New Year, New Black-Eyed Peas with Monét X Change (RE-RELEASE)

Summary

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My Momma Told Me

Podcast: My Momma Told Me (Big Money Players Network / iHeartPodcasts)
Episode: New Year, New Black-Eyed Peas with Monét X Change (RE-RELEASE)
Date: January 1, 2026
Host(s): Langston Kerman, David Gborie
Guest: Monét X Change

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Episode Overview

This re-released New Year's Day episode of My Momma Told Me features comedian, drag superstar, and podcaster Monét X Change joining Langston Kerman and David Gborie for a deep, hilarious exploration of the Black American tradition of eating black-eyed peas on New Year's Day. The crew dissects the superstition, riffs on Black culture, debunks some food myths, and meanders through beauty standards, food conspiracies, and the relentless march of white culinary appropriation. As always, the conversation is loaded with signature humor, sidebars, and a touch of irreverent reflection.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Black-Eyed Peas on New Year's: Origins and Skepticism (15:13, 40:06)

• Tradition Laid Out: Monét shares her upbringing around the black-eyed pea tradition for New Year's, meant for prosperity and good luck (15:32).
  • "My mama told me you eat black eyed peas on New Year’s...I think it's tied into bringing you good fortune and wealth and riches." (Monét, 15:32)
• Skepticism & Personal Experience: Monét admits years of making black-eyed peas, only to conclude nothing changed in her fortunes—she suspects it's more marketing than magic (15:49, 32:09).
  • "It ain't shit change and I think that...I just think it's just something we have been duped into doing to make us buy more Black Eyed Peas..." (Monét, 15:49, 17:33)
• Origins Uncovered: Langston reveals the tradition is deeply rooted in the transatlantic slave trade—black-eyed peas came from West Africa, symbolizing survival and perseverance post-slavery (40:21).
  • "This is da da, da. Born in slavery...Black Eyed Peas...is not native to America...comes from West Africa." (Langston, 40:21)
• False Promise of Prosperity: The crew concludes that while the tradition is meaningful, it likely began as a symbolic act rather than a surefire magical solution for wealth (42:12).

2. Black Culture, Celebrity, and Conspiracies (02:19, 04:23, 06:11)

• Tyrese Gibson Is a Simulation?: Langston floats a tongue-in-cheek conspiracy that Tyrese isn’t real, but a recurring simulation created by powers-that-be to keep society in stasis (04:23).
  • "I don't think Tyrese Gibson is a real person...there is a power that be that is probably bigger than the US Government to maintain the illusion of Tyrese Gibson." (Langston, 04:23-05:24)
• Tyson Beckford’s Unbelievability: Monét and the hosts joke that someone as handsome as Tyson Beckford can't be real. If he is, he's proof that sometimes "God gives with both hands" (07:27, 08:28).
• Sidebars on Fame & Black Icons: Fast-paced riffs touch on celebrity randomness, the odd trajectories of Black stars, and whether media images are fabricated or simply reflect reality.

3. Food, Race, and Cultural Appropriation (19:21, 21:09, 53:13)

• Vegetable, Fruit, or Legume?: Playful confusion about what counts as a veggie; education on tomatoes as berries, bananas as genetically-engineered berries, and Gen-Z’s attempt to breed the black out of bananas (19:21-20:33).
• Food Preferences & Class: Disdain for certain fruit (Monét hates watermelon), appreciation of mangoes in the Caribbean, and the sadness of Midwestern "beaches" vs. real island life (21:00-24:23).
• Why Haven't White Folks Appropriated Black-Eyed Peas?: The hosts wonder why some soul food, like black-eyed peas on New Year’s, seem immune to white mainstreaming, speculating it may be a mix of taste, tradition, and culinary complexity (53:13).
  • "Why have white people not tried to steal it yet?" (Langston, 53:38)
• Warning About Mac & Cheese: The group warns that while white folks have fumbled soul food classics, their relentless "innovation" (adding breadcrumbs, dates, etc.) could eventually create a new classic (55:13).
  • "They are investing in Mac and cheese technology in a way that we are not...at some point I worry that that investment is going to pay." (David, 55:13)

4. Fun Tangents: Pop Music, Sex, Dating & More

• Britney Spears as a Reggae Artist? (12:09, 13:53)
  • Monét defends a teenage memory of Britney dropping a reggae banger – "the hookup" – and after a YouTube listen, the crew agrees it’s kind of a bop.
• Cheesecake Factory & Chili’s Discourse (36:12, 37:12)
  • They defend The Cheesecake Factory as a perfectly respectable date spot—"something for every taste bud."
• Sex, Intimacy, and Dick-Sniffing (49:32, 50:58)
  • Monét confesses to having tried “Can I smell your dick?” on partners; it never works and only embarrasses her. The group concludes sex should max out at 15 minutes: "I'm about to. I got two in the morning." (Langston, 50:59)
• Slave Dances, Drag Balls, and Black LGBTQ History (60:40)
  • Monét shares that William Dorsey Swann, an enslaved man, is one of the earliest-known drag queens who held drag balls for his community—subtly highlighting the roots of Black LGBTQ culture.

5. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Black-Eyed Peas:
  • "I just think it’s something we have been duped into doing – big Black-Eyed Peas making us buy all these black IPs." (Monét, 17:33)
  • "Turns out this is...born in slavery. The black-eyed pea...comes from West Africa." (Langston, 40:21)
• On Tyrese Gibson:
  • "I don't think Tyrese...is a real person...I think we’re all experiencing a collective hallucination." (Langston, 04:23)
• On White Culinary Innovation:
  • "They are investing in future technologies that at some point I worry that that investment is going to pay...They’re hip hopping macaroni and cheese." (Langston & David, 55:13-55:54)
• On Sex:
  • "I think sex should not be longer than 15 minutes." (Monét, 50:50)
• On Black Culture Online:
  • "The Internet is a black neighborhood." (David, 57:02)

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Detailed Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:19] – Introduction & Superman as a Black Man Conspiracy
• [04:23] – Langston’s “Tyrese Isn’t Real” Theory
• [06:11] – Debate on Tyson Beckford’s Existence
• [15:11] – Monét Introduces Black-Eyed Peas New Year's Theory
• [17:33] – Skepticism: "Big Black-Eyed Peas" Pushing the Tradition
• [32:09] – Monét Details When She Lost Faith in the Tradition
• [36:12-39:02] – Cheesecake Factory and Chili’s Dating Debate
• [40:06-42:12] – Actual Origins: Enslavement, Survival, and Symbolism
• [49:32-51:24] – “Can I Smell Your Dick?” & Sex Length Riff
• [53:13] – Why Black-Eyed Peas Haven't Been Appropriated
• [55:13-56:06] – White Innovation in Mac and Cheese Technology
• [60:40] – Early Black Drag Queens in History (William Dorsey Swann)
• [67:05] – Where to Find Monét X Change

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Tone and Style

The episode is high-energy, playful, and deeply irreverent—riffs bounce between wild tangents and heartfelt discussions, loaded with explicit language and comedic roasting. The hosts and guest are quick to joke at their own and each other’s expense, deeply invested in both the traditions of Black culture and satirizing their quirks.

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Conclusion

The episode expertly weaves together humor, skepticism, genuine cultural insight, and Black history under the pretense of debunking a classic New Year's folk belief. Monét X Change brings Caribbean flavor and perspective, while Langston and David keep the conversation both grounded in cultural history and unmoored in comic possibility. By the end, the tradition of black-eyed peas on New Year’s is honored, roasted, and placed in its proper context: a symbol of survival, not just a magical bean for prosperity—a tradition worth keeping, but only with the right seasoning.

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Where to Find the Guests

• Monét X Change: monetxchange.com / @MonetXChange on social media (except TikTok: @themonetxchange)
• Langston Kerman: @LangstonKerman / Netflix Special Bad Poetry
• David Gborie: @CoolGuyJokes87 / Patreon / Self-produced special Birth of a Nation (with the G)

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For more wild Black conspiracy theories and real talk, subscribe and follow My Momma Told Me wherever you listen to podcasts.

Transcript

[Langston Kerman]

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[Langston Kerman]

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[Langston Kerman]

Look how crazy it is that that at some point two people decided to introduce Superman. And Superman has now become ubiquitous in sort of our lexicon in the human experience. Right? You don't think there's any possibility that there's some Imagineers sitting somewhere going, what if he's Superman but can't fly? What if he's just a black dude that kind of is Superman?

[David Bori]

That's what you think. That's. That's. That's not what they said about Tyson Beckford. If I was making him in a pot, I'd be like, all right, we're going to get an Asian guy.

[Monet X Change]

A little jerk chicken.

[David Bori]

In the end, he's gonna flip the whole cuz he's really gonna secretly be Jamaican and make him bump his hell.

[Langston Kerman]

Imagine an Asian flambe.

[Monet X Change]

He insides the back Burn.

[David Bori]

The government growing babies Microchips in your anus all.

[Langston Kerman]

Koala bears are racist.

[David Bori]

The ozone layer owes me money Washington Ben and turkey stuff y' all can't tell me nothing.

[Langston Kerman]

Whistle while you twerk Da da da da da da da Go ahead and start make that pussy fart Whistle while you twerk. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Gentiles and lil mamas alike, welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me, the podcast where.

[David Bori]

We dive deep into black conspiracy theories.

[Langston Kerman]

And we finally work to prove whatever stupid shit you already believe. Come on.

[David Bori]

Come on, dumbass.

[Langston Kerman]

We making you believe in your own garbage. Ain't that cool?

