A (0:00)

Quick disclaimer. We're back in Samurai Stories. So there's some stronger than usual violence this week. Please see the post on mythpodcast.com for more info. This week on Myths and Legends, we're back in the Tales of the Samurai with Ju Yemon runs for his life, gets attacked by pirates. And that's only in like the first 10 minutes. We'll see how you can open up a lucrative side hustle as a toothpaste salesperson and how it could be a good idea to dress up like a high schooler and beat up monsters in the woods. The creature this time is an entrail eating water monster who pulled off an amazing PR pivot to be a supporting character in a modern video game franchise. This is Myths and Legends, episode 432. Sort it out. This is a podcast where we tell stories from mythology and folklore. Some are incredibly popular tales you might think you know, but with surprising origins. Others are stories that might be new to you, but are definitely worth a listen. Real quickly, Myths and Legends has a book coming out. There'll be more info on it at the end of the episode, but if you want to know more about it right now, please see the show notes Today. We're back in Japanese folklore during the Edo period, so time of the Shogunate and samurai with the adventure tale of Juyemon who begins this story as a samurai but with a few drinks and a sword that could change. Juemong clapped his hands together. That would teach his co worker to do that thing that made him mad. That what was that thing that made him mad again? It was something and it was maddening. Well, that's why he taught guys like this a lesson. So they learned from it. And he didn't have to remember his fellow samurai was out cold. Juyemon was a good teacher. Hey, hey guy who brings me more sake. Bring me more sake. Juemon turned his head back and yelled Inside the restaurant, wide eyes poked from the fabric in the doorway. The as the man looked out. Was it over? Oh, it's over. Juyamon laughed. But the more pressing question was sake. Or I guess sake. He's. He's dead. The waiter stood frozen. Juemon laughed. That was ridiculous. No, he was just sleeping. Big sleepy guy. It was samurai stuff. He didn't expect the waiter to understand the traditions or the power his lords possessed. But the man would be okay. He just needed to sleep it off in a growing pool of his own blood. Looking off at the growing crowd of men huddled around something in the street. Maybe 10ft away, Ju Yemon blinked. Oh, the man. The samurai was sleeping without his right arm. That's. Oh no, not again. GM unheld a short sword alone in his house, the point directed toward his own stomach. Okay. Yep. This sucks. He had come home straight after killing that guy at the bar and mulled over his options. They weren't great. He could flee, become a ronin or a masterless samurai, and either be hunted by his former friends or live in shame and infamy. Or he could die. If he did it himself, according to tradition, then he would restore his family's honor. But he would have to do that and also be dead. So. There was a knock at the door. Juyamon put down the shortsword. Yeah. Your Daimyo has orders for you. A voice half whispered from outside the door. Juyemon frantically picked up the shortsword. Yep, I know. Just getting to that. You know that he wants to see you, the voice whispered, then sighed. They sent a backup messenger. Really? He said that no one had any faith in him since that time he was robbed by a fish. No time to bathe. No time to do much more than towel off some of his sake, stinking sweat, fix his hair, and find his freshest ish robe. By the time he made it to Daimyo's estate, his hangover was at the point where every bit of light felt like sandpaper on his eyeballs as the lord bade him sit. And he did. It seems you have been getting drunk and quarreling, the Daimyo said. And you murdered one of your friends. My retainer. Juemon shrugged. Yeah, might as well admit it. He was on borrowed time anyway. He wasn't really a friend, Juemon said. Also, it was less of a murder and more of a duel that lacked proper documentation. There were several witnesses who said you screamed something in a drunken rage, drew your sword and cut him down. Without warning, the Daimyo informed his retainer. Um, he insulted me. That is the warning that didn't make sense. But also, I don't remember any other samurai around. What are we taking the word of commoners as to what is and isn't a samurai duel? You screamed, I'm going to murder you. And then you murdered him. And then, after reeling for a bit, you said, how do you like that being murdered? The Daimyo informed him and held up a hand before Juemon could speak again. Stop. He could see why this guy got in so many fights, but he liked Juyemon. He was different from the rest of them, and different was sometimes good. Still, the law was the law and he could not tell Juemon not to commit seppuku and plunge his dagger into his own stomach. Was it safe to assume Juemon did not want to do that? Juyamon laughed. Yeah, pretty safe alright, the daimyo said. Here was the deal. This was the morning after his fellow samurai were out for blood. But give it a little time and this whole thing would blow over. Juemon could flee the country and after say, two years, there should be enough turnover among his samurai that no one really remembers. At the rate these guys got into battles to the death over perceived slights, two months was a possibility. But in two years, Juyeman would be ancient history. Then he would recall Ju Yemon and he would be able to rejoin his lord's service. How did that sound? Um, Seeing as it's either the most painful death I can think of, or that I will go with that. Ju Yemon took off his sword, but the Daimyo shook his head, refusing it. Juemon was in exile. He would need it. He would see Juemon again in two years time. But this meeting never happened. So I just met with the Daimyo and yes, it's true that I killed someone last night and I'm wanted for murder. But also, that guy was a jerk and mean. So anyway, the daimyo says I can come back scot free in two years, but I need money because I need to make it two years on my own. So can I have money? Making a pouty face in a graspy motion before his uncle, this was Ju Yemon's fourth stop of the day. In addition to all the people at work, his family also kind of hated him. But they were happy to support his leaving town. Mainly because they believed in him. Also mainly because the samurai he killed had friends who were combing the town looking for him and they didn't want to end up in the middle of that discussion. So they had money? Yes. Extra if he made it a point to please leave immediately. Juyeman rolled up the money in his underwear, took a comfortable nap in a bush where he loved to take naps normally and not because a bunch of samurai were out looking for him and stole out of town under the COVID of darkness. The plan was Osaka and that was it. In the big city, he could disappear for a couple of years. He could be a merchant or a hired sword for someone. The following afternoon he arrived at the port town of Murugame, then in the then named province of Sanuki, but was changed to the Kagawa Prefecture during The Meiji Restoration? That's not relevant because Juemon only intended on staying there for as long as it took to leave there. But the winds weren't favorable. The first day was fine. The second day was annoying. The third day, and Juemon began to hear reports of some samurai who had killed a fellow retainer in a bar fight. Hooves now pounded across the countryside as the murdered man's friends expanded their search. I don't know. That doesn't sound like a bar fight. Sounds like a surprise duel, juyaman said to the people at the next table over. You know, it's a duel where you win by surprising your opponent before he knows he's in a duel. It's a thing. It's a samurai thing, he assured them. It doesn't sound like a thing, one drinker whispered to another and then glanced at the samurai swords. They quickly paid their bill and left. Juyeman took a deep breath and knew he should probably get out of this town too, now, and sooner than later. Coins rolled on the table and he rose. The winds had gotten better, he learned, and most of the boats would leave at dawn. But as he listened, passing the stalls and crowds, he wasn't sure he had until dawn. The samurai had the law on