My Momma Told Me – “Suboptimus Prime” (October 14, 2025)

Hosts: Langston Kerman & David Gborie
Network: Big Money Players Network & iHeartPodcasts

Main Theme & Episode Overview

This episode is a classic “Langston and David” installment: just the two hosts riffing together, fielding voicemails, discussing the most offbeat aspects of Black conspiracy culture, and getting gleefully distracted by tangents. The show opens with laughter about community feedback, drifts into the nuanced etiquette of Black barbershops, explores AI "slurs" and robot personhood, and climaxes with a conspiracy about Optimus Prime’s allegiances—plus, a hilarious Tupac-bio casting theory from a Memphis caller. The tone is irreverent, candid, and deeply embedded in Black pop culture and how those spaces intersect with larger ideas about masculinity, technology, and identity.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Barber Shop Etiquette & Vulnerability

Timestamps: 02:20–16:34

• Barbershop Emotional Minefield:
  Langston and David dive into the subtle, rarely discussed rules and feelings that Black men encounter at the barbershop.
  • David gets self-conscious about keeping his eyes closed too long during a cut, connecting it to growing up without a father:

    “I started looking back over a life of, like, a long time, eyes closed in the chair.” (05:50, David)

  • Conversation about the sudden realization of how intimate (verging on “sensual”) barbershop experiences can be, especially compared to white friends:

    “Sometimes it's more of a sensual experience than you would like it to be.” (05:45, Langston)

  • The vulnerability between client and barber is dissected, with jokes about “unwritten man rules,” masculinity, and what fathers supposedly imparted.
  • Connection to Black standup: David comments on turning to Black comics as “fake dads” for guidance, only to find no bits addressing barbershop eye etiquette.
  • They ask listeners for feedback:

    “How long is too long to close your eyes, or is there too long?” (13:16, Langston)

2. Black Conspiracies, Media Spaces, and Standing Invitation

Timestamps: 11:11–12:55

• The duo jokes about the possibility of ever being accepted in mainstream Black spaces like Essence Fest, hip-hop media, or mainstream comedy festivals.
• They touch on how their humor, takes, and willingness to “say crazy shit” might keep them on the outside—but they’re happy just having each other:

  “Where are we gonna go? Hey, we can hang out with Joe Budden.” (12:40, David)

3. Voicemail: AI, Robot Slurs, & Personification Conspiracy

Timestamps: 23:10–42:47

• Caller “Lando” from Brooklyn shares a theory about how the rise in using slurs for AI/robots (terms like “clanker” and “cogsucker”) is a psyop to make people subconsciously view AI as real, sentient beings deserving of rights.
• The hosts are sharply critical (and amused) at white people inventing slurs:

  “I don't like white people making up new slurs. That's a position I'm willing to stand strong on.” (24:30, Langston)

• Discussion veers into the pitfalls of viewing AI as living beings:
  • David rants:

    “I hate that they're making it because if you would just say that it's AI...I don't think you would have nearly as many people falling in love with it or having it be their best friend.” (27:55, David)

  • They riff on how robot personification will push society into treating AI as “people,” which they fear will create a cult or even a new kind of religion:

    “If we start treating computers like people, it's just religion now. ... When it becomes religion, it becomes that they...Now it's an even tighter form of control.” (39:44, David) “At some point it won't be [run by people]. ... If we become so sympathetic to it that it is a being for us ... it becomes God.” (40:27, Langston)

  • Even riffing on “clanker” as a slur, they conclude the analogy with the hilarious invention of a “suboptimus” robot (“Optimus Prime is a coon,” 34:09–35:40).

