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David Boren
This is an iHeart podcast.
Steelo Brim
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Langston Kerman
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Lauren Vogelbaum
Here's what I love about Marcus Houston. He's been able to take a significant fashion l in every single era.
Langston Kerman
Wow, that's true.
David Boren
What you about to bring up?
Lauren Vogelbaum
I'm about to bring up the clear suit.
David Boren
I know what you about to bring up.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Obviously.
David Boren
Legendary.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Legendary. Wait a minute.
David Boren
That was pre Covid.
Lauren Vogelbaum
I'm pretty sure I was before the towers fell. I think. I think we still had the towers.
Langston Kerman
I think he was still dating Beyonce when he did that.
David Boren
He was like, people never forget.
Langston Kerman
Nah, I think he was in a clear suit, smashing Beyonce. So, you know, I can't believe she let that fly.
David Boren
I like to think that Marcus used to never actually smash Beyonce and they just dated. It makes me feel better.
Lauren Vogelbaum
I also would like to think that.
David Boren
She is a queen, and I would like to know that she did not do that.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Get your clear hands off of me.
Langston Kerman
Listen, I play chess. Sometimes queens make bad moves. You know what I mean? You gotta move back, Rethink yourself, baby girl. Microchips in your anus. All koala bears are racist.
Lauren Vogelbaum
The ozone lair owes me money. Martians have been in turkey stuffing. Y' all can't tell me nothing. Give me that donkey butt and them big old legs. Welcome back to another episode of My.
Langston Kerman
Mama Told Me, the podcast where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories, and we work to.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Prove that the T and T Pain does not, in fact, stand for Tallahassee. It stands for Troutman, as in his real father, Roger Troutman of Zappin Roger, a pioneer of the vocoder, AKA the fucking voice thing that T Pain does. He is, in fact, a Nepo baby. It was not on him. It was in him the whole time. Y' all wake up. I am David Boren.
Langston Kerman
I'm Langston Kerman. And I'm stunned at this revelation. You're saying that he had a silver auto tuner in his mouth when he was born?
Lauren Vogelbaum
He was born with it in his mouth. You thought he invented that shit. Come on, baby.
Langston Kerman
You saying he cried? Beautiful. Just.
David Boren
That was.
Lauren Vogelbaum
That was. He grew up to the sounds of so rough, so tough in the city of good old Watts.
Langston Kerman
If it's true. Devastating. Truly. We've all been rooting for T Pain. I think in part because of. We thought he got it up. You know what I mean? He was doing it from the ground up.
Lauren Vogelbaum
He did that by himself. Like, he got it out the mud. I was like rapper turned singer. Like, I get it.
Langston Kerman
Come on, man. But nah, T Pain's out here. Just, just.
Lauren Vogelbaum
You didn't even hear the whole. You didn't even hear the whole conspiracy theory. Roger Troutman was killed by Larry Troutman, who was also percussions in the Zap band. I think it was a beef over T. Pain's mom and the illegitimate son. Whoa, back up. I'm too hot right now. I'm too hot right now.
Langston Kerman
Drop.
Lauren Vogelbaum
I'm too hot right now. I'm too hot right now.
David Boren
Drop.
Langston Kerman
Drop.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Motherfucking bars, nigga. You know nothing about that.
Langston Kerman
That's. This is heavy, dog. I don't even.
Lauren Vogelbaum
I think we're trying to truly unpack it.
Langston Kerman
We would have to do a different day.
Lauren Vogelbaum
It's a different day. Hey, you might notice that the audio fucked up.
David Boren
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
Listen, we're not a perfect show. There are hijinks every week with this program. Mostly I would say on David and I's part, I would say that. That if there is an issue with the show, it's usually David or I's fault or my fault. And we're not proud of that. But we're not gonna. We're not.
Lauren Vogelbaum
We're not gonna hide from it. We are not men who pretend like we are not flawed.
Langston Kerman
No.
Lauren Vogelbaum
If you cut us, do we not bleed?
Langston Kerman
We bleed and we bleed a lot.
Lauren Vogelbaum
If you play Cha Cha. Do we not slide.
Langston Kerman
One hop this time?
Lauren Vogelbaum
You know, not Charlie Brown.
Langston Kerman
But unfortunately, due to some technical difficulties, this episode has sort of. We've had some hijinks. We lost the first little segment of the show. And we assure you, dear listener, that it was hilarious. There were funny shit inside of this motherfucker, you know.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Oh, you would have loved it. Remember the first time you saw that Patti LaBelle rolling on the Floor video? That's what you would have had you heard the first step. But it's gone now.
Langston Kerman
It's gone. There's nothing we can do about it. It's lost in the ether, lost in the sands of time. But here's the good news. Our guest is. Is a phenomenal talent, a hilarious person, a man who. Who you know best from. From his podcast, Wine and Weed. But you probably know him best from. From being one of the co hosts of the long running show, maybe the longest running show in the history.
Lauren Vogelbaum
It's like that in General Hospital, I think.
Langston Kerman
I don't think I dare to say there's nothing longer. It's that show, General Hospital, the Simpsons and C Span. I think Those four are the sort of Mount Rushmore of long running shows. But he's one of the co hosts of ridiculousness. He's a hilarious man, a dear friend. And we're going to jump straight to the research section of this episode. So don't be thrown off by the sort of weird cutting and pasting if you. If it were.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Because you know what? That's just show business. And honestly, you're lucky to have us. So what are you going to do?
