Only Black People Are In the Illuminati (with Jemele Hill)

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Only Black People Are In the Illuminati"

Podcast Information:

• Title: My Momma Told Me
• Host/Author: Big Money Players Network and iHeartPodcasts
• Description: Comedians Langston Kerman and David Borey delve into exhilarating, groundbreaking, and occasionally controversial Black conspiracy theories. Featuring guests, they explore everything from playful conspiracies to more unsettling ones, reminiscent of tales from that uncle who wore jeans to swim in the public pool.
• Episode: Only Black People Are In the Illuminati (with Jemele Hill)
• Release Date: July 8, 2025

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Introduction to the Topic

At the outset (02:09), Langston Kerman introduces the central theme by referencing a recent revelation about the strained relationship between Bea Arthur and Betty White, setting a light-hearted tone before delving into deeper discussions.

Defining the Illuminati and Its Perceived Goals ([18:07] - [44:35])

The conversation shifts focus to the Illuminati, with Jemele Hill posing the intriguing assertion that "only Black celebrities get put into the Illuminati." This sparks a multifaceted discussion among the hosts about the nature and objectives of the Illuminati.

• Clarifying the Illuminati:

  • Langston Kerman (18:07): Expresses confusion about the true goals of the Illuminati, questioning if it’s solely about world domination or establishing a global currency.
  • David Borey (18:15): Suggests the need for a structured agenda, pondering why only Black entertainers are associated, rather than professionals like doctors or surgeons.

• Celebrity Focus:

  • The hosts note that public discourse rarely mentions white celebrities in the Illuminati, questioning if there's a racial divide in these conspiracy theories.
  • Langston Kerman (19:11): Points out that while names like Oprah, Jay-Z, and Beyoncé are frequently mentioned, figures like Elon Musk or the Rothschild family are common in white Illuminati narratives.

• Historical Context:

  • Ryan Seacrest (39:13): Provides historical insights, noting that the original Bavarian Illuminati was an Enlightenment-era secret society aiming to promote reason and individualism among elites.
  • The group was disbanded in 1785 by the Duke of Bavaria but re-emerged in lore, with debates about its modern existence.

Black Illuminati vs. Traditional Illuminati ([22:24] - [44:35])

The hosts explore the concept of a "Black Illuminati," contemplating its members, goals, and differences from the traditional Illuminati.

• Membership and Influence:

  • Ryan Seacrest (22:34): Imagines the Black Illuminati as a co-op of wealthy Black individuals ensuring their collective prosperity.
  • Langston Kerman (22:24): Suggests influential Black billionaires and business moguls like Byron Allen and Deborah Johnson as potential members.

• Impact on Culture and Business:

  • David Borey (23:21): Highlights the disparity in public perception, noting that while Black celebrities are often scrutinized, powerful white families like the Rothschilds are similarly subject to conspiracy theories.
  • Ryan Seacrest (61:17): Argues that organizations like the American Legislative Exchange Council (ALEC) mirror the traditional Illuminati's role in shaping policies and maintaining elite interests.

Celebrities and Influence ([45:03] - [64:25])

The discussion turns to specific celebrities and their alleged ties to the Illuminati, blending humor with conspiracy speculation.

• Eddie Murphy and Sammy Davis Jr.:

  • Ryan Seacrest (57:09): Jokes about Eddie Murphy being an honorary member, highlighting his influence in entertainment.
  • Langston Kerman (57:44): Mentions Sammy Davis Jr. and humorous anecdotes to illustrate the perceived connections.

• Historical Figures and Presidents:

  • Ryan Seacrest (53:30): Playfully asserts that every U.S. president, including George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, is part of the Illuminati, blending historical facts with speculative fiction.
  • Langston Kerman (55:12): References Frederick Douglass, intertwining historical oppression with the conspiracy narrative.

Modern-Day Implications and Reflections ([64:25] - [85:16])

As the episode progresses, the hosts reflect on the societal impact of conspiracy theories and engage with listener feedback.

• Listener Interaction:

  • A voicemail from a listener introduces a controversial theory linking Black male loneliness to interracial relationships, which the hosts deconstruct with humor and critical analysis.
  • Ryan Seacrest (75:06): Critiques the harmful nature of such narratives, emphasizing the importance of addressing real societal issues without perpetuating baseless conspiracies.

• Cultural Commentary:

  • The hosts debate the role of media, entertainment, and societal expectations in shaping and perpetuating conspiracy theories.
  • Langston Kerman (76:56): Highlights the need for diverse representation in addressing and debunking harmful myths within the Black community.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts ([86:13] - End)

In the closing segments, the hosts transition from conspiracy theories to more personal reflections and comedic interactions, maintaining the episode's engaging and humorous tone.

• Reflections on the Illuminati Discussion:

  • Langston Kerman (86:13): Summarizes the episode's findings, suggesting a reimagined Black Illuminati focused on economic power and community support.
  • David Borey (86:20): Proposes influential figures like Byron Allen as leaders in this redefined secret society.

• Episode Wrap-Up:

  • The hosts conclude with humorous exchanges, reinforcing the blend of comedy and critical thought that characterizes the podcast.

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Notable Quotes:

• Langston Kerman (05:01): “We’re just throwing all these celebrities in there. It’s like, so what I have learned today is that if I’m thinking about the Illuminati, I’m going to eliminate the celebrities.”

• Ryan Seacrest (22:34): “If you make it in, you never go broke again. You get all the protections of what this institution represents, so long as you’re willing to play the game the way we play the game.”

• David Borey (33:28): “I was sitting here. No one Italian. This is crazy.”

• Ryan Seacrest (39:32): “A German lawmaker who believed strongly in enlightenment ideals and specifically worked to promote the principles among the elites.”

• Langston Kerman (64:25): “We need to be on the Illuminati. We have been greatly underestimating our people.”

• Ryan Seacrest (75:25): “He’s not doing good.”

• David Borey (85:03): “If your prayers include any of those things, they’re not going to work because I’m rejecting them all.”

---

Key Takeaways:

1. Reimagining the Illuminati: The episode explores the idea that the Illuminati, traditionally portrayed as a secretive elite group, might have a distinct "Black Illuminati" composed of influential Black figures in entertainment and business.

2. Cultural and Racial Dynamics: There's a notable discussion on the racial aspects of conspiracy theories, questioning why Black celebrities are predominantly associated with the Illuminati compared to their white counterparts.

3. Historical Context: Providing a brief history of the Bavarian Illuminati, the hosts differentiate historical facts from modern-day myths, highlighting how the original society's goals differ from contemporary conspiracy beliefs.

4. Celebrity Influence: The conversation humorously speculates on which Black celebrities could be part of this redefined Illuminati, blending real-life figures with fictional elements.

5. Societal Impact: The hosts critically examine how conspiracy theories can influence perceptions within the Black community, emphasizing the need to address genuine societal issues without resorting to unfounded claims.

6. Engagement with Listeners: Through processing listener voicemails, the hosts demonstrate the podcast's interactive nature, addressing and debunking harmful theories with a mix of humor and critical analysis.

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Conclusion: In "Only Black People Are In the Illuminati," Langston Kerman and David Borey, joined by guest Jemele Hill, navigate the intricate and often humorous landscape of Black conspiracy theories. They dissect the notion of a Black-centered Illuminati, juxtaposing historical contexts with modern-day celebrity culture, all while maintaining an engaging and critical dialogue. This episode serves as both entertainment and a thought-provoking exploration of how societal narratives shape and are shaped by cultural myths.

Transcript

[Langston Kerman]

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[Lauren Vogelbaum]

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[David Borey]

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[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Langston Kerman]

I think it was somewhat recently it came out that Bea Arthur and Betty White couldn't stand each other. Yeah, I was like, yo, Golden Girls drama.

[David Borey]

It was like a Martin Gina situation.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Well, same circumst circumstances.

[David Borey]

That's what I was. Identical.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And you know who was Martin in that relationship?

[David Borey]

You know she was trying to kiss her, right? For real.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Lee Arthur was picking Betty White up and trying to kiss her.

[Langston Kerman]

Little did we know what was happening in the back bedrooms, right?

[David Borey]

The government growing babies.

[Langston Kerman]

Microchips in your anus.

[David Borey]

All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money. Martians invented turkey stuffing. Y' all can't tell me nothing. It's my turn to do the intro.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I forgot you had a song.

[David Borey]

I did not have a song. I can think of one right now. I like pretty girls, girls, girls. Welcome, little mamas and gentiles alike, to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Me, the podcast where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories.

[David Borey]

You know what I've been thinking? Yeah, man. I was really sitting and thinking about it. I think we were too hard. And maybe this is just me personally, I think we were too hard on the ball is life, guys. The more I think about it, it's like maybe the best life advice coming out of social media in a long time. Because it's not about making money. It's not about grinding. It's about, like, relentless pursuit of a passion. Because you love that thing.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, they really. They were the people that believed, lived by, that were centered in a way that we didn't acknowledge.

[David Borey]

Yeah. Yeah. I think it was like. And I mean, sure, yeah, a lot of them are at 24 hour fitnesses at times that you should be at work.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Not great.

[David Borey]

And. But so am I. I mean, I'm in the Y. Like, I'm downstairs, I'm fucking around, ignoring calls or whatever. Yeah, it's just like. It's like so many things, especially now coming out of social media, are so commodified, and it's this idea of you as a product and a brand and grind time for. And these guys were just like, balls life. That's just what I love.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I just like dribbling and Jamel, you ain't gotta hide from it. You have thoughts on this?

[Langston Kerman]

I have no thoughts on this. Oh, is ball life. It's like, yes.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I don't know that it is for me, but I respect anybody that lands on what they truly love.

[David Borey]

Exactly. And I think that we all have a ball. It's just their ball is maybe, you know, you have a ball. You have a ball, Right?

[Ryan Seacrest]

So it's like, yeah, weird stuff on the Internet. That's my ball.

[David Borey]

Right? Okay. Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And yes, I have a family, and.

[David Borey]

Yes, you have a family and you love them.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I acknowledge that. They are also life. But you have a ball.

[David Borey]

Come on. That's the point of it. Is that I think the relentless pursuit of a passion. And just because it feels like passion for passion's sake, not for gain. And I think that is an important aspect to have in your life. And I think when it came out, I was upset because I'm not good at basketball. And I really was mean.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You took this personally.

[David Borey]

I hate basketball players because they get to play basketball forever.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You really. White lives mattered. This movement in a way that.

[David Borey]

I don't love your angle.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

I don't love your tone. Right.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You saw some nuping and you were like, I could do stuff too.

[David Borey]

No.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That rubbed you wrong.

[David Borey]

I've always hated it. Because basketball gets to be a lifelong obsession. And as a little fat kid, you just gotta play football. And they don't tell you this just goes away.

[Langston Kerman]

Right. You're just done physically. You can't do it after a certain time.

[David Borey]

You shouldn't do it at that time.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, I mean, I don't know. Debatable.

[David Borey]

I think. I think a lot of people get fucked up in a battle.

[Langston Kerman]

They do.

[David Borey]

But the point is, like, after high school, it's done.

[Ryan Seacrest]

They do keep it going.

[David Borey]

Especially. We were talking about this, especially linemen, you know, now we don't. There's no seven on seven for fat dude. Now you're just done. Now it's just over. You bench 3:30 for no reason. And you work at Target and you're angry. And these basketball guys, hey, let's go to the park. We're still having fun. Girls are here.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, but see, you just picked the wrong thing. Like, I wish. And we talk about Boston.

[David Borey]

My other sport was wrestling. What was that gonna do?

