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Foreign. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to National Park After Dark. I'm Danielle.
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I'm Cassie. And we're so excited to have you here today because this is kind of a special episode.
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Yeah. If you're listening. I don't know how many people truly listen on release day, but if you are, it's August 25th and it is the National Park Service's 109th birthday. Wow.
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Happy birthday.
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Happy birthday. I'm not going to do the whole thing. That would be so annoying. Yes. So it's their birthday and we decided to celebrate in kind of a weird way. It's going to be fun and we've.
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Never done the opposite of a celebration.
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Yeah. It's like we're actually going to drag you.
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We're actually going to poke fun.
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Yeah.
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At the parks themselves because we just thought that that would be a fun way to celebrate.
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Yeah. And I've said it before, I'll say it again. I love light bullying. It's a love language. So that's what we're doing. And it's not coming directly from us. We're just the messengers. Okay. So what we're doing today is I kind of got some inspiration from two places I love the podcast, beach to Sandy water Too wet and if you are a. And that's why we drink listener like I am. Em and Christine, they do a great job with that podcast. But Christine has another podcast with her brother where they every episode they share one star reviews of everything. Like anything and everything. It could be like snow removal services or like candy canes or.
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And people are unhinged and it's just.
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So entertaining and fun. So they, if you're into this type of stuff, they're the one star connoisseurs over there. And then of course, for national park lovers, everyone is pretty much, I think at this point familiar with Amber Sher's works, which is subpar parks and her book series.
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Her series is so funny and so, so original. To put that together with her illustrations too, of the one star reviews of national parks. And it's just so funny. It's like all it was was rocks. I was talking about Acadia or Badlands or something. It's like. Yeah, that's kind of the point.
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Yeah. So because of all that and our love for making fun of things, we're going to read some of the one star reviews that we have found for some of the national parks on their birthday. Yeah. So happy birthday, National Park Service.
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This is what everyone thinks of you. Yeah, not everyone, but this is just A fun, laid back episode. I'd love to hear if people are listening, if you. If you've ever left a bad review for a national park. And I want to know what it was for.
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Yeah. And just as kind of a. Okay, before we begin, we are very aware that especially going through these. So we filtered through Yelp just. We kind of just honed in on there. Of course you can find reviews on like TripAdvisor and Google reviews and there's a bunch of different platforms that you can find reviews on, but we just stuck with Yelp. And especially after there's just been this rise of poking fun at one star reviews and things like that. You can tell when review will intentionally try and poke the bear and just.
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Be like, I didn't even know people did that. That's actually kind of like there's a ton of one star reviews just so people will read them.
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Yeah. Just to kind of like incite an argument or get attention or. It's so over the top, you know, it's fake type of thing. And those. Yeah, so those have tended to pop up more in recent years. So with the exception of one or two of these and we'll read the date of when they were posted, we tried to go far back to like true negative experiences and just see what people are talking about, you know, what's the word on the street of with some of these parks?
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So welcome to this unhinged episode of one star reviews.
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Okay, let's. Okay. Yosemite's first.
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Okay, let's hear it.
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Okay, so this is for Yosemite national park and the review was by Marcus C. In. And this is the exception. December 2024. This is the most recent one that we have. This park is vast. I think the park planners should have made more of an effort to have the attractions closer to each other. We toured the southern part of the park and while the big gristle tree was neat and Stephen Colbert's peak was impressive, they are really far apart. Perhaps the next time the park is renovated, the old gristle tree can be moved closer. Question mark. The Colbert's range has some nice waterfalls that could be developed a little more. Perhaps adding a small water park would be good. An area to ride tubes and cool off after a. After a hot day. Question mark. Another issue was WI fi. It seems like with all of these hills, some cell towers and WI fi could be added throughout. This would also help with the National Park Service app. While you can download the park ahead of your visit, it would be good if you had WI Fi. You wouldn't need to. And the trail seemed pretty dusty in the summer. Perhaps the trails could be laid down with some asphalt. Question mark. The roads are in great shape, but at times the speed limit is 20 and 30 miles an hour. It seems as if the speed limit was raised to 65. Patrons could move through the park quickly. Quicker.
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This one feels almost like it could be fake because for sure, rage bait, right? Rage bait. Let's put asphalt throughout the whole park. And could you cut down some trees for some WI Fi towers? And also with this review, what I thought was really funny is that I couldn't find what they were talking about, the Gristle Tree and Stephen Colbert's peak. I'm like, Stephen Colbert is a talk show host. I don't know if he has a peak named after him in Yosemite, but I looked and I couldn't find anything. So I think that they were talking about the Grizzly Giant and Cathedral Peak. And the Grizzly Giant is the oldest tree in the Mariposa Grove. It's actually about 3,000 years old, which is.
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And it's a big tourist attraction. So you would think perhaps he went.
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There, he would have visited there. Yeah, people go there a lot to see this tree and it's huge, it's massive, it's really cool. And then also Cathedral Peak is in part of the Cathedral Range in the Sierra Nevadas, which is in Yosemite as well. So I think he was talking about that. And the Cathedral Peak is this peak that raises about 1500ft above the ridge line. So it's huge. And I think he was talking about that and kind of, to be fair on his side, I googled how far apart they were and they are 2 hours and 20 minutes according to Google, apart from each other. So maybe he's onto something. Maybe the park should pick up that.
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Tree and, and move it so it's more convenient.
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That 3,000 year old tree that's been surviving there. It would be nice if it was in a more convenient loc. Yeah, I hate for people who want to see Cathedral, specifically for people who want to see Cathedral Peak and that tree in the same visit.
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Yeah, like I want to get out of the car one time and then that's it.
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And then I want to walk on asphalt for the rest of my duration of my outdoor experience.
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Yeah. And okay, so to be fair, just starting off with this one, I also think it might be fake, but it, I picked it because it brought up a lot of points that people really truly have and that's about WI Fi is a big one. We see a lot of articles about should we or should we, shouldn't we install like Starlink and other type of things in remote areas, specifically within national parks. And there's an argument on both sides for that. So that's like a very valid concern that people do have and a complaint that a lot of people have. So he touched on that. He touched on the speed limit and we see over and over people speeding and killing wildlife in parks.
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65 is wild though.
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I know. And that's.
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I'm like 65 in Yosemite.
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Yeah.
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On those windy roads or in the main off a cliff or you're just in the main valley where there's tons of bikers and people and you're just going, 65.
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Yeah. No, scary.
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That would not end well at all.
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So there was that, the WI Fi speeding, trail maintenance. I mean, of course he's like, can you put asphalt or whatever? Because they're dusty. Trail maintenance is a big thing that people complain about and it goes all the way to this to the top. Because I mean we talk about, well, you can't have your trails maintained if you cut funding. And you know, there's a lot of other things in there. But anyway, so that was kind of just like one to start off. That was like, okay, and here we go.
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Foreign.
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Is in Yellowstone national park this review is by Khalil G. In May of 2013 and they wrote I know what I'm writing is committing sacrilege, but I hated Yellowstone. I took my kids and I want to tell you that I am not some nature hating guy. I take my kids hiking, I rock climb. The problem with the place is that it is dull. Yellowstone is on a caldera. A caldera is a volcano that blew up and left a crater. The dirt from this is of poor quality. The only tree that grows is this ugly thing called a lone pine. No flowers to speak of grow here. The place is huge and traffic and parking is super painful. The last thing is once you see water come out of the ground once, you're good, but it's all the same. The Grand Canyon of Yellowstone is okay, but when we were there there were wildfires from California that left a thick layer of smoke and you could barely see the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone. I think that people don't want to say that they don't like the place. When we were there you would have 50 car pulled over so people could take turns looking at a bear through a large spotting scope. The thing was a thousand yards away. If you are in the area for some reason it is worth dropping by. Don't spend a lot of money just to go to Yellowstone. It's not worth it.
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I'm literally clutch if I had pearls on right now. I just noticed my hand has been at my throat this whole time. Oh my God. Yeah, that is sacrilege. And the whole vibe of this, just the beginning. It gives the same energy of like not to be a but.
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Like it's like I rock climb and I hate it here.
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It's like I love the outdoors but I hate it.
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To be fair, it's not really a rock climbing mecca.
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Yeah, but that's not. That's not even involved in this conversation at all.
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I mean he does have a point that there are a lot There is a Lot of traffic there. But it's so funny. It's like I hated Yellowstone. It's dull.