Langston Kerman
What the fuck? We could be anywhere right now, bro.
Lauren Vogelbaum
You don't think I could have been working for fucking all state selling term life right now? I could have been a term life God. I could have had equity. I'm here talking to you losers because of art.
Langston Kerman
I would be putting a tire in some water and telling you where the hole is right now.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Come on. You don't think my man would have been a. A big old savant. Quit playing with me.
Langston Kerman
But our guest, he's hilarious. Give it up for Steelo Brim, everybody. Steelo, amazing. You came to us, Stilo, with a conspiracy that, that I would argue also is going to be up for some debate as to whether or not it fall into reality. Not by me. Hey, I'm not pushing back, baby. I'm good, I'm good. We all good over here. I'm not pushing back, but I dare say you are going to upset certain gentlemen in our communities. You said, my mama told me.
Ryan Seacrest
Never.
Langston Kerman
Trust a black man without a mustache or a white man with one. They're both pedophiles. Steelo, I did a bunch of research on your conspiracy that I would love to unpack with you. Now. I think. I think you're. It's. It's some pretty promising research. It was far more information than I expected to be able to find. I thought this was just be like speculation, but now there seems to be some real research behind this. So what's especially interesting is that apparently the associations of mustaches and pedophiles is much more contemporary than we actually realize. I thought this was like something that dated back millennia and shit.
Lauren Vogelbaum
I thought it was like the 40s, 50s.
Langston Kerman
See, even that seems like a thing. But apparently August of 2003.
David Boren
I started the rumor. If it's 03 for sure.
Langston Kerman
And you know what's funny? The article said Steelo Brim was walking around his high school calling niggas pedophiles when they had no facial hair.
David Boren
Got you, Spade. You know, those people did turn out to be pedophiles.
Lauren Vogelbaum
That's fair. And that's. And that's where that's. See? Research.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, you got to do your research.
David Boren
I just spoke it into them, and now I feel guilty right now.
Langston Kerman
He's like, oh, no, no, I gotta explore this.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Don't put that on yourself. Don't put that.
David Boren
You're right. You're right.
Langston Kerman
You're right.
David Boren
You're absolutely correct.
Langston Kerman
Why is Thilo saying this every day? Maybe I gotta unpack this. I will say that. So August of 2003 is sort of like its first appearance in sort of like the public lexicon, Right? The Internet itself again. They. They said. They said it first appears apparently Urban Urban Dictionary. I'm a Bing man. Sweet being. They said the definition on Urban Dictionary for stash. This was their first definition of. It was a person who is genetically predispositioned to have upper lip hair, usually accompanied by av aviator sunglasses, police issue gloves, and a pedophilia like, stare down.
David Boren
Yeah, that's him. That's him. I just saw him dead in my head when you were talking. I was like, that's the guy. Rushed that man.
Langston Kerman
That's the guy. I don't need to see no other pictures. I know.
Lauren Vogelbaum
I have a few questions even as far as this research goes. Hey, when was urban dictionary.com invented?
David Boren
Oh, my boy did that. My boy did that in science class, I think that's what I'm saying.
Lauren Vogelbaum
So it was like. If it was. Because if this was when the site was new, there had to be a term of it catching up to previous pop culture ideas, meaning where they were filling in the blank. So it had been prevalent for years. That's just when they put it on that.
Langston Kerman
This is some shit that came out in 86. But we didn't get hip to it.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Till 2000 because the website came up in late 02. They were still just backfilling. All right, what urban slang do we need to put on there?
David Boren
99 urban dictionaries. 99. Whoa. Right before doing a little research myself. Guys.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Did you just say the Willennium?
Langston Kerman
Yeah, that's how I measure time. Is pre Willennium.
David Boren
Post millennium.
Langston Kerman
Myself, I'm 23 years old. Past the millennium. You know what?
David Boren
You really have that album. You had that album?
Langston Kerman
Oh, I had that. Of course I had that album.
David Boren
I was a battle with friends. And that was his favorite album.
Langston Kerman
Come on, man. That was really.
Lauren Vogelbaum
You liked that album better than Big Willie style. It wasn't just talking. If we're talking canon.
Langston Kerman
Nah, it wasn't about better or worse. It was about inspiration. And that nigga was inspiring me in 99. There was nobody else that could inspire me more than Will Smith.
Lauren Vogelbaum
In 99.
David Boren
A great year.
Langston Kerman
He was killing it in 99, man.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Was that when Miami came out or was that before?
Langston Kerman
That's post Miami. Miami is, I think, in the.
Lauren Vogelbaum
What was on Millennium?
David Boren
Yeah, what song, William? You don't even know.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, give me a second. He had that song, and I think it was with Cisco. I want to say he had. It was. No, it was with kc and he had that song with KC.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Another year.
David Boren
Well, Wild Wild west was the first sing released for Millennium.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Yeah, that song was bad.
David Boren
Then he had will 2k, which is crazy. Which is a crazy. And then he had Freaking it come out.
Langston Kerman
Freaking it.
Lauren Vogelbaum
What was on that one?
Langston Kerman
I don't. I don't even remember Freaking it. But come on.
Lauren Vogelbaum
My boy was.
Langston Kerman
My boy was being sexy for the last time. Come on.
Lauren Vogelbaum
No, he was. He was sexy on Big Willie Style. I don't know why I'm going so hard for Big Willie Style.
David Boren
That was a great record. What you mean?
Lauren Vogelbaum
It was clearly written by Nas.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, well, certain. Certain songs, for sure. There were a few.
