My Momma Told Me – "No Gifts No Problems: Motherf*ckin Mini Episode (RE-RELEASE)"
Hosts: Langston Kerman & David Gborie
Date: December 18, 2025
Network: Big Money Players Network & iHeartPodcasts
Episode Overview
This mini episode of My Momma Told Me dives into one listener’s bold conspiracy theory: Black families with many kids convert to Jehovah's Witnesses to avoid buying holiday and birthday gifts. Langston Kerman and David Gborie unpack the idea with their trademark irreverence, personal anecdotes, and playful banter. Along the way, they also revisit previous listener feedback about geography, puffy nipples, and the mysterious link between milk and body changes.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Listener Mailbag: The Wyoming Car Math Debate
- Context: Langston and David address numerous emails from listeners weighing in on a previous debate about fuel tank sizes and driving distances from Denver to Wyoming.
- Langston: “I have now gotten three, I think upwards of three emails from various listeners who all wanted to make it clear that you, David, were in fact correct…” (03:23)
- Asia's Listener Email: Provided detailed calculations affirming David's claim about the drive and fuel needs.
- David (playfully): “I thank you all. You guys are great. I appreciate you. Doing math, calculating in the lab… I trust you.” (05:20)
- Langston (sarcastic): “You could be wrong, but I don’t know. I trust you.” (05:37)
2. The ‘Milk and Puffy Nipples’ Theory
- Story: A listener named Brian claims quitting dairy resolved both his acne and his “puffy nipples,” sparking a sidebar about bodily changes and conspiracies surrounding milk.
- Langston (quoting Brian): “I did the same. And not only did my acne clear up, but my nipples calmed the fuck down.” (07:10)
- David: “Don’t ever feel bad about your poofy nipples.” (08:07)
- Langston (jokingly): “I’m going to make an inspirational Instagram account for the titties that I transformed my titties into.” (08:36)
3. The Jehovah's Witness "No Gifts" Conspiracy Theory
- Anonymous Listener’s Theory: Some Black families with lots of kids become Jehovah’s Witnesses to avoid buying Christmas/birthday gifts, choosing faith over consumerism:
- Quote: “Black families with lots of kids become Jehovah's Witnesses to avoid purchasing Christmas and birthday gifts... I rest my case: Serena Williams family, Donald Glover’s family, Michael Jackson’s family...” (09:54)
- David’s Reaction: “Man, that feels... that feels pretty possible to me.” (10:32)
- Both hosts observe that almost every JW family they’ve known is large, with lots of siblings—and often a van needed to transport them.
- Langston: “It’s always a fuck ton of kids that are Jehovah’s Witnesses.” (10:48)
a. Kids First or Faith First?
- Langston's Question: “Do the kids come before, or are they a byproduct of Jehovah Witness practices? … I think they're like, ah, you ain't gotta wear no condoms.” (14:16)
- David’s Theory: “They're fucking raw. I think that's the main reason people become crazy religious is to fuck.” (14:43)
- Langston: “It’s all about fucking. ... I cannot imagine Jehovah’s Witnesses wear condoms or use any kind of birth control other than gravity.” (14:59)
b. Economic Motives & Practicality
- David: “I feel like it's definitely something that happens afterwards though. It's definitely. Like you have a few kids, money's getting tight ... That's a birthday every other month.” (17:26)
- Langston: “I’m feeling anxiety just with my one child… but having to do that six times a year, that’s... and then Christmas, that’s crazy.” (17:48)
c. Rituals, Beliefs, and Exclusion
- Langston: “They believe heaven has, like, a capacity... that's why they go door to door…” (16:08)
- Langston: “...it's one of those things that I do respect about their commitment to the religion where, like, if you do what they don't like, they kick you the fuck out.” (20:32)
- They compare JW beliefs and practices to other religions (Mormonism, Catholicism) and riff on added chapters, polygamy, and discipline.
d. Frugality vs. Commitment
- Langston: “It doesn’t seem completely altruistic.” (21:43)
- David: “You’re not just looking out for the kids’ greater good by taking away birthdays. You truly are saving hundreds of dollars, if not thousands of dollars a year.” (21:49)
- Langston’s Final Analysis: “If I have to go door to door... then yeah, I deserve not to buy my daughter a birthday gift.” (23:31)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- David (on audience interaction): “Thank you all. You guys are great. I appreciate you. Doing math, calculating in the lab... I trust you.” (05:20)
- Langston (teasing listeners): “Fuck you, Asia. You didn't have to do none of that. ... Mind your motherfucking business. Stay the fuck out of grown folks business, Asia. Fuck you. Fuck Carol. Fuck Phaedra...” (04:01)
- Langston: “You could be wrong, but I don’t know. I trust you.” (05:37)
- David (puffy nipples chat): “Don’t ever feel bad about your poofy nipples.” (08:07)
- Langston (on Instagram): “I’m going to make an inspirational Instagram account for the titties that I transformed my titties into.” (08:36)
- David (on JW family size): “It’s always a fuck ton of kids that are Jehovah’s Witnesses.” (10:48)
- Langston (on frugality): “You truly are saving hundreds of dollars, if not thousands of dollars a year.” (21:49)
- Langston (wrapping up): “...maybe they’re not cheap, maybe they’re just making necessary sacrifices for not going broke and raw dogging their wives.” (24:16)
Timestamps for Major Segments
- Fan Math Corrections ("Wyoming debate"): 03:23 – 06:23
- Puffy Nipples & Milk Sidebar: 06:33 – 09:11
- Main Conspiracy: Jehovah’s Witness Gift Avoidance: 09:19 – 24:16
- Including discussions about family size, religious rules, frugality, and birthday gifts
- Notable wrap-up & banter: 23:28 – 24:16
Tone & Vibe
- Playful, irreverent, full of teasing and camaraderie
- Sincere curiosity about cultural phenomena but never losing sight of the comedy
- Blend of personal storytelling, wild theorizing, and roasting each other & listeners
Conclusion
This mini episode is classic My Momma Told Me: A wild premise laid out by a listener gets dissected with equal parts seriousness and silliness. The hosts dive into the practical, financial, and cultural motivations that might underpin Jehovah’s Witness rules on holidays and family planning, all while sharing personal anecdotes and lampooning both conspiracy theories and themselves. It's a breezy, funny, and surprisingly thoughtful exploration of how religion, money, and culture intersect—and why some families just might get creative about avoiding gifts.
Listen to More or Share Your Theory
- Send conspiracy theories: mymommapodmail.com
- Hosts on social:
- @LangstonKerman
- @Coolguyjokes87 (David Gborie)