[David Bori]

We're just trying to feed the slop back to the pig.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, man. It's sad when you really break down what we do here.

[David Bori]

No, it's not a great job.

[Langston Kerman]

No. Shame on us.

[David Bori]

But better than the car wash, though.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I've been thinking about?

[Monet X Change]

What?

[Langston Kerman]

I. I don't think Tyrese is real.

[David Bori]

Go on.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, I don't. I don't think Tyrese. Tyrese Gibson is a real person.

[David Bori]

Called motherfucking boys, nigga. Fucking. You know nothing about that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bori]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

I think he's a figment of our.

[David Bori]

Imagination, like, collectively, like a collective hallucination.

[Langston Kerman]

I think we're. We're all experiencing, and I don't think it's like, magic. I want to be clear. I'm not. This isn't whimsy.

[David Bori]

It's like the Mandela effect.

[Langston Kerman]

I think that there is a active effort on the side of a power that be that is probably bigger than the US Government to maintain the illusion of Tyrese Gibson so that he can continue to spread his oddities and sort of, like, weird. It's like a constant reset of humanity because of his behavior. And in that way, it allows us to never progress past where we are.

[David Bori]

I love that. Here's my only comeback. Yep, it's been a long journey for Tyrese. I'm talking about from sweet lady. Yep. To Shayla. My Shayla. That's a long. That's a long con. Even before when he was in the Coca Cola commercials.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bori]

And in the My Way video. My favorite. Tyrese.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on.

[David Bori]

But I like that he. He's definitely holding us back.

[Langston Kerman]

And I say that for humanity, not for just.

[David Bori]

No, no.

[Langston Kerman]

It's not a black white thing.

[David Bori]

At that point, he does make me sad. Cause I do love Tyrese.

[Langston Kerman]

He's so good, man.

[David Bori]

He's so charming. He's the best dark skinned king.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on.

[David Bori]

Top tier. I thought that was going to be like a Wesley Snipes thing with. Oh. And then it got no, because I.

[Langston Kerman]

Think the algorithm took over. I don't think that Tyrese has never existed. I think he's.

[David Bori]

You think there always was a Tyrese.

[Langston Kerman]

I think he's like Neo in some ways, but almost an anti Neo.

[David Bori]

This is the fifth Tyrese.

[Langston Kerman]

This is our guest today. Remained so quiet during that.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, I thought I was supposed to be. No, you can come in, chime in at any time. Well, you say. Cause you didn't intro me, so that.

[David Bori]

Was fucked up on us.

[Langston Kerman]

I set you up poorly, and that's on me. Wow. We run such a loose operation over here. And I should have said that from. We don't abide by any traditional rules, that we've got no professional coaching.

[Monet X Change]

Okay. Okay.

[David Bori]

You know what I mean?

[Monet X Change]

I had so much to say, but I was on the lock and key over here and I felt that.

[Langston Kerman]

And I just felt it would have been irresponsible to not acknowledge the discomfort you were left in, and that's on me.

[Monet X Change]

Well, I want to acknowledge the discomfort that Tyrese has. Can I curse on here?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Has fucking did to all of us. I have had it with Tyrese. I don't want to say any more fucking posts in the Shade room about him. I am over Tyrese. But I will say, when you first said Tyrese, the first thing that came to mind was Tyson Beckford. And I was like, yeah, nobody that fine is real.

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[Monet X Change]

You know what I mean?

[David Bori]

You don't think Tyson Beckford is real?

[Monet X Change]

No, because he's too beautiful.

[Langston Kerman]

That's real.

[Monet X Change]

He has done nothing.

[David Bori]

Nothing.

[Monet X Change]

He's in good standing with everyone. Yeah.

[David Bori]

I think he's just a good guy.

[Monet X Change]

I think so. He's just.

[David Bori]

He's from Brooklyn, right?

[Monet X Change]

Is he from. Oh, he's from New York.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. No, he's like. And that's what's crazy about him too, is like the Claim is that he used to be like a street nigga.

[David Bori]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Tyson Beck would not know.

[Langston Kerman]

Street nigga Tyson Beckford loved God that he's like. He was like a street nigga. That was just like, I'm too fine for this. I gotta go clean it up.

[David Bori]

Which is like kind of the most amazing thing ever.

[Monet X Change]

100%.

[David Bori]

I'm too fine to be thugging.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bori]

That's the top of the mountain.

[Langston Kerman]

But you're still like street enough that n ain't gonna like beat you up.

[Monet X Change]

100%. But here's the thing. I think he's one of these people. You see him on TV and this motherfucker looks like he's like 6 foot 4. And you meet him, he's one of these fucking 4 foot 11 niggas.

[David Bori]

I don't think he's little.

[Langston Kerman]

No, I think he's like six, three.

[David Bori]

I think he's like a big nigga. I think he's just as like. I think sometimes God gives with both hands.

[Langston Kerman]

I think you are right.

[Monet X Change]

I said it's a pigment of our head.

[Langston Kerman]

I think that we made that up.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, but you know Tyrese, you know, and he has all for a moment. Cause he was making some good fucking music.

[David Bori]

Oh, yeah.

[Monet X Change]

And I said was because past tense. Have you ever heard the new shit?

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[Monet X Change]

No. I don't either. Well, just in case Tyrese comes on this podcast. I don't want to shade.

[Langston Kerman]

Listen, I think it is. This will get him here faster.

[David Bori]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I think we should be as messy as possible about Tyrese so that he can come back and defend his good name.

[David Bori]

I want to sing on here.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, you say something nasty about his voice, bro, you're going to get Ray J at the verses. Girl, you know what?

[David Bori]

That I can't take it. Because I love Tyrese's music too. That debrat song where he opens singing his own.

[Langston Kerman]

He's over.

[David Bori]

She said two things. He goes, that's the best. He did that before he knew he was going to be on that song. He was in it.

[Monet X Change]

We had Baby Boy. He killed that. Come on Fast and the Furious movies. You know what I'm saying?

[David Bori]

And he was okay. He was okay.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, he's deep.

[Langston Kerman]

He's all punchline after the second one.

[Monet X Change]

100%.

[Langston Kerman]

They made him like a serious guy in the second film where they were like, nah, this is the real street that's gonna finally challenge. And then they, nah, that's a silly Billy. Go ahead. Yeah, we can't even do nothing with you. There's no story here for you 100%.

[David Bori]

And I love that for I love Tyrese. It makes me sad to see how it's come. That's also why I don't think that it's a tool, because it's just too. It's too random. That couldn't have been prepared. None of us saw that from that Coca Cola commercial where you're like, who is this smiling, dark skinned gentleman to now? It was like, you couldn't have seen that.

[Langston Kerman]

And that's, to me, where it feels fabricated, where we start to. Okay, now we're saying this just feels like a choose my own adventure, but that they're playing with us, that they're just seeing what we'll respond to. Conditioning the human brain to accept Tyrese as normal, thus driving us closer to insanity. You.

[Monet X Change]

Wow. All right.

[David Bori]

Kind of in your mind. Come on, y'. All.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. You were really.

[David Bori]

You.

[Ad Readers]

You.

[Monet X Change]

You spent some knowledge right here.

[Langston Kerman]

That's why I didn't intro you yet. I needed you to wake the f. I don't want.

[Monet X Change]

I am paying attention. I'm here to learn today, honey.

[Langston Kerman]

Our guest today. We're so excited she's here. She's a comedian, classically trained opera singer, RuPaul's Drag Race winner, and host of two hit podcasts, Sibling Rivalry with Bob the Drag Queen, and her new solo venture, Monet Talks. You can see her on tour this January with our one woman comedy show, Life Be Lifein'.

[Monet X Change]

Sure do.

[Langston Kerman]

Give it up from Monet X Change.

[David Bori]

I don't even have a sound. I don't have one good enough. Anything I have will be disrespectful.

[Monet X Change]

If you play the.

[Langston Kerman]

Give her something. You gotta give her something.

[Monet X Change]

Just give her something good.

[Langston Kerman]

There you go.

[David Bori]

That was the best I could do. That's the best I could.

[Langston Kerman]

I appreciate it.

[Monet X Change]

I like that. I like that.

[Langston Kerman]

I want you to know that was Steven Seagal singing that.

[David Bori]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

It was not what you think it is.

[David Bori]

No, it wasn't some Sean Paul B side. No, no, no.

[Langston Kerman]

That's a Steven Seagal deep cut where he made a reggae album.

[Monet X Change]

Really?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Was it good?

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, you know what?

[Langston Kerman]

What do you think?

[Monet X Change]

It would surprise us.

[David Bori]

Who surprised you with their reggae album?

[Monet X Change]

With a good reggae album? Yeah. You know what? Britney Spears has that one reggae song. I'm telling you, Monet, I am from the Caribbean. I'm from St. Lucia, born and raised.

[David Bori]

This is a wild take.

[Monet X Change]

Monet, this is not.

[Langston Kerman]

This is not how you could.

[Monet X Change]

Riddy Spence got that one reggae song.

[Langston Kerman]

When they Gave her just a little.

[Monet X Change]

Too much cocaine and she sounds good. It's crazy. It's on her third album.

[David Bori]

Damn. What's it called?

[Monet X Change]

Wrap It Up now or something like that. Something like that.

[David Bori]

But not getting anything.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm truly. We have to listen to it. Yeah.

[David Bori]

No, afterwards.

[Monet X Change]

I've been.

[Langston Kerman]

I think after this episode, we need to listen to.

[Monet X Change]

It's good. It's good. It's good.

