makes so much more sense.

[David Borey]

Yeah, I believe that.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, he literally became a different color, like, over the span of however many years. Like, the voice is an easier thing to manage.

[David Borey]

And so his whole life was built on the physical not matching the actions. Right?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

Because you look at him as a businessman and all that. He was ruthless. But then he just did this, like, thing. So we would not think that he was like a.

[Langston Kerman]

But it also is like, well, we never got to hear your real human voice anyway. You started as a child, and then the second that new voice kicked in, you pitched it down and you never. We never even got a sense that this was. So we were just like. I guess that's just how Michael talked.

[David Borey]

What if Mike had, like, a Mixtape where he, like, he just sounds like Charlie Murphy.

[Monet X Change]

I'll be into that shit. That's all good. That'd be dope as fuck.

[Langston Kerman]

Remember.

[Monet X Change]

Honestly, release the footage. No, that'll be dope.

[Langston Kerman]

He's got the deep voice from Boys to men. Interlude.

[Monet X Change]

Stuck in.

[David Borey]

Oh, my God.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, damn, girl.

[David Borey]

Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson reference track.

[Monet X Change]

You over there.

[Langston Kerman]

You over there on your throne with Eddie Murphy when you should be with me. The Pharaoh, I think.

[Monet X Change]

And he was. He was ruthless. He, like, bought, like, the Beatles catalog and all kind of crazy.

[David Borey]

He told him he was gonna do it. Like, he told him he was gonna do it. And then Paul McCartney tried to get it back, and he was like, that's just business. If I know that you don't talk like that and you say that shit to me after you bought my shit.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I will say that. That has always been my issue with the way that people have drawn the line on Michael Jackson. Right.

[David Borey]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

Is that they always treat it like either he was the most vile monster of all time or he was a goddamn angel. He was heaven sent to us from the Lord, and we just didn't understand. And it's like, no, he can be a dirtbag and not also the worst guy in every circumstance. And I'm not saying he wasn't. I'm merely saying to draw the line and be like, he's an angel to me is like, it's crazy.

[David Borey]

I don't think you can get to that level of success without being somewhat of a shark. Right.

[Langston Kerman]

We saw it over and over again. He was a. He was a bad guy. It's just a question of whether or not he was a pedophile. And I don't know that the question is that much of a question anymore.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Now we end the way we end.

[David Borey]

We almost. We almost got away with it. We almost got out of here.

[Monet X Change]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

There is one more thing I can say I can tell you before we get out of here. Maybe we'll take a break and we'll come back for the great. We're going to take one more break. We'll come back for this last piece of information.

[Monet X Change]

Okay?

[Langston Kerman]

More Monet. Exchange.

[David Borey]

More.

[Langston Kerman]

My Mama Told me.

[David Borey]

Let's go.

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[Monet X Change]

Why you coming home? Something's going on. Can I smell your dick?

[Langston Kerman]

You're familiar with that?

[Monet X Change]

I have done this to several people in my life.

[David Borey]

Really? Did it work?

[Monet X Change]

No, it didn't. I love that.

[Langston Kerman]

That means you were like you in this round. Touche, motherfucker.

[David Borey]

I got you. Don't think.

[Langston Kerman]

This ends the conversation.

[David Borey]

And.

[Monet X Change]

And just think. And I know I'm right. I'm like, ooh, I got him this time. And I'm like, never mind.

[David Borey]

Here's the question though. Was it disheveled?

[Monet X Change]

No. Damn, no. No. I had no ocular.

[David Borey]

Just straight up in the pants dick.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, in the pants there. Just a regular old in the pants ass dick.

[David Borey]

That's gotta be humbling.

[Monet X Change]

It is humbling. And you feel like a fool, then you gotta do some extra shit to apologize. And now I'm here getting my backbone out for two hours. And I'm tired, my neck hurts.

[David Borey]

Goddamn two hours.

[Monet X Change]

I know, it's a lot.