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It's dull and boring and like do not to actively say don't waste your time coming here but if you happen to be in the area, who just happens to be in that area, Yellowstone.
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Like it's like in the middle of nowhere.
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It's just so funny and just like, I mean it takes all kinds of kinds and everyone has different preferences. But this is like one of the most popular parks in the entire world. The first national park in the entire world. And here he is like not for me.
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Well it's funny because right after that one is a review by Tom B. In July of 2017 who agreed with him because he said it's a tourist trap. Don't go there. Forest is scraggly and burnt. Prices are outrageous. Not worth it for the steam vents, mud pots, geysers. Every other national park is more scenic. Sinclair has a monopoly in the park. They charged me $270 for a 20 mile tow. When my alternator quit the service to replace it at Sinclair was over $550 and took three days. And then when I drove away after 10 miles I realized my battery was dying. It was downhill mostly to the next Sinclair. So I got the next so called mechanic to barely making it. Everything about it sucked.
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Okay, it sounds like you have a gripe with Sinclair.
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Not the park, but one star review on the Yellowstone national park is taking.
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The brunt for this man's issue with his truck.
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Well, it's just so funny. It's like don't go there. Scraggly, burnt, not worth it for the steam vents. And I wrote down a couple of things about Yellowstone because I just think it's so funny someone being like ah, it sucks.
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It's like oh, the geological wonder that is Yellowstone of the world.
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It's like you mean the very first national park that sparked a global conservation.
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Movement that the in the very same.
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It'S everything about it sucks. And I wrote down because I was looking it up just a little some fun facts is that Yellowstone protects one of the last nearly intact ecosystems in the temperate world, preserving vast forests, rivers, canyons and meadows. It spans over 3,400 square miles across Wyoming, Montana and Idaho. And of course we all know it sits on top of a super volcano that powers half of the world's geysers and countless hot springs. So half of the entire planet's geysers are sitting inside Yellowstone National Park. But it sucked.
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But once you've Seen one, you've seen them all.
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Yeah. Once you've seen one water spout, who cares? Who cares? You've seen it.
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Not me. Don't.
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Don't go there.
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I wish we didn't go. I wish we didn't go just now.
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And he had to look through a spotted lens to see a grizzly. When they should be close to the road so you can see them better.
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Within arm's reach is my preferred.
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I agree.
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Yeah.
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So that's our takes on Yellowstone.
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Okay. Right. Okay, let's move on. Okay, so I had to do this one next because I think it gets the most crap within, like the 63 main national parks and maybe rightfully so. We'll see. We don't have personal experience there, so I hate to.
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I've seen this one from afar.
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I haven't.
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I've driven by it. I haven't been like technically in the park, but I've driven right by it.
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Okay. Okay. So we're speaking of none other than Gateway Arch national park, the one and only. The one and only worldwide phenomenon. And this review is by Carolina S. From August of 2020. Wow. Just wow. Going to the arch was definitely an experience. Would I characterize it as a mistake? No. The real mistake was this huge, God forsaken arch being built in the first place. This is not a shape that should exist on earth.
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It's just like it's an arch. Circle.
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It's an arch. Yay. What about arches which naturally occur in el. Okay, whatever. Getting there was nearly impossible with the directions taking us straight out of St. Louis. Okay, maybe the directions were trying to do us a favor because I wish we would have stayed out. Whatever you do, do not enter the museum. It is a den of propaganda trying to convince you that the shape is physically correct. She's really hung up on this arch.
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She really does not like arches.
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Also, pictures cost 25, which is practically highway robbery. But listen to this. And this is all capitals, so I'm emphasizing this for a reason. They printed the pictures before you say you want them. A federally owned national park being this unsustainable is truly sickening and heartbreaking in more ways than one. Also, this is my favorite part. Okay. Also, Missouri is too long.
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She's after the whole state.
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She's furious. Okay. And I only pulled one. But let me just tell you, people are very upset with this national park.
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People hate arches.
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And mostly I. Mostly. It seems like people are really upset with the cramped quarters in the elevator going up.
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Really?
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Yes.
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Oh, these are like the reviews you saw when you were looking through it.
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I'm like, how should I pick? You know, like elevators.
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Really?
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Yeah, the elevators and the cramped quarters and some of them. It reminded me flashback to when we were on. I forget what we were talking about. I think it was on a trail. Tales about elevator like near death experiences or whatever. And there was quite a few that they were really upset because the elevator stopped functioning and they were just all stuck in it for like hours. Multiple people throughout multiple years. So there's that too to beware of, I guess. I don't know.
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Well, I mean, I kind of get people's gripe with arches and I have not been there. I'm sure that there's a lot more.
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Wait, arches.
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Sorry, Arches. I'm hung up on arches now. Gateway Arch. I haven't been to Gateway Arch. I've just seen it from afar. But the whole point of Gateway Arch, from my understanding is that it is this giant memorial in commemoration of the westward expansion, which we know was the colonization of the west, which we also know was the murder of thousands and thousands of indigenous people. And now we have this giant arch in the middle of Missouri. So I. Maybe there's some more to that national park from. But from my understanding that a lot of it. I mean, I know it's a largely based. It's largely a history based park, but.
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I think there's nothing else to it.
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There's.
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Yeah.
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And I was looking. I looked up some facts about it just because I haven't been there. So it's 630ft tall. It's a stainless steel monument. And it was completed in 1965. But it was built on land through controversial urban renewal projects. The arch actually came at a cost of displacing thousands of residents and demolishing historic riverfront buildings. So to put this in place, thousands of people lost their.
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Their homes, which is kind of controversial.
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And it is kind of a theme in national parks. First with indigenous communities, of course, and then just people losing their. Their ranches and their homes that. That are on these preserved lands.
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Yeah, well, I mean, again, we've never been there. It's just Carolina was really.
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I mean her gripe with arches is something to be studied. Does anyone else have a gripe with the shape of an arch?
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If there's one thing I can't stand in this world, it's an arch. An arch. I'm gonna.
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That's why my feet are flat.
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My arch right there off the wall. I can't even stand to look at.
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It as you should. I'll never look at an arch the same.
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Yeah. Next one is not a national park, it's a national monument. And I chose it because it's one of my favorite places. And I just had to see what was going on over there. This is a review by Ryan D. From September of 2019. And it says, too cloudy. And the boat was a raft instead of a pontoon. Very disappointing and ruined the afternoon for our whole party. Should have visited before 1980, when the whole thing was still there. Rainier was all right, though. Very beautiful mountain. Also, lots of turtles in the lake. Look out.
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One star.
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I should have rewinded time.
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I should have went there. 1980, natural disaster. You know, to be fair, you probably should have. It seemed like it was pretty cool when it was my mistake.
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I wasn't conceived yet.
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Yeah, literally, for us. But also, the eruption site is kind of what makes it so cool. We went there.
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I know.
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And you took me. What is it called? The Harry Truman's Harry Truman Trail or ledge. Yeah, we did that. And it was incredible. I mean, the park is so beautiful. Seeing the huge missing top of a mountain is an experience that was really cool as well.
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Well, Ryan couldn't see it because it was cloudy, so.
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Yeah. Well, that is disappointing. It is upsetting when the weather does that.
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Yeah.
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Yeah. But Mount St. Helens is really cool because I'm like, I wrote all these redeeming qualities of Mount St. Helens for people. So that 1980 eruption has been the most studied volcanic event in terms of ecological response, in part because the area was not completely destroyed. So it's actually still very highly researched because there aren't a lot of places where you can still see the full impacts of an eruption because they destroy a lot. And there's so much still intact there.
A
Well, and you're seeing this, like, you're also seeing in real time, like, this natural regeneration of the landscape. And that's like part of the magic of the area. Of course, the eruption was devastating and it impacted a lot of people and many people lost their lives and it was really scary. But the aftermath of it is something to kind of lean into and just be like, what can we learn from this? How does the landscape recover? Of course, we can kind of go back in time to these historic eruptions from historical text and then looking at the landscape in present day and kind of putting the pieces together. But here we have the before, during and after that we have this opportunity to look at.
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Well, that's where the concept of biological legacies has come from. Because of this eruption. They're the survivors of the eruption and they're all these fauna and flora that have come back after the eruption. Because it is estimated that 7,000 larger mammals died and some were completely wiped out. But some came back. The whitehorn sheep is a big one that has come back and their population has bounced back even though almost every single one of them was decimated. But also there's a lot of flora that has come back after the eruption and they're known as these survivor species that they're studying because they can come back from something as horrific as an, as an eruption. Yeah, but if it's cloudy, you won't see it, so you might as well.
