← My So-Called Midlife with Reshma Saujani
My So-Called Midlife with Reshma Saujani
Managing Chronic Pain in Midlife with Richa Moorjani
00:37:25
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- [00:00]
Reshma Sajani
The first 100 days of a new presidential administration have the potential to be the most impactful. Campaign promises and concepts of plans begin to take shape and become reality. I'm Sarah. And I'm Beth. Together we host Pantsu Politics, a podcast where we take a different approach to the news. Join us for this different approach where we ask questions, resist hot takes and have fun no matter what the world serves up. We'll get you through the first 100 days and beyond the new Trump administration. Stay informed without all the anxiety. Join us for new episodes every Tuesday and Friday. Wherever you get your podcasts. It was late past midnight when they broke into the farmhouse.
- [00:35]
Richa Moorjani
Never in a million years would you.
- [00:37]
Reshma Sajani
Think that you'd see your parents house taped off by that yellow tape and they said your mom died of being killed. They left behind a wall of blood and the key to a secret. It was a very brutal crime scene, one of the worst I've ever seen. Murder in the Moonlight, a new podcast from Dateline. Listen now. Lemonade. Welcome to my so Called Midlife, a podcast where we figure out how to stop just getting through it and start actually living it. I'm Reshma Sajani. So I got a confession to make. When I go to Starbucks, I lie almost all the time. I lie when I'm ordering my grande chai latte. It's a white lie, but it's a lie that I tell to make my life a little easier. So when the barista comes up to me and I give my order and she says, what's your name? I almost always answer, maya. Why do I say Maya? Well, because it's easier to pronounce. And the barista, she doesn't have to spell it out. When you grow up and you don't see yourself on TV or movies or even in the dolls that you play with when you know that, well, nobody looks like you and nobody can pronounce your name correctly, it's easy to feel invisible. It's easy to feel like I'm not important, that I have to lie to make it easier for you. I had often wished that my mom named me Rachel or Rebecca. So every time I went to a coffee shop or Starbucks, I wouldn't have to be reminded of how different I was. Culture matters. Representation matters. You know the show never have I ever on Netflix. Well, it's about a high school girl, Devi, who's trying to thrive in high school as a first generation Indian girl who just lost her dad. The show is so funny and heartwarming and relatable. And I just can't tell you for me how much that show made me feel seen. Because when I was growing up, there were no shows like that. Shows with South Asian families just doing normal things like falling in love, going to a dance, partying. I always thought that people, well, that they just didn't want to watch shows about people who looked like me and my family. And never have I ever really changed that for me, even watching it as a middle aged woman. I just wish that that show was around when I was a kid. So today I am beyond hyped to be joined by one of the cast members, Richa Mirjani, who plays Devi's cousin, Kamala. I was so excited to talk to Richa initially because she's been so outspoken about the need for South Asian representation in media. And when the two of us talked, it was so clear that that's a big driver for her. Something that not only she's proud about, but that she's leading on. And then when I talked to her and I dug into her story, I realized, well, there's something else that she's really outspoken about, something that a lot of my friends and people in this midlife community experience. Chronic pain. I've had a lot of people in this community reach out to me about how to help either someone they love who has chronic pain or how to navigate their own new chronic pain. This is another way that people can suffer from feeling invisible. Did you know that 24.3% of adults in the United States experience chronic pain? Chronic pain is defined as pain that lasts more than three months. And here's the thing, women, we suffer even higher rates. We are more disproportionately affected by chronic pain. And look, I don't think we've been paying enough attention to it. Of course, it felt so important to have someone I admire like Richa come on the show and talk about this. But what really blew me away about my conversation with her was how honest she was, how vulnerable she was. She's had chronic pain almost her entire life, and she admits that she's still finding ways to manage it. She gave me and all of you now great tools on how to advocate for yourself as a person, as a woman with this invisible illness that's so often overlooked and not respected. She reminds us that there are so many people struggling with chronic pain and gives suggestions on how to build a community around it and start to feel a bit better. Richard Moorjani is a producer and an actress best known for her role as Kamala in The Netflix series Never have I Ever. And as Indira Olmstead in the fifth season of FX crime drama Fargo, Richa. All right, so first of all, I should tell you, you're 35, so you are in midlife whether you like it or not. Hi. Welcome.
