Podcast Summary: “Pulling Yourself Forward with Tembi Locke”
Podcast: My So-Called Midlife with Reshma Saujani
Host: Reshma Saujani (Lemonada Media)
Guest: Tembi Locke
Episode Date: December 3, 2025
Main Theme
This episode features a vulnerable, soul-searching conversation between Reshma Saujani and Tembi Locke—author, actor, producer—centered on navigating midlife transitions, grief, reinvention, and the concept of "re-nesting" after loss and change. Together, they explore the art of pulling oneself forward through difficulty, living authentically, and reframing midlife not as a period of emptiness but of possibility.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. The Dance of Midlife: Acceptance, Wisdom, and Self-Compassion
- Tembi describes midlife as a dance or tango—sometimes leading, sometimes being led (03:34):
“Midlife and I are in a tango, right? Sometimes it’s leading and sometimes I’m leading.” —Tembi (03:34)
- Both women reflect on learning to accept limitations and give themselves grace.
- Reshma recalls her struggle at a late-night concert:
“I gotta go to bed. Lauren, you gotta finish up, girl. You know, I mean, I gotta go to sleep.” —Reshma (04:57)
- Tembi shares how she’s learned to drop self-criticism, observing what “fills her cup” or “drains her battery” (06:26; 07:23):
“What is going to fill my cup up, and then what is going to drain the battery?” —Tembi (06:26)
- Reshma recalls her struggle at a late-night concert:
- Key Practice: Tembi keeps a printed “cheat sheet” in her office of activities that bring her joy—a practical reminder for moments of depletion (08:20).
2. Identity Beyond Achievement: Introducing Ourselves as Humans, Not Resumes
- Tembi’s insight: At this stage, people care more about who you are, not just what you do:
“I am fundamentally today someone who is really seeking to live the highest, best, most loving version of myself. … The times we’re living in call for more intimacy when we meet.” —Tembi (10:06)
- Reshma reflects on defaulting to leading with Girls Who Code for legitimacy and resisting vulnerability:
“It doesn’t allow me to sit in my uncomfortableness or my vulnerability or like my fear of rejection.” —Reshma (17:14)
- Both agree that the journey is about integrating all versions of themselves and not hiding behind professional achievements (18:25–19:17).
3. Grief as a Catalyst for Growth and Reinvention
- Tembi recounts the profound shift after her husband’s death:
“There was no way forward except through… to try to be in the world as authentically as I possibly could.” —Tembi (19:45–21:15)
- Parenting and grieving simultaneously was particularly isolating and tough.
“I was a solo parent to a grieving child while I was also grieving.” —Tembi (22:13)
- The aftermath of loss led to new bravery and perspective:
“Everything I need to do this role is in me. … I have nothing to lose because I had lost what at the time and in many ways was everything. You give, as the kids say, zero fucks, my favorite term.” —Tembi (24:04)
- Pulling Yourself Forward: The Italian phrase “C Ranti” guided her:
“…To pull myself forward, I said, well, I’m also going to pull him with me because I don’t want to let him go. … You can do that hard thing, and you can bring your beloved with you.” —Tembi (26:18)
4. Re-Partnering After Loss: Making Space for “Big Loves”
- Tembi dispels the notion that loving a new partner means leaving her late husband behind:
“To meet me is to also meet the life I had before we ever met. … We do things that pull him into the timeline that we are all living now.” —Tembi (28:54)
- Requires choosing partners capable of sharing expansive, “yes-and” love:
“Now you’re just saying I’m here to… first of all, I cannot… the hierarchies of love… I’m in a yes and world and so I need to meet you in a yes and world.” —Tembi (31:56)
- Navigating a blended family and grief together with truth and grace:
“You can kind of say whatever you need to say as long as you’re not doing it from a place of trying to intentionally hurt someone. Truth is your truth.” —Tembi (34:52)
5. Re-Nesting: Reframing the “Empty Nest”
- Tembi introduces ‘re-nesting’ as a powerful concept:
“I refuse to accept that my life is suddenly now empty… I realized that what we’re actually doing in this stage is beginning a process of reframing what is our family dynamic?” —Tembi (42:00)
- Her summer in Sicily marked a time of emotional risk, facing blended family questions, and reimagining what family means (35:51–39:31).