A
Yeah, so that sucks. Mount Rainier's all right though, from what I hear.
B
Yeah, that's what I hear too. Well, hold on.
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Sorry. Hold on. I just wanted to look up. I didn't know what a white horn sheep was.
B
Did I say.
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You said a white horn sheep?
B
I did.
A
So did you mean mountain goat or. Wait, I'm like, am I dumb?
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It meant a mountain goat. Yeah, the mountain goats are coming back.
A
Okay.
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Not the whitehorn sheep.
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That would be a breakthrough.
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They were created during the 19 little known fact.
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Spending 10 years as a veterinary technician, I saw a lot of cats come.
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Through those doors and a lot of.
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Reports his favorite flavor is smooth fish.
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And that instead of just picking at his food like he used to do, he now scarfs it down. Plus his hairballs are fewer and farther between which as a certified clean freak, I'm sure she is loving. And I may not currently have a.
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Cat, but I love that.
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Well, our next one is from Glacier national park which we were just visiting and the review is From Joseph G. July 2017. One star I love camping in nature. My wife is from Colorado and we live in Montana, so we've done a fair amount of camping in both Montana and Colorado. After staying at Two Medicine Campground in East Glacier, I would be unlikely to return to Glacier for the following and he outlined some for us. There are a number of rangers who exerted the most control I've ever experienced at any camping trip, just in numbers. There were probably one ranger for every three campers. There was an extreme number of rules which the large geriatric community helped the rangers viciously enforce.
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The large geriatric community just picturing a.
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Bunch of like retired like grandma and grandpas like yelling at people for littering which I am here for also. Luckily they gave one warning for each violation so I never ended up with a ticket. I did see several people end up with $150 tickets. My daughter was told she couldn't take a rock from next to the lake. There were many rules on where we could go, where our dog could go, etc. The park rangers reminded me of TSA at airports. Serious power trip.
A
They don't want to keep anyone safe. They actually just do it for yeah, wielding power.
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Yes. Rangers even had a program using dogs to chase deer and wildlife away from camp areas. Needless to say, we saw no animals other than birds and one mountain goat at Logan Pass. The goat had a huge tracking college placed by the forestry. Very artificial. Rangers made everyone clear the area from the mountain goat, ruining that experience. Also, any private campground would be nicer and more natural. Now I do hope Trump lets the national parks be managed by a private company.
A
Oh.
B
That'S. Oh my God. They said that in 2017. I guess it was a conversation then too.
A
Yeah.
B
In summary, Glacier has postcard views of landscape, but that's all it offers. If you want to see beautiful landscapes, this is for for you. If you want to get out and experience nature and wildlife, this isn't for you and you will have the forestry service against you. Me being from Montana, I would drive there Again for a day or so. Never again would I camp at Glacier. Nor would I spend more than a day or two at Glacier. Nor would I recommend Glacier to anyone under 70 years old. It's really a place for people from very big cities to go and see from buses. Okay, what, first and foremost, yes, they control where your dog goes. There's grizzlies there.
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No, there's no wildlife other than a radio collared mountain goat.
B
Yeah, no wildlife. It's so funny because our experience in Glacier is so different. So different. We met the best people. We were in wildlife. We saw a ton of it everywhere. We were in the back country, you know, I, I, I don't know. It seems like this person needs some leave no trace principles reintroduced into there or introduced for the first time into their, into their mind.
A
I think this one is interesting because of course this is from July of 2017, so a number of years ago now. But they're complaining that there's too much park staff and now a lot of reviews. If you go on now, it's people complaining that they're. There's no park staff.
B
Really?
A
Yeah.
B
That's sad.
A
A lot of the newer reviews that I was trying to avoid. Yeah, but yeah, a lot of, there's a lot of themes and I almost wrote them down just like bullet point themes. But I feel like we're gonna get a taste and feel for them regardless. But yeah, one of the themes as of the last like year or two has been that things are dirty. They can't find any help. There's no staff anywhere. They like, they have no resources and they feel like they're just off on their own and there's no support.
B
Well, that's what happen. The parks get defunded and it just.
A
It just goes to show whether it's this particular complaint or others, which we'll get to, but it's like you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't, you know, like no one is ever going to be completely happy with what's going on. Like you're always going to have someone upset. But it also was reflective of the times, you know, and what we're seeing within the Park Service and how it impacts visitor.
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It's very fitting that I'm wearing our Protect our Parks. Oh yeah, look at that sweatshirt today, which was not planned. It's just un, it's the highest 66 at my house today. And it's the middle of August, which is really upsetting. Well, you do like a taste of fall.
A
Yeah. 0 out of 5 stars for.
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For Vermont.
A
Vermont sucks. Okay. All right. Well. Yep. So leaving Glacier, I guess behind. Don't go there unless you're. Unless you're over.
B
Unless you're over 70, which.
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And you want to see it from a bus or something.
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We had a wildflower flower guide who is 78 and she tr locked it up to the Swift Current lookout and to the Granite park chalet. So I highly encourage people over 70 as well. Yeah, but also people younger than 70.
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Well, Joseph is from Montana. Not to be a. But you know he hates clay. Okay. Gettysburg National Battlefield. Here we go. Review by Anna L. In February of 2015. Over 10 years ago now. Boring. First off, it was nothing like the movie. All I saw were a bunch of fields and rocks. All the tourist shops, bars and hotels in the area kept saying how I should check this place out. I kept getting confused with all the plaques and monuments. Who was fighting who? I have no idea. The abandoned canyons.
B
That looks like elementary school, you guys. It's like elementary school.
A
We gotta take it back. Anna, go on back.
B
Go on back to the third grade.
A
The abandoned cannons look tacky. I give this one star for the overweight character actor in the square. That's about it. Yawn.
B
Someone.
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End of that review.
B
Oh, my God. That's mean. Also to pull.
A
Yeah. To say you're body shaming. Okay.
B
You're body shaming. First off, second of off. Second of off.
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People are gonna give you.
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Give me one star for my speech today. I'm unhinged. It's Monday morning. We don't record on Monday mornings.
A
Give us a break.
B
Give us a break. Or one star, whatever you prefer. But yeah, I haven't been to Gettysburg, but it's certainly on our list. We've done a few episodes on it. I mean, she does have a point about being confused about all the monuments because I looked it up and the park does have over 1300 monuments and plaque acts commemorating the soldiers of the events of the Battle of Gettysburg. So, Anna, if you are listening, for some reason, that was the Civil War. And it was against.
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We were against each other.
B
Against each other. It was a war here. And it was against the Union soldiers and the Confederate soldiers, the north and the South. And just as a basic. Just as a basic. A lot of it was surrounding the abolishment of slavery, but it also had a lot to do with the economy as well. The Confederate soldiers lost. The Union soldiers won.
A
And here we are today.
B
And here we are today. And Gettysburg was the bloodiest battle of them all. It was three days.
A
Maybe she learned that though if she did in fact read any of the plaques, which it doesn't like it. Well, here's the thing. I understand that that that's not really for everyone. I have a couple people that come to the top of my mind right off the bat. Love them dearly, but they hate a museum. They hate plaques. They get overwhelmed with book titles. They don't like looking at words like it, it's too much and they get overwhelmed. They'd rather be doing something else. And that's totally fine. It like doesn't hold their attention in the same way that other activities do and things like that. So you can say it's boring and it's not for you and that's fine. But it's just. It's funny the way that she phrased.
B
It and started off boring. Boring.
A
And also just like the abandoned cannons look tacky.
B
It's like they're real cannons.
A
Like it's. They're historic artifacts. But yeah. So anyway, I thought Cora just wasn't.
B
Doing well back then.
A
No home. I did see it reminded me when she was listing the number or you just said the numbers of plaques and stuff.
B
Yeah.
A
There was a. I don't. We have a tick tock but we don't really utilize it. And I was on it. So I don't like follow anyone. I just see something and I'm like, oh, that's kind of cool. And then it's lost to the. The abyss forever. But there's this woman and I think she was on a mission to read every single plaque and informational signage and board and stuff in the Smithsonian. Oh wow. And just like record how long it would truly take if you were to stop and read every little piece of signage and information about every single piece that they have in the Smithsonian. And the last time I saw she was at like six months.
B
Oh wow.
A
So she's committing to it for sure.
B
That's amazing.
A
Yeah. So I thought that was really interesting.
B
That is.
