Turd-Course Meal (with Langston Kerman and David Gborie) RE-RELEASE

Summary

---

Podcast Summary

Podcast: My Momma Told Me
Hosts: Langston Kerman & David Gborie
Episode Title: Turd-Course Meal (RE-RELEASE)
Release Date: November 27, 2025
Main Theme:
A hilarious deep dive into Black conspiracy theories, body image in comedy, and a particularly memorable listener-submitted "poop in the mouth" family myth—plus plenty of banter about food, bad breath, and why some jokes hit harder than others.

---

Episode Overview

In this re-released episode of My Momma Told Me, comedians Langston Kerman and David Gborie run through a freewheeling, joke-packed conversation featuring:

• Reflections on New Year’s resolutions and the rituals of self-improvement
• Signature riffing on Black comedy traditions (specifically, the “man in a dress” trope)
• A listener-submitted email about a wild childhood myth regarding food turning into poop if kept in your mouth too long
• The legacy of notorious shock videos like "Two Girls One Cup"
• An unexpectedly thoughtful exploration of bad breath jokes—and the cultural baggage of family myths

Throughout, their energetic, occasionally outrageous dynamic is on full display.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. New Year’s Resolutions, Adulting, and Food Choices

Timestamps: 06:04 – 10:31

• Resolutions with No Accountability:
  Langston admits to making vague internal promises, like “let’s just end sugar,” but says, “not in a way that would create any real accountability” (06:19).
• Drinking vs. Weeding:
  David and Langston share their shift from drinking to weed as they age, noting the repetitive, less joyful consequences of drunken nights.
  • “Nothing new is gonna happen if I get drunk… I should probably just not do any.” — David (06:41)
• Post-Bar Life After Marriage:
  Langston on no longer waking up in unexpected places after marriage:
  • “You’ve stolen a joy that I can’t get back.” — Langston (07:37)
  • David questions whether that fear was ever joyful, sparking a riff on excitement vs. fear.

2. The “Man In A Dress” Trope in Black Comedy

Timestamps: 11:02 – 17:55

• Martin Lawrence, Eddie Murphy, and Dave Chappelle:
  David and Langston debate comedic greatness in drag:
  • “Nobody was funnier than Martin in a dress.” — David (11:27)
  • “I don’t think Dave Chappelle would be as funny in a dress.” — David (11:41)
  • “Chappelle denying the dress... was less about saving Black men and more about ‘that nigga’s so much funnier than me in a dress?’” — Langston (11:51)
• Dress Challenge?:
  Langston suggests, humorously, that “put that dress on” could be a viral challenge for comedians—noting not everyone can pull it off.
  • “Slip on that red dress and some of those high heels.” — Langston (16:59)
  • “Only if it’s funny or that’s who you are. But for the funny people, put that dress on.” — Langston (17:39)

3. "Poop in the Mouth" Family Myth ("Turd-Course Meal" Conspiracy)

Timestamps: 21:32 – 37:18

• Listener Email From Carly:
  Carly, a listener, shares how her mother told her if kids held food in their mouths too long instead of swallowing, it would “turn to shit—like, actual physical poop—in your mouth” (21:32, 28:13).
• Initial Reactions:
  • “Listen, I’m not a doctor… Poop is made out of food… That’s as far as I can go on that.” — David (29:13)
  • “I guess if I’m being completely honest… at the point you would spit it out, it is basically poopish.” — Langston (33:18)
• Discussion on Food, Waste, and Discipline:
  Carly’s story leads to reflections on food discipline in Black/brown communities, parenting strategies, and creative scare tactics.

4. The Infamous "Two Girls, One Cup" Video

Timestamps: 23:01 – 27:48

• Shock and Cultural Milestones:
  David and Langston recall the viral video’s impact:
  • “I want to vomit… What a bad time.” — Langston (23:30)
  • “It was a turning point. That broke a seal for, like, 80% of us.” — Langston (24:56)
  • They riff on how the unregulated internet invited such content into the mainstream.
  • "Where is the true crime documentary on Two Girls, One Cup?" — David (25:54)

5. Medical Realities: Feculent Vomiting

Timestamps: 41:39 – 44:07

• Back to Science:
  Producer Olivia mentions “feculent vomiting”—a rare but real medical condition where people can “throw up poop out of their mouths.”
  • Langston quotes a study:
    • “Throwing up poop, while not common, was associated with intestinal obstruction…” (43:14)
  • David’s verdict: “That’s your intestines fucked up; it’s gotta come out.”

6. The Cultural Art of "Bad Breath" Jokes

Timestamps: 44:15 – 49:47

• Honesty, Embarrassment, and the Decline of a Joke Genre:
  David wonders, “When did we stop doing bad breath jokes?”—sparking memories of truly direct interventions, like being walked into a store for gum.
  • “Your breath. Everybody, look, the secret’s out, man. Everybody knows.” — Story relayed about Jack (45:24)
  • David: “The problem with bad breath is people could lie about it.” (46:54)
  • Langston: “It got overused in the 90s… watered down.”

7. The True Purpose of Family Myths

Timestamps: 50:08 – 52:09

• Myth as Allegory:
  • Langston compares the mom’s food myth to biblical allegories:
    • “In the same way that Jonah and the Whale… is a lesson about faithfulness… Eat your fucking food.” (50:30)
  • David recalls, “My mom told me if you swallow chewing gum…it will rub against your gut and you will die.” (50:41)

8. Final Thoughts and Wrap-up

Timestamps: 51:52 – 52:27

• Both hosts encourage finishing your plate (“Eat all that tomato chicken!” — David) and sign off with their socials and a comedic send-off:
  • “That’s it. Bye bitch.” — Langston (52:14)

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Langston:
  “You want to see some butt cheeks that need to be out?” (02:48)
• David:
  “Come on, it’s got to taste good down there a little bit, you know?” (05:23)
• Langston:
  “Sometimes racism is funny.” (16:38)
• David:
  “Go ahead and put that dress on… Do it for those of us who can’t.” (17:08)
• Carly (listener):
  “My mama told me that if we kept food in our mouths for too long, it will automatically turn to shit.” (28:13)
• David:
  “If you hold food in your mouth for a long time, I think it would smell bad. But do I think it would turn into the same poop that comes out of my [body]? No.” (29:13)
• Langston:
  “That’s the craziest part of this to me: ‘I’ll just hold these chitlins in my mouth and that way I don’t have to experience them.’” (31:09)
• David:
  “This is a biracial poop, but it’s got its own struggles that we were unaware of 20 years ago.” (37:07)
• Langston:
  “You vomit shit out of your face… How do you proceed after that?” (42:10)