- [05:53]
Richa Moorjani
I didn't. I literally did not know that until I got an invitation to this podcast. And I was like, I gu.
- [05:59]
Reshma Sajani
I guess I am welcome. I know. I was like, I had. I feel like I have to, like, let me break it to you. But, you know, it's. And it's. And it's funny because.
- [06:09]
Richa Moorjani
Right.
- [06:09]
Reshma Sajani
We're living longer, so, like, this period of life is actually, like, much longer. And so one of the reasons why I wanted to do this show is. Cause I feel like there's just no playbook out there for, like, how women should be living this moment. Like, there is one for men, but there isn't one for women. But, like, I want to ask you, like, as you're 35, like, how do you feel about life? Is this, like, the best time of your life? Or do you feel like all the good things that have happened to me have already happened to me?
- [06:36]
Richa Moorjani
Oh, wow. I definitely do not think all of the best things that could ever happen to me have already happened. I think I've been extremely blessed and fortunate and many incredible things have happened for me, along with a lot of struggles. But I also believe that many more incredible things will happen for me.
- [06:55]
Reshma Sajani
I know for me, though, so much of, like, the best things that were gonna happen to me, my biggest dreams were already past me. And you reach, like, this point, and I'm sure you may feel like this as an artist because there's so much conversation, especially about women in midlife in Hollywood, that it's so hard to get those roles. Like, you hit a certain age, and it's like, you're no longer, like, Nikki Glaser talked about this right. At the last Oscars. Like, you're just done. Like, how do you feel about that?
- [07:21]
Richa Moorjani
Well, I mean, the interesting thing for me is that I, you know, I have been doing this now for 13 years. I moved to LA when I was just out of college at the age of 21 or 22. And it took me a really long time to establish myself as an actor. And really, the first time that that happened for me was when I booked Never have I Ever, which was when I was almost 30 years old.
- [07:49]
Reshma Sajani
Wow.
- [07:49]
Richa Moorjani
So I didn't book that until I was 30. And, you know, the show didn't come out until I was almost 31, and, you know, my second project I didn't get until I was 33 or 34. So for me, it's a little bit different in the sense that my career has really taken off only in the last few years, even though I've been doing this for a very long time. And I actually felt in my 20s, especially being a South Asian actor, that there were even less opportunities for me because at that time, I felt like almost everything I was getting was actually for characters in their 30s. And I felt like I was too young for a lot of them, or they were for characters in their 20s, but they were really looking for a white girl.
- [08:30]
Reshma Sajani
Yeah. Can I ask you something? I've always wondered about this. How do you keep hope alive? Like, all those years going from audition to audition, getting rejection, not getting the part, not seeing people who look like you doing the part that, you know, that you could do, how did you make it through, like, what were the. Like, the tactics or the tools or the strategies that you would use to, like, move through it?
- [08:54]
Richa Moorjani
There's a lot of tactics and a lot of tools needed to be used. I would say the one thing underlying everything was just my passion for it. And it was. It's been a lifelong dream since I was probably four or five years old. I can't even remember when I told my parents I wanted to be an actor because I was so young. I can't even remember when that was. And so I think it's because it's been such a lifelong pursuit that once I moved here and I said, okay, I'm going to actually do this, I didn't even give myself another option. I never said my plan B is this. I never said, this is how long I'm going to give it. I was like, this is what I'm going to do, and I don't care how long it's going to take, I'm just going to do it. That being said, it doesn't mean that I didn't have moments of feeling hopeless and feeling beyond rejected and not knowing whether it was going to ever happen for me. Of course, there were many times like that happened, and I'm sure will still continue to happen, because it's not a linear journey by any means in this industry. I think it's, you know, just recognizing that there are other parts of life to also prioritize. You know, there's so many other things that we can do to feel fulfilled, not just from our careers. So having a strong support system, having. I personally have a Very strong spiritual practice. And that's really helped me through everything.
- [10:22]
Reshma Sajani
Yeah, me too.