Lauren Vogelbaum
We could snicker all night on my jolly ranch. Will Smith didn't write that.
Langston Kerman
No, he didn't write that down. He. He liked it, though.
David Boren
I don't play Will.
Langston Kerman
He got that.
David Boren
Might take him a little longer, but he got that.
Lauren Vogelbaum
He got it. He got. He just had to sit in there with. Chewing on a cigar. Listen to the beat.
Steelo Brim
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Langston Kerman
So I will say it sounds like you boys are not in tune with the the possibility of this 2003 start date. But I will say that additionally what they claim is that in 2006, Adam Morrison. Y' all remember Adam Morrison, of course. That big motherfucker from Gonzaga with the mustache apparently is the thing that pushed it over the top.
Lauren Vogelbaum
I thought you were talking about Return of the Max.
Langston Kerman
No, that's Mark Morrison.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Oh, I do remember this dude.
David Boren
Yeah, he looked like Lurch. Yeah, he was high all the time.
Lauren Vogelbaum
He played for the Bobcats too, right? Yeah, yeah, he had a weird looking dude.
Langston Kerman
I think he was a super early pick in the NBA and a super regrettable choice for.
Lauren Vogelbaum
He was number three.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, he went number three and then did not do anything for anybody for a long time.
David Boren
He would thrive in the NBA today. It's just at that time, you know, he wasn't. Wasn't made for him.
Langston Kerman
He was in an era where Biggs needed to be bigs and he ain't know how to do that. You know what I mean?
Lauren Vogelbaum
Yeah, yeah, you had to be a. You had to be kind of an animal.
Langston Kerman
But Adam Morrison apparently was getting made fun of so often. Despite being the leading scorer in the NBA in the NCAA that year, he was being made fun of specifically for his mustache so often that literally crowds were chanting Amber Alert at him while he was playing in games. And that subsequently increased the Google searches that ultimately became the popularity of the Pedo Stash.
David Boren
I remember being at that game, a young guy Amber alert. We were getting that chance started.
Langston Kerman
Now the question is, any regrets because you were yelling at a boy. He was a child.
David Boren
I think Adam Morrison was like 20 when he graduated.
Langston Kerman
Sure. He wasn't one and done.
David Boren
He went for all four years, didn't he?
Langston Kerman
Yeah, he wasn't a one and done guy. I know that for sure.
David Boren
No, I waited until he became 19. Those kind of things. I was never as a child with catcalling.
Lauren Vogelbaum
That's really all you can do.
David Boren
Yeah. Ask Marcus Houston.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Yeah, you just gotta wait till. Wait till they're 19 and then it's hey by me.
Langston Kerman
Speaking of wild hair choices, can We. Can we just take a moment for recent Marcus Houston hairstyles?
Lauren Vogelbaum
Ooh, those braids. Those fake. Fake braids.
David Boren
He had fake braids, bro.
Lauren Vogelbaum
The tubi braids.
Langston Kerman
He was. He was in a to be program where he had arguably something far worse than Shemar Moore.
David Boren
Oh, not possible. Not possible.
Langston Kerman
Tyler, bro, you gotta take a look and just. Just take a gander. Look at it now and make a choice.
Lauren Vogelbaum
It's really bad.
David Boren
He looked nothing like Roger.
Langston Kerman
That's not the Roger I know.
David Boren
I think he got the braids deleted off the Internet. I cannot find them.
Lauren Vogelbaum
You can't find the tube? Oh, they're bad. I can't find. Smart man.
Langston Kerman
It was a very exciting day on Twitter a few days ago. And granted, I don't have a Twitter anymore, but I do have burner accounts and accounts. What the f. Yeah, you gotta explore out here. But the point is. Oh, this goes on. Right? So the 2007, the pedo stash apparently gets this giant influx on Google. It's suddenly, like, become this Google hot search all the way up to 51 out of 100 in its scale. And then in 2010, it becomes crazy popular again because Justin Bieber grows his first mustache, and everybody starts calling him a pedophile.
David Boren
Yeah. Yeah.
Langston Kerman
So it really seems like just famous people growing mustaches. And we like, that nigga's a pedophile. That was a pedophile about right there.
David Boren
I mean, famous people with mustache. Is that it?
Lauren Vogelbaum
I think there just wasn't a term for it. I think it was a thing. We all knew. It's like Bomo. Bomo's been around for everybody. We just didn't put a word on it to.
Langston Kerman
Right.
Lauren Vogelbaum
You found it.
David Boren
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
Walk us through all of your feelings.
David Boren
Well, first of all, he didn't need design. They could have catch with straight backs. Oh, they're so thick and so high. Yeah, it's like a box. A box. It's weird.
Langston Kerman
They sit up tall. Baby, those ain't. Those ain't resting.
David Boren
Also, his beard is fake as well. Right.
Langston Kerman
I think everything is fake in that picture.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Doesn't look good.
David Boren
No, that was the budget. All this. Oh, it stands right on the front screen. Story by Chris Stokes. That's all I need to hear. That's all you read?
Langston Kerman
Yeah. It's a bad combination.
David Boren
Oh, my God. Marcus in the news a lot lately.
Langston Kerman
Marcus Houston's been acting up a lot lately.
Lauren Vogelbaum
He just is notorious for making poor decisions.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Boren
Yeah.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Like, physically.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. He keeps doing it to himself, and in that way, I respect It. It's like he was.
David Boren
Yeah. Obviously being who you are.