A
Yeah. No one's got the time to read. No one's expecting you to read all the plaques.
B
But know definitely not a couple. But I do kind of wonder if this person would have had more fun if they did it kind of your way of how you would visit Gettysburg. Cuz I know how you would visit Gettysburg and you would be going on a ghost tour.
A
Oh yeah.
B
And I wonder if something like that would have piqued her interest. I feel like she wouldn't have used the word I Feel like she just explored it the wrong way for her. And instead if they had had done a ghost tour and gotten haunted and heard those, those tacky cannons, if you heard some ghost cannon fire, might have been a little bit more interesting.
A
Yeah, but she also picked on the reenactor.
B
It's true. I'm not talking about reenactors though. I'm talking about the real thing, the real old.
A
Yeah, but reenactors that give the tours.
B
Oh, that's true.
A
She's a lost cause. Let's move on.
B
I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but you might be onto something. All right, so the next park review. One star is Lassen Volcanic National Park. Don't go there. According to Eric M. In May of 2013, they said this park is beautiful, but is. It is closed about six months of the year due to horrible rangers who block the roads. I am writing this in the middle of May and there has been nothing but hot weather for months. But they still have the roads closed. The claim that it's due to snow, but I walk for miles past their little roadblocks and there was nothing but sunshine and dry roads. These people are horrible for keeping the world out of the park for no reason. Shasta is just 30 minutes away and even has a higher altitude, but it's open all year round. But not Lassen. They have dry roads, sunshine and 80 degree weather, but they choose to block people from driving. Five stars for the park, minus 10 stars for the staff and decision makers.
A
So this person said, said rules don't apply to me. And just went through the blockades, just walked. Which we'll see about that.
B
We'll see about that. We'll see if this is necessary. And I'm sure they just didn't walk far enough to get to the point where there was still a ton of snow.
A
Yeah, I mean, and they just block.
B
It at a certain point.
A
Yeah. We know so many parks have closures all the time. I mean the National Park Service literally says, before you come here, please do your research. We post closures in real time and what in different events and things to know on our website. And another theme. This is another theme. The amount of reviews that people had and this was especially during. And I was like kind of doing the calculations in my mind of like what was going on during this like span of time that all these influx of reviews are coming in with the same theme. And around Covid the closures of the park or ticketed or timed reservations and entries. Oh, people were pissed. People were Pissed because they're like, I just drove 5, 000 miles. I just drove it.
B
Should have planned.
A
How did you drive, first of all, how did you drive 5,000 miles to get here? That's crazy. But like. Or I drove, you know, X amount of days to get here. I planned my whole vacation around this and I pull up just to realize that the park is closed.
B
Or if you didn't plan very well, if you planned your entire vacation around this, but you didn't see that, that.
A
It'S like this is 2020 granted, Covid peak 2020, 2021. Etc. The Internet exists and it's very easy to Google or to call what's going on. And I don't know, I've definitely shown.
B
Up places and I didn't plan. I get it because I've done it. I've showed up at places I didn't look ahead. I got there and then it was like, all right, gotta. This is my bad. Gotta switch it up. I mean I could have looked it up and I think everyone has done it where we show up somewhere and we didn't look it up enough. And it's disappointing. Yes, but to leave a one star review for your own kind of mistake.
A
Can I tell you a story?
B
Yeah.
A
That was my fault. I did not leave a. I've never left a one star review for anything you have. Okay, wait, hold that because I actually do want to hear that. But this was my own fault. And I was young and so dumb. But I had this brilliant idea. I had this ex boyfriend who loved. Loved cheeseburgers.
B
Loved interesting passion.
A
He was a cheeseburger. Like if he was what he ate, he would be a cheeseburger or hamburger, whatever. So I had the idea to. For like a fun date experience was I wanted to surprise him and bring him to. And I forget what it's called. I could easily Google it. It's 2025 Google. Google exists. But it's a place in Connecticut that had. Is renowned for being like the, like they. Their restaurant or whatever was like the place of the American cheeseburger or hamburger. Like it can be all traced back to this location. That's their shtick, right? It's like this is where the cheeseburger was invented here or whatever. And they still use all the old like original equipment from like over 100 years ago. And it's like an experience and it's this whole thing and whatever. Okay, yes, great. So I was like hyping it up so, so good. I'm like, you'll never guess what we're doing. Doing. Who would guess that, you know, I'm like, you just need to pack a bag. We're going to go overnight somewhere. Whatever. We go all the way to Connecticut. Walk up, I'm ready for a big reveal. I'm like, don't eat, don't eat. Like, come on. An empty tummy. Walk around the corner. Place is like a ghost town. I'm like, what the hell? They're. They were closed, like Monday and Tuesdays.
B
And you just didn't look it up.
A
Didn't look. Didn't look at all.
B
Like, you know what? We're actually just going to go to a burger restaurant in Connecticut.
A
We're actually going to go. Oh, to Burger King. Yeah. I don't even. I actually don't remember what we did. Like, I just remember that portion of it because it was like the biggest drop of the ball on my end ever. Like, who the hell doesn't look? I just assumed. I'm like, it's a weekday. Why would they not be open on a weekday?
B
You live or you learn.
A
You live, you learn. I've never been back. Maybe that when you tell your story, I'm going to look up the name of this place. Actually. Please tell me your one star review. Review.
B
My one star review. I've probably told you this before. I don't know if I told you I left a review, but I've probably told you the story is. It was a few years ago. I had just bought my truck that I have, and it came with snow tires. It came with studded snow tires on it, but I bought it at the end of winter. So it was probably like three months later. I had to. Two or three months later, I had to switch out the tires. And I went to this tire place. Place and I packed up my tire. Like my. I had bought tires that I was bringing to them to put on, and I put them in the back of my truck. And I have one of those truck covers. It's a hard truck cover. They're pretty expensive. It came with the truck itself. I didn't buy it, but it came with the truck itself. And they take my truck, I get it back. The back cover is filled with my old tires. It's rolled or not rolled because it's a hard one, but it's folded up. And I drive home. Everything's good. Tires are great, whatever. I get home and I'm unloading the tires and I open my. The truck cover and there's a piece. And I know what it was actually. It Was from my peloton. One of those screws. One of the screw pieces at the very bottom of the bike that keep it stable. I had been looking for it, and I guess it was in the bed. Bed of my truck. They had folded it onto it, and they punctured my cover, and there was a big hole in it. And I mean, this is brand new. I've had it for two months.
A
Yeah.
B
And I pull it out, there's a big hole in it. And now it's not waterproof anymore, which is obviously a problem. And I called them, and I was like, hey, I just wanted to call and let you guys know. You guys put a hole in my cover. And it was a little piece that was in the back of my truck. I would love to, like, figure out how we can get this fixed. I just bought this truck. And he was like, like, okay, just come back down. And I was like, okay, so. And I was being really nice. I came back down and I get there and I was like, this is the piece. This is where it was. He comes out with, like, three other people, and they're, like, looking at it. I'm like, I'm sure it wasn't on purpose, but I just bought this truck and this pretty. I looked it up, and it's pretty expensive to fix. It was like 500 to fix the piece that he. That they broke.
A
And.
B
And he comes out and he's like, my guys didn't do this. He's like, that was in it before you got here. And I was like, no, no, it wasn't. I. I know it wasn't. Actually, I think I messed up the story a little bit because I don't. I. I'm remembering now that I knew it wasn't because I had come, and my whole bed, the whole back of my truck was actually folded down. So there couldn't have been a way I punctured it before. Okay, so. So just skip that part at the beginning where I said that I had folded it before I got there, because I hadn't. And I was like, no, I. There's no way I could have done this. All I did was go home and open it. And it was punctured, and this piece was stuck in between it. And he was like, you're lying. You're trying to get money out of me. You're just a liar. And he's like, I have cameras here that are going to prove you're a liar. And you're just. He starts yelling at me, full on yelling at me. And I was just like, I don't.
A
I don't.
B
I don't care when people yell at me. I actually, like, trigger something in me to become extremely vindictive.
A
Okay.
B
And calm. I just. I. As soon as someone starts yelling at me, I'm like, okay, I'm gonna prove my point, and I'm gonna be super calm. And so I was like, all right, I would like to talk to your manager. He's like, I am the manager.
A
Blah, blah, blah.