- [10:23]
Richa Moorjani
Yeah. And, you know, spending time with people I love and who love me and spending time in nature and really spending time on the craft, not just the business part of it. But, you know, I still go to acting class once a week. And for me, that's where I get to do what I love without really caring about what it's going to be or what it's going to look like. That's just me working on my craft and doing what I love.
- [10:46]
Reshma Sajani
I love that. Richard, I talk about this in my book Brave Not Perfect. That the difference between perfection and excellence. And it's like the difference between love and obsession. And I loved what you just said, because if you are just, if you love your craft, it's okay if you didn't get the role. It's okay if you didn't get the gig. Right. Because, you know, you gave it your best. And it was never about getting the gig. It was about being an artist and being an actor and like, living your passion and living your commitment. So I thought that that's really powerful. And I think, second, this idea that, like, look, I've been thinking a lot about this. Like, you know, I. I'm a Hindu where I read the Bhagavad Gitan. And I've been thinking a lot about, again, this idea of like, passion and desire and success and how we're such a success driven society and that that's how we value our worth. And so for a lot of us, like, I'm a workaholic, like, it is hard for me to stop, right, and like, be in the moment with my kids or my dog or like my friends. And it's because we live in a society that really encourages you to be a workaholic and encourages you to define your worth by what you're producing. And that's great that you, like, I don't know, really practice that. Cause I don't think a lot of us know how to thank you for saying that.
- [12:03]
Richa Moorjani
And yes, I do feel like I have a pretty good ability to. And I've gotten better at it, I should say, to detach myself from all of that and not fall into that trap. But of course, I do fall into that trap sometimes too. And social media is a big part of that. So I take a lot of social media breaks. I personally have not been on Instagram in eight days as we speak. That really helps. You know, occasionally I go just to check a message that I need to check But I close it immediately after that because I really do think that that is a big part of the problem. We see what everybody else is doing and we're like, well, I'm not doing that and why aren't I doing that? And it's just so unhealthy and it's not a normal way to live.
- [12:44]
Reshma Sajani
Yeah. Comparing ourselves to one another. And oftentimes people are presenting a lie on social right. Like, I think about this when I go on vacation. My kids, like, everybody's crying, we're screaming, we're mad at each other. Like, you know, it's just. But what is the picture we post online on ig? So part of it is just like we just start telling the truth. So I loved. Never have I ever.
- [13:04]
Richa Moorjani
Oh, thank you.
- [13:06]
Reshma Sajani
Loved it. So you were cast from a pool of 15,000 actors. Like, walk me through that, that whole experience.
- [13:15]
Richa Moorjani
Yeah. Well, so to clarify the 15,000 submissions worth for the roles of the three main characters, so Devi, who's the lead character of the series, and Kamala, my character, and Nalini, they received anywhere from 15 to 20,000 self submissions, including mine. And that was after Mindy Kaling had put out an open casting call on her Instagram. So good thing I was on Instagram that. And yeah, I initially, I think we had like a month to submit. And when I saw that post, I kind of just scrolled past it because I, you know, out of fear, I. I just genuinely thought that if she's putting out this open casting call, they're going to get so many submissions. Like, what's the point of me even sending anything because it's just going to get lost. And I had had that experience a lot with self tapes where I felt like I would tape and tape and tape and it would just go into a black hole and I would never hear anything initially didn't tape.
- [14:13]
Reshma Sajani
Can you tell us what is a self tape? For those of us that are not in this industry, a self tape is.
- [14:18]
Richa Moorjani
Literally instead of going into the room physically and auditioning with a casting director, they a lot of the time, ever since. I mean, it's been happening for probably at least 10 years now, but especially during COVID Basically you just. You tape it at home. You have somebody read the script with you and you just tape it yourself and you send it in to casting and then they watch your tape. So I think it was like two days before the deadline that I somehow realized that the deadline was about to pass and I should probably send the tape in. So thank God I did. And Very last minute. And I heard back, I think, maybe a couple weeks later, that I was in the mix of who they were considering. The phrase for that is they put a pin on you means that they are considering you. And I just, like, I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that I even made it that far. And for me, that was already enough. I was like, the fact that I made it this far is enough for me. And then they, I think, a couple weeks later said they want you to come in with just, like, two or three other actors. It's down to, like, three people. And they want you to come in and read the script in front of Mindy and the director and the casting directors. And, yeah, it was very exciting, but I was freaking out. And I think it was a few excruciating days later, I got the call.