Langston Kerman
And I repeat, who you are, Marcus Houston. And he did. I. I will say, the immature IMX era, my man.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Oh, you can't IMX as well.
David Boren
Magic. I mean, they both had hits.
Lauren Vogelbaum
That's the IMX hit. Was it Stay Tonight?
David Boren
Was that my first time?
Langston Kerman
Yeah, my first time.
Lauren Vogelbaum
That was the IMX hit.
David Boren
That was their biggest hit.
Langston Kerman
They climbing out the window. Yeah.
David Boren
Yeah.
Lauren Vogelbaum
REM did that one Stay the Night, though. Was that not a hit?
David Boren
Just know he gave advice on. He gave Me Bison, that song. He said, if you're gonna do it, just make sure you strap twice. Which is the craziest.
Lauren Vogelbaum
I mean, he's already used to wearing double plastic.
Langston Kerman
He's like. He's like, listen, as a man who wears too much plastic, you want it to be thick. You need that thick coating of plastic. Please, double strap.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Yeah.
David Boren
Trust me.
Lauren Vogelbaum
So.
Langston Kerman
So apparently in this article that I read, did a lot of research on this. Apparently if you look at the mug shots of contemporary pedophiles. Right. I. The contemporary list, I don't either. It's not my taste, but I do report it. But the contemporary collection of mug shots does not, in fact, reflect a bunch of people with the same mustache. That is not necessarily a trend.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Yeah. Because they're probably hip to it now.
David Boren
Yeah. Oh, yeah, Yeah, I like that. It's like the whole school should have been in the room type thing.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Yeah.
David Boren
Yeah.
Lauren Vogelbaum
You got to throw them off the set.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Boren
Nobody's.
Langston Kerman
Nobody's wearing trench coats to shoot a school anymore.
Lauren Vogelbaum
No, that's what I'm saying. That's why the white guys mustaches now are so cheeky about it. Because they know it's jumped a shark already.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. If you wear.
Lauren Vogelbaum
They know it's back to being safe.
Langston Kerman
If you go and shoot up a school, you wear an Adidas tracksuit. So you can really surprise people with whatever your bullshit is, you know, Gotta.
David Boren
Get that motion going where you gotta move. Yeah, yeah.
Lauren Vogelbaum
America, I love this country.
Langston Kerman
But one of the things that was especially interesting, right, because they're saying there's no direct correlation for now, but. However, there was this dude, Tom O', Carroll, who wrote a book in 1980, a book called. And I'm not bullshitting this, a book called Pedophilia, the Radical Case, in which he apparently dedicates a lot of his. His literature to making a case for adults and children being able to have relationships.
Lauren Vogelbaum
All right, this is.
Langston Kerman
That's the core of the book is him Being like, yeah, no, it's, I.
David Boren
Want to know how many units he sold. I want to know every unit that went out to every person.
Lauren Vogelbaum
I'm sure the government has a list of exactly what units and what addresses they were sold to.
David Boren
I hope he is just an agent. I hope he's just a federal agent who made a fake book and he.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Was like, this will get out.
David Boren
Yeah. Whoever buys it will know.
Langston Kerman
I, I hate to break it to you boys, but, but actually he was eventually arrested for, you guessed it, pedophilia. And when he was arrested, his mug shot became sort of like the most quintessential pedophilia mustache man picture in history that like he, he could not look more like what we associate with the pedophile. This is 1980, big old thick mustache, long hair, dead eyed stare. Like it's, it's all the shit that you would say is a pedophile. And then when you combine this with people like Jeffrey Dahmer, like Edmund Kemper, like Ted Bundy, like John Wayne Gacy, who all also had thick mustaches, it starts to feel in fact like a trend.
David Boren
I've never felt more sure of myself.
Lauren Vogelbaum
That's good. That's good. I like that for you.
David Boren
You feel great. Oh, great.
Langston Kerman
That's what we do on this podcast.
Lauren Vogelbaum
We're really trying to here to uplift fellow black men.
David Boren
That's what I shared the wall and I got here and realized I was really.
Lauren Vogelbaum
No, no, you thought, you thought you were a joke. You came over here. You're Jackson Pollock.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, man. Well, one of the things, one of the things that, that they then use as a counter argument inside of this article is that they say that all of those men that I just listed rose to their creepy prominence between 1973 and 1991 when mustaches were most in style. And so subsequently they would say that this is more of a cultural trend rather than a pedophilic trend.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Boo.
David Boren
Oh, I like the last part. I thought we were onto something.
Langston Kerman
I'm just presenting information. I, I listen, I haven't, I haven't put staked in, you know, in the first.
David Boren
I love the, if nothing else, the research has been mostly about white men.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
David Boren
Having covered it all are black men without mustaches. And that's fair. I get it.
Lauren Vogelbaum
I think there's not as much research as white men.
David Boren
100% I agree with you. Is it, is it up to us to do the research? I'd rather not be a part of the community, you know, black people. And if you spot any out there? I'm not asking you to deliberately go out there and look for something. I'm saying if you're on the streets and you're walking around and you see somebody without a mustache, call the police.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Just make it simple.
Langston Kerman
And we gotta get. I think we gotta push past this fear of snitching in relation to certain things. Look, if it's something. If you're participating in crime and then a crime happens, and then you tell on a motherfucker that's snitching.
Lauren Vogelbaum
That's.
Langston Kerman
That's snitching. And you gotta unpack why you did that and how that affects you.
Lauren Vogelbaum
However, also, if we were in it together and you snitched.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's probably snitching.