B
Like, all right, well, I would like to see your camera footage. And I'm just sitting there. I was like, I'm not leaving until this is solved now. Because I was being really nice. And he's full on yelling at me, calling me a liar over and over again, telling me I'm just out for money, that I punctured it myself and now I wanted them to pay for it, all this stuff. And I was like, all right, I'd like to see the camera footage. Blah, blah, blah. And he's like, well, I'm busy now. And he makes me call their insurance. Whatever. So I call their insurance people, tell them what happened. They look over the footage, and there's clear footage of them puncturing my cover.
A
It's like, well, there it is.
B
Well, there it is. Yeah. And it was just like. So I left them one star. I was like. It was. I was like, that was so unprofessional to have a grown man screaming in my face, calling me a liar, trying.
A
To steal money from them. Yeah, it. Like, it wasn't about.
B
It wasn't about the puncture. It was an accident.
A
It didn't matter. Things happen and things happen, you know? But it's like, you can't treat people like that, you know? No.
B
Yeah. So I left them one star because I. And it was because I was a woman. If I. If after Al went and did that, there's no way he would have talked to him like that. Like, he was much taller than me. I remember he was still. He, like, made himself taller and was staring down at me, like, with his hands on his hip, calling me a liar and, like, pointing at me, like, trying to make me feel small. But that doesn't work on me. So.
A
Yeah. You're like, well, jokes on you.
B
As soon as people start yelling at me, I'm just like, okay, I've never been more calm in my life. You're actually crazy. And, well, that's a superpower because.
A
Because I am not like that. But before we move on, I gotta say, I found it.
B
Yeah.
A
This restaurant, it's called Louie's Lunch and it's such a cute little place. It's like wow, I wish it was open when I was there. Louie's Lunch is a hamburger restaurant in New Haven, Connecticut which claims to be.
C
The first restaurant to serve hamburgers and.
A
The oldest continuously operated hamburger restaurant in the United States. It was opened as a small lunch wagon in 1895 and was one of the first places in the U. S to serve steak sandwiches.
B
I wonder if your ex boyfriend ever made it there.
A
No, my ex boyfriend even after probably has a voodoo doll of me and lit me on fire so I don't think he's returned. But anyway, yeah, so it says that like the hamburger there was created in 1900 and in 1917 they moved into this square brick building building that I tried to go to. Like they started in a wagon, then in 1917 created the Little stone building that I was trying to. But it's cool because they serve hamburgers on toast and my dad used to do that instead of hamburger buns.
B
Oh, interesting.
A
Yeah. So anyway, okay, we're talking about national parks.
B
Yeah. Well, linking back into Erica's review of Lassen Volcanic and why it was closed. Oh one all over their website site for the road it says that they're closed that time of year. But also I looked it up and every year this highway, Highway 89 through Lassen Volcanic, also known as the park highway, gets buried in a. Gets buried under as much snow as 40ft and this 30 mile route crosses avalanche prone slopes with drops of up to 2,000ft. So that is why it is closed because there's over 40ft of snow in avalanche terrain on the this specific road.
A
No, not according to Erica in May.
B
But Erica of course there till July.
A
Yeah, no, it was spring and summer.
B
And Google what it's like to die in in an avalanche and you will respect these rangers and their rules a little bit more.
A
Yeah.
C
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A
Okay, moving on. This one is for Crater Lake national park and the review was. This is the only two star review that was pulled. However, stars. You can tell me if it feels different than a one star.
B
Okay?
A
Okay. It's by Aaron H. From June of 2012. Snore. All capitals. I visited once with my dad when I was a kid and having visited recently, it's no wonder that it took 20 years for me to return. Sure, sure. If you live in an area devoid of natural wonders, your mind will be blown. But here in the Pacific Northwest, where there is no shortage of such things, something has to be much more grand than blue water in a big hole. Once you've taken a good long look at this lake, 10 minutes, and snapped a few photos, you're done. You can peruse the gift shop for some Oregon souvenirs, but really, that's it. The entrance fee is $10 and good for seven days. Seven? A whole week. What are you gonna do with a ticket to Crater Lake that's good for seven days? That's right. Throw it away.
B
Oof. Crater Lake. That's rough. That's rough.
A
Again, this person is admitting that it's a natural wonder and it's amazing, but not really.
B
I thought they said oh yeah, if you know, she said if you live in a. I guess they are saying that devoid of natural wonders, your mind will be blown There.
A
It feels like they. I mean Aaron E R I N. I don't know how they identify, but they're basically.
B
They.
A
They are coming off as desensitized. Is kind of the. What I'm getting from this. Like. Oh yeah, from the pnw. I've seen this every. This is an everyday thing. Like I'm not. This is nothing special at all.
B
Yeah.
A
It's just like one of the most majestic lakes in the world.
B
Yeah. But maybe if they knew that there's some like suspected alien activity and Bigfoot activity, they'd think it was cooler.
A
I don't know. Know they don't want to come back. It feels like.
B
So what do you do in Crater Lake for seven days? They.
A
They put in parentheses. Ten minutes is kind of like what they allot for a visit here. Like a ten minute.
B
Wow. That's.
A
You're in, you're out, you're on your way.
B
Takes me longer to take a few photos than ten minutes.
A
Yeah, well, well, all right, let's go somewhere. Now that we're on our way to in November, just a little taste of what's in store for us.
B
Us, yes. Hawaii Volcanoes National Park. This review comes from Andy B. In March of 2020 and they said don't waste your time. Went on a hike through the old volcano. It was like walking through an empty Walmart parking lot. I was like, you mean the park that has the most active volcanoes on the entire planet and frequently erupts and people can watch?
A
Yeah, that one. It's like Walmart.
B
It has the largest shield volcano on the entire planet.
A
Should we not go? I feel like we shouldn't go now. I don't know.
B
Andy has kind of convinced me not to. I've seen a lot of Walmart parking lots.
A
You've seen them when you've seen them all. Yeah, I don't really think we need.
B
I've never seen a Walmart parking lot in Hawaii though.
A
I feel like Walmart's not in Hawaii. Is that right?
B
I feel like they probably are.
A
Really? Yeah. Well, I guess we'll find out. Yeah, I guess.
B
National park, my fa. I have a feeling it's gonna be my favorite Walmart parking lot lot you've ever been to.
A
Ever a 5 out of 5 review for a Walmart parking lot, but a 1 out of 5 review for a.
B
National park Walmart parking lot.
A
Okay, so next one. I had to pull this one cuz this is my personal. If I could give one out of five stars for something. If I gave negative for a National Park. Yeah.
B
Okay.
A
And we've been here together. We. Mount Rushmore. Rushmore National Monument.
B
Ah, good old.
A
Good old.
B
Bunch of old men carved into a stone.
A
Okay, so this review is by Katie G. In 2018. Call me unpatriotic if you want, but I thought Mount Rushmore was a fantastic waste of time and money. You drive roughly half an hour out of Rapid City, past Keystone, a testament to tacky tourism gone wild. Up to the monument just to pay $10 for parking. Parking. The parking garage is horribly designed once you. Which was also another theme for this. The parking. People could not talk about the parking garage enough in the reviews for Mount Rushmore. I'm just gonna say I don't even.
B
Remember the parking garage.
A
Me neither. Did we even park in it? Probably. We must have. I don't know, whatever. It was not memorable for our visit. Okay. She continues. Once you manage to park and find your way out to the monument, you see the faces up on the mountain. Mountain. Smaller than I expected. Only if you can drag your attention away from the sea of humanity, the light and colors of the souvenir shop, and the stink of the concession stand. This isn't a monument to America's founders. It's a monument to commercialism and consumerism. I hope I never have to go there again. And Katie G. I just have to say, I kind of agree with you. Call me unpatriotic if you want. That is my cross to be bear. But I was really unimpressed with Mount Rushmore. I don't.
B
Yeah.
A
What time of year did we go? Do you remember?
B
It was summer.
A
It was September.
B
It was September.
A
Okay. I don't remember September being, like a ton of people. Like, of course it was pretty busy, but I don't remember it being, like, a sea of people and like, a bunch. I mean, I remember the museum gift shop thing, but I don't remember it being, like, concession stands and like all the. I don't remember all of the. That.
B
Yeah, I know it's a piece of history and it's there now, but I don't think there's ever any reason for it to exist. And it has a lot of. I mean, I know a lot of our national park history has ties negatively with indigenous communities, but this one in particular being killed stuff, it's awful. Extra. It's just. It's extra bad. I mean, it's. Right. It's on indigenous land commemorating a bunch of white old presidents who did some problem.
A
Problematic things.
B
Who did very problematic things. Yeah. And it's just not that cool? I mean, there's just no. I don't know, kind of.