[Langston Kerman]

Okay, you weren't gonna wrestle after certain. Otherwise it'd be weird.

[David Borey]

Yeah, it was weird to not be.

[Langston Kerman]

Allowed within a school district.

[David Borey]

But a lot of people let me know it was weird then.

[Langston Kerman]

But like golf, for example. So, like, golf is. Is life for me. Like, I Reese, me and my husband, we. We got into golf, like, three years ago. I'm completely obsessed.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Whoa.

[Langston Kerman]

This is something that you definitely could have taken up younger, still would be playing now. And you meet crazy, like, engaging, fun people on the golf course. Like the social aspect. Now I get it. Like, now I get what people say of golf. Of golf. Like, I.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You're saying that I have the ab pivot. My life. And it doesn't always have to be the same ball.

[Langston Kerman]

Correct. It could be a different kind of ball. And so. And then listen, how many sports are there where you can drink and do it and still be good at It.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Not a lot.

[Langston Kerman]

Golf, softball. You could be a softball. Life.

[David Borey]

Basketball for a couple guys.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, yes, because there's always one dude.

[David Borey]

They said AI in Denver was going nuts.

[Langston Kerman]

Why just Denver? Cause he also spent time in Detroit, where I'm from, and the stories about him are legendary. There ain't a Friday safe. Wherever AI is. That's my homie.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That's so crazy.

[David Borey]

That's those Virginia athletes, man. To be drunk and play a sport.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I will say, can you think you.

[David Borey]

Could play basketball drunk? No.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Not even a little bit. And it does make me feel more passionate in a different way than I ever thought I would. I've always been like, oh, the game evolves. It gets better over time. The players of today are objectively better than the players of yesteryear. That is my position. LeBron is the greatest because LeBron has surpassed everything that Jordan could do at that time.

[David Borey]

Right.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That's where I live. That's where I live. I'll take that shot. If that don't feel right to you.

[Langston Kerman]

Not wrong, per se. But I do think some of this might be. Is somewhat generational because everybody's protective of their era. Like music, sports.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yes.

[Langston Kerman]

Entertainment. Those are the three areas. Because, you know, you could not have convinced my mother that rap wasn't trash and wasn't just a regurgitation of samples of all the shit that she grew up on and y' all ain't creative and blah, blah, blah. So I get that. But I mean, he's definitely, you know, right there. He's in the. Like. Anybody I know that young people now will. They. Will 10 years from now be like, I can't believe that was ever an argument that it wasn't just LeBron. Whereas probably for my generation. But it's like, no, it's Michael Jordan.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, yeah. And that's no disrespect to LeBron because I think to be as firmly in the conversation as he is is a testament to how good he is.

[Ryan Seacrest]

But here's. Here's a little nod to it possibly being Michael Jordan is that LeBron has spent a million plus dollars a year on his body every year. He has eaten clean. He has figured out a way to chisel the form into the perfect form for the sport as he plays it. Michael Jordan was drunk.

[Langston Kerman]

He was drunk every night. That is not true.

[David Borey]

You don't think so?

[Langston Kerman]

Do you not know this story?

[David Borey]

And I ain't playing. No. You don't think this motherfucker wasn't getting wine drunk every night?

[Langston Kerman]

No, he wasn't Every night he talked about this. Listen, okay, Michael Jordan talked about the fact that he did not drink when he played.

[Ryan Seacrest]

He's a liar.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, I have heard stories about him, yes. He didn't drink when he played.

[David Borey]

Well, I mean, I've heard stories about him drinking.

[Langston Kerman]

He was getting. I think it was either 4am or 6am he worked out every. Every day regardless, right? Like, he kept his body in immaculate condition. The worst thing he probably did was cigars. That was probably the worst.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I don't mean to suggest that Michael Jordan wasn't putting everything he had into it.

[Langston Kerman]

No, but he was not known as being a drunk at all.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I only mean, and this is more jumping off of the AI example that there are guys who are comparable to the legends of now that also were doing it with other shit going on. You know what I mean? In a way that they don't do it now. I mean, like, listen, Allen Iverson, literally, the whole.

[Langston Kerman]

A good portion of the 80s, like, every third player was sniffing coke. I mean, like cocaine. Like, everybody was. So that was. That was the league. That was the big league issue. You know, Michael Ray Richardson, good guy. To me, that man had a Jerry curler just doing blow. Like, hey, hey, this is Miami Vice right here.

[David Borey]

Basketball players are too big to be doing that much cocaine.

[Ryan Seacrest]

It's scary.

[David Borey]

That seems like. Could you imagine Charles Oakley?

[Ryan Seacrest]

Oh, man, you, Charles, sober. That's some scary shit. I don't want him nowhere near intoxicants.

[Langston Kerman]

Well.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Our guest today. I can't believe she's here. It's so cool. She is a force, a person, you know, from media in all forms, entertainment, writing, television, the news, the. Not news, all the stuff. She's won Emmys and you know her best now from her own podcast, Politics. Give it up for our phenomenal guest, Jamel Hill, everybody.

[Langston Kerman]

How did all of this trouble begin? Living in America.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yes.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, thank you all for the kind intro. I'm happy to be here, happy to have some fun, you know, and we are a journalist in my line of work. And even though sports was. Sports is really my background and still the foundation of what I do, people start thinking that, like, I'm not a fun person.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Like they think I have no sense of humor and that I'm just walking around, you know, pointing out injustice. Like, oh, there's a white crack in the sidewalk. Somehow it's a white man. Like, that's. I'm like, that's not the energy I'm on. Right.

[David Borey]

Which is crazy because that's what we do.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, sometimes. I ain't gonna lie.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I didn't like how you pretended to be us. That's so nasty.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, it was a white valet. Sometimes that happens where people just have this sort of picture of me as being super serious. So I'm always happy to be in spaces like this where we can just laugh and fuck around in a space.

[David Borey]

I love it. I love it. Cause sports is. Do you like how serious the sports world is? It seems like people just don't play about that shit.

[Langston Kerman]

No. What I don't like about it is that there are just too many, too much of a machine built around taking the joy out of sports.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Everybody, one. Everybody has an opinion, which sounds like a really crazy thing to say, considering I'm in the business of giving my opinion about sports, but an opinion in the sense of, like, something's gotta be wrong with everything, right? It's like, we can't just enjoy what it is. Like, two minutes after OKC wins the finals, the conversation is, was this a tainted championship? Cause Tyrese Haliburton got, you know, got injured. And I'm like, man, fuck that. Can we just celebrate the fact that this team from wire to wire, the way it was constructed, you have, you know, sga, who wins the scoring title, mvp, finals mvp, and a championship all in the same year. Only one of four dudes to do that.

[David Borey]

Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

So I feel like the joy of what sports was supposed to bring us gets lost in this machine of conversations and debates about shit that don't even matter.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And also, that injury is part of the bigger story. Do you know what I mean? History remembers things. It's like, oh, they were neck and neck. Anything could have happened. And then their hero goes down.

[David Borey]

Yeah, he goes down.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That is how a championship can be won, too. And it's not. That doesn't taint the story. That just makes it the fucking story.

[Langston Kerman]

It just adds to it. It's like something that you remember. But as I've tried to tell people, even though this is probably for the situation, the most devastating injury I can think of.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, for sure.

[Langston Kerman]

But along any championship path, it's always something that happens where somebody, A team, benefits from someone else's misfortune. I mean, you know, I grew up. My coming of age with basketball was in the 80s. And when the Pistons, when they played the Lakers the first time in the Finals, I mean, Isaiah was hurt. They lost. Lakers are a better team for the series. That's fine. The next year, Magic was hurt. They were healthy. And they beat the Lakers ass.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

So it's just. That's just sports. Like, that's what happens.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I think about how different the league would be at large if Kevin Durant and Klay Thompson don't get injured in that. That Toronto series.

[David Borey]

Right?

[Ryan Seacrest]

Like, I think there's a world where, like, they win another championship and maybe still together, they work out the shit that they were struggling with emotionally, socially, whatever the fuck I mean, and they keep riding, you know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

Like, maybe Draymond doesn't fire on Jordan Poole. Like, I don't know, man.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Jordan Poole learns to act right, because he gets slapped every week by this man. Jordan Poole got brain damage because of Draymond. All that could have been avoided.

[David Borey]

Man, that shit seems so bad. Like, getting bullied at work is the worst.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That's crazy.

[David Borey]

It sucks.

[Ryan Seacrest]

It's crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

Sucks, but only acceptable to sports. Like, yeah, I got football stories that are just far worse than really. I mean, people be fighting. Shit.

[David Borey]

You know what, though? You can get bullied at Target, too. Like, I think it does happen everywhere.

[Langston Kerman]

It does have just. It's just more extreme. Like, the docu series or the documentary that's on Netflix right now is part of their. That Untold series.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, I love those.

[Langston Kerman]

The Gilbert arenas, Javarris Kritner 1. These dudes. I never would have thought the story would be two NBA players both bring their heat to the locker room. Like, they both bring their guns to the locker room, and one of them eventually gets charged with murder. And then it's like, what?

[David Borey]

One brought two. Yeah, two cartoon guns. Two. Elmer Fox. He was, like, looking first, I have a tiger striped.

[Langston Kerman]

3.

[Ryan Seacrest]

He was, like, looking for silly ones. He said, what's my silliest gun? That's gonna make everybody laugh when I pull it out on this nigga.

[Langston Kerman]

This wild. But. Yes, but I wish we concentrated a little bit more on the. On the joy of sports. The fact that we're watching very ridiculously physically built human beings do things that nobody should be able to do.

[David Borey]

Yeah, yeah, definitely.

[Ryan Seacrest]

We. We didn't even come here to talk about any.

[David Borey]

No, no.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

This is.

[Ryan Seacrest]

This is not the plan. But this is. This is beautiful. You came to us, Jamel, with a conspiracy theory that I'm excited to say is the first ever conversation he and I had on this podcast. On this podcast. But you framed it in a way that I don't think we ever really thought about.

[David Borey]

No, I didn't understand the format.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That's not what I'm accusing you of.

[David Borey]

Okay. I do remember, though.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I was like, I think you've evolved. The conversation is what I mean to say. But you said, my mama told me only black celebrities get put into the Illuminati.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, the Illuminati. I'm struggling to understand what. What it is, like, what is supposed to be the goals of the Illuminati?

[Ryan Seacrest]

That's a great question.

[Langston Kerman]

Is it just world domination? Is it establishing a global currency? What's the end game of the Illuminati?

[David Borey]

There does seem to need to be some kind of, like, they need some structure. Yeah. Because it's also because I think if it was anything actually that important, it wouldn't be celebrities, I. I guess. You know what I'm saying? There's no. You don't ever. Nobody's ever like, oh, all these brain surgeons and doctors and it's always just like, basketball. It's like, rappers. What are you talking about?

[Ryan Seacrest]

You're not like, I think my. My. I think my orthopedist is in the area.

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You're making a lot of money over.

[David Borey]

A Nigga who owns 15 Burger Kings. Right. Like, you know what I'm saying?

[Langston Kerman]

Just your run of the mill business person, that's like, part of the Illuminati.

[David Borey]

There's like, actors.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

Who aren't really good at anything.

[Langston Kerman]

It's like, oh, okay, she twerks a lot. Got it right. Illuminati material.

[David Borey]

Yeah. Clearly some type of a higher order.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. But you never hear white celebrities being put in the Illuminati. And I was like, is it racial? Is like, what is the racial divide there? Like, you don't. You hear Tom Cruise associated with a lot of other shit.