David Boren
If you cut my mustache and you. And you didn't tell me on the way out, hey, man, that's a bad look.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Lauren Vogelbaum
If you cut my mustache, do I not bleed?
Langston Kerman
But I will say that this issue, right, of whether or not this would be snitching to tell on a motherfucker on the street because they look creepy. Feels like we need to expand beyond that. We need to say no. That is objectively dangerous for our youth, for our most vulnerable. We gotta tell somebody.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm not.
David Boren
That's Jerry's final thought.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
Well, what's fascinating. And we need to take one rip, too, right?
Lauren Vogelbaum
Rip. Damn.
Langston Kerman
Jerry.
David Boren
He came on Ridiculous as one of my favorite guests of all time.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Really?
Langston Kerman
Really?
David Boren
Yeah, man.
Lauren Vogelbaum
I thought he was. He's one of those ones. I never thought he was going, no. Yeah.
Langston Kerman
You don't imagine Jerry Springer can die as much as just fade into quiet?
David Boren
You know, we had Larry King as well. Two white men who I never thought would go. Larry King even talked on the show. He was gonna freeze himself. And I respected that. I believe he didn't get to it, obviously.
Langston Kerman
Did Larry King, like, wear suspenders and shit? Like, was he full. Larry King.
David Boren
Came on there being misogynistic old white stuff that you were like, oh, I don't make it like this anymore.
Langston Kerman
When somebody. Somebody bad shares their true beliefs and you're like, oh, oh, okay.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Yeah, exactly who I thought you were.
Langston Kerman
Damn. You've had a lot of beautiful guests. I will say we're going to take one more break, but when we come back, I do, in fact have a little bit of research on the. The alternative side of this on the black men with no facial hair that I want to hear from y'.
David Boren
All.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Let's bring that up.
Langston Kerman
All right, so we're we'll be back with more stilo brim and more My mama told.
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Lauren Vogelbaum
Why are you gay? Welcome back to my mom and told me we are here with Steel o Brim. I don't have my pad but I still have my mouth. Man of a thousand voices David Boury thanks to Kermit Stilo Brim we are discussing the mustache, the mustachioed white man and the non facial haired black man. In terms of pedophilia.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Or general creepiness.
David Boren
Overall creepiness. Yeah, I feel like it's overall creepiness.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Yeah, I feel like it's overall creepiness.
David Boren
I think they're responsible for murders as well. It's not just right.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Yeah, that's. I think that's. That's where we should have started. Is that it's like also apologize. You're a weirdo.
David Boren
Yeah, I take full responsibility.
Lauren Vogelbaum
No, that's fine. That's fine. That's fine.
Langston Kerman
And maybe that's where we need to sort of embrace our non facial haired brothers. Is like For a while, they've been called pedophiles. And we don't think you're a pedophile necessarily. We just think there's something wrong with you.
Lauren Vogelbaum
It just makes me sad that your face doesn't work as good as mine.
David Boren
Yeah, yeah.
Lauren Vogelbaum
That's all it is.
Langston Kerman
I don't like looking at you, but that doesn't mean you like looking at kids, I think, yeah, we've all had ugly friends.
Lauren Vogelbaum
But do you?
Langston Kerman
But do you? And that's the real question. Yeah, yeah, there we are. So in relation specifically to the black men, one of the things that. That I read about, or like an argument, an article argued, is that black men largely grow mustaches as a way to affirm their masculinity. That in society where we are so often living around people attempting to steal control black men's position as men in a world, this is like an effort to create control for ourselves by growing facial hair and proving our masculinity.
David Boren
Yeah, you know what it is? Because the black.
Lauren Vogelbaum
I just got a bad chin.
David Boren
That could be it, too. That's a strong thing.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Real talk, man. It's just like, it's better this way.
David Boren
Because the black men who don't have facial hair also either work in finance or politics, and you don't trust either one of them niggas either way.
Lauren Vogelbaum
That's a good point. Politicians never have facial hair, and it.
Langston Kerman
Means they're playing white guy rules when you play in those spaces, which means that they are willing to cut their facial hair largely because they're like, I need to fit into the rules of some shit that never belonged to me in the first place.
David Boren
Man. Let's go there, brother.
Langston Kerman
Let's go there.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Has Obama ever. Has Obama also. Shout out to Mayor. Hey, you know what, though? You know what, though? Shout out to Mayor Webb in Denver. He's black. He always kept a mustache on him.
Langston Kerman
Okay. Hell, yeah.
David Boren
I'm going to Denver tomorrow.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Oh, shit. I'm out here.
David Boren
Oh, okay. I was just there two weeks ago. Three weeks ago.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, it's the best. But yeah. So shout out to Mayor Webb. Holding it down in Denver. Also, though, has Obama. Do we have any pictures of Obama.
David Boren
With a beard right now? I think he's had a mustache before, right?
Langston Kerman
He had a mustache when he was like, when he was super young. Them cigarette pictures and shit. He'd be having, like a cool mustache. And then I think maybe right after presidency, he might have grown a little bit of facial hair, but it's never been anything Substantial.
David Boren
I can't combine him.
Lauren Vogelbaum
No, me either. I saw Photoshop.
Langston Kerman
But you know who kept a beard? Kwame Kilpatrick. That man kept a beard.
David Boren
That man. He couldn't keep a job, though. That man was wild.
Lauren Vogelbaum
What about Colin Powell?
Langston Kerman
You know Colin Powell didn't grow no facial hair. I don't even know. I think Colin Powell had them burned off. You know what I mean?