their side. They could lock down the port. He knew his hometown and knew how to move without being noticed. Here, he would be spotted, and a regular person could just sell him out to have things return to normal. No, he needed to get to Osaka. He looked up at the man standing before him on the pier. Juemon said, yes, but he needed to leave now. The man, a sailor whose form was hazy in the flickering lantern light, asked. The sailor said he had a passenger vessel that just so happened to be leaving now. Right now. Juyeman looked to the vessel. A half dozen men stood there in the moonlight, looking at him. This looks amazing. Actually, Juyeman said it didn't. But Juyeman had. Well, he was a samurai. His father had been a samurai. He was raised a samurai and was of the class where even when you maim people and eventually kill a guy in a surprise duel, the daimyo himself lets you off with a wink and a nod. But basically, he hadn't seen a commoner passenger vessel in ever. And he certainly didn't sail commercial. Turning away from the sailors, he reached down and plucked out a coin from his underwear. He said he was unaccustomed to dickering. He would sail with them for one coin. If the sailor was surprised that the stranger was offering a ryo a few weeks or months worth of pay for an average household for the relatively short trip between Marugame and Osaka, basically channeling Lucille Bluth's it's one boat ride, Michael. What can it cost? $10,000? The sailor didn't show that surprise and frankly, had to compliment his lord on his excellent negotiating skills. Thank you. Giuman smiled and the sailor directed him toward the boat and the guest quarters. Juyaman felt them shove off almost immediately. Jumon touched the guest quarters sign again. That's. That's fresh paint. Still dripping, actually. Oh yes, our usual guest quarters are still being renovated, the captain said, pointing from the shadows to the door. It was a closet with a hammock, but a hammock that didn't actually extend out all the way. Looks great and I have it all to myself. Wow, Juemon said, which would have actually been patronizing if he wasn't so ignorant of just how bad the accommodations actually were. Still, as he watched the city disappear, he knew the samurai would never follow him all the way to Osaka, and even if they did, would never find him there. Even though he was folded up like an old clamshell phone. He slept great, rising late in the morning and caught the tail end of breakfast, cold rice and salty fish, and looked at his itinerary. The day was a weird one. Even though the captain insisted that they were almost fully booked for this trip and that the other passengers were spread around the ship, Juemon kept seeing the same dozen or so guys just glaring at him or eyeing him like he was a piece of meat. They would also say cryptic things like do you know where you're going lordling and I can't wait to kill and rob you and throw your corpse overboard. As Juyamon stood looking at the moon that night, he thought about it. Yeah, that was odd, especially that last bit. Now that he thought about it, that was kind of suspicious. He knew what the cruise director said about carrying weapons on board, but he would actually feel way more comfortable with his swords at his side than tucked away in his room. Especially because the room didn't even have one of those safes that is really just there for some semblance of peace of mind because the hotel can 100% get into those. Anyway, the first sailor he passed just met him with Snickers. The laugh, not the candy bar. Those were actually extra, like $4 plus tip. The price gouging actually only made the cruise look more legit. Making his way to the narrow passage that led to his room, the other boats mirror lights in the darkness and the Villages on the islands beyond, just hazy blooms, torches twinkling on the edge of sight. Juyeman knew how alone he was out there on the water. Stop. My lord. A voice called up ahead. A samurai, right? Three sailors stepped into the moonlight. Something like that. Jemon stood up straight. His room was in between himself and these men. Wrong. You're on my brother ship. We don't have the shogun, daimyo, samurai, nobles and peasants here. Away from all that, without your sword or your money or the respect you coast on based on whoever your daddy was. Who are you? Juemon didn't answer. He was still working out the best plan of action in his head. You are what you choose to be. You can either be a living pauper swimming ashore wherever the great pirate Akagoshi Kuruyemon chooses to drop you. The pirate's brother smiled. Or you can cling to your titles and your rights and. And make a very dignified corpse. Juemon shouted and rushed the men. Corpse it is. The brother shouted. There were some samurai who did indeed coast on their father's names, who learned how to swing a sword a few different ways and left it at that, knowing that peasants and even other samurai wouldn't dare disrespect them. Juyamon had never been one of those. He came from a good family, but not a great one, and knew that what he lacked in pedigree he would have to make up for in skill. So he learned everything, even how to grapple, which seemed to surprise the first man as Juyaman snapped the dagger from his hand, snapping several bones along with it, and flung him over the low wooden railing. The other, with the help of Juemon's outer foot, collapsed in screams when his knee bent the way it was definitely not supposed to. Juemon didn't wait, but slid the door open to his room, stepped in, and his sword was gone. Looking for your sword? Here you go, the last remaining pirate of the initial trio and the brother of the captain said, and brought the sword down. So real quick aside, I'm from Cincinnati and the quarterback from the Bengals, Joe Burrow, when he wasn't buying Batmobiles, bought his whole offensive line katanas with histories that search back to the 1500s. That sounds cool. Also, I wouldn't want one, don't get me wrong, I really would. But I know myself, and I would absolutely accidentally cut off my own foot or something within a week just playing with a thing. Same reason I really, really would want, but should never ever be allowed to have a real lightsaber. All that to say, just because you have a samurai sword does not make you a samurai. Something the pirate learned when after that first strike and the katana sliced through the bed completely, it lodged in the wooden beams on the ship's deck. Panicked, the pirate tried to yank it free, but earned only a kick in the chest and a tumble back over the railing for his effort, Juemon rose and with a pull the sword was loose. Gathering up his things they hadn't taken his shortsword, he left the room. Jemon knelt down to pick up the sheath, ended the suffering of the pirate who remained on board, wiped his blade, and went to go see whoever Pirate Captain Akagoshi Kuyemon was. So this has nothing to do with the bounty on my head? Jie Mong called out, interrupting the pirate captain's speech about equality and resentment or something. What bounty? The captain yelled from the stern. Never mind, don't worry about it. Juyemon said, cracked his neck as he stretched and asked if they were just going to get on with it. The captain waved to his men, all 10 of which were between him and the samurai, and they rushed Juemon all at once. You guys are pretty good, Juyamon said as he lopped the spearhead off of one attacker's spear and then the head head off of his body. I fully expected you to fight me one by one, or separate for a bigger guy, and then when I beat him, you would all flee in terror. But I appreciate how you get down to it, Juemon complimented and then pulled his sword from another's chest. I guess you don't really get to be pirates if you only do fair fights, Ju Yemon said, kicking Assailant number eight overboard. Indeed, the pirate captain said, leveling his flintlock pistol at the samurai's head. The samurai swore. Pirates. He was totally cool with them fighting dirty within the parameters he was comfortable with, but literally bringing a gun to a knife fight? That. That was unfair. And yeah, we've all seen the Indiana Jones with the intimidating sword guy where Indy just shoots the guy. Jueman knew that hokey honor systems and ancient weapons were no match for a good flintlock pistol at your side. He planted his left foot