[David Borey]

Obviously, I was gonna say arose by any other name, right? What, the Top of Scientology?

[Langston Kerman]

What is it a different kind of Illuminati? Is that.

[David Borey]

That's what I think.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I think that. That certainly, if we're talking about goals. Right. Part of what I've always understood to be the Illuminati's intention is, like, co op. I think they're like a co op of rich motherfuckers. And so in that way, it's like this shared work of just keeping our co op thriving.

[David Borey]

Right.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And so, like, if you make it in, you never go broke again. You get all the protections of what this institution represents, so long as you're willing to play the game the way we play the game.

[Langston Kerman]

This. This sounds like the co op that Prop Joe built in the Wire.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

Is that what it's like?

[Ryan Seacrest]

I like this.

[Langston Kerman]

I Mean, is Marlo eventually gonna be like the price of the brick going up?

[Ryan Seacrest]

And I think. And there are some arguments to be made about the Diddy situation that, that, that is the conspiracy that people are making about Diddy's situation is that he was buying into the co op. He did wrong by the, the alcohol company that asked him to do certain behaviors. Whatever. He said no. This is the hero story they always tell. Diddy said no. I'm a business of my own. I stand on mine. And then suddenly we're finding out about all of his sexuality.

[Langston Kerman]

It's like an evolution of. Bill Cosby was buying NBC.

[Ryan Seacrest]

There we go.

[Langston Kerman]

Ok. Right. It's like that.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Which, which we now know to be true.

[Langston Kerman]

What?

[David Borey]

Here we go.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That's 100% true.

[Langston Kerman]

That is 100% true.

[Ryan Seacrest]

He was legitimately trying to buy NBC. But where people fuck around is. The years are way off from what he was doing. Do you know what I mean? That like, was this at like the.

[Langston Kerman]

Height of Cosby or something?

[Ryan Seacrest]

This was. No, this was like after his, his second Cosby, after like that other one got canceled. He then was like furious with the institution at large and was like, I'm gonna change the whole thing. Made them an offer that was more, more than they actually were like meant to be getting. And they still said no on some, like, we just don't fuck. We don't want you to be the guy. And so like, he was legitimately trying to buy NBC. That said it. It ain't timing out the way people wanted to. Like, he did that. And then the year later they were like, we got you, Bill.

[David Borey]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

It was like, you know, 10 years before anybody even accused him of any.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay, okay. Cause I totally thought that was completely false. Like Bill Cosby about to buy it.

[David Borey]

You know what I always think about the black Illuminati? I'm just thinking about this is also, like, have some decorum. It's a lot of first time members. Oh, oh. You know what I'm saying?

[Langston Kerman]

So you feel like it's not enough legacy?

[David Borey]

I think that would be. That's like how you build a strong base. Right? But you're letting all these first time celebrities in.

[Langston Kerman]

A lot of money. A lot of new money.

[David Borey]

Come on. A lot of new money. And that's my issue with the black Illuminati is like, save it for your children. How.

[Ryan Seacrest]

How far into your career do you have to be to make it into the Illuminati?

[Langston Kerman]

Like, is there money, nigga?

[David Borey]

Hoping 15 years.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, is there A money minimum to being in the Illuminati. The three names you hear about the most in the Illuminati are Oprah, Jay Z and Beyonce. Right, Those three. Are there other black multi?

[David Borey]

Who's the woman who owns bet?

[Ryan Seacrest]

Deborah Johnson. Ain't that it?

[Langston Kerman]

Well, Sheila Johnson was Bob Johnson's ex wife. Yeah, yeah, right. Like that's. They were married and then.

[David Borey]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

And now, I mean, Viacom runs bet, so I'm not really sure.

[Ryan Seacrest]

It used to be the lady.

[David Borey]

That's who I'm thinking of.

[Ryan Seacrest]

UDocs made fun of.

[David Borey]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, oh, you talking about Deborah Lee?

[Ryan Seacrest]

Deborah Lee.

[Langston Kerman]

Deborah Lee. Yes, yes, Deborah Lee. Right. Correct. Okay, so she is not or is in the Illuminati.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I think if Debra Lee ain't in the Illuminati, it's not a real institution. I think that's a powerful, powerful figure.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, you gotta. If you don't have Deborah Lee in it, how good is your Illuminati?

[David Borey]

Right?

[Ryan Seacrest]

That's what I would say. Yeah. Because if we're talking about, like, for real, not celebrity, she's not really a celebrity. We only know her name because she's rich. We don't even like what she makes. Do you know what I mean? Like, everybody's always going like, man, fuck bet. But you still know the president's name.

[David Borey]

That's some heat in the catalog. No, I'm not saying.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I'm not saying that's my position. I'm saying that is the language around bet. We've always been very sort of judgmental of bet. And we still know to kiss the ring. That's a powerful individual.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, but the thing is, though, with BET is like, this is why I never understood the judgment. It's like we judge bet, but watch the same shit somewhere else. It's like you just don't want bet to show it.

[David Borey]

Right?

[Langston Kerman]

It's better bet got this money.

[David Borey]

That's what it feels like, baby boy.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Feel good wherever you watch it.

[David Borey]

Come on, come on. I just want to watch the game. Season 50.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

Don't take away my margaritas.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I'm telling you.

[David Borey]

Right. Also, I thought they went crazy with those New Edition movies.

[Langston Kerman]

I thought they were pretty good.

[David Borey]

Those were great.

[Langston Kerman]

They did that.

[Ryan Seacrest]

They were pretty good.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah. My guilty pleasure. BET watch is for my man.

[David Borey]

I'm not even up on.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I don't know this one.

[Langston Kerman]

All right, so this is about women who have murdered or done something. It's usually murder, though. It's not usually stealing. It's usually like, straight up murdered for my man.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Whoa.

[David Borey]

Yeah, That's a beautiful premise.

[Langston Kerman]

See what I'm saying?

[David Borey]

I do like that.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And this is a documentary.

[Langston Kerman]

This is a docuseries. Yeah, it's like, first 48, but it's like the. It's like the nigga version of Snapped. Right? That's like, what it is. And it's like, all women, and they just like, yeah, like, heal for my man. Like, I put this down for my man.

[David Borey]

Like, everyone that's available on the app.

[Langston Kerman]

It is available on the app. It is on bt. It is supreme watching. And it's.

[David Borey]

No, I like that one.

[Langston Kerman]

You shot, like, a Hype Williams video. Like, it's amazing.

[David Borey]

I really like everything about that bet.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, I like bet.

[David Borey]

I've always liked bet.

[Langston Kerman]

I had no issue with bet. If anything, My issue is, like, they don't take enough chances, right? And it's like, there's things like, the New Edition one, to me, was a very strategic swing. They know the audience they were going for. They drill down on what is a story that's important to black culture, and they told it right. And I think there's a lot of those opportunities that's out there for them.

[David Borey]

I also kind of oversaturated the market, though, because they did New Edition, then they did the Bobby Brown, which was also good. Amazing three movie series. But then they also had the Bobby. Like, they just kind of like. It's like, we only nine of these movies. There's.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Spread it out a little bit.

[Langston Kerman]

Maybe we'll get that Ralph Trazmat.

[David Borey]

You know what I want is a Shine movie. I've been saying for years, but they have a doc.

[Langston Kerman]

They don't have a movie.

[David Borey]

But that's a film. That's a life worth a film, right? I think.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

I'm gonna be shy.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I don't think I'm gonna be shy.

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Thank you. That's cool. That's cool in that way.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I think I'm all good on being shy.

[David Borey]

Yeah, that's right.

[Langston Kerman]

But I mean, the conspiracy theory with the Illuminati, the other thing, I also wonder about it. Other than, like, what's the goal? What's the agenda is. Oh, you know what? Will Smith, he was another one that's supposed to be the Illuminati.

[Ryan Seacrest]

A hundred percent. Yeah, he was an early. I would say early.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, he was an early favorite in the Illuminati.

[David Borey]

Yeah, definitely. I think that's like the Smith family in general, I think, is, like, maybe the number one thing I Think about.

[Ryan Seacrest]

When you think Illuminati about the Illuminati.

[David Borey]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I think that's, I guess, my question.

[David Borey]

And that's also maybe my age as well. And, like, you know, me growing up, seeing Will Smith's catastrophic, you know, the whole rise.

[Ryan Seacrest]

My question off of that, then, and this is for us at large, is, are we the ones that are making the Illuminati black? You know what I mean? That, like, are we. Because this is who we're consuming. That is the names we're circulating, rather than it being like, oh, everybody's. They have. They talk about the Illuminati in the white community. We're just not clocking in that, like. Yes, they do.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

I never hear them say anything about it.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't think that they. If they. Well, I'll tell you what I think. If they do put people in the Illuminati, if white people are out there, they're putting people like Elon Musk in the Illuminati.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Sure.

[Langston Kerman]

Cause so your point is, like, we're putting all the entertainers, and maybe that's just because that's our obvious picture of wealth.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, right.

[Langston Kerman]

It's like the one we're more familiar with, the sports figures, the entertainers, you know, that kind of thing. And for, like, white people, I think they would put in, like, Elon Musk or the Rothschilds, or they're putting something.

[David Borey]

Like Dude Minute hot glue.

[Langston Kerman]

Exactly.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And we like who. They're like, no, no, no, you don't get it. This motherfucker made glue hot. He's pretty much the richest man that ever was.

[David Borey]

I have heard a lot of white people talk about the Rothschild. So in a way that I don't love bringing it up on this podcast, to be honest.

[Ryan Seacrest]

The Vanderbilts, you know what I mean?

[David Borey]

Like, weird families, institutional American families, they.

[Langston Kerman]

Will put in the Illuminati. And I don't know if that refle. Just where we are as black people. The fact that we are putting like, yes, Oprah. It's gotta be her. She's the richest black woman ever. You know what I'm saying?

[David Borey]

But when we talk about these richer white families, I think there is also a level of, like, you know, there are presidents in the skull and bones or whatever. Like, all that kind of stuff is. Is that not Illuminati?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Is Obama Illuminati? Is Obama, I think.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Absolutely.

[David Borey]

I really can't tell you.

[Langston Kerman]

Undecided.

[David Borey]

I waffle with him. I waffle with him.

[Langston Kerman]

Is it?

[Ryan Seacrest]

You think he's you think he's like, not. You think he's chilling?

[David Borey]

I think I want him to be a good man so bad. Oh, and I see. I see this current Jennifer Aniston situation, and I'm like, look, if he was in the.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, shit, I forgot the conspiracy.

[David Borey]

If he was in the Illuminati, they would have thrown him a friend. They give you a friend in the Illuminati. You get a friend if you're in the Illuminati, right?

[Langston Kerman]

Do you mean like an actual member of the Friends cast, or do you mean just a friend?

[David Borey]

I mean, if you're in the black Illuminati, they let you fuck one of the friends.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay. I do think that I'm like Courtney Cox. What?

[David Borey]

Anyone? Anyone?

[Langston Kerman]

Anyone?

[David Borey]

It could be David Schwimmer. Is that David Schwimmer?

[Langston Kerman]

Yes, he is. He's a friend.

[David Borey]

He's a friend.

[Ryan Seacrest]

He's a friend.

[David Borey]

Yeah. I think you get a friend if you're in the illness. Get a friend and it doesn't leak.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, I think. I think it would be absurd to call an American president somehow safe from the Illuminati, that he's, like, not tapping in over there.

[David Borey]

You think every president was in the Illuminati?

[Ryan Seacrest]

100%.

[Langston Kerman]

You think every president.

