Moms Deserve a Weekend Too with Dr. Becky - My So-Called Midlife with Reshma Saujani

Podcast Summary: "Moms Deserve a Weekend Too with Dr. Becky"

Podcast Information:

Title: My So-Called Midlife with Reshma Saujani
Host: Reshma Saujani
Guest: Dr. Becky Kennedy
Episode: Moms Deserve a Weekend Too with Dr. Becky
Release Date: April 30, 2025

1. Introduction: Reshma's Midlife Reflections

Reshma Saujani opens the episode by sharing her daily struggles with midlife challenges despite having a successful career, a supportive husband, and two children. She expresses feelings of dissatisfaction and frustration, particularly in her interactions with her energetic kids.

Reshma Saujani [00:56]: "I don't know about you, but I find myself losing my temper more in my midlife than ever before."

2. Introducing Dr. Becky Kennedy and the "Good Inside" Mission

Reshma introduces Dr. Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist and founder of the nonprofit "Good Inside." Dr. Becky focuses on simplifying complex parenting topics into actionable strategies, emphasizing the importance of understanding the parent behind the parenting and the child behind the behavior.

Reshma Saujani [01:30]: "Good Inside is on a mission to break down big parenting topics into these simple, actionable strategies that parents can actually use."

3. Midlife Mindset: Embracing the Learning Space

The conversation shifts to the concept of mindset in midlife. Dr. Becky introduces the "Learning Space," a middle ground between not knowing and knowing, characterized by frustration. She highlights the societal intolerance for frustration due to the prevalence of immediate gratification.

Dr. Becky Kennedy [05:09]: "The space has one feeling, at least one feeling, but it always has this feeling, which is frustration."

Reshma connects this idea to Jim Murphy's notion of "inner excellence," emphasizing the importance of enjoying the journey rather than fixating solely on the destination.

Reshma Saujani [07:56]: "It's like, you love the journey and not the destination."

4. Managing Anger and Mom Rage

A significant portion of the episode delves into the topic of anger, particularly "mom rage." Dr. Becky explains that anger is a healthy emotion that indicates self-worth and unmet needs. She discusses how societal norms pressure women to suppress anger, leading to explosive outbursts when those suppressed emotions surface.

Dr. Becky Kennedy [39:59]: "Access to anger is a sign that you still have access to self-worth."

Reshma shares personal experiences and the collective struggle of women reconciling with the suppressed anger from their past, especially during midlife.

Reshma Saujani [44:17]: "We've suppressed our anger for so long, we've suppressed our desires for so long that it comes out in anger."

5. Practical Parenting and Self-Care Advice

Dr. Becky offers actionable strategies for parents to manage their emotions and set healthy boundaries. She emphasizes the importance of parents taking time for themselves to prevent burnout and resentment.

Dr. Becky Kennedy [24:00]: "Motherhood as martyrdom is like a pilot who loves piloting so much that they haven't done one thing for themselves would be bad for passengers."

She introduces the metaphor of being a "sturdy leader" and the concept of "My weekend, too," encouraging parents to prioritize their well-being without guilt.

Reshma Saujani [29:13]: "When either one of us could have left at any moment and had a spa day...my mom can also never miss a moment from her grandkids."

6. Reclaiming Mental Health: Systemic Issues and Personal Steps

The discussion shifts to the broader systemic issues affecting parents' mental health. Dr. Becky urges parents to challenge the "maternal instinct" narrative that glorifies self-sacrifice and instead seek comprehensive resources and support.

Dr. Becky Kennedy [30:36]: "Parenting has had this really nasty brainwashing message... 'you should be able to do the hardest job in the world just by instinct.'"

She advocates for parents to redefine their narratives, recognizing that seeking help and setting boundaries are strengths, not weaknesses.

7. Overcoming the Road to Rage: Recognizing and Managing Triggers

Dr. Becky outlines steps for parents to recognize the signs of impending anger and implement strategies to prevent outbursts. She recommends creating a code word with children to signal the need for a break, fostering open communication about emotions.

Dr. Becky Kennedy [50:52]: "Can I start to recognize the different patterns that let me know I'm on my road to rage?"

Reshma ties this back to the "Learning Space," encouraging experimentation and self-discovery as part of midlife growth.

Reshma Saujani [50:16]: "Midlife learning space is about trying lots of different types of things, rating them, and figuring out kind of what you like."

8. Conclusion: Aligning Actions with Personal Values

In wrapping up, Reshma and Dr. Becky discuss the importance of aligning one's actions with personal values. They highlight that improving parenting skills inherently leads to personal growth and better self-care.

Reshma Saujani [56:18]: "When your actions don't align to your values, that's when we beat ourselves up."

Dr. Becky reinforces that the goal is not merely to become a better parent but to foster a healthier relationship with oneself, which in turn benefits the entire family.

Dr. Becky Kennedy [55:34]: "Watching yourself align how you show up with your values is an amazing feeling."

Notable Quotes:

Reshma Saujani [00:56]: "I don't know about you, but I find myself losing my temper more in my midlife than ever before."
Dr. Becky Kennedy [05:09]: "The space has one feeling, at least one feeling, but it always has this feeling, which is frustration."
Dr. Becky Kennedy [39:59]: "Access to anger is a sign that you still have access to self-worth."
Dr. Becky Kennedy [24:00]: "Motherhood as martyrdom is like a pilot who loves piloting so much that they haven't done one thing for themselves would be bad for passengers."
Reshma Saujani [56:18]: "When your actions don't align to your values, that's when we beat ourselves up."

Key Takeaways:

Embrace the Learning Space: Understand that frustration is a natural part of growth and learning, especially during midlife transitions.
Manage Anger Constructively: Recognize anger as a valid emotion signaling unmet needs and work towards expressing it healthily.
Set Healthy Boundaries: Prioritize self-care to prevent burnout, setting boundaries that benefit both parents and children.
Align Actions with Values: Strive to ensure that your actions reflect your personal values, fostering both personal growth and effective parenting.

This episode offers profound insights and practical strategies for midlife parents, particularly mothers, to navigate their emotional landscapes and enhance their well-being and familial relationships.