- Re-nesting is about reclaiming time, identity, and dreams set aside to parent (43:35–45:03):
“The reclamation work is returning to aspects and parts of who we were that… got put to the side, put in the margins… let me… reclaim some of that and bring it into my now.” —Tembi (43:35)
6. Strategies for Honoring Your Younger Self and Embracing Renewal
- Integrate, don’t separate, your ‘younger self’:
“That 30-year-old who had all the fire, she’s very much present in the scene.” —Tembi (45:41)
- Leverage community, not just solo hustle, for midlife dreams:
“There are people who are going to want to co-create this vision with me and how can I look around the room and see who can do that with me?” —Tembi (47:14)
- Ritual for grounding: Tembi’s daily cup of rose and hibiscus tea closes her day, marking it complete and soothing her mind (48:31–49:53):
“The ritual… this day is complete, this day is done. I’m closing it with rose petals because rose is a symbol of the open heart. Hibiscus lowers blood pressure, which, hello, we need it in life.” —Tembi (48:31)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)
- “Midlife and I are in a tango, right? Sometimes it’s leading and sometimes I’m leading.” —Tembi, 03:34
- “What is going to fill your cup up or drain the battery?” —Tembi, 07:23
- “I am fundamentally today someone who is really seeking to live the highest, best, most loving version of myself.” —Tembi, 10:06
- “Everything I need to do this role is in me. I don’t have to do anything except show up. … You give… zero fucks, my favorite term.” —Tembi, 24:04
- “To pull myself forward, I said, well, I’m also going to pull him with me because I don’t want to let him go.” —Tembi, 27:30
- “To meet me is to also meet the life I had before we ever met.” —Tembi, 28:56
- “What we’re actually doing in this stage is beginning a process of reframing what is our family dynamic? … I refuse to accept that my life is suddenly now empty…” —Tembi, 42:00
- “That 30-year-old who had all the fire, she’s very much present in the scene.” —Tembi, 45:41
- “There are people who are going to want to co-create this vision with me and how can I look around the room and see who can do that with me?” —Tembi, 47:14
- “[My tea ritual] has changed everything. … This day is complete, this day is done.” —Tembi, 48:31
Timestamps for Important Segments
- Midlife as a Dance & Self-Compassion: 03:34–07:23
- Cheat Sheet for Joyful Practices: 08:20–09:16
- Beyond Professional Identity: 09:57–11:06
- Grief, Growth & Zero Fucks: 19:45–25:29
- Pulling Yourself Forward After Loss: 26:18–28:54
- Re-Partnering & “Holding Big Loves”: 28:54–34:52
- Renesting and Family Reimagination: 42:00–45:03
- Tactical Strategies & Rituals: 45:41–49:53
Tone
The episode balances soulful vulnerability with practical wisdom, abundant warmth, and a spirit of possibility. Tembi’s and Reshma’s exchange is deeply empathetic, often humorous and always honest—full of metaphors, vivid storytelling, and a sense of holding space for uncertainty, grief, and hope alike.
Summary Takeaways
- Midlife challenges aren’t about endings but about transformation, reclamation, and courageous forward motion.
- True self-care involves identifying what fills us and what drains us—and making it easy to choose replenishment.
- Grief can break us open, but it can also open the door to deeper authenticity and fearlessness.
- Identity is richer and more sustaining when rooted in soul and story, not just professional achievements.
- Love doesn’t run out; making space for past and present in blended families is possible with emotional generosity.
- Ritual—however simple—can provide powerful closure and grounding in complex times.
Recommended: Read Tembi Locke’s new memoir, Someday Now, and follow the practices of grace, community, and re-nesting this episode inspires.