- [15:46]
Reshma Sajani
So did you know when you were filming it, taping it, that it was gonna be the hit that it became?
- [15:53]
Richa Moorjani
No. I mean, I definitely, myself and, you know, my castmates, we all knew that it was so special, but you just never know. You never know how something's going to be received. And at the end of the day, we were doing something that had really never been done before, centering these characters that have never been the center of a story before in such a mainstream way. I loved the writing. I loved my character. I loved everything about it. But I think I just. We just had no idea how it was going to be received. And it was for a lot of us, including myself, it was our first time being on a Netflix series. And that itself is a whole different ball game, because when you're on a Netflix series, you're being watched all over the world in, like, every single country. And our show dropped the middle. Middle of April 2020, so everyone was at home around the world watching our show. So it was like an overnight success, which was something I had never experienced before.
- [16:48]
Reshma Sajani
Yeah, and what do you mean by that? So typically, there was thought that there wasn't really an appetite to watch a South Asian family or an Indian family, like, just doing regular old things. You know what I mean?
- [17:00]
Richa Moorjani
There's such a lack of diasporic storytelling.
- [17:03]
Reshma Sajani
How has this changed the game on that? Or has it?
- [17:06]
Richa Moorjani
Oh, definitely. It definitely has. You know, I think that it always takes that one show to open doors for other things to happen. Because after never have I ever came out. I mean, the conversation completely changed around representation. It was a whole different era we were living in. And, you know, I've personally seen just how other projects have Gotten attention that they may not have in the past because our show was able to prove not just to our community, but to the industry that you can have a show like this featuring such diverse characters and it can be successful. You know, I really think that it created a shift, and I'm just so humbled and honored to be a part of it.
- [17:55]
Reshma Sajani
And you also starred in Fargo season five, right? So there's a female cop that was basically written to be a South Asian woman, which is a huge deal. Right. You get this role. Like, what drew you to that character?
- [18:08]
Richa Moorjani
So I got that audition while I was filming the last season of Never have I Ever. And I had never seen Fargo before. I'd never seen the movie and I'd never seen the show. And I didn't know what a Minnesota accent was. And so. So I was pretty terrified when I got that audition. And I almost turned it down because I just didn't think that I could do it. I didn't think I could be believable as that character. And I thought I'd be wasting my time. Once again, I self sabotaged myself. I do this a lot. And my manager was just like, there is no way you're passing up on this audition. You have to do it. So it was kind of like I was forced into doing it. But then once I, you know, I. I did my audition and then I got to have a meeting with the director and the creator of the show, Noah Hawley, who is a genius, and I got to read the first two scripts and I. My mind was blown. I had just. I just couldn't believe the world he had created. And within that world, there being this character of this South Asian woman who happens to be a cop in Minnesota. And it was something I had never, ever, obviously never seen on television or in film before. And for me, you know, when I. For anything that I do, anytime I get an audition or a script, I ask myself a few questions. And, you know, those questions being, how does this shift the needle for representation? Or does it at all? Does this have something to say and is this something that I connect with? And it checked all of those boxes.
- [19:48]
Reshma Sajani
Yeah. So I took my son recently to see Romeo and Juliet on Broadway. And I remember when I would go to movies and shows, if the person was a white person, they put a white person there. Person was a black person, they put a black person there. And you know, that's really shifted, right? Where it's like there is less typecasting. Do you think that, like, have we passed a precipice because, you know, right now, culturally, we're in this kind of moment with DEI and I, that feels like we're going backwards.
- [20:23]
Richa Moorjani
I mean, yes, in many ways I do think that unfortunately we may be going backwards, but I also think that there has been a lot of progress and there are things that they may have gotten away with in the past that they will never get away with now. I don't think that you could ever make a Simpsons with a character like Apu ever again. I don't think that you could cast a movie like Gandhi with such an iconic and such a huge story and character. I don't think you could ever cast someone who was. But he is, to be fair, he is half Indian, half southeast.
