Podcast Summary: My Momma Told Me — "They Already Soft Launched Aliens"
Date: April 28, 2026
Hosts: Langston Kerman & David Gborie
Guest: Mel Mitchell
Main Theme & Purpose
This episode of My Momma Told Me dives into conspiracy theories around aliens—specifically, the idea that the government has “soft launched” the existence of extraterrestrials. Alongside this, comedians Langston, David, and guest Mel Mitchell embark on tangents about Black culture, sex education, growing up, and coming-of-age experiences. The episode brims with candid, hilarious exchanges about personal histories, societal myths, pop culture, and the ways Black communities process knowledge, rumors, and government secrets (especially those involving outer space and coochies).
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Icebreaker & Banter (02:22–14:00)
- Dog Ownership and Stereotypes:
The group riffs on the impracticalities of people with too many dogs in small apartments, joking about priorities and the "villain origin story" of having multiple pets.
- “When somebody got like five dogs, I know it smell crazy in there.” — Mel Mitchell (04:23)
- Lies & Bravado:
Discussion of “showbiz” lies—like pretending to be rich or tall—and the social permission to embellish facts in entertainment.
2. Sexual Education & Coming-of-Age Stories (14:05–45:35)
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Lack of Black Girls’ Sex Ed:
Mel dives deep into her late start in sexual self-awareness, recounting candid stories of learning proper hygiene and anatomy from friends and the internet (notably from reading FML).
- “We just talked about the lack of coochie education as young black girls. We don't have it. And it's everything—sex, sex, sex, sex, bad, bad, bad, bad.” — Mel Mitchell (49:59)
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Tampon Confusion & Parental Gaps:
Mel’s journey includes misunderstanding medical advice and applying medicine incorrectly because no one explicitly taught her (29:00–32:00).
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Erasure & Shame:
Exploration of guilt surrounding self-pleasure and how religious or cultural backgrounds can intensify shame and misinformation.
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Masturbation and Self-Discovery:
The hosts and Mel share their experiences with masturbation, laughing about the different pathways boys and girls take toward understanding their bodies (32:00–40:00).
3. Pop Culture & Representation (12:00–36:00, 83:24–87:57)
- Black Coming-of-Age Films:
Mel and the hosts joke about the absence of a Black female equivalent to “American Pie”—an “American Sweet Potato Pie”—and the potential for stories about young Black women’s sexual awakenings.
- "Black women do need their coming-of-age sex movie.” — David Gborie (25:14)
- Merchandise & Cultural Icons:
Discussion of Ice Cube t-shirts being omnipresent and what that says about Black icons in white-dominated consumer culture.
4. Tumblr, Porn, and Internet Culture (42:00–47:00)
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Tumblr & Fanfiction:
Mel reminisces about discovering erotic fanfiction and the hyper-specific sexual interests fostered by Tumblr, plus the inclusivity of Black perspectives in fandom spaces.
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Judging Dicks on Tumblr:
With humor, Mel reveals how her all-female, mostly virginal friend group would scroll through Tumblr evaluating pictures together (43:45).
5. Alien Disclosure & Conspiracy Theories (61:08–79:22)
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Soft-Lauched Aliens:
Mel's main theory is that the government has already begun revealing the truth about aliens through small, incremental admissions—distracting the public with crises to avoid widespread panic or focus (61:08–62:14).
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Government Disclosure:
The hosts reiterate that even former Presidents have hinted at aliens’ existence, but full proof is elusive because of intentional distraction (61:30–62:02).
- “They’re purposely overloading us with f--- s--- so we don’t have time to even worry about the aliens. Because gas is $9.” — Mel Mitchell (61:53)
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Alien Biology Speculation:
The conversation devolves into speculation about what aliens might actually look like—are the “Grays” from Area 51 a distraction? How might alien life adapt to environments unlike Earth's?
- “Why would you even have feet, let alone be bipedal? Maybe it’s better to have ten of them.” — David Gborie (63:54)
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Oceanic Mysteries:
The crew entertains the possibility that aliens or even dinosaurs could live in the vast, unexplored oceans of Earth (78:33–79:18).