and juked to the right, making a dash for the edge of the boat. If they're using my homebrew D and D rules, which I'm writing this episode, so they're using my D and D rules. Water at night provides full cover and Ju Yemon would at least have a shot at escaping. The story mentions specifically the attackers having spears and swords at the onset, but it doesn't mention the guy who fights with a big fishing hook. And you know, that guy got made fun of until you needed someone to snag an escaping samurai. Then who's laughing? Fishhook Guy, that's who laughed as he swung his hook and caught the back of Juemon's robes right before he left the edge, gripping him tight, the Fishhook Guy was beaming. His whole life people were like, why do you fight with a fishhook? You're more of a danger to us, your own guys, than anyone else. Ow. Your fishhook hurts. Well, now he was the star. Juyeman felt the fabric tear and knew that once the fishhook's point sunk into his shoulder, he would be trapped there. He saw the captain lower his pistol with a grin, one that said they would have time to make the samurai suffer for all he had cost them. Juyamon was in anguish. Not because of the fishhook that was scratching at his flesh or that he had been stopped, but because he didn't want to say goodbye. But he would be saying goodbye one way or another. So with his right hand he flung the sword and the blade found its mark. Fishhook Guy's chest who, let's be real, probably wanted to live longer. But there was not going to be a greater moment for that guy for the rest of his life. When the captain, in shock, that Fishhook Guy was on the deck with a katana in his chest, raised his pistol. He found only Juyamon's shredded robes. The samurai had leapt overboard. The pirate captain swore, ran to the edge. But in the darkness of the sea he found that Jueman had completely disappeared. Pulling the sword from Fishhook Guy, he called for everyone who was still living to throw the bodies of the dead overboard. He was going to go to his quarters, put the sword on alongside his flintlock pistol, look in the mirror and whisper, Akagoshi Kuruyemon, Samurai pirate. We'll see where Juyamon ends up. But that will be right after this. I wish I could tell you about Butcher Box's chicken or pork. I really do. I can't though. I am just in love with their grass fed beef. I've only ever gotten that box because it is so, so good. It was so good I didn't even realize what I was missing. Only getting beef from the grocery store like I've gotten steaks out at restaurants. But there was always something off when I brought the same cut home and cooked it perfectly until Butcherbox and then it's. Oh, okay. That's, it's the quality. The flat iron steak is hands down my favorite. But really, you can't go wrong. Having top tier protein at home helps us to eat at home and we personally feel so much better. And it is high quality. No unnecessary additives, no artificial ingredients, no mystery fillers. Butcherbox is a certified B corp committed to doing things right. Beef is grass fed, organic chicken is free range, pork is crate free. And they have so many options for all this awesome protein. For over a decade, Butcherbox has led the industry with meat and seafood that's antibiotic free, hormone free and independently verified. Because when it comes to fueling your body, quality isn't extra, it's everything. Clean whole protein means better support for strength, metabolism and that steady all day energy we're all chasing. As an exclusive offer, new listeners can get their choice between chicken breast or top sirloin for a year or ground beef life plus $20 off when you go to butcherbox.com legends. That's right, your choice of chicken breast or top sirloin for a year or ground beef for life plus $20 off your first box and free shipping always. That's butcherbox.com legends. Don't forget to use our link so they know we sent you. The school year is winding down, but someone should really tell that to our schedule. There are spring sports, extracurriculars, travel and the time when people are just standing outside enjoying the nice weather and talking to one another and you want to join in. And you know what's so nice at the end of a practice or when everyone goes in for dinner to actually have something planned so it's not takeout again. Home Chef makes it so simple. Fresh food delivered, easy recipes and meals that actually taste great and people really love it. Home Chef is rated number one by users of other meal kits for quality, convenience, value, taste and and recipe ease. That's a lot of things. Whatever you have going on, Home Chef's got you. They have their classic recipes, their 30 minute meals or oven ready trays or microwave lunches or say you're feeling like having a night out while doing a night in. There's the Home Chef culinary collection with restaurant quality recipes from Gordon Ramsay and Giada De Laurentiis. They have over 30 meal options each week, so you really can't go wrong. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering my listeners 30 50% off and free shipping for your first box plus free dessert for life. Go to homechef.com legends that's homechef.com legends for 50% off your first box and free dessert for life. Homechef.com legends must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert. Ju Yemon's main strength was not his adaptability, though he was able to think on his feet. And it's not fighting, though. He is great at killing people, even drunk, it's that he's lucky. Think about it. It obviously wasn't the first time he got into a possibly deadly barroom brawl. And even when it turned out disastrously, his daimyo liked him enough to send him on vacation instead of demanding he disembowel himself. Then when he was about to get caught, he found a vessel out of town and yeah, it was infested with pirates who wanted to kill him. But even with losing his sword twice in the fight, he still managed to escape with all the money he had rolled up in his underwear and facing exhaustion after fighting like 15 guys and mostly winning, he was rescued by the governor of Osaka, who was returning to city by boat. And after telling him the story of the fight, he was commended for his service and the man helped him buy a house. Now, Juemon, the samurai, or the ronin rather, was a toothpaste salesman. Well, tooth powders, combs, perfumes and other toiletries. But basically Juyeman was hunted into exile and ended up as a friend of the governor and a homeowner with a thriving small business. He's lucky his friend the governor told him that to really look like a good guy, trustworthy and all that, he should marry. So Juyaman did, even though he was just a humble toothpaste salesman. I guess Juyeman had that kind of big noble energy about him. Soon after meeting a geisha known as Ohiaku, they were married. Now, the story kind of brushes this off, but it really stands out to me. Juyemon was a samurai, a noble. I'm not sure what level Juemon was, but some samurai marriages above a certain level required shogun approval. So a samurai marrying a geisha was uncommon. Basically, for a guy who's only going to be in town fewer than two years, he's jumping into the life of an upper middle class toothpaste salesman feet first. Juyemon didn't do anything halfway, except for maybe his marriage. Samurai marriages were unions of power and various professional interests. So that's what his marriage to Oyaku might have been in his mind. Maybe she was looking for more. When each night he wanted to play checkers, according to the translation or whatever Edo period Japanese game the 19th century British translator equated to Checkers. The story assures us, though it wasn't because Juemon was just sort of checked out of married life as soon as he achieved married life. It's because Ohiaku was a woman of bad and profligate character who was by nature passionate that she ended up cheating on him with a sumo wrestler. They would have gotten away with it too, if if not for diarrhea, probably. As someone who knows the danger of poorly prepared sushi, I once spent a cross country red eye flight huddled on the floor of the lavatory, so sick that I didn't care that I was huddled on the floor of a lavatory. Juemon, as he sat down a go or shoji, but probably not Checkers, felt an ominous rumble. He put his palms on the table, smiled at Tonoshin, the governor's 