4. Transformers, Blackness, & Optimus Prime as “Coon”

Timestamps: 34:09–38:00

• Langston proposes a tongue-in-cheek conspiracy: Optimus Prime is the “coon” of his world, defending humans even as they abuse and mistreat cars (Transformers’ kin):

  “There’s something funky about Optimus Prime coming over here and being like, no, you’re right. You need to save the human race.” (35:14, Langston)

• They run with the idea, noting America’s abuse of cars (trashing, sex in them, not washing), and mocking Prime’s lack of advocacy for his “people.”
• The Michael Bay twins (“nigga cars”) and representation in Transformers movies are discussed—how racial coding was unnecessarily, overtly done:

  “They very clearly CGI’d hate speech.” (38:13, Langston)

5. Call-In Conspiracy: Tupac Biopic Sabotage

Timestamps: 47:14–54:16

• Lando from Memphis calls in with a new conspiracy: Anthony Mackie (who played Tupac in “Notorious”) was intentionally miscast to make Pac look “slaw”—like Diddy, involved in the film, wanted to disrespect Tupac's image:

  “They pitched Anthony Mackie in that movie to intentionally...slaw out Pac Simmons.” (47:54, Lando—paraphrased)

• The hosts are delighted by the logic and authenticity of the call.
• Discussion about the lost art of truly dedicated, accurate casting—versus “phoned in” celebrity miscasting.
• David muses about the effect playing Biggie or Pac in a biopic has on a career, suggesting it’s often a dead end:

  “That’s like everything they ever wanted you to be. ... That's like the thing they want you to be. ... You want to be a security guard again?” (51:53, David)

6. Audience & Community Reflections

Timestamps: 54:16–55:29

• Who listens to this show? Langston and David joke about the diversity in their audience—especially appreciating their “lil mamas” (a term for their supportive, often female/queer fans).
• They affirm their independence—choosing honesty and fun over respectability:

  “I will not be your champion. I will eventually say something so vile that you are going to have to wrestle with how long you've invested in me.” (55:12, Langston)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “We will talk about anybody’s meat for as long as we need to.” (04:09, Langston)
• “Barbers have to be as homophobic as they are, because what they're doing is kind of gay.” (09:02, David)
• “The amount of times that a strange man has pressed his finger to my lip to line up my mustache is unnerving.” (08:39, Langston)
• On AI slurs: “Clanker? That's like a slur that AI can...” (23:58, Langston)
• “If we start treating computers like people, then it is just religion now. ... It's like we have—we lose our relationship with it as a tool once we start to do that.” (39:44, David)
• “Optimus Prime is a little bit of a coon...” (34:09, Langston)
• “I don't like white people making up new slurs. That's a position I'm willing to stand strong on.” (24:30, Langston)
• On casting in biopics:
  “I don't think you go anywhere after that. ... If you're fat and dark-skinned, they want you to be Biggie or ... some kind of unsexual blob.” (51:39–52:05, David)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Barbershop Eye-Closing, Masculinity, and Fake Dads: 02:20–16:34
• Where Does This Podcast Fit in Black Media? 11:11–12:55
• Voicemail 1: AI Slurs and Personification Conspiracy: 23:10–42:47
• Optimus Prime/Transformers Conspiracy and Blackness: 34:09–38:00
• Voicemail 2: Tupac Biopic Conspiracy (Lando from Memphis): 47:14–54:16
• Reflection on Audience & Community: 54:16–55:29

Tone & Final Thoughts

Langston and David mix sharp wit, performative mock outrage, and genuine curiosity in a conversational style that’s intimate, unpolished, and uniquely Black. They delight in nonsense and “problematic” humor, constantly alluding to cultural codes, unspoken rules, and contradictions inherent in the Black American experience. Whether discussing barbershop etiquette, the personhood of AI, or why Optimus Prime might be a race traitor, the hosts embody a new kind of irreverent podcast space: honest, weird, deeply funny, and unafraid to speculate wildly on pop culture’s secret meanings.

Listeners are encouraged to participate—send in conspiracies, drops, and even new slurs for robots.

Recommended if you enjoy: Unfiltered Black humor, pop culture analysis, absurdist conspiracies, irreverent discussions of masculinity, race, and technology.