- [20:57]
Reshma Sajani
Is he?
- [20:57]
Richa Moorjani
Okay, so yeah, he's half Indian. Yes, I definitely think that in that sense things have gotten better. But there's always going to be actors who will do whatever is given to them. And you know, I don't, I don't blame anybody because everyone has to do what they have to do. But I personally, I'm very careful about, like, if they send me an audition for someone who is Mexican or Afghan, I'm going to say no. Like, give it to an Afghan actress. Give it to a Mexican actress.
- [21:43]
Reshma Sajani
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- [25:13]
Richa Moorjani
I think I've always had chronic pain since I was probably in high school. I've always had, like, back pain or neck pain and really horrible periods. But I think it got really bad in the last maybe seven years. Like, maybe like right before I started shooting. Never have I ever. And it just increasingly. It's like the day I turned 30. Literally the day I turned 30, I woke up with, like, 10 new pains. And it's just gotten increasingly Worse every single day.
- [25:41]
Reshma Sajani
And did you seek medical help when, like for your chronic pain and what did the doctors talk to you about what you were experiencing?
- [25:47]
Richa Moorjani
Yes, I've been to every single doctor and paradigm of medicine you can imagine. And you know, we've, it was a lot of, oh, well, like you have a labral tear in your hip, which I got diagnosed with the mri. So you know, go do physical therapy, go do acupuncture. So I do all the things that I'm supposed to do when you get diagnosed with something, but, and, and it helps to manage it for sure, but it doesn't go away. And besides the chronic pain, I have some other mysterious mystery symptoms of different things. And you know, my doctors and I have narrowed it down to most likely I have endometriosis. But the only way to officially diagnose that is to do laparoscopic surgery, which actually I might be doing sometime in the next few months. So we'll know whether or not I have it. But yeah, it's, it's been a journey and it's really, it's actually, you know, part of the reason why, you know, what we were talking about earlier about, you know, how we're so go, go, go in society, I literally cannot be that way. If I was to continue to be that way, I think I would just die. So I really, really prioritize self care. And when I don't have to be somewhere, when I don't have a meeting, when I don't have to be on set, like I spend like 99% of my time just doing self care because I have to.
- [27:07]
Reshma Sajani
That's incredible. I mean, that's so important. I had a. One of my dear friends sent. She's been struggling with long Covid and on her birthday she sent an email to all of us and she said, look, I need your help because I'm really struggling in navigating, you know, my chronic health issues. And like I need help in introductions that you can make so I can have more flexibility with work so that I can pay my bills and take care of my baby. Right. And I just need your help and love and support because it's hard for me to wake up every morning and not be able to just go and that the morning is going to dictate what I can and cannot do. And I had so much awe for her. Right. In just sharing that with, with all of us because I often think with chronic pain, one, a lot of people don't believe you. And two, I think even as women, it's really hard to ask for help. So how have you experienced like communicating one, with your kind of friends and family and about needing help and two, about what have been your experiences about why we don't seem to have the same empathy. Right. For people who have chronic pain.
- [28:22]
Richa Moorjani
Yeah, these are such good questions. And I, I have so much awe for your friend who did that as well. That's something that I'm not great at is asking for help. I've kind of always been the type of person that if I have an issue, if I have a problem, I just have to deal with it myself. But I have gotten a little bit better with that in the sense of, you know, letting people know what's going on. In the past I might have just kept it to myself and felt resentful and been miserable. But now, you know, if I, if I don't feel well, which is a lot of the time, I will tell whoever I need to tell. Whether it's a friend I have to cancel plans with or it's something work related, I have gotten better at that. But you know, sometimes it's, it's difficult because you don't also want, I don't, I should say, I don't want to come off as a burden on people. I don't want people to feel sorry for me or to not invite me to things or to be like, oh, she's probably going to be in pain so I'm not going to tell her to do this thing. So it's kind of a balance of like really knowing when I need to share and when I, when I can just kind of deal with it. But I have, you know, posted about it and I have talked about it publicly and for me that was really healing because a being able to share my story, but not just for the sake of sharing it. I do believe that when you share your story, you can reach people who may need to hear it and maybe they're going through something similar or maybe they can offer some help in some way. I really think that in situations like these, having a sense of community is so, so vital and it's so powerful. And you know, every time that I've ever talked about it, I've been just so overwhelmed by the influx of messages and comments and just energy I've received about people being so happy. I talked about it and that motivates me to talk about it more because I'm not alone and I know other people aren't alone.