[David Borey]

It's horrible, man.

[Monet X Change]

It's terrible. I think sex should not be longer than 15 minutes.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. If it exceeds it, I'm out.

[Monet X Change]

That's good. Fifteen minutes is enough time for everybody to do everything they need and get what they need.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on.

[Monet X Change]

I got stuff to do in the morning.

[Langston Kerman]

I think two hours is for psychopaths and illusionists.

[David Borey]

I think it's for 21 year olds.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I mean? It's like either you're Sting and you're like meditating to do this shit, or you're a true just psychopath who heard one Jodeci song and was like, yeah, I'mma do that. Fucking maniac. What are you talking about?

[Monet X Change]

It's out of control. It's out of control. No.

[Langston Kerman]

Go to bed.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. You don't got shit to you got to do with your time.

[David Borey]

No, sorry. I'm also thinking if I was on the other end of getting my dick smelled, you better not say shit to me for a week.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's go.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, really?

[Langston Kerman]

Say something. What's that smell?

[Monet X Change]

Oh, no.

[David Borey]

Yeah, that's right. I'll be in the basement playing video games. I expect to get some later.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't care who it come from, but better be on the table by 5:00pm oh, man.

[David Borey]

Have you ever got your dick smell?

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[David Borey]

No.

[Monet X Change]

Me either.

[Langston Kerman]

Nobody's ever. I talk. I've talked to you about this, I think before My wife. My wife has zero doubt that I'll like. Doesn't even believe for a second that I'll cheat on her.

[Monet X Change]

Why?

[Langston Kerman]

And that makes me so mad.

[Monet X Change]

Why?

[David Borey]

He's actually a good guy.

[Langston Kerman]

It makes me furious. She doesn't track my phone. She ain't smell. I be coming home at odd hours with very little explanation. And she wakes up, fine. There's no argument, nothing.

[Monet X Change]

That's beautiful.

[David Borey]

Oh, but you want to. Want. You want to feel like I could.

[Langston Kerman]

Be fucking right now.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, she crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't have to do this. I believe in this.

[David Borey]

Fengston, are you fucking right now?

[Monet X Change]

No, I'm with you and Monet.

[David Borey]

Yes, exactly. I think it sucks. We're not all built to get our dick smelled. We're just not. All that time. I'm not that guy. I'm not that guy either.

[Langston Kerman]

I ain't got it. Yeah, I ain't got it. One of the things that I started thinking about is why, given the fact that Black Eyed Peas are sort of like, ubiquitous in the black community, where we go like that is part of the New Year's tradition. American black. I don't know if it's the same in Sierra Leone.

[David Borey]

Got it all.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay. American black. It feels synonymous with sort of the New Year's experience.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Why have white people not tried to steal it yet?

[David Borey]

That's interesting. I feel like there are some foods that feel like they have not even gotten to yet.

[Langston Kerman]

But why? It's not a rare. You know what I mean? Like, you gotta, like, work to find it as being anymore.

[David Borey]

Is it presentation? Maybe.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know. But part of me then wonders if that is them wanting us to play into this for the damage of, like, it damages us more than we realize. Like. And part of it is the way soul food is cooked objectively makes it unhealthy. Black Eyed Peas on their own are actually high in fiber and protein and shit. But you put enough salt and sort of shit in it, it becomes a different meal.

[Monet X Change]

I think that they've tried, but to no avail. Like, I think. I think I remember seeing Rachel Ray Ash try to cook it on her show one time.

[Langston Kerman]

Whoa.

[Monet X Change]

And I think someone tried it on the show. The person does. She's like, they couldn't even fake the phone. And they quickly cut to commercial. So I think they have tried, but they couldn't. So I think they just can't. They can't harness the supercalifragilistic power.

[Langston Kerman]

It's too deep.

[Monet X Change]

It's too deep in us. They can't make a good. So, you know, we're gonna leave it alone.