---

Segment Timestamps

• Opening/Introductions: 02:24–03:29
• New Year’s Chat & Self-Improvement: 06:04–10:31
• Man in a Dress in Black Comedy: 11:02–17:55
• Listener Email – “Poop in the Mouth” Conspiracy: 21:32–37:18
• “Two Girls, One Cup” Discussion: 23:01–27:48
• Medical Realities – Feculent Vomiting: 41:39–44:07
• Bad Breath Jokes & Social Dynamics: 44:15–49:47
• Family Myths & Parenting Allegory: 50:08–52:09
• Outro & Socials: 52:09–52:27

---

Tone & Takeaways

The episode is raucous, irreverent, and conversational, with both hosts using their sharp wit and honest storytelling to unpack themes unique to Black family life, comedy culture, and shared internet traumas. Langston and David’s chemistry keeps both the heavy and absurd topics light, warm, and funny throughout.

---

In summary:
A quintessential My Momma Told Me experience: playful examinations of Black myths and realities, with as many memorable jokes as unexpected moments of insight. From comedy’s man-in-a-dress debate to the “turd-course meal” myth, this episode is rich with quotable, relatable, and downright hilarious material.

---

For more: Find Langston at @LangstonKerman and David at @CoolGuyJokes87 on Instagram. And always chew your food—or else!

Transcript

[Langston Kerman]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human. You want the hottest Black Friday savings and Lowes has them. Shop amazing deals like up to 50% off. Select major appliances plus get up to an extra 25% off when you bundle. Select major appliances and save $80 on your choice of a DeWalt 20 volt max drill or impact driver kit. Now just $99. Shop Lowe's black Friday Savings before they're gone. Valid through December 3, 2025. Selection varies by location. Select locations only while supplies last. See lowe's.com for more details.

[Advertiser Voice 1]

It's the season to come together over your holiday favorites at Starbucks. Warm up with a creamy caramel brulee latte, get festive with an iced gingerbread chai or share a velvety peppermint mocha together is the best place to be at Starbucks. Tired of spills and stains on your sofa? Wash away your worries with Anabe. Annabe is the only machine washable sofa inside and out. Designer quality meets budget friendly prices. That's right, sofas start at just $699. Enjoy a no risk experience with pet friendly stain resistant and changeable slip covers made with performance fabric. Experience cloud like comfort with high resilience foam that's hypoallergenic and never needs fluffing. The sturdy steel frame ensures longevity and the modular pieces can be rearranged anytime. Shop washablesofas.com for early Black Friday savings up to 60% off site wide, backed by a 30 day satisfaction guarantee. If you're not absolutely in love, send it back for a full refund. No return shipping or restocking fees. Every penny back Upgrade [e-mail] Offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.

[Advertiser Voice 2]

If you're looking for a gift that inspires confidence and adventure all year long, give them a Guardian bike. The number one Kids B Easiest to learn on, safest to ride with USA made kid specific frames and patented safety technology. Kids are learning to ride in just one day. No training wheels needed. Guardian is America's favorite kids bike and the New York Times and Wirecutters top pick three years in a row. This holiday season, Guardian is offering up to 40% in savings on all bikes plus $100 in free accessories. Shop [e-mail].

[David Bory]

I think if I was in a dress I think it would be a body positivity pie.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I could see that you understand. They're like move over Lizzo. There's a new star in town.

[David Bory]

Come over Lizzo. There's A man doing it now.

[Langston Kerman]

You want to see some butt cheeks that need to be out?

[David Bory]

It's David for a rhythmic clapping. Yeah, come get it. The government growing babies. Microchips in your anus. All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money. Marshy to venom turkey stuffing. Y' all can't tell me nothing. Welcome, welcome, welcome to another brand new episode of My Mama Told Me, the.

[Langston Kerman]

Podcast where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories, and.

[David Bory]

We work to prove that the KY and KY jelly does in fact stand for Kentucky, and it is a proprietary blend invented by slaves. We want our money back.

[Langston Kerman]

Wait, so if I'm understanding correctly, because what an exciting journey we're on, you're saying that these slaves thought to use the chicken grease to fuck each other after.

[David Bory]

Okay, you said chicken grease.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, you said Kentucky. I immediately went to Kentucky Fried Chicken. I thought you were making two branches happen at once.

[David Bory]

No, I just meant. I guess I meant that there were slaves in Kentucky. I didn't think this joke out. I didn't think it out.

[Langston Kerman]

All right, all right. Okay. No, but let's play a game. So in theory, there are slaves in Kentucky making sex grease. There, I believe, is what it's traditionally called. They're making this sex grease. And you're saying that a slave owner, an evil white, not like you, good whites who listen to the podcast. Oh, you guys are the best. Whites, Fine whites, some of my favorite whites. There's just people with whites for lengths, thin signs behind me, where are my whites? Where are my crackers?

[David Bory]

Where are my lengths and whites at?

[Langston Kerman]

But you're saying that these evil whites stole that formula, Stole that sex grease formula and then turned it into their own product?

[David Bory]

Yes.

[Langston Kerman]

Hell yeah.

[David Bory]

Cause, I mean, what's the one place you would want to put chicken grease besides your mouth?

[Langston Kerman]

Come on, it's got to taste good down there a little bit, you know?

[David Bory]

It's not going to make it taste worse.

[Langston Kerman]

Nah, it's got to help. Well, I'm Langston Cartman.

[David Bory]

I'm David Boury.

[Langston Kerman]

And you've come so far. You've come to a fantastic new episode. And specifically, it is a Langston and David episode. David and Langston, you pick your poison. And this is the one where we just talk shit and unpack a few emails, maybe just figure out where our hearts lie in all of this.

[David Bory]

Let's get to the bottom of it. It's January, you know, New year, new me.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it's goddamn January.

[David Bory]

Are you like a new year? Are you Like a New Year's resolution person.

[Langston Kerman]

Not in a way that would create any real accountability, if that makes sense. Yeah, it's like I make some resolutions in my head where I'm like, hell yeah. Come on, dog, you could get in shape this year. Hey, big man, let's just end sugar. Always, forever in your life. What you need that for?