Lauren Vogelbaum
The, the. Whatever grows there, it's like a criminal with fingerprints. He was like, I want no traces.
Langston Kerman
The man, the man named himself after misspelled Colonel, you know what I mean? Like, he's, he's committed to this shit.
David Boren
I really can't find Barack with a mustache, but I trust Barack. Somehow I do trust Barack.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, he's made it to the exceptional.
Lauren Vogelbaum
List as much as I trust the President.
David Boren
Exactly, Exactly.
Lauren Vogelbaum
So let's, let's start with that. Like, it's not like, damn, that's crazy.
Langston Kerman
One of the things that they also point out is that in the early 1900s, many black men wore mustaches as a sign of defiance against white supremacy. That much in the way that we're talking about where white people are telling you clean shaven is the way to be. That's professional. That's the way a man's supposed to look. Black people start growing their facial hair to be like, fuck you niggas do how we want to do over here. And they said that same kind of resurgence happened in the 1970s because of the black power movement, that like a bunch of, you know, like the, like the Black Panthers and shit would grow their facial hair again to, to assert their dominance and defiance against. Against the powers that be.
David Boren
Because a nigga without facial hair is definitely giving up secrets.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Boren
To be fair, as many secrets as he has, I don't even think he has that many.
Lauren Vogelbaum
To be fair. Did Huey. Huey have facial hair?
David Boren
Ah, you shut the up with that.
Lauren Vogelbaum
I'm just gonna. I just wanna keep conspiracy.
Langston Kerman
I just wan.
David Boren
Again. A strong black man I don't think could grow facially. That's right.
Lauren Vogelbaum
I think what it is.
David Boren
If I can see you deliberately trying and veins popping out, but you're trying to make hair pop out and it never comes, brother. I'm okay with that.
Lauren Vogelbaum
And you know what? Eldridge Cleaver had enough for the both of them. Yeah, Damn, that counts, right?
Langston Kerman
Yeah, I think so.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Because Cleaver had a strong. Like one of those thick, thick goatees.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, he was. That was a real plus one goatee for you know what I mean? He added some, some Folks, to that one.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Yeah, he was tall as hell, too.
David Boren
He rocked the shadow here and there. Yeah, Huey had the shadow a couple times, but.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Yeah, okay, I'll give it to him.
David Boren
But the shadow scares me because it says now that he did cut his facial hair, but that was. What year was this? Oh, it was before 03, obviously. You know, when I started.
Lauren Vogelbaum
All bets are all. Yeah, would. This ain't even canon. This is like a long story.
Langston Kerman
This is before Jesus. We don't know what that was.
David Boren
This is.
Langston Kerman
This is all Old Testament.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Yeah. This is pre millennium.
Langston Kerman
So the last thing that I'll point out is that they also point out that mustaches apparently are not often associated with attracting women that, like, their research shows that women are very rarely actually.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Speak for yourself, baby.
David Boren
They're not interviewing black women.
Langston Kerman
I don't think so. I'm just telling you what the thing said. But they basically said they don't find that that's something. Women are more neutral on the mustache. They are, however, used more as a sort of like, weapon against men. That this is sort of like a way of asserting your dominance, much like a buck growing its horns real big.
Lauren Vogelbaum
We literally been doing that for the last hour, and I stand on that. You. No mustache pussies.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, it's just men trying to big dog each other with beards and mustaches and shit.
David Boren
I agree. Yeah, but beards are different. You know, I'm just saying. I'm just.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Yeah, beards.
David Boren
Beards are a whole community I respect, you know, of all races.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Boren
All kinds, all colors. Beards. I respect all kinds.
Lauren Vogelbaum
I don't like it when it gets too crazy. Like, I don't need you to be a beard guy.
David Boren
I. I don't know how many Asian men I've met with beards that I've been.
Langston Kerman
They don't grow good beards.
David Boren
Yeah, I know. Yeah.
Langston Kerman
I'm gonna go so far as to say that that's not offensive because I've heard. I. I know enough Asians.
David Boren
I didn't even know.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Did you hear one of your barbershops? No, no, no.
Langston Kerman
I. I don't know. I don't know. I'm. I'm a hate filled man. But I. I'm not saying this out of. Out of hate. I. I truly think their. Their hair tends to be wispier, and it just doesn't beard up like a full beard as well as. As they would like, often.
Lauren Vogelbaum
And they're taking our jobs.
David Boren
Okay. All right.
Lauren Vogelbaum
I'm with you, Langston. I like. I like them I just don't want one dating my sister.
David Boren
Now, I will throw in something random, kind of a, you know, 88.
Langston Kerman
No, please go crazy.
David Boren
How do you feel about Asian men getting dreadlocks or locs? Have you seen this sensation and the process that it takes to accomplish? How do you feel?
Ryan Seacrest
Or even.
David Boren
Not even just that. Also, just the sponge work. Have you seen them get the box with the sponge work?
Lauren Vogelbaum
I have seen that. They're doing crazy things in Tokyo.
David Boren
Where do we land?
Lauren Vogelbaum
I feel better about it than I feel about white guys doing it. And that's about as good of anything as I have to say about it.
David Boren
I don't even know if I've seen white guys do it. White guys are doing this, too, with dreads.
Langston Kerman
The dreads.
David Boren
Yeah, but that's. Hey, I don't trust that either. I've said that I'm ridiculous as before. I've already stood on that. I don't know why guys with dreads. It's not my thing.