[Langston Kerman]

So truly, just. They bend the knee to Black Eyed Peas.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, but I. But, but, but macaroni and cheese, though. White folk are out here on TikTok fucking up the macaroni and cheese. I be saying, I'm like, that dude look good.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Borey]

What I worry about with white Mac and cheese is that they are investing in Mac and cheese technology in a way that we are not. Does that make sense?

[Monet X Change]

Yes.

[David Borey]

Right now. Now it is stupid. It is stupid to put breadcrumbs or whatever.

[Monet X Change]

The dumb shit I thought was somebody put dates.

[David Borey]

Right. But that's what I'm saying is they are investing in future technologies that at some point, I worry that that investment is going to pay. Like they're stupid right now, because they're stupid, stupid people.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

But like, at some point, innovation.

[Langston Kerman]

They're taking the same risks that hip hop was taking. Do you know what I mean?

[David Borey]

Yes. They're hip, hoppy, macaroni and cheese.

[Langston Kerman]

It's just trying something that doesn't exist. And people are gonna call it dumb. They're gonna say, get your ass off the street and get a job. But if you believe in it enough, you can make Biggie Smalls.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And they're gonna make Biggie Smalls out of Mac and Cheese.

[David Borey]

I was gonna go with Alexander Graham Bell and the light bulb filament. That was better. No, that was better. Mine was bad. Mine was bad. Yours was good. That was.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. So this might also pour over into Black Eyed Peas. Maybe they gonna try and start making good black IPs.

[Langston Kerman]

I think it's coming.

[Monet X Change]

I think it might be coming.

[David Borey]

I feel like they're getting so experimental with the Internet. You know what it is? I feel like the Internet is showing them how corny their shit was and they're starting to branch out in the privacy of their own homes.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

And that's where we need to worry about. That's gonna be World War II. Three.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it's.

[Monet X Change]

I think so.

[Langston Kerman]

You can sort of see it even in the way that, like, all the. The weird white supremacist people kind of act like black people.

[David Borey]

Everybody on the Internet acts like black people. The Internet is a black neighborhood.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

And if you were raised on the Internet, you That's. It's just. It's like being raised in New York City or some shit, like, colloquially. Like, that's what it is.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

Young people on the Internet talk like. Like regardless. Regardless of what they're.

[Langston Kerman]

They Truly will hate our guts. And like. Yeah, like my cousin, what is this?

[Monet X Change]

It's crazy because it's just.

[David Borey]

It's just the. It's just the, like the parlance of the. The place. That's just how people Talking nuts.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

God damn.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Quantum black culture is definitely a skill, and they have mastered that skill.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, here's what I'll tell you.

[David Borey]

I'm worried, but that's why we were talking earlier about the dancing, man. They're getting. They're getting too good at dancing.

[Langston Kerman]

They're very good at dancing now.

[David Borey]

But part of me does feel like this country started going to shit when they stopped dancing because they had their own dances and they liked it. Yeah, go back to the Lindy hoppin sh.

[Monet X Change]

Get the washing machine, bro.

[David Borey]

They were going crazy. And then at some point, I feel like it's like hair metal, the mid-80s, late-80s type shit. They just stopped culturally. Listen, you're smiling. You were a B boy. I know it. But no, they just stopped. And then all of a sudden. Because the stereotype wasn't that they didn't have rhythm or couldn't dance till, like, fairly recently.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, you think it's more of a recent insertion.

[David Borey]

I don't think that they. They. They were dancing.

[Monet X Change]

They were. But they were. They were so stupid. The, The. The. The.

[David Borey]

But that's. That's. I'm. I'm not even talking about that. That's even. That's even recent. The stupid white guy. There were white guys in the 80s who were like, I can fucking dance.

[Monet X Change]

Really?

[David Borey]

Yeah. That shit is like, that's new. Where they're like, I'm just a dumb white guy. I got a little dick and I can't dance. I. And while it was a great time.

[Langston Kerman]

For us, I worry, I suspect that it's more recent than you're giving or rather further back than you're giving it credit for.