- [30:19]
Reshma Sajani
Yeah. And like, you know, I always say, one God gave you a platform for that purpose and never gives you more than you can handle. I felt the same way you recurrent miscarriages. And you know, about 10 years ago, people didn't talk about their miscarriages. You almost rather tell somebody that you're dying, right, Rather than say that you have a miscarriage. But I started posting about it and I would just same like you. I would get all these DMs and emails and messages, you know, from women, from men who are like, my wife is going through this, I'm going through this. And even to this day I would say that I probably talk to two strangers a week and helping them kind of navigate, you know, both their medical questions or what do I tell my employer or if they're going through surrogacy, like, what are the things? Cause it's just community is so important and like to feel like you're not alone and you're not the only one is just. It's like people need that.
- [31:11]
Richa Moorjani
People need that. And it's also destigmatizing it because it is, it's life. This is life. And it's part of being a human being is we are going to experience pain and health issues and miscarriages and all kinds of things. And I think that, you know, everyone has the choice whether or not they want to share their story. But I do think the more that we share, the more we normalize it and the, the more we create space for other people to share what's going on with them and just create a healthier world to live in, to be honest, because I think that when we all try to hide it and completely act like these things don't happen, that doesn't help anybody.
- [32:07]
Reshma Sajani
As a midlifer, I've got a lot going on. I'm prioritizing my family and work. Plus my body is going through some changes. So dry skin is the last thing I want to worry about this winter. To keep my skin healthy during these harsh winter days, I need a good moisturizer that keeps my skin glowing without the extra hassle. That's why I love using osea's Ondaria algae body butter. It leaves my skin unbelievably soft and smooth. It glides on, leaving my skin hydrated and without the greasy feel. I've even gotten compliments on my new radiant skin and on how good I smell Andaria Algae body butters. Citrusy scent of grapefruit, mango and lime provides a much needed tropical escape to my cold winter days. Don't sleep on Osea's TikTok famous Ondaria algae body butter. It's not your typical body butter. It's made with ingredients normally reserved for your face, like ondaria seaweed and ceramides. Its thick, rich texture absorbs instantly and transforms dry crepey skin to make it smooth, soft and supple. Treat yourself to clean clinically tested skin care from osea. And right now we have a special discount just for our listeners. Get 10% off your first order. Site wide with code midlife crisis@ocamalibu.com if you're like me, you love a little luxury. You also don't want to pay that luxury price tag. So what's a midlifer to do? Shop at Quint's. That's why Quince is my go to for luxury essentials at affordable prices. Quince offers a range of high quality items at prices within reach. They've got everything from washable silk tops and dresses to super chic Mongolian cashmere sweaters to 14 karat gold jewelry. I just got a new pair of jeans from Quince and I don't know about you, but I have a really hard time finding jeans that work for me. Some brands fit so well and others well. They can just be so unflattering. What the heck? Anyway, when I tried on these jeans I, I was amazed. I love the way they fit and looked and they're so comfortable. Plus they were only 50 bucks. I still don't know how to style wide leg jeans, but that's an issue for another day and another Quinte shopping opportunity. Give yourself the luxury you deserve with quince. Go to quince.commidlife for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q U I N C E.com midlife to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quint.commidlife what have you learned as you've been on this health journey that has really benefited you? Whether that's like, I don't know, a supplement, a vitamin, a thing that you're doing that's or journaling or meditation or. Yeah, what, what have you learned or what would you share as you've been on this journey?
- [35:12]
Richa Moorjani
I've been so incredibly blessed and part of it I think comes with sharing my story because people will send me resources. You know, there's, I have to shout them out right now. There's this incredible woman owned company. They're based in Southern California and they're called bia. I'm not sure if you've heard of Them, but these two women started this company and it's a seed cycling company. Are you familiar with seed cycling?