[David Borey]

Jimmy Carter was in the Illuminati.

[Langston Kerman]

No way.

[David Borey]

Jimmy Carter was not in the. Come on, let's move.

[Ryan Seacrest]

100%. That's you.

[Langston Kerman]

If he were really in the Illuminati, he would have lasted. He wouldn't be on that list of incumbents that lost.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I think that's.

[David Borey]

The man was a bean farmer.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I think that's why they. They got mad. Y' all have to remember that Jimmy Carter wasn't like, this groundbreaking dude right from the start, right? He came in and then started doing them fireside chats and acting funny and being weird to them, and they were like, hey, hey.

[David Borey]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Langston Kerman]

He was too human.

[David Borey]

He was too human.

[Ryan Seacrest]

He was seeing those meetings. He was experiencing what they were doing in there. And he was going, bro, I gotta talk to the people.

[David Borey]

Right?

[Ryan Seacrest]

This is crazy, right?

[David Borey]

And then they were like, fine.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You'll go, yeah, we don't care.

[David Borey]

Yeah, we wanted Billy anyways.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, we'll replace the drunk brother.

[David Borey]

Was Billy your brother who sold beer? You know he had that drunk brother who sold beer?

[Langston Kerman]

I didn't remember that vaguely. I didn't remember his name. Every president.

[David Borey]

I don't. I don't.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Give me one who ain't.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, I don't think JFK was in the Illuminati?

[David Borey]

I don't think so.

[Langston Kerman]

Because if he was, he be here.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You think they don't let that shot get off? If the Illuminati.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, if he was really part of the Illuminati.

[David Borey]

Come on. They do.

[Langston Kerman]

There's gotta be some protection in the Illuminati.

[David Borey]

Camelot out. See what I'm saying, right? Like, as far as. Like, I think there were.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I guess what I'm saying is, I think that if the Illuminati is in fact this. This real co op, as we are now understanding it, that it is. It is like any co op where if you rub the wrong people wrong, you will find yourself put out quickly or upcharged or in debt, in danger in a way that you weren't previously.

[Langston Kerman]

I think if you've been assassinated, I don't think you've been a part of. Or the Illuminati didn't accept you, it was something you didn't do.

[David Borey]

What if there was an attempt? You think the same thing?

[Langston Kerman]

No, I think that's just a scare tactic.

[David Borey]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

They're not just trying to scare you into acting, right?

[David Borey]

I don't think they would have let Trump in. Because he's a hillbilly. Mm. He's uncouth.

[Langston Kerman]

He is. But he also would try to come in on some Wrecking ball shit and they, like, weed out a certain order.

[David Borey]

To our shit, but everybody rejects him. That's his whole get down. Right.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I don't know, y'.

[Langston Kerman]

All.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I think.

[David Borey]

Also, why are we talking about any Italians?

[Langston Kerman]

Any Illuminati?

[David Borey]

It's. No. Okay. This is not. This is not.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, no.

[David Borey]

Don't lose me right now, you playboy. Don't lose me right now.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Find your camera.

[David Borey]

It's clearly an Italian word. It started in Italy. We have it talked about. No Italian.

[Langston Kerman]

You're.

[David Borey]

That's crazy.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Both of those things are not true.

[David Borey]

It's an Italian word.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I think it's a Latin word.

[David Borey]

Oh, that's different. I thought it was about. I thought it was Italian.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Illuminati.

[David Borey]

I don't think it's that. I thought it was started by the fetuccinis.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I don't think.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I don't think you're going to find this on, like, a menu.

[David Borey]

That's disappointing. I really thought it was based in Italy. I thought it was like La Costa Nostra. I thought it was started over there and came over here.

[Langston Kerman]

That sounds true, though.

[David Borey]

That feels right.

[Langston Kerman]

I just say it feels. That felt right.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I was like I was sitting here.

[David Borey]

I was like, no one Italian. This is crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

Sorry. What can I say?

[David Borey]

But it did start in Europe. It didn't start here.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That is true. And maybe this is a good segue for us to we're going to take a break and when we come back, I did some research on the Illuminati that I'd like to discuss and we can, we can see if we can come to a conclusion on this whole.

[David Borey]

Thing and we can find where the Italians are.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Find those Italians. We know you're in there. We'll be back with more Jemele Hill More My mama told me.

[Jamel Hill]

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Again.

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[Unknown]

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[Ryan Seacrest]

But we're gonna do this respectfully. Otherwise we'll end in a duel.

[Unknown]

And I mean a duel.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Real life duel where only one person walks away.

[David Borey]

We can meet with guns, bottles, knives.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Or books and equations, but we're gonna do this like men.

[David Borey]

So get ready and get ready for this. Langston did some research on the Illuminati.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm just imagining an equation fight. That's what I was thinking of. I was like, my ex versus your wife. What you gonna do gravel.

[David Borey]

Parabola.

[Langston Kerman]

Time.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, they're both curved. That's pretty cool. He's the funniest man.

[David Borey]

Yeah, he's really, really pretty.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Pretty much the greatest guy.

[David Borey]

We got close.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Jamel. I did some research. We were talking about the Italian roots of the Illuminati moments ago, but the Illuminati is actually Bavarian. It originally started in Bavaria.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[Ryan Seacrest]

It was a secret society that operated from 1776 to 1785.

[Langston Kerman]

That sounded a long run.

[David Borey]

That is not a long run. Is it just a coincidence that it started when America started? Whoa.

[Langston Kerman]

There you go, connecting the dots.

[David Borey]

Right?

[Ryan Seacrest]

Okay. I don't know that I ever thought about that. I don't know why it's 1776, but it did start exactly when America started. It had some shit going before that day.

[Langston Kerman]

Started is an interesting word.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

This wasn't, like, a vacant parking lot.

[David Borey]

Nobody's there.

[Langston Kerman]

So did they disclose who was in the Bavarian Illuminati?

[Ryan Seacrest]

So it was started by a dude named Adam Weishaupt.

[David Borey]

I'm out.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You don't like that? That rubs you wrong.

[David Borey]

I thought it was Freddy Spaghetti and them. The idea that it's a bunch of German dudes.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That's right. It is a German.

[David Borey]

This doesn't seem nearly as interesting as I thought.

[Ryan Seacrest]

A German lawmaker who believed strongly in enlightenment ideals and specifically worked to promote the principles among the elites. So it was trying to get enlightenment to the elite class of society.

[David Borey]

Always works well when Germans go that way.

[Langston Kerman]

It's such an amazing track record. Amazing.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Three for three. You say we, not the goat, but three for three?

[David Borey]

This is racist. Like, as soon as you started talking about this, I was like, oh, this isn't even sexy anymore. All right. The Illuminati, I thought it was a bunch of suave.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That's liking those cloaks, but they're naked underneath, and you're like, damn, this kind of nasty. Y' all get down.

[David Borey]

I didn't think about any of them eating sausages.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah. Nah, this is goofy shit. It was a part of a European intellectual movement of the 17th and 18th century that emphasized an individualism and reasoning over tradition, which I will say, then kind of makes me feel like at least what people claim about the Illuminati makes sense.

[David Borey]

Right?

[Ryan Seacrest]

That their intentions are, like, gaining individual power beyond reason. Like, beyond, like, I mean, some talented 10 shit, basically.

[Langston Kerman]

Right. But in that case, I mean, it might have been even less than 10% that they were trying to appeal these ideals to. So does it. Does it say beyond that? Like, what were they trying to take over the world or they were just. Just trying to enlighten the rich people. And then I'm like, enlighten them to do what?

[David Borey]

Yeah. Also, you set a hard end date, which makes me wonder. Like, they just were like. They quit.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

So they were like, nah.

[Langston Kerman]

They're like, this kind of didn't work out.

[David Borey]

We tried it. We tried it.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Y' all just want to stop calling each other that, right? Yeah.

[David Borey]

We still need up. We just.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You ain't got to call me Mr. No More. It's cool. We friends again.

[Langston Kerman]

Illuminati. Okay.

[David Borey]

It's just Rick.

[Langston Kerman]

All right.

[David Borey]

This is Rick now.

[Ryan Seacrest]

So the group originally started with six to nine guys, and at its largest grew to somewhere between. And this is a pretty big range. 650 to 2,500 people.

[David Borey]

That's a huge.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Wow.

[Langston Kerman]

That's. That. That is not as indiscriminate as it seems like it should be.

[Ryan Seacrest]

No. And you would think the Illuminati would have a clearer track if they hadn't did that. But maybe that speaks to some of, like, how it becomes this larger lore. Right? Is that because they don't know exactly if it's 650 or 2500, everybody becomes a weird suspect of this organization that didn't really do shit.

[David Borey]

That's what I was going to ask. What are their notable accomplishments? Because it just still sounds like kind of some shitty rich guys hanging out. Like, do they get anything done? They get some books.

[Ryan Seacrest]

What's weird is the Illuminati, at least in the beginning, was largely opposed to the ruling class. Like, it was meant to be like.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, anti establishment.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Anti establishment shit. And they were closer to, like, Anonymous, you know what I mean? Like, Skull and Bones type shit. And then eventually found themselves shifting, I think in part because you can't get the elite together without them protecting a large. Right. That's the danger of capitalism as we talk about it. It's like, I make money and then I start to build a community with people who make money, and I can't. I can't fuck up your money.

[David Borey]

No.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I gotta be cool and, like, not do bad things to your money, even though I know your money is nasty.

[David Borey]

I can't even really disrupt the system in a real way.

[Langston Kerman]

No. So they clearly weren't trying to disrupt the system. They were just trying to overtake it and be more powerful, which is.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, I like.

[Langston Kerman]

Disappointing, huh?

[David Borey]

It was way better as Italians.

[Langston Kerman]

Who would be the lead Italian in.

[Ryan Seacrest]

The Italian Illuminati that's a good question. And I'm.

[David Borey]

Are we talking about current day?

[Langston Kerman]

You do current day.

[David Borey]

I mean, look, I think the fascists were in there, right? Mussolini was probably.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, Mussolini for sure. Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Now give us a fun one. Go ahead and throw a fun one in there.

[David Borey]

I mean, there's so many fun ones. They're such musical people. They're such a light hearted.

[Langston Kerman]

Is Tony Danza in the Illuminati?

[David Borey]

I think Fellini. I think Fellini was probably right.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You're thinking of like over there Italians.

[David Borey]

Oh, I was not thinking of ours.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, you weren't thinking about American?

[David Borey]

I wasn't thinking of ours. No, no.

[Langston Kerman]

Like a combination, like Pavarotti.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I thought you were gonna be like Guy Fieri in the Illuminati.

[David Borey]

That's why you said Tony Danza. Tony Danza.

[Ryan Seacrest]

What? Yeah, that money kept him safe. He did. You know what I mean? He had a right person pocket.

[David Borey]

Tony Danzler is probably caked up though, right?

[Ryan Seacrest]

He's caked up syndication in the 80s.

[Langston Kerman]

Hell, he's on. He's in the power universe.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And that's what makes me think Illuminati. Because something changed.

[Langston Kerman]

Something went wrong.

[Ryan Seacrest]

This isn't the Tony Danzler we grew up with. What the fuck is he doing over there? Unless he burned a bridge.

[David Borey]

Is his name a Tony on power too?

[Langston Kerman]

No, I feel like it's not. I feel like it's something else.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I hope his name is Tony in everything he does.

[David Borey]

Yeah, that's the amazing.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Wasn't it in Taxi too? He was Tony.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, my God.

[David Borey]

I think that's the way to get into show business.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You're right. That's a flex.

