Transcript

Andreu Buenafuente (0:02)

Ser podcast. Bueno, qué no. Bueno, que hay un.

Berto Romero (0:10)

Me encanta empezar un programa diciendo bueno, qué.

Andreu Buenafuente (0:12)

Bueno, qué. Sí, sí, muy bien.

Berto Romero (0:13)

La mejor actitud.

Andreu Buenafuente (0:14)

Hombre, perdona. Había un gran presentador y entrevistador, conocido por todos en España al menos, que es Jesús Quintero. Sí, Jesús Quintero.

Berto Romero (0:23)

Sí, hombre. Loco de la colina, mítico.

Andreu Buenafuente (0:26)

El poeta del misterio. El mago de los silencios. Uno de los grandes. ¿Y su gran pregunta era, mirándote a los ojos y aguantando silencio, decí Qué no lo sabes?

Berto Romero (0:39)

Exacto. ¿Cómo respondes a eso?

Andreu Buenafuente (0:43)

Yo decí Berto Romero Cardona. Me suena Qué yo no aguanto.

Berto Romero (0:51)

Yo las pausas tan largas no las aguanto.

Andreu Buenafuente (0:53)

Dos horas Así estaba. Y luego lo editaba.

Berto Romero (0:56)

Había gente que luego lo editaban y quitaban las pausas. Berto Romero Cardona.

Andreu Buenafuente (0:59)

Qué había gente que confesaba por salir de allí. No por incomodidad hacia él, sino a la situación. Confesaban cosas que no habían cometido.

Berto Romero (1:10)

Claro.

Andreu Buenafuente (1:10)

De los nervios uno dijo yo maté a Kennedy, que venga el FBI. No, eso no puede ser. Era muy bueno. No, que estamos en falso inicio. Por eso la gente ve que está como en un segundo plano. Porque antes de empezar, nuestro regidor. Bueno, el regidor del programa no es nuestro. Yo cuando voy a casa no me lo llevo.

Berto Romero (1:30)

A mí no me gusta que me rijan la vida. Bueno, pues te lo digo en serio.

Andreu Buenafuente (1:34)

Por los problemas hay que resolver.

Berto Romero (1:35)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Nadie Sabe Nada | El modelo a seguir

Date: 2 July 2022
Hosts: Andreu Buenafuente & Berto Romero
Podcast: Nadie Sabe Nada – SER Podcast

Episode Overview

In this episode, Andreu and Berto deliver their trademark improvisational humor, riffing on the theme of "El modelo a seguir" ("The role model") and tackling absurd everyday scenarios, including contractually mandated sex, fashion modeling, malfunctioning clocks, and intrusive telemarketing. They entertain both a live audience and listeners with stories, playful banter, and meta-commentary on their own show’s lack of structure. Special guest "expert" Juan Carlos Ortega joins by phone for a hilarious segment about clock repair. This episode is rich with recurring jokes, sharp wit, musical moments, and surreal exchanges.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Improvised Beginnings and Show Structure

The opening is self-referential, with the hosts joking about their lack of preparation and the legendary presenter Jesús Quintero’s long pauses in interviews.
- "Había un gran presentador... Jesús Quintero. El poeta del misterio. El mago de los silencios." (Andreu, 00:14)
Berto and Andreu mock the idea of bringing a "regidor" (stage manager) home to organize their lives, imagining him scheduling everything from children's entrances to marital intimacy.
- "Le podrías sobornar, Decirle, oye, márcame sexo esta noche. Entra sexo ya." (Berto, 02:00)

2. Contractual Obligations in Celebrity Marriages

Berto mentions that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez reportedly have a clause requiring sex four times a week, leading to a funny speculation about accumulating or "prorratear" coital sessions.
- "Tienen que tener sexo cuatro veces a la semana. Hostia, sí está por contrato." (Berto, 02:19)
Andreu and Berto joke about the possible legal or notarial implications of such contracts.

3. Fashion, Modeling, and "Male Model" Routines

The "modelo a seguir" theme becomes literal as Andreu claims his responsibility is to be a "divulgador textil" (fashion educator), leading both to parade and satirize the idea of modeling.
- (Live fashion walk segment and discussion on the "attitude" of a model, ~07:00-09:20)
- "En realidad me siento como un modelo de moda masculino." (Andreu, 07:06)_
- “El modelo siempre es alguien que está a punto de perder el autobús.” (Andreu, 07:45)
Berto's attempt at a model walk is critiqued for looking awkward, with Andreu providing feedback about posture and "luz en las tetas".

4. Bird Songs and Malfunctioning Clocks

Berto brings up a clock at home that’s spinning out of control and pairs it with stories of nearby nightingales ("ruiseñores") that sing incessantly.
- "El ruiseñor… canta las 24 putas horas. Pero precioso." (Berto, 10:42)_
- They joke that the bird’s beautiful song might actually be a "declaration of war" to other birds.
[13:10] The show brings in a supposed clock expert named Juan Carlos – a comedic fake-expert segment played by Juan Carlos Ortega.
- Juan Carlos admits he studied watchmaking in vocational school, but remembers little.
- "Relojería, pero hace mucho y no me acuerdo, pero tengo una hipótesis…” (Juan Carlos Ortega, 19:17)_
- He proposes that perhaps the world’s clocks are slow, and Berto’s is the only accurate one.
- Leads to meta-jokes about inviting specialists who know nothing, fitting the show's title.