18 year old son, and said, young sir, I feel an unaccountable pain in my stomach. I think I had better go home before it gets worse. The kid did not really catch on, saying that Giamon should definitely stay the night and he would find some medicine. Jiamon, though, found the politest possible way to say according to the text, there is no amount of medicine that will stop what's coming. I prefer to be at home, excused himself and did the most casual walk sprint he could back home. Ju Yemen exhaled as he slid the door to the outhouse shut. Wow, that was close. He glanced at the street, at the lamplights. Eh, Too late to head back to the Governor's place. And probably rude too. He might just call it an early night. He walked up to his house, made to open the door, but it wouldn't budge. Hmm. Well, he guessed it made sense that his wife would lock it. Hey honey, can you let me in? Juyeman said, and the only reply was screams. Screams and he can't find us like this and you need to hide. Gamon snorted. They did know that the interior walls were literally paper thin, right? Annoyed at having to wait so long for them to figure out how to hide a sumo wrestler in his modest house, and the fact that he had pretty much already guessed that they were trying to hide a man in his modest house, Gyamon found the bottom of the door and lifted it up off its track, setting it back down and sliding it on the floor. He found Ohiaku and the sumo wrestler to Kasegawa trying to fit himself into a chest in the main room. His wife and the man froze when they saw Jueman silhouetted by the moonlight he simply walked in, took a seat, lit his pipe and looked at them. I was so excited to meet Ohiaku's husband, the sumo said climbing out of the chest. I stopped by to call upon you and maybe buy some toothpaste. We should talk about the toothpaste. I hear you're great at that. Anyway, your wife offered me some sake and well, I'm a lightweight. I mean not in the literal sense, but I didn't have much dinner and it just knocked me out. I just woke up and I was like he's gonna think something untoward was happening so I gotta try to hide in this chest. I am so sorry this looks so bad, but I promise you there is nothing wrong going on here. Yeah, I don't believe any of that. Juyamon said taking a draw on his pipe. Look, I'm going to be gone in about a year. I can go back to my own clan and then you two can marry or whatever. Far be it from me to care what becomes of a woman with such a stinky heart as the source says. The pair looked at each other. Wait. He was cool with it? Why did this somehow feel worse? Welp, I'm going to bed. G.A. monroe's tucking his arms into his robe. Going to bed in the other room, he added, not looking at Ohiaku, you're welcome to stay, Tasugawa. Tosugawa, though, just realized what time it was and that he had oh, such an important meeting to get to in the middle of the night after falling asleep self proclaimed drunk at a toothpaste seller's house, leading to a humorous misunderstanding. Okay, good night everyone. Glad we're all friends and cool. When both doors slid shut, Ohiku found herself standing alone in the main room. Hello, Tasugawa san. Ohiku said while passing him on the street near her house. The sumo wrestler screamed a little on the inside and the outside, but since it was hard to pretend you didn't see someone when you're looking right at them, he greeted Ohiaku and the pair walked together on the street. Want to come back to my house? She asked. Probably not. It's wrong and I'm full on terrified of your husband. So pray do not talk in such a cowardly manner. Next year when Juemon goes back to his own country and he is sure to give me this house and then you and I can marry and live as happily as possible. She smiled and pulled him toward the door. His morality and reason and desire to live pulled him toward the street, but another, apparently stronger desire pulled him toward the house. The sumo wrestler followed her inside. Listen to me, Master Tosugawa, Ohiku said with a hiss as soon as they were in the door. I have been thinking over all of this for some time, and I see no help of it. But to kill Juyemon and make an end of him. What? What was all that we can be married talk on the street? Tosugawa started hyperventilating. That was my innocent, polite talk. He has to die. Otherwise I can't remarry. We have to do it. We have to poison him, she whispered. The sumo vacillated back and forth. Based on his tenuous grasp on the laws, and also his tenuous grasp on the phrase tenuous grasp. He knew what she said had to be 100% true. He loved her, and he supposed the safest way to kill this really buff and imposing toothpaste salesman was to poison him. And the sumo wrestler actually thought he knew a guy who could do it. A physician he used to play with when they were both boys. Tosugawa waited, sweating, until the pharmacy was empty. When he finally approached, the man behind the counter squinted. Tosugawa? Was that him? After some small talk and some promised tickets to the next big match, Tosugawa said he needed something. Something his friend might not be prepared to give. The physician grew serious. Oh, so this wasn't friendly ketchup? Kasugawa said he needed poison. The physician nodded. Hmm. You know, if I'm being honest, I got asked this a lot in my early days, and I was tempted. Every physician comes to a point where he either needs to stand firm in who he believes himself to be, or. Or compromise and be complicit in some of the worst things people can do to one another. You know what? I'm sorry, Tosugawa said. And me, the physician continued. I am proud to say I chose to be complicit. I totally understand. Wait, what? Yeah, you just make so much more money with option two, the crime option. I'm like a veterinarian that moonlights as a mob doctor. I mean, it doesn't even compare to my normal job. And then you meet other criminals and they connect you with other opportunities. It's a good racket. Sometimes, literally. And poisons. Nobody knows what's up. Nowadays, people die from all sorts of stuff. Stomachache, dead, cough, dead, small cut, dead. You know what tuberculosis is? Yeah. Neither do I. Neither does anyone. They call it some form of consumption and think it's caused by depleted body energy or little evil spirits or something. So, ye. What do you need. When the physician was done mixing up the poison, he said that you know all this. He did kind of feel pangs in the old conscious sometimes, you know, the parts of him that weren't dead inside. But if Tosagawa didn't get it from him, he would get it somewhere else. Well, to be honest, you're my only contact to this sort of thing. Tosugawa rifled through his coin purse. Okay, but you want to kill this guy so you'd find a way with or without me. The physician laughed. I'm just a replaceable bit part in this grand drama we call the human condition. I think the guy might actually be a secret samurai. And he's terrifying, so this is really my only option. Tosugawa found the coins. The physician exhaled. Just give me the money and get out. Gamon grumbled he could never find the nail clippers when he needed one. He looked at his wife's door and sighed. Sliding it open, he entered her room and rooted through her cupboard. He never actually did find the nail clippers because he stopped when he spotted a package. A package with a note. Poison best when mixed with ramen, so it's not really detectable. Good luck killing the toothpaste salesman. The woman you love is married to keep in touch. Jiumin sat back on the floor. He was surprised how hurt he was by this. He didn't love her, she didn't love him. He had even given them mercy upon catching them in the act. Now they were going to poison him. He set the package and the rest of the cupboard back the way he found it and left the room. The next morning, Juemon looked out when he saw a form on the street just outside the window of his shop. Tasugawa san. He slammed his palms down on the table. The sumo wrestler smiled nervously as Juyaman waved him over and into the toiletry store he owned. I was just doing like the accounting board and accounting and nothing makes me want to drink like accounting. So I was thinking about going home and just tying one on, you know? You want to join me? It's dull work drinking alone and also an early sign of alcoholism. And I'm trying to sidestep that