[David Borey]

Really? Really? That. That would be great.

[Ryan Seacrest]

They were like, bro, we can't even imagine you different.

[David Borey]

You got to be Tony.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You got to be Tony.

[Langston Kerman]

But he's allowed to be different types of Tony.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That's true.

[Langston Kerman]

Because he was like the. The goofball, like dummy in Taxi right then.

[David Borey]

He was very different from who's the Boss.

[Langston Kerman]

Very different from who's the Boss. It took him like 35 years to finally get with Judith Light, like, hooked up to.

[Ryan Seacrest]

He was like more smooth talking.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, smooth talking, but yet a very progressive man for the time.

[Ryan Seacrest]

He was progressive.

[David Borey]

Oh, because he worked in the house?

[Langston Kerman]

Because he was. Yeah, he was the house manager, if you will. And.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And he protected those women.

[Langston Kerman]

He did.

[Ryan Seacrest]

He really, like, was like, nah, I believe in y'.

[Langston Kerman]

All. Raised a single dad.

[David Borey]

Raise a dumb.

[Ryan Seacrest]

He was like, I'm dumb. So you're right.

[Langston Kerman]

You're right. Exactly.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That was his whole thing. Every episode.

[David Borey]

I didn't really care for him on that show. I was a Mona guy.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Whoa. Oh, really?

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Mona was a baddie.

[Langston Kerman]

She was spicy.

[David Borey]

Yeah. No, it's like the same. I was a Blanche guy as well.

[Langston Kerman]

It's like a. Oh, you like the spicier.

[David Borey]

That's the word for you.

[Langston Kerman]

You like spicy white.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay, I got it.

[David Borey]

I think that I like older women who like to entertain.

[Langston Kerman]

Seasoned.

[David Borey]

Yes.

[Langston Kerman]

Seasoned ladies of spice.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I will say that Blanche's stories always felt like the life most lived.

[David Borey]

Yes.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Like everybody else, they'd recount the story, and it's like, ah, that's kind of sad.

[David Borey]

Oh, yeah. And Dorothy would be like, oh, what time in Minnesota is like, bitch, shut up. Blanche out here fucking. Like, I don't care what you have to say.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, wait, no, that was Betty White. That was Rose because she was from St. Ola. Rose was from Minnesota.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Blanche was the big old sad one.

[David Borey]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're talking about Bea Arthur.

[Langston Kerman]

Bea Arthur. Blanche was the. The. Dorothy was the big old sandwich. Yeah.

[David Borey]

Blanche had. She had a guy named Big Daddy for a while.

[Ryan Seacrest]

She was going crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

Blanche was a city girl.

[David Borey]

That's what I liked.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, I mean, and, you know, that's my thing. She's in Miami. When you watch Golden Girls, it is like, it was ahead of its time in so many ways. And, like, some of the episodes you forget about, like, some of the. The deeper, like, social justice kind of episodes they had. Like when Blanche. I think her brother was gay. That was one.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes, her brother was gay. Then they did a racial. They did a racial one, but I'm.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Sure a few racial ones.

[Langston Kerman]

They did a couple racial ones, and I was like, look at Golden Girl.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, they.

[David Borey]

By the way, I think that's the best setup for a television show is give me whatever and then let me see them face everything I don't want to see. Not everything has to be this niche group and only what they experience. Yeah, I don't mind. Just like, give me five people and then have it all happen to them. Like, I like that.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You know, I do, too. Carmichael's show did a good job of that.

[David Borey]

They did.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, this just is happening in this area. So y' all gotta. Y' all gotta deal with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's nice when it feels like they're living in the same world that we live in.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

So you. No love for Sophia, like, that was.

[David Borey]

She was funny. She was funny. She Was funny.

[Ryan Seacrest]

She was very wonderful.

[David Borey]

She was cutting. I. I liked that.

[Ryan Seacrest]

They never really wrote any story for.

[Langston Kerman]

That's what I'm saying.

[David Borey]

She never had much to do. She never had much.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, she was just there, really, to roast people.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

That was, like, effectively, every once in.

[Ryan Seacrest]

A while, she admits something to be Arthur that, like, kind of rounded out the character, but, like, it wasn't.

[Langston Kerman]

That wasn't her.

[Ryan Seacrest]

It wasn't a lot. You know what I mean?

[David Borey]

She was the oldest lady, you know.

[Ryan Seacrest]

But she was also the youngest lady.

[David Borey]

In real life, right?

[Langston Kerman]

In real life, yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

She got a bad one.

[Langston Kerman]

The recent. They didn't do her dirty, though.

[David Borey]

That is crazy. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You know, and then I remember it would freak me out when I would see her not in the Golden Girls, like, you know, get up, and I was like, oh, my gosh, she's like 30 years younger than the character she's playing.

[David Borey]

She's still around now?

[Ryan Seacrest]

No.

[Langston Kerman]

No, she's not.

[David Borey]

Yeah, I think.

[Langston Kerman]

I think they're all gone. Yeah, I think they're all. Damn.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Betty White was the last one. Betty White died in, what, 99?

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, woof.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You guys asked the question, and I do have an answer to it, but maybe we should take the. Well, no, no, we'll do this. Before we do the break, the question of how the Illuminati got broken up. In 1785, the Duke of Bavaria banned all secret societies, and the Illuminati was, quote, unquote, wiped out. Now, in 1798, though, this is where it gets exciting. In 1798, George Washington stopped and they did. Yeah. He was like, hey, don't do that kind of Illuminati.

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[David Borey]

Italians would never. Would never.

[Langston Kerman]

Tony Danza never.

[David Borey]

Would never. Come on.

[Ryan Seacrest]

He was the boss.

[David Borey]

He was the boss.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Well, it's just. Who was it? We don't know.

[David Borey]

But Angelo was one of the bosses.

[Langston Kerman]

He was one, at least. Exactly.

[Ryan Seacrest]

But in 1798, George Washington wrote a letter about the Illuminati where he speculated that the threat had largely been beaten, but mentioned the group helped their infamy by sort of, like, not being clearly wiped out. That, like he said, they had largely been beaten but left enough space in whatever he was saying that it started to build lore around the Illuminati and a few other guys after that start to do something similar where they'll, like, acknowledge its existence but not fully be like, it's stupid. It's old. It doesn't exist anymore.

[Langston Kerman]

There's a lot of questions there, because those original Illuminatis have descendants, right? Where did those descendants wind up? And, you know, especially, I imagine everybody wasn't down to just in the Illuminati. So they might have been teaching another Illuminati class. How to Illuminati.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

Well, okay. And that's my question, though, is what is how to Illuminati? Cause still sounds like they ain't on shit.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I mean, but if you got.

[David Borey]

What if they got. What if they. What are they doing?

[Ryan Seacrest]

If you got the President of the United States writing letters. You got a point.

[Langston Kerman]

About presidents, right?

[Ryan Seacrest]

You're a mover and shit shaker. And yes, George Washington acknowledging it means he was a part of the Illuminati. And I stand behind my original statement.

[Langston Kerman]

I feel like Andrew Jackson was too loose to be like. They would be like.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I think they liked him the most. I think they were like, look, I say crazy shit. This nigga does it. That's cool.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, he was a drunk. He was a gambler.

[Ryan Seacrest]

He was walking down street, the street shooting people in the head. He didn't give a.

[Langston Kerman]

That's true.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That's. That's like, tell me they let old.

[Langston Kerman]

Stale ass R B Hayes up in the Illuminati.

[David Borey]

Come on. There's some boring ones that.

[Langston Kerman]

Some boring ones that you gonna be like, eh weng Harding.

[Ryan Seacrest]

They had a big bathtub.

[David Borey]

They had a big talk with Tap.

[Ryan Seacrest]

After the T. I think they talked to him.

[David Borey]

This man did other stuff. He wasn't just a fat guy.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I think they said he was a president.

[David Borey]

Respect him. That's all we talk about is the dub with that guy.

[Ryan Seacrest]

They said, hey, man, you're doing something real nasty to your situation and we gotta be better. And he said, I'm sorry. I will. And I think he did some stuff. I think you're right. He probably did some stuff. But we're gonna remember that bathtub.

[David Borey]

No, we don't. I don't know what he did. What's the most. What is his biggest legacy as the president?

[Ryan Seacrest]

Bathtub and mustache. That's what I know.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, bro.

[David Borey]

We don't know anything. We don't know anything that man did.

[Langston Kerman]

You are right about abe Laken Illuminati 100%.

[David Borey]

But he was black.

[Ryan Seacrest]

He got shot by a celebrity, was young. He was like the Brad Pitt of that generation. Brad Pitt shot Brad Pitt shot the president.

[David Borey]

I knew he was an actor, but he was that.

[Ryan Seacrest]

He was that guy, dog.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, okay. I thought he was just some struggling. Didn't nobody know who he was.

[Ryan Seacrest]

This was Timothee Chalamet climbing up there in and shooting the President.

[David Borey]

Was he tiny, too?

[Ryan Seacrest]

I don't know. Timothy Chalamet is actually pretty tall.

[David Borey]

Really?

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, he's like six feet. Six feet.

[David Borey]

I thought he was a little guy.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Nah, that's a big dude. That's how he has all that confidence.

[David Borey]

That's not nearly as good of a story.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Oh, yeah.

[David Borey]

I think I thought he was like. I thought he was tiny dynamite, like a little firecracker.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You thought he was above all odds, I will succeed.

[David Borey]

Yeah. I thought he was just like a little baby guy.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Nope. Just a tall, handsome, sexy dude.

[David Borey]

Oh, so he's a tall guy who's having. It says, we're modeling. That's not even cool.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah. Nah, it's pretty slack.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, my God, the things you learn.

[David Borey]

I know.

[Langston Kerman]

That's Lincoln.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

But it's the whole, you know, him ending slavery thing, sort of. Kind of.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I think that could be the argument. Sure.

[Langston Kerman]

It's like, maybe it's, you know, the Illuminati not being down with that said, you know what?

[Ryan Seacrest]

Imagine how many people's money he fucked up.

[Langston Kerman]

Exactly.

[Ryan Seacrest]

A lot.

[David Borey]

Half the country.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And you fucked it up in a way where, like, I ain't never gonna see that again.

[David Borey]

No, because they knew how sweet. They. I mean, listen, free labor is like. They. They were like, this is.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean. And the reparations, again, went shit compared to, like, what they lost. Right.

[David Borey]

I don't know. Putting myself in the mindset of them, but they must have been like, yes.

[Langston Kerman]

Channel your inner slave.

[David Borey]

To get free labor is like. You must have been like, and you came over here and stole the land anyways. You must have been like, this is never gonna stop. And then somebody coming and being like, no, you have to try to kill him.

[Ryan Seacrest]

It's crazy.

[David Borey]

You gotta try to kill him.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I'd shoot my brother for it.

[Langston Kerman]

Frederick Douglass.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Illuminati, I think Frederick Douglass. Absolutely. Illuminati.

[David Borey]

Come on, man. I think I married a white woman.

[Ryan Seacrest]

He married a white woman.

[Langston Kerman]

Immediately. Immediately.

[David Borey]

As soon as you did.

[Langston Kerman]

And he was like, you know, made a narrative.

[David Borey]

He had a black lady.

[Langston Kerman]

But to do that during that time. And he was like, that's some Illuminati shit right there.

[David Borey]

Yeah. He felt. He felt untouchable.

[Ryan Seacrest]

He was like, baby, I don't know how to explain this to you, but we can't be together no more. Your hands, they got scars on them. I can't. Oh, I gotta move on.

[Langston Kerman]

See the keloids?