[David Bory]

That sugar shit is fucking killing me. It's really so bad for you. Yeah, Sugar. For me, it's alcohol. Where I realize I'm like 35 and I'm like, oh, nothing new is gonna happen if I get drunk, so I should probably just not do any.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I think that's why weed started to, like, become a thing in my life. Was like, damn, these drunk nights are starting to repeat themselves in a way that. That it's not even joyful anymore.

[David Bory]

No, there's nothing new and there's nothing new. You're just getting doordash late, like, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And then you get married and that becomes so much of like a. This is a guaranteed ending to your night that it's like, oh, I never thought about that.

[David Bory]

You can't even go out and get loose because it's like, you gotta go home. Right?

[Langston Kerman]

I couldn't even possibly wake up somewhere I didn't expect, like, it truly, it is a non factor in my life, and I'm grateful to have a person that makes that a non factor. This is in no way resentful of my wife. But that said, fuck am I doing this for? You know what I mean? Like, you've stolen a joy that I can't get back.

[David Bory]

Was that a joy? Did you like waking up scared that you got robbed? Maybe?

[Langston Kerman]

I think there was a joy in the way that it feels like going through a haunted house. You know what I mean?

[David Bory]

That's not joy. That's fear.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, yeah, I think. But then you volunteer for that fear.

[David Bory]

And you're like, oh, you sign up for the fear?

[Langston Kerman]

I signed up for this.

[David Bory]

I guess it's exciting because I'm single as hell. I guess it's exciting.

[Langston Kerman]

Are you still waking up places you didn't know? Are you. Are you single?

[David Bory]

I've been thinking about it because I did a drinking contest last night. I did a drinking contest, live show. And I haven't really been drinking like that for a while. And I woke up today with no memory of how the night ended. And I woke up and I came into the kitchen, man, and there was. I fried up Spam.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, no.

[David Bory]

And it's like, bro, what is this? What is this isn't even. That couldn't have been a good time.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, come on, man. That's not even the best thing. You could have fried in your house.

[David Bory]

I have a fridge full of food. I have leafy greens. I have leafy greens in there. I'm fried up Spam. I don't even know where I got the Spam.

[Langston Kerman]

That's crazy. So you didn't just have Spam on.

[David Bory]

Hand, I assume I must have.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, man, that's haunting in either direction.

[David Bory]

That's what I'm saying.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, this is a new apartment for you. You don't have to have Spam no more. I know you have a good amount of money. Spam is a choice you're making. And then on top of that, if it isn't a choice you're making, if you didn't already have the Spam, you were like, I need fucking Spam in my blood right now. And then you went and got that.

[David Bory]

Yeah, I live above a 7 11, so I think that was the last one. Cause I remember coming home, and then I. What I'm saying is, you don't want these problems, man.

[Langston Kerman]

I hear you. I hear you. And I. I sort of believe you. And I couldn't be more grateful for what I have and couldn't be more mournful for what I've lost. You know what I mean? Like.

[David Bory]

Yeah, I get it. I get. Cause it's always like, you know, hindsight is 20 20, right? It looks beautiful in the rear view. All these exciting days, waking up. Did I eat Spam? Did I not? Who's this lady?

[Langston Kerman]

Hell, yeah. Come on, man. The best. We all love the finale episode where they start playing the recap of the stuff that happened all throughout the years. You know what I mean?

[David Bory]

Right, right. Right.

[Langston Kerman]

When you look up in the sky and you remember all the things that happened in Martin's apartment before he leaves. Come on. That's the best part of the finale.

[David Bory]

That was the saddest one. Was that the one where he wrote I'll miss you on the wall?

[Langston Kerman]

I think he wrote love. Or, like peace and love. It was something like more like whatever. But maybe it was I'll miss you. But either way, it was definitely. He wrote on the wall, which I think was improvised. I have to assume was more.

[David Bory]

No, they didn't.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, he was like.

[David Bory]

I don't think Martin was heavily scripted. I'm gonna say I'm going on record right now. I think they have the plot points of every episode, and then I think they just kind of, like, point and shoot.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't. I will say, I cannot think of a sitcom where you can physically visibly see people breaking more often than Martin.

[David Bory]

Like, nobody was funnier than Martin in a dress.

[Langston Kerman]

They could not keep it together to save their lives. And they were constantly fucking laughing at whatever this motherfucker was doing.

[David Bory]

He was so funny. He did everything.

[Langston Kerman]

It was wild.

[David Bory]

Here's what I say. I don't think Dave Chappelle would be funny in a dress. As funny as Martin. Whoa, I said it. I don't think he got. I don't think he got the juice.

[Langston Kerman]

Whoa, okay, so you're saying that Chappelle denying the dress, like, being, like, black man in dress. This is the evil that they put on us. Was less about him, like, trying to save black men and more about him basically being like, fuck, that nigga's so much funnier than me in a dress. I'm gonna sabotage the, the, the bit entirely.

[David Bory]

You ever seen Nutty professor is the funniest thing in the world.

[Langston Kerman]

I truly, I, I, I mean, but that was Eddie. That wasn't Martin.

[David Bory]

No, I'm saying, but I'm saying, like, there's a long line of people, really.

[Langston Kerman]

I got you. That he, that even in the line of succession, Martin is ahead of him. But Martin may not even be the master of that.

[David Bory]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

That space.

[David Bory]

Right, right, right.

[Langston Kerman]

Whereas standup Chappelle has a real chance of outshining both of them. All of them.

[David Bory]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's better at writing jokes for sure.

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[David Bory]

But we're talking about just, like, nitty gritty getting too addressed. Make it happen, bro. I saw the Nutty professor in a movie theater in Atlanta, and it was like, I've never seen anything that happened like that in my life. Sure. Cause you, you remember the movie, but you don't remember the first time at the table with a movie theater full of black people. People were throwing, like, drinks at. This is how.

[Langston Kerman]

No, yeah. You, you literally went to, To Mecca to pray. You know what I mean? Like, that is.

[David Bory]

It was. Nobody's ever killed his heart. I love Dave Chappelle. He's never done anything as funny as Eddie Murphy did in that movie theater.

[Langston Kerman]

Listen, I'm not, I don't disagree with this premise at all. I don't. To me, when David was at his funniest as certainly as an actor, and we might be able to debate even as a standup was when he was gangly, sort of like silly Chappelle in his youth, as, as an actor, when he Was like more of like a you kick me in the dick and I fall down Chappelle. And then at some point he, he elevated beyond being just a get kicked in the dick guy and more of like a buff dude and then a fat dude and then whatever's in between those two.