self diagnosis for as long as possible. So what do you say? Tosugawa was surprised Jemon wanted to drink with him even after. After I said I didn't care and that you were free to get married after I left? Yes. It's because I don't care and you're free to get married after I leave. She's a beautiful woman? But why do you think I married her? But for real. Come on over, giuman said, happy that Juaman wasn't enraged. The sumo wrestler said he would be honored. Hey, babe, gamon called out to Oyaku. I'm feeling ramen. Anybody else up for ramen? Tosugawa nodded eagerly. He always was. I don't think we have any mind running out and buying us some and then making us some and then serving us some? Juemon asked. Normally, the request that she run out and then return to make a second dinner so he could stay in and drink was met with some resistance, but Ohiaku said that that sounded like a marvelous idea. When she returned, she ducked into her room while Ju Yemon was making a show of guzzling a drink, and then went to the kitchen to prepare the ramen, which the story calls macaroni but is in no way probably macaroni. She set the bowls in front of the men and then stood there, seemingly crackling with excitement at her husband's boring stories when he launched into one she hadn't heard before, one about how he was a samurai on the run for a crime he didn't commit sober. He absolutely did commit it, though. And then he was robbed by pirates and rescued by the governor because he didn't touch his food, though, Tosugawa also refrained from starting to be polite, and Ohiyaku stood by the table, her excitement melting into annoyance because all he had to do was take one bite. Is that real, that story? Tasugawa sat stunned. No, I'm just a toothpaste salesman. Juemon winked and then stood, taking his bowl. Where are you going? Ohiacu asked. They're cold. I'm going to go warm them up, he said. The fire in the hearth was still warm, and the rest of the ramen still simmered. The meat and noodles from both bowls plopped in the broth, and he stirred them all together, ladling them out into three bowls. He returned first with two for his wife and Tosugawa, and finally a third one for him. The three sat there with chopsticks for a long moment. Well? Jiumon asked, looking at the pair. He didn't want to have to keep warming it up. They should all eat before it got cold again. Tosugawa rose and begged an apology of Juemon. He was feeling ill and must accept the man's hospitality tomorrow. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear you aren't doing well, jiumon said, not looking at him, not breaking eye contact from Ohiku. My dear wife There will be all the more ramen for you. She met his gaze. Having eaten earlier, she had no more appetite. It seems I've lost my appetite too. Jieemon shrugged. But for me, it was something that I read. Stay there. I will be right back. Returning from the kitchen and then Ohiyaku's room, he had a note. Poison best when mixed with ramen, so it's not really detectable. Good luck killing the toothpaste salesman. The woman you love is married to keep in touch. Gyamon looked his wife in the eyes, and she only looked back, completely unrepentant. Most people, if they were caught in the act of attempted murder, would probably have a hard time maintaining eye contact. For Ohiaku, it was the fact that she broke it, glancing up over Juemon's shoulder, that saved the ronin's life. Juemon guessed what this was. Ducked and not only dodged the blow, but caught the sumo wrestler's right arm and twisted it behind his back until he dropped the dagger, sweeping Tasugawa's legs out from under him. The man crashed to the ground with tricks like the poison in that little move. It would have defiled my sword to have killed such an ungrateful hound with it. Luckily I have your dagger. But he wouldn't be able to do it right away. Ohiku caught him monologuing and. And Gamon focused on the sumo. She had fled to the kitchen and returned with a knife. Now, anyone who has listened to our 2024 Halloween episode probably knows how hard samurai legends can go when they want to. Same was true about he truly had planned on leaving Ohiaku to remarry the sumo wrestler when he left her the following year. It was when he discovered the poison that he felt the need to confront her, and when they attacked, that he felt the need to kill them. The fight was short. He cut the sumo wrestler from shoulder to nipple with the man's own dagger, and when Ohiyaku tried to bring the knife down on him, caught her by her hair. He did make it quick, and placing her by the wrestler's side, let her die in his arms. Saddened that it needed to end like this, he could offer his wife that kindness. It probably would have been more controversial that a toothpaste vendor killed a famous wrestler and his own wife. But this toothpaste vendor also happened to be a friend of the governor, played board games nightly with the man's teenage son, so it's not hard to imagine how the case went his way. Jueman was free, but now he was Alone. We'll see where Ju Yemon goes after this, but that will be, well, right after this. Again, we all like the cool side of the pillow, but what if the cool side was every side? You've probably heard me talking about Ghostbed's patent cooling tech designed to keep you cool and comfortable all night. I haven't mentioned this, but Ghostbed sent us some pillows way back when and I believed the cooling part. But how do you make something cool? Well, I still don't understand how it works, but it is not just marketing. It is magic. It starts cool and stays cool. And I am, I mean self confessed, a very hot sleeper who also refuses to sleep with any less than like two blankets. Anyway, Ghostbed is the real deal and no matter how you sleep, they have options. They have three models of bed and foam or hybrid in two different firmness options. They have the cooling tech I mentioned and best of all, no markup. Okay, I just went and checked another leading mattress seller for the type of mattress we're in the market for right now. We're in a scramble to finish getting everything ready for a guest room and Ghostbed is almost half the price. That's hundreds of dollars less for the same mattress. Basically. Ghostbed will absolutely be our next mattress buy. Plus every mattress comes with a 101 night sleep trial and an industry leading 20 plus year warranty. All that on top of fast free shipping. Right now you can get an extra 10% off already reduced prices. Just go to ghostbed.com legends and use promo code legends at checkout. That's ghostbed.com legends promo code legends. Upgrade your sleep with Ghostbed, the makers of the coolest beds in the world. Some exclusions apply. See site for details. I thought Quints was, you know, our secret. A place where you can get cool quality clothes that are like classic and go with anything for not a lot of money. That being said, I guess I wouldn't be doing my job of writing and rating Quint's ads if it stayed a secret. Still, it's been, I think three times in the past week that people have talked to me about quints. I had a family member bring them up because they bought their new comforter from Quints and they were like have you heard of quince? And they said they listened to the podcast. We also actually got a Quint's package for our neighbor who typed a zero instead of a nine and made their address our address. I did not tell them to go to quints.com legends for their next purchase. If you didn't know about Quints. Hi first time listener. We're glad you're here. Quints is a luxury clothing brand in all but price. Carissa and I love them. Not just because they're something like half the price of other brands for better quality, but because you put something from Quints on and you instantly look put together. Chris has been rocking her Dolman sweaters well into spring because they're light and breathable and she's got the Bella Straight jeans she likes better than sweatpants. I don't think there is a higher compliment for jeans. You can refresh your spring wardrobe with quints. Go to quints.com legends for free shipping and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. Go to quince.com legends for free shipping and 360 five day returns. Quince.com legends. The Governor was surprisingly cool with his son playing games with a confessed killer, though. I mean, this is the Edo period, and