[Langston Kerman]

Honestly, we need to play it right now. Can we feel like we gotta challenge Rone on this? Cause this is.

[David Bori]

This is gonna bug YouTube right now. We can. We could like. I do want to hear.

[Monet X Change]

Brittany was in her bag with this song. I was telling you.

[Langston Kerman]

This is really gonna.

[Monet X Change]

Now, this is also coming from 13 year old memories. Okay.

[David Bori]

You don't get to do that. You don't get to do that. You don't get to do that.

[Monet X Change]

I don't know.

[David Bori]

Islands born in race.

[Monet X Change]

You said it's in my blood I.

[Langston Kerman]

Never misinterpret my content, my country.

[Monet X Change]

I don't know if this is gonna stand into the sign, but back when I was 13 year old, 14 year old me, I remember hearing that on MTV Hits.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't think you're like, Britney Spears, run the poonting now.

[David Bori]

Don't hang up.

[Monet X Change]

I just have to Britney Spears reggae song. And so many weird things popped up on my phone.

[David Bori]

Yeah, a lot of strange mixes I didn't want to try.

[Monet X Change]

Damn.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, people listening for you. People listening.

[Monet X Change]

Someone found it and they have commented about what this song is. They were like, yeah, it's a bop.

[David Bori]

Is it the hookup?

[Monet X Change]

But the hookup. I think that's it.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[Monet X Change]

I think that's it.

[David Bori]

Here we go.

[Langston Kerman]

This is gonna be the same as the last one.

[David Bori]

I'm sorry, you don't got YouTube. Guys, people in the room. This just happened. This just happened.

[Langston Kerman]

I was.

[David Bori]

I'm trying to. Don't worry about it.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[David Bori]

Hey. All right. You're very excited.

[Langston Kerman]

You can't a over the music. You gotta let us hear.

[Monet X Change]

Right? He's a little Ricky. The hook is good. Middle school dance, you know what I'm saying?

[Langston Kerman]

She like, I am Britney Spears, but a man saved me, told me to say, me want to do so I'm going to do that if that's cool with y'.

[David Bori]

All.

[Monet X Change]

People used to bum, like, just doing dubs in the gym. I mean, come on.

[David Bori]

That's pretty good.

[Langston Kerman]

It was good.

[David Bori]

It's good. You got it. You got it.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[David Bori]

Learn something new every day.

[Langston Kerman]

Monet, we can't talk About Britney Spears. Excellent work all day. You came to us with a conspiracy. It's very apt for the, I think the time of year.

[David Bori]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

We are celebrating the New Year. This is our first episode back from the new year. We're so excited you're doing it with us. And you said, my mama told me you eat black eyed peas on New Year's.

[Monet X Change]

Yes. And I think it's tied into bringing you good fortune and wealth and riches. Black people always trying to get more money. They're like, yeah, whatever we gotta do, get more money.

[Ad Readers]

Right?

[Monet X Change]

But I just don't understand what is the. I have cooked black eyed peasants on many a New Year's Eve.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[David Bori]

Really?

[Monet X Change]

It ain't shit change.

[David Bori]

It should happen.

[Monet X Change]

And I think that. I don't know. What is the correlation? Why do the peas have to be black eyed? Why can't they be kidney? Why can't they be.

[David Bori]

I mean, that's a bee.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, it's a. Oh, yeah. Well, black eyed.

[David Bori]

I don't know.

[Monet X Change]

So what's the difference between a pea and a bean?

[Langston Kerman]

I think Black Eyed Peas is a colloquial name. I think that's like what we call it, but it probably is.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, really?

[Langston Kerman]

It probably has a more traditional name.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, now you're trying to get all Latin. It's called like a Black Prius. No, but I think bruised IPs.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't think Henry VIII was like, bring me the Black Eyed peas. I think they had a different. They probably had like a different thing on it.

[David Bori]

Okay, I never thought about that.

[Monet X Change]

I haven't either. In my mind, Jesus was cooking Black Eyed Peas. They called it Black Eyed Peas for the past how many centuries?

[David Bori]

Also, here's my question to you. You've said you've cooked them several times.

[Monet X Change]

Yes.

[David Bori]

What if it's a collective? Like, it's not like necessarily one year. Specifically, it's a tradition that you continued. So which brought you to this point, where you are now? That could be it.

[Monet X Change]

Now what about all the niggas that have been doing it for centuries and they worse off than they was?

[David Bori]

I'm just trying to get away. I really up with that YouTube's commercial thing and I'm honestly just trying to get back. This is me being as open as I can.

[Monet X Change]

The room really turned on you. Whenever.

[David Bori]

Do you know how bad my feelings got hurt?

[Monet X Change]

I was.

[David Bori]

No.

[Langston Kerman]

And you know what made it worse is it sucked as a commercial. You know what I mean? You got a real shit commercial that came out. It wasn't Even like a fun one that we could kind of like giggle through. It's just.

[David Bori]

Oh, Shaq's doing it again.

[Langston Kerman]

It was just Expedia and information sucked.

[David Bori]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

So I just think, like the Black Eyed Peas. I just think it's just something we have been duped into doing to make us buy more Black Eyed Peas at the Ralphs and the C Town and the Pathmark.

[David Bori]

Oh, you think this is big Black Eyed peeps?

[Monet X Change]

Literally big blick blick. Big old Black eyed black IP is making us buy all these black IPs.

[David Bori]

That ain't changeable. And by that she means Will I am. Wake up. Wake up, wake up.

[Langston Kerman]

Will I am and Black Eyed Peas are one and the same. There's no difference.

[Monet X Change]

100.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes.

[Monet X Change]

I'm a fuck it up. Black Eyed Peas. I think that conspiracy theory is just so you.

[Langston Kerman]

You obviously bought into it at some point.

[David Bori]

I did several points.

[Langston Kerman]

When did this start for you? Was this introduced in the home from the beginning? Black Eyed Peas on New Year's.

[Monet X Change]

From as far back as I can remember. I think I wanna say six years old. I just remember my grandmother cooking some Black Eyed peas in the kitchen. And I was like, why we always have to eat this fucking shit on New Year's Day? And she said, because we cooked this to bring us wealth and health for the next year. And also, why does it expire at a year? Why doesn't it.

[Langston Kerman]

The bean.

[David Bori]

It's only a vegetable.

[Monet X Change]

Is a bean a vegetable?

[David Bori]

Once again, I'm just trying to get right.

[Langston Kerman]

Hey, man, that can't be your only out for this whole conversation.

[Monet X Change]

I think you might be right. I think you might be right.

[David Bori]

I think it's a legume and I think that it's packed with protein and that's what I have on that.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't think they're vegetables. And I think I found this out recently. There are way less vegetables than we think they are.

[Monet X Change]

Really?

[David Bori]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

That like, there's only like five or six legit vegetables. And then the rest of this is stuff we're calling vegetables that are actually like legumes. And fruits. And fruits. And a lot of shit is just loose.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I think that that blew my mind. With tomatoes. Tomatoes are. We think they're a vegetable, but they're a fruit. Yeah, it's a berries berry.

[David Bori]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

A tomato is a berry.

[David Bori]

Yeah, I know that.

[Langston Kerman]

God damn.

[Monet X Change]

Okay.

[David Bori]

Gotta help him, right? Baby, baby, baby, look up.

[Monet X Change]

If I can't explain why, but tomato is a berry.

[David Bori]

I. I've heard that.

[Monet X Change]

You know what? You sound like a very trustworthy.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I know for a fact is a berry is bananas are a berry.

[David Bori]

Oh. Because we bred the seeds out of them, right?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, but they were supposed to have.

[David Bori]

Seeds inside of them.

[Monet X Change]

Bananas do have seeds inside of them sometimes.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, but not the ones that you buy at, like, the store. You know what I mean? Ralph's ain't selling you seeds.

[Monet X Change]

Well, have you seen these new crazy, like, Gen Z bananas that have. No, they're just the solid. There's no black thing in the middle. There's no, like, core. It's just, like, all but, like, the white part.

[Langston Kerman]

Oops. All bananas.

[Monet X Change]

They're even taking the black out of bananas.

[David Bori]

That is a problem. You said, oops. Oh, banana.

[Langston Kerman]

There's been a terrible accident at the banana factory.

[Monet X Change]

They've taken the black out of bananas, so it's just the white part to get. So you get more potassium. That's all the potassium.

[David Bori]

How much was the black taken up in there? It wasn't even a lot of black.

[Langston Kerman]

It's crazy. Yeah, but that's probably what they said about watermelons.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, yeah. Watermelons, too. I know.

[Langston Kerman]

You get them without the seeds or with the seeds. You be kind of like, damn, you could have gotten no seeds.

[David Bori]

No, I'm pro seeds. I'm pro watermelon seeds.

[Monet X Change]

I can't believe I'm saying this. I don't like watermelon. I know I don't like watermelon. Like, I just feel like it's a waste. It just tastes like water. If I wanted to have too much, I'll just drink a glass of water.

[David Bori]

It's the best melon.

[Monet X Change]

Nah, I don't like no melons. I don't like cantaloupes, honeydews.

[David Bori]

I don't like watermelons. I don't honeydew either.

[Langston Kerman]

I'll be honest, I love them all.

[Monet X Change]

Really?

[David Bori]

Really. You're a melon guy.

[Langston Kerman]

Sometimes I'll be. You know, they package it at the airport. I buy it.

[Monet X Change]

You're the one. You're the one. Don't you ever crowd my fruit salad bowl with honeydew and, like, no, that's fruit salad.

[David Bori]

It's not the best.

[Monet X Change]

It's the worst.