A
Yeah, Yeah.
B
I didn't love it either.
A
I will say on the flip side of this, similar to our experience, right after we went to Mount Rushmore, we went to the Crazy Horse Memorial.
B
Crazy Horse was so cool.
A
And that has nothing but great verbal abuse.
B
Yeah, well, they incorporate. I mean, Crazy Horse is indigenous and they incorporate so much culture into it and so much learning into it. Where Mount Rushmore? I think Mount Rushmore would have been a lot more interesting if they were more honest about the actual history of it, because it is history and it's there and negative or positive, I think history should be preserved. But it was just. The park tries to make it feel very patriotic and like we're great founding fathers of America and just glazes over the horrific history, which I think a lot of. I mean, I know our listeners, we kind of gravitate towards the morbid, darker sides, and I think that they should just own it.
A
They're like, yeah, we gravitate toward. We gravitate towards being told the truth in its entirety.
B
Yes. Even when it's dark. And Mount Rushmore, I think that they're really lacking on painting it and it's in its true light.
A
Yeah. So there's that.
B
When they do that, we'll. We'll up our stars.
A
Yeah, we'll. We'll. What is it? Tweak our review or whatever? Well, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, review. And then I had to pull one. It's so short. Same for the same monument. Review by Dan L. In December of 2015. Scene not very good. Kind of scary, in my opinion. My little sister cried, do not bring kids to this thing.
B
It is scary. It is scary. It's a bunch of faces in a rock that's massive and they're all kind of staring.
A
I also love, though, that Katie kind of going back to her. She's like, much smaller, in my opinion.
B
It was smaller, actually. I thought too.
A
Oh, my God.
B
Based on the pictures I've seen. I mean, it's still massive. Massive.
A
Yeah.
B
But, yeah, okay, let's keep going.
A
We have some more to get through. And we've just been freaking.
B
Yeah, well, this one kind of in the same region. We're going to Badlands National Park. This review is by Henry H. In September 2010. We're really taking it back. They said, I don't get what's so great about the Badlands and make it deserve national park status. We went there on a road trip this Summer. A friend of my brother had just rode through on their motorcycle trip and highly recommended seeing Badlands. So we left Yellowstone at midnight and drove overnight straight to Badlands. When we arrived my comment was this is it. Badlands is basically washed out hills of f a 50,000 year old mud. You have vast grasslands on site and old mud on the other. And the mud wasn't even differently colored layers or have any other redeeming qualities. It was brown. After seeing the major parks like Grand Canyon, Yellowstone, Yosemite, etc, Badlands is lacking a national park quality and I like barren landscapes. Death Valley is one of my favorite parks but Badlands just didn't do it for me. Unless you are really into Old west history or prehistoric mammals, don't go to Badlands. You know I loved Bad don't go.
A
So we can all the people who do like mud and prehistoric. What? What did you say? Prehistoric creatures and mammals, whatever the heck.
B
If you don't like. If you like fossils, fossils go to Badlands. Which is actually a really good point. If you like fossils, Badlands is a great place to go. I loved Badlands. One of the best sunsets I've ever seen in a national park was when we were in Badlands.
A
Yeah, I agree.
B
It was just amazing. Super.
A
I think because we went in just not really knowing what to expect and our expectations because they were pretty much non existent. Yeah, we're just blown away. So we had a really positive experience.
B
Yeah, great hiking, the weather was good.
A
You know our tent almost blew away in said grasslands adjacent to the Badlands. But that was our fault.
B
Yeah. And we forgot the really funny videos. Do you have that video still?
A
I don't know. I have to look. I'm sure somewhere.
B
Somewhere. Because that video is so funny. We're camping and the, the wind is so strong and our, our tent's trying to blow away and we're just in it in the middle of the night. This is like 2 o' clock in the morning. It's just like.
A
And it's all like collapsed, collapsing on us because we were the only weights that were holding it up. So the entire like fabric of the tent was just collapsing over us.
B
Yeah.
A
Anyways, well kind of going off of this whole trip. I'm actually going to skip one. We can come back to the Everglades really quick because Wind Cave is also on here and we did Wind Cave as part of the Mount Rushmore Badlands trip. We also did Wind Cave so. So I wanted to include this. This is review a review by Seth A. From July of 2018 and it's kind of long, but I also want to say I did shorten it, so.
B
Oh, wow. Okay. So they had a lot to say.
A
They had so much to say. Here it goes. Just want to say that I'm a nice person. Lol. And here we go. Another thing with the reviews. Everyone's like, they. They have to like make sure they say like kind of a disclaimer like, no, I like the outdoors. I like national parks. But. But. And then there's no offense, no offense.
B
But I'm about to be offensive.
A
I've been on a journey. I've been on a journey these last few years to visit every national park in the country. And just last week I came here to Wind Cave National Park. My 38th out of 59. And it's so funny because I was in 2018. There's only 59 at the 63.
B
Stupid idiot.
A
Unfortunately, just being honest, this was one of the worst national parks I have ever been to to. I'm shocked to see so many other reviews of this place get four and five stars. Let me explain. Not just a national park, but Wind Cave goes down as my least favorite destination for cave exploration. Places like Carlsbad Caverns in New Mexico, Natural Bridge Caverns in San Antonio, How Caverns in New York and Mammoth Cave in Kentucky, just to name a few, are far superior than Wind Cave. And put a pin in that. I'm coming back to that statement because I did some research search on Seth A. Okay, wait.
B
On Seth A. I did.
A
Oh, okay.
B
She's trolling the troll.
A
Okay. For my visit last week, the only tour available for the day was the Natural Entrance Tour, which was being offered every 20 minutes starting at 8:40am running through 6:00pm Also, tickets for tours are purchased on a first come first serve basis. When I arrived at 8:30am There were no issues buying tickets for tours tours though by the time I left wing Cave at 10:30, the parking lot had filled up plenty and there could have been wait times for tours by then. I went on the 9am tour with 25 other people. There was nothing to see. Pretty much the cave was a complete underground walkthrough where you stop in a few rooms while a ranger talks. There were no photos to be had, no pretty rooms, nothing. The ranger spoke about the abundance of box work in the caves and how long and expansive Wind Cave was as one of the biggest underground caverns in the country. But the box work wasn't pictured. There was no stalagmites or stalactites it was simply a walking tour, underground, one tourist in front of the other in a single file line, while the ranger recalled stories from Wind Cave's history and the people that helped discover it. Yeah, sounds like a nightmare to me. Honestly, each room was bland and monotone. It got pretty frustrating. What was so perplexing was I constantly questioned myself, when is the good part coming, coming? And who cares about this room? What is next? And isn't there a grand room with pretty formations? When the tour was completed, I was speechless. I felt disappointed that my national parks journey took a sidetrack, especially having traveled a long ways to the Black Hills of South Dakota, to one of only 59 parks in the United States with nothing memorable to recall. And the area is abundant with amazing sites, monuments and unique places to see, like Custer State park right next to store Mount Rushmore and Crazy Horse memorials just a few miles away. And the beautiful Badlands National Park. So after the 1 hour, 15 minute tour, there was nothing left to explore. So I moved on with the rest of my day sightseeing at Custer State park down the road. I'd say the best part about Wind Cave national park was grabbing a photo at the entrance sign outside of the visitor center as proof that I visited. Sorry for being a downer.
B
Okay, okay, well, now I need to know what you've dug up on Seth A.
A
Okay, well, because the way that this was constructed and because it was so lengthy and just the style of like, what he capitalized, what he emphasized, the tone of his thing, I'm like, it's memorable. Okay. For someone that's reading a lot of reviews. Okay, I went to me, I went to Mammoth Cave National Park Yelp page.
B
And was he there?
A
He was there and he was upset about Mammoth Cave.
B
So he doesn't like Mammoth Cave.
A
So he lied. He lied to us here when he said, I've been. It's like I can't even believe you. I don't believe anything you're saying now. Yeah. So he gave another. I didn't include it because it's pretty much the same thing. Sentiments. And I'm pretty sure he does admit in the Mammoth Cave one, he's like, I guess I'm just not a cave guy guy.
B
And then was expecting. Did you find one for Carl's Bad?
A
There are some on Carl's bad too. I didn't include them though. But I mean, of course. No, not from him.
B
Sorry. No, I mean from him.
A
No, no, not that I saw. Cuz he enjoyed. So funny. I guess.
B
I mean, if you're not a cave guy. You're not a cave guy. I'm not a cave girl, so.