[David Borey]

That they weren't dancing.

[Langston Kerman]

That they weren't dancing. I think if you are doing the fox with your lady love and then you look out at your slaves and they're footworking, you're gonna feel like a fucking idiot.

[David Borey]

Interesting.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I mean? Like, you're watching, like, true, like African dance at its. At its essence. These are people expressing for the pure, like, love of the game. They're dancing their asses off. It's all they fucking have have. And you're in there, like, doing this upright where you just move in a circle. You're going to feel like an. And you start getting jealous. And then Maybe you don't want to dance with them.

[David Borey]

That's how Soul Train started.

[Langston Kerman]

There you go.

[David Borey]

Somebody videotaped it.

[Monet X Change]

And then also to look out in the window and see that not only can they do their thing good, but they're mimicking what you're doing it and doing it better than you.

[Langston Kerman]

They look so cool.

[Monet X Change]

It looks so cool. Like, to look at it and see the slaves on the foxtrot and waltz, you're like, damn, they made that shit look good. How did they learn how to do that?

[Langston Kerman]

And that's angry. Like, take. Take Jebediah's pants away. Now you got to work with no pants.

[Monet X Change]

They're like, take his shins.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't like the way he dances. He's making me mad.

[David Borey]

Yeah, man. I do wish we had some videos of slave dances. It sounds crazy to say, but now that would be nice, right?

[Langston Kerman]

Would you want to sit and watch slaves dance?

[David Borey]

This feels like a trap.

[Monet X Change]

You said it.

[Langston Kerman]

I wanna watch that, man.

[David Borey]

I would wanna see the way you described it just now. Yeah, I would wanna see that.

[Langston Kerman]

Damn.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I would wanna see that. You know, one of the oldest recorded dragoons we have in history was a slave. His name was William Dorsey Smith.

[Langston Kerman]

Whoa.

[David Borey]

Really?

[Monet X Change]

He was doing drag up in the plantation, getting, like, things and adorning himself and doing drag balls.

[David Borey]

Wow. Do they have footage?

[Monet X Change]

There's pictures. No, obviously no video footage, but pictures.

[David Borey]

That's impressive.

[Monet X Change]

I know.

[Langston Kerman]

Was it called drag then?

[Monet X Change]

I don't think it was called drag. No, it was called drag. And the thing about it. Cause, you know, there's such a divide with, like, especially in the black community, like, femininity, blah, blah, blah, all that stuff. But back then, all the slaves, everyone would come to these drag balls and, like, watch it because it was a form of entertainment for all the enslaved folk. And it wasn't looked as weird. Or you're doing this feminine thing, like, we want you out of here. Like, everyone came and enjoyed these drag. Drag balls. Yeah, it was great. Damn.

[David Borey]

And I would. I just want to see a video. I mean, that's crazy. I think I'm a bad guy. You know what I mean? It sounds like I've seen drag in my life now. I like to see how far the art form is about, I guess.

[Langston Kerman]

I. To me, when you suggest that the videos exist, there's a community that comes to mind.

[David Borey]

Who's watching those?

[Langston Kerman]

Where I go. So who am I gonna invite over and be like, hey, you wanna watch some slaves dance?

[David Borey]

I'm doing it alone in my house. That's crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

But then that scares me that everybody. The only way to watch this is alone. That feels like you start forming nasty.

[David Borey]

I mean, are you going to a slave dance party to watch?

[Langston Kerman]

I hope not. And that's why I hope that footage doesn't exist.

[David Borey]

This was so much more complicated. I just wanna see the freedom of an attraction. It was like. Now it's so. It's become political.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm sorry.

[David Borey]

You described a beautiful thing. I would like to see it. That's all that I'm saying.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry your GOP brain can't open up enough to the lived experiences of other human beings.

[David Borey]

Listen, we got about 20 more days for you to talk to me like that.

[Langston Kerman]

This is going to be a new guy in town. I think you're gonna watch your goddamn mouth.