[David Bori]

Because pineapple, I think, is king of the fruit salad.

[Monet X Change]

100%. And blackberries.

[David Bori]

Good mango.

[Monet X Change]

Good mango is hard to come by.

[Langston Kerman]

It's hard to come by. And they are real skimpy with it when they get 100%.

[David Bori]

I found that mango usually serves me best in candy form. I'm Happy with the mango candy more often than I've been. Happy with the mango fruit.

[Monet X Change]

Mango candy.

[David Bori]

In America.

[Monet X Change]

In America, Africa.

[David Bori]

Those mangoes are crazy. Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Like, crazy good. If crazy bad.

[David Bori]

So good. It's like a juice box. It doesn't even make sense.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Oh, let me say something. My family's from St. Lucian, Caribbean. You not want to see my family eat mangoes? It looks like it is a murder scene. Girl, mango is on you. In your hair, in your fucking drawers. Like, how did mango get in my panties? Like, it's funny.

[David Bori]

That's how I want to live.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[David Bori]

I want to wash the mango off in the ocean.

[Monet X Change]

100%. That's what you got to do, man. That's.

[David Bori]

That's as good as life gets.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

What a good life y' all have had. My family from Detroit.

[David Bori]

That'S the opposite.

[Langston Kerman]

I've never even tasted the. The luxury you're describing.

[David Bori]

You gotta watch Coney off in the lake. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Hot dogs in my panties. Hot dogs in my panties.

[David Bori]

You don't want to see my family. A bag of Cody. It's a hard place to live also.

[Monet X Change]

But in the Midwest, though, like, this is what really drives me crazy about the Detroit, Chicago thing.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Y' all have these big bodies of water, and especially in Chicago, they've dug the thing out there. Sand there, and people have the nerve to go to my Instagram feed and say, having a lovely day at the beach. The beach? That is not a beach. It is a fucking lake.

[Langston Kerman]

And stop.

[Monet X Change]

Look at that.

[David Bori]

They've never rinsed mango from their bodies on the white, sandy shores.

[Monet X Change]

They don't know any better.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know what you want from us. We have nothing.

[David Bori]

You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

It's bitter cold for eight months of the year, and then, like, three of the other months, it's raining. And you get, like, a month where it's just gorgeous. So, yeah, I'm gonna pretend I'm in St. Lucia. I know I can see the subway behind us. I know this ain't right.

[David Bori]

You can hear the El.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You know.

[Monet X Change]

You know, I get it, and I truly. I empathize with all of those in that area, but, baby, it's not a beach. It's a lake, okay? And, you know, it's. It's not just a regular lake.

[Langston Kerman]

No, it's a great lake, but it's a nasty lake. Our side of it is pretty.

[David Bori]

It's not. I don't love it down. It's like, every time I've been by the lake in Chicago. When it's hot out, I feel like some shit's buzzing.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, like it's rough, man.

[David Bori]

Bug Lake is not good lake.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. It's the type of lake where it's the type of be where nobody is fully comfortable taking their clothes off.

[David Bori]

I feel like I've seen people swimming with shoes in there. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

It's like you see a lot of dudes with like swim trunks but shirts on. It's like the vibes ain't right here.

[Monet X Change]

Got it.

[Langston Kerman]

We're trying our best.

[David Bori]

Cause you can't like picnic down by there.

[Monet X Change]

I wouldn't.

[Langston Kerman]

You can, but then you get accused of being the type of person that picnics on the beach.

[Monet X Change]

You know what I mean?

[David Bori]

It's just. Yeah, it's all you guys need some mangoes and some white sandy shores.

[Langston Kerman]

That's all I pray for, for my people. We should take a break. I think we always go into breaks perfectly, by the way.

[David Bori]

Yeah, no transition problems.

[Langston Kerman]

We should take a break. But when we come back, we're going to continue to talk about the possibility or the necessity rather of eating black eyed peas on New Year's Day. Day. Right. It's not the eve.

[Monet X Change]

You make them eve and you eat.

[Langston Kerman]

Them in the day, eat them during the day. So when we come back, we're going to talk more black EY IPs, more Monet exchange more My mama told me.

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[David Bori]

She pulls out her breasts and she's juggling them. Look like she about to fall over. Then she bends over and pulls down her pennies. Spreads her cheeks. I'm not lying, I'm telling what's on the video. Spreads her cheeks. This is madness.

[Monet X Change]

Who is that?

[David Bori]

A prophet.

[Langston Kerman]

It's from a. It's a lawyer of a lady. Or no, rather the lawyer of the school district. I believe in like St. Louis or where a woman, a teacher, was caught with an only fans and had like video that these students had gotten a hold of.

[Monet X Change]

I remember hearing about that.

[Langston Kerman]

And this was the lawyer accusing her of being a vile, vile woman. All while describing in detail the way she pulled out her panties.

[Monet X Change]

Wow.

[Langston Kerman]

And spreads her butt cheeks.

[Monet X Change]

Cause he had to watch a video.

[David Bori]

Just to watch it a couple times. I'm not lying. I'm telling you.

[Langston Kerman]

It was in a video.

[David Bori]

Yo. Sometimes you see stuff and you're like, I gotta be a lawyer.

[Langston Kerman]

It's a cool job.

[David Bori]

Like, it doesn't seem that crazy.

[Monet X Change]

I know, I agree.

[David Bori]

Like, you hear about the bar and the difficulty of the test or whatnot, but then you. He did it. Yeah, he did it.

[Langston Kerman]

He did it.

[Monet X Change]

He did it.

[David Bori]

Yeah, I think I got it.

[Langston Kerman]

It can't be that crazy.

[David Bori]

It can't be that crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

And maybe there's loopholes, right? Because like, maybe there are ways to, like to not have to take the bar to do certain things in certain places.

[Monet X Change]

Ask Kim Kard. Fucking Kardashian. This bitch. Is she going to school at Devry? Talking about, I'm a lawyer now.

[David Bori]

Wait eight years? For real?

[Monet X Change]

No, not DeVry.

[David Bori]

She has some like, University of Phoenix.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. No, I had to do a math class on there to get my degrees.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, no.

[David Bori]

Are you serious?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, you know, oh, no. Because I had done my whole shit and it was a math class every year. I put. I was like, no, I'll do it next year. I'll do it next day. And by the time I got to my graduation year, they were like, yo, we're gonna. You, we gonna let you work, but you gotta do this math class within six months of getting your diploma or else it's rescinded. So I had to go to University of Phoenix online. And I did this math class. It was horrible. I hated it.

[David Bori]

That's crazy.

[Monet X Change]

It was with me and just a bunch of like 95 year old white women.

[David Bori]

So the brochure is a lie.

[Monet X Change]

The brochure is a lie.

[David Bori]

They make it seem very multicultural.

[Monet X Change]

It wasn't that. It was as me as 85, 95 year old women.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what made me sad is imagining that you now have a University of Phoenix email.

[David Bori]

They do, yeah. You should use that as a burner.

[Langston Kerman]

Edu.

[Monet X Change]

I do.

[David Bori]

It's adopted. I don't think they can make the clearance, the accreditation.

[Langston Kerman]

We the government, but we can't do everything.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, yeah, I have a Phoenix. Oh, my God. You just. Oh, my God. You just reminded me that I gotta.

[Langston Kerman]

Get your email back.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, get it back. Use it for all my business.

[Langston Kerman]

That's a beautiful burner to have out there.

[David Bori]

I would like to go to a University of Phoenix graduation.

[Langston Kerman]

That does sound dope.

[David Bori]

I went to an automotive college graduation one time. Awesome lit. They were throwing up sets, Mexican sets, shout out to Aurora, Colorado, yo.

[Monet X Change]

They were going, yeah, I love that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. They were like, this makes our gang proud.

[David Bori]

I was in the back, I was hella late. I was like, oh, they're gang banging in here.

[Monet X Change]

This is a good time though. Dope as fuck.

[David Bori]

Oh, you did research. That's where we're at.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, that's the question. Maybe this is the best way to get back into it. The question I have is, what happened that made you jump off the black eyed ped wagon?

[Monet X Change]

I think the big thing that happened for me was it was right after I had graduated, actually, and I was like, I remember it was like 2000. Oh my God. 2012 graduated. And I was like, oh, that wasn't.

[David Bori]

Even a long time ago.

[Monet X Change]

That is a long time ago, bro.

[David Bori]

How old are you?

[Monet X Change]

I'm 35.

[Langston Kerman]

We're, we're older than you. You're not making us feel.

[Monet X Change]

That looks so good though, you know what I mean? Actually, I'm 17. This a hard 17 you're looking at.

[Langston Kerman]

It's whooping. My 17 junior year is tough.

[Monet X Change]

And I remember like getting out of school, I was like, okay, I'm going to make my Black Eyed Penny. Cause I'm really gonna bring some wealth and fortune and some good shit my way.

[David Bori]

You're like, I got all this knowledge from the University of Phoenix and those.

[Monet X Change]

Two years after college were probably my worst. I was like job hopping. Could I get a good job? And I was making no money. It was the worst. And I was like, why am I. This ain't bring me no good fortune, riches, wealth, nothing.

[David Bori]

Okay, but here, let me counteract. I feel like it's like the Lord. You can't just call upon the Lord when you need him in downtimes. You gotta call upon him in uptimes too. So you were like, okay, I'm a fresh University of Phoenix grad.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, you, you were doing it for one day. You should have been eating Black Eyed peas all year.

[Monet X Change]

I know. Maybe that's what it is.