[Ryan Seacrest]

Like, yeah, that's not.

[Langston Kerman]

That's not where he was.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Look. Cause if I take you to dinner, to Mr. Chow's, they gonna see it on your fingers.

[Langston Kerman]

They gonna know.

[Ryan Seacrest]

They gonna know. I can't.

[Langston Kerman]

Unfortunate. Unfortunate. Do you think there's been a lot of black leaders, political leaders who've been other. I mean, not counting Obama, you wouldn't put him on the.

[David Borey]

Wait, I have one. Al Sharpton.

[Langston Kerman]

Illuminati.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You think Al Sharpton is Illuminati?

[David Borey]

No, I'm asking how you feel.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Oh, I don't think Al Sharpton's in the Illuminati.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't think Al Sharpton, man.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I think Al Sharpton.

[David Borey]

Who fun is there?

[Ryan Seacrest]

He's happy to be there.

[David Borey]

Who fun is there? Who's fun there?

[Ryan Seacrest]

Who's fun?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Is there, like, a comedian in there? Is like, Eddie Murphy in the Illumina.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Oh, Eddie Murphy's in the Illuminati.

[David Borey]

Eddie Murphy. Murphy.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I think Eddie Murphy's in the Illuminati.

[Langston Kerman]

He's Illuminati material.

[Ryan Seacrest]

He makes reggae albums. He's so free. You know what I mean? Like, you have. That's a level of, like, evolved.

[Langston Kerman]

He's too peaceful to be.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

He seems so Zen.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I think they may. He may have been one of those hires where it just was clear from the beginning. Eddie, we're not going to ask too much of you. We like your vibe.

[David Borey]

You're just so talented.

[Ryan Seacrest]

We like what you can do for sort of public manipulation. We're not gonna ask too much of you.

[Langston Kerman]

Could he have been, like, an honorary Illuminati?

[Ryan Seacrest]

I think it might be that.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, when you get an honorary degree. Honorary membership.

[Ryan Seacrest]

It's how Bill Cosby is a doctor. Yeah, exactly.

[Langston Kerman]

There you go. He's honorary Illuminati.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

That's really probably the best position to sit in as a black man is the honorary.

[Langston Kerman]

I think you don't have to be too committed.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And you didn't have to go through the same ritual process that maybe the other ones did.

[David Borey]

That's what I think. I think Eddie Murphy, they were like, hey, just pick somebody up on the street one time, we're gonna catch you, humiliate you a little bit.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Or maybe he rubbed somebody wrong and they were like, we gotta do a humiliation ritual.

[David Borey]

Sorry.

[Langston Kerman]

Look.

[David Borey]

Love you.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You're so funny, dude. Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes.

[David Borey]

But the clumps, I loved it.

[Ryan Seacrest]

But you did. You said some nasty things about him. So we're gonna have to.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I feel like Sammy Davis Jr. Would have been in a little bit. I think Definitely, I think definitely from an entertainer. Fun guy.

[Ryan Seacrest]

This is actually my favorite.

[David Borey]

You heard him talk about the devil?

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah. Eddie Murphy tells that story.

[David Borey]

Eddie Murphy tells a story where he's like in a limousine with Sammy Davis and out of nowhere they're at dinner, they're at dinner And Sammy Davis Jr. Is like, you know, the devil's just as powerful as God, right?

[Ryan Seacrest]

And Eddie goes. Eddie goes, what? And then Sammy goes, nothing.

[Langston Kerman]

See, that's some Illuminati shit. That's it. Where do you take the conversation when somebody says that? What's the follow up to that?

[David Borey]

Okay, that's my problem though is I keep asking.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, you, you would have entertained.

[David Borey]

I have to know because now I.

[Langston Kerman]

Gotta know where this came from.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And to bring us full circle, this is why I'm so scared of Tyler Perry, is because I would find myself at that time being like, you know who's so funny? Sammy Davis Jr. I would been like, he's the coolest guy and we should hang out with him every week. And now suddenly I'm worshiping the devil just cause I want to be around this funny ass dude.

[David Borey]

Yeah, Just cause it's hilarious.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That's such a funny way to talk about the devil.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

To be like, you know, he's just as powerful as Jesus, right? What? I don't know.

[Langston Kerman]

Sammy, on that shit, like, what's going on?

[David Borey]

What did you say, Sammy?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, you just. It's either one of two reactions. Either you ask more questions as you seem to do, or I'm like the piano player in Color Purple where I'm just packing my shit immediately and be like, it was nice and I'm out. Because like, I don't know where you're going after that.

[David Borey]

That's smarter. That's much smarter.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I just, I don't know how to pack up.

[David Borey]

Yeah, I mean, I want to know. Too bad. I like weird people too much.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, I'm gonna stick around for a while.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, I made it for the story nine times out of 10. But I'm like, eh, maybe this one I don't need to hear.

[Ryan Seacrest]

The last piece of information that I'll give you as it relates to the Black Illuminati. Well, the Illuminati at large, let's say that while this secret society is proven to have existed and for generations they have not figured out ways to land down exactly what or who the Illuminati is to the larger point that we talked about in terms of it being celebrities that always get brought up. The American Legislative Exchange Council ALEC is essentially that of businesses and tycoons and people. It is like a secret organization that focuses on sort of like this collective hive mind. How do we strategize to keep all of these businesses and people afloat? There's an active business or organization in front of us. That is the Illuminati. We're wasting our time getting distracted, in.

[David Borey]

My opinion, by the black one.

[Ryan Seacrest]

By. By accusing Beyonce.

[Langston Kerman]

By the celebrity one. Right. We need to be on the.

[David Borey]

There's a group.

[Langston Kerman]

There is. To your point about how. How come the experts. How come the experts are the major billionaires that are black people? How come you know that in the business world.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

How come they aren't put in the Illuminati? It's kind of. It's kind of like when they. From a government standpoint, when they want to create black policies or.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, yes.

[Langston Kerman]

They never bring the social scientists. They're like, you know what? Let's call Ice Cube.

[David Borey]

What?

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, no offense, but, you know.

[David Borey]

She makes me feel crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes.

[David Borey]

It's like when you talk to a rapper about anything. Yeah. I love rap music. But I'm just saying, like, there are people who just go to school for stuff.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes. I mean, strangely enough, they have degrees or they've been on the grassroots in that field. It's like, well, we want to figure out how to reshape mass incarceration. Let's call it 50 cents.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Like, what if I had 100 numbers in my phone, Ice Cube would not be on the list of people I would send. And that's not. We were just thinking highly of him yesterday. But what the fuck does this nigga know that's gonna be helpful towards, like, true change?

[Langston Kerman]

Correct. They never call experts for us. It's like, always, like, you know, Keisha Cole in charge of hood. It's like, what the fuck are we.

[David Borey]

Wondering why it's so disrespectful to just like, it's so disrespectful. You know what I mean? To think that. To just to think of that.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And to the larger point, it makes me feel like we are in some ways creating our own. Own narrative by continuing to accuse our own of being in these secret societies when, in fact, Beyonce's not in the secret society. The company that owns the record label that Beyonce is under is in the secret society. You know what I mean? Like, that is. She's as much a product of what they want. And maybe you can argue that she is being handled by the Illuminati, but certainly she's not like at a meeting.

[David Borey]

Yeah. I mean it's also like as front facing as they are, celebrities are the tip of the iceberg for whatever money that there is being funneled into that. Right.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah. They're always.

[David Borey]

None of them run the industries that give them that.

[Ryan Seacrest]

They're always the poorest person in first class.

[David Borey]

Exactly, exactly.

[Langston Kerman]

This felt like a. Remember how NBC used to have. The more, you know, I just feel like a rainbow should just come over right now.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Like, the more, you know, Alec. Yes, Alec is the devil.

[Langston Kerman]

So it's like it feels like we need to get our Illuminati game up. That we have been greatly underestimating our people. Like we're throwing all these celebrities in there. It's like. So what I have learned today is that if I'm thinking about the Illuminati, I'm going to eliminate the celebrities. I'm going to immediately put like Robert Smith in there, the multi billionaire and other people. Melody Hopson.

[David Borey]

Yeah. Byron Allen.

[Langston Kerman]

There we go. There's our. Yes. Let's bring some power and some economic muscle to our Illuminati.

[David Borey]

And also because we're in here having these ideas. Us.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[David Borey]

Yeah, I think, right. We're restarting.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I think you're actually moving backwards in.

[David Borey]

Terms of the argument. No, I'm just saying. But like if we're restarting it up.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I think if we can luckily get Byron Allen on the podcast, we can ask him straight up, like, what's up?

[Langston Kerman]

You and the Illuminati or not?

[Ryan Seacrest]

And can we join your Illuminati honorary.

[David Borey]

Eddie Murphy style, man.

[Langston Kerman]

Barbie does feel like an honorary Illuminati.

[Ryan Seacrest]

100%.

[David Borey]

Yeah, definitely.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You know, they're replacing After Midnight with his show.

[David Borey]

Let's go. His show that he built himself by buying that dog shit airtime.

[Ryan Seacrest]

But it's comics Unleashed reruns. He bought the airtime after at four after midnight to show his show that he don't even make no more.

[David Borey]

That's so funny.

[Langston Kerman]

That's genius and petty. I like the. I like the combination.

[Ryan Seacrest]

He's just going to be sitting across from dead men. Do you know what I mean? Half these comedians ain't even with us no more.

[David Borey]

No, he's not running. So, dead fan, I heard you got into a funny altercation at a McDonald's.

[Langston Kerman]

Hey, yo, did he just get some money from them? From McDonald's?

[David Borey]

That fan did.

[Langston Kerman]

No, no. Pirate Allen.

[David Borey]

Like, yes, you got it, man. Keep. Keep fighting. Oh, he did. He got a bunch of money from there.

[Langston Kerman]

He sued them for racial discrimination and got.

[David Borey]

Sued McDonald's like nine, nine, nine figures type money.

[Langston Kerman]

Like yo, he got. I don't even know the details. I was just about that why he got it Or I was like, what the did he sue him for?

[Ryan Seacrest]

Like know you could sue McDonald's.

[Langston Kerman]

Hey, hey.

[David Borey]

I think, I think at the end of the day, I think we all have to give it up. Byron Allen. Byron Allen, one of the greatest of all time.

[Langston Kerman]

Say something. Let's put him on a secret ballot to be president of the Illuminati.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

The new black Illuminati. That's what we got now.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I like what you're thinking. Absolutely. And I think for anybody who's been wondering who's in the Illuminati, who are our real threats? Both serve and feel threatened by Byron Allen and the likes.

[Langston Kerman]

There it is.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, there it is.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Jamel, we're gonna take one more break.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm in.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And then we're gonna do a voicemail. But this, I think we solved it.

[David Borey]

I think we figured it out.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I think everybody feels good. So more Jemele Hill, more My Mama Told Me.

[Jamel Hill]

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[Robert Lamb]

This episode is brought to you by Hendrix Ginn. This is Robert Lamb from Stuff to Blow youw Mind. Here at Stuff to Blow youw Mind, we celebrate curiosity. And that's why I want to take a minute to talk about Hendrix Gin, the refreshingly curious choice for marvelous summer cocktail. Whether you're mixing up a Hendrix cucumber lemonade with Hendrix Gin original or trying out one of their limited releases from the cabinet of curiosities. Opening a bottle of Hendrix Gin is even more than the start of a refreshing cocktail. It's about opening yourself up to the extraordinary, the unusual. So pick up Hendrix, Oseum Gran Cabaret, or Flora Adora to try these fleeting expressions before their God. Embrace your curiosity. Hendrix is the refreshingly curious choice for marvelous summer cocktails. To learn more about Hendrix and to find more refreshing cocktail recipes, visit hendrixgen.com US drink responsibly Hendrix Gin 44% alcohol by volume 2025 imported by William Grant & Sons Incorporated, New York, New York.