[David Borey]

Wait till you see my guess.

[Monet X Change]

Oh God. Imagine.

[Langston Kerman]

The last little.

[David Borey]

Also, I'm not a Republican.

[Langston Kerman]

No, no, no, he's not a Republican. It's fun to call him one though.

[David Borey]

Yeah, it is funny.

[Monet X Change]

No, these. Did you guys hear on. On the thing and they were like, I heard that David at blah blah blah.

[Langston Kerman]

Huh?

[Monet X Change]

Was, you know.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

Honestly, I hope so. I got 26,000 followers. Run it up. Trying to buy a house. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's get some nasty pervasive things spreading about you. The last little piece of information.

[David Borey]

How did he fuck Countess Vaughn?

[Monet X Change]

He wants.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's talk about that.

[Monet X Change]

Oh my God.

[Langston Kerman]

Countess Vaughn. Where do you stand as her being a. A baddie. Not. We can ignore your opinions on her talent. That's a different day.

[Monet X Change]

Uh huh.

[Langston Kerman]

Just objectively fine or not fine as.

[Monet X Change]

In the daughter on the Parkers.

[Langston Kerman]

That's right.

[Monet X Change]

I haven't seen her recently, but. Okay, I'm gonna look at her in that era. And in that era. She was a baddie.

[David Borey]

Let's go.

[Monet X Change]

She was a baddie in that era.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on.

[Monet X Change]

Sure. Seduce Usher like Connie's mom was stacked. From what I remember.

[David Borey]

Come on.

[Monet X Change]

She had a booty. She had big titties.

[David Borey]

Oh yeah.

[Monet X Change]

And the waist to asp.

[David Borey]

Come on.

[Monet X Change]

From what I remember, she was a baddie.

[David Borey]

Yep.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[Monet X Change]

And she had that. And she had that 627, y'all. This won't mean anything to y'all. That 627 honey blonde hair.

[David Borey]

Oh, come on.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, come on. That's that. We talked about that last episode.

[Monet X Change]

Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

We were just on that. See you late because we was just talking about that.

[David Borey]

We've been.

[Langston Kerman]

I like that honey bun. That's the one that got me all rocked up.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, she's a baddie. She's a baddie for sure.

[Langston Kerman]

Thank you. It remains a point of disagreement between.

[Monet X Change]

Really? Okay, wait. Why do you think she's not a baddie?

[Langston Kerman]

And maybe. Maybe I'll admit this, Maybe some of this is coming from a recency bias that I can't escape, but I genuinely do not remember ever feeling any version of, like, oh, she's supposed to be fine, too. Like, that was never the.

[David Borey]

You gotta think outside the box.

[Langston Kerman]

It's part of why the beef between her and Brandi existed was like.

[David Borey]

Well, most shit was a bit. That was what that showed.

[Langston Kerman]

And it was just her calling her fat every day. And then I think it started to bleed into their actual, like, relationship. Cause it is like, you're so. Every script is just you being like, shut your fat ass up, Kim. And then. You know what I mean? Like, it was crazy how she talked to her.

[David Borey]

Then she got her own show.

[Monet X Change]

Then she got her own show.

[Langston Kerman]

Then she got her own show.

[Monet X Change]

And.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

No, hey, Professor Alchemy.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. She was just meant to be annoying and.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And singing.

[Monet X Change]

Interesting. Oh, I forgot. She was originally on Moesha first.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Spin off.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. She was a main character on Moesha the whole time.

[Monet X Change]

Right?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Props to you, Countess.

[David Borey]

Countess, for you.

[Monet X Change]

You're a baddest of me and David.

[David Borey]

Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

And, hey, you represent something important in my life. So don't think for a second you don't hold value, even though I'm not attracted to you in the least.

[David Borey]

Damn, that's crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

That seems reasonable. Y'all accused me of being a monst. I had to defend myself. You told on me, the Countess?