[Langston Kerman]

And that's.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Where the prosperity.

[Monet X Change]

Also, I put too much salt in the Black Eyed Bee, so it's a little salty.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[Monet X Change]

And then I did try to add hot sauce cuz I thought the hot sauce would contradict the salt, but it just made it hot.

[David Bori]

Was it a vinegar base? It was vinegar.

[Monet X Change]

Yes, it was.

[David Bori]

Yeah, you double down. See, cooking means some chemistry shit.

[Monet X Change]

So if it wasn't vinegar based, it would have helped it.

[David Bori]

Well, you just like, if you put too much salt, you need to cut it with like a base.

[Monet X Change]

Wow, you're really smart.

[David Bori]

No, like I appreciate this.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Now you seem smart right now though.

[David Bori]

Yeah, yeah. Don't forget, I don't have YouTube Premium and I can't afford it. It's just a choice.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

So that really turned me off the Black Eyed Peas. I'm like, I'm really off this.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[David Bori]

Would you ever do it? So did you ever think about. Cause you don't like Black Eyed Peas very much.

[Monet X Change]

No, I like Black Eyed Peas. When it's made by someone who can.

[Langston Kerman]

Cook, it doesn't feel. If I may, it doesn't feel like a New Year's food, even though it is a tradition.

[David Bori]

What is New Year's food?

[Monet X Change]

It was New Year's food.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know. But, like, New Year's to me comes with, like, sparkles and fucking, like, a flair to it almost.

[Monet X Change]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

And Black Eyed Peas feel like a real, like, working class ass pedestrian.

[Monet X Change]

So like those, like, fajitas from Chili's, that's like a New Year's.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, but that would be a New Year's food. Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on. You get it.

[David Bori]

Can I tell you, I was only a hot plate.

[Monet X Change]

I don't ever.

[David Bori]

I don't know. I'll never get fajitas. I don't like the attention in restaurants.

[Langston Kerman]

It's a lot.

[Monet X Change]

It's a lot.

[Langston Kerman]

It's like, a lot.

[David Bori]

And it's like, I feel like it's pressure to enjoy them. And I never. Like, there's so much that you're supposed to be like, Mike, they call for these fajitas and then that's it.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't like any food.

[David Bori]

It's just not a great taco.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't like any food. I can't eat right away. Away.

[Monet X Change]

You gotta wait. Yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

That pisses me the off. I'm just. I'm watching you enjoy your thing. I already betted on fajita. You know what I mean? Like, most places you go, it ain't good. It's just hot on a plate.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And so you're like, I'm already betting on fajita. And now I gotta chill for six minutes while this cools down so I can make a bad taco.

[David Bori]

No, you could add three chicken crispers from Chicken.

[Monet X Change]

Yo. Chili's was first. I remember we used to eat at Chili's. Cause right next to my college, we used to eat there all the time. They made the mistake of having a freshman discount my freshman year. That's why I gained a freshman 55.

[David Bori]

Wait, that's more than tradition.

[Monet X Change]

I was fucking Chili's up every day.

[Langston Kerman]

Every other chili's, that's about 40 more than tradition, Monet, if y' all are keeping track at home, that wasn't. That's not what we all came home with.

[David Bori]

I will say, though, anytime in your life, when you look back when you were going to Chili's for frequently, you were free. Like, any time. You were free of societal pressure.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[David Bori]

Romantic. Like, that's a free person.

[Monet X Change]

100%.

[David Bori]

You just go to Chili's.

[Monet X Change]

You ain't lying.

[David Bori]

And I went to Chili's last week, and it Was a big talk, though. I had to talk my girl into it.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, this wasn't just Chili's.

[David Bori]

No. But then we went to Chili's. We saw a first date, and it was beautiful.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, that's nice.

[David Bori]

Yeah, it was. He was. He had, like, on. He was very African. He had jeans and dress shoes on.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's go. Could be Caribbean.

[David Bori]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[David Bori]

You guys like that as well?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, we have a lot of crossovers.

[David Bori]

And he was.

[Monet X Change]

He was smooth.

[David Bori]

He went out and met the girl's parents, brought her into the Chili's about two minutes in. Sat side, you know what I mean?

[Monet X Change]

And were the parents there too?

[David Bori]

No, the parents left.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, okay.

[David Bori]

They left her in his care.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, this is. Is. This is not just a first date of adults. This is the first date.

[Monet X Change]

It better not be adults.

[David Bori]

No, these are, like, te. They were like, teens.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Imagine somebody.

[David Bori]

No, I'm not just watching an adult's first date.

[Langston Kerman]

I thought this was some weird morning weirdo.

[Monet X Change]

But if you're an adult, you don't go on a first date to a Chili's. I go to a respectable place like Cheesecake Factory. That's okay.

[Langston Kerman]

That menu's too small. Go to the Cheesecake Factory.

[Monet X Change]

I ain't stable when I'm ordering my food.

[David Bori]

Honey, honestly, you could run two Cheesecake Factory up the first three.

[Monet X Change]

Realistically, let me tell you something. I know. There was that whole thing, controversy about that woman who got mad at a man took a Cheesecake Factory. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Cheesecake Factory, to me, is. Del. There are so many options. There's a panoply of different things. You're gonna have to satiate every taste but in your mouth.

[David Bori]

No, it's a prime location when you go to cheesecake. Then we can go see a movie. We can go for shopping. There's always a bunch of.

[Langston Kerman]

They never put them in bad neighborhoods. Somewhere you want to be.

[Monet X Change]

I was in Beverly Hills this morning. There's a Cheesecake Factory in Beverly Hills.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on.

[Monet X Change]

So do rich folk in Beverly Hills.

[David Bori]

No, it's too. That was a tough time for us when that came out.

[Ad Readers]

Yeah.

[David Bori]

Cause it's like, I don't think that you're paying attention to what cheesecake is doing. I don't think you respect cheesecake.

[Langston Kerman]

No. It felt attention seeking in a way that really made me feel sad for us. You know what I mean? Where it's just the lady talking.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You don't mean this.

[Monet X Change]

You don't mean this at all.

[Langston Kerman]

You just had a bad Date and it didn't work, or you didn't like the way it looked when you showed up and you made it the excuse, but you're just attention seeking. And we fed into it and argued with her and made it this whole thing. It's like, come on, y'.

[David Bori]

All.

[Langston Kerman]

Something's got to be objective. Cheesecake Factory is a delightful meal that anybody can enjoy at any time. 100%.

[Ad Readers]

I agree.

[Langston Kerman]

We're all lucky to be there.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Yeah.

[David Bori]

And we're all happy to be there.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bori]

Everybody's smiling.

[Monet X Change]

I'm elated to be there.

[David Bori]

Everybody's smiling.

[Langston Kerman]

There's no theme. It's just nonsense. Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Sushi and fajitas.

[David Bori]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

It's like classy nonsense.

[David Bori]

It feels like you're eating in a hotel lobby. That's fun for me.

[Langston Kerman]

Play Chugg e Cheese with your guts. Just fucking do it.

[David Bori]

There's weirdly no kids ever in that.

[Langston Kerman]

No. You don't waste money on Cheesecake Factory. On children.

[David Bori]

How old? Until you take your children to cheesecake.

[Langston Kerman]

No, I. Unfortunately, we went to Hawaii for a conference my wife had, and the one of the only restaurants nearby was a Cheesecake Factory. And so I did have to, like, spend money.

[David Bori]

You sound upset.

[Langston Kerman]

I hated it. I had to spend money getting them Cheesecake Factory quality stuff for my daughter to, like, half eat it and, you know, fucking spit in it and shit.

[Monet X Change]

Damn.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I mean? Where you're like, it's not even salvageable.

[Monet X Change]

You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

I'm fucked. You fucked up.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Bori]

That's tough. Damn.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, I was never that kid. From the time I could drink or eat, I was eating every morsel of food that ever came across my family.

[Langston Kerman]

I get that.

[Monet X Change]

My parents did not waste. Not. They did not waste that thing with me. I was at garbage disposal as a kid. 100%.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bori]

That's that freshman 55.

[Monet X Change]

That freshman 55 for sure.

[Langston Kerman]

So one of the things that I found out, which I didn't know, and you asked this question earlier as it pertains to why black IPs. Why. Why not a Pinto? Whatever it is, it turns out that this is da da, da. Born in slavery.

[Monet X Change]

Slavery.

[Langston Kerman]

Slavery. The black ip, as it turns out, is not native to America. This isn't like an American ass being. It comes from West Africa.

[Monet X Change]

Wow.

[David Bori]

They do have a lot of the same shit. And that makes sense to me.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. So it first made its way this way on the transit Atlantic slave trade.

[David Bori]

And then they let them have peas down there.

[Langston Kerman]

I guess I. I Think maybe it started as a white meal, Probably. It was like, oh, we got these new. Got these new beans, y'. All. Yeah, this shit's hitting. Trying to try. You trying to try something.

[David Bori]

They're trash about beans, but I don't like white people. I don't like white people beans very much.

[Langston Kerman]

My guess is, to that point, they didn't know what to do with them. Right. Because it's not necessarily, like a straightforward meal.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, right.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, it takes sort of a process, and there's a specificity to the. To the seasoning of it that makes it delicious. Black Eyed peas by themselves are fast.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, they're trash.

[Langston Kerman]

Right? I've never.

[David Bori]

Just like a plane.

