Podcast Summary – Navigating Adult ADHD

Host: Xena Jones
Episode #132: ADHD & Money Mindset: From Shame to Success
Date: September 22, 2025

Overview

This episode marks the third installment in the “ADHD and Money” series. Xena Jones digs deep into the emotional landscape of money management for adults with ADHD, focusing especially on how shame shapes our relationship with money—and how shifting our mindset can turn shame into empowerment. Drawing on both personal experience and evidence-based coaching, Xena offers practical, compassionate strategies for transforming one’s money story, building healthier habits, and celebrating incremental progress.

Key Discussion Points

1. Series Recap and the Role of Shame

• [00:03-03:13] Xena briefly recaps the previous two episodes:

  • Part 1: Why money is harder for ADHD brains
  • Part 2: Strategies for impulse spending and making money more visible

• Listeners Respond:

  • Shares a listener’s message about feeling “so seen” by the episodes, highlighting how common these struggles are.

• Shame as the Core Issue:

  • “If shame is running the show, we’re going to continue to hide from our money and our goals with money. And that, my friend, was me for most of my life.” [04:40]
  • Xena opens up about her experience with credit card debt, avoidance, and secrecy.

• Memorable Quote:

  • “Shame is like a cockroach. It hides in the dark corners and it feels huge and scary, but the moment you shine a light on it, it scuttles away.” [05:32]
  • Emphasizes that talking about money shame reduces its power.

2. Money and Dopamine: The ADHD Connection

• [07:01]

  • “It is not your money’s job to give you dopamine. That is your life’s job.”
  • Many with ADHD self-soothe or seek excitement by spending, but lasting joy can come from cost-free experiences.

• Challenge from Xena:

  • Collect “glimmers of joy” that do not require spending.
  • Examples include: beach walks, baking, building a blanket fort, or cuddling pets.

3. Building a New Relationship with Money

• [09:22-11:42]

  • “How would you describe your relationship with money?” Xena invites listeners to personify their money relationship, revealing unhealthy patterns of avoidance and neglect.
  • Suggests writing or speaking out this relationship to build self-awareness.

• Aha Moment:

  • Realizing that money, like any relationship, can be improved by setting boundaries and nurturing it.

• Memorable Metaphor:

  • “Money doesn’t have to be a toxic relationship. You get to rewrite that story and develop a loving, healthy relationship with it.” [10:45]

4. The Think-Feel-Do Domino Effect

• [11:42-14:30]

  • Explains the psychological principle: “What we think determines how we feel, and how we feel determines what we do.”
    • Ex: “When you think I’m really bad with money, you don’t look at your finances…you don’t make a plan.” [12:20]
  • Notes that most people aren’t taught this early in life.

• Domino Imagery:

  • “Your thought is the first tile… Once that tips over, the rest all fall in line.” [12:55]
  • Changing the first ‘domino’ (thought) changes the whole sequence.

5. Four Principles for Changing Money Thoughts

• [15:36-17:40]
  • 1. Thoughts are not facts:
    • “They are our opinions, our judgments, the stories we tell ourselves about the facts.” [15:37]
  • 2. You can choose your thoughts:
    • If a thought isn’t serving you, you don’t have to keep thinking it.
  • 3. You only feel emotions when you believe a thought:
    • You can practice believing new thoughts that serve you better.
  • 4. There are no thought police:
    • “You can literally think anything you want. So why not think things that help you…?” [17:40]

6. Choosing Neutral Thoughts to Bridge the Gap

• [18:00-22:00]
  • Don’t force yourself from “I’m bad with money” to “I’m great with money”—it’s too big a leap.
  • “Aim to feel neutral around money first instead of going for all or nothing…” [19:23]
    • Ex: “I have a body” instead of “I hate/love my body.”
  • Neutral money thoughts suggested by Xena:
    • “Money is a tool.”
    • “It is possible that I am getting better with money.”
    • “Money is neutral until I have a thought about it.”
    • “My relationship with money is changing.”
    • “Money isn’t a moral issue. It doesn’t make me a good or bad person.”
    • “The amount of money I have is just data.” [21:48]
  • Neutrality removes shame and makes it easier to act.

7. Embracing ADHD Strengths for Financial Success

• [23:52-25:23]

  • Creativity: Use unconventional approaches to saving, earning, or debt repayment.
  • Hyperfocus: Channel intense focus into, e.g., paying off debt.
  • Dopamine-drive: Gamify savings or make progress visually engaging (e.g., saving coins in a jar).

• Encouragement:

  • “We can channel [our strengths] into fun ways to make more, save more, pay off debt, whatever our financial goals are.” [24:12]

8. The Power of Small Steps & Celebrating Neutrality

• [25:25-27:19]

  • “I want to give you permission to go slow…” Big wins aren’t necessary; tiny tweaks build up.
  • “Small shifts around money mindset land you in a whole new financial future.” [25:52]
  • Celebrating neutrality is progress—if you can go from feeling terrible to just ‘meh’, that’s a massive shift.

• Memorable Analogy:

  • “If you were to think of, like, neutrality, like putting your car in park instead of just riding the gas and brake at the same time…” [26:40]

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “Shame is like a cockroach. It hides in the dark corners and it feels huge and scary, but the moment you shine a light on it, it scuttles away.” – Xena, [05:32]
• “It is not your money’s job to give you dopamine. That is your life’s job.” – Xena, [07:01]
• “Money doesn’t have to be a toxic relationship. You get to rewrite that story.” – Xena, [10:45]
• “What we think determines how we feel, and how we feel determines what we do.” – Xena, [12:15]
• “Thoughts are not facts… they are our opinions, our judgments, the stories we tell ourselves about the facts.” – Xena, [15:37]
• “Money is not a moral issue. It doesn’t make me a good or bad person. I get to decide that for myself.” – Xena, [21:24]
• “Small shifts around money mindset land you in a whole new financial future.” – Xena, [25:52]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:03 – Series recap and money shame stories
• 07:01 – Money and dopamine: shifting your sources of joy
• 09:22 – Personifying your relationship with money
• 11:42 – The think-feel-do domino effect
• 15:36 – Four truths about thoughts and mindset
• 18:00 – Practicing neutral money thoughts
• 23:52 – ADHD strengths for financial progress
• 25:25 – Progress through small steps and celebrating neutrality
• 27:22 – Episode recap and encouragement

Episode Takeaways

• Money mindset—not just budgeting—is critical for adults with ADHD.
• Shame thrives in secrecy; talking about money struggles diminishes its power.
• Lasting change comes from reframing your thinking and building a neutral, healthy relationship with money.
• Leverage ADHD strengths (creativity, hyperfocus, desire for novelty) for positive financial progress.
• Tiny shifts and neutrality deserve celebration and can lead to significant improvement over time.

“You’re not bad with money. Money is a tool and you are just learning new ways to work with that tool.” – Xena, [29:02]

For a downloadable cheatsheet of this episode’s insights, visit navigatingadultadhd.com/cheatsheet.

Note: Skip the intro/outro sections for direct content. This episode is packed with affirming, practical mindset shifts—perfect for anyone ready to rewrite their money story with ADHD.