[David Bory]

Yeah, he, he, he's a day walker for sure.

[Langston Kerman]

And he wears the long coats to match the aesthetic.

[David Bory]

He wears weird clothes, but that's a stand up thing, I think. Stand up.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I think I still respect a standup who's a bad dresser, so. I'm not. I'm not.

[David Bory]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

If you're a stand up and you're a bad dresser, you work hard at the craft and I like that.

[David Bory]

Yeah. Keep on keeping on. Keep on keeping on. I'm not a great dresser.

[Langston Kerman]

I get it.

[David Bory]

I get it, Dave. I'm just saying. Yeah, man. It's like not a. You can't just put a suit. You just put a dress on and be funny. There's like, still, there's still.

[Langston Kerman]

If I put on a dress, I don't think it's that funny.

[David Bory]

I think you'd be, you could be. I, you know what I would worry about you in a dress is that it would be taken too seriously.

[Langston Kerman]

That's. And that's what I'm saying. I don't think it would end up being as funny as. As I would want it to be.

[David Bory]

Like, you in a sundress would just be like a fashion choice.

[Langston Kerman]

I think somebody would write a think piece. I think I would make a whole episode about me wearing a dress for a show. And then somebody would write a think piece about how important that work and effort was.

[David Bory]

Yeah. And how it was a Vera Wang dress. Yes.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, and this is related to the relationship between black and Asian people coming together. It's like, bro, I just wanted you to see my dick print in a sundress. What are you talking about?

[David Bory]

Yeah, you would be too serious. Your body is too serious for dresses.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bory]

And that's, you know, across. You have to bear.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, No, I think it's a. Everybody ain't funny in a dress, to your point. And so I think Chappelle in a dress, wasn't it. Yeah, they could really do it. And I do think to the grander conspiracy. I don't like the way Chappelle tanked that for, for some motherfuckers that could really shine in dresses.

[David Bory]

Some of the greatest comedy ever has been done in dresses.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, man, we, we really fell in love with comedy because of n dresses. And then this old, old fucking wise, wise motherfucker was like, I wonder if that's because of racism. It's like, of course it is, David. Yeah, sometimes racism is funny.

[David Bory]

You should read the things I text my mom. Bad. Hilarious.

[Langston Kerman]

All of it's because of racism. But what parts of it are funny and not funny? Let's get to the core of it.

[David Bory]

That's all I care about. Put that dress on. If there's a young comedian listening to this, go ahead and put that dress on.

[Langston Kerman]

Slip on that red dress and some of those high heels.

[David Bory]

Do it for those of us who can't.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on, man.

[David Bory]

Hashtag, put that dress on.

[Langston Kerman]

Put that hashtag put that dress on. This will blow up, right? This will turn into some sort of challenge getting.

[David Bory]

Yeah. Put that dress on. Challenge.

[Langston Kerman]

Put that dress on. Challenge Brought to you by My mama told me we challenge you to be a pioneer and in black retraction and put that dress on.

[David Bory]

Put that dress on you beautiful, man.

[Langston Kerman]

Only if it's funny. Only if it's funny or if that's who you are. It doesn't matter. We're truly not going to decide it. But for the funny people, put that dress on.

[David Bory]

No buff, dudes. You got to be soft buff. You can't be hard, man.

[Langston Kerman]

Big old muscles popping out the dress.

[David Bory]

That's all anybody's going to focus on.

[Advertiser Voice 1]

Tired of spills and stains on your sofa? Wash away your worries with Anabe. Annabe is the only machine washable sofa inside and out where designer quality meets budget friendly prices. That's right, sofas start at just $699. Enjoy a no risk experience with pet friendly stain resistant and changeable slipcovers made with performance fabric. Experience cloud like comfort with high resilience foam that's hypoallergenic and never needs fluffing. The sturdy steel frame ensures longevity and the modular pieces can be rearranged anytime. Shop washablesofas.com for early Black Friday savings up to 60% off site wide backed by a 30 day satisfaction guarantee. If you're not absolutely in love, send it back for a full refund. No return shipping or restocking fees. Every penny back Upgrade [e-mail] Offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.

[Advertiser Voice 2]

If you're looking for a gift that inspires confidence and adventure all year long, give them a guardian bike. The number one kids bike. Easiest to learn on, safest to ride with. USA made kid specific frames and foam patented safety technology. Kids are learning to ride in just one day. No training wheels needed. Guardian is America's favorite kids bike in the New York Times and Wirecutters top pick three years in a row. This holiday season, Guardian is offering up to 40% in savings on all bikes plus $100 in free accessories. Shop now at guardianbikes.com Spin Quest Social.

[Langston Kerman]

Casino It's Thanksgiving time. The turkey's hot and the family's loud. Instead of football, play a different game on your phone. Live dealer blackjack, craps and slots play anytime, anywhere. Spinquest.com this Thanksgiving gobble up a $30 coin pack for just $10. Come play today. Spinquest is a free to play social.

[David Bory]

Casino void where prohibited.

[Langston Kerman]

Visit spinquest.com for more details.

[Ed Helms]

Amazon Five Star Theater presents real Customer Reviews performed by Ed Helms. Tonight's review Tactical Jacket I was living a simple life. Didn't get out much. Then I bought this jacket and everything changed. Women came flocking to me from lands domestic and foreign. I bought a motorcycle, started hanging out with drug dealers. But like rich ones and we flew helicopters. I ended up taking down a communist regime with a band of rebels. On the 245 day sailboat voyage home, I was attacked by a shark. I knew it was the jacket he was after. I tossed it. Giving up the jacket in exchange for my life. I'm alive today, but jacketless. We'll buy this jacket again soon. 5 stars Amazon Customer 69 thank you for listening to Amazon 5 Star Theater. Looking for unforgettable gifts this holiday season. Like a jacket that becomes your whole personality. Shop the perfect gift this holiday on Amazon.

[Langston Kerman]

Should we, should we do an email?

[David Bory]

Oh yeah, let's do an email. I got, I, I got, I got lost in the dress of it all.

[Langston Kerman]

We, we, before we started, we were, we were debating which email to take on and we have a number. We've been getting a fuck ton of emails from you guys and they, they've been amazing and we're super grateful for them. So please continue to send your messages. They are not going unnoticed, even if it takes a little while for us to get back to you. But we got an email from a person named Carly. Carly sent us an email that I would argue is bordering on smut. I would say that certainly the subject line of this conspiracy theory I think is smut. Ish. If I'm not mistaken.