[Ad Readers]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You have to be a psychopath. Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Which the old white people were. They were psychopaths. They didn't know what to do with it. They handed it over to the slaves. Now the slaves start after the Civil War ends, start using the Black Eyed Peas as a sign of survival. That, like, this is our per. Our perseverance because we've made it. As long as, you know, we've gotten our freedom and gotten control of this thing that didn't even originate here, but now lives here with us. It was like a beautiful metaphor for sort of starting back, and that's where the traditional comes from.

[Monet X Change]

Got it. Okay. See, look at.

[David Bori]

Well, see, that's beautiful.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. I may start cooking them black Eyed.

[Langston Kerman]

Beans out there now. Unfortunately, it doesn't actually offer prosperity. I think that's just slave talk, frankly.

[David Bori]

God damn it.

[Langston Kerman]

I think that's some silly slave talk. In the same way. Follow the drinking gourd. You know what I mean?

[Monet X Change]

Follow the drinking gourd.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, they had to. And it works, kind of.

[David Bori]

But.

[Langston Kerman]

But it wasn't gonna free us up, just a few of us.

[David Bori]

This always ends feeling like this. We always feel like this at the end.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I think this has been our most uplifting episode yet.

[David Bori]

I've been having a great time.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, David.

[David Bori]

Yet. Excuse me.

[Monet X Change]

I'm sorry.

[Langston Kerman]

It was due to a feces thrown.

[Monet X Change]

All over the walls, the floor, the.

[Langston Kerman]

Ceiling, and it stunk so bad.

[Monet X Change]

Is this someone talking about a chimpanzee?

[David Bori]

It was Michael Jackson.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes, it was Michael Jackson, but he wasn't talking about a chimpanzee. He was talking about, if I'm not mistaken, a assault that happened on him when he went to prison. Remember he had, like, to spend time in jail and he redescribed his having to strip for the police. And like all of Jackson. Michael Jackson, he made the King of.

[David Bori]

He went to jail.

[Langston Kerman]

He had to get strip searched. He was abused, he claimed. And when he was in jail, they put him in a cell that was covered in doo doo and feces, and it stunk so bad.

[Monet X Change]

What?

[David Bori]

Wow. I didn't know that.

[Monet X Change]

I've never heard of this ever in my life.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, he's been arrested multiple times. I think you know why.

[Monet X Change]

Right. Wow.

[Langston Kerman]

They finally found out what gang he's in.

[Monet X Change]

Well, he also had so much bass in his voice in this interview, like, I was.

[David Bori]

Oh, well, I mean, this is another. That's another conspiracy theory. A lot of people have you heard that his voice.

[Monet X Change]

That wasn't his real voice.

[David Bori]

He had a Gary, Indiana voice.

[Monet X Change]

Ah. A lot of people on the other one.

[David Bori]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

A lot of people who knew him personally say he spoke in a very deep voice and it was completely fabricated. And I go, that makes so much more sense.

[David Bori]

Yeah, I believe you.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, he literally became a different color, like, over the span of however many years. Like, the voice is an easier thing.

[David Bori]

To manage, and so his whole life was built on the physical not matching the actions. Right.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[David Bori]

Because you look at him as a businessman and all that. He was ruthless. But then he just did this, like, thing so we would not think that he was like a.

[Langston Kerman]

But it also is like, well, we never got to hear your real human voice anyway. You started as a child, and then the second that new voice kicked in, you pitched it down and you never. We never even got a sense that this was. So we were just like. I guess that's just how Michael talked.

[David Bori]

What if Mike had, like, a mixtape where he, like, he just sounds like Charlie Murphy.

[Monet X Change]

I'll be into that. That's all good. That would be fun. That would be dope.

[David Bori]

As.

[Langston Kerman]

Remember.

[Monet X Change]

Honestly, release the footages. No, that'll be dope.

[Langston Kerman]

He's got the deep voice from Boys to Men. Interludes cooked in.

[David Bori]

Oh, my God.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, damn, girl.

[David Bori]

Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson reference track. You over there.

[Langston Kerman]

You over there on your throne with Eddie Murphy when you should be with me. The Pharaoh, I think.

[Monet X Change]

And he was. He was ruthless. He, like, bought, like, the Beatles catalog and all kind of crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

He told him he was gonna do it.

[David Bori]

Like, he told him he was gonna do it. And then Paul McCartney tried to get it back, and he was like, that's just business. If I know that you don't talk like that and you say that shit to me after you bought my shit.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I will say that. That has always been my issue with the way that people have drawn the line on Michael Jackson, right, is that they always treat it like either he was the most vile monster of all time or he was a goddamn angel. He was heaven sent to us from the Lord and we just didn't understand. And it's like, no, he can be a dirtbag and not also the worst guy in every circumstance. And I'm not saying he wasn't. I'm merely saying to draw the line and be like, he's an angel to me is like, is. It's crazy.

[David Bori]

I don't think you can get to that level of success without being somewhat of a shark. Right.

[Langston Kerman]

We saw it over and over again. He was a. He was a bad guy. It's just a question of whether or not he was a pedophile. And I don't know that the question is that much of a question anymore. Yeah. Now we end the way we end.

[Monet X Change]

We almost.

[David Bori]

We almost got away with it. We almost got out of here.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay, there is one more thing I can say I can't tell you before we get out of here. Maybe we'll take a break and we'll come back for the great. We're going to take one more break. We'll come back for this last piece of information.

[Monet X Change]

Okay?

[Langston Kerman]

More Monet Exchange. More My Mama Told Me.

[David Bori]

Let's go.

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[Monet X Change]

Why you coming home?

[Langston Kerman]

Five and nine.

[David Bori]

Something's going on.

[Monet X Change]

Can I smell your dick?

[Langston Kerman]

You're familiar with that?

[Monet X Change]

I have done this to several people in my life.

[David Bori]

Really? Did it work?

[Monet X Change]

No.

[David Bori]

It did it. I love that.

[Langston Kerman]

Because that means you're a lot like you in this round. Touche, motherfucker.

[David Bori]

I got you.

[Jacob Goldstein]

Don't think.

[Langston Kerman]

This ends the conversation.

[Monet X Change]

And, and, and just think. And I, I know I, I know I'm right. I'm like, oh, I got him this time. And I'm like.

[Langston Kerman]

Never mind.

[David Bori]

Here's the question though. Was it disheveled?

[Monet X Change]

No, damn, no, no. I had no ocular force.

[David Bori]

Just straight up in the pants.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, damn. There's a. Just a regular old in the pants ass dick.

[David Bori]

That's gotta be humbling.

[Monet X Change]

It is humbling. And you feel like a fool, then you gotta do some extra shit to apologize. And now, now I'm here getting my backbone out for two hours and I'm tired, my neck hurts.

[David Bori]

God damn. Two hours.

[Monet X Change]

I know, it's a lot.

[Langston Kerman]

It's horrible, man.

[Monet X Change]

It's terrible. Fuel on all that.

[Langston Kerman]

Julies.

[Monet X Change]

I think sex should not be longer than 15 minutes.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, if it exceeds it, I'm out.

[Monet X Change]

That's good. Fifteen minutes is enough time for everybody to do everything they need and get what they need.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm about to.

[Monet X Change]

I got two in the morning.

[Langston Kerman]

I think two hours is for psychopaths and illusionists.

[David Bori]

I think it's for 21 year old.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I mean? It's like, it's like either you're sting and you're like meditating to do this shit or you're a true just psychopath who heard one Jodeci song and was like, yeah, I'mma do that. Fucking maniac. What are you talking about?

[Monet X Change]

It's out of control. It's out of control. No. Go to bed. Yeah. You got shit to time?

[David Bori]

No, sorry. I'm also thinking if I was on the other end of getting my dick smelled, you better not say shit to me for a week.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's go.

[David Bori]

Oh really?

[Langston Kerman]

Hey, you say something? What's that smell?

[Monet X Change]

Oh, no.

[David Bori]

Yeah, that's right. I'll be in the basement playing video games. I expect to get some later.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't care who it come from, but pussy better be on the table.

[David Bori]

By 5pm oh man. Have you ever got your dick smelled?

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[Monet X Change]

No.

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[Monet X Change]

Me either.

[Langston Kerman]

Nobody's ever. I talk. I've talked to you about this. I think before. My wife has zero doubt that I'll like doesn't even believe for a second that I'll cheat on her.

[Monet X Change]

Why?

[Langston Kerman]

And that makes me so mad.

[Monet X Change]

Why?

[David Bori]

He's actually a good.

[Langston Kerman]

It makes me furious. She doesn't track my phone. She ain't smell. I be coming home at odd hours with very little explanation and she wakes up fine. There's no argument, nothing.

[Monet X Change]

That's beautiful. Oh, wow.

[David Bori]

But you want to want. You want to feel like I could be fucking right now. Yeah, she crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't have to do this.

[David Bori]

I believe in this collection. Are you fucking right now?

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[David Bori]

Yo, I'm with you and Monet. Yeah, exactly. I think it sucks. We're not all built to get our dick smelled. We're just not all that kind. I'm not that guy either. I'm not that guy either. I ain't got it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I ain't got it. One of the things that I started thinking about is why given the fact that black eyed people piece are sort of like ubiquitous in the black community. Where we go like that is part of the New Year's tradition. American Black. I don't know if it's the same in Sierra Leone.

[David Bori]

Got it all okay.

[Langston Kerman]

American black, it feels synonymous with sort of the new orange experience. Why have white people not tried to steal it yet?

[David Bori]

That's interesting. I feel like there are some foods that feel like they have not even gotten to yet. But why?

[Langston Kerman]

It's not a rare. You know what I mean? Like you gotta like work to find it as being anymore.