[Cindy Crawford]

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[Unknown]

Hi, I'm Cindy Crawford and I'm the founder of Meaningful Beauty. Well, I don't know about you, but like, I never liked being told, oh wow, you look so good for your age. Like, why even bother saying that? Why don't you just say you look great at any age? Every age. That's what Meaningful Beauty is all about. We create products that make you feel confident in your skin at the age you are now. Meaningful Beauty.

[Langston Kerman]

Beautiful skin at every age.

[Unknown]

Learn more@meaningful beauty.com.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Give him a little something. Go ahead, man, break it down.

[Langston Kerman]

When you really break it down.

[Cindy Crawford]

We're just two honks and a Negro.

[Langston Kerman]

Serving the Lord we're just two honks and a Negro singing our song.

[David Borey]

And we're just not gonna comment on that last clip. We're back. I do love that clip, though.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Have you seen that? Have you seen that clip?

[Langston Kerman]

What is that from?

[David Borey]

It's the group DC Talk on Arsenio Hall.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, DC Talk. Yeah. I can loosely remember the name.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Arsenio walks up and he goes, hey, come on, y', all, sing something for us. And then. And they go, yeah, we got you.

[David Borey]

I think he says, who are you? Tell them who you are.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Or something like that.

[David Borey]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then this underwater black man and these two white men sing that to Arsenio and Arsenio. The funniest part is he gets it. So they're singing it and Arsenio's just like.

[Ryan Seacrest]

He like, immediately is like, nah, this.

[Langston Kerman]

Isn'T what I had in mind.

[David Borey]

Oh, so you didn't do what you thought you did here?

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, that's crazy. You're being crazy. And in particular, like, they all like hit that, like that 90s ass.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, yeah. That little sort of weird pop lock. Yeah, yeah.

[David Borey]

Because it goes longer. Ooh, yeah, yeah. Two hunks and a Negro singing a song. It's rough.

[Langston Kerman]

Then they add some soul to it.

[David Borey]

Yeah, That's a bad day.

[Ryan Seacrest]

No, it was pretty crazy.

[David Borey]

They were a Christian group, right?

[Ryan Seacrest]

I have to assume so.

[David Borey]

I think they were a Christian group.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I don't think there's any other reason.

[Langston Kerman]

Makes that funnier.

[David Borey]

It's so much funnier.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I think that was non denominational Christianity.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, it did have that tone.

[David Borey]

Yeah. But I think also that was a play from a Christian record label executive who's like, we're gonna cross you over into the black market. We got you on Arsinio. He said it wrong and he was like, here's what you're gonna see.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I don't disagree.

[David Borey]

Yeah. Anyways, we got an email.

[Robert Lamb]

Voicemail.

[Ryan Seacrest]

A voicemail from one of our listeners. Let's see what they talking about.

[David Borey]

They're probably drunk, so, you know.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Hi.

[Unknown]

Just wanted to say, really huge fan. Black conspiracy kind of my shit. This is a conspiracy theory that I think, think would solve the male loneliness epidemic. I believe that as a nation, if we truly want to save the black loneliness male epidemic, which I also don't believe is real, but for shits and giggles, we're going to pretend it's real. Okay, I think every man. Black man.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I'm just going to pause that for a second.

[David Borey]

Black men can't be lonely.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, is there a black male? I mean, I know they talked about a male.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I've certainly heard male loneliness.

[Langston Kerman]

But is. Is this something much like every other problem in society that is disproportionately impacting black men?

[David Borey]

I think this is the one time we get away clean, because I had not sensed that.

[Langston Kerman]

I had not sensed that there was a. That specifically black men were.

[David Borey]

This is the one thing I think that is not. I don't think it's.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I think we are doing some of the things that their actual loneliness epidemic like experiences, like the nutrition conservation, whatever, you know, people not wanting to bust their nut to hold on to their. Their. Oh, I'm the only person who studied the Internet. For real.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay. I don't know.

[David Borey]

We just hang out in different corners. We just hang out. No, no, no.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You guys are pretending to be culture experts.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I'm really down in the trenches.

[David Borey]

Is that the trench?

[Ryan Seacrest]

That's part of what people. Semen retention.

[David Borey]

Popular sort of like Kevin Gates preaches it.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Trend that's happening amongst a lot of young black men.

[Langston Kerman]

You actually listen to Kevin Gates?

[David Borey]

I hear things. He says, oh, okay.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm like, oh, I don't.

[David Borey]

Like. I don't process it, and I don't believe it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. He just sort of like. It's in the atmosphere. Like, okay.

[David Borey]

He said that he's very funny.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

And that's where I. Traffic is. Humor. He is very, very funny.

[Ryan Seacrest]

He's one of the funniest people on the planet.

[Langston Kerman]

He's like that unintentionally. He doesn't know he's serious, which makes it funny.

[David Borey]

Yes.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And then sometimes you can't tell which one he is.

[David Borey]

You almost hope it's like a Borat character.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah. Whereas, like, if it's going too far, Kevin. And you're scaring me, but keep going. Also keep going.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[David Borey]

Okay. So I have heard of semen retention.

[Langston Kerman]

He is a proponent of semen retention.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I'm saying that there are young black men that are certainly mimicking some of these behaviors that you see in the white epidemic. But I don't think that they're interpreting it in the same ways. I don't think they're retaining their semen and then wanting to hurt people because of it. They're doing it because they're like, this gonna make me hoot better. This is like. This is really how I like. They're like, yo, if I.

[Langston Kerman]

If I really wanna be out here on some Steph Curry shit.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

If I'm gonna make the combine.

[David Borey]

Yeah, Here we go.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I gotta jump 2 inches. Higher.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And the only way I'm gonna do that is if I don't have. What else would help?

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I would think that would be.

[David Borey]

225 goes up that much easier.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I don't get it.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, I. This is.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Listen, I'm not keeping mine.

[David Borey]

No, listen, it's. It's phrenology. It's. This is not good.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I want to be very clear with everybody. Mind is free.

[David Borey]

Yeah. I can't give it away.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You ain't got to worry about me being backed up in the least.

[David Borey]

I promise you. I don't want that. That poison inside of me.

[Langston Kerman]

Seems like the semen retention movement is having some struggles that perhaps they need a diversity outreach. The one. The one part we don't want to be DEI is in is semen retention.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That's right.

[David Borey]

Keep that over there.

[Langston Kerman]

Keep that over there.

[David Borey]

We don't want to take their job.

[Langston Kerman]

All right. The things you learn. I tell you so. Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I worry that this black loneliness epidemic is not in fact a thing. But maybe, I don't know know, maybe I'm not.

[David Borey]

Internet culture has gotten so big for the youth, though, that it goes to places that I don't know. And it. I will acknowledge that. That there are large.

[Ryan Seacrest]

For sure.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Undiagnosed or diagnosed depression needs to be assigned a white woman who wore Cookie Monster pajama bottoms in high school.

[David Borey]

Wait, where did that go?

[Langston Kerman]

What? I'm sorry. How did we get you.

[David Borey]

You got what I need? I'm trying to. That's not what I thought it was.

[Langston Kerman]

Where did the Cookie Monster. What?

[David Borey]

I'm sorry. I got viscerally very angry.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That was.

[David Borey]

Run it back for a second because we did. I don't think we got it played. That sucks. I hate this.

[Ryan Seacrest]

This is a hard thought. I hate to wrestle with. Here we go.

[Unknown]

Who has undiagnosed or diagnosed depression needs to be assigned a white woman who wore Cookie Monster pajama box in high school. He gets her for three years. She is going to build him up, right? Build up his confidence. She's going to cook, she's going to clean. She's going to do what Cookie Monster pajama bottom mamas do.

[Langston Kerman]

Cookie Monster pajama bottoms.

[David Borey]

We throw this man in the trash and we never talk about this again. Get the fuck out of here.

[Langston Kerman]

The thing is, I know exactly the type of white woman.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I know 100%.

[David Borey]

We all know her name is Chastity.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, I went to college with a bunch. So I'm like, I know exactly who this White woman is.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I know exactly who it is. And I know for certain that is not a person who has built up anybody or anything she will take from you.

[David Borey]

She steals.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That is not. Come on, man. That's not a good spirit to put on anybody.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, three years too.

[David Borey]

The.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, that's.

[David Borey]

That's a bid.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And I'm depressed.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Remember this person saying, you're at your lowest. You're thinking to yourself, I can't go on.

[David Borey]

This is ass.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And then you introduce this.

[David Borey]

This is ass.

[Ryan Seacrest]

This is terrorism.

[David Borey]

She ruins lives.

[Ryan Seacrest]

This is terrorism.

[David Borey]

Niggas die behind.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, if you're going to introduce a emotional support white woman, it wouldn't be the white woman in the Cookie Monster house.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Absolutely not.

[Langston Kerman]

That's not the white woman. You.

[David Borey]

It better not be one from Oklahoma. No.

[Langston Kerman]

Hell no.

[David Borey]

This is not.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Give me Nancy Reagan.

[David Borey]

That's what I.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Give me. A pure psychopath.

[David Borey]

Top tier. If you're gonna do it.

[Ryan Seacrest]

If you're gonna do it, you gotta go with a bony psychopath.

[David Borey]

Yeah, man.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Cause I can get ass over here. Give me friends.

[David Borey]

Give me one of the friends.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I want one of the friends.

[David Borey]

One of the friends.

[Langston Kerman]

Cookie Monster, Courtney Cox, Oprah, Aniston.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That's the right order.

[Langston Kerman]

Is that the right order? I was like, I just.

[David Borey]

Bitch got dog food in her pockets. That's what you're fucking offering.

[Ryan Seacrest]

No, that's nuts. That's literally nuts.

[Langston Kerman]

It's been a long time since I have heard something that unhinged.

[Ryan Seacrest]

This isn't helping anyone.

[David Borey]

This is an awful take.

[Ryan Seacrest]

It's an awful take. And I'm embarrassed to admit there's so much more to it.

[David Borey]

What is it?

[Unknown]

And then if at the end of the trial session, he doesn't get better, we just take him behind the yard and off him. Or. Yeah, we just do that.

[David Borey]

What?

[Langston Kerman]

Hold up, hold up.

[David Borey]

This is a fan of us.

[Ryan Seacrest]

This is a person who likes what we do. What are we doing to these people?

[David Borey]

That's what I just. I just got scared of every decision I've ever made.

[Langston Kerman]

You need to. I feel like y' all need to reevaluate some things.

[David Borey]

That's crazy. But usually people just call drunk. This is. This is.

[Langston Kerman]

So she went from Cookie Monster to then murder.

[David Borey]

Like, what if we can take the whole thing in? This man is proposing that we murder depressed black men.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yes.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes.

[Ryan Seacrest]

First they're depressed, then you make them way more depressed.

[Langston Kerman]

Correct.

[David Borey]

Catch a case for sure.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You throw their life into a whirlwind of chaos. And then if they somehow don't get better from the hell that you've unleashed on them. You take them behind a tree, Old Yeller style, and you shoot them. And then they went.

[David Borey]

Maybe.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I don't know. Nah, that's what we should do.

[David Borey]

That's. Wait, that's the end. That's.

[Ryan Seacrest]

No, there's still more to this.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, wait. There's still more to this.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yes. Okay, I'm sorry.