[David Bory]

I like smut.

[Langston Kerman]

I know you do. And so I did. I didn't want to say it with any judgment, but I did want to point out we're getting smut Here. But the subject of the line is poop in the mouth conspiracy theory. And we all heard that and we were like, yeah, we should probably do that on board. Do you have any guests as to what this relates to? Does poop in the mouth conspiracy theory trigger anything for you?

[David Bory]

Not. No. There's no conversations I've had or like, no, I haven't been to that corner of the Internet.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, sure. The only thing. The only thing that it immediately triggered for me was thinking about, like, two girls, one cup. And wasn't that fake? I have no clue. And frankly, I never made it far enough into the video to be able to like, go like, hey, those poops don't match colors. Something ain't right here.

[David Bory]

It looked real to me.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it looked very real. And I can't go back to whatever that was. Even talking about it now.

[David Bory]

What a bad time.

[Langston Kerman]

I want to vomit. Yeah.

[David Bory]

Was that like 08? Something like that?

[Langston Kerman]

0708 something in that world.

[David Bory]

We didn't know what to do with the Internet yet.

[Langston Kerman]

No. And frankly, the fact that people didn't shut it down right then tells you that they did not have good plans for us.

[David Bory]

No, no. It was unregulated. It was the wild, wild west back then.

[Langston Kerman]

Cause, like, all right, not for nothing that. That's some black market shit, right?

[David Bory]

Like, two girls, one cup. I don't even know who made it.

[Langston Kerman]

But that's what I'm saying. I think, like, for a while in the world that we Understood, in the Windows 95 world that we lived in, the presumption was that if you wanted to see two girls eat shit out of a cup, you paid. You. You had to go to like a black market dark web space to be.

[David Bory]

Able to find access.

[Langston Kerman]

At some point around 2007, the black market became the regular ass Internet where they were just like, fuck it, release the. You know what I mean? The archives. And then we just started going on YouTube, seeing black market shit. You know what I mean?

[David Bory]

Yeah, yeah. That was like. Because it was like, I've seen gross stuff since, but I had not seen anything grosser at the time.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that.

[David Bory]

It was a turning point that broke.

[Langston Kerman]

A seal for, like, I would say 80% of us.

[David Bory]

Yeah. Cause once, now that you know that that's out there, you're like, what else is out there?

[Langston Kerman]

I get. And some of us had to know. And some of us were like, I'm good. I'm going to like, join a church and turn in the opposite direction. And that fucking video, I would say, holds A lot of weight in that responsibility.

[David Bory]

Yeah, I would like to find them. I wonder if they know what they do.

[Langston Kerman]

They ask the two girls.

[David Bory]

They know. They know.

[Langston Kerman]

I guess that's weird for me to ask is if you were. I gotta find that cup. Do you know what you did? You're killing us.

[David Bory]

They threw. They burned the cup. The cup is that cup.

[Langston Kerman]

Imagine the intern that had to wash out that cup after the mess that was made.

[David Bory]

Where is that true crime documentary? They're fucking talking about everything else. Why don't we have a two girls, one cup video history?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. The fact that they haven't come forward and said, like, this was abuse. This. This was a violation. Tells you something. Something crazy had to have had. They had to have been murdered.

[David Bory]

I think that they. I don't know. Maybe they're. Maybe they're proud of it.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay, but here's the thing. Great.

[David Bory]

The word great is not a moral word. It's just a word for a size.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I guess where I start to worry. Wonder, I guess, is something that popular, they couldn't have been paid that much. Right? So it becomes that worth.

[David Bory]

Not for as much as it was seen, though.

[Langston Kerman]

No. So. So why haven't we heard of any of them coming forward and being like, hey, we never saw enough money on what became truly a worldwide phenomenon, dog.

[David Bory]

We got a picture to Hulu, dawg.

[Langston Kerman]

Where are the two girls? One cup girl.

[David Bory]

Where they at? Where's the cameraman? Where's the producer? Where's the back?

[Langston Kerman]

Our girls? And specifically the two girls, One cup girl. Dog, if that's we gotta make T shirt, that's a perfect goddamn T shirt, is Bring back our girl. Hashtag, Bring back our girls. And it's just the image of the two girls, one cup ladies, right beneath it, bro.

[David Bory]

You know what's crazy is they could walk into my apartment right now, I would not recognize them.

[Langston Kerman]

You wouldn't recognize them because they're not covered in poop. They were covered in poop, people. I know you.

[David Bory]

Oh, there's something familiar about you.

[Langston Kerman]

I recognized you.

[David Bory]

Did somebody puke in your mouth? Wait, so what were we talking. We're talking about pooping mouths.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, the pooping mouth conspiracy theory is what. What? Carly sent us. Carly sent us this email and she said, hey, Langston and David, I love your show. I've been talking shit to my husband forever, swearing I will email my own conspiracy and finally making it happen. So here we go. I am biracial, but my black mom and her extended family are responsible for most of my upbringing as kids. My cousins, we're always pushing to finish our plates at mealtime, whether you liked what you would, you were being served or not. At some point, us kids started this thing. We thought we were being slick. I just. By just holding a big mouthful of food forever without swallowing, presumably in hopes that dinner would end. At the end, the adults would give up on making us finish our plates. When the adults caught on to this ruse, my mama told me that if we kept food in our mouths for too long, it will automatically turn to shit. Like actual physical poop in your mouth. It was devious and insanely effective. Where you at so far?

[David Bory]

Where.

[Langston Kerman]

What are your feelings? I'll finish the email. Let's gauge your immediate responses inside of this.

[David Bory]

Listen, I'm not a doctor. Okay, here's what I got. Poop is made out of food.

[Langston Kerman]

That's right.

[David Bory]

That's as far as I can go on that. That's as far as I can.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bory]

Do I think that, like, if I just kept food in my mouth for a long time, it would turn to poop? No, I think it would smell bad. But do I think it would turn. Turn into the same poop that comes out of my.

[Langston Kerman]

But do you think it would smell bad, like poop bad or like, just like. Like old oats and. And hot breath type bad? Like, do you think it's just.

[David Bory]

Well, it's like. Have you ever, like, these little. The. The tooth. The dentex strips. Do you ever use these things? I got them all.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, yeah, those. The things that people are. Are throwing on the street constantly, for some reason.

