Episode Overview

Podcast: My So-Called Midlife with Reshma Saujani
Episode: Having It All with Corinne Low
Date: October 29, 2025
Host: Reshma Saujani
Guest: Corinne Low, economist at Wharton and author of "Having It All"

In this candid and illuminating episode, Reshma Saujani sits down with economist and author Corinne Low to dissect the realities behind “having it all” for women today. They explore the relentless “Squeeze” of midlife, the economics of marriage and gender, and why the modern equation for career, family, and happiness simply doesn’t add up for so many women. Through data, personal stories, and practical insight, Corinne shares her journey—from an exhausting commute and motherhood, through divorce, to designing a second act that genuinely aligns with her values.

Key Topics and Insights

1. The "Squeeze": Defining Modern Midlife (03:56–06:17)

• Corinne coins the term the “Squeeze” for the relentless juggling act of work, kids, marriage, aging parents—everything, all at once.
• Memorable metaphor: Being trapped in an Amtrak bathroom, pumping milk and crying about missing bedtime—feeling, as Corinne puts it, “nothing is adding up right now.”
  • Quote:
    “I was saying yes to things that worked for other people in the household that didn’t work for me... You’re a member of the household. If it’s not working for you, it doesn’t work for the family. And I forgot that.”
    (Corinne, 07:23)

2. The Economics of Marriage and Reproductive Capital (08:12–13:09)

• Corinne traces how marriage shifted from traditional “men-work, women-home” to a luxury good: only the rich get the security and benefits.

• The “divorce revolution” made marriage risky for women; post-divorce, women often become poorer, prompting a generational shift toward emphasizing women’s own earning power.

• Today, high-income women’s earnings drop more when they have kids because they can afford more time at home.

• Even as primary breadwinners, women still do more housework than men.

  • Quote:
    “The specialization doesn’t happen in reverse... If you marry him, you’re just getting somebody to take care of—an extra person to take care of.”
    (Corinne, 12:37)

  • Host Reflection:
    “Even when the woman is the primary breadwinner, she’s still doing more of the housework... This is why women are like, fuck, no.”
    (Reshma, 11:39)

3. Invisible Labor and Gender Roles (14:31–17:43)

• Men’s share of household work hasn’t meaningfully increased since the 1970s; their childcare hours have risen, but so have women’s, keeping the gender gap wide.

• Men tend to take on “visible” tasks (trash, lawn), while women manage the “backbone of living”—the repetitive, invisible tasks like meals and cleaning.

  • Quote:
    “Men...take up tasks that are visible, bulky...but her tasks are hourly... So men, whenever I present the data, they’re like, oh, but I do the trash every week. And I’m like, yep. And that’s a tiny fraction of overall household time, because people need to eat three meals a day.”
    (Corinne, 15:27)

• Same-sex couples tend to negotiate chores and caregiving more equitably, according to data and Corinne’s personal experience.

4. Designing a New Life Post-Squeeze (19:25–22:00)

• After her divorce, Corinne decided to date only women—a move supported by both her personal orientation and her research, which showed more equitable domestic labor in lesbian relationships.

  • Quote:
    “Statistically, I was more likely to find that by marrying a woman. And I was conveniently, you know, bi-attracted... So I decided I was only going to date women.”
    (Corinne, 20:10)

• She found that what mattered most was shared values, especially around parenting.

5. How to Actually “Have It All”—And Why the Math Doesn’t Add Up (28:18–34:18)

• Reshma and Corinne discuss the allure of “tradwife” culture, the backlash to “Lean In,” and the myth that long-term career focus is the only path to fulfillment.

  • Quote:
    “The purpose of my life is to be happy and have joy and share that joy with my loved ones...Work is important for that...but it’s not the sole purpose of my life.”
    (Corinne, 28:45)

• Prioritizing leisure time is “productive”—valuing free time and self-actualization, not just work.

• Motherhood remains under-appreciated and undervalued—even by feminists themselves, leading to internalized guilt and confusion.