it seems like entrance into certain tiers of the nobility, like the samurai class, requires at least some level of bloodshed. There was something Giumon was beginning to notice about the boy, though. You're awful jumpy, aren't you? The murderer he was playing board games with asked as he nearly leapt from his seat at the noise out in the garden. The kid sighed. Yeah, tonight he was going to fight oni, and he wasn't looking forward to it. Yeah, can't say that I blame you there, juemon said. Maybe things had changed since his day, but sons of governors didn't usually go out in the wilderness to fight oni. They still didn't, but the lot fell to him. At his school, the boys had been talking up the monster attacks in a forest shrine. Oni, tanuki, tengu. Since no one appeared to care enough to protect the people, it was up to them, the sons of the richest men in the city, to live with bravery and honor, fight the oni, and sign their name to the pillar at the shrine. When they were finished, the boys were all together on it. I couldn't let them call me a coward anymore, Tonoshin, the kid said. They drew lots and he drew the short straw oni and tanuki and whatever the bird one is. They're beasts. They can't exercise any power over people, juhemon said, not adding that they couldn't do that also because they didn't exist. He did add, however, that since he was something of a part time samurai, part time ronin, part time toothpaste salesman and hobbyist pirate hunter, it was well within Tonoshin's rights to take him on as a retainer to fight the monsters on the young lord's behalf. You mean instead of facing my fears and growing, I can just throw my dad's money at my problems and never have to deal with them? Tonoshin marveled. Well, that's kinda saying the quiet part out loud. I mean, most people say it's rooted in Neo Confucian philosophy that we all have roles and responsibilities, and putting yourself in physical danger was abandoning your duty to administrate and lead, while me sitting back and letting you do it is an abdication of my higher purpose. You know, like we all have our roles. You're the head, I'm the hand, that sort of thing. Gamon bobbed his head back and forth. Yeah, that sounds better. I like that, tonoshin said. Yeah, a lot of people do, Jiemon replied. Okay, now where was his closet? Jiamin sat by the pillar as the moonlight cast blue hue on the edge of the forest. It's not that he was scared, he wasn't. But he did wish that he had his sword on him. Though if this was what he thought, then it was definitely better that he did not. It was a little awkward sitting around the Governor's house in his son's clothes, but the governor didn't ask questions and Juyaman didn't offer many answers. There was a snicker of laughter from the forest. Juyaman stood up and stretched. Alright, time to get limber, get warm. Let's go. Sliding from the bushes, horns emerged over a shock of black hair and red skin. Oni. Juyaman remembered that he had a part to play. Oh man, I'm just an unsure teen who's afraid of stuff. But I'm here to face my fear and maybe gain some hard won confidence. Because all we really need is to just realize that this is a challenging time for everyone our age and chill out and be ourselves and accept and respect everyone else for being themselves. And then we'll all be a lot happier. Gamon then shook his head. That sounded like something an old person would say. Was he getting old? While Juaman mentally grappled with the inevitable onslaught of aging, he realized that these oni were quicker than he thought they were going to be. He stepped aside as the club grazed his sleeve, catching the monster by the wrist. Juemon's palm crushed its nose and he flung it off to the side. Three more emerged from the forest. If the stories were to be Believed, taking on 3oni would be difficult. This was not difficult. There were seven in all, and Juyamon held a lantern over them when it was all done, the monsters laying in a constellation of bloody noses, broken ribs, and dislocations, and he could see the skin underneath the red face paint. The kids that had spread the stories of the oni and rigged the drawing had come out with face paint and clubs to beat the son of the governor within an inch of his life. If they could restrain themselves, didn't matter. After tonight, they wouldn't dream of touching Tonoshin. Stepping over the groaning bodies, Gyaman made his way up to the pillar, wrote Tonoshin's name, and turned for home. My boy has some confidence now, the governor said to Gamon, who bowed his head. Tonoshin should, the way he handled those oni out by the forest temple. The governor's smirk of approval felt good to Jiumon. Indeed, the governor said. Well, as fate would have it, they needed Jiumun's services again. My son, well, he has a mistress. The governor smiled, suddenly noticing how uncomfortable he had grown sitting in this position for so long. Ju Yemon. The ronin shifted and you're to thank, the governor acknowledged. After the events in the temple, Jiemin's spot had risen in the world. Not back to the point where he had been when he killed a guy in a bar fight, was robbed by pirates, and had to become a toothpaste salesman, but he was working on that. The governor got up and paced. Yes, it wasn't a woman he approved of. Tanoshin had fallen in love with a singing girl and gave her gifts. She didn't even like Tanoshin at first, but Tanoshin won her over. Juemon smiled. That was nice. Yes. Her father had an accident and was unable to work. And so to support them all, Kashiku, the girl was forced to become his mistress for money. The governor sighed. Ah, young love. Gamon stopped smiling. No, that seems like you probably could have left out the words at first earlier when you said Koshiku didn't even like Tonoshin. Noted. Thank you. The governor said there was a problem now. Koshiku was having extramarital liaisons with a childhood sweetheart. Aww, Gaimon said. No, not aww. We're not paying for her access. We're paying for her exclusivity, but also access. Because she really does not like my son. The governor shook his head. I'm not going after her. Juyaman raised his hands, and the governor respected that. He imagined he would need to take on Giumon as a sworn retainer, and not only would that cost a lot of money, but Jieman, because he didn't even have a sword, was just a toothpaste salesman. Thank goodness for that, jueman mumbled. Meeting the governor's gaze, he shrugged. I'll go persuade this guy, this Hichirobe, to go through an old yearbook and find another childhood sweetheart. How about that? Juemon offered arched eyebrows and waved hands, emphasized that Juemon should do no such thing. Hichirobe and the girl had taken a suicide pact, and she would rather die than be without him manning the counter at a wine shop down the street. Though the kid's older brother might be persuaded to talk Kichirobe down from this foolishness. Jiemon nodded and left. Not saying that maybe it would be a good idea to pay a different woman for her time and attention. You know, one that didn't despise the boy rather than try to stamp out flowering young love. You can't fight every injustice in the world, Jiumon told himself. But was he gonna fight any of them? Then Juemon re remembered that he was technically still on the run for murder, so maybe he shouldn't be so hung up on. Just. Juyeman would have justice. Ten minutes ago, he parted the curtains of the wine shop. It was still about 10 in the morning, so business was slow. Chobei, the older brother, stood at the counter with a smile, and as he called out to Jiumon, the ronin recognized something in his voice. Reluctant Jiumon delivered the threat disguised as a plea from the governor and his son. All the while, Juyaman's eyes searched the man for why the wine vendor seemed so familiar. Having read the Threat of State Violence for what it was, Mann saw the sweat bead on the older brother's forehead when one of the man's waiters came from the back room with a tray of sake. Gamon saw something else, too. Every other person would have missed it, tucked away in the back, but it might as well have been calling out to the ronin, because without it, he wasn't a ronin at all. Without his sword, Juyemon wasn't anything. At that moment, Juyeman realized how he knew this man, why he recognized the voice but not the face shrouded in the darkness of