[David Bory]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes I'll pull like a piece of steak or something out with one of these, and it smells pretty bad. And that's just been in there for like 20 minutes. Because, like, if I get a big one, you know, I'll sniff it and like. So, like, extrapolate that over time, I think that something happens. I don't know. This is a difficult one.

[Langston Kerman]

It is. I guess where my brain originally went is holding food you don't like in your mouth, it would taste like shit.

[David Bory]

Way more difficult than eating it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. It seems like at the point that you've put it in your mouth, you've already crossed the threshold. You don't just finish the motherfucker.

[David Bory]

That's what I mean. Children are stupid.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. That's the craziest part of this to me is like, I'll just hold these chitlins in my mouth and that way I don't have to Experience them. It's like, no, that's the worst part. Also.

[David Bory]

That's crazy to me. Cause, like, maybe I'm crazy. My mom can cook. That's like, one thing. We never had, like, nasty meals in my house. Like, are your parents. Can your parents cook?

[Langston Kerman]

My mom could cook. She didn't love doing it, but she could cook. My dad, I think, had, like, four meals that he knew how to handle, and, like, we would have those pretty consistently. They hit for my palate then. And I'm a big fan of my dad. He's a good man. Good white man. Good. But I wouldn't say that I'd, like, go to somebody else's house and be like, man, you gotta try my dad's tomato chicken. It's like, I don't. I enjoyed it.

[David Bory]

Wait, what?

[Langston Kerman]

It was chicken with tomatoes all over it. I don't know. Again, good white man.

[David Bory]

Good white man. Tomato chip. But I don't even put those two words together.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. What you want from me?

[David Bory]

No, no, it's fine.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm a victim, too. So I was like, no, I'm not gonna say, like, you know, great chef, but I enjoyed what we had growing up and. And have zero regrets about having ate it. Do you know what I mean?

[David Bory]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tomato, chicken. But that's the thing. It sounds like this person's parents. Food was nasty.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, no, first and foremost, that part's pretty clear. Was like, this is nasty food. But apparently also nasty because it was so unseasoned and so sort of, like, blank that it was. You could keep it in your mouth for sometimes hours at a time to escape responsibility of finishing your plate.

[David Bory]

Yeah, I don't. But do I think it was. Okay, so back to this conspiracy theory. No, I don't think it would turn into poop.

[Langston Kerman]

I guess I kind of do. I guess if I'm being completely honest, I don't think that it's necessarily going to take the form that poop does. I think you got to make it all the way down to the end of the train to get that blackened Cajun. Yeah. That Cajun flavoring that ends up with poop. But I do think that it's, like the difference between blackened salmon and. And, like, sushi. Do you? What? I mean, like, they're still both fish. It's just like, okay, this is poop. This is, like, gross fucking mush that, like, is, to your point, going to stink and, like, be vile in a way that's, like, pretty close to poop. If we. If we, like, had A scientist in a. In a glass. You know what I mean?

[David Bory]

All right. I mean, but isn't poop, man, we're talking so much about poop. Is it poop? It's like. But poop is also stripped of all the nutrients. It's like you take all the nutrients out and then your body pushes out the rest.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. And I think that at least in my understanding that the more that we cook something, right, the more that we heat it, the more that we. That the more nutrients are lost into the atmosphere, I guess into the fire, whatever the fuck it is. And similarly, I think when you leave something soaking in a saliva or around bacteria that's going to be eating up those nutrients. I think in this case, we're just not absorbing them the way that we would. They're just being dissolved in our bullshit mouths.

[David Bory]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, you don't.

[David Bory]

You know, I have no. I have no. This is the weirdest conspiracy theory because it's not based in race. So I have no, like, I have no, like, people. I want to win or lose here.

[Langston Kerman]

I got you. Let's read on because maybe, and it's worth noting that I do believe Carly said that she was raised by her black mom. Yes. An extended family. And so it sounds like they were doing this in a black household. And subsequently it came from a black parent that you got shit in your mouth if you hold it in your face.

[David Bory]

I need proof with shit like that, though.

[Langston Kerman]

I got you. You need somebody to poop out their mouth. And then you're like, God got you.

[David Bory]

Yeah, there it is.

[Langston Kerman]

She goes on to say, so I'll be the first to admit that this isn't a textbook conspiracy theory per se. But I certainly believed it and was deceived by it for an embarrassingly long time. I also came to real realize there's some poignant themes in there that I didn't really process until I was an adult. Something about not letting anything go to waste and not taking food for granted. Especially when so many others in our community of lower income black and brown families went without anyhow over the years. I always get a good laugh when I tell people about this lie. Or is it that my mama told me that I thought you guys would get a laugh too Much love, Carly.

[David Bory]

Yeah, Carly, your mom is a liar. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

She lied to you.

[David Bory]

Probably she lied to you because you didn't want to eat her nasty ass food. I get it.

[Langston Kerman]

But you know what? I see the vision, Mama. I. I think that whatever's been. Whatever's being kept in your face is equivalent to shit at the point that you would spit it out. And it is not only harmful and wasteful, but it also is is basically poopish. It's poop. It's. It's Kenya Barris brings to all of us poopish. It's a lighter poop.

[David Bory]

It's a biracial poop.

[Langston Kerman]

It's a biracial poop, but it's, it's got its own struggles that we were unaware of 20 years ago.

[David Bory]

Poopish. Starring Tracee Ellis Ross she's back. She's back, baby. You can't keep a good man down.

[Advertiser Voice 1]

Tired of spills and stains on your sofa? Wash away your worries with Anabe Annabe is the only machine washable sofa inside and out where designer quality meets budget friendly prices. That's right, sofas start at just $699. Enjoy a no risk experience with Pet Friend stain resistant and changeable slip covers made with performance fabric Experience cloud like comfort with high resilience foam that's hypoallergenic and never needs fluffing. The sturdy steel frame ensures longevity and the modular pieces can be rearranged anytime. Shop washablesofas.com for early Black Friday savings up to 60% off site wide, backed by a 30 day satisfaction guarantee. If you're not absolutely in love, send it back for a full refund. No return, shipping or restocking fees. Every penny back Upgrade [e-mail] Offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.

[Advertiser Voice 2]

If you're looking for a gift that inspires confidence and adventure all year long. Give them a Guardian bike. The number one kids bike. Easiest to learn on, safest to rock with USA made kid specific frames and patented safety technology, kids are learning to ride in just one day. No training wheels needed. Guardian is America's favorite kids bike and the New York Times and Wirecutters top pick three years in a row. This holiday season, Guardian is offering up to 40% in savings on all bikes plus $100 in free accessories. Shop now at guardianbikes.com Spin Quest Social.