5. Notable Gifts & Ongoing Jokes

Andreu gifts Berto a mapping-drawing of Berto’s nose, described as "faro de Occidente" and a recurring topic of their humor.
- “Tu nariz ha sido faro de Occidente, es verdad. ...Y merecía un reconocimiento y un ennoblecimiento…” (Andreu, 15:28)_
- Berto jokes he’ll return the favor with a map-drawing of Andreu’s testicles.
The segment is both an affectionate ribbing and a testament to their long-running camaraderie.

6. Audience Participation & Musical Interludes

There are call-backs to previous episodes, especially one during Sant Jordi, when singing led to a sudden storm.
- "Voy a seguir haciendo el programa como la banda del Titanic..." (Berto, 25:45)
The "Chicken Sack" — a sack filled with rubber chickens — is introduced as a new, ridiculous "musical instrument."
- [28:27] Berto: “Es una movida totalmente nueva. Es un baile nuevo.”
- [30:25] They discuss sending a petition to have it recognized as an official instrument and simulate a concert performance with it.

7. Audience Questions, Phone Etiquette & Telemarketing

Several listener questions are answered, sparking debates on phone etiquette — like texting before calling.
- "Se nos está yendo de las manos. ...Me llamó para preguntarme si me podía llamar." (Sara’s question, 39:02)
- Berto recounts a battle with telemarketers calling late at night and rails against the mindlessness of "el algoritmo".
- "El algoritmo tiene que aprender que a las 10 de la noche no se llama la algoritmo." (Berto, 42:42)

8. Dreams, the Subconscious, and Comedy

Both share detailed, bizarre dreams, with Berto dreaming of his son smoking and being called by TV journalist Ferreras, and Andreu experiencing a "presence" in bed he thinks is an intruder, but turns out to be his wife.
- "Tengo la sensación, pero muy real, de que un hombre se ha puesto en mi cama." (Andreu, 50:01)
- Conclude the absurdity of dream logic and real-life confusion.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Legendary Banter & Meta-Comedy

Berto, on beginning the episode:
"Me encanta empezar un programa diciendo bueno, qué." (00:10)
Andreu, summarizing their show:
"Porque todo es improvisación." (06:22)
On the fake expert segment:
"Especial, relojería, Nadie Sabe Nada, con un señor que dice que sabe pero que no se acuerda de nada." (Andreu, 19:42)
On their friendship and playful abuse:
"Yo desde aquí voy a hacer bromas de tu nariz toda la puta vida hasta que yo me muera." (Andreu, 16:00)

Social Satire

On algorithmic telemarketing:
"El algoritmo tiene que aprender que a las 10 de la noche no se llama la algoritmo… El algoritmo solo tiene hambre de números." (Berto, 42:42)
On contractual sex:
"¿Acumulan? ¿Hay una cláusula de acumulación en caso de no ejecutar los coitos?" (Berto, 02:43)

Absurd Improvisation

On "Chicken Sack," the new musical instrument:
"Es una movida totalmente nueva. Es un baile nuevo." (Berto, 28:27)
On confusion during a dream:
"Tengo la sensación clara, la percepción de que hay un tío en mi cama al que le estoy tocando la cabeza y la nariz..." (Andreu, 51:20)

Important Segments & Timestamps

00:00 – 05:25: Opening banter, Jesús Quintero references, joke about regidor at home.
05:51 – 10:01: Live show begins, fashion/modeling discussion, “modelo a seguir”.
10:01 – 13:14: Berto’s malfunctioning clock and nightingale anecdotes.
13:14 – 18:19: Call with "relojero" Juan Carlos Ortega.
18:22 – 19:50: Ortega’s (real) watchmaking background.
25:01 – 29:00: Sant Jordi singalong memory, unveiling the "Chicken Sack".
32:05 – 38:56: Audience questions, phone etiquette, telemarketing rants.
45:52 – 53:00: Dream sequence segment, “Sueños paralelos”, both hosts share surreal dreams.
53:00 – end: Closing remarks, gratitude to the audience.

Overall Vibe & Takeaways

This episode is a quintessential display of Andreu and Berto's chemistry and brand of Spanish surrealist humor — blending spontaneous stories, observational comedy, affectionate teasing, and anti-authoritarian jabs at social norms (“regidor”, telemarketers, algorithms). The atmosphere is warm and infectious; even technical “moments” (like guest confusion) become comedic gold. The show’s rambling style is embraced rather than apologized for, turning “nobody knows anything” into its own philosophy and comedic engine.

For Listeners New to the Show

Expect a series of linked and free-associative sketches, full of warmth and sharp wit, with little respect for plans or formats. The episode’s highlights are not just the gags themselves but the spirit of improvisational friendship and the joy of turning ordinary nonsense into memorable radio.

Listen if you love:

Spontaneous, unscripted comedy
Meta-humor and affectionate ribbing
Surreal banter with cultural references
Spanish pop culture through an absurdist lens

Recommended Segment:
Check out the “Chicken Sack” musical experiment (28:09 – 31:19) for peak Nadie Sabe Nada madness!