- [35:41]
Reshma Sajani
No. Tell me more.
- [35:42]
Richa Moorjani
Seed cycling is a practice where you incorporate different seeds, like flax seeds, hemp seeds, chia seeds at different times of your cycle. And it's supposed to be incredibly important and helpful for managing your hormones and decreasing pain with your periods and all the symptoms that you shouldn't be having. It's supposed to be a really, really good thing to do. So they created this product that just makes it really easy to do it so you don't have to go and like, buy all the seeds and make different mixes. Like, they just give you one for phase one of your period and one for phase two of your period, which is two weeks each. And so I was connected with them by Poorna, my co star from Never have I Ever. Who's my lifeline? Another one of my angels. I have many angels, so she connected me with them and they have just been so incredibly helpful to me. Besides sending me the seeds, which are incredible, they opened me up to a whole world of functional medicine and nutrition and just learning about my period and how, you know, different lifestyle factors affect my period. And so, yeah, I strongly suggest people check out bia and I don't know. The other thing I would say is something that I found has really helped me is morning sunlight exposure. So as soon as I wake up, I get 20 minutes of sun and I make it. I've kind of always done this, but even more so now is I don't even look at my phone for the first two hours I'm awake.
- [37:20]
Reshma Sajani
Two hours.
- [37:21]
Richa Moorjani
That's me.
- [37:22]
Reshma Sajani
I was proud of myself that, like, I go to the bathroom and walk the dog without looking at my phone. But now this is like another thing.
- [37:27]
Richa Moorjani
Sometimes if I have to, like, if I have a busy day, of course I will. But if I can help it, I try to not look at it at all.
- [37:34]
Reshma Sajani
Yeah, I want to break up with social media. Like, I want to break up with all of it. It's just I'm reading this book about kind of dopamine addiction and like, the role of technology. And it's just wild, right? Like, how much it has interfered and created this, you know, fight or flight, right? Like, we're not in this sense of rest and reset. It's like we're constantly in this anxiety anx and it's those dopamine hits all the day from like, opening up social media and technology. You seem to have a lot of angels and I suspect you might be married to one like I am. What's your advice for people who may not suffer from chronic pain but have a loved one who does? What advice would you give for them on how they should show up in a meaningful way?
- [38:20]
Richa Moorjani
Oh, wow. You should ask my husband that because he's so amazing at it.
- [38:25]
Reshma Sajani
So what. So what are the. Some of the things that he does? Yeah.
- [38:28]
Richa Moorjani
Oh, my gosh. You know, he just listens to me. Sometimes he does the male thing where he tries to problem solve, but he's kind of learned. He's kind of learned that sometimes that helps and sometimes that doesn't. But he listens to me and he also tells me what to do. Like, if I'm on my phone and if I'm on Instagram and he sees my anxiety levels are rising, he will literally take my phone away from me because he knows that it is going to affect me really badly. But he does it, of course, in a very loving way. Yeah, I think it's just so important to. If you have a loved one, whether it's your partner or a family member or a friend, check in with them. You know, ask them how they're doing. And, you know, don't assume that if they're kind of in the space where they want to not be out a lot, not be around a lot of people, just give them that space and don't put pressure on them. Like, I think the worst thing to do is be like, oh, if you just come out to this party or to this dinner, like, you'll feel better. Because sometimes that's actually not true at all. Sometimes that will make you feel worse. I think there has to be a little bit of balance. I think there are some times where that can be the case because it kind of helps you just get your mind off of it. But just, I think, be. Meet the person with compassion and meet them where they are and. And, yeah, just be there to listen. Sometimes that's all the person really needs is someone who will listen and. And hear them and see them. Because like you said before, part of the problem with having chronic pain is a lot of people don't believe you. And that is. That just makes it worse.
- [40:01]
Reshma Sajani
Yeah, Yeah, I. I definitely am working on the listening because I like to fix things and help it and, like, solve it. Right. That's almost part of my own identity. But I do. I've really been appreciating this point about sometimes people just. My husband say, it's like, I don't want you to fix this. Just listen to me.