the boat. He had never seen the pirate captain's face. Chobei was Akagoshi Kuroyemon, the pirate chief. Time slowed down as Ju Yemon realized two things. First, he didn't feel bad for the younger brother anymore. The man who tried to kill him with Juaman's old sword and who caught a kick to the chest and went flying off the boat. The second realization was that Juaman only cared about his sword in that he wanted to get it back first and foremost. And Juaman could get it back. Gripping the pirate's wrist and slamming his head on the counter, he could leap over, rush to the back room, and get his sword back. Maybe then Jiumon could extract revenge as he also extracted way too much blood from Chobei's body. But maybe not. Maybe the Pirate Captain would get away. Maybe he would keep on doing this, and the next person wouldn't be lucky enough to fall into a lucrative toothpaste side hustle while also making friends with the governor because literally no one was as lucky as Juyema. Jueman took a deep breath as the Pirate Captain, with whom the threat of extra attention from the Governor carried forward far more weight than it would for any other simple wine merchant, said that he would get his younger brother in line. Exhaling, Ju Yeman forced a grin. Excellent. Methodically turning and being painfully aware of his posture and how much time he was taking on each step, he walked out of the shop. Jueman left his sword, his soul behind, and prayed that he wasn't making a terrible mistake. I've made a terrible mistake, juema muttered. As in the vacant room in an inn across the street, he watched the two members of the secret police, as the story calls them, get in a mock drunk argument. They're the best at what they do, the governor assured him. Yeah, I would hope so. Because you know what? Both a barkeeper and a pirate is really good at? Spotting a drunken brawl. Jiumon groaned. No matter. We have the place surrounded. The governor laughed as Giamon looked down the road with a squint rising, he said he was heading out. The governor didn't understand. The operation had just started. They were about to arrest the pirate chief and get his sword back. Nonchalant, Juyaman told the governor that the man said it himself. They had this one in the bag. The men were the best. With those words, Juyaman left and slid the door shut behind him. When the governor glanced back down to the bar, he saw that Juyaman's reservations were apparently well founded. His men were not the best, and they very much did not have this in the bag. Staying out of arm's reach, the Pirate Chief walked over to the foe fighting faux drunk men, and they broke character way too soon. Most of their detainees surrendered the moment the secret Police shouted that they were under arrest. Which was probably why they did that first. Most of their targets were not pirate chiefs with a cellar full of contraband and nothing to lose. So Chobei shook them off and ran for the back room. Screams and chaos spilled from the house. The pressure on one of the guards arms barely held back what was within as he staggered out and collapsed. Another guard dragged what remained of the third, his head half gone from one strike of Juemon's blade, wielded by Chobei. Gripping the windowsill and straining out, the Governor yelled for those assembled below to go get him. A fruit vendor, a monk with his donation bowl out, a mother pushing her baby in the stroller, and the baby in the stroller all pulled off their disguises to reveal that they were the Secret Police and swarmed the building. They were halfway upstairs when the Pirate Captain climbed up onto the roof. This was not the Governor's first rodeo, because this was Edo period Japan. He had never been to a rodeo and thus was nearly completely unprepared, nearly stationed in one of the neighboring buildings. A guard heard the alarms and climbed up on the roof, only to take a slash across his chest and a kick down to the street. The sound of clicks on the Pirate Captain's wooden shoes retreated and and the man made his way completely unhindered across the tiles. Streets choked with the daily traffic of Osaka slowed the Secret Police to a pace of steps and shoves while they commanded the people to get out of their way. Helpless on his perch, the Governor saw that the Pirate Captain was making for the canal, where he could take a boat and get out of the city before anyone could stop him. The Governor buried his face in his hands. He had lost. A knock sounded at the door behind the Governor, and the man turned. I've been trying to tell you for like, two minutes. He stole my baton. One of the officers complained. How? You were outside my door. How could this Pirate Captain possibly take your baton? Is everyone ridiculously incompetent? The Governor groaned. He did not have time for this. No, not him. The guard clarified. With a kick to the face of its now former occupant, the Pirate Captain. Chobei commandeered a boat on the canal. Looking to the banks and the streets above them, he breathed. Before long he would be out to sea. And then he would be gone forever. He had reinvented himself a half dozen times already and had cash squirreled away in forgotten grottoes all along the Inland Sea. Shouts went up from the low wooden bridge as the Pirate Captain passed below it. He assumed it was because a murderer rowed below, his bloody sword laying in the boat. He was wrong. The shouts were because there was a jumper. The shadow of the bridge ended and Chobey saw the man step from the railing just a few meters above and land with a thud right in front of him. Ju Yemon landed with his arms out and his knees bended to steady himself on the wide, flat bottomed boat. Thrown from his bench, Zhobei reached for the sword as soon as he understood what was happening, but it was too late. He got the police mace, probably a jite, probably a jeet, across the temple and dropped unconscious into the bottom of the boat. Juemon knelt and picked up his katana and his scabbard. Wiping the blade clean and sheathing it, he once again had his sword. Ichirobe, the brother of the pirate chief, was apprehended between Osaka and Edo by yes police in disguise, brought back to Osaka for trial. In the subsequent execution, his head was exposed for all to see beside his brothers and his lovers. Everyone in the city knew Juyemon's name after the arrest of the pirate chief, and it wasn't hard to find where he lived. Why Kishiku went after him, a trained samurai who just regained his sword and not the callow son of the governor who had set her whole tragedy in motion, probably speaks to her despair. Knocking quietly on Juryemon's door one evening, Kishiku whispered to the servant that she had an urgent message for the man's master, proceeded to stab the servant in the face, and then prowl the house looking for Jiumon. While there is probably a way to stab someone in the face quietly, I don't know what that way is. Apparently neither did Kishiku. The brief noise, combined with Jueman's knowledge of his own house, found Kishiku bound and subdued in a matter of moments. The people of the city ate up this lurid story and marveled at the ronin who could mete out justice. Seemingly in his sleep. Juyaman's story spread beyond Osaka, across the whole country. It spread so far that it made it back home. Juemon's actions gave the daimyo enough political cover to declare that there would be no retribution for past mistakes. Jueman, the hero that dismantled an entire pirate empire after being like a two year long victim of that entire pirate empire, could now come home safely. So Juemon said goodbye to Osaka and returned home to his lord, where he lived in peace and prosperity for the rest of his days by controlling his anger, having a little patience and understanding for his fellow person and also not getting in drunken deadly bar fights. It was actually mainly the third one. It was a very low bar. This started out as a fun story for me. Jerk samurai goes on the run, Pirates poison ramen, beating up school children disguised as oni. Checked a lot of boxes I didn't know we had. It was hard to find Juyaman's character arc because he goes through this whole journey just to end up exactly where he was when he started. But while nothing around him changed, he changed. Which I know is the definition of a character arc. He started out as a hothead who gets so out of control