[Monet X Change]

She wasn't even in this.

[Langston Kerman]

You're like, countess, if you out there, what's up? All right, now she here. Now I gotta explain myself.

[David Borey]

Countess, if you'd like to come on the show, you could smell. That was crazy. I realized it as soon as I said it. That was not correct. What were you about to do? I was gonna say you could smell dick.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

What are you doing?

[David Borey]

No, it's just. I'm all confused.

[Langston Kerman]

I think we did it.

[David Borey]

I think we did something.

[Langston Kerman]

I think this was really fun.

[David Borey]

This was great.

[Monet X Change]

We had a great time.

[Langston Kerman]

Monet, could you tell the people where they can find you what cool shit you got going on?

[Monet X Change]

Yes, I am going on tour throughout. I'm doing 15 cities in the states. So go to Monet, Xchange.com. m, O, N, E, T, the letter X, the word change. And you can Find me on all social media at that same Monet Xchange on everything except TikTok so much. Someone before I got a chance to do it, some shady queen stole my handle, and now I have to be the Monet x change on TikTok.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, that's nasty.

[Monet X Change]

I know.

[David Borey]

Are they posting, like, fan parodies?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, shit like that.

[David Borey]

It's like they were.

[Monet X Change]

Well, they were for a while and then they stopped. So I'm like, just give it back.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. What are you doing?

[David Borey]

That's crazy.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, it's like when someone buys your domain, you gotta. You gotta pay, like, $10,000 for your thing.

[David Borey]

Oh, okay.

[Monet X Change]

But, yeah, so that's where you can find me.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm gonna be honest with you. Yeah, mine was available right away. I checked, and they were like, yeah, that's cool.

[Monet X Change]

And also, if you want me to smell your dick on tour, you can do that, too. All the meet and greets. I will smell every dick that who.

[Langston Kerman]

Asks me to do it.

[David Borey]

That is bull.

[Langston Kerman]

That's a crazy thing to say.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, why not?

[David Borey]

I love it.

[Monet X Change]

I like to give back to the community, you know?

[David Borey]

Give it back. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Vori, you want to talk, you can.

[David Borey]

Find me on TikTok on. I will be holding you ransom. I'm just a big fan with some parody videos. No cool guy jokes. 87 on Instagram patreon.com davidbory My self produced special, birth of a Nation with the G is so good. Buy it. It's so good. Buy one for you, your loved ones. I don't know how digital copies work. Yeah, maybe they're downloading it illegally. I don't know how. That's all okay, but, you know, try to make some more money this year.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I want that for you.

[Monet X Change]

The Black Eyed Peas looking. The Black Eyed Peas.

[David Borey]

You said it didn't work for you.

[Monet X Change]

It might work for you.

[David Borey]

Damn. That is a mean way to call me. Broke, she said. Ah, but maybe you could. You do your little thing. Maybe it could help you out.

[Langston Kerman]

Hey, whatever makes you feel good, baby.

[David Borey]

Langston, where are you at?

[Langston Kerman]

You can follow me, Langston Kerman on all social media platforms. And you can watch my special, it's on Netflix. It's called Bad Poetry. And if you want to send us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories, if you want to tell us what your people cook on New Year's, and I do mean your people in a derogatory way, what your people cook on New Year's, send it all to mymamapodmail.com, we would love to hear from you and buy the merch. Like subscribe or you can call us at 844 Lil Moms and eat some black eyed peas y'all. Bye bitch. My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and I Heart Podcast, created and hosted by Langston Kern, co hosted by David.

[David Borey]

Bore executive produced by Will Ferrell Hansani.

[Langston Kerman]

And Olivia Aguilar co produced by Bay.

[David Borey]

Wayne Edited and engineered by Justin Kah.

[Langston Kerman]

Music by Nick Chambers artwork by Dogon Krieger. You can now watch episodes of My Mama told me on YouTube, follow at my Mama Told Me and subscribe to our channel.

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[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Tim Allen]

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