[Langston Kerman]

Casino It's Thanksgiving time. The turkey's hot and the family's loud. Instead of football, play a different game on your phone. Live dealer blackjack, craps and slots. Play anytime, anywhere. Spinquest.com this Thanksgiving gobble up a $30 coin pack for just $10. Come play today. Spin Quest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.

[Ed Helms]

Amazon Five Star Theater presents real customer reviews Performed by Ed Helms. Tonight's review. Tactical jacket. I was living a simple life. Didn't get out much. Then I bought this jacket and everything changed. Women came flocking to me from lands domestic and foreign. I bought a motorcycle, started hanging out with drug dealers. But like rich ones. And we flew helicopters. I ended up taking down a communist regime with a band of rebels. On the 245 day sailboat voyage home, I was attacked by a shark. I knew it was the jacket he was after. I tossed it. Giving up the jacket in exchange for my life. I'm alive today, but jacketless. We'll buy this jacket again soon. 5 stars Amazon Customer 69 thank you for listening to Amazon 5 Star Theater. Looking for unforgettable gifts this holiday season? Like a jacket that becomes your whole personality. Shop the perfect gift this holiday on Amazon.

[David Bory]

Do you want to come see My Mama Told Me Live at the Allegiant Theater on February 16? But you don't live in Los Angeles. Have we got an offer for you. We're live streaming it via Moment House. We're doing Q&As. You can see me, you can see Langston. Tell them about it. Langston.

[Langston Kerman]

Please purchase tickets at moment co. Mymama told me again February 16th at the Elysian Theater, but in your homes for the live stream or the next five days after. So buy those tickets. Olivia mentioned that there is apparently a disease, a disorder of sorts.

[David Bory]

Oh. Because if you hold it for too long when it comes out your mouth. Right?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. So. Well, apparently there's something called feculent vomiting. Yeah, feculent vomiting. Fecal being the root word there. If anybody was wondering where people throw up poop out of their mouths, I guess, unexpectedly.

[David Bory]

Which truly sounds like the worst day. There's no. What do you do?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, Okay, let's say you're at dinner, right? Let's say. Let's say you're at a fine Lebanese restaurant and you feculent vomit out of your face. Do you wait for the check? How do you proceed after that?

[David Bory]

Oh, no, that was a nice restaurant. I'm out. Are you kidding? No, I fucking. I'm out.

[Langston Kerman]

You vomit out of your. You vomit shit out of your face. And then you just stand up and you just walk.

[David Bory]

You just immediately, no, you'll never see me again. Probably not even on that side of town, to be honest. I won't come back.

[Langston Kerman]

So you're not moving cities, but you are like a new borough kind of.

[David Bory]

Dude, I'm off that street.

[Langston Kerman]

I got you.

[David Bory]

I'm off that street. Are you kidding me? I shit out of my mouth on the baba ghanoush. Nah, I'm gone, bro. Never, ever, ever, ever.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, this is a very real thing that apparently exists in the American Journal of Surgery. I'm reading now looks specifically at feculent vomiting. Researchers found that throwing up poop, while not common, was associated with some type of intestinal obstruction, including either of the following. Mechanical intestinal obstruction. A partial or complete blockage of the intestine that's more common in the small bowel. Paralytic obstruction. With this condition, muscle or nerve problems disrupt the normal muscle contractions of the intestines. A paralytic can cause symptoms of an intestinal blockage, but there's not a physical blockage. So it sounds like most of this has to do with the intestine more than just you holding it in your mouth and then becoming poop.

[David Bory]

Right. This is like your intestines is fucked up. It's gotta come out.

[Langston Kerman]

And they're like, we're going back, baby.

[David Bory]

Stanking ass breath. You know, I was thinking about it. I miss bad breath jokes. Remember when there used to be so many bad breath jokes? When did we stop doing that?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I will say that one of it's a bad breath joke that lives in my head forever. And it happened to a very funny comedian and a friend, so I won't name names, but one time, we were literally leaving. We were leaving a concert. It was me, Jack, and a few others and this comedian. And at one point, out of nowhere, Jack just turned to this dude and was like, dog your breath. Like, He was like. And we've all been talking about it. Everybody knows it. Come on, man, we gotta do something. And then walked him into a convenience store and. And bought him gum in front of, like, 10 people and, like, made this big announcement. It was one of the meanest, most effective things that he could have possibly do done in that moment.

[David Bory]

God bless Jack. But, like, did his. Did you see this guy later and. Or was his breath.

[Langston Kerman]

No, he kept hanging out with us and. And it helped. The gum definitely helped. And I feel shame even bringing it up, but it was so funny.

[David Bory]

But that is insane.

[Langston Kerman]

But it was truly one of the funniest things that that has ever happened where. Cause he was talking. He was having a good night. We had been to a concert. We were just enjoying some shit. And Jack was just like, bro, your breath. Everybody, look, the secret's out, man. Everybody knows. We've already had private conversations about it, but you gotta.

[David Bory]

That's the beauty of Jack, though, is you do have to. Like, he could have not done it. You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

I wasn't gonna do it.

[David Bory]

That's the thing.

[Langston Kerman]

It was just gonna be. You know, I was just gonna have a rough night. I was like, man, if I drink enough, maybe this will. You don't smell nothing when you drunk.

[David Bory]

Yeah, you don't know.

[Langston Kerman]

It is what it is.

[David Bory]

You don't know.

[Langston Kerman]

Walked the man into a bodega and said, here, fix this. So to your point, I think there's still some bad breath jokes out there. They just ain't good. They ain't hidden as often as they used to.

[David Bory]

It was the mainstay of my childhood. The problem with bad breath is people could lie about it.

[Langston Kerman]

Whoa.

[David Bory]

People could be like, oh, his breath stinks. And then it's like, but does it? Or are you just being mean?

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, like, meaning, like, if I. You. If I say your breast stinks but you're not nearby to prove it, I'm just. I'm just saying a random thing about you.

[David Bory]

Like, if a woman says that your breath stank, there's no. You can't. There's no rebuttal.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, she's just a hater.

[David Bory]

But there's no, like, you coming in, being like, no, actually, I brushed my teeth. She just didn't like me.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh.

[David Bory]

You know what I'm saying? It's just like, your breath stinks there.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, you're saying that at the point. There's no rebuttal for the receiver of that.