Langston Kerman
Have y' all seen the video?
Lauren Vogelbaum
There's nobody's thing. There's nobody. It's not even their thing. Truly. They always regret it.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, they never stay that way forever.
Lauren Vogelbaum
They.
Langston Kerman
They know it's always a phase.
David Boren
The ones in Venice are. They're locked and loaded. Yeah.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Until their dad calls them back to work at the law firm. Yeah, like, they're just. They're on. They're on rich white guy, rum sprigger.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, they. They back out eventually. I will say that. That. I don't know if y' all remember this, if y' all ever seen the video of them white little white boys doing wave checks where they'll, like, have on, like, do rags, like, and be like, wave check.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Wave check.
Langston Kerman
And then, like, pull their shit off, and they'll have, like, crazy white boy waves for three minutes until somebody can do this. And then suddenly it all goes away. But, like, they're white. White kids are now taking over that space, and it makes me terribly uncomfortable.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Oh, I already ruined sneakers. What else are you gonna take from us?
David Boren
I love a good white wave check. It is the funniest thing.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Oh, what is this?
David Boren
Caught off guard. It's always the white guys. You're like, yo, this kid's adorable. One day you'll wake up for right now, this is great.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Oh, this is a crazy look.
David Boren
It'll be. It'll be. It'll be the. The. The Gen Z's version of blackface once we go.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, this was doing wave check videos in 2016.
David Boren
Gotta go.
Langston Kerman
Fire.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Do they. Are they using. Are they using dac?
Langston Kerman
No.
David Boren
Murray's.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Murray's.
David Boren
No, I'm joking.
Langston Kerman
I think they're using, like, gorilla glue. I don't know that white people's hair just does that with some Murrays.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Oh, this is terrible.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, it's pretty wild.
David Boren
They got the Bow wow wave durag.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, they got the bow wow. They invest.
Lauren Vogelbaum
That is the best durag in the world, though. That's it.
David Boren
Really is. We can all.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Who would have thought where that career was going to take him?
David Boren
Do you think Bow wow owns a big percentage of this, or do you think it's just like, let's use shot Moss?
Lauren Vogelbaum
I think not as much as we want him to.
Langston Kerman
Oh, really?
Lauren Vogelbaum
I would love it to be proprietary and that he invented it.
Langston Kerman
Well, I know. Let's be honest. We know he didn't invent it. We know this nigga didn't sit down and concoct anything. You know what I mean? He's not the Virgil of do rags. He is very much a man just making choices. But I do think I have hope that. That he owns a bigger percentage than we think. I want to believe this is going to keep him.
David Boren
I think he's a majority owner. You want to.
Langston Kerman
I do. I think so. Yeah.
David Boren
A majority owner.
Langston Kerman
I think he's like 51% of that.
David Boren
I would say 25%, but I would say they're still moving units.
Lauren Vogelbaum
I was saying 15, but yeah, they're moving units.
David Boren
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
Damn.
David Boren
He said 51, man. That's a lot of.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Listen, that would have had to have been his idea, or he was on the ground floor.
Langston Kerman
I want to thank.
Lauren Vogelbaum
I feel like they were making do rags.
David Boren
He would have had the source himself.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Ye. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He would have had to go to. I don't know where they make velvet. I was just gonna out myself.
Langston Kerman
But here's the thing. Here's the thing. And hear me out. Nobody up to this point had ever thought to brand durags. Even Nelly when he was doing them two tone durags, and that was like their signature shit. He never came out with a durag company. Bow Wow's the first motherfucker to be like, I'll put my name on it. If I'm a durag designer. Yeah, they're Bow Wow do rags. You can have 51% of what is ultimately going to be a billion dollar.
Lauren Vogelbaum
You're not going to give them 51. That's a lot length.
David Boren
Yeah. Now Bow Wow has all the control and power.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Yeah. And then you see what happens when he runs the ship?
David Boren
Collaboration with B2K. We don't want it.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Yeah. You want the limited edition.
Langston Kerman
I want to imagine.
Lauren Vogelbaum
You want the raspy Durang.
Langston Kerman
I want to imagine Bow Wow as the Logan Roy of durags, where he's just sitting at the end of a table.
Lauren Vogelbaum
You mean an embarrassment. You mean not a serious person.
David Boren
I've been watching you hate Logan Roy.
Lauren Vogelbaum
I don't. I don't. Oh, no. I hate Kendall Logan.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. Logan's the one saying.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Yeah, I take it back. I take it back. I take it back.
Langston Kerman
I love that. You're like, logan's a good guy.
David Boren
I think he was a good guy.
Lauren Vogelbaum
He's a beast is what I'm saying, man.
Langston Kerman
But point being, I. I think ultimately, if we're. If we're really going to land this plane, because at some point, we have to, it sounds like there is some possibility that there's truth to this and it's not just a cultural sort of timestamp that. That if you don't have facial hair as a black man or if you do have a thick mustache as a white man, certainly you are doing something that we all need to be slightly wary of. And what that something is is yet to be decided.
David Boren
Throwing these last two words. They're more than two. Abraham Lincoln had no mustache and a beard.
Langston Kerman
That's right.
David Boren
He was half white, half black. People know that, and that's why he had that. So that's just a full circle.
Lauren Vogelbaum
I am on those. I am on those Reddit forums. Yes, I do know that.
David Boren
Yeah. He's Ethiopian.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Right?
David Boren
And then you look at him and you're like, I cannot see it. He's Ethiopian.