[David Bori]

Is it presentation? Maybe.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know. But part of me then wonders if that is them Wanting us to play into this for the damage of like, it damages us more than we realize. And part of it is the way soul food is objectively makes it unhealthy. Black Eyed Peas on their own are actually high in fiber and protein and shit. But you put enough salt and sort of shit in it, it becomes a different meal.

[Monet X Change]

I think that they've tried, but to no avail. Like, I think, I think I remember seeing Rachel Ray ass try to cook it on her show one time.

[Langston Kerman]

Whoa.

[Monet X Change]

And I think someone tried it on the show and the person that she's.

[David Bori]

Like.

[Monet X Change]

They couldn't even fake the. And they quickly cut to commercial. So I think they have tried, but they couldn't. So I think they just can't. They can't harness the supercalifragilistic power.

[David Bori]

It's too deep.

[Monet X Change]

It's too deep in us and they can't make it good. So you know, we gonna leave it alone.

[Langston Kerman]

So truly just they bend the knee to Black Eyed Peas. Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

But macaroni and cheese though. White folk are out here on TikTok fucking up the macaroni and cheese. I'll be saying, I'm like that dude look good.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh yeah.

[David Bori]

What I worry about with white Mac and cheese is that they are investing in Mac and cheese technology in a way that we are not. Does that make sense?

[Monet X Change]

Yes.

[David Bori]

Right now it is stupid. It is stupid to put breadcrumbs or whatever.

[Monet X Change]

Whatever the dumb I thought was somebody put dates.

[David Bori]

Right? But that's what I'm saying is they are investing in future technologies that at some point I worry that that investment is going to pay. Like they're stupid right now because they're stupid, stupid people.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[David Bori]

But like they're there at some point. Innovation.

[Langston Kerman]

They're taking the same risk that hip hop was taking. Do you know what I mean?

[David Bori]

Yes. They're hip hopping macaroni and cheese.

[Langston Kerman]

It's just trying something that doesn't exist. And people are going to call it dumb. They're gonna say, get your ass off the street and get a job. But. But if you believe in it enough, you can make Biggie Smalls.

[David Bori]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And they're gonna make Biggie Smalls out of Mac and cheese.

[David Bori]

I was gonna go with Alexander Graham Bell and the light bulb filament. That was better. No, that was better. Mine was bad. Mine was bad. Yours was good. That was a good, good one.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. So.

[Monet X Change]

So also pouring over into black IPs. Maybe they gonna try and start making good black IPs.

[Langston Kerman]

I think it's Coming.

[Monet X Change]

I think it might be coming.

[David Bori]

I feel like they're getting so experimental with the Internet. You know what it is? I feel like the Internet is showing them how corny their shit was, and they're starting to branch out in the privacy of their own homes.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bori]

And that's where we need to worry about. Yeah, that's gonna be World War iii.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it's.

[Monet X Change]

I think so.

[Langston Kerman]

You can sort of see it even in the way that, like, all the. The weird white supremacist people kind of act like black people.

[David Bori]

Everybody on the Internet acts like black people. The Internet is a black neighborhood.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bori]

And if you were raised on the Internet, you That's. It's just. It's like being raised in New York City or some shit, like, colloquially, like. That's what it is.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bori]

Young people on the Internet talk like. Like regardless of what they're.

[Langston Kerman]

They truly will hate our guts. And like my cousin, this is crazy. Is this.

[Monet X Change]

It's crazy because it's just.

[David Bori]

It's just the. It's just the. Like, the parlance of the. The place. That's just how people talk.

[Langston Kerman]

Talking nuts.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

God damn.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Quantum black culture is definitely a skill, and they have mastered that skill.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, here's what. I'll tell you what.

[David Bori]

I'm worried. But that's why we were talking earlier about the dancing, man. They're getting. They're getting too good at dancing.

[Langston Kerman]

They're very good at dancing now.

[David Bori]

But part of me does feel like this country started going to. When they started stop dancing because they had their own dances and they liked it.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[David Bori]

Go back.

[Monet X Change]

The Lindy hopping, the washing machine, bro.

[David Bori]

They were going crazy. And then at some point, I feel like it's like hair metal, the mid-80s, late-80s type shit. They just stopped culturally. Listen, you're smiling. You were a B boy. I know it. But no, they just stopped. And then all the. A sudden. Because the stereotype wasn't that they didn't have rhythm or couldn't dance till, like, fairly recently.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, you think it's more of a recent insertion?

[David Bori]

I don't think that they.

[Langston Kerman]

They.

[David Bori]

They were dancing.

[Monet X Change]

They were. But they were. They were so stupid. The.

[David Bori]

The.

[Monet X Change]

The. The.

[David Bori]

But that's. That's. I'm. I'm not even talking about that. That's even. That's even recent. The stupid white guy. There were white guys in the 80s who were like, I can fucking dance.

[Monet X Change]

Really?

[David Bori]

Yeah. That shit is. That's new. Where they're like, I'm just a dumb white guy. I got A little dick and I can't dance. And while it was a great time for us, I worry.

[Langston Kerman]

I suspect, that it's more recent than you're giving or rather further back than you're giving it credit for.

[David Bori]

That they weren't dancing.

[Langston Kerman]

That they weren't dancing. I think if you are doing the Fox Tribe with your lady love and then you look out at your sled slaves and they're footworking, you're gonna feel like a fucking idiot.

[David Bori]

Interesting.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I mean? Like, you're watching, like, true, like, African dance at its. At its essence. These are people expressing for the. The pure, like, love of the game. They're dancing their asses off. It's all they fucking have. And you're in there, like, doing this upright bullshit where you just move in a circle.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You're gonna feel like an. And you start getting jealous, and then maybe you don't want to dance with them.

[David Bori]

That's how Soul Train started.

[Langston Kerman]

There you go.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, somebody.

[David Bori]

Somebody videotaped it.

[Monet X Change]

And then also to look out in the window and see that not only can they do their thing good, but they're mimicking what you're doing it and doing it better than you.

[Langston Kerman]

It looks so cool.

[Monet X Change]

It looks so cool. Like, to look out and see the slaves on the foxtrot and waltz, you're like, damn, they made that look good. How did they learn how to do that?

[David Bori]

And that's.

[Langston Kerman]

And then you get angry and you're like, like, take. Take Jebediah's pants away. Pants. Now you gotta work with no pants.

[Monet X Change]

They're like, take his shins, take out his kneecaps.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't like the way he dances. He's making me mad.

[David Bori]

Yeah, man. I do wish we had some videos of slave dances. It sounds crazy to say, but now that would be nice, right?

[Langston Kerman]

Would you want to sit and watch slaves dance?

[Monet X Change]

This feels like a trap. You said it.

[Langston Kerman]

I think I wanna watch that, man.

[David Bori]

I would wanna see the way you described it just now. Yeah, I would wanna see that.

[Langston Kerman]

Damn.

[David Bori]

Yeah, I would wanna see that.

[Monet X Change]

You know, one of the oldest recorded drag queens we have in history was a slave. His name was William Dorsey Smith.

[David Bori]

Whoa. Really?

[Monet X Change]

He was doing drag up in a plantation, getting, like, things and adorning himself and doing drag balls.

[Ad Readers]

Wow.

[David Bori]

Do they have footage?

[Monet X Change]

There's pictures. Obviously no video footage, but pictures of.

[David Bori]

It that I know.

[Langston Kerman]

Was it called drag then?

[Monet X Change]

I don't think it was called drag. No, it was called drag. And the thing about it. Cause, you know, there's Such a divide with like, especially in the black community, like femininity, blah, blah, blah, all that stuff. But back then, all the slaves, everyone would come to these drag balls and like, watch it. Cause it was a form of entertainment for all the enslaved folk. And it wasn't looked as weird or you're doing this feminine thing. Like, we want you out of here. Like everyone came and enjoyed these drag balls. Yeah, it was great.

[Langston Kerman]

Damn.

[David Bori]

And I would. I just want to see a video. I don't think that's crazy. I don't think I'm a bad guy. You know what I mean? It sounds like I've seen drag in my life now. I'd like to see how far the art form is about.

[Langston Kerman]

I guess to me, when you suggest that the videos exist, there's a community that comes to mind watching those. Why go, so who am I gonna invite over and be like, hey, you wanna watch some slaves dance?

[David Bori]

I'm doing it alone in my house. That's crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

But then that scares me that everybody. The only way to watch this is alone. That feels like you start forming nasty.

[David Bori]

I mean, are you going to a slave dance party to watch?

[Langston Kerman]

I hope not. And that's why I hope that footage doesn't exist.

[David Bori]

This was so much more complicated. I just wanna see the freedom of the threat. Feels like now it's so. It's become political.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I'm sorry.

[David Bori]

You described a beautiful thing. I would like to see it. That's all that I'm saying.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry your GOP brain can't open up enough to the lived experiences of other human beings.

[David Bori]

Listen, we got about 20 more days for you to talk to me like that.

[Langston Kerman]

This is gonna be a new gu. I think you're gonna watch your goddamn mouth.

[David Bori]

Wait till you see my guess.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, God. Imagine.

[Langston Kerman]

The last little.

[David Bori]

Also, I'm not a Republican.

[Langston Kerman]

No, no, he's not a Republican. Yeah, it's fun to call him one, though.

[David Bori]

Yeah, it is funny.

[Monet X Change]

No, these. Did you guys say on the. On the thing? And they were like, I heard that David at blah blah, you know?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bori]

Honestly, I hope so. I got 26,000 followers. Run it up.

[Langston Kerman]

Trying to buy a house. Yeah, let's get some nasty, pervasive things spreading about you. The last little piece of information.

