**Podcast Summary: "Schedule Everything (Even Sex) with Emily Oster"
Title: My So-Called Midlife with Reshma Saujani
Host: Reshma Saujani
Guest: Emily Oster
Release Date: October 16, 2024

Introduction

In this episode of My So-Called Midlife, host Reshma Saujani delves into the intricacies of managing family life and maintaining personal relationships during midlife. Her guest, Emily Oster, an economist and acclaimed author known for her data-driven approach to parenting and women's health, shares her unique strategies for scheduling every aspect of her life—even intimacy—to reduce conflict and enhance satisfaction.

Emily Oster: The Vagina Economist

Reshma introduces Emily Oster as a trailblazer who has transformed parenting through her data-centric insights. Emily’s approach is likened to that of a "rock star" among parents, with her popular newsletter and website, Parent Data, offering evidence-based advice. She is celebrated for her ability to synthesize complex information, making it accessible and actionable for parents navigating the challenges of raising children.

Managing Family Schedules: The Power of Planning

One of the central themes of the conversation is the meticulous scheduling Emily employs to manage her household. Emily explains how she and her husband use weekly emails to outline daily plans, ensuring that everyone is aware of their responsibilities and schedules.

Emily Oster [06:17]: "The cornerstone of this sort of keeping this thing together is these emails."

Reshma admits her own struggles with household management, contrasting her approach with Emily's highly structured system. Emily emphasizes that this level of planning is essential for her family to avoid unexpected changes that can lead to frustration.

Emily Oster [07:43]: "It's so people can make plans. And my husband works in Boston, and so he's, like, on a train three days a week. And so there's sort of some logistics."

Emotional Labor and Fairness

Reshma probes into whether managing the household schedule places additional emotional labor on Emily. Emily acknowledges that while she is the primary coordinator, her husband handles the weekend plans, creating a balanced distribution of responsibilities.

Emily Oster [08:26]: "I am the sort of primary parent and holder of the emotional labor in the household."

This system not only distributes tasks but also mitigates blame, fostering a collaborative environment where any scheduling mishaps are shared responsibilities rather than individual faults.

Balancing Routine and Excitement

A significant portion of the discussion revolves around the balance between maintaining a routine and introducing excitement into midlife. Reshma expresses a fear of monotony leading to dissatisfaction, while Emily shares her approach to keeping life dynamic despite a structured schedule.

Reshma Saujani [09:36]: "Every day is freaking Groundhog's Day... there's no excitement."

Emily counters this by finding personal goals outside of her daily routine, such as running, which provide a sense of achievement and anticipation.

Emily Oster [11:05]: "It's something where it's like, I'm trying to achieve it... that's what gets me up in the morning."

Intimacy: Scheduling Sex

The episode's title suggests a focus on intimacy, which is thoroughly explored when discussing how couples can navigate the challenges of maintaining a healthy sex life amidst the demands of parenting and work.

Emily reveals that scheduling sex has become a practical solution for her and her partner, acknowledging societal reluctance but emphasizing its effectiveness.

Reshma Saujani [32:46]: "Do you think people lie about that?"

Emily Oster [32:50]: "Everybody schedule sex."

This candid discussion normalizes the concept, highlighting that even though it may seem unromantic, scheduling intimacy can enhance a couple’s connection by ensuring regular and intentional time together.

Women's Health and Perimenopause

Towards the end of the episode, the conversation shifts to women's health, particularly perimenopause. Emily and Reshma discuss the unpredictable hormonal changes and their impact on daily life and fertility.

Emily Oster [28:56]: "Almost always the answer to something about like, why is this going wrong? Is like, well, your estrogen's down."

Emily emphasizes the importance of understanding hormonal fluctuations and encourages women to educate themselves about the typical symptoms versus those that may require medical attention.

Emily Oster [30:36]: "It would be great if we could give people a better sense of the range of symptoms that are typical."

Reclaiming Midlife: Key Takeaways

In wrapping up, Reshma and Emily summarize their insights on living a fulfilling midlife through structured planning and self-awareness.

Reshma’s Takeaways:

1. Get Comfortable with Being Boring: Embrace routine and discipline as a means to maintain stability.
2. We Don't Have to Have It All: Reject the unrealistic expectation of balancing every aspect of life perfectly.
3. Schedule Sex: Normalize and utilize scheduling as a tool to maintain intimacy.

Conclusion

This episode provides a refreshing perspective on managing midlife challenges through structured scheduling and realistic expectations. Emily Oster’s practical strategies offer valuable lessons for anyone looking to enhance their family life and personal relationships without succumbing to the pressures of perfection.

Notable Quotes:

• Emily Oster [06:17]: "The cornerstone of this sort of keeping this thing together is these emails."
• Emily Oster [08:26]: "I am the sort of primary parent and holder of the emotional labor in the household."
• Reshma Saujani [09:36]: "Every day is freaking Groundhog's Day... there's no excitement."
• Emily Oster [11:05]: "It's something where it's like, I'm trying to achieve it... that's what gets me up in the morning."
• Emily Oster [32:50]: "Everybody schedule sex."
• Emily Oster [28:56]: "Almost always the answer to something about like, why is this going wrong? Is like, well, your estrogen's down."
• Emily Oster [30:36]: "It would be great if we could give people a better sense of the range of symptoms that are typical."

This summary encapsulates the essence of the episode, highlighting Emily Oster's methodical approach to family management and personal well-being during midlife. For listeners seeking practical advice on balancing family responsibilities and maintaining a fulfilling personal life, this episode offers insightful and actionable strategies.