[David Bory]

Yeah, there's no. There's no. You can't. You can't beat that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it does. It. It sucks when there. I think it got overused in the 90s, right. There was a point where, like, they were constantly telling people their breath stinks, and it was like, yeah, but you're nowhere near them. We don't even. How do you know?

[David Bory]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it got watered down.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it got super watered down. But then there was a point to your point where it was like, oh, if somebody said it to you and they were close enough and. Or, like, had a context to be able to point it out, it became a thing that you was like, a challenge for the rest of your life.

[David Bory]

Right, right, right, right, right, right. Yeah, man, we gotta bring that back.

[Langston Kerman]

I used to carry baka just out of fear of yo.

[David Bory]

I don't think baka works that well.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't think it does either. I think you' just getting kind of buzzed off of a Listerine.

[David Bory]

Do they Even make it anymore.

[Langston Kerman]

I think they still make banaka.

[David Bory]

Yeah, man. That was some fresh shit to do, though. Under 20 and you had banaka. That was pretty fresh.

[Langston Kerman]

You spray a couple times, and it.

[David Bory]

Was like you were cool as hell.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. You end up at a girl's house and you know that part of the night where you gotta empty your pockets and you pull some bnock out.

[David Bory]

Yeah. She knows you're on point.

[Langston Kerman]

She knows you playing this. This is.

[David Bory]

This is meant to be, baby girl.

[Langston Kerman]

I was always ready for you, shorty.

[David Bory]

I'll buy some banaka later today.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, man, you know what? Don't buy it. I'm gonna send you some banaka. I'm gonna send you a big old case.

[David Bory]

Oh, man.

[Langston Kerman]

So you can get back to whatever. Whatever that is for you.

[David Bory]

Keep some in the bedside, keep some in your sock.

[Langston Kerman]

Like a extra gun. You got a little binocular holster right on your sock.

[David Bory]

I like to put it in the little pocket, you know, the fifth pocket on the jeans. That's where the binocular goes. That and $100, just in case. Could you get. Go out here solo? You gotta have cash on you.

[Langston Kerman]

You gotta have $100 in your little pocket. Come on, now. So it doesn't sound. It doesn't sound like you're even still convinced that this is.

[David Bory]

No, I'm not with this one. And this was complicated because this one was not. This isn't a. That's not a typical conspiracy theory. You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I think in this case, it feels like your mom was writing her own contemporary allegories. Like, in the same way that, like, Jonas and the Whale. Ain't that his name? Jonah. Jonah and the whale is. He didn't really get swallowed by a whale and then come out of it, but it's a lesson about, like, faithfulness.

[David Bory]

Eat your fucking food. Yeah, my mom used to tell me. My mom told me, if you swallow chewing gum, and this is a direct quote, it will rub against your gut and you will die.

[Langston Kerman]

Mm.

[David Bory]

And then. And I thought it was just me. I talked to my little brother about it recently. She told him the same thing. Not based in anything other than don't eat gum.

[Langston Kerman]

Which you shouldn't eat gum. It's really, really bad for you.

[David Bory]

That's what I'm saying. And I think that's where it came from. She was like, if you eat. Cause, you know, I was a kid, I was fucking house in Big League Chew.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I'll take your thickest peck.

[David Bory]

Sir, yes, sir. And the bubble tape to.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I think that's one of those where it's like, yeah, technically you will die. But it's not just because of the one piece of bubble gum. You would have to be doing that constantly for a long active period of time for this to start to have its residual effects.

[David Bory]

And the point is that it worked. To this day, I don't swallow gum and I think Karlie eats all her food.

[Langston Kerman]

Hell yeah. Carly, we hope that you are finishing your plate. We hope you have a big old pile of unseasoned pasta in front of you right now and you finish it anyway because of fear that you might be shitting out your face.

[David Bory]

Eat all that tomato chicken.

[Langston Kerman]

I did and I like it. Bori, do you want to tell the people where they can find you and what cool shit you have going on?

[David Bory]

You can find me at Cool Guy Jokes 87 on Instagram and as always, you can.

[Langston Kerman]

You can follow me at Langston Kerman and go subscribe to our YouTube Hang Out Bullshit, whatever that is. And all right, that's it. Bye bitch.

[David Bory]

The government growing babies. Microchips in your babies. Koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money.

[Advertiser Voice 2]

If you're looking for a gift that inspires confidence and adventure all year long, give them a Guardian bike. The number one kids bike. Easiest to learn on, safest to ride with. USA made kid specific frames and patented safety technology. Kids are learning to ride in just one day. No training wheels needed. Guardian is America's favorite kids bike and the New York Times and Wirecutter's top pick three years in a row. This holiday season, Guardian is offering up to 40% in savings on all bikes plus $100 in free accessories. Shop now at guardianbikes.com Black Friday at.

[Advertiser Voice 1]

Abercrombie Kids is here with 40 off everything. And I Heart listeners are getting an extra 15 off with code IHEART AF. This is your time to shine and finish holiday shopping. On sale. Shop in the app online and in stores. 40 off everything. Valid in stores and online November 24, 2025 to December 1, 2025 in US and Canada. Excludes clearance and gift cards online. Price reflects discount. Use code IHEART AF to get an additional 15 off everything in stores and online at checkout from November 24, 2020 to December 1, 2025 in US and Canada. Excludes clearance and gift cards. See details online.

[Langston Kerman]

Looking for a fantasy that will keep you up all night? From Blood and Ash isn't just a story.

[Advertiser Voice 1]

It's the beginning of an obsession.

[Langston Kerman]

From Blood and Ash launches you into a world where forbidden desire collides with deadly secrets and every choice could ignite a war. Expect heart pounding romance, fierce battles and a heroine who refuses to be caged. If you crave danger, passion in twists you'll never see coming, start the journey today.

[Advertiser Voice 1]

Grab from Blood and Ash, available in.

[Langston Kerman]

Print, ebook and audiobook and enter a series you'll never want to leave.

[Advertiser Voice 1]

Did you know that parents rank teaching financial literacy as the toughest life skill? That's where Greenlight comes in, the debit card and money app made for families. With Greenlight, you can send money to kids quickly, set up chores, automate allowance and track spending with real time notifications. Kids learn how to earn, save and spend responsibly while parents have peace of mind knowing smart money habits are being built with guardrails in place. Try Greenlight Risk free [e-mail] trynow that's greenlight.com trynow this is an iHeart podcast.

[Langston Kerman]

Guaranteed human.