he kills people without even realizing it. Slowly though, he actually grows. He gets in a bad spot with the pirate, but he doesn't throw himself at the captain. Instead, making a calculated sacrifice, he tries to tell his wife and her lover that even though it's a massive hit to his honor, he's just gonna look the other way. And does so until they try to poison him. He doesn't even seek blood, just trying to get them to admit it until they attacked him. But he even grows from there. He holds back with the teens and no one gets seriously hurt. Works with the law and plans out the arrest of the pirate captain instead of just killing him and then still doesn't kill him. Finally, in a sort of a mirror of the event with his wife, he has a woman stalking the house with a knife. And he finds a way to calmly subdue her, choosing to not even go as far as he did before he was recalled. Not because he ran out the clock, but because of his ability to bring everyone to justice. Something that hot head Ju Yemon would have been completely incapable of doing when the story started. All in all, it was a very satisfying kind of modern feeling story, even down to how the ending mirror the beginning. For example, Zhu Yemen gains infamy, leading to him jumping from a pirate ship to lose his sword in the beginning. And he boards a pirate ship to gain his sword and earn renown in the end, based solely off of his change. As a quick addendum, I'm actually ahead on the podcast for once in my life, so I've had some time to sit with this story a little bit. I've been thinking off and on for weeks about what makes Ju Yemon change. It's not killing the guy or being exiled. And then I realized that the story kind of loosely follows a three act structure, but it doesn't break into act two until Ju Yemon makes the decision to leave the sword behind. It wasn't forced, he gave it up. And and that starts the process of growth for him. He slowly becomes a better person after giving up the one thing a samurai or even ronin should never give up. We've done so many of these episodes at this point, so I'm sorry if I've talked about this, but the kind of classic hero's journey or like I mentioned three act structure are predicated on something world shaking happening to the protagonist that forces them to grow and change for me. Yeah, I would love to remain completely happy and comfortable forever, but bad things happen and it's helpful once again for me to reframe bad things in the concept of a story so it becomes less about oh no, something changed and I'm no longer in my perfect cocoon of comfort and complacency. How do I get back there? And more okay, this is hard, but I have to accept and face this and how can I use this as an opportunity to grow? So yeah, I guess Juaman wasn't a terrible example in the story. Just maybe if you're going through something, hold off on beating up teenagers in Halloween costumes next time. It's a revenge story from Spain about the lengths someone will go to and also maybe shouldn't go to for love. Okay, as I mentioned briefly at the top of the episode, Myths and Legends has a book coming out. It's a comprehensive telling of the King Arthur legends. Carissa, the podcast co creator wrote it and we'll both be doing the audiobook. It is 100% new content. It's not just published scripts or old episodes. And right now audiobook, hardcover and ebook are available for pre order. And if you like this podcast, trust me, you will love the book. And if you're thinking of buying it, pre orders help. So, so so much I'm learning. This is our first time in this industry. I won't take up any more of your time. There are links in the show, notes for everything. Thank you so much. The creature this time is the kappa from Japanese folklore. Somehow we've been going nearly 11 years and haven't done the kappa yet, but it's a major yokai in Japan. Apparently it means river boy or river child. It's a reptile ish creature with a pointed mouth like that of a turtle, webbed, sometimes clawed flippers, and it's gained a shell. In the depictions over the years, they almost always have a divot at the top of their head or they keep a pool of water. Like most creatures, they kind of stink, but in more ways than one. Three specific ways, actually, because, and I don't know why this is a point someone had to make over the years, but the kappa has three anuses and can pass three times as much gas as a human. If you've been listening to this podcast for any length of time, you know that water creatures are not messing around. And the kappa is no exception. Like the neck from Scandinavia, the Vodenoy from Eastern Europe, the Nix from Germany, Jenny Greenteeth from Britain, and the kelpie from Scotland, among many others, this is a creature that will pull you down to the depths and kill you. Hopefully. They wait for you to drown before beginning to consume your organs, but, well, they don't seem that focused on kindness, and that was a problem. You see, while, yes, they were a dangerous murderer, they're also quite smart, being one of the few yokai to actually learn human languages. And they didn't like that. People didn't tend to want to hang around them or put them in their art and video games. But the kappa did what few creatures are capable of, especially ones that slurp up entrails like ramen. They rehabbed their image starting in the 1950s when one artist used them in a, I guess, famous manga called Kappa Tengoku, or Kappa Heaven, depicting them as cute and stubby. They had sort of a rebirth and they became the 1959 mascot of Tokyo Citizens Day, where they are sometimes featured on badges. I found the images of ones from the 50s and then again in the 80s. So I don't know if this is a stable thing that happens or if it's just every once in a while. But yeah, given the kappa's intelligence, it's unsurprising that they managed to pull this pretty amazing PR pivot from snacking on human organs. And as I was reading about this, apparently also anuses why to being a cute little mascot. I actually learned of this creature not from the many, many hours I've spent reading books about creatures and mythology, but from the many, many hours I've spent playing Animal New Horizons, where the creature makes an appearance in the form of Cap' n the boat captain. And with this year's update, hotel owner with his wife and mother. Officially, Kapp' n is a turtle, but he's named Koppen and looks like a kappa down to his hairstyle, leaving him bald at the top of his head in the trademark kappa style. And before you say, well, maybe that's just him, it's just kappa pattern baldness. His wife and mother have the same thing. So when you're riding out in Kappen's boat. Just listen to him sing and don't ask him what he used to get up to back in the 1500s. You don't want the literal gory details and also be grateful that you're out there in the open air. That's it for this time. Myths and Legends is by Jason and Carissa Wiser. Our theme song is by Broke for Free. And the Creature of the Week music is by Steve Combs. There are links to even more of the music we used in the show. Notes. Thank you so much for listening and we'll see you next time. At vrbo, we understand that even the best of plans sometimes need a little support, so we plan for the plot twists. Every booking is automatically backed by our VRBO Care Guarantee, giving you confidence from the very start. Whenever you need help, it's ready before your stay, through the moments in between, and after your trip. Because a great trip starts with peace of mind. And maybe a good playlist. But we've got the peace of mind part covered. And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show. Hey everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date? Oh no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird. Yeah, the bird looks out of your league anyways. Only pay for what you need@libertymutual.com Liberty Liberty Liberty Liberty. If you work in university maintenance, Grainger considers you an MVP because your playbook ensures your arena is always ready for tip off. And Grainger is your trusted partner, offering the products you need all in one place, from H Vac and plumbing supplies to lighting and more. And all delivered with plenty of time left on the clock, so your team always gets the win. Call 1-800-GRAINGER visit grainger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.