[David Bori]

How did he fuck count as Vaughn?

[Langston Kerman]

He wants. Let's talk about that.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my God.

[Langston Kerman]

Countess Vaughn. Where do you find you as her being a baddie? Not. We can ignore your opinions on her talent. That's a different day.

[Monet X Change]

Uh, huh?

[Langston Kerman]

Just objectively fine or not fine as.

[Monet X Change]

In the daughter on the Parkers.

[Langston Kerman]

That's right.

[Monet X Change]

I haven't seen her recently, but. Okay, I'm gonna look at her in that era. And in that era, she was a baddie.

[David Bori]

Let's go.

[Monet X Change]

She was a baddie in that era.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on. For sure.

[David Bori]

Seduced Usher.

[Monet X Change]

Like, Connie's mom was stacked, from what I remember.

[David Bori]

Come on.

[Monet X Change]

She had a booty. She had big titties.

[David Bori]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Monet X Change]

And the waist to. The waist to ass ratio was.

[David Bori]

Come on.

[Monet X Change]

From what I remember, she was a baddie.

[David Bori]

Yep.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[Monet X Change]

And she had that. And she had that.627 y. This won't mean anything to y'.

[David Bori]

All.

[Monet X Change]

That 627 honey blonde hair.

[David Bori]

Oh, come on.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, come on. That's that. We talked about that last episode.

[David Bori]

Come on, baby.

[Langston Kerman]

We was just on that. See you late. We was just talking about that.

[David Bori]

We've been talking.

[Monet X Change]

Baddie. I'm like that honey blind.

[Langston Kerman]

That's the one that got me all rocked up.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. She's a baddie. She's a baddie for.

[Langston Kerman]

Thank you. It remains a point of disagreement between.

[Monet X Change]

Really? Okay, wait. Why do you think she's not a baddie?

[Langston Kerman]

And maybe. Maybe I'll admit this. Maybe some of this is coming from a recency bias that I can't escape. But I genuinely do not remember ever feeling any version of like, oh, she's supposed to be fine, too. Like, that was never the case.

[David Bori]

You gotta think outside the box.

[Langston Kerman]

It's part of why the beef between her and Brandi existed was like, well.

[David Bori]

Moeshe was a bitch. That was what that.

[Langston Kerman]

And it was just her calling her fat every day. And then I think it started to bleed into their actual, like, relationship. Cause it is, like, so every script is just you being like, shut your fat ass up, Kim. And then, you know what I mean? Like, it was crazy how she talked to her.

[David Bori]

Then she got her own show.

[Monet X Change]

Then she got her own show.

[Langston Kerman]

Then she got her own show. And. Yeah. No.

[Monet X Change]

Hey, Professor Alchemy.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. She was just meant to be annoying and singing.

[Monet X Change]

Interesting. Oh, I forgot she was originally on Moesha first.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah. She was a main character on Moesha the whole time, right?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Props to you, Countess. You're bad at me and David.

[David Bori]

Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

And, hey, you represent something important in my life. So don't think for a second you don't hold value, even though I'm not attracted to you in the least.

[Monet X Change]

Damn.

[David Bori]

That's crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

That seems reasonable. Y' all accused me of Being a monster, I had to defend myself. You told on me, the Countess, she wasn't even in this. You're like, countess, if you out there, what's up?

[David Bori]

All right, now she here.

[Langston Kerman]

Now I gotta explain myself.

[David Bori]

Countess, if you'd like to come on the show, you could smell. That was crazy. I realized it as soon as I said it. That was not correct. What were you about to do? I was gonna say you can smell both our dick.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[David Bori]

What are you doing? No. I'm all confused.

[Langston Kerman]

I think we did it.

[David Bori]

I think we did something.

[Langston Kerman]

I think this was really fun.

[David Bori]

This was great.

[Monet X Change]

We had a great time here.

[Langston Kerman]

Monet. Could you tell the people where they can find you?

[Monet X Change]

Go to monetexchange.com M, O, N, E, T, the letter X, the word change, and you can find me on all social media at that same Monet Xchange on everything except TikTok someone. Before I got a chance to do it, some shady queen stole my handle and now I have to be the Monet x change on TikTok.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, that's nasty.

[Monet X Change]

I know.

[David Bori]

Are they posting, like, fan parodies?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, shit like that.

[David Bori]

It's like they were.

[Monet X Change]

Well, they were for a while and then they stopped. So I'm like, just give it back.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, what do you want?

[David Bori]

That's crazy.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, it's like when someone buys your domain, you Gotta Pay Like, $10,000 for your. But yeah, so that's where you can find me.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm gonna be honest with you. Yeah, mine was available right away. I checked and they were like, yeah, that's cool.

[Monet X Change]

And also, if you want me to smell your dick on tour, you can. You can do that too. All the meet and greets. I will smell every dick that who.

[Langston Kerman]

Asks me to do it.

[David Bori]

That is bold.

[Langston Kerman]

That's a crazy thing to say.

[David Bori]

I love it.

[Monet X Change]

I like to give back to the community, you know?

[David Bori]

Give it back. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Bori, you want to tell them you.

[David Bori]

Can find me on TikTok at Monet Xchange? I will be holding you a ransom. I'm just a big fan with some parody videos. No cool guy jokes. 87 on Instagram. Patreon.com davidbory My self produced special Birth of a Nation with the G is so good. Buy it. It's so good. Buy one for. For you, your loved ones. I don't know how digital copies work. Yeah, maybe they're downloading it illegally.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know how that's okay.

[David Bori]

But, you know, try to make some more money this year.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I want that for you?

[Monet X Change]

The Black Eyed Peas. Look at the Black Eyed Peas.

[David Bori]

You said it didn't work for you.

[Monet X Change]

It might work for you.

[David Bori]

Damn, that is a mean way to call me. Broke, she said. Ah, but maybe you can.

[Ad Readers]

You do.

[David Bori]

You do your little thing. Maybe it can help you. Whatever makes you feel good, baby. Langston, where are you at?

[Langston Kerman]

You can follow me Langston Kerman on all social media platforms and you can watch my special. It's on Netflix. It's called Bad Poetry. And if you want to send us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories. If you want to tell us what your people cook on New Year's, and I do mean your people in a derogatory way, what your people cook on New Year's, send it all to mymamapodmail.com, we would love to hear from you and buy the merch. Like subscribe send us. Or you can call us 844-LIL-DOMS and eat some Black Eyed Peas, y'. All. Bye, bitch. My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network.

[David Bori]

And I Heart Podcast, created and hosted by Langston Kirkman, co hosted, hosted by David Bore, executive produced by Will Ferrell Hansani and Olivia Aguilar co produced by Bay Wang edited and engineered by Justin Kahner Music by Nick Chambers artwork by Dogon Krieger.

[Langston Kerman]

You can now watch episodes of My Mama told me on YouTube, follow Y Mama Told Me and subscribe to our channel.

[Ad Readers]

Did you know Microsoft has officially ended Support for Windows 10? Upgrade to Windows 11 with an LG Gram laptop, voted PCMag's Reader's Choice top laptop brand for 2025. Thin and ultra lightweight, the LG Gram keeps you productive anywhere, and Windows 11 gives you access to free security updates and ongoing feature upgrades. Visit LG USA iHeart for great seasonal savings on LG Gram laptops with Windows 11. PCMag Reader's Choice. Used with permission. All rights reserved.

[Langston Kerman]

This time of year, most of us.

[Ad Readers]

Are checking off our holiday gift lists. But identity thieves have lists, too, and your personal information might be on them. Protect your identity with LifeLock. LifeLock monitors millions of data points every second and alerts you to threats you could miss. If your identity is stolen, Lifelock will fix it, guaranteed, or your money back. Make this season about joy, not Identity theft. With LifeLock, save up to 40% your first year at LifeLock.com iHeart terms apply.

[Langston Kerman]

This is Julian Edelman from Dudes on.

[Ad Readers]

Dudes with Gronk and Jewels.

[David Bori]

Sunday mornings, I've got my Game Day.

[Ad Readers]

Ritual coffee, lucky socks, and now new.

[Jacob Goldstein]

Morning Uncrustable sand sandwiches.

[Monet X Change]

It's all about that 12 gram protein boost with the new Uncrustables Bright Eyed Berry or up and apple flavors.

[Ad Readers]

Bright Eye Berries got a feisty receiver.

[Langston Kerman]

Energy up an apple.

[Monet X Change]

Your classic do it all tight end.

[Ad Readers]

Soft, pillowy, packed with protein and easy enough for Gronk to grab from the freezer.

[Monet X Change]

Whether you're on the couch, driving to the tailgate or heading to the locker room, New Morning Uncrustable Sandwiches are the MVP of snacks.

[Ad Readers]

Your new Sunday kickoff ritual starts here.

[Jacob Goldstein]

With new Morning Uncrustable sandwiches packed with 12 grams of protein.

[Langston Kerman]

Janice Torres here and I'm Austin Hankwitz.

[Monet X Change]

We host the podcast Mind the Business.

[Ad Readers]

Small Business Success Stories, produced by Ruby Studio in partnership with Intuit QuickBooks.

[Langston Kerman]

We're back for season four to talk to some incredible small business owners.

[Monet X Change]

The big thing about working at tech is that it's ever evolving, ever changing. Everyone's a rookie. That's how fast the industry is changing. So what I'm really excited about is.

[Langston Kerman]

To be part of that change.

[Monet X Change]

So listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Langston Kerman]

This is an iHeart podcast, guaranteed.