6. Rethinking Work, Parenting, and Burnout (36:17–39:05)

• Corinne emphasizes the importance of blocking off family time (e.g., dinner with her kids). The solution isn’t perfection every night, but setting boundaries, both at home and at work.

  • Quote:
    “For me, the big thing that I block off is I just don’t work during that period... I am out of office from 5pm to 8pm.”
    (Corinne, 36:28)

• Reshma highlights how COVID allowed for more meaningful parental interaction—focusing not on “balance” but on intentional flexibility.

7. Letting Go of the Perfect Mom—and Designing Your Own Equation (44:23–51:35)

• After divorce, many women find life easier—not harder—because they drop the “extra adult” from their calculus and can set household routines on their own terms.

  • Quote:
    “I thought things were going to be harder as a single mom, and I was like, actually, it’s easier.”
    (Corinne, 43:03)

• Corinne advocates for evaluating what truly brings fulfillment—being “pickier” about what actually delivers joy and letting go of externally imposed ideals.

  • Quote:
    “My vision of a perfect mom and wife and my vision of what I want my career to look like—those are actually two separate full time jobs that don’t fit in the same 24 hour day... I have to make choices.”
    (Corinne, 47:20)

8. Building an Egalitarian Household in Practice (48:30–51:35)

• In her second marriage, Corinne has found more organic division of labor and values alignment—especially on parenting, which she spent time screening for while dating.
• Advice: Don’t just look for someone who shares housework; prioritize shared values and compatibility on what matters over a lifetime.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “The numbers don’t balance. So we talked about what it means to rebuild when the equation no longer works.” (Reshma, 02:59)
• “Giving birth is not a gender neutral event...even in a once equal household, we start to see those paths diverge.” (Corinne, 13:56)
• “In a same sex relationship, when one partner’s earning power goes up, his share of home production goes down...We see men able to do those chores. I also see, by the way, divorced men able to do those chores.” (Corinne, 14:55)
• “I love my job. But when I ask people...what would your life look like? Even people who love their jobs...might do that for five or ten hours a week, but they wouldn’t do it for 60.” (Corinne, 29:58)
• “When you see the data and you see how our time has gotten squeezed from all dimensions...You’re like, ‘That actually doesn’t add up.’...That lets you start to be like, I have to let go of some of these things.” (Corinne, 47:20)
• “If you’re telling me like, now I have to be picky about whether he cooks?...When you tune into what is going to determine your happiness the most over your entire life cycle, it means you’re increasing your pickiness on some dimensions and...letting some other dimensions go, actually.” (Corinne, 51:35)

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |-----------------------------------------------------|----------------| | Defining the “Squeeze” and Modern Midlife | 03:56–06:17 | | Economics of Marriage and Gender Norms | 08:12–13:09 | | Gender Roles & Invisible Labor | 14:31–17:43 | | Choosing Women, Data-Driven Dating, Second Marriage | 19:25–22:00 | | Tradwives, “Having It All,” and Fulfillment | 28:18–34:18 | | Rethinking Parenting, Burnout, and Work Boundaries | 36:17–39:05 | | Letting Go of Perfection and Choosing Your Path | 44:23–51:35 |

Takeaways & Practical Advice

• The expectations placed on women—professionally and domestically—are mathematically impossible. It’s time to “design a life that actually reflects your values.”
• Don’t internalize resentment or the myth that you should be able to do it all. The data shows the cards are stacked.
• Seek partners with whom you can negotiate labor and values, and don’t be afraid to be “pickier” about what truly matters.
• Let go of external ideals of the perfect wife/mom/careerist and unapologetically make choices that serve your fulfillment.
• Small but powerful boundary-setting (like “out-of-office” for family time) can help reclaim sanity and satisfaction.

Final Thought

This episode masterfully combines the rigor of economic research, the intimacy of personal experience, and the realism of everyday midlife. Corinne Low’s story and advice will resonate with anyone who has ever felt the pressure to “have it all”—reminding us that the most radical act may simply be designing a life that meets our real, not just imagined, needs.