[Unknown]

I think we can perfect it. A lot of people know Little Dirk.

[Langston Kerman]

There's room for improvement.

[Unknown]

She was a white bitch who wore Cookie monster pajama bottoms. And I think without her, he wouldn't be the rapper that he is today.

[David Borey]

Who's she referencing?

[Unknown]

A lot of people know Lil Durk, his first baby mama. She was a white bitch who wore cookie monster pajama bottoms. And I think without her, he wouldn't be the rapper that he is today because really put him on.

[David Borey]

You know where Dirk is right now?

[Ryan Seacrest]

He's not doing good.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that doesn't help your argument.

[David Borey]

Yeah, that's what I'm. This.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, this is.

[David Borey]

Yo, this is a psyop.

[Ryan Seacrest]

This is.

[David Borey]

I don't. I don't like using those drugs.

[Ryan Seacrest]

This is a nasty attempt at brainwashing.

[David Borey]

Something about this. This is. This is. I don't like even. This is not good.

[Ryan Seacrest]

This is like a crazy. Like, they have. This is like temu level, like, efforts at washing our brains.

[David Borey]

This is.

[Langston Kerman]

But, you know, the crazy part is that her whole description of what needs to happen, like, white woman, cookie Monster pajamas, three years, whatever. If you pitch that in a Hollywood meeting, they say yes.

[David Borey]

Oh, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, they'd be like, oh, a psychotic white woman that kills black dudes. Yeah, can we get Jordan Peele on this? Can we get him to come in and do this? They call in monster fuck. I'm saying that sounds like the Hollywood elevator pitch of the year.

[David Borey]

Well, I also don't think.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Proprietary. It's proprietary.

[Langston Kerman]

That's right. Right.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You put it on our phone, so it's ours now. Yeah.

[David Borey]

I also don't think this person knows that all black men aren't rappers.

[Ryan Seacrest]

It's unfortunate.

[David Borey]

Why am I poking holes in the argument? This person's a psychopath.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, let's.

[Unknown]

When we get down to the nitty grittiness of, like, the procreation and stuff, like, I don't really give a fuck about that, but I do think we can solve the male loneliness epidemic with the power of uniting crusty, dusty, depressed, gross black men with white bitches who wear who wore cookie Monster Pajama Bob in high school again, super huge fan of the show. Yeah. Thank you.

[Ryan Seacrest]

This raggedy bitch.

[David Borey]

I don't want you to listen to our show anymore. I'm not a fan of you. Stop it. I don't like you. I like your ideas. Stop listening to it.

[Ryan Seacrest]

This sucks, man.

[David Borey]

Fuck you.

[Langston Kerman]

You, you, her ending it with it. By the way, huge fan of the show. Just fan. What? Spectacular.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Dusty black man. And we.

[Langston Kerman]

I was like, so every black man that's depressed has to be. I was like, this is not exactly. So I guess she feels like she's gonna help depression because by her theory, there will be less black men who will actually be lonely because she's murdered them.

[David Borey]

I appreciate you going that deep. This is a devil.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, there's no.

[David Borey]

We need to treat this person as such.

[Langston Kerman]

And my question. You guys need to call Homeland Security now.

[Ryan Seacrest]

But I'm saying is at my most empathetic. I go. This is a person saying, I think we should collect the bottom tier of one community and make them mush into the bottom tier of another community to solve a loneliness crisis. And I think that that is eugenics. I think that is. Do you know what I mean? Like, I think that is vile, vile shit that is being proposed to to us. And this is a nasty person.

[David Borey]

No, that was horrible.

[Ryan Seacrest]

This person scares me to my bone.

[David Borey]

Yeah, I don't.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I think that she might need some help. I mean, I don't. I don't know that. I would love to know. I. I would. I. I honestly hope some kind of substance was involved when she. She sent you all this angel dust.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I was like, please let there have been drugs involved.

[Ryan Seacrest]

It better be a drug that ain't even out there like that anymore.

[Langston Kerman]

Like some. Some retro.

[David Borey]

Some we don't know is drugs. This is huffing oven cleaner. Yeah. Calling us.

[Langston Kerman]

This does seem like it could be helium. Like, it could be a helium. You know, sort of, you know, if.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You put it up your butt. You sound like that for a long time.

[Langston Kerman]

Right. It's like a. A unusual drug that they put in a not so usual. Or like a combination of. That led to.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah. You smoking nitrogen out of pipe. This is something weird. You're, like, being odd.

[David Borey]

I hate. Oh, man.

[Langston Kerman]

I just, like, need a camera in her brain to see, like, what is not happening there. Like, is it. I'm not sure.

[Ryan Seacrest]

No, this is bad.

[David Borey]

I think this is a person who has been hurt and who seeks to hurt. I think that's probably hurt people.

[Langston Kerman]

Hurt people.

[David Borey]

Exactly.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Well, Jamel, this wasn't supposed to be how we ended the podcast. I mean, listen, sometimes they ain't good. This was not.

[Langston Kerman]

It's okay.

[Ryan Seacrest]

This is nasty.

[Langston Kerman]

I know the opinions expressed are not of those of the host, of the esteem host, so I do get this. But this was an amazing time, a lot of fun. It does not take away from all the things I learned about from, you know, the semen retention movement there to how the Illuminati was actually formed. That George Washington was. Was probably in the Illuminati.

[David Borey]

No Italians.

[Langston Kerman]

No Italians in the. Listen. Huge, gaping blind spot there. To not have Stevie Wonder, Illuminati, or no.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Oh, Stevie's in that Illuminati.

[David Borey]

Stevie's in. Ray Charles is not what.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I could see that.

[David Borey]

I could see that Ray was nasty.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I could see that. I think there were a few members that fucked with him, so they kept him taken care of. But I don't think Ray was in there. But Stevie can see.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, I mean, if this podcast hasn't addressed that, then, like, what are you guys even doing? Right? That's what I figured. I was like, what? Kidding me?

[Ryan Seacrest]

You know, I think. I think he didn't always. I don't think he was always able to see. I think they got him some new eyeballs.

[David Borey]

Yeah, they got it back.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And they gotta make him play it cool. You know what I mean?

[David Borey]

Yeah, like how the government has technology.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Way before civilians, I think. Songs in the key of life. Yeah, you go ahead. We giving you some new eyeballs, my man.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, after that, you worked it.

[David Borey]

Hey, know what? Hey, hey, hey. This one's on the house.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, you see that ribbon in that sky? Yes, you do. That's thanks to me, Charles. Illuminati. We got some other products for you too, Steve.

[Langston Kerman]

That's what it was. The Illuminati gave them. They got Stevie new eyeballs.

[Ryan Seacrest]

They got Stevie new eyeballs.

[Langston Kerman]

There it is.

[David Borey]

And hey, good on them. Cause he does deserve. It's cool. He does deserve it.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I think that's cool.

[Langston Kerman]

The Illuminati could. It doesn't necessarily have to mean something apocalyptic. Perhaps there's some good the Illuminati could do.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I think they were like, we want every funeral, every famous funeral to be slapping from now on. We gotta keep Stevie taken care of. Yeah, he gonna say that he will pay us back in song.

[David Borey]

Almost as if it's like a guiding hand for society. Not like something meant to drip us apart part.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Oh, this nigga's nasty. I saw it. You saw it, Jamal? Tell them where they can find you, cuz that's a bad guy.

[Langston Kerman]

Get my sight back. Do you have a white woman with some cookie mouth in her pants?

[David Borey]

No. My life is going good. I'm not depressed at all.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, people, I have my own podcast, as you mentioned earlier, weekly podcasts. You know, we tackle like you the light subjects, racism, you know, xenophobia. But it's a. It's a sports and politics podcast called Spolitics, covering the intersection between sports, race, gender and culture. So. Yeah, so I'm very excited and happy to be doing that. In fact, this particular week's episode is. Chris Paul.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Whoa. CP3.

[Langston Kerman]

Not in the Illuminati.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Not in the Illuminati?

[Langston Kerman]

I don't think so. I don't get any Illuminati from him.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You. You say he gets to be on the banana boat and not on the Illuminati.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, banana boat.

[David Borey]

You think the banana boat was a humiliation ritual?

[Ryan Seacrest]

Look, guys, I'm not here to make that decision. It's the end of the show.

[Langston Kerman]

LeBron definitely in the loan.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Come on, come on. What are we talking about? Go ahead, tell your story.

[David Borey]

Because I. I got nothing, man. I'm. I'm Moving. Cool Guy Jokes 87 on Instagram. Buy my special on Patreon.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, and you can follow me at Langston Kerman on all social media platforms and like, subscribe, rate, review, do all the things. Send us [e-mail] send us voicemails at 844-LIL-MOMS. We would love to hear from you. And most importantly, fuck ice. Bye, bitch.

[David Borey]

I want you to know this. If your prayers include me, to stop drinking, stop smoking and stop having fun. And stop watching these little pop their ass. If your prayers include any of those things, they're not going to work because I'm rejecting them all. And I will be continuing in my same wicked ass ways. I guess that's the way you want to put.

[Ryan Seacrest]

My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network.

[David Borey]

And I Heart Podcast, created and hosted by Langston Car, co hosted by David Bourie, executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hans Sonny and Olivia Aguilar, co produced by BAE Wayne, edited and engineered by Justin Cotton.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Music by Nick Chambers.

[David Borey]

Artwork by Dogon Kriega.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You can now watch episodes of My Mama told me on YouTube, follow at my Mama Told Me and subscribe to.

[David Borey]

Our church Foreign.

[Lauren Vogelbaum]

This episode is brought to you by Hendrix Gin. I'm Lauren Vogelbaum, host of the podcast Brain Stuff where we are serious about curiosity, and so is Hendrix. Their signature gin is infused with rose and cucumber, and their master distiller is always crafting limited releases that riff on those flavors so that you can create something new. Hendrix is the refreshingly curious choice for marvelous Summer Cocktail. To learn more about Hendrix and to find more cocktail recipes, visit hendrix gin.com US Drink responsibly Hendrix Gin 44 alcohol by volume 2025 imported by William Gretton Sons Incorporated, New York, NY this is Jana Kramer from Wind down with Jana Kramer. When we were deciding on our appliances for the house, Samsung was at the top of our list. And I love my Samsung appliances, especially because they're so reliable. And with my busy schedule, having reliable appliances has been a game changer. It's no wonder Samsung is the number one brand for customer satisfaction. That's why I'm excited to tell you all about Samsung's new line of smart appliances featuring their brand new Bespoke AI Laundry combo. This incredible magic machine washes and dries in one machine, one load. No transfers, no timers, no rewashing needed. New Bespoke AI appliances. This is home living made simple. For more information, visit samsung.com bespoke 68.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[J]

You're great at protecting your own personal information. You probably even use things like two factor authentication, strong passwords and a vpn. But as much as you try to be in control of how your information is protected, there are lots of places that also have it and they might not be as careful as you are. That's why LifeLock monitors millions of data points every second for identity threats. If your identity is stolen, a LifeLock US based restoration specialist will help solve identity theft issues on your behalf, guaranteed or your money back. Plus, all LifeLock plans are backed by the million dollar protection package, meaning LifeLock will reimburse you up to the limits of your plan if you lose money due to identity theft. You might not be able to control how others handle your personal information, but you can help protect it. With LifeLock, save up to 40% your first year. Call 1-800-LIFELOCK and use promo code IHEART or go to lifelock.com iheart for 40% off. Terms apply.

[Langston Kerman]

This is an iheart podcast.