- [40:16]
Richa Moorjani
Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. And, you know, sometimes it's just like, just hug me and so I can cry for like an hour and don't say anything. And he will do that.
- [40:25]
Reshma Sajani
Yeah, yeah. No, it's true. Now that you know that you're in midlife, what do you want to explore in this next phase of your life?
- [40:36]
Richa Moorjani
Well, first and foremost, it's figuring out whether or not I have endometriosis. So that's kind of like my priority for 2025 is fixing myself. Like, I am done with pain. I am done with all the issues I've been having in the sense I'm like so ready to be done with it. So that's kind of my priority this year is, you know, of course, aside.
- [40:57]
Reshma Sajani
From work, that's a good priority, is focusing on you. Yep.
- [41:00]
Richa Moorjani
Focusing on me. And not, not that I ever have, you know, not prioritized it, but like really prioritizing it. And, you know, my husband and I do want to have a baby sometime soon, so that's part of it. And, you know, I'm kind of in the space where I, I don't even really want to try that until I know I feel like I feel my best physically and emotionally and mentally. So that's my priority.
- [41:24]
Reshma Sajani
Well, thank you so much. This was such a powerful conversation and I really appreciate your vulnerability and honesty. Like I said, a lot of people in our community are experiencing chronic pain or know someone who does. And I think, you know, this has been an incredible conversation and really, really thinking about those issues and having compassion.
- [41:45]
Richa Moorjani
Yeah. Well, thank you so much for talking to me about it and for listening and I, you know, I hope that whatever we talked about can help whoever's listening to this who might be dealing with something similar.
- [41:54]
Reshma Sajani
Definitely will. Thank you. Richa Rajani is an actress and producer. Thanks so much, Richa, for coming on the show and we hope you enjoyed our conversation. Thanks so much for listening to my so called midlife. If you haven't yet, now is a great time to subscribe to Lemonada Premium. You'll get bonus content like extras from today's conversation with Richa. Just hit the subscribe button on Apple podcasts or for all the other podcast apps, head to lemonadapremium.com to subscribe. That's lemonadapremium.com thanks and we'll be back next week. I'm your host, Reshma Sajani. Our producer is Claire Jones. Our associate producer is Isara Acevez. This series is sound designed by Ivan Kurayev. Ivan also composed our theme music and performed it with Ryan Jewell and Karen. Our senior Supervising Producer is Kristen Lepore and our Senior Producer is Chrissy Pease. Our VP of New Content is Rachel Neal. Special thanks to our development team, Oja Lopez, Jamila Zara Williams and Alex McGowan. Executive producers include me, Reshma Sajani, Stephanie Whittles Wax, and Jessica Cordova Kramer. Series consulting and production support from Katie Cordova. Help others find our show by leaving a rating and writing a review. And let us know how you're doing in Midlife. You can submit your story to be included in the show@speakpipe.com midlife follow my so Called Midlife wherever you get your podcasts or listen ad free on Amazon Music with your prime membership. Thanks so much for listening. See you next week. Bye. Are you looking for ways to make.
- [44:03]
Richa Moorjani
Your everyday life happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative? I'm Gretchen Rubin, the number one bestselling author of the Happiness Project, bringing you fresh insights and practical solutions in the Happier with Gretchen Rubin podcast. My co host and happiness guinea pig is my sister, Elizabeth Craft.
- [44:21]
Reshma Sajani
That's me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer in Hollywood. Join us as we explore ideas and.
- [44:26]
Richa Moorjani
Hacks about cultivating happiness and good habits. Check out Happier with Gretchen Rubin from Lemonada Media.
- [44:33]
Reshma Sajani
People love to pretend that there are simple formulas for living your best life. Now eat this and you won't get sick. Manifest it and everything will work out. But there are some things you can choose and some things you can't. And it's okay that life isn't always getting better. I'm Kate Bowler and on Everything Happens I speak with kind, smart, funny people about life as it really is. Beautiful, terrible, and everything in between. Let's be Human Together. Everything Happens is available wherever you get your podcasts.