- “Either the aliens are in the ocean. Or, door number two: the dinosaurs in the ocean.” — Mel Mitchell (78:57)
6. Dinosaurs, Extinction, and Cosmic "What-Ifs" (70:43–75:37)
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Emotional Attachment to Dinosaurs:
Mel reflects on the sadness of the dinosaurs’ slow extinction and floats wild theories—what if meteors that killed the dinosaurs were actually alien ships rescuing some of them?
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Linking Prehistoric and Extraterrestrial:
The possibility is raised that the aliens are dinosaurs or that their fates are linked in ways science hasn’t discovered.
7. Listener Voicemail — "Urinal Conspiracy" (88:22–93:41)
- A caller poses a bizarre theory that urinals have cameras used to measure penis size and government agencies aggregate this data.
- The hosts gently debunk the idea, parsing it as the product of insecurity and social myth rather than an actual surveillance plot.
- “Brother, there are no cameras.” — Langston Kerman (90:00)
- “Learn how to eat some coochie, yo.” — Mel Mitchell (93:53)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- On Sex Ed:
“I didn't know where my actual vagina was until college.” — Mel Mitchell (20:53)
- On Masturbation Shame:
“Then I was shamed with guilt because, oh God, I’m gonna get struck by lightning and go to hell.” — Mel Mitchell (33:06)
- On Black Girl Sexual Representation:
“We need a Black girl Stifler. And I know Black girl Stiflers. Like, they're real. Like, they exist.” — Mel Mitchell (26:21)
- On Alien Concealment:
"They're purposely overloading us with so much fuck shit that I don't even wanna read the news. And I look up; it's a black man in space.” — Mel Mitchell (70:19)
- On Moving Beyond Fear:
“If they wanted to kill us, they would've been did it.” — Mel Mitchell (68:29)
- On Urinal Surveillance Theory:
“What is average, man? ... My mama says my dick is big.” — Mel Mitchell (89:17, 90:42, paraphrasing insecurity at the core of the conspiracy)
Important Timestamps
- Dog Stereotypes & Showbiz Lies: 02:21–05:32
- Sex Ed, Tampon Fails & Digital Upbringing: 14:05–32:00
- Black Female Coming-of-Age Film Pitch: 24:47–26:56
- Tumblr, Fanfiction & Sexual Preferences: 42:00–47:00
- Aliens & Government Admission: 61:08–62:50
- Alien Evolution & Ocean Secrets: 63:00–79:18
- Dinosaurs & Catastrophic "What-Ifs": 70:43–75:37
- Urinal Conspiracy Voicemail: 88:22–93:41
Tone & Style
The episode is defined by unfiltered, playful, and self-aware humor—deeply personal, honest, and rooted in Black community experiences. The hosts and guest maintain a conversational, riff-heavy flow, frequently derailing into related but hilarious tangents. The group frequently makes fun of themselves, each other, and the world, all while gently interrogating cultural norms and myths.
Outro
Where to Find the Guest:
- Mel Mitchell: @tsmelmitch (Instagram), @thebaddestmitch (TikTok)
- See her on Tubi, Hulu, BET, and Peacock; upcoming comedy dates in Richmond, VA and Columbus, OH.
Hosts:
- Langston Kerman: @LangstonKerman
- David Gborie: @CoolGuyJokes87
Patreon Bonus: “Smut Watch”—where the hosts react to wild, sometimes raunchy internet videos.
In Summary
This episode delightfully zig-zags through sex ed gaps in Black communities, fandom and erotic fiction, pop culture breakdowns, and the funny, tragic, and speculative dimensions of government alien secrets. Mel Mitchell brings infectious candor and comedic vulnerability, making for an episode as educational as it is wildly entertaining. At its heart: three comedians, no topic too sacred or silly, aiming to create a space where conspiracies and coochies can finally get the honest talk they deserve.