C
But there was like.
A
I mean, you were in this cave with me. We took one of those. Really?
B
I had fun. I thought it was cool.
A
Boring Ranger, your tours.
B
Yeah, it was so boring.
A
Didn't learn anything. You were just, oh, my God, one room or the other.
B
It was cool. I. I'm not a cave person just because I don't like closed in spaces. But I mean, it's cool. I thought I wouldn't go in a cave and be like, oh, my God, this is horrendous. It's really cool. I just don't belong underground.
A
I have pictures because I was like, was it boring? And I have pictures from that and it was so pretty. I took a lot of photos of the formations and stuff.
B
Stuff.
A
I'm like, what is he talking about? Were we in another cave system? Anyway, so, yeah, Seth, I'm on you.
B
We'll be looking at every. Every cave park for your reviews.
A
Yes.
C
We'Ve all heard the same few penny pinching tips circulating about how to save money. But I'm sorry, I am not giving.
A
Up my daily coffees. I.
C
Okay, so I turned to something else that can reduce my monthly costs and improve my finances way more efficiently, and that's Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. My personal favorite feature is the alerts. So if your bills increase in price, if you're close to going over the budget you set for yourself, or if there's any unusual activity in your account accounts, Rocket Money will ping you to notify you and give you a heads up. Which is so helpful to me because with so many subscriptions and bills going on, it can be hard to keep track of everything. But speaking of keeping track, Rocket Money's dashboard lays out your total financial picture, including bill due dates and paydays, in a way that's really easy to digest. Rocket Money shows you all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you forgot about. Which is great, because if you're scanning it and you see you forgot one or you realize you no longer need something, Rocket Money will help you cancel it. Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals. Faster with Rocket Money, go to Rocket Money.com NPAD today. That's RocketMoney.com NPAD RocketMoney.com NPAD.
B
Well, our next one comes from Great Sand Dunes national park, which we happen to have just been in. And this one is by Linda M. And this is from August 2021. If you have ever wondered what it would be like to walk miles through a Middle Eastern desert on a windy day, then this is the place for you. Only $25 per car for the privilege of walking half a mile through deep sand to the dunes where if you rented a board in advance and carried it uphill against the blowing wind, $20, you can slide for 5 seconds, trek back up the hill and repeat. Spoiler alert. Unless you are in great shape, this will happen two, maybe three times. Be sure and bring your dogs or small children as they will enjoy getting sand in their eyes and mouth and wind whips as wind whips it against their skin. See the photo of my dog. You can tell he's having a great time. No need to buy souvenirs because you will bring back enough sand in your slee. Socks, shoes, crevices for all your friends and family. Rating 0 out of 5.
A
I mean, she's not totally sand part is correct. I mean, that was everywhere it could be.
B
The sand dunes are not small, though. They are a hike to get up there.
A
I know. Well, she kind of contradicts herself with like, it's a small dune, but you have to trek up. And it's like you can only do it a couple times if you're not in shape and stuff. I don't care if you're in shape or not. Those dunes are. Are a workout.
B
Yeah, they are a workout, but they're fun. I mean, we had sandboards. We had a lot of fun. I could see how it would be difficult. And we were there on a day that wasn't super windy. So we were lucky in that regard as well. But that's. That's Mother Nature for you.
A
Yeah. Okay. Oh, here we are. Oh, the time we're going to the arches.
B
Back to the arch shape sweep we go.
A
Arches national park review by Roy L. In September of 2022. More arches, please. Honestly, I thought there would be more arches.
B
Oh, opposite.
A
Roy is on the opposite end of the arch. Literally spectrum here. Like arches as far as the eye could see. It's called Arches National Park. Are there formations as far as the eye can see? Sure, but then call it Formations National park park or a few arches scattered over thousands of Acres National Park. Don't come expecting every arch to look like the one on the license plate because it's one of the few things that's impressive. This place gets one star because the name is seriously misleading.
B
Petition to change the name from Arches national park to a few arches scattered over thousands of acres National Park Lincoln Bio.
A
Be part of the movement.
B
Be there or be square.
A
Oh, my God. Yeah, so take that for what you will, but we have another one. We have another one. Rick R. June 2015. Oh, Rick, if you, like me, prefer your natural beauty without a steady stream of strangers standing in front. Arches is a frustrating experience in the summer. Last night we hiked up hill and narrow ledge edge to enjoy the magnificent delicate arch in the golden hour before sunset. Along with several hundred other people for the entire time, individual by individual or small number by small number of narcissistic, selfish people posed right in front of the arch for their personal photo. Several of us remonstrated with these people pointing out that hundreds of other people would prefer their view and photos unoccupied by them. Still, the parade continued weirdly. They exhibited courtesy to each other, taking turns with their individual photos, but didn't leave as much as a minute to photograph the arch unoccupied. This situation is potentially dangerous as well. Any physical altercation between these people with different perspectives about this could easily lead to serious injury or death. If someone were shoved over a ledge, left in frustration and won't be back.
B
The end is like, Rick, that is concerning. Why? Why that's a dangerous situation because you want to push people over the edge.
A
Yeah. Like, what does that mean?
B
That's a little ominous. And yeah, you went to Arches. You went to the delicate art at arch at golden hour. It's, you know, there's going to be crowds. People love. People love it there. It's one of the beautiful things about national parks is people from all over the world come to see them because they care about them.
A
Well, and also here's the other things. Here's the other thing, other theme. Add it to this list that we have going here. The contradictory, the contradiction of like, there are too many tourists while also being a tourist yourself.
B
I feel it, I feel it. I feel that way sometimes when I'm there. I'm like, God, there's so many people here. It's like, yeah, I'm also here. You know, it does suck. It does suck sometimes. But to threaten to or to vaguely, ominously threaten their lives over it is a little concerning. And yeah, they were being courteous to each other. So because everyone wants a photo, I'm sure if you had politely asked, which I'm assuming you did, not for people to step away because you just wanted a picture of the arch, I'm sure they would have obliged your photo as well.
A
It's just, it's just so like the end got dark.
B
The end got way too dark.
A
Yeah.
B
Rick, I hope you're not visiting other national parks.
A
Rick, we're. Hope you're well.
B
Yeah. All right, well, going to my favorite national park, Grand Teton National park. We have a one star review from Nathan W. In July of 2018. Greediest park rangers I've ever seen. A ranger followed me on the approach to the park, waited for me to pay my 35 entrance fee. And before I even pulled into the park, they turned on their lights and pulled me over. The 55 mile per hour zone had abruptly changed to 25 and they wrote me a 240 ticket for going 47. The guy who took my ticket literally laughed. Laughed when the guys lights flashed on. I noticed the speed limit changed like three times every mile and ranger cars were practically around every corner. Just shameful. Meanwhile, a lot of the trails were falling apart, full of litter and swarming with mosquitoes. The mountains look nice, but Yellowstone is way better and it's right next to it. Save yourself the stress and go somewhere more welcoming and appreciative of its Taurus. I mean if you're going 47 miles, I thought, yeah, there's a lot of changes. But if you're going 47 miles per hour directly after you get your park.
A
Park, just imagine like putting like your pedal to the metal.
B
Like we went from 0 to 47.
A
What? What? What? They're just really excited to be there.
B
Yeah.
A
Yeah. Well that's shameful, Nathan, that you feel that way.
B
But don't speed in national parks.
A
Yeah, like it's an easy fix but. And they didn't they say I got a little lost. Didn't they say they noticed. They noticed the, the speed limit changes?
B
Yeah, you noticed it changed, but you were still going 47 and a 25.
A
Okay, we have two more to round this out. Virgin Islands national park is next. And this review is by Mark A. From January of 2022. No parking anywhere in super rude rangers, nothing to eat, and snorkeling was not that great in most spots. Save your money and time and just go to Hawaii or the Bahamas. Llamas would be cheaper than visiting this rude dump of an island. Okay, fresh. It's really pretty, but The Town Cruise Bay and Coral Bay are just dumps with rude people and not much to do. National park was a big letdown. Sad, sad.
B
Very sad. It was interesting because they said snorkeling was not great. And so I googled what the snorkeling was in this situation because I've never been. So I was just like, go, what do you mean? And not that great. Snorkeling here includes seeing tropical fish in every color imaginable, from parrot fish and angler fish to curious puffer fish, sea turtle, sorry, angelfish, not angler sea turtles, both green and loggerhead stingrays and eagle rays, octopus, eels, barracuda and even nurse sharks. The waters are filled with colorful coral formations including brain coral, elkhorn coral and lettuce leaf coral, which provides honey homes for countless marine creatures. So that sounds pretty awful.
A
Sounds like a let down go to.
B
Virgin Islands National Park. It's just so rude.
A
Nothing to eat. Also like that. Another thing. Oh my God. I'm just like getting all these flashbacks to the themes. A lot of people are really upset with the culinary choices that are offered experiences. It's like, I'm sorry, sorry, but did I miss the part where people were going to national parks for food option?
B
I mean, I would like to eat while I'm in a national park. Yeah, but like at some point. But yeah. It feels like a lot of these reviews are based around personal poor planning or personal expectations. It's like, I'm sorry, but real that aren't real.
A
Like the cafeteria style restaurant in the middle of a national park in a remote part of the country is not going to be the best meal you've ever had. And I going in with some of those expectations.
B
Yeah.
A
Is just like really off base, I think.
B
Yeah, I agree.
A
So anyway, okay. Last park that we're gonna finish up with is Sequoia National.
B
Yes, Sequoia National Park. Chelsea B. Gave it one star in September of 2022. Based on all the reviews I have read about this park, my review is going to be less favorable and unpopular. I've been to 19 national parks. Each and every one was unique in its own way and worth visiting. Unfortunately, I didn't feel the same about Sequoia. My personal experience did not fulfill my expectations and it left me feeling disappointed. During my visit, about 75% of the trees were dead and lifeless. My guess is that it's partly due to the drought and wildfires in California. There were numerous trees that were cut down too. It wasn't exactly a scenic or spectacular view. I also feel like I'll get hate for this, but I wasn't impressed. Rest with General Sherman whatsoever.
A
I'm not trying to give hate World.
B
Letting her speak.
A
Let's let her finish.
B
I understand that's the entire point of the park is to see this tree. However, I felt like it was overhyped because of social media trends. To further that, the whole idea of having visitors get on and off a shuttle bus to get to the tree felt like the daily attraction at Disneyland. Luckily, we drove to the park early in the morning and avoided all the cracks crowds, but I still felt it was overrated. Although I have had great experiences in all the national parks I visited, I didn't think it was worth visiting Sequoia National Park. It's a huge forest. It makes you feel like an insignificant little speck. But at the end, it wasn't as impressive as other forests I've visited. During driving to the end of the park, I thought to myself, oh, this is it. Sequoia. The largest trees in the world and the largest, largest tree. And I. I mean, it's, it's. It is what you would expect it to be. You're seeing some of the largest trees in the world that are being preserved because they were almost cut down to complete extinction without this national park.
A
I mean, this review makes me sad because it kind of really, it kind of shows how. I don't know if spoiled is the right term or again, desensitized, because she does touch on you. Like, it was overhyped because of social media. I was thinking it was going to be this big, grand, wonderful thing. And I just. It was. It didn't really meet my expectations of what I built up in my mind or how it was portrayed. And I think we see that a lot, not just with General Sherman. And again, that wasn't my experience. I mean, I was like, oh, my God, that's a huge tree. Yeah. And it's so cool. But I think that, you know, that's another conversation kind of tying it back to the beginning of. Of this episode about, you know, just like the. The conversations that we can have about national parks of like, what is the best route to take? Like, should we put WI fi in to help with search and rescue? But then it dejects from, you know, being out in the true wilderness. Should we have like, geotagging and social media and all this to, you know, hype up certain locations and speak spots to share the wonder with the world? But are we also ruining them for people and also ruining them Physically by drawing so many people to them. Like, should we have accessibility? Like, she's complaining here about how there's buses that kind of bring you directly to this place to make it more accessible for people. And, you know, a lot of people have mixed feelings about that. Like, yes, you should have accessibility within national parks for people of all kinds so they can come experience this. And then other people view that as, okay, well, that makes it too popular and there's too many people and it's too accessible. And it's just kind of like, God, what in the. And this is kind of. I wanted to like, make this the last one because it does kind of wrap up the whole. Like, it's fun to poke fun at people's gripes and complaints. And some of it is, you know, light hearted, but some of it really does. Does showcase how difficult the National Park Service really does have it with trying to repeat everyone. Balance of, like, making sure that they're preserving and protecting natural places and wildlife, while also keeping everyone safe and making this visitor experience as good as it can be. While also it's just like this huge juggle. And I don't think we really give the National Park Service enough flowers for that. Like, and so for their birthday, even though we started this with, like, we're gonna make fun of you, it really does. We just wanted to show that they put up with a lot. They do a lot. And they're doing their best. And we just kind of just a reminder to keep that in.
B
Yeah.
A
And appreciate them and what they're doing for the places that we all love. And of course, we wanted to end a little bit on the note of the National Park Service themselves and just kind of in recognition of their birthday.
B
Yes. And I threw a little. I don't know if you saw, but I just like threw in some last minute facts in there because I was curious and I was like, you know, we have all these national parks, but how much land do. Does the National Park Service really preserve and protect?
A
And.
B
And it's a lot. So the National Park Service preserves over 85 million acres of land. This includes 433 national park units spread across all 50 states. But also because, as we know, national parks have become a global conservation effort across the entire planet. Around 14.7% of the land is protected as national park land. That's.
A
So that's like such a heartwarming figure.
B
Yes.
A
Like, there's so much space out there that really is safeguarded, at least for the moment. Yeah.
B
And there's still so Much more that can be done, of course, and hopefully we'll keep seeing the world find and protect places. But it's really encouraging that from the time that Yellowstone was created, America's best idea, that 14.7% of the world is now protected because of it.
A
Yeah, just like this foundational idea has spread throughout the globe. And just as a tiny, tiny bit of backstory in the National Park Service, it's literally one paragraph. By August of 1916, the Department of of the Interior oversaw over a dozen national parks and monuments. But there was no unifying leadership or organization to operate them. It was kind of like scattered. There was no it. We didn't have our together really. It's like, these are great ideas and we want to preserve this and this and this and this. But there was no like umbrella overseas being like, okay, we need to all be on the same page here. So lacking this cohesive organization, the parks and monuments were vulnerable to competing interests. So Congress passed the act to establish the National Park Service, or the Organic act, which created a federal bureau within the Department of the Interior tasked with managing and preserving the nation's national parks and monuments and placed all the existing parks under its management. Thus, the National Park Service was created on August 25th of 1960 16, when President Woodrow Wilson signed the act into law. The legislation established the basis for the fundamental mission, philosophy and policies of the national park of the National Park Service to preserve unimpaired the natural and cultural resources and values of the National Park System for the enjoyment, education and inspiration of this and future generations. So this is our way of saying thank you to the National Park Service for upholding the first philosophy and the vision founded over a hundred years ago. We are so very grateful for you. We're sorry for all the bad reviews you get and all that you've been through, but we appreciate you and give you five out of five stars.
B
Happy birthday.
A
Thanks everyone for listening. We will see you next week. Until then, enjoy the view, but watch your back. Bye everyone.
C
Thank you for joining us again this week. If you love National Park After Dark and want to hear exclusive bonus stories, join us on Patreon or Apple subscriptions. Patreon subscribers have access to our National Park After Dark book club, live streams, Discord, and much more. If you prefer to watch our episodes video episodes are now available on YouTube. If you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to rate, review and subscribe.
A
On your favorite listening platform.
C
And to follow along with all our adventures, you can find us on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok and X at National Park.
A
After Dark.
D
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National Park After Dark – Episode 319
Happy Birthday National Park Service, Not Everyone Loves You!
August 25, 2025 | Hosts: Danielle & Cassie
To mark the 109th birthday of the National Park Service (NPS), Danielle and Cassie take a lighthearted, irreverent approach: they dive deep into some of the most scathing (and often hilarious) one-star reviews left for cherished national parks. Drawing inspiration from the "Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet" podcast and Amber Sher’s "Subpar Parks," the hosts read through wild, entitled, and sometimes delusional critiques sourced mostly from Yelp, adding their own commentary, background, and defense of the NPS. The episode also sparks a larger conversation about the impossible balancing act of pleasing every visitor and protecting wild places.
In a Nutshell:
This episode uses viral, bizarre, and entitled reviews as a mirror for public misunderstanding—and as a springboard for the hosts to showcase deep appreciation and defend the wonder, complexity, and hard work behind the National Park Service’s mission.
Best wishes to the National Park Service: Happy 109th Birthday!
“Enjoy the view, but watch your back.”