Langston Kerman
He's very tall, and he got them eyes. Yeah.
Lauren Vogelbaum
All right.
David Boren
Thank you guys, though, for letting me even do this.
Langston Kerman
This was a great time. Could you tell the people where they can find you and what cool shit you have going on?
David Boren
We're still just moving that train along, doing ridiculousness. 2000 more episodes we just signed on for, which doesn't sound real, but it's real.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Oh, that's the real number. Damn. Good for y', all, man.
David Boren
Oh, thanks, man. You can find me at Stilo Brim. I think across all, maybe not Tick Tock, but who cares? Tick Tockers are not watching this. Right? Not our peers. Not our peers.
Lauren Vogelbaum
No.
David Boren
Yeah. Only pedophiles are on there.
Langston Kerman
And if pedophiles. If you're listening, don't put us over there. Don't. Don't mix and match, baby. But follow Steelo boy.
Lauren Vogelbaum
You you got anything cool guy jokes87 on Instagram? Watch Royal Crackers on HBO.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, and as always, you can follow me at Langston Kerman. And as always, you can. You can follow our YouTube subscribe. Write me in comments. We look forward to all that shit. And send us your own conspiracy theories, your own drops, your own accusations of who is and who isn't a pedophile to my Mama podcast. We would love to hear from you. That's about it. Bye bitch. All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money.
Lauren Vogelbaum
Martians invented turkey stuff. Y' all can't tell me nothing.
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This is an I Heart podcast.
Podcast Summary: "Pedo Mustaches (with Steelo Brim)" – My Momma Told Me
Episode Title: Pedo Mustaches (with Steelo Brim) RE-RELEASE
Release Date: July 24, 2025
Hosts: Langston Kerman and David Boren
Guest: Steelo Brim
Network: Big Money Players Network and iHeartPodcasts
In this provocative episode of "My Momma Told Me," hosts Langston Kerman and David Boren, along with their guest Steelo Brim, delve into the controversial and unsettling conspiracy theory linking mustaches to pedophilia. The discussion navigates through historical contexts, societal stereotypes, and the impact of pop culture on these perceptions.
The episode kicks off with the hosts introducing the core conspiracy theory: the association of mustaches, particularly on white men, with pedophilia. Langston Kerman remarks at [09:48]:
Langston Kerman: "Trust a black man without a mustache or a white man with one. They're both pedophiles."
This bold statement sets the stage for a deep dive into the origins and evidence supporting this theory.
Steelo Brim brings forth detailed research, surprising the hosts with the depth of information behind the theory. At [10:36], Steelo explains:
Steelo Brim: "August of 2003 is sort of like its first appearance in sort of like the public lexicon, right? The Internet itself again."
The conversation reveals that the correlation between mustaches and pedophilia isn't as ancient as initially presumed but gained traction in the early 2000s, partly fueled by articles on platforms like Urban Dictionary. Langston cites an early definition from Urban Dictionary:
Langston Kerman: "A person who is genetically predispositioned to have upper lip hair, usually accompanied by aviator sunglasses, police issue gloves, and a pedophilia-like stare down."
The hosts discuss how public figures have inadvertently or otherwise influenced the spread of this stereotype. David Boren brings up Adam Morrison, a prominent basketball player, whose mustache became a focal point for mockery and suspicion:
Langston Kerman: "Adam Morrison... crowds were chanting Amber Alert at him while he was playing in games."
This incident reportedly boosted Google searches related to the "Pedo Mustache" theory, embedding the stereotype deeper into public consciousness.
The conversation shifts to the societal implications of this stereotype, especially concerning black men and their facial hair. Langston posits that many black men grow mustaches to assert their masculinity and resist societal pressures:
Langston Kerman: "Black men largely grow mustaches as a way to affirm their masculinity. That in society where we are so often living around people attempting to steal control of black men's position as men in a world, this is like an effort to create control for ourselves."
This assertion highlights the intersection of race, gender, and societal expectations, emphasizing how personal grooming choices are laden with deeper cultural significance.
Despite the depth of the theory, the hosts acknowledge counterarguments that suggest the mustache-pedophilia link may be more of a cultural trend rather than a legitimate indicator of criminal behavior. Langston references historical figures like Edmund Kemper and Ted Bundy, who also sported mustaches, to question the validity of the stereotype.
Langston Kerman: "If you wear trench coats to shoot a school, you wear an Adidas tracksuit. So you can really surprise people with whatever your bullshit is."
This metaphor underscores the unpredictability of appearances and challenges the reliability of visual stereotypes in identifying criminal intent.
Steelo Brim contributes by elaborating on the research and personal observations that led him to propagate the "Pedo Mustaches" theory. His insights aim to provide a framework for understanding how such stereotypes take root and influence societal perceptions.
The episode concludes with the hosts reflecting on the implications of the stereotype, the responsibility of individuals to look beyond appearances, and the dangers of such unfounded associations. They emphasize the importance of critical thinking and caution against letting superficial traits dictate judgments about one's character.
Langston Kerman: "If you don't have facial hair as a black man or if you do have a thick mustache as a white man, certainly you are doing something that we all need to be slightly wary of."
"Pedo Mustaches" serves as a stark reminder of how stereotypes can perpetuate harmful misconceptions within communities. While the conspiracy theory lacks substantial empirical evidence, the episode effectively highlights the need for awareness and the dismantling of unfounded biases. Listeners are encouraged to engage critically with such narratives and promote a more